Comedy Performers Pointless Celebrities

Thank you very much, indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless Celebrities,

the show that makes big winners out of the lowest scorers.

Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

Couple number one.

My name is Phil Cornwell

and I'm from Essex, in case you couldn't tell.

My name is Ronni Ancona. I am pretty pointless.

No, I am Ronni Ancona, as opposed to Corbett, who is smaller,

but would have reached the podium, I'd just like to say.

And couple number two.

I am Su Pollard, artiste,

single and low-maintenance.

LAUGHTER

Thank you.

And I'm another Su Pollard.

I am married and I'm very high maintenance.

Couple number three.

I am Lesley Joseph and lucky to be a working actress

and an honorary Essex girl.

Yes!

I'm Linda Robson and I'm Lesley's carer cos she's very old

and I'm also Nanny Linda to Lila, who's two.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello. I'm Sara Pasco.

I'm a comedian and actual Essex girl and Pointless fan.

Hey!

I'm Josh Widdicombe. I'm a comedian, a Devon boy and a Pointless fan.

Yay! Thank you. These are today's contestants.

Thanks, all of you. We will get to know more about you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Six foot seven and legs up to heaven,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everybody.

Hello.

-Good evening.

-Good evening to you.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

That's a lovely introduction.

-Very excited about this.

-Are you?

-Yeah!

Well, we've got a few people who've been on the show before,

but they've all swapped partners.

All of them. Linda and Lesley especially.

Linda came on with Jenny Eclair and Lesley came on with Biggins.

-I did.

-Both got knocked out in the first round.

-Thank you!

-We did.

But I think now, I think you both traded up.

And you're back where you should be

-with The Birds Of A Feather team-mate.

-Quite right, too.

-Yeah.

Su Pollard also traded.

Came on with Jeffrey Holland last time now with Ruth Madoc.

Fabulous! Let's hope we fare a little bit better this time.

-Oh, yes.

-Were you out first as well?

-Yes.

They... She was indeed. Yeah.

We went right... The X went right to 100 immediatemoi.

So, I'm hoping that it doesn't go there straightaway.

-Oh... 'immediatemoi'.

-Yeah!

Podium one, though, Phil has traded as well,

-but Phil actually got through to the final last time.

-Yeah.

CONTESTANTS OOH AND AAH

-I was close. I don't want to put any pressure...on Ronni.

-I know.

As he keeps on reminding me. Because with Meera Syal...

-she was so good.

-Meera was great.

-Meera Syal was terrific, wasn't she?

-She was brilliant.

-She's so funny as well.

-Yeah.

But we've got two...two first-timers on podium four.

The youngsters up there, Josh and Sara.

-They've got to be favourites, surely.

-Surely.

-What! Why?

All I'm saying is you'd be gutted if you were Josh and Sara and you lost.

-That's all I'm saying.

-This is unbelievable!

-It would be.

-What's with all of these mind games!

-This is like an anxiety dream.

Guys, just come on. Let's play Pointless, shall we?

Well... That's...

Now, every question on Pointless has been asked

to 100 people before the show.

Today's contestants are, of course, looking for a Pointless answer.

That being one that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special

and each of our wonderful celebrities

is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

Right. If everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

Now all you have to remember is that the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated.

So, do everything you can to make sure it's not you.

It's as simple as that. Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category today is...

Wildlife. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please, step up to the podium.

OK and the question concerns...

Ooh!

Birds. Richard.

-It's nice, isn't it? A nice gentle start.

-Yes.

On each board, we're going to show you seven clues

the answers to each one of which is a type of bird.

You need to tell us which type of bird, please.

There's going to be seven on each pass, 14 in all to have a go at home.

Best of luck.

OK. Let's reveal our birds.

We're looking for the birds described by these clues

and here are those seven clues on the first board.

HE READS CLUES

I'll read those all one last time.

There we go. Phil, welcome back to Pointless.

-Hello, mate.

-Now, then, A finalist last time.

-Yeah.

-A finalist.

So, you got a trophy. Where is your trophy right now?

-Erm...

-Come on.

I...I...I... It's on the mantelpiece, mate.

The bathroom shelf is not a mantelpiece, Phil.

Now, Phil, how's that board?

Are you happy with the birds we've given you?

Erm... Yeah.

Two I'd say I don't know.

Probably.

-What are you going to go for?

-Erm...

And I've got to say the bird, yeah?

-Yes.

-Golden eagle...is the national bird of the United States.

-The United States, the golden eagle?

-Yeah.

-OK. The golden eagle.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, what do you think, Ronni?

I think it might score a bit high.

This is not going to be like last time

when I got a pointless answer first go off. It just...

This ain't going to happen. It's not going to happen.

Let's find out. The golden eagle, is that the species of bird

that is the national bird of the United States? The golden eagle.

Great.

-Oh! Now, we're in big trouble.

-Ooh!

Oh, Phil, I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer.

It scores you the maximum of 100 points.

Doing so well, so early.

Well, at least you're right it's not going to be like last time

when you got that pointless answer straight off.

Yeah, I am bang on there. Yeah.

Ronni, it's going to be tough on the second pass, I think,

but you've made everyone else very relieved, Phil.

That's the good news.

OTHERS AGREE

I'm here to help.

OK, now. Ruth, welcome to the show.

Wonderful to have you here.

Lovely to see you and Su together.

I know. It's great, isn't it?

And it's great that we still see each other

and we always phone each other up and it's just all lovely

cos sometimes you think,

"Ooh. Can't wait to not to... Never see her again or him again."

-We never said that, have we, babe?

-No.

-So, we're all right.

-Great friends.

-Have you kept in touch all the way through

-since Hi-de-Hi?

-All the way through.

-Yes.

Yes, we knew what was happening in each other's families

and we've always done it, though.

Ruth, what are you going to go for on this board?

I'm going to go for 'this bird appeared on the reverse

'side of the Farthing coin from 1937.' I think it was a wren.

"A wren," says Ruth. Ooh, Sara likes that.

-I'm impressed.

-A wren. Let's see if that's right.

If it is, how many people said 'wren'?

It's absolutely right, Ruth.

10.

CHEERING

That's a great score, Ruth. Very well done indeed. 10 for wren.

That's a terrific answer, Ruth.

Very well played. Very good start to your round.

-The wren is the UK's most common bird.

-Are they really?

-Are they common, wrens?

-Yeah, wrens, yeah.

-I didn't know that.

-There's loads of them.

-Oh, I'll stop being so pleased when I see one.

I keep thinking they're really special.

-There's about 8.5 million breeding pairs.

-Get out!

-Breeding pairs.

-Really? Breeding pairs.

-Yeah.

The smallest birds in the British Isles, aren't they?

Oh, we better not answer that

because there might be one on the next board.

-Yeah, there might be. Let's not talk about...

-No, there's smaller ones.

-They are small, aren't they?

-There's the 'micro bird'.

-That's the smallest.

-Oh, is it?

-They are tiny.

You can't see them. There's one.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, indeed. Now, Linda, welcome.

-Oh, dear.

-Welcome back.

Yes, last time with Jenny Eclair.

Round One, what was going on there?

I think it was a sports question, football. Not my fault, eh, love.

Oh, yes. That was it. Fair enough.

Now, Birds Of A Feather, congratulations.

-Back on ITV this time.

-Yeah.

-Fabulous. Massive, soar-away hit.

Very exciting. 15 years after the last series.

-I think it's 16 years actually, Lesley.

-Oh, is it?

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-Wow.

-She wants to knock a few years off.

-Very good. Now, Linda, so here we are.

-I know.

-A whole board of birds.

Well, I think I know two out of all of that lot.

So, I'm going to go for... I'm going to go...

Should I go for the partridge in a pear tree? Just to be safe.

OK. Partridge, you're going to say. Let's see if 'partridge' is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said 'partridge'.

It's right.

78.

-That's not bad. I was going to say...

-Not bad at all.

-78 for partridge.

-Yeah, better safe than sorry,

especially as Phil's already scored 100,

-but that's lower than you would expect.

-Yeah.

I don't know what 22 other people were thinking.

Yeah, I was thinking... I was ready for it to be high.

But there we are. It's good. Thank you, Richard.

Josh, welcome to the show. Great to have you here.

-It's a pleasure being here.

-I think...

being a sta... Actually, not just being a stand-up,

but being a stand-up who does a radio show, you've got it all.

You've got...you've got... You're keeping abreast of everything.

You're topical.

Yeah, oh, yeah, I know a lot about things I've got no interest in now.

-Hmm.

-Which would be perfectly useful on the show, but very rarely...

on the news does the bird sometimes known as 'sea parrot' come up.

LAUGHTER

Well. Tell me you know the answer to that, Josh.

I don't know the answer to that.

-Do you want me to...

-Do you want to talk us through the board?

-Do you want me to talk you through the board?

-Yeah, do that.

Oh, I never thought I'd get to say that in my life.

The six species, I think, a flamingo might be one of them.

Yeah? Sea parrot''... Nope. Erm...

Dodo for Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, perhaps.

I'll go with flamingo.

"Flamingo," says Josh for 'the tall, pink, wading birds'.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said 'flamingo'.

It's absolutely right.

57.

Just go with the safe one and we should be fine.

57 for flamingo. Richard?

Well played, Josh. Safe answer. Did exactly what you needed to do there.

Let's take a look through the rest of these answers.

Erm... Were you going to go for the extinct bird?

-Yeah, that was the other one, but...

-So, you'd have gone for?

Dodo on Alice In Wonderland.

Yeah, it would have been a slightly better answer.

It's right, but would have scored you...

51 points. Not much better.

But a better answer.

The species of eagle is the bald eagle that would score you 29 points.

The largest living species, if you had to guess?

-Vulture.

-Not vulture.

-Ostrich.

-Ostrich.

Ostrich is the right answer, but not all at once. Just one at a time.

Put your hands up.

-Ostrich.

-Phil, ostrich, correct. 43 points.

The bird that is sometimes known as the sea parrot, do you know that?

-Puffin.

-Puffin.

-Puffin is the right answer.

-Good.

-Who said puffin?

-Fabulous.

Was that you, Ruth?

That would've scored 17 points.

So, Ruth, you just gave us the best two answers

on the board in that round. Very well done.

Thank you very much, indeed, Richard.

Well, thank you very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. Very well done, Ruth.

You put you and Su right at the top of the grid there.

Then up to 57 where we find Josh and Sara.

Then up to 78 where we find Linda and Lesley.

Then, you're not that far ahead actually, Phil and Ronni.

-100, you're only 22 ahead.

-Bless your heart.

Listen, Ronni, we depend on you, Phil, rather, depends on you,

but anything could happen on our way back down the line.

Very, very best of luck. This is going to be exciting.

We're going to head back down the line now.

Could the second players, please, step up to the podium?

OK. We're going to put seven more clues up on the board

and here they come. We have got...

I'll read them all one last time

Now, remember we are looking for the birds described by these clues.

And Sara, you're going to try to find the one you think

the fewest of our 100 people knew.

-And listen, Sara, welcome.

-Hello.

-Good to have you here. Now you...

-Yes.

-You're a writer. You're an actor.

-You are a stand-up comic.

-Yeah.

-And a singer-songwriter.

-I wouldn't say singer-songwriter.

-Really?

-No.

-I once did a show with some songs in it.

-Yeah, exactly. You're musical.

But Gary Barlow would be annoyed

if everyone is just calling themselves a singer-songwriter.

But if you had to pick one of those...

-Oh, to do for my only job?

-Yeah. What would you do?

-Stand up comedy.

-Stand up comedy. OK. Now, you are on 57.

The high score at this stage is Ronni and Phil on 100.

So, 42 or less.

Yes. So, playing it safe,

I think, I'm going to go for number four.

The bird found in New Zealand that has a type of fruit named

after it is a kiwi.

"Kiwi," says Sara. Let's see if 'kiwi' is right.

Let's see how many people said 'kiwi'.

There's your red line.

It's right.

56.

56 takes your total up to 113.

Yeah, that should see you safe, Sara, I would have thought.

A good answer. Named after the cry of the bird.

It sounds a bit like kiwi.

-Is that really why it's called a kiwi?

-Yeah.

Wow... Thank you.

Now, Lesley. Now, Lesley. Biggins... What went on with Biggins?

I'll tell you what went on.

We had to do a country that didn't repeat a letter

and he said 'Italy', which is absolutely right,

but, of course, it's one of the most well-known countries.

It's one of the well-known ones.

-I think Peggy Smith got 'Mali'. M-A-L-I.

-Oh.

-I think she won it, actually.

-Yeah.

-So...

-You don't know countries, do you, Les?

-No, not much.

Biggins. Lesley you have not only been on Pointless before,

you've been an answer on Pointless.

-Have I?

-Yeah. Yeah.

What, Lesley Joseph or Birds Of A Feather?

No, well, Dorien Green, but, yes.

Oh, Dorien Green, well, same thing, really.

Well, much the same thing. So, yes, back to Birds Of A Feather.

You've got the same directors and things like that? It's all...

-It's all...

-Oh, no, we haven't got the same directors.

We've got the same writers and we have two different directors,

eight episodes and we're going again.

Whoo! So exciting and it's just been phenomenal.

We've just had the best time, I can't tell you.

Well done, you. Brilliant.

Well, richly, richly deserved success. You're on 78 at the moment.

113 is a high score, so 34 or less...

..gets you through.

OK. I'm going to take a bit of a chance.

Well done. Let's not remember Italy, Lesley.

With the composer Vaughan Williams. And I'm going to say lark.

The lark. The lark. Well, let's see how far the lark descends for you.

There is the red line.

Go on!

We've done it! Very well done, indeed.

Wow, seven!

Seven!

-Well done.

-85...

-..is your total. Very well done.

-That's a very good answer, Lesley.

Very well played and both of you through to round two.

-So, as soon as...

-Already?

-Yeah!

You and me through to round two?

-Can you even believe it?

-No.

-Yeah, written in 1914.

-That's cos you got rid of Biggins.

-1914.

-1914. Not performed till 1921.

-Thank you.

Now...now, Su, Su, I have great news for you.

This is such a lovely thing to be able to tell you.

You are in Round Two. You're in Round Two.

I mean, not now, this is still Round One.

But you will be there even if you score 100 points,

which I know you won't anyhow.

I'm sorry, I can't really take a chance like Lesley.

I think that was a fantastic...

It was a really great score, darling,

but I'm actually going to go for something fairly safe

just in case I get a chance of it being absolutely correct.

I'm going to go with...

..in folklore this bird is said to deliver babies.

-I'm going to go with stork.

-"Stork," says Su.

No red line for you as you're already through,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said stork.

It's right.

-61.

-That's all right.

-That's all right?

71 is your total.

Safely through as well, Su. Very well played. Yeah, the stork.

Makes no noise, the stork.

It's got the word 'tork' in its name and it can't talk...

AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

-That seems a shame.

-That is, yeah, you're right.

-It seems ironic.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-All right. Now, Ronni, Ronni.

-Yes, darling.

-Now, welcome.

-Lovely to have you here.

-Thank you.

You've been standing there so patiently all the way

through the round.

Oh, it's difficult when it comes back the other way, isn't it?

It is. And also we're at the end. Yeah, you've got...

You have a job to do here.

You...you used to be an art teacher.

-Is that true?

-Yes, I did, actually.

-Years and years ago.

-Years and years ago.

-At a boys' school?

-Tough job, actually.

-Yeah, I bet!

Do you still do art? Is art still a thing of yours?

I don't really do much painting, which I feel quite sad about.

It's like I've sort of fallen out with my best friend.

But I was a commercial painter as well for film and television

-and scene painting.

-Brilliant!

-So, it's something that I... Very, very useful, isn't it?

-Yeah, very.

-At a soiree.

-Yeah.

-Let me get my paintbrush out.

-Now, Ronni.

-Yes.

-113 the high score, Sara and Josh.

You're on 100. You have to score 12 or... What?!

-You have to score 12 or less.

-You serious?

-I know. I know. I know.

-It's a big ask.

-12!

-I know! Or less.

-Or we're out?

-Or that's it.

Do some thinking...aloud for us.

Do some thinking aloud.

Bottom one, I'm thinking that's...

I think that roadrunner, but I could have got that totally wrong.

Traditional type of clock named after... That's cuckoo.

Name of the band forms the title of the 1968 hit by Fleetwood Mac,

that's albatross.

This bird has species including a mute and bewicks...

I think that's thrush, but that could be totally wrong as well.

But I'm going to go for albatross. 1968.

Fleetwood Mac hit. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

You got to get below that red line

otherwise, I'm afraid, we have to say goodbye.

Let's find out how many people albatross.

It's right.

Still going. Still going. Oh, no! 22...

Oh, Ronni.

22. Valiant.

Valiant attempt there and I can tell you 22,

it is the third lowest-scoring answer of the whole round.

But, I'm afraid, your total is 122. I'm sorry, Ronni.

RONNI SIGHS That's really unfortunate, Ronni.

Took us through the board very nicely there.

You got lots of the answers right. None of them would've seen you

through to the next round after Phil's...

-Appalling.

-..performance.

-Can we just say that again, "After Phil's..."

-Yeah.

Let's take a look at the rest of these.

You're right, Ronni, about the cartoon bird is Roadrunner.

Oh, why didn't I pick that one?

Cos it would have scored you even more points.

It would have scored you 35. You're right about the cuckoo as well.

Cuckoo would have scored you 45.

I was going to say gannett instead of thrush.

And the bird at the top including mutes and bewicks, do you know that?

-Swan.

-It's a Swan. Yeah. It would have scored 19.

So, the best answer on the board, Lesley, was lark.

So, very well played.

Thank you very much, indeed.

So, at the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home

with a high score of 122, I'm so sorry, Ronni and Phil.

Come back. Come back again. Come back again.

Phil, you need another trophy and Ronni you need a trophy

-and to win some money for your charity.

-I need a trophy.

Ronni and Phil. Wonderful contestants.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

So, three pairs remain.

Obviously, at the end of this round,

we'll have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well, what a revealing first round that was. We saw off our favourites.

And our other joint favourites. Let's...let's call them that.

Josh and Sara, the high scorers.

Very close.

I lost about two years of my life as that thing was going down.

-Still having palpitations.

-It's unbelievable.

So, well done all three pairs.

This is going to be a riveting second round. Best of luck.

The category for it is...

CONTESTANTS MOAN AND GROAN

US comedy. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please, step up to the podium.

OK and the question concerns...

..film comedy stars of the 1980s.

-CONTESTANTS COMPLAIN

-Oh, what?

-Huh?

-Richard?

-In a moment, I'm going to show you

the names of four comedy actors. We're looking for any film

starring any of those people that was released in the 1980s, please.

So, any film for which the following four people received

an acting credit that was released in the 1980s.

As always, no short films, TV films, documentaries,

anything like that, but voice performances do count.

Very, very best of luck to all teams.

OK. So, as Richard said, we're going to put four names up

on the board. They are going to stay up the whole way through the round.

We're not going to change them halfway.

They're going to be all the way up, all the way back down again.

They stay up there and we want any film starring any of those people

made in the 1980s. Best of luck. Here are those four names.

HE READS NAMES

HE REPEATS NAMES

-Now, Su.

-Do you know I'm really, really sorry,

but I can't think of any movie.

You're going to have to make one up. Any answer.

I'm...I'm going to make one up. Erm...

Beverly Hills Cop!

That's a brilliant idea for a film.

Beverly Hills Cop. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Beverly Hills Cop.

It's right.

It just suddenly came to me.

-31!

-SHE SHOUTS TRIUMPHANTLY

31!

Well done. 31 minutes.

It's worse than having a baby, girls.

-How would you know?

-Well, I've never had one, but I'm sure it is.

Yes, starring Eddie Murphy from 1984 Beverly Hills Cop.

That role, he played Axel Foley.

That role was turned down by Mickey Rourke.

-Wow.

-That would be a very different film, wouldn't it?

Yeah, wouldn't it? Mickey Rourke. Extraordinary.

Anyway, thank you very much, indeed, Richard.

Lesley, we come to you.

I have seriously not a clue. Not...

I'm worse than she is and she got it right.

I'll say The Mask and I know it's not right.

-OK. Lesley is saying The Mask.

-But... I don't know.

How many people said it?

I know that it's wrong. It's not right.

No. I'm sorry, Lesley. An incorrect answer there,

which means you score the maximum of 100 points.

Yeah, no. I have not a clue.

Yeah, sorry, Lesley. It is a comedy film, but from 1994, I'm afraid,

-and not starring any of those.

-I never watched them,

so I have not a clue. Like sport.

You know what, you're not missing anything.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, indeed, Richard.

Now, Josh. Josh.

I'm going to go with...

Trading Places.

"Trading Places," says Josh. Let's see if that's right.

If it is, let's see how many people said Trading Places.

It is, of course, absolutely right. 100 is our high score, 31 our low.

Trading Places passes both of them. Look at that!

11. Very well done, indeed, Josh.

Great answer. Best score so far.

Also, one of my all-time favourite films.

A brilliant film, yeah. Great answer, Josh. Great film.

Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Denholm Elliott is in it. Yeah.

-It's brilliant.

-Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 11, Josh.

Josh and Sara looking very, very strong at this stage of the game.

Surely through to the head-to-head after a performance like that.

Then up to 31 where you find Su and Ruth. Ditto.

Looking pretty good.

Then, I'm afraid, it's 100 where we find Lesley and Linda.

I'm sorry, Lesley. Not your round.

I can't help it. I just don't watch those movies.

-Don't worry. Don't worry.

-Not a clue.

Well, Linda, if you have a good answer,

it might be enough to keep you in the game.

Best of luck. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players, please, step up to the podium?

-Now then, Sara.

-Yes.

Sara, remember we are looking for the title of any film

released during the 1980s, which starred any of these four actors.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-So, I know a few films,

but the one I think is the earliest is Coming To America.

"Coming To America," says Sara. Another great film.

Get below that red line, you're through to the head-to-head.

Let's see Coming To America, how many people said that?

Well done, you're through.

Very good, indeed. Nine!

Takes your total up to a nice, neat 20.

Well done.

Very well played, Sara. Yeah, from 1988 Coming To America.

Another Eddie Murphy film.

It's one of the first films where he played more than one character.

-Oh, yeah.

-Which became one of his staples.

And Samuel L Jackson was in it as a very small part in the McDonald's.

He unscrews a mop and fights him. I've seen it 100 times.

-I didn't know this.

-See? It's interesting

how you two are getting slightly cockier now, now you're through.

You've lost that kind of shy, nervousness a little bit.

We're still nervous. We're still nervous.

Thanks very much, indeed. Now, then.

-Linda.

-Oh, dear.

-Linda.

I'm not sure, but I think Steve Guttenberg was in Splash.

Splash. Splash. Ooh... Sara and Josh.

I don't know if it was Tom Hanks or Steve Guttenberg.

-I'm afraid, we have to take your first answer.

-OK, love.

-I'm sorry, Linda.

-That's OK.

-So, you're going to go with Splash.

No red line for you. You're the high scorers.

But let's see how many of our 100 people said Splash.

No, I'm sorry. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

Scores you the maximum of 100 points. Takes your total up to 200.

-Oh, yeah, you're right. It was Tom Hanks.

-It was Tom Hanks.

Yeah, but from 1984, so smack bang in the middle of when we wanted it.

-Now, Ruth. Ruth, you're through.

-Yes.

-You are in the head-to-head.

-It's all good.

-Yeah.

Now, I don't look at many films. I'm like, you know, Lesley.

But there is one I remember,

but I don't know if any of those stars was in it.

And that is Blazing Saddles.

-Blazing Saddles.

-And I don't know if it is the '80s.

OK, but it's a film.

-It's a film you remember.

-Yes.

-OK.

That is a film I remember.

OK, well, listen. Great news, no red line for you

cos you're already through. So, let's find out Blazing Saddles.

Is that right and if it is, how many people said it?

-Ooh!

-Sorry, Su, sorry.

-That doesn't matter though, Ruth.

It scores you 100 points takes you to a total of 131,

but you are already through.

-Yes.

-Couldn't matter less.

Although Richard Pryor did actually co-write Blazing Saddles.

-Wow.

-Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

HE READS

Funnily enough, Beverly Hills Cop II would have been

a very good answer after Su said Beverly Hills Cop.

It would have scored 11 points.

Cocoon: The Return, Steve Guttenberg,

Deal of the century, Oh! Heavenly Dog.

A few others here. Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird.

-Of course.

-Great film! Great film.

-Terrific.

Surrender and The Man Who Wasn't There.

I'll give you some low scores for some of the people.

Fletch Lives would have scored you two for Chevy Chase,

National Lampoon's European Vacation would have scored you three.

Steve Guttenberg all of The Police Academy movies

-up to number four are there.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, the pair heading home

with a high score of 200, I'm afraid, is Linda and Lesley.

Lovely having you both back on the show

and I'm sorry we are saying goodbye to you so soon.

You'll just have to come back another time.

-We will.

-Well, we did better than the last time.

-You did.

-You did twice as well.

-Yeah.

Twice as well. Keep that up, three times from now you'll be...

you'll be through to the final. No, lovely to have you on.

Thank you so much. Linda and Lesley, everyone. Fabulous.

Well, for Josh and Sara and Su and Ruth,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Josh and Sara,

Su and Ruth, you are now one step closer to the final

and the chance to play for our jackpot

which currently stands at £2,500.

So this is the bit where we decide who plays for that money,

and to do that, you're now going to go head-to-head.

The big difference is you're now allowed to confer

before you give your answers.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that money.

Oh, Josh and Sara, well, it was touch and go there in Round One.

Very close. It was too close.

But then you calmed down a bit and we had nice, low scores.

We were very nervous at the start.

Su and Ruth, though, wonderful.

Wonderful play, and actually Blazing Saddles, although it was wrong,

was wrong for the right sort of reasons. It was a good wrong.

-We like good wrong answers.

-Thank you.

But wren in the first round, very good. But the point is

you can put your heads together now so anything can happen.

All the best bits could be combined. Best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

Sports Figures When They Were Young.

Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures now of sports people

when they were young.

You just have to identify them and give us the most obscure. Good luck.

OK, let's reveal our five sports figures. And here they come.

We have got...

Aw, this is going to be impossible.

OK, there we are. Five sports figures.

Now, Josh and Sara, you've played best throughout the show

so you will go first.

In terms of definite, I don't know any of them definitely.

I know one of them definitely.

I think we should go for the one we know definitely

rather than guessing.

Just give me your answer. What was the E?

THEY MUMBLE

-Um, B.

-B.

-OK.

Andy Murray.

B, Andy Murray, say Josh and Sara.

B, Andy Murray.

Now, Su and Ruth, do you want to talk us through

the rest of the board? Fill in any blanks?

Do some thinking out loud?

Yes, you see, Ruthie just came up with what I think

is a really good number C, actually,

cos if you see the features now...

It's seeming... They really fit now because he's a handsome guy.

And that's a handsome baby there.

It's Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali.

-OK, is that the one you want to go for?

-Yes, please.

OK, you're going to say C, Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali.

Now then, Josh and Sara said that Andy Murray was B.

Andy Murray.

Let's see if that's right.

If it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It is.

All right, at least that's fine.

OK, not bad, not bad. Still going.

-28.

-That's not bad.

Do you see that? You think that looks like him?

I thought it was obvious because look at his...shrug.

-You know, that kind of...

-Yeah.

-But, you know, he's...

It's obvious because he's holding a tennis racket, but I don't...

-That was a clue.

-Certainly the hair.

-And fashion.

OK, now, meanwhile, Su and Ruth have said that C is Muhammad Ali.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Muhammad Ali.

It's right.

It's got to beat 28. Oh, 42.

Well done.

Very well done. Josh and Sara, after one question you're up 1-0.

-Good work.

-Yeah, well played.

Let's play a little guessing game with the other three.

-Should we start with E?

-Well...

-Who do we think E would be?

I thought it was Sally Gunnell.

But then I looked at the shirt and it said Bedford

and Sally Gunnell is from Essex, so I ruled her out.

-Paula Radcliffe.

-Ah!

-Would have scored you nine points.

-Doesn't look like her, does it?

-No.

-Now, A. Let's take a look at A.

-I think that's David Beckham.

-It's not David Beckham. It's football related.

-Michael Owen?

-Known as a manager rather than a player.

-Alex Ferguson?

-He's from Portugal.

-Jose Mourinho!

-Jose Mourinho.

What a beautiful little baby. Lovely lips.

Oh, I'd like to kiss him. He's got fantastic lips.

I would like you to kiss him as well.

And D is a pointless answer. Let's take a look at him.

He is a rugby player.

Jonny Wilkinson?

Jonny Wilkinson is the right answer.

Very well done if you got that at home, the pointless answer.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, here comes your second question.

Su and Ruth, you get to answer it first,

but you have to win this one to stay in the game. So good luck.

And it concerns...

TV Sitcom Themes.

Yes, we are not going to play you five excerpts from TV sitcom themes.

You just got to tell us the most obscure one, please. Good luck.

Thanks very much, indeed.

Now, let's reveal our five sitcom themes.

And here they come. We've got...

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC PLAYS

OK, there we are. Five TV sitcom themes.

Su and Ruth,

you have to guess which one the fewest of our people knew.

THEY WHISPER

I think, um... Let's go for...

Let's go for C.

Last Of The Summer Wine.

OK, C, Last Of The Summer Wine.

Now then, Josh and Sara, the field is yours.

OK, we think...

-Talk us through it.

-I'll talk you through the board.

I think A is 'Allo 'Allo!.

-Yeah.

-We think B is...

I can't remember the name of it.

-Curb Your...

-Curb Your Enthusiasm? Larry David.

-Um...

E was Steptoe and Son.

-D we didn't know.

-No.

And C, I think is a sitcom from the '90s called Waiting For God.

-Cos I think that's...wrong

-I think we should go B.

We should go with the safe one. It's Curb Your Enthusiasm.

B, Curb Your Enthusiasm, say Josh and Sara.

So, Su and Ruth's said that C, which was...

Da-da-da-da-da.

Da-da-da-da-da.

You said that was... Last Of The Summer Wine.

Let's see if that was right, and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

-Oh, I'm afraid it's not.

-Never mind!

Which means Josh and Sara, you merely have to be correct

for saying that B was Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And if it is correct, you're through to the final.

-You've done it!

-We got it!

-We're in the Final!

Let's see how far down it goes.

It was a good answer. It's a great answer. It's a brilliant answer.

Look at that, five! Very well done, indeed.

Five for Curb Your Enthusiasm which means, Josh and Sara,

after only two questions, you're straight through to the final.

2-0, well done.

Yeah, very well played.

Larry David's HBO sitcom Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Let's take a tiny listen to each of them.

So the first one, you're absolutely right, was...

'Allo 'Allo!. Would have scored you 58 points.

The second one we know already, Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Now, the third one... Wonder what it could be, Josh.

It's the most acclaimed sitcom of all time.

-It's Fawlty Towers.

-Is it?

It is!

-So familiar. How awful.

-Isn't that amazing?

And if you said Fawlty Towers, it would have scored you 32 points.

Um, D...

was... No-one went for this one.

It was The Munsters.

15 points if you said that.

-The Munsters.

-Oh, wow.

-And...

-Yes.

-..E.

Josh already told us, Steptoe And Son, of course.

48 points for that.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, is Su and Ruth.

But, you've done it brilliantly the whole way through the show.

You've been just wonderful.

Some great answers from each of you

and such entertainment along the way.

Thank you so much for playing, wonderful contestants. Su and Ruth.

APPLAUSE

But for Josh and Sara it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Josh and Sara.

You've seen off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your chosen charities at the end of today's show.

The jackpot stands at £2,500.

Well, as I mentioned earlier,

you were being a bit conservative in the first rounds.

Quite high scoring there, bit too conservative maybe.

And then you got a bit better trading places. Super.

-And then, 2- 0, head-to-head.

-Yeah.

Now, as always, you get to choose your category for this last round

and there are four options for you to choose from.

-Shall we see what they are?

-Yes, please.

-OK.

OK, I haven't seen the Blues Brothers

so I think it would be, um...

-a bit gung ho to choose that.

-Yep.

I know a dance to Shake Your Tail Feather if that helps.

-Is that in the Blues Brothers?

-Yes.

-Right, that shows how little I know.

-I've been to Blackpool.

-Yep. And me, and me.

We're going to have to go literary fiction

but I'd say 80% of the leg work will be done by Pascoe on this.

It's broad because now it's going to split up into other subjects.

You're exactly right, it will. Literary Fiction.

Yeah, three different but quite similar subjects for this one.

Every ten years or so,

Granta Magazine brings out its list of best young British novelists.

-Oh, my God, I know one of them!

-We are looking for...

Do you know a pointless one? Do you know a pointless one?

..any of those 20 novelists who were on the list in 1983.

Oh, I don't know from that year!

Any of the 20 novelists who were on the list in 1993,

or anyone who was on that list in 2003, please.

So, any of the 20 writers on the list in any of those years.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers

to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yep.

-Yep.

OK, let's put the 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

OK, I know Hanif Kureishi was on it.

Will Self, Martin Amis. Juilan Barnes was on it.

-These are all 83.

-83? Oh, OK.

-Cos I read an article on it.

-Did you?

-Those were all on it.

OK, so Julian Barnes has got to be a very low point

even though he's amazing.

So I would have said Zadie Smith for 2003 and maybe JM Coetzee,

but I'm not definite. That could be 2004.

It's every ten years so it doesn't matter.

Oh, OK, OK, so it would be in the 2003 one.

Then I would say him 2003.

Who else won the Nobel Prize for literature?

What about...

-Amis is a no. Self is probably a no.

-Yes, Self is a no.

-But Julian Barnes, Zadie Smith.

-I think Zadie Smith's not...

-I think Zadie Smith's too famous.

-Oh, OK.

So I'd go JM Coetzee and Julian Barnes and...

What about Hanif Kureishi? How do you feel about that?

-Yeah, Hanif Kureishi.

-Yep?

-Yep.

-OK.

-Or Murakami cos it's always quite...

-Oh, God, maybe I mean that. I think I mean that!

-Murakami?

Murakami.

OK, that's your time up. Very well done. Brilliant.

What a way to do it.

-Tell me which category you're answering in for each answer.

-'83.

-OK.

-Julian Barnes.

-Julian Barnes.

-2003...

-JM Coetzee.

-JM Coetzee.

-And Murakami.

-And Murakami.

Which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Barnes.

-OK, Julian Barnes we'll put last. Your least likely?

-Murakami.

-OK, Murakami we'll put first.

OK, let's put those up in the board in that order and here they come.

We've got...

OK, well, very best of luck.

Your first answer was Murakami.

Now, if this is right and it's pointless

and you win that jackpot of £2,500,

what are the charities you are playing for, Josh?

I'm playing for the Lily Foundation

which is a charity that deals with mitochondrial disease in babies.

-And Sara?

-I'm playing for Eaves who had all of their funding cut.

They are a charity that deal with women who have experienced violence.

Excellent. Well, two brilliant charities there.

Very, very best of luck.

Let's hope that at least one of these answers is pointless.

OK, your first answer, Haruki Murakami...

This has to be right, then it has to be pointless

if you're going to win that jackpot.

So let's find out for £2,500 how many people said Haruki Mirakami.

No, I'm afraid an incorrect answer.

So, unfortunately not a pointless answer.

Only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer was JM Coetzee.

OK, this has to be Pointless for you to win that jackpot.

Let's find out for £2,500 how many people said JM Coetzee

was on that Granta list for 2003.

-No!

-We're looking less clever by the moment, aren't we?

No, you're not. You're not, you're not.

Now, your third and final answer,

the one that everything is riding on is Julian Barnes.

And this was from 1983.

Let's find out for £2,500 how many people said Julian Barnes.

Is it right? Is it Pointless?

-It's right!

-OK, well done, it's right.

OK, that's what it had to be. It is right.

Your first answer, Haruki Murakami, was wrong.

JM Coetzee was also wrong, but Julian Barnes is bang on the money.

Down it goes... Yes! You've done it!

Very, very well done indeed.

Fantastic. Brilliant work.

-Come now.

-Unbelievable!

-All right, well done.

-You knew it!

Congratulations! Julian Barnes was a pointless answer.

It's exactly what you said - if one of them is pointless, that's fine.

-It can be wrong, wrong, pointless.

-Oh, my word.

You go home with that jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

Very, very well done indeed, Josh and Sara. Superb job.

Yeah, very well played. Congratulations, both of you.

Also, thank you for putting them in that order as well.

The two wrong ones and then the pointless answer third.

-That's much better for tension.

-Yeah, we made sure.

Yeah, appreciate that.

In terms of Murakami and Coetzee,

you're slightly disobeying the young British novelist rule.

Neither of them are British. Murakami, Japanese.

Coetzee, South African.

Oh, yeah! We didn't even listen to the question properly!

That's OK. That's OK.

Now let's take a look at the pointless answers

in all of the different categories in case people at home have got them.

For 1983, Graham Swift you could've had. There's Julian Barnes.

You could have had Kazou Ishiguro who was also on the 1993 list as well.

The brilliant William Boyd is a pointless answer.

You could've had AN Wilson, Adam Mars-Jones, Rose Tremain,

all of those pointless there.

Let's take a look at the 1993 list.

There's Hanif Kureishi. He would've been amongst the '93 list.

-But I thought it was '83.

-Exactly.

-Will Self was pointless!

Jeanette Winterson, Louis De Bernieres,

but Will Self, again, I think he was...

you were going for '83, weren't you?

So, lucky in some ways you didn't say it.

Again, Adam Mars-Jones on that list as well.

Alan Hollinghurst, AL Kennedy on that list.

Let's take a look at the 2003 list.

Zadie Smith would have scored you five points if you'd said it.

She was on the 2003 list.

AL Kennedy again, Ben Rice, Rachel Seiffert,

and Sara Waters as well on that list.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Congratulations, Josh and Sara. It's been a pleasure having you here.

Congratulations to you and your charities.

-BOTH:

-Thanks for having us.

Thanks once again to our winning players, Josh and Sara,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,500 for their charities.

Brilliant.

Yeah, I can't believe it!

Join us next time and we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.