Episode 10 Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and welcome to Pointless Celebrities,

the quiz show where the aim of the game is to score as few points as

you can and to do that you need to come up with the answers no-one else could think of.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Katy, I'm a TV presenter

and I happen to know this gentlemen in the biblical sense.

LAUGHTER

Hi, I'm Trey and this woman next to me has been stalking me

for nine years, so I may or may not need a family solicitor.

You love it.

APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

Hello, I'm Ted Robbins, I'm a celebrity who nobody's heard of.

LAUGHTER

And my name is Mark Little

and I'm an Australian now living in Brighton Hove city, actually.

Actually.

APPLAUSE

And couple number three.

Hello, I'm Jennie McApline, I am an actress in Weatherfield

-on a street called Coronation Street.

-And I'm Justin Moorhouse.

I don't know her, but Alan Halsall couldn't be here.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

And finally couple number four.

Hello, I'm Kate Robbins, I'm a show-off.

I'm originally from Liverpool, I live in Bedfordshire now

and my brother, Ted, is over there.

And I'm Alastair McGowan,

an impressionist best known for my impressions of people

like Roy Hodgson, Andy Murray and probably

-Dara O Briain...

-HE TALKS GIBBERISH

..Alexander Armstrong, ladies and gentlemen.

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, these are today's contestants.

We'll be finding out more about all of you through the show as it

goes along, so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

A smart sat-nav patronisingly steering us through a world

of ignorance, before instructing us to turn around when possible.

-It's my Pointless friend, Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Good evening.

-And to you.

-There's a couple of usual suspects in this line-up who are going to

-be difficult.

-Do you think?

-Yeah, of course.

-Who's going to be difficult?

-Oh, Ted, Justin...

We were separated at birth, Justin and I. And I, you know.

We're identical twins. We were triplets but we ate the other one.

LAUGHTER

No? All right, I'll get my coat.

Round One's fun, though. Everyone's going to enjoy Round One, I think.

OK, thank you very much. All our questions on Pointless have been put

to 100 people before the show. Our contestants here need to find the obscure answers

those 100 people didn't get. Of course, everyone's trying to find a pointless answer.

This is an answer that none of our 100 gave

and each time that happens we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

and each of our lovely celebrities here is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a massive jackpot of...

There you are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, in this first round I'll take an answer from each of you

but there is to be no conferring.

At the end of the round, whichever pair has the highest score will be heading home.

OK, our first category today is...

-Oh, get in.

-Television.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Get in!

-Children's TV characters, Richard.

On each pass we're going to show you seven

sets of characters from children's TV programmes.

You just need to tell us in which children's TV programme they most famously appeared, please.

There's going to be 14 in all to have a go at home,

so very, very best of luck!

OK, thanks very much. So, we are looking for the name of the TV show these characters

appeared in and here is our first board of seven.

I'll read them all one last time.

Scampi's getting a lot of work, isn't he?

Now then, Katy and Trey.

You all drew lots before the show and today you are going to go first.

Now, Trey, how is your knowledge of children's TV characters?

My knowledge of TV characters in the Philippines is fantastic.

LAUGHTER

I see none of them there, but my knowledge of British...

Yeah. But you have lived all over the place, the pair of you.

I have, about six or seven countries so far.

-And you have two children.

-Yes.

-Do they watch any English TV? Children's TV?

-Oh, yes.

They do.

-Are they familiar with any of these?

-Let's see.

-Maybe one.

I'm going to go for Parsley, Sage, Dill and Sir Basil.

Whoo!

I think, The Basil Brush Show.

OK, The Basil Brush Show, says Trey for Parsley, Sage, Dill

and Sir Basil.

Let's find out if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said The Basil Brush Show.

-No.

-No!

I'm really sorry.

That scores you the maximum of 100, I'm very sorry.

Yeah, sorry, Trey. Yeah, Basil Brush never knighted.

It's cos you're not allowed to knight animals, that's the...

Essentially, yes.

-And he's not real.

-Whoa!

-Whoa!

-Sorry!

You know what? You're a guest here, my friend.

-Mark...

-Alex.

-Welcome to Pointless, Mark.

-Thank you very much.

-What a proud moment this is.

-Lovely to have you here.

-Well, for us I can tell you, it genuinely is.

-It's very exciting.

Now, Mark, you have a glittering career.

I was counting - I think you've done 15 feature films.

I have. Yes.

-You've done Shakespeare...

-Darling.

-You were a very successful stand-up in Australia and here.

-Thank you.

-You took over from Chris Evans on the Big Breakfast...

-I did.

-Made it better.

-And yet everybody remembers you

-as Joe Mangel.

-They do indeed.

Three years I did that show

and somehow he struck to the British hearts.

It is a compliment that that is the thing we will always remember.

-It is a compliment that has worn out a little.

-Yeah.

But, you know, I worked very hard on that show to make him

-halfway real, humorous...

-Yeah, you did.

If people are going to watch soap they may as well watch something

and I'm paying the price for doing a good job.

So, that's just the way it goes.

-Now then, Mark...

-Yes.

-What are you going to go for on this board?

It's a virginal board after Trey has left it.

Yeah, it's a bit hard because a lot of these, I think,

were before I arrived in this country in '92 as an immigrant.

LAUGHTER

But a couple did get across the water.

I think, both the ones I'm picking everyone's going to pick

but I'm going to go for, I think The Wombles

and I think it was Orinoco and Wellington and Tomsk and Bungo.

You are going to say The Wombles. Mark says The Wombles.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said The Wombles.

Is right...

63.

APPLAUSE

63 for The Wombles.

Well, that's a whole lot better than 100.

-Who was your favourite womble?

-Madame Cholet.

Yeah, she dished stuff up, she was a cook.

Camp, even at that age(!) Very impressive.

I liked Wellington, he was my favourite.

Elisabeth Beresford, who created The Wombles,

her parents were incredibly well connected.

They were mates with Rudyard Kipling, HG Wells, George Bernard Shaw...

-Really? I had no idea.

-There you go.

-I had no idea.

OK, thank you very much indeed. Now, Jennie.

-Hello!

-Jennie.

-Yes.

-Welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here.

-When you're not doing the Street, what do you get up to?

-Not a lot.

Sometimes I hang about with him, which is why we're together.

-You used to do a radio show?

-Yeah, yeah, we...

-We're available.

We are, we are available for bookings, yes.

So, basically it's just like me

and him chatting in a room with a microphone...

-and people are listening.

-We think.

-That's nice.

I think they are - you tell me they are.

Do you play records at all?

Play records, Alexander? Yeah, cos we're in the 1930s.

Yeah, we play records. We get a gramophone out...

LAUGHTER

-Oh, yeah, sorry.

-I told you, I did tell you.

-You did, you did.

-Now then, Jennie...

-Yes.

-What about this board?

OK, well, I don't know many of them, I think.

I'm thinking I don't know.

I might be too young for some of them!

Erm...but my answer is going to be based on, I met a little girl,

-a three-year-old little girl once who came to see me.

-Yeah.

And she burst into tears and I didn't know why

until her mum explained that she thought

she was coming to see Fizz from the from Tweenies.

Bless her.

-Awww...

-So, that will be my answer.

-Bella, Fizz, Jake, Milo, The Tweenies.

-The Tweenies says Jennie.

The Tweenies, let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said The Tweenies.

It's right. Now, 100's our highest score, 63 is our low.

You passed both of those very comfortably indeed...

18 for The Tweenies, very well done, Jennie.

APPLAUSE

-Phew!

-Good answer.

Well played, Jennie. Best answer so far.

I think you're the most famous Fizz now, I think, to be honest.

-I think The Tweenies are so over.

-Not to that little girl.

-But she's not a little girl any more, is she.

-She's probably not actually.

-She's probably 40.

-But I felt so bad for her.

-LAUGHTER

No, I'm just saying. They had two top-ten singles, The Tweenies,

including a song called Number One which got to number five.

There we are. That'll teach them.

Thanks very much, Richard. Alistair, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you very much, nice to be here.

-Great to have you here.

Of course, you've played many, many, many, many people in your time.

-Many pointless celebrities, in fact.

-Yes, I bet you have.

Do you have a favourite impression?

-The favourite one is always the newest one.

-That's good.

-What is it?

-So that changes all the time.

-It's you!

-That's the thing I was building up to.

-No, it's...

Well, is he my favourite?

Certainly my newest one is actually Paul Hollywood, who does all the

programmes about bread, you know, and what I like about him

is that if you're not careful with him you just take his Scouse accent

away, he turns into Dave from The Royle Family, doesn't he?

LAUGHTER

He's my favourite at the moment, but over time, I suppose...

I've always enjoyed doing Gary Lineker, I don't know why.

I feel a sort of strange affinity with Gary

cos we're both Midlanders, so I always enjoy doing Gary very much.

of course Gary loves a pun almost as much as Richard does

and I'm sure at some point in the future he'll probably say,

"So, Sunderland today had a player sent off, Lee Cattermole,

"not the first time Cattermole's been in trouble with the authorities

"and also sent off today was Jason Puncheon of Southampton.

"Those two teams play each other very soon

"so that really is going to put the Catt amongst the Puncheons."

LAUGHTER

You'd be proud of that, Richard.

APPLAUSE

Now, Alistair, you're the last person to have this board.

Do you think you can talk us through it and fill in all the blanks for us?

-I can do four.

-Then just select which one you want to submit.

All right. Sweep, Soo, Butch and Scampi must be The Sooty Show.

Parsley, Sage, Dill and Sir Basil was a programme

I used to love watching when I was a kid, called The Herbs.

I used to love Dill's song...

# I'm Dill the dog I'm a dog called Dill

-# My tail I like to chase I've never caught it yet... #

-HE PANTS

# I'm Bayleaf, I'm the gardener

-# I work till early doors... #

-He was my favourite!

# You'll find me sweeping up the leaves

# Or tidying the lawn. #

Should have done that a little bit higher.

Fingermouse, Gulliver, Scampi and Flash was Fingerbobs.

# Fingermouse, fingermouse

# The never-stop-to-think-a mouse

# A hit, a miss, a blunder mouse

# Fingermouse, that's me. #

The next one was Thunderbirds.

I've never heard of Mr Boo, Officer Gotcha,

Strumpers Plunkett and Wellybob. That must be something quite new.

So, I would choose, probably the one that people know least.

-I'm going to go for The Herbs.

-The Herbs, says Alistair.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Herbs.

It's right, now...

18 is our lowest score so far.

30 for the Herbs.

-APPLAUSE

-Thunderbirds, maybe.

-The Herbs.

-Well played, Alistair. Written by Michael Bond, who also

created Paddington, The Herbs.

You took us through the board with some

skill there. Sweep, Soo, Butch and Scampi was The Sooty Show,

that would have scored you 75, so you did well to avoid that.

Now Fingermouse,

Gulliver, Scampi and Flash, it is the Fingerbobs

but it's the lowest scorer, actually, of the ones you knew, seven points.

I think, perhaps people thought it was called Fingermouse.

Jeff, Scott, Virgil and Brains, you're right, is Thunderbirds.

That would have scored you 66 and the one you didn't know is the best answer up there,

Mr Boo, Officer Gotcha, Strumpers Plunkett and Wellybob are all

from...Jamie And The Magic Torch,

which would have scored one point.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Halfway through the first round. Let's take a look at the scores,

as they stand. 18, the best score there, Jennie.

Jennie and Justin looking

pretty safe on the back of that.

Up to 30, where we find Alistair and Kate.

Up to 63, where we find Mark and Ted and then up to

100, Trey and Katy.

You are way out in front, Katy, we need a low score.

We like being out in front, it's good.

Anyway, very best of luck. We come back down the line now,

will the second players step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put seven more sets of characters

up on the board and here they come.

We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

-Now then, Kate. Welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Great to have you.

Now, this is fun...you represented the United Kingdom at Eurovision.

I did.

-In 1980 and we came third.

-Prima Donna.

-Yeah.

-Oh, that was...

-You came third?

-Coming third nowadays is quite good, isn't it?

It's amazing.

In that day, we were like "Oh, we didn't win,"

but, you know. Yeah, came third.

We all wore plastic boiler suits, I think, and stilettos.

-Strange look.

-Wow!

-So you did that and had a hit back here, got to number two.

-Yes.

-I had a hit, I was in that comedy, Crossroads.

-You were in Crossroads!

Acorn Antiques, Crossroads - same thing.

-You wrote the theme tune to Surprise Surprise.

-I did, yes.

Then you somehow put music on the back burner.

I mean, you've kept up with the music, obviously?

Yeah, and then I just fell into doing impressions.

-We worked together on Spitting Image for ten years, didn't we?

-Yeah, yeah...

-You used to do Eurotrash, didn't you?

-Yes, I did the silly voices on that.

Anyway, Kate, the high-scorers at the moment are Katy and Trey on 100.

If you can score 69 or less...

I knew the other list. Everyone says that, don't they?

I'm going to go for... The only one I think people might not know and I definitely know is right.

There's one there that I'm not sure about and it's very,

very obscure but I can't risk it, so I'm going to go for Dougal,

Zebedee, Brian and Ermintrude and say The Magic Roundabout.

The Magic Roundabout says Kate.

Here comes your red line.

If you get below that, you're in the next round.

Let's see how many people said The Magic Roundabout.

It's right.

Oooh, 78.

APPLAUSE

78 takes your total up to 108. I think that's probably good enough.

-It is a harder board this one, isn't it?

-It is, yeah.

Yeah, used to be on just before the news on BBC One.

I don't know what they put there now. I'm assuming something not as good.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, I think we can safely assume that.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

-Justin...Justin, welcome, welcome, welcome.

-Thank you.

-You're a stand-up.

-Ah-huh.

What did you do before that, Justin?

I used to be a salesman till I was 29.

-I came to show business quite late.

-What did you sell?

-Not a lot.

That's why I'm not doing it any more, yeah...

I was rubbish at it. I was really rubbish at it...genuinely rubbish.

And then fell into comedy.

Er, no! I worked hard, Alexander.

-Yeah, yeah, but...

-I really, really like comedy.

Everyone says that, don't they?

Imagine people who go, "I don't like comedy."

I really love comedy and phoned a comedy club one day and said

I'd like to try it, they said come down. I did five minutes

and it went great. I went the week after and it was rubbish.

I went the week after that and it was all right.

Then I genuinely thought, how do you say "I used to be a stand-up comedian?"

So I just...went for it.

-And here you are on Pointless.

-And here I am now.

-Fantastic!

Yeah, on Pointless.

Well, the high-scorers at this stage are Kate and Alistair on 108.

You're on 18, so a score of 89 or less...sees you

comfortably into the next round, thanks to Jennie's lovely low score.

-It's brilliant.

-Yeah, yeah.

-No pressure then.

I'm torn now, you see. I'm torn between going for it,

cos I think I know one that's going to be really low...

I'm going to say Hartley Hare, Pig, Topov, Octavia

and I'm going to say Pipkin.

Pipkin, says Justin.

Pipkins, we'll give you that. Here's your red line. It's quite nice and high.

If you get below that, you're in the next round. Let's see if that's right

and let's see how many of our 100 people said Pipkins.

It's right and you're through to the next round.

Very well done indeed, Justin.

Oh, that's a good score. Look at that, 4.

Best score of the round.

22's your total, very well done.

Sailing very close to the wind there, Justin.

It's about the character Inigo Pipkin,

-Sometimes it was called Inigo Pipkin.

-There we are.

-Brilliant, thanks very much. Now, Ted, welcome.

-Hello, Alexander.

Welcome, welcome. You started out as a warm-up man.

Long time, no see. I've warmed you up, haven't I?

-You've warmed me up, yeah!

-I have.

-You've fluffed for me.

-What a night that was, in Teddington Studios.

-Yeah.

I was trying to remember the name of the sitcom.

So was I! Now...

LAUGHTER

I did University Challenge once... That's true.

The audience didn't speak. Nothing, worse than this audience.

You're marvellous.

LAUGHTER

And after 20 minutes I said, "I'm sorry,

"I'll do my best to keep going."

And somebody said, "We are from Russia."

And not one of them spoke any English,

and I got more laughs then than I've got tonight.

LAUGHTER

Ted, you're on 63, the high-scorers are Kate and Alistair on 108.

-44 or less keeps you in the game.

-44 or less, right.

Again, there's two that I fancy but I'm going to go for

Master Mate, Barnabas, Willy and Tom and I'm hoping

that's Captain Pugwash

because they're not the names that people always think he did have.

-They didn't have those names, did they?

-No, they didn't.

It'd have been good if they did, but they didn't.

Master Mate, Barnabas, Willy and Tom, Captain Pugwash.

Here is your red line, let's see if you can get below that

and secure yourself a place in the next round.

Captain Pugwash, is that right, how many people said it if it is?

Come on.

-It's right.

-Woo!

Come on.

Very well done, through you go.

-Still going down. 16.

-Woo-hoo!

-Yes!

Woo, Jim!

Great score. 79, your total, Ted.

Well done.

Well played, Ted. Good answer.

They were persistent rumours that they had rude names, but they didn't.

-We won't say what they were.

-Did they really not?

No, they really didn't. Disappointing, isn't it? Isn't it?

-All those years!

-LAUGHTER

-Katy.

-Hello.

-Katy, of course, you were...

-Six years, you were on Blue Peter.

-I was, yeah.

I always say that's the best training for Pointless.

-Just the best.

-Why?

-Cos you learn everything.

-Yeah, you kind of do.

-You do.

-It is amazing.

I remember Anthea Turner calling it the university of television,

cos it is, there's no other show

where you have to do that breadth of variety of stuff within one day.

-It's madness, but brilliant.

-What's the best thing you did?

-Flying with the Red Arrows.

-Ah!

-I know, you can't pay to do it.

It was amazing. they took me to Cyprus - they go there to train

cos the weather here is so shocking -

to train for their summer displays.

I had to go up in a test sortie, as they call it,

which is when they go up and basically throw the jet around

and see if I held on to my breakfast.

And I remember at one point, they'd just stopped giving out...

They used to give out what they call G pants where

they squeeze your legs so the blood doesn't all drain down and

they'd stopped giving them to the passenger,

so you have to tense your body every time you pulled 7G or whatever.

And at one point, I could feel black coming in

and total tunnel vision and there was no way I wasn't going to do

-a full display with them so I just clenched and made it.

-Now, Katy.

-Yes.

-Listen, you're not the highest scorers.

-I know.

You have... Yeah, if you can score seven or less, you're through.

-Yes, I'm worried about that.

-You might be good at this, though.

No, because Captain Pugwash was my left-of-fielder

that I thought would score me high.

-Do you want to talk us through the board and see if anything occurs?

-Not really, no!

Dougal, Magic Roundabout. I can tell you that one.

Fenella Fellorick, never heard of the woman and Benny the Ball,

not a clue. Ash, Misty, Gary, Brock...no.

So I'm going to have to go with Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po.

-And that show is called Teletubbies.

-Teletubbies, OK.

Here is your red line, it's quite low. There we are.

-KATY LAUGHS

-Good luck, everyone!

I'd like to wish everyone luck.

Let's see if you can get down there with Teletubbies.

Oh, bad luck, Katy. 65.

-Takes your total up to 165.

-Oh!

-Unlucky, Katy.

-This was a tougher board, I have to say.

-Yeah.

Justin, was there a risky one you were going to go for, or was that...?

-I was going to go for the King Otto one...

-Yeah?

-Willo The Wisp?

-Oh, I loved Willo.

-Oh, it's not Willo The Wisp.

-Is it not?

No, would've scored you 100 points.

Let's go through all of these answers. The one at the bottom,

Benny the Ball, Choo Choo, Fancy-Fancy and Spook

-is Top Cat.

-Oh.

-Would've scored you 18.

-KATE:

-You knew that!

-Oh, Benny.

Ash, Misty, Gary and Brock, a certain generation

will tell you in one second

-is the Pokemon.

-Oh.

-That would have scored you two points.

And there's a pointless answer there.

Fenella Fellorick and friends, and it is Chorlton and the Wheelies.

-Oh, the poor lady.

-Very well done if you got that at home.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our first round, I'm afraid it's Katy and Trey

we have to say goodbye to with our high score of 165.

-Thank you so much for playing.

-Thank you for having us.

-Thanks.

-Sorry it's been brief, but it's been great.

-It's been lovely.

-Katy and Trey.

-Thanks.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

OK, so three pairs remain.

We have to say goodbye to another pair at the end of this round.

That was a really tough first round.

I thought children's telly was going to be fun.

-A lot harder if you've worked in it, though.

-Yeah!

Justin, very well done - yours was the lowest score with Pipkins.

Very good indeed.

Best of luck to all three pairs, our category for Round Two is...

Music. Music.

Can you all decide in your pairs who will go first and second?

THEY CONFER

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

Or just continue chatting on Podium Three, if you like. Just...

OK, lovely. Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

-LAUGHTER

-..Eurovision solo artists as they could.

Eurovision solo artists.

-Well, that has fallen nicely, hasn't it?

-Yeah. Well, I say music...

LAUGHTER

That said, though, given a children's TV presenter just got knocked out

on a round on children's TV,

I wouldn't want to be a Eurovision entrant right about now, Kate.

We're looking for any solo act that has represented the UK

in the Eurovision Song Contest from 1956 all the way through to 2012, please.

-Very, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

-So Mark, this is fun for you, isn't it?

-Ha-ha!

Any solo act represented the UK in Eurovision, Mark?

-Oh, does it have to be the UK?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, we know the Kazakhstani one, Katya. Does that not count?

-Nope, I'm afraid not.

-Solo... I don't...I don't know any.

I can't even think of a person on stage... Oh, yes, I do.

-Engelbert Humperdinck.

-That's the one I thought of!

-Sorry, that was foolish of me.

-Engelbert Humperdinck, says Mark.

-What a fabulous song that was.

-What a good answer that is.

-Well remembered.

-Let's see if that's right. If it is, how many of our 100 people said Engelbert Humperdinck.

-It's right.

-Everybody said it...oh!

-No, they didn't.

Look at that, down it goes.

-40 people said it.

-Oh!

-Well done, Mark.

-OK.

-Hat's off to you, Mark.

-Engelbert!

-Engelbert!

Love Will Set You Free in 2012.

-Came 25th, with 12 points.

-Good.

-25th, Kate. Pah!

12 points, oh!

I think I'd sooner have no points than 12.

-That's douze points, but from everybody put together.

-Yeah.

-OK, Jennie.

-Oh, gosh.

-Jennie.

I'm thinking of one, but I don't know if she was a solo

or if it was a band.

She might have been in a band, but I'm going to say she was solo.

Samantha Janus.

Samantha Janus, or Jane-us, says Jennie. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Samantha Janus.

It's right. It's right.

Well, Engelbert scored 40.

You can score less than that with Samantha.

Down it goes...

Look at that, brilliant, Jennie!

Woo!

Two for Samantha Janus or Jane-us.

Terrific answer, Jennie. Very well done. Very well known since then

for playing Ronnie Mitchell in EastEnders.

Big, big, big EastEnders fan, Jennie, I have to say.

-You've got to love it, don't you?

-Oh, EastEnders?

-Absolutely love it.

What a show, it just tells you about real people, real world, real lives.

Yeah. Thanks very much indeed. Now, Kate. Kate's lost,

-lost in a world of Eurovision.

-No, I'm not, I'm just absolutely amazed that you sort of didn't know

and then you got the most brilliant answer, it's really annoying!

But solo artists. I could go for the ones everybody knows.

-Yeah.

-But there is somebody and I'm not sure,

if I just say her first name, whether I'll get it

-or I have to say her surname, too. Sonia.

-Sonia.

-Ooh.

Let's find out. Is that a correct answer?

If it is, how many of our 100 people said Sonia?

It's right. It's right.

Now, two is our lowest score so far...

Look at that, 11 for Sonia. Very well done.

Well played, Kate.

-She came second with Better The Devil You Know.

-That's right.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

Two, the best scorer, that pass. Jennie. Very well done.

Then up to 11 where we find Kate and Alistair, then up to 40

when we find Mark and Ted.

You're a little bit ahead there, but Ted, I think you're going

-to be brilliant on this as well.

-Phew...

We need a low score either way from you to make sure you get through. Back down the line now.

Can the second players, please, take their places at the podium?

-Now then, Alistair.

-Have I got to go first?

-Now then, Alistair.

-You're on 11.

-Yes.

The highest scorers, Ted and Mark, currently on 40.

28 or less sees you into the Head-To-Head round.

Mm. Well, I'm torn as well because I don't know many,

music is not my strong point.

-AS GARY BARLOW:

-I was hoping I was not going to get any music questions

because all I know about music is Gary Barlow talks really slowly

when he talks and always sounds like he's about to...

-AS CRAIG CASH:

-..turn into Dave from The Royle Family, don't he, Barbara?

-RESUMES OWN VOICE:

-That's all I know about music. I'm tempted by a really left-field one.

-KATE GASPS

-No!

But I don't think I should risk it!

Something tells me...so I might play safe and hoping that all

the people you asked were under the age of 30

and go for Sandie Shaw.

Sandie Shaw, says Alistair. Here's your red line. If you get below that with Sandie Shaw,

you're definitely in the Head-ToHead.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

let's see how me people said Sandie Shaw.

It's right.

58.

-Puppet On A String.

-69, your total.

She came first, Sandie Shaw with Puppet On A String, of course.

People have long memories, it seems.

Thanks very much. Now, Justin. 69 is now the highest score.

Look at you on two. Look at you! 66 or less is all you have to score.

You've got an answer, surely,

but you're trying to think of a better one than that

cos I can think of that one.

Yeah, and there's two that I can think of that are dead obvious.

But I think 95 people will have said that

and now I'm thinking the person I'm thinking of

-was in a band so...

-Ah, yeah.

She was in a band but I'm not sure whether she was in a band

-when she represented the Eurovision.

-Well...

There's such an easy way to find out! LAUGHTER

-Oh, gosh!

-But I'll just play it safe and hope for the best and say...

-Cliff Richard.

-ALEXANDER SIGHS

-Cliff Richard.

-She wasn't in a band, was she?

LAUGHTER

There is your red line. If you get below that, you are through to the Head-To-Head.

-Oh, no, I shouldn't have done that.

-Let's see if Cliff Richard gets you down there.

Cliff Richard.

It's right.

Ooh, look at that, it's not bad. 69.

-Oh!

-69, takes your total up to 71.

JENNIE GROANS

-You're two ahead of Alistair and Kate, they're definitely through.

-Played it too safe.

Yes, he came second and third. I'll ask you what your other answer might have been at the end of the pass.

-Played that too safe.

-Well, maybe not. Ted has got to go now.

I've got two and I've got to get... We've got 40...

Tell us what your two are, you can do all your thinking out loud.

Well, it doesn't matter, does it? Lulu did Boom Bang-a-Bang.

I'm going to go way back and hope that this...

-I'm going for it, mate.

-Go for your life, mate.

-We'll have a beer...

-Go way back.

-We'll blow the froth off a few if we don't get it.

-You know it, mate.

I'm going to say, a blast from the past, Ronnie Carroll.

JUSTIN APPLAUDS

-Ronnie Carroll... Oh, Justin likes that.

-KATE:

-It's a good 'un.

Justin, who could only think of Cliff Richard, thinks that's

-a great answer!

-I'm just saying that in case it is.

If it's not, I'll go, "Ha-ha-ha!"

Ronnie Carroll, says Ted. That's your red line.

Ronnie Carroll, let's find out if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said Ronnie Carroll.

It's right, Ted. Look at that.

-This is going right down.

-Come on.

-You're going down.

-Pointless.

-Get in there.

And it's through to the next round.

And it's pointless! Very well done indeed, Ted.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's a pointless answer, it adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £2,750.

It scores you nothing, it leaves your total at 40,

and it sees you through to the Head-To-Head. Very well done indeed.

Brilliant work, Ted. Came fourth twice in 1962 and 1963

so that's a terrific answer. Justin, what would you have gone for if you'd taken a risk?

I played too safe. I might've gone for Lulu.

Lulu would've scored you 45, would've seen you safely through.

Yeah, and then I was thinking Katrina.

-No, it's Katrina and the Waves, I'm afraid.

-Is it? See, that's what I was...

let's take a look at the pointless answers, the ones that none of our 100 people said.

You could've had Bryan Johnson who sang

Looking High, High, High Looking Low, Low, Low. That was his.

Daz Sampson who sang Teenage Life, Emma, you could've had.

Very well done if you said Emma.

Frances Ruffelle as well. Imaani, who came second.

Javine, Javine Hylton would've been a pointless answer.

Jessica Garlick, she came joint third in 2002,

the best we did in the Noughties. Josh Dubovie, he became last

and there's Matt Monro as well, which is a terrific answer.

Let's take a look at the top three, we've already heard them.

It is Lulu, 45, Sandie Shaw, 58 and Cliff Richard, 69.

-Way, way, way in the lead, Justin!

-Thanks very much.

At the end of that round, I'm afraid, Justin and Jennie, we have to say goodbye.

-Oh!

-Jennie, with Samantha Janus there with your two,

you were riding high on the hog halfway through that round

and Justin, with your safe Cliff Richard.

In you come.

-That's first time I have ever been cautious in my life!

-It was right,

-it's good to be cautious.

-It means we've got to say goodbye to you. It's not fair.

Will you come back and play again, please, another time?

-Yeah.

-Can we?

-Course!

-BOTH:

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Tomorrow, let's do it tomorrow!

-Yes!

-Not for a bit.

We ring each other when it's on every night

-and talk it through.

-Yeah.

We're massive fans. These don't even like the show.

LAUGHTER

They genuinely don't like the show.

-We're here cos we like it.

-Too late!

-Get off!

-Red card!

Justin, Jennie, it's been lovely having you on the show.

-Lovely contestants, Justin and Jennie.

-Thank you.

-Pleasure.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the Head-To-Head.

Congratulations, Mark and Ted, Kate and Alistair.

You're now one step closer to the final with a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands

at £2,750.

APPLAUSE

Now, to decide who's going to play for that money,

you'll now go head-to-head.

The difference is you're now allowed to chat.

You can confer before you give your answer and the first pair

to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

this has never happened in Pointless before - it's a Robbins-off!

Robbins on Robbins...

We've often been told that, but never to our faces.

There you are, it's a brother/sister...

I'm happy for him if he wins.

-That's such a lie.

-That's a lie!

Listen, Ted - you are the star of the show. Ronnie Carroll!

A pointless answer!

-You must have guessed, the Robbins' are a showbiz family.

-Yeah.

Even the sewing machine was a Singer.

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

-You never lose it!

-That's lovely.

Best of luck to both pairs, let's play the Head-To-Head.

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

Cities At Night. Cities At Night. Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures now of world cities

but taken at night. Can you identify the cities, please?

Very best of luck.

Let's reveal our five cities at night and here they are.

We have got...

There we are, five cities at night.

Mark and Ted, you played best throughout the show so far so you get to go first.

THEY CONFER

-We're going to go for E, yeah?

-Yes.

-Seattle.

E, Seattle. E, Seattle.

Kate and Alistair, the rest of the board is yours. Talk us through it.

-A is Athens.

-B is definitely New York, everyone will know that.

Don't go for that one. Go for Athens, I think.

-Because we're not sure of C, D or E.

-True, true.

-We have to go for A, Athens.

-OK, you're going to say A, Athens.

So we have Seattle and we have Athens.

Mark and Ted said Seattle, let's see if that's right and how many people said Seattle, if it is right.

And it is right.

Ooh, Seattle, that's a good answer.

Look at that, down it goes to 18.

Well done, Mark and Ted.

APPLAUSE

-ALISTAIR:

-We're 1-0 down.

-I think we're 1-0 down.

-I love Kate saying, "Ted wouldn't have known that."

-He wouldn't!

"Ted would never have known Seattle."

-TED:

-She was right!

-He knows lots of things

but he doesn't know the States.

OK, Kate and Alistair have said Athens for A.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said Athens.

It's right, is it going to go anywhere near 18?

Still going down...

24, not bad.

That was close.

Very well done, Mark and Ted. After one question, you're up 1-0.

Well played, Mark and Ted. Good little team, aren't they?

-Yeah.

-Let's take a look at the rest of these.

B, you were right, is New York but would've scored more points,

would've scored you 37.

-C, that everyone was having trouble with...

-Singapore?

-That's Dubai.

-Dubai.

That's the Burj Khalifa there. 27 points.

And D, it's not Singapore, it's not Hong Kong,

but you're not a million miles away, it's London(!)

-SIGHING KATE:

-What?!

-And that would've scored you 41 points.

-Thanks very much.

Here comes your second question.

Kate and Alistair, you get to answer this one first.

But you have to win it to stay in the game. Best of luck.

It concerns...

Coffee.

-Coffee, Richard.

-We'll show you five anagrams now

of the types of coffee drink you might find in any normal coffee shop.

Can you unscramble them and give us the most obscure answer? Good luck.

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five coffee anagrams

and here they come. We have got...

Kate and Alistair, you will go first.

THEY CONFER

-ALISTAIR:

-As a non-coffee drinker, this is really tricky for me.

We can see three so we're going to go with

-that top one, are we?

-SEES PROS.

-Yeah.

-ESPRESSO.

ESPRESSO, say Kate and Alistair. ESPRESSO. Now, Mark and Ted?

-Number two, AMERICANO.

-AMERICANO, say Mark and Ted. AMERICANOs.

So we have ESPRESSO from Kate and Alistair and AMERICANO from Mark and Ted.

ESPRESSO, let's see if that's right

and how many of our 100 people said it.

It is right.

38.

-I don't think we're going to do it.

-Mm.

And from Mark and Ted, we have AMERICANO, let's see

if that's right and if it is,

how many of our 100 people said AMERICANO.

That's right.

Is it going to beat 38?

-Yes, it is!

-Boom-ah!

-Very well done indeed.

-Bad luck.

APPLAUSE

-Sorry, Sis.

-Very well done, Mark and Ted.

This means, after only two questions, you're through to the final.

-2-0, very well done indeed.

-Very well played, Mark and Ted.

Let's fill in the rest of this board.

CUP CAP ICON, I think everyone knew, was CAPPUCCINO.

Would've scored too many points, though. Would've scored you 84.

MAC OH is MOCHA, that would've scored you 66.

Now, ITS ROTTER, this is an espresso

with slightly less water.

-It's a RISTRETTO.

-Never heard of it.

If you knew that, it's a pointless answer. No-one else had ever heard of it as well.

Thank you. The pair leaving us at the end of the Head-To-Head round, I'm afraid it's Kate and Alistair.

-I'm sorry.

-Oh, I was so enjoying it.

-Beaten by coffee.

And you did so well.

To my brother! And an Oz!

LAUGHTER Come on!

-AS ROY HODGSON:

-Being the England manager at a football tournament, being here today, you come here,

you hope you're going to get to the final,

you hope to win and lift the trophy

but at the end, you know that if the opposition ask you some

difficult questions early on, you're going to go home very early indeed

so we have got to the semifinal stage

and I think, you know, for a country like us, that's not bad at all.

-MARK: I think you're right.

-Thank you very much indeed, Kate and Alistair.

APPLAUSE

But for Mark and Ted, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Mark and Ted.

You've fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Oh!

-Oh, brilliant!

-You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.

-Come on.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,750.

APPLAUSE

You've done so well. You really have.

Mark, the first two rounds, really tough for you.

Kids' TV and then UK entrants for Eurovision...

-And Eurovision I don't care anything about.

-He wasn't

allowed in Europe for the best part of his life.

-There we are!

-But I'm glad Engelbert came to me, really.

Thank you, Engelbert.

-And Ronnie Corbett.

-Ronnie Carroll!

Yeah, Ronnie Carroll. But then you had your moment with Seattle.

That was great.

-It's been proper teamwork.

-May I just say that I feel really mean

beating my little sister in the semifinal!

LAUGHTER

As always, you start this round off by choosing a category.

You have four options to choose from, and here they are.

-You've got Italy...

-Italy...

-..literary awards...

-Oh.

..London 2012, Tom Cruise.

Italy, I know nothing about.

-I know less about Tom Cruise.

-Same here.

So, if you want to go literary awards, I'll understand.

-London 2012, I did follow it pretty close.

-Did you? London 2012?

-I watched it, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Let's go for it, shall we?

-What do you reckon?

-Let's give it a go.

-Come on.

-Go for it.

-Come on.

-OK, London 2012 it is.

-That's the one.

-Best of luck. Richard.

Here are your three options.

You can take your answers from any one of these, guys.

We are looking for the name of any of the seven British Olympic Heroes

who passed the torch to the young athletes at the Olympic

Opening Ceremony, any of those seven.

We are looking for any of the 12 GB Olympians who won gold

on Super Saturday, that was the 4th of August, or we are looking for

any sport - not individual events,

but any sport - in which Team GB

won one or more Paralympic medals, please.

So any of the seven British Olympic Heroes at the Opening Ceremony,

any Team GB Olympians who won gold on Super Saturday

or any sports in which Team GB won one or more Paralympic medals.

Very, very best of luck.

OK, you now have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot for your chosen charities

-is to find just one pointless answer.

-Team GB...

-Remember the answers you give can come from any of these three.

-Good.

It can be all three from one category,

it could be one from each, two from one, one from another.

-It's completely up to you. Are you ready?

-OK.

-Yes.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock,

there they are. Your time starts now.

Paralympic medals, what about rugby? You know, wheelchair rugby?

-Yeah, but I don't know if they won a medal in that.

-I think they did.

-But I...

-Go on.

But I think it's a good one because I think the show jumping team...

-Yes, they definitely won, didn't they?

-They did.

-Show jumping...

-Er...

-What was the name of the board...the long jumper

-on Super Saturday?

-With the red hair?

-Yeah.

-Richardson, er, William... Oh, what was his name?

-Him, I don't...

-Everyone will be thinking this.

-Yeah.

-Because everybody knows Mo Farah.

-Yeah, and Jessica.

-Jessica Ennis.

-And the long jumper bloke.

-Oh, what's his name?

Seven British... There was Steve Redgrave.

Who were the other British Olympic Heroes?

-Was it Mary Peters, what she one of them?

-Yes.

-Let's say Mary Peters for that one.

-OK, Mary Peters.

-Erm...

-Erm...

-Come on, 13 seconds.

-Right, show jumping...

-Mary Peters...

Ten seconds left.

-..Mary Peters and...

-Oh, what was his name?

Let's have another Paralympic game, OK?

-Which we'll think of in the next two seconds.

-Erm...

-OK, that's your time up.

-It wasn't the volleyball, was it?

I now need your three answers. What are you going to give me?

We're going to give you, the first one,

one of the British Olympic Heroes was, I hope, Dame Mary Peters.

-Mary Peters.

-Yep.

And the two, we're going to give you teams which GB won medals,

not necessarily gold...

-Show jumping.

-Show jumping.

-Show jumping and you said archery.

-Archery.

-And archery.

-Yeah.

-OK, there we are.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

Let's say Mary Peters.

We'll put Mary Peters last, which is your least likely to be pointless?

-I think archery.

-Yeah.

-Archery, so archery, show jumping, Mary Peters.

Thank you. We got there in the end.

Let's put those answers up on the board and here they are.

We have got archery, show jumping and Mary Peters.

-Very, very best of luck.

-Thank you.

-Your first answer was archery.

-Yeah.

-Now, if this is correct and it's pointless,

you will win £2,750 for your charities.

-What's your charity, Mark?

-Brilliant. Well, my charity's in Hove, Brighton and Hove City

where I'm from and they're The Martlets,

The Martlets hospice who do lovely palliative work care

for people at the end of their life, wonderful organisation

and I hope we get the money for them.

Good stuff.

APPLAUSE

Ted, how about you?

I'm an honorary El Presidente of an animal sanctuary

in Lancashire called The Bleakholt Animal Sanctuary

-which is a name straight out of Dickens, isn't it?

-It's great!

They take animals in, in terrible conditions sometimes.

They always look after them and they rely entirely on donations so it's going to them.

-Very good indeed. Two very good charities there.

-Come on.

APPLAUSE

Very best of luck. Three good answers on the board there.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless

and you'll win that money for your charities.

Your first answer, as I say, was archery.

Let's find out for £2,750

if that was a Paralympic medal-winning sport.

-Yes, it was.

-Come on.

-Medals.

-Yes, it was.

If this goes all the way down to zero, you will leave here with

that £2,750 for your charities.

It's going down through the teens, still going down...

-Six.

-Oh!

Six for archery.

-Not bad, mate.

-Which you thought was probably your least likely to be pointless.

-Six people got it. Still looking very good.

-It is.

Looking very strong indeed.

Your second answer was show jumping and again this obviously has to be correct,

then pointless for you to win that jackpot for £2,750.

Was show jumping a Paralympic medal-winning sport?

Oh, no, no!

-We didn't get a medal.

-We did get a medal, didn't we? In the dressage.

-I'll explain at the end, guys.

-Oh, I see. We've got to call it the right thing.

So everything is now riding on your third and final answer.

-AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:

-You can take the boy out of Australia...

-LAUGHTER

-Everything is now riding on Mary Peters.

-MARK SIGHS

Let's find out. If this is correct and it is pointless,

you will win that jackpot, £2,750.

Was Mary Peters one of the Olympic Heroes at the Opening Ceremony?

Yes, she was.

OK, so your first answer was archery which took us

all the way down to six.

The second answer, show jumping, was incorrect

but your third answer is bang on the money. Down it goes,

still in single figures...

Three for Mary Peters!

AUDIENCE GROANS, THEN APPLAUSE

-Ah, well.

-Good job, mate.

Two fantastic answers out of those three, though.

Two brilliant low scores. You'd be thrilled with that, any other stage of the game.

-We're only interested in pointless answers.

-Of course.

Unfortunately you didn't manage to find one which means

you don't win today's jackpot for your charities

but as it is a celebrity special, we are going to donate £500

to each pair for their respective charities.

-We've loved having you on the show.

-Fantastic.

-Remember, you get a Pointless trophy each

-so it hasn't all been in vain.

-No, brilliant.

-That's great.

-Thank you. Thank you, Rich.

-Thank you so much.

APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Thanks, guys.

You played terrifically well throughout.

You've acted the jokers but every answer's been terrific

and you did very well in that final round.

I'll give you the pointless answers here.

Hopefully there's nothing that rings a bell for you.

The seven British Olympic Heroes, there's only one pointless answer.

That was the sailor, Shirley Robertson.

The other Heroes were Lynn Davies and Duncan Goodhew,

both would've scored one. We've already had Mary Peters.

Kelly Holmes would've scored you 12.

Steve Redgrave, 31. Daley Thompson, 13.

Let's take a look at the Team GB Olympians who won those golds.

-Greg Rutherford was the long jumper you were thinking of.

-Greg!

-Sorry, Greg.

-He would've scored you nine points.

-No good, anyway.

Andrew Triggs Hodge who won for the men's coxless four,

as did Pete Reed, as did Alex Gregory and Tom James as well.

All of those were pointless.

Katherine Copeland and Sophie Hosking won for the women's double sculls, they were both pointless answers.

The three members of the women's cycling pursuit team, Laura Trott, Joanna Rowsell and Dani King,

all of those were pointless as well. Well done if you said those.

The sports in which we won one or more Paralympic medals,

it was equestrian we were looking for, would've scored 15 points.

It's just the dressage, unfortunately.

There's no show jumping.

Boccia, powerlifting would've been a pointless answer

and table tennis as well.

So very well done if you got any of those at home. Tough luck in the studio. You played terrifically.

Two great charities as well.

Unfortunately we have to say goodbye to you, Mark and Ted,

but we have loved having you here, thank you for so much playing. Great contestants, Mark and Ted.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you very much.

Join us again when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-It's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE