Episode 31 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you. Hello. I'm Alexander Armstrong.

A very warm welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where the obvious answers mean nothing

and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi. I'm Nick. This is my brother, Neil.

We're from Huntingdon.

Couple number two.

Hi. I'm Stu and this is my friend, Chloe. We're from South London.

Couple number three.

Hi. I'm Cliff. I'm from Coventry. This is my friend, Andy, from Solihull.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi. I'm Danni. This is my husband, Steve.

We're from Colchester.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much. We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

You must be this tall to ride the Facts Train.

It's my Pointless friend - it's Richard.

Hiya.

Hi, everybody.

-Good afternoon.

-And to you.

I'm still reeling from that last show. What a brilliant endgame!

-That was great.

-Sue and Caz were terrific.

They went for physics and chemistry and absolutely aced it.

Got a lovely big pointless answer, walked away with three grand.

-Terrific.

-Mmm.

-Very, very smart. We've got two teams back from that show - Steve and Danni,

who we didn't see a lot of, as they got knocked out in the first round.

They promised me - promised me - they'll do better today.

And we also had Andy and Cliff, who were in round two,

so probably a team to beat today.

But it looks like we've got two fairly strong pairs on podiums one and two as well.

-Don't you think?

-Oh, yeah.

The Huntingdon brothers.

Yeah.

Thank you very much indeed.

All our questions on Pointless have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer -

an answer none of our 100 people gave. Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, Sue and Caz won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

So, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this first round, I'll take an answer from each of you, but there's to be no conferring.

Whichever pair has the highest score at the end will be eliminated,

so try and make sure that's not you.

OK, our first category today is...

Football. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many Premier League losers as they could.

Premier League losers, Richard.

We are looking for the name of any football team who have ever played in the Premier League

from its inception in 1992 all the way through to the 2011-2012 season

who have never won the Premier League title.

So any team who have played in the Premier League

but have never won the title. Best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. Nick and Neil, you all drew lots before the show and today you are going first.

Neil, welcome to Pointless. Good to have you here.

-What do you do up in Huntingdon?

-I'm carer for my mother.

-That is pretty full-time, is it?

-I'm afraid so.

-Does that leave you time for hobbies?

-It does.

I'm not too bad for hobbies.

I'm quite keen on astronomy.

Out with my binoculars.

Binoculars, Neil? Hiding in bushes...

Well...

But surely a telescope? Or can you see things with binoculars?

Binoculars are good because they have a wider field of view.

They're good for general astronomy. If you want to focus on a particular object, use a telescope.

I see. So, Neil, we're looking for any team that's played in the Premier League

but hasn't won it.

I'm going to say

Barnsley.

Barnsley, says Neil. Let's see if that's right and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Barnsley.

It's right.

Very well done, Neil - 6 for Barnsley.

APPLAUSE

Great start, Neil. Very well played.

They had one season in the Premiership, 1997-1998.

I think I would have gone with Barnsley.

Thanks, Richard. Chloe, welcome to Pointless.

I have to say that was the bravest smile I've ever seen when football came up.

Not thrilled with football. What do you do?

I work for the British Red Cross in London.

And what bit of the Red Cross do you work for?

I work in the Health and Social Care team.

I see. And what are your hobbies?

I enjoy playing a lot of video games.

Excellent.

Excellent!

-Do you play any football-based video games?

-Alas, no.

-No, I don't.

-That's a shame.

I have a vague knowledge of 1994 football,

-when I collected the sticker album, and that's it.

-Good enough.

What are you going to go for?

I'm going to go for the team my dad used to support,

-which is Wimbledon FC.

-Wimbledon FC, says Chloe.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Wimbledon.

Absolutely right.

Barnsley got 6.

What's Wimbledon going to get?

Oh, 2 - very well done indeed!

That's a brilliant answer.

Very well done indeed.

Another great answer. Very well done. They were in the Premier League for about eight years, Wimbledon.

They were relegated. They became the MK Dons

and now there's AFC Wimbledon, so they've become two teams.

Finished sixth one year.

Now then, Andy, welcome back.

What happened last time, Andy?

We went out in the second round, unfortunately.

Bit of a mix-up with songs to film titles.

That's right. We had Evita and The Graduate from you two.

Two high scorers. Not wrong, though.

-Not the best.

-Yeah.

Andy, what do you fill your time with?

Lots of things with family. I've got small children, so a lot of things with the family

and my music and sports.

Watching, obviously, not participating.

OK. So this, theoretically, should be a good round for you.

-I do hope so. I've probably set myself up for a fall.

-Well, the bar's been set very low - 6 and 2.

What are you going to go for?

I think I'm going to go with Swindon Town.

Swindon Town, says Andy. Swindon Town.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Swindon Town.

It is right.

6 is our high score and 2, our low.

Look at that - a new low score, Andy, for Swindon Town.

Very well done. 1.

Terrific round. Well played, Andy. A great answer.

They had one season in the Premier League - '93-'94.

-Didn't go brilliantly for Swindon.

-No.

Now, Steve. Remind us what you do, Steve.

I work for the NHS in IT scheduling.

And what are your hobbies?

I like music. Both Danni and I are DJs on an internet hard rock heavy metal radio station.

-Can you do that from home?

-Yes.

-Do you have a little studio at home or just a computer?

-Studio, living room.

In front of the TV!

You watch telly while you're doing your show?

As long as we get the subtitles up, yeah,

-especially if football's on.

-This is good news.

Yeah, but all the really good answers are gone!

There has to be a lot of good answers in there still.

Well, I'm going to go with a team I know is definitely in the Premier League.

I hope a lot of people remember them more for going down from the Championship recently. Portsmouth.

Portsmouth, says Steve.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Portsmouth.

It is right.

10 for Portsmouth.

Another very good answer. It doesn't look like it when you look at the other scores,

but there have been some crackers said so far.

Had seven years in the Premiership. Eighth was their highest position.

Thanks. We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

Andy and Cliff looking the best at this stage with 1,

then up to 2, where we find Chloe and Stu. Up to 6, Neil and Nick

and then up to 10, where we find Steve and Danni.

Danni, we need a really good low score from you.

Please, you must go further than the first round this time.

Best of luck. We'll come back down the line. Can the second players step up to the podium.

Remember, we are looking for any team that's played in the Premier League but hasn't won it.

Now then, Danni, welcome back.

-Hi.

-Now, what do you do, Danni?

-I'm a home-maker.

-A home-maker?

-Yeah.

It's a bit more of a professional-sounding title for it.

What are the things you've made at home?

Um...dinner.

Sounds perfectly good to me!

And a baby. You've got a baby as well.

I've made another one as well. It's got 30 weeks to grow.

Oh, well done! Congratulations. A lot of making going on.

That is home-making, right in front of our very eyes.

What are your hobbies? We've heard about your DJ-ing.

I also play bass. I did used to play in a band.

I like reading a lot of Shakespeare.

And then football comes up.

-Yeah.

-How is your football?

Awkwardly enough, I'm an Arsenal fan and Steve's a Tottenham fan,

so we argue a lot over that. But apart from that, it's not brilliant.

OK. Well, you're the high scorers, so what we need from you now is a brilliant tactical low score.

I'm going to have to play it slightly safe and say Norwich.

Norwich, says Danni.

Norwich. No red line for you as you're the high scorers.

But let's see how many of our 100 people said Norwich.

It's right.

13.

Takes your total up to 23.

Another good answer. They actually finished third in the very first season of the Premier League.

-You're a Norwich fan, aren't you?

-I am.

-Bit of Norwich.

Very nice. Now then, Cliff.

Cliff, welcome back to Pointless.

Remind us what you do.

I work for Coventry Social Services.

And when you're not doing that, what do you do?

I love music.

Go to lots of gigs, festivals every year.

I want to go to Glastonbury. I've never been,

which is crazy, really, because I've gone for years and it's the biggie.

Getting tickets is a bit of a problem.

OK, well, win the jackpot and then...

That won't get you any further in the queue for tickets, obviously, but still...

It's a start. Now, Cliff, what are you going to go for?

I'm going to go for my home team, Coventry City.

Coventry City, says Cliff.

The high scorers are Danni and Steve on 23. You're on 1,

so 21 or less gets you through. There's your red line.

Let's see if Coventry City can get you below it.

Very well done - you're through.

6. Another lovely low score.

Very well done. 7 your total.

Played right from the beginning all the way through to 2001, Coventry. Never finished higher than 11th.

Perennial relegation battles for Coventry, like many other teams.

Now then, what do you do, Stu?

I work for the London Borough of Camden.

-I'm a lead researcher there.

-What do you research?

-Leads.

-He just said.

-No...leads? Lead researcher.

-Yeah.

-I have been known to be called a LEAD researcher,

-but it is definitely lead.

-OK.

I'm the only researcher, so...

So lead is kind of erroneous, really.

-You're researcher-in-chief.

-I might actually try that when I go back.

What are you researching at the moment?

We're doing surveys, things like that,

about how well we're doing as a council.

So what are your hobbies, Stu?

Sport - love watching it, love playing it.

Although some people don't think they're sports, cos it's like darts and snooker.

They're Mr Osman's favourite sports.

-I'm with you there.

-And TMS cricket sends me to sleep. It doesn't send me to sleep,

but...yeah, it does send me to sleep.

-It's soothing.

-In a nice way. You like it.

-I love it.

-Oh, good, good.

Now then, Stu. How many answers that you had on the tip of your tongue have gone?

Two. I did have Swindon, so I was a bit gutted when that came out,

but I've got about 14 in my head, and I don't know which one to go with.

-OK.

-I'm going to go with the polar opposite to Norwich, and that's Ipswich Town.

Ipswich Town, says Stu. Ipswich Town.

There is your red line. If you can get below that, you're into round two.

Let's see if Ipswich Town can get you down there.

Very well done - you are through. 5 for Ipswich.

Takes your total up to 7.

Very well done.

Well played, Stu. That's Norwich 13, Ipswich 5.

That's a game and a half.

Lots of football rivalries all over the country and lots of them get lots of publicity.

Norwich and Ipswich gets less publicity than lots of them.

But it's fairly brutal.

-They don't like each other much.

-They don't like each other at all.

Now, Nick, what do you do?

I'm a director of my own little company.

It's involved in medical communications and medical education.

Good stuff. What do you do when you're not doing that?

When I'm not doing that, read a lot, computer games, video games...

Also, play a little golf. I'm not very good.

-And Airsoft.

-Airsoft?

What's Airsoft?

Airsoft is like paintball, but with more aggression.

You basically have your military uniform.

You then have your rifle.

-It fires little BBs.

-Little...?

Little BBs - ball bearings, but they're made of ceramic.

-They're biodegradable.

-I'm sure they don't harm the planet!

They hurt.

How many people do this?

Usually there'd be about 30 or 40 each side.

-So essentially a battle?

-Yes.

Right. I will look out for that

and avoid it.

You are on 6. The high scorers are still Danni and Steve on 23.

16 or less sees you through.

We're looking for any team that's played in the Premier League but hasn't won it.

I have an answer.

It's Southampton.

Southampton. That has to score you 16 or less.

There is your red line. Let's see if you can get below that red line with Southampton.

It's right.

You are through - just. You needed 16, you got 16.

That takes your total to 22.

Very well done indeed.

Yes, well played, Nick.

That's Southampton 16, Portsmouth 10.

That's another big perennial relegation challenger, Southampton.

Back in the Premier League now.

There's no pointless answers at all here,

so some of the low scores there were absolutely terrific. 1 is the best score you could have got.

Swindon Town and one other team would have scored you 1.

Very well done at home if you said Oldham.

Oldham would have scored you 1. There's Wimbledon with 2.

Other teams that would have scored you 2 - Burnley and Watford.

You'd have got 3 points for Blackpool

and you'd have got 4 for Crystal Palace or Bradford City.

You'd have got 5 points for Notts Forest,

6 points for Sheffield Wednesday and Derby.

You'd have got 7 points for Leicester. Those are the lowest scorers.

You'd get a low score for a team like Liverpool.

Liverpool are very famous, but I think a lot of people thought they'd won the Premier League,

but they hadn't, so they would have scored 13 points.

Let's look at the big scorers.

These are the biggest teams who have never won the Premier League.

19 points for Newcastle United.

21 points for Spurs

and right at the top, Everton with 24 points.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So at the end of our first round,

I'm afraid the pair heading home for the second time at the end of the first round,

I'm afraid it's Danni and Steve. Bad luck! Nothing wrong with your answers.

And very, very close at the end there - just a point in it.

But I'm afraid you are our high scorers, so we have to say goodbye to you.

Thanks for playing, Danni and Steve.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

OK, so three pairs remain. At the end of this round,

we'll be saying goodbye to another pair. That was a brilliant first round.

Very, very close indeed.

Andy and Cliff, lovely low score. With you, Andy, particularly low score there.

And Stu and Chloe, fantastic low score from you as well.

Very well done. I think this is going to be close.

Our category for round two is...

As I said, I think this is going to be close.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

And the question concerns...

Figures of the 17th century.

Richard.

This is terrific news for everybody, isn't it(?)

This is a round where no-one's allowed to say, "This is a bit before my time".

No-one can do it. On each pass, we'll give you six clues

to people who were prominent during the 1600s.

You just have to tell us who they were.

12 in all to have a go at at home. Good luck.

Thanks. OK, we are looking for the names of these 17th-century figures

described by these clues. Here's our first board.

I'll read all of those again.

Six clues to six 17th-century figures.

Neil.

Well, I think I'm going to go with the philosopher

who wrote Leviathan.

And I think it's Thomas Hobbes.

Thomas Hobbes, says Neil. Thomas Hobbes.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Thomas Hobbes.

It's right.

That's a very good answer indeed, Neil. Very well done indeed.

CHEERING

Very well played. It's a terrific answer. Neil's good, isn't he?

-Yeah.

-Hobbes, his basic tenet is that men are essentially selfish,

or man is essentially selfish.

-So you need a strong state.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Chloe.

Chloe, you did very, very well last round.

Lovely low score there. 3 is the gauntlet that Neil has thrown down.

I think I know the last one,

but I think I might know the mistress to Charles II.

But I'm worried I'm getting her confused with someone else.

So I'm going to play it fairly safe

and say the Navy board official

-was Samuel Pepys.

-Samuel Pepys, says Chloe. The diarist.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Samuel Pepys.

It's right.

31 for Pepys.

Well played, Chloe. Good safe answer. He stopped because he feared he was going to go blind if he kept writing.

But he never did.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Andy.

This board is all yours - do you want to talk us through it?

That's kind of a big ask!

To try and fill in four that I don't know.

I think, but it's a guess and could well be wrong,

so hopefully Cliff will get me out of this hole,

is the actress and the mistress of Charles II

was Moll Flanders.

Moll Flanders, says Andy.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said Moll Flanders.

Bad luck, Andy. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which means you score the maximum of 100 points.

Sorry, Andy. Moll Flanders is a fictional character, a Daniel Defoe character.

This was someone who was described by Samuel Pepys as "pretty, witty Nell".

Nell Gwyn.

Would have scored 33 points.

-The Lord Protector of England, Scotland and Ireland?

-Cromwell.

-Cromwell, yep.

Would have scored you 38.

-Do you know the opera?

-Purcell.

That is Henry Purcell. Very well done.

2 points. And appointed Master Carver?

-Grinling Gibbons.

-Grinling Gibbons. Very well done. 1 point.

Very well done if you got that at home. Very well done if you got that in the studio.

Thank you!

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

3 the lowest score of that pass. Very well done, Neil.

Good Hobbes knowledge there.

Then up to 31. Seems like everyone knew Hobbes.

31, where we find Chloe and Stu,

then up to 100, where we find Andy and Cliff.

So, Cliff, who knows? It might be a harder board,

but if you get a good answer early on, it might be enough to keep you in the game.

Best of luck. Can the second players please step up to the podium.

OK, we'll put six more clues up on the board. And here they come.

We have got...

I'll read all of those one last time.

Remember, we're looking for the names of these famous 17th-century figures. Cliff.

How's that board for you?

Not good!

I think I'm going to have to go with

St Paul's Cathedral.

I think that was designed by Wren.

-Can we have a Christian name?

-Christopher Wren.

Christopher Wren. No red line for you as you're the high scorers,

but let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Christopher Wren.

It's right.

61.

Takes your total up to 161.

After the Great Fire, he designed 51 new churches in London.

He's buried at St Paul's Cathedral

and the inscription says "If you seek his memorial, look around you".

Thanks, Richard. Stu.

Now, there's good news.

You are through to the head-to-head round.

Even if you score 100 points, you won't overtake Cliff and Andy on their high score of 161.

-But what do you make of this board?

-Not great.

I think I know two, maybe three. And the other two, no idea.

I don't want to look stupid, so I'll pick one I know.

I'm jumping the gun a bit, but I'm hoping the scientist

who described three laws of motion

was Sir Isaac Newton.

Sir Isaac Newton, says Stu.

No red line for you as you're already through,

but let's see if Newton is right for three laws of motion.

It is right.

33 for Sir Isaac Newton.

64 your total.

Yes, quite a low score for Sir Isaac Newton, isn't it?

He was a Member of Parliament for Cambridge University.

Cambridge University had its own MP.

-Extraordinary!

-Doesn't seem right.

-No.

-There you go. Now, Nick.

-Yes.

The board is all yours. Do you think you can take us through it?

I can certainly try.

The monarch who was executed was Charles I.

I'm not sure about the dramatist.

And also I'm not sure about the last one.

But John Milton wrote Paradise Lost.

You're going to go with John Milton. No red line for you - you're already through.

Let's see how many people said John Milton.

30.

33 your total, Nick. Very good.

Very well done. When he was travelling through Italy, he met Galileo,

who was under house arrest at the time for his many theories. He mentions him in Paradise Lost.

Amazing when you think of incredibly famous people being contemporaries of each other.

Now, let's tae a look at the rest of these. Absolutely right

about the monarch - it's Charles I.

Would have scored you 32.

-And the dramatist who wrote The Alchemist.

-Ben Jonson.

-Ben Jonson.

Absolutely right. Terrific sprinter as well.

Would have scored you one point.

-And designed the Banqueting House?

-Inigo Jones.

-It is Inigo Jones.

You're very good on the 17th century. That would have scored you 2 points.

-I quite like the name Inigo.

-It's a very good name.

-People aren't called that any more.

-No. It's a shame.

Thank you, Richard. So at the end of our second round, I'm afraid it's Cliff and Andy leaving.

Our second returning pair leaves.

That was quite a tough board in both cases,

but Moll Flanders... You were clearly reaching for Nell Gywn.

But it was a good mistake to make, a literary mistake.

But I'm afraid an incorrect answer, and I'm afraid you're paying the price for it now.

I'm sorry we have to say goodbye. Thanks very much, Cliff and Andy.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Neil and Nick, Chloe and Stu.

You are now one step closer to the final

and a chance of playing for our jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

We have to decide who's going to play for that money, and to do that, you'll now go head-to-head.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for the jackpot.

The difference is you're now allowed to confer.

Nick and Neil, fantastic performance. How are you feeling?

-OK, thanks.

-You've been pretty broadly tested.

17th century, football... Chloe did so well in round one - breezed through that. Lovely low score.

And the great thing is you can now chat before you give any answers,

which just makes it a little bit easier. Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question. And it concerns...

Nordic musicians. Richard.

Don't panic! You know it'll be fine.

We'll show you five pictures of bands or musicians

from either Scandinavia or Finland or Iceland.

Can you just name the act you're about to see.

OK, let's reveal our five Nordic musicians. And here they come.

There you go. Five...

..groups of Nordic musicians.

Nick and Neil, you've played best so far, so you get to go first.

Right, we've decided to go for E, please.

And it's Lordi.

Lordi. Lordi, say Nick and Neil.

So, Chloe and Stu, can you fill in the board for us?

A looks familiar,

but I don't know who they are.

B is Abba.

D's A-ha.

And C I think is Aqua, who sang Barbie Girl.

-It is.

-Shall we go for C?

-I think we should.

We're going to go C, Aqua.

OK. C, Aqua.

So we have Lordi and Aqua.

Nick and Neil said Lordi. Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said Lordi.

It's right.

Very well done indeed!

7 for Lordi.

Chloe and Stu have gone for Aqua. Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said Aqua.

It's right.

12.

Two fantastic low scores there. Well done to both of you.

Particular well done to Nick. Is "well done" the right word for knowing...? I guess it probably is.

For spotting Lordi there. Very well done.

After one question, you are up 1-0.

Yes, Lordi, the Finnish hard rock band, who won the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest.

Before we do A, because A is the best answer on the board,

let's start with B. That is of course Abba. What do you think Abba scored?

-97.

-92. 92.

Big score, though, isn't it,

for a band who've not been around for a long time?

D is of course A-ha.

From Norway. They would have scored you 42.

Now, A is...

the Icelandic band Of Monsters And Men.

Had a huge hit album in 2012 in the UK.

Nothing at all for that, so very well done if you knew them at home.

Thanks, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Chloe and Stu, you get to go first,

but you have to win this to stay in the game. Best of luck. It concerns...

TV dragons. Richard.

We'll give you the names of five people who have been dragons on TV's Dragons' Den.

We've missed alternate letters out of their names. Can you fill them in and tell us who they are?

Thanks. Let's reveal our five dragons. And here they are.

I'll read those all one last time without the blanks.

Chloe and Stu.

THEY WHISPER

We're going to go for the top one, Deborah Meaden.

Deborah Meaden, say Chloe and Stu.

Nick and Neil, can you talk us through the board?

We know the second one - Duncan Bannatyne.

We have Deborah Meaden. We have Duncan Bannatyne.

Chloe and Stu said Deborah Meaden.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said that.

It is right.

Very well done. 13.

13 for Deborah Meaden. Nick and Neil have gone for Duncan Bannatyne.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

38.

Well done, Chloe and Stu. That's what you had to do.

You're back in the game. After two questions, it's 1-1.

Let's fill in the rest of this board. The third one down

is the lady with the shoulder pads, Hilary Devey.

She would have scored 10.

I think, Chloe and Stu, you had an idea for the fourth one down?

We weren't sure if it was Richard Farleigh or Richard Fairley.

Richard Farleigh, absolutely right.

He was the Australian investor. Would have scored 1 point.

Very well done if you said that at home. Terrific answer.

And another of the original dragons, along with Duncan Bannatyne -

Peter Jones at the bottom.

He would have scored 27.

Thanks very much indeed.

It comes down to a decider. This is the third question,

which will decide who goes through to the final.

Here it comes. It concerns...

Monopoly. Richard.

We'll show you five clues to facts about the board game Monopoly.

Can you give us the most obscure answer to get into that jackpot round?

Thanks. Let's reveal our five clues. And here they come.

I'll read those one last time.

Now then, Nick and Neil, you go first again this time.

We think we're going to go with the city the original US version was based on,

which we think is Atlantic City.

Atlantic City, say Nick and Neil.

Atlantic City. Now, Chloe and Stu.

Is Euston...?

Is it the iron or the wheelbarrow that was replaced?

-It's £200.

-Passing go.

And it's Mayfair that's the most expensive.

So we know the bottom two, but we're not sure on the others.

Is Euston...? That's not even one of the stations, is it?

I know I wanted it to be the iron, but I can't remember

if it was the iron, or if it was just I wanted it to be the iron.

Did you not like the iron?

Not so much. Not a big fan of ironing.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, but with a tiny iron...

A shirt's going to take a long time.

-Especially my shirts.

-Yeah!

-Iron?

-Iron.

Stop saying it over and over again.

We're going to go with the playing piece that replaced the cat

and we're going to go with iron.

You think the cat replaced the iron.

Nick and Neil have said Atlantic City was the city

the original US version was based on.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said Atlantic City.

It is right.

Oh, it's good... Look at that - 1!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Excellent score. Very well done indeed, Nick and Neil.

Well, that's what you have to beat, Chloe and Stu.

You've gone with the iron. Let's see if that's right and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said the iron.

The iron is right.

Oh, 39.

Very well done, Nick and Neil. After three questions,

you are through to the final 2-1.

Terrific answer. Best answer up there.

Nothing Chloe and Stu could have done.

Where did that information come from?

I'd just seen it written before. I think Neil has as well.

-Monopoly general knowledge...

-At the back of the head.

That's perfect pointless information. Well done.

The first of the four stations is King's Cross.

Would have scored 15. The salary is £200.

That would have scored you 86.

And the most expensive property is Mayfair.

That would have scored you 71.

So Atlantic City very much the best answer there.

Thanks very much indeed.

So the pair leaving us, I'm afraid it's you, Chloe and Stu.

But very well played.

Aqua, Deborah Meaden, the iron...

Three very good low-scoring answers there,

but you were just up against Nick and Neil. They're like a Pointless machine, the pair of them.

There was nothing you could do against Atlantic City.

And Lordi. I mean, for heaven's sake, where are we going to go after that?

The good news is we'll get to see you again next time,

and we'll look forward to that. Thanks very much, Chloe and Stu.

APPLAUSE

But for Nick and Neil, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Many congratulations, Nick and Neil.

You fought off all the competition and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

Best of luck for this round.

Anything in particular you'd like to see come up? Looks like you're pretty solid on most...

I'd like something on science or chemistry.

That's how the last jackpot was won.

-Neil?

-Maybe something on classic literature, perhaps.

OK. Good. Very best of luck.

As always, you start off by choosing a category.

You have four options to choose from. They are...

I don't know anything much about disco hits.

French culture...possibly.

The one that grabs my interest is University Challenge.

I'm pretty much thinking along the same lines.

OK, University Challenge it is. Richard.

OK, guys, here are your three options. I hope you find

a good answer in one of these.

We're looking for any university or college who has ever won University Challenge.

That's from 1963 up to and including the 2013 series.

We're looking for any cast member in The Young Ones episode Bambi,

where Footlights College played against Scumbag College.

Or we're looking for any cast members in the 2006 film

Starter For Ten.

So any University Challenge winners,

and actors in The Young Ones episode Bambi

or any actor in Starter For Ten.

Best of luck, guys.

As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot of £1,000 is to find just one pointless answer.

Remember, the answers you give can come from any of these categories.

They can all come from one category,

one from each - entirely up to you.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

Winners?

Actor in Starter For Ten - Mark Gatiss.

-He played Bamber Gascoigne.

-That's right.

-We could do him, then.

-Yes.

Emma Thompson was in the Bambi one.

And let's see...

-Manchester's won it.

-That's this year, yes.

Have they won it before?

I think they have.

Who else has won it?

-King's College, Cambridge.

-King's College, Cambridge.

New College, Oxford.

Are you sure about New College, Oxford?

I think so. Also, I think one of the Scottish ones...

I'm not sure.

Shall we go with King's College, Cambridge?

We'll go with King's College, Cambridge, we'll go with Mark Gatiss

and go with Emma Thompson.

OK, you're happy with your answers. We'll stop the clock there.

Time is now up. I now need your three answers. What are you going to give me?

OK, for University Challenge winners,

we've decided on King's College.

-King's College.

-Cambridge.

For actors in The Young Ones episode Bambi,

-we think Emma Thompson.

-Emma Thompson.

And then for an actor in Starter For Ten,

-we think... What's his name?

-Mark Gatiss.

Mark Gatiss. OK.

Think he played Bamber.

Of those three, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I think Mark Gatiss.

-Probably Mark Gatiss.

OK, Mark Gatiss we'll put last. Which is your least likely to be pointless?

King's College.

King's College, Cambridge, we'll put first. Let's put those on the board in that order.

We have got King's College, Cambridge,

Emma Thompson, Mark Gatiss.

Well, best of luck.

Your first answer was King's College, Cambridge.

Was this a bit of a shot in the dark?

I would anticipate that they had won,

but I can't remember when it was.

If this is correct and it's pointless,

you will win today's jackpot.

What would you do with £1,000, Nick?

Well, I'd give half to Neil.

I think it's only fair.

I'd actually put my half to a trip to Peking.

Good. Good thing to spend it on. Neil, how about you?

Well, I think in my case it would go towards a new car,

because my present one is 15 years old.

OK, good. Well, very, very best of luck.

Three perfectly good answers up there.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless.

Your first answer - King's College, Cambridge.

Let's find out, for £1,000, has King's College, Cambridge, ever won University Challenge?

Ooh...they never have.

I'm surprised.

What about that?

Well, two more answers to go.

Your second answer was Emma Thompson.

We're pretty sure that's correct. Let's find out if any of our 100 people could remember

if Emma Thompson was in the Bambi episode of The Young Ones.

This for £1,000.

It's right.

Your first answer, King's College, Cambridge, was incorrect.

But Emma Thompson is absolutely on the money.

Down it comes through the teens into single figures.

Taking us down...

Oh ho ho ho! 1!

OK, one person remembered Emma Thompson in that episode.

So everything is now riding on your third and final answer - Mark Gatiss.

-You were pretty sure this was your best shot at a pointless answer.

-We think so.

Let's find out, for £1,000, was Mark Gatiss in Starter For Ten?

It's right.

Now, your first answer, King's College, Cambridge, was incorrect.

Emma Thompson was absolutely correct,

took us right down to 1.

Mark Gatiss is taking us down into single figures. Down it goes...

Yes, you've done it!

Very well done indeed!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very well done.

Very well done indeed.

Well, congratulations. Mark Gatiss was a pointless answer,

which means you go home with today's jackpot of £1,000.

Well done, you.

APPLAUSE

And beautifully ranked, if I may say.

You put them in exactly the right order. Well chosen.

We did say right at the start we had our eyes on you.

You've done brilliantly. Sorry it wasn't for a bigger jackpot.

Let's look at some of the other pointless answers.

Some people will have got pointless answers in other categories.

King's College, Cambridge, never won University Challenge,

but the following colleges did.

Birkbeck College, Churchill College, Cambridge.

You could have had Queen's, Belfast.

You could have had University College, Oxford.

A few more as well. Oxford Colleges - Corpus Christi,

Keble, Merton College or Somerville College.

Couple of Cambridge colleges would have been pointless - Fitzwilliam and Sidney Sussex.

And you could also have had Dundee or Keele.

All of those pointless answers. Well done if you said one of those.

Other actors from The Young Ones brilliant Bambi episode.

Alexei Sayle - he played the train driver.

Griff Rhys Jones, who of course played Bamber Gascoigne,

as did Mark Gatiss, your answer.

Hugh Laurie was a pointless answer - played Lord Monty.

He was on Emma Thompson's team, alongside Stephen Fry,

who would have scored 3 and Ben Elton, who would have scored you 1.

And Robbie Coltrane also a pointless answer.

You could have had Mel Smith or Tony Robinson.

They're both in that episode.

And for Starter For Ten, a lot of pointless answers. Here's a few.

Catherine Tate, Charles Dance,

Dominic Cooper and James Corden,

all pointless. If you've seen the film, if you guess someone,

there were only four cast members who got any points -

James McAvoy, Benedict Cumberbatch,

Rebecca Hall and Alice Eve.

If you didn't say one of those, you've got yourself a pointless answer.

Well done, guys. That is a terrific performance all the way through.

Thanks very much.

Thanks once again to our winning players, Nick and Neil,

who go away with today's jackpot of £1,000. Brilliant.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd