Episode 16 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed. Hello. I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the game where we aim for the obscure and ignore the obvious.

Let's meet today's players.

Couple number one.

I'm Rhianon and this is my husband Dawfydd and we are from Reading.

-Couple number two.

-I'm Pat, this is my good friend Elaine,

and we're from the village of Church Aston in Shropshire.

-Couple number three.

-I'm Judith.

-This is Nicola, my work colleague, from Durham.

-And couple number four.

I'm Ian, this is my father Alan, and we're from Maidstone in Kent.

-And these are today's contestants.

-APPLAUSE

Thanks to all of you. We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

A man who has earnt my respect by managing to play Pacman

on that laptop for 260 episodes without anyone noticing.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody.

-Afternoon.

-Good afternoon.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

-Looking very dapper. You've had a haircut.

-Exactly, I've had a haircut.

-It's nice!

-Yeah!

A very rare thing happened last time, we didn't give away the jackpot.

We've been giving it away endlessly recently, haven't we?

Five times in seven or something. Yesterday, no such luck.

We've only got one returning pair from that show,

Dawfydd and Rhianon, who got knocked out in the first round on Elements.

But I think they are smart, so I think there's a lot more in the tank.

I think we gave them a bad category. And the other three pairs, who knows?

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Every question has been asked to 100 people before the show.

Today's contestants are looking for a pointless answer,

an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

And each time that happens we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

As you'll have gathered, Alex and Jess didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000, so today's jackpot starts off at £2,000.

Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, the pair with the highest score

at the end of the round will be eliminated.

And also remember there is no conferring during the round itself.

Our first category today is Cinema.

Can you all decide who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

Whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

On each pass, we're going to show you the names of seven actors

and the year in which they played a real person on film.

We just need you to tell us the real person they played, please.

There will be 14 to kick off the show with. Very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, we are looking for the real people played on film by these

actors in the year shown. Here's our first board.

I'll read those all again.

OK, Rhianon and Dawfydd, you all drew lots before the show

and today you're going to go first.

-You're back on the first podium, Rhianon!

-Yeah...

-Oh, dear, you're not looking happy.

-No.

Can I help you at all? I can't give you any answers, but...

Dawfydd is amazing at films and this is why I've gone first,

but a lot of them, I can...

Yeah...

So... I'm going to say...

Colin Firth, he played, was it King Edward?

-Is that your answer?

-Yeah.

-King Edward.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is let's see how

many of our 100 people said King Edward for Colin Firth.

Oh, bad luck, Rhianon.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid not King Edward.

That scores you the maximum of 100 points. I'm really sorry.

Yeah, sorry, Rhianon.

I'll give the correct answer at the end of the pass.

-King Edward, weirdly, was played by Maris Piper.

-Yes!

-That's odd, isn't it?

-That is weird.

-LAUGHTER

-DAME Maris Piper.

-Dame Maris Piper now, yeah.

-She played him beautifully.

-Yeah.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Elaine, welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you here.

-What do you do, Elaine?

-I'm a retired teacher.

-And what do you do with your time?

-I sail in the summer.

-Very good.

-Where do you go sailing?

-I used to sail in Wales, round Anglesey.

-Lovely.

-But now we are going to be sailing round Scotland.

-Why?

-The boat has moved.

-Oh, the boat has moved. I see.

Your choice of holiday, Wales no longer quite cutting it for you.

-We've done that now.

-Yes. Sailing round Scotland - beautiful!

-And you do that over summer?

-Yes. Definitely.

-And at sea, no midges!

-Absolutely.

-Best of all worlds.

Now, Elaine, what you make of this board of actors?

Yes, I know a few, actually. So I'm going to choose...

..the top one. Paul Scofield.

-Sir Thomas More.

-Sir Thomas More, says Elaine.

That's if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Sir Thomas More.

Absolutely right, Elaine.

I think this will be a nice low score for you.

Look at that, 6! Very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

-That's a great answer, Elaine.

-Well played, Elaine.

That's a nice start to your Pointless career.

He won the Best Actor Oscar for the role, and the film won

Best Picture as well.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Judith, welcome to Pointless.

-Great to have you here. From Durham.

-Yes.

-Perfect.

How nice to have some people from Durham on the show. What do you do?

I'm a programme manager for Durham University Business School.

What kind of programmes are you looking after?

It's Masters programmes in things like management, economics,

marketing, finance.

Are you trying to get people in, or once they're in you're...?

Once they're in, we look after them.

And what do you get up to in your spare time, Judith?

I'm one of these annoying people with a caravan.

Bank holidays, when the roads are jammed, that's me.

Well, not pulling the caravan, but that's me in the caravan.

I will always picture you in that caravan.

That will make it much better!

Now then, Judith, what about these actors and the parts they played?

Oooh, I think I know two, but one I'm really not sure,

and one is a really obvious one, so I think rather than

getting 100 I'll just go for Ben Kingsley and Gandhi.

Ben Kingsley and Gandhi, says Judith. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Gandhi.

-48!

-APPLAUSE

Not bad at all.

Yes, it could have scored a lot more, couldn't it?

Another Oscar-winning film

and another Oscar-winning performance from Ben Kingsley.

OK, thank you very much indeed. Ian, welcome to the show.

-It's great to have you here. Ian and Alan, father and son.

-Yes.

Alan, for fun, just take your glasses off.

I mean, look at that!

-LAUGHTER

-That is just...

-We could be twins, couldn't we?

You could be twins! That is just... Alan, very well done!

I have to say, your DNA is almost replicated in Ian there.

That is extraordinary.

What an achievement. Ian, welcome to the show. What do you do, Ian?

-I'm a sales director for a beauty products company.

-That's quite fun.

-Does that involve travelling around a lot?

-An awful lot, yeah.

The whole of the UK and Ireland.

I just sort travel round the whole country.

Of all the products, beauty products, that's very glamorous.

It's not that glamorous.

It's more the hair removal side of beauty.

OK, well, it could be wart removal. It could be a lot worse.

-You could be selling foot scrubs.

-True.

So, what are you going for? You're the last person to have this board.

If you fancied it, you could talk as through it.

I'd love to talk you through it.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't have a clue.

I'm hoping I know Daniel Day Lewis was...

..a president and I'm fairly sure it was Lincoln.

-So that's what I'm going with.

-You're saying Lincoln.

-Do you want to give us a Christian name?

-Abraham?

Abraham Lincoln, says Ian. Let's if that's right and

how many of our 100 people said Abraham Lincoln.

It's right.

-26. Not bad at all, Ian.

-APPLAUSE

Nice middling score.

Well played, Ian. Another role there that won Best Actor Oscar.

Now, let's take a look through the rest of these.

Colin Firth didn't play King Edward.

He did play a king, of course.

He played George VI in The King's Speech. Would have scored 18 points.

-Do you remember Tom Hulce?

-Yeah, Mozart.

-Absolutely right.

In Amadeus. Would have scored you 4. Ingrid Bergman...

-is Joan Of Arc.

-Oh, St Joan.

-Good score. A low 2 points.

And Philip Seymour Hoffman?

-Truman Capote.

-Truman Capote, yeah.

Would have scored 5 points.

So Joan of Arc the best answer. Very well done if you said that.

Thank you. Halfway through the round.

Let's look at those scores. 6 - very well done, Elaine.

What a great score. That puts you well ahead of the game.

Takes a bit of pressure off you, Pat.

Then we travel up to 26, where we find Ian and Alan.

48, Judith and Nicola. Up to 100. I'm sorry, Rhianon and Dawfydd.

Dawfydd, you're good on film, though. We heard it from Rhianon.

So we need a really low score from you

and let's hope that will keep you in the game.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more actors up on the board. And here they are.

I'll read those one last time.

We want the real people

played by these actors in the years shown.

Alan, try and find the one you think

the fewest of our 100 people knew.

-Alan, great to have you here.

-Thank you.

-What do you get up to, Alan?

Not a lot because I'm retired now.

But I spend a lot of time walking around the country lanes

and the fields with my dog.

-What sort of dog have you got?

-I've got a cross breed.

-He's a cross between a Rottweiler and a German shepherd.

-Oh!

-And he was feral originally.

-Oh, really? Where did you find him?

I found him when we lived in Spain.

I fed them for about six or eight weeks, these feral dogs,

-and walked back to the car one day, he followed me!

-Wow!

-So he found you, really.

-He found me.

-What's he called?

-Duke.

You have to call him Duke.

It was either Tyson, Duke, Prince, Buster, I'm guessing...

I knew Alan would have lived in Spain for a little bit. Did he have to?

LAUGHTER

Just a few years out, yeah?

Alan, what are you going to go for? You're on 26.

You have to score 73 or less.

I think I'll go for George C Scott,

who played General Patton.

General Patton, for George C Scott.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

There's your red line. Below that, you're in Round Two.

It's right.

And you're through. Very well done, Alan.

-17.

-APPLAUSE

17 takes your total up to 43. Well done. Through you go.

Well played, Alan. Played General George Patton.

Another Oscar-winning performance as well. Surprisingly high score.

I might have gone for that one. I thought it would score a bit lower.

Yeah. Thanks, Richard. Nicola, welcome to the show.

-You work in the same office as Judith.

-Yes.

Well, I'm in a different location but we are part of the same team.

-And what do you deal with?

-The same, the programmes.

-What do you get up to, Nicola?

-I do baking from time to time...

-Do you?

I bake cakes. And I've taken a fancy to doing up furniture as well,

so I'm filling the house up with old furniture.

You get old furniture and recondition it?

-Yeah, just paint it and rub it back and...

-Very satisfying.

Well, there you are on 48.

The high score is still Dawfydd and Rhianon on 100.

So 51 or less sees you through.

How do we feel about this board?

Um...

I think I'll go with Meryl Streep,

simply because it is 2011,

it's more recent.

I'm no good with anything beyond...

I know it's going to be wrong, so...

I'm going with The Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher.

You're going to say Margaret Thatcher.

-You know that's going to be wrong?

-Yes.

-There's your red line.

Let's see if it's right.

Maybe it is, and if it is maybe it'll get you below that red line.

How many people said Margaret Thatcher?

-Very much right, Nicola!

-Oh!

That's a good answer, and you're in Round Two. Very well done, Nicola.

Look at that, 43.

91 is your total.

Yeah, well played, Nicola. Absolutely. Margaret Thatcher.

So, Pat, welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you here.

-What do you get up to, Pat?

-What do I do?

-What do you do?

I am a guide at the stately home of Weston Park.

-How long have you done that for?

-14 years.

-Wow, you know every story about Weston Park.

-I do.

-Everything.

-Do you take parties round?

-Yes.

Do you vary it a little bit?

Do you decide which things you tell or do you move pretty much to

-a script?

-I tend to stick to my own script. It's fresh for everybody.

That's true. Are they generally well-behaved, your bunch?

Yes, you wouldn't come to a stately home unless you were interested.

Quite so, Pat. Good stuff. What are you going to do with this board?

Right, um...

Yes, I know...

..definitely two, possibly three.

But I'm not going to risk it

by going for the possibles,

so I'm going for Nigel Hawthorne,

who played King George III.

George III, says Pat. Nigel Hawthorne. Here's your red line.

Nice and high.

If you get below that with George III you're into Round Two.

Let's see if it's right and how people said it.

There you are, well done.

14 takes your total up to 20.

Lovely low total, Pat.

Very well done, Pat and Elaine on the second podium.

Well played, good answer.

Famously, it was originally called The Madness Of George III.

They changed it to The Madness Of King George,

because they thought Americans would think it was a sequel.

Yeah. That's brilliant.

I'm not sure if that's true, but it's funny if it is.

I bet you any money that's true.

They go, "Well, I didn't see The Madness Of George II,

"so I'm not going to go and see this."

Alan Bennett missed a trick. He should've written two prequels to it

-and then he's got a franchise there.

-Yeah, he should have done.

-The Madness Of Richard IV!

-Exactly.

Anyway, thanks very much.

Now, Dawfydd, this I...

I don't like this any more than you do. You're our high scorer.

This isn't right, you're meant to be with us for the whole show.

I know. Never mind.

I do mind. I thought you were going to go through...

Well, you can fix it. You can get us on. Disguise us for the next show.

We could put a moustache on you, maybe.

-Maybe we'll do that.

-How about on me?

We could.

Listen, Dawfydd, your little gift to the rest of the teams

is to take us through the board.

Maybe there's a pointless answer on there.

Hmm. Elizabeth Taylor was probably Jane Austen.

Sean Penn, I think the film is Milk, but I don't know.

Forest Whittaker, Last King Of Scotland,

but I wouldn't know...

I don't know Colin Farrell.

I'd just say Jane Austen for Elizabeth Taylor, I think.

Jane Austen, says Dawfydd, for Elizabeth Taylor.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many people said it.

Oh, bad luck. I'm sorry.

Another 100 there takes your total up to 200.

Sorry, Dawfydd, Cleopatra was the Elizabeth Taylor answer.

It would have scored you 39 points.

You're right about these next two films.

It was Milk, and he played Harvey Milk in that, Sean Penn.

And you're right that it's The Last King Of Scotland.

Forest Whitaker plays Idi Amin in that film.

-Colin Farrell, at the bottom there... Oliver Stone's film.

-Oh, yeah.

-Alexander The Great.

-He played Alexander the Great,

2 points. That's the best answer on the board.

I didn't know he played you.

Yeah...

Yeah. We auditioned lots of people, actually.

Did he do a lot of method acting, getting into the role?

-To be honest, not as much as I was hoping.

-Really?

-Who was next choice after him?

-Well, Ross Kemp was quite a close...

I'll tell you who'd be a very good you...

Dame Judi Dench.

I think she would, actually.

-I must watch the film anyway.

-It's good. It is good.

Yeah, I mean, don't believe all the stories in it.

-They've taken a bit of licence...

-Oh, yeah.

-..with the script, there.

-They've had to tone it down a bit.

-Yeah, little bit. Thanks, Richard.

So, I'm afraid, at the end of our first round, the pair

who are heading home with the high score of 200

is Dawfydd and Rhianon. I'm so sorry.

If there was anything we could do to keep you here...

It's always tough on that first podium.

It's been lovely having you. Thank you so much for playing.

Dawfydd and Rhianon. Great contestants.

But for the remaining three, it's now time for Round Two.

OK. Three pairs remain.

At the end of this round,

we say goodbye to another pair in time for our head-to-head round.

Pat and Elaine... Oh, gold star for you. Fantastic performance.

Two of our best low scorers and the low-scoring team, as well.

Not a bad performance all round, though. All looking pretty strong.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

-LAUGHING:

-Not popular on podium two, there.

Can you all decide who's going first and second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Presidents whose surnames contain at least one of the letters U, S or A.

-Richard.

-Yes, simply looking for any US president whose surname

contains one of those letters.

We're going to need first name and surname, please, in your answers.

Very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed. Now, Elaine...

I know how terrifying it is,

particularly when you're the first person to be asked in a round.

Barack Obama.

Barack Obama. That's a good name, they should use that.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Barack Obama.

It's right.

It's high, though.

84, but...sensible thing to do,

if all else fails.

It's a lot better than 100.

Yep, Barack Obama.

He's the 44th president. You'll remember him.

I will remember him, I'm sure.

He can bench press 200 pounds.

I bet he can.

What are you benching at the moment?

101...

-Yeah. I'm pressing that.

-He's president, though.

He's probably got people to help him.

-Exactly. He's got people lifting up with him.

-Either side of him.

He's not doing much.

He's going, "Urgh!" And they're lifting, going,

"That's very good, Mr President."

No arms. He just goes, "Urgh!" and they do the lifting.

AMERICAN ACCENT: "That's terrific work, Mr President.

"Oh, that's 200 pounds you're benching."

Nicola.

What are you going to go for?

Well, I was going to go with what they said, the obvious one.

But I think I'll go with Ronald Reagan.

Ronald Reagan.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

There we are.

43.

I have to say, there were certain episodes of Pointless,

certain teams, where we would have got pointless across the board

-in this round, I think.

-Yeah.

It's one of those rounds where some people really know the proper obscure ones.

It's one of those things, like the periodic table, isn't it?

That people will actually tend to learn.

People at home will be shouting out obscure US presidents as we speak.

-Indeed.

-Annoying their partners, so stop it.

Unless you're both doing it, in which case, that's fine.

You've obviously found the right person!

Thanks, Richard. Now, Alan.

Alan looks like he's got a good answer.

Jimmy Carter.

Jimmy Carter. Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

43's our lowest score. You've passed that.

36 for Jimmy Carter.

We're very slowly going back in time.

We're still only as far back as 1976.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's look at the scores.

They've gone down as we've gone down the line.

Alan, well done. 36 the lowest score.

Up to 43, where we find Nicola and Judith,

and then 84 for Elaine and Pat.

So, Pat, who knows?

We might have some more high scoring in the next pass,

but if we have a low score from you, that might be enough to see you through.

Best of luck with that. Back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, Ian, we are looking for US Presidents whose surnames

contain the letters U, S or A.

There you are on 36. Great play from Alan in the first pass.

The high scorers, Pat and Elaine on 84. So 47 or less.

I think I'm going to take it a little further back again.

-This is good.

-I'm going to go with Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin Franklin, says Ian.

There's your red line.

If you get below that red line, you are through to the next round

and into the head-to-head.

Let's see if Benjamin Franklin can get you down there.

Oh!

-Unfortunately, an incorrect answer, Ian. That's unexpected.

-That was.

Yeah, an incorrect answer scores you the maximum of 100 points

and takes your total to 136.

Yeah, he's got an A in his name, I'll give him that,

but he wasn't president, Benjamin Franklin.

Never president.

Thanks, Richard. OK, Judith.

Judith, listen.

That makes things a little easier. Eases the pressure, somewhat.

136 now a high score. You want 92 or less.

Yeah, most of my answers went.

Nicola took my best answer, I thought.

So, the other one I've got is George W Bush.

George W Bush, says Judith. There's your red line.

If you get below that with George W Bush,

you're through to the head-to-head. Let's see if it's right.

It is of course right, and through you go.

21!

It takes your total up to 64.

21?! He's got two of the letters in there.

-That's a surprisingly low score, isn't it?

-Yeah. That's flagrant.

I think your immediate thought

is to go for ones with long names, maybe, but that's...

Very low. Below Jimmy Carter.

It is below Jimmy Carter.

Now, Pat...

Yes.

Well, a little bit of pressure off you, as well,

which is a welcome relief, I should think.

There they are, Ian and Alan, still the high scorers on 136.

51 or less sees you through.

You've had a little bit of time now. What are you going to go for?

I am going to go for

the second President, John Adams.

John Adams,

very well done. There's your red line.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how far down the column you go.

John Adams.

You're in the head-to-head. Well done.

Good answer! 3!

Takes your total up to 87. Back in the game.

That's the kind of answer we were looking for all along, Pat.

Very well done.

The first President to win a contested election,

the first President to live in the White House,

the only one of the first five Presidents not to be a slave holder as well.

There you are. Good for him.

But there's quite a few pointless answers and I know

people at home will have got some of these, so let's take a look at them.

You would have got low scores as well for...James Madison,

William Taft, John Quincy Adams, and Andrew Jackson,

all would have scored you 1.

Warren G Harding, Grover Cleveland, James A Garfield would have scored you 2.

So, lots of low answers out there.

Let's take a look at the top three.

See, these are the things we should all be learning.

These are our future Vanuatus and Central African Republics,

-aren't they?

-Well, there's some...

Martin Van Buren, Rutherford B Hayes,

they were always low scorers on presidents rounds.

-Millard Fillmore.

-Oh, who could get forget him?

Always a low scorer,

but, sadly, his surname doesn't fit the criteria here.

There we are. Thanks very much indeed.

At the end of our second round, I'm afraid the people leaving us

are Ian and Alan, our father/son team

on the far podium

with a high score of 136.

I thought that was a correct answer.

It just goes to show how little I know.

Benjamin Franklin... Well, you took one for the team there, Ian.

-I tried.

-You took one and I will never forget that now,

that he was not actually a president.

But we'll look forward to seeing you both again next time.

-Thanks for playing, Ian and Alan.

-Thank you.

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Pat and Elaine, Judith and Nicola,

you're one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at...

Now, we have to decide who's going to play for that money

in the final and, to do that, you're now going to go head-to-head.

The big difference is you're now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for the jackpot.

I tell you what's great about this - an all-female head-to-head.

We haven't had one of those for ages. So, very well done indeed.

You've seen off our returning pair, straight through.

Pat and Elaine, very well done. John Adams - our best answer so far.

That was very good. Elaine - phew!

Phew! I know that feeling.

Even when Richard's asking me, I get that brain freeze.

But you can confer now, and just being able to chat before you

give your answer, I think, makes a world of difference.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Harry's dad...

We're going to show you five images now

of different architectural styles.

We're also going to give you the first letter of what that style is.

Can you give us the most obscure of these? Good luck.

Thanks.

Let's reveal our five architectural styles and here they are...

OK, there we are. Five architectural styles.

Pat and Elaine, you will go first,

as you played best throughout the show so far.

-I don't know... I don't know D.

-I think it's Bauhaus.

-Bauhaus?

Yeah, I'm not 100% sure, but I think that's what it is.

I'm going to go for that.

-Are you?

-Yeah.

OK, Pat and Elaine, what are you going to go for?

Well, we know all five.

-And...

-Are you sure?

-Yes, I think so.

Elaine thinks you know four. Are you a little bit scared?

Um...

And we're going to go for D, which is Bauhaus.

D, Bauhaus, say Pat and Elaine.

Bauhaus.

Right, Judith and Nicola,

do you want to talk us through the rest of the board?

If only... The two we know!

We know A and E.

We think A is Art Nouveau and E is Art Deco,

so we're going to go with Art Deco.

Art Deco, E.

OK, Pat and Elaine have said that D is Bauhaus.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right. Very well done, Pat.

13.

Good answer. 13 for Bauhaus.

Meanwhile, Judith and Nicola

have said that E is Art Deco.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Art Deco.

It's right...

52.

Well done, Pat, Elaine, for having

the courage of your convictions.

That won you that point. After one question, you're up 1-0.

Yeah, not the lowest scorer on the board, though. I'm sure you know B.

Palladian.

That would have scored you 9 points. So that's the best answer up there.

Art Nouveau as A would have been a slightly better scorer than

Art Deco, but still wouldn't have won you the point. Would have got you 42.

And the middle one of course is Gothic.

And that's a big scorer, 72 points for that.

Thank you very much indeed. Here comes your second question.

Judith and Nicola, you'll get to answer this one first

but you have to win it to stay in the game.

It concerns...

..the Coronation. Richard.

Going to show you five clues now to questions about the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II.

Can you give us the most obscure answer?

OK, let's reveal our five clues, and here they come.

I'll read those one last time.

Judith and Nicola,

you will go first this time.

-Shall we go for the year of the Coronation?

-Yeah.

-1952, was it?

-Yeah.

Not our strong subject yet again -

we're going to go for the year the Coronation took place, and 1952.

1952, say Judith and Nicola.

Pat and Elaine,

do you want to talk us through that board?

-I think it's Archbishop Runcie.

-No.

I thought it was Runcie, but Pat says it isn't!

-The year is...'53.

-'53.

The child is Prince Charles.

UK Prime Minister I think was Winston Churchill,

-and it's the orb.

-Yes.

Which would you like to go for?

-Shall we go for the orb?

-Yeah.

We'll go for the orb.

OK. The orb, say Pat and Elaine.

So Judith and Nicola have said 1952,

Pat and Elaine have said the orb, the sovereign's orb.

OK, let's see. 1952...

Shall we see if Pat and Elaine

were right about that?

Fingers crossed, let's find out if it's correct.

Oh! Bad luck, it WAS 1953.

Which means, Pat and Elaine, if you are correct with your answer

you go through to the final.

Is it the orb,

the golden globe that the Queen held?

Absolutely right.

28.

Which means very well done,

Pat and Elaine, after only two questions you are straight through to the final 2-0.

Pat and Elaine were like assassins.

-That was brutal!

-Yeah.

Let's take a look at all of these.

You knew most of them -

the Archbishop of Canterbury, though,

was Geoffrey Fisher.

Would have scored 3, best answer up there.

The year of the coronation was 1953.

Scores 50 points.

The only child was Prince Charles,

he was four-and-a-half at the time,

79 points.

Anne was three-ish and I think they thought she was too young.

The Prime Minister was Churchill

in his second term,

and that would have scored you 26.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. So, I'm afraid the pair leaving us

at the end of the head-to-head round is Judith and Nicola.

As Richard said, that was

a stealth raid from Pat and Elaine,

they meant business there!

They were quite tough, those Coronation questions.

Good news for us, though, is we get to see you again.

So I'm sure you'll do even better next time,

but Judith and Nicola, thanks very much for playing.

APPLAUSE

But for Pat and Elaine, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Pat and Elaine, you've fought off all the competition

-and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy. Very well done.

-Thank you.

You now have a chance to win our jackpot,

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at £2,000.

Well, I'm sorry it's not our biggest ever jackpot, but it is most

certainly one that you deserve to win after your performance today.

You've done incredibly well,

you've had one little wobble with Barack Obama,

and a little bit of moment of doubt over the Bauhaus, of course,

but you stuck with it and straight through you came, 2-0,

so very well done indeed. It's been a fantastic performance.

As always you choose your category for this last round -

there's not a very wide choice, but here are your four options.

Goodness me...

-That is not helpful.

-No!

-Do you want to do Sporting Awards?

-No.

-OK.

-Novelists?

-Cult Novelists?

We'll go for Cult Novelists.

Cult Novelists, OK. Richard.

OK, we're looking for any novel published up to August 2013

by any of the following three cult novelists, please...

Very, very best of luck.

OK, thanks, Richard.

Now, as always you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

The answers can come from any of those categories

and it's entirely up to you how you spread them.

They could all come from Kurt Vonnegut,

they could all come from Douglas Coupland, or one from each,

completely up to you.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

Your time starts now.

Kurt Vonnegut, he's the science fiction writer.

-Is he?

-Yes.

-Well, I don't know any of the...

Oh, dear!

You're the reader.

-Well, I don't know the other two.

-I can't give any answer.

-I think we're going to have to make something up.

-We will.

Kurt Vonnegut. Something like,

I don't know...

Kurt Vonnegut...

-I've never even heard of Douglas Coupland.

-No...

Irvine Welsh, I've heard of.

What about something to do with...

Let's have something like...

-Moon Landing, for Kurt Vonnegut?

-Yes.

I don't think this is going to go very well.

-Douglas Coupland?

-No. I don't know anything.

I don't even know what genre he is.

Let's see, it could be something

to do with the Trade Center - The Two Towers...?

-Something like that?

-Yeah.

Irvine Welsh. Something to do with...Rhodesia?

-Zimbabwe...?

-OK.

OK... That is your time.

I could have listened to that chat for ever and ever!

Some great novels coming.

You should write some of these up, I was enjoying all of those.

So what are your three answers going to be?

One from each category.

OK...

Which one do you want to give me for Irvine Welsh, then?

We're going to go for... Zimbabwe The Great.

They've made a film of that.

That's true, with Forest Whitaker.

Zimbabwe The Great.

-What are we going to go for for Douglas Coupland?

-Erm...

-Twin Towers?

-The Twin Towers. Very good.

And your third one, the one we're going to go for Kurt Vonnegut.

Something to do with science fiction, so...

I know the name, but I just can't think of anything he's written.

I'm going to have to say Moon Landing.

Moon Landing. OK.

So we've got Zimbabwe The Great, we've got The Twin Towers,

and we've got Moon Landing.

Some good history in there as well.

Of those three, any one you want to nominate as your most likely to be pointless?

-Or shall we just put them in that order?

-Just in that order.

OK, let's pop those up on the board in that order.

Let's just say one of these answers is right,

and pointless,

what would you do with your £2,000?

Let's just indulge that for a moment or two.

I have a desire to go to Canada,

so it would go toward a trip to Canada.

Excellent. Elaine?

Well, my husband needs a new engine.

-For his boat!

-Oh, I see. I thought...

LAUGHTER

I thought, "A pacemaker, brilliant thing to get."

LAUGHTER

I'm sure the NHS would do that.

A new engine for his boat.

It would have to be a reconditioned one.

Well, that would be money well spent.

You'd get around those Scottish Isles,

the Summer Isles all the quicker.

OK, well, very, very best of luck.

Fingers crossed, there's probably more chance

of one of these being right than you have of winning the lottery. So there we are.

Let's find out. Zimbabwe The Great, an Irvine Welsh novel -

is it right and how many people said it, for £2,000?

Oh-h!

Unfortunately not a pointless answer.

-Surprise(!)

-Not a correct answer I'm afraid.

But your next answer, we were looking for Douglas Coupland novels

and you've gone for The Twin Towers.

Let's just see if that's right and how many people said it.

One of these days, it is going to happen, somebody is going to come up

with a book that HAS actually been written by one of these authors.

Is it going to be today?

Well, if it is today, it's not on the Douglas Coupland category.

Only one more chance to win today's jackpot of £2,000.

Moon Landing is your third and final answer.

In this case, we are looking for Kurt Vonnegut novels.

Is it right, will it win you £2,000, will it be pointless?

No, I'm sorry to say.

There was a chance, a tiny little chance that one of those might have been right

but I'm afraid they weren't, so I'm afraid you didn't manage to win

today's jackpot of £2,000, that will roll over onto the next show.

But you have been fantastic contestants, you really have,

you've done such a brilliant job on the show,

lots to be very proud of there, and you do get to take home

a Pointless trophy each, so very well done.

Sorry, Pat and Elaine, you were an unstoppable force

but you met an immovable object in that jackpot round, I'm afraid.

You got three wrong ones, but the game going on in my head was very,

very exciting. I had three answers, and they all scored one point.

I was gutted! Can you imagine if that had been me standing there?

Let's have a look at the pointless answers.

Irvine Welsh only has one pointless answer...

Very, very well played if you said that.

I said Marabou Stork Nightmares, that scored 1.

Douglas Coupland, another terrific writer.

Five pointless answers for him.

And God Hates Japan.

I went for Girlfriend In A Coma for that one, that scored 1.

And Kurt Vonnegut, the biggest scorer Slaughterhouse-Five.

I went for Breakfast Of Champions, and that scored 1 point.

I've had a nightmare.

-Richard!

-But at least I get to take home a coveted...

Oh, I don't even get to take home a coveted Pointless trophy!

You've covered yourself in glory.

I haven't even done that. At least I get to nick this computer...

You don't even get to do that. It's glued to the table.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Well, we have to say goodbye to you, Pat and Elaine,

but we have loved having you on the show. Thanks so much for playing, great contestants.

Sadly, Pat and Elaine didn't win the jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show where we will be playing for £3,000.

Join us next time to see if it's won. Meanwhile it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me, goodbye.