Stewards v Parishioners Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect, series 13.

Ooh!

You might be one of those people who thinks it's unlucky

to watch the 13th series of anything but if you stick with us,

I promise it will be absolutely spooktacular,

a fiendtastic extravaghostra.

Over the course of the episodes, you might hear the clank of chains,

an unexplained whimper, a strange rustle behind the camera.

Hi, Russell.

But let's go ahead now and meet our first batch of victims -

contestants - victims - contestants - vic...vic...vic...

On my right, James Baillie, a Cambridge history graduate

with a passion for spoken-word storytelling,

Sam Brennan, a chess coach

from Ipswich, who has size 17 feet,

and their captain, Samuel Cook,

a PhD student, who fell over twice when visiting Chernobyl

but has suffered no other ill effects so far.

Resplendent this evening, they are the Stewards.

You're all looking lovely. Are you airline stewards?

No, we're all successive stewards of the Cambridge Tolkien Society,

so successive presidents of the society.

And, despite appearances, we are not a cult.

Good luck. Thank you for coming.

You are playing, tonight, on my left,

Tracey Rawlins, a community development worker,

who once took part in the world's largest tap dance with Roy Castle,

Andy Rawlins, a programme manager and keen barbecue chef,

who was taught to cook an ostrich egg on an open fire

by a bushman in Botswana,

and their captain, Ian Fellows,

a vicar whose set of nativity scarecrows won

the 2016 Wythenshawe Community Scarecrow Award.

All members of the same church, led by Ian, the are the Parishioners.

You've put together an Only Connect team from your congregation.

-How did you pick who'd get in?

-I called round on a Monday evening.

As I went into their living room, there were these

and there was YOU on the television screen. The rest is history.

We'll see what kind of history it is. A gruesome one?

We'll find out by playing the quiz. Now, you won the toss, Stewards,

but you've decided to put the Parishioners in first,

so please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-We'll go Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

MUSICAL NOTE

Ah, the music question. What a lovely way to kick off a series.

Now, you'll know that round one involves

four apparently random clues.

Something connects them and these are clues you're going to hear.

What is the link between these pieces of music?

First one coming in now.

# I used to love her, I used to love her

# Once, a long, long time ago

# I used to love her, I used to love her

# Once, a long, long time ago... #

Next, please.

# Come on now, baby

# Oh, honey, twist and shout

# Twist and shout

# Oh, come on, come on, come on, baby, now, now... #

Next, please.

# Ain't no doubt, it's plain to see

# A woman like you's no good for me... #

BELL

We think that all of these songs or artists are related by carpentry

and the implements you might find around carpentry and do-it-yourself.

A brilliant answer. You didn't need to hear the last clue.

MC Hammer, it would have been.

But the answer is DIY or carpentry.

What did we hear?

We heard Jimmy Nail, singing Ain't No Doubt.

We heard Chaka Demus & Pliers.

-And the first one?

-Didn't know the first one.

-No idea.

-The Saw Doctors.

Do you know the real name of Pliers

from Chaka Demus and Pliers?

Oddly, no.

It's Everton Bonner and his brother

goes by the name of Spanner Banner.

Well done, you get two points. Stewards, what would you like?

Can we have the Lion question, please?

The Lion question. OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next.

-Hang on...

-INAUDIBLE

I'm not seeing it. Next.

It's Tom Cruise films. That's what it is.

Um... It's where Tom Cruise dies or...

No, does he die in all of them? Next.

Is it the starting shot?

Three seconds. BELL

Is this the starting shot

of the Tom Cruise films?

Not the answer I'm looking for, I'm afraid.

So, Parishioners you have the chance of a bonus point.

We went with the same. We'd like to go with the starting shot

and the finishing shot of Tom Cruise films.

That's not it either.

The key thing about these locations...

It IS to do with Tom Cruise. Those are Tom Cruise films.

They are places where he is seen running.

There's a bit of an internet thing going on around this.

People cut together shots of Tom Cruise running,

and he's actually put on his Twitter biog,

"Actor, producer,

"running in movies since 1981."

So, you see montages of him running

through all of these locations,

inexplicably getting older but running faster and looking younger.

Something very weird going on there.

Parishioners, no bonus point, but you do get to choose a question.

-We would like to go with the Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

INAUDIBLE

Next, please.

INAUDIBLE

-Go for it.

-BELL

We think that if you put "ELLA"

after the word before the colon,

it gives you an instance of the second word.

So, your "patella" is your kneecap,

I think. "Rubella" is a disease.

Absolutely brilliant quizzing.

Yes, you are going to get

the points for that. Very well done.

And coming up, "Nut" - Nutella, spread.

"Salmon" - salmonella, bacteria.

You put "ELLA" after all of them

to make an example of what comes afterwards.

Stewards, back to you for a question.

-Can we have the Horned Viper, please?

-You certainly can.

OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-Anything?

-I mean, it's an anagram.

Yeah, true, but... Next.

So, are they anagrams of things in the category?

I don't see anything else in "Doctor Who".

Next.

That's an anagram.

-That's also "Eleven..."

-"Plus two."

-OK, so...

-BELL

The thing in capitals is an anagram

of something else that would also fit

into the category in not caps.

That is equally brilliant quizzing from you. Very well spotted.

You didn't need to see clue four.

Tokyo is also an anagram of Kyoto. Talk me through the other clues.

What are the anagrams?

-So, "Twelve plus one" is also "Eleven plus two".

-Mm-hmm.

"Lemon" is also "melon".

Do we know the sci-fi?

I can't see it at the moment.

-Do you know over there?

-They are so young!

-It's Torchwood, isn't it?

-Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who.

-Oh, yeah, I should know that!

-That is absolutely right.

Each of these is an anagram

of something else that could come

into the category described.

Amazingly fiendish, that one.

Welcome back to the new series!

I hope we've moved back to Monday.

Good luck getting your head

round THAT on a Friday night!

Very well done, Stewards. Very good quizzing from you.

Parishioners, what would you like?

-We would like water, please.

-Water.

These are going to be picture clues. Works in the same way.

Something links them. What is it?

Here's the first.

A potato. A particular kind of potato?

A potato and a half. Spud?

Next, please.

That's the Epistle of Paul to the Romans.

So, it's a letter in the Bible.

Er...Romans.

-Potato... Anything at all?

-No.

-Tracey?

-No.

-Next, please.

-Leg...

-Oh, I wonder if they're all named after monarchs.

-Is that the Queen Anne leg and a...

-King Edward potato.

-And the King James Bible.

-Go for it.

-BELL

We wonder whether these are,

perhaps, all named after monarchs.

That's absolutely right.

As I heard you say, King Edward potatoes,

King James Bible, Queen Anne leg.

The King Charles spaniel, we're seeing coming up in the fourth clue.

They contain the names of the British monarch associated with it.

In October, 1995,

the potato became the first vegetable grown in space.

NASA has come up with the technology to grow potatoes in space.

Once you can grow potatoes, you can basically colonise it, can't you?

You can go and live on a planet. What else would you need?

You've got potatoes. What else would you need?

According to Matt Damon, not a great deal.

I don't eat potatoes, so I'm stuffed!

-Yeah, you could grow something else.

-Who doesn't eat potatoes?

Is it just potatoes or things in the potato family?

I...I...I dislike the sort of texture of most potato products.

-Chips? Crisps?

-I can do crisps.

-Roast potatoes? Jacket potatoes?

This is going to be a long night, settle in.

It would be no good for you, growing potatoes in space.

They'd have to grow something else as well.

No doubt, at some point, they will.

So, one question remains. The Twisted Flax,

and that will be for you. The first clue is coming up now.

Hooters. That's a type of bar,

isn't it, in the US?

Yeah, they famously have waitresses, in football tops.

Yeah, next.

Right, that's a thing in London.

That's the Tube that goes at night.

Er...

OK, next.

It's obviously the website. It has lots of reviews.

It has... Could be logo... Next.

Oh, are they all black and white?

Might be that.

Two seconds. BELL

Black and white?

Not all black and white.

I'm afraid I can't accept it, so, Parishioners, a bonus chance.

Our resident sportsman, I'll hand this to Andy.

They all have owls as their logo.

They all have owls as their logo.

Sheffield Wednesday, known as The Owls.

What can you tell me about the other clues? What about the second one?

-Very little.

-Has an owl as its logo.

-Do you know its name?

-No.

-Tooting.

The Night Tube that runs through London has an owl as the logo.

It's been running about two years, basically since I had a baby.

The day I started going to bed

at eight o'clock at night,

they developed an all-night public transport.

And Hooters, an American restaurant chain,

named after the owl in the logo, of course.

Named after the owl in the logo.

At the end of round one...

And on we go to the sequences round.

This time the teams will see up to three clues,

because I want to know what comes fourth.

They must work out the connection and then what is the next clue.

You're going first again, Parishioners.

-Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Eye of Horus again, please.

The Eye of Horus. OK, you are going to see the first in a sequence.

What would you expect to come fourth?

Time starts now.

INAUDIBLE

Next, please.

-Anything?

-No.

Are they kind of subsections

or paragraphs of Maastricht or something?

INAUDIBLE

Next, please.

INAUDIBLE

Membership of the EU granted then?

Yeah, shall we go with that? BELL

Membership of the EU granted.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, Stewards, you have the chance of a bonus now.

-Leaving the EU?

-Leaving the EU is the right answer.

These are articles 47, 48,

49 and 50 of the Lisbon Treaty.

Well done, and you get the next question. What would you like?

-Lion.

-Lion. OK, you'll be seeing the first in a sequence.

What comes fourth?

Time starts now.

Right, this is going to be computers, perhaps, or...

Yeah, next.

They possibly are computer things.

-So, it's cut, copy, paste.

-You sure?

-I think so.

-Shall we go for three?

-Yeah, I think it's "Paste".

-"Paste".

-OK.

-BELL

-Paste.

-Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, I'm going to throw the third in the sequence to the Parishioners.

So, we think it is whatever is represented by the letter Z

-when you press it with something.

-Undo. Undo.

Undo is the right answer.

Tell me what it is.

-Microsoft Office short cuts.

-They're short cuts, yes.

And the question writer of this one has asked,

"Does anybody have a favourite keyboard short cut?"

He's seen the show before!

Anyone over there have a favourite keyboard short cut?

Control + Alt + T, cos that opens the terminal,

which is what I need to do all my PhD work in.

Control + T opens a new tab in a web browser. That's a fabulous one.

Very well done,

for the bonus point, Parishioners. Your own question. What's it to be?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

These are going to be picture clues.

What might appear in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

-John Lennon.

-Lennon and McCartney.

-Two of the Beatles.

Er, next, please.

John Paul, John Paul.

-Yes!

-In which case, it would be...

-Jump over the last Pope to the present Pope?

-Yes.

-Francis.

-Do we want to go Francis?

-Francis Bacon.

-Ooh, I like that idea.

-Shall we try it?

-Yes.

-BELL

We would like to go with Francis Bacon, please.

Not a sentence I use often.

I will give you the points.

We chose Francis Drake

but yours is an acceptable answer.

What is going on here?

We think it's the names of successive Popes.

-John Paul, John Paul II and then... Oh, my goodness...

-Benedict.

Benedict, thank you. It's a good job we're Church of England!

-And Pope Francis, the present pontiff.

-Absolutely right.

It's a series of Popes.

What do you think of the resignation of Pope Benedict?

-Phew...

-No comment.

A very wise thing and very good man who could give space

to somebody else to come in and take the job over.

That's very Christian of you.

There are certain jobs it really feels like you can't retire from.

Hosting Only Connect, for example. God knows I've tried!

It's not that they wouldn't let me.

They said, "Katie Derham will do the job,"

and I glued myself to the chair.

-Stewards, what would you like?

-Can we have water, please?

Water, yes, you can. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

That looks like an airport code or something,

but I don't know which one it is.

Um...next.

Um, King's Cross, Marylebone...

Right, so, is it Monopoly board?

-Oh, probably.

-Is it Liverpool Street

then Fenchurch Street?

Liverpool Street...

Shall we get the next one?

Yes, it's King's Cross, Marylebone,

Liverpool Street, Fenchurch Street.

So, what's the code for Fenchurch? FST?

-Er...

-Or FC something?

-Yeah...

-Three seconds. BELL

-FCH.

-Not the answer, I'm afraid.

I'm going to show the third in the sequence

to the Parishioners for a possible bonus point.

Er, we would try PDN.

And why would that be?

As an abbreviation for Paddington,

which is the fourth railway station on a Monopoly board?

I mean, that's wrong in so many ways

that's it's quite fascinating.

Paddington, eh? There's no Paddington on a Monopoly board.

-Oh, Liverpool Street!

-Oh!

-LST.

-LST for Liverpool Street is the right answer.

-Sorry.

-Now, you were going for Fenchurch.

-Yes.

But, actually, in the order you go round the board,

Liverpool Street would be next.

And these are the National Rail three-letter codes.

I'm going to test you on some other codes.

What is the three-letter code

for Banstead?

B-A-D, BAD.

-Tattenham Corner?

-TAT?

-TAT.

-Uckfield?

-UCK?

-It's simply UCK.

Weeton in Yorkshire?

-WHY?

-WAT?

-WET.

Sandwell & Dudley is SAD.

-Henley-on-Thames?

-HOT?

I would think so. Nottingham is NOT,

-while Poole is...?

-POO?

-POO.

You may think so. I couldn't possibly comment.

Very well done for those bonus ones.

But there are no points and there are no points

for the stations in Monopoly cos we needed Liverpool Street.

OK, there is one more choice this round. Parishioners, up to you.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

OK, what will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

INAUDIBLE

Next, please.

Tomato.

INAUDIBLE

-BELL

-Tomato?

Of course it is! And what's going on here?

There's a song from our dim and distant childhood

about some people say "Ee-ther" and some say "Ai-ther".

"Nee-ther", "Nai-ther".

When you say OUR dim and distant childhood, it's from a film in 1937.

It might be YOUR childhood. George and Ira Gershwin.

Tell me about the song.

It's a song about two people.

Is it called "A Fine Romance" or something?

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off.

A Fine Romance is a different song,

-but a similar sort of vibe.

-Yeah.

And it's to do with alternative pronunciations, isn't it?

You say "Ee-ther", I say "Ai-ther".

You say "Nee-ther", I say "Nai-ther".

You say "Pot-ay-to", I say "Pot-ah-to".

-That's where it falls down.

-Yeah.

And "Tom-ay-to", "Tom-ah-to" comes next.

One remaining question, Stewards.

No choice - it's the Horned Viper.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

Next.

INAUDIBLE

Sixth sense... Seventh heaven,

sixth sense, fifth column, fourth...

-Something beginning with "Fourth".

-Yeah.

Fourth...quartile.

-Fourth quartile?

-BELL

Fourth quartile. So, quartile.

I will accept that answer. Tell me about these clues.

So, you can be in seventh heaven,

Sixth Sense is a film,

fifth column is a term

and then fourth something.

You went with quartile. We said "Wall".

The expression "fourth wall".

I've never understood what that means.

Breaking the fourth wall. What even is that?

Very well done for the points. And at the end of round two...

Time now for the Connecting Wall.

16 jumbled up clues that the teams need to sort

into four connected groups of four.

There are red herrings.

There are clues that may fall into more than one category,

but there is only one correct solution.

Your turn to go first this time, Stewards.

And you've got the choice - Lion or Water?

Can we have the Lion Wall, please?

OK, you have got two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall,

starting now.

-So, we have films starring Keanu Reeves.

-Yes.

Constantine, John Wick, Speed and...

-BUZZ

-No, something else.

-Hardball, probably.

-Yeah.

So, that's Keanu Reeves films.

So, these are the Greats.

Herod the Great, Cyrus the Great, Llewelyn the Great,

Catherine the Great, Peter the Great.

-So, it's five, so...

-Yeah.

Let's work out what the other two groups are before we try.

-Ebb, Fade, Wane and Taper.

-Are all the same.

-Decreasing.

So then we have Hart, Rice, Lerner.

And one of the others.

OK, let's solve the Greats then, cos then we can find out what it is.

BUZZ

-OK, I think it's going to be...

-BUZZ

..without Llewelyn.

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

-Yeah.

-Three lives now.

So then we think it's Taper, Ebb, Fade and Wane.

But what are these?

Peter, Hart, Rice, Lerner.

Joe Hart's the England goalkeeper, Condoleezza Rice...

Andy Lerner is a person. I don't know who that really is though.

Um...

-Peter could be Wane, Ebb, Fade.

-You've got a minute left.

-Right, that's true.

-Um, so it's definitely Lerner, Hart, Rice.

-In which case...

-I think it'll either be Peter or Wane.

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-Oh, we're on one life.

Rice, Hart...

-I think it'll be Wane.

-Wane seems more of a surname.

BUZZ

No, that's it. Those are your three lives and the wall has frozen.

But you found two groups and I will give you points

for telling me the connections.

Constantine, John Wick, Hardball, Speed.

Films starring Keanu Reeves.

They are Keanu Reeves films.

And the second green group?

They're all "the Great".

"The Great". That's right, and you can still get points

for connections in the groups you didn't find.

So, let's resolve the wall.

There we go. Starting "Taper", what is that group?

So, those are all synonyms that mean "to decrease", "decline".

That's absolutely right. Taper, peter, wane, fade.

Synonyms for each other. Types of decline.

And the last group, starting Hart.

They're all...goalkeepers.

A couple of them ARE goalkeepers

but, no, all together, they are lyricists of musicals.

-Like Lerner and Loewe, Tim Rice. Musical lyricists.

-Mm-hmm.

But you found two groups and you get three points for the connections.

That's a total of five.

Let's steward them out of the room and bring in the Parishioners now,

for a brand-new Connecting Wall, the Water Wall. Same idea.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Malcolm X, Inside Man....

Inside Man looks like a film. Standby, Deja Vu.

-Election kind of things.

-Election things, yes.

-Ballot, exit poll.

-Swing, exit poll.

-Shall we try?

-BUZZ

-It's something else there.

-Right... What's cleavage good for?

-Ha-ha.

-Might be a word.

-Cleavage, Cover, Ballot, Alter...

Oh, it's "Alter-NATE". Ah... Heart, Deja Vu, Swing...

-Note paper, ballot paper - is that anything?

-Yes.

-Er... Oh, dear.

-Maybe not.

-Alternate paper...

I wonder about the films. If Deja Vu is a film, it could be Inside Man...

-Malcolm X.

-Ricochet.

-Well done.

-That's one.

OK. Flight...

You're about halfway through the time.

-Swing. Does that have anything to do with votes?

-Swing vote.

-Alternate vote.

-Swing vote, no?

-Swing vote.

-Hustings. Exit poll?

-Try.

-BUZZ

-Try without Exit poll.

-BUZZ

-Take out Swing. Take out Swing.

-BUZZ

-No. Ballot?

BUZZ

BUZZ

-It's none of those.

-Oh, dear. Standby...

Standby ticket, flight ticket, charge ticket, alternate ticket...

Er...

-30 seconds.

-Er...

Um...

Change of heart, change of swing, change of cover... Note...

-Just try.

-Ten seconds. BUZZ

Alternate, Swing, Hustings...

BUZZ

Er...

Electric charge, electric cover...

Oh, dear. What a horrible wall.

People that have been looking forward to the return of this show

are starting to wonder, starting to miss what was on last week.

But you found one group and I will give you a point if you can tell me

what connects Ricochet, Deja Vu, Malcolm X, Inside Man.

We think they might all be films that starred Denzel Washington.

They are Denzel Washington films. Very well done.

And you can get points for the connections in the groups

you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

That's how it should have been. The green group.

-Shall we go "charge"?

-Charge.

-That's not it. They are understudies.

And the next group.

-Ooh.

-Paper.

-Paper?

-Do you think? Just a guess.

We'll say paper, but we're doubtful. Go on.

I'm afraid it's "Take".

-You take charge, take heart, take flight, take note.

-Oh!

-Yes.

And the last group.

-These are all to do with elections.

-Election terminology, yes.

What's cleavage good for?

A question I've asked myself on so many occasions.

But you found one group and you get two points for the connections.

That is a total of three and, take heart,

there's another round to come. Let's go in and play round four.

We're now going to play round four, the missing vowels round.

This is where we put well-known names,

phrases and sayings into connected groups of four,

but we take out the vowels and respace the consonants,

and I want the teams to tell me what are the disguised clues.

Fingers on the bells. I can tell you that the first group are all...

Taylor Swift.

Martin Short.

Blake Lively.

-Will Young.

-Yes, it is.

Next category, questions you might hear in a job interview.

Where do you see yourself in five years' time?

What is your biggest weakness?

I haven't got all night. Next clue.

-Why did you leave your last job?

-Very good.

-Do you have any questions?

-Excellent.

Next category. They won a Tony Award for Best Musical.

Avenue Q.

Annie.

Fiddler On The Roof.

-The King And I.

-Good group for you. Next category.

-See you later, alligator.

-That's the best one.

Have a nice day.

MUSIC SIGNALS END OF ROUND

That's it. It's the end of the quiz. Good round from you there, Ian,

and very good categories from you earlier.

But I can tell you, at the end of tonight's game, the winners,

with 26 points, are the Parishioners.

And in second place, with 15, it's the Stewards. So, very well done.

You are through to the next round.

Stewards, you might be through to the next round.

We've got new rules again this series

and the two highest-scoring losers will go through.

Yes, a new structure.

I look forward to telling you about THAT over the next 37 weeks!

So, we may be seeing you again.

If not, you've looked wonderful,

you've quizzed very well.

Thank you for playing, and please join me next time

for another episode of the quiz

that's being replicated around the world,

from France's C'est Diabolique to America's Connect That,

all the way through to Australia's Strewth, That's A Nut Scratcher.

Good night.