Episode 28 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where the aim of the game is to score as few points as you can.

To do that, you need to find the answers that no-one else could think of. Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Janine, and this is my friend and work colleague Dave.

I'm from Melksham in Wiltshire

and Dave's from Llandudno in North Wales, but we both live in Leeds.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, my name's Sarah, this is my boyfriend Alan, and we're from Hampton in Middlesex.

-Couple number three.

-Hello, I'm Suzy and this is my boyfriend Mark

-and we're both from Edinburgh.

-And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Ian, this is my brother Steve,

I'm now from Reading, he's from Port Talbot.

-And these are today's contestants.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thanks, all of you. We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

Which leaves just one more person to introduce.

He wanted me to tell you that he'll be selling novelty mugs and T-shirts

-with his face on in the car park after the show. It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hi, everybody. Hiya.

Someone who came into the audience of the show recently had a brilliant idea for some Pointless merchandise,

-a Pointless mug.

-Oh, yeah.

-You know you get those heat-sensitive mugs?

She said, "Why don't you get a mug that's got the tower on it

and then the more you drink, the tower goes down."

-LAUGHTER

-That's a great idea.

-That's a brilliant idea.

-Yeah.

Unfortunately for her, I own 100 percent of it.

LAUGHTER Just a contractual thing you have to sign when you come here.

Haven't we had some great shows recently? Some really properly smart contestants and great head-to-heads.

We had Sarah and Alan last time, who were terrific,

and they got knocked out in the head-to-head by another great pair.

-We've had show after show of really good contestants.

-But none of them have won the jackpot.

None of them quite getting that jackpot. Really low scores

but it hasn't quite come off for anybody, so it's all still there.

So hopefully it's another cracker today. The money's nice.

Got some nice questions. Question one today is my perfect question.

I'm in heaven on question one. LAUGHTER

Which is more an indication of me than the question, if I'm honest. LAUGHTER

OK, thanks, Richard. All our questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Brian and Graham didn't win the jackpot last time, so we add another £1,000,

so today's jackpot starts off at £9,250.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, in this first round, I'll take an answer from each of you but there is to be no conferring.

At the end of the round, the pair with the highest score

will be heading home. So, our first category today is...

There we are. Football. Decide in your pairs who'll go first, who'll go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many 2012/13 Premier League and Championship football grounds as they could.

2012/13 Premier League and Championship football grounds. Richard.

We're looking for the name of the home ground of any team

that played in the Premier League or the Championship in the 2012/13 season.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks.

Janine and Dave, you all drew lots before the show,

-and you are going to go first. Janine, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-What do you do in Leeds?

-I work for an organisation called Specialist Autism Services

and we support adults with Asperger's and autism.

-Good stuff. And what do you do in your spare time?

-Watch football.

-Good.

-Go to the gym, play some badminton,

-go out with friends.

-Good stuff. Right, so, what are you going to go for?

-I'm going to say Carrow Road.

-Carrow Road.

OK, let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Carrow Road.

Absolutely right.

-Five!

-APPLAUSE

Great start. Well done, Janine.

Well played, Janine. The home ground of Norwich City.

Moved there in 1935. Terrific start from podium one. Very tough place to be.

-Fantastic. Very good. Now, Sarah, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Ooh, the head-to-head round.

-I know.

Oh, and you knew. It was Ivy League universities.

I knew that you had some good answers there. Dartmouth you had.

-He's not going to listen to me again.

-If you'd gone Dartmouth,

-right now you'd be in Monte Carlo or something.

-LAUGHTER

I know. It's very upsetting.

Back to the present. Maybe it was a brilliant idea.

Jackpot's just got a little bit bigger.

-Fingers crossed.

-Maybe that was all tactic. So, Sarah, remind us what you do.

-I work in the bakery section of my local supermarket.

-Mm!

-We forgot to ask her to bring us any things.

-Ohh.

-We are such amateurs.

-I know.

-LAUGHTER

Even just a pasty would've done.

Just something that's slightly out of date.

-LAUGHTER

-I love out of date!

But that's the best thing about working in supermarkets.

-You get all the stuff at the end of the day they're not allowed to sell.

-Yeah. It's very good.

OK, now, Sarah, what are you going to go for?

I hate football, so this one is a struggle for me.

But my company does sponsor a football team

and they play, I hope, at Madejski Stadium.

Madejski Stadium, says Sarah. Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many people said that.

-Seven! Very well done indeed!

-APPLAUSE

Seven for Madejski Stadium.

Named after the Reading chairman, John Madejski.

-It's the Reading ground.

-Thanks. Now, Suzy...

-Hello.

-Welcome to Pointless.

-What do you do?

-I work at the National Library of Scotland.

-That's fun. The one on George IV Bridge?

-Yeah.

-That's a beautiful place to work.

-How long have you worked there?

-About two years.

-And what do you do there?

I'm a reference services assistant, which is just another way of saying librarian

-for a reference library.

-You help people find things.

-Yes.

-Perfect.

-What do you do in your spare time?

-I actually took up kickboxing not that long ago.

-Yeah.

-Going well?

-Second belt, yeah.

-Good. No idea what that means, but, yeah, that sounds...

-LAUGHTER

-You know first belt?

-Yes.

-It's the one after that.

-OK.

-Now, Suzy, what are you going to go for?

-Erm, I've got one that I sort of know,

but I'm not going to go for that one.

-Do you think it'll be a low scorer or are you scared...

-I'm scared it's actually incorrect.

So I'm going to go for probably the highest scorer,

but I'd rather just get it right, so I'm going to go for Old Trafford.

LAUGHTER

-Oh, dear.

-You do know she's second belt, don't you?

LAUGHTER

OK, Suzy says Old Trafford. Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

-50.

-APPLAUSE

That could've been a lot worse, Suzy. 50 for Old Trafford.

-Home of Manchester United.

-Thanks. Steve, welcome to Pointless.

-Thanks.

-Great to have you here. What do you do?

-I'm an electrical engineer.

Electrical engineer. So which bit of electrical engineering is yours?

The generation part of it at the moment. Power stations.

-I design and build and reconstruct.

-That's quite a cool thing.

-No-one's ever designed a power station on Pointless before.

-No, not live on Pointless.

-LAUGHTER

-He's doing it now. He's not writing it, but in there...

It is quite a cool thing to do. I could design the outside of one, I reckon.

I think I could do that. It's the bit inside where I'd probably run up against a couple of issues.

-Hold on.

-Have you done it? Let's have a look.

-LAUGHTER

-Wow.

-That is amazing.

-LAUGHTER

-It's big, but it's got a big door.

-Do you know what I like about that?

-The chimney and the door match each other perfectly.

-Yeah. LAUGHTER

Because that's aesthetics, right?

-It's not just about function, is it? It's about form, as well.

-Not at all.

Anything can go through that door. The chimneys, there's all sorts of waste products,

-I don't need to tell you that.

-You know a lot more about power than I realised!

-Wow!

-So, yeah, I mean, it's a...

-It's a work in progress.

Yeah. I'm just saying, it's easier than it looks.

LAUGHTER

-What do you do in your spare time, Steve?

-I go hiking, I run,

-I play harmonica in a blues band.

-You're quite famous.

You are the blues harmonica champion.

-Or at least, you have been.

-You've been talking to my mother.

-She's told you this.

-It was, in fact, your mother, yes.

That is true. Will you please...

Unless you go through to the final today, which I hope you do,

but you could bring your harmonica next time. Would you do that?

-If I've remembered to pack one, yeah, I'll do that.

-Brilliant. Richard usually brings a couple.

Yeah, I'll bring one, as well. I'll draw a power station for you

and then we'll do a little blues harmonica duo.

-That is going to be a great show.

-That'd be lovely.

Anyway, Steve, we're looking for the football grounds of any team

in the Premier League or Championship in the 2012/13 season.

-What are you going to go for?

-I'm thinking of a couple,

but I think I'll go for the local one, so Swansea and that would be the Liberty Stadium.

The Liberty Stadium, says Steve. Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

It's right.

Very well done indeed! Six for the Liberty Stadium!

APPLAUSE

Yeah, a wonderful ground for a wonderful team down there in Swansea.

Used to play at the Vetch Field, now at Liberty Stadium. Going from strength to strength.

Thanks, Richard. We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

Five the best score of that pass, Janine. Very well done. The first score and the best.

Then up to six, where we find Steve and Ian. Up to seven, Sarah and Alan.

And then up to 50, I'm afraid, where we find Suzy and Mark.

Mark, we need a really low score from you. How's your football?

Unfortunately, I'd like to say good,

-but, er, nervous.

-OK.

Well, very best of luck. We need a low score.

We'll come back down the line. Second players, step up to the podium.

Now then, Ian, welcome to Pointless. What do you do, Ian?

I'm retired. I'm an ex-management consultant, but now I'm a babysitter.

LAUGHTER

-Who do you babysit for?

-Oh, 4.8 grandchildren.

LAUGHTER

Ian, what do you do in your spare time, when you're not babysitting?

Well, I'm a governor of a university

and chairman of a subsidiary for that.

And in the past, I've run quite a lot

and done some related things.

OK, good. Football, does that interest you?

It does, but having heard a couple of the answers

I was going to give, I'm going to gamble on something.

OK. What's your gamble going to be, Ian?

-Craven Cottage.

-Craven Cottage.

-LAUGHTER

-He's calling that a gamble?

-LAUGHTER

OK. Well, the high scorers are on 50, Mark and Suzy.

If you can score 43 or less with Craven Cottage, you're through to the next round.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said it. There's your red line.

It's right.

Very well done. You are through to round two.

-16.

-APPLAUSE

22 your total.

That's a terrific answer, Ian. LAUGHTER

Isn't he a bright man, Ian? Very insightful.

Pitched it perfectly, as well. Home of Fulham.

-Thanks, Richard. Mark.

-Hello.

Mark, hello. Welcome to the show. What do you do?

I work as a business analyst for an energy company.

OK. Do you look over power station designs at all?

-LAUGHTER

-Cos I know a couple of people who are tendering for something.

-I've seen a few power plants on some spreadsheets.

-Yeah.

Now, Mark, in your spare time, what do you get up to?

Since Suzy took up kickboxing, I felt I had to defend myself,

-so I took up aikido.

-LAUGHTER

-Yes.

-And so it spirals.

-HE LAUGHS

-So, Suzy, what are you going to take up after that?

-Oh, mai tai.

-What's that? That's a drink.

-I think it is.

-LAUGHTER

-Drinking. Good.

-That could be a weapon.

-No, there is also a martial art called Muay Thai.

-Oh, of course. We had it not long ago.

Now, Mark, we want the football ground of any team in the Premier League or Championship.

-What are you going to go for?

-Erm, yeah, I think I'm going to have to gamble slightly,

so I've been racking my brains for Championship clubs.

I'm hoping that Ipswich are still there and I'm going to go with Portman Road.

Portman Road, says Mark. No red line for you, you're the high scorers.

But let's see how many people said Portman Road.

It's right.

Well, Carrow Road took us down to five.

Where's Portman Road going to take us?

-Look at that! Very well done indeed!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

A pointless answer! It adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £9,500.

It scores you nothing, it leaves your total at 50.

I wonder if that's going to be enough to keep you in the game. Brilliantly done.

How about that? Well played, Mark. Also, they are going to love that in Norwich.

They are going to love that! LAUGHTER

-A pointless answer.

-Thanks, Richard.

-Now, Alan.

-Hi.

-Alan, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Remind us what you do.

I teach people with learning disabilities,

I teach drama, IT, employment things, as well.

-And you play a bit of football.

-I do, yeah.

-OK.

So we're looking for the football grounds of any team in the Premier League or Championship

in the 2012/13 season. Your task here is to score 42 points or less.

-Do you think you can do that comfortably?

-I'm hoping I can.

Erm, I'm going to go for the Championship, as well,

and I'm going to go for Molineux.

-Molineux?

-Yeah.

-OK, Molineux, says Alan. Here comes your red line.

Get below that, you're in round two. Let's see how many people said Molineux.

Well, it's right.

And it sees you through to round two.

-Five.

-APPLAUSE

-12 your total.

-APPLAUSE

Yeah, they've been relegated in two successive seasons,

-from the Premiership, down to the Championship, then down to League One.

-Dave.

-Hello.

-Welcome.

What do you do, Dave?

I work with Janine in the same organisation,

which is Specialist Autism Services,

helping support adults with autism and Asperger's.

-And in your spare time, Dave?

-In my spare time, I try and do writing

and a bit of swimming, but obviously not at the same time. It'd get soggy.

-What kind of writing do you do?

-I've written some radio bits and pieces.

-Dramas or...

-Dramas, comedies.

-Excellent.

-What radio things have you done?

-Oh, right, erm, no-one's probably heard of it,

but it was broadcast in Japan, Iowa and Auckland,

which is Darius Dark, Supernatural Detective.

-That sort of sounds familiar, Darius Dark.

-I don't know.

Maybe you heard it in Iowa.

But, anyway, there we are. Now, you're on five.

If you can score 44 or less, you are through to the next round.

-How's football for you, Dave?

-Well, thankfully,

we had a bit of a prompt on the way here. We travelled from Leeds,

and from the train, we were able to see Elland Road.

Eland Road, says Dave. Here's your red line. Get below it, you're through to the next round.

How many of our 100 people said Elland Road?

It's right.

And you're through to the next round. Well done.

-Ten for Elland Road.

-APPLAUSE

15 your total.

Well played, Dave. They've been there since 1920.

It's going to host Rugby World Cup games, as well, Elland Road.

Now, there's only four pointless answers in the whole thing, Portman Road was a terrific one.

The other ones you could've gone for, you could've had

Oakwell, which is Barnsley's ground,

King Power Stadium, which is the Leicester City ground,

and Huddersfield's ground is the John Smith's Stadium.

Other low scorers, Bloomfield Road, Blackpool,

The Valley, Charlton, Ashton Gate, Bristol City, all would've scored you one.

One point also for the Amex Stadium, that's Brighton,

Peterborough's London Road, Burnley's Turf Moor,

The KC Stadium, Hull, they all scored one.

I won't go through everything, but I'll give you some two-pointers.

Ewood Park, Vicarage Road, DW Stadium,

Cardiff City Stadium, Pride Park and the Reebok, all of those would've scored you two points.

So those are the best answers you could've given. Let's look at the ones most of our 100 people said.

One of these will be familiar. Anfield would've scored you 38.

Emirates, the Arsenal stadium, would've scored you 43.

-And there's Old Trafford on 50.

-Thanks, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, the pair who'll be heading home with their high score of 50

are Mark and Suzy. Well, Mark, such a brilliant rear-guard action from you

but I'm afraid just not quite enough to keep you in it.

But it all bodes very well for next time

and I'm sure you'll do better then. But thanks for playing, Mark and Suzy.

APPLAUSE

-But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

-APPLAUSE

And so three pairs remain. At the end of this round,

we have to say goodbye to another pair.

Sarah, that was very, very professionally done.

Very good indeed. Lovely low scoring there. It was all incredibly close.

Very close indeed. Just three points for top to bottom,

so I think it's going to be an exciting second round. Our category is...

Film characters. Can you decided in your pairs who'll go first, who'll go second?

And whoever's going first, step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns....

Witches and wizards, Richard.

On each pass, we're going to show you the names of six witches or wizards

and we need you to tell us the name of the actor that played them.

There'll be 12 actors to guess at home, so good luck.

OK, thanks. So we want the names of the actors or actresses who played these witches and wizards

in the years shown. Here's our first board of six.

I'll read those again one last time.

There we are, six witches and wizards.

Janine.

-How do we feel about these?

-Terrible.

I can see Miss Eva Ernst in my head.

I think... This could be completely wrong, but I think it might be Vanessa Redgrave.

Vanessa Redgrave for Miss Eva Ernst.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

Ooh, no. Bad luck.

Incorrect answer, I'm afraid, which scores you the maximum of 100 points.

-Sorry, Janine. Worth a punt. I'll give you the correct answer at the end of the pass.

-Thanks.

-Now then, Alan.

-Hm.

-Witches and wizards.

-Was this what you were hoping would come up?

-Not particularly, no.

Erm, I've...

I've seen The Witches but I can't remember who played Miss Eva Ernst.

Erm, I've seen the top two, as well,

and I'm going to go for the top one, which is Professor Minerva McGonagall

who I believe was played by Maggie Smith.

Maggie Smith, says Alan, for Minerva McGonagall.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many people said Maggie Smith.

It's right!

-23.

-APPLAUSE

23 for Maggie Smith.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, she's deputy headmistress in that film and head of Gryffindor, Maggie Smith.

-Thanks. Now then, Steve, you're the last person to have these witches and wizards.

-Right.

Er, I know one.

I think I know another one, which I'll take a punt on.

Miss Eva Ernst I think is Anjelica Huston.

Anjelica Huston, says Steve. Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many people said that.

-It's right.

-Thank God.

Seven! That's a great answer, Steve! Very well done indeed.

-Seven for Anjelica Huston.

-APPLAUSE

Terrific answer, Steve. Very well played.

Very brave, as well, if you weren't certain.

Gandalf is Sir Ian McKellan, would've scored you 41.

Now, Alexandra Medford in The Witches Of Eastwick

is Cher, would've scored you 11.

Lamia in Stardust was Michelle Pfeiffer

and she would've scored you eight points.

And the best answer on the board, the Wicked Witch Of The West was Margaret Hamilton

and it was a pointless answer. So if you knew that, terrific work.

Thanks, Richard. We're halfway through the round, let's look at the scores.

Seven, a very well-deserved low score there from Steve,

puts Ian and Steve in a pretty strong position.

Then up to 23, where we find Alan and Sarah.

And then up to 100, where we find Janine and Dave.

So Dave, at the very least, we'll require a low score from you. Best of luck.

We'll come back down the line. Second players, step up to the podium.

OK, we're going to put six more witches and wizards on the board

and here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

Remember, Ian, we're looking for the names of the actors or actresses

who played these witches or wizards.

-Nanny McPhee, Emma Thompson.

-Emma Thompson, says Ian, for Nanny McPhee.

You want to score 92 or less with this answer

to find your place in the next round. Here's your red line.

Get below that and through you go. Emma Thompson, is that right? How many people said it?

Very well done.

-40. Not bad.

-APPLAUSE

47 your total.

Emma Thompson also wrote the screenplay for that film, as well.

-That's quite a tough board.

-It is!

-It is.

-Thanks very much. Now, Sarah,

we want the names of the actors who played these witches or wizards in the years shown.

You're on 23. The high scorers still Dave and Janine on 100.

76 or less gets you through.

I'm not massively confident, but the one I'm least unconfident about

is Isabel Bigelow and Samantha,

I think it might be Nicole Kidman.

Nicole Kidman, says Sarah.

A bit of a punt, but let's find out if that's right.

Here's your red line. Get below that and through you go to the head-to-head.

Is it right, Nicole Kidman? How many people said it if it is?

It is right and you go through, well done.

Not a bad answer at all. 12. There we go.

-APPLAUSE

-Lowest score of the round, Sarah.

-It takes your total up to 35.

-Well played, Sarah.

Yeah, stars in it with Will Ferrell. They won a Golden Raspberry award for worst screen couple.

-LAUGHTER

-Now then, Dave.

Dave, I'm afraid you are already our high scorers,

-even before your answer. I'm sorry.

-Just fighting for our honour now.

Well, exactly. Listen, there you are, do battle with that board.

There we are. Four blanks for you to fill in.

-Do you fancy filling them all in?

-Ooh, I think the first one

is John Cleese, I think, Tim The Enchanter.

I think Profion is Jeremy Irons.

Snow White And The Huntsman I think is Charlize Theron.

But I'm going to go for Miss Price, Bedknobs And Broomsticks,

and I'm going to go for Angela Lansbury.

Angela Lansbury, says Dave. Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

14 for Angela Lansbury. Very well done. Takes your total up to 114.

APPLAUSE

Blimey, Dave, that is very good. You actually knew every single one.

And you gave us the biggest scorer of the ones that you knew. LAUGHTER

Let's take a look at the scores for the other ones that you knew.

Ravenna, you were absolutely right, was Charlize Theron

and it would've scored you four points.

You were right about John Cleese, as well,

and that would've scored you three points.

And you were right about Jeremy Irons and that's a pointless answer.

AUDIENCE GROAN

APPLAUSE Pretty good.

Well, thanks very much indeed, Richard. I'm afraid, Dave and Janine,

even after that fantastic performance,

-well, fantastic knowledge, poor selection...

-LAUGHTER

..I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to you, but it bodes very well for next time. Fantastic work.

We'll look forward to that. Thanks for playing, Dave and Janine.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

-But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

-APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Sarah and Alan, Steve and Ian,

you're now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot, which stands at £9,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now we have to decide who's going to play for that money.

To do that, you're now going to go head-to-head.

You're now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will play for the jackpot.

Something's happened the last few games.

We've had fantastic head-to-head rounds.

They've always gone down to the wire and I have a feeling this is going to be just such a head-to-head.

Sarah and Alan, you were here last time. Only you weren't our golden couple,

-you weren't the low scorers.

-No.

-How do you feel about your rivals today?

-Well...

-Heady heights.

-Yeah.

-May the best pair win.

I was just going to sign off with that, Alan! Ohh!

I was going to say I hope the worst pair wins.

-Oh, no!

-LAUGHTER

-As long as it's us, anyway.

-LAUGHTER

-Very gracious, Alan.

-LAUGHTER

-Let's play the head-to-head!

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

-LAUGHTER

-Celebrities with dogs.

-Richard!

-We are about to show you five pictures of celebrities with dogs.

We need you to name the dog, please. We don't.

LAUGHTER

-We need you to name the celebrity. Best of luck.

-Thanks.

So let's reveal our five celebrities with dogs, and here they are.

There we are. Five celebrities with their dogs.

Now, Sarah and Alan, you've played best throughout the show so far, so you get to go first.

THEY WHISPER

I think we're going to go for B

and I don't know how you pronounce it but she spells it in a funny way, Agyness Deyn.

OK, Agyness Deyn you're going to say.

So, Steve and Ian.

The board is all yours. Talk us through it.

The first one is David Walliams. The second one, we wouldn't have known that.

C is Mickey Rourke.

D I could make a guess at, I suppose.

-E, I've not idea. So I think we need to go...

-Mickey Rourke.

-C, Mickey Rourke.

C, Mickey Rourke. So we have Agyness Deyn versus Mickey Rourke.

Sarah and Alan said Agyness Deyn. Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

-There we are, 11.

-APPLAUSE

Steve and Ian have said Mickey Rourke. Let's see if that's right for C and how many people said that.

It's right.

-28.

-APPLAUSE

Agyness Deyn wins it. So, Sarah and Alan, after one question, you are up one-nil.

Sarah and Alan continue their impressive run. Good answer.

A, I think everyone knew, is David Walliams with Bert.

That would've scored you 68.

D is the best answer on the board, Tamara Ecclestone,

Bernie Ecclestone's daughter, would've scored you eight points.

And E is Amy Childs.

And she would've scored you 31.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, here comes your second question.

Steve and Ian, you get to answer it first, but you have to win it to stay in the game. Best of luck.

It concerns... water.

-Water. Richard.

-Yeah, we're going to give you five clues now to facts about water.

It's quite a broad topic, but go with me. Can you give me the most obscure answer?

Let's reveal our five facts about water, and here they are.

I'll read those one last time.

Now then, Steve and Ian, you go first this time.

THEY WHISPER

Erm, we'll take the composer, we think it's Handel.

Handel say Steve and Ian, Handel.

Now then, Sarah and Alan, do you want to talk us through the board?

OK. Its chemical formula is H2O. And it's ice in its solid state.

I believe the newest ocean is the Southern Ocean.

And the poet who wrote the lines, "Water, water, everywhere,"

I believe is Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

So, yeah, go for Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

OK, Coleridge, say Sarah and Alan.

So we have Handel versus Coleridge.

Steve and Ian went with Handel. Let's see if that's right and how may people said that.

It's right.

-54 for Handel.

-APPLAUSE

Sarah and Alan have gone with Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many people said that.

It's right.

And, yep, it beats Handel, I'm afraid.

-Ooh, down it goes! 15. That's a great score!

-APPLAUSE

Sarah and Alan, on your second attempt, you have done it.

-After only two questions, you are through to the final two-nil.

-Goodness me. Very well played.

I have to say that Agyness Deyn and Samuel Taylor Coleridge is one way to get through to a final. Impressive.

It shows a breadth of knowledge. And you got all of these right, as well.

Chemical formula is of course H2O.

That would've scored you 96.

The name of its solid state is ice.

That would've scored you 88. LAUGHTER

-That's all right, isn't it?

-I guess.

-Could be worse.

-You might get confused by the question.

-Yes.

And the newest ocean you got right. It's the best answer up there,

the Southern Ocean, and would've scored six.

-Very well played, guys.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head, Steve and Ian.

But it's good news for us because, A, we get to see you next time, and B, Steve will play harmonica.

It's kind of win-win for everyone.

Thanks very much for playing. Steve and Ian, great contestants.

-APPLAUSE

-Well done.

But for Sarah and Alan, it's now time for our Pointless final.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Sarah and Alan, you fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy, so very well done.

-Thank you.

-You now have a chance to win our jackpot.

And at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £9,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, you've done it so well today.

Last time you did very well, through to the head-to-head, but this time, low scorers in every single round,

then two-nil in the head-to-head. Very impressive.

Is there anything you'd particularly like to come up in this round?

We're both big cricket fans, so cricket would be good.

Food and drink would be good for me.

-Geography, London in particular.

-OK.

Very, very best of luck. As always, you kick off this round by choosing a category.

You have four options. They are...

-Pretty much everything you asked for.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah.

-We'll go home now.

-Ooh, dear.

-OK. I can't imagine what we'd get for University Challenge.

Erm, Science, could be Nobel prizes. I don't know.

-None of them are strong points, are they?

-What's your history like?

-It's probably not bad.

-Science or Tudors I would go for.

I don't care. You go for it. We've got our trophy.

We have our coveted trophy. We'll go for Tudors, please.

-The Tudors.

-There's two roads in Hampton called Tudors, so if it's about them, we're fine.

-LAUGHTER

-Good luck.

-Yeah. Here's hoping.

Richard, the Tudors.

OK, here are your three options. Hopefully there's something here for you.

We are looking for the full conventional name of any of the spouses of any Tudor monarch.

We are looking for the name of any Pope who reigned during the Tudor period.

Or we are looking for any of Henry VIII's Knights of the Garter,

Knights of the Garter during Henry VIII's reign. So any Tudor spouses, Tudor Popes,

or any of Henry VIII's Knights of the Garter. Very, very best of luck.

I know for some people, this would be a fantastic category. I hope it is for you.

OK, as always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win the jackpot, £9,500,

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Remember, your answers can come from any of these three categories.

You can have all three from one category, one from each, you can spread them however you like.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are. Your time starts now.

-Do you know any Popes?

-Just pick a Pope at random.

-OK.

Knights of the Garter.

-I would go Duke of Northumberland, cos he was big in the court.

-Why not?

-OK.

-And also built...

-Yeah.

-Erm, spouses.

-Anne of Cleves. Anne Boleyn. Catherine Parr. Catherine Howard.

What other Tudor monarchs were there?

-Oh, gosh, there's...

-Henry VII?

Yeah, there's Henry VII, I don't know his wife.

The others didn't get married, I don't think.

Oh, what about James I? Did Mary marry James I of Scotland?

-Mary Queen of Scots.

-Married which one?

We don't need to know that. We just need to know the spouse.

-Yeah, who was the spouse of Mary Queen of Scots?

-Oh, sorry.

-Mary I?

-It would be one of the Jameses.

-James VI?

-James IV?

-Ten seconds left.

-OK. Erm...

-Go for Pope Pius IV or something.

-That sounds good to me. OK. We're ready.

-OK, you're ready.

-What about that?

-THEY LAUGH

We'll just go with Pius IV, shall we? OK, very good.

-I now need your three answers.

-Pope Pius IV.

-Pope Pius IV. Him.

-Erm, yeah. It was James IV?

-Yeah, go for it.

-James IV.

-And...

-What about James IV?

-Tudor spouse. He might be married to Mary I.

-OK, James IV, Pius IV, all the fourths.

-And Knights of the Garter, Duke of Northumberland.

Duke of Northumberland. OK. Of those three answers, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

Erm, Duke of Northumberland.

OK. I'll put Duke of Northumberland last.

-Which is your least likely to be pointless?

-Pius IV.

Pius IV. OK.

Let's pop those up on the board in that order. And here they are.

Very, very best of luck. Your first answer was Pius.

Now, you just plucked all these things out of thin air, did you?

-Yep.

-Completely.

-OK. If it is correct and it is pointless, you will win today's jackpot.

What plans have you made for £9,500 worth of winnings?

Erm, well, next year we're hoping to go to the West Indies,

taking our passion of cricket, and watch England play out there.

Erm, so it would go very much towards that.

Very, very best of luck. Your first answer was Pius. Let's find out,

for £9,500, was he a Tudor Pope?

He was!

That is a correct answer.

Now, if Pius takes us all the way down to zero,

you will be leaving here and making travel plans for the West Indies.

-Oh, bad luck. Nine people said Pius.

-APPLAUSE

OK. Two more answers on the board.

Your second answer was James IV.

Let's just find out, James IV, if that's correct.

It then has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

So for £9,500, was James IV a Tudor spouse?

No! Bad luck!

Bad luck. An incorrect answer. Which means everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

the Duke of Northumberland. Now, you had a bit of authority on this, Alan.

I know he was in favour in the court of Henry VIII.

OK. He was a favourite and therefore likely.

-May have been invested with the Order of the Garter.

-OK, well, let's find out. Let's hope he was.

If he was, you leave here with the jackpot. So for £9,500,

let's find out if the Duke of Northumberland was one of Henry VIII's Knights of the Garter.

He was! Your first answer, Pius, took us down to nine.

Your second answer, James IV, was incorrect.

Your third and final answer, the Duke of Northumberland, is taking us very low indeed.

-You've done it! You have done it! Very well done!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That is fantastic! Very, very well done indeed.

Thank you!

-Brilliant!

-Oh, my God!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very, very well done indeed. Congratulations!

The Duke of Northumberland was a pointless answer,

which means you leave here today with a jackpot of £9,500.

-Well done.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you! Oh, my God!

Very well done indeed. Richard, what about that?

How about that? Literally everything we've thrown at you for two shows,

-you've been so terrific all the way through. I'm so happy that you've won the money.

-Thank you.

John Dudley, the Duke of Northumberland, one of Henry VIII's Knights of the Garter.

Let's take a look at the other pointless answers for people at home.

You can have a think about your nine and a half grand while I do it.

There's only one Tudor spouse, the husband of Lady Jane Grey, Lord Guildford Dudley,

to give him his formal title.

Now, the next one, Tudor Popes,

there's only two pointless ones, Marcellus and Sixtus.

-You were right about Pius, you even got the right number, Pius IV.

-Really?

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Oh, my goodness!

-Let's takes a look at some more of Henry VIII's Knights of the Garter.

There's lots of pointless answers. Henry Percy,

James V King of Scotland, Sir Thomas Howard, Thomas Boleyn.

There's loads of names down here.

But the most important one is John Dudley, the Duke of Northumberland.

Thanks very much, Richard. Well, thanks again to our winning players,

Sarah and Alan, who go away with today's jackpot of £9,500.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Thank you!

Join us next time when we'll put more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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