Episode 8 Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

CHEERING

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and a very warm welcome to a special Saturday evening celebrity edition of Pointless,

the quiz show that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

Now, every single question on the programme has been asked to 100 people before the show.

To be in with a chance of winning our final round jackpot,

our celebrities need to come up with the answers that the fewest of our 100 people could think of.

Let's meet our Pointless celebrities.

First up we welcome Erkan Mustafa and Lee MacDonald.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, obviously, we know you best as Roland and Zammo from Grange Hill.

You jetted off to Washington to meet Nancy Reagan, the then First Lady.

Yeah, we did. It was unbelievable to do the Just Say No record.

We went into the White House. We met Nancy Reagan.

We sang at Yankee Stadium.

And at 16, to do that is unbelievable.

The record wasn't too good but all the events after it...

I'm so glad you said that.

-You've presented a show on E4 Music together, haven't you?

-That's right.

We did an '80s music show. Whenever there's '80s, they always bring me and Lee into it,

which is quite fun, to be honest,

because it brings back loads of memories for us two,

dancing back then at Grange Hill parties.

So music is going to be good for you if it comes up.

Hopefully, yeah.

What are you hoping is going to come up, Lee?

-Not history.

-Geography, English..

-Anything '80s

or children's programmes from the '70s would be OK,

-like Bagpuss or Fingerbobs - I'm fine there.

-OK.

-OK, very best of luck. It's lovely having you on the show.

-We're going to need it.

And next, please welcome Peter Duncan and Mark Curry.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Best known for all sorts of different shows

but we know you best performing together as Blue Peter presenters.

-You did all sorts of stunts, didn't you?

-I was the daring-do type, yes.

-I did Duncan Dares - I did daring-dos on that.

-That's right.

Didn't you cling from Big Ben or something? The clock hands?

I clinged from that, yeah. You remember more than me.

I remember because when I joined the show I thought

I'm going to be asked to do everything that John Noakes did and Peter Duncan did

and I said, listen, I'm going to be the Blue Peter wimp because I've got vertigo.

I don't like anything that's really daring because of what he'd done.

-Is there anything you're dreading?

-Football.

-Quantum physics.

-Really?

-Quantum physics?

-What?

Football and quantum physics. We want musicals and theatre.

-Yeah, we've done musicals together.

-Have you? What did you do?

-We did Singin' In The Rain.

-Did you?

-Three, four...

# Moses supposes his toeses are roses But Moses supposes erroneously

-# Moses... #

-That's enough. Oh, look - applause!

Unrehearsed.

We should work on some sort of shtick like that.

I can't believe that Erkan and Lee didn't do a verse of Just Say No.

-Peter, Mark, lovely to have you here. Very, very best of luck to you.

-Thank you.

Next, we welcome Jayne Middlemiss and Jamie Theakston.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Now, we know you together from presenting The O-Zone and Glastonbury

but from all sorts of things individually - Jamie, Live & Kicking.

Now, obviously, you do the breakfast show on Heart FM.

-Jayne, you won Celebrity MasterChef.

-I actually did.

Has cooking ever got tougher than that? I mean, honestly?

Cooking NEVER got tougher than that.

-It doesn't because they actually make you do it.

-Yeah.

When you have to turn up at the restaurant,

they make you turn up at eight in the morning, prepare the vegetables - you do the whole thing.

And they're not very nice to you, either.

They keep chatting away. They keep chatting away.

So you're against the clock and they come up to you

and they're going, "So what are you doing?"

You feel like saying, "Get lost, man!"

But they just... they just don't.

And, Jamie, you've done all sorts of things.

-Sports, cricket - you presented a cricket programme.

-Yeah.

You're involved in the Lawn Tennis Association in some...in some way.

-Aren't you?

-Yes. Well, I have done, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

Anything you're hoping doesn't come up?

I guess our worst nightmare would be for any kind of music questions,

-bearing in mind that's kind of what we've done.

-Yeah.

-Really?

-It would be kind of embarrassing if you were rubbish.

-Yeah.

You've got to be... And on your show, Jamie, you get all sorts of gossip coming in.

You must know pretty much everything we're going to ask you.

Well, we'll see.

Jamie and Jayne, great to have you on the show. Very, very best of luck to you.

And finally, please welcome Sarah Greene and Mike Smith.

Now, Sarah, we know you best from Saturday morning TV shows Going Live! and Saturday Superstore.

And Mike, we know you from That's Showbiz, we know you from loads of things,

together and separately.

-You did that, what was it called? Ghostwatch?

-Ghostwatch.

-Yes!

-In which you died, Sarah, and everybody thought...

-Well, did I?

-I'm going to say no.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-I think you're right, Richard. Yeah.

-Yeah.

-And Mike, you're a keen aviator. Aviator?

-Yes.

-Is that the right thing to say?

-Yes.

-I don't wear a helmet or goggles or anything but yes.

-What a shame.

-Aerial filming.

-That's what you do now.

-That's what I do.

-Do you do all those shots for Coast?

-We've done stuff for Coast.

-Top Gear I love doing.

-You do that?

-They're completely barking mad.

-Wow.

-Anything that needs aerial pictures.

I just love travelling round this country,

so I'm hoping we get geography questions.

I'm thinking this is going to feed into quite a lot of different Pointless categories.

-Yeah.

-A lot of geography, a lot of sport, all the things you cover.

You see, Radio 1, I've got a head full of rubbish.

-Sarah and Mike, very warm welcome, very best of luck.

-Thank you.

We look forward to discovering all your hidden knowledge as the show goes along.

There's only one person left for me to introduce.

When he goes shopping he goes to Sparks and Mensa.

LAUGHTER

He's my Pointless friend, he's Richard.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hello. Hiya.

-Ahem.

-Sparks and Mensa, you say?

-Yeah.

-Did you write that yourself?

-Yeah.

-I thought...

I thought you looked pretty pleased.

I tell you what, if the 12-year-old me could see what I'm seeing now,

his head would explode, wouldn't it?

Roland and Zammo. You've got Mark Curry and Peter Duncan.

He'd be going, "Who are Jayne and Jamie?" because you're not famous yet

because I'm only 12, don't forget.

-And there's Sarah Greene and Mike Smith!

-Yeah, yeah.

-It's the most extraordinary thing that's ever happened.

-It's going to fun, isn't it?

Oh, it's definitely fun, it's definitely fun.

Brilliant. Thank you, Richard.

All our questions have been put to 100 people before the show

but we are looking for the obscure answers they didn't get.

To stay in the game and be in with a chance of winning our jackpot,

our celebrities need to score as few points as they can.

What everyone is trying to do is to find a pointless answer,

an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special,

and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

WHOOPING

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, now, in this first round, each of you must give me one answer

and you cannot confer with your partner.

The pair with the highest score will be eliminated.

OK, try and make sure that's not you.

Our first category for today is:

There we are. Celebrity families.

Can you all decide who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

-You go first.

-And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns:

-Richard?

-Yeah, in a moment, Xander's going to show you a board

with six famous parents on it.

We need you to tell us any of the children of any of those six people, please.

So you're going to see six parents. Tell us any of the children of any of these people.

Very best of luck.

OK, now, then, Erkan and Lee, you drew lots and you're going first.

So our six parents are:

There we are. Six parents.

We are looking for the first names of any child

of any of these people on the board.

Lee? You've just got to think of the most obscure child belonging to one of those parents.

-Oh, no!

-You don't even need to say which parent it belongs to.

-OK. Charlie.

-Charlie, says Lee.

If Charlie's right, let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely right, Lee.

37 for Charlie.

Yeah, Charlie Sheen, of course, the son of Martin Sheen. Well done.

Thanks very much. Now then, Peter. A child from this board.

This board of parents.

Lachlan.

Lachlan, says Peter, Lachlan.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 said Lachlan.

Absolutely right.

Very, very well done indeed, Peter. Cracking score.

One for Lachlan.

-Well played, Peter. He's good, Peter, isn't he?

-Very good.

Lachlan Murdoch is Rupert Murdoch's third child.

OK, thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Jayne.

The most obscure child of any of these parents.

I think I'm going to go with Poppy.

Poppy, says Jayne, Poppy.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 said Poppy.

-No!

-Absolutely right.

-16.

-APPLAUSE

Very good.

Very good score. 16 for Poppy.

Well played. Good start to your Pointless career.

Poppy Honey Rosie Oliver, Jamie Oliver's eldest child.

Now, then, Mike.

We are looking for the first names of any children of these people.

My favourites have all gone.

Er...

-Jenna.

-Jenna. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jenna.

It's right.

Oh, very, very well done indeed, Mike.

Two for Jenna.

Another very good answer. Well done.

-Everyone's doing disappointingly well.

-Worryingly well.

-That's one of George W Bush's children. Jenna Bush. Jenna Hager now.

-Thanks very much.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at our scores as they stand.

The best score of the pass, Peter, is yours -

lovely low score of one,

so Peter and Mark looking pretty safe at this stage.

Then up to two, where we find Mike and Sarah,

up to 16, where we find Jayne and Jamie,

and then up to 37, where we find Lee and Erkan.

So, Erkan, we need a really low-scoring answer from you in the next pass.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, so we're looking for the first names of the children of these famous parents.

Sarah, you're on two. Erkan and Lee are on 37.

If you can score 34 or less, you are through to the next round.

Right.

Emilio.

Emilio, says Sarah. Here is your red line.

If you get below that, you avoid becoming the new high scorers.

If Emilio is right, let's see how many people said it.

Very well done.

And you're through to the next round. Well done. 19 for Emilio.

That takes your total up to 21.

-Emilio, Richard.

-Yeah, Emilio Estevez,

Charlie Sheen's older brother, Martin Sheen's eldest son.

Now, then, Jamie.

You're on 16. The high scorers on 37 are Erkan and Lee.

If you can score 20 or less, you are through to the next round.

I'm going to go with Apple.

Apple, says Jamie.

Let's see if it's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said Apple.

It's right.

-APPLAUSE

-36.

36 for Apple takes your total up to 52.

Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow's first child with Chris Martin, of course.

She thought the name sounded sweet and wholesome and Biblical.

Yeah. Nothing's going to pip that.

Mark, you're on one. The high scorers on 52 are Jamie and Jayne.

If you can score 50 or less, through you go to the next round.

I've got to go for Zara.

Zara. Is it right? How many of our 100 people said Zara?

It's right.

-You've done it!

-Whoa!

-42.

-APPLAUSE

42 for Zara takes your total up to 43.

-Richard?

-Yeah, Princess Anne's daughter, of course. Zara Tindall, now.

-It's close now, isn't it?

-Oh, yes, it's very exciting.

So, Erkan, the high scorers at the moment are Jamie and Jayne on 52.

Erkan on 37. If you can score 14 or less,

you're through to the next round.

We are looking for the first names of any children of these people.

You can do your thinking aloud, if you like.

-You're the last person to answer.

-OK.

I'm going to go with the name Logan.

OK, Logan, is it right? How many of our 100 people said Logan?

-Oh!

-GROANING

Bad luck, Erkan. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which means you score the maximum 100 points.

That takes you up to an unbeatable 137.

I blame it on my schooling.

LAUGHTER

Richard, how authoritative was that? I was convinced that was a real answer.

Yeah, it sounded good, didn't it? It did.

The only celebrity with a child called Logan is Halle Berry.

At least you've cheered Jamie and Jayne up, Erkan, so that's good news.

There's only four pointless answers in this round

and you would have done very well to get any of these, I suspect.

The first three are all Rupert Murdoch's children,

Chloe, Grace and Prudence.

All of those are pointless.

And Martin Sheen's youngest, Renee, was also a pointless answer.

Some of the low scorers you could have gone for -

Lachlan, obviously scores one point.

Ramone scored one - that's another of Martin Sheen's sons.

Petal - Jamie Oliver - would have scored you three.

Barbara Bush would have scored three and Buddy would have scored four.

Those would have been good answers

but well done if you got any of those pointless ones.

Thanks very much, Richard.

So the losing pair with the highest score

I'm afraid is Erkan and Lee.

I'm devastated.

I think Erkan's ruined it for me.

It's a lovely name, though, Logan.

If any of those people have more kids, maybe Gwyneth Paltrow...

Exactly - Gwyneth Paltrow. A nice high antioxidant berry like that.

-It would be perfect.

-For a girl it could be Logane with an E on the end.

That's nice.

-Terry Wogan.

-Logane Wogan.

-Logan Wogan would be a nice name.

Are you suggesting Terry's going to father a child now?

-I mean, he's...

-All right, Hulk Hogan.

-Logane Hogan, there we are.

-Logan Hogan.

Good, well, thanks very much.

For fun, we gave 100 people 100 seconds

to come up with their favourite fictitious schools, all fictions.

The most popular, beating Hogwarts, beating Waterloo Road,

-was Grange Hill!

-No?

-How about that? Yeah.

-CHEERING

-It beat Hogwarts. It beat Hogwarts.

In your face, JK Rowling.

So, Erkan and Lee, thank you both so much for joining us.

It's such as shame we have to say goodbye to you now

but it's been lovely having you on the show.

Thank you very much.

For the remaining celebrity pairs, it's time for round two.

CHEERING

Now, there's only room for two celebrity pairs in our head to head,

so one of these teams will be leaving us at the end of this round.

Which pair is it going to be?

Our category for round two is:

Children's TV.

Can you decide who's going first, who's going second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, the question concerns:

Catchphrases from children's TV shows. Richard?

Yes, on each pass we're going to show you six famous catchphrases

from children's TV programmes.

We need you to tell us from which programme they're taken.

Give us a nice obscure answer, you're going to score fewer points

but give us an incorrect answer, you get 100 points.

So across the two rounds, there's 12 of these in all to guess at home.

It's a proper nostalgia fest, this round.

-Ah!

-I guarantee it.

-Good.

So we are looking for the TV shows from which these catchphrases came

and we have got on our first board:

I'll read that lot one more time. Here we go.

There we are. Six catchphrases from children's TV.

Peter, you're looking bewildered.

Yes. I had a deprived childhood. I can't remember any of them.

-Am I first?

-I'm afraid you are.

-OK.

-Now?

-Pretty much, yes.

Oh...

"Oh, crumbs, DM!" That sounds so familiar. "Oh, crumbs, DM!"

Er... I'll have to go for Spot The Dog.

You looked very blank, there, like that was a really bad choice.

I'm not giving anything away.

-Was it called Spot or Spot The Dog?

-I can't confer with you.

If I say Spot The Dog is it wrong if it's Spot?

If it's wrong, it'll be wrong.

-He can't tell you, he's presenting it.

-OK.

-I can't tell you, so you're on you're own.

-OK.

Peter, what's your answer?

Unfortunately, it's going to be number five, the biggest spotty dog...

What does it say? The biggest spotty dog you ever did see.

-It's Spot The Dog.

-Spot The Dog, says Peter.

Let's if that's right.

Let's see how many people knew that answer, if it is Spot The Dog.

-Oh!

-Oh, no!

-GROANING

Bad luck, Peter. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

-I can see.

-LAUGHTER

I'm afraid that scores you the maximum of 100 points.

-I'm very sorry.

-What was it called then?

-We'll discover in a moment.

-I'll give you the answer at the end of the pass, in case Jamie or Sarah want to go for that.

-Oh, I see.

Now, then, Jamie. The board's just got a little bit easier.

-Yeah.

-Of all the many things that any of these could have been,

-we can just tick Spot The Dog off now.

-OK.

I'm going to go for Diff'rent Strokes

for "Watchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

OK, Diff'rent Strokes, says Jamie.

Let's see if that's right and how many people knew that if it is.

Of course it's right.

Great answer, Jamie. Very well done. That scores you 20.

-Richard?

-Very well played, Jamie. Good answer.

The catchphrase of Arnold, played by Gary Coleman.

Now, then, Sarah, which shows did these catchphrases come from?

You're the last person to have this board. You can fill in the blanks for us.

I think... I think you can.

I feel I'm sort of reverting now, back several decades

to when I used to have to tidy up after Peter Duncan on Blue Peter

and I'm going to have a go at the Spotty Dog one

and I'm going to say The Woodentops.

The Woodentops, says Sarah.

Mike's doing some weird sumo thing behind you. I don't know what...

We can't confer. We've been married for 23 years and we can't talk to each other on this show. It's weird.

You don't have to thank us, Mike.

OK, Sarah has said The Woodentops.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

It's absolutely right.

-Oh, down it goes - 19.

-19 again!

-Very, very, very well done.

The best score on the pass.

Very well played, Sarah.

That's how Spotty Dog was introduced at the beginning of every episode on Watch With Mother.

It's the best answer on the board, as well.

Did you see my Spotty Dog impression?

-Oh, I see.

-Is that what that was?

-You're too young to remember Spotty Dog?

-Yeah, Spotty Dog.

-Fantastic.

-Wow.

-APPLAUSE

-If you weren't there, that is exactly how he was.

As far as I know, that was brilliant.

Let's go through the board.

"Can we fix it?" was Bob The Builder. That's the biggest score there. 66.

-"Ready to play? What's the day?"

-Play School.

-Play School.

21 points. Play School was accidentally the first programme ever on BBC2.

They were supposed to start the night before

and there was a power cut, so they started with the kids' programmes the next day.

-How nice!

-The first programme ever on BBC2.

"Time for bed," said Zebedee, Magic Roundabout, scores 72.

-"Oh, crumbs, DM."

-Danger Mouse.

-Danger Mouse is absolutely right.

-Oh, Danger Mouse!

-That would have scored you 24.

Let's take a look at the scores. The best score of the pass, Sarah, was yours.

Fabulous low score of 19.

Only one lower than Jamie's score, I might say,

atoning, there, somewhat, for Apple in the first round.

So, yes, 19, 20, then up to 100,

-where we find Peter and Mark.

-Spot.

So, Mark, what we need from you is a very, very low-scoring answer.

Very best of luck with that.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, so we're going to put six more catchphrases on the board and here they come.

We have got:

I'll read those again.

Now, remember, we're looking for the children's TV shows from which these catchphrases come.

You're trying to find the one you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

The high scorers are Mark and Peter on 100, you're on 19,

so if you score 80 or less, Mike,

you will avoid becoming the high scorers.

My head is now in black and white,

going "Rrrrrr!", going back through all these things

and I'm trying to tie it up with shows that I would have seen.

There's one that I know but everybody would have said it.

So I'm going to say Crackerjack, "Ooh, I could crush a grape."

"Ooh, I could crush a grape," Crackerjack, says Mike.

Here is your red line. If you can get below that red line with Crackerjack,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see if it's right. How many of our 100 said Crackerjack?

Absolutely right. And you're through. Very well done, Mike.

Oh, my God. I don't believe it.

-22.

-No way!

-APPLAUSE

This is very good indeed. 41 is your total.

Well played, Mike. Safely through. Said by Stu Francis.

"Ooh, I could jump over a doll's house," as well, he used to say.

It was all to do with him being small.

-Oh, is that what it was?

-Yeah.

I never understood, "Ooh, I could crush a grape."

You thought it was something to do with wine, knowing you.

I did wonder, yes. Mm.

-Now, then, Jayne.

-Yes.

-Which shows did these catchphrases come from?

-What do you make of the board?

-I know four of the answers.

-This is good.

-But because I love kids' telly,

I don't know which one would be the most obscure to the people who you asked.

-OK.

-So I think I'm going to go Mr Benn

for "As if by magic the shopkeeper appeared."

"As if by magic the shopkeeper appeared," Mr Benn, says Jayne.

Let's see if that's right. How many people said it?

It's right...

and you're through.

32. That takes your total up to 52.

Very well done, Jayne.

Well played, Jayne. Do you know how many episodes of Mr Benn they made, Jayne?

Seven.

13 but I thought that was a small number but you've made it sound even smaller.

Now, Mark, the writing is on the wall, I'm afraid.

I know.

You are the high scorers even before you've given your answer.

You can talk us through the board.

I'm might be wrong, but there was a show called Pipkin years ago

-about a rabbit with funny ears.

-I remember him.

I wondered if that was, "Isn't that a pip?"

but maybe it's so obscure that nobody probably remembers that.

-We're going for the 200, basically.

-It gets better, honestly.

Eh-oh is Teletubbies.

That's the one I'm really sure about.

-So do I really take a gamble?

-Yeah, go on.

No, because if we get it wrong again, both of us...

You won't look stupid. It will be fun.

I'm going to go for Teletubbies, say Eh-oh.

Say eh-oh, Teletubbies, says Mark.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

-Is it right?

-Absolutely right.

-It's good.

-It's still going down. 44.

-APPLAUSE

-That's not bad at all, Mark. 144 is your total.

Yes, you avoided the 200 club, Mark.

If you had gone for Pipkins for "Isn't that a pip?" you'd be in the 200 club.

It's much more recent. It's from In The Night Garden.

-Oh!

-Ah!

-That would have scored six points.

Now, those other two, I have to say, are as familiar to me as my own names.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-But Emily love him.

-Bagpuss.

-Bagpuss.

Of course. That would have scored 30.

And "Is it Penry, the mild-mannered janitor?"

-Hong Kong Phooey.

-Hong Kong Phooey.

-Number one super guy.

15 points?!

Thanks very much, Richard.

So at the end of round two, our losing celebrity pair

with their high score of 144, I'm afraid to say it's Mark and Peter.

-Oh!

-Oh, dear!

-Never mind. You were brilliant.

-You did so well in the first round.

-I know.

-You got Lachlan.

I suddenly thought, "Ooh, the dark horses - they're going to win."

My whole life's been like that. It starts well and then it just...

crumbles, falls apart.

Now, listen, for fun, we gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name their favourite kids' show of all time.

Tied in fifth place, Swap Shop and Grange Hill

-but winning it outright, Blue Peter!

-Yes!

-There we are! That's nice.

-APPLAUSE

That's nice.

-There you go.

-Peter and Mark, thank you both so much for coming along and playing.

-Brilliant, brilliant contestants.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two celebrity pairs, things get even more exciting as we enter the head to head.

Well, congratulations, Sarah and Mike, Jayne and Jamie,

you are now only one round away from the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £2,500.

AUDIENCE OOHS

You are now going to go head to head

and the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot

but the big news is, from here on in, you are allowed to confer.

Best of luck to both pairs. I'm sure you don't need it.

Let's play the head to head.

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns:

Green vegetables, Richard.

Because it's a Saturday night show, the BBC like me to do something a bit more showbiz with the questions

-and so I've brought out the big guns.

-OK.

We're going to show you five pictures now

of culinary fruit and vegetables

which are predominantly green in colour.

Can you name the most obscure of these vegetables, please?

-Wow.

-Yeah.

Be careful at home you don't topple off the front of your sofa

as you shuffle nearer the screen.

OK, thanks very much for that, Richard.

Let's reveal our five green vegetables and here they come.

We've got:

OK, there we are. Sarah and Mike, you've played best so far, so you go first.

All right. I am going to go for a vegetable

that I have just tried to grow this year for the first time

and I haven't done very well with it

because now I see what it should look like.

LAUGHTER

It's a fully, lovely rounded C, I'm going to go for,

kohlrabi.

-Kohlrabi.

-Yeah.

-Kohlrabi says Sarah for C.

Now, then, Jayne and Jamie.

Talk us through the rest of the board.

-We're pretty sure about fennel, avocado...

-Brussels.

-Brussels sprouts.

-We think that E is lady fingers...

-Or okra.

-Okra.

Okra. OK.

So we have kohlrabi and we have okra.

Sarah and Mike said kohlrabi. Let's see how many people said kohlrabi.

Ten for kohlrabi.

Jayne and Jamie have said that E is okra. E, okra.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

Absolutely right.

34.

34. Sarah and Mike, after one question, you are up one-nil.

You know your green vegetables. Those are the best two answers.

Nothing you could have done about kohlrabi.

Kohlrabi is German for cabbage-turnip.

That's what it's meant to be. I had no idea.

I don't know. I've never seen it.

And Jamie has taken us through the rest of them.

A is fennel, that would have scored you 42.

-A lot of people recognising fennel.

-Yeah.

Fennel's gone way up, way up.

Fennel more recognisable than Hong Kong Phooey, it turns out.

Almost three times. Who would have thought?

B is avocado.

That would have scored you 74.

Ooh!

D is Brussels sprouts. How many people recognised them?

That's going to be... Oh, look how saucy that is.

They've made the Brussels sprouts slightly sweaty.

Bit of condensation there, for the true sproutophile.

That would have scored 99 points.

-99.

-99 points for Brussels sprouts.

And okra at the end, there.

And the good news for everybody at home is you've had your five a day.

There we are.

Okra also known as the ladies' finger.

-Yeah, Jamie said that.

-Exactly, yes.

LAUGHTER

So here comes your second question.

Jayne and Jamie, you have to win this question to stay in the game.

The second question concerns:

-LAUGHTER

-That doesn't seem fair, does it?

-That's a bit stacked, the odds.

-That doesn't seem fair.

We're going to give you five clues to facts about Keith Chegwin.

Can you pick the most obscure answer? Very best of luck.

Well, Richard, I have no need for you, no further need in this round,

well, this question, anyway,

because I have the man himself - here he is.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Keith, how are you?

-I'm really well.

-Lovely to have you here.

Hey-hey!

-Nice to see you.

-Nice to see you.

-There you go.

I feel better already now.

Look at this. Hiya.

It's so odd because I've worked with them all before. It's lovely.

We've never seen you with your clothes on.

Don't. I only had a small part in that show.

-Now, then, do you want to reveal your questions?

-Let's have a look.

Oh, my gosh, they're good.

Radio DJ - who is my sister? Tough one, really.

Boxer who refereed with me on It's A Knockout.

The children's game show I hosted, first screened in 1978.

Oh, my God, that seems years ago, doesn't it?

In 2011, I broke three ribs training for this skating show.

I actually broke my shoulder, as well.

Game show in which I appeared without any clothes on.

There you go. It had to be there, didn't it?

Please, please say it's not Pointless Celebrities.

OK, so there it is, look.

-Wa-hey!

-There we are. Thank you very much.

So, now, then. This time, Jamie and Jayne, you go first.

Erm, we've got it down to two,

so I think we are going to go with the radio DJ who is Keith's sister.

-It's Janice Long.

-Janice Long, say Jayne and Jamie. Janice Long.

OK, Sarah and Mike. Talk us through the board.

I'm a bit distracted because it's so lovely to hear...

Janice Long lived in my flat. I lived with Janice for a couple of years,

so that would have been a bit unfair, really.

I'm not allowed to say anything.

OK, I know there's Dancing On Ice

and I know there's Cheggers Plays Pop

and I know it's Frank Bruno

and I know you were on Channel Five naked as a jaybird, as they say,

but I don't know the name of the show.

So I'm going to go for Frank Bruno.

Frank Bruno, say Sarah and Mike.

So it's between Janice Long and Frank Bruno.

-Who do you fancy in that?

-I don't know. I'm excited.

-OK.

-I love this show. I can't tell you how much I love this show.

And I'm actually on it. I'm here! Look! Cos Richard's there.

Now, then, Jayne and Jamie have gone for Janice Long.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Janice Long.

It's right.

-Oh, it's a good answer.

-Wow.

It's a good answer. 13.

Very good.

13. Unlucky for some.

It might be lucky for them. We'll have to see.

Sarah and Mike have said Frank Bruno.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Frank Bruno.

It's right.

Is it going to go down lower than 13?

-Oh!

-Oh!

-19.

-Well done.

-I thought they'd won it, there.

I thought they'd done it.

19, which means, Jayne and Jamie, you have won the point.

You've done what you had to do. After two questions it's one-all.

Now, take us through this board.

-Which do you reckon is going to be the lowest scoring?

-That's so tough.

People still sing the theme tune to Cheggers Plays Pop.

Getting the name right of the show that I appeared in without any clothes,

getting the name right, I think, yeah.

-OK, you think that?

-I think that one.

-What was the answer?

-Naked Jungle.

-Naked Jungle.

-Yeah.

-Richard.

-Let's take a look at the scores.

The show where you broke three ribs was Dancing On Ice, of course.

That would have scored 44.

The children's game show, Cheggers Plays Pop.

You got that right, Cheggers, 14.

And you're right, the game show The Naked Jungle

would have scored three points.

-Wow.

-My God.

-Three points.

-They may not remember the name but the image...

-Oh, don't!

..the image is burned onto the retinas of a generation.

-Very good. Keith, thank you so much for coming on.

-Thank you very much.

-Keith Chegwin, ladies and gentlemen.

-Thank you! Cheers!

-Fabulous.

-CHEERING

Lovely to meet you.

OK. All of which is mere preamble for this, our third question.

The decider. Whoever wins this question, goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot for their nominated charity.

Here it comes. It concerns:

Oh, no!

Cricket fielding positions.

What's that?

-Is it a sport?

-LAUGHTER

We're going to show you five cricket fielding positions now

but we're just going to give you the initials of them.

Can you tell us what the position is and choose the most obscure of them?

-Very best of luck.

-OK. Thanks very much, Richard.

Let's reveal our five cricketing fielding positions in initial form

and here they come. We have got:

I'll read those all one last time.

Five cricketing positions but only their initials.

-Sarah and Mike, you go first this time.

-Right.

I was in the Essex youth cricket team when I was 14

for a day

and I got replaced by my best mate at school, Mervyn Day,

who went on to win the FA Cup final with West Ham,

which, I think, is football, so, you know, I wasn't a great cricketer.

Erm...

The only one I really know the correct answer to is W-K.

-Wicket-keeper.

-OK. Sarah and Mike are saying wicket-keeper for W-K.

Now, then, Jayne and Jamie.

-Or just Jamie.

-You can talk us through the board, if you like.

Well, I'm not going to lie. We've slightly lucked out here.

Good.

Because Jayne is a massive cricket fan.

Massive! I love when they bat and stuff and they catch

and I just love it, it's brilliant.

So er... Jayne will take you through some of these.

-Gulley.

-The first one is gulley.

-Yep.

-The second one is long off.

-Cover point.

-Cover point is the third.

-Deep square leg.

-Oh, I like that one.

-LAUGHTER

-Deep square leg.

What are you going for, Theakston?

-We're going to go for deep square leg.

-I like that.

-Deep square leg say Jane and Jamie.

OK, let's see. Sarah and Mike have given us wicket-keeper.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 said wicket-keeper.

Absolutely right.

68.

Which means, Jayne and Jamie, you have to beat 68 with deep square leg.

Let's see if you can do it. Is it right and how many people said deep square leg for DSL?

Absolutely right.

And you've done it! Very, very, very well done.

Where's it going to stop?

Four! Fantastic answer.

Very, very well done. Deep square leg's four beats wicket-keeper's 68,

which means, Jayne and Jamie, you are through to the final two-one.

Very well done indeed.

-Yes, the best answer on the board, so well played, Jayne.

-Thank you.

-Terrifically well done.

It turned up nicely, that last question,

though, Sarah, we did give you a vegetable you're growing

and then we brought on your former flatmate's brother,

so hopefully, it all evens out in the end.

Let's go through them. Jayne took us through them perfectly.

G is gulley. You almost went for it. You almost said goalie.

Gulley would have scored you 12 points.

LO is long off.

That would have scored 18.

And CP, cover point, would have scored eight points.

Very well done if you said deep square leg at home.

That was a great head to head. Great answers all round.

Great answers, absolutely, and Keith Chegwin, too.

-Oh, I forgot about that, yes.

-Yeah. Thanks, Richard.

So our losing pair at the end of the head to head... (GASPS)

Shock! Sarah! Mike!

Our golden pair.

Just don't say the consolation prize is two tickets to a test match.

It's 12.

Sarah and Mike, you've played so well. You've been brilliant the whole way through.

-Thank you for having us.

-You've knocked it out of the park every single round.

Thank you for playing. Brilliant sports. Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

But for Jayne and Jamie it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Jayne and Jamie, you've fought off all the competition

-and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Yay!

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot, which stands at £2,500.

WHOOPING

-Well, you've done it.

-Yes. It was hard.

Sarah and Mike, all the way through, they were the low scorers

-and boy, were they competitive.

-Yeah, they were good.

-They had the jokes, they had the moves.

-They did.

You've made it through to the final. The rules are very simple.

To win that money, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

We haven't had any pointless answers today.

You only have to find one now and you will go home with that money for your charities.

First you've got to choose a category from these five options. They are:

Oh, God.

When you say country names, what do you mean?

I'm guessing names of countries.

-I don't know.

-Thanks. Thanks.

-Which one would you like?

-Oh, well...

-Not golf.

-Are any of those, are you thinking, "I fancy that"?

-Music awards is the only thing.

-I'd go... I'd like to go music awards.

-Would you?

If you don't fancy golf...

If you think you know like golf inside out...

No, I wouldn't say that, no.

My cousin's a golfer.

That's nice.

-We're going to go... I think we're going to go for music awards.

-Yeah.

OK, we're there. Music awards.

Phew.

Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

-..as they could.

-I've got one!

-Richard.

We're looking for the name of any group or artist

who received the Brit Award for outstanding contribution to music

up to the 2011 ceremony.

So any band or individual artist who have won the outstanding contribution to music.

Very, very best of luck.

OK, you now have up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot of £2,500 for your charities

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-OK. Fleetwood Mac.

-Right.

-Pet Shop Boys.

-Pet Shop Boys.

-Oasis.

-Oasis. Paul Weller.

-Paul Weller, right.

-Blur.

-Blur.

These are quite recent. We need someone back in the day a little bit.

-What about erm...?

-Fleetwood Mac's quite a good call.

-Let's go back. Why don't we think...?

-What about the Eurythmics?

Yeah, I think possibly but...

I don't even know if they actually did do it

-but she was always getting awards, Annie Lennox, wasn't she?

-Sure.

I'm thinking why don't we go back to sort of early '80s.

Yeah but who?

Er, what about erm...

Outstanding music... I can't remember.

Contribution to music.

All the ones we've done are relatively recent.

Who was that...? Didn't the Bee Gees get it?

Ten seconds left.

-Er, OK. Do we have to come up with our three now?

-No, you're OK.

Oh, right, OK.

Erm...

OK, your time is up.

We were looking for winners of Brit Award for outstanding contribution.

I now need your three answers.

I reckon Fleetwood Mac, Pet Shop Boys.

-Erm...

-We just need one more.

-And we're going to go for... You say.

-No, you say.

-That was your idea.

-Paul Weller.

-Paul Weller.

Oh!

-Paul Weller.

-This is horrible.

-Paul Weller.

OK, we have your three answers. Pet Shop Boys, Fleetwood Mac, and Paul Weller.

-Yeah.

-There we are. Which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Fleetwood Mac.

-We'll put them last.

-Which is your least likely?

-Paul Weller.

Paul Weller, OK. Let's put those up on the board in that order.

We have got:

OK, so we're looking for winners of the Brit Award for outstanding contribution.

Your first answer, the one you thought is least likely to be pointless, was Paul Weller.

Remember, you only have to find one pointless answer

-to win that jackpot.

-And we've got three chances.

That's exactly right.

Three chances to win that jackpot for your charities.

OK, let's find out. For £2,500, how many people said Paul Weller?

It's right.

That's the first thing. The second thing is has to be is pointless.

If this goes all the way down to zero, you leave with £2,500.

It's still going down...

-Oh, three, for Paul Weller!

-That was close.

-APPLAUSE

-Three for Paul Weller. Now...

-It's not good enough.

-It's not good enough.

Three isn't good enough.

You only have two more chances to win

but that's quite heartening news.

Only three people got Paul Weller and you put him first.

He was your least likely answer.

We're looking for winners of the Brit Award for outstanding contribution.

Let's say you win that jackpot, what are the charities you are playing for? Jayne?

I'm playing for the Terence Higgins Trust.

Very, very good indeed. Jamie?

-UNICEF.

-UNICEF.

-Two fantastic charities.

-APPLAUSE

Very, very well done.

Fingers crossed one of your two remaining answers will win that jackpot.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer - Pet Shop Boys.

It has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

So for £2,500, how many people said Pet Shop Boys?

It's right.

Now, your first answer, Paul Weller, took us all the way down to six.

Pet Shop Boys going down, still going down...

-Oh, you've done it!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You've done it!

Very well done. Fantastic.

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

Fantastic work. That's brilliant. Well done.

Well done!

Fantastic. With only your second answer, Pet Shop Boys, a pointless answer,

which means you win the jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

-Very well done indeed. Brilliant work.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-How fantastic. Richard?

-Brilliant, very well played.

You've been terrific throughout and three really good answers.

Fleetwood Mac would have gone down to one.

-Ooh!

-AUDIENCE GASPING

That wouldn't have been nice.

You mentioned another pointless answer - The Eurythmics. That would have won you the money.

Let's take a look at all the pointless answers, see if you got these at home.

Bob Geldof was a pointless answer. David Bowie.

-Duran Duran!

-Duran Duran.

-I can't believe Duran Duran.

-You can't believe them in what way?

-Cos...

-Why, what have they said?

-Has Nick Rhodes been lying to you, Jayne?

-Sorry, sorry.

The Eurythmics, Freddie Mercury. Pet Shop Boys won in 2009.

They did a medley with Lady Gaga and Brandon Flowers, amongst others.

-Rod Stewart, Van Morrison.

-Wham!

-Wham!

Also The Police would have been pointless.

Very well done if you said any of those

but very well done for you guys winning that money for charity.

Terrific.

Well, thanks once again to our winning celebrities, Jayne and Jamie,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,500.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

And a huge thank you to our other celebrity pairs,

Erkan and Lee, Peter and Mark and Sarah and Mike.

Join us next time when we put more obscure knowledge to the test.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd