Christmas Special Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

and a very warm welcome to this special Christmas edition

of Pointless Celebrities,

the quiz that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

Let's meet this evening's Pointless celebrities.

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Gareth Malone, and I had a Christmas number one

with Military Wives Choir.

And I'm Samantha Stevenson, and I had the solo

for Wherever You Are with Military Wives Choirs,

and there's now 74 choirs across the world.

Couple number two!

Hi, my name is Ben Haenow,

I won the X Factor in 2014 and had a Christmas number one that year,

and this legend is...

I'm Jimmy Osmond.

And I had a Christmas number one way back called

Long-haired Lover From Liverpool, so... And he's the smart one.

Not at all. Not at all.

We are in trouble.

Couple number three!

Hi, my name Jona Lewie, and I'm a singer-songwriter type person,

and one of the things I did was a Christmas number as well

called Stop The Calvary.

And I'm Mike Batt,

I've had two Christmas number twos,

which doesn't add up to a number one, I'm afraid.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And, finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Justin Hawkins, I sing for The Darkness.

We had a seasonal number two...

LAUGHTER

..in 2003, and then we contributed to the number one the year after,

which was the Band-Aid reimagining.

I'm Dan Hawkins, I'm Justin's brother

and guitarist in The Darkness.

Thank you all very much indeed.

Very warm welcome to Pointless, lovely to have you all here.

We'll get a chance to chat a bit further throughout the show,

as it goes along. So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's been officially recognised by the Guinness Book Of Records as the

world's biggest elf.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Everybody, Merry Christmas.

Well, Merry Christmas to you.

-And right back to you.

-Isn't this lo...? I love Christmas.

-I love Christmas.

-We both dressed up.

I'm wearing a Christmas jumper, you're wearing your Christmas thong.

So lovely, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And we're joined by so many hit makers.

Huge amount of Christmas hits on the show.

Not only do we have them the whole show, but we'll be played out

at the end. We've got a very, very special treat at the end,

and the very, very good news is it's not Xander...

LAUGHTER

..but one of our...two of our panel,

in fact, will be playing us out at the end,

which will be great fun. Now, question one, it's quite...

There's quite Christmassy themes to a lot of the questions.

Question one - I have to take my hat off

to the Pointless question-setters, the Pointless elves,

because they've had a lot of fun and spent a lot of time working out

the answers to question one.

-It's going to be a good one.

-OK, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities here is playing for a nominated charity.

For those reasons, we're going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

All you have to remember is this,

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be

eliminated. So keep your scores as low as you possibly can.

Very best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this evening is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And our question concerns...

-Richard?

-Yes, you are about to see a board of 16 famous faces,

all of them have a name which has a wintry or festive connection.

-Aw.

-Can you identify the most obscure of these people?

-That's nice, isn't it?

-Oh, that is nice.

OK, let's reveal our 16 faces, and here they come.

There we go.

There we go.

OK. Gareth Malone.

You said you had a Christmas number.

-You've had two Christmas number ones, I think, haven't you?

-Have I?

I think you have - the NHS Choir and the Military Wives.

-That's right! Guilty as charged.

-Yeah!

-Well, I didn't work with them

on that, but I did start the NHS Choir,

-so I'll take that, thank you.

-Yeah, I think you can take that.

Fine. All right. Yes, yes, then.

So, Gareth, what do you think goes into the perfect Christmas song?

It's so difficult, isn't it?

It's alchemy,

and certainly when we had that, nobody expected it.

It wasn't the aim, but it was an amazing ride, as I'm sure

everyone would say here. It was incredible.

Have you got plans, have you got another choir lined up for another

Christmas number one at some future point, Gareth?

Some point, not this year.

-Not this year.

-Sure.

-Giving everyone a break.

-OK.

-It's a year off.

-OK, fair enough.

Now, what about our wintry people over here?

Well... There's quite a few.

I'm going to say...

I'm going to say Robin Cook, cause of Robin.

IMITATES BIRD CALL

Robin Cook, OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said Robin Cook.

18 for Robin Cook.

Yep, top on that first podium, so it's a very good answer, Gareth,

well played. He's got Robin in his name.

-Yes, that's nice.

-Like a lovely Christmas robin.

Like a Christmas robin. Sitting on a spade.

I won't always explain the connection to the festive period,

but just as we are beginning the round, I thought maybe I would.

-I think it's good, yes, yes.

-Robin.

-Robin. Thank you.

-Pleasure.

-Jimmy, welcome back to Pointless.

Lovely to have you with us again. Last time you were here, in fact,

you sang Long-haired Lover From Liverpool.

I sang Long-haired Lover, that's right, great to be with you.

Merry Christmas everybody.

-Thank you.

-Great time of year, isn't it?

-It is.

-My favourite.

-It is.

Now, when that was number one, I think you went into

the Guinness Book Of Records for the youngest ever...

The youngest ever still, although Will Smith's daughter

-almost beat me, but anyway.

-Almost.

-Almost, but I was still younger.

-How old were you?

-I think I was eight, eight or nine years old.

-There you go.

-Yeah.

That's a long time ago.

-What happened, huh?

-Now then, Jimmy, who would you like to go for

on our board of wintry named people?

David Frost?

I remember David.

You're going to go for David Frost.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said David Frost.

It's right. Well, 18 is our only score so far.

46 for David Frost!

Not bad at all.

-I don't know that many.

-You got a name, it doesn't matter.

-It just popped in my brain, yeah.

-Richard, David Frost.

Frost being the wintry one there.

-Of course.

-Also David, as in Once In Royal David's City.

-That's right.

-So absolute double whammy there.

That's a double Christmas.

Isn't it? Thank you very much, Richard.

-Now, Mike.

-Hello.

-Mike, Mike.

I think you've written one of my all-time favourite Christmas

songs. I think that Wombling Merry Christmas has...

It's a sort of complete Christmas song. It has everything in it.

That's very nice of you to say so, thank you.

It's lovely. Oh, it's a great song. And Winter's Tale, obviously.

-Thank you so much.

-When you played as The Wombles,

which Womble were you? Cos it's very hard to tell from our side.

Well, I was Orinoco.

-Right.

-The one with the red scarf, and I was being the singer.

I was the one who used to wave the microphone stand around,

for those who are old enough to remember.

And, yeah, we had a lot of fun

and took off a lot of weight, actually. I could lose...

I should think you must have done.

You could lose half a stone in a week wearing a Womble costume.

I love the fact that Mike Batt is one of the most successful and lucrative

recording artists of all time, and now he's telling us about the scarf

above your head on Top of the Pops as Orinoco.

It's funny what you get remembered for sometimes, isn't it?

One must not get too attached to one's dignity.

LAUGHTER

Mike, who would you like to go for?

Well, there are two that I think could be low points,

and I'm toggling between them. I'm going to say Peter Gabriel.

Peter Gabriel.

OK, let's see how many of our 100 people went for Peter Gabriel.

Well, 18's our low score. 46, our high.

You passed 46, you passed 18,

down you go to 5.

Very well done indeed, Mike.

-Peter Gabriel.

-Great answer, Mike. There he is. I told you

-our question-setters had fun doing this.

-They had fun.

When they were stumbling across Peter Gabriel, going,

"Oh, Peter Gabriel..." Angel Gabriel, of course.

Angel, exactly. Thank you very much indeed.

Justin.

Now then, Justin, welcome to Pointless,

very good to have you here.

-Thanks.

-Now, The Darkness...

I mean, let's just think about how amazing The Darkness are,

-and indeed...

-I often do, actually.

LAUGHTER

When you first... I was first played Permission To Land...

It was one of those things... I think everyone remembers

when they first... Cos there was something very exciting about it.

We hadn't had that sort of virtuoso singing and guitar playing

in heavy rock for ages.

I mean, decades. It was really...

It was fantastic. But you also...

You kind of embraced the comedy of it all as well.

I don't know what you mean, I've always taken it...

LAUGHTER

..seriously. This is my talent, my gift if you will,

and I...I'm offended by that.

LAUGHTER

Someone was telling me that they went to a gig you did in LA

where you shouted, "Give me a D!"

Said, "Give me a D." "D!"

He said, "Give me an arkness!"

LAUGHTER

-That sounds like every gig we've ever done, actually.

-Oh, right.

-Oh, there we are.

-We've only got one joke, and that is it,

so you've spoilt it now.

XANDER LAUGHS

Justin, do you fancy having a pop at someone here?

Who are you going to go for?

Honestly, I can only name one of them,

so I should do that, shouldn't I?

-John Thaw.

-John Thaw.

CROWD MURMURS You see?

I was concerned about that because Thaw is spring time, surely?

Well...

It's the other side of winter, isn't it?

-It bookends winter nicely with autumn, so, yeah.

-Exactly.

-Perfect.

-Let's see how many of our 100 people said

John Thaw.

Well, 46 still the high score... Oh, 50.

50, we have a new high score,

but not too high.

Not too high at all.

I like the fact that John Thaw was just underneath David Frost.

Aw, that's nice.

I think you'd get thaw as often in winter, cos it thaws every day,

-doesn't it? The frost?

-Yeah, could be that. Yeah.

So I think we get away with it.

-I think we do.

-I think so. Well, listen, we're halfway through

the round, let's take a look at our scores. 5, Mike.

5.

Very much the lowest score of the pass, very, very well done.

Then we travel up to 18, where we find Gareth and Samantha,

and up to 46, where we find Jimmy and Ben.

And then 50 is where we find the Hawkins bros.

So, Dan, we need a lower score from you just to keep you in the

game. So good luck with that. We'll come back down the line now,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, now, Dan, welcome to Pointless.

What's it like, the Hawkins family Christmas?

I mean, do you all get together?

Well, I mean after we've stopped fighting and made up,

-it's normally quite a nice vibe.

-It's normally Boxing Day by then.

It's Boxing Day by then, yeah, so...

-Yeah, it's, you know, roaring fires and...

-That's it.

And, yeah, Christmas songs.

-The usual.

-The usual. Do you have a favourite Christmas song, Dan?

Actually, funnily enough,

Winter's Tale is one of my favourites, but I didn't realise

Mike Batt was involved in that, so it's a revelation to me.

-Well, thank you.

-Yeah, it's a good song.

Now, Dan, there you are, you are our high scorers on 50,

what are you going to go for?

I was really hoping that Michael Winterbottom

-would have been up there but...

-LAUGHTER

I don't actually recognise any of these people.

What's that?

-WHISPERS:

-I bet there's one called Snow.

Yes, Snow.

LAUGHTER

He's on second name terms with him.

I can't quite remember the first name,

but second name is definitely Snow.

So do you want to make up a first name for Snow?

-Any name.

-Just think of like the most common name that you can...

LAUGHTER

John, John.

LAUGHTER

What do you want to go for, Dan?

-We'll go for John.

-John?

-John Snow.

-Oh, Jon Snow, up there! OK.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

There's... There's no...

LAUGHTER I mean, there we go. OK, there is

no red line for you cos you're our high-scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jon Snow.

It's right.

53.

Takes your total up to 103.

Well done me!

There he is, Jon Snow.

-Snow being the wintry part of his name.

-There we go.

All right, Jona, welcome to Pointless.

-Lovely to have you.

-Thank you very much.

Now, I'm just thinking about... Remember that...

About A Boy? Do you remember the film About A Boy?

-No.

-That Nick Hornby book.

There's a guy who basically... He lives on the fact that his dad had a

massive Christmas hit.

-Oh, that rings a bell.

-And I wanted to know if that bears fruit.

Did the Calvary bring it home for you?

The royalties from that number, is about...

..half of all the royalties I get every year.

One number. And all the other catalogue is the other half.

So, there's something in what he says,

or what the film writer tried to bring out.

Well, it's all fantastic. Christmas, literally, comes around every year.

So, Jona, there you are on 5.

103 is the high score.

So if you can score 97 or less, you are through to our next round.

Well, it's hopefully not a gamble,

but I think the person above David Frost there is Judy Garland.

Judy Garland. Judy Garland.

Here is your red line.

If you get below this red line, Jona, you are through...

Is...is the tension mounting?

Below that, you are through to Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Judy Garland.

It is...

28! Very well done indeed!

Which takes your total up to 33.

Which I suspect will be the lowest total of the round.

That's a terrific answer, Jona. Very well played.

It's interesting what Gareth was saying about we never know

quite what makes a Christmas hit.

And Stop The Cavalry is one of those, isn't it?

Because it's one of those songs that people immediately just went,

"Yeah, that affects me somewhere." And, every year, it's the same.

New generations come along and... What a very special thing

-to have been a part of.

-Absolutely right.

Now, Ben.

Ben, Ben, Ben.

They always do this. When The X Factor series finishes,

they then put all the stats out.

And it turns out, every so often,

you get that thing where there's one particular contestant who is just

slaying it every week.

Always winning. And you were that person when you were doing it.

Yeah, I think from week four, they said, onwards.

You won it every week. Suddenly, the change in your life

-over that space of two or three months.

-It was massive, yeah!

And I wouldn't be here doing

something like this if I hadn't done the show.

-Well, there you are.

-It's a blessing and a curse!

-LAUGHTER Nice jumper, by the way.

-Thank you.

I didn't even know it was the theme, I was just wearing it.

LAUGHTER

46 is where you are,

the high store is still down on Justin over there, on 103.

So 56 or less. You were doing quite a lot of shaking of your head.

Yeah, I was telling Jimmy to start the car.

There's only two that I know up there,

and I think they're both high-scorers.

I was going to go for Peter Gabriel early on, but...

I'm going to go for Nicholas Lyndhurst.

Nicholas Lyndhurst, says Ben. There is your red line.

Get below that and you are through to the next round.

How many people said Nicholas Lyndhurst?

You've done it! Just. Look at that, 53!

You needed 56, takes your total up to 99.

Very well done indeed.

Well played, Ben. Straight through to the next round.

Nicholas Lyndhurst. Like Saint Nicholas.

-That's the Christmas thing there.

-Oh, I see.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now then, Samantha! Welcome!

Now... Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Now, when Gareth does his choir series,

there's always that moment where he gets the thing going and he gets

the... There's that fantastic esprit de corps that he gets everyone...

Everyone's a bit scared of him.

Is he quite scary when he's there conducting?

-No.

-Really?

No.

But, no, everyone wants to do as much as they can for Gareth.

And then comes that terrible, sad moment when Gareth goes off.

He leaves the choir. And I often wonder if these choirs really stay

together after Gareth has left the room.

Well, they do. We worked really hard to find...

Well, we couldn't top you.

..but to try and find a really good conductor as well.

-Which you did.

-Yes, we did.

-Which they did, very much, yeah.

-And we just continued.

And it's still going now?

Yes. I mean, there's 74 across the world, and I'm up in my local one,

-up at Lossiemouth.

-Yeah.

-And, I mean,

it's still going strong,

-and it's a massive support network for the wives as well.

-Fantastic.

Now, listen, you are on 18.

The high-scorers are still Justin and Dan on 103.

84 or less.

A nice high number there.

How are we feeling about this board?

Do you fancy talking us through it? As many of them as you dare?

I know the top lady is Carol something,

so I'm not going to pick her.

I know that woman. She's in, like, loads of comedies,

but I can't remember her name either.

I don't know that guy. I know that's January Jones.

I know that's Chris Pine.

Allison Bell.

I know that's Holly Willoughby.

I think I would like to go for Chris Pine.

-Chris Pine?

-Yes.

-Says Samantha.

Chris Pine, here's your red line, nice and high.

Get below that with Chris Pine and you're into Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Chris Pine.

It's right and you're through, very well done.

Oh, look at that, 7!

Second-lowest score of the round! Very well done indeed, Samantha.

Takes your total up to 25, the lowest total of the round.

So very well done.

That's a terrific answer, very well played.

Shall we go through the rest of this board

and see how Christmassy our question-setters managed to be?

-Top left is...

-Carol Kirkwood.

-Carol Kirkwood.

She would've scored you 8 points. You're right about the next one.

Comedian who's in all sorts of films and Saturday Night Live.

-Maya Rudolph.

-Maya.

Would have scored you 1 point. Now, the next row down.

Very well done if you got this gentleman.

Plays with Daft Punk - Chilly Gonzales.

A pointless answer, so well done.

He's called Chilly, so what are you going to do, right?

January Jones. Very low-scoring answer - 3 points for January Jones.

Kristen Bell.

Would have scored you 5 points.

Now, the next gentleman is from Fine Young Cannibals.

-This is good. Roland Gift.

-Roland Gift, yeah.

Would have scored you 7 points.

We'll leave the next gentleman cos he's another pointless answer

and move on to Holly Willoughby,

who's the big scorer on the whole board.

She would have scored you 60.

Anybody want to venture a guess at the last one?

Merry Christmas?

It's not far off. It's a very Christmassy name.

-Percy Sledge.

-Sledge!

Percy Sledge. Pointless answer, very well done if you said that.

That was fun, wasn't it? Thank you very much.

So, at the end of our first round,

we have to say goodbye to one of our pairs. I'm so sorry,

Dan and Justin, you are the pair with the high score.

Not way out in front there. You did pretty well.

The great news is we're going to see you at the end of the show

cos you're going to play us out, which is fabulous.

It's been lovely having you on, thank you so much, Dan and Justin.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And look at that, suddenly we're down to three pairs.

But well done, everybody. Really, really good answers there.

Samantha and Gareth,

you are our lowest combined scorers there, which is very good.

Mike, lowest individual scorer in that round, very impressive indeed.

But best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

Can you all decide in your pairs, who is going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

-What?

-..as they could.

Yeah, everyone at home is now singing Bohemian Rhapsody,

I apologise to families around the country.

Simply looking for any word of six or more letters,

anywhere in the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Bohemian Rhapsody, of course, famously,

-Christmas number one twice.

-XANDER GASPS

We're taking the printed lyrics

on the Night At The Opera album from 1975.

So the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody,

any word without an apostrophe in it of six or more letters.

-You're not even listening...

-No, I'm not, no.

-You're doing

Bohemian Rhapsody in your head. I could literally be saying anything.

Yes. Thank you, Richard.

-Pleasure.

-Samantha.

Oh!

-Samantha.

-Yeah?

What would you like to go for?

Fandango.

-Fandango. Such a good word.

-It is.

Fandango, let's see how many of our 100 people went for fandango.

It's right.

38 for fandango.

A lively Spanish dance,

or an elaborate process - fandango.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now then, Ben.

-Oh, Ben!

-Come on, Ben.

-No pressure!

-Come on, Ben.

I'm going to go for monstrosity.

Oh, it's good. Let's see how many of our 100 people said monstrosity.

It's right.

38's the only score we have at the moment.

Can you pass it? Yeah, oh, you've passed it,

down to... Look at that, 15 for monstrosity.

I love the fact that so many people at home are doing

exactly what you're doing, get a certain way through the song,

you think, "Right, OK, that'll do.

"I'm sticking on monstrosity, that is over six letters."

11 letters, five letters to spare there for Ben.

-How about that?

-Look at that.

-Could almost have had two answers.

Yes. Thank you, Richard.

-Mike.

-I think I'll go for a short word that's quite common,

but other people might not have picked, and that's matter.

Oh, see, that's good.

-CROWD MURMURS

-Oh, they love that, they like that.

Yeah. Matter, says Mike.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for matter.

It's right. 38's the highest score, 15's the low.

Let's put Mike's theory to the test.

Look at that, down you go to 3. You see...

Very well done indeed.

Very well done, 3 points.

I think we will call that the Batt Principle from now on, I think.

I can tell you're a lyricist because that's exactly the right way to play

this game, which is you look for those little kind of bridging words

which aren't... They're not showy.

They do a job. The workhorses of the song.

And that's exactly one of them.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

And well done, Mike, the best score of the pass.

3.

So Mike and Jona are looking very strong for our head-to-head round,

as at this stage are Ben and Jimmy.

Then we travel up to 38, Samantha and Gareth.

So, Gareth, I bet you've got a good answer.

But it needs to be a good answer because it'll have to be a low score

to keep you in the game, so good luck with that.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, Jona, remember we're looking for any words of six or more letters

-from Bohemian Rhapsody.

-Really.

Really. So, let's see.

Really. There is your red line,

let's see how many of our 100 people said really.

It's right.

You're through.

Down to 2!

The Batt Principle being employed

twice there on the far podium.

5 is your total.

Yeah, beautiful Batt Principle work there.

That's terrific stuff.

Thank you very much.

Now, then.

-Jimmy.

-How about family?

Family. Family, says Jimmy.

Here is your red line.

If you can score 22 or less, that's what it looks like.

Let's see, family, how many of our 100 people said family?

-Yes!

-Well done.

15 takes your total up to 30.

Yeah, "He's just a poor boy, from a poor family," well played.

And apt, given that Jimmy and I are family.

-That's nice.

-Cousins, aren't we?

We are indeed, we'll be spending Christmas day together.

He got all the height in the family, I got the shortness.

The shallow end of the gene pool.

Thanks very much. Now, Gareth, I'm sorry to tell you...

This is bad news, isn't it?

I do have bad news. You're high-scorers even now.

Just tell me when you're ready, Gareth.

I'm ready, I'm over it, I'm OK.

-OK.

-I'm going to go for...

-..everybody.

-Everybody, says Gareth.

No red line for you, I'm afraid,

as you are the high-scorers even now.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said everybody.

It's right.

Oh, look at that.

4 for everybody.

Very well done. Takes your total up to 42.

It's very good answer from "Goodbye, everybody," rather aptly.

But they both scored 4 points, goodbye and everybody.

I guess if you remember one, you remember the other.

Fandango is the highest answer up there.

It's the most popular answer, I'm afraid.

You know, there's only one pointless answer.

We'll get to that cos I can't work out in my head what part of the

song it's in, but someone will know.

I'll take you through some nice answers.

Lightning and frightening, 31 and 29.

Scaramouche, 28.

Galileo, 26.

Killed would have scored you 20.

I'll take you through the low scorers now.

6 points for against and pulled.

5 points for little. 4 points for everybody and goodbye.

3 points for anyway, caught, matter, sometimes.

2 points for really, we've already heard.

1 point for because, behind, shivers and aching.

And the only pointless answer there...is anyone.

Anyone is the only pointless answer.

# Anyone can... #

Yeah, you're quite right. "Nothing really matters, anyone can see."

Very well done if you did that.

Out of all the words in that song, it was the only pointless answer, so

whoever did that gets extra Christmas presents.

Oh! Lovely, thank you very much indeed.

OK, so at the end of our second round,

we have to send home a pair.

And I'm so sorry, Gareth and Samantha,

it is your turn to leave us.

Nothing wrong with your answers. Fandango, lovely word.

-It's a great dance.

-Yeah.

-It's not a great answer.

-No, sorry.

I'm afraid this is where we have to say goodbye, but thank you so

much for coming to play, Gareth and Samantha.

APPLAUSE

But for our two remaining pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Mike and Jona, Jimmy and Ben,

you are now one step closer to the final chance to play

for that jackpot for your charities,

and our jackpot is currently standing at £2,500.

So this is the part where we have to decide who goes through to the final

to play for that jackpot, and we do it by making you go head-to-head.

But the difference is you're now allowed to confer.

And the first pair to win two points will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

-Richard.

-I know what you're thinking,

"That's not very Christmassy," but it is.

We're now going to show you five snow globes from cities around

the world. Can you tell us which cities they represent, please?

Thank you very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five snow globes, and here they come.

We have got...

OK. There we are.

Five snow globes.

Mike and Jona, you've been our low-scorers up to this point,

-so you get to go first.

-Right.

What's the most obscure?

-What are you going to go for?

-Well, there's one we don't know, D,

so we're going to avoid that.

We think E is quite easy, we think that A is pretty predictable.

And B. So we're going to go for C, which is Barcelona.

C, Barcelona, say Mike and Jona.

Now then, Jimmy and Ben,

do you fancy talking us through all the other globes?

Yeah, go for it, Jimmy.

LAUGHTER

-E is Rome.

-Yeah, I mean...

-D we can't guess, right?

-Paris would be B, right?

-E, shall we?

-E?

-E?

-E...

-BOTH:

-Rome.

-OK, E, Rome.

So we have E, Rome.

We have C, Barcelona, and E, Rome.

Mike and Jona went for Barcelona,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Barcelona.

It is Barcelona.

And down it goes to 23.

Jimmy and Ben meanwhile went for Rome for E,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Rome.

It's right. 72.

Well, there we are.

Well done, Mike and Jona, after one question, you are up 1-0.

Barcelona's actually the best answer on the board,

could not have beaten it, so well played.

I think everyone knew B as well,

that's the biggest scorer on the board.

Of course, it's Paris.

That does make me feel quite Christmassy, that one.

-It does.

-90 points, that.

Lovely light on the Notre Dame there, look at that, beautiful.

Evening light there. Well, you can see it from the shadow of

the Tour Eiffel. XANDER AND RICHARD SIGH

Oh, Merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

That's Paris.

A, that's The Little Mermaid.

That's Copenhagen.

-VARIOUS:

-Oh!

Would have scored you 34.

-Right, yeah.

-And in the same way that really

I don't think Barcelona should have

a snow globe, because I don't think

they've ever had snow, there's never

been snow in this place either,

surely. It's Sydney.

Yep, the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

And that would have scored you 40 points.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

OK, so, here comes your second question.

Jimmy and Ben, you get to answer this first, which is good, but

you have to win this to stay in the game, so good luck.

Our second question this evening is all about...

-Oh, God!

-Go on.

-Richard?

-Yeah, we're now going to show you the set-ups

to five jokes that were voted one of the best jokes of the year

at the Edinburgh Fringe in various years,

and we're going to give you alternate letters of the punch lines.

Can you tell us what the punch lines are, please?

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So let's reveal our Edinburgh jokes

with missing punch lines, and here they are.

I'll read those all again.

There we go. Jimmy and Ben, you will go first.

-Wow!

-Mm.

-Yeah.

It's down to you, Ben, I hate to say it.

Thanks, man, thanks a lot.

I used to work in the shoe cycling shop.

-It was...

-S. Sole? Oh, OK, OK.

-What is it?

-Yeah.

-Sole destroying.

-Yeah, yeah!

-Go for that?

-Yeah, well, at least it's one.

Too right. We're going to go for the one that we've hopefully worked out.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop, it was sole destroying.

Sole destroying, say Jimmy and Ben.

APPLAUSE

And plus, for Alex Horne as well, as well, good gag, Alex.

Now then, Mike and Jona, do you want to talk us through the board,

see how many of those you can fill in?

OK. Well, we think we know three of these.

We think, "Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

"That's not a miracle, that's tapas."

We worked out that clowns divorce was custardy battle.

-LAUGHTER

-Ahh!

Shall we go for that, then?

I think so.

Clowns divorce.

That's what I would say.

-Go for it.

-OK.

So, we will say custardy battle.

Custardy battle, say Mike and Jona.

So we have sole destroying and we have custardy battle.

Jimmy and Ben said sole destroying.

Let's see how man of our 100 people went for that.

It's right.

-38.

-Good guess.

-38 for sole destroying.

-OK.

Mike and Jona have gone for custardy battle, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said custardy battle.

It's right.

And it wins the point, there we go, well done.

14 for custardy battle.

Well done. And double well done, Mike and Jona, because that means

that, after only two questions,

you're straight through to the final, 2-0.

Yeah, very well worked out, custardy battle, there.

Now, at the top, the very lovely, very funny Alun Cochrane's joke.

"The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper,

"she was wearing massive gloves."

-Oh!

-And that would have scored you 7 points.

The best answer up there. Mike, you knew this next one.

"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

"That's not a miracle, that's tapas."

Would have scored you 29. Another lovely man, Stewart Francis.

"I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together."

-Riveting.

-Riveting.

And that would have scored you 46.

Wow. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, I'm afraid,

-Jimmy and Ben, it is you.

-It's all right, we had a blast, didn't we?

-Yeah, we did.

Well, so did we, it's been lovely having you here.

Thank you both so much for coming in, you've played so well.

-Fantastic job, Jimmy and Ben.

-Congratulations, guys.

But for Mike and Jona, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Mike and Jona,

you have fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a choice to win our Pointless jackpot for your chosen

charities. And at the end of today's show,

the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

But very, very well done, you made quick work of that.

You were the lowest scorers in Round One,

lowest scorers in Round Two,

2-0 in the head-to-head, and here you are in the final.

I mean, have you left the oven on at home or something?

I don't know. It's been a stealth raid, this.

What would you like to see come up in this last round?

-Easy questions.

-OK, yes.

Let's see what today's selection looks like.

Let's hope there's something up there at least

that jumps out at you. Today, we have got...

I don't, I...

These are really hard for me.

I don't know which to pick.

London Theatre Awards...

You'd think that we all know a bit about that.

Why don't we go for Geography Sevens?

Shall we just madly go for that?

Why not? They're all looking a bit tricky, so...

Yeah.

OK, Geography Sevens it is. Rich?

OK, very, very best of luck, gents, on this Christmas special.

We've got three questions for you, take your answers from any of these,

wherever. We're looking for any of the following, please.

We're looking for any UK city which has seven letters in

its name. We are looking for any country of the world,

any country in the world which has seven letters.

As always, by country, we mean a sovereign state that's a member of

the UN in its own right.

Or we're looking for any US state capital which has seven letters.

So UK cities,

any country of the world or US state capitals which contain seven letters

in their names.

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Now, all you need to win that jackpot is for just one

of your answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

I think we have to be ready, don't we?

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

So, Germany, obviously.

Finland might be lower points, do you think?

Because Germany's more well known.

-Absolutely.

-So Finland maybe.

Countries. So, that's one country, Finland.

-What about cities?

-Detroit?

No, that's not a state capital.

-Chicago.

-Is that?

Chicago's got seven letters, hasn't it?

-Has it? OK, put it down, then.

-..C-A-G-O.

So Chicago could be one.

-But it is well known.

-I still say we should go for it.

Detroit might be less common.

-Is that a state capital?

-Is it a state capital?

My mind's gone a bit fuzzy, here.

# Detroit city. #

Fats Domino number.

It's a great number.

15 seconds left. So we've got one city, what about any...?

-UK cities.

-Ten seconds left.

What about...?

-It's hard, isn't it?

-Oh, no, look.

OK, that, I'm sorry to say, is your time up.

I need three answers from you now.

So...

Well, Chicago or Detroit, and Finland.

We'll say Chicago and Detroit, and we'll say Finland.

-Finland.

-OK, so, you've got Chicago, Detroit, Finland.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer,

-do you think?

-Finland, I think.

-Probably.

-OK. There we go, so we'll put Finland last.

Chicago is at the front.

And Chicago first, Detroit in the middle.

-OK.

-Yeah.

-Lovely. OK, well,

let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are.

We have got...

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three good answers on the board there.

If you were to win that jackpot find a pointless answer,

which charities are you playing for? Mike, can I ask you first?

-I'm playing for the Macmillan Cancer nurses.

-Very good.

And, Jona, how about you?

I'm playing for the Motor Neurone Disease charity

because a good friend of mine who was at my tennis club,

his wife died of it about six months ago,

and so I got to know about the disease at close hand,

and it's a hell of a horrible disease.

-Yeah.

-And so that's the one I'm going for.

-OK, very good.

Two excellent charities there.

Three answers here. Let's hope one of these answers will win

that jackpot for you, for your charities.

Your first answer was Chicago.

In this case, we were looking for any US state capital

of seven letters.

If it's pointless, Chicago will win you £2,500.

How many of our 100 people said it, is it right?

I'm afraid Chicago, not a state capital,

therefore, so not a pointless answer.

So let's move on to your next answer which is Detroit.

They are always tough, these state capitals.

They're not always the cities you're expecting them to be.

This, again, has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot of £2,500,

but let's see how many of our 100 people named Detroit

as a state capital.

Oh, bad luck!

So, you have one more chance.

We now turn to countries of seven letters,

and you have gone for Finland.

If it is pointless, it wins you that jackpot of £2,500.

How many people said Finland?

It's right.

Your first answer was Chicago, which was incorrect.

Detroit, your second answer, was also incorrect.

Finland, though, is a country of seven letters,

and down it goes into single figures...

Oh, appropriately enough, there we are,

stopped on 7. So...

Good answer there to round it off.

But unfortunately, you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless

answer, so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as today's show is a celebrity special,

we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair for their respective

charities. It's been lovely having you on.

And you get to take home a Pointless trophy, so there you are.

Thank you very much.

Gents, serene progress all the way up to that final round, but a tough

final question. Now, people at home,

it's your last chance to get a pointless answer before Christmas.

The cities one is going to be very hard, the countries one,

there are loads and loads of pointless answers.

So if you are surrounded by your family this Christmas,

time to show off when we get to that board.

The UK cities, very hard to get a pointless answer cos there's only

one, and that's the Northern Irish city of Lisburn.

You'd have got 1 point for Chester, 1 point for Newport,

1 point for Swansea, 2 points for Salford, those were the low-scorers.

Now, let's take a look at these countries.

Lots and lots of pointless answers here,

so Merry Christmas to you if you got one of these.

I'll go through the whole list.

Andorra, Armenia, Bahamas, Bahrain, Belarus, Bolivia, Burundi,

Comoros, Croatia, Estonia, Georgia, Grenada, Lebanon, Lesotho, Liberia,

Moldova, Myanmar, Namibia, Senegal, Somalia,

Uruguay and that old pointless favourite, Vanuatu.

So, very well done if you got any of those.

Now, let's take a look at the US state capitals.

They're always slightly obscure ones. But if you know them,

if you've learned them, there's some good pointless answers here.

Concord, New Hampshire.

Jackson, Mississippi.

Raleigh, North Carolina.

Trenton, New Jersey.

You could have had Lansing, which is the capital of Michigan,

which is where Detroit is.

Madison, which is the capital of Wisconsin, or Olympia,

which is the capital of Washington. Very well played in the studio,

I hope you got one of those pointless answers at home.

I wish you a very merry, very peaceful Christmas.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard, and thank you so much for playing,

Mike and Jona. I'm so sorry you didn't win that jackpot,

but fabulous play right the way through the show. Mike and Jona.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile,

it's a very happy Christmas from Richard.

-Happy Christmas.

-And it's a very happy Christmas from me!

But before we go, singing us out

with their festive hit Christmas Time,

Don't Let The Bells End, it's The Darkness.

# Feigning joy and surprise

# At the gifts we despise over mulled wine

# With you

# On the 25th day of the 12th month

# The sleigh bells are in time

# Ringing true

# How we cling each Noel to that snowflake's hope in hell

# That it won't end

# Don't let the bells end

# Christmas time Just let them ring in peace

# Well, the weather is cruel

# And the season of Yule warms the heart

# But it still hurts

# You've got your career

# Spent the best part of last year apart

# How it hurts

# So that's why I pray each and every Christmas Day

# That it won't end

# Don't let the bells end

# Christmas time Just let them ring in peace

# Christmas time Don't let the bells end

# Christmas time Don't let the bells end

# Poised underneath the mistletoe leaf

# And you're not here

# You went away upon Boxing Day

# Now, how the hell am I gonna make it into the New Year?

I would like to take this opportunity

to wish all of you a merry Mristmas

and a happy Onear!

# Christmas time Don't let the bells end

# Christmas time Just let them ring in peace. #

Come on, kids!

-# Don't let the bells end

-Bells end

# Christmas time

# Don't let the bells end! #