Episode 44 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

welcome to Pointless, the quiz show where the lowest scorers

are the biggest winners. Let's meet today's players.

-And couple number one.

-My name's Jeff, this is my good mate Tom.

-We're from Hednesford in Staffordshire.

-Couple number two.

Hi, my name's Gareth, this is my girlfriend Louise,

-and we're from North London.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Jim.

I'm from Belfast.

I'm retired, and this is my friend Barbara, also from Belfast.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Keith, this is Dave, and we're friends from Cheltenham.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks, all of you.

We'll find out more about you through the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce,

the exam invigilator of this little operation,

so he'll spend today watching our contestants like a hawk

and insisting on accompanying them to the toilets.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody. Afternoon.

-Good afternoon. How are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-How have you been since I last saw you?

-Erm... Pretty well, actually.

-What have you been up to?

-This and that.

I went out for lunch with friends, took in a show. Took in a matinee.

-Just got here, two minutes before we started.

-Very good.

I saw you being dropped off on the back of a bike, back of a motorbike.

-That is correct. On the back of a Harley Davidson.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, Big Ron dropped me off.

-Big Ron.

-Yeah.

-Wow.

Tell you what, there's 15 Rons in the chapter

of the Hell's Angels I'm in, and he's the biggest.

Yeah.

LAUGHTER

He's not very tall, though, is he?

He's not tall but he makes up for it with circumference.

Certainly he does.

-Certainly does.

-That bike rides low to the ground.

-Sure.

-Let me tell you that. Now, I'll tell you who I miss.

-Tell me.

-Barry and Harry.

-I miss Barry and Harry!

-Aw.

-They were great, weren't they?

-I like them.

Rhyming names, got through to the jackpot round,

did terrifically well in the jackpot round, got a three pointer,

a two pointer and a one pointer in that jackpot round.

Again, one of the unluckiest couples we've had... All right.

Look at them, delighted.

They were, they were genuinely unlucky, weren't they?

They were a terrific pair. But we've got two pairs back from that show.

We've got Jeff and Tom the teacher, and also we've got Jim and Barbara.

We didn't see much of you last time, Jim and Barbara,

-so hopefully this time, you get a little bit further.

-Thank you.

Thank you. All our questions on Pointless have been put

to 100 people before the show. Our contestants need to find

the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a Pointless answer,

that's an answer that none of our 100 people gave,

and each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As you've gathered,

Barry and Harry didn't win last time, so we add

another £1,000 to that, so today's jackpot starts off at £3,500.

Not bad.

If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, in this first round, I will take an answer from each of you,

but there is, of course, to be no conferring.

The pair with the highest score at the end of the round will be

heading home, so try and do what you can to make sure that's not you.

Our first category today is...

TV. Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Television families, Richard.

On each pass,

we're going to give you seven sets of first names of a famous TV family.

You need to tell us the surname of each family, please.

There's going to be 14 in all to have a go at at home.

See how many of those you can get.

OK, thanks very much indeed.

So we're looking for the surnames of these fictional TV families,

and here they are. On our first board...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are.

Jeff and Tom, you all drew lots today and you are going to go first.

-We are, yeah.

-Jeff, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-What happened last time?

We didn't win, so we've had to come back for a second go and try

-and win this time.

-How far did you get?

-Erm... To the second round.

-Second round.

-Yeah, so just a warm up for us.

-It wasn't too bad.

-Exactly.

-First round, you were the low scorers.

-Exactly, and then we just went...

-Very good.

-Yeah.

-It just went to pot.

-But you know what, Jeff?

We were doing the second round, and it was countries in the Americas,

including the Caribbean, that were north of the equator.

Jeff has just come back from his stag weekend in... Weekend? Week.

-Week in...

-Stag week in Las Vegas.

-And went for Mexico.

You went for Mexico.

I knew a lot of the other countries, but the problem was...

-Yeah. Let's not talk about it. Let's move on.

-Jeff, what do you do?

Remind us what you do.

I work at Aston University in Birmingham.

-And your hobbies are?

-Mainly sport, so football and cricket as well.

-I play football quite a lot.

-OK, good.

Now, what about these TV families?

I will go with Richard, Hyacinth and Sheridan,

and depending on how you pronounce it, Bucket or "Bouquet".

Bucket or "Bouquet", says Jeff. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people knew that answer.

It's absolutely right.

Oh. Oh! 70's your score, Jeff. Oh, that's quite high.

APPLAUSE

That's high.

Very popular show and very memorable name as well,

with the Hyacinth there.

Sheridan never appears, of course, he's always on the end of a phone.

Now, then. Gareth. Welcome to the show. What do you do, Gareth?

-I'm a full-time student and part-time swimming teacher.

-Wow.

-How does that work? What are you studying?

-I'm studying business.

Studying business. How long's the course?

It's three years and I've only just start...

-I've just finished my first year.

-OK.

And in between whiles you're funding it with the swimming tuition.

-That's a one-on-one, or do you take classes?

-Both.

-One-on-one, classes, adults, kids, anything.

-And what are your hobbies?

Football.

-Play a lot of football. Gym fanatic, go at least four times a week.

-OK.

-And swimming.

-Excellent. Now, what about this board?

It's not too bad, actually. He says, and probably gets it wrong.

But what I'm going to go for is Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg

-and Stewie, and go for the Griffins.

-The Griffins.

OK, let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how may of our 100 people said Griffin.

It's right.

18. Very well done.

APPLAUSE

-Good answer. 18 for Griffin.

-Well played, Gareth.

Griffin family from Family Guy, of course.

Thanks very much. Now then, Barbara. Barbara, remind us what you do.

I work as a clinic manager for a skin care and laser company.

And what do you do in your spare time, Barbara?

I like to go up the coast.

We've got a beautiful coast in Northern Ireland,

so I visit different areas, like the Giant's Causeway and, you know,

-spas as well. Health spas.

-Lovely.

OK, now what about this board?

I think I'd like to stay pretty safe,

and I'd like to go for Fred, Wilma and Pebbles, Flintstone.

Flintstone, says Barbara. Flintstone.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Flintstone.

Wee, look at that! Wow.

94!

94. That was a high score.

Wow, that makes Jeff and Tom's score look piddling.

BARBARA LAUGHS

-The Flintstones.

-That was pretty safe, Barbara, yeah.

That was pretty safe, The Flintstones.

They were originally going to be called The Flagstones.

But they changed it at the last minute.

Why?

Because there was another cartoon, believe it or not,

called The Flagstones, and they thought it would be confusing,

-which of course it would've been.

-Very. Keith.

Keith, welcome to the show. What do you do, Keith, in Cheltenham?

-I'm retired.

-What did you do, Keith?

I used to be a painter and decorator.

And what do you do now, Keith? What fills your time?

Well, I actually care for my mother, who's elderly,

-in joint responsibility with my sister.

-Good for you.

Does that give you a lot of spare time? I suppose not a great deal.

Not a great deal, no. No.

OK, now, Keith, you're the last person to have this board.

What do you make of it?

Well, when TV came up, I was quite optimistic, but I'm going to

make everybody really happy, cos I don't know any of those.

So I'm just going to have to take a complete random guess.

I'm going to go Pam, Mick and Gavin Williams.

Pam, Mick and Gavin Williams, says Keith.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many people said Williams.

No. Bad luck, Keith, I'm afraid.

As you would imagine,

an incorrect answer scores you the maximum of 100 points.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, Keith. Pam, Mick and Gavin...

Gavin is the clue, they're from Gavin And Stacey,

-and their surname is Shipman.

-Of course it is, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Of course it is.

-Would've scored you four points if you'd said that.

Nellie, Joey, Jack, Adrian, et cetera, were from Bread.

Of course you know the Boswells, Ma Boswell and family.

Would've scored 11. Jim, Paul, Julie, Scott and Lucy from Neighbours.

-Robinson.

-The Robinsons, yeah. Would've scored 20.

And Walter, Skyler and Walt Jr, it's White. They're from Breaking Bad.

So White and Shipman were the best answers on that board.

Thanks very much indeed. Let's take a look at the scores.

We're halfway through the round. 18, the best score of that pass.

Very well done, Gareth.

Then it's a long way up.

We join the others right at the other end of the scale.

Jeff and Tom, the lowest of those scores on 70, Barbara

and Jim on 94, and then just ahead of them, Keith and Dave on 100.

Now, Dave, you're not miles ahead. This is quite nice.

You've got some good company up there at the peak.

But we need a low score from you on the next pass.

You'll get first pick of the next board, so use it wisely.

Back down the line now.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we're going to put seven more TV families on the board,

and here they come.

We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Now, Dave, remember,

we're looking for the surnames of these fictional TV families,

and you're going to try and find the one you think the fewest

of our 100 people knew. So, Dave, what do you do?

I'm a credit controller for an agricultural company.

And when you're not doing that, Dave, what do you like to get up to?

Winter time, I spend all my time following National Hunt racing,

and summer time, a bit of golf, coarse fishing,

and spending time with my nephews and my niece.

Now, then, what do you make of this board, Dave?

Erm... Tricky-ish.

There's a couple on there that I know.

In fact, there's three on there that I know, it's just

a question of picking the lowest answer given the position we're in.

I think I will go for Arthur, Pauline, Michelle, Mark

-and Martin, and say Fowler.

-Fowler, says Dave. Fowler.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Fowler.

56.

156, your score.

Yeah, a fairly big score.

Could've been more there, I think, for the Fowlers from EastEnders.

Tony Holland, who created the family, based them a lot on his own family.

Interesting.

-Now, Jim. Jim, welcome back.

-Thank you.

What do you do, Jim?

Well, I was a football referee for 24 years back home,

and I was an adjudicator in the pipe band world

for judging drum majors.

We had a Scottish drum major world champion.

He was a world champ ten years ago.

-He was really slagging off one of the referees, wasn't he?

-Yeah!

He said, "The circuit was generally very forgiving, very nice,

"very friendly, but one guy..." Were they Coleraine?

-Something like that, he said, I think.

-I bet you'd know him.

I probably do.

Anyway, Jim, you need to be scoring 61

-or less with this answer.

-Right.

Erm...

I know two, and the two I know are probably the most popular and...

..the rest I'm not sure of, unfortunately.

I think I'll take a gamble and try...

JR, Sue Ellen and John Ross.

-Ewing.

-Ewing.

Ewing. Here is your red line.

Get below that with Ewing, and you're in round two. Best of luck.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

You've done it, Jim. Oh, look at that. Perfectly judged.

Look at that. You needed 61, you got 60.

154 is your total. Very well done.

Well played, Jim. That really is cutting it fine.

Very, very good. Scored more than the Fowlers, I suspect maybe

-because the names JR and Sue Ellen are so evocative, aren't they?

-Yeah.

Now, Louise. I have good news. You're through to the next round.

-Makes my job easier.

-I hope it does.

What do you do as your job, in fact?

-I'm an admin manager for a high street scanning clinic.

-I see.

And when you're not doing that, what do you like to do?

Travelling, socialising, getting out of the office.

Getting out of the office. OK.

What do you make of this board?

I knew the two that have gone, and I know two more.

One is, to me, obvious,

so I'm going to go with the other one in hope that I'm correct,

which is Caleb, Shadrach, Zak, Ezra and Albert,

and I'm hoping that's the Dingles.

The Dingles, says Louise.

Let's see if that's right.

No red line for you, you're already through,

but let's see if the Dingles is correct. How many people said it?

It's right.

29.

APPLAUSE

Very well done. 47, your total.

Well played, Louise. Good choice as well.

I'm guessing I know the other one you knew.

That's a good answer. They've all got biblical names apart from Albert,

but he makes up for it because his middle name is Ezekiel.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Tom. Welcome back.

-Tom, a teacher by term time.

-Yes.

-Stand up comic by evenings and holidays.

-Yes.

How far would you go, cos obviously stand up, there's going to come

a point in that career where you're going to have to

commit to it and think, "Actually, do you know what?

-"I'm going to shelve the teaching."

-Yeah.

-Have you...

In your sort of dream scenario,

when do you think you would get to that point?

I work part-time right now, I do three days a week, and then two

days a week I'm gigging and writing and stuff, so I'm not sure, really.

Right now I'm quite happy with the way things are, so I don't know.

-At some point I have to decide, but not for a bit.

-Not for a bit.

-No.

Good stuff. Now, there you are on 70.

The high scorers on 156 are David and Keith,

so 85 or less sees you comfortably into the next round.

-Do you want to talk us through this board, Tom?

-Yeah.

I've got a funny feeling... I don't watch it but I think

the top one, they're the Browns, I think.

I think that the third one down is the Sopranos.

I'm pretty sure that the fifth one down is the Simpsons,

and I've no idea, the sixth one down. I'm not sure.

On that basis, I'm going to go for the third one down, Tony, Carmela,

Meadow and AJ, and I'm going to say that they are the Sopranos.

Sopranos. OK, Sopranos. Here is your red line, nice and high.

If you get below that with the Sopranos,

you are through to round two.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said Sopranos.

It is right and you are though. Very well done, Tom.

Still going down. Look at that!

Four!

Only the best score of the whole round there, Tom.

74, your total.

Terrific answer, Tom. Very well played.

James Gandolfini and Edie Falco, of course, playing Tony and Carmela.

You were right about the top one.

It's Mrs Brown's Boys, so they are the Browns. Would've scored you 15.

The one everyone was avoiding,

of course it's Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart and Maggie, it is the Simpsons.

Would've scored you 88 points.

And do you know the last one, Sebastian, Julia and Cordelia?

Oh, yes, I do! Of course I do. It's, erm... Flyte.

Yeah, Flyte, from Brideshead Revisited,

and that would've scored two points, the best answer up there.

Thank you very much indeed.

So at the end of our first round, the pair leaving us

with their high score of 156, Keith and Dave.

I mean, really, you weren't that far ahead of your nearest rivals.

Just two points. But I'm afraid you are the high scorers.

We have to say goodbye.

But we'll look forward to seeing you next time.

-Thanks for playing, Dave and Keith.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

So, three pairs remain, and obviously,

at the end of this round, we'll be sending another pair home.

Now, Jim and Barbara, oh, you were lucky there.

By the skin of your teeth.

Gareth and Louise, our lowest scoring pair, so well done you.

Tom, the lowest scoring individual, so hats off to you.

Jeff, what's going on? "Bouquet"? It was another Mexico!

-It's Mexico all over again!

-I've wiped that from my mind now.

-On to the next round.

-On to the next round.

-OK.

I think you're going to love this round.

You are going to be brilliant in this round.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for round two is...

LAUGHTER

-What?

-What's the...

-What?

Spanish sport. Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many Spanish cities

with a top-flight football team as they could.

Spanish cities with a top-flight football team.

Yeah, it's a football question, also a geography question.

There's ways and means of getting good scores in this round,

I suspect, if you know your stuff.

We're looking for the name of any Spanish city that has

a top-flight football team in the 2012-2013 season, please.

Don't need the name of the teams,

just looking for any Spanish city that is host to the football

ground of a team in the Spanish Premier League, please.

-Very, very best of luck.

-OK, thank you very much indeed.

So the name of any Spanish city with a football team that

competes in the current La Liga football league. Tom.

Tom. OK.

If you were to ask the worst possible question...

What would it be?

-Probably this.

-Oh, right. OK.

-I am going to say...

I'm going to say Barcelona.

Barcelona. Well, let's see if it's right, and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Barcelona.

It's right.

Oh-ee, that's a high score, Tom. But it's better than 100.

-You feel a bit more vindicated now, Jeff?

-Yeah. It's fine.

TOM AND JEFF LAUGH

-That is a Mexico/"Bouquet" of an answer.

-More, actually. It's more.

-The home of FC Barcelona, of course.

-Indeed. Now, Gareth.

I can pretty much name the majority of the teams in La Liga,

but whether or not they're actual cities...

..I don't know. So I might have a bit of a punt

and see if I can get one.

-I'm going to go for Osasuna.

-Osasuna, says Gareth.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

No! Bad luck, Gareth.

-You see, Tom? He knew all of them.

-Yeah.

-Nearly all of them.

I'm afraid, yes, that was an incorrect answer,

scored you the maximum of 100 points. I'm sorry, Gareth.

That's unlucky.

I'm sorry, cos you'll know a lot of these names

when they go through them. Osasuna are in La Liga,

but they play in a particular city, which I won't name.

OK. Now, Barbara. How good's your knowledge of the Spanish league?

-Poquito.

-OK.

So how good is your knowledge of Spanish geography, which,

I guess, is pretty much what it's going to come down to?

-That's OK, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Good. What are you going to go for?

-I would like to go for Seville.

-Seville, says Barbara. Seville.

HE CHUCKLES

"Barbara Seville."

LAUGHTER

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

23. Very well done indeed.

Well played, Barbara.

-Home to two clubs, Sevilla and Real Betis as well.

-Thanks very much.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores.

23, the best score of that pass, Barbara. Very well done.

Jim and Barbara can relax a little bit now, I'd say.

Then up to 83, where we find Tom and Jeff.

Jeff, I think, nursing a fantastic answer that he's just waiting

to pull out. And then up to 100, where we find Gareth and Louise.

Bad luck, Gareth.

But Louise, you've seen the error of Gareth's ways,

so get thinking of your Spanish geography.

Best of luck. Back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK.

Jim, remember, we are looking for the name of any Spanish city with

a football team that competes in the current La Liga football league.

You're on 23. 76 or less keeps you in the game.

I think I'll go for...

..Real Zaragoza, Zaragoza.

Zaragoza, says Jim. There is your red line.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

You are in the head-to-head. Very well done, Jim.

That is a fantastic answer. Very well done. Four.

Best score of the round so far, Jim.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's a terrific answer, Jim. Very well played.

Zaragoza, the home of Real Zaragoza. Never won La Liga.

They famously, in 1995, beat Arsenal in the final

of the Cup Winners' Cup,

when Nayim lobbed Seaman from the halfway line.

LAUGHTER

I'm... I'm... I'm sorry I missed that(!)

LAUGHTER

-It's one of the most famous moments in European football.

-Yeah!

LAUGHTER

I dare say it is.

LAUGHTER

Louise.

Now, Louise, yes, you know what we need from you.

-What do you know about the Spanish league?

-Erm... Spanish league...

-La Liga.

-La Liga? Not much.

-Travel, football.

-Travel?

I've actually been to the Bernabeu, so Barcelona would've been one of

my answers, but they played another team,

so I will go with my knowledge and say...

Valencia.

Valencia, says Louise. Wow, look at that.

Spontaneous applause breaking out in the bleacher seats there.

Valencia.

No red line for you, you're the high scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Valencia.

It's a good answer.

Well, four's our lowest score.

21. There we are. For Valencia.

121, your total.

That's a very good answer. Home to two teams, as well.

Valencia and Levante as well.

Levante knocked Motherwell out of the 2012 Europa Cup.

Thank you, Richard. Now, Jeff.

-Sport's meant to be my specialism.

-Yeah, exactly.

That's what I thought. I've been looking forward to this.

-This is going to be brilliant.

-It's going to be amazing.

This is Jeff's...

-Jeff's moment. How is your Spanish geography?

-OK.

I've got an answer, but I'm just not sure...

Before you give it, let me tell you,

37 or less is what you have to score, otherwise it's goodbye.

-I'm going to go with Malaga.

-Malaga.

Malaga. There you are. There's your red line. Below that...

cake and ale.

-Above that, goodbye.

-Got it.

Let's see if Malaga's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

Very well done. You've done it. Superb.

That's a great answer. Malaga. 13, Jeff.

96 is your total.

You cleaned up.

Very well played, Jeff.

Malaga, the home of the team Malaga,

who are now owned by Qatari businessmen, so they're one of the

teams we're going to hear a lot more of in the next few years, I think.

Gareth, you were really unlucky, you and Louise, in that round.

Osasuna is a good answer. They play in Pamplona, I'm afraid,

and Pamplona would've scored you two points.

Would've been a terrific answer. There's three pointless answers here.

Let's take a look at them.

A Coruna, where Deportivo de La Coruna play, Cornella de Llobregat,

that's where Espanyol play,

and Real Sociedad play in San Sebastian.

Very, very well done if you got any of those.

Top three answers, let's take a look. We've heard two of them already.

Seville would've scored you 23, as we know.

Barcelona, 83, and Madrid would've scored you 85 points.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, it's Gareth

and Louise we have to send on their way with their score of 121.

An honourable high score, though, Gareth. Just really unlucky there.

However, it all bodes very well for your next appearance.

We'll look forward to that.

Louise and Gareth, thanks very much for playing. Great contestants.

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Jeff and Tom, Jim and Barbara.

You're now one step closer to the final and a chance to

play for our jackpot, which currently stands at...

CHEERING

So now we have to decide who's going to play for that money,

and to do that, you're now going to go head-to-head.

The difference is, you're now allowed to chat.

You can confer before you give answers, and the first

pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Welcome to the head-to-head. Both of you are returning pairs.

None of you have been in this round before. Best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Russian words in English. Richard.

We are about to show you five visual clues to Russian words that we

use in the English language.

Can you tell us what any of these five words are, please?

OK. Visual clues! Exciting. Wow, visual clues.

Let's reveal our five visual clues to Russian words that we

use in English, and here they are.

We have got...

A, that's a seven-letter word. Count up the dashes.

B, another seven-letter word.

C, that's a four-letter word.

RICHARD CHUCKLES

D, that's six letters.

And E, a six-letter word.

There we are. Five visual clues to Russian words we use in English.

Jeff and Tom, you've played best throughout the show so far,

so you get to go first this time.

JEFF AND TOM WHISPER

-TOM:

-(C is "tsar".)

My partner and I think that, er...

C is "tsar", t-s-a-r. We think C is "tsar".

Tsar, say Jeff and Tom. Tsar.

Now, then. Jim and Barbara, the rest of the board is yours.

Talk us through.

-You do. You do.

-I don't know.

Erm...

We're a little bit thrown by this one.

-So the only one I can think of is A. It's a mammoth.

-Mammoth.

Mammoth, say Jim and Barbara. So we have tsar versus mammoth.

Jeff and Tom said tsar.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

54 for tsar.

Jim and Barbara have gone for mammoth for A.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said that, mammoth.

Mammoth is right.

Oh, 74, though, for mammoth.

Well done, Jeff and Tom.

After one question, you are up 1-0.

The two largest answers on the board there.

Mammoth we now use to mean "exceptionally large".

The OED says the first time they can find anyone using the word

mammoth to mean exceptionally large was Thomas Jefferson,

who used it to describe a large cheese he'd been given.

-A mammoth cheese.

-There you go.

-B, I'm sure some people at home will get this one.

-Samovar.

Samovar, yep. That would've scored you 22.

-D, it's a breed of dog.

-Afghan.

-It's not an Afghan.

I wonder if other people said that. I bet they did. It's a borzoi.

Comes from the Russian word for "swift".

-I did think 'Afghan' was quite weird to be a Russian word.

-Yeah.

-Scores you eight points.

-It's close.

-Yeah, it's not a bad answer.

And E is the Russian word for "great white", which is "beluga".

Beluga, and that would've scored you ten points.

Thanks very much. Here comes your second question.

Jim and Barbara, you get to answer it first,

but you have to win it to stay in the game.

Best of luck. It concerns...

The human ear. Richard.

We're going to show you five names for parts of the human ear,

but we've missed out alternate letters. There's more blank letters for you here.

Can you fill in those gaps and give us the most obscure answer?

OK. Thank you very much.

Let's reveal our five words relating to the human ear, and here they are.

I'll read those again without the blanks.

Jim and Barbara, you will go first.

JIM SPELLS QUIETLY

No, it's not.

JIM COUNTS QUIETLY

JIM SPELLS QUIETLY

-TO BARBARA:

-Stirrup? Stirrup, is it? First one?

I think I only know one, and it's the top one.

I think it is, hopefully, it's a stirrup.

Stirrup, say Jim and Barbara. Stirrup.

Now, then, Jeff and Tom, the board is yours.

I don't know the second one.

-Do you know the second one?

-No.

-Or the third.

-Or the third one.

-Or the fifth.

-Or the fifth one.

Five must be organ of something.

Blot? Anyway, the one we're going to go for, sorry,

is the fourth one down,

which we think is Eustachian tube.

Eustachian tube. Eustachian tube.

Now, Jim and Barbara said stirrup, Jeff and Tom, Eustachian tube.

Jim and Barbara, let's see how many

of our 100 people said stirrup, if it's right.

And it is.

-Ooh, that's a high one. 77.

-Yeah.

APPLAUSE

Jeff and Tom have gone for Eustachian tube.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said that.

If you win this one, you go straight through to the final.

It's right.

And you win it. Very well done indeed.

Ooh, it's still going down. Look at that.

23 for Eustachian tube.

APPLAUSE

Which means, Jeff and Tom, after two questions only,

you are through to the final, 2-0.

Well played, gents. Yeah, the stirrup is the smallest

and the lightest bone in the entire human body.

If anyone calls in sick to work with a broken stirrup, don't believe them.

LAUGHTER

Unless they're a horse, in which case, it's acceptable.

Now, the second one down is the tragus.

It would have scored you six.

The next one down is the pinna.

That would have scored 27.

And that bottom one is...it's organ of something, clearly,

and it's the organ of corti.

And if you said that at home, very well done,

because it's a pointless answer. Terrific work.

Thank you very much indeed.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, it's Jim and Barbara.

Well, you've done so much better today than you did last time round,

when it was round one. Right through to the head-to-head.

Two perfectly good answers there,

but I'm afraid Jeff and Tom got the better of you in both instances.

But thanks very much for playing, Jim and Barbara.

We loved having you on the show. Thanks so much.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But, for Jeff and Tom, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Jeff and Tom.

You fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

I'm really excited about the trophy!

I know everyone says that, but all I wanted out of today was the trophy.

Well, listen, you now have the chance to win the Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today,

the jackpot stands at £3,500. There we are.

APPLAUSE

Oh, well done! So, it was round two last time,

-which was a bit disappointing.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

But this time, fantastic. Fantastic.

-Tom knows his ears!

-I know my ears!

-LAUGHTER

Tom, I've got to ask you something.

So, when you're teaching, when you're Mr Alsop...

Yeah?

-Do you wear your hair like that?

-Yeah, yeah.

I say to people "It grew gradually," as though not all hair does that,

but over a school year, or a couple of years, it got bigger and wilder.

Because I've noticed that this bit of it is quite formal,

the formalised bit here,

-and then it gets a bit wilder as it goes to the back.

-Yeah, yes.

Has no-one ever taken you aside at school, the head or deputy head,

-and said, "This is not what we expect?"

-I don't think so.

You should see the deputy head.

-It's out here!

-LAUGHTER

-He's got an enormous 'fro.

-Knocks people over.

What's the name of your deputy head?

Erm...Graham. Mr Clegg.

-Clegger? The Cleggster?

-The Cleggmeister General, yeah.

All right, Clegger?

The Big Clegg. We don't call him that. No-one calls him that.

We call him "Sir" or "Mr Clegg".

OK, now, this round, you kick it off by choosing a category,

and you have four options to choose from, and they are:

..The 1990s, Literary Awards,

Country Music Stars, Italy.

Here's the thing, right?

Professionally, I'm meant to know literary things,

but the pressure on me in that round is whopping.

-Let's not do that.

-Go on, you pick.

-OK.

'90s. Yeah, we'll have the '90s, please.

OK, you're going to go for the '90s. The '90s, Richard.

So you teach GCSE English, right?

If one of your pupils said to you,

"Oh, I tell you what, we turned up for the exam

"and there was a question on Animal Farm,

"but we'd done that, so I didn't want to look an idiot by getting it wrong,

"so I went for something else.

"I went for something on To Kill A Mockingbird,

"which I haven't done..."

I would say that's not a good idea,

but that's not what we're doing today, so...

Well, if I was you, I would have gone for the '90s as well.

I don't think it's a bad call at all.

Here are your three categories, and they're quite varied,

so hopefully there's something here that will suit you.

We are looking for the name of any of the 22 players

in Terry Venables' Euro '96 squad,

we are looking for any track on the Spice Girls' debut album,

or we are looking for any members of John Major's first Cabinet,

which convened in 1990.

So, three very different categories there.

The Euro '96 squad, any tracks on the Spice Girls' debut album,

or any members of John Major's first Cabinet.

So, at home, pick the one to concentrate on,

in the studio, pick the one to concentrate on,

-and very, very best of luck, guys.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that jackpot of £3,500

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Now, remember, the answers you give can come from

any of those categories and you can spread them

however you like across them.

It could be one from each, three from one,

two from one, one from another. Entirely up to you.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

-Do you know any for the second two?

-No, I don't know any.

Right, England '96.

-Steve Stone.

-Right.

I'm going to say, "Right," like I know, but I don't.

Tim Flowers was probably the reserve goalkeeper.

-Right.

-Steve McManaman.

Erm...

Just keep Steve Stone in there, because I think...

-he didn't play that much, but I'm sure he's in the squad.

-OK.

Erm...

Tim Flowers, probably the number two goalkeeper,

and Steve McManaman. I can't think of any others.

I'm happy to put all the pressure of this onto you

-and your football knowledge.

-Right, OK.

-I'm OK with that.

Steve McManaman, Steve Stone...

-Right.

-..Tim Flowers.

-Do you want to stop the clock,

or do you just want to keep saying those names?!

-Stop the clock.

-OK, let's stop the clock.

Very well done. Sounds like you got three good answers.

Let's have them.

-Tim Flowers.

-Tim Flowers.

-Steve McManaman.

-Steve McManaman.

-Steve Stone.

-Steve Stone.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Steve Stone.

-Steve Stone, we'll put last.

Least likely to be pointless?

Erm...

Er...

-Ooh...Tim Flowers.

-Tim Flowers. OK.

Let's put those up on the board in that order, and here they are.

We have got Tim Flowers, Steve McManaman, and Steve Stone.

Well, very, very best of luck.

Your first answer was Tim Flowers.

OK, obviously, if this is correct and it is pointless,

you will win today's jackpot of £3,500.

What would you do with that?

Jeff, I know you're getting married.

This year's a pretty big year.

I had my stag do last month,

we're moving house, getting married,

and my partner hates my car, so...

Well, yeah, it's an old rust bucket.

His wife will choose, and then he will do that.

-JEFF SNORTS

-No, no, no!

-She will.

That's an idea for a TV show, isn't it? My Partner Hates My Car?

LAUGHTER

And Old Rustbucket would be a great name for a character!

LAUGHTER

Now then, Tom, what about you?

Well, I'm not sure. £3,500 is...

It's not enough money to do something serious,

but it is enough money to do something silly with. I don't know.

Probably a big holiday,

and I sort of promised my long-suffering girlfriend

that we can get a puppy. Now, obviously, £3,500...

-Aww!

-I know, that's nice, isn't it?

What puppy do you want for that much?

-It would be like a...

-Get a borzoi!

A borzoi, in honour of this, or a really nice samovar.

LAUGHTER

I love the fact there's now a classroom of children going,

"Ha-ha, Mr Alsop's got a girlfriend!"

LAUGHTER

-There are!

-She is real, as well.

I've seen her. She's real.

Don't say that! That sounds like she's not!

You can't say, "She's real!"

No, not an imaginary... Oh, forget it! Let's go.

OK, now your first answer, Tim Flowers, let's find out.

For £3,500,

was Tim Flowers part of Terry Venables' Euro '96 England squad?

Yes, he was.

Now, if this goes all the way down to zero, the game is over

and you will leave here with £3,500 immediately.

It's going down to single figures, still going down, look at that.

You've done it!

LOUD APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Very well done! That is very, very well done!

That's superb!

Very well done indeed!

CHEERING CONTINUES

ALEXANDER CHUCKLES

Oh, congratulations!

-I can't believe we just did that!

-I did it!

YOU did it!

Oh, Jeff and Tom, Tim Flowers was a pointless answer,

which means you leave here with the jackpot of £3,500.

Very well done indeed!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Will look weird on the telly?!

-Oh, well done.

Oh, well done not going for Literary Awards, as well.

-Yeah, well done, Tom.

-Thank God for that, yeah!

Oh, fantastic! What about that?

Just an object lesson in not being bothered about GCSE English, guys!

That's terrific! LAUGHTER

Terrific stuff. No, very well played,

you did go for the right category.

Now, Steve Stone, also a pointless answer.

No!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Does that mean we get twice the...?

And Steve McManaman, your other answer, slightly better known,

but also a pointless answer.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-No way!

-Oh!

-What a category to get!

Zero, zero, zero. You cannot do it better than that.

-That's terrific work, guys.

-Oh, my God! Sorry!

Lots of pointless answers in the England squad one.

Let's take a look at the answers in all of them.

David Platt would have been pointless,

Phil Neville, Robbie Fowler,

there's Steve McManaman.

You could have had Darren Anderton,

another of the goalies, Ian Walker,

you could have had Les Ferdinand, Nick Barmby, Steve Howey.

That's a good answer, if you got Steve Howey.

All of those were pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the Spice Girls one.

There's four pointless answers.

If You Can't Dance, Last Time Lover, Naked,

and the biggest song there,

Who Do You Think You Are.

It was a double A-side single.

Those were all pointless answers.

And if you're going for the politicians,

some big names here as well.

Chris Patten was a pointless answer,

David Waddington, who was Leader of the House of Lords in the Cabinet,

Peter Lilley is a pointless answer, William Waldegrave.

There's a few others as well.

You could have had Tom King, you could have had John Wakeham,

you could have had Peter Brooke, you could have had David Hunt,

Kenneth Baker was a pointless answer,

you could also have had John MacGregor as well.

So I suspect some people will have done very well on that.

But in the studio, we did rather well, didn't we, on Euro '96?

Congratulations, guys.

Well, thanks once again to our winning players, Jeff and Tom,

who go away with today's jackpot of £3,500. Well done, boys!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING