Academia Pointless Celebrities


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Academia

An academia special, with Dr John Cooper Clarke, Suzannah Lipscomb, Mark Horton, Alice Roberts, Maggie Aderin-Pocock, Jim Al-Khalili, Robin Ince and Kate Williams.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and a very

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warm welcome to this special academic edition of Pointless Celebrities,

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the show where we are always striving to find the most obscure answers.

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Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

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And couple number one.

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Dr John Cooper Clarke, poet.

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Suzannah Lipscomb, historian at New College of the Humanities.

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Couple number two!

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I'm Mark Horton, I'm an archaeologist.

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And I'm Alice Roberts, and I'm an anatomist.

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Couple number three?

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My name is Maggie Aderin-Pocock and

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I'm a space scientist and a science communicator.

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And I'm Jim Al-Khalili, I'm a physicist, author and broadcaster.

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And finally, couple number four!

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I'm Robin Ince, and I pretend to know about science for the purpose of radio.

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And I'm Kate Williams, and I'm a historian and author.

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Thank you very much, all of you, a very warm welcome to Pointless.

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We'll get a chance to chat to each of you throughout the show as it

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goes along. So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

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He never knew what to become in his life.

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Professor Osman, Dr Osman.

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In the end, he just settled for Mister.

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It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

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Hiya. Hey, everybody.

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-Goodness me!

-Yeah.

-Have you ever felt underqualified before?

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That's unbelievable, isn't it?

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-I know.

-Might be the cleverest Pointless ever.

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And I'm hoping, with all this skill,

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I'm hoping all the questions are of the top 40 singles of Chico.

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Or something like that. That would be a long round.

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Lovely, yeah, wouldn't it? Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

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Now as usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

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Our contestants here are looking for

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those all-important pointless answers -

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these are the answers that none of our 100 people gave.

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Find one of those, and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

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As today's show is a celebrity special,

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each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

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We're going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500, there it is!

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Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless!

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APPLAUSE

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Now remember this, if nothing else,

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the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be

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eliminated. So do everything you can to make sure you do not have the

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highest score. And there is no conferring till we get to the third round.

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Best of luck to all four pairs.

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Our first category this evening...

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..is Band Members.

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Band Members.

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Can you all decide in your pairs, who's going to go first,

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who's going to go second.

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And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

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OK. And the question concerns...

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People who left bands, Richard?

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On each board, we're going to show you seven clues to people who were

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fired from or who left famous bands,

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we're also going to give you their initials to give you a bit of a

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clue. Just name the most obscure one you can, please.

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Seven on the first board, seven on the second,

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14 in all to have a go at at home.

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-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

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So we are looking for these band leavers,

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and here is our first board of seven. And we've got...

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I'm going to read all of those again, here we go.

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Now then... John, welcome back to Pointless.

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Great to have you here again. John, you're still gigging, aren't you?

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-Yes, indeed.

-So whereabouts are you gigging?

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-Do you go around...

-I'm going to Portugal.

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Off to Portugal? Yeah.

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So you do international gigs?

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International concern.

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Fantastic.

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Now then, John, what do you make of our board here?

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OK, I'm going to go for Welsh

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multi-instrumentalist who left

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the Velvet Underground in 1968.

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-John Cale.

-John Cale, says John,

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let's see how many of our 100 people went for John Cale.

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It's right...

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Down to six. What a start to the show! Very well done indeed, John.

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He's doubting if he needs to go on, six for John Cale.

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That's a great start, John, very well played.

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Yeah, he was classically trained as a cellist, John Cale.

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-Yeah?

-There you go.

-How about that?

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There you go.

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Alice? Welcome back.

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Now you said you were an anatomist?

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-Yes.

-In the introduction there.

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You have other disciplines as well, don't you?

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I do. They're all kind of broadly related, though,

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so I'm interested in the structure of the human body,

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and I'm interested in that in terms of teaching that to surgeons.

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So I look at the structure of the human body, I dissect bodies,

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and I teach surgeons about that.

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On the other side of that, I'm fascinated by old bones,

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so I end up working with people like Mark on archaeological sites,

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and digging up very ancient bones...

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You're an osteoarchaeologist?

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-Yes.

-Is that what that is?

-Yeah, yes.

-Very exciting.

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There we are. Now, Alice, what would you like to go for on our board?

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I think I'm going to go for

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the pioneer of ambient music and influential producer.

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And I think that's Brian Eno.

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Brian Eno, says Alice.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Brian Eno.

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It's right, well, six is our only score at this point.

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Brian Eno, down to 15.

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Not bad at all, Alice! Not bad at all!

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Very well played. Brian Eno wrote

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what some people say is the most heard piece of music ever.

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Which is the music that comes up when you start Microsoft Windows.

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Brian Eno, amongst his many other talents.

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-Wow.

-Exactly.

-Wow.

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-I know, right?

-Thank you.

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Now, Maggie, welcome to Pointless, lovely to have you.

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An astronomer, not just an astronomer,

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but presenter of The Sky at Night now?

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When did you start doing that?

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About two years ago.

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-Did you grow up watching Patrick Moore?

-Very much so.

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That definitely fuelled my interest in everything that's out there.

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This must be a dream job?

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It was, although I think for the first episode,

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I was a bit like a rabbit in the headlights.

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-It was like, "Me, Sky at Night? What's going on?!"

-Aw!

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But it was, it truly is a dream job.

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Very exciting indeed. Now, Maggie, what would you like to go for?

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I'm going to go for stayed signed up to Motown in 1975.

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And I'm going for Jermaine Jackson.

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Jermaine Jackson, says Maggie. Some vigorous nodding from Robin there

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-on podium four.

-Bated breath!

-Let's see if that is right,

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Jermaine Jackson, how many people said it?

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It's right. Well, six is our low score, 15 our high at this point.

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Oh, not bad at all, 29 for Jermaine Jackson.

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Not bad at all.

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Well played, Maggie, and Professor Ince was quite right, yes sir.

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Jermaine Jackson, the thing we always say about Jermaine Jackson is

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-the name of his son.

-Jermajesty.

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Jermajesty, yeah.

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-It's a lovely name.

-It is.

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-Yeah.

-Very fine name, thank you very much, Richard.

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Kate, welcome to Pointless.

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-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you here.

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Now your book on Josephine, I'm going to call her Josephine Bonaparte,

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but that's probably not... What should we call her, Josephine?

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We can call her Josephine Bonaparte,

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She went through various surnames and a couple of husbands, so...

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I mean, Napoleon was the last one.

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But your book on her is being used as sort of a source material,

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-but only half is being spliced together with Andrew Roberts' book on Napoleon?

-Yes.

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To make a programme on the pair of them?

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To make a series of the pair of them.

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So my vision, of course, is that we can all have a role in the show as

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maybe revolutionaries or that sort of thing, or perhaps people at court...

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So this is a drama, it's being done as a drama?

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-Yes, a drama.

-I think I would like to play Napoleon, please.

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You'd like to play Napoleon?

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-Don't you think?

-Yeah, you're the right build, aren't you?

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Well, I think I am.

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If I just work on the accent, I think I'm in.

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What do you mean? Your accent's perfect.

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-COMEDY FRENCH ACCENT:

-Thank you, that's very kind.

-You see?

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Now, Kate, this board is all yours.

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If I didn't know who Ginger Spice was, I'd be a traitor to my hair,

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so that of course is Geri Halliwell.

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Announced his departure from the boy band, Zayn Malik.

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I think I'm going to go for Dave Lee Roth at the bottom.

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OK, Dave Lee Roth, says Kate.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Dave Lee Roth.

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It's absolutely right.

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Well, six is our low score, 29 our high.

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Oh, you passed 29... 14,

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there you are, second lowest score in the round!

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Very well done indeed, Kate.

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-Very nice.

-Great answer, Kate,

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and you chose the best one of

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the ones that you knew as well, so well chosen.

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Now, who left the Yardbirds?

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-Eric Clapton.

-Eric Clapton.

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That would have scored you 43.

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You were quite right about Geri Halliwell, Ginger Spice.

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Would have scored 75, and of course...

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Zayn Malik, big scorer, though, would have scored you 50.

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So the best answer on the board, John, John Cale.

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-Well played.

-Very good indeed, thanks very much, Richard.

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We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

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John, as Richard says, the best score of the pass with six there.

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Then we travel up to 14, Kate and Robin, there they are.

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15 for Alice and Mark, and then 29, Maggie and Jim.

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You're not way out ahead, but Jim, you know what we need from you.

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And we're coming back down the line now.

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Can the second players please step up to the podium?

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OK, we're going to put seven more clues up on the board.

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And remember, we're looking for these band leavers.

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And here they are. We've got...

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I'll read those all one last time.

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Robin, welcome to Pointless.

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-Hello.

-Great to have you here.

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Now, Robin, growing up in the '80s like I did, in my teens in the '80s,

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we were spoiled rotten with science programmes.

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I suppose we had things like Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy,

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which I suppose was comedy, but it had a big science influence on our

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generation. Tomorrow's World, all those sorts of things.

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Then there was a complete dearth of science programming.

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And then you have come back,

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you're at the forefront of the second wave of science programming.

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For children and... You know what, actually people of all ages.

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It is for all ages. I mean, that's the beautiful thing,

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which I think now as you get...

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The show that I do on radio with Brian Cox, which I... Predominantly

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I'm on there to interrupt him every time I know the rest of the audience

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are confused. There's a certain point he goes,

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"..and at this point in quantum electrodynamics," and I go,

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"I'd better interrupt - we're all lost."

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So it's really exciting, we have eight-year-olds writing to us,

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and we have 90-year-olds writing to us, and they all have brilliant,

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exciting questions!

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Fantastic. There we are, you've got a brand-new board.

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You're on 14 - your target, to avoid

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becoming high scores, is also 14.

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I'm going to go with founding member of Pink Floyd who left in 1968,

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-Syd Barrett.

-Syd Barrett, says Robin.

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Here's your red line. If you can get below this red line with Syd Barrett,

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you're through to the next round.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

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Very well done indeed.

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Yup!

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Oh, look at that! You needed 14, you got 14!

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28 is your total. You are into round two.

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Well played, Robin, terrific answer.

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See, that's the interesting thing when you get people who are

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scientists and professors, and they say they know nothing about the real world.

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And you give them music, and suddenly,

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it's all the low answers again.

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If you're interested in things, you're interested in things.

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-There you are.

-That's the truth, you tend to be interested in everything.

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There we are, now, Jim... Welcome to Pointless.

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-Thank you.

-Great to have you here.

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Now in the world of physics, a great deal of what you deal in is theory.

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I mean, people propound theories that sometimes don't get proven or

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disproven until centuries later.

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How does that go down, do you find that there's great rivalry within

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physics? And if you put a theory out there, do people get very heated,

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or are people very generally quite gentlemanly about this?

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I guess it depends what area of physics.

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There are certain fashionable areas where there is a lot of competition.

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People come out with new ideas about what happened before the Big Bang,

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for example, or...

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-Before the Big Bang?

-Before that,

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there are theories now dealing with that.

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But there are other areas where we all get on absolutely wonderfully,

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and we all help each other out and give each other ideas.

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Good stuff. Now, 29 is your score.

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A nice low score from you, Jim, at this point, should keep you in.

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I'm going to go for left Genesis in 1975,

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later being replaced by frontman Phil Collins. That's Peter Gabriel.

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Peter Gabriel, says Jim. Let's see if you've chosen well.

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No red line for you, because you're still the high scorers.

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But let's see how many of our 100 people said Peter Gabriel.

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He's right.

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Ooh, it's not bad, 21. 21, taking

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your total up to a nice neat 50.

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Well played, Jim. The low scoring continues. Formed at Charterhouse,

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Genesis. They all went on to be very successful individually.

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-Yeah, didn't they?

-As well as a band.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

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Mark, welcome to Pointless, great to have you here.

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-Great to be here.

-Now, Mark, you're a professor at Bristol,

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but also a TV personality.

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How does that go down with your fellow academics?

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Well, I'm not sure,

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really because they wonder why I'm not doing undergraduate tutorials

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at nine o'clock in the morning sometimes.

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Have you seen Mark's hands? I just had to draw attention to Mark's hands.

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-Well, yes, I'm afraid.

-They are...

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They are an archaeologist's hands.

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Are they? What, he found them?

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-Exactly right.

-I've just come back from the trenches.

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That's extraordinary. Which trenches, where?

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Well, we've been hunting for some dead winter Vikings, which,

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as it's a family show, I won't go into details.

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Now then, Mark. You are on 15,

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the high scorers at the moment are Jim and Maggie on 50.

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34 or less keeps you well and truly in the game.

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My knowledge of music kind of ends in the 18th century.

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This one in Las Vegas vaguely is familiar.

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Is there somebody called Diana Ross?

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LAUGHTER

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Yes, there might be.

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Let's find out. Keep the jeopardy.

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There's your red line. If you can get below that, Mark,

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with Diana Ross, you are through to the next round.

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How many of our 100 people said Diana Ross?

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It's right.

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59, for Diana Ross.

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Good news for Jim and Maggie, back in the game.

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-Welcome.

-Yeah, Diana Ross, apart from her musical career,

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also took the most famous penalty in

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football history at the opening of

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the US World Cup.

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She had to kick a ball into a goal, which then would fall apart,

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from two feet. She managed to miss.

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-Aw!

-She was very much the Emile Heskey of the Supremes.

0:16:290:16:32

Thanks very much, Richard.

0:16:340:16:36

Now, Suzannah. Welcome to Pointless.

0:16:360:16:39

Great to have you here. Now the Tudors is your period.

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-Yes, yes.

-Why in particular the Tudors?

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What got you into them?

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It's much more comforting than talking about music.

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Because it's a fascinating period of change and so much happens that's so

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important to the history of our country and Europe and the world in

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general. The Reformation, the Renaissance in northern Europe,

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we've got these incredible characters, you know,

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Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth I,

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it's the beginning of so much that we consider to be our modern world.

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Very good indeed.

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You've been very well set up by John. Six is your score.

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67 or less gets you through.

0:17:140:17:16

I'm going to go with Duran Duran guitarist who left the band twice,

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-Andy Taylor.

-Andy Taylor, says Suzannah.

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Here is your red line. If you get

0:17:240:17:25

below this red line, nice and high,

0:17:250:17:27

you should be through comfortably to the next round.

0:17:270:17:30

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Andy Taylor.

0:17:300:17:32

It's right.

0:17:350:17:36

Very well done, you've done it.

0:17:360:17:38

Oh, look at that, down it goes.

0:17:380:17:40

Great answer. Brilliant,

0:17:400:17:42

16. 22 is your total.

0:17:420:17:46

Great work, Suzannah.

0:17:460:17:48

Very well played. At one point there were three Taylors in Duran Duran.

0:17:480:17:50

-Yeah.

-Roger, Andy and John.

0:17:500:17:52

And John. Yeah.

0:17:520:17:54

Let's fill in these, shall we? If you said Noel Gallagher,

0:17:540:17:56

it would have been very exciting because it would have scored you 67

0:17:560:17:58

points, you would be through by one point.

0:17:580:18:00

Noel Gallagher there. The next one, quit the boy band Busted.

0:18:000:18:04

-Charlie Simpson.

-Ah, Charlie Simpson.

0:18:040:18:06

12 points for Charlie Simpson.

0:18:060:18:09

And the Beatles drummer?

0:18:090:18:10

-Pete Best.

-It was Pete Best.

0:18:100:18:12

Yeah. 41 points for that,

0:18:120:18:13

so Charlie Simpson the best answer on that board.

0:18:130:18:15

-Well done if you said that.

-Thank you very much indeed,

0:18:150:18:18

so at the end of our first round the pair we are sending home with their

0:18:180:18:20

high score of 74, Mark and Alice.

0:18:200:18:22

-I'm sorry.

-Oh, boohoo!

0:18:220:18:24

Back to the trench.

0:18:240:18:25

I'm so sorry, but we have to send you back far too soon in my opinion.

0:18:250:18:29

Please come and play again.

0:18:290:18:31

Thank you so much, Mark and Alice.

0:18:310:18:33

Wonderful.

0:18:330:18:35

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

0:18:380:18:40

Wow. Three pairs remain.

0:18:440:18:46

At the end of this round, we'll have to say goodbye to another of those

0:18:460:18:49

pairs. But very well done, everyone.

0:18:490:18:52

Best of luck for our next round. The category for it is...

0:18:520:18:55

It's a words round. Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

0:18:590:19:02

who is going to go second.

0:19:020:19:03

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

0:19:030:19:05

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

0:19:090:19:12

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

0:19:120:19:17

Words ending UDE.

0:19:230:19:24

-Richard.

-Yeah, we are looking for any word which has its own entry in

0:19:260:19:29

the British And World English section of OxfordDictionaries.com,

0:19:290:19:33

please, that ends UDE. As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words,

0:19:330:19:36

anything like that. So any word that ends UDE.

0:19:360:19:40

There we go. John, always tough going first.

0:19:400:19:44

Pulchritude.

0:19:440:19:46

Pulchritude, says John.

0:19:460:19:48

Let's see how many... That's good, isn't it?

0:19:480:19:50

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for pulchritude.

0:19:500:19:52

-It's a lovely answer. Scores you one.

-Who's the one?

0:20:030:20:05

One for pulchritude.

0:20:050:20:09

Yes, one of those words that sounds awful and means something lovely.

0:20:110:20:14

I know, it does.

0:20:140:20:16

-It means beauty.

-Beauty. Yeah.

0:20:160:20:18

Lovely. Now, Jim.

0:20:180:20:21

What would you like to go for?

0:20:210:20:23

Oh, erm...

0:20:230:20:24

Latitude.

0:20:240:20:26

Latitude says Jim.

0:20:260:20:27

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for latitude.

0:20:270:20:30

16 for latitude.

0:20:400:20:42

-Not bad.

-Yeah, latitude,

0:20:440:20:46

that's one of those words I never really understand what it means.

0:20:460:20:49

I kind of do. But if you ask me to define it, say,

0:20:490:20:53

on a television programme,

0:20:530:20:54

-I would struggle.

-There you are.

0:20:540:20:57

Now, Kate.

0:20:570:20:58

-Occlude.

-Occlude.

0:21:000:21:02

Occlude, let's see how many of 100 people said occlude.

0:21:020:21:06

-It's right.

-Oh!

0:21:100:21:12

It's a pointless answer!

0:21:170:21:19

Very well done indeed, Kate.

0:21:190:21:21

That adds £250 to today's jackpot and takes the total up to £2,750.

0:21:210:21:24

CHEERING

0:21:240:21:27

It scores you nothing and earns you our deep, deep respect.

0:21:270:21:31

Very well played, Kate. Terrific work.

0:21:310:21:33

It means to block or stop up something.

0:21:330:21:35

At home we play Occluedo, but we can't get the dice out of the...

0:21:350:21:38

That's an "occlude" joke for you.

0:21:380:21:40

-Thank you very much.

-My pleasure.

0:21:400:21:42

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores!

0:21:420:21:44

Nothing was the best score of that pass.

0:21:440:21:45

Very well done indeed. Kate and Robin,

0:21:450:21:47

very much top of the class at this point.

0:21:470:21:49

Very close behind them are

0:21:490:21:51

John and Suzannah on one.

0:21:510:21:53

And then Jim and Maggie,

0:21:530:21:54

they are on 16.

0:21:540:21:55

So, Maggie, we need a low score from you in the next pass.

0:21:550:21:58

Good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

0:21:580:22:01

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

0:22:010:22:03

OK, now, Robin, remember.

0:22:050:22:07

It's any word that ends with the letters UDE.

0:22:070:22:10

I think denude.

0:22:100:22:12

Denude? OK.

0:22:120:22:14

Here is your red line. If you can get below this red line,

0:22:140:22:17

you are through to the next round.

0:22:170:22:18

How many of our 100 people said denude?

0:22:180:22:20

You're through! Four!

0:22:280:22:29

Four for denude.

0:22:320:22:34

-Four is your total.

-Well played Robin, you had denude.

0:22:340:22:37

It's what they have on page three of Der Spiegel.

0:22:370:22:39

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

0:22:400:22:43

-Maggie.

-I'm going to go for platitude.

0:22:440:22:47

Platitude, says Maggie.

0:22:470:22:49

No red line for you - you're the high scorers.

0:22:490:22:51

But let's see how many of our 100 people said platitude.

0:22:510:22:53

Look at that, six for platitude!

0:23:020:23:04

Takes you all up to 22.

0:23:040:23:07

Yes, a remark or statement that has sort of lost all its meaning over time.

0:23:070:23:12

It's been too often repeated.

0:23:120:23:13

There we are, now, Suzannah.

0:23:130:23:15

-Verisimilitude.

-Verisimilitude.

0:23:170:23:20

OK. That was one of mine.

0:23:200:23:23

-No longer.

-Was it?

0:23:230:23:25

There is your red line.

0:23:270:23:29

If you can get below that with verisimilitude,

0:23:290:23:31

you are through to the next round.

0:23:310:23:32

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

0:23:320:23:34

You're through!

0:23:410:23:43

And it's pointless!

0:23:430:23:45

Oh! Very, very well done indeed! That adds another

0:23:450:23:48

£250 to our jackpot!

0:23:480:23:50

It takes our total up to £3,000!

0:23:500:23:52

Scores you nothing, leaves your total at one.

0:23:520:23:55

Very well done.

0:23:550:23:56

Great play. And it's a lovely word as well, verisimilitude.

0:23:560:23:59

It means to give the appearance of being real.

0:23:590:24:01

There's loads of pointless answers. We'll take a look at a few more of them.

0:24:010:24:05

Certitude, a pointless answer.

0:24:050:24:07

There's etude. Ineptitude is a pointless answer, ironically.

0:24:070:24:11

Schadenfreude. That's a good one, isn't it?

0:24:110:24:13

Turpitude, which you use on garden fence, just...

0:24:130:24:16

LAUGHTER

0:24:160:24:18

And verisimilitude.

0:24:180:24:19

The one which we just heard as well.

0:24:190:24:21

Thank you very much, Richard. So at the end of our second round,

0:24:210:24:23

the pair who are heading home with their high score of 22,

0:24:230:24:26

I'm afraid Maggie and Jim, it is you!

0:24:260:24:28

Thank you so much for coming to play.

0:24:280:24:29

Please come and play again, Maggie and Jim. Thanks so much!

0:24:290:24:32

APPLAUSE

0:24:320:24:36

Right! For Robin and Kate and John and Suzannah,

0:24:360:24:38

it's now time for our head-to-head.

0:24:380:24:40

Congratulations, John and Suzannah, Robin and Kate.

0:24:440:24:47

You are now one step closer to the final, and a chance to play for that jackpot for your charities.

0:24:470:24:51

Our jackpot currently standing at £3,000.

0:24:510:24:54

There it is.

0:24:540:24:56

So this is the bit where we decide who goes through to that round to

0:24:580:25:01

play for the jackpot, and we do that by making you go head-to-head.

0:25:010:25:04

But the big difference is, you're now allowed to play as team.

0:25:040:25:06

So you can confer before you give your answers.

0:25:060:25:09

First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

0:25:090:25:11

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

0:25:110:25:13

Here's your first question.

0:25:190:25:20

And it concerns...

0:25:200:25:22

-Richard?

