Episode 5 Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome

to Pointless Celebrities, the show that makes big winners

out of the lowest scorers.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

-And couple number one.

-Hey! Hello, I'm Keith Chegwin.

I've danced with Ginger Rogers, I sang the first song that

Phil Collins ever wrote, I hold...I did hold the world record

for eating three chocolate eclairs in one minute and five seconds,

but I've lost that now.

And now I just go round shouting, "Wahey," all day.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, my name's Iain Lee.

I'm a radio presenter and he's getting right on my nerves.

Can I change with someone, please?

-Please!

-APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

Hello, my name is Lisa Maxwell and I'm an actress,

and I nearly forgot that answer...too.

Hello, my name's Rav Wilding and I'm a TV presenter

and I didn't nearly forget that answer.

Couple number three.

Hello. Well, I'm Helen Lederer and I have worked with him.

-With him? Who's him?

-You.

-Right.

Oh, um, my name is Nicholas Parsons.

I'm an ageing thespian

and I've presented quite a number of shows over the years,

including one for 48 years, which is called Just A Minute,

so I can say, without hesitation, repetition or deviation,

-it's a joy to be on Pointless.

-Yeah, very good. Well done.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Antony Costa

and I'm known for being in the boy band Blue.

Hi, I'm Michelle Heaton,

and I am a TV personality, fitness freak

and ex-Liberty X-er.

Thank you very much, all of you. Lovely to have you here.

We'll find out more about each of you throughout the show.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

A monumental man-child of supple-mindedness,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-APPLAUSE

-Hiya.

Evening, everyone.

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening.

-This is going to be fun, isn't it?

-I know.

-One of the lovely things about Pointless Celebrities is

people come back and play more than once, which is really nice,

just like they do on the regular shows.

We get people back who've won the jackpot.

We get people back who've won the whole show.

You know, all that kind of stuff.

Seven of the eight contestants here have been on before.

Seven have been on before.

Not a single one of them has ever won.

-LAUGHTER

-Do you know what?

It comes to something when the most successful person

who got on the show is Cheggers.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Cheggers got through to the head-to-head last time.

-I did, didn't I?

-You did indeed.

But no-one's got as far as that so far.

Something's got to give at some point. That's all I'm saying.

Antony's come back for his third attempt.

-First show, got knocked out in the first round.

-Yep.

-Second show, got knocked out in the second round.

-Yep.

-So, come on...

-I've got to get the head-to-head.

I would say first round again would be my guess, but we'll see.

And I would just take a brief pause before we start

to say what a class act Nicholas Parsons is, isn't he?

What a pleasure to have you on the show, Nicholas.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you. Thank you.

There we are. Thank you, Richard. Well said.

As usual, all of today's questions

have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants are looking for

those all-important pointless answers,

these being answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

We start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

You'll all remember this, of course, but the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

No conferring until we get to the head-to-head round.

Our first category this evening is...

It's Television. Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

LAUGHTER Presenters of UK game shows.

-Richard.

-Got a few of them, haven't we?

On each board, we're going to show you

the names of seven UK game shows.

We're also going to show you the initials

of someone who's presented that show.

You just need to tell us who those presenters are, please.

Seven on the first board, seven on the second board,

14 in all to have a go at at home. Very best of luck.

OK, thanks, Richard.

So, let's reveal our first board of seven presenters, and here they are.

We have got...

I'll read those all again.

-There we are. Iain, welcome to Pointless.

-Hello, thank you.

-It's great to have you here.

-You say that.

-Now...

-LAUGHTER

-It may be great for you.

-I'm terrified.

-Listen, before you answer this question,

let's talk about The 11 O'Clock Show.

-Please do.

-And how much fun that was.

-Oh, amazing fun.

-Wasn't it just the best?

-You must have had such a blast.

-I was 25.

I was watching Ricky Gervais and Ali G and Mackenzie Crook

and all these people were doing wonderful stuff.

-What are you doing now?

-I'm getting up at 3.56 every morning,

presenting a breakfast radio show, a BBC local radio show.

And it's fun, but I hate getting up that early.

-It's...

-How many mornings a week is that?

-Five mornings a week.

-So, Friday lunch times, you are just, "Woohoo!"

-I'm just partying.

I am sitting back and having a lovely, long doze

in front of the television.

-And I've got two kids as well, so I go to bed at 7.30 at night.

-Wow.

Iain, what are you going to go for on our board?

OK, right, I can't remember the name

of the guy that does Knightmare

and I should do.

I'm going to go with Turnabout.

-Rob Curling.

-Rob Curling, says Iain.

Rob Curling. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Rob Curling.

You're absolutely right.

-Ooh, come on!

-Rob Curling.

Rob Curling, down he goes.

Still going down, still going...

It's a pointless answer.

Now, that being a pointless answer adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £2,750.

-I brought him specially.

-It scores you nothing, Iain,

-and gets us off to a rollicking start.

-I'm shaking.

-Wow!

-That was thrilling.

-Well done.

-So, as I say,

seven of you have been on before and...

LAUGHTER

Well played, Iain. Yeah, Turnabout.

The brilliant Rob Curling, also a sports presenter.

-I never saw it.

-Yes, you did.

-Never saw it.

So little did I see it,

I thought it was Ronnie Corbett. LAUGHTER

There we are. Now, Lisa, welcome back to Pointless.

Oh, my goodness. Thank you.

Now, how old were you when you first started working in acting?

I was 11. I was at a stage school, bit like Cheggers.

We've been knocking around for years with, like, Lena Zavaroni

and Bonnie Langford and... That sort of era.

You've got a fabulous new theatre production coming up, haven't you?

Yeah, I'm doing a play where I play Judy Garland

in the last two weeks of her life and I have to sing as Judy as well,

so I've been doing a lot of vocal coaching.

So, don't be put off. I'll be all right.

-LAUGHTER

-So, yes, I'm very excited about that

-and just a little bit scared as well.

-What's it called?

-It's called End Of The Rainbow.

-Lovely.

-And it's going all over the country.

-Fantastic.

-God, best of luck with that, Lisa.

-Thank you.

Now, what about this board of game show hosts?

I'm not too scared of that board

cos I'm quite old

and I remember some of

those old game shows.

I think I'm going to go for...

Well, it's got to be Name That Tune

and it's Lionel Blair.

Lionel Blair, says Lisa.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Lionel Blair.

It's going to be high.

It's right.

Go on, go on, go on.

26 for Lionel Blair.

Good answer, Lisa.

Well played, Lisa. Also been hosted by Tom O'Connor and Jools Holland.

They try and bring it back every couple of years.

There's a new one right now that they're piloting, I know that.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Nicholas.

-Yes, indeed.

-Very warm welcome back to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here.

Now, Nicholas, you've been working in show business for seven decades.

-That's right, I have, yes.

-And you're going up to Edinburgh...

-Absolutely.

-..as you have done for the last 14 years.

Yes, I'm going up for the 15th year.

HE STAMMERS

It's called the Nicholas Parsons' Happy Hour.

It's your sort of compilation, is it, of...?

Yeah, I do a bit of stand-up comedy and engage with the audience,

and if they're bright, I throw them packets of Smarties.

And then I have guests as well and I talk to them about their shows.

They all want to come on and plug their shows,

so it's turned out to be quite successful.

Lovely. Nicholas, what would you like to go for on this board?

I know Blind Date -

that's an easy one -

and I knew Lionel Blair.

But what about going for Bullseye?

-Jim Bowen.

-Jim Bowen, says Nicholas. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jim Bowen.

-Oh.

-64 for Jim Bowen.

APPLAUSE

That's another one they keep bringing back - Bullseye.

Dave Spikey did a version of it, but Jim Bowen did the classic.

Ran about 15 years.

-19 million viewers, Bullseye.

-Wow. ALL:

-Wow!

-Quite something, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Thank you, Richard.

-Michelle, welcome back.

-Thank you.

Now, Michelle, I'm going to go on record now

and say Liberty X were just ace.

-They were just fantastic.

-Were you a fan?

I was a huge fan. Would you not get back together?

We did the big reunion with Blue

and it was really good fun to be a pop star again

after being a mum and having my children see me up there.

It was amazing, but I think that's where it stays.

-OK, fair enough.

-Yes.

-Now, Michelle, do you want

to talk us through this board?

I'm going to have to pick Blind Date

cos it's the only one left I know

and I know we're going to lose,

so let's lose.

Cilla Black.

Cilla Black, says Michelle.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Cilla Black.

-All of them.

-SHE LAUGHS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

99, Michelle.

-I told you!

-At least there's no red cross.

-As we often say, better than 100.

-Yeah. Whoo!

-It's true.

Let's take a look at the rest of these.

We'll start with Knightmare.

Very well done if you knew it was Hugo Myatt. 2 points.

Very well done if you said that. Catchphrase?

-Roy Walker.

-The wonderful Roy Walker, of course.

Another one that's come back. 44 points for that.

-And Robot Wars?

-Craig Charles.

Craig Charles.

And that would have scored you 37.

Rob Curling - the best answer on the board.

-Very well done if you said that.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

Iain and Keith, what about that?

You kicked us off there with a pointless answer.

-Hats off to you.

-Thank you.

Then we travel up to 26, where we find Lisa and Rav.

Then up to 64, Nicholas and Helen.

And then up to 99, I'm sorry, Michelle and Antony.

Yes, you have a mountain to climb, Antony,

but thank goodness it's you, eh?

You get first dibs on the next board.

Find a low score, for goodness' sake.

-Let's hope it keeps you in the game.

-OK.

We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more UK game shows up on board,

and here they are.

We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Antony, always a pleasure to have you on the show.

-Thank you very much.

-Lovely to have you back.

-Now, Antony...

-Yes.

-..any day now, Blue are going to be 15 years old.

-15 years, yeah. May 21st.

-That's incredible.

So, have you got any plans? What are you going to do to celebrate?

We've got some real big gigs coming up next year, but personally,

for me, I'm just about to star in the rock musical Tommy.

-Yeah.

-ALL:

-Wow!

-That's exciting.

-That's very exciting.

-Not just a pretty face, am I?

Now, you have a mountain, as I said, to climb.

There you are, the high-scorers.

-Let's have a low score from you, Antony.

-OK.

What are you going to go for?

I'm going to go Friends Like These

and it pains me to say it,

but I think it's Ian Wright.

Ian Wright. OK, no red line for you as you're the high-scorers.

-Please!

-Let's see how many of our 100 people said

Ian Wright for Friends Like These.

-Yes.

-Yes!

-It is right.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, that's very good indeed. 7.

-Yay! Well done.

-APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 106.

That might get you into the next round, Antony. Well done.

Lovely stuff, Antony. Well done. Given yourself a chance there.

-Was originally presented by Ant and Dec.

-Yeah, that's right.

Then Ian Wright took over. Terrific answer. Well played.

-Thanks very much indeed. Helen.

-Hello.

-Welcome back to Pointless.

-Yes.

Now, let's talk about The Comedy Store back in the '80s.

Shall we? It was quite harsh, Alexander. Quite harsh.

-The audience was quite strict.

-Oh, really?

Threw the odd glass. You'd have to just make sure

-it was safe to continue.

-Seriously?

-Yeah.

-Glass?

No, I lied, but I'm just making the audience feel sorry for me.

-Oh, I see.

-There were no glasses thrown at me.

-Now, Helen, you were in Absolutely Fabulous.

-Yeah.

And you've also been involved in the Ab Fab film,

-which they've been making.

-Yeah.

-What can you tell us about that?

Well, it's out. It's going to happen again and I'm poised.

I'm poised to say my line. Can't wait and it's going to happen.

There you are. LAUGHTER

Enticing or what? Now, Helen, you're on 64.

You need to score 41 or less at this point...

-Oh, Lord.

-..to be with us.

Call My Bluff used to have somebody else

cos I've been on that twice,

I'm so old.

And each time, it didn't have

the person with the initials BH.

Erm...

Oh, I'll go with Supermarket Sweep -

-Dale Winton.

-Dale Winton. Here's your red line, Helen.

If you can get below that with Dale Winton,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

-Oh.

-Oh.

-75.

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 139, Helen.

Yeah, it was a weird one, Supermarket Sweep, wasn't it?

-Very successful and it really made him as well.

-There we are.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Rav, welcome back.

Now, Rav, you started out as a Harrods' security guard.

-Then you were a policeman...

-Yes.

..and then you were on Crimewatch.

How did you find your way in front of the camera?

Basically, they were looking for a police presenter

to be part of the presenting team for the show,

and an advert came out and my mates thought I'd be suitable

so applied for me.

And the rest is history. So, what are you doing at the moment, Rav?

Yeah, at the moment, I've got a couple of police shows

that are coming out on BBC called Neighbourhood Blues,

which is all about the local police.

And I've just finished doing Crimewatch Roadshow

for the last month, which was nice and early,

like yourself, Iain.

Getting up before five in the morning, which is, yeah, nice.

Now, Rav, good news -

doesn't matter what you score, you're through to the next round.

There's a lot of tricky ones there.

I'm going to say Fun House and

-Pat Sharp.

-Good one.

Pat Sharp. Pat Sharp. No red line. You're already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Pat Sharp.

-Nice one.

-Yeah.

30.

56 is your total.

-Ten years, that ran for, Fun House.

-Did it really?

-Yeah, it really did. Amazing, isn't it?

-Wow.

-Keith, welcome back.

-Thank you.

Now, Keith, your CV is just incredible.

It includes so many extraordinary things.

-You were in the pilot episode of Open All Hours.

-Yes, I was, yeah.

-Extraordinary.

-Many years ago.

I had to walk into the shop and say, "Have you got a frozen Zoom?"

And it's funny because I was in the BBC some 20 years later

and Ronnie Barker walked past me and on the way through,

-he just went, "Got a frozen Zoom?"

-LAUGHTER

-Did he really?

-He remembered it, yeah. It was a long time ago.

But also, you had a UK top 40 hit. I think you were even...

Weren't you even number one?

Yeah, well, no. I was at number four with a band called The Bump.

Sorry, Kenny and we sang a song called The Bump.

-That's right.

-And then I was with this band called Brown Sauce,

which was a joke record...

-So, You Wanna Be A Winner.

-So, I Wanna Be A Winner.

-I remember that.

-Yeah. I had a bit of a recording career.

At one point, Rod Stewart's management

were going to call me Michael Shine.

So, you could have been introducing Michael Shine here today.

-Michael Shine.

-Shine.

-I think that's what we use on...

He said, "You'll never make it in the business

"with a name like Chegwin."

-He was right.

-LAUGHTER

Keith, now, listen, it doesn't matter what you score,

-which is nice.

-Yeah!

You're through to the next round whatever happens.

I feel privileged now. I really do.

I've got Blankety Blank -

Les Dawson, Bruce Forsyth -

Play Your Cards Right

and Big Break -

Jim Davidson, obviously.

So, I've got to go for the least.

Do you know what?

There were a lot of fans of this

show, but whether they'd know

that Jim Davidson did it cos it was

a little bit...while ago-ish.

I'm going to go for

-Les Dawson - Blankety Blank.

-LAUGHTER

Les Dawson - Blankety Blank. No red line. You're already through.

Let's see how many people said Les Dawson.

-It's right.

-Ah!

-What?!

-Look at that. 47.

-APPLAUSE

-Wow. Wow.

-47,

our lowest score of the round, lowest total of the round.

-Well done.

-Well played, Keith.

That's the best score of the ones you knew as well.

Also hosted by Terry Wogan and Paul O'Grady, Blankety Blank.

Now we'll fill in the two obvious ones.

They both scored more than 47.

Play Your Cards Right - Brucey.

-See what that scored. 84.

-THEY ALL MUMBLE

And Big Break, Jim Davidson,

would have scored you 66.

Now, this other one's been

presented by lots of people.

Robert Robinson presented it,

Fiona Bruce presented it, Robin Ray presented it,

but it was also presented by...

-Bob Holness.

-Bob Holness.

-And would have scored you 8 points.

-What?!

Very well done if you got that at home.

So, Ian Wright - best answer on the board, Antony. Well played.

Well, thanks very much.

At the end of our first round, I'm sorry to say,

-Helen and Nicholas...

-I'm gutted.

-..it is you.

-We have to send you home.

-Oh.

-I'm so sorry, with your high score of 139.

-Oh!

-Far too soon to be sending you home.

-But it's been a joy.

LAUGHTER

-No, darling, it wasn't a joy.

-Doubly so for us.

Helen and Nicholas, thank you so much for playing.

Wonderful to have you. Helen and Nicholas.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well done, everybody. You've made it through to Round Two.

Very impressive. Iain, what about that?

A pointless answer, your first utterance on Pointless.

I know, incredible. It's genuinely thrilling.

-I was shaking after that. That was...

-It was superb.

-Thank you very much.

-Very strong performance.

-And, Antony, well done. Round Two. Look at this.

-I love it.

I tell you what... LAUGHTER

..barring a catastrophe, one of these pairs is going to win.

LAUGHTER I can tell you.

History is going to be made. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

ALL MOAN

Really?!

You can go first as well. As much as you want!

-You swines!

-Oh, no!

Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

-I'm useless.

-I don't know nothing.

-Forgive me.

-Nothing.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Oh, you are having a laugh.

Teams that played in the 2015 FA Cup.

Antony, it's looking like a head-to-head to me.

-Oh, here we go.

-Richard.

-Here we go.

Yeah, we're looking for any of the 64 teams that

played in the third round onwards of the 2015 FA Cup, please.

So, any of those 64 teams. Very best of luck.

-Now then, Keith.

-Yes.

-What would you like to say?

I'm useless at football. Do you know the last time I came on here,

they did a blooming football question?

-I think they've got it in for me.

-Oh, I should have been on that one.

I'm going to say something obscure

like...Blackburn Rovers.

-Blackburn.

-Blackburn Rovers, says Keith.

Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Blackburn Rovers.

And look at that, Keith.

-Oh, my God!

-There you are.

-Come on, son!

-Come on, Chegs!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Get in!

-Come here, buddy.

-Thank you.

They actually got through to the quarterfinals, Blackburn Rovers.

Had a terrific FA Cup in 2015.

There we are. Blackburn Rovers.

-Now, Lisa, to you.

-I haven't got a clue. Probably...

-I know, like, the big teams.

-Yeah.

-Have I got to think of one that no-one else has thought of?

-Yeah.

-Oh, that's the whole game, isn't it?

-LAUGHTER

That is it. 64 teams. There are 63 left for you to choose from.

I'm going to go with Pompey cos I know...

I've got friends from Portsmouth and I pride myself on the fact that

-I know the nickname for that team.

-OK.

It's got nothing to do with anything,

-but I'm going to say Portsmouth.

-Lisa is saying Portsmouth.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Portsmouth.

Oh, no! I'm sorry, Rav.

-Oh, I'm sorry, Lisa.

-That's OK.

-Sorry.

-Not Portsmouth.

-Yeah, sorry, Lisa.

Not a bad guess at all.

Not long ago, they won the FA Cup, Portsmouth,

but weren't in the third round.

-Got knocked out in the first round of the FA Cup...

-Oh.

-..I'm afraid, in 2015.

-Oh, no. Sorry, Rav.

Mind you, good nickname work, though. Pompey.

-Antony, let's have a nice, low score from you.

-Oh, well, yeah.

-Beat Cheggers if you can, Antony.

-I don't think I'll beat Cheggers.

-I'm going to say Cardiff City.

-Cardiff City.

-That's what I was going to say!

-LAUGHTER

You're on the same team!

OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said Cardiff City.

It's right.

Now, you've already passed our high score of 100.

16 is the low score

and you pass it. 10. APPLAUSE

Well done on the far podium.

A score of 10 for Antony.

Well played, Antony.

-Got through to the last 32, Cardiff City.

-Thanks, Richard.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

10, Antony. Well done. Best score of that pass.

Antony and Michelle looking strong.

-Then up to 16, Keith and Iain.

-Brilliant.

Once again, looking pretty safe.

-Then, I'm sorry, Lisa.

-Oh.

-100 is a high score.

-I know.

-So, Rav...

Do you know what, Rav? Somebody else might score 100.

-I mean, Iain, for example.

-This guy. Hi.

-There we are.

-This guy.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Michelle. Michelle.

Now, remember, we're looking for the name of any team

that played in the third round proper of the FA Cup.

-Easy. Easy.

-2015. It is.

-It's easy.

Listen, if you can score 89 or less...

I would say Newcastle cos that's where I'm from,

but that's, I think, a bit too obvious,

-so let's just go with Sunderland.

-OK, Sunderland.

-RICHARD LAUGHS

-Why are you laughing?

It's funny that you would say, "Newcastle is too obvious,

"so, yeah, Sunderland." I was just thinking about how well

that'll go down in Sunderland, that's all.

LAUGHTER

Here is your red line and I think you've crossed it.

If you get below that red line, Michelle,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Sunderland.

-Well done.

-Yay!

Oh, look, with room to spare, Michelle.

-Yeah, 16.

-Yeah!

-16. APPLAUSE

26 is your total.

Yeah, knocked out in the fifth round, Sunderland.

Very well played, Michelle.

Now, Rav, you're on 100. Now, we need a low score for you.

-LAUGHS:

-Yeah, all right.

-Go on, Rav.

-Do you know what?

I know everyone says we don't know a lot about football,

apart from Antony.

I really know nothing about football,

but I'm going to think of one of the Welsh sides perhaps

who may have got through.

-So, I'm going to say Swansea.

-Swansea, says Rav.

Swansea. No red line for you as you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how far down the column we get with Swansea.

It's right. CHEERING

Oh, look at that! 12. In with a shout.

APPLAUSE You are in with a shout.

-112 is your total.

-Yeah, well played, Rav.

Got through to the fourth round.

Iain's got the look on his face, "I've got to get a right answer now.

-"I have to get a right answer."

-Any right answer.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Iain, yes, you've got to...

Just a right answer. 95 or less.

I've clenched again. I relaxed and now I've clenched.

-LAUGHTER

-Blimey!

OK, my favourite football team.

I always go and watch them kick a ball around when I'm up north.

-It's the Arsenal.

-LAUGHTER

Is that a football team? Is that a football team, Antony?

-Well, not to me.

-I'm going to say the Arsenal.

OK, Arsenal, says Iain. There is your red line coming up right now.

If you get below that with Arsenal, you're through to the next round.

How many people said Arsenal?

-Oh!

-Well done. You're through.

-Hey?

-There we are. 50 is great.

-APPLAUSE

-Well done.

-Thank you, mate.

Takes your total up to 66.

Yeah, they won it in 2015, Arsenal.

Now, no-one said Fulham, which would've scored you 9 points.

That's what I'd have gone for.

But I'll give you some of the low-scorers from 3 down.

3 points for Huddersfield Town.

Dover Athletic are one of the non-league teams in it.

Yeovil Town, Chesterfield, Rochdale and Blyth Spartans.

2 points for Colchester,

AFC Wimbledon, Luton Town, Gateshead.

Barnsley would have scored you 2 points.

1 point for Doncaster Rovers and Southport and Tranmere Rovers.

There were only two pointless answers, so well done to our 100.

They were Wrexham...

-AUDIENCE MEMBER CHEERS

-Goodness me!

-LAUGHTER

-You don't get that

-every time you say Wrexham.

-LAUGHTER

-And Scunthorpe United.

-AUDIENCE CHEERS

-Lot of Scunthorpe fans in.

-LAUGHTER

Now, let's look at the top three -

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

All the obvious ones here...

There we are. Still at the top of our table.

-Oh, the gap's closing, though, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Arsenal have done well there.

-Yeah, they have.

Who do you support, Antony, just out of...? Spurs, I presume.

-24 points for Spurs.

-Oh, really?

I was going to go, but I thought it would be a high one,

-so I just didn't.

-Yeah, it's weird.

-People didn't think of it.

-LAUGHTER

-I don't know.

-I like that. I like that.

Thanks very much, Richard. So, at the end of our second round,

the pair we've got to say goodbye to, I'm so sorry, Rav and Lisa.

-Aw, it's been lovely.

-I'm sorry. APPLAUSE

Listen, wonderful having you on.

Thank you so much. Rav and Lisa. Brilliant.

But for Michelle and Antony, Iain and Keith,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Very well done, Iain and Keith, Michelle and Antony.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for that jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,750.

Now, this happens so rarely.

It's so rare that we get pointless answers

on celebrity editions of the show.

But this is the bit where we decide who goes to play for that jackpot

and we do that by making you go head-to-head.

You can start playing as a pair and chat before giving your answers.

First pair to win two questions will be playing for the jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question,

and it is all about...

-Me!

-Brit Award-winning bands.

-Oh! Anyone?

-Richard.

-We're going to show you some pictures now,

and they are visual clues to

the names of bands that have won Brit Awards.

Can you tell us the names of the bands, please?

-OK.

-Us.

-So let's reveal our five images, and here they are.

We've got...

There we go. Five visual clues

to Brit Award-winning acts.

Now, Iain and Keith, you're our low-scorers, so you go first.

Feel free to confer.

-OK.

-WHISPERS:

-I reckon B is a band called Cornershop.

-I think so. Shall we do that?

-OK, yes.

What would you like to go for?

-You do it.

-We'd like to go for B.

And I didn't know the answer to this...

I'm not sure I do.

Cornershop.

Cornershop, say Iain and Keith.

-Cornershop.

-Cornershop.

Now then, Michelle and Antony.

-Talk us through the board.

-That was our answer.

-Oh! She always says that.

-That was it.

We think A looked like the Gorillaz.

Yeah. D, Chemical Brothers.

E, The Bangles.

C is a tough one. International Group.

Man looks like John Cleese sticking his tongue out.

-Shall we say Chemical Brothers?

-Yeah.

-All right, D, Chemical Brothers.

-OK, D, Chemical Brothers.

D, Chemical Brothers. Right.

Now, Iain and Keith have said that B is Cornershop.

Oh! That's a real punt.

I'm thinking that they were about that time.

-They were big for about 20 seconds.

-They were.

OK, well, let's see if that's right.

Oh, no, it's not! I know exactly what it is!

-Oh, no! Oh, no!

-LAUGHTER

-Oh, no!

-Am I on the right show?

-Oh, no!

-MICHELLE:

-It's too late!

-It's not...

-It's too late!

-It's...

-It's something else. Go on.

Oh, it's the Spice Girls, isn't it?

Argh!

Argh!

LAUGHTER

I'm not going to record this show.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Iain and Keith, let's just find out how may people went with Cornershop.

Yeah, I wonder(!)

-Oh!

-Oh!

I wonder what it could be(!)

OK, now, Michelle and Antony,

-glad you didn't take a punt on this one now?

-I know.

-Yeah, yeah.

All you have to be is correct with The Chemical Brothers for D

and you've won the point.

Let's find out how many people said The Chemical Brothers.

-Yay!

-Yes!

-It's right.

-11.

-Very good.

-Very good.

-APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed, Michelle and Antony.

After one question, you're up 1-0.

Yeah, very well played. Let's start from E.

E, of course, is The Bangles,

and it would've scored you 62 points.

Now, you were thinking, for A, you were going to go for...

-Gorillaz, but it's not.

-Gorillaz.

-Obviously not.

-They're quite small, those gorillas.

-I know, I know.

-And look.

-I know.

-Look where they are.

-I know.

-It is, of course, Arctic Monkeys.

-Arctic Monkeys, yeah.

Would've scored you 40.

B, as Iain has announced already...

..is the Spice Girls.

And that would've scored you 13.

And C...

Well, the International Group of 2014 were...

-Daft Punk.

-Daft Punk.

-Oh!

That would've scored you 2 points.

-He's daft with his tongue out.

-Oh, OK.

Well, thank you. Here comes your second question.

-Michelle and Anthony, you get to answer this one first.

-Oh, no.

-Whoo!

But Iain and Keith, you have to win it to stay in the game,

so very best of luck.

OK, it concerns, our second question...

-Oh!

-Oh, what?!

LAUGHTER Cheesy Jokes. Richard.

-Why are they all looking at you, Keith?

-I've no idea!

We're going to show you five set-ups now to jokes that involve cheese,

and we're going to give you the alternate letters

of the punch lines.

-Can you tell us what the punch lines are, please?

-Brilliant.

OK, let's reveal our five cheesy set-ups, and here they are...

I'll read those all one last time.

Now then, Michelle and Anthony,

if you get the best answer here,

you are in the final.

-It's...

-That's right.

-Do you not think it's obvious, though?

So, which one would you go for? Gut feeling.

-I don't know. Don't do me.

-No, I'm just saying...

I don't know. You choose.

-Go, go, go.

-OK, go with the last one, then.

What did the cheese say to the mirror?

-And we're saying halloumi.

-Halloumi.

-Yeah.

Hallou... That's funny. LAUGHTER

Iain and Keith, talk us through them all.

-Do you want to do the punch lines?

-I'm keeping quiet after that.

-I'll do the set-up.

-OK.

-Keith, what cheese do you use to hide a horse?

-Mascarpone.

-Oh, yeah, I get it now. Just do it slowly for me.

-OK.

What cheese do you use to beckon a teddy?

-Camembert.

-LAUGHTER

-How did the cheese paint his wife?

-Oh, double Gloucester.

-I don't...now, I don't get that one.

-Double glossed her.

-And what type of cheese is made backwards?

-Edam.

OK, right, I...

For me, I'd never heard the double Gloucester.

-Yes. So, double Gloucester.

-Double Gloucester.

-Please.

-So, we've got halloumi and double Gloucester.

-Oh, dear.

Now, in the order they were given.

Michelle and Antony said halloumi.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

-It's right.

-Oh, gosh.

-Oh!

-54.

-APPLAUSE

-Think they've done it.

-Yeah.

-We think you've done it.

-54 for halloumi.

Meanwhile, Iain and Keith have gone for double Gloucester.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said double Gloucester.

It's right.

-You've done it.

-Get in!

You've done it. You're back.

You're back. 26.

-APPLAUSE

-No! Wahey!

You have broken back in,

and, Keith, after two questions, it's 1-1.

Back in with a chance. Look at us both.

That's the best answer on the board as well, so well played, gents.

Mascarpone would've scored you...

..39.

-Camembert.

-Oh, we could've been all right with all...

-That would've scored you 60.

-Ah.

And Edam would've scored you

the most of all. 82.

-You picked the right one.

-It's going to go serious now.

Here comes your third question. Whoever wins this

goes through to the final and plays for the jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Song Titles Featuring Flowers. Richard.

We're going to show you the titles now of five UK Top 40 hits.

They all have flowers in their title,

but we've missed out the name of the flower.

Can you fill it in, please? Whichever team gives us

the obscure answer is going through to play for that jackpot

so very best of luck.

OK, let's reveal our five song titles,

and here they come. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

-Now, Iain and Keith will go first.

-I think...

-Phwoar.

-OK.

-I think...

-We both decided on one.

-I don't know the first one,

and that'll be a good one cos The White Stripes - excellent band,

-but a little...

-Yeah, I agree.

-A little bit over there.

-Coldplay, I think, are too easy.

-Yeah.

-I...think...number three.

-I agree.

-You want to go with it?

-Yeah, I agree.

-OK.

-Lily The Pink.

-Lily The Pink.

Lily The Pink by The Scaffold. Lily The Pink.

Now, Michelle, Antony, talk us through the board.

-Got no idea, first one.

-No idea, second one.

-No idea, the third one.

-No idea...

And the last one's obviously Kiss From A Rose.

You must have an idea of the third one cos they just said it.

-LAUGHTER

-No, but you know what I mean.

I didn't have a clue until they said it.

But the one I think is the Max Bygraves,

and I know I shouldn't know this, but I might be wrong.

Is it Tulips From Amsterdam?

OK, we'll take Tulips From Amsterdam.

Iain and Keith went for Lily The Pink.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Lily The Pink.

Yeah, I don't like this.

It's right.

-Come on.

-Oh, come on.

-Ooh, 65.

-Oh, no. We're out.

APPLAUSE 65.

-That's it.

-We're out. Well done, guys.

OK, now, Michelle and Antony,

you have gone for Tulips From Amsterdam.

Let's find out.

Tulips From Amsterdam - how many of our 100 people said it?

Are we right?

-Oh, no!

-Oh!

-It's 80!

No!

-What?! What?!

-APPLAUSE

-Do you know what?

-I don't believe it.

-I thought you'd got that.

-I thought...I thought...

I am so sorry. That means very well done, Iain and Keith.

After three questions, you're through to the final 2-1.

Yeah, the bottom three are all big scorers there.

The top two are the great answers.

Kiss From A Rose would've scored you 62.

The top two are the best answers. Blue...?

-I don't know that one.

-Orchid.

Blue Orchid by The White Stripes would've scored you 10.

-And this is the best answer on the board.

-Violet Hill.

Violet Hill by Coldplay. And that would've scored you 8.

There we are.

Antony, first appearance, Round One,

second appearance, Round Two, third appearance, Round Three.

-Consistent...

-Yeah.

-..is what I'm going to say there.

-Thank you.

-It's been lovely having you on.

Please come and play again, and get the trophy next time.

It's been wonderful seeing you both. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Well done, boys. Well done.

But, for Iain and Keith, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Very well done, Iain and Keith.

-The Spice Girls!

-You've seen off all the competition....

I know. We're over the moon.

-You know why?

-Why?

-Cos we get a trophy regardless.

Can I clarify - is it a trophy each or do we have to share it...?

-No, you get one each. One each.

-Thank you.

-Despite Cornershop. I know!

-Oh, that was awful. Awful.

You now have a chance to play for

our Pointless jackpot for your charities.

And at the end of today's show, thanks to you in no small part here,

the jackpot is standing at £2,750.

There we are. Very good.

So, look, you started the show,

you kicked us off there with a pointless answer.

-I nearly crashed the show halfway through.

-You nearly did.

But we got it back on. It's all fine.

Four wheels on the tarmac.

If we can keep this going and you can find another pointless answer,

you will win that jackpot.

What would you like to see come up on that board?

We put four things up there.

Politics, I like.

Politics, extreme geography.

Extreme geography? What does that mean?

That's like...that's like double geography.

If you've got any... I mean, if there's a chance that

The Beach Boys albums from '68 to '74 might pop up...

-Oh, you've lost it with me.

-..I'm in.

Listen, let's see what's up there.

-Hiding behind some of those might be Beach Boys.

-Thank you.

Let's see what's on the board today.

We've got...

IAIN AND KEITH LAUGH

OK, where are the real categories? Cos those are just words.

-Yeah, go on.

-Those are just words on a screen.

I'm useless at sport.

I mean, the only thing that vaguely connects with me is TV Soaps.

Oh, no!

There's nothing I can help you with on soaps, I promise you that.

-They're getting bored, they're getting bored.

-Oh, yeah.

Tough crowd.

-What do you want?

-If you want to go for Diamonds and take a punt...

-Diamonds.

-It's going to be Diamonds.

-Shall we?

-Diamonds.

-OK, best of luck.

Three very different questions here.

Hopefully, one of these will suit you.

We are looking for anyone,

according to IMDb, who received an acting credit

in the Bond movie Diamonds Are Forever.

We're looking for 2014 Diamond League athletic host cities.

Or we are looking for the name of any UK Top 40 single

with diamond in its title.

So, we're looking for the cast of Diamonds Are Forever.

Any actor in that.

We're looking for 2014 Diamond League athletic host cities.

Or we're looking for UK Top 40 singles

with the word diamond in the title.

Very best of luck.

OK, now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that jackpot for your charities

is for one of those answers to be pointless.

Well, we've had a great time,

so we're going to say thank you very much, bye-bye.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, I think so.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

-Your time starts now.

-Diamonds.

Erm, there's things like Diamonds Are Forever.

-Shine On You Crazy Diamond, Pink Floyd.

-Good one.

-Is that a single?

-Ooh, I don't know.

Diamond League athletics host cities.

-I don't know what those words mean.

-Diamond League.

Diamonds Are Forever - I've never seen it.

It was...that was...

# Diamonds are forever. #

Shirley Bassey, wasn't it?

So...cast of Diamonds Are For...

I don't know!

-I have no idea, so...

-Diamond.

Top 40 singles with diamond...

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. That wasn't a single.

# Lucy in the sky with diamonds. #

-Got to pay for that now, Cheggers. Thanks, mate.

-Ooh!

-That wasn't a single.

-No, I only sang six notes.

-OK.

Seven was legal.

Oh, my gosh.

-Got any answers?

-Mate, I'll be honest...

-No.

-..we have been stitched up like a kipper here.

-Diamonds...!

-Diamonds In The Stream.

-Ten seconds left.

-Dolly Parton.

-That's Islands In The Stream, Keith!

-Oh, God, it is!

-It's Islands In The Stream.

There were no diamonds in that stream.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-She was wearing them at the time.

-Erm...

-OK, I'm afraid...

-Oh, my gosh.

-I'm afraid that's your time up.

-Now...

-Do you want a retake?

-No, I need three answers from you.

-Three answers.

You're just going to have to make something up.

I don't think it was a single.

I'm going to say Shine On You Crazy Diamond...

-Shine On You Crazy Diamond.

-..by Pink Floyd.

Let's say Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.

-Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.

-And...erm...

Diamond League athletics host cities,

-I'm going to go Atlanta.

-Atlanta.

-Yeah.

-Atlanta. OK.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

None. They're all awful. They're really terrible answers.

We're just making them up cos it's telly.

-OK, shall we put one last, like, maybe, I don't know...

-Atlanta.

-Atlanta goes last.

-OK, yeah.

Which one shall we put first? Least likely to be pointless.

Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.

-Let's put that first.

-Then Pink Floyd in the middle.

OK, well, let's put those up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We've got...

Three perfectly good answers up on the board there.

What if one of those...?

What if Atlanta turns out to be a pointless answer

and you win that jackpot for your charities?

Which charities are you playing for?

-By coincidence, we both picked the same one.

-Macmillan Cancer.

-Yeah, they helped my mum.

-They helped my dad.

-So, you know, they're delightful.

-Lovely. Very well done.

-Good for you.

-Yes, well done.

APPLAUSE

Three good answers on the board. They look good on the board, anyway.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless

and wins that jackpot for your charity.

So, your first answer,

we were looking for UK Top 40 hits featuring the word diamond,

and you've gone for Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.

Let's find out if that's right, let's find out if it's pointless.

If it's both of those things, it'll win you £2,750.

-Oh!

-Ah.

It's neither of those things.

-I think we're going to get another cross.

-I know.

Which means you only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Shine On You Crazy Diamond.

Again, we were looking for UK Top 40 singles

with diamond in the title.

This has definitely got diamond in the title.

Is it right, though?

How many people said it? For £2,750, is it pointless?

-Oh!

-No.

-I'm afraid it's not.

-But...

-This is quick, isn't it?

-..we then changed tack.

LAUGHTER

We changed tack and we went for host cities

-for the Diamond League athletics.

-Come on.

-Please.

And you have gone for Atlanta, Keith.

You plucked this out of thin air.

Have you ever had three no answers in a row at the end?

-You plucked this one out of thin air.

-Many times.

Somewhere at the back of your mind...

-Yeah, it was there.

-..you just thought, "Atlanta."

-I did.

-Atlanta. If this is right and if it is pointless,

-it will win you £2,750...

-Please!

-..for your charity.

Very best of luck. How many of our 100 people said Atlanta?

-No, it's rubbish.

-Oh!

-I'm sorry.

-Unlucky, buddy.

-APPLAUSE

-Yeah, I enjoyed it, though.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

Well done.

-We know it was tough.

-I know.

-Diamonds!

-It was great fun.

Can I tell you now, that has been on that board for a very long time.

Nearly for the 60 years which diamonds commemorate, in fact.

So, there we are.

You've done us a massive favour clearing that one out.

Absolute pleasure. Absolute pleasure.

I'm sorry, though.

You didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer.

You didn't manage to find

that all-important correct answer, in fact,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot.

But, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities is playing for a charity.

We'll donate £500 to each celebrity pair

-for their respective charities.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

And, of course, a Pointless trophy to take away each as well.

Unlucky. It's been a fantastic show, it's been loads of fun,

and thank you so much for playing your part in it.

Three perfectly good answers.

Those songs, neither of them have been UK Top 40 singles.

Pink Floyd very rarely released singles.

And Atlanta - big athletics city -

but didn't host an event in 2014, unfortunately.

Let's look at the cast of Diamonds Are Forever.

Bond fans, if you know your Bond films,

there's a couple of names here you might've gone for.

Bernard Lee, who played M for so many years,

was a pointless answer.

And Charles Gray who famously played Blofeld.

Then Bruce Glover and Putter Smith who play Mr Wint and Mr Kidd,

the villainous duo in Diamonds Are Forever.

Everyone in that film is a pointless answer

apart from Sean Connery, Jill St John, Lana Wood,

Jimmy Dean, Lois Maxwell and Desmond Llewelyn.

Those are the only ones that scored points.

Well done if you said one of the others.

Only three pointless answers for Diamond League athletics venues.

Eugene in Oregon, Lausanne, and Monaco also a pointless answer.

Well done if you said any of those.

UK Top 40 singles with diamond in the title.

You might know a couple of these.

-Diamond Rings. That was Chipmunk and Emeli Sande.

-Oh!

-Diamonds and Pearls, Prince.

-Oh!

-Yeah, it was a pointless answer.

And Diamonds From Sierra Leone, which was Kanye West.

Jack O'Diamonds, Lonnie Donegan.

-Very much the Kanye West of his day.

-LAUGHTER

So, very well done at home if you got any of those.

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds would've scored you 7 points.

Would've been a correct answer, but 7 points.

Well done if you got a pointless answer.

Thank you so much. It's been such a fun show.

-Absolutely loved it.

-BOTH:

-Thank you.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Thanks very much.

Well, unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you,

but we've loved having you on the show. Absolutely wonderful.

Brilliant, brilliant show, and great contestants.

-Iain and Keith, everyone.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

-Well done.

-Cheers, Iain. Thank you, folks.

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.