Episode 2 Most Annoying People

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to tonight's collection of the most annoying people of 2011.

Hi, are you all right?

ARGH!

We'll have a good time, whatever happens.

Celebrities are always annoying people.

Over the past 12 months, we've been drawing up a hit list

of the most annoying people from around the globe.

-This beautiful flower for you.

-He's lucky Madonna didn't take that hydrangea and slap him.

We've got pop stars,

-politicians...

-I'm not having it!

..all the ones that have done their best to rattle our cages and trouble our Twitter.

For some reason, the offside rule is apparently like kryptonite to us.

2011 has also been the year of the unexpected.

It's an attempt to reclaim the word "slut" itself.

Looters and rioters shattered our big cities.

This will carry on for days, innit?

A famous fashionista fell from grace.

Oh, my God. Anti-semitism's so hot right not.

But no-one could have predicted that a bridesmaid's derriere

would steal the limelight from a Royal bride.

Pippa's bum just took over the nation.

So, sit back and get ready to vent with vehemence...

..as we continue our trip through the most annoying people of 2011.

At 33, we're experiencing a sense of deja vu.

This time last year, one of 2010's most annoying people was this clown.

Our burning of the Koran is to call the attention that something's wrong.

US pastor Terry Jones had the delightful idea of burning copies of the Islamic holy book,

the Koran, as a way of marking the anniversary of 9/11.

Guess what? This year we've been irritated by yet another potty pastor

with a fondness for predicting the end of the world.

According to Harold Camping, a religious broadcaster in California, tomorrow is Judgment Day,

when true believers are sent to Heaven and the rest of us are left behind to suffer the Apocalypse.

He's said it before and he did it this year.

He said that the world was going to end on May 21st.

There is just no reason in the world, no possibility that it will not happen.

Harold Camping based his bold prediction on calculations he had made using the Bible.

Amazingly, many Americans even bought it.

A lot of people are hardcore believers in Christianity in this country,

and they will believe whatever a pastor or a priest tells them.

There were big billboards everywhere, people handing out fliers. So it's this huge deal.

People went to Times Square on the day waiting with their bags packed.

Why would you bring anything to Heaven? I'm sure it'll all be there for you.

# This is the end... #

With Harold predicting Armageddon at 6pm on May 21st,

crowds gathered across America to see what would happen.

CLOCK CHIMES

The end of the world! Warn the people!

Guess what? You're not going to believe this. It turned out he was wrong.

# It's the end of the world as we know it... #

Judgment day is cancelled! Yay!

Thank God for that!

It all left Harold's poor old believers a bit confused though.

Well, obviously I haven't understood it correctly, because we're still here.

So, how do you explain that then, Harold?

I'm not embarrassed about it. It's just the fact that it was...

It was...premature.

Everyone in the world knew that he thought the world was going to end

and then it didn't, making him the biggest fool of the entire world.

Obviously, predicting the end of the world must be a tricky business.

But for Harold, it's a business which is also very lucrative.

A recent audit of his organisation, Family Radio,

valued it at 72 million with most of its income coming from donations.

All the people who follow his church or listen to his radio programme freaked out. So what did they do?

They took all of their life savings and they donated it to him.

When the world didn't come to an end, Harold Camping didn't give them the money back.

Just... "Ah, did I... Did I say today?

"I meant next year, sorry, sorry. There was my watch.

"It's... Oh, I need to get a new one.

"Thankfully, you all donated your money to me so I'm going to get a Rolex."

The world literally does come crashing around us now

to the tunes of 2011's most annoying pop and our top five most maddening music.

# Every day I'm shufflin'... #

In at number five it's LMFAO, the American duo

with the amazing pop pedigree, but terrifically annoying tunes.

What's really depressing about that, is that one of the band members is the son of Berry Gordy.

Berry Gordy who set up Motown, one of the most influential

and important record labels of the 20th Century

and the fact that his son is doing the Party Rock Anthem,

when he could be making important soul music for the next generation, is just really depressing.

At four, we're playing a game of spot the difference.

The Wanted made it big this year.

# You cast a spell on me Spell on me... #

There they are, doing their thing,

doing proper standard boy band videos out on beaches.

Aren't they pretty? Wonderful. And then we get One Direction...

# So c-come on

# You got it wrong... #

Which seemed to be like a Mini Me version of The Wanted

with an identical video, just with slightly younger people in it.

Come on, guys, can't you be a bit more original?

# I look into your e-e-e-eyes... #

# La, la-la-la-la La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la, la... #

At number three, it's J Lo with the dodgiest sample of the year.

-Anyone for the Lambada?

-You can't really have the sample of forbidden dance -

the Lambada - in your track. There's a reason why it's forbidden.

That high, whiney vocal. # Da na na na ne... #

That's just like nails on a chalk board.

# If you got it Clap your hands on the floor... #

# Day-O Me say day-ay-O

# Daylight come and we don't wanna go home... #

Jason Derulo is next, with a two-for-one offer that made us want to tell him to bog off.

This song mixes The Banana Boat Song and Robin S's Show Me Love,

and it's the worst thing you could ever do.

I think it kills the mash-up for ever. It's a terrible song.

# Day-O Me say day-ay-o... #

# My swagger's in check Get on the floor! #

But not even Jason could match what was undoubtedly the most annoying song of the year.

# My swagger's in check Get on the floor! #

Yes, it's Cher Lloyd's Swagger Jagger or should that be Oh, My Darling Clementine?

# Swagger jagger Swagger jagger

# You should get some of your own... #

Cher Lloyd and I are not natural musical bedmates,

yet she got in my head like an infected worm.

Swagger Jagger was all I sang for about two weeks.

You know, I lost friends over that, Cher.

# You should get some of your own... #

But isn't the whole point of Swagger Jagger that you're nicking

someone else's style and looking like someone else?

She has been dubbed the mini Cheryl Cole,

so there's a bit of irony going on there.

But one man we did all want to shout at this year makes it to number 32 on our list.

It's the highly annoying hairdresser, James Brown.

-I want to get out. I want to get out.

-Go that way.

-Oh...

Usually famous for teasing the tresses of supermodel Kate Moss,

February 2011 saw James basking in his very own limelight.

James has got a new series called Great British Hairdresser. Is that you?

Well, I'm training new hairdressers to become me.

His growing popularity was almost as mysterious as his language.

Very soft. Super, super simple Very erratic.

Lovely, lovely soft texture.

Quite lumpy.

But the cue to become the next egomaniac celebrity hairdresser

dwindled dramatically when James's big mouth went wild

backstage at this year's BAFTA awards, shocking everyone.

There must have been a sale on the word "nigger" that day,

cos he just couldn't let it go. So it's like three for five.

Surely once is enough. Eight times? Come on, now, that's abuse!

I tell you what does annoy me, though. Who was counting?

Who was doing the tally? Like, one, two...

Instead of stopping it, you was counting? Eight times?

The man keeping the count, and bearing the brunt of the trash-talking trouble-maker

was media personality Ben Douglas, who swiftly took his offence to the pages of the Daily Mail.

But, of course, James dipped into the badly-behaved celebrity excuse box

and pulled out a classic line.

Because he was drunk.

We've all done stupid things when we're drunk,

but that's no excuse, I'm afraid.

How do people get so drunk that you lose the boundary

of such an abhorrent word?

So to just come out with it in a public place,

it's just frigging unbelievable.

I'm surprised he didn't finish the night outside hailing a taxi

with a white hood and a lit cross going,

"I'm only having a laugh. Chill out, everyone. Hooray!"

In a world of the annoying celebrity, not all press is good.

Hungover apologies in the press tried to repair the damage,

but left our celebrity hairdresser with a serious case of hair of the dog.

The one thing in James Brown's favour is the fact that he is friends with,

and the hairdresser to, Kate Moss, and I think that once you've got golden Kate on your arm,

you'll always be OK. James Brown will bounce back as long as Kate still has him on speed dial.

He claims to be able to read Kate Moss's mind, he knows her so well.

So, this guy has mindreading ability. James, what am I thinking?

At 31, another bigmouth strikes again.

# Stop me, oh Oh, oh, stop me... #

Morrissey was up to his usual outspoken tricks in July this year,

with his comments following the massacre of 97 young Norwegians on Utoya Island by Anders Breivik.

Whilst performing in Warsaw just a few days after the shooting,

animal lover Moz introduced old Smiths song Meat Is Murder with the following.

We all live in a murderer's world, as the events in Norway have shown

with 97 dead.

-Though that is nothing compared to what happens in McDonalds and Kentucky Fried

-BLEEP

-every day.

Morrissey trying to equate the eating of chickens

and cows to the callous murder of 97 young people is possibly

one of the most annoying statements of the year.

Honestly, you're more worried about chickens than you are about people.

You need to kind of adjust yourself.

# Who said I'd lied to her? #

Oh, dear, why did you say that, Moz?

I suppose, in his old age, he's just getting more and more bitter.

Just be yourself, and that's all I ever do.

Morrissey loves animals, and we all know that,

but sometimes maybe he should think a little of people's feelings.

# Stop me, oh Oh, oh, stop me... #

I can't imagine there were people in Norway going,

"Oh, my gosh, this is awful! But it could be worse -

"We could be having a bargain bucket right now."

# Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before... #

If you listen to Morrissey long enough,

it will make you want to take up eating meat.

He's got it all wrong. He won't win anyone to the cause, he won't.

As soon as he said it, I had a burger just to get on his tits.

Listen, I get it, you know what I mean?

Let's look after the tiny little creatures, but you can see chickens

and cows all over the world going, "Morrissey, shut up. We'll just speak for ourselves, thanks."

Up next, a bothersome bride.

# Hey, baby I think I wanna marry you... #

We all love a good wedding, and there have been loads this year -

Kate and Wills, Kate and Jamie, Kim and...what's his name?

But excessive spending on the big day tends to get us a bit wound up

and this blushing bride got us annoyed by splashing out on enough wedding dresses for all of them.

After her marriage to Joe Glass, Helene Manca's compulsive wedding dress purchase disorder

hit the headlines when it was revealed

that she had spent £20,000 buying 18 different dresses for the ceremony.

I was surprised that people would be interested in the first place,

but I was even more surprised that people would have such strong opinion

about something that, to me, was just some fun.

20 grand? That's the average cost of a wedding

and she spent it just on being completely self-involved.

A lot of women have a specific idea, but I was kind of the opposite.

I just liked many, many, many.

# I wish I knew what dress to wear... #

In France, a lot of people change for the evening,

so I thought, you know, two is a reasonable number.

But then it carried on, and the more I tried on the more I thought

that it was the one I had to wear, and I ended up buying quite a few.

Yes, that's 18, actually, Helene, but you didn't even wear half of them.

Helene bought 18 dresses, wore nine on the day.

I'm trying to settle on ONE for my big day.

I did try to narrow things down,

which is why I ended up only wearing nine.

# Cos we are living in a material world

# And I am a material girl... #

Now £20,000 is a lot of wedding wonga,

so, did the nuptial nine deliver their matrimonial money's worth?

The main one was obviously the ceremony one.

Cost - £3,200.

Time worn - 90 minutes.

Then there was the one when I arrived at the reception.

Then there was one for the cocktail and one for the dinner.

Then there was one for the speeches and one for the cutting of the cake.

Then one for the first dance.

And then one for the party at the end.

And then one for right at the end,

when the party was even more swinging.

The dresses that she wore were quite complicated.

They're not the kind of thing you can slip into yourself.

So, she had seven bridesmaids or something,

so a large amount of the wedding party spent most of their time

in a toilet cubicle where you're going, "Oh, get it on me. Zip it up, zip it up!"

It must be quite annoying, being a guest at the wedding -

you can't really relax, you can't get rid of your camera

because you've got to keep it on you to get a shot of the next dress.

You can't drink too much cos you've to remember each dress. It's a bit selfish, really, Helene.

Hello! It's not all about you. There's a groom there.

You're exchanging vows. It's meant to be about the day.

# Glamorous... #

Joe was actually really supportive and he thought it was a really fun idea

and he just wanted me to be happy and do whatever.

# Those wedding bells... #

Apparently, her husband changed his degree

and he's now studying finance, and I think he's going to need it.

-# Wedding bells

-Wedding bells

# Those wedding bells... #

At number 29, it's a little something for the kids.

2011 saw the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

There were plenty of fitting tributes throughout the world

including memorial services in both New York and London.

But then, there was also this.

We Shall Never Forget 9/11 is a colouring book

aimed at children aged up to 11.

The book features a number of crayon-friendly images

associated either with the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre

in 2001, or the subsequent US hunt for Osama Bin Laden.

I'm all for remembering history

and helping children to engage with history in a creative way,

but there is a taste and decency line that's clearly been breached

by having young children colour in the orange flames of doom.

Most annoying to me is that you would even take an event like that

and try to bring it down to a childlike level.

"OK, here you go, kids, this is what happened.

"You see that guy in the turban? He's bad."

That's just a horrible, horrible thing to do.

It's not a book about acceptance,

it's a book about singling out different cultures

and that's a very sad thing to be teaching children.

Despite its critics, the publisher of the book, Wayne Bell, has argued it has no agenda

and is simply a factual depiction of the events surrounding 9/11.

There's no statement attached to this book.

This book is based on market research.

It's based on what people tell us that they're looking for.

The book has become a big hit for Wayne.

It's the fastest selling his company has ever published

and has travelled to 157 countries around the world.

But not everyone is convinced how appropriate it is for kids.

This is the best picture.

Not only is it a man holding the gun on Osama and his wife,

but also, the bullet is on the way.

You don't even have to colour in the bullet.

It's there, it's midway, it's black and it's full of death.

The most annoying thing about this book is that

George Bush has been drawn with a bit of intelligence

and integrity, which is wholly inaccurate.

However, bonus,

you can just write "knob" on his forehead, wherever you want.

It's up there with the Titanic ice-cube maker

and the Hiroshima microwave oven.

That's how tasteless this is.

Revealing some true colours at 28,

we've got some very dodgy commentators.

# Flintstones Meet the Flintstones... #

It might have been the Ice Age that killed off the Pterodactyl and T-Rex, but it was sexist

and outdated attitudes that saw the extinction of our next annoying duo.

Gray and Keys simply didn't realise they were dinosaurs.

Sky Sports front men, Richard Keys and Andy Gray,

actually dated not from pre-history but from an era

when real men were in the pub and a woman's place was in the kitchen.

Having dared to abandon the washing up, referee's assistant Sian Massey

got the full misogynist treatment as Sky Sports' archaic analysts

prepared for live coverage of Wolves v Liverpool in the Premier League.

Well, somebody better get down there and explain offside to her.

Yeah, I know. Can you believe that? Female linesmen, eh?

That's exactly what I said. Women don't know the offside rule.

Of course they don't.

Women are brain surgeons, women are astronauts,

yet for some reason the offside rule is apparently like kryptonite to us,

that when you explain quite simply the rules of a GAME to us, we're unable to understand it.

In the match, she actually got it bang on.

It was a really contentious decision, and she nailed it

better than most other linespeople that I've ever seen.

Waldorf and Statler, two blokes from the Muppets, very much like that.

-What do you think of it so far?

-Oh, rubbish, bloody women.

-Don't know what offside is.

-I

-don't know what offside is.

West Ham chief Karren Brady was next in the firing line

as their off-air chat was recorded and then MYSTERIOUSLY leaked to the media.

Did you see charming Karren Brady this morning, on about sexism?

Yeah, do me a favour, love.

Now, Karren Brady, when I've seen her on The Apprentice, she's got the eyes of a shark.

I think that woman could kill you without touching you

and to pick her, I think, wasn't the best choice of person

because I think she could really give you a doing.

Today, Andy Gray wasn't at home, but his fiancee was.

He's wanted to apologise for the last few days,

desperately wanted to apologise.

Sky bosses, unimpressed by Andy getting "her indoors"

to apologise for him, showed Gray the red card

whilst his sexist sidekick tried his best to avoid the subs bench.

I'm on my way into London now, to start apologising to the people that I need to.

For the immediate, I would just like to say how deeply sorry I am

for the part I have played in causing this furore.

Interviewed on Talk Sport, Keys revealed he'd apologised to Sian Massey

and tried to call Karren Brady too.

I remember Richard Keys saying,

"Oh, I can't believe Karren Brady hasn't returned my call.

"I was trying to get in touch with her."

Under his breath, he's muttering the words, "typical woman."

Do you know what I mean? In your own time, love.

# Boys will be boys... #

Keys resigned, and the internet was suddenly awash with lewd clips.

The first of which involved Andy Gray suggestively inviting Sky co-presenter, Charlotte Jackson,

to stick a radio mic down his trousers.

Asking a lady to tuck in your mic

and pointing downwards is not a good idea, not a good idea.

# Boys will be boys... #

Either Sky were waiting to give them the push or it was indeed an international cabal of feminazis

who had been waiting for some time to get rid of Richard and Andy.

I'm not saying which one is correct, all I am saying is that

there are quite a lot of women in this country who know the true story.

More annoying than Andy and Richard, we're pretty sure this next lot would get a few votes.

Yes, we're talking politicians. Guaranteed to irritate us and this year was no exception.

Here's our top three political cock-ups of 2011.

In third place is Labour's very own Hazel Blears who blurted out a real blunder during the UK riots.

In an interview with Sky News, Hazel forgot why the kids weren't in school...

during the summer holidays.

I think we also - not right now, but later on - we need to think

about some of our young people and why are they not in school?

I don't know if she was suffering from memory loss

or just a loss of perspective -

whether they should be in school or not,

they shouldn't be throwing rocks through windows.

At number two is George Osborne. The Chancellor of the Exchequer made a goofy gaff at the GQ Awards

when he picked up a gong. Attempting to crack one out,

George remarked the politics pages of the magazine were the only ones

not usually stuck together by readers' bodily fluids.

George Osborne really let himself down by making that classic mistake

of trying to be funny as a politician.

If he was an open spot at a comedy club, he'd have been booed off.

Fundamentally, he should be looking at the economy

and not thinking about jokes.

You could see people going, "What the...? Get off!"

Joint winners at number one are gruesome twosome Cameron and Clegg.

Earlier this year, Dave and Nick were poised

for the perfect photo opp at Guy's Hospital.

But there was a problem.

The coalition crew hadn't bothered to follow strict hospital hygiene standards.

Enter outraged senior surgeon David Nunn to give them a roasting.

Sorry, just a minute. Excuse me. I am the senior orthopaedic surgeon in this department.

Why are we all told to walk around like this?

They looked flustered. "Oh, what do we do here?

"We're supposed to look great with the patients." It was a sweet moment.

Can you come and talk to me about it?

Cameron was trying to smooth it all over and the guy just went,

"No, get out."

I agree. Thanks. Because we're all taking our ties off.

They got lobbed out by the doctor because they were unhygienic. Good.

I'm not having it. Out.

It's good they were told off for that, cos there's no telling where Clegg's fingers has been.

HE COUGHS

Returning to our top 50.

Parading in at 27 are some serious sluts.

# Hit me, go! Get your freak on... #

Back in January 2011, a Toronto policeman caused outrage in Canada

when his un-PC advice to a group of female students made headline news.

His suggestion that dressing like a slut increased a woman's chances of attack caused a storm of protest.

It's not acceptable, and transfers the blame and responsibility

for such a vicious crime from the person that it should fall squarely on, which is the perpetrator.

It's a really outdated idea that a woman who dresses

in a particular way is asking to be raped or attacked

or something, and that a police officer

would actually perpetuate this stupid myth is just insane.

In response to the outcry, the women of Toronto organised a public protest

and provocatively named it the SlutWalk.

For me and, I think for a number of other people, it's an attempt to reclaim the word "slut" itself

because once you reclaim it, you take the power from it.

# I've got the power! #

I'm all for women's lib. I'm all for, just because I'm flashing my nipple

in your face doesn't mean you have to lick it.

The protest caught the world's attention

and soon, communities across the globe wanted to join in.

It's the latest in a series of international demonstrations called SlutWalks.

We found out on the internet and we were like, "We wish this was happening in the States.

"We wish we could do this", and then we kind of just decided to do it.

One policeman in Canada says, "Don't dress like a slut

"because then you'll get attacked and the blame will all be on you."

From that one comment, across the world, women went out and marched.

CHANTING: Two! Four! Six! Eight!

There was actually one in Ireland, but they dressed up in anoraks.

It was raining, let's give them that, but...

"Oh, look, I have my anorak open. That's slutty enough for me."

However we dress, wherever we go...

The SlutWalk is going to be the women's pride contingency of like the gay pride parades.

It's going to be the SlutWalk women's pride, every single city across the world.

I really hope the SlutWalk becomes a national holiday.

CHANTING

At 26, it's little miss perfect.

This has been the year of Gwyneth Paltrow.

Everywhere you look, Gwyneth is there - her website,

her appearances on Glee,

her films - she is everywhere!

MUSIC: "Forget You" by Gwyneth Paltrow

She looks unbelievable. The woman has the best legs in Hollywood.

All these women everywhere are just like, "We need to look like her!

"She looks amazing. Her skin's amazing!"

And it all just gets quite overwhelming.

Gwyneth Paltrow is an actress and yet she has been doing everything OTHER than that right in our faces.

I can sing, and look at my website.

I'll tell you how to be the perfect mother, role model and housewife.

She's kind of treating us like she thinks we think she's normal.

Literally, this woman is unbelievable.

If being an impossibly glamorous A-lister

and an amazing mum isn't annoying enough,

2011 was also the year that Gwyneth revealed she can cook too.

I think it's really important, as I said, to make home-made food,

just the experience of that, you know, making food for your kids and people that you love.

With her book Notes From My Kitchen,

she lifted the lid on what she and that bloke from Coldplay eat

when they're not on their latest celebrity fad diets.

Gwyneth Paltrow's cookery book is a work of art,

if it was a work of satire.

She doesn't look like she eats.

I'm sorry, but it must be

a very thin volume, really. Ah, it's just, er...

water.

There's a burger in there.

It's not just a burger, it's a cheese-stuffed burger.

Now, I've figured it out. She doesn't eat any of the food that's in her book, she licks it.

But it wasn't just the food that was the problem.

It was also the superstar cost of making it.

What's most annoying is the obvious lack of being in touch

with the reality the rest of us are living in.

Her brownie recipe actually costs about £45 to make.

Now, if you think 45 quid for some brownies sounds like a lot,

we actually costed the ingredients Gwyneth recommends.

By the time you've bought items like imported Vermont maple syrup, brown rice syrup and high-quality cocoa,

the total cost actually came to nearer £50.

Best of all, though, are Gwyneth's shopping tips.

One point she had in her cookbook that I thought was extraordinary -

the idea that you should take your kids to the supermarket

and give them their own trolley.

It would be chaos in the supermarkets of Britain.

They say Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't live in the real world. I've no idea where they get that.

Round 25.

Our next annoyer certainly proved anything BUT a knockout in 2011.

I wanted to support him so much because he's from South London,

I'm from South London.

I was like, "Yes, finally someone we could cheer on and champion!"

Having been crowned WBA Champion in 2009,

preening pugilist David Haye sought to unify the various

world heavyweight titles by taking on and beating Wladimir Klitschko,

the younger of the gigantic Klitschko brothers from Kazakhstan.

But David's preparations for the fight seemed a little unusual.

CHRIS MOYLES: Boxing royalty - David Haye! Whoa!

Whoo-whoo-whoo!

They mainly seemed to involve chat-show sofas.

'He just absolutely lost the plot.'

I think he was on Alan Carr, he was on Graham Norton,

he was giving it absolutely loads. His sportsmanship went completely out the window.

In the build-up to the match he just...kept on talking.

He just kept on going on and on and on.

..championship in Germany...

..will remember the fight itself. I've gone over to someone's hotel...

I will knock out Wladimir Klitschko.

# You only get one shot So make it count... #

No punches were pulled when it came to dissing his opponent, who he even compared to Borat.

Ohh, it's nice.

It's definitely below the belt line, and it's the wrong attitude.

# You only get one shot So make it count... #

David Haye's promotional gimmicks were just...

they were just so disrespectful, so childish.

Yes, this is a good picture of me with Wladimir

and Vitali Klitschko's severed heads.

# There's only one David Haye. #

10,000 British fans travelled out to Hamburg with high hopes

of seeing The Hayemaker triumph.

At the end of the day, David Haye's bark was way worse than his bite.

Despite all the hype, Haye proved more chump than champ

with Klitschko winning on points after 12 rounds.

I'm sure there's been many a boxer that have fought till

the bitter end with broken arms, broken ribs,

but he, his little toe ruined it for him.

# Be a star But who's laughing now?

# Who's laughing now? #

I hate it when boxers make excuses after fights. It makes me sick.

But I broke my toe three weeks ago and there was no way I was going to pull out of this fight.

He broke his toe? Really?

Yeah, because of course when you're pushing off for a punch,

it all comes from the toe - not from the fists, the waist or the rest of the body, it's all in that toe.

And in case we doubted that David had a sore toe, he walked around for the next month

with open-toe sandals, just so you could see. "Hey, look at my toe. It's really sore."

Afterwards, though, the Klitschkos got their revenge.

They had a T-shirt made with a severed toe just to wind him up,

because that was the real reason that David lost the fight.

At 24, it's our very own Search For A Star.

We're on the lookout for someone with the annoying factor.

Could this man have what it takes?

We're going to have a good time whatever happens...I hope.

'Well, after the sort of year he had in 2011 it's going to be 1,000% yes, from us.'

This is a man who has £200,000,000 in the bank

and yet he still cuts his hair with a strimmer.

He is not to be trusted.

Can you have any likeability when your career

is pretty much to break people's dreams?

There was a headline in the New York Post -

"Even God hates Simon Cowell."

Simon Cowell got his year off to an annoying start

when he announced that he was turning his back on

the X Factor here in the UK.

Apparently, launching the US version of the show was more important.

Thanks for nothing, Simon.

His biggest fanbase! He's BELOVED in the UK. He left. He left.

Not only did Cowell quit his place on the UK judging panel,

he also added insult to injury by taking our favourite

X Factor judge, Cheryl Cole, with him.

I just think there's going to be some really great talent here

and I'm excited to get my teeth into it.

Poor Cheryl barely had time to have her first nibble

before Cowell decided she was the one lacking bite

and unceremoniously dumped her from her new job.

Cheryl Cole from South Shields, love her.

She's the best person in the world,

and I hated the way he treated Cheryl Cole.

For anyone annoyed by his treatment of Chezza,

the good news was that karma came back and bit Simon on the backside.

Both versions of the X Factor recorded poor ratings this year.

It's a good job he had other shows like Red Or Black to fall back on(!)

Simon Cowell's probably had his worst year in the last ten years,

and Red Or Black was certainly the lowest point.

When you see just people going,

"Mmm, heads, tails, red, black, whatever..." We don't care.

Simon's not that bothered any more.

"I'm so busy making so much money

"that I've got to come up with another TV show.

"Let's do heads or tails, but we can't just do that.

"Let's call it Red Or Black. Job done.

"Right, I'm off to LA. See you in a bit."

Genuinely couldn't care. No interest.

Not only did Red Or Black struggle to get viewers excited,

it also managed to annoy us

when it turned out its first £1 million winner, Nathan Hageman,

had a bit of a dodgy background.

The fact that the first winner of Red Or Black was

this guy that's been in jail for beating up women,

it's just an incredible oversight.

It just reflects really badly on Simon Cowell.

Unfortunately, what happened was the guy who won it

was kind of a convicted wife-beater.

So perhaps they should have called it Black And Blue in homage to him.

Though his star might have been on the wane this year,

recent estimates put Cowell's fortune at £200 million.

It's a good job he's still got a bob or two,

as this was the year he revealed he's made post-break-up payments

to past girlfriends like Sinitta and Terri Seymour.

So why would he do that, then?

It emerged that he pays almost alimony payments

to all his ex-girlfriends, but those girls certainly know about

the skeletons in the cupboard,

and he definitely wants to keep them on good terms.

With rumours about one-off payments

for his exes of anything up to 10 million,

maybe the annoying thing is that he hasn't tried to get off with any of the rest of us.

If someone could organise for me to go out with Simon Cowell,

that would set me up. I can't afford to get my car wing mirror fixed.

Maybe he'd pay for that. I dunno. Pick me, Simon!

I'll be your girlfriend!

Popping one out at 23, it's Brand Beckham. Getting even bigger.

# Oh, na, na What's my name? #

The Beckhams always score high in the most annoying list,

and this year is no exception

with the arrival of their latest edition, Harper Seven.

The new baby in the family, the second person in the family

that runs around crying with a high-pitched scream.

After David, of course.

It's different having a little girl.

She's elegant. She sleeps in an elegant position.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. She's the cutest thing.

It was just an odd name.

You know, after Brooklyn and Romeo and Cruz,

you thought, "Where can they go now?"

The Beckhams have become very creative.

Make love in Brooklyn - Brooklyn.

Make love in Spain - Cruz.

Make love in Rome - Romeo.

Harper Seven must have been the time it was conceived.

"What time was it?" "Ah, about 7.30."

"That's the name of the baby. Thanks, Victoria."

"Thanks, David."

# Say my name, say my name. #

So where did the curious name come from?

He's named his daughter after his football shirt.

That's amazing.

The whole idea that Seven was born on the seventh hour

of the seventh day and so it's kind of meaningful

and significant is frankly tosh, isn't it?

Or maybe it was more a case of selective timing

by "too posh to push" Victoria.

That said, I do have an uncle called Monday who was born on a Monday.

So what you going to do?

What's wrong with Emily? I quite like Emily. Susan.

Their kids will get the piss taken out of them

at school, and I feel sorry for them.

What I find most annoying about Victoria is that

she never puts the baby down.

She carries around this little girl like an accessory, a handbag.

I think she does it because she doesn't want to obscure

the photographers' view of her shoes.

# She's in fashion. #

Working mum Posh managed to produce both a new baby

and fashion line this year.

But she's yet to give birth to a smile.

Will nothing make that woman happy?

She's never been a smiler.

She's never been someone that you warm to

and yet we're told that she's a very jokey personality

behind closed doors. I would love to see that,

to see how funny she is.

Instead, we saw her at the Royal Wedding

looking really miserable, really unhappy.

Any rapper will tell you that you never smile in photos,

and that's what I think it is.

She secretly still harbours a bit of a hip-hop career.

I think that it's just simply a case of anybody points

a camera at her, she does a...

I wish she'd smile occasionally. That's the only thing.

Just please give Mr Paparazzi a little teensy-weensy smile.

A new entry at 22. It's a maddening Manchester City striker.

No, not that one, although fans were certainly riled by allegations

from manager Mancini that Carlos Tevez had refused

to get his backside off the subs bench for City versus Bayern Munich.

But for sheer volume of annoyance, he can't compete

with Mohican-sporting Italian team-mate Mario Balotelli.

He's like, "You know what? I know you've got media lessons,

"but I can't be bothered with that. Forget it, I can take care of it."

I'm not sure if you can, Mario.

Super Mario inspired City to their first trophy in 35 years

as they beat Stoke to win the FA Cup.

His performances have lit up this season's Premier League,

but it was off the pitch fireworks that hit the headlines

when a prank at his mansion went horribly wrong.

Mario Balotelli's behaviour with the fireworks,

we have to take a dim view of that,

cos it's dangerous and it's wasting public money,

but I pissed myself when I saw that story.

What do you expect? How old is he? 19, 20?

You go and stick him in a big house and say, "Bring your mates over."

They're hardly going to sit down and watch Midsomer Murders on DVD.

"Outside, it's just too far.

"It's just too far to go outside.

"Let's go to the bathroom and do our fireworks there."

But it's always the little extra thought

just seems to be lacking with Mario.

And it's not the first time the barking-mad Balotelli

has caused Mancini sleepless nights, with a charge sheet

as long as a WAG's shopping list from Harvey Nicks.

# I wake up Every day is a daydream. #

In fact, Mario is so bonkers, he's even managed to rack up

an incredible scoring record when it comes to parking fines.

Everything is lost in translation. For him, parking fines,

that might be a level of achievement.

The guy's never received any form of certificate.

Every time he receives one,

put on his car, like... "Mucho bella!

"A certificato! A certificato!"

When he got caught by the police in his car with £5,000 cash

and they asked him, "Why do you have £5,000?"

He says, "Cos I'm rich."

£5 to me is £5. Five grand to Mario is £5.

So Mario is going to turn up at the sweet shop and go,

"Eh hey, I want those Hubba Bubbas.

"Give me the Hubba Bubbas. Here's ten grand. Arrivederci."

That's Mario. He's a confused guy.

# Some people think I'm bonkers but I just think I'm free. #

From City's most annoying player to their two most annoying fans.

# Today is going to be the day

# That they're going to throw it back to you. #

Oasis - anyone remember them?

2011 was another year Noel and Liam annoyed us by yet again

continuing to argue about the demise of their former band.

They were one of the greatest bands of all time.

They filled out stadiums. People flocked to see them.

Now they just gripe and moan at each other constantly.

He doesn't like me, you know, but he doesn't like me in a violent way.

I don't get on with him. There's no point being in a band with people you fight with.

But the sibling rivalry has always been there, but it's just

really manifested itself into something else, a ball of fury now.

Oasis might have split in 2009, but this year's

our kid and our kid's usual bickering

threatened to turn into a legal battle.

The complete and utter breakdown in the Gallaghers' relationship

was on full display this year

when Liam decided he was going to sue Noel

for claiming that he had missed an Oasis gig for being hungover.

Liam brought in the lawyers after Noel said

the singer had been less than truthful about why he missed

the band's V Festival gig back in 2009.

Noel said he didn't really have laryngitis,

and Liam said, "Hold on, mate, I've got the doctor's note.

"I'm going to sue the arse off you."

How extreme is that? To potentially sue your brother

over some throwaway comments.

You just want to get these two in a room, sit them down,

shake them both and say, "Sort this out."

But getting these two in a room might not be such a good idea

if the account Noel gave this year of their break-up is anything to go by.

And for whatever reason, he went to his dressing room

and he came back with a guitar, wielding it like an axe.

It's a real unnecessary violent act, and he's swinging this guitar around

and he kind of, you know, he nearly took my face off with it, you know.

# You didn't know what to say. #

Liam didn't seem too impressed with Noel spilling the beans

and took to Twitter to offer his own verdict on his brother's big mouth.

-Liam tweeted the word "

-BLEEP

-bag" in reference to Noel.

They could just text each other and say,

"Mate, I think you're being a bit of a cock."

To see Liam reduced to twittering slightly abusive words

towards his brother, it's like,

"Gee, I thought they were a little bit more rock 'n' roll than that."

-They're old men who keep moaning. "My brother's a

-BLEEP."

-"Yeah, my brother's a

-BLEEP

-as well."

Just get on with making the music. Don't argue.

Lest we forget, these days

Liam is best known for having his own clothing label,

though judging by his style, it may be best avoided.

But he isn't the only celebrity out there with a dodgy taste in threads.

We present to you this year's top three frocky horrors.

At 3, no, it's not that woman from Dragon's Den. It's Jessie J.

Jessie J's got an alternative look going on.

I remember her wearing that body-tight get-up

and her hair kind of matched and she's got a great figure,

but I'm just not going for the tight look, to be honest.

It was like a pair of tights

wrapped around her body.

At 2, it's hip-hop superstar Nicki Minaj,

a lady who clearly gets dressed in the dark whilst wearing a blindfold.

She's like Lady Gaga times Lady Gaga.

There's a fine line between being a trendsetter

and being a crazy B-I-T-C-H.

Taking the top spot is Princess Beatrice

for daring to wear the hat from hell at the Royal Wedding back in April.

I defy anyone to show me a worse-dressed celebrity

than Princess Beatrice at the wedding.

That hat was disgusting!

Princess Beatrice genuinely wore

that big antler on the front of her face to a wedding.

Oh, bless her. She just made a mistake, didn't she?

Back to business. At number 20, we have a very naughty boy.

# We don't need no education. #

2011 has seen students continue to demonstrate about universities

being given the right to charge £9,000 a year in tuition fees.

For some of them, though, their protests went a little bit too far.

'Few students could afford to come to court in a chauffeur-driven van,

'but not every student has a multi-millionaire rock musician for a dad.'

July saw Charlie Gilmour, the son of Pink Floyd guitarist Dave Gilmour,

jailed for violent disorder following his actions

at a student fees demonstration in London back in winter 2010.

In a day of bad behaviour by the 19-year-old, it was this incident

at the National Cenotaph that really annoyed the nation.

The judge saved his most scathing criticism for Gilmour's

behaviour here, telling him, "You have shown disrespect

"for the ultimate sacrifice of those that fell defending this country."

Charlie Gilmour's behaviour wasn't just annoying, was it, really?

I mean, it was completely and utterly disgusting.

No-one thought that swinging off the Cenotaph was acceptable.

Swinging from a union flag was just one of Charlie Gilmour's

ill-advised moments on a day that up to 40,000 students

took to the streets of London.

Oh, eh,

toffs and their pranks, eh?

There's nothing worse than rock stars' kids.

Yes, they may flatter thee,

but thou shalt feel a hollow agony!

Gilmour's son comes out of the woodwork.

"Ooh, there's a riot! I'm going to hang off of a statue,

"get on everyone's tits," you know what I mean?

Don't swing off memorials, especially for the war dead.

It's not a good look and people are going to hate you, and rightly so.

Gilmour also attacked Prince Charles's car

and smashed the window of Topshop,

but what seemed to annoy many about Charlie's part in the protest

is the fact that money isn't an issue

when you're the son of a rich rock star.

I think some people are definitely going to be annoyed by the fact

that Charlie Gilmour was protesting about the increase in student fees

while at the same time he obviously had a multi-millionaire dad.

The way that he protested almost felt like

he was just doing it for the fun of it.

The other annoying thing about Charlie's brush with the law

was blaming his rampage on the LSD, valium and whisky he'd consumed

during the hours before he ran amok.

"I'm so sorry I did that, but in my defence,

"I was taking illegal drugs."

"Oh, fine. Well, off you go, then! No problem."

He thinks he can get away with that. The arrogance!

Thou hast sown a sorrow and must reap...

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

If you are going to protest, a little tip is don't take acid,

because if you take acid, you can't even put your trousers on

-the right way round.

-The message is somewhat lost.

So how are you going to inform the masses

when you're tripping your nuts off?

Grow up, go to university, get an education, stop taking acid.

Just in, at number 19, it's the Bieber.

FANS CHANT: Justin! Justin! Justin!

WILD SCREAMING

He may have got all grown up this year, got his hair cut

and possibly even had sex.

But it didn't stop Justin Bieber or his fans, the Beliebers,

from being any less annoying.

I think what's annoying about Bieber is just

he's so young and so successful

which, to most people who have worked their nuts off, is irritating.

# I'm 12, can I have another mansion, please? #

It IS quite annoying.

# Baby, baby, baby, no. #

Last year he was at the top of the album charts.

This year, he's at the top of the richest teen list

by raking in a reported 53 million.

But in 2011, Brand Bieber was less about music

and more about merchandise. Instead of a new album,

Justin's first release of the year was his film Never Say Never.

# I will never say never. #

Never Say Never was in 3D,

which was incredibly annoying

because he's coming at you and you can almost strangle him.

You can almost punch him in the face.

And whilst new tracks continue to go missing,

a little romance with fellow teen star Selena Gomez

kept his fans in a frenzy.

I can't imagine him having a girlfriend,

doing anything other than sharing some Haribo.

If I was a teenager, I'd be really upset

and I would cry all the time that they're constantly kissing

and they have to keep displaying love for each other

everywhere they go.

By August, there was still no new music,

but he did produce a multitude of products.

Including a fragrance for the ladies.

Oh, my God. Is it for girls?

Justin Bieber, aged 17,

putting out perfume for girls.

Meaning, "Justin Bieber knows what I want on my body."

What does a 17-year-old boy know about perfume for women?

I'd advise you not to use that, ladies.

I hope he is at least taking some of his own sweat or some DNA

so that we can actually buy something

so ridiculous as Someday, guaranteed to stimulate and amuse.

Unlike Justin Bieber's music.

# I will never say never. #

By November surely we'd get some new music,

some killer pop track to mark his territory

as the new Justin Timberlake,

or would he just cash in some more with a Christmas album?

# It's the most beautiful time of the year

# Lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer. #

If he carries on like this, one way or another

Justin Bieber will be opening a supermarket near you.

Only, don't be surprised if he owns it.

We do that in Canada.

Every couple of years, we churn out a new annoying personality,

mostly through music.

There's a rock 'n' roll explosion in Britain.

Well, we've got to offset that with some Avril Lavigne.

What's this? Folk music taking off? Give 'em Celine Dion.

We pump 'em out every couple of years.

Justin Bieber is our latest one.

You're welcome, world! You are welcome.

Cashing in at 18, we're keeping up with Kim Kardashian.

# If I was a rich girl Na, na, na, na, na... #

Reality TV royalty, the Kardashians are not shy

when it comes to cashing in on their brand...

..with endorsements galore coming out of their ears.

The greed that oozes out of the Kardashian clan

is the most annoying thing about them.

How many hundreds of millions do you need before you say "I'm done"?

Pushy mum Kris, the money-spinner behind daughters

Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie,

has unashamedly created a marketing monster out of her family.

Kris Jenner, who is the mum in the family, has been able

to market the Kardashian brand so extremely well,

she is an absolute genius at that,

and make a lot of money for that family.

But this year, it's sister Kim who cashed in the biggest prize.

She has to sell.

She doesn't have a talent. She can't sing, she can't dance,

she's too chubby to be a model. She has to sell.

I don't really know who she is. I see her plenty.

She's this wee girl, kind of cute, big bottom.

What's she done? What's she famous for? I don't get it.

# Everybody's got a price I wonder how they sleep at night. #

August 2011 saw Kim get hitched

to basketball man-mountain Kris Humphries

in a multi-million dollar TV wedding,

and after selling the rights to the highest bidders,

it didn't cost the happy couple a dime.

Kim Kardashian seemed to take the freebie wedding

to a whole new level.

When you have almost created a wedding for television,

you do have to wonder how genuine the relationship actually is.

# It's not about the money, money, money. #

Most people break the bank, you know, to pay for a wedding here,

and she made, what, 14 million, 16 million?

Any time you make money from your own wedding,

it kind of takes away from the romance.

It just doesn't lead me to believe that this is going to work out.

And just 72 days later, it was all over...

..having made a reported 18 million from magazine deals,

TV coverage and endorsements. That's a cool 250,000 a day!

Nice work if you can get it, Kim.

72 days she held it together for. Then it all fell apart.

Making a mockery of a great institution, the marriage.

People talk about showmances, about celebrity weddings,

lacking integrity. We all knew it was going

to end up in court one day,

whether the basketball court or a court of law.

It's turned out to be the latter. Kim Kardashian does it again.

That's your lot for now.

But the good news is we've still got plenty more where that came from.

Pippa's bum just took over the nation.

Join us next time as we put the year's biggest irritants

firmly in place.

You're trying too hard, it's not nice.

There'll be an Aussie boy.

I can walk around with a T-shirt that says "Call my agent, I'm annoying."

And a Geordie girl.

I'm furious. I'm just shaking with rage.

Some super injunctions.

Honestly, I really have no idea. Do you know?

-And superstar melt-downs.

-It's nothing less than huge.

All he talked about was hookers and drugs and money

and he's really lost.

There'll be some dumb footballers.

What lark involves shooting the work experience with an air gun?

And even dumber looters.

There is nothing gangster about basmati rice.

We've got two terrible twins.

-J to the E to the T to the Word.

-Pull out Jedward.

And one very pesky pie man.

I was the guy who threw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face.

As we continue to count down the most annoying people of 2011.

# We're making a movie, isn't it groovy, welcome to my house. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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