Episode 1 Great TV Mistakes

Hello!

I'm Robert Webb.

Welcome to Great TV Mistakes.

I know what you're saying - "People on the telly don't make mistakes.

"They're all perfect, like you, Rob." Not true. Everyone makes mistakes.

You just called me "Rob", for instance. No-one calls me Rob unless I give them permission! Understand?

Over the next hour, we'll be revealing the worst howlers ever broadcast.

Mistakes my crack team of square-eyed, OCD numpties

refuse to rest until they have shown you the foul-ups they didn't want you to see.

"They" meaning "them". Not you.

Enjoy!

Coming up: Mistakes from...

..and many, many more!

To misquote the great Salt-N-Pepa, let's talk about sets.

Set designers do an incredible job.

I hate to spoil the magic of television, but sometimes what appears to be real

is actually made of elaborately painted wood - much like Amanda Holden's face.

This wall behind me. That's not brick.

It's papier-mache expertly knocked together by the Great TV Mistakes set designers.

Trust me. There's nothing we in TV can't convincingly recreate.

The inside of the White House, the outside of a spaceship,

even an entire 15th-century English village.

Everything, in fact, except Daphne in Frasier's Mancunian accent.

And all these shocking set-related howlers.

Magnum's in Friends!

Look at the size of him! They have to widen the shot to get him in!

A bit too wide, if you ask me!

That is the edge of the set.

Unless there's always been an enormous hole in Joey and Chandler's wall.

If so, why does everyone still use the door?

We had a table at college.

Filming historical storylines is always a challenge.

Take this episode of Doctor Who set in Victorian London

with Charles Dickens and some zombies. But forget them,

because that is an electric light switch. Oh, dear!

Edison didn't test the first light bulb until nine years after Dickens' death.

If that isn't a mistake,

my name isn't Robert Webb. Which it is.

It's Doctor Who, '70s style.

Problems with the TARDIS have forced him to get these alien builders in.

See the alien builder on the left? Keep your eyes on his feet.

Doh! That's torn it. Literally.

Light!

Too much light!

He's got his space boot caught under the Axminster. Idiot!

You're thinking, "How's he going to get his foot out from under the carpet?

"Pick it up, or just kick the carpet out of the way?"

Yes, he just kicks it out of the way.

Nice one. Goddamn alien cowboy builders!

The IT Crowd.

Jen's up on the top floor.

I feel like I'm on top of the world.

Well, the top floor, anyway. Which is...

-AUTOMATED VOICE:

-Floor 34.

Yes, Floor 34.

Very exciting. Where am I going?

All the way down to the basement.

From Floor 34.

But hang on.

That lift's only got 31 buttons. Meaning there's only 31 floors.

This doesn't make sense. These people don't take their pretend lift buttons seriously.

A brilliantly silly sequence from Wonder Woman now,

starring killer ape Gargantua and a bloke in specs

who kicks off a classic dust-up by throwing a balsa wood table like a massive girl.

Then, after some more acting,

he runs for the door and that large red emergency button.

Gargantua throws a poorly-constructed dummy across the room

and it's a military rozzer.

He tries to press the button, misses it, but it goes off anyway.

He's out of the game.

But here's his mate, who's elderly.

He ignores the emergency button cos it's not there any more

and bounces off Gargantua like a septugenarian pinball.

Yes, there was an error there, but I'm damned if I could spot it.

Here's pathologist turned serial killer, Dexter,

examining a dead body.

Now, hold it there. Time check.

Eleven minutes past four.

And play.

Dexter takes a quick shufti at the cadaver.

And hold again.

Ooh, it's 4.17.

That little look took six minutes.

Doesn't time fly when you're sniffing at a corpse?

Here's Lucy Lawless as Xena in the best fighting form of her life,

taking on baddie Dipholus.

Go, Xena. She's hard as a rock.

In fact, much harder than a rock.

Especially that rock. Boi-ing!

Do-iiing!

Hmm. Did they have foam in Ancient Greece?

Remember the time you almost drowned...

I don't want to suggest that they knock these sets up in an afternoon,

cos often they don't have that long.

But there is something a bit crap about this clip from Xena

in which we see a Greek fortress, which history tells us were made of stone,

stone that geology tells us isn't known for its wobbly properties.

But over he goes with a wibble and a wobble and a half-piked twist

that gymnastics tells us is an 8.5.

I bet he can't do that again.

Wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble. Oh, he can.

That was the one I was trying to get a look at!

All's not well at Fawlty Towers, for a change(!)

Try as he might, Basil just can't get through to wife Sybil.

For a change!

She's so annoyed and slams the door - along with half the wall!

That is some very unstable brickwork.

Will somebody please call a builder. And not Mr O'Reilly!

That's for you fans!

Just in case you're not one, O'Reilly is Basil's regular builder.

Very cheap and less than competent.

He's blocked up the door to the dining room.

Blocked solid.

Well, not entirely.

No-one puts up a wobblier wall than Basil Fawlty's builder.

Apart from a BBC set designer!

Sometimes, not even a cheap set can ruin a scene if the scene is a classic.

Basil's trying to catch one of the guests with a girl in his room

but he's got the wrong window!

Keep your eyes on the pane of glass.

It's plastic, and smeary, scratched plastic at that.

