Episode 14 Pointless

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless, the quiz show where the aim is to score as few points as you can.

To do that, you need to come up with answers no-one else could think of. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

My name's Steve. This is my friend, Mike.

We've known each other for... 20 years. ..20 years.

And we used to live together, but not in the Biblical sense!

Couple number two. Hello. My name's Phil. This is my good friend, Ben.

We're originally from Bracknell. I still live there and Ben lives in London.

Couple number three. Hi. My name's Murray. This is my mum, Liz,

and we're from Dunbar in Scotland.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi. I'm Sarah. This is my fiance, Ned.

We're both from Northamptonshire, but we're living in London.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much. We'll find out more about you as the show goes along.

So just one more person to introduce.

Ask him no questions, he'll tell you no lies.

Except the one about the Russian mail-order bride, the hotel in Bucharest

and the bottle of Scotch. Turns out he made that one up!

My Pointless friend, it's Richard. Hiya!

Hi, everybody!

Hiya.

Afternoon to you. And to you. Are you well today? I'm very well.

How about you? Are you raring to go?

Yes, raring is exactly what I am. I'm champing at the bit. Terrific!

Should be a good show for Steve and Mike today, I'd have thought.

They're the only returning pair. They got through to the head-to-head. Very strong.

They've got that focused look, like they worked out where it went wrong last time

and they're going to fix all of that. They'll be hard to beat.

One of our contestants is a professional football gambler.

What do you think about that?

Liz. Yes, that's very exciting.

Thanks very much, Richard.

All our questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers our 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer, one that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Clare and Emma didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another ?1,000 to that, so today's jackpot starts off at ?2,250.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless!

In this first round, I want an answer from each of you, but there is to be no conferring.

Whoever has the highest score at the end of the round will go home.

Our first category today is...

Leaders. Can you decide in your pairs who's going first and who's second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. The question concerns...

World Leaders. Richard?

On each pass, we'll show you the names of seven people who were leaders of their countries

as of the beginning of 2013.

You just need to tell us which countries they were leaders of.

14 in all to have a go at at home, so best of luck.

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our first board of leaders.

Here it is.

I'll read those one last time.

Seven leaders on that board.

Mike and Steve, you drew lots before the show and today you go first.

Remind us what you do, Mike.

I'm a data analyst for a university. What kind of data are you...

I work with a lot of student data.

So track students through their success with their degrees.

Sounds fascinating, I'm sure!

Yeah! It does! In your spare time, what are your hobbies?

I'm a keen... I love sport and Steve and I go and watch Hull City.

Yeah, of course. Every home game.

I also play badminton, and I like to play golf as well. Things like that.

OK. Now, how are you on current affairs? International current affairs.

On current affairs, I'm dreadful, actually.

So I'm going to go for Julia Gillard, and Australia.

Australia for Julia Gillard, says Mike.

Is that right, and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Australia?

Absolutely right.

Down it goes to 41.

41 for Australia. Solid start, Mike. She was born in Barry in Wales.

Been the Australia PM since 2010.

Thanks, Richard. Ben, welcome to the show. What do you do, Ben?

I'm a credit analyst for a French bank in London.

And in your spare time, what do you do?

Spare time, I'm a big football fan.

Big Tottenham supporter. I go down there and watch a few games.

And I enjoy playing football, five-a-side, once a week.

Now, Ben, we're looking for the countries of which these people are leaders.

I think I'm going to go for a more obvious one and hope it's right.

Angela Merkel, Germany.

Angela Merkel, Germany, says Ben.

Let's see if that's right. If so, how many people said Germany.

It's right.

For all sorts of reasons, it's a very high scorer, Ben.

80. I like the fact that we've all learned to pronounce her name "Angela" instead of "Anjela".

Yeah, yeah. Always makes you feel quite clever if you can do a foreign pronunciation.

What did you make of my Mariano "Rahoy"?

I thought it was terrific. I think your Icelandic is perfect!

Clever.

Double bluff!

Murray, welcome to the show.

You're from Dunbar. What do you do, Murray?

I'm a supermarket assistant at a well-known chain of supermarkets.

OK. And you've brought your mum here. Yep.

Have you come up with any tactics? Who's going to answer what, who's going to take the lead?

I think we'll just take it as it comes.

You know what you know. OK. Good stuff.

Talking of knowing what you know... Ah, well. Welcome to Round One!

I can have a punt at a few.

I'm going to go for one that I think is right.

I'm going to say Enda Kenny and Ireland.

Enda Kenny, Ireland, says Murray.

Let's see if Ireland's right, and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it?

It's absolutely right. 80 is our high score. You've passed that.

41 is our low score. You've passed that.

That's a great answer, Murray. Look at that. 14.

That's a terrific answer.

Good answer, Murray. He's been Taoiseach since 2011.

Thank you. Now, Sarah. Hello.

Sarah, welcome to the show. Great to have you here.

Can I commend you on your hair colouring

which matches the colouring for Round One!

The lighting for Round One. What can I say?

Please, I'm not going to read anything into that!

I'm sure it'll equally match whatever we put up for Round Two.

But for now, it's great. What do you do, Sarah?

I'm an illustrator and comic book artist.

That's a great job.

It's not bad. I enjoy it.

What are you working on at the moment?

At the moment I'm working on a comic about Edwardian super-heroines.

I'm going to buy that immediately. What's it called?

The Peckham Invalids. All based in South London. The Peckham Invalids. Good stuff.

There is your board of leaders as yet unassigned.

Do you know any of them?

Talk us through them. Well, I knew three, and they've gone!

So I'm going to have to take a guess at Jean-Marc Ayrault.

And I'm going to say Belgium.

Jean-Marc Ayrault, or "Arault" Belgium.

Says Sarah. Let's see if that's right, and if so how many of our 100 people said Belgium.

Oh, no!

Very clever reasoned choice.

But it's not Belgium, I'm afraid. Scores you the maximum of 100 points.

I'm really sorry. That's OK.

Sorry, Sarah. Tough board left there at the end.

It is simpler than Belgium. The sort of thing an analyst at a French bank should know, really!

Oh, really? He's the prime minister of France!

Oops! Let's take a look through the rest of this board.

It's a tough board, the ones that are left.

Mariano Rajoy is the prime minister of Spain.

That would have scored six points.

Portia Simpson Miller is the prime minister of Jamaica.

She would have scored you eight points.

And Dilma Rousseff, she's been on the show before -

not her, personally, but as an answer -

she is the President of Brazil.

Would have scored nine points.

So the best answer is Mariano Rajoy. Well done if you said that.

Thanks. We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

The best score of that round was yours, Murray. Very well done. 14.

Murray and Liz looking pretty commanding.

Up to 41 where we find Mike and Steve.

Up to 80 where we find Ben and Phil.

And Sarah and Ned, you are out ahead on 100.

Ned, we need a nice low score from you in the next pass.

Yep. Whether that's enough to keep you in the game.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium.

OK. Let's put seven more leaders on the board. Here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

The countries of which these people are leaders.

Ned.

Hi. Professional gambling?

That's me, I'm the professional gambler. It wasn't Liz!

And you're a statistician? Yeah, I did a maths degree. It's all maths-based.

I'd love to see you go head-to-head with another well-known football statistician

who's not sitting a million miles away!

You're always very good at that, aren't you?

I imagine I'm not as good as Ned.

I assume you've got football up for the second round. That would be cruel if you didn't!

But unfortunately not now.

You know what? I wouldn't bet on it!

Now, enough of all this nonsense!

You're the high scorers, Ned.

So which countries are these people leaders of?

I think I'm going to go with Donald Tusk, Poland.

Donald Tusk, Poland. Do you like the way I said, "Toosk"?

I prefer "tusk", like an elephant. OK.

Donald "Toosk", says Ned!

Is it right? If so, how many people said it?

There's no red line for you as you're the high scorers.

Absolutely right with Poland.

14 has been our lowest score to date.

Let's see how far Poland takes you.

Whizzing past 14 down to five.

Very well done, Ned.

I think that might be enough to keep you in the game.

That's a great answer. 105 your total.

Well played, Ned. Where did that knowledge come from?

I've just read about him in the paper. Thanks very much. Liz. Hello.

Liz, hello. Welcome to the show. Great to have you here.

What do you do, Liz? I'm a PA.

PA to? I work for a company that gives support to people with learning disabilities.

Very good indeed. That's full time?

No, it's part time. And I work from home.

That's very nice. Great! And in your spare time, what do you like to do?

I like to do crosswords and I collect Victorian glass.

Wow. Victorian glass in what form?

In panes of glass or..?

Victorian stained glass is... Particularly blue glass. Bristol blue glass, I'm very fond of,

and wine glasses, which I do use.

Do you let anyone else use them? No!

They are fiendishly expensive, aren't they?

OK. You're on 14.

The high scorers are Ned and Sarah on 105.

90 or less keeps you in the game.

What do you make of this board?

Not a lot!

I'm going to go for Mario Monti, Italy.

Mario Monti, Italy, says Liz. Here is your red line, nice and high.

Is Mario Monti right, and if it is, will it get you below that red line. Mario Monti, Italy.

Absolutely right. Very well done, Liz.

32.

32 takes your total up to 46.

Yes, he wasn't elected, he was drafted in to become prime minister

after all the financial troubles of 2012.

He resigned in 2012, but was still there in 2013 as a caretaker prime minister.

Thanks very much. Now, Phil. Hello.

Welcome to the show. What do you do, Phil?

I'm a purchaser for an x-ray security company.

Ah! So bomb detection, I guess, in airports.

Phil, tell me, tell me, tell me.

How many more years does the world have to wait for x-ray specs?

Funny you should say that!

Yeah. Not that long. Really?

Obviously that'll be x-ray specs that detect bits of metal and things like that?

Yes, there are already instruments that can see through walls.

That's what Victorian glass was for originally, wasn't it?

Allow us to see through walls!

LAUGHTER

Phil, what do you like doing in your spare time?

I'm an active musician.

Very good. What do you play?

I play ethnic percussion. What's your favourite item of ethnic percussion?

Probably my djembe, my African drum.

That's one you put between your knees. Pretty much, yes.

Now, what we need from you is an answer. You're on 80.

The high scorers on 105 are Ned and Sarah.

This is the spicy moment in this round, Phil.

You have to score 24 or less to stay in the game.

That would be the second lowest score of the round so far.

The classic one where I wish I'd had the board before!

I don't know any for certain, apart from one, sorry!

I'm not that thick!

You'll be pleased to know!

So it's an educated guess. I don't think it'll get low enough,

but I'm going to go with Manmohan Singh and India.

Manmohan Singh. Manmohan Singh, India.

There is your red line. If you get below that,

with Manmohan Singh, you are through to Round Two.

Let's see if Singh is right for India.

If it is, how many people said India.

It's right, Phil.

Still going down.

Oh, no! 31!

31 takes your total up to 111.

Yes, the 13th prime minister of India. The round's not over yet, though.

Not over yet. A tough board.

But we come to Steve.

Steve, there's something different about you. Have you been working out?

If only! Have you been working out since the last show? What is it?

We saw what we looked like on the camera.

And obviously the TV does put 20lbs on,

So I thought I'd shave my beard off, have a goatee,

and it elongates my face.

So I look a lot slimmer!

Tell you what... Does it? You are worryingly thin, Steve.

Steve, last time we discovered that you're a very keen caravanner.

What are your other hobbies?

Obviously football. We all know about that. Hull City, et cetera.

But we've got chickens now.

How many? We've got five chickens. We got them from a battery farm.

These poor little chickens were bald. They look terrible, when they come out.

Do they then grow full lustrous feathers? Absolutely gorgeous.

That's good. I would say good enough to eat, but we won't do that!

That's all right, you can eventually.

A broiler hen is fine. They're doing wonderfully, they really are.

Lovely. Three to four eggs a day.

So there's two that need to buck up their ideas, really.

Now, you're on 41. The high scorers are Phil and Ben on 111.

69 or less gets you through to the next round.

What do you make of this board?

Um, well, we know where Barack Obama comes from. The United States.

John Key, I think he's New Zealand, but that's only a guess.

Perry Christie, no idea.

Stephen Harper, no idea.

So I'm going to go for John Key. John Key. New Zealand. New Zealand.

OK. Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it?

Here is your red line.

Absolutely right.

And you're through. Very well done, Steve, that's all you had to do.

Ooh, it's a good answer. Look at that - eight!

Second best answer of the round.

49 your total, and you're through.

That was a gutsy move. Very well played from the new slim-line Steve!

John Key. Stephen Harper is... Canada.

The Canadian prime minister scored 11.

He has been for some time.

Perry Christie is the best answer on the board. Even better than Tusk.

I've got all his old 78s. Just wonderful.

Well, he's now the prime minister of the Bahamas.

Very well done if you said that. Four points if you said that.

What do we think Barack is scoring?

I would hope 100. You would, wouldn't you?

It's 97.

But we've seen worse. We have.

We've seen worse. Definitely. Thanks very much, Richard.

So at the end of our first round, the pair heading home with their high score of 111,

not a terrible score, and two perfectly correct answers.

Angela Merkel was the big expense for you in that pass.

We have to say goodbye, but we'll see you again next time.

I look forward to that. Great contestants, Phil and Ben.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's time for Round Two.

And so three pairs remain. At the end of this round, we'll be saying goodbye to another pair.

Liz and Murray, you were our lowest scorers in that round.

Two really good answers there.

Was that a guess, Italy? Total guess!

Mario sounds Italian. It does. It does.

Ned, fantastic with Tusk there for Poland. Thanks. A great answer.

And Steve, you pulled it out of the bag there.

John Key.

Phew! You can say that again!

It's going to be a very exciting game, this.

Very best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two is...

Words. Can you decide in your pairs who's going first and who's second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many words ending in A-R-C-H as they could.

Words ending in A-R-C-H. Richard?

I think this is going to be quite a high scorer.

Any word that has its own entry in the Oxford Dictionary of English,

that ends A-R-C-H. As always, no proper nouns, no trade marks, no hyphenated words, either.

And we won't accept the word arch itself, I'm afraid. Good luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, Mike.

There's not a lot of words coming into my head at the moment!

I'm trying to go through the alphabet.

I think it's actually quite a tough group of letters.

So, um...

I'm just going to say monarch.

Monarch, says Mike. Is monarch right, and if it is, how many of our 100 people said monarch?

It's right.

48 for monarch.

It is a tough group of letters. Sovereign head of state, a monarch.

Thanks very much. Now, Liz.

Um, I've got one, but I'm not sure that it's one word.

But I'm going to have a go at "wordsearch".

OK. "Wordsearch" says Liz.

It's a risk worth taking, because it will be a brilliant score if it's right.

We just have to find out. Is it going to be allowed, "wordsearch"?

Oh, no! Bad luck, Liz.

Bad luck.

I'm afraid that's wrong, but for all the right reasons.

That scores you the maximum of 100 points. Sorry.

It's a terrific word, Liz. I can tell you're a crossword fan,

but two words, I'm afraid, in the ODE.

Now, then. Sarah.

So it's words ending A-R-C-H.

What are you going to go for?

I'm hoping this is right. I think it is.

I'm going to go for matriarch.

Matriarch, says Sarah. Is that right? How many people said it?

It is, of course, right.

48 is our only...

15 for matriarch. Very well done indeed.

Good answer, Sarah. A woman who's head of a family or tribe or any big grouping.

Matriarch. Thanks very much. Halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

15. Well done, Sarah, best score of that pass.

So Ned and Sarah can relax a bit on the back of that.

Then up to 48 where we find Mike and Steve

then up to 100. Bad luck, Liz.

I'm so sorry. It deserved better because your thinking was along the right lines.

But I'm afraid it cost you dear. Murray, we need a very low score from you.

Hope that's enough to keep you in the game.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium.

OK, Ned, we are looking for words ending in A-R-C-H.

Yeah. I've got various risky ones, I'd like to go for, but I'm going to go fairly safe. OK.

Um, oligarch.

Oligarch, says Ned. Oligarch.

Is that right? How many people said it. There is your red line.

84 or less is what you want to get to get into the head-to-head.

Very well done. Gets you through.

Well, 15 is our lowest score so far from Sarah.

You've passed that. Six! Very well done.

21 for oligarch.

An oligarchy is a small elite group who lead an organisation.

We've come to use it much more often to describe Russian businessmen.

Football club owners. Yes, exactly.

So it's a perfect answer for a football fan!

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Murray, you're the high scorers on 100.

Well, I had thought of this before Sarah said matriarch.

So before you say I'm not being original, I'm going to go with patriarch.

Patriarch. Well, matriarch scored 15.

Interesting to see what patriarch scores. There's no red line for you as the high scorers.

But let's see how far down the column will patriarch take you?

It's right.

21 takes your total up to 121.

Yes, obviously the opposite of a matriarch.

Scored six points more, though.

Now, Steve, you have to score 72 or less with this

to get through to the head-to-head.

It's been nice knowing you!

Words is my worst category.

I'll go for larch. Larch, says Steve. Larch.

This will be exciting. There is your red line.

If you get below that, you're in the head-to-head.

Let's see if it's right,

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said larch.

You've done it. Very well done. Still going down. 52.

Very well done. 100 is your score, your total.

Every single pointless answer here has that "arch" ending

which means the ruler of something.

That's where the pointless answers are.

But before we get to the pointless ones, there's a few lower scores you might have got.

"Wordsearch" was such a terrific spot, seeing the arch at the end.

"Research" would have scored you nine points.

That would have been a terrific answer.

And "search" would have scored 33.

So they both wouldn't have been bad answers at all.

There are a couple of one-pointers, as well.

Overarch would have scored one point, which is a good one.

And frogmarch would have been a great answer. Scored one point.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

An autarch is a ruler with absolute power.

A chiliarch, that's the leader of Chile!

Not really! An ecclesiarch is someone who rules using cake!

Heresiarch, that's the sign at the top of the Champs Elysees!

Is that right?

Nomarch, that's an Egyptian community called nomes.

The leader of that is a nomarch.

A squirearch is a squire who's a leader of something.

Is this helping you?

Massively, yes!

Let's take a look at our top three answers that most of our 100 said.

Thanks very much, Richard. I'm afraid at the end of our second round,

it's Murray and Liz we have to say goodbye to.

121 your score there.

But as I said, you were doing the right thing.

Had that been a word, I'm sure it would have scored very low indeed.

We look forward to seeing you next time, Liz and Murray. Thanks very much for playing. Thanks.

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Ned and Sarah, Steve and Mike.

You're one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot which stands at ?2,250.

To decide who's going to play for that money, you now go head-to-head.

The big difference is you're now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will play for that jackpot.

Steve and Mike, you were here last time, but you were in pole position.

How do you feel about having that position taken from under your noses.

We've used up our nine lives, to be honest.

Really? In that last round, I was going to go for "oglyarch" and not oligarch!

I got the G and L the wrong way round.

So I thought, "I'm not sure", and went for monarch.

Ned, oligarch, the best score of that round. Very well done. Yes.

You've been consistently low-scoring, Ned and Sarah.

One of us should have said "uglyarch". It's funnier, isn't it?

Anyway, best of luck to both pairs.

I think this is going to be close. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK. Here comes your first question. It concerns...

Cricketers of the year. Richard?

We'll show you five pictures of cricketers, all of whom have won the Wisden Cricketer of the Year.

We just want you to tell us the most obscure. We need first name and surname.

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five cricketers. Here they come. We have got...

There we are. Five Cricketers of the Year.

Ned and Sarah, you've played best so far, so you get to go first.

Right. I think I only know one for sure.

And I think Sarah's not that good at the old cricket!

I thought about E,

but I'll go with C, Michael Vaughan.

C, Michael Vaughan, says Ned. C, Michael Vaughan.

Steve and Mike, do you want to talk us through the board? Can you do that?

B's the one that's a commentator, isn't he?

As in Richie Benaud, you mean?

I think it is Richie Benaud. A is definitely Brian Lara.

D is definitely Imran Khan.

But I think Imran Khan will be lower than Michael Vaughan.

I would go for Richie Benaud.

I don't think it's him.

I would go for Richie Benaud and just enjoy the moment.

Richie Benaud? I'm confident that Imran Khan will be lower than Michael Vaughan.

Very confident that Imran Khan will be lower than Michael Vaughan.

Yeah, but he's famous for not just cricket, now. He's a politician as well,

but I don't think people know that.

I'll take the bait. I'll take the rap if the guess is wrong.

A is Brian Lara, isn't it?

I don't know. All I know is Richie Benaud.

Right, Steve and Mike, let's have an answer.

Can you trust me on this one?

Yeah. We're enjoying the moment, so... We're living the dream!

I'm going to take an executive decision... Why don't you go for Brian Lara?

I'm not one million per cent it's Brian Lara.

OK. Let's have an answer.

We're going to go for D, Imran Khan.

D, Imran Khan.

OK.

So we have Michael Vaughan versus Imran Khan.

Mike, you've got so much resting on this!

Phew. In the order they were given.

Ned and Sarah said Michael Vaughan for C.

Is it right? If it is, how many of our 100 people said Michael Vaughan?

It's right.

27.

Steve and Mike, but most particularly Mike,

have said Imran Khan for D.

Mike said, "Trust me on this. It'll score less than Michael Vaughan."

The moment of truth, Mike.

Let's find out is it right?

Of course it's right.

Is it going to go down below 27?

Oh, no - 32!

32.

So, well done to Steve for being right.

And well done to Ned and Sarah for winning the question.

Well done. You're up one-nil.

Text book stuff, Mike, there.

That was unlucky.

Let's see if you could have done better. Please don't say Richie Benaud!

Let's deal with A, first. If you had to go with A, who would you have said? Brian Lara.

You know it's Brian Lara, right? I should have done.

It is Brian Lara. He would have scored you 14 points.

Now, the second person.

I tell you now he would have scored you six points, if you'd got him.

Please don't say it!

It's Richie Benaud! Yay!

I've never seen someone cheer in that circumstance before!

E, she was the first woman to have been named a Wisden Cricketer of the Year.

And it's... I might be wrong. Sarah Taylor?

Ooh. Claire Taylor.

Would have scored three points.

That round was more exciting than I though it was going to be!

Yeah!

And then some! Thanks very much. Here's your second question.

Steve and Mike, you have to win this to stay in the game.

Listen to me! Nah! I'm going home!

You do get to answer it first, though, which is good news! Best of luck!

It concerns...

Will Smith. Richard?

Five clues now to facts about the American actor Will Smith.

Which is the most obscure answer?

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five clues. Here they come. We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Five clues to facts about Will Smith.

Steve and Mike go first.

OK. I know two. I know one for definite. The other's a guess.

I'll go for the one that's a guess.

His son...

..it's...Jared Smith.

Jared Smith, say Steve and Mike. Jared Smith.

Now, Ned and Sarah.

I think his son's called something else.

I'm pretty sure that his son's called Jaden.

It must be the '70s, the decade.

His stage name was the Fresh Prince.

Don't know The Bad Boys.

I could guess the city, but we've got to go with Jaden.

I think we should, yeah. He hangs round with Justin Bieber a lot.

Bezzie mates, Jaden and Justin Bieber.

This better be right, though! I hope so.

Could be quite embarrassing! Jaden Smith, say Ned and Sarah.

So we have Jared Smith versus Jaden Smith. Only one of you can be right.

Let's find out. Steve and Mike said Jared Smith.

Ooh!

I say only one of you can be right. Both of you could be wrong! Hadn't entertained that possibility!

Ned and Sarah, let's see if Jaden Smith is right.

It's right.

Good answer. 15.

Very well done, Ned and Sarah.

After two questions, you are through to the final two-nil.

Nice to see Steve and Mike both making executive decisions there.

With the same result! At least you'll be able to sit together at the football next season!

It's even-stevens.

The parents are Jada and Will and the kids are Jade and Willow.

The city in which he was born, in west Philadelphia, born and raised

was Philadelphia. Scored seven.

The decade in which he was born was the '60s. Born in 1968.

Looking good on it, isn't he?

12 points for that. His stage name was The Fresh Prince.

That scored 30. And his male co-star was Martin Lawrence.

That scored 12.

So the best answer up there is Philadelphia.

Thanks very much indeed.

So the pair we have to say goodbye to at the end of the head-to-head is Steve and Mike.

I will never, ever live this down!

No! He won't!

Well, at least you're laughing about it now.

I'll always be laughing. It's been great fun. It'll be a long train journey home! Indeed!

It's been lovely having you on both shows. It's been brilliant. Absolutely fantastic contestants.

I'm really sorry you didn't make it to the final to have a crack at the jackpot.

Thanks very much for playing. Steve and Mike!

But for Ned and Sarah, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Ned and Sarah. You've seen off the competition and won our coveted Pointless trophy.

Very well done!

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at ?2,250.

You've done so well. Ned, what odds would you have put for your chances of making it through?

I've given it some thought. It's something like...

I'll sound arrogant, though, won't I?

I thought it was a one per cent chance of getting to the final

but 100 to 1 shots sometimes come in, don't they? So that's it.

What are your chances of winning the jackpot?

Less than... 63.7 per cent!

OK. 63.7. Yep. More than 63.6, less than 63.8.

That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? OK. I'll go and work that one out!

As always, you start this round by choosing a category. You have four options.

They are...

Well. That wasn't exactly what I was hoping for! It has to be Sporting Defeats, doesn't it?

It's up to you. Certainly not Country Music.

Come on, let's go for that. You know. Yes, let's try that. OK.

Sporting Defeats. Sporting Defeats. Richard?

Here's your three categories. Hopefully there's something in one of these to get your teeth into.

Up to 2012.

All of those up to 2012. Best of luck at home and best of luck in the studio, guys.

OK. As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

To win that jackpot of ?2,250, all you have to do is just find one pointless answer.

The answers you give can come from any of these categories.

Entirely up to you. One from each, three from one, two from one, one from another.

Entirely up to you. Just say which category it is when you give your answer.

Are you ready? Yes. As we'll ever be, yep.

OK. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. Your time starts now.

OK. I have no idea whatsoever!

I'm terrible at sport. I'm going to go for three teams that have knocked United out. Go for it. Yep.

I seem to remember Barnsley might have knocked them out in '97, '98,

in Barnsley in the Prem.

Portsmouth knocked them out in 2008 when Portsmouth won.

And I think Wimbledon knocked them out once as well.

OK. But I want to spend the rest of the 60 seconds thinking of even more obscure...

I'm tempted to guess, have a complete guess in there.

It could have happened in 1992 that I've no idea about.

Guess a random team. Who was around back then?

Everton have knocked them out. But everyone would remember that.

What other clubs are there?

I can't think of anything.

Wimbledon, Barnsley and who? Wimbledon, Barnsley and...

Portsmouth. That's the one. What else could we have?

I don't know who was in the premier league then.

Nottingham Forest? Swansea? Cardiff? I don't know. Ten seconds left.

I think we should go with those three that I've thought of.

Portsmouth, Barnsley and...

I can't be bothered with tennis players and snooker players.

OK. That's your time up. I now need your three answers. What are you going to go for?

Portsmouth. Barnsley. What was the other one? Wimbledon.

Wimbledon. And all of those are in which category?

Those are the teams that have knocked Ferguson's United out of the Cup.

Thanks very much. Which is your best crack at a pointless answer?

I reckon Barnsley. Yeah. People might forget that. Quite obscure.

I'm not sure. I think Wimbledon and Barnsley might be wrong.

Barnsley most obscure. Barnsley we'll put last.

Which is your least likely? Portsmouth. People will remember that.

We'll put Portsmouth first and Wimbledon in the middle. Brilliant.

Let's put those up on the board in that order.

Best of luck. Your first answer, Portsmouth, you thought was least likely to be pointless.

If it's correct and it's pointless, it will win you today's jackpot of ?2,250.

What would you do with that, Ned?

I think we'd do different... I want to go to the World Cup in Brazil next summer.

That would buy a ticket to the final, 1,125 quid. Just about.

Sarah? Basically, I'd really like to go to San Diego Comic-Con.

I've never had enough money to do it, so that would be brilliant.

Excellent. Awesome.

Two very worthwhile things to spend your prize money on there.

Let's find out. Your first answer, Portsmouth.

Have they knocked Alex Ferguson's Man United team out of the FA Cup? Let's find out.

Yes, they have.

Portsmouth taking us down through the 50s, the 40s.

If this goes down to zero, you leave with ?2,250.

Taking us into single figures. Going down... Ooh!

Oh, that's good. You thought most people would remember that.

Well, most? Maybe not! Two people remembered that!

Rio Ferdinand had to go in goal at the end of that game.

I remember that. OK. Anyway.

Your second answer was Wimbledon.

Again, if this is correct and it's pointless, it wins you today's jackpot.

So for ?2,250, let's find out if Wimbledon have knocked Manchester United out of the FA Cup.

Absolutely they have.

Now, your first answer, Portsmouth, took you down to two.

Wimbledon taking us down through the 30s into the 20s.

Down into the teens. Into single figures.

Down we go with Wimbledon still going down!

Still going down! You've got it!

Very well done! Brazil, San Diego, here we come!

Very well done indeed. Fantastic. Brilliant.

Well done! That's all right! Football!

Football.

I don't think I was ever in any doubt at all.

Very well done. Fantastic play throughout the show.

Crowned it there with a great pointless answer, where it really counts.

Fantastic. You go home with today's jackpot of ?2,250.

Yes, a lovely category for you there.

Well played. You were right about Barnsley. Barnsley was a correct answer and a pointless answer.

Very well done.

I know more people at home will be specialists in tennis or snooker.

Let's have a look through the pointless answers there.

The four pointless answers.

Other people who've beaten him. Nadal would have scored 49.

Tsonga scored one. Tim Henman, who beat Federer, would have scored seven.

Those are all the answers there.

Now, players who've beaten Stephen Hendry at The Crucible.

Ali Carter. Shaun Murphy, who's been on Pointless Celebrities.

Stuart Bingham beat him at The Crucible.

Willie Thorne, taking us back a bit, beat him.

You could also have had Joe Johnson, Nigel Bond or Steve James.

All of those were pointless answers. Very well done if you said those.

And a couple more answers for the Man United question.

One other pointless answer was Coventry City. That would have been pointless.

Oh, Coventry! I can't remember. It was when they won the Cup in '87.

I should have got that. My dad will kill me! Oh, man.

And it was all going so well up till then(!)

Thanks again to our winning players, Ned and Sarah,

who go away with today's jackpot of ?2,250.

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test.

Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard. Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd