Special Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

and a very warm welcome to Pointless Celebrities,

the quiz show where the aim of the game is to score as few

points as you can, and you do

that by coming up with the answers no-one else could think of.

Let meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

And couple number one.

My name is Ellie Taylor, and I'm a stand-up comedian.

My name is Milton Jones, and I'm still a fashion icon.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

Hello, my name is Tommi Miers, and I'm co-founder of Oaxaca.

And I'm Jay Rayner.

Despite my slender frame, I'm a restaurant critic and a broadcaster.

APPLAUSE

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Sarah, I'm a writer and comedian.

Hi, I'm Paul Martin, I'm a TV presenter and I love antiques.

APPLAUSE

-And finally, couple number four.

-Hi there, I'm Sam Nixon.

I'm the Sam half of the CBBC presenting duo Sam and Mark.

Hello, I'm Mark Rhodes.

I'm the other half of the presenting duo Sam and Mark.

I also work on CBBC.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much all of you, a very warm welcome to Pointless.

It's lovely to have you here. We'll get to chat throughout the show

as it goes along, of course.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's like a human encyclopaedia,

and, yes, some of his parts are better thumbed than others.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hey, everybody. Hiya. Evening.

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening.

-Oh, this is lovely.

-What a nice bunch of guests.

-I know!

-It's like a perfect dinner party for us, isn't it?

-Ah.

Tommi can do the cooking, Jay can tut about the cooking.

Sam and Mark can have a little table by themselves right at the end.

So they don't disturb the adults, I think, is the key.

We have Pointless royalty with us today, Sara Pascoe,

who has won Pointless before with Josh Widdecombe

and won the jackpot as well, so very, very impressive.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Absolutely no pressure there, Paul.

Lovely to have Paul here as well. Because, Paul,

you often hand over to us from Flog It! to Pointless

during the day as well, so lovely to have you here in person as well.

-It should be fun, shouldn't it?

-Well, it should be.

-It should be.

Listen, it might not be.

-Sometimes it's not.

-I'd be surprised.

Sometimes it's not. Sometimes Jedward come on

and it becomes difficult. Sometimes it's not.

You know, but this, I think, should be easy.

I can't see who's going to cause trouble.

No, I think it will be absolutely fine.

Richard, thank you very much. Now, as usual,

today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants are looking for those all-important pointless

answers, these are answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those, and we will add to £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special and

all of our celebrities here are playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a rather larger jackpot than usual.

There's a jackpot of £2,500. There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So, just to remind you, the pair with the highest

score at the end of each round will be eliminated.

So just score as low as you possibly can and everything will be fine.

Best of luck to all four pairs. Our first category this evening is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could.

Mm. Richard?

Yep, we're looking for any of the 69 officially designated

cities of the UK that are south of York, please.

Any of them south of York.

Good question for someone, say, who is a comedian, who does

a lot of touring, or for somebody presenting an antiques show

that goes from city to city literally all year round.

-Mm.

-I would've thought.

-Mm.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Ellie, welcome to Pointless,

-lovely to have you here.

-Thank you very much.

Now then, Ellie, I read... I read somewhere that...

Ellie is a comedian. Ellie decided to become a comedian

after watching a friend do a five-minute set.

I did, yeah. I saw one of my friends do it and I thought,

"I'm quite similar to you, I reckon I can have a crack at that."

-"So I did.

-"I reckon I could do better than that."

-Presumably somewhere is what you were thinking.

-Yeah.

-Still a friend?

Yes, yes. I don't think she knows she was the one who inspired me,

actually. So I should probably...

-She knows you're a comedian now, though?

-She knows. I hope she knows.

-Maybe she put two... Maybe she doesn't.

-She better know.

"Why is Ellie always on stage? It's just really odd."

-Ellie, you're doing a show at the moment called Infidelliety.

-Yes.

Infidelliety, so it's all about being married

and wishing I had slept with more people.

-LAUGHTER

-Husband's delighted, guys!

I was going to say... How many times has he seen it?

Many. I change it every time.

It's just all about love and romance when he comes to see it.

-Oh, that's nice. Does he ever sneak in unannounced?

-No, he hasn't...

-Well, not that I know!

-Oh.

And he hasn't divorced me, so it must be going all right so far.

There you go. Ellie, we are looking for cities south of York.

I went to university in York, so I'm desperately trying to

think of the train journey up there.

I'm going to have to go for a reasonably obvious one because

I just cannot think of a clever one,

so I'm just going to say Manchester.

Manchester, says Ellie.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Manchester.

It's right. It's still going down.

-Look at that, until going down. 33.

-Not bad.

-Not bad.

Good start to the show, Ellie. 33 for Manchester.

-Yeah, Manchester, it's a city in the UK south of York.

-Mm.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Home of Manchester City.

-XANDER LAUGHS There we are. Thank you.

-Pleasure.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Now... Oh, Thomasina,

-welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you here.

-Thank you.

Now, you won MasterChef back in the mists of time.

When was that, 200...?

-2005.

-2005.

-Yes.

-You won MasterChef.

-Yes.

And then Oaxaca.

-Yes.

-It's been so enormously successful.

Yeah, well, Mexican, you know. A bit of Mexican, kind of fun,

-flavourful, tasty.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, sexy.

You're selling it, you're selling it!

Would Oaxaca have happened without MasterChef?

-Yes, presumably?

-I don't know what would've happened.

I mean, I've been to Mexico, loved it, but I was writing as well.

I still write. I kind of write recipes and books.

So I still do all that.

I think about MasterChef, they might not have given me

-the confidence to go forth into restaurants.

-The oomph.

Quite right. So, presumably,

you're always having to go back to Mexico, to find fresh ideas.

Yeah, I go to Mexico a lot, which is obviously tough.

That is tough, yeah. And it's work as well.

Yeah, and we take quite a lot of our staff with us,

so that's really tough.

And you have to eat out a lot, actually.

Yeah, the tequila, the mescal, you know.

-Well, it's important, you've got to sample all of this.

-Yeah, exactly.

-Yeah.

-Now, Thomasina, 33 is our only score at this point.

What would you like to go for? City south of York.

-Is Brighton a city?

-Shall we find out?

-Yes.

Thomasina says Brighton.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Brighton.

It's right, it is a city.

33 is what we have on the board at the moment.

Brighton takes whizzing past 33, all the way down to 18.

Very well done indeed, Tommi.

18 for Brighton.

Yeah, officially Brighton and Hope, but we'll take Brighton.

-That's really, really a long way south of York.

-It is.

Paul, welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you here.

As Richard said, we watch you all the time

-because you're on the telly as we come in.

-I'm...

For us you are, every day of the week.

How did it all begin with you with antiques?

Oh, about 16 years ago, sitting in my antiques shop, yeah.

Did a television person come in and say...?

A researcher walked in, took a few photographs, recorded me,

you know, on a little tiny camcorder, dumped the tape down

on the controller's desk, and within two weeks, I had a phone call.

-And you've never looked at.

-I've ever looked back.

We've made 1,000 shows now.

-1,000 Flog Its!

-Yes.

-What about that?! Oh, it's great, fun show.

You can tell just by looking at the schedules how much people

love watching antiques shows. Fantastic.

And what are you up to at the moment?

Still filming Flog It! I've been doing Countryfile Diaries this year.

And a brand-new show called Street Auction.

Now, what happens in Street Auction?

It's all about helping people that have fallen on hard times,

people that have a disability, they have no money,

we're there to help them.

We're raising money by selling everything we can,

-that everybody donates from the street.

-Brilliant.

-It's a brilliant show.

-Good luck with that.

Now, Paul, cities south of York. This, as Richard says, should be...

OK, I'm going to go as far south and southwest as possible and say Truro.

Truro, says Paul. What about that?

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Truro.

It's right. 33, still the high score.

18 is the low. We pass 33.

We past 18 down to 7.

Look at that! Very well done indeed, Paul.

Yeah, well played, Paul. I bet you've filmed in Truro, haven't you?

-I have.

-Course you have.

I was brought up down there.

-Oh, were you?

-In Falmouth.

It's the only city in Cornwall, Truro. Been a city since 1877.

-Oh, good for them.

-I know.

-That is good.

-Yeah.

I think it's going to stay a city.

I don't know what they'd have to do to get that taken away from them,

-but I imagine they'll be fine.

-Wow.

What...? Has a city ever had its status taken away? No.

Oh, yeah, all sorts of places. Yeah. Just if you cause trouble.

LAUGHTER If you cause trouble...

-Thanks very much, Richard. Mark. Mark.

-Hello.

Welcome back to Pointless.

-Now, Mark, you and Sam, famously, you met on Pop Idol.

-Yes.

How far into the show did you realise that you had met

a great friend?

-Uh...

-Too early.

-Too early.

Well, we actually met in the final 100 stage,

and I made a really, really

bad joke, and he laughed, and I thought, "Oh, will you be my mate?"

And he's stayed with me ever sent.

And it was just by coincidence that we came second and third.

-Have you ever let Sam forget you came second, he came third?

-No!

-No, no.

-Seriously, he hasn't.

-I haven't.

-I mean, I can't...

I'm struggling to think of any other reality show friendship.

I mean, the rivalry has got to quite sort of... Hasn't it?

He's very competitive, especially today,

and I'm worried. I'm not very good at quizzes, so...

I'm worried that he's going to, like, disown me after this.

-It could happen.

-LAUGHTER

Mark, how are you feeling about cities?

-UK cities.

-I think there is only one city that I could possibly go for,

and if I didn't go for it, then I'd...

Well, my dad'd have a word with me.

So it's Wolverhampton.

Wolverhampton, says Mark. Wolverhampton.

Let's see how many over 100 people...

Gasp from the audience!

I hope it is!

Is it right? How many people said it?

It is right.

Well, 33 still the high score, 7 now our low.

We pass 33.

Oh, we'll be passing 7 as well.

Look at that!

Wolverhampton does you proud, 3.

Lowest score so far, Mark, very well done.

Yeah, well played, Mark. It's been a city since 2000, Wolverhampton.

And the pride at getting such a low score, I hope, is counterbalanced by

the lack of pride at Wolverhampton getting such a low score.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

What are you, half as famous as Truro? What's that about?

I'm kind of sad about it.

Well, we're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

3 the best score of the pass, Mark. Very well done indeed.

Then 7. Equally well done to you, Paul.

Paul and Sara are looking very strong.

Then up to 18, where we find Tommi and Jay.

And then 33, Ellie and Milton.

Locally, Milton, I know you've got a brilliant city up your sleeve.

Let's hope no-one else gets it before we come to you

and maybe it'll keep you in the game. Good luck.

We come back down the line now,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

Sam, welcome to Pointless again.

Remember, we're looking for any city in the UK south of York.

-Now, Sam.

-Yup?

-You're always Sam and Mark, aren't you?

-Yes.

-So, that was awkward when I was stood over there...

-Yeah.

You always have that, that's your Sam mark and your Mark mark!

Does that mean it's always S&M, not...

LAUGHTER

-Not M&S!

-Not M&S!

Although it's possible to be both, I dare say.

APPLAUSE

Oh, fabulous.

Well... LAUGHTER

What are you up to at the moment, Sam?

So, Mark and I present a show on CBBC

called Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind Up,

which is in its sixth series, which is amazing.

So, yeah, we're filming that, which is a nice, big,

family sort of entertainment show for CBBC, which we love.

Very good, and that's done with a big live audience, is it?

Yes, it is, yeah.

It's the sort of maximum amount of time you can keep

that sort of age group in a contained space before...

Thankfully, we have a family audience, so the mums

-and dads are there as well, so they get to keep the kids, like...

-Phew!

To be fair, I think it's the adults that are ready to leave by the end.

I was just thinking, the anarchy that must...

There must be a point, after about an hour and a half,

where you think it's going to kick off!

And also, on that show, we wind up members of the audience quite

a lot, so I think they're constantly on the edge of their seats,

-worrying that we're going to come to them at any point.

-Oh, fabulous.

Sam, you're on three, brilliant low score from Mark.

If you can score 29 or less with this answer,

you won't even be the high-scorers.

I'm doing that thing where I'm worrying

-whether they're cities or towns.

-Yeah.

Um, so, I'm going to go for one I think is a city,

I hope it's a low score, I'm going to go Hull.

-Hull, says Sam.

-Yeah.

That was great, every head turned to me as one! Hull, shall we find out?

Here is your red line, if you get below that with Hull,

you are through to Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Hull.

It's right.

Look at that, Sam, fantastic.

Down to 4.

Taking your total up to 7.

-That's all right.

-All right, I'll take that, I'll take that.

Yeah, terrific answer.

I mean, listen, it's no Wolverhampton,

but it's a good answer.

That's a risky one, Hull, I think, in terms of being north or...

I wouldn't have liked to have called if it was north or south of York.

-But it's south.

-It's south.

-That's the good news here.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Now, Sara.

-Hello!

-Now, listen, you're touring a book at the moment?

-I'm touring a show.

-Yeah?

I wrote a book, which I sell at the end of the shows.

Touring a book sounds like, "Look what I did!"

I just read you are touring a book.

But the book is called The Autobiography of the Female Body?

-Yes.

-And the show is also called that, is it?

-The show's called Animal, so the book's called Animal.

-I see, right.

-It's different material, but...

-I see.

-..complimentary.

Complimentary, but it sort of satisfies

the publishers at the same time as being a tour?

-Yeah.

-That's nice.

-Got to keep those guys happy...

-Got to keep them happy!

-..if you want to do another one.

What would you like to go for? 7 is your score at the moment.

Everyone's doing really well, and at stand-up, actually,

I often make the mistake at gigs of saying,

"I've never been here before, what a lovely town,"

and some passive-aggressive 50-year-old goes, "City!"

So, actually, I've got a choice of a few, I think, that people

don't know they're cities, but I'm going to go for Peterborough.

-Peterborough.

-Yes.

-Yeah, I think you know the answer to this.

Or do you not? Or maybe?

The trouble is, if you have too long to think,

-you start to doubt yourself.

-Let's doubt no more.

There is your red line, get below that with Peterborough,

-you're into Round Two.

-Come on!

How many of our 100 people said Peterborough?

It's right.

I have a very good feeling about Peterborough.

Absolutely, there it goes,

down to 6, very well done indeed.

13 is your total.

Yeah, two facts about Peterborough that I know.

Firstly, Catherine of Aragon is buried in Peterborough Cathedral.

And secondly, it is twice as popular as Wolverhampton.

LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Jay, welcome to Pointless.

-Lovely to be here.

Lovely to have you here again.

First thing I want to ask you - I read somewhere that you watch

-Pointless when you work out. Is this true?

-Yes, I do.

You know, I have a stupid job which involves eating for a living,

so I go to the gym four or five times a week

and I get on the cross trainer at 5:15,

-and then I see if I can make it all the way to the...

-No!

You know, it's a good day when I've seen somebody lose.

That's very impressive. We were talking about MasterChef earlier -

occasionally they summon you in as a judge,

where you come in and you have to sit while some of the most

nervous people you've ever seen come and serve food up for you.

I'm going to say you are the bad cop on that one.

I'm harsh, but fair.

You are - I think people always like it

when they get a compliment from you, however slight.

We get a bit tunnel vision. We're there for five or six hours.

Quite a lot of food you have to eat as well, presumably.

-Do you get time to walk it off?

-No breakfast, no dinner,

-probably a gym trip before to kind of work it up.

-OK.

And then, one of the things is, we do taste it,

but there's always that television thing of, you have to have a knife

and fork going down on an empty plate, and we slightly stunt that.

I see. Anyway, now then, Jay, 18 is your score at the moment,

this is tense,

you have to score 14 or less.

Um, now, similar to Sara, I have been abused for calling cities towns

in my restaurant reviews.

So, I went to review a restaurant in Hereford

and said, "What a fine town," and then e-mails started...

Apparently, it's a city - who knew? Not me.

But I do now, so, Hereford.

Hereford, says Jay.

Well, it looks like we don't have any jeopardy on this one -

we know Hereford is a city. There is your red line,

the question is, will it get below that red line?

How many of our 100 people said Hereford?

It is a city.

You've done it.

Oh, yeah!

APPLAUSE

Very good. Turns out nobody knows Hereford is a city,

that's a pointless answer, that's £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £2,750,

scores you nothing.

-That weekend of abuse...

-LAUGHTER

..from the good people of Hereford was worth it!

-They are lovely people.

-They're lovely.

-Just, nobody knows their town is a city.

-My favourite people!

Very well played, Jay.

The world's biggest cider producing factory is in Hereford.

Yes, huge cider production in Herefordshire.

-Yes, the world's biggest.

-Yeah. LAUGHTER

They have a huge apple -

everyone thinks that Kent is where all of our apples come from...

Oh, the size of the apples in that place...

-No, the apples are small, but...

-The apples are, like, this size.

-But the volume...

-The size of beach balls!

LAUGHTER

Extraordinary. That's why the factory has to be so big.

You know, get three or four apples in there and it's a crush.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Whoo!

-There we go. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Well, it comes to this point...

Oh, Milton, I can't bear this. Don't like this.

-I'm so sorry.

-You are our high-scorers.

You haven't given an answer yet, I...

-Unless you got a minus score.

-Yeah, I have.

If anybody could, if anyone could, Milton...

-Johannesburg?

-..it would be you.

Don't, he'll take it, don't!

-See, Milton, you have... Cos you are Milton Jones...

-I think... Oh, yeah.

You also have the persona of Milton Jones,

who lives in the very world of Milton Jones.

-Yes.

-I've been in the very world of Milton Jones.

Yes, well, we all have, occasionally.

Sometimes you wear a boiler suit

when you are the persona Milton Jones.

-Yeah.

-Sometimes your hair is sticking up

-when you are the persona Milton Jones.

-Yes.

I THINK you are just Milton Jones now.

Normally, I say the thicker the crowd,

the higher the hair has to go.

LAUGHTER

I'd take that as a compliment, if I were you.

Now, Milton, I'm sorry to... HE SIGHS

It's going to be a pyrrhic victory,

whatever it is, your answer here.

What are you going to go for?

Exeter.

Exeter.

No red line for you, I'm afraid, as you are already our high-scorers.

Let's see how far down the column we get with Exeter.

It's a good answer.

Oh, look...

Oh, 25, for Exeter.

58 is your total.

I always think that Exeter

is a very appropriate answer if you're leaving.

LAUGHTER

There's a few other pointless answers out there

as well as Hereford. Let's take a look at them.

Well done if you said any of these.

Bangor in North Wales is a pointless answer.

There's Hereford. Salford is a pointless answer.

You also could have said St Albans and St Asaph, which is in Wales.

I'll give you some other low scorers because I know some people

are not sure what's a city and what's not. One point for Newport,

Worcester, Preston, Wells and Wakefield.

Two points for St Davids, city of Westminster, Chichester, Lichfield.

Three points for... Am I saying this right,

Waal-ver-hompton, Waal-ver-humpton?

I haven't heard of it. I've not heard of it.

It's pronounced...

-IRISH ACCENT:

-..Wall-ver-hampton.

-Wall-ver-hampton.

And four points for Stoke-on-Trent, Chester.

Five points for Ely, Chelmsford, Bradford, Gloucester.

Six points for Salisbury. Those are your lowest scorers.

We'll take a look at the three highest scorers now,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

36 people said Bristol.

45 people said Birmingham.

And London is at the top there with 69.

69 of our 100 people! There we go.

Well, if you've got to name lots of them, you don't

-always name all of them.

-You maybe don't.

-That's the thing.

Yes, exactly. Thank you very much, Richard.

We are at the end of our first round so the pair we have to say goodbye

to, with our highest score of 58, Milton and Ellie, I'm so sorry.

-I'm so ashamed.

-No, it's the curse of the first podium. Always happens.

-I'm taking that, fine.

-You didn't have any time to think.

-I didn't!

You didn't! These people have a framework.

You gave them Manchester

and they could then branch out from Manchester.

It was all thanks to you that we had such a low-scoring round, in fact.

You're welcome.

It's been lovely having you here. I'm sorry it's been so brief

but please come and play again, Milton and Ellie. Wonderful.

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And, so, we are down to three pairs.

At the end of this round, I'm sorry to say,

we'll have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well done, Sam and Mark,

our lowest combined score there in the first round, seven.

Really very, very good indeed.

I knew, coming from Wolverhampton, it would stand me in good stead.

And, Jay, our lowest individual scorer there.

Not only that, not only did you...

You wove your answer into an anecdote. And then it was pointless.

-True story!

-What a pro.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

..Shared Words.

Shared Words. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

And the question concerns...

..Boys And Girls.

Hm. Richard.

On each board we're going to show you six descriptions of TV shows,

songs, plays or films that have the words "boys" or "girls"

in their title. Just need to give us their names, please.

Six on the first board, six on the second board,

12 in all to have a go at at home. Good luck.

OK, can you give us the titles of these songs, films,

plays or TV series.

Here is our first board of clues. We have got...

I will read those all one last time.

Thomasina.

Well...

So, Cyndi Lauper song...

-..Boys, Boys, Boys?

-Boys, Boys, Boys?

I'm looking at Jay's face, I wonder what that means?

-Does he think that's a good answer? Or a bad...

-I love her very much.

XANDER LAUGHS

-My mind is blank.

-I wonder if it's right or wrong.

Boys, Boys, Boys, says Tommi.

Let's see how many of our 100 people

said Boys, Boys, Boys for Cyndi Lauper.

Not Boys, Boys, Boys, as it turns out, I'm afraid, Thomasina.

Sorry, Tommi, I think that was Sabrina, Boys, Boys, Boys.

-Remember her?

-I can remember it, I can remember the song. Oh, yes.

-Sara.

-Hello.

So, what are the titles of these songs, films, plays and TV series?

I'm going to go for the single by Avril Lavigne,

and that is Skater Boy.

Skater Boy, says Sara.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Skater Boy.

What?

What?

-What?

-They're all saying "what."

None of this is landing right for me. None of this.

-I know I'm being stupid, but...

-No, I thought exactly the same.

Lots of people at home will think exactly the same.

Actually, the year is wrong. It was 2002, Skater Boy,

so a long time further back.

-We are a great deal older than we imagine.

-There we are.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Now, then, Mark.

It's all going so well! Do you want to talk us through the board?

There's a whole board full of unanswered songs there.

I know a couple of them but I will go for the Avril Lavigne song,

and I think it's Girlfriend.

Girlfriend, says Mark. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Girlfriend.

It is Girlfriend!

Well, our high score is 100, you passed that a while back.

There you are. That's a pointless answer.

From one extremity to another. That adds £250 to today's jackpot,

taking the total up to £3,000.

Scores you absolutely nothing, very well done indeed.

You see, anyone who would have voted for it was

-siphoned off into Skater Boy.

-Yes, I think that's exactly right.

-Mark, would you have said Skater Boy if Sara hadn't said it?

-Yes.

-So, thanks for that.

-SARA:

-It's all for charity, guys.

Now, let's fill in the rest of this board, shall we?

The top one, Yosser Hughes...

..Boys From The Black Stuff

would have scored you 44 points. A big scorer.

-Do you remember the Ordinary Boys song?

-Yes, I do,

-Preston from the Ordinary Boys?

-Yes.

-Um...Boys Will Be Boys.

-Exactly.

Would have scored you two points.

So, Preston would have been a very good answer in both rounds so far.

-Well done if you've done that.

-LAUGHTER

Now, the Cyndi Lauper song that's not Boys, Boys, Boys...

Girls Just Want To Have Fun.

Girls Just Want To Have Fun and that would have scored 47.

-The Tom Hooper film?

-Um... It's the D...

..Danish Girl.

The Danish Girl, yes, and that would have scored you 19.

-And the Alan Bennett play?

-History Boys.

Very low scorer, would have scored you four points.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. So, we are halfway through

the round, let's take a look at the scores.

Two scores between our three pairs and they are...

..nothing, well done, Mark and Sam,

and 100, bad luck, Sara, Paul, Tommi and Jay.

So, Paul and Jay, I suggest it is between the pair of you.

OK, we're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

That was just beautifully done. It was like watching

Changing The Guards or something. It was fabulous.

OK, we're going to put six more close up on the board

and here they are. We have got...

I'm going to read those again.

Sam.

-Sam.

-Uh-huh.

Well, Mark has set you up in a way that,

I mean, this is just marvellous. Just marvellous.

You couldn't be in a better position to shine.

I'm starting to feel the pressure, though, now.

Don't feel any pressure, Sam. If you can score 99 or less, it's fine.

I think I know the top one. So I think I'm going to go for that.

-I believe that that is The Jersey Boys.

-The Jersey Boys, says Sam.

Here is your red line, lovely and high, couldn't be higher.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Jersey Boys.

It's right, you're through.

Good enough, Sam. Look at that,

down it goes to 28.

-28 is your total.

-Well played, Sam.

It's won 57 major theatre awards worldwide, Jersey Boys.

-That's a lot.

-That's a lot.

That's a lot. Thank you very much, Richard.

-Paul, you're looking flummoxed.

-Yeah.

I kind of know two but I'm trying to work out

which would be the least obvious.

Second to bottom, David Fletcher...

-..Gone Girl?

-Gone Girl, says Paul.

No red line, you're joint high-scorers,

let's see how far down the column we get with Gone Girl.

It is Gone Girl.

Not bad at all, look at that,

down to 11. Very well done.

111 is your total, that's given Jay something to think about.

Yeah, that certainly puts the pressure on. Gone Girl,

the film with Ben Affleck and Rosamunde Pike,

nominated for an Oscar for her role.

Thank you very much indeed. Now, Jay.

-OK, you know what we need from you.

-I do.

-You have to score 10 or less.

Talk us through this board.

So, the Thin Lizzy song in the soundtrack to the

2001 from A Knight's Tale I think is The Boys Are Back In Town.

The sitcom about an Irish family starring Brendan O'Carroll is

Mrs Brown's Boys.

And the Richard Linklater film is Boyhood.

I'm going to go for the Richard Linklater film,

-made over 12 years with the same cast, Boyhood.

-Boyhood.

Boyhood, says Jay.

-Here is your red line. It's quite low.

-It is.

Let's see if it's right,

let's see how far down the column we get with Boyhood.

It is Boyhood.

You've done it!

Look at that, down to two with Boyhood,

very, very well done indeed, Jay!

Boys, Boys, Boys but a memory now.

Taking your total up to 102, seeing you through to the head-to-head.

-Very well done.

-And well chosen as well. It's the only one up there

that would have seen you through, Boyhood.

The Thin Lizzy song, you're right, is The Boys Are Back In Town.

That would have scored you 16 points.

The sitcom you knew was Mrs Brown's Boys,

that's the biggest scorer up there, 59. And the TV series.

Well, it's Superman-based which gives you two choices, really.

-It's either Superboy or Supergirl. What would you go for?

-Superboy.

You'd get 100 points. It's Supergirl.

-That would have scored you 16.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Well, we are at the end of our second round and there's one pair

we have to say goodbye to. Paul and Sara, I'm so sorry.

It just didn't happen. Oh, Paul and Sara, please come back

and play again. It's been lovely having you here.

Brilliant contestants, Paul and Sara.

But for Sam and Mark, Thomasina and Jay

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Sam and Mark, Thomasina and Jay.

You are now one step closer to the final and the chance to

play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £3,000.

This is the point where we decide who goes through to the final

to play for that jackpot. We do it by making you go head-to-head

but the big difference is you're now allowed to confer.

And the first pair to win two questions will be

playing for that jackpot.

Well, Jay, Sam and Mark, you have been on Pointless before.

You have got as far as the head-to-head.

One of you will be going further than you have ever

gone before on Pointless at the end of this round.

It's very exciting indeed. Very best of luck.

Let's see what happens, let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question and it concerns...

..Western Films.

-Richard.

-We're going to show you five stills now from Western films.

-Can you name the films, please?

-Thank you very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five stills from Westerns and here they are.

There we go. Five stills from Westerns, what are the Westerns?

Sam and Mark, you'll go first.

-I think we only know the top one, don't we, really?

-We know A.

That's the only one we can go for, really. We're going to go for...

-..Django Unchained.

-Django Unchained say Sam and Mark. Django Unchained.

Now, Thomasina and Jay, that board is all yours, talk us through it.

I actually thought A was Hateful Eight.

B is Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.

D, the clue is in the picture, that's The Magnificent Seven.

And E, I think, is Support Your Local Gunslinger.

I think we do D. Let's go for D,

-Magnificent Seven.

-Magnificent seven.

So, we have Django Unchained and The Magnificent Seven.

Sam and Mark said Django Unchained for A.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it. Is it right?

It is right.

Oh, it's very right. Look at that,

down to seven, very well done indeed.

Sam and Mark on seven there.

Well done. Django Unchained.

If you only knew one, that was clearly the one to know.

Now, Jay and Thomasina have gone for D and The Magnificent Seven.

-Can we concede now, or...?

-Well, let's see what happens.

-Shall we?

-Shall we?

-How many people said The Magnificent Seven.

Yeah, there we are, 43.

43 for that, but a magnificent seven for Sam and Mark, which means,

after one question, you are up 1-0.

Yeah, you only knew one, it was the best answer on the board,

so that's quite handy. B is Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.

It actually scores fewer points than Magnificent Seven,

32 points for that.

C, it's a brilliant film, it's a remake as well, it's True Grit.

Would have scored you 15.

And the last one, it's not Support Your Local Gunslinger.

-Thank God for that!

-It's even more famous than that,

that's Gary Cooper, High Noon.

Absolutely. Would have scored you 28.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, here comes your second question.

Tommi and Jay, you get to answer this one first but you have to

win it to stay in the game, so very, very best of luck.

A bit of pressure on you there.

Our second question today is all about...

..Royal Songs. Richard.

We're about to play you excerpts from five UK top 40 singles.

They've all got a royal title in their title.

-Can you give us the titles of one of these songs, please?

-OK.

Here are the five songs. We have A...

# Now we're sharing the same dream

# And our hearts, they beat as one

# No more love on the run... #

Here's B.

# Ridicule is nothing to be scared of

# Don't you ever

# Don't you ever

# Stop being dandy, showing me you're handsome

# Don't you ever, don't you ever... #

Here's C.

# And her clothes are all hand-me-downs

# From the folks in town who treat her so good

# Though she hasn't got a dime

# I'm so proud that she's all mine... #

Here's D.

# He's got a daytime job, he's doing all right

# He can play the honky tonk like anything

# Saving it up for Friday night... #

And here's E.

# Ain't got no cigarettes

# Ah, but two hours of pushin' broom

# Buys an eight by 12 four-bit room

# I'm a man of means by no means... #

There we go. So, what are the titles of those songs?

Tommi and Jay will go first.

You just want to sing the end of E, which is

the title of the song, which is King Of The Hill.

AUDIENCE MURMUR

-King Of The HILL...

-Or not as the case may be.

LAUGHTER

-King Of The Road! Agh!

-THOMASINA:

-King Of The Road!

Sam and Mark, what would you like to go for?

We're going to go for B because that's wrong.

-Prince Charming, please.

-JAY:

-Congratulations.

LAUGHTER

Prince Charming for B, say Sam and Mark.

So, we have King Of The Hill, and we have Prince Charming.

King Of The Hill, let's see what happens.

-REALLY?

-Oh, no, I'm so sorry. That's unfair.

Sam and Mark have gone for Prince Charming. Let's see

how many of our 100 people said that.

If it's right...

..it does the job. There we are. Yes, it is right.

44.

44...

Bad luck, Jay. It's not the first time

and it won't be the last time somebody has

tripped on their tongue. I'm sorry. Very well done, Sam and Mark.

After only two questions, you are straight through to the final 2-0.

Yeah, that's the way to win a head-to-head.

The first question, you get the best answer possible,

second question your opponents give the worst answer possible.

That's the way to do it. It is of course King Of The Road.

I know you know that. It absolutely happen sometimes.

It would have scored you 45 points.

That would have been exciting.

Wouldn't it? Ooh!

Let's take a look... Let's have a listen to A.

# Now we're sharing the same dream... #

-Caribbean Queen.

-Caribbean Queen. Yeah, by Billy Ocean.

B we've heard. Now C.

# And her clothes... #

It's Gene Pitney you can probably just about hear.

Princess In Rags is the answer.

It pointless answer. And D.

-Sultans Of Swing.

-Sultans Of Swing by Dire Straits.

That would have scored you 10 points, a very good answer.

Thank you, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm so sorry, Tommi and Jay, I'm sorry.

The nice news is you just have to come back, which is great.

It's been lovely having you on the show,

thank you so much. Tommi and Jay!

But, for Sam and Mark, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Sam and Mark, you have fought off all the

competition and, valiantly, you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have the chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your charities. And, at the end of today's show,

the jackpot is standing at £3,000, there it is.

Now, this is a new Pointless high water mark for you.

Every single round, you've smashed it, you've been our low scorers.

Low scorers, low scorers, we had a pointless answer from you,

-for goodness' sake with Avril Lavigne.

-We're very lucky.

And then 2-0 in the head-to-head! Anyway, listen,

you get to choose your category in this last round, as you know.

There'll be four things that seem impossible on the board behind me.

They may be impossible or there might be three rather nicer

categories behind each one. We'll just have to see what's up there.

Anyway, best of luck. Let's see what we can find.

-Um... Sugar...is food. And you were on MasterChef.

-Yeah, but...

And Child Actors...

I think we should go the Noughties Debut Albums.

Do you think?

That face suggests no.

No, no, I think they're all, like, so cryptic.

OK, for me, it would either be Child Actors or Noughties Debut Albums.

Let's go with...

-..Child Actors because...

-You've changed last-minute!

-Yeah, I did.

-Why?

-Because...

-I want you to pick it.

-What?!

Now I'm saying that, I only know Macauley Culkin. That's it.

That ain't going to be pointless, mate.

-Shall we go for Noughties Albums?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

-Sorry.

It's almost like you've worked together for years, isn't it?

-Extraordinary. Brilliant.

-We are terrible.

-So, Noughties albums it is.

-OK, good luck, gents.

You've been terrific all the way through.

Fingers crossed one of these works for you.

We are looking for any tracks from any of the following three albums,

please. So, any of the tracks from the original releases of...

So, any tracks on the original releases of any of those three

-albums, very, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three

answers and all you need to win that jackpot for your charities

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are, your time starts now.

I think the only way...

-It's all about Coldplay for you, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-You love Coldplay. Have you got that album?

-I've got the album.

Which is the filler, the song that you'd skip in the car?

-Don't Panic is one.

-Definitely, from that album?

-Yes. Don't Panic.

There's Shiver. There's Yellow. There's Trouble.

Shiver was a single, wasn't it? So, maybe not that.

-Well, it's tracks on the album.

-We're looking for pointless answers.

Yeah, I know, but Shiver's one that...

-I don't think anybody bought it.

-OK.

I mean, they've done all right for themselves.

I'd put Don't Panic...

Oh, where's the other one?

-Shiver I'd put in.

-Yeah.

-Shiver, Don't Panic, and...

Oh, do you know Arctic Monkeys? They're from down your end.

Yeah, I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor,

but that's their most famous one.

101 points, that would be.

Um... I reckon... I reckon Trouble...

..or Yellow.

That's your time up. So, let's have those three answers. And if you say

which category you're answering as well, that would be great.

We are saying Don't Panic for Coldplay.

We are going to say Shiver, the same album.

And we're also...

Uh...

We're going to say...

-..Trouble.

-And Trouble from the same album?

-Yes.

-All three of them

Coldplay answers. Of those three, which do you think is your

best shot at a pointless answer?

-Don't Panic.

-Don't Panic goes last. Least likely to be pointless?

-Trouble.

-OK, so, Trouble, Shiver, Don't Panic, in that order.

OK, let's put the answers up on the board in that order,

then, and here they are. We have got Trouble,

we've got Shiver, and we've got Don't Panic.

Well, three good answers there.

All from Coldplay's Parachutes album from 2000. Very, very best of luck.

Now, if one of these turns out to be pointless,

-surely a good chance of one of these being pointless...

-Fingers crossed!

..what charities are you playing for?

We're both playing for the same charity.

We're patrons of a charity called Whizz-Kidz.

It provides electronic wheelchairs for disabled children.

Fabulous. Fabulous charity.

APPLAUSE

Well, fingers tightly crossed one of these answers, at least one of these

answers, will be pointless and will win that jackpot for your charity.

Trouble is your first answer.

All of these are Coldplay Parachutes tracks.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Trouble.

Is it pointless, for £3,000?

It's right.

All it has to be now is pointless so if Trouble takes us down to zero,

you leave with £3,000 for your charity.

We now whizz down through the teens. We're into single figures,

down we go with Trouble still going down to four.

-It's not bad. Trouble. And it was a single.

-Wow.

Not a pointless answer. But quite reassuring, I would say.

Two more chances to win today's jackpot for your charity.

Shiver is your next answer.

Again, we're looking for Coldplay songs from Parachutes.

If it's pointless, it wins you £3,000.

How many of our 100 people said Shiver?

Shiver's right.

Trouble, your first answer, took us down to four.

Shiver now takes us down through the 20s, into the teens...

Down we go into single figures.

Oh, seven!

I'm surprised!

Seven. It's gone in the wrong direction but it's fine.

-It's fine.

-I'm surprised at that.

-It's fine.

Aptly enough, Don't Panic is...

LAUGHTER

..is your next answer.

This is the one you thought was going to be your best shot

at a pointless answer. Please can this be pointless?

It will win you £3,000 for your charity, if it is.

Let's find out how many people named Don't Panic as

a track on Parachutes.

It's right. Trouble, your first answer, took us down to four.

Shiver, your next answer, took us down to seven.

Don't Panic takes us down through the 20s, into the teens...

..back into single figures,

down we go... Oh, no! Oh, no! Six.

Oh, shame.

-I can't believe that!

-Well, what about that?

-Trouble was the lowest scorer of all of those.

-Wow, I'm very surprised.

-Very surprised.

-Oh, no. Well, listen, three great answers there.

I'm afraid that's really unlucky that you didn't get lower than that.

I thought at least one of those would be pointless.

So, I'm afraid you didn't manage

to find the pointless answer you needed to win that jackpot

but, because it is a celebrity special, we're going to

donate £500 to each celebrity pair to give to their charities.

Thank you. Nice one.

And you get a Pointless trophies, so very, very well done.

A superb performance across the show. Brilliant work.

Oh, that's unlucky, gents. Very well played.

Yellow would have scored you 30 points and, actually,

Yellow and those three were the four high-scorers on that album.

There are three pointless answers on Parachutes.

And we're about to take a look at them. Here we go.

You could have had Everything's Not Lost.

High Speed and We Never Change.

Very well done if you said any of those at home. Now, Norah Jones...

Also, I've Got To See You Again, One Flight Down and Painter Song.

Those were the pointless answers there. And the Arctic Monkeys...

It's a slightly longer read.

Also, Perhaps Vampires Is A Bit Strong But...,

Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured, and You Probably

Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Terrific performance, you are lovely fellows and brilliant

presenters and it's been a pleasure, as always to have you with us.

-Right back at you. Thank you very much.

-Thanks very much indeed.

We've loved having you on the show, Sam and Mark. Absolutely superb,

thank you so much for playing. Brilliant. Join us next time

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.