Episode 1 Pointless Celebrities


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Episode 1

Celebrities test the depths of their general knowledge in this special edition of the quiz, with Julia Bradbury and John Craven among the guests. Alexander Armstrong presents.


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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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Thank you. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

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and a warm welcome to a special celebrity edition of Pointless,

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the quiz show that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

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Every single question on Pointless has been asked to 100 people before the show.

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To be in with a chance of winning our final round jackpot,

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our celebrities need to have the answers that the fewest of our 100 people could remember.

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Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

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First up, please welcome Helen and Barney.

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Hello.

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Hi. Thank you.

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Very warm welcome to the pair of you.

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Blue Peter presenters, of course, must have the most fantastic pointless knowledge.

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Yeah, pretty much.

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I mean, think of all the obscure things you must've covered.

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In the first few shows I did, I was a ballet dancer,

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I did an assault course and I took part in a street luge competition,

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so if we've got any of those subjects tonight, we're winning. If not, I'm struggling.

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What's the most obscure thing you've done, Helen?

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-Probably downhill skateboarding or the highwire walk.

-What?

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-You did what?! You did a highwire walk?

-That was pretty obscure, yeah.

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Hang on, that sounds worse than obscure. Where was it? How high?

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Between the two towers at Battersea Power Station, so 150 metres across.

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If I had 20 hats I would take them all off to you. That's amazing.

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It's lovely having you on the show. Best of luck to the pair of you.

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Next, we welcome Tina and Paul.

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Most people know you from Holby City, of course, but you've each played a HUGE range of characters.

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Are you going to bring all the wisdom of the different parts you've played to bear on Pointless?

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-A barmaid, policewoman and a nurse.

-There you go.

-We'll have a go.

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You got it all sorted out there. You got forensics, detective work.

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Paul, what would you like to see come up this afternoon?

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Anything except physics, mathematics, geology, geography and most subjects.

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I like music, so there might be a play-off there.

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You're a guitarist, Paul.

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-I play guitar and Sellotape.

-No!

-I do.

-How do you do that?

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-You un-stick it?

-You undo it in the front of your mouth and go like that

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-and you can make tunes.

-Quick, someone get some Sellotape, quick!

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Other tapes are available. Come on, Blue Peter. You must have some sticky-back plastic somewhere!

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You might rustle some up.

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-Music would be very good. But you come from a medical family, don't you?

-My dad was a GP, yes.

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So you've kind of kept the tradition going.

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He wanted one of us in the family to be a doctor. So one of us sort of is.

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Well, best of luck to you. It's great to have you here.

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And next we welcome Julia and John!

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You'll be known to viewers now as the presenters of Countryfile,

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so we have to get this out of the way -

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presumably agriculture will be high in your list of categories.

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Of course. Agriculture, badgers, red squirrels, you name it. Foraging.

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We know a lot. We know people who know a lot.

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We know a lot of people who know a lot.

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I remember once I was doing a thing about how you test a cow

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for being pregnant and you have to lift the tail and push a hand in.

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And a lady vet was showing me how to do it. She put her hand in

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and the cow immediately evacuated over both of us!

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-Ho-ho!

-Lovely.

-An experience, I'm telling you.

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I'd rather tightrope walk over Battersea Power Station.

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Luckily that's not how they discovered that I was pregnant.

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You are indeed pregnant. When are you due?

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-We've got a couple of months to go.

-Couple of months. Well, very best of luck.

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-I'll come to you for tips.

-Absolutely.

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It's all the country air, you know.

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Yes. Best of luck to you. It's lovely having you here.

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And finally, we have got Erin and Anton!

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Lovely to have you here.

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Erin and Anton, we know you from Strictly Come Dancing.

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but your relationship goes way, way back.

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-Way, way back.

-I think it's about 15 years.

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What do you mean you think it's about 15 years?

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-It's almost 15 years.

-15 memorable years.

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We're like an old married couple, but without the hanky panky.

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LAUGHTER

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Erin, what would you like to come up?

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I don't really mind what comes up, because I probably won't know any answers.

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-She's from New Zealand.

-You're very well-travelled though, aren't you? You're good on geography.

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A bit of geography would be good. That's probably about it.

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-Anton?

-Yes?

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-What would you like to see come up this afternoon?

-Anything.

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I'm fabulous.

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LAUGHTER

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-It's lovely having you both on the show, thank you very much.

-Thank you, it's lovely to be here.

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We look forward to discovering your hidden knowledge throughout the show.

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Only one person left to introduce, the man behind the pointless facts and figures,

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-my pointless friend, here's Richard.

-Hiya.

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-Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

-This should be fun, shouldn't it?

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-Oh, yeah.

-Should be an absolute cracker, I think.

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When I grew up and everything, John Craven knows everything.

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Everything in the whole world,

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-so I'll be very disappointed if he's not getting pointless answers.

-Oh, dear!

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Round one is for people who are extremely well-travelled, I would say.

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For the well-travelled contestant, round one.

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OK. Thank you very much, Richard. We put all our questions to 100 people before the show.

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This is Pointless, so we're after obscure answers they didn't get.

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To stay in the game with a chance to win our jackpot,

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all our celebrities need to do is score as few points as they can.

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What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer, an answer that none of our 100 people could give.

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Each time that happens, if it happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

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Now as today's show is a celebrity Special,

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each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

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We start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

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APPLAUSE

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Right, let's play Pointless.

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In the first round, each of you must give me one answer

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and you cannot confer with your partner.

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Whichever team has the highest score at the end of the round, will be eliminated.

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OK, our first category this afternoon is...

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-Space.

-What?

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-Space.

-What's that got to do with travel?

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Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go fast, who's going to go second?

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-Do you want to go first?

-Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

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We gave 100 people 100 seconds

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to name as many naturally occurring objects and phenomena in space.

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Naturally occurring objects and phenomena in space, Anton.

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-Richard.

-All the correct answers on the board, you're about to see

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will be naturally occurring systems, objects or phenomena in space.

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Helen and Barney, you drew lots before the show,

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and this afternoon, you get to go fast.

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We're going to give you a choice of seven answers on the board for each pass.

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Your first set of answers looks like this...

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I shall read those one more time...

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I can tell you at least one of those answers is pointless.

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And at least one of those answers is incorrect.

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Pick an incorrect one and you will score 100 points.

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Helen, it falls to you to go first, you're our very first celebrity.

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And it's space.

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-I'm going to play safe, for once. I'm going to go asteroid.

-Asteroid.

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-What's wrong with that, Barney?

-What?

-Is that going to be popular?

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I'm going to play safe because I know it's going to be up there,

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-but it's not going to be wrong... We're not meant to confer, what are we doing?!

-Sorry.

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You're saying asteroid. Let's see if asteroid is right and if it is,

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let's see how many people said asteroid, good luck.

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It IS right.

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It's not bad, look at that. 38, Helen, that's not bad at all.

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Not bad at all. It scores you 38. Well done, Richard?

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Asteroids are small rocky body that orbit the sun.

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At some point, one them will destroy this planet as we know it.

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But it's not going to be for a while, so enjoy the show.

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-Paul?

-Yes?

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We want the most obscure, correct answer on that board.

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The most obscure naturally occurring object, system or phenomenon.

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My correct answer is, can I go home now?

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I'm going to go safe, if it's right, it's safe.

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-It it's wrong, it's very dangerous. I'm going to go for quasar.

-Quasar.

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-Tina thinks that a great answer.

-Yes.

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Let's see if it's right and if it is, how many people said it?

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He's right. Well done, Paul.

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Very, very well done indeed, Paul!

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APPLAUSE

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That's how you do it.

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-Two points for quasar, very, very well done.

-Richard?

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Very bright objects, quasars.

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-It's also a cool game with laser guns.

-Yes.

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Julia, we are looking for naturally occurring objects, systems and phenomena in space

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and you're going to see if you can find the pointless one on that board. Why don't you?

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It just gets harder and harder, doesn't it?

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White Dwarf, that's a play on Red Dwarf,

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Is that one of your little red herrings?

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Bolide sounds a bit like bollard.

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That doesn't mean it's necessarily wrong!

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You've all been sitting there going, what, sounds like something but isn't something?

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Corellia, I like the sound of a Corellia.

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-Corellia.

-Corellia.

-Corellia.

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Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said Corellia.

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AUDIENCE GROANS

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Oh! Bad luck, Julia.

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Corellia's an incorrect answer, which means you score a maximum of 100 points.

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-Way to go, excellent.

-I'm sorry, Richard.

-I need to sit down, that's perfect.

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-Richard.

-Corellia, I'm afraid is where Han Solo is from in Star Wars.

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You see, that's why I knew it!

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I'm sorry.

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-Erin.

-Yes?

-You are the last person to have this board.

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I can tell you one thing, there is still a pointless answer on that board.

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There is, but there might be some wrong ones.

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-There might be another wrong one...

-There's a very obvious one, which I won't choose.

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-Um, Nebula.

-Oh, good one.

-Nebula.

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-Because I think I've heard of it.

-You have?

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Nebula, says Erin.

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Let's see if it's right and if it is right, how many people said Nebula?

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It's right.

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-Go on, Erin.

-Come on! Come on!

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-Go on, Erin!

-Come on!

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Very, very well done, Erin.

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Seven points for Nebula. Richard.

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Yes, very well played, Erin. Good start.

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It's huge clouds of gas and particles in interstellar space, Nebula.

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Let's take a look at the rest of the board.

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Star is an obvious answer, would've scored you 70 points, so well avoided.

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A White Dwarf is a star that has lost all its nuclear fuel.

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It's essentially what will happen to us one day and we'll all die.

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But not for a while, four points.

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And the Bolide, it does sound a bit like bollard,

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I will give you that, but it's actually an exploding meteor,

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Which makes it the coolest kind of meteor.

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That's a pointless answer. Very well done if you said that at home.

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We're halfway through the round, so let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

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Paul and Tina! You're looking fantastic. Just two points.

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Then we go up to seven where we find Erin and Anton.

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And then we come up to 38 where Helen and Barney currently reside

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and then up to 100 where Julia and John are sitting.

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John, it's all in your hands.

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We need a nice, obscure, naturally occurring object, system or phenomenon in space

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in the next pass, otherwise we'll have to say goodbye.

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Back down the line. Can the second players please take their place at the podium.

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Seven more answers on the board. And here they come. We have got...

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I'll read those all one more time...

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Again, I can tell you at least one of those answers is incorrect

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and at least one of those answers is pointless.

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Pick that one, you'll score nothing and add money to the jackpot,

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pick an incorrect one and you'll score 100 points.

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-Anton, you're on seven.

-Thank you.

-Thanks to Erin's brilliant answer.

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The high scorers are John and Julia on 100.

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If you can score 92 or less, you are through to the next round.

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I'm going to say, um, well, let's just say...Comet.

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Comet.

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There's your red line. If you can get below that red line,

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you are through to the next round, definitely.

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Now, Comet. Says Anton.

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Let's see if it's right and if it is, let's see how many people said Comet.

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Yes it's right and you are through to the next round. There you are.

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APPLAUSE

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39 takes your total up to 46, you are through with room to spare.

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-Comet, why's it so low?

-Because people have got to name as many as they can

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and not everyone's going to name all of those different things.

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Small icy objects that, also they orbit the sun.

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Splendid, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

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-So then, John.

-Ah!

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-Yes, you see, this is the moment.

-The moment of truth.

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This is the moment where we need your expertise.

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There's a pointless answer, at least one pointless answer on that board.

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-You are the highest scorers.

-Lots of very obvious ones.

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Zanatta isn't that obvious, is it? What about Protostar?

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-I'll go for Protostar.

-You're going to go for Protostar.

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I haven't heard of it, but it's, you know...

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-Mmm.

-Not obvious, is it?

-Or we could get 200!

-We could! THEY LAUGH

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-You could join our prestigious 200 club.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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Let's see if Protostar is right,

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and if it is, let's see how many people said it?

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-It is right!

-Yes!

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-It's right, John! Very well done.

-Come on! Right down!

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This has to go one way.

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And it does! Well done!

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-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Trust the Craven.

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That's a pointless answer, it adds £250 to our jackpot,

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which takes us up to £2,750. It scores you nothing and leaves your total at 100 points.

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Is it enough to see you through? Let's hope it is. Richard.

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I knew it. I knew it. I knew John Craven wouldn't let me down.

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-So did I.

-Excellent, excellent.

-Pure guess.

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Yes, the huge gas balls haven't yet become a fully-fledged star,

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essentially, a Protostar, as the name suggests.

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Like some of the people on Britain's Got Talent, you mean?

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-Huge gas balls that haven't yet become stars.

-Indeed.

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-No, because protostars always go on to become stars.

-Ah!

-Brilliant.

-Thank you.

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Now, Tina. Tina, you are on two,

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thanks to Paul's excellent answer in the first pass.

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That means the highest scorers being John and Julia on 100.

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If you can score 97 or less with this, 97 or less,

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you are through to the next round.

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So I could go fairly obvious, couldn't I, really?

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-So I could go Galaxy, please.

-You are going to go for Galaxy! Galaxy?

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Is it right? If it is, how many people said galaxy?

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-It's wrong.

-You've done it! You're through!

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-27. Wow.

-APPLAUSE

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-27 for Galaxy takes your total up to 29.

-So, it's a good answer. Galaxy, obviously,

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the systems of stars that make up our universe.

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Very good indeed.

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Now, Barney, we come to you, the high scorers remain John and Julia on 100.

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You're on 38, which means if you can score 61 or less, you're through to the next round.

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61 or less.

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Come on, Barney.

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It is not Planet, it's not Zanatta, it's between Pulsar and Supernova. I think Supernova

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is probably less well known than Comet and Galaxy.

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-Supernova.

-You're going for Supernova, is that what you're saying?

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-I'm going to go Supernova!

-You're going to go Supernova!

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-I am physically going to go Supernova!

-You go Supernova, Barney!

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There's your red line, look,

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that's what it looks like, that's what 61 points look like on our column.

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Is it OK if I don't look? If I just go by the audience reaction?

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Yes, you can go by the audience reaction.

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Supernova. There it is. Let's see if it's right. Supernova.

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And if it is, let's see how many people said Supernova. Good luck.

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It's right.

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-You've done it, you through!

-Yes!

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Oh, it's a brilliant answer, Barney.

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Scores you six, takes the total up to 44.

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APPLAUSE

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-Fantastic.

-Yes, a class of violently exploding stars, Supernova.

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Let's take a look at the rest of the board.

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Planet, if you had said Planet, you'd be on 100 points,

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because it's 62. We'd have had a tie.

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Pulsar or Zanatta, which of those is incorrect, do you think?

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It's funny enough, I do think that Zanatta is incorrect.

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Yeah, Pulsar stands for pulsating radio star,

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that would have scored you three points, so a good answer.

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And Zanatta, Giancarlo Zanatta is a man who invented moon boots.

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So that was an incorrect answer.

0:19:010:19:03

Thanks very much indeed, Richard, so at the end of round one,

0:19:030:19:06

-the losing pair with the highest score, it's Julia and John.

-Aw!

0:19:060:19:09

-Oh, dear, and a heroic turn, I have to say.

-It was fun while it lasted.

0:19:090:19:15

-And Julia.

-I can go and sit down now.

-You can go and sit down.

0:19:150:19:18

-Excellent!

-It's been just brilliant having you on the show,

0:19:180:19:20

I'm so sorry we have to say goodbye, but splendid contestants.

0:19:200:19:24

-John and Julia. Wonderful.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:240:19:29

But for the remaining three celebrity pairs, time for round two.

0:19:290:19:33

Obviously, there's only room for two celebrity pairs in our head to head,

0:19:390:19:43

so one team in front of me now will leave us at the end of this round. Try and make sure it's not you.

0:19:430:19:47

Our category for around two is...

0:19:470:19:49

Comedy characters.

0:19:500:19:53

Can you all decide in your pairs who goes first and second.

0:19:530:19:55

And whoever is first, please step up to the podium.

0:19:570:20:01

So, our question concerns comedians and their characters. Richard.

0:20:030:20:11

We're going to show you six comedy characters on each pass.

0:20:110:20:14

We asked 100 people to name the comedian who played each of them.

0:20:140:20:17

If you give us a nice obscure answer, you'll score fewer points,

0:20:170:20:20

but if you give us an incorrect answer, you'll score 100 points.

0:20:200:20:23

There's going to be 12 characters, and all 12 comedians to guess at home. Very best of luck.

0:20:230:20:27

OK, so we're looking for the comedians who played these characters.

0:20:270:20:32

Here we go. Our first list reads like this.

0:20:320:20:34

I shall read those one more time.

0:20:420:20:44

There we are. Now, Helen, as always on Pointless, you're trying

0:20:500:20:56

to find the answer that the fewest of our 100 people knew.

0:20:560:20:59

David Brent, that is Ricky Gervais.

0:20:590:21:03

You're going to say David Brent, Ricky Gervais.

0:21:030:21:06

-Is that really stupid?

-Barney?

0:21:060:21:08

-I said something stupid, haven't I?

-Are we having an asteroid moment again?!

-Asteroid was fine!

-It was!

0:21:080:21:13

It was fine. Let's hope David Brent and Ricky Gervais is also fine.

0:21:130:21:17

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, let's see how many people knew that answer.

0:21:170:21:21

It is right.

0:21:230:21:25

Down it goes, 39, not bad at all.

0:21:270:21:29

Not bad at all. 39 for David Brent, Ricky Gervais.

0:21:290:21:34

-Yeah, well played, Helen, only one point more than asteroid.

-Oh!

0:21:340:21:38

So, not a bad start at all.

0:21:380:21:40

-Barney, just have a bit more faith in Helen.

-Yeah, Barney!

-No, I do! I do.

0:21:400:21:44

-No, you don't.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:440:21:45

David Brent, manager of Wernham-Hogg paper merchants,

0:21:450:21:48

they made The Office in America but also Chile, Canada, all sorts of places.

0:21:480:21:52

Thank you very much. Now, Paul.

0:21:520:21:55

Paul, I think you're going to be dazzling on this.

0:21:550:21:58

-You are going to be amazing.

-Well, you'd think so,

0:21:580:22:01

but I'm sort of rabbit in headlights here, because I know the characters

0:22:010:22:07

and I can see them, but I can't see the names on their dressing rooms.

0:22:070:22:12

Apart from Knowing Me, Knowing You, Ah-ha, Steve Coogan.

0:22:120:22:16

Steve Coogan, Alan Partridge. Let's see if that's right

0:22:160:22:18

-and if so, how many people knew that answer.

-Oh, no.

0:22:180:22:22

Erin, listen, stop it. Shush, it's going to be fine!

0:22:220:22:26

-I don't know who any of them are.

-Well, that's OK.

-BOTH: No, it's not!

0:22:260:22:29

LAUGHTER

0:22:290:22:30

You'll be fine, fine, you'll be fine, Paul, Steve Coogan,

0:22:300:22:34

Alan Partridge, let's see if it's right, and if it is, let's see how many people knew that answer.

0:22:340:22:39

It is right.

0:22:390:22:41

APPLAUSE That's amazing.

0:22:450:22:48

Absolutely, Alan Partridge, Steve Coogan, good answer, Paul,

0:22:480:22:51

and it beats Ricky Gervais.

0:22:510:22:53

Ricky Gervais will not like that one bit!

0:22:530:22:57

-No.

-Now then, Erin.

0:22:570:23:03

-Brilliant!

-Yes.

-Erin, Erin!

-I was going to go for those two. Now, I don't know what to do!

-That is OK.

0:23:030:23:09

-Fill in the board.

-I had those answers. Really.

0:23:090:23:12

-Just name a comedian.

-Name a comedian?!

0:23:120:23:15

-I don't know any comedians!

-There's one right in front of you!

0:23:150:23:20

He's quite funny. Say Alexander.

0:23:200:23:22

-Just to make him feel at least, better.

-Alexander!

0:23:220:23:25

LAUGHTER

0:23:250:23:28

-What's his surname?

-Armstrong.

-Armstrong! Played Randy Mandy!

0:23:280:23:33

OK, very good. We got there in the end.

0:23:360:23:40

OK, let's see if Alexander Armstrong really did play Randy Mandy?

0:23:400:23:45

If it's right, let's see how many people knew that answer. Good luck!

0:23:450:23:48

OK, let's see.

0:23:500:23:52

-No, I'm afraid. I'm sorry. That is an incorrect answer.

-Oh!

0:23:550:23:58

-I was convinced that was right!

-So was I!

0:23:580:24:01

That means you've scored a maximum of 100 points.

0:24:010:24:04

Let's take a look. Let's start with Randy Mandy.

0:24:040:24:06

Randy Mandy is actually the hardest one you could have chosen,

0:24:060:24:08

so pointless answer.

0:24:080:24:09

-I knew it!

-Do you know Randy Mandy?

-It's Dick Emery.

-It's Dick Emery.

0:24:090:24:14

-"Oh, you are awful! But I like you."

-Yes, exactly right.

0:24:140:24:17

-Pointless, very well done it you got that at home. Lauren Cooper, do know that?

-That's Catherine Tate.

0:24:170:24:22

Yes, that's the "Am I bovvered?" Lauren. 32 points. Mrs Overall?

0:24:220:24:29

-Is Julie Walters.

-Julie Walters. Exactly right.

0:24:290:24:32

-Would have scored 12. And Fred Scuttle.

-Don't know.

-Benny Hill.

0:24:320:24:35

Would have scored five points. Well done if you got all of those.

0:24:350:24:38

OK, halfway through the round,

0:24:380:24:40

let's take a look at the scores as they stand. Helen and Barney, the best score of the pass, 39.

0:24:400:24:44

Up to 41, where Paul and Tina are.

0:24:440:24:48

And right up to 100, where we find Erin and Anton.

0:24:480:24:50

So, Anton, you're going to have to work very hard.

0:24:500:24:54

We can come back down, can the second players please take their places on the podium?

0:24:540:24:58

OK, we have six more comedy characters on the board,

0:25:010:25:04

and here they are.

0:25:040:25:05

I'll read those all one more time.

0:25:120:25:15

Now, remember, you are looking for the comedians who played

0:25:210:25:24

these characters, and obviously, trying to find the one that the fewest of our 100 people knew.

0:25:240:25:28

-Anton.

-No pressure.

-Thanks, Erin.

0:25:280:25:31

It is been a while since he's been on, but Sid Snot.

0:25:320:25:40

-Go on.

-I think it was Kenny Everett, wasn't it?

0:25:400:25:42

Kenny Everett, Sid Snot, says Anton, let's see if it was,

0:25:420:25:45

and if so let's see how many people said Kenny Everett?

0:25:450:25:47

Very, very well done. That's a great answer.

0:25:570:26:00

A lovely low score of 14, takes your total to 114,

0:26:000:26:03

I wonder if it's enough to save you for the end of this round. Richard.

0:26:030:26:07

Well played. Very good effort. Absolutely, Kenny Everett.

0:26:070:26:11

Thank you very much. Now, Tina.

0:26:110:26:13

You are on 41, the highest scorers, 114,

0:26:130:26:17

Anton and Erin. If you can score 72 or less...

0:26:170:26:20

-See, I knew that!

-Did you?

-Yes, I knew that.

0:26:200:26:24

Vicky Pollard is too obvious. I've never heard of Bluebottle.

0:26:240:26:28

I'm going to go for Loadsamoney, which I think is Harry Enfield.

0:26:280:26:32

Loadsamoney, Harry Enfield, you're saying, here's your red line.

0:26:320:26:35

If you get below that red line, you're definitely through to the head to head.

0:26:350:26:39

Loadsamoney, Harry Enfield, is it right, how many people said it?

0:26:390:26:43

-Is it?

-It's right.

0:26:440:26:46

You've done it! Very well done.

0:26:460:26:49

Very well done, takes your total up to 71. Richard.

0:26:520:26:57

Well played, Tina, safely through. Had a Top Ten hit as well.

0:26:570:27:00

They killed him off in a Comic Relief sketch.

0:27:000:27:03

Now, Barney. Listen, the highest scorers are Anton and Erin on 114.

0:27:030:27:06

If you can score 74 or less, 74 or less,

0:27:060:27:10

no one has scored that high, unless it was wrong so far.

0:27:100:27:13

Do you know when you convince yourself that you know the answer

0:27:130:27:16

and you convince yourself that you don't know the answer?

0:27:160:27:18

Trust your original instinct, I would say.

0:27:180:27:21

-Unless it's wrong, in which case, don't trust it.

-Good tip there, Richard.

0:27:210:27:25

-I trust you.

-Oh, don't!

0:27:250:27:28

-I know it's not a two-way street, but I trust you!

-I trust you.

0:27:280:27:33

We all trust him, don't we?

0:27:330:27:36

I tell you what, Barney, I trust you as well. A lot of trust in the room, Barney.

0:27:360:27:41

I just hope that...

0:27:410:27:44

-She's the only one I know.

-OK. So, you're going to say?

-Matt Lucas.

0:27:440:27:51

Matt Lucas for?

0:27:510:27:52

-Vicky Pollard.

-Vicky Pollard. OK. Matt Lucas for Vicky Pollard.

0:27:520:27:56

This is going to be interesting. Here's your red line.

0:27:560:27:59

I can't watch again!

0:27:590:28:01

If you can get below that red line, you are through to the next round.

0:28:010:28:05

OK, let's see if Vicky Pollard, Matt Lucas, is right.

0:28:050:28:09

And if it is, let's see how many people said it. Good luck.

0:28:090:28:12

-It was right.

-You have done it! Yes!

-Very well done indeed.

0:28:150:28:19

60 takes the total up to 99. You're through to the head to head.

0:28:190:28:24

Very well done indeed.

0:28:240:28:26

Yes, it is the biggest score on either board by a mile,

0:28:260:28:29

but Helen did such a good job on the first round, it was safe for you to do so.

0:28:290:28:33

Let's go through the rest. Theophilus P Wildebeeste is Lenny Henry.

0:28:330:28:37

Lenny Henry would have scored you five points.

0:28:370:28:39

Bluebottle is from the Goons, it's Peter Sellers.

0:28:390:28:43

-EL Wisty is the best answer on the board.

-It's Peter Cook.

-Peter Cook, exactly right, one point,

0:28:430:28:48

so very well done if you'd said that.

0:28:480:28:50

Thank you very much, Richard, at the end of round two,

0:28:500:28:52

the losing celebrity pair with the highest score, Erin and Anton.

0:28:520:28:56

-I'm sorry!

-Really?!

0:28:560:28:58

Did you know any of those? After Richard had told us the answers?

0:28:580:29:01

-I knew all of the second board.

-Really?

-No.

-Really?

0:29:010:29:05

It's been brilliant having you on the show.

0:29:050:29:09

Anton and Erin, thank you so much. Excellent sports.

0:29:090:29:12

For the remaining two celebrity pairs, things are about to get even more exciting

0:29:120:29:16

as we enter the head to head.

0:29:160:29:18

Very well done, Tina and Paul.

0:29:250:29:27

Barney and Helen, you've made it through to the head to head.

0:29:270:29:29

Now, quite obviously, only one pair can make it to today's final

0:29:290:29:32

and play for the jackpot, which currently stands at £2,750.

0:29:320:29:36

Now, here's how the head to head works.

0:29:410:29:43

For each question, each pair needs to give me just one answer,

0:29:430:29:46

but you're allowed to confer. You have to come up with an answer

0:29:460:29:49

that scores less than the other pair and you will win that question.

0:29:490:29:53

The first to win two questions will play for today's jackpot. Let's play Pointless.

0:29:530:29:57

OK, here's your first question.

0:30:020:30:04

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many Foreign Secretaries since 1980 as they could.

0:30:040:30:12

Foreign Secretaries since 1980. Richard.

0:30:120:30:15

We're looking for any British Foreign Secretary from 1980 up to the beginning of May 2011, please.

0:30:150:30:21

OK, thank you very much indeed.

0:30:210:30:23

Now, Tina and Paul, you played best throughout the show so far, so you go first.

0:30:230:30:27

-Thank you.

-How long have we got?

0:30:270:30:29

-You've got two hours max.

-Right.

0:30:290:30:32

Erm...

0:30:320:30:33

-(What shall we do?)

-(I can't think of one.)

0:30:330:30:35

We've gone...we've gone completely blank.

0:30:350:30:39

This is a horrible question.

0:30:390:30:41

I thought Francis Pym

0:30:410:30:43

but I think he was in the 19th century or something.

0:30:430:30:46

LAUGHTER

0:30:460:30:48

We're going to get ridiculed in every pub quiz

0:30:480:30:50

that we walk into and say Ed Miliband.

0:30:500:30:53

You're going to say Ed Miliband? OK, Tina and Paul say Ed Miliband.

0:30:530:30:57

Now, Barney and Helen.

0:30:570:30:59

-I think that's the obvious one, isn't it, really?

-Jack Straw.

0:30:590:31:02

You're going to say Jack Straw, OK. We have Ed Miliband and Jack Straw.

0:31:020:31:05

Tina and Paul say Ed Miliband. Let's see if that's right,

0:31:050:31:08

and how many people said Ed Miliband.

0:31:080:31:10

Bad luck.

0:31:130:31:15

Barney and Helen, you are saying Jack Straw.

0:31:160:31:19

All it has to be is correct.

0:31:190:31:21

If it's correct, it wins you the point. Jack Straw, is it right?

0:31:220:31:26

Yep, it is.

0:31:280:31:29

Very well done.

0:31:290:31:31

How right is it?

0:31:310:31:33

It's 20 right.

0:31:340:31:35

It's 20 right.

0:31:350:31:37

Very well done, Barney and Helen. after the first question, you are ahead, 1-0. Richard.

0:31:370:31:43

Yeah, very well played. No Ed Miliband but David Miliband.

0:31:430:31:46

If you'd said Francis Pym, not only WAS he a Foreign Secretary under Margaret Thatcher,

0:31:460:31:51

it was a Pointless answer.

0:31:510:31:52

AUDIENCE SIGH

0:31:520:31:54

It was the best answer you could have given. But you stand under lights and all that and, you know what,

0:31:540:31:59

Francis Pym could be any century. Let's look at the answers. There's two Pointless ones.

0:31:590:32:03

Francis Pym being one of them, Malcolm Rifkind the other one under John Major.

0:32:030:32:08

Margaret Beckett was Foreign Secretary under Blair. Would have scored you one.

0:32:080:32:11

Lord Carrington would have scored you two, as would Geoffrey Howe. John Major, of course,

0:32:110:32:16

would have scored you three. Robin Cook, eight, Douglas Hurd, nine,

0:32:160:32:20

David Miliband, 9, Jack Straw, 20 and William Hague on 30.

0:32:200:32:24

OK, here's your second question.

0:32:240:32:27

Tina and Paul, you have to win this question to stay in the game. Here it comes.

0:32:270:32:30

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

0:32:300:32:33

as many England penalty shoot-out losers as they could.

0:32:330:32:37

England penalty shoot-out losers, Richard.

0:32:370:32:39

Looking for any England player who has missed a penalty or has had their penalty saved in a penalty shoot-out

0:32:390:32:45

in any FIFA World Cup or European Championships from 1976 up to 2010.

0:32:450:32:50

OK, very good indeed.

0:32:500:32:52

Now then, Barney and Helen, you go first this time.

0:32:520:32:55

I've got three.

0:32:550:32:56

Who do you think?

0:32:560:32:58

-Don't say them out loud.

-No, tell me.

0:32:580:33:01

THEY WHISPER TO EACH OTHER

0:33:010:33:04

-The last one's dead famous.

-Yes. I think go... I think go...

0:33:040:33:09

The first one's right, definitely right. Third one's definitely right.

0:33:090:33:13

Second one, I can see the shot in my head.

0:33:130:33:16

-Right, Barney, what are you going to give me?

-Stuart Pearce.

0:33:160:33:20

Stuart Pearce, OK, there we are. Stuart Pearce, say Barney and Helen.

0:33:200:33:24

Now then, Tina and Paul, you can confer out loud.

0:33:240:33:27

Let's go with...

0:33:270:33:29

-Southgate. Southgate, yes? Let's do that, shall we?

-Yes.

0:33:290:33:33

-God, I'm so nervous.

-So am I. Fingers crossed.

0:33:330:33:36

Gareth Southgate, you say. We have Stuart Pearce and Gareth Southgate.

0:33:360:33:39

Barney and Helen, you are saying Stuart Pearce.

0:33:390:33:43

Let's see if that's right and how many people said Stuart Pearce.

0:33:430:33:46

It's right.

0:33:470:33:48

How low is it going to go?

0:33:500:33:52

23.

0:33:540:33:56

-What do you think, Helen and Barney? Happy with that?

-Happy with that.

0:33:580:34:01

-23, is that going to be enough, do you think, to win this point?

-Yes.

0:34:010:34:06

-Southgate did a pizza advert on the back of it.

-Don't speak too soon!

0:34:060:34:11

Tina and Paul have gone for Gareth Southgate. Let's see if that's right,

0:34:110:34:14

and let's see if It'll go lower than Stuart Pearce on 23.

0:34:140:34:17

Gareth Southgate, is it right and how many people said it?

0:34:170:34:21

It's right.

0:34:240:34:26

-Oh!

-Oh!

-Not bad.

0:34:290:34:31

APPLAUSE

0:34:310:34:33

It was the pizza ad that did it. Very well done.

0:34:340:34:38

Well, that means Helen and Barney win that and after only two questions,

0:34:380:34:42

Helen and Barney are through to the final, 2-0.

0:34:420:34:44

Yeah, very well played Helen and Barney. That's tough luck, Paul and Tina.

0:34:440:34:48

Sorry about that. Let's take a look at all the answers. There's a pointless answer up there.

0:34:480:34:52

In Euro 2004, Darius Vassell missed against Portugal.

0:34:520:34:56

Paul Ince missed in the 1998 World Cup against Argentina. Ince would have scored you one.

0:34:560:35:01

Jamie Carragher missed in 2006 World Cup finals against Portugal.

0:35:010:35:05

Gerard missed in that same shoot-out. Would have scored you four.

0:35:050:35:08

Lampard also in that same shoot-out, six. Then David Batty, seven.

0:35:080:35:13

He was 98 against Argentina.

0:35:130:35:15

There's Waddle, 21, that was the World Cup semi-final in 1990.

0:35:150:35:20

Stuart Pearce missed in the same match, 23. David Beckham, 25, that was against Portugal in 2004,

0:35:200:35:26

and Gareth Southgate actually the top answer of all.

0:35:260:35:30

-Oh!

-Thank you very much, Richard.

0:35:300:35:32

-So, the losing pair at the end of the head to head is Tina and Paul.

-Hooray!

0:35:320:35:36

Oh, dear.

0:35:360:35:38

-Francis Pym, Paul?

-I know, I know.

-More courage.

0:35:430:35:46

I got thrown by the 1980 and I thought he was earlier.

0:35:460:35:50

Lord Carrington as well. Now you think about it, see, he was there.

0:35:500:35:54

-And William Hague.

-I know, so embarrassing.

0:35:540:35:58

No, no, it's just harder under the spotlight. Well, I hope you've had fun.

0:35:580:36:01

I'm sorry we haven't served you better with questions.

0:36:010:36:05

It's been such a pleasure having you on the show, Tina and Paul, brilliant contestants.

0:36:050:36:09

Thank you so much.

0:36:090:36:10

APPLAUSE

0:36:100:36:13

But for Helen and Barney, it's time for our Pointless final

0:36:140:36:18

and the chance to win our jackpot of £2,750.

0:36:180:36:20

APPLAUSE

0:36:200:36:22

Now, congratulations, Barney and Helen.

0:36:260:36:28

You've fought off the competition and won our the Pointless trophy, so very, very well done.

0:36:280:36:34

APPLAUSE

0:36:340:36:36

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.

0:36:380:36:41

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,750.

0:36:410:36:45

APPLAUSE

0:36:450:36:47

The rules are simple. To win, all you have to do is find a pointless answer,

0:36:500:36:54

that's an answer that none of our 100 people could think of.

0:36:540:36:57

We have had one Pointless answer on the show so far. You only have to find one more now

0:36:570:37:01

and you'll go home with that money. First, choose a category

0:37:010:37:05

and you can choose from these three options. Here they come.

0:37:050:37:08

I think Olympians would be an obvious one cos lots of people know Olympians,

0:37:130:37:18

but Canadian divas has surely got to be a small category, hasn't it?

0:37:180:37:21

Do we know any Canadian divas?

0:37:210:37:25

-Mariah Carey.

-Is she Canadian?

-No.

0:37:250:37:27

LAUGHTER

0:37:270:37:30

Celine Dion, is she Canadian?

0:37:300:37:31

Let's hope it's a question about Celine Dion.

0:37:310:37:34

Shall we do award winners?

0:37:340:37:36

-Award winners is a pretty broad subject.

-Let's do it.

-Yeah? Let's do award winners, please.

0:37:360:37:41

Award winners it is. OK, here it comes.

0:37:410:37:44

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

0:37:440:37:48

winners of the Rear of the Year award as they could.

0:37:480:37:51

Richard.

0:37:510:37:53

We are looking for any winner, male or female,

0:37:530:37:55

of the Rear of the Year award right through from 1976 to 2010.

0:37:550:38:00

You have up to one minute to get three answers.

0:38:000:38:03

All you need to win £2,750 for your nominated charities

0:38:030:38:06

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

0:38:060:38:09

60 seconds starts now.

0:38:090:38:11

-Claire Sweeney won it.

-OK.

-I think Kerry Katona won it.

0:38:110:38:14

-Charlotte Church won it.

-Naturally.

-Didn't Christine Bleakley win it?

0:38:140:38:19

I have no idea. I'm not a bottom man, I'm afraid.

0:38:190:38:23

Don't carry on that sentence!

0:38:230:38:26

-I'm actually on a website for the Rear of the Year. My grandma sent it me.

-What?

0:38:260:38:30

-Why is your grandma on that site?

-She follows what I do.

0:38:300:38:33

LAUGHTER

0:38:330:38:35

-OK, three people who have won it people wouldn't have mentioned.

-It's all you, I'm afraid.

0:38:350:38:40

-I haven't a clue.

-Who would have won it that people wouldn't think so?

0:38:400:38:44

-Someone ironic?

-Matt Lucas.

-Oh, this is ridiculous.

-It might be something as daft as that, though.

0:38:440:38:49

Matt Lucas might have got it as an ironic award one year.

0:38:490:38:52

He's got a pretty nice rear.

0:38:520:38:55

I think... Oh, see, don't look at the countdown.

0:38:550:39:01

-Are you really on it?

-I'm on a website. I don't know if it's the same thing.

-You won it?

-No.

0:39:010:39:06

-Five seconds.

-Have I got to give you...

0:39:060:39:09

OK, right, we've got three.

0:39:090:39:12

OK, there's your time up.

0:39:120:39:13

We were looking for winners of Rear of the Year. So let's have your three answers.

0:39:130:39:17

-Claire Sweeney won it.

-Claire Sweeney.

0:39:170:39:21

-Charlotte Church won it.

-Charlotte Church.

0:39:210:39:24

Let's do Peter Andre, stick him in there.

0:39:240:39:27

-Peter Andre.

-Peter Andre, OK.

0:39:270:39:29

Now, of those three, which do you think is your most confident shot at a pointless answer?

0:39:290:39:35

-Claire Sweeney.

-OK, she goes last. Which is your least likely?

0:39:350:39:39

-Peter Andre, I don't think he won it.

-OK, we'll put him first.

0:39:390:39:43

We are going to put them up on the board in that order and here they are.

0:39:430:39:46

There they are. We were looking for winners of Rear of the Year.

0:39:510:39:55

You said this was your least confident answer.

0:39:550:39:58

You only have to find one pointless answer to win that £2,750 jackpot for your charities.

0:39:580:40:02

Peter Andre, let's see, is it right? How many people said Peter Andre?

0:40:020:40:07

Very best of luck, Barney and Helen.

0:40:070:40:10

No Rear, he, of the Year. So not a pointless answer.

0:40:130:40:15

-Maybe next year.

-Yeah.

0:40:150:40:18

You only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

0:40:180:40:21

What charity will your money be going towards, Helen?

0:40:210:40:24

My half will be going to Leonard Cheshire Disability.

0:40:240:40:28

-Brilliant charity, very good. Barney?

-Mine is the Alzheimer's Society.

0:40:280:40:31

Splendid.

0:40:310:40:33

OK. Now then, your next answer is Charlotte Church.

0:40:330:40:38

You're confident, you're pretty sure she won. Have you seen a picture of her going, "Ha ha!"?

0:40:380:40:42

Yeah, I seem to remember a picture of her in jeans, yeah.

0:40:420:40:46

This has to be pointless if you're going to win that jackpot of £2,750 for your charities.

0:40:460:40:52

Let's see how many people said Charlotte Church. Is it right?

0:40:520:40:55

Charlotte Church - good luck.

0:40:550:40:56

It's right. That was the first thing it had to be.

0:40:580:41:02

The second thing it has to be is pointless, so if this goes all the way down

0:41:020:41:05

you will be leaving here with that jackpot money.

0:41:050:41:08

Oh!

0:41:100:41:12

For a second there I thought it was going to go all the way down.

0:41:120:41:16

So 14 remembered Charlotte Church,

0:41:160:41:19

but how many people are going to remember Claire Sweeney?

0:41:190:41:22

-Not many.

-Let's hope she definitely won it. I'm sure she did.

0:41:220:41:25

Only one more shot at that jackpot.

0:41:250:41:28

£2,750 for your charities is riding on this.

0:41:280:41:31

Everything on Claire Sweeney. It has to be right and it has to be pointless.

0:41:310:41:36

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said Claire Sweeney.

0:41:360:41:40

It's right. We went down to 14 for Charlotte Church.

0:41:420:41:46

Claire Sweeney has to take it all the way down to zero,

0:41:460:41:49

and if she does, your charities will be £2,750 richer.

0:41:490:41:53

Down it goes. Oh!

0:41:530:41:56

-Well played.

-I'm sorry I couldn't help you.

0:42:000:42:03

Well, you played a blinder there. Fantastic. Brilliant answers.

0:42:030:42:07

Think how pleased you'd be with that in normal game play. That would be fantastic.

0:42:070:42:11

Unfortunately, Barney and Helen,

0:42:110:42:13

you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer,

0:42:130:42:16

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,750.

0:42:160:42:19

-But you do take home our Pointless Trophy, so at least there's that.

-Thank you.

0:42:190:42:25

So, Richard...

0:42:280:42:29

So sorry, Barney and Helen, you played so well throughout.

0:42:290:42:32

It's been great fun having you. Let's look at some of the pointless answers that could have won you the money.

0:42:320:42:38

Anita Dobson, who won in the same year as Sue Pollard. They shared that prize.

0:42:380:42:43

Elaine Paige, Gary Barlow won it in 1997.

0:42:430:42:47

Ian Wright won it. Marina Ogilvy, the first royal to win Rear of the Year.

0:42:470:42:51

Michael Barrymore won it.

0:42:510:42:53

Russell Watson won Rear of the Year, as did Sarah Lancashire.

0:42:530:42:56

And there's Sue Pollard. I'd say well done if you got any of those.

0:42:560:43:00

I'd also ask, "How did you get any of those?"

0:43:000:43:02

That is a tough one.

0:43:020:43:04

We do have to say goodbye to you, Barney and Helen,

0:43:040:43:06

but thank you for playing.

0:43:060:43:08

Barney and Helen - brilliant, brilliant contestants.

0:43:080:43:11

And huge thanks to our other celebrities -

0:43:130:43:15

Julia and John, Erin and Anton, and Tina and Paul.

0:43:150:43:18

Nobody's won our jackpot today, so to thank our celebrities for taking part

0:43:200:43:25

we're going to donate £500 to each pair for their respective charities.

0:43:250:43:29

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

0:43:310:43:36

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:43:400:43:43

E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk

0:43:430:43:46

Celebrities test the depths of their general knowledge in this special edition of the quiz, with Julia Bradbury and John Craven among the stars trying to come up with the answers no-one else could think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman.