Lasletts v Pilots Only Connect

Our connections are still as obtuse

our wall as messed up as a sensitive teenage lover dumped in public

and our final round has as many missing vowels as the text messages they send pleading to be taken back.

I'm joined by two box-fresh teams

Jake Laslett, a teaching assistant

and a passion for ultimate frisbee.

Emma Laslett, Oxford undergraduate and keen archer, who speaks French, Italian, Russian and Japanese.

a marketing controller and keen caravanning in the Isle of Wight.

the Lasletts. Chris, I'm hoping

I'm basically here to keep these two

Are you captain because of natural Because I'm their dad. Yes.

I have no natural authority. You are playing, on my left,

Simon Morgan, an airline pilot with a passion for old toys who attends

No relation this time, Neil Morgan, an airline pilot with an interest

and collector of unreleased songs.

And their captain, Captain Paul Judge, an airline captain who enjoys

solving crosswords and singing

they are the Pilots. Do you think the international lifestyle will be helpful in the quiz?

international airports and beers of

Do you like to be called Captain?

I insist on it at all times myself.

We'll start with Round One. I simply want to know the connection between four apparently random clues.

The Lasletts won the toss, but decided to put the Pilots in first, so choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

Water, please. The first question

It could be. Dogs' licences?

I think we'll have the next, please.

Capital offences? Could be.

Acts that were passed in parliament.

You could have come in after

1998, finally, a Human Rights Act.

Lasletts, choose a hieroglyph.

Eye of Horus. An excellent choice. What is the connection between

Can we have the next one, please?

Coming in after three clues,

In the mentioned countries, they are all known as English.

White muffin is an English muffin. I don't know the other two.

In Italy, they call a trifle Zuppa

No. What's wrong with Dutch?

I tried to teach myself Dutch. I'm not as good at dramatic languages.

That's an amazing answer. I thought

Epsom salts, known as Engels Zout.

I apologise for my Dutch accent

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

That could be anything. Hyacinth?

Former name of Chennai is Madras.

Curries. That is correct for two points. Can you be more specific?

Former name of Chennai was Madras.

This is a food of the world

That last clue. Clay oven, tandoor.

Foods of the world, your specialist subject. Well done for two points.

Can I have the lion, please?

Everyone's so relieved because Not yet. Another normal question.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Can we have the next one, please?

Types of song? Or ice creams.

Next one? Next one, please.

You don't know the first one? I should do. Is it a Calypso?

But what sort? Is it a flower?

Your choice, mate. OK, I'll go for

You won the 50/50! It's not music.

Yeah. Happy? Character names.

Number two is Pamela Anderson

That's about as far as I can go

CJ Parker. And Amanda Donohoe playing CJ Lamb in LA Law. OK.

any longer, Lasletts. The horned

It's the music question. Enjoy yourselves. Here's the first clue.

I don't know who that is. No.

It is whistling. Should have had it. You think you should have come in

What did you hear? Fratellis,

You recognised Whistle While You

Marni Nixon and Rex Thompson.

Did you recognise it, Pilots? No.

Barbara Cook, Anyone Can Whistle.

On to Round Two, sequences. I want to know what comes fourth

The teams may see up to three clues.

Pilots, you're going first again. Water again? Yeah, water, please.

OK, these are picture clues. What would you expect to see in the final picture? Here's the first.

OK, that's the pampas area.

Patagonia? Patagonia, yeah.

That's the Gobi Desert, isn't it?

We're going to go with Sahara Desert. You get three points!

The largest non-polar deserts.

Swearing. "I told you to turn left!

If you get on a route you know very well, you wouldn't need one,

but you get the three points.

Lasletts, it's your turn to choose. I think I'll go for lion, please.

OK. What is the fourth in this sequence? Here is the first.

Can we have the next one, please?

Hong Kong. It's Chris Patten.

What positions has he held?

Home Secretary. Goodness me!

although I like your chutzpah

Pilots, do you want to have a go?

Commission? BBC Commissioner.

It's jobs that Chris Patten has held,

Chris Patten - MP, Governor of Hong Kong, EC Commissioner,

And what a very wise, likeable

What is the fourth in this sequence?

Dock. Stevedore. Go for more. Can we have the next, please?

Ringman. Foreman, Longman, Ringman.

The answer is not ringmaster,

The only thing I can think of is midshipman. That's not it either.

Why would it be midshipman? Are they positions on a ship?

They are not. What these are are old names for the fingers.

Finer nicknames. Foreman, Longman, Ringman and lastly Littleman.

the medical finger, which sounds

Gilroy? Ah, they are... Yes.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Either her names after she got

I can't allow this long chat to go on. They are landlords or licensees of the Rovers Return

Next would be Vera Duckworth.

No points for anyone there. No fingers, no Coronation Street.

These are gaps in knowledge. Pilots? It's got to be eye of Horus, please.

OK, what is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

of mellow fruitfulness? Could be.

I think it's mellow fruitfulness.

And why would that be? Cos I think that's next in the sequence!

But...but...the Ode to Autumn you're thinking of, that's a sonnet.

Not the answer, I'm afraid, Pilots.

There's a bonus chance, Lasletts. Is it Winter of Discontent?

This is from a sentence that begins... Groan when you know it.

"Season of Light, Season of the Winter of Despair." From?

Faltering a bit in Round Two.

Oh, I know! We actually did this.

Is that Richard Burton again?

The answer IS six, Richard Burton.

And the missing clue is five,

who married Elizabeth Taylor.

Do you have a favourite Taylor husband? There's not many I know.

so Richard Burton is a thing there.

They have a Burton Taylor Theatre.

I put on a series of terrible plays at the Burton Taylor Theatre.

16 jumbled clues that need sorting into four connected groups of four.

We're 15 minutes into a new series.

the connecting walls with the teams?

Or buy stuff that's disappointing

Lion or water. The Pilots have had the water, so we should this time.

OK, you have 2½ minutes to solve

Yeah. Three strike and you're out

Ironside, Cannon and Rockford are detectives. What are the other four?

They are snooker shots! Are they?

Well, that was just too easy, wasn't it? I hope you brought

Let's look for those bonus points.

Glace, eclair, vent, neige.

Weather conditions in French. Yes, your linguistic skills

Do you know what these ones mean? Ice in general or can be hail.

breast, pocket, lapel, cuff.

Parts of a jacket or shirts.

Shaft, Rockford, Ironside, Cannon.

These are all TV detectives.

All American TV detectives?

Baulk, bridge, plant, kiss.

That's my area. Snooker shots.

A kiss is not quite a shot.

above the D, the bridge you use to shoot over another ball,

Are you good at snooker? No.

You're terrible. I do pool. Four points for finding the groups,

four bonus points for the connection and two points extra for getting them all right. A maximum 10 points.

Time to bring in the Pilots to have a go at the connecting wall.

into four connected groups of four.

Thank you for jetting back.

Something easy. Falling off a log. Riding a bike. Falling off a log.

ABC, Talk Talk, Visage, Soft Cell.

Three strikes and you're out now.

And there'll be another one.

Old paint... Yes, peel. Keep your

And what the hell's Lebara? Do you want to do giffgaff, then?

Oh, we've got time. giffgaff's

Let's make sure of the other groups. Soft Cell, Talk Talk, Visage, ABC. '8s bands? New Romantic bands?

as winking, as pie, as falling off

Lebara, old paint, sticker, eyes.

Keep them peeled, stickers get

No, no, what does that leave?

So Lebara and giffgaff. Try that.

Bonus points for the connections.

Soft Cell, Talk Talk, Visage, ABC.

New Romantic type of bands?

New Romantic/New Wave bands. When you're flying, do you have music on?

Can you not get a bit of Radio Two?

No. Not really. You probably could, but technically we shouldn't.

Easy as. That's exactly it.

Easy as winking, easy as pie, or, as we say, easy as Pi to 150 digits,

Lebara, EE, Three, giffgaff.

We think they're all mobile telephone companies. Networks.

Old paint, orange, sticker, eyes.

Things that need peeled. Keep your

You fell into our little trap

four for the connections, two for getting them all right, so ten.

Dame Ellen MacArthur. Correct.

Next - one-word compositions

That last one was Rodeo and Copland,

but the bell signals the end.

After the shocking revelation that they don't know any American states,

the Pilots finish with 21 points!

But the winners are the Lasletts

You are still in the series. You just have a slower route.

You can still make the final.

Lasletts, you are on the fast track. We'll see you again as well.

Everyone gets a second chance. The bad news is we'll be using

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