All in all, a gold star for BBC comedy,

and a brown smear for programme finance!

In this clip from Only Fools, Del and Rodney are at Denzil's,

the only flat in Peckham in worse shape than the Trotters'.

You'll wish your mother had had a headache that night...

When his wife storms out, watch what happens to the wall and the budgie!

Ooh! He didn't see that coming!

Obviously never stayed at Fawlty Towers.

All right, then. Tonight.

It's Blackadder II

and Queenie and Edmund are staking a wager with Lord Melchett,

namely, how long can Stephen Fry last before going, "Baaaa!"

Watch what happens when Rowan waltzes out and, in his own words,

the wall goes, "Wibble".

I know what Stephen Fry would have said if he'd seen that.

Baaaa!

-Where have you been?

-Where haven't I been?

Blackadder was a studio show,

so you'd expect the quality of the sets to be a bit dodgy.

As we know, that's part of British sitcom law.

Although in the case of these doors,

surely even balsa wood would have been a better choice than polystyrene.

Will Smith is living it up in his uncle's mansion.

Cardboard mansion.

Boom, shake the room!

I hope that's not a supporting wall!

They leave me no choice.

A classic Thunderbirds car chase.

Watch what happens when the baddie's car spins off the road.

Timber!

Either the biggest squirrel in the world is in those trees

or the set guy just ran out of glue.

I think he makes half of it up.

Doctor Who has been on the telly for 47 years

and 42 of those have been spent in corridors.

That's because corridors are cheap and impossible to get wrong. Mostly.

Freeze the shot.

Notice the sign on the left for Torchwood. Now spin forward.

And it's Billie's turn to fill some airtime.

That's it, Billie. Create a bit of tension, keep the dads watching.

And look at that. The sign's gone all bigger

with loads of added signery that wasn't there a moment ago.

-ON TANNOY:

-Will the set designer please report to base

where an arse-kicking is waiting. Thank you.

You think you can kill a cop and get away with it?

Why not? I've done it before.

Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Captain Picard and Data have got mixed up with some '30s gangsters

on a Holo-deck.

Meanwhile, outside in the corridor,

we can clearly see there's absolutely no second corridor

leading off to the side.

Except when the gangsters step outside, there is!

In space, no-one can hear you scream...

"That was rubbish!"

What I said was a statement of fact.

Now, I won't condone theft,

but it's traditional, when checking out of a hotel

to snatch a towel.

But apparently, in deep space it's equally common

when being discharged from sick bay, to nick a pillow.

Two pillows in this shot.

One pillow in this.

Don't play innocent with me, young man.

I know what you're hiding in your trousers!

-It's not going to work.

-Excellent, John. You're evolving.

Here's one for fans of Lost.

Assuming there are any left!

In this scene, Locke is required to throw a plastic tray

at a stone wall.

But see how the plastic tray makes the stone wall tremble!

Normally, I'd say that was a TV mistake.

But this is Lost, so anything's possible! I blame the polar bears.

Hi. Just so you know...

Back to Friends, which was always filmed in front of a live studio audience.

And a very wobbly set.

Hmm. About as convincing as that bloke's beard.

Merry Christmas!

This is an episode of Friends called "The One With The Self-Opening Door."

You're the best!

Door closed.

Door open.

If that isn't proof of the existence of the supernatural,

I don't know what is.

Ronnie Barker in the excellent Porridge.

The inmates of Slade are out for the day

under the supervision of Mr Barraclough in an old church.

Well, the outside bits were filmed at an old church.

But the interiors certainly weren't. Want proof?

Just look what happens when Melvin leans on a column.

Yes, it wobbles in a way that most Saxon stonework just doesn't.

TV is divided into on- and off-screen talent.

And for good reason. I'm on-screen talent because I'm beautiful and very clever.

The camera people, make-up assistants and wardrobe flunkies

are off-screen talent because they're ugly.

Trust me, you do not actually want to see these people.

I'm facing some of them now and looking at them gives me violent stomach cramps.

It's a wonder I don't vomit on the camera.

So hold on to your lunches cos our first set of clips

are littered with off-screen bods making fleeting on-screen appearances.

Not so much in a knowing, ironic, Alfred Hitchcock kind of way,

more a sort of, "Oi, bacon-face! Shift!" sort of way.

Eugh!

Look - those crafty Ancient Greeks are attacking Troy

after sneaking into the city in the belly of a Trojan horse.

There they are, in their rubber helmets.

But according to this episode of Xena, they weren't alone.

You have to find her first.

Oh, no. Cos also stored away in the horse's bum-hole was...

..this bloke!

He's squatting on the battlements. Numpty!

Here's Sarah Michelle Gellar walking through a creepy wood at night!

Careful, Buffy! Watch out for vampires!

Oh, my God - what's that?

It's a monster with a huge...microphone.

Oh, dear, it's the boom operator.

Thunderbirds. Ignore this foreign baddie.

SPEAKS MADE-UP LANGUAGE

Damn those Welsh Iraqi pilots!

Watch Tintin held in the vice-like grip of this serial killer turned puppeteer.

His nails aren't normally that dirty. He'd just buried another body.

What did you do that made Dad cut you off?

OK, team. No clues. See if you can spot the mistake in this clip from Friends.

It wasn't for me. It was for a friend.

Boy, did we make friends with the wrong sister!

You missed it, yes? Forget the pretty actors.

Look at the pretty cameraman. Amazing what you miss when you're laughing.

And when you're not.

Basil!

It's gourmet night at Fawlty Towers and a very funny scene

featuring a fine example of the easily missable TV mistake.

Missed it, didn't you?

Here it is again. This time, forget the action

and concentrate on the BBC techie bloke squatting behind the door.

A classic mistake from a classic comedy that just got funnier with age.

If only the same could be said for John Cleese!

-Look at that!

-Can I help?

-Yes, go and kill yourself!

Sam and Dean from Supernatural are having trouble with some ghost-hunters.

Question is, what's behind that door?

Guys, do you want to go through that door first?

Everyone's terrified and armed to the teeth.

Must be the Jehovah's Witnesses!

It's a ghost!

Or at least, a ghost that can be hurt by bullets.

I can't decide what's worse about this clip.

The ghost who's afraid of bullets

or the cameraman who doesn't know where to stand. Hmm.

It's the cameraman.

It's Charmed, a series about a bunch of friendly witches.

Or am I thinking of Loose Women?

Anyway, ignore this trespasser

and instead feast your eyes on the director sitting in the next room listening to his iPod.

You sit behind the camera, not in front of the pointy end!

See that book? As soon as they turn the camera off, they'll hit him with that!

It's Doctor Who from 1975,

back when children everywhere could be found hiding behind the sofa,

avoiding gaffes like this.

Keep your eyes on the baddie's bottom, or what's under it.

I can move!

Oh, dear!

That floor assistant is thinking, "If I move my hand away slowly,

"no-one will see a thing."

But we did!

Here's Blackadder, staging an elaborate con trick.

But not the one where he gets massive laughs from repeatedly saying "Bob".

No, he's pretending he's built a time machine.

Of course, it's not real. You can tell because it's made from wood and bits of junk

and requires one of the crew to push the door shut.

Well done, Balders. Impressive.

'The maybe of Mike Delfino.'

It's Desperate Housewives. Susan's broken into a neighbour's house

to return a Pyrex jug,

but finds time to find a moment alone with just her thoughts.

And that bloke crawling behind the sofa.

Yes, it's the guy who just set fire to the curtains

whose idea of keeping out of shot is crawling across the screen on his hands and knees.

Wait for it - "You're fired!"

Ha, ha! Sorry.

Here's a clip from Scrubs, the American sitcom

set in a hospital. It's a bit like Casualty,

but with fewer laughs.

Dr Turk is about to bite into a sarnie when suddenly there's an emergency.

Thankfully, someone's there to lend a hand.

I was paged!

It's either a member of the crew holding the door, or a patient has fallen out of bed!

Make those dreams happen.

You can always tell when a TV series is working.

Everyone on screen looks like they're really enjoying themselves.

Take Arrested Development, a show which is so much fun,

even the crew like to get on - just once.

-Does that answer some questions for you?

-Yeah.

Or twice.

An emotional farewell scene in Lost

as Charlie says goodbye to Hurley.

Cool, man.

But keep your eyes off the unfolding drama and Hurley's boobs

and on the cameraman clearly visible to the left of shot.

You can see his sandals, his camera,

and if you really squint, his P45.

Wait!

It's 24, and everything, as always, is very tense.

A tense Tony is ignoring a call from a tense Nina.

Jamie, pick up!

Unbeknown to tense Tina, there's someone else in the barn with her.

Here he comes, wandering in from the right, a cameraman!

If you want to know how he's feeling, I'll tell you.

Tense.

Whenever there's a conversation about the world's hardest jobs,

the same professions come up time and time again.

Trauma surgeon, soldier, air traffic controller

and, of course, actor.

And out of these jobs, actor is surely the hardest.

Actors do a very difficult job.

We're learning lines, signing autographs,

doing stuff for free with wonky kids,

we're standing up in front of strangers, saying words that sometimes we don't even understand!

Consequently, every now and again, through no fault of our own,

stuff does go a bit wrong.

I'm sorry. The party got a little out of hand.

People your age have finished college...

The poor little rich girls of the O.C.

Here's Hailey, tidying up after another crazy party.

Well, I say tidying up, but what Amanda Righetti is really doing

is picking up tiny pieces of invisible rubbish.

She's dropping little bits of air into that bin bag.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what you call method acting.

If your method is piss poor!

This scene was filmed eight years ago,

but she only finished tidying the room last Thursday.

Oh, we're back in the O.C.

Here comes Mischa Barton, sulking her way into the room.

"Na, na, na! I'm Mischa Barton."

She dumps her jacket on the right.

And then moments later, there it is on the left.

That's not going to improve her mood!

To Albert Square and that live anniversary episode.

Stace and Bradley are "talkin' about fings" with Max and Scott

when Scott forgets his lines.

He won't forget...

SPLUTTERS INCOMPREHENSIBLY

We all have!

I'll explain that.

Oh, dear! No retakes here. This is live!

When he found out what she... What she...

Oh, he's gone again! Tricky business, live telly. Bless him!

Leave it, Scott! It ain't worf it!

It's a classic Phil Mitchell in a rage scene

and Ian's on the receiving end.

But when you want someone to stop doing something, what do you say?

Is it A) Stop, or B) Slop?

Slop!

What?

-Slop!

-I'll give you one more guess.

-Slop!

Sorry, Ian. The answer I was looking for was A) Stop.

Received and acknowledged, sir. Picard out.

Jean-Luc Picard, ever the stern-faced model of professionalism.

Except when he goes through the turbo-lift doors

and has a quick gurn!

You missed it? Don't worry, here it is again.

He just boldly gurned where no man has gurned before!

In this clip from Buffy, fiendish but foxy teacher Miss French

is making herself a sandwich.

She's a sucker for fresh ingredients!

I had one of those on the motorway services.

But there's something very wrong here - besides chewing live insects.

Cos when she starts eating, her sleeves are up.

Then she opens the box and her sleeves are down.

And finally, they're back up again.

Add to that the insect sandwich and all the vampire business

and you have a scene more disturbing than Andrew Lloyd Webber's smile!

More odd goings-on in Buffy.

A werewolf has gone AWOL and they need to find him/it quickly.

But Giles isn't wearing his glasses.

Oh, he is! Problem solved.

Problem unsolved! ..And solved again.

We're sorted. That werewolf is history.

My mistake - the glasses are!

Grey's Anatomy. Patrick Dempsey takes his earphones out

cos he's being talked at by a lady.

But he pretends he still can't hear her anyway.

I feel strangely invisible. Also inaudible.

What?

Who can blame him? She really is banging on.

-I guess dinner shopping is out.

-Yeah.

So wrap the headphones up.

-Sorry.

-You're not. I just don't know why.

And up. Very long wire.

-And put them away.

-No.

Hang on, they're still round his neck.

Unless that's his spare set?

There's only so much Peter Andre a man can listen to.

See you at home.

When it comes to bad dead acting,

you'd have to go back a long way to find a poorer example than this.

Centuries back. In this clip from Xena, they think the warrior princess is dead.

Though quite why is anyone's guess.

One, blood is still coursing through her jugular.

Two, in a moment she clearly blinks.

And three, this is season one.

There's another five series of this rubbish!

We have to go!

No, I did not book this one. I think I...

This clip from Arrested Development

will delight fans of continuity errors and flowers alike.

There's the vicious and sexy Lindsay, who's got back with shopping.

We see her take out these posies and put them on the counter.

So far, so good. Jason Bateman does some talking.

Back to Linds and this enormous vase

that she's about to dump the flowers into.

Then suddenly they're back in the bag again.

Yeah, that is a TV mistake.

To be honest, I'm disappointed by that.

And so's he!

Band of Brothers. Sgt Major Schwimmer is furious

with one of his soldiers.

Kristiansen, why is there no water in your canteen?

It's not just about the water. This soldier's gun keeps jumping from shoulder to shoulder.

There it is on the right.

And there it is on the left.

And back again. That's dangerous with a loaded weapon!

He was a good man, your father.

Here's Uncle Junior in the Sopranos. He's hopping mad!

He must have lost the remote, or forgot to tape Minder.

Whatever. It's made him so angry that his glasses momentarily disappear.

Just don't anyone tell him he accidentally put a red sock in with the whites.

Here we are in that city where there's all that sex.

The girls are in the khazi, doing lady things.

Sometimes you just know you're the right match.

Sarah Jessica Parker's sorting her hair out.

She's tying it up in a scrunchie. But that's SJP hair.

So it'll need special restraints.

So she straps it down twice. With the same scrunchie.

But spin on, cos it was all worth it.

Now she looks lovely and not at all like a Yorkshire terrier

with a Croydon facelift. Super.

-Oh, it's only ten. How nice.

-There's no coffee.

Lorelai is chatting to Luke

as he tries to fix a toaster by shoving a screwdriver into it.

In a minute, he'll try and fix the waste disposal

by sticking his winky into it.

See how he goes to get coffee leaving the screwdriver in the hole

and when he returns, screwdriver gone.

Oh, there it is, by the toaster.

Where's that waste disposal?

Here's Sam, and here's his brother Dean.

Ignore the girl.

The ghostbusting siblings from Supernatural.

Dean is played by an actor called Jenson. Ignore the girl.

And Sam by an actor called Jared.

Are we all clear? Dean is played by Jenson and Sam is played by Jared.

How do I know? Well, in this scene, when they're all meant to be acting,

Dean doesn't call Sam Sam. He calls him Jared!

Jared, check it out.

Jared. I just ballsed up the scene by calling you by your real name.

Yes, more dumb-arsery from the "Brothers Grim".

In this scene, they're supposed to be all angry

cos they've been outwitted by this lady.

I reckon a pigeon could outwit these two!

Anyway, the script might be calling for fury,

but all Jared can manage is a poorly concealed snigger.

Son of a bitch!

Remember, this was presumably the best take. The one they used.

Wonder how bad the others were! Probably wee'd himself!

Pride and Prejudice. Jennifer Ehle makes playing the piano look effortless.

Colin's impressed. He always uses his fingers.

Not Jen, though. Her hands and arms are barely moving.

I think she's miming!

I know you find great enjoyment in professing opinions which are not your own.

And in miming. Either that, or she's just brilliant at playing the piano.

It's the first thing, though, isn't it?

Generous of him.

What do you think about this?

Tasha and Troi. Surely two of Next Generation's least favourite characters.

It's not for you.

Tasha is covered in scarves. Fast forward.

But they're made from some weird space fabric which just disappears.

Never mind.

But I do mind. They're scarves, Jim, but not as we know it.

They don't half have some straps trouble in Six Feet Under.

And props in general. Watch these two.

Who do you think plays Parker in the movie of her life?

Sandy Bullock or Julia Roberts?

They both put their rucksacks on twice and she loses her water bottle.

Who do you think plays Parker in the movie of her life?

They're not taking it seriously.

I wanted to say how wonderful...

Back to Friends and a guest appearance by Susan Sarandon,

the thinking person's milf,

playing a hard-drinking, chain-smoking actress.

Ever the pro, Susan manages to cram both into this scene.

Chain-smoker.

Hard drinker.

Chain-smoker.

I hope my fingers are that nimble when I'm 80!

TV shows are a huge investment of time, money and effort.

You can spend months getting something right,

hiring the best actors, camera persons, writers and crew

only to have the whole thing ruined by some extra in the background being a tit.

These people are a menace, wandering in and out of every shot

trying to be ordinary members of the public - who are the only things worse than extras.

Nothing causes more trouble on set than members of the public.

I hate them all.

Apart from you, obviously!

Some classic muscle mary slo-mo running now

from legendary beach-front twaddle merchants Baywatch.

See their toned torsos as they pound along the sand?

See their hair blown by the gentle Pacific breeze?

See the kid in the background pulling a moonie?

That's worth a second look.

Everyone's a critic!

You don't have to. I'm sure you were freaked out.

Totally.

See this woman with the tartan top?

Remember her. This lady is about to take the art of the attention-seeking TV extra

to a whole new dimension.

This is Buffy's high school and she is presumably the most mature student.

I think you're the coolest.

There she is, drawing attention to herself with that big red bag.

Now, spin on.

And there she is again, walking in the opposite direction.

No, she's not. She's over there,

walking upstairs, drawing attention to herself just like she's not supposed to.

Back for more stair climbing, this time without the bag. Clever.

Still going up the stairs. At least we know where she is.

No, we don't. Buffy - now she's behind you!

"Right. I've had enough of this", said the director.

"Get that woman out of my sight.

"Nobody lets her back on this set."

Whoa! How did that happen?

Crafty cow. She's taken off her horrible jacket and given the red bag to someone else.

Damn you, nightmare tartan extra lady!

Still, the jacket's gone, the bag's gone, and finally, so is she.

Or not.

Ever get the feeling you're being followed?

In this episode of Buffy, the lovely Eliza Dushku certainly does,

and with good reason.

The winners of the 2002 Most American Couple award

walk behind her once, which is fine. Nothing wrong there.

But twice is pushing it.

That's borderline harassment.

Three times is frankly unacceptable. That's a restraining order.

They won't be trying that again.

From the same direction.

For Pete's sake, leave lovely Eliza alone.

They'll be hiding in that bush outside her house next. And that's mine!

Sex and the City.

A show about four single young women.

Well, three young women and the one who plays Samantha.

But let's rewind and look at those extras on the left, sitting side by side.

Now spin on. Clearly, one of them has dropped a massive guff.

Because next time we see them, they're sitting miles away from each other in separate rows.

Poor Sam. Must have been a pretty serious guff.

Open a window!

OK, listen, everyone. We have to get out of here.

Back to the Doctor,

and Micky is attempting to save a roomful of headphone-wearing children.

But they're all zombified.

Micky must have a background in IT

cos he resorts to the tried and tested solution of just yanking out the plug.

Magically, it works!

And removes the kids' headphones.

Come on, move!

They trudge out of a doomed building, smirking.

Good work, kids. You're hired!

'This is where I was born.

'And this is where I died.'

More Doctor Who, and Billie's on the bus in contemplative mood.

'The first 19 years of my life, nothing happened.'

But keep your eyes on the extra who sits in the row behind her.

'Not ever.'

Billie, come on! Incredible things are happening all around you.

That bloke jumped back through time and space just to get a better seat.

Pay attention, girl!

The X-Files, and Scully has a mysterious dead body to investigate.

In this case, the mystery is why they chose the most fidgety man in North America to play the corpse.

See how the faintest prod from Scully

makes the big wuss blink.

Not so much dead man's body, more big girl's blouse.

But just in case anyone missed that,

moments later he leaves everyone at home in no doubt

that this is just acting as Scully decides to balance this plastic ruler on his tummy-wummy.

"Ow, it's cold!"

"We've got a breather!"

I love Lost.

It's top-notch, allegorical, surrealist drama

with a satirical subtext.

Plus it's got that funny fat bloke with the beard in it. He's got boobs like a lady.

In fact, the only problem with this show

is that it makes no sense.

That and their decision to use an extra with chronic asthma to play a corpse

and then put him in front of shot. Just look at this.

WHEEZING

Mind you, that fat bloke's funny!

Oh, dear.

Time for more weird goings-on in Lost.

Look out for the lovely couple

walking past in the background.

Off to catch some fish. Wish they'd walk past again.

Oh, lovely. That's the trouble with being marooned on a desert island.

Nothing to do but walk round in circles.

This clip from Sex and the City proves

that not all New Yorkers are used to seeing TV crews.

This lady simply can't believe her eyes

and has to peer over her specs to check they aren't deceiving her.

Yes, it's a camera crew. But best of all, if we rewind,

here comes my personal favourite.

Look at the wonder in her eyes.

"Them's is some telly people."

And so ends one deeply unremarkable woman's brief glimpse of celebrity.

Oh, my God!

Here's another spot from Friends.

Phoebe is returning a dog,

but look in the background at the neighbour walking up to her house.

Twice.

Fair play to her. She's got that "neighbour repeatedly walking up to her house" thing down to a tee.

Bad news for 24's Jack Bauer.

His daughter's been kidnapped and the series is very short-staffed.

Look at this hospital orderly.

He's here.

He's there.

He's everywhere.

Apparently, if you work in this hospital, you have to be in three places at once.

Just like the NHS.

Dawson's Creek. There's the creek.

Gretchen's about to have a heart-to-heart with Dawson.

But I'm more concerned with the swingers in the background.

First there's an old man and old woman in a denim jacket.

And a young man in a blue shirt and Chinos with a blonde girl.

Then, moments later, the young man with the blue shirt

wanders past again with another woman.

He just picked her up. Floozy!

But he's not done yet.

Now he's back with the blonde girl and they're heading for the water.

What's going on? He must have finished with that other woman and got back with the first.

I liked her. I'm glad they made up.

I never would have...

Shut up, Dawson! The old fellow's back with the older woman.

Thank heavens for that.

There's the younger man with the blonde girl again.

This time walking away from the water from the right, up the hill.

What have they been up to? I don't know. I bet it was rude. And watery.

Now, whenever I'm on the telly, which is a lot,

I take great care over my hair and make-up.

That's not vanity, it's necessity.

We need make-up experts to compensate for the "bleaching out" effects

caused by the powerful lights we use.

And hair experts to compensate for the "loss of hair" effects

caused by the powerful hairspray that we use.

The girls, and what might loosely be described as guys, of the hair and make-up department

are important, albeit tiny, cogs in the great TV wheel.

I call them my little miracle workers.

That's because I enjoy patronising my colleagues.

Of course, they, too, make mistakes.

Mistakes like these.

Someone's locked David Banner in this fiendish torture contraption, which he won't like.

It'll send him all green and hulky.

He's so excited he's passed out.

Wow. That's what Vin Diesel would look like if you smeared him in mushy peas.

He's making that solid carbon steel look like plywood - which it is.

Hold up - he's got tights on!

The Hulk's wearing pantyhose to stop his pinkies getting hurty!

Oh, bless!

It's Skins.

Young people doing cool things like drugs

and snogging and dribbling ketchup down their chins.

Wow, it's so real.

Hey, that ketchup dribble just changed.

I think you're going to like this, Sid.

I'm not. He's re-dribbled. Three dribbles, one chin.

Something has to give.

And sure enough, now it's gone completely.

Now it's back!

Oh, he's dropped his knife.

Now they've started snogging and the old dribble's back.

I'm just lost. And so is the make-up department.

I take it back. That's not cool. It's a TV mistake.

-You're looking, aren't you?

-No!

Back to Skins. There's Dev Patel before he won the Slumdog lottery

and he's having a wee up that tree.

In fact, did you know, it was his weeing up a tree acting

that won him a role in the film in the first place? No,

it's not true.

And neither is this.

The car with the spliffed-up teens rolls into the canal.

And everyone inside goes into the water. Apart from Dev.

But then, in the next scene, Dev is wet through, just like the others.

Why's he all wet? He didn't go in the water.

He was weeing up that tree.

You know, I bet he just jumped in the canal to be one of the gang.

Teenagers. They'll do anything to fit in.

In this next clip,

pay attention to the cute smear of grease on Debra Messing's cheek.

It just changed into a completely different smear of grease!

This is not a problem.

I'll be the judge of that. Yep, there's another.

Now it's the same mark, just a bit darker.

I guess that's why they call it the Go Cup.

You OK?

Now it's all smudged. You know what they should have called this show?

Will & Grease!

Yeah.

Here's Will from Will & Grace, sitting on a sofa.

Surprise!

He's gay, so he's naked, obviously.

Or is he? Are those flesh-coloured pants I see?

Although Eric McCormack wasn't naked in this scene,

I can confirm he did genuinely slam his penis in that book.

A powerful moment from 24. Sorry, did I say "powerful"?

I meant "incomprehensible".

Mum wants troubled teenager to shoot his already-dead girlfriend.

Relationships aren't easy, especially when one of you is murdered.

But he's not used to handling a gun, so why not let Mum do it?

Move away!

There you go. Right in the waist.

Oh, here comes Dad, and he's so proud. In their strange fictional foreign culture,

shooting your dead girlfriend in the belly button is a rite of passage.

Hang on, the bullet wound's moved up to her rib cage! Brilliant trick.

Reason I'm asking is cos we didn't get the bill.

It's the Sopranos, and Tony wants a chat with Uncle Junior

who's been shaving, although as you see, he's washed the shaving foam off.

Apart from that bit near his ear.

But spin forward and whoa!

You got shaving cream.

Where in the name of Don Corleone did all that foam come from?

That's what's known in Mafia circles as omerta,

which is Italian for "bad continuity error".

Oh, it's Buffy the Vampire Slayer,

so called because half the viewers want to see her in the buffy!

Here's the lovely Sarah Michelle Gellar facing a hideous ghoul from beyond the grave.

He's been underground for centuries. He's in a bad way.

Just look at the state of those fingernails.

They're so bad, one's practically falling off.

That's because it's a fake.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer's make-up department, I trusted you!

Everybody thinks being a pro is just NBA.

One Tree Hill. Haley and Skills are having a chat

about being from California.

So while y'all doing the world tour,

we can remember this day and laugh about it.

He's a bit annoying. Haley's very pregnant.

Or is she? That's no baby, that's a cushion shoved up her top!

What some people will do to jump the housing queue.

She's got a tongue like an electric eel

and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils.

A scene from Blackadder II where Flashheart storms into Edmund's wedding,

steals the bride and the scene.

No-one does upstagery quite like Rik Mayall.

Apart from that fake moustache that's threatening to fall off his face.

I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants!

Mmm. Mmm.

Of course, a lot of people come up to me and say,

"Robert, what is a prop?"

I say, "I don't know who you are, but if you don't get out of my bath, I'll shoot you down like a dog."

I'm joking, of course. I don't even own a gun. Or a bath.

As an actor, I don't need to, cos I live my life surrounded by props.

This lamp, this chair, this table.

Basically, "props" are just the things we all have in our homes.

Except in our case, they really are our "property", rather than stuff you got on credit.

Unfortunately, this doesn't make them any less likely to cause trouble.

Band of Brothers, and this soldier is looking concerned.

He's seen the next scene,

a stealth raid across a river and an elementary mistake from the soldier in the foreground.

Did you spot it? Let's go back and have another look.

He's rowing with no oar.

Which, I suppose, will make their approach much, much quieter,

but - and I'm no military expert - much, much slower.

Here's Nicholas Hoult as Tony in Skins, who's learning how to write.

He's written "Tony". He's written his name. Well done, Tony.

Although if we spin forward...

that doesn't say "Tony". It says "Tohy".

Let's see the first one again.

And the second one.

Now both together.

I think that's a different piece of paper

with the word "Tony" written by a different person.

The props department want to make you look stupid, Tony. I mean, Tohy.

Not much.

Hannah Montana, that little singing sensation.

The sensation being nausea.

But get a load of this continuity howler as wacky goofball Jackson walks into his room.

He pats the muscle man, grabs his towel,

and suddenly the muscle man is behind the door.

Good thing I straightened up.

But not now. Whoops! Hannah's going to be furious about that.

She'll probably throw a pop sock at the director. A rolled-up one.

To be fair to the makers of 24,

they only have one day to make each series,

and that's with no sleep at all.

It's like being a junior doctor, but with a lower body count.

There's Jack in rare stand-easy mode.

We're resuming our approach. Good work.

Cheers, Jack. Time to sheath that dangerous weapon in your bottom holster.

But fast forward a few seconds

and crikey, Jack's now so relaxed he's putting his gun away again.

It's either another TV gaffe

or that young man has two guns hidden in his pants.

If, like me, you're a fan of scenes where actors mistakenly put their pistols away twice,

then you'll love this clip from the soon-to-be-remade Hawaii Five-0.

The team are at a tense siege situation

but nothing gets in the way of Steve McGarrett's tea break.

So, at ease, Lieutenant. Put your gun back in your holster.

No need for firearms at elevenses.

I wonder if you can use a bucket like that to build sandcastles?

Anyway, here he comes and there goes the gun again.

Back in the holster for a second time.

Now, who's brought the thermos?

A tense game of chess in the X-Files.

A moody Russian is taking on an American kid in specs. Textbook.

Checkmate.

Suddenly, the Russian is shot by an assassin in the crowd

and falls to the floor, dragging the board with him.

Except in the next shot, it's clearly on the table.

So, they managed the logistical nightmare of filling the auditorium with 5,000 people,

but couldn't cope with one elementary bit of prop continuity.

The truth is out there. The incompetence is in here!

Have you ever been to the Louvre?

Not yet.

Bones, a series about forensics,

a branch of science that's all about detail.

So how did they miss this clanger? Here's a patronising girl.

What you do is pretty awesome, too.

She's been diagnosed with clinical smugness.

She's also an agent of TV mistakery.

When she hands over her sketch, it's a small drawing in the centre of the page.

But when the doctor looks at it, it's gone all big!

Nobody notices. The character dies in the end, so all's well that ends well.

An ice hockey game and Ross from Friends has a big foam finger.

Of course, this is New York, and seconds later, it's gone.

Someone's nicked it. It's a rough town.

My eye doctor is Richard. I can't see him with no boyfriend.

Poor Monica. As if it's not bad enough having something in your eye,

she can't even watch TV cos it's switched off.

Although moments later...

My mistake. It's on.

No-one's even watching it. That's not very green.

Can I bum a cigarette?

Feel those hormones as bad boy meets annoying girl in The O.C.

Blimey, they're smoking in California, which is practically a shooting offence!

Luckily, Ryan is smoking a special cigarette -

you know, the ones that burn down to a butt in half a second.

Long ciggie...

Tiny ciggie! To think, I used to love The O.C.

MUSIC: It's Not Unusual by Tom Jones

Elsewhere in the O.C, is Ben going to commit suicide

before Ryan and Marisa can get to him?

He's emptying all his pills onto the table.

PHONE RINGS

And mixing them up.

But in an instant, they've sorted themselves into colour-coded piles.

Or at least an inattentive member of the production team has.

Ben's made up. He's forgotten all about suicide.

He's just bunging them in with his grandfather's ashes.

Job done.

Oh, dear. After having one or maybe 12 too many tequilas,

Marisa, from The O.C., leaves her handbag at the bar.

And staggers outside.

Ryan and the others are scouring the streets for her.

But tiddly Marisa is now spark out in this alley,

legless and, of course, bagless.

Then Ryan and the others turn up. He spots her

and, bagless, races down the alley and kneels beside her with the bag in his hand.

Either that's a mistake, or everyone in Orange County has the same bag.

Well, they're a funny lot in California.

More continuity malfunctions on the Holo-deck for Captain Picard.

The 1920s newsvendor hands over the paper folded.

But Picard takes it unfolded.

A small mistake, but even in a holographic past,

a tiny error like that could have changed the future.

If so, let's hope it's one with less Star Trek.

A clip from Heroes now,

a strange group of people all with bizarre superpowers.

These two find a mysterious key that's wrapped in sticky tape.

But half a second later, it's suddenly unwrapped.

He's got super-fingers!

No wonder she looks pleased!

I'm the hero.

More prop-related cock-uppery

as Hiro appears with his Samurai sword pointing backwards

and a moment later stands with it pointing forwards.

You?

A handy mistake, though. Otherwise he'd have stabbed him with the blunt end

and that would have been less dramatic.

It's a blueprint.

How does Grace, from Will & Grace, take her coffee?

Gold Star.

Always black, sometimes with a stick in her hand

and sometimes with a carton of milk.

But always in a urine sample jar.

I didn't know.

He's obviously very fond of you.

A clip now from madcap sitcom Absolutely Fabulous.

Or as you know it, Ab Fab.

Or as I know it, A Fa.

But surely no-one knows what is going on with Miranda Richardson's glass.

Witchcraft, pure and simple.

In my day, she'd get the ducking stool for that.

It's US comedy drama Weeds.

Nancy's just found out that her late husband was cheating on her.

That might not be covered under the contents insurance.

Not much comedy here. This is one of the more drama-y moments.

But see all the stuff on the table?

Watch what happens as her son walks outside.

Yep, it's gone all empty.

I reckon the kid was a decoy. His mates have nicked the lot.

So actually, that probably will be covered.

I suppose I just fall in love too fast.

Here are Niles and Daphne sharing an intimate fireside moment.

According to that carriage clock, the time is 11.15.

Daphne...

Only moments later, we see the clock again

and now it's quarter to 12.

And five to 11.

And 20 past 11.

And 10.59.

Frasier is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

Or they were when they started recording the scene, four days ago.

You two have proved yourselves to be just as talented as one another at karaoke.

By which I mean you're equally shit!

It's Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps,

a show which has always split the critics into those who hate it and those who don't like it.

But this episode is great as it's all about magazine competitions.

Mind you, if there's one thing I love more than competitions, it's "competions".

By the way, that's the new issue of Dyslexic Monthly.

May as well just give up.

I would if I were you!

Now, I admit I don't know a lot about How I Met Your Mother,

other than this guy's called Ted

and that when he visits a lady, he doesn't bring a bottle, he brings veg.

Wilted veg in a creased-up paper bag. Sexy blighter!

But guess who also carries a steam iron in his Y-fronts?

That bag's now suddenly smooth. It looks like a baby's bottom.

A papery baby with vegetables for a head.

-Stupidest thing I ever said.

-Me, too.

Of all the classic moments in The Office,

this is Ricky Gervais's personal favourite.

-Wassaah!

-Don't do that!

Gareth's holding a briefcase in his right hand, a paper in his left.

But now the case is in his left hand and the paper is in his right!

That's a TV Mistakes Golden Globe right there.

I guess it's OK...

Friends, series eight. Sorry, season eight.

Monica starts to tear open this present.

-Hi.

-Hey.

She's finished. It's open.

-Shh! The guys don't know yet. Do they?

-No.

No, she's wrapped it up again.

And opened it again.

And wrapped it up.

And opened it again. For God's sake, make your mind up!

Poor Ross has clonked his head

so Rachel's administering a comedy ice-pack cos she wuvs him.

We ripped that couple apart and kept the pieces for ourselves.

Wuvs him not.

Beautiful story.

Wuvs him. A small error, perhaps,

but as continuity errors go, that was a blinder.

Well, there it is. TV's Greatest Mistakes.

Writers, directors, cameramen, editors, producers,

set designers, wardrobe, hair and make-up minions, I salute you,

albeit in a slack, cack-handed and rather incompetent way.

You were the best.

And by the best, of course, I mean the worst!

Bye-bye! Get out of my way!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd