Christmas Special Pointless Celebrities

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong.

A very warm welcome to this special Christmas edition of Pointless Celebrities,

the show where the aim of the game

is to avoid the obvious answers and find the obscure ones.

Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Dame Jeffrey Holland,

and this is my friend.

And I am Su Pollard, Wicked Queen. Ha-ha!

Couple number two!

I'm Alison Hammond,

and I'm The Slave Of The Ring.

-And this is...

-I am Robin Windsor and I am The Man In The Mirror.

Couple number three!

Hi, I'm Ian Krankie and I'm Mr Smee.

And I'm Wee Smee.

Yeah, Jimmy Krankie.

And, finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Louise Jameson. I'm Good Fairy.

Hello, I'm Colin Baker and I am Herman the Henchman.

Thanks very much all of you.

We will find out more about you throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's walking along, singing a song, basking in a Pointless hinterland...

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard!

Hiya, Merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas.

-A very merry Christmas to you.

-And to you. Happy New Year.

How much fun is this?! Oh, I love Christmas.

-Oh, don't you just!

-I only wish people had dressed up.

Seems a shame they came in their work clothes.

But it's so lovely, I've got special Christmas-themed questions.

I love your Christmas-themed desk, as well.

It's quite something, isn't it?

And, you yourself, as well. Look at you.

Go on...! I made a bit of an effort for Christmas.

-Now, Richard...

-You have come as Guy At Christmas Party.

Office party.

Literally come from work, yep.

Er, Richard, I...

-Sorry, I...

-You got me a present?

-ALL:

-Aw...!

-I got you a...

-Aw, that's nice.

Yeah, don't get too close, you'll get glitter all over your...

What have you got me?

That is just a little token of my...

See, it's something I thought maybe you needed.

-Very nicely wrapped.

-Isn't it?

LAUGHTER

Oh, that's absol... That's lovely.

Isn't it?

Look at that, a tie!

AUDIENCE WHOOPS

Now, do you know what? I brought you a present, as well.

I think you might like it!

This is lovely - it's not going to be better than this. But, look.

Oh, that is... That's beautiful. What is it - biscuits?

And that, you see? That's gaffer tape.

LAUGHTER

Because always...on Christmas Eve, one of the presents has to be

done with gaffer tape because you've run out actual Sellotape.

Listen, I'm flattered that I'm the one that got the gaffer tape.

HE MOCK GASPS

You got a tie, as well.

Not just a tie!

Come on...! Look at that!

-Yeah, I got you something else.

-Socks!

-Oh, I got you socks.

And more socks! Oh, Richard, that's amazing.

Cos you know I don't have any socks.

You see? And all I got was a tie.

That's indicative of our relationship.

Well, I'm going to wear my tie. I'm going to put my...

That is so. Because I've never worn one before.

OK. It's the smartest tie I ever...

Yeah, no kidding.

-Yeah.

-OK.

Now, that is...

That's beautiful.

It looks so good on you, that's the thing! There we go.

So, we look great.

And what a lovely line-up we've got, as well.

-Jeffrey and Su have been on before.

-Yes.

-Together.

And they joined the 200 Club in Round One.

Yes, we did.

Oh, the dreaded... "I'm afraid you're going home."

-Exactly that.

-Within five minutes.

So almost impossible...

-ALMOST impossible for them... Well, impossible for you to do worse.

-Yes.

-Got to get better.

-Fingers crossed, let's get better.

Lovely to have Robin and Alison. Welcome along to the show.

Never been on before. The Krankies on podium three. Newcomers.

And two old hands as well, on that last podium -

Colin and Louise both been on before.

Never been in a head-to-head, though.

Never been in a head-to-head,

so virgin territory for our winners here.

Now, we also have a couple of very special guests during the show.

I can't tell you who they are, you know who one of them is.

I do. We've got one that any child watching...

We've got a very, very special guest

who is coming on to ask one of our questions later.

And, anyone who ISN'T a child, we've got a very, very special guest

coming on at the end to sing with Xander.

ALEXANDER GASPS

Yeah! Yes.

I have rarely seen you as excited

as you are at the prospect of who you're singing with.

-He's VERY excited.

-It's true!

-It's like... You're like, what...?

-A kid at Christmas?

-Yes!

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants here are looking for those all-important pointless answers,

those being the answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

So we start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless!

So, all I have to tell you is this -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. Very best of luck.

No conferring until the head-to-head round, please.

Our first category this evening is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first, and who second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many...

Ding-dong Merrily On High words.

Need everybody desperately, in their heads,

to sing through the entire lyrics of Ding-dong Merrily On High.

We're looking for any word of five letters or more

that occurs somewhere in that song.

So any word of five letters or more.

that appears in Ding-dong Merrily On High.

We've taken our version from the 1924 Cambridge Carol Book.

Now, Su, welcome to Pointless.

What have you come as, Su?

Well, I have come as somebody...

If I do my job correctly, when I'm the Wicked Queen and everything,

she thinks she's the most beautiful person in the world,

which, I obviously am,

and I love it when I get really horrible

and when the parents take out the crying child,

out of the theatre.

Because I know then I'm doing my job right.

I love it, though. Do you like panto?

-ALL:

-Yes!

Oh, no, you don't.

-ALL:

-Oh, yes, we do.

-That's good!

-They are good!

Now, Su, words to Ding-dong Merrily On High?

-Yes.

-Now, then. Words of five letters or more.

OK.

-Bells.

-Bells.

Su says "bells".

Let's see if "bells" is right.

How many of our 100 said "bells"?

"Bells" is right.

-43.

-Isn't bad.

-It isn't bad, Su.

-Not too bad.

-Isn't bad.

-Great start to the round. 43 for "bells".

-Good start, Su.

Well played, yeah - "bells".

"Bells" also the correct answer for items that used to be

-on my grandad's Christmas list.

-Yes!

-He'd ALWAYS ask for a bottle.

Always.

Thanks very much, indeed.

Robin, welcome to Pointless!

-Hello.

-Great to have you here.

The first, I hope, of many appearances on the show.

-Is this your first year in pantomime?

-It is, yes.

I'm playing The Man In The Mirror at Llandudno

-in Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs.

-Oh, that's exciting.

Now, how does it work, your first year?

Is it like those early MI5 recruitments?

Someone just comes and sits next to you on a bench

and says, "Babes In The Wood"?

-Or does it just come through fairly normal channels?

-Normal channels.

I was very excited to be asked.

It's a first time for me - my first time singing.

So everybody is going to be in for a real treat.

What a treat! Obviously, they've seen your dancing a lot,

but you're singing, Robin...!

Now, Robin, words to Ding-dong Merrily On High.

How well do you know that carol?

Not particularly,

so I'm going to go with "skies".

Robin says "skies". Let's see how many of our 100 people said "skies".

-Oh...!

-Thanks, son(!)

Not "skies".

-Not "skies", no.

-Yeah.

Jimmy!

Oh, Jimmy, welcome to the show. Lovely to have you here.

Now, do you know what, I always used to think that your surname was Krankie.

-Did you?

-I always thought it was!

But I've discovered today your surname

is actually Tough.

Yes. Spelt T-O-U-G-H.

Me with a name like Mrs Tough!

Mrs Tough...! No-one's going to argue with that!

So, where did Krankie come from?

Well, the Krankie came from a pantomime in 1963

-that I was in in Scotland...

-Wow!

..with a comic called Jack Milroy

who was a very famous Scottish comic,

and I was one of the Krankie kids in the show.

So when we formed the act, we carried the word on - Krankie.

So we've been The Krankies since...

1966.

-1966...

-50 years this Christmas.

Ah, that is wonderful!

APPLAUSE

And they said it'd never last!

It's such a treat to have you here.

-Now, Jimmy.

-Uh-huh?

What would you like to go for from Ding-dong Merrily On High?

Erm...

Heaven?

Heaven. "Heaven," says Jimmy.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said "heaven".

Now, 43 is our only score so far and you whiz past that...

40. Very good indeed.

Well done, Jimmy. 40 for "heaven".

I've surprised myself!

Very good answer - "heaven",

which is where the bells are, of course, in the song.

Exactly. Good place for them. Good place.

-Louise!

-Hello.

-Louise, welcome back to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Louise, do you have a favourite pantomime?

Is there one that... Because there are tons of them!

I think it's the one I'm in, which is Cinderella.

Yeah, rags to riches.

-Do you think that's the one that really gets people?

-Yeah.

And when the transformation scene really... It's just magic, isn't it?

And for a lot of kids, it's their first time in the theatre.

-Get 'em young, I say.

-Yes, absolutely right!

So they'll keep coming. Yeah.

That's a very good point. It is.

It's the flypaper, isn't it, that gets them in?

Yeah, I think there's a real responsibility to doing panto -

-just to really get them in that bubble, you know?

-Absolutely right.

-Now, Louise, Ding-dong Merrily On High...

-Yes.

I'm going to go with "excelsis".

Excelsis!

Oh, what about that?! Excelsis!

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that!

Well, 100 is our high score, you pass that immediately.

40 is our low score,

you've passed that very comfortably.

APPLAUSE

Very nice indeed. 25, Louise.

Very nicely done, Louise.

Brought some sophistication to proceedings.

-Thank you.

-Excelsis -

it means "used to play for Chelsea".

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round, let's look at those scores.

25 - we just heard the best score of the pass. Very well done to Louise.

-Thank you.

-Hats off. Then up to 40, where we find Jimmy and Ian.

Then up to 43, Su and Jeffrey.

Then up to 100, I am sorry to say, Robin and Alison.

Mind you, that might not be the last 100 of the round.

As long as the next one isn't yours, Alison...

you're in with a shout. So best of luck finding a nice low score.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Colin, a very warm welcome back to Pointless.

-Lovely to have you here.

-How very kind of you. Thank you.

Now, how does Christmas work in the Baker household?

In the Baker household?

-Yes.

-Well, most years,

I am not there because I am doing panto.

So I come back for Christmas Day,

and get very grumpy because I have to go away again on Boxing Day.

-Or you just pack it all in to Christmas Day.

-Yes.

Just get as much... I was going to say as much down your neck,

I don't really mean that, you understand. I'm thinking... Mm!

But I can't, because I'm driving at the crack of dawn.

-Oh, of course!

-Head off for a matinee on Boxing Day.

-Oh!

-So what do you do to make it special?

-Bliss, isn't it(?)

All those parties you can't go to!

Oh, I know, but...

I tell you what, there's an awful lot of people at home now thinking,

-"I wouldn't mind that."

-Exactly!

-"Sounds great."

Do you do you still like panto after Christmas?

I always think panto before Christmas has got all the build-up, then...

Panto the whole time is...is... is exactly what Louise just said.

It is the way theatres stay alive,

because they do half their business sometimes

-over the Christmas period.

-Yes.

-And without panto,

an awful lot of theatres around the country wouldn't survive.

So I would heartily encourage everyone who says,

"Oh, I used to have a lovely time, but I can't be bothered going now."

Go back. You'll have a lovely time again!

Yes, well said. Well said.

-Yes, if you haven't been already, do support your local panto.

-Yep.

Quite right. OK, Colin, you're on 25.

Brilliant low score from Louise.

-Didn't she do well?

-Didn't she, though?

The high-scorers are Robin and Alison on 100, so 74 or less at this stage

assures you of a place in the next round.

What would you like to go for from our Ding-dong Merrily On High words?

Oh, it's the same song?

Oh, joy(!)

Erm...

Hosanna!

Hosanna. Hosanna.

They're very highbrow on that far podium, aren't they?

Hosanna. Here's your red line, Colin.

If you can get below that, you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said "hosanna".

25! There you are!

You match each other.

Perfectly, perfectly placed there.

Beautiful balance on podium four. 50 is your total.

Well played, Colin. Louise set you up very nicely, didn't she?

"Hosanna in excelsis."

Which is Enrique Hosanna - he used to play left back.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Ian.

-Yes.

-Welcome, welcome back.

Now, do you have a favourite pantomime?

How many pantomimes have you done over the years?

Well, together we've done 36.

Janette's done 40.

Er, my favourite's Aladdin.

Aladdin.

I like playing, er,

Widow Twankey.

-But I think the best pantomime IS Cinderella.

-Yeah.

We have done Pinocchio which was excellent for us.

It was written for us in Scotland. That was excellent.

As Geppetto and Pinocchio.

Lovely!

Now, there you are. You're on 40.

The high-scorers are still Robin and Alison on 100.

So, 59 or less, Ian, gets you into the next round.

-Angels.

-Angels.

OK, here is your red line.

Let's see if "angels" can get you below that.

Look at that, very well done, indeed! Through you go to Round Two.

"Angels" still going down!

-20!

-Oh!

-"Angels", if you please!

The lowest score of the round so far, I might add, Ian.

Very well done indeed. 60 is your total.

Great answer, Ian. Very well played.

Erm, OK, Alison.

-Hi!

-Alison, welcome to Pointless.

-It's lovely to have you here.

-Thank you.

Now, you...

-I suppose a lot of people will say they remember you from Big Brother...

-Yes.

-..which you did.

-What series was it that you did?

-I was in series three in 2002.

-Series three.

-It was like a mini holiday really.

-LAUGHTER

-It was great.

-Did you love it?

-SHE LAUGHS

-I did really enjoy it,

because those two weeks I had full budget on the food allowance,

so I just ate and ate and sunbathed, it was just great.

HE LAUGHS

It was like a holiday.

But you were a child actress before that, weren't you?

Yeah, I was in something called the Central Television Workshop

and landed my first part at the age of 14

in a show called Palace Hill.

-Fun.

-So, I started quite early on. It was good fun.

-Yeah, very good.

-Brilliant. Now, Alison.

-Yes.

You are our high-scorers,

but if you can find a low score, anything that's less than 42,

let's say, then there is a world in which you could be with us

-in the next round.

-I had all those answers beforehand. I'll be honest.

All right, but I'm going to go for "ringing".

-Ringing?

-Yeah.

-"Ringing", OK.

No red line for you as you are the high-scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said ringing.

-54.

-Oh!

-APPLAUSE

154 is your total.

Yeah, and neatly completes the line as well,

-"..in heaven the bells are ringing."

-There we are. Isn't that nice?

-Yeah.

Isn't that nice? Jeffrey.

Jeffrey. Welcome back.

Lovely to have you here again.

-You're not in the 200 Club.

-Not this time.

-You are not in the 200 Club.

-Not this time, no.

-You're through to the next round too.

-The scars have healed.

LAUGHTER

-Now, there you are, dressed as the Dame, Jeffrey.

-Yes.

Do you normally play the Dame in pantomime?

-I have done for the last 26 years, yes.

-Goodness.

So, what are the Jeffrey Holland rules of Dame-hood? How do you do it?

Stay fit.

And brace yourself.

LAUGHTER

Twice a day for...

-Well, as long as it lasts, it's...

-Wow!

-..it's hard work.

The actual performance itself, does it vary from show to show massively?

No, not really. It shouldn't.

It shouldn't if the actors behave themselves.

-Now, Jeffrey.

-Yes?

-Good news.

Doesn't matter what you score, you're still in Round Two...

-Wonderful.

-..which is marvellous.

-However, here's your opportunity to come up with a lovely low score.

-OK.

Well, I think I'm going to go for "dutifully".

"Dutifully," says Jeffrey. Let's see how that works.

No red line for you, you're already through.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooooooh....

Look at that! "Dutifully!"

2! Yes! Yes! Yes!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That is a fantastic answer!

All recollections of the 200 Club banished!

Takes your total up to 45.

"May dutifully prime?"

-RICHARD:

-Dutifully prime, yes.

Now, there are three pointless answers here.

Very well done if you said "chime", that's a pointless answer.

"Beautifully" is a pointless answer.

"Dutifully" is not, but "beautifully" is a pointless answer.

And "matin" is a pointless answer.

1 point for "ringers", "singers", and "evetime".

You'd have got 2 points for "prime", for "steeple".

Three points for "sungen" and "swungen".

Both great words. Don't use those enough these days.

And for "priest". 4 points for "below" and "people".

13 for "verily". "Gloria", 26,

and the top three answers we've had - "heaven", "bells" and "ringing".

There we go. Thanks very much, indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round,

the pair we have to send home with a high score of 154, I'm so sorry,

-Robin and Alison.

-Oh!

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

-But don't worry, you can come and see us at the panto.

-Well, we shall!

-Where are you?

-I'm at the Empire Theatre doing Aladdin.

-In Sunderland? No?

-In Sunderland, yeah.

-Yes! Oh, wonderful!

-I can't wait.

-Fabulous.

-And Robin, in Llandudno?

-Llandudno, yes.

-Fabulous.

-Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs.

-There we are.

-I'm really good at this at home!

LAUGHTER

-Listen, please come and play again, it's been a treat having you.

-We will.

-We will.

But in the meantime, thanks very much indeed. Alison and Robin!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Sorry!

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

Well...

Well done, everyone, you've made it round to Round Two,

which is fantastic. I mean, Su and Jeffrey, Round Two.

-Look!

-Oh, never been here before!

-Yeah!

-Look what we've done to it! Yeah!

-It's exciting!

So, this is virgin territory for all of us, so well done.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

Famous People. Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second,

and whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Famous Marys and Josephs. That's brilliant. Richard.

-See, I'm trying to keep it all Christmassy.

-I love that!

-Don't forget, still got those two special guest stars to come.

-ALEXANDER GASPS

-One for the kids in the next round, and at the end...

-One for the dads.

-..one for everyone else. One for you, certainly.

-Yes, one for me.

But very, very excited about both.

-They are both backstage right at the moment.

-Very exciting.

We are going to show you six clues on each board

to famous people known as Mary or Joseph.

You just need to give us the most obscure one, please.

There's six on the first board, six on the second,

12 in all to have a go at at home. Good luck.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, let's reveal our first board of famous Marys and Josephs,

and here they come.

I'll read those all again.

Su.

Right, then.

I'm going to go for...

-..the retail consultant... Yeah.

-The retail consultant.

Mary Portas.

Mary Portas.

Let's see if Mary Portas is right,

let's see how many people said Mary Portas.

SHE SIGHS It's right, Su.

Come on!

24! That's a great answer! APPLAUSE

Great score!

APPLAUSE

24 for Mary Portas.

Very well played, Su. Yes.

Started her career as a window dresser.

Mary Portas.

Has gone on to do very great things in lots of areas.

Hasn't she just? Now, Ian.

Marys and Josephs.

Baking Bible. Mary Berry.

The Baking Bible. Mary Berry.

Let's see if Mary Berry is right,

let's see how many people said Mary Berry.

It's right.

So Mary Portas was 24,

Mary Berry is 52.

APPLAUSE

Another good answer. She's got her own range of sauces and salad dressings now, Mary Berry.

I didn't know that. Sauces?

-You like a chilli, or something like that.

-Oh, I do!

-You should bring out a nice salsa.

-Oh, I should!

Get someone who's got a good salsa, put your face on the front of it.

On a saucer, did you say? LAUGHTER

-Salsa.

-A saucer?

-A salsa.

-Oh, a salsa, I see what you mean!

Sorry, I thought you meant a saucer. I was thinking... Well...

-LAUGHTER I like chilli sauce, so I can have a saucer.

-No, you don't...

You put a cup on a saucer, you don't put a mug on a saucer.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Er... Louise. You're the last person to have this board.

-If you wanted, you could talk us all the way through it.

-Oh, no, I can't do that.

-I don't know anything!

-LAUGHTER

I think...

I think I might be a decade out,

-but I'm going for Mary Quant for the first one.

-Mary Quant.

That seems reasonable to me. The Chelsea look. Mary Quant.

Let's see if that's right. How many people said Mary Quant?

-Oh!

-It's right.

-Phew!

-Well done, Louise.

-Thank you.

52 is our highest score. You pass it.

24 is our lowest. APPLAUSE

Right, 44.

There we are. Nicely in the middle.

APPLAUSE

And 44 is your total.

Well played, Louise. We've taken all the Marys off the board

and left all the Josephs up there, so let's fill these in.

-The surgeon and pioneer...

-I'm going to say Joseph Lister.

It is Joseph Lister. Yup.

Would have scored you 18. The Nigerian footballer is Joseph Yobo.

Would have scored 8 points.

And this last one is Joseph Simmons.

He's now an ordained minister. He is a pointless answer, as well, so well done if you said that.

Thank you, Richard.

Well, we're halfway through, so let's take a look at the scores.

24, the best score of the pass. Well done, Su.

You're just unstoppable, you two.

Absolutely fantastic. 24, then up to 44,

where we find Louise and Colin,

then 52, not far ahead, Ian and Jimmy.

Jimmy, let's have a low score from you in the next pass.

We hope that's enough to keep you in the game.

We're coming back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more clues to Marys and Josephs up on the board.

Here they come.

We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. A board full of famous Marys and Josephs.

Colin, how are you feeling?

I know a few of them, but...

I'm trying to think which is...

I'm going to go for the animator.

Joseph Barbera.

Joseph Barbera, says Colin.

Sounds good. Now, you want to be scoring 7 or less

to be sure of a place in the head-to-head.

There is your red line,

let's see if you can get below that with Joseph Barbera.

44. COLIN GASPS

Once again, you equal Louise's score. Look at that!

88 is your total.

-I know, that's very weird, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

Yeah, Hannah Barbera, of course.

-Famous from our childhood and beyond.

-Indeed. Now, then,

Jimmy, what would you like to go for? You have a target.

You have to score 35 or less, if you can, to remain with us.

-It's not the easiest board, I'll be honest.

-No.

The general secretary of the Communist Party, Joseph Stalin.

Joseph Stalin. OK. Here is your red line.

If you can get below that, with Stalin,

you are through to the head-to-head.

Let's see if Joseph Stalin is right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

You are in the head-to-head, look at that! Just!

APPLAUSE

You needed 35, you got 32, your total is 84.

I salute you. Well done.

You know, I so wish that 20 years ago I'd put on a bet

that one day Jimmy Krankie would say Joseph Stalin to me.

LAUGHTER

-Imagine the odds.

-A ten-year-old knowing that!

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

-Jeffrey.

-Hello.

-This is all your board.

Do you want to talk us through it, and fill in all the blanks?

You want to be scoring 63 or less.

Two of the three that I knew have gone.

So I have to go with the third one that I think I know,

and I think it's the British athlete who won the pentathlon

is Mary Peters.

Mary Peters.

The wonderful Dame Mary Peters. Indeed, she is.

There is your red line. If you can get below that red line, Jeffrey,

you are through to the head-to-head. How many people said Mary Peters?

It's right.

-It gets you through. Look at that!

-Go on!

Fabulous performance on the first podium, there.

27, taking your total up to 51. APPLAUSE

Very good indeed.

APPLAUSE

Very nicely done, Jeffrey. Well played.

She came on the show, didn't she, Dame Mary Peters, and was lovely.

-She was furious with me that I'd never done discus.

-Yeah.

Because of my long arms, she thought it was a loss to British athletics.

-Perhaps it was.

-Do you know, it is. It is. Still could do it.

-Still could.

-Yeah!

-Yeah! Maybe. You never know.

Now, let's look at the rest of these. It's quite a tough board.

-The bottom one, people know this one.

-Turner?

Yes, it's Joseph Turner.

That would have scored 15. The top one, you could probably work out.

Just think of the most famous president around at the time

-and put Mary in front of it. It's Mary Lincoln.

-Lincoln.

-Yes, of course it is.

-That would have scored you 3 points.

The other one's a tough answer, this, a pointless answer.

Well done if you said Mary Barra.

Terrific answer.

There we go. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, I'm so sorry, Colin and Louise,

not this time.

You'll have to come back another time to make it to the head-to-head.

-We shall.

-Colin and Louise, thank you very, very much for playing, it's lovely to see you.

-Good luck!

-APPLAUSE

But for Ian and Jimmy, Su and Jeffrey,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Very, very, very well done Su and Jeffrey, Ian and Jimmy.

You are now one step closer to the final,

and a chance to play for our jackpot which still stands at £2,500.

There it is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, this is the round where we decide who goes to the final

and plays for that jackpot. We do it by playing head-to-head.

You can start playing as a pair, now, which is nice. You can chat before you give your answers.

First pair to win two questions will go through to play for the jackpot for their charities.

Very, very best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Films that feature animation and live action. Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you five stills now from films with animation and live action in them.

We just need you to name the most obscure of these, please.

OK. Let's reveal our five stills, and here they come.

We've got...

There we are. Five stills from films

featuring animation and live action.

Now, Su and Jeffrey, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.

-JEFFREY:

-OK.

-SU:

-OK.

Shall we go with E?

-I think so, yeah, yeah.

-All right.

We are going to go with E,

which is Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit. OK.

Ian and Jimmy, that board is all yours.

-Do you want to talk us through it?

-Hmm.

Is A Mary Poppins?

You're going to go for Mary Poppins.

So we've got Who Framed Roger Rabbit and we've got Mary Poppins.

Su and Jeffrey said Who Framed Roger Rabbit for E.

Let's see if that's right

and let's see how many people said Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

37 for Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Not bad, Su and Jeffrey.

Ian and Jimmy have gone for Mary Poppins for A.

Let's see if that's right.

Mary Poppins - how many people said it if it is?

It's right. Oh, 80.

80 for Mary Poppins, which means, Su and Jeffrey,

after one question, you are up 1-0.

Let's fill in the rest of this board.

B - that is Michael Jordan in Space Jam.

It would have scored you 32.

-C is the brilliant Lego Movie.

-Fantastic.

Would have scored you 57.

D is the best answer, which is The Three Caballeros.

That would have scored you 1 point.

There we are. Thank you very much. Here comes your second question.

Ian and Jimmy, you have to win this one to stay in the game,

but you get to answer it first.

A little bit of an advantage. Best of luck.

It concerns...

Christmas Cracker Jokes, Richard.

We are going to give you the openings

of five Christmas cracker jokes.

You need to provide us with the punchlines, please.

Very best of luck.

Oh, you're 'aving a laugh!

Fingers crossed, Su, yeah.

Listen, rather than have me read out these questions for you,

we've got a very special guest.

-Really special.

-A very, very special guest.

-I mean...

-About as special as it gets.

About as special as it gets.

Yes, please, a huge welcome to Father Christmas!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, everyone!

Father Christmas!

How are you?

Well, you've asked me to come in and do this question

because comedy is not your strong point, is it?

Here we go. Christmas Cracker Jokes. Here are the questions.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?

What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?

Why is a broken drum the best Christmas present?

And what do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?

There we are. Well, thank you very much for that, Father Christmas.

-We'll see you next year.

-Lovely to see you.

-Thank you very much.

-Merry Christmas, everyone!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Good luck, bye-bye.

Aw!

I'm going to read those out again for you.

You'll notice this time round you get some clues as to the answers.

Ian and Jimmy, you will go first.

Take a little while just to chat that through.

You'll have to go for that one.

Eh, What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?

Twerky.

Twerky. Twerky. Twerky.

OK. Now, Su and Jeffrey.

Do you want to talk us through the board?

I don't know what the top one is.

I think the second one down would be a mince spy.

But I think we'll go for the bottom one. That will be jingle smells.

Jingle smells. Of course it is. Jingle smells.

We've got Twerky, we've got Jingle Smells.

Ian and Jimmy went for Twerky.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Twerky.

24.

I'm doing it now.

That'll haunt me for ever.

Su and Jeffrey have gone for jingle smells.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said jingle smells.

That's right.

52.

Very well done. Ian and Jimmy back in the game.

Just what we needed from you. After two questions, it's 1-1.

There was an answer that would have beaten Twerky

and would have seen you in the final.

It was a mince spy.

It would have scored 12 points, would have seen you through.

-You did know it. The top one is...

-Frostbite.

-Frostbite.

That would have scored you 37.

Why is a broken drum the best Christmas present?

-You can't beat it.

-You can't beat it.

That would have scored you 30 points.

I would say a broken pencil is the best Christmas present.

Because it's pointless.

GROANING

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Thanks. Here comes your third question.

Whoever wins this one goes through to the final and plays for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Seasonal Names, Richard.

We're going to show you five clues now to people

who have one of the four seasons in their name.

Can you name the most obscure of these?

People who have one of the four seasons in their name.

OK, let's reveal our clues. Here they are.

I'll read those all to you one last time.

Su and Jeffrey will go first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

I'm going to say...Donna Summer.

-For?

-Hot Stuff. Oh, sorry...

-EMPHATIC TONE:

-..Hot Stuff!

Donna Summer for Hot Stuff from Su and Jeffrey.

Ian and Jimmy, talk us through that board.

-Singer who had a top UK hit...

-Preacher Man.

-..Dusty Springfield.

That's the one you're going to go for.

We have Donna Summer, we have Dusty Springfield.

Su and Jeffrey went for Donna Summer.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Donna Summer.

I think it's going to be big, isn't it?

At least it's right.

43.

43 for Donna Summer.

Ian and Jimmy, meanwhile,

have gone for Dusty Springfield for Son Of A Preacher Man.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Dusty Springfield.

It's right.

54.

Good answer, but Donna Summer was better,

which means, Su and Jeffrey, after three questions,

you are through to the final 2-1.

Great head-to-head. Very well played, everybody.

Let's fill in these gaps. The best answer on the board is the top one.

That is Autumn Reeser. Well done if you said that, very good answer.

2 points for that.

-The former Arsenal left-back?

-Winterburn.

Nigel Winterburn.

Would have scored you 17.

-The musician?

-Bruce Springsteen.

Bruce Springsteen, of course it is. That would have scored you 26.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm sorry to say it's Ian and Jimmy. What a treat it's been having you on.

Thank you very much, we've enjoyed ourselves.

Thank you so much for coming and playing, please come and do it again.

-Thank you.

-Brilliant to have you here, Ian and Jimmy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But for Su and Jeffrey, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Well, congratulations, Su and Jeffrey,

you have floored all your competition and you have won.

Like the orange at the bottom of a stocking,

you have won a coveted Pointless trophy.

Listen, you now have a chance to win the Pointless jackpot

for your charities.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

There it is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Anything you particularly want to see come up, Su, in this round?

Well, I'd like maybe TV presenters.

Let's see what today's selection of categories looks like.

Let's hope there is something you like the look of there. We've got...

-My goodness.

-They are so obscure.

Sporting Williams - I haven't got a clue.

-I think we're going to have to go for '86.

-Yeah.

-We were both there.

-Yes. I think so.

-You were both there.

-We were both there.

-We were both there.

-Have you decided what one you want to go for?

-The year 1986, I think.

-Yes, let's go.

-There we are.

-OK, good luck.

Questions in three very different areas here -

I hope one of these will suit you.

We are looking for the name of any actor

who has appeared in 50 or more episodes of Casualty

from 1986 through to 2014.

We are looking for any tracks on Madonna's 1986 album True Blue.

Any tracks on the original release of True Blue.

Or we're looking for any of the 26 nations or teams

who took part in the 1986 Commonwealth Games.

So, actors in 50 or more episodes of Casualty,

tracks on True Blue

or any of the 26 nations or teams

who took part in the Commonwealth Games.

-Very, very best of luck to you both.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot for your charities

is for just one of those answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

Yes. As ready as we'll ever be.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

-You see, I was thinking...

-True Blue album, know any of those?

-I'm sure one of them has got to be Papa Don't Preach.

-OK.

I'm sure it was a True Blue one.

-Commonwealth Games teams?

-Oh...

Well, look, for a start, it's not Africa,

because it's not in the Commonwealth, so it can't be them.

I'm trying to think about...

Jamaica or somebody remote like that.

Exactly.

Zambia, Mozambique.

Casualty actors?

Casualty actors - blimey.

Derek...

Yeah, it could be Derek, because he's been there such a long time.

He's still there now. Bless him.

Do you just get half a point if you just have one name, would that help?

-We'll say no.

-No, he's saying no. You've been no help at all.

-Commonwealth Games teams. Jamaica, Mozambique?

-Yes, yes.

I'm sure... Oh, please.

Ten seconds left.

-I'm sure...

-You name that track.

Yeah, you go for that, cos I don't know.

# True blue, baby, I love you. #

OK, that is your time up.

Let's have your three answers, Su and Jeffrey.

What are you going to go for?

True Blue album - I think, em... Papa Don't Preach.

Papa Don't Preach.

Commonwealth Games teams, I don't know...

-We were saying, weren't we, that...

-Jamaica.

Jamaica.

-And Mozambique.

-Mozambique.

-Yes.

OK. We've got Papa Don't Preach, Jamaica and Mozambique.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Mozambique.

-Mozambique, put last.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Jamaica.

-Yeah.

-Jamaica, Papa Don't Preach, Mozambique.

OK, let's pop those up on the board in that order, then. Here they are.

We have got...

Three perfectly good answers up there.

-I think at least one of those might be pointless, don't you?

-I hope so.

I think Mozambique is a great answer. Just has to be right.

Let's say one of these wins that jackpot for you -

what charities are you playing for? Su?

It's very dear to my heart, this one. It's Age UK.

APPLAUSE

Very good. Jeffrey?

The old saying goes that charity begins at home,

so my charity is Acting For Others,

which is an umbrella for all the theatrical charities.

APPLAUSE

Very good indeed.

I thought you were going to say, "I'm going to take that money home,"

but no. Two wonderful causes there.

Let's hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for you.

OK, in the first instance, we were looking

for Commonwealth countries that took part

in the Commonwealth Games in 1986. You've gone for Jamaica.

You thought this was the one

that was probably least likely to be pointless, but let's find out.

If it is pointless, it will win you £2,500. How many people said Jamaica?

No, bad luck.

Not Jamaica in 1986, I'm afraid.

That's not a correct answer, so therefore not a pointless answer.

Only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer was Papa Don't Preach.

We were looking for tracks from the Madonna album True Blue.

If it's pointless, it will win you £2,500 for your charities.

Let's see how many people said Papa Don't Preach.

It's right.

Now, all it has to do is go down to 0 and you will leave here

with that jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

Down goes Papa Don't Preach.

Not quite into single figures.

There you are - 13.

Never mind.

Oh, well.

Only one more shot at today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on Mozambique.

It sounds like a great answer, is it right? That's the point, though.

Is it right, Mozambique?

If it is and if it is pointless,

it will win you £2,500 for your charities.

How many people said Mozambique?

Oh, no!

-Oh, bad luck.

-Never mind.

APPLAUSE

Listen, I'm sorry you didn't manage to win that jackpot of £2,500,

but as today is a charity special,

all of our celebrities are playing for charity,

we're going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair

for their respective charities, so there you are. You get that.

Thank you.

And, in addition,

you have been fantastic right the way across the show,

superb performance, and you get a Pointless trophy each,

-so there we are.

-Yes! It's like a chequebook and pen!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah, you were very unlucky.

Both of your wrong answers were very unlucky wrong answers.

Mozambique - they've been in every Commonwealth Games since '98,

but weren't in '86. Jamaica boycotted the '86 Games,

so they weren't there either, I'm afraid.

Let's look at the pointless answers in the different categories,

see how well people did at home.

There'll be people you know in the Casualty one, I'm sure.

Catherine Shipton, who played Nurse Duffy, was a pointless answer.

Clive Mantle, plays Mike Barratt.

You could have had Kwame Kwei-Armah, he played Finlay Newton.

You could have had Will Mellor, who played the receptionist Jack.

In fact, every actor apart from Derek Thompson, Brenda Fricker,

Michael French, Sunita Sarkar,

Sue Devaney, and Patrick Robinson, everyone else is pointless.

Well done if you said any other answer.

Let's take a look at True Blue.

Only three pointless answers on that album...

For Commonwealth Games teams,

there's quite a few pointless answers here.

Isle of Man would have been a pointless answer.

Won one gold at that Commonwealth Games.

Malta, Singapore, Vanuatu, an old Pointless favourite.

You could have had the Cayman Islands, the Cook Islands,

the Falkland Islands, Gibraltar, Guernsey, Lesotho, Malawi,

Maldives, Norfolk Islands, Samoa or Swaziland.

Very, very well done and merry Christmas

if you got any of those pointless answers.

Jeff and Su, you've been absolutely brilliant throughout.

-I'm sorry you didn't get a pointless answer.

-Never mind.

Unfortunately we have to say goodbye to you, Su and Jeffrey,

but it's been wonderful having you on the show.

Thank you for playing and merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas to you.

-Merry Christmas. Thank you.

APPLAUSE Join us next time

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Merry Christmas.

And it would be goodbye and happy Christmas from me, but before we go,

it's only fair that we end this special Christmas show with a song,

don't you think?

Please welcome Kim Wilde who will be joining me in singing

Rockin' Round The Christmas Tree from her new album Wild Winter Songbook.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Yeah, yeah

# Ho-ho-ho

# Rockin' around the Christmas tree

# At the Christmas party hop

# Mistletoe hung where you can see

# Every couple tries to stop

# Rockin' around the Christmas tree

# Let the Christmas spirit reign

# Later we'll have some pumpkin pie

# And we'll do some carolling

# You will get a sentimental feeling

# When you hear

# Voices singing Let's be jolly

# Deck the halls with boughs of holly

-BOTH:

-# Rockin' around the Christmas tree

# Have a happy holiday

# Everyone's dancing merrily

# In the new old-fashioned way... #

Come here, Xander.

# ..You will get a sentimental feeling

# When you hear

# Voices singing Let's be jolly

# Deck the halls with boughs of holly

-ALL:

-# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

# Rockin' around the Christmas tree

# Have a happy holiday

# Everyone's dancing merrily

# In the new old-fashioned way

# Rockin' around the Christmas tree

# Have a happy holiday

# Everyone's dancing merrily

# In the new

# Old

# Fashioned

# Way. #

Hey, Merry Christmas, Xander.

Right back at you, Kim!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE