Episode 18 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the show that makes big winners out of the lowest scorers.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Alan and this is Joy, my wife of 46 years,

and we reside in Leighton Buzzard.

Couple number two?

Hi, I'm Bartholomew, this is my mum Sandra,

and we are from Stratford-upon-Avon.

Couple number three?

This is Sharron, I'm Alan, and we're golf buddies from Staffordshire.

And finally couple number four.

Hi, I'm Rob, this is Kerry, we're husband and wife from Solihull.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks all of you. We'll get to know more about you throughout the show

as it goes along. That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He is the next big thing on the UK hip hop scene,

and South England's rap battle champion four years running.

His rhymes be ill, blood.

-He's my Pointless friend. He's Richard.

-Hiya.

APPLAUSE Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-There's a lot of truth in that. Er, good afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-Now, you'll have noticed what I've noticed, I'm sure.

-Yeah.

-We've had an awful lot of Alans lately.

-Yeah, I know.

-We've been really Alan-heavy, haven't we?

-Yeah.

Like a surfeit of Alans.

I'm worried, as you will be, that there's an Alan shortage

somewhere else in the country because we've got so many of them.

-Yeah.

-If, say, you're living in the Bristol area or something

and there's not enough Alans, we apologise.

Hopefully after today we're not going to have more after today.

They're bringing Alans up from Devon,

there's a surfeit of Alans there luckily.

-So they're bussing them in?

-Up the M5, yeah.

That's a lot of Alans. Also, the other thing to note...

-Tell me.

-..is I think maybe

Bartholomew's the longest name we've ever had on the show,

cos that's the smallest font we've ever had on a name tag,

-I'm certain.

-Yeah.

-Now, Sandra, Bartholomew's your son, of course.

-Yes.

Did you not think of a nice name like, say, Alan?

LAUGHTER

-Never crossed my mind, funnily enough.

-Wow.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

As usual, all of today's questions have been asked

to 100 people before the show.

All our contestants have to do is

hunt out those important pointless answers no-one else has given.

Each time that happens we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Mairead and Fintan won the jackpot last time

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, now, the pair with the highest score at the end of the round

will be eliminated,

and do remember there is to be no conferring during the round itself.

OK, our first category today is...

Pop Music. Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Number One Singles of the '90s.

Er, we're going to show you

seven number one singles of the '90s on each pass.

You just need to tell us the act that had a number one single

with each of these, please.

There's going to be 14 to have a go at at home, so very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

So we are looking for the artists who reached number one with

these songs in the years shown, and here is our first board of seven.

I'll read those all one last time.

Now, then, Alan P and Joy, you all drew lots before the show,

and today you are going to go first. Welcome back, Alan.

-What happened last time?

-Er, we got to the head-to-head.

-It was great.

Yeah, and we were undone by the president of Argentina.

-Yes, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner. There we are.

-Yeah.

We'll remember that now. What do you get up to in Leighton Buzzard?

Er, play a lot of golf, erm, started playing bowls now.

What kind of bowls do you do?

Oh, erm, we just started, it's lawn bowls in the summer,

-and in the winter it's indoors and short mat.

-Short mat, OK, very good.

-Which is nice cos it's indoors.

-Very nice.

Now, Alan, what about all these songs from the '90s?

Number one songs from the '90s, how are you feeling about those?

Well, if it was the 1890s I might stand a chance.

LAUGHTER

Erm, but The Shoop Shoop Song, I've got an idea of somebody called Cher.

Cher says Alan. Let's see if that's right for The Shoop Shoop Song.

Let's see how many of our 100 people also said Cher.

76.

APPLAUSE

-76.

-Yeah, her first number one single as a solo artist that was.

She's also the only female artist in history to have

American number ones in the '60s, '70s, '80s and '90s.

-That's pretty good going, isn't it?

-Mm, that is good going.

-Thanks, Richard. Now, Bartholomew, welcome.

-Hi!

-So, Bartholomew, what do you do?

-I am a student at Leeds University.

-What are you studying?

-Economics and History.

Which of the two of those do you like the best?

-Imagining none of your tutors are watching. Go on.

-History.

-Ho-ho-ho, bad luck!

-Oh, your tutors ARE watching!

What's the name of whoever's in charge of the Economics course?

-HE GASPS

-What d'you mean you don't know?!

Maybe that's something to do with the fact that you prefer History!

-Maybe.

-Yeah, OK. Now what about the '90s, Bartholomew?

-D'you remember them at all?

-Nightmare, absolute nightmare round.

-Right, I thought you were saying THEY were a nightmare.

-Oh, no.

"The '90s? God, don't bring them up again!"

D'you remember any of these?

I mean, do you know any of these?

-One or two ring a bell.

-What year were you born, Bartholomew?

-'95.

XANDER GRIMACES

-Oh!

-Ugh!

-As he said that I could hear my bones creak.

LAUGHTER

'95! Wow.

OK, now, then, Bartholomew, OK.

What are you thinking?

The one that rings a bell, about three or four acts in my mind

who it could be, but I'm going to go The Drugs Don't Work, the Verve.

The Verve says Bartholomew. The Verve for The Drugs Don't Work.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said the Verve.

It's right.

It's right.

41.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Bartholomew.

For a horrible moment I thought that was just

Richard Ashcroft on his own but it wasn't.

It wasn't, it was the Verve, absolutely.

It's from the album Urban Hymns,

and that's the 17th best selling album in UK history.

Thanks, Richard. Now, then, Sharron.

Welcome to Pointless, good to have you here. What do you do, Sharron?

-I'm a retired police officer.

-How long have you been retired?

-Since June.

-Are you missing it?

-Erm, no, not really.

LAUGHTER

-OK, and you're playing quite a lot of golf?

-Yes, quite badly, though.

-OK. How long have you been playing golf for?

-Oh, only 12 months or so.

What a nice thing to take up, though. Very good.

Now, then, Sharron, what are you going to go for on this?

Erm, I don't think it's right but I'm going to have to go with

the only one that is a possibility, You Are Not Alone, Michael Jackson?

Michael Jackson. I was thinking it was that, but let's see.

Is that right? Michael Jackson for You Are Not Alone?

It is right! Very well done, Sharron.

76, our high score, you've passed that,

41 our low score, you've passed that.

23.

APPLAUSE

23. You were not alone in thinking

that that was possibly not by Michael Jackson.

Only 23 people said it.

That's three answers in a row there where people haven't been sure

and have said, "I'm going to have to go for it,"

and they've all been correct.

Erm, interesting here, debts of 500 million before his death,

-and in the year after his death, his estate amassed 1 billion.

-Mm.

-Isn't that amazing?

-Mm. Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

-So, Kerry.

-Hi!

-Kerry, hi, welcome to the show. Great to have you here.

-What do you do?

-I'm a music teacher.

-What sort of music do you teach?

Well, it's pre-school music so it's under four years old.

-Oh, that's fun!

-It is.

-And how did you and Rob meet?

Erm, well, I used to be a dance teacher

and Rob came to me for lessons.

-You were his teacher?

-I was.

-And then how long before you got married?

-Erm...

-How many years later?

-About a year.

And so your first dance must have been amazing!

-You'd think, wouldn't you? No, not really.

-OK.

Now, then, Kerry, you're the last person to have this board.

D'you want to fill in all the blanks for us?

Dreams, I think, was Gabrielle.

Setting Sun doesn't ring any bells at all.

The One And Only is Chesney Hawkes, erm,

and The Most Beautiful Girl In The World I think was Prince.

It's just trying to work out which is the lowest score.

I think I'm going to go with

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, Prince.

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, Prince, says Kerry.

Rob, what do you think?

I probably would have gone with Dreams, but we'll see.

She knows more than I do.

OK, well, let's see if Prince is right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Prince.

It's right.

13.

APPLAUSE

13, the best score of the whole pass, very well done, Kerry.

Well played, Kerry.

Prince had 42 Top 40 hits, and that was his only number one.

-Was it really?

-Yeah, so, very good answer in a pub quiz, that.

Now, erm, Rob, you're right to trust Kerry because she did go for

the right one there cos Dreams would have scored a bit more.

It was Gabrielle, would have scored 20, though.

The One And Only was Chesney Hawkes.

I didn't think that was '90s, I would have said '80s if you'd pushed me.

It scored 47 points, it's a big scorer.

And the best answer on the board, Setting Sun,

was by the Chemical Brothers. Well done if you said that,

-would have scored you 6 points.

-Very good, thanks very much.

We're halfway through the round, let's check those scores.

13, the best score of that pass, very well done, Kerry.

That puts you and Rob in a commanding position at this point.

Then up to 23, Sharron and Alan.

Up to 41, Bartholomew and Sandra, then up to 76, Alan and Joy.

Alan, you did very well there finding one.

Joy, good luck.

We're going to come back down the line,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put seven more number one singles from the '90s

up on the board, and here they come.

I'll read those one more time.

Remember, we are looking for the artists who reached number one

with these hits in the '90s.

Rob, you're going to try and continue Kerry's nice low

scoring run and find the one the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Rob, what do you do?

-I'm a process engineer at a premium car manufacturer.

-That's fun!

What's the actual bit that you're in charge of?

It's working with our product development team to try

and actually be able to build the vehicles in our existing body shops.

Have you developed an invisible one yet?

Unfortunately, I don't work for THAT premium car manufacturer.

-A flying one?

-Er, I want to.

-Oh, that'd be fun, wouldn't it? A flying car?

-Yeah, it'd be good.

That'd be like an aeroplane, wouldn't it?

LAUGHTER

An aeroplane would be good!

Er, yeah, OK, very good.

Now, then, where are you going to go?

I recognise a few, but because of Kerry's good first round I'm going

to try and go for one that probably should never have been a number one.

Erm, Deeply Dippy, which I think was Right Said Fred.

Deeply Dippy. OK, let's find out if that is by Right Said Fred.

There's your red line,

if you get below that you're through to the next round.

Right Said Fred, said Rob.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Right Said Fred.

It's right.

There we are, you're through.

That did exactly what it needed to do, not a lot more.

47, takes your total up to 60, Rob.

Well played, Rob. That was their only number one as well,

cos I'm Too Sexy was kept off number one by Bryan Adams.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, then, Alan S, welcome to the show. What do you do?

Er, I'm an engineer, I work for a Swedish furniture company.

RICHARD AND XANDER LAUGH

Oh, God, there are so many, I wonder which one that must be(!)

That is less cryptic than most of the time when people say that,

-"a major high street retailer."

-Oh, yeah.

-What other jobs have you had, Alan?

-Er, semi-pro football manager.

Wow, that's fun. Where did you do that?

A few clubs.

Hometown club, Kidsgrove, Newcastle...Town.

Newcastle Town, yeah.

When did you stop doing that?

Er, I stopped doing it when they sacked me.

LAUGHTER

Good stuff. OK, well, listen, there you are, you're on 23.

The high scorers are still Joy and Alan on 76.

52 or less will get you through.

Unfortunately, me mind's gone,

and, erm,

Let Me Be Your Fantasy, Oasis, I haven't got a clue.

Let Me Be Your Fantasy by Oasis says Alan.

Let's see if that's right and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

There's your red line. Maybe you might get below that.

Let's find out.

Bad luck, bad luck. Game attempt but I'm afraid an incorrect answer,

scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 123.

The round is not over yet, though, Alan. We'll see what happens.

You may still get through.

Sorry, Alan, I'll give you the correct answer to that one

at the end of the pass, but worth a guess.

-Thanks, Richard. Now, Sandra, welcome.

-Hello.

Good to have you here. What do you do, Sandra?

I'm an aromatherapist and reflexologist.

Wow! Oh, that's nice.

And what do you do in your spare time?

Erm, well, I sing, I've been in a couple of different choirs

-and I'm also involved in am-dram as well.

-Very good, you're on 41.

The high scorers are Alan and Sharron at the moment on 123,

so 81 or less sees you through. I think you're going to be fine here.

I have absolutely no idea on any of them.

So, phwoar, Back For Good, Robbie Williams.

I know it's wrong but it's a guess.

OK, well, you're going to say Robbie Williams.

Let's see if it's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

There's your red line.

If you get below it you are through to the next round.

Ooh, bad luck. It is incorrect, that scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to 141, but Richard will tell you

at the end of the round who did actually sing that.

-You'll be interested to know, I think.

-I will do exactly that, yeah.

Now, then, Joy. Right, now,

this is important. That board behind me

is remarkably untroubled by quite a few answers in this round.

So, listen, you're on 76.

The high scorers are behind you, Sandra and Bartholomew on 141.

If you can score 64 or less, you're through to the next round.

That's the good news, the bad news is I don't recognise any of them.

Erm, my son would have a whole raft of names of groups

to go for the 1990s.

So, I shall have to go for The Power

by the Charlatans.

-Good band, Joy!

-Good band! I just don't think they go with The Power.

OK, I'm very impressed by that, though. The Charlatans.

There's your red line, get below that,

you're through to the second round.

Let's see if the Charlatans sang The Power.

Oh, Joy, I'm sorry. I'm afraid they didn't.

That scores 100 points, takes your total up to an unbeatable 176.

Yeah, sorry, Joy, but you gave us the pleasure of seeing you say

-the Charlatans, which genuinely surprised us.

-Yeah.

-And we get to release one more Alan back into the community.

-Yeah.

It's good for the country, isn't it? It's good for the country.

Er, Back For Good, not Robbie Williams,

but you're not a million miles away.

It was Take That.

64 points for that.

Let Me Be Your Fantasy, that's not Oasis, d'you remember that?

No, I don't. I remember the song.

-Baby D.

-Baby D.

Would have scored you 10 points.

And The Power? It's not the Charlatans, should have been.

-Snap.

-Snap. Exactly right.

18 points. Now, the other three.

If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next?

-Manic Street Preachers.

-36 points for that.

-2 Become 1?

-Spice Girls.

-Yes.

Would have scored you 65.

Very big scorer, that, in fact the biggest scorer on the board.

And the best scorer on the board, Mr Vain.

I remember, again, remember the song. Erm...

They were very much the Charlatans of their time, they were Culture Beat.

-Culture Beat!

-They would have scored you 4 points.

-Very well done if you said that.

-There we go, Culture Beat.

Thanks very much, Richard.

We've got to the end of the first round

but I'm sorry to say our returning pair,

Joy and Alan...I'm sorry.

That second board was really tricky there, Joy.

Might you have got any of those?

-The Spice Girls, but it wasn't enough, was it?

-No.

I'm afraid we have to say goodbye.

It's been lovely having you on the show.

Thank you so much for playing, Joy and Alan.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

Three pairs remain, and obviously at the end of this round,

we'll be saying goodbye to another pair

in time for our head-to-head round.

Rob and Kerry, very well done. Great answers from you, nice low scores.

And then Alan and Sharron, whoa!

You owe Sandra and Bartholomew one cos they saved your bacon!

Oh, and Sandra and Bartholomew, whoa! You owe Alan and Joy one,

because they saved YOUR bacon, so, er, very well done.

Anyway, it's going to be a new round and a new category.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Classic Literature. Can you decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Eponymous Novels. Richard.

We're going to show you the names of authors.

We're looking for any novel or children's novel by any of these authors

that contains a person's name anywhere in its title please.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So we want a novel written by any of these authors which has

a character's name in the title.

There we go. Now, Bartholomew, we come to you first.

-Another tough one.

-It is a tough one.

Trying to avoid the obvious.

I'm trying to avoid the obvious, erm...

The...

The Twits.

The Twits, says Bartholomew. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said The Twits.

Absolutely right.

Good answer, 12, well done!

APPLAUSE

Well played.

Well played, Bartholomew.

Yeah, The Twits, of course, being the surname of the characters.

-Thank you. Sharron.

-Hello.

-How are you feeling about this?

Erm, I do read a lot, but not those sort of books really.

Erm, I'm going to go for one that I think is quite obvious

so will be quite high scoring. I'm going to go for Matilda.

Matilda says Sharron. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Matilda.

41.

APPLAUSE

-41 for Matilda.

-Yeah, of course,

also recently came out as a musical in the West End by Tim Minchin.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Rob.

Well, I wish I'd paid a bit more attention to reading

the books to my son that I do, erm, but I think I'm going to go with

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator.

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator.

Very well done, Rob, I see what you've done there.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Well, 41 our highest score, 12 our low.

You've passed 41.

You've passed 12. Very well done indeed, Rob, that's a great answer.

7. Some great scoring over there on the far podium.

You wouldn't want to get stuck in a glass elevator, would you?

It's better than getting stuck in a non-glass elevator.

I often think that, cos I don't like being in lifts,

but I think if it's a glass one, at least I can see outside.

It doesn't scare me so much.

-Maybe.

-Not quite like being in a steel box, is it?

Yeah, I suppose.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. Very well done, Rob.

Best score of the round so far was yours, 7.

Then up to 12, where we find Bartholomew and Sandra,

then up to 41 where we find Sharon and Alan.

So Alan, a good answer from you is what we need in the next pass,

so try find a nice, low score.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, now, Kerry...

We need a novel with someone's name in the title.

You're on 7.

The high scores are Alan and Sharon on 41,

so 33 or less sees you through.

Well, I really feel like I should know a George Eliot novel,

but I so don't.

We've got the whole collection of Roald Dahl at home

for our little boy and I can think of two.

One of them, Rob has already said,

so I'm going to go for Danny, Champion Of The World.

Danny, Champion Of The World, says Kerry.

There's your red line. Get below that, you are into the head-to-head.

Let's see if Danny, Champion Of The World is right

and how many people said it.

It is right.

Well done, you're through.

Wow, 5!

APPLAUSE

5 takes your total up to 12.

Well played, Kerry - two good answers in two questions.

I think that would have been my answer, Danny, Champion Of The World.

Alan?

Yes, well...

..we need a good answer, don't we? So...

..I think I just don't want to get over 100,

so I'm going to go for Robinson Crusoe.

Robinson Crusoe says Alan. Nice to have a Defoe in there.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

No red line for you as you're the highest scorers.

There we are, he's right.

-29.

-APPLAUSE

29 takes your total up to 70. There we are.

First published in 1719.

Daniel Defoe was originally called Daniel Foe.

He added the "De" cos he thought it made him sound posher.

So to increase his social standing.

Thank you, Richard. Now, Sandra, you're on 12.

You have to score 57 or less. This is going to be a doddle.

-I must stop saying that to you.

-Look what happened last time!

I think you're going to be fine.

-Yeah.

-Talk us through your thinking.

I enjoy reading the Bronte novels, so there's the obvious one,

but I'm not going for that.

I'm going to go for Shirley.

Shirley. There's your red line.

Get below that, you're through to the next round.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

It is right.

You're in the head-to-head. Very well done, Sandra.

2.

APPLAUSE

That is a great score, Sandra. 14, very well done.

Yep, by Charlotte Bronte, of course.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

There's six in this round, well done if you got any of these.

Captain Singleton, which is a Daniel Defoe novel.

Felix Holt, The Radical - that's George Eliot.

My Uncle Oswald, that's an adult novel by Roald Dahl.

Well done if you said that.

And all of these are Daniel Defoe.

The Further Adventures Of Robinson Crusoe

would have been a very good answer.

The Four Voyages Of Captain George Roberts

and The Serious Reflections Of Robinson Crusoe.

Thank you very much, Richard.

At the end of our second round, the pair heading home

with their score of 70 - I'm sorry to say it's Alan and Sharon.

You've done very well. Through to the second round.

-We'll see you again next time and look forward to that.

-Thank you.

-Thanks, Alan, thanks, Sharon.

-BOTH: Thanks.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

For the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Kerry and Rob, Sandra and Bartholomew.

You are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

We have to decide who's going to go through to the final and play

for that money and to do that, you are now going to go head-to-head.

The difference is you're now allowed to confer before you give

your answers and the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play it.

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

-Brothers, Richard.

-We'll show you five pictures of famous brothers.

We need you to tell us their surnames, please.

OK, let's reveal our five sets of brothers and here they come.

We've got...

There we are, five sets of brothers.

Kerry and Rob, you've played best throughout the show,

so you will go first.

-WHISPERING:

-I don't know A and I don't know E.

C was in that film we went to see with my dad. What's his name?

-Bridges or something?

-Go for that one, I think.

Erm...

Struggling a little bit.

We're going to go for the one we think is the lowest, which is C,

-the Bridges brothers.

-Bridges,

say Kerry and Rob, Bridges. Now, Sandra and Bartholomew,

do you want to talk us through the rest of the board?

Love to. B is the Milibands and D is the Gallaghers.

A - too young to be the Coen brothers?

-I don't know what they look like.

-I don't know what they look like.

I've got no idea on A either.

So which one do you want? B or D?

They'll both be higher than C, won't they?

Yeah.

How about A - Coen brothers?

I have no idea.

OK, we'll go for A - Coen brothers.

You're going to say A - the Coen brothers.

So we have the Bridges and we have the Coens.

Rob and Kerry have gone with the Bridges brothers for C.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said Bridges for C.

It's right.

-19.

-APPLAUSE

Good answer, 19.

Now, then, Sandra and Bartholomew have said

that A is the Coen brothers. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

And it wins the points. Very well done indeed. 11.

Very well done, Bartholomew.

You had the courage to stick to your point there, well done.

After one question, it's 1-0 to you.

-Yeah, very well played. How about that, Sandra?

-I'm impressed!

Of course, they directed True Grit, which starred Jeff Bridges.

That's Jeff with Beau Bridges, his brother, there.

-Very rarely a bad film with Jeff Bridges in it.

-True.

You see him in a film, "Yeah, I'll stick with this."

B is the Milibands. Would have scored you 65 points.

D, it's the Gallagher brothers, but what do you think they scored?

I'm guessing that's a high score. That'll be in the late 80s.

Exactly in the late 80s. 88, that would have scored,

thrashing the Milibands.

The last one, I'd be surprised if you knew it.

They're the two longest-serving brothers ever in Congress.

They are Sandy and Carl Levin and that is a pointless answer,

so if you did say that, presumably you're American and visiting.

Very, very well played.

Thanks very much indeed. So, here is your second question.

Sandra and Bartholomew, you will have to answer this one first.

Kerry and Rob, you will have to win this one to stay in the game,

so very, very best of luck.

It concerns...

-Muddled Greeks.

-It's going to be anagrams of famous Greeks.

-OK.

-We'll give you five and if you give us the most obscure answer,

you'll win the points.

OK, thank you very much indeed. Let's reveal our five famous Greeks

and here they are in anagram form.

I'll read those one more time...

As I say, Sandra and Bartholomew, you will go first this time.

THEY WHISPER

We can only really work out two

and we're going to go for the middle one, Aristotle.

OK, the middle one, "aisle trot" - Aristotle.

Now then, Kerry and Rob.

Do you fancy talking us through the board

and doing a little bit of thinking out loud?

Not really.

We only knew two and that was one of them,

so I think we have to go for the other one,

-unless you've worked something else out.

-No.

We're going to have to go for the top one, which is Socrates.

OK, Socrates, say Kerry and Rob. We have Aristotle and Socrates.

Sandra and Bartholomew went Aristotle.

Let's see if that's right and if so, how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

-23.

-APPLAUSE

23. Now, Kerry and Rob, you have said Socrates.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said that.

It's right.

For you to stay in the game, this has to go lower than 23

and it does! Well done!

-APPLAUSE

-14.

Well done.

You've broken back - exactly what you needed to do.

After two questions, it's one-all.

Good answers from both teams there.

The next biggest score is "a pose", do you know that one?

Author of fables.

-Oh, Aesop.

-Aesop, yep.

Probably not a real person, Aesop.

Just a name given to anyone who wrote those types of stories. 17 points.

"Trophy saga"?

Came up with a famous theory.

-Pythagoras.

-Good, exactly.

Would have scored you 9 points.

His theory, of course, was if you take the batteries

out of the remote control and put them back in it,

it'll start working again.

-He was right.

-Yeah, absolutely right. Proved time and again.

And "dour ethos"?

-No.

-Best answer on the board, 1 point. Herodotus.

Ah!

Very well done if you said that.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, it all comes down to our third question.

This is the decider. It's one apiece at the moment.

Whoever wins this goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs.

It concerns...

Steven Spielberg, Richard.

Simply going to show you five clues about film director Steven Spielberg.

We need the most obscure answer. Best of luck, both teams.

OK, let's reveal our five clues, and here they come.

I'll read those one last time...

There we are - five clues to facts about Spielberg.

Kerry and Rob, you will go first.

-WHISPERING:

-I don't know his middle name.

The World War II movie must be Saving Private Ryan.

The actress who played... Julia Roberts.

I think probably Julia Roberts.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, we are going to go for the actress

who played Tinkerbell in Hook, which was Julia Roberts.

Julia Roberts, say Kerry and Rob, Julia Roberts.

Now, Sandra and Bartholomew.

-Do you want to talk us through the board?

-We can try, can't we?

The top one is Saving Private Ryan.

Bottom one - Jaws.

Bottom one - Jaws

and don't know his middle name,

but we're going to go for Michael Crichton, who was the writer.

OK, Michael Crichton, you're going to go for.

We have Julia Roberts and Michael Crichton.

Rob and Kerry said Julia Roberts played Tinkerbell.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said Julia Roberts.

It's right.

-29.

-APPLAUSE

29 for Julia Roberts.

Meanwhile, Bartholomew and Sandra have said Michael Crichton

as the author who wrote the novel on which Jurassic Park is based.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said that.

It's right.

If this goes down lower than 29, you're in the final.

It does, very well done. 19.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed.

Well done, Sandra and Bartholomew - after three questions,

you are through to the final, 2-1.

Very well played. Let's fill in the rest of this board.

A very, very big scorer at the bottom there.

The 1975 film, of course, it was Jaws.

91 points for Jaws, 91.

At the top, another big score for Saving Private Ryan.

Would have scored you 47. The best answer on the board,

which would have seen either team through to the Jackpot Round,

any idea?

If I tell you that it's proof

that everything in the universe is connected?

The answer that would have seen anyone through to the final is...

..Allan.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-What about that?

-6 points.

What about that?

-You!

-Yeah, well... It's not me. It's not me, it's the planets.

-Oh, that's just beautiful.

-Isn't it?

Thanks very much indeed. So the pair leaving us

at the end of the head-to-head round are Kerry and Rob.

Slightly against the grain of play, I have to say.

You've been fantastic the whole way through the show.

Brilliant low score after brilliant low score and then,

in the head-to-head, you came up against the immovable object

that is Sandra and Bartholomew.

So we say goodbye to you, but we get to see you next time.

We look forward to that. Kerry and Rob, thanks so much for playing.

APPLAUSE

But for Sandra and Bartholomew,

it's now time for our Pointless Final.

Congratulations, Sandra and Bartholomew.

You fought off the competition and won our coveted Pointless Trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless Jackpot,

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at £1,000.

As always, you choose your category for this final round.

Anything you'd like to see?

I'd like to see the Bronte sisters again, actually.

That was quite handy.

Well, best of luck. Here are your options. Four of them.

You can choose from one of these.

-I'd go for one of the bottom two.

-I would have gone for Olivers, so...

-Do you know any gangster films?

-No.

-None at all?

-No.

SHE LAUGHS

-Any Belgium?

-No. But you don't know any Olivers.

So it's Belgium or Olivers. Which one?

Belgium.

Oh, that's a strong will there!

OK, Bartholomew is going for Belgium.

I didn't think anyone would go for Belgium.

I thought Belgium would stay there for ever. You've got three options.

We're looking for the capital of any of Belgium's 10 provinces.

We are looking for any post-war Belgian prime minister.

We're looking for any player in any squads for Belgium's

qualifying for the 2014 World Cup.

So any player who played in any of the qualifying games for the 2014 World Cup.

So, capitals of the 10 provinces, post-war prime ministers

or any player in any squad for Belgium's qualifying campaign

for the World Cup, 2014.

Very best of luck.

OK. Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

To win the jackpot of £1,000 only one of those answers needs to be pointless.

Also remember, the answers you provide can come from any of these categories.

How you spread them across the categories is up to you.

-Are you ready?

-As we'll ever be!

-OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

-There they are.

-Your time starts now.

-I'm going for footballers.

-OK, you carry on.

Andervilde.

-Derrida, maybe.

-Right. Marvellous.

-You could think of some provinces of...

-No!

I'm going to say...

-Safari.

-OK.

Um...

Any of those I have no idea on any of those.

SHE LAUGHS

Apart from that, I know all the obvious ones.

-Yeah, there's quite a lot of obvious ones.

-Christian Benteke.

No, I think... That might be...

Yeah? Whatever you decide.

Maybe someone else.

-I can't think of any footballers.

-OK, Thibaut Courtois.

OK, you've got your answers. We'll stop the clock.

-What are those answers going to be?

-Thibaut Courtois.

-Thibaut Courtois.

-Safari.

-Safari.

-And Andervilde.

-Andervilde.

-I need Andervilde's first name.

-Gregory.

-Gregory?

-I don't know.

You don't know. So you've gone for Gregory?!

-It rings a bell!

-OK, it might be Gregory.

-Of those three which is your best shot at a pointless?

-Safari.

-Safari we'll put last. Which is your least likely?

-Courtois.

Courtois we'll put first.

OK, let's pop those answers upon the board,

and here they are in that order.

Well, very best of luck.

The first answer was Thibaut Courtois.

Now, this was the one you thought least likely to be pointless.

What if this were to be pointless and you won that £1,000.

-Sandra, what would you do with your share of that?

-My share?

I would use it towards... a holiday next year.

It's our 25th wedding anniversary,

so we are going away and it would go towards that.

-Bartholomew?

-I'm doing trek of Everest base camp next year.

-Are you?

-I need to pay some expenses there.

-Wow. Well done, you.

-It'll be good.

-Best of luck. Three answers on the board.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless.

So your first answer, Thibaut Courtois.

All the answers you've given are players who are in the Belgian squad

for any of their qualifying matches for the 2014 World Cup finals.

OK, Thibaut Courtois, let's see if that's right,

and if it's pointless you will win £1,000.

Let's find out how me people said Thibaut Courtois.

It's right.

That was the first thing it had to be.

The next thing has to do is go down to 0.

If it does that you leave with £1,000 between you.

Going down into single figures. It's getting exciting.

Still going down...

-One!

-APPLAUSE

Ohhhh!

Good answer! Very good answer.

This bodes very well for your two subsequent answers.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless.

Two more chances to win the jackpot.

The next answer was Gregory Andervilde.

Again, it has to be correct

and has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot of £1,000.

Let's find out from you people said Gregory Andervilde.

Oh, bad luck!

Bad luck, an incorrect answer,

so everything is now riding on your third and final answer.

The answer she thought was probably your best shot at a pointless answer.

Safari.

OK, let's find out.

For £1,000, how many people said Safari was a player in any of the Belgian squads

in any of their qualifying games for the 2014 World Cup?

Good luck.

Oh, no, bad luck!

APPLAUSE

Oh, bad luck. To have one on your first answer.

I'm really sorry. Two incorrect answers there.

Richard will tell us shortly why they are incorrect.

But you didn't find that all-important pointless answer,

so you don't win today's jackpot of £1,000.

That rolls over on to the next show.

But we've enjoyed having you on the show and you've done so well and consistently.

And of course you get to take home a Pointless Trophy, so well done.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, that's very unlucky. One point for Courtois -

there must be one mad keen Chelsea fan amongst our 100, I'm afraid.

You gave the name Andervilde and there are two footballers who share

similar names but not quite the same.

There's Gregory van der Wiel of the Netherlands,

-and Toby Alderweireld.

-That's who I meant.

Who is Belgian and would have been a pointless answer.

AUDIENCE: Awww! You'll kick yourself more

when you see some pointless answers on that category.

You won't kick yourself much on the pointless answers of the first two categories.

Very well done to anyone at home who got these.

All of those would have been pointless. Well done if you said any of those.

I can't believe you didn't get any of these guys(!)

LAUGHTER

If you're going to get any, you might have got Guy Verhofstadt at home,

because he was prime minister until 2008, something like that.

Let's take a look at these footballers,

because there are names you will know up here.

SANDRA GROANS Jan Vertonghen a pointless answer.

Kevin Mirallas was a pointless answer.

Moussen Dembele, who we still love at Fulham very much,

was a pointless answer. There's Toby Alderweireld as well.

You could also have had Axel Witsel, Daniel Van Buyten, Dries Mertens,

Jelle Van Damme, who Southampton fans will remember, or Steven Defour.

So there were plenty of well-known players out there.

Really unlucky, but well played. You've been great fun as well.

And Behrang Safari, your third answer, he plays for Sweden.

-Oh!

-Unfortunately. He's Iranian born, plays for Sweden.

So you were very unlucky for three different reasons, I would say.

Bad luck. Unfortunately, we say goodbye.

It's been brilliant having you the show. Thank you so much.

Sandra and Bartholomew, great contestants.

APPLAUSE

Well, Sandra and Bartholomew didn't win our jackpot today

and it rolls over.

So on the next show we will be playing for £2,000.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Join us next time, see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.