-I'm going to show you five pictures now of historical artefacts

0:25:280:25:32

or structures that are over a thousand years old.

0:25:320:25:34

Can you tell us what they are, please?

0:25:340:25:35

We're going to give you some of the letters as well.

0:25:350:25:37

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed!

0:25:370:25:39

OK, let's reveal our five things that are over a thousand years old.

0:25:390:25:42

And here they come. We have got...

0:25:420:25:44

John and Suzannah, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.

0:26:000:26:05

Feel free to confer.

0:26:050:26:06

OK, we're going to go with D.

0:26:070:26:11

-Parthenon.

-Parthenon.

0:26:120:26:14

Now then, Robin and Kate, that board is all yours.

0:26:170:26:19

A is Terracotta Army.

0:26:190:26:21

B is Stonehenge.

0:26:210:26:23

E is Colosseum.

0:26:230:26:25

I don't think we're going to score less than them,

0:26:250:26:28

if we choose Terracotta Army.

0:26:280:26:31

OK, so should we risk C?

0:26:310:26:33

-Should we do it?

-Yeah. So we're

0:26:330:26:35

going to risk C, which we think is

0:26:350:26:39

-Karnak.

-Karnak.

0:26:390:26:41

OK, so we have Parthenon and Karnak.

0:26:410:26:45

John and Suzannah said Parthenon. Let's see if that is right for D.

0:26:450:26:48

Let's see how many of our 100 said it.

0:26:480:26:50

It is right.

0:26:530:26:54

54.

0:26:570:26:59

54 for the Parthenon.

0:26:590:27:01

Now, Robin and Kate have gone for Karnak.

0:27:010:27:04

For C. Is it right?

0:27:040:27:06

It deserves to be, let's see how many people said Karnak.

0:27:060:27:09

Oh!

0:27:130:27:15

-Sorry!

-No.

0:27:150:27:17

It's not Karnak, but very well done, John and Suzannah.

0:27:170:27:19

That means after one question, you are up 1-0.

0:27:190:27:21

Yeah, very well played. And it was the right tactic.

0:27:210:27:23

None of the other answers would have won you the point. So you had to go for that one, really.

0:27:230:27:26

Terracotta Army is only just above 54.

0:27:260:27:29

It would have scored 56 points, Terracotta army.

0:27:290:27:32

What do you think Stonehenge scored?

0:27:340:27:36

You'd like to think it would be ninety...

0:27:360:27:38

-95.

-..eight or more...

0:27:380:27:41

88.

0:27:430:27:44

LAUGHTER

0:27:440:27:46

The last one, of course, is the Colosseum.

0:27:460:27:50

That would have scored you 70.

0:27:500:27:52

And so the best answer on the board is, of course, C.

0:27:530:27:56

Begins with K.

0:27:560:27:58

Is there a thing called the Knoss or Knossa?

0:27:580:28:00

-Oh, no!

-There is indeed. On the island of Crete and it's Knossos.

0:28:000:28:05

-Oh, that's a minotaur!

-Knossos.

0:28:050:28:07

-Oh, no!

-It would have scored ten points.

0:28:070:28:09

Yes, a Minoan palace in Knossos.

0:28:090:28:11

Oh, no.

0:28:110:28:12

Here comes your second question. Robin and Kate, you get to answer it first.

0:28:120:28:15

But you have to win this one to stay in the game.

0:28:150:28:17

-So very, very best of luck.

-OK.

0:28:170:28:18

Our second question this evening is all about...

0:28:180:28:21

Going to play you five clips now from songs which,

0:28:240:28:26

at some point in them, spell out words.

0:28:260:28:31

We just need you to tell us the artist who is singing any of these songs,

0:28:310:28:34

-please.

-Thank you very much indeed.

0:28:340:28:36

So let's listen to our five songs.

0:28:360:28:37

And here we have... A...

0:28:370:28:39

# She walked up to me and she asked me to dance

0:28:390:28:42

# I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola

0:28:420:28:48

# L-o-l-a Lola

0:28:480:28:51

# Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

0:28:510:28:55

B...

0:28:580:29:00

# She said L-I-F-E-G-O-E-S-O-N

0:29:000:29:03

# You've got more than money and sense, my friend

0:29:030:29:07

# You've got heart and you're going your own way

0:29:070:29:10

# L-I-F-E-G-O-E-S-O-N

0:29:130:29:15

# What you don't have now will come back again

0:29:150:29:19

# You've got heart and you're going your own way...

0:29:190:29:23

Here's C...

0:29:230:29:25

# Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E

0:29:250:29:30

# Becomes final today

0:29:300:29:35

# Me and little J-O-E

0:29:350:29:41

# Will be going away... #

0:29:410:29:43

Here's D...

0:29:460:29:48

# R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me

0:29:480:29:52

# R-E-S-P-E-C-T, take care, TCB

0:29:520:29:55

# Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me...

0:29:550:29:58

And here's E...

0:30:000:30:03

# D-I-S-C-O

0:30:030:30:06

# D-I-S-C-O

0:30:060:30:09

# D-I-S-C-O

0:30:090:30:13

# D-I-S-C-O... #

0:30:130:30:17

OK, there are our five songs.

0:30:170:30:19

Robin and Kate, you will go first.

0:30:190:30:21

We're looking for the artist who sang those songs.

0:30:210:30:23

-We think that more people will have gone...

-I think you're right.

0:30:230:30:27

-..or fewer people, that's the rules, isn't it?

-Yes.

0:30:270:30:29

Fewer people will have gone with C,

0:30:290:30:32

Tammy Wynette with D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

0:30:320:30:35

Tammy Wynette for C.

0:30:350:30:36

Now, then, John and Suzannah, talk us through the others.

0:30:360:30:41

Well, there's one that's a surefire and there's one that's a bit of a

0:30:410:30:45

-stretch.

-So let's go with...

0:30:450:30:49

-A?

-Yeah.

-I'm going to go with A.

0:30:490:30:52

Raymond Douglas Davies of The Kinks.

0:30:520:30:56

The Kinks. So we have Tammy Wynette and we have The Kinks.

0:30:560:30:59

Robin and Kate, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

0:30:590:31:02

-I know, yes.

-You went for Tammy Wynette for C.

0:31:020:31:06

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Tammy Wynette.

0:31:060:31:09

14.

0:31:190:31:20

14.

0:31:230:31:25

Meanwhile, John and Suzannah have gone for A, The Kinks.

0:31:250:31:29

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Kinks.

0:31:300:31:33

Which was the right one to go for?

0:31:410:31:43

19, very well done indeed.

0:31:430:31:45

Robin and Kate, back in the game.

0:31:450:31:47

After two questions, it's 1-1.

0:31:470:31:49

I knew this was going to be close.

0:31:490:31:51

Very well done. Let's fill in the rest of this board, shall we?

0:31:510:31:54

There are a couple of obscurer ones.

0:31:540:31:56

B, this is a lovely song.

0:31:560:31:58

# L-I-F-E-G-O-E-S-O-N... #

0:31:580:32:01

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N by Noah And The Whale would have scored you one

0:32:010:32:05

point. Well done if you said that.

0:32:050:32:07

D, you were all right to avoid it.

0:32:090:32:12

R-E-S-P-E-C-T by Aretha Franklin.

0:32:120:32:15

That would have scored 27.

0:32:150:32:18

Now, this last one, Robin, you were going to go for a risky answer.

0:32:180:32:21

I can't remember if the band was The Trammps or Trammps with D-I-S-C-O.

0:32:210:32:24

-Yeah, that's it.

-OK, it was Ottawan.

0:32:240:32:27

LAUGHTER

0:32:270:32:28

With D.I.S.C.O.

0:32:280:32:31

Three points if you said that.

0:32:310:32:33

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

0:32:330:32:36

OK, it all comes down to the decider, the third question.

0:32:360:32:38

Whoever wins the third question goes through to the final,

0:32:380:32:41

so very best of luck to both pairs.

0:32:410:32:43

Our third question this evening is all about...

0:32:430:32:47

-Richard.

-I'm just going to show you the initials now of five Bond film

0:32:500:32:53

titles. We need you to name the most obscure of these films, please.

0:32:530:32:57

Very best of luck. Whichever team gives us the lowest answer will go

0:32:570:32:59

through to play for the jackpot.

0:32:590:33:01

Thank you very much. Let's review our five clues, and here they come.

0:33:010:33:04

There we are. John and Suzannah, you will go first.

0:33:160:33:19

We have an answer, and John is going to deliver it.

0:33:210:33:23

A View To A Kill.

0:33:230:33:25

A View To A Kill, say John and Suzannah.

0:33:250:33:27

A View To A Kill.

0:33:270:33:29

So, then, Robin and Kate, we come to you.

0:33:290:33:31

We've got You Only Live Twice,

0:33:310:33:33

Quantum Of Solace,

0:33:330:33:34

The Living Daylights and...

0:33:340:33:37

The Living Daylights, we'll go with that.

0:33:370:33:39

The Living Daylights.

0:33:390:33:40

So we have A View To A Kill and The Living Daylights.

0:33:400:33:42

John and Suzannah said A View To A Kill. Let's see if that's right.

0:33:420:33:45

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for that.

0:33:450:33:47

It's right.

0:33:490:33:50

25. APPLAUSE

0:33:540:33:57

25 for A View To A Kill.

0:33:570:33:59

Meanwhile, Robin and Kate have gone for The Living Daylights.

0:34:010:34:04

Let's see if that's right.

0:34:040:34:05

-Let's see how many of our 100 people got it.

-Oh, gosh.

0:34:050:34:08

It's right.

0:34:100:34:12

Ooh, 23! GASPS AND APPLAUSE

0:34:160:34:18

Another needle match there.

0:34:180:34:22

And Robin and Kate, very well done, indeed.

0:34:220:34:25

After three questions, Robin and Kate,

0:34:250:34:27

-you are through to the final 2-1.

-Oh, no.

0:34:270:34:29

What a head-to-head. Very well played, everybody.

0:34:290:34:32

The top answer, You Only Live Twice, would have scored 77.

0:34:320:34:35

Quantum Of Solace would have scored you 49.

0:34:370:34:39

And the best answer on the board, 11 points...

0:34:390:34:42

The World Is Not Enough.

0:34:420:34:44

-It took so long to get.

-Oh, no!

0:34:440:34:47

Very well done if you said that at home.

0:34:470:34:49

There we go, thank you very much.

0:34:490:34:50

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

0:34:500:34:53

John, I'm afraid this is not the time you win the jackpot

0:34:530:34:55

-for the second time.

-I'm sorry, John. I let him down.

0:34:550:34:57

You will have to come back and do it again,

0:34:570:34:59

but you played so well, both of you, throughout.

0:34:590:35:01

It's been such a pleasure having you on the show.

0:35:010:35:03

Thank you so much. John and Suzannah. Superb.

0:35:030:35:05

APPLAUSE

0:35:050:35:07

But for Robin and Kate, it's now time for our Pointless final.

0:35:080:35:11

Congratulations, Robin and Kate.

0:35:160:35:18

You have fought off all the competition

0:35:180:35:19

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

0:35:190:35:22

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

0:35:290:35:31

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £3,000.

0:35:310:35:35

APPLAUSE There it is.

0:35:350:35:36

I have to say, you have fought so hard to make it to this point.

0:35:400:35:44

Four things will appear on the board behind me.

0:35:440:35:47

Today's choices look like this. We have got:

0:35:470:35:49

Irish Pop, probably not.

0:35:580:36:00

What's wrong with Chocolate?

0:36:000:36:02

-If you want to go with Chocolate...

-Let's do it.

0:36:020:36:04

All right, let's get on with it.

0:36:040:36:06

-OK, what are we going to go for?

-Chocolate, yes.

0:36:060:36:08

It's going to be Chocolate. It's going to be Chocolate.

0:36:080:36:10

OK, very best of luck. Three very different questions here.

0:36:100:36:12

Three very different areas as well.

0:36:120:36:14

The first one is we're looking for any cast member

0:36:140:36:17

according to IMDB in the 2000 film of Chocolat.

0:36:170:36:20

We are looking for any UK top 40 single by Hot Chocolate.

0:36:200:36:23

Or we are looking for

0:36:230:36:25

any of the 50 top cocoa-producing countries, please.

0:36:250:36:29

The last time those statistics were updated was 2013.

0:36:290:36:32

So any of the 50 countries that produce the most cocoa.

0:36:320:36:34

Very best of luck.

0:36:340:36:35

Thank you very much, indeed.

0:36:350:36:37

As always, you've got up to one minute

0:36:370:36:39

to come up with three answers.

0:36:390:36:40

All you need to win that jackpot for your charities

0:36:400:36:42

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

0:36:420:36:44

-OK.

-Are you ready?

0:36:440:36:46

-Are we ready?

-Uh, yes.

0:36:460:36:48

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

0:36:480:36:51

There they are.

0:36:510:36:52

Your time starts now.

0:36:520:36:53

Right, I would have thought

0:36:530:36:54

that somewhere like Ghana

0:36:540:36:55

was a top cocoa-producing country,

0:36:550:36:57

but people may not choose Ghana.

0:36:570:36:59

What about Equatorial Guinea?

0:36:590:37:01

Do you think that's obscure?

0:37:010:37:03

Shall we just go with just top cocoa-producing countries?

0:37:030:37:06

Why not? I only know You Sexy Thing and surely everyone knows that.

0:37:060:37:09

Yeah, You Sexy Thing, definitely,

0:37:090:37:11

and Johnny Depp are not going to be pointless answers.

0:37:110:37:13

-KATE LAUGHS

-No.

0:37:130:37:14

So, shall we go with Ghana, Equatorial Guinea, did you say?

0:37:140:37:17

-Do you think Equatorial Guinea or Guinea-Bissau?

-Oh...

0:37:170:37:20

Ah, Guinea-Bissau, would that be in the top 50?

0:37:200:37:23

Uh...

0:37:230:37:24

Let's go with Equatorial Guinea and Guinea-Bissau and Ghana.

0:37:240:37:27

Then we have a lovely G set.

0:37:270:37:29

Should we try and trick them with a South American one?

0:37:290:37:31

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do a trick as well.

-Like Bolivia?

0:37:310:37:34

Do they make chocolate?

0:37:340:37:35

Bolivian chocolate, definitely.

0:37:350:37:37

-I would say yeah.

-OK.

0:37:370:37:38

So do you want to go with Bolivia,

0:37:380:37:39

Equatorial Guinea and Ghana?

0:37:390:37:42

-Yeah.

-10 seconds.

0:37:420:37:43

-Why not?

-We'd like to make it clear that if we lose on this,

0:37:430:37:46

it's an altruistic act

0:37:460:37:47

so we can share the charity money amongst all of us.

0:37:470:37:49

-Yes.

-I hope that makes it clear.

-That's nice. Very good.

0:37:490:37:52

OK, Well, your minute is now up,

0:37:520:37:54

so let's have those answers officially.

0:37:540:37:56

So, Top Cocoa Producing Countries,

0:37:560:37:58

-we believe that we're going to go with Ghana.

-Ghana.

0:37:580:38:00

We're going with...

0:38:000:38:02

Was it Equatorial Guinea we chose?

0:38:020:38:04

-Yeah, Equatorial Guinea.

-Equatorial Guinea.

0:38:040:38:06

-And do you want to go with Bolivia? Guinea-Bissau?

-I need an answer.

0:38:060:38:09

-I need an answer.

-Bolivia!

0:38:090:38:10

Bolivia, OK, there we are. Three answers, good.

0:38:100:38:12

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

0:38:120:38:15

-Equatorial Guinea.

-Equatorial Guinea we'll put last.

0:38:150:38:17

OK, least likely to be Pointless?

0:38:170:38:19

-Ghana.

-Ghana, and Bolivia goes in the middle.

0:38:190:38:21

-Yeah.

-Marvellous.

-Bolivia in the middle.

0:38:210:38:23

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order

0:38:230:38:26

and here they are. We have got...

0:38:260:38:28

Well, very, very, very best of luck.

0:38:320:38:35

If you were to win,

0:38:350:38:36

let's say one of these answers were to turn out to be pointless,

0:38:360:38:39

which charities are you playing for?

0:38:390:38:41

-Robin.

-I'm playing for the Sophie Lancaster Foundation.

0:38:410:38:45

If people would like to know more about the life of Sophie Lancaster,

0:38:450:38:49

they could see Black Roses by Simon Armitage and Sylvia Lancaster,

0:38:490:38:52

who is Sophie's mum.

0:38:520:38:53

She works very hard with her friends

0:38:530:38:56

to promote anti-bullying across the country.

0:38:560:38:59

Very good indeed. Kate, how about you?

0:38:590:39:01

My charity is the PCRF,

0:39:010:39:03

that sends medical teams to children across the Middle East

0:39:030:39:07

who need life-saving operations.

0:39:070:39:09

Very good indeed. APPLAUSE

0:39:090:39:12

Two fantastic charities there.

0:39:120:39:14

Let's hope one of these answers, at least, will turn out to be pointless

0:39:140:39:17

so you can split that prize money between those charities.

0:39:170:39:20

OK, your first answer is Ghana.

0:39:200:39:23

Now, in all three cases here,

0:39:230:39:24

you've given answers in the category of

0:39:240:39:26

our top 50 cocoa-producing countries.

0:39:260:39:29

Your first answer, I say, was Ghana.

0:39:290:39:30

Let's see if it's right.

0:39:300:39:31

If it is right, let's see how many of the 100 people said it.

0:39:310:39:34

This is for £3,000.

0:39:340:39:36

Well, it's right. That was the first thing it had to be.

0:39:410:39:44

Ghana takes us down through the 30s into the 20s.

0:39:440:39:47

If it goes all the way down to zero, you leave here with £3,000... 10.

0:39:470:39:50

We stop at 10 with Ghana.

0:39:500:39:52

APPLAUSE

0:39:520:39:53

10 people got Ghana.

0:39:530:39:56

Ooh, it's exciting. That was right.

0:39:560:39:58

Your next answer was Bolivia.

0:39:580:40:01

Bolivia. You quibbled a bit over whether to include Bolivia

0:40:010:40:04

-in your final three.

-Just a little bit.

0:40:040:40:06

But there it is, nonetheless. Let's find out.

0:40:060:40:09

Again, we're looking for the world's 50 top cocoa-producing countries.

0:40:090:40:12

If this is right and if it is pointless,

0:40:120:40:14

it will win you £3,000 for your chosen charities.

0:40:140:40:16

How many people said Bolivia?

0:40:160:40:18

It's right.

0:40:200:40:22

Well, your first answer was Ghana

0:40:220:40:24

and that took us all the way down to 10.

0:40:240:40:26

Bolivia takes us down through the 20s, into the teens.

0:40:260:40:29

Down it goes. It passes 10.

0:40:290:40:31

Still going down. Still going down!

0:40:310:40:32

3! 3 for Bolivia.

0:40:320:40:34

APPLAUSE

0:40:340:40:37

We're moving in the right direction. Two correct answers so far.

0:40:390:40:42

You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

0:40:420:40:45

Your third and final answer is Equatorial Guinea.

0:40:450:40:48

It's a wonderful answer, so often a pointless answer on this show.

0:40:480:40:52

THEY LAUGH

0:40:520:40:53

In this category, though,

0:40:530:40:55

the world's top 50 cocoa-producing countries,

0:40:550:40:57

is Equatorial Guinea going to be correct and is it pointless?

0:40:570:41:00

If it's both of those things,

0:41:000:41:01

it wins £3,000 for your chosen charities.

0:41:010:41:03

Let's find out how many people said Equatorial Guinea. Is it pointless?

0:41:030:41:06

It's right!

0:41:080:41:09

-Oh, well done. Well done.

-Equatorial Guinea is right.

0:41:090:41:12

Ghana was right, took us down to 10.

0:41:120:41:13

Bolivia was right, took us down to 3.

0:41:130:41:15

Equatorial Guinea now takes us down through the teens.

0:41:150:41:17

It passes 10. Down we go through the single figures. It passes 3.

0:41:170:41:20

It's done it!

0:41:200:41:22

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Very well done indeed.

0:41:220:41:25

-Oh, thank you!

-Very well done.

0:41:250:41:28

What about that?

0:41:310:41:32

Not only have you given us a pointless answer,

0:41:320:41:35

not only have you given us

0:41:350:41:37

the tightest and most exciting head-to-head round in recent memory,

0:41:370:41:41

you get to take home that jackpot of £3,000 for your charities,

0:41:410:41:43

so very well done, indeed.

0:41:430:41:45

Robin and Kate! APPLAUSE

0:41:450:41:47

That's exactly the way we like to end a show.

0:41:510:41:53

The 41st most cocoa-producing country in the world,

0:41:530:41:56

Equatorial Guinea.

0:41:560:41:57

Congratulations to them, as well as to you.

0:41:570:42:00

Let's look at the pointless answers in all the different categories.

0:42:000:42:03

We'll start with the cast of Chocolat.

0:42:030:42:05

Every single member of this cast is pointless apart from

0:42:050:42:08

Johnny Depp, Juliette Binoche, Judi Dench and Alfred Molina.

0:42:080:42:11

Everyone else was a pointless answer.

0:42:110:42:13

Go on to Hot Chocolate singles.

0:42:130:42:16

Heaven Is In The Back Seat Of My Cadillac -

0:42:190:42:22

-later disproven!

-LAUGHTER

0:42:220:42:24

You Could've Been A Lady,

0:42:240:42:26

also Disco Queen, Don't Stop It Now,

0:42:260:42:28

I Believe In Love, I Gave You My Heart, Didn't I?

0:42:280:42:30

And I'll Put You Together Again. All of those were pointless answers.

0:42:300:42:33

And the cocoa-producing countries, lots of answers here.

0:42:330:42:36

Guinea-Bissau not one of them.

0:42:360:42:37

-Oh, Guinea-Bissau!

-Oh!

0:42:370:42:40

Cameroon, the fifth biggest producer.

0:42:400:42:42

Dominican Republic, Uganda.

0:42:420:42:43

Vanuatu, an old Pointless favourite.

0:42:430:42:45

The Democratic Republic of the Congo,

0:42:450:42:47

El Salvador, Gabon, Grenada, Guinea,

0:42:470:42:49

Guyana, Haiti, Liberia, Malaysia, Philippines,

0:42:490:42:52

Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Samoa, Sao Tome and Principe,

0:42:520:42:55

Solomon Islands, Sri Lanka, Thailand and Timor-Leste,

0:42:550:42:58

all pointless answers.

0:42:580:42:59

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

0:42:590:43:01

and congratulations in the studio, terrific show and terrific finish.

0:43:010:43:04

-Thank you.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

0:43:040:43:06

And thanks once again to our winning players, Robin and Kate,

0:43:060:43:08

who go away with our jackpot of £3,000 for their charities.

0:43:080:43:11

Absolutely brilliant. APPLAUSE

0:43:110:43:13

Join us next time, when we'll be putting

0:43:150:43:16

more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

0:43:160:43:19

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

0:43:190:43:21

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

0:43:210:43:23

A special celebrity academia edition of the general knowledge quiz in which four teams try to come up with the answers that no-one else could think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and co-host Richard Osman. Featuring Dr John Cooper Clarke and Suzannah Lipscomb, Mark Horton and Alice Roberts, Maggie Aderin-Pocock and Jim Al-Khalili, and Robin Ince and Kate Williams.