Business Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong.

A warm welcome to this special business edition

of Pointless Celebrities,

the show where the aim is to find the most obscure answer possible.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

Couple number one.

My name is Jacqueline Gold

and I am the CEO of Ann Summers and Knickerbox.

My name is Richard Farleigh.

I'm a businessman, I'm a former Dragon

and I'm an ambassador for Action for Children charity.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number two.

-My name's Tim Campbell.

I'm the first winner of the BBC show The Apprentice

and founder of the Bright Ideas Trust.

My name's Saira Khan.

I run a natural skincare company called Miamoo

and I was the runner-up on the first series of The Apprentice.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number three.

-Hi, my name's Michelle Mone.

I'm the founder of Ultimo and an entrepreneur.

I'm Declan Curry.

I write about business, rather than DO business.

I'm a business journalist.

APPLAUSE

-And, finally, couple number four.

-I'm Peter Ratcliffe.

I'm a businessman, entrepreneur

and I run a company called Legends in Time

and I'm also on a show called Four Rooms.

And I'm Jeff Salmon. I'm also a businessman.

I'm also THE dealer on Four Rooms and the eye candy.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll find out more about you on the show as it goes along.

That just leaves one more person to introduce.

Here to play fast and loose

and rigorously fact-checked with the truth,

it's my Pointless friend, Richard.

-Hiya. Evening, everybody. Evening.

-APPLAUSE

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening.

-Wow.

-I know, wow.

-I know, wow.

-You see.

You know, the net worth of everybody here, put together,

-is over £17 billion.

-Is that true?

Well, if we take YOU out of the equation,

it's somewhere under £700,000, but it's still a lot.

It's still a lot of money, isn't it?

It's going to be absolutely fantastic.

-All successes in their own fields. Quite scary for us.

-Yeah.

We're used to having at least some kind of layabouts,

-but everyone here is so good.

-Yeah.

-We're going to have to be absolutely on it.

-Terrifying.

A whole series of people here who could invest in our many schemes.

-We'd better remember them all.

-Let's come up with some during the show.

OK, we will. As usual, all of today's questions

have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants are looking to find

those all-important pointless answers,

answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

so we start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

APPLAUSE

If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

There's only one rule you have to remember.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. That is it.

Our first category this evening is...

Motoring. Peter looks thrilled with that.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first and who's going second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

Let's find out what the question is and here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

Countries that drive on the right, Richard.

We're looking for any country where they drive on the right.

That is the opposite side of the road to where we drive in the UK,

so any country where they drive on the opposite side to the UK.

By country, we mean a sovereign state

that's a member of the UN in its own right.

Thank you very much, Richard. OK, now, Richard.

Richard, welcome to Pointless. Good to have you here.

-You were on Dragons' Den for a couple of series?

-Two series.

-Two series.

And you were renowned for the nicest reasons...

You were the person who gave the most money...

Sorry, "gave" the most money away... INVESTED the most money.

That's a good reputation to have. Is that true?

I'm not sure it's true, but I was also called Mr Nice,

which is a nice thing to have, isn't it?

I'm not going to be nice to THESE guys!

In years and years of watching,

I don't think I've seen Duncan Bannatyne

get his chequebook out once.

You should have a drink with him. It's an expensive night!

Yeah, I can easily believe that.

Now, Richard, countries that drive on the right.

-Andorra.

-Andorra.

Let's hope it's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Andorra.

It is right, thank goodness.

This could be a very, very good answer, Richard.

It has that feel about it. Look at that.

Down it goes to 4. Very well done. APPLAUSE

That's a terrific answer. Great way to start the show as well.

-That's surprisingly high, I would have thought, for Andorra.

-Mmm.

-Saira, welcome.

-Thank you.

-Welcome.

Little bit of pressure on you as representatives of The Apprentice.

When you did that, did you learn

all sorts of wonderful things from that series?

Well, we were the very first people to do it, Tim and I,

so we had no idea what to expect.

We were in the house for three months, which was a long time,

and I can honestly tell you...

Before that point, I was working for corporate companies,

so I'd never done anything off my own back, really,

and did I learn skills? Absolutely.

It gave me the confidence to believe in myself and think,

"I actually think I can make a decision

"and it could turn into money."

And subsequently, you have and it has!

Well, I run my own business and I'm in the media industry as well,

so it's been a fantastic experience.

For me, it changed my life and it opened doors

-and I'll always be grateful for that.

-Wonderful.

-Now, Saira.

-Yes.

A country where they drive on the right.

-Pakistan.

-Pakistan, says Saira.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

Oh!

-Ooh, Saira.

-I know. Not a good start.

That scores you 100 points. I'm sorry. 100 points for Pakistan.

That explains why you got all those points on your licence in Islamabad.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

SAIRA LAUGHS

Thanks very much, Richard. Michelle, welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you here. The Ultimo bra - tell us about that.

How did that start? You'll see why I'm asking that question.

It's not quite as ridiculous as it sounds.

I got made redundant from my job

and I went to a dinner dance one night

and came up with the world-famous gel-filled bra

and since then, 15 inventions later, and several other brands as well.

But I recently sold 80% and now, I've just launched my book,

My Fight To The Top, and I tour round the world mentoring people,

so I've now got 105 people that I'm mentoring.

Well, congratulations. It's been a fantastic success story.

Well, you've got a bit of a cushion now...

-Thanks for that, thanks for that. Cheers.

-Thanks to Saira.

It's just the first question!

So, yes, that takes a little bit of pressure off.

What are you thinking of?

I'm sure many people have answered this but I was going for...

Because I'm sure they won't come up with Ireland straightaway,

I don't think, but Southern Ireland.

-OK, you're going to go for Ireland, the Republic of Ireland.

-Yeah.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said that.

What? Why's that?

Ooh, Saira is very ungraciously...

LAUGHTER

-That's...

-I'm afraid that's incorrect. Scores you 100 points.

Why is that wrong, Richard?

Because they drive on the left, I'm so sorry.

LAUGHTER

-Thanks very much. Peter.

-Hello.

-A warm welcome to you, Peter.

As a person who deals in art...

Well, you deal in collections of things, don't you?

Well, primarily, we deal in collectibles,

primarily from Formula 1, but over the years,

we've handled Banksys, we've handled Damien Hirsts, all kinds of things.

Do you find, as a dealer, you're thinking financially the whole time?

If you go into someone's room, do you think,

"Ooh, I wonder how much they spent on that"?

Or are you able to switch it off? Are you able to appreciate things?

I think the key, for me, when I'm making a decision,

is if I don't like something, I rarely buy it.

Having said that, if a Banksy comes along for £50, I'll probably buy it.

Now, Peter, driving on the right-hand side.

There are obviously a lot of countries that drive on the right,

-but I'm going to say Finland.

-OK, Finland.

-Finland.

Finland. Is it right? How many of our 100 people said Finland?

It's right. 4 is our lowest, 100 our high. You passed that immediately.

4...

9 you get for Finland. Not bad at all.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Peter. A terrific answer, Finland.

Got some of the greatest rally drivers in the world

and Grand Prix drivers, Finland.

-Mmm.

-So, they're doing something right.

-Mmm.

-Or left.

LAUGHTER We're halfway through the round.

Let's look at those scores.

4, Richard. Very well done. The lowest score of the round so far.

Then up to 9 where we find Peter and Jeff.

Then up to 100 where we find Michelle and Declan and Saira and Tim.

So, Declan and Tim, it is between the pair of you.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Jeff, warm welcome to Pointless.

Now, on Four Rooms, have you ever

really, really regretted either buying something

or not going high enough

-to get something?

-Both.

So often, there's something that I really, really wanted

but I've had to think to myself,

"I've got to sell it."

Although, it also has to be said that every time I've overpaid

for anything of great quality, I've never, ever lost.

If you buy something just for investment, you're a loser.

If you buy something because...

..you love it, then you know that somebody else is going to love it

and there's no limit.

There's a great unanimity of message

-from podium four over there.

-Hey!

-I like that very much indeed.

Now then, what are you going to go for,

in terms of driving on the right-hand side of the road?

-Brazil.

-Brazil, says Jeff.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Brazil. There's your red line.

If you get below that, you're through to the next round.

It's right and you're through.

We've had 4 and we've had 9 as our low-scorers.

Brazil finishes at 8. Very well done. Second lowest score so far.

APPLAUSE Your total is 17.

Very well played, Jeff. Safely through on that last podium.

-Two low scores.

-Mmm, two low scores.

Declan, now then.

Right, Declan, as a business journalist, as someone who follows business,

you must just... You kind of know everything.

Short of insider dealing, obviously, you know

-everything that's publicly known.

-No, I'm just very good at faking it.

But you must know what the timings of announcements are,

when figures are going to be published,

all those sorts of important quarterly things

-that a shrewd investor would know.

-A lot of it comes by surprise

and that was always the fun part of the job,

was the unexpected announcement first thing in the morning,

that had a huge impact on people

who were watching the programme, if it was breakfast television.

And to be able to bring that news to people

and help them understand it, that was a great thrill.

Sure. Now, Declan, this is mere preamble.

-We need a low score from you.

-I have a confession.

-Yes.

Which is that, at this moment, I am just learning to drive,

so I am actually spending a little bit of time

driving on the right myself, even though I know I shouldn't be.

I see. Hang on, let's just find out if that counts. Does that count?

No, it's not countries where Declan drives on the right, I'm afraid.

So, you want it where it is the law of the land. Fine.

-I am going to take a guess at Iceland.

-OK. Iceland.

You're going to take a guess. Let's see.

No red line for you as you are joint high-scorers.

How many people said Iceland?

-It's right.

-Oh! Ooh.

-This could be good.

-That's not bad at all. 8.

There we go. 108 is your total.

Tim knows what he has to do now. APPLAUSE

Well played. That means you've passed your theory test as well.

-Excellent.

-Thank, Rich.

-Tim, welcome.

-Hello.

The winner of the very first series

-of The Apprentice.

-For my sins, yes.

-So, tell me, Lord Sugar.

-Yes.

When the cameras stop turning,

is he a jolly old soul? Is he lovely?

-You must know him pretty well.

-I do know him relatively well.

Do you know what, he is a genuinely nice guy.

-Don't get on the wrong side of him.

-Right.

Don't ever give him something that's not true

because you'll soon find out,

but if you're in that trusted circle, the inner sanctum...

That trusted circle is quite small, isn't it?

-It depends how big you are.

-OK.

Now, Tim, you are on 100.

-You have to score 7 or less.

-I know.

I'm going to have a stab.

I'm going to say Qatar.

Qatar, says Tim. Qatar.

There is your red line. You have to get below that to remain with us.

Tim, best of luck. That's a punchy answer. Is it right though?

-It's right.

-Oh!

-Where's it going to end up?

-Come on, Tim.

Is it going to go below that red line?

Yes, it is! 1! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-1 for Qatar.

-Whoo!

-Very well done indeed.

-101 is your total. Through you go.

-Whoo! We're up and off!

Very, very well played, Tim, to keep your cool there.

A very good answer and safely through.

Now, Jacqueline, tell us how you got started in business.

Well, my first job was working for Royal Doulton

and I got bored there

and decided to just go and work at Ann Summers for work experience,

so I actually had no intention of staying.

-That was where it started?

-That's where it started.

And since you've been at the helm,

it's just turned round completely.

It wasn't doing badly, but it's now a massive brand.

But if you think that the percentage

of our female customers at that time was 10%

and today, we're virtually a female institution,

with 80% of our customers in our store being women.

Very good. Now, Jacqueline, you are through to the next round, which is great news.

-What are you going to go for?

-Um...

-I'm going to go for Dubai.

-Dubai.

-Yes.

-Jacqueline says Dubai. No red line as you're already through.

Let's see how many people said Dubai.

An incorrect answer, scores you 100 points. Takes your total up to 104,

but you are through, so it couldn't matter less.

Almost an inspired risk though,

cos Dubai is in the United Arab Emirates

and United Arab Emirates was a pointless answer,

so would have been a terrific one. There are 71 pointless answers.

Let's go through a few of them.

I can't believe no-one said Dominican Republic! Goodness me.

You could have had Belize, Bahrain, Cambodia, Congo, Equatorial Guinea,

Ethiopia, Laos, Madagascar. Let's look at the top three answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

These are the ones where people have actually driven,

so they know for a fact. A lot of the other countries are lotteries.

Here are the top three.

That's why Andorra was such a brilliant answer by Richard.

You know France and you know Spain -

by process of elimination, Andorra's got to be a correct answer.

Thanks, Richard. So, at the end of our first round,

the pair heading home, with our high score of 108,

-Declan and Michelle, it is you.

-I'm so sorry.

Listen, we've all learnt something about Ireland.

And, Michelle, you've learnt something about Pointless.

I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way.

But I hope you'll come back and play again.

I'm not sure about that. I was just thinking about...

I totally got the question wrong.

That's why I thought I was being clever with Ireland.

-I'm sorry, Declan.

-Doesn't matter.

It's been lovely having you on. Thank you, Declan and Michelle.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

We're down to three pairs. At the end of this round,

we'll have to say goodbye to another of our pairs.

I wonder who that's going to be. Tim, congratulations.

Lowest individual score of the round - very well done - with Qatar.

Jeff and Peter, congratulations to you, as our lowest combined score.

And Jacqueline and Richard, just well done, you made it through.

Oh, we had some big scores in that round...Saira and Jacqueline.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Television.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first, who's going second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

The question concerns...

Fictional bosses, Richard.

On each board, we'll show you the names

of six fictional bosses from TV programmes.

We need you to tell us the name of the TV programme they're from.

We'll give you the initials of that programme in brackets.

There'll be six on each board, 12 in all to have a go at home. Good luck.

Let's reveal our first board of fictional bosses and here they come.

I'll read those one last time.

Jacqueline, we come to you first. We're looking for the one you think

the fewest of our 100 people could get.

I know two but it's working out which is the least popular.

-I'm going to go David Brent, The Office.

-The Office, says Jacqueline.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

It's right.

73. APPLAUSE

-73. Not bad.

-Yeah, a lot better than 100.

It's been remade in hundreds of countries, The Office.

Well, not hundreds of countries, but it's been made all over the place.

It's been made in lots of places where they drive on the right too.

-Thanks, Rich. Saira.

-Hmmm... Oh!

TP...

OK, I'm going to go for the one I know and I know it's high, OK,

-so it's Don Draper, Mad Men.

-Mad Men, says Saira.

-It's really high, I'm sorry.

-We don't know.

-It is.

There will be other high scores in the round, I'm sure.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mad Men for Don Draper.

Really lots.

It's right.

No, not that many!

-24!

-Oh! Whoa!

-There you go.

-Well done.

-That's not bad!

-24, Saira.

Not a bad score at all. Played by Jon Hamm.

That's one of those programmes that's talked about

in certain circles a lot but not watched a great deal,

so 24 would be about right, I think.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Peter. The board's all yours.

Talk us through it and fill in the blanks for us,

then say which one you want to submit as your answer.

No, I don't want to talk you through it and fill in the blanks,

cos I can't. I'm going to go for George Cowley, The Professionals.

-The Professionals. SAIRA:

-Oh!

-There you are.

-You see.

-You see, The Professionals.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Professionals.

It's right. You passed 73.

You passed 24. Look at that.

16. Well done, Peter. APPLAUSE

That was all you needed to know.

That's the lowest score of the pass. 16.

Very solid on that last podium. Played by Gordon Jackson, of course.

Well worked out.

Let's fill in the rest of this board. The top one, Ron Swanson,

is an absolutely brilliant American sitcom - Parks And Recreation.

Well done if you said that. 6 points - best answer on the board.

-Bernard Black is...

-Black Books.

-Black Books, played by Dylan Moran.

And Daniel Meade, you can work it out from the initials, probably.

-Ugly Betty.

-Oh!

-Ugly Betty!

Thanks, Richard. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 16, the best score of the pass.

Well done, Peter.

Then up to 24 where we find Saira and Tim

and then 73, Jacqueline and Richard.

Who knows what the next board's going to be like.

Richard, we will definitely need a low score from you, so best of luck.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Let's put six more fictional bosses up on the board and here they are.

I'll read those one last time.

OK, so, Jeff, over to you.

I've got to get this...right.

I don't want to sound too full of it,

but I've never lost a quiz in my whole life.

You've always been the top team, you mean, or...?

No, never, ever lost anything in my life. It's irritating.

This is the first quiz he's been in, to be fair.

LAUGHTER

OK. I am going for "Are You Being Served?", Young Mr Grace.

It isn't going to score me particularly low, but...

"Are You Being Served?", says Jeff. Here's your red line.

If you get below this, it's good enough.

Let's see how many of our 100 said "Are You Being Served?".

It's right.

66. 66 takes your total up to 82.

APPLAUSE

They made an Australian version of "Are You Being Served?"

and John Inman played the same character.

-That's quite fun, isn't it?

-Nice.

-Very nice. Thank you. OK, Tim.

-Yes.

You need to score 57 or less.

-I do.

-57 or less.

Do you think you can do it?

Well, Saira's put a bit of pressure on, so I'm going to have to try.

-Come on, Tim.

-I'm going to pick Colonel K

and Danger Mouse.

Danger Mouse, says Tim.

Danger Mouse - a subject close to my heart.

There is your red line. Get below that with Danger Mouse,

you are through to the next round. How many people said it?

You're right.

You've done it, well done. Very well done indeed.

Through you go to the head-to-head.

16 for Danger Mouse.

Good answer. 40 is your total.

-APPLAUSE

-Whoo!

-Very well played, Tim.

-Now, of course, who's the new voice of Danger Mouse?

-Well...

-It's your good self.

-It's me!

-Yes, it is.

-Yeah, and you're in it as well.

-I am, yeah, very briefly.

I'm Professor Jellyfishowitz.

-But the voice of Colonel K in the new one is Stephen Fry.

-Yeah.

Now, then, we come to you, Richard.

Talk us through the board

and find a really low-scoring answer.

Do you really think businesspeople stay at home and watch these shows?

-Yeah.

-You've got to unwind somehow, haven't you?

Well, I only know one of them.

I'm going for Charles Montgomery Burns because he's the boss

-on The Simpsons.

-The Simpsons, says Richard.

Here comes your red line.

That's what you'd have to get below to remain with us.

I don't want to give anything away,

but let's see how far down the column you get with The Simpsons.

Oh!

59, Richard. I'm sorry. 59 takes your total up to 132.

APPLAUSE

Unlucky, Richard, it's a valiant effort.

We'll take you through the rest of the board now.

CJ is the character who used to say,

"I didn't get where I am today by..."

From The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin.

-17 points.

-Yeah.

Denholm Reynholm is from The IT Crowd.

Chris Morris played him

and replaced by Douglas Reynholm, played by Matt Berry.

And the answer that would have seen you through

is Captain Harold Dobey from...

-Starsky And Hutch.

-Starsky And Hutch.

-ALL:

-Oh!

Would have scored 7 points. Well done if you said that at home.

-Is that Boss Hogg?

-No.

-No.

-It's captain Harold Dobey.

-OK.

We're supposed to do BETTER than Solomon, not worse than Solomon.

-I thought his nickname was Boss Hogg. Sorry.

-Thanks, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, the pair heading home

with our high score of 132, Richard and Jacqueline,

I'm sorry, it is you. It wasn't the best match of rounds for you, sorry.

We could have served you better.

No complaints. That's competition.

-It's healthy competition. We enjoyed it.

-We've enjoyed it.

Lovely having you on. Come back and play again. Richard and Jacqueline.

APPLAUSE

For Saira and Tim and Jeff and Peter, it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Jeff and Peter, Saira and Tim.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at £2,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

This is the round where we decide who goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot and we do that by making you go head-to-head.

You start playing as teams and the first player to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot. Well done indeed.

It's Four Rooms versus The Apprentice.

We've had good answers and not so good answers from both of you,

but now you can put your heads together.

You should be pretty evenly matched, so it should be exciting.

Best of luck. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here's your first question and it concerns...

Purple Plants, Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures of purple flora

and you've got to give their common name.

We're going to give you the initials as well.

Let's reveal our five purple plants and here they come.

There we are. Five purple plants.

Jeff and Peter, you've been our lowest scorers in total,

so you will go first. Feel free to confer.

OK, we're stuck between C and D and when we're stuck,

I have to consult my friend, the dice.

-One to three...

-(Juniper, it's juniper.)

..we're going to go for C,

four to six, D.

We're going to go for D.

-Oh, D it is.

-TOGETHER:

-Juniper.

OK, we shall see. You've gone for D, juniper.

Now then, Saira and Tim, talk us through the board,

tell us the ones you think you know.

We know all of them and we knew juniper as well.

-That was the one we were going to go for.

-Tell us them all.

Foxglove, violet, hyacinth, I think, and wisteria.

-Which do you think people will know?

-I would go with wisteria.

-OK, I'm going to give it to you.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, you're my boy.

OK, you're going to go wisteria.

So, from Jeff and Peter, we have juniper for D.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said juniper.

It's right.

It's right. 41.

APPLAUSE

Saira and Tim have said that E is wisteria.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 said wisteria.

It's right.

50 for wisteria.

APPLAUSE

The big question is what would hyacinth have scored, I wonder.

-It means, Jeff and Peter, after one question, you're up 1-0.

-Well done.

If you'd said hyacinth, you'd have scored 100 points.

-It's not hyacinth.

-Oh!

-See, I told you.

-What did you guys think it was?

PETER AND Jeff: Hydrangea.

So the big question is, was the dice right?

What scores more - juniper or hydrangea?

Juniper scored 41,

hydrangea scored 22.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Best answer on the board, hydrangea.

A is foxglove.

-Violet would have scored 62.

-Yeah.

Biggest scorer of the lot.

So, hydrangea the best answer.

And also, a lucky escape for the dice cos the dice sort of got you through,

although it didn't particularly answer the question you asked it,

but there we are. Here comes your second question.

Saira and Tim, you have to win this to stay in the game.

Best of luck. You do get to answer it first. It concerns...

-Opera And Ballet Music.

-That's their bag.

We're going to play you five clips now of famous operas or ballets.

-We need you to tell us the composer in each of these cases.

-What?!

-The composer?!

-Sorry, I didn't mean the composer.

I meant the trombonist.

LAUGHTER

Stop talking! No more, no more!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, so let's listen to these five excerpts. Here we go.

# Ma il mio mistero chiuso in me

# Il nome mio nessun sapra, no, no

# Sulla tua bocca... #

Here's B.

MUSIC: Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker

Here's C.

MUSIC: Dance Of The Knights from Romeo And Juliet

Never heard of it! Never heard of it!

MUSIC COVERS SPEECH

Here is D.

# Largo al factotum della citta Largo

# La la la la la la la la

# Presto a bottega che l'alba e gia Presto

# La la la la la la la la... #

And here is E.

# Summertime... #

No idea.

# And the living is easy... #

OK, there we are. Now, Saira and Tim, you will go first.

This is our Achilles heel, I think. We'll just take a guess at C.

-No, le's just confer cos we might get it.

-Just take a guess at C.

-Hold on. C?

-Yeah.

-It's not even called The Apprentice.

-I know that!

I know that!

-It's the composer he wants.

-OK, all right. Oh, yeah. Go on.

It's the composer, remember, that we're after.

Yeah, we're going to say C, Beethoven.

OK, C, Beethoven, say Tim and Saira. Now, Jeff and Peter.

I think we'll deal with D which was Summertime. Was that by Gershwin?

Well, we think... Yeah, I think it was E, actually.

-But are we safest with B, do you think?

-Probably safest with B.

We think B and we think it's The Nutcracker and Tchaikovsky.

Tchaikovsky, say Jeff and Peter. Tchaikovsky.

So, we have Beethoven and Tchaikovsky.

Saira and Tim said Beethoven for C.

Let's see if that's right and how many said it.

-Uh-er.

-No, I'm afraid not Beethoven.

Now, Jeff and Peter have said Tchaikovsky for B.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

It just has to be right at this point.

-It's right!

-Yes!

-And you win the point. Well done.

58. APPLAUSE

Good enough, Jeff and Peter.

That means, after two questions, you're through to the final, 2-0.

Well played. We've gone very high-end, all of a sudden,

with plants and then classical music.

-It's almost like the producer's trying to win a BAFTA.

-Yeah!

-Good luck with that.

-Good luck with that, yeah.

Now, we'll take a tiny listen to each of them and say who they are.

# Ma il mio mistero... #

That's Nessun Dorma from Turandot by Puccini.

-Oh, Puccini!

-Puccini.

That would have scored you 22.

Let's have a listen to C.

MUSIC: Dance Of The Knights from Romeo And Juliet

-What is it called?

-That's so annoying.

-It's called The Apprentice.

-Oh, it IS called The Apprentice!

-And it's by Lord Sugar.

-It's from Romeo And Juliet by Prokofiev.

-Prokofiev, the answer.

-Oh, that's it!

-Would have scored you 15 points.

-Oh, that was good.

-Mmm.

-Let's listen to D.

# Largo al factotum della citta... #

That's from The Barber Of Seville by Rossini. Would have scored you 7.

# Presto a bottega che l'alba e gia... #

-And Jeff, you were right on the last one.

-Oh!

It is, of course, Summertime from Porgy And Bess by George Gershwin.

Would have scored 31.

There we are.

That means the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm sorry, Saira and Tim.

-Had you got hydrangea, it could all have been very different.

-Indeed.

But I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to you.

It's been brilliant having you on the show.

-Saira and Tim.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

For Jeff and Peter, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Jeff and Peter. You have seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Whoo!

-Miracles, miracles.

-Miracles.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Jeff, you said you've never lost anything in your life

and so it has proven. It's incredible.

You've come through, you've been shaking your dice,

you've been answering, by and large, quite well.

The first round, extremely low scores from you, so it's good.

And here you are. You have ended up here.

What would you like to see come up in this last round, Jeff?

Er, I'd like to see...music

between 1967 and April '68.

LAUGHTER

-Peter?

-Um...

-Motor racing. Formula 1.

-OK.

You get to choose your category from the board we put up behind me.

Let's hope there's something you like the look of today.

Today's selection is...

What do you think?

I think that both I and you will know something about the year 2004.

Ballet Films, I have to say, is not a strong point.

Royal Families - it could be any royal family.

American Crime Writers...

-Not a strong point for me at all.

-2004.

2004. Did the dice say 2004? The dice said 2004.

-OK, Richard.

-Very best of luck. Three very different questions here.

Hopefully, one of these will suit you.

We are looking for any artist or band

who had a number one single in 2004,

according to The Official Charts Company.

We are looking for any participant

in the first ever series of Strictly Come Dancing.

That's any of the celebrities or any of their dance partners.

Or anybody who won a medal of any colour for Team GB

in the Athens Olympics of 2004.

So, acts who had UK number one singles,

any participant on Strictly Come Dancing

or any athletes at all who won a medal of any type

for Team GB in the Athens Olympics.

As always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot

is for just one of those answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. Your time starts now.

OK, let's not...

I don't think that Steve Redgrave would be a pointless answer.

Who did he row with?

Don't ask me that, Jeff.

Um, I think I'm doing well getting Steve Redgrave. Number one in 2004.

-In 2004...

-We've got to give the name of the song AND the artist?

-Just the artist.

-Just the artist.

-Just the artist, OK.

-Well, I would say, 2004, Kylie Minogue?

-No.

Strictly Come Dancing, I haven't got a clue.

-Number one singles.

-UK number one singles in 2004.

INAUDIBLE DISCUSSION

-You can try.

-Ten seconds left.

-I'm happy to try that.

-We're ready.

-Yeah.

-We're struggling but we're ready.

OK, that is your time up.

Now, I need your three answers. What are you going to go for?

Team GB medallists at the Athens Olympics, Steve Redgrave.

Steve Redgrave - lovely.

Number one singles, we are really unsure of,

-but I think punt for Kylie Minogue.

-Kylie Minogue.

-Strictly Come Dancing, um...

-Oh, 2004...

2004... Could be...

Rod Hull and Emu.

Rod Hull and Emu - that's a partnership, isn't it?

-The dice didn't say that.

-There we are.

Of those three answers, what is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I think the top one.

-I agree.

-UK number one singles.

OK, we'll put Kylie last.

Least likely to be pointless, I'm guessing,

-is probably Rod Hull and Emu.

-Yeah.

-We'll put them first.

Let's pop those answers on the board in that order. We've got...

Best of luck. Three answers on the board there.

Who knows, one of them might end up being pointless.

If that were to happen, you would win that jackpot.

What charities are you playing for?

-Jeff?

-I'm playing for the Teenage Cancer Trust.

-And Peter?

-I'm playing for Cancer Research UK.

-Very good.

APPLAUSE

Two excellent charities there.

Let's hope one of these answers might win that jackpot for them.

Your first answer, we were looking for participants

in the original series of Strictly Come Dancing in 2004.

-You went for Rod Hull and Emu.

-Good answer, Jeff.

It has to be right, then pointless, for you to win the jackpot,

so for £2,500, let's see how many people said Rod Hull and Emu.

-Nope.

-Oh, that's a surprise.

An incorrect answer, which means only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer was Steve Redgrave.

We were looking for medal winners from Team GB at the Athens Olympics.

Let's see how many people said Steve Redgrave.

For £2,500, is it right? Is it pointless?

-No!

-Oh.

-Bad luck.

Incorrect, which means

everything is now riding on your third and final answer.

We were looking for UK number ones from 2004

and you answered Kylie Minogue.

Let's see, for £2,500, is it right? Is it pointless?

-No, bad luck!

-Oh!

-Oh, I'm sorry.

Three big red crosses there.

APPLAUSE

You didn't manage to find that vital pointless answer.

You didn't manage to find that vital CORRECT answer,

so I'm afraid you don't go away with today's jackpot for your charities.

However, as it is a celebrity special

and each celebrity is playing for a charity,

we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair

so you can split that between your charities.

-APPLAUSE

-All right, mate, well done.

It's been great having you on the show.

You played very well throughout and don't forget, you get to take home

a Pointless trophy for your troubles, so there we are.

-Great stuff.

-Valiant effort.

Steve Redgrave's last medal was in 2000, I'm afraid.

Kylie Minogue had three top ten singles in 2004, but no number ones.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

UK number ones.

Busted had two number ones in that year. McFly had two number ones.

Streets - Dry Your Eyes was a number one.

In fact, every number one artist was pointless,

apart from Girls Aloud, Robbie Williams, Eminem,

Natasha Bedingfield, Peter Andre, U2 and Britney Spears.

Everybody else was pointless.

Let's take a look at the Strictly participants.

Erin Boag was one of the professional dancers.

Again, everything pointless, apart from Natasha Kaplinsky,

Brendan Cole, Anton du Beke, Camilla Dallerup and Christopher Parker.

Everyone else was pointless there.

And the athletes.

Amir Khan.

Ed Coode was one of the rowers.

Steve Williams, another of the rowers, also a pointless answer.

Kelly Sotherton, the heptathlete, got a bronze and Rebecca Romero.

Everyone was pointless, apart from Kelly Holmes, Chris Hoy,

Matthew Pinsent, Bradley Wiggins, Darren Campbell, Ben Ainslie,

Mark Lewis-Francis, James Cracknell and Marlon Devonish.

-Well done if you got a pointless answer at home.

-Thanks, Rich.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you,

but it's been great having you on the show. Jeff and Peter.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

-Well done.

-Well done.

-Join us next time,

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-It's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE