Test Match Special Pointless Celebrities

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I am Alexander Armstrong.

And a very warm welcome to this Test Match Special edition of

Pointless Celebrities - the game where you are always striving

for the lowest score.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

And couple number one.

I'm Graeme Swann. I used to play with balls for a living

and now I talk balls for a living.

I'm Alison Mitchell.

I'm a sports broadcaster and I talk less balls than Graeme does

as a commentator on Test Match Special.

-Number two.

-I'm Michael Vaughan.

I also talk a little bit about balls

and also about people that play with shiny balls.

Hi, I'm Phil Tufnell. I used to play cricket for England.

I was King of the Jungle and robbed on Strictly Come Dancing.

Couple number three.

I'm Melinda Farrell. I'm a token Australian, please don't hate me.

But I talk a lot of cricket around the traps for ESPNcricinfo.

I'm very excited to be here.

A long time ago, as a player, I was Jonathan Agnew.

But now, as a commentator, I'm Aggers.

And finally, couple number four.

Hiya, I'm Ebony Rainford-Brent, a former England cricketer.

Now I talk a lot on the radio as a pundit as well. So, good fun.

I'm Henry Blofeld,

the geriatric member of the Test Match Special team.

Having been around for about 45 years.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much. We will find out more about you

throughout the show as it goes along.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

As obscure as a Shakin' Stevens' B-side.

And looks just as good in double denim.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

Good evening, everybody.

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening to you.

-This is unusual, isn't it?

-Look at that! Yeah!

We do sometimes have props. I think I might have too many props for once.

We've got some lemon drizzle cake there.

We've got strawberry and chocolate cake there. It sounds nice.

It's quite nice, isn't it?

I mean, we've got to do a show unfortunately, but that's quite nice.

-I've got a cricket bat.

-Yeah.

Which I will be raising any time someone scores 100.

LAUGHTER

I've even got my own ashes.

I went next door and burnt down the Chase studio and that's...

LAUGHTER

That's all in there.

But we have some of the best-loved figures in world cricket here.

And we also have Phil Tufnell.

LAUGHTER

You know what, you know what... PHIL GRUMBLES

-Tuffers is a Pointless champion.

-Yeah, he is.

-Jackpot winner as well.

Thank you very much.

So we may mock, but he is going to be very, very hard to beat.

I think secretly, at home,

a lot of people will have a lot of love for podium four.

-Yeah.

-I'm guessing.

That's what I think. But we shall see. I like what you are wearing.

Thank you very much. How long do you think I'm going to carry this for?

-I don't know. But I will say this, it is a nice helmet.

-Thank you.

I'm just going to pop it down there.

-That's five runs.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Exciting. Two pots of tea I noticed there.

-Lapsang souchong for you.

-Lovely.

-And I've got an English breakfast.

-Oh!

It's like a dream come true. Thanks very much indeed.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put

to 100 people before the show. Our contestants here are trying

to find those all-important

pointless answers. Those are answers none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special, each of our wonderful

celebrities here is playing for a nominated charity.

We are going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There it is.

CHEERING

Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

The only thing you have to remember is this.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

Just do what you can not to be that pair.

Best of luck. No conferring till the third round.

Our first category this evening is...

Film titles.

Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

who is going to go second? Whoever is going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Films with transport in their titles. Richard.

Yeah, we are looking for... LAUGHTER

On each board, we'll show you the names of seven films.

They each have a mode of transport in the title

but we've missed out that mode of transport..

Can you fill in those blanks? There's going to be seven on each board.

14 in all to have a go in at home. Very best of luck.

I'm going to have a nice little cup of tea.

OK, so seven film titles where the ride has been missed out.

Here are those seven film titles.

I'll read those all one last time.

-Alison. A very, very warm welcome to you.

-Thank you.

What got you into cricket in the first place?

My dad, really. And probably having an Australian mother as well.

That normally gets booed at that point.

Hang on, which way did you go? I suppose living here...

You've got to know which side your bread is buttered, don't you?

So yeah. Born and brought up in England so, absolutely.

Alison, what are you going to go for from all those missing

modes of transport?

I am going to go for the...

This feels like a slight risk, but I'm going to go for the 2011 film.

If this can be a mode of transport.

I could really be in Graeme's

-bad books if this goes wrong.

-I think you're safe.

I'm going to go for Horse. For War Horse.

War Horse. War Horse. Let's see if that's right

and let's see how many of our 100 said War Horse.

It's right. Phew.

Oh!

There we are. 56. Good enough. Good start to the round.

Nominated for six Oscars, War Horse.

Didn't win any of them.

The guy who plays Albert Narracott

had never ridden a horse before the film.

-He must have been a very good actor.

-He must have been very good.

Thanks very much indeed. Tuffers, welcome.

-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you here.

When you are broadcasting, out you go, TMS,

wherever you go, it's always summer.

There is no guarantee the weather is going to be nice obviously...

-No.

-..but it's a bit of a day out.

And you are surrounded by people having a bit of fun.

Are there strict rules if...? Do you have a little pint?

A little snifter, after tea, perhaps?

-After tea.

-Yes.

-And then someone says, "Will you have another?"

-"I'll have another."

-Yeah.

-"I'll have another."

"Well, if you're there, I will have..." Do you ever have that?

No. No, no, no. There is a strict regime.

-You are self policing now.

-Yeah, self policing.

-OK.

LAUGHING

Phil, what are you going to go for?

It's a bit of a risk again.

I'm going to go for the 1969 Paint Your Wagon.

Paint Your Wagon at the top of the board, says Phil.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Paint Your Wagon.

Oh.

-Oy! 80.

-80.

80. That's a high score.

It is a big score, isn't it?

With Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood, of course, Paint Your Wagon.

It had the song Wandering Star in it.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Melinda, a very warm welcome to you.

Listen, any minute you start broadcasting on the Women's Ashes.

Yeah, that's coming up as well.

I've been on that before with Ali and with Ebs as well.

So that's pretty exciting. It all happens at the same time.

Good stuff. Now, what would you like to go for on this mode of transport board?

I'm going to go for another old film.

I think I'm going to go for the 1956 Bus Stop.

Bus Stop. Bus Stop. Shall we see if Bus Stop is right?

Shall we see how many people said Bus Stop?

It's right. 80 our high score. You've passed that.

56 our low score. You passed.

A new low score there. 54. Very well done indeed, Melinda.

Another good answer. Yeah, Marilyn Monroe film.

-She plays a terrible singer.

-Does she?

Yeah, a cowboy falls in love with her.

-Thank you very much, Richard. Blowers!

-My dear old thing.

Welcome to Pointless. It's lovely to have you here.

It's lovely to be here. We saw each other last time in the studio.

We were on this very floor, weren't we?

Henry, how are the sessions decided on TMS?

If I knew how the sessions were organised, I'd be a genius.

I spent 44 years trying to find out.

I go there at the start of the day and see my name on the board

and try and remember to turn up at the appropriate moment.

Henry, you are the last person to have this board. So it's all yours.

If you want to go through that

and fill in all the blanks that would be...

I thought I'd go for number seven. What about dear old Ghost Train?

-Ghost Train.

-What about it? I mean, I don't know.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many people said Ghost Train.

GROANING

Oh, no!

-Blowers.

-ALISON:

-(It was Ghost Ship.)

Really? We're really surprised.

Not in 2002, I'm afraid. Not Ghost Train.

Henry, I'm sorry. That's an incorrect answer.

-It scores you 100 points.

-You'd have thought so, wouldn't you?

I suspect lots of people at home would've been going for Ghost Train.

And I suspect everyone on the other podiums would have

gone for it as well.

-It's actually a 2002 horror film...

-Ghost Bike.

It's not Ghost Bike. It is Ghost Ship.

Ghost Ship. About a salvaged ship. Would have scored 9 points.

Let's fill in the rest of these.

-From 2000, it's Dude, Where's My...

-Car.

-Dude, Where's My Car?

46 points for that. Let's go down to the 2004 film next. That is...

-Motorcycle.

-The Motorcycle Diaries.

About Che Guevara. 7 points for that.

-And the 1999 film is Tube Tales.

-Oh, yes.

And if you'd got that you would have won £250. A pointless answer.

-Very well played.

-There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway now. Let's take a look at the scores.

The best score of that pass was yours, Melinda. Very well done.

54, the low score. Melinda and Aggers looking very strong indeed.

Then up to 56, where we find Alison and Graeme.

Up to 80, where we find Phil and Michael.

And then up to 100. You are not that far in front, Henry and Ebony.

You can get back in. We need a low score though, Ebony.

-We just need to nail it.

-You're the first person to answer on the next

board. I hope you can find a nice low score.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more film titles up on the board. And here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those all again.

Now then. Ebony, welcome to Pointless.

Ebony, how old were you when you started playing cricket?

I was about ten or 11. So yeah, little while ago now.

-Yeah.

-Make-up helps.

-But what a career.

You were in our World Cup-winning women's team in 2009.

Yeah. You also won the ICC World Twenty20.

2009 was an incredible year.

We won the World Cup, World T20, the Ashes, all in one year.

And the One Day Series against Australia. Incredible, incredible.

Absolutely wonderful. Ebony, we have to have a low score from you.

-We can't say goodbye to you...

-I'm a bit nervous about this one.

I'm going to take a risk because I think we have to.

I think the 2004 film was Soul Train.

If it is right, I don't think many people will go for it.

OK, Soul Train. Let's see.

No red line for you as you are the high-scorers.

Let's hope Soul Train is right. How many people said it?

Oh, no!

We've got a double century, it's fine.

LAUGHTER

-Well played!

-I am so sorry.

APPLAUSE

Not Soul Train.

Good guess, but it's got you 100 and takes your total up to 200.

You both said train and they were both wrong, unfortunately.

But also, you both said train to questions

I suspect lots of people would have said train to.

But an unfortunate 200.

Do we get a special prize for, like, a double century, though?

Yes, you do. But you are not going to like it.

-LAUGHTER

-One in each inning.

Thank you very much, Richard. Aggers.

Because you are really the voice of cricket.

Why did that particularly happen?

I mean, there are plenty of people who were commentating

around that time. But you, sort of, assumed the mantle.

Just luck, I think. Being around at the right time.

I dare say being very good at it.

-Poor old Brian died.

-Yeah.

-Henry wasn't with us, then.

And I guess I was, sort of, next in line, really.

And it's a wonderful job. It's a great job.

And something that I can't quite believe I'm still doing

-after 25 years.

-Wonderful. Now then, Aggers,

I've got great news, which is this. Even if you score 100,

-you are still through to the next round.

-I've never scored 100.

LAUGHTER

I suspect I will do at some stage this evening.

I'm going for Car Wash - 1976.

OK, Car Wash. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said Car Wash.

It's right.

This is good, Aggers. Look at that. 53.

53 is our lowest score of the round, in fact.

Taking your total up to 107.

It's not often 53 is our lowest score of the round.

Yeah, it's a Richard Pryor film.

Features Car Wash by Rose Royce as well.

Won a Grammy for Best Soundtrack.

Excellent. Thank you, Richard. Now then. Michael, welcome.

Let's just talk a little bit about 2005, shall we?

I mean... I've only just sobered up.

LAUGHTER

Do you remember any of it?

I do more now because I've watched the DVD,

but I guess the weeks after it was a little bit of a blur.

Amazing.

Well, you are through to the next round, Michael,

no matter what you score.

Let's have a low score, though. 53 is our lowest score so far.

You can do better than that.

I'm going to go 1976, Taxi Driver.

Taxi Driver. OK. No red line. You are already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Taxi Driver.

-PHIL:

-Get in.

It's right and you beat 53. Look at that.

New low score, Michael.

APPLAUSE

Best in the round so far. 125 is your total.

Yeah, Robert De Niro and Jodie Foster, of course.

It was supposed to be two hours long,

but it doesn't turn up for 20 minutes so...

GROANING AND LAUGHING

Thanks very much, Richard. Swanny, nice to have you here.

-Lovely to be here.

-A very warm welcome.

-You are probably the newest signing to TMS, aren't you?

-I am.

-The whippersnapper.

-How are you finding it? How are you settling in?

It's great. I am basically the tea boy.

It's sounding lovely.

It's a rite of passage to get to, you know, Aggers' hot seat.

I'm on the first rung of the ladder, but it's great fun.

Now, you are through to the next round no matter what you score.

But I have a feeling you are going to be quite good at this.

Ebony was almost right when she said Soul Train.

But I think that's a fairly obscure film called Soul Plane.

That's what I'm going to go for because I don't think many

people would have seen it.

Sounds like a good answer. No red line. You are already through.

Let's see how far down the column we get with Soul Plane.

It's right.

Oh, it's a good one.

Down it goes.

-And it's pointless!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's a pointless answer. Very rare we get those on celebrity shows.

That adds £250 to today's total, taking the jackpot up to £2,750.

Scores you nothing. Leaves your total at 56.

Gets you a pat on the back from Alison. Brilliant, Soul Plane.

Absolutely. Very well played. A golden duck, Swanny, well played.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

Starred Snoop Dogg, that film.

Once voted the 47th worst film of all time.

I, kind of, liked it when I watched it.

LAUGHTER

Let's fill in the rest of these. It's The Horse Whisperer up the top.

It would have scored 64.

The 1995 film there, Tank Girl, would have scored you 3 points.

-Strangers On A...

-Train.

-Train. Would have scored you 53.

-And from 2002, it's...

-Boat Trip.

Yes, Boat Trip. It would have scored you 4 points.

Soul Plane, very much the best answer on that board.

-Very well done if you said that.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home with

a high score of 200, Ebony and Henry, I'm sorry.

Henry, it's been fabulous having you on.

Thank you so much for playing. Ebony and Henry, everyone.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Here we are in Round Two. And we are already down to only three pairs.

At the end of this round, we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

-Yes!

-LAUGHTER

And food, though, Phil. Can you all decide in your pairs

who is going to go first, who is going to go second?

Whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could.

Wine-producing countries. Richard.

Yeah, we are looking for any of the top 20 wine-producing

countries in the world in 2014, please,

according to the International Organisation of Vine and Wine.

-It would be a nice place to work.

-Vine and wine.

Yep. Any of the top 20 countries in the world

that produce the most wine, please.

They could save a bit of printing and just call themselves wine.

-They can drop the vine out.

-Vine and wine is a bit weird, isn't it?

-It is a bit.

-You must say, by the way, if you want a cup of tea.

-Do you know, I really do.

-Do you?

-Yeah, yeah.

ALEXANDER SIGHS

-Thank you very much.

-That's Lapsang souchong.

-I presume you don't have milk in that.

-You bet I do.

-Do you?

-Yes, please.

-Yes, please.

GROANING

-Unfortunately...

-That's a shame.

-Come on!

Yeah, Alison.

-Hello.

-LAUGHTER

Oh, that's good. That is good. I really did need that.

Alison, what would you like to...

What would I like to what, sorry?

Vine and wine.

Wine-producing countries. Top 20.

I'm going to go for a country that does some nice reds. Chile.

Chile. Mmm.

And how. Let's see how many of 100 people said Chile.

50.

SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE

Not bad. Not bad. 50.

Mmm. How is that cake, Rich?

Chile is a very good answer. Well done.

Ten million hectolitres, they produce.

The ninth-biggest wine-producing country in the world.

Phil.

Yes, I'm going to go for...

To stay in the game...

Argentina.

Argentina. Oh.

-Tactics.

-Argentina. Nice Malbec. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Argentina.

It's right.

50 for Chile. You passed it.

Argentina, 33.

Nicely done, Phil.

I tell you what, they all want to win this, don't they?

Mmm. They really do.

Yeah, 15 million hectolitres, Argentina produce.

The fifth-biggest wine-producing country in the world.

Lovely. Fabulous.

-Melinda.

-I could talk about wine all night.

-Please do.

-I love it.

I could say the country that I'm from, but I'm not going to.

I'm going to go for our Antipodean neighbour and say New Zealand.

There we are. New Zealand. It sounds like a good answer to me.

Let's see how many of 100 people said New Zealand.

It's right.

50 is our big score at this point.

48.

Edging just below.

New Zealand wine widely believed to be the best wine in that region.

LAUGHTER

-As I understand it.

-Oh!

Thanks very much, Richard. Halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores.

Once again. 33, Phil. The best score of the round.

Putting Phil and Michael at the top of the table.

Then we travel up to 48, where we find Melinda and Aggers.

Then up to 50, Alison and Graeme. So yes, it's all quite close.

There's not too much in it really but, Graeme,

let's have a low score from you. You've got a bit of time to

think of something. Good luck. Coming back down the line now.

Could the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, Aggers.

I think we need to gamble.

Austria.

-CONTESTANTS:

-Oooh!

You see, there we are.

It's all going to come out in this pass, I think.

People really have to search their wine knowledge.

Here is your red line.

It's...it's there. It's like a red carpet, really.

If you can get below that, you are definitely in the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Austria.

That's a great answer!

9 for Austria, Aggers. Very well done indeed.

Taking your total up to 57.

APPLAUSE Well played, Aggers. Very nice.

Look at the delight on the face of Aggers there.

Last round he was so nervous.

He was like this, "I'm going to gamble!"

There's a competition that's come out.

It's number 17 on that list as well.

17 out of 20, so it's just above the line. Very good answer.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Michael.

I feel I am going to gamble. It is 20 countries, yeah?

-20 countries, yeah.

-Top 20, yes.

-Gamble? Well...

Well, listen, you have to gamble a bit

cos you have to score 23 or less.

-23 or less.

-I'm going to go Portugal.

Portugal.

-Hm... Oh...

-Oh!

-Oh, there's a buzz

from our crescent of audience there. Portugal. Here is your red line.

Get below that, you are home and dry.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Portugal.

Oh!

38.

38 takes your total up to 71.

71.

See, yeah, the 11th-biggest wine-producing country in the world.

An awful lot of pressure on Swanny now.

Now, Swanny,

you rode in like a white knight at the end of the last round.

And it's wine!

It is. And there are so many of the obvious ones left.

And less obvious ones as well. You have to score 20 or less.

I am going to stay round about the same part of Europe as Aggers,

and I'm going to go for Germany.

OK.

Germany. Here is your red line, Swanny.

You've got to get below. Now, let's see, Austria scored 9.

Germany... If you can get below that, you are in the head-to-head.

Let's see how many people said Germany.

Oh, no, Graeme!

APPLAUSE

I'm afraid that is 47, takes your total up to 97.

If you had gone even closer to Aggers' answer

and said Switzerland, you would've scored 4 points.

It would have been a terrific answer.

No, there is no pointless answers at all.

The best answer you could've come up with is

the 20th country on the list - 1 point for Croatia.

Very well done if you said that. And 2 points for China. Yeah.

-Really?

-Yeah! You would have scored...

Let's take a look at the other scores.

You would've scored 5 points for... Brazil, Hungary and Romania.

11 points for Greece. And then we get into the bigger scores.

We've heard a lot of them already, actually.

South Africa, 51. United States, 67. Italy, 75.

Let's take a look at the top three.

The ones that most of our 100 people said.

And the biggest wine-producing country of all is top.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So at the end of our second round, I am so sorry to say,

the pair who are heading home, it is Graeme and Alison.

The stars of Round One.

97 not a terrible score by any means.

We will see you again, I hope. Please come and play again.

Thanks very much indeed. Graeme and Alison!

APPLAUSE

But for Jonathan, Melinda, Phil and Michael, it is

now time for the head-to-head.

Well done, Jonathan and Melinda, Phil and Michael.

You are now one step closer to the final and a chance to

play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £2,750.

APPLAUSE

So this is the round where we decide who goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. We do that by making you go head-to-head.

But you can start playing as a team now, see you can confer before

you give your answers, which takes a bit of pressure off.

And then the first pair to win two questions goes through

and plays for that jackpot for their charities.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

LAUGHTER

Did we not tell you about this? Famous Willies.

We are going to show you five pictures now...

LAUGHTER

We are going to show you five pictures now of famous people

called Willie. EVERYONE OHS

Oh!

Can you identify the most obscure Willie? Best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. Let's reveal our five Willies.

And here they are. We have got...

There we go.

Five famous Willies.

Now, Jonathan and Melinda will go first, but feel free to confer.

I don't know the last one, so how many people will know?

-Yeah?

-We will go E - Willie Whitelaw.

Willie Whitelaw say Aggers and Melinda.

Now then, Phil and Michael,

do you want to talk us through the other Willies?

Well, I don't know too many of the Willies there.

We know it is the captain of Aberdeen who won the Cup.

-In '87?

-Was it? Yeah.

But he's Will... I can't remember his name.

I think the only one of those I know there is B,

which I think is Willie Rushton.

Is that the one you want to go for?

Do you want to go for that? Willie Rushton.

So we have got Willie Whitelaw, we've got Willie Ruston.

Jonathan and Melinda have gone for Willie Whitelaw for E.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

47.

APPLAUSE

47. Now, this will be interesting.

So Phil and Michael have gone for Willie Rushton.

Let's see how far down the column get with that.

It's right.

It has got to be 47... Oooh!

And it does!

37.

37. Well done. You've nicked it.

Phil and Michael, after one question, you are up 1-0.

Now, for the rest of the time on Test Match Special,

you'll be able to show off that

you can identify Willies better than anybody else on the team.

Which is very good news. Now, the first one is Willie Nelson.

He can remember every minute of the '60s(!)

LAUGHTER

Can't he just? 43 points for Willie Nelson.

The third one was the best answer on the board.

From Sex And The City, it is Willie Garson.

Very well done if you said that.

1 point. He looks different from when he was a jockey.

LAUGHTER

-Put on a bit.

-Hasn't he just? And you know who D is, Tuffers.

Willie...

-Willie Miller.

-Of course!

-It would've scored you 9 points.

Very well done if you said that one.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, here comes your second question.

Aggers and Melinda, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

But Phil and Michael get to answer it first. Very best of luck.

It concerns...

ALL: Oh, no!

-LAUGHTER

-What about that!

That is the one topic we didn't want.

-Richard...

-Yeah, we are

going to show you five clues now to facts about the sport of cricket.

I don't know if you know it.

The most obscure answer will win you the point.

-Very best of luck to both teams.

-But!

Instead of getting me to read out the questions,

we have got England vice captain Joe Root here.

Hi, Xander and Richard, I am sorry I can't be there tonight.

In the middle of a very pretty busy Ashes summer.

But here are five clues all about cricket.

What are the cross pieces called that bridge the stumps?

Easy.

Which team won the first Cricket World Cup in 1975?

What method was devised in the 1990s

and used to determine a winning score after a rain interruption?

Who was the former England all-rounder nicknamed Beefy

who was knighted in 2007?

What was the decade in which the Bodyline series took place?

Good luck, everyone.

I am going to read all of those again just for fun.

Now then, Phil and Michael, you will go first.

-They can hear this, though, can't they?

-You can whisper.

-Yeah.

-You don't reckon?

-No. Go on, then.

I reckon we'll go for the devised method in the 1990s,

-Duckworth Lewis.

-Duckworth Lewis, say Phil and Michael.

Duckworth Lewis method. Now, Jonathan and Melinda.

-We would've gone for that, actually.

-Yeah.

-Talk us through the board?

-OK, you've got your bails.

-Yeah.

You've got the West Indies. You've got Duckworth Lewis.

And you've got Ian Botham. And you've got 1932-33.

-Let's go

-bodyline. Bodyline? Yeah.

-We'll go bodyline.

OK, you are going to go for the 19...?

-1933.

-The 1930s, OK.

An extra point for 32-33 and not the decade, by the way.

An extra point taken off!

Right, well, good luck with that.

Phil and Michael have gone for Duckworth Lewis.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that for the method.

I reckon you've won it.

-It's right.

-Go on, go on!

16!

APPLAUSE

-16. What do you think?

-I think, close.

I think not many people know about the '30s.

OK, now, Jonathan and Melinda have gone for the 1930s,

the decade of the Bodyline tour. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

It has got to beat 16, though.

It does! 10.

Very well done indeed!

You have broken back there. Jonathan and Melinda, back in the game.

After two questions, it is 1-all.

Not that anybody here is competitive(!)

LAUGHTER Very well played.

You'd have won the point with the West Indies as well.

It would've scored you 12. It was a correct answer.

The top one is bails. Bails would have scored you 49.

And Ian Botham would've scored you 62.

There we are. Now, here comes your third and final question.

Whoever wins this question goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot.

So best of luck. It concerns...

Yes!

Chocolate. Richard.

We are going to show you five things now, which contain

chocolate as a major ingredient,

but we left out alternate letters from their names.

Can you fill in those gaps, please? Best of luck to everybody.

OK, let's reveal our five things with chocolate in them.

And here they are. We've got...

I'll read those all again.

Now then, Aggers and Melinda, you will go first again this time.

-I've got a few of them, but...

-Yeah. Let's see if the top one...

First one, yeah?

Yeah, we'll go for the top one and we'll go for red velvet cake.

Red velvet cake, say Jonathan and Melinda.

Now then, Phil and Michael, do you fancy talking us

through that board, seeing how many of them you can do?

Well... Black Forest gateau.

Mississippi mud pie.

Bourbon something.

Oh, yeah! Bourbon... I-C-I...

LAUGHTER

-Picnic, no...

-Come on, what are you going to go for?

-Mississippi mud pie.

-Mississippi mud pie.

We've got red velvet cake, we've got Mississippi mud pie.

Jonathan and Melinda went for red velvet cake.

Let's if that's right for the one at the top of the table there.

Red velvet cake. How many people said it?

It's right.

APPLAUSE

24 for red velvet cake.

Now, Phil and Michael have gone for Mississippi mud pie.

It's one up from the bottom. Let's see if that is right.

Let's see how many people said Mississippi mud pie.

It's right. It has got to beat 24.

-Come on!

-No!

44.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well done.

Jonathan and Melinda, after three questions,

-you are through to the final, 2-1.

-Well played, everybody.

Now, Black Forest gateau would have scored you slightly more points - 46.

You would have won with the bottom one.

You'll kick yourself. It is a bourbon biscuit.

Oh, no!

It would have scored you 12 points. And this is the best answer.

Any watcher of Bake Off will tell you...

-Sachertorte.

-Sachertorte, yeah.

That would've scored you 7 points. Best answer on the board.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of that head-to-head round... Oh, Phil!

Not quite a second final, I'm afraid.

But such a strong performance across the show. Very well played.

It's been brilliant having you on, Phil and Michael.

Thank you so much. Phil and Michael!

APPLAUSE

But for Jonathan and Melinda, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Many congratulations, Jonathan and Melinda, you have fought off,

I mean, really you have fought off all of the competition.

-It has been very competitive.

-Very.

We couldn't lose to them, just understand.

We could not, we could not have lost to them. So we're happy now.

Well, listen, you've won your coveted Pointless trophy,

so very well done.

You now have a chance to win the Pointless jackpot

for your charities.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,750.

APPLAUSE

I just thought how fitting this is.

I mean, it is obviously a Test Match Special edition,

but it is also, kind of, an Ashes edition.

So we have an Australian and an Englishman in the final.

This is just perfect. It's poetic.

We'll put four things up on the board behind me.

Let's hope there is something up there that catches your eye.

Today's selection looks like this. We've got...

I would really fancy British Sitcoms, but unfortunately...

That really rules you out, does it?

-I'm happy to go with British Sitcoms.

-Are you?

-Yeah.

-But you might have to carry the can.

-That's OK.

-OK, British Sitcoms.

-Got to give it a go.

-British Sitcoms it is. Richard.

We are looking for the title of any episode of any of these three

classic British sitcoms.

So the title of any episode of any of the 24 regular episodes of...

Any of the 12 episodes of...

Or any of the 12 episodes of...

I wish you the very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed. Now, as always,

you have got up to a minute now to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot for your charities is for just

one of those answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yep, OK.

-Good. Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

Fawlty Towers, we've got The Germans.

-But everyone'll say The Germans. There's The Builders.

-Yes, good.

That chap with a garden gnome.

What's the one where he keeps touching the Australian

woman's breast?

-Yes.

-When he is reaching around the line.

-We're not going to do that.

-OK.

-LAUGHTER

-There is The Gourmet Evening.

-Oh, you're good.

-Blackadder...

What is the one where she is sick and what's-he pretends to be her?

Cybil's sick? No, she pretends to be sick.

The Queen.

-Where Polly has to imitate...

-Oh, that is Fawlty Towers again, OK.

Oh, yeah.

20 seconds.

What's the Blackadder where they come around and there's an awful

shaped turnip on the table?

-Argh! I don't know this, but there is one with...

-Ten seconds left.

The actors as well, isn't there? Where they do...

-Haven't done very

-well here. No.

-It's a mind blanker, isn't it?

OK. I am afraid that is your minute up.

-That is the quickest minute you will ever witness.

-So true.

What three answers are you going to give me?

-I'm going for Inheritance on Blackadder.

-Inheritance.

-The Builders.

-The Builders. That is a Fawlty Towers one.

What is that Gourmet Evening?

-Let's try that.

-Try that? OK, I'm with you.

Do you want to say that? The Gourmet Evening. OK.

Allow a bit of looseness with the language.

Inheritance, Builders and The Gourmet Evening.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I think Inheritance.

-Inheritance goes last.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-The Builders.

-The Builders.

The Builders, first. The Gourmet Evening, in the middle.

Let's put those answers up on the board in that order.

And here they are.

We've got...

Well, very best of luck.

If one of those happens to be pointless,

what charities are you playing for, Jonathan?

The Broad Appeal for me, which is

a charity very close to all of our hearts in cricket, of course,

through Chris Broad's wife, Stuart Broad's stepmother,

who died of Motor Neuron Disease.

This is obviously for trying to find a cure for this dreadful thing.

-So Broad Appeal for me.

-Very good. Melinda?

And I have actually gone for ActionAid,

doing a lot of work in keeping kids in education

who might not otherwise have a chance. So I have gone for that one.

Very well done indeed. Two excellent charities.

Two excellent charities.

Fingers crossed one of those answers will win that

jackpot for your charities. Your first answer was The Builders.

In this case, we were looking for Fawlty Towers episode names.

The Builders, let's see if it is right.

If it is pointless, it will win you £2,750.

How many people said The Builders?

It's right.

It is right. Now all it has to be is pointless,

then you leave with that jackpot for your charities.

Down it goes. The Builders,

through our teens. Into single figures.

Down it goes. Still going down... Oh, 3!

APPLAUSE

Oh! So close. Hands-on-head moment there.

I'm afraid, not a pointless answer.

So only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer was The Gourmet Evening,

also a Fawlty Towers episode.

It has to be right, then it has to be pointless.

If it is both of those things, you leave here with £2,750.

How many people said The Gourmet Evening?

Oh!

-What was it called, though?

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-I don't know.

-What was it called?

-We'll discover.

Evidently not The Gourmet Evening, I am sorry to say.

Only one more shot at today's jackpot.

Jonathan, not looking that confident at this stage.

-Inheritance, though, this one you thought was good.

-I'm happy.

This was good.

-OK.

-From Blackadder. It is a Blackadder episode title, we hope.

Please can it be a Blackadder episode title?

If it is and it is pointless, it will win you £2,750.

How many people said Inheritance?

OHS

Sorry!

APPLAUSE

I am sorry. Another incorrect answer there. Oh!

Well, you have played so well.

Such a consistently strong performance.

I'm afraid you didn't find that all-important pointless answer,

so you do not win today's jackpot for your charities.

But as it is a celebrity special, we are going to donate £500 to each

celebrity player for their charity.

-That's very kind.

-Thank you.

-So there you are. And...

APPLAUSE

Lest we forget, you get to take home a Pointless trophy.

So there we are, it hasn't all been in vain. But very well done.

Jonathan and Melinda, fantastic performance.

APPLAUSE

It has been a joy, this evening. It really has been a lot of fun.

The episode when they are trying

to inherit from Lord and Lady Whiteadder,

it is actually called Beer.

-Oh!

-It's nothing like Inheritance.

It would have scored you 1 point if you had said it.

-And it is Gourmet Night rather than Gourmet Evening.

-Oh, come on!

I know. I know. It would have scored you 1 point, though,

so it would have been worse if you had said it. Can you imagine?

Let's look at some of the Blackadder episodes that were pointless.

You could have said...

You could've said Amy And Amiability.

Dish And Dishonesty, Nob And Nobility,

you could've had. Sense And Senility.

The Witchsmeller Pursuivant was a pointless answer.

General Hospital, a pointless answer. Also Private Plane.

Very well done if you said any of those.

Fawlty Towers, there might be some that you recognise here.

Waldorf Salad!

Those are the only four pointless answers.

I'm Alan Partridge, essentially what they do in

all of their titles, they just put Alan into different film titles.

And there are some quite good ones, but these are the pointless ones.

You also could've had the Bravealan. Or The Colour Of Alan.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Unfortunately, we say goodbye to you. It's been brilliant.

It's been lovely. Really great.

-Thank you so much.

-It has been wonderful.

-Thank you so much. Aggers and Melinda.

-Well done.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we put more obscure knowledge to the test

-on Pointless. Meanwhile, it is goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it is goodbye from me. Goodbye.