Special 1 Pointless Celebrities

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome

to this Pointless Celebrities edition,

the show where obvious answers mean nothing

and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Rich Hall,

I am a comedian of the international variety.

Er...

keen trout fisherman...

Trout. If there are any questions about trout, boom!

Hello, I'm Shappi Khorsandi and I'm a stand-up comedian

and aspiring furniture restorer.

APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

Hello, I'm Sian Lloyd,

weather presenter of the international variety.

I'm also writing a novel

about a deeply ambitious, vicious weather girl.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh...

Hi, I'm Fred MacAulay. I'm a stand-up comedian,

home international variety,

and currently working on my Scottish accent.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Mark King,

a musician of the international variety and home-grown...

..with Level 42. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Hello, I'm Stuart Maconie,

I'm a writer and a broadcaster, primarily with Radio 6 Music,

and I'm working on a novel about a trout

who wants to become a weather presenter.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And finally, couple number four.

We are the fast and female speed demons, I'm Chemmy Alcott,

four-time Olympian, TV presenter and challenge doer.

And I'm Amy Williams,

gold medallist from the Vancouver Olympics

and now Gadget Show presenter.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll find out more about each of you throughout the show

as it goes along.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce -

a man so clever that small talk to him is only visible

through a microscope. It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Good evening, everybody.

Good evening.

-Oh, good evening to you.

-And to you.

-This will be fun.

It's a wide-open field, this one.

-Isn't it?

-You would think podium four would win it,

because they are two Olympians. Fantastic.

And also, sports people are always incredibly competitive, always.

-And incredibly sneaky.

-Yes.

-So watch out for that, everyone.

Podium three, it's interesting.

These gents, they've both been on before, Mark and Stuart.

Both very, very bright,

but both got knocked out in Round One.

But put them together...

Round One.

You'd have thought so. Round Two, at best.

You know what? They should win. They've got everything you need.

And a gold shirt, from Mr King there.

And a gold shirt. I mean, you haven't got a gold medal,

which is slightly more impressive, but you've got a gold shirt.

Nothing wrong with that. Sian's actually our best returning player.

-Sian's been in a head-to-head.

-Yes.

And she's brought with her the pride of Scotland, Fred MacAulay.

You would think, if she's been to the head-to-head without Fred...

-Were you with Michael Fish last time?

-With Michael Fish, yes.

Fred, are you cleverer than Michael Fish?

That's the question we ask ourselves.

-We'll find out.

-We will. We are about to find out.

I'm still here, though. He's gone.

Rich caught him.

And podium one, Rich and Shappi,

two of the best stand-ups in the country.

Rich also may be the grumpiest person we've ever had on the show,

which is great. It just gives you a challenge as a host, you know?

Professionally grumpy, I hope.

But as a host, you need to...

-Just melt him.

-Oh, thanks.

-You can do that, can't you?

-Yes, yes.

-Actually, you'll be brilliant at it.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Round One...

What you're saying is, we don't have a chance.

What I'm saying is, certainly, if I had £50 to put on a pair,

I might start elsewhere.

-That's all I'm saying, but...

-You already said they were going to win.

Stranger things... Yeah, but I'm always wrong.

-They've got the pressure now.

-I'm always wrong.

I can't believe you didn't mention my grumpiness.

Oh, yes, of course, grumpy Shappi as well.

I think everybody's going to enjoy Round One.

-All right.

-Round One's the sort of thing you'll all be able

-to have a decent crack at.

-Thank you, Richard.

-Pleasure.

-Listen, thank you.

As usual, all of today's questions

have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants here are looking for

those all-important Pointless answers -

these being answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

We will start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There it is. APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, all you have to remember is this -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. That's it.

You just have to make sure you are not in that pair.

Otherwise, there is no conferring until the third round.

That's the other thing you have to remember.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this evening is...

It's Film. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Now, the question concerns...

Empire's 100 greatest movie characters.

-Richard.

-On each board, we're going to show you

the names of seven characters who appeared on that poll.

You just need to tell us the film they first appeared in, please.

Give us the most obscure answer you can.

There's going to be seven on each board, 14 in all,

to have a go at at home. Very best of luck.

OK, so, let's reveal our first board of seven characters.

And here it comes. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

-Shappi, welcome back.

-Hello.

Now tell me, Shappi, when you're writing your stand-up stuff...

Oh, I love you for thinking that I write it, like, on a...

I mean, I do write it.

I don't write it like that.

-I ought to.

-When you devise your stand-up stuff, Shappi...

-Yes.

-Because you always talk about yourself,

how much of that is actually genuinely about you,

-about your life?

-The thing is...

..my stand-up is very personal,

because I don't have time to research stuff.

Like, I don't have time to go into a supermarket

and notice where the lemons are kept, and things like that,

-because I've got to...

-Oh, I hate lemon humour anyway.

Yeah, there's a lot of lemon humour.

It's not a version of you, it's actually you,

-these are stories from your life.

-Yeah, sometimes, it's too much me!

Shappi, what are you going to go for?

You know, I'm freaking about this question,

because my partner has written film theory books,

and I think I'm about to get...

I don't know when this is going out, but I think I will be single

soon after, because he's going to be mightily disappointed with me.

-Yeah.

-Of course, Scarlett O'Hara, Wind In The Willows,

would be the most famous film that she was in...

Gone With The Wind!

LAUGHTER

OK. Let's talk a bit more about the film theory!

It's not about me so I haven't got a clue!

I knew there was wind in it somewhere.

"I knew there was wind in it somewhere."

That is a hell of a catchphrase.

That's going to be the title of my next show.

Do you not remember that film, Gone With The Wind In The Willows?

LAUGHTER

Erm, yes.

I think out of charity, we might take Gone With The Wind

rather than Wind In The Willows. Let's see if it's right

and let's see how many people said Gone With The Wind.

-There we are. 54.

-Is that all right?

Yes, it's not bad. You're halfway down.

You're out of the blocks.

54 for Gone With The Wind.

Yes, apparently 1,400 actresses auditioned for that role.

-It's too many.

-It is too many, isn't it?

-Only one of them got it.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Fred, welcome to Pointless.

-Lovely to have you here.

-Good to be here.

Now, earlier in 2015, you left BBC Scotland after...

-How many years were you there?

-Just short of 18 years.

-18 years.

-Yes. Every midweek morning.

They must miss you so much up there.

-I have had literally tens of Tweets.

-LAUGHTER

So, what was... Is the idea that

we will be seeing much more of you down here?

-More stand-up, yes, tours...

-And festivals.

Also, I read somewhere that I think

-2015's Edinburgh Festival will be your 27th.

-That is a fact.

You don't look like a man who has been through 27 Edinburgh Festivals,

-I must say.

-Well, clean living.

I've seen people that have done four festivals at Edinburgh

and looked a lot worse than me.

But, yes, my wife comes through and looks after me.

And when I say "looks after me",

it means she doesn't let me go to the Spiegeltent until 4am.

Now, Fred, what are you going to go for on this board?

Well, I'm just kind of regretting not having my glasses on.

But I think you've misspelt June Whitfield,

I know that for a fact.

LAUGHTER

I know another three or four of them.

-Yeah.

-I'm just going to go with the one that I know,

coming down the order, Ron Burgundy, 2004, Anchorman.

Anchorman says Fred. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Anchorman.

It's right. 54 is our only score so far, Anchorman passes that...

..and keeps going to 27. Very well done, Fred.

-APPLAUSE

-Well done.

-Anchorman.

-Great answer, yeah.

Will Ferrell says it's his favourite character.

No-one ever wanted to make Anchorman

and now it's this huge cult sensation

and a wonderful film as well.

Can I also say how BBC Scotland's loss

is the gain of every comedy fan in the country.

It would be lovely to have Fred back on tour.

-Don't you think?

-Absolutely.

-One of the best stand-ups

-that Britain has ever produced.

-Lovely. There we are. Very nice.

Yes. APPLAUSE

Now, Mark, welcome back to Pointless, good to have you here,

with Toyah Willcox last time.

I was, yeah, albeit briefly.

-Was it another brief one?

-It was quite brief.

Shirt of the Cloth of Gold.

Look at that. Very, very fine.

I'm trying to big it up for the nanosecond I'm going to be on stage.

I want to ask you about Level 42.

-Please.

-Where did the name come from?

It's from the Douglas Adams novel Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

Of course. The answer to life, the universe and everything.

That was pretty much it.

I remember also, there was a time when your thumbs

were apparently insured for £3 million. Is that really true?

-It happens with models whose legs...

-It was just one.

-Just one?

Just the one, as it happens.

I'm a keen gardener and outdoorsman,

so I have chainsaws and things like that,

so I think they were just thinking, "This is a bad combination".

Do you still have the policy?

-It's reduced somewhat. It's third-party, fire and theft.

-LAUGHTER

-£27.50.

-Very good.

Imagine if somebody tried to steal Mark King's thumb.

That would be a heist and a half.

It would be like the Hatton Garden burglary.

Digital heist. Now, Mark, what are you going to go for on this board?

We have just got off a tour bus, big science-fiction fans,

we just watched 2010.

So I am going to go for HAL 9000, which is 2001.

1968.

OK, 2001.

-Yeah.

-2001, says Mark. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right. 54 is our highest score, 27 our low.

We've passed 54, passed 27...

13. There we are, Mark, very well done.

APPLAUSE

A new low score.

Great answer, very well played.

In severe danger of getting through to Round Two

unless Stuart lets you down.

-Thanks!

-Famously, people say that the computer's called HAL

because it's one letter back from IBM,

but I think maybe that's a myth.

Oh, really?

-You think?

-I think.

You just think it has "myth" written all over it?

All over it.

It's good, though. It's good, whoever spotted it first.

Anyway, thank you very much indeed.

Amy, welcome to Pointless, lovely to have you here.

What I want to know, doing skeleton, when did you first start doing that?

I started in 2002

and I just happened to live in the right place in Bath

where we've got a little skeleton and bobsleigh start track,

-so it's a bit like train tracks...

-What, a sort of dry slope?

Yeah, like a dry track that you can just practice the sprints.

That's what I was going to say, cos how on earth do you get into it?

Were you just a very good tobogganer?

-I did have a very steep garden growing up and I did used to get binbags.

-That'll help.

But weirdly, I used to go feet-first

and now I've opted for headfirst with skeleton.

Brave, very brave indeed.

But presumably, once you decided that was your thing, you then...

Bath wasn't going to contain you?

The winter months, we'd be away for six months of the year,

on a circuit going around all the different tracks of the world,

competing and training and in the summer months,

you'd be back at home in Bath,

training and doing your physical training.

Very exciting. Amy,

do you want to talk us through the board and fill in all the blanks?

Oh, help! I wish I could fill in all the blanks.

I thought I was good with films.

However, the very obvious one, bang in the middle there,

is, at the moment, the only answer I know. So, you know what?

I have to go for the blunt obvious and go for Toy Story.

Toy Story. Toy Story, says Amy, for Buzz Lightyear.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many people said Toy Story.

80. AUDIENCE GROANS

It's not that bad. Not bad.

-80 for Toy Story.

-Yes, damage limitation.

Billy Crystal turned down the chance to voice Buzz Lightyear

and says it's his only career regret.

You've got to be careful, if your kids get into winter sports.

Yeah, it can be a slippery slope!

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

Let's fill in the rest of this board.

-I'm sure you'll do these very well. Norman Bates.

-Psycho.

Psycho. That would have scored you 49.

-Now, The Dude...

-The Big Lebowski.

-..is from the Big Lebowski.

The Big Lebowski.

The Jeff Bridges character in that, five points.

And the best answer on the board is Jules Winnfield.

-June Whitfield.

-It's June Whitfield.

You don't remember June Whitfield being in Pulp Fiction?

She was indeed. June Whitfield was played by Samuel L Jackson.

The best answer on the board.

Thanks very much, Richard.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

13, the best score of the pass. Well done, Mark,

Mark and Stuart looking very strong at this point.

Then up to 27, where we find Fred and Sian.

Up to 54, Shappi and Rich.

And then up to 80, Amy and Chemmy.

-You're not that far ahead.

-We're the top of the leaderboard on there.

-Exactly.

-We'll take that.

-Think of it like that.

-Yeah.

A nice low score from you is what we need, Chemmy -

and then you can stay at the end of the round. Best of luck,

we're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more characters up on the board.

Here they come. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Now, Chemmy, welcome to Pointless, lovely to have you here.

-Thank you.

-Now, Chemmy, do you ever go skiing for fun?

Is that something you can ever do?

Yeah, I've actually retired from the sport because

I have a metal right leg and if I crashed at 80mph now,

I might never be able to ski again,

so I've retired from racing so that I can keep skiing.

I married a skier, so we race all the time.

One of my bitter things of being in a team with Amy

is that she always one-ups me.

I mean, I don't have an Olympic medal, she's got one.

My fastest I have skied is 92mph and Amy went 93mph,

I mean, come on!

But she has just given us 80 points, so I've got this!

You've got this now.

What we need from you, Chemmy, is a low score to keep you in the game,

you have to find a nice, low-scoring one here.

Do you know most of them?

I know four of them and I'm trying to think of the demographic

and the age of who you've asked.

I think I'm going to go for the Maximus.

-That is Gladiator.

-Gladiator says Chemmy.

No red line for you as you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Gladiator.

It's right.

Under 50. 41. Not bad.

APPLAUSE

121 is your total.

Well played, Chemmy, given yourself a chance there.

Reportedly, Russell Crowe said to Ridley Scott during the film...

He didn't like one of the lines and he said "This line is garbage,

"but fortunately, I am one of the greatest actors in the world

-"and I can make garbage sound good."

-He's so good, isn't he?

-Yeah.

-Isn't he good?

Thank you very much, indeed. Now, Stuart, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back to Pointless,

great to have you here again.

I wanted to ask you this, you did a book called In Search Of The North.

Pies And Prejudice, yes.

You were searching where the North started. Where, in your opinion...

Where did you discover the North to begin?

I decided, after Crewe,

women will start to "love" you and not "pet" you,

or "duck" you or, you know?

So roundabout Crewe, north of Crewe,

you get "love" and you get pies and you get Rugby League.

So, yeah, I think Crewe is the gateway to the North.

Where does it stop? Where does it stop being the North, I wonder?

I guess, Hadrian's Wall.

My whole family is from Brighton, so for me,

the North begins at Croydon, that's where that is.

If I get to Croydon, I'm like, "Whoa, hold on a minute".

Stuart, what would you like to go for?

It doesn't matter what you score, you're through to the next round.

This is a whole new world for you.

In that case, I'm thinking Rick Blaine might be...

from Casablanca.

Casablanca says Stuart.

Mark likes it. Let's see if it's right, Casablanca.

No red line, you're already through.

Let's see how many people said Casablanca.

It's right.

7. Look at that! APPLAUSE

20 is your total, the lowest total of the round.

That's more like it. Very well played, Stuart.

Safely through. Played by Humphrey Bogart, of course.

Indeed. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Sian, welcome back to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here.

Sian, what I want to ask you is,

over the years that you have been doing the weather,

presumably, weather technology has changed so much,

we must be so much better at mapping weather?

It's much, much more accurate. I think the biggest thing is...

I joined the weather in about '92.

And we then followed the news.

Nowadays, we, the weather, makes the news headlines.

That's the biggest difference

in the 20-odd years I've been on the weather.

Nice. You're still on after the news though, aren't you?

It must have changed, the boards must have changed -

the way you feature in the weather?

All computerised, and what counts is that wonderful map by my side.

Not us, but that map and we work via a blue screen or a green screen.

When this goes out, Fred, you will be replaced by the British Isles.

-Don't worry.

-I'll be a fuzzy-felt cloud.

Now, Sian, you have to score 93 or less.

-It's as easy as that.

-93 or less?

-Yes.

-I... My goodness.

I've got a kind of fuzzy mind,

fuzzy brain and I'm thinking I might know some of these,

but I'm not confident enough to go with any,

apart from the one obvious...

I'm going to be a scaredy-cat and spineless

and go for Princess Leia in Star Wars.

OK, Star Wars, says Sian.

Here's your red line.

You have to get below that with Star Wars, let's see if you can.

How many people said Star Wars?

It's right, you're through. Look at that, Star Wars.

Still going down. 56.

APPLAUSE

Wow.

That takes your total up to 83.

Well played, Sian. I think that's a low score

-because the surname confused people.

-Yes. Thank you.

-That's a pleasure.

-Good. Now, Rich.

-Yes!

-Finally, we get to welcome you to Pointless.

-It's lovely to have you here.

-Thank you.

-Now, the rumour persists

-that the character of Moe in The Simpsons is based on you.

-Yes.

-Is that true?

-I think that's probably true.

How did that come about? Is Matt Groening an old friend of yours?

Yeah, Matt's an old friend and we all used to sit around

and do impressions of each other

and Harry Shearer used to do impressions of me all the time

and I guess he passed that on to...

You know, when he wrote The Simpsons, so...

Now it's something that's sort of etched in history.

It's there, exactly. Were you at any stage going to be on The Simpsons?

Might you have been one of the voices?

Yes, I was asked to do The Simpsons,

but, at the time, I was doing a gig in Basingstoke.

LAUGHTER

And I had to weigh those and I thought...

Yeah, Basingstoke.

What brought you over here?

-Do you live here full-time now?

-I live here part of the year.

-Yeah.

-What was the lure?

The lure was Edinburgh.

I came to Edinburgh and I played in a fireplace

and it was better than anything I'd ever done in America.

I stood in a giant fireplace, it was my first show.

In a fireplace at the Gilded Balloon.

-It stuck?

-Yeah, I liked the British audiences.

-I don't like these people, but I like British audiences.

-LAUGHTER

Now, Rich, you're on 54.

You have to score 66 or less...

-Oh, boy.

-..to be through to the next round.

Do you want to talk us through that board?

You can fill in all of those, I think.

Marty McFly would be from Back to the Future.

Tommy DeVito, something tells me it might be Grease,

but I could easily be wrong.

I'm caught between Axel Foley and Ellen Ripley

and I'm going to go with the one

that's the furthest in people's memories, in 1979, and say Alien.

Alien, says Rich.

This is the red line, if you get below that with Alien,

you are through to the next round. How many people said Alien?

It's right. And you're through, very well done indeed.

Alien...

Comfortably through, 29. APPLAUSE

83 is your total.

Well played, Rich. Played by Sigourney Weaver, of course.

Axel Foley, Rich, was...?

-Beverly Hills Cop.

-Would have scored you fewer points, actually.

-25.

-Wow!

Marty McFly is the biggest score on the board,

Back to the Future, of course, Michael J Fox. 65 for that.

And the best answer on the board, Tommy DeVito...

-Is it Goodfellas?

-It is, yes. It would have scored you three points.

Very well done if you said that at home.

Thanks very much indeed.

So at the end of our first round, the pair we're saying goodbye to...

I'm so sorry, Chemmy and Amy!

I'm sorry, you've come all this way here.

-It's sad.

-I know, it's been lovely having you on.

Listen, come back and do it again.

-Thank you.

-And good luck, guys. Thank you so much, Chemmy and Amy.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Suddenly, we're down to three pairs. At the end of this round,

we'll have to say goodbye to another of the pairs in front of me now.

Best of luck for Round Two. Our category this evening is...

-The USA.

-Oh, really!

The USA! Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is, here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

US states with an "E" in their name.

Yes, if you want me to be more specific,

we are looking for any state of the US whose name has got an "E" in it.

Thanks very much, Richard.

-Rich.

-Yes.

US states with an "E" in.

-Nebraska.

-Nebraska, says Rich.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Nebraska.

It's right.

It's right, still going down, look at that.

18, very well done. APPLAUSE

-18 for Nebraska.

-Well played, Rich.

Can be a disadvantage, actually, being from the USA,

because most people know their states,

but it's working out which ones are obscure,

which ones people have not heard of.

Omaha in Nebraska has got the world's largest indoor desert.

It probably doesn't have to be that large to be the world's largest.

-Exactly.

-It might be the world's ONLY, you never know.

I once went somewhere in another state of America

that had the world's largest thermometer.

I thought...

I mean, really? I could have knocked up a bigger one in like, 20 minutes.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Fred.

Yeah, I'm hoping to do well on this round, because the next round

I'm hoping is going to be Celtic nations.

Um... I'll go with New Mexico.

New Mexico, says Fred. Let's see if that's right

and see how many of our 100 people said New Mexico.

It's right.

18 is our only score so far.

40 for New Mexico.

-It's got two Es in it, of course.

-That'll be why.

That's quite a ballsy thing to call your state.

Like, a whole country, but a new version of that entire country.

-New Mexico.

-Mm.

Setting for Breaking Bad, of course.

Do you think people from Old Mexico wander up and go,

"It's nothing like it. Nothing like it."

See, I don't call it "Old Mexico", I call it Mexico.

I'm only... Yeah.

OK.

Now then, Mark.

-Yes.

-Mark...

I hate geography.

I was so bad at geography that, at Cowes High School,

Mrs Marvin, my geography teacher,

made me run the slide projector because I was just so stupid.

It was, "King, just do that". OK. With my thumb.

LAUGHTER

Uh... OK.

Is it the Lone Star state of Texas?

Texas, says Mark.

Texas, let's see how many of our 100 people said Texas.

Well, 18 is our low, 40 is...

Oh, no! There's our new high, 74. APPLAUSE

Texas.

It's the second-largest state of all, after Alaska,

which I didn't mention, because it doesn't have any "E"s in it.

There is one ranch in Texas

and there's another state which does have an "E" in its name,

there's one ranch which is bigger than that.

Thank you very much. We're halfway through the round.

Time to take a look at those scores and see where we are.

Rich, 18 - brilliant score, as it turns out.

Rich and Shappi looking very strong at this point.

40 is where we find Fred and Sian and then 74, Mark and Stuart.

Now Stuart, just from the way you were nodding earlier,

something tells me you've got some good answers there.

So, I'm hoping some low scores. Or just one low score, in fact,

to keep you in the game would be brilliant.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

So yes, Stuart.

US states with "E"s in them.

There is a few that I'm not sure if they're actually states or not.

You would be sure if you were sitting at home, but now,

all kinds of crippling self-doubt has crept in.

But I'm going to go for Delaware.

Delaware.

Delaware, OK.

Now, no red line for you, as you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Delaware.

Oh, that's a great answer, 19. Look at that.

APPLAUSE 19, Stuart exactly what we needed.

Nice low score, taking your total up to 93.

Well played, Stuart, terrific answer.

Given yourself a chance. The first state to ratify the constitution,

Delaware. So, well done them.

-Ahead of the curve.

-Very much the Sunderland South of America.

Quite so. Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Sian. Sian, you have a target, which is 52.

52 or less is what we need from you.

OK.

I am going to go with New York State.

OK, New York, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

There's your red line, Sian.

-Ooh, it's not bad... Oh, look at that, 59.

-Oh, no!

APPLAUSE

Both went for "new" states, New Mexico and New York.

-Both big scorers, it turns out.

-Yes.

Thanks very much. Now, Shappi.

-Hello.

-Hi there, Shappi.

Now, listen, you got such a lovely low score there, courtesy of Rich.

80 or less gets you through.

Right. If my spelling is correct, Massachusetts.

-Massachusetts.

-Did I pronounce that right?

Yes, you did, you said that beautifully.

There's your red line. If you get below that...

-Is there an "E" in it?

-We'll find out!

LAUGHTER

Let's see how many people said Massachusetts.

Yes, there's an "E" in it.

You're through to the next round, well done, Shappi.

-APPLAUSE 23.

-Wow! Hooray!

23 takes your total up to 41.

Well played, Shappi. Yes, all "A"s and "U"s,

but then they sneak an "E" in right at the end there.

There's three answers that would have been better than Nebraska.

Nebraska is the best answer we had in the round.

Three answers that would have scored fewer points.

No Pointless answers at all, as you'd imagine.

12 points for Vermont.

13 points for Connecticut.

And 14 points for Rhode Island,

which is the state that's smaller than one ranch in Texas.

I'll give you some other low scorers.

18 for West Virginia, 19 for Minnesota and New Hampshire,

20 for Kentucky, 22 for Pennsylvania and Oregon, 25 for Tennessee,

Nevada and Georgia would have scored you 27, 32 for Maine,

34 for New Jersey and the top three, we've heard all three of them -

New Mexico, New York and Texas.

There we are, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round,

I'm sorry to say the pair we're saying goodbye to, Sian and Fred,

it is you with your high score of 99.

You're not that far ahead of the field,

but somebody has to be our high-scorers

and on this occasion, it's you. Will you please come back and play again?

-Love to.

-It's been lovely to have you on the show, Sian and Fred!

-Thanks very much!

-Thanks.

But for Mark and Stuart, Rich and Shappi,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Well, congratulations, Mark and Stuart, Rich and Shappi,

you're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot for your charities,

which currently stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

So, here is where we decide who goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot and we do that by making you go head-to-head.

The difference is you can now start playing as teams.

You can chat before you give your answers.

First pair to win two questions goes through to that final.

Best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

Quite. I'm going to show you five pictures now of men

whose surnames begin with the letters M-A-N.

Can you identify the most obscure of these five?

OK, let's show our five Men Called Man and here they are, we've got...

OK. There we are. Five men with "Man"

at the beginning of their surname.

So, Mark and Stuart, you've been our low-scorers throughout the show,

so you will be first.

With a wild stab, I'd say that D

is probably going to be the lowest score.

Unfortunately, it's low because we don't know who it is either!

We're actually going to plump for C, Nigel Mansell.

Nigel Mansell say Mark and Stuart.

Now, Rich and Shappi.

A, I love him, he is of course...

-Can I say his name?

-Yes.

It's Jason Manford. What's B?

I know him.

Manegan. His name is Manegan.

I would put my goldfish's life on the fact that he is...

..Paul Manegan?

James Manegan?

They float, don't they, when they die, goldfish?

LAUGHTER

There is...

There's currently a vet somewhere in London, rubbing his hands...

I'm going to take a gamble and go for Paul Manegan.

-Paul Manegan. OK.

-What are you going to go for?

-Paul Manegan.

Paul Manegan for B.

Excellent. OK, so Mark and Stuart have said Nigel Mansell for C.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Nigel Mansell.

It's right.

-45.

-That's all right.

-APPLAUSE

Rich and Shappi have said that B is...

Of course, it is the wonderful Paul Manegan.

Let's see how many people said Paul Manegan.

No, I'm afraid it's not Paul Manegan.

Mark and Stuart, very well done -

-after one question, you're up one-nil.

-Soz, guys!

We'll just have a minute's silence for the goldfish...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

B, it's not Manegan, I wouldn't have given you Manegan, it's Mangan,

which is different, but it's Stephen Mangan, of course.

-I was close!

-The wonderful Stephen Mangan.

Yeah, you say that.

Would have scored you 19 points.

Funnily enough, Jason Manford wouldn't have won you the points,

he scores more than Nigel Mansell.

Jason Manford would have scored you 50.

I think if Mansell still had his moustache,

he would have scored more.

-Yes.

-E is Roberto Mancini, football manager.

Former player. 22 points for that.

D is a Pointless answer.

Just historical detective work now, isn't it?

Can you think of anybody from the olden days whose name...

-Gerard Manley Hopkins.

-It is not Gerard Manley Hopkins.

It is Edouard Manet. Manet.

That's a Pointless answer.

Very well done if you said that at home, if you recognised Manet.

He's very well pulled together for an artist, isn't he?

Not a speck of paint on that jacket.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Rich and Shappi, you get to answer it first,

but you have to win it to stay in the game. Best of luck.

It concerns...

Rap and Hip-hop. Richard?

We're going to show you five clues now about rap and hip-hop,

you just need to give us the most obscure answer.

OK. Rather than me reading out the clues to you,

we've got someone who knows much more...

Well, a little bit more about rap and hip-hop than me,

the wonderful Tim Westwood.

Yo, Xander and Richard, sorry I can't be with you there tonight,

but I have five questions on hip-hop to ask you all.

Question number one...

What singer did Jay Z marry in 2008?

Which group's original members were Chuck D, Flavor Flav,

Terminator X and Professor Griff?

Which artist interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech

at the 2009 VMA Awards?

Which group had the UK number-one hit back in 1996,

called Ready Or Not?

In what year did the Beastie Boys have their top-40 UK smash,

called You've Got To Fight For Your Right to Party?

Good luck and holler at the kids.

-OK.

-He's great.

-He's brilliant.

I'm going to attempt to read those clues out

with a little more energy. Here they are.

Yo, etc.

Rich and Shappi, you'll go first.

NWA?

Let's go with them, yes.

We both knew the second one, or think we know it,

so we're going to go for the second one, NWA.

NWA, say Rich and Shappi.

Now, then. Mark and Stuart...

Talk us through the whole board, if you like.

OK. The group that had the 1996 number-one spot was The Fugees.

Fight For Your Right To Party, '87?

Maybe. But the other two are pretty well-known, aren't they?

Kanye West and Beyonce.

We think that the group comprising those gentlemen is Public Enemy.

Eurgh.

Eurgh.

-Is that the answer you want to give?

-It is.

-Public Enemy.

OK, well, only one of you can be right.

Rich and Shappi said NWA.

Let's see if that's right.

Oh!

Not NWA, I'm afraid. Mark and Stuart,

Public Enemy only has to be right and you're through to the final.

It is right, very well done indeed.

It's a very good answer, in fact, look at that -

that would have scored you 10. APPLAUSE

Indeed, did score you. But the important thing is, it was right,

which means after only two questions,

you're straight through to the final, two-nil.

Still going strong today, Public Enemy, which is terrific news.

The singer who married Jay Z was Beyonce. Beyonce Knowles.

You're right about Kanye.

And Taylor Swift. Quite a low score, actually, would have scored you 16.

Ready Or Not was The Fugees, Mark - well played.

That would have scored you 24

-and if we forced you to go for a Beastie Boys year...?

-'87?

I saw the Beastie Boys with Public Enemy back in '87

and '87 is the correct answer as well.

That was the best answer on the board, three points.

-Great stuff.

-Thank you very much indeed, thank you.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, it's Rich and Shappi.

The fact that I got Public Enemy wrong

is making me rethink my entire life!

I'm so upset with myself!

My family are never going to speak to me again,

they're all I listened to throughout my teens

and this has been possibly the top-five worst days of my life.

If you'd like to see any more of Shappi's disclaimers,

please press the red button right now.

How can I get that wrong?!

Shappi and Rich, it's been lovely having you on,

please come back and play again.

Shappi and Rich, wonderful contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Mark and Stuart, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Very well done indeed.

Mark, Stuart, you have fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

Very well done. You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your charities and at the end of today's show,

the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Well...

Obviously, music would be lovely.

Any other surprise strong suits you might have?

-Could there be no geography?

-Well, let's see what's up there.

Please let it be something that you can answer.

Our four options today are...

-Mm.

-Mm!

I'm thinking about writers.

Do you know anything about crime writing?

-I'm not very good at it!

-OK.

OK...

Shall we do the '90s award winners and just chance it?

-Yes, let's go for it.

-We'll go for 1990s Award Winners.

1990s Award Winners, it is.

Very best of luck, gents - no music questions,

but hopefully, one of these three questions will suit you.

We are looking for the name of any individual who won the Turner Prize

during the '90s, from '91 to '99.

There wasn't one in 1990.

We are looking for anyone who won BBC Sports Personality Of The Year

during the 1990s,

and we're looking for anyone who won a Best Leading Actor

or Best Supporting Actor Oscar during the 1990s, please.

That's from 1990 to 1999, inclusive.

Turner prize-winners, BBC Sports Personality Of The Year,

or Best Leading or Supporting Actor winners from the '90s.

We wish you the very best of luck.

Thank you very much, Richard.

As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot for your charities

is for just one of those answers to be Pointless.

-Are you ready?

-As ready...

-As we're ever going to be.

-..as we're ever going to be, I think.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock, there they are.

-Your time starts now.

-OK, I know a couple of Turner Prize winners.

Right, what have you got?

I think one called Rachel Whiteread won it in the 1990s.

Ah! Grayson Perry is much more recent.

I think Rachel Whiteread would be an answer for that.

-OK.

-Over to you, now.

What's your Sports Personality of the Year like?

Er, I'm not great on sports personalities, I have to say.

What about the Oscars?

-The Oscars...

-Let's think of some Oscar-winning films in the 1990s.

Um...

Because there weren't any Spielberg films in the '90s,

it took forever for him to win an Oscar, didn't it?

What were the big films in the '90s?

-That's tricky, isn't it?

-What about Silence Of The Lambs?

Yes, absolutely.

-Did Jodie Foster get anything?

-I'm sure she did.

-Who was Hannibal?

-Ten seconds left.

We'll just have to...

Maybe we'll just have to bank on Jodie being a winner.

Yes, let's do that. And we'll go for Jodie Foster...

OK, that's your time up. Let's have your three answers.

OK, 1990s Turner Prize winners,

I think an artist called Rachel Whiteread.

-OK.

-Then, I'm pretty sure Damien Hirst won in the 1990s as well.

Yep. And then are we going to go with our...?

Well, we'll go with Best Leading Actor

from the 1990s, would be Jodie Foster.

You're going to go for Jodie Foster.

-Silence Of The Lambs.

-Now, of those three,

which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

I think, if it's right, Rachel Whiteread.

She goes last. Least likely to be pointless?

Probably Damien Hirst, because...

Damien Hirst, we'll put him first.

Then Jodie Foster in the middle.

OK, let's pop those on the board in that order, then.

Here they are. We have got Damien Hirst,

Jodie Foster and Rachel Whiteread.

Well, very, very best of luck. Three great answers on the board,

let's hope at least one of those wins that jackpot for your charities.

What actually are your charities? What's your charity, Mark?

It's the Beaulieu Respite Care Centre on the Isle of Wight,

which looks after disabled children

and gives their families a much-needed break

-and I'd love the money to go there, thank you.

-Very good. Stuart?

APPLAUSE

Mine's a grand old Salford institution,

-the Working Class Movement Library.

-Very good indeed.

APPLAUSE Two great charities, there.

Let's hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for them.

Your first answer was Damien Hirst.

In this case, we were looking for Turner Prize winners from the 1990s.

It has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

For £2,500, let's see how many people said Damien Hirst.

Well, obviously, it's right.

We just have to see how much about the Turner Prize winners

our 100 people knew.

Down it goes through the teens, will it make single figures...?

Oh, no, not quite! 10.

10 for Damien Hirst. APPLAUSE

OK, good score. Sadly, not a pointless answer.

So therefore, not a winning answer at this point.

Only two more answers could win you that jackpot.

Your second answer was Jodie Foster. In this case,

we were looking for Best Leading or Supporting Actor Oscar winners

from the '90s, let's see how many people said Jodie Foster.

£2,500, is it Pointless?

Wow.

OK, incorrect, which means only one more shot at today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on Rachel Whiteread.

Again, in this case, we were looking for Turner Prize winners

from the 1990s, let's see.

For £2,500, how many people said Rachel Whiteread?

Is it pointless?

It's right. Damien Hirst took us all the way down to 10.

Your second answer, Jodie Foster, was incorrect.

-Come on...

-Rachel Whiteread now taking us into single figures,

passing 10 very comfortably, still going down...

You've done it! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yay! That's brilliant!

-Very well done!

-Thank you.

-Beautiful.

-Yay!

Thank you!

-It's him, man!

-Well, congratulations!

Rachel Whiteread, cracking answer there, very well done.

That means you go home with that jackpot of £2,500

for your charities. Mark and Stuart, fantastic.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How cool is that, eh?!

Well, we said right at the beginning you were going to do well,

but it's very rare that any pair does that well.

Two-nil in the head-to-head, a pointless answer...

Also, you very kindly, which we love,

put your pointless answer as your last one,

which makes it much more exciting!

So, the perfect Pointless performance. Thank you so much.

Jodie Foster won a Best Actress Oscar, so not the answer -

we were looking for Best Actors.

Anthony Hopkins would have scored you two points,

if you'd said Anthony Hopkins.

Let's take a look at the answers in the different categories.

Start with Turner Prize winners.

Chris Ofili, the painter, was a Pointless answer.

Gillian Wearing, there's Rachel Whiteread.

Steve McQueen of course later went on to be a director,

12 Years A Slave and so on.

Two other pointless answers - Douglas Gordon and Grenville Davey.

Well done if you said any of those.

Let's take a look at the Sports Personality.

Jonathan Edwards would have been a Pointless answer,

Lennox Lewis and Liz McColgan won in 1991.

Well done if you said the only pointless answers there.

Now, the actors. Cuba Gooding Jr,

who won for Jerry Maguire, of course.

Geoffrey Rush won for Shine,

Jack Palance, who won for City Slickers

and Tommy Lee Jones for The Fugitive.

There were four other answers you could have given,

four other pointless answers - Gene Hackman, James Coburn,

Joe Pesci and Martin Landau.

Very well done if you said any of those,

but a terrific performance from start to finish

and a well-deserved win, congratulations, gents.

-Thank you.

-Thanks very much, Richard. APPLAUSE

Well, thanks once again to our winning pair, Mark and Stuart,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,500 for their charities.

Brilliant. Thank you.

Join us next time,

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE