Episode 38 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where all of the questions have been asked

of 100 people before the show, and our contestants have to

come up with the answers no-one else could think of. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, my name's Johnny, this is my friend Gemma,

and we're from Plymouth.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, my name's Tom, this is my friend Raz,

and we're from Bridgend in South Wales.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Jo, this is my sister Penni, and we're from Barry in South Wales.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, my name's Kath, this is my friend Pauline,

and we're from Keele in Staffordshire.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much, all of you. We'll get to know more about you as we go along.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Seventh runner-up in Mr Bishop's Stortford 1984 and recently voted most

eligible teatime quiz show co-host on British TV

over the height of two metres... who wears glasses.

Who says you can't have brains and beauty?

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya. Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Goodness me, how are you?

-I'm fine.

-Haven't quite got over the last show.

-Oh, I know!

-Round Two,

the most extraordinary round in Pointless history, not in a good way.

It was a round on the '70s, went on nearly as long as the '70s.

It really did.

Six answers, four of them given by people who are here,

every single one of them 100 points.

200 plays 200 plays 200 - triple lockdown, for the first time ever.

-That was something.

-So, no more of that today, OK?

-No more of that today.

-Thanks, Richard.

All our questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants here are looking for the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer, that being

an answer that none of our 100 people gave,

and each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Leo and James didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that, so today's jackpot starts off at...

Now, that's a jackpot.

Right. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK. The pair with the highest score at the end of this round will be

eliminated, and remember there is no conferring

during the round itself. Our first category today is...

It's Language.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Well, that's fun, isn't it? Days of the week in European languages.

-Richard.

-This is just a proper test of O-levels and GCSEs.

In a moment, Xander's going to show you four European languages.

We're simply looking for any of the days of the week

-in any of those languages, please.

-Thanks very much indeed.

As Rich just mentioned, we're going to put four languages on the board.

All you have to do is name any day of the week in any of those languages.

There we are. Let's reveal our four languages.

Here they come.

Now then, Johnny and Gemma, you all drew lots before the show,

-and today you are going to go first. Johnny, welcome back.

-Thank you.

How do you and Gemma know each other?

Well, we were a couple for about five years, and now we're friends.

-Now you're friends.

-Yep.

-And, er...

I want to hear a bit more about that!

LAUGHTER

Yeah, OK. But how nice, to remain friends.

Were you not friends for a bit then friends again?

I think we were always friends, I don't know how Gemma felt about it.

-Sometimes, after you've been a couple...

-We were always friends.

-Yeah.

-In the couple, outside of the couple.

-OK.

Days of the week in foreign languages.

LAUGHTER

-Yeah, let's move on.

-Let's move on.

Well, thankfully German came up,

cos that's the only one that I studied to any kind of level.

-So I'm going to go with Donnerstag.

-Donnerstag.

Donnerstag. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Donnerstag.

It's right.

Wow, 13. Well done.

Well played, Johnny. From the Germanic god of thunder, Donar.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now then. Tom, welcome to the show.

-Thank you very much.

-What do you do, Tom?

I work in front of house in a hotel in South Wales.

Is it just a small independent hotel?

Yeah, it's a small independent place. Really good.

-You must have some stories!

-Oh, quite a few, quite a few.

-Any you can tell at teatime on BBC One?

-Not really, no.

Unfortunately not.

When you're not working at the hotel, Tom, what do you get up to?

I like to keep fit, do a bit of running, play a bit of football.

-Just keep myself in shape.

-OK.

How are your French or German skills, Tom?

I think German, I did a bit of German at GCSE

-and I've got one date in mind.

-OK.

So, I'm going to go for Montag.

Montag. Let's see if Montag's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right!

Well, Donnerstag scored 13, Montag...

scores 30.

Another good answer. "Moon's day", Montag.

I love the way you're not saying which days of the week these are.

-Am I not?

-No.

-I'll say Donnerstag...

-Thursday.

-Thursday. Yeah.

-What do you reckon on Montag?

-I'm guessing it's Monday, yeah.

LAUGHTER

-Now then, Jo, welcome back. Veterans of Round Two.

-We were there, yeah.

LAUGHTER

-Now, Jo, remind us, what do you do?

-I'm a librarian.

And remind us what you get up to when you're not doing librarian stuff.

Lots of things.

I like some art, some knitting.

I like to try and keep fit - I LIKE going to the gym...

Took a long time for the bug to bite but these days I like it.

-You look good.

-Thank you.

-And I'm training for a marathon at the moment.

-Wow.

-Any particular one in mind?

-London.

-Good. Good stuff.

Now, there we are, days of the week in these languages.

Well, I left school a long time ago.

I can remember three French days.

My pronunciation might not be so brilliant, but I'll go for Mardi.

Mardi. Mardi, says Jo.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Mardi.

It's right.

Well, 30's our high score, 13 our low score.

50 is now our high score.

-There we are. Well done. 50.

-Mardi, it's Tuesday in French.

-It's where we get Mardi Gras from. It means "Fat Tuesday".

-Fat Tuesday.

-It does, yeah.

-Exactly. Thank you very much.

Now then. Pauline, welcome to the show. Great to have you here.

-What do you do, Pauline?

-I retired two weeks ago.

-Retired and loving it.

-Two weeks in.

-Yes.

-Fantastic.

What did you retire from?

I was a research institute manager at Keele University.

And how long had you done that for?

I've only done that for seven years, but I'd been at Keele for 34 years.

Right. OK. So a bit of a change of scene, change of environment.

-Oh, yes.

-Yeah. And what are you planning to do with your time?

Well, I do dog agility.

-Dog agility?

-Agility.

-Yes, good.

-Dog agility.

-Dog agility, I've got it.

-Yes.

The dogs run. They go over jumps.

-That's a discipline at Crufts.

-Yes, it is.

Crufts, I shall be there at Crufts.

-Will you really?

-Yeah.

-Have you done it before?

-No, I haven't.

-No. Pretty nervous.

-But you have shown your dogs, have you?

-It's not showing, it's getting them over jumps.

-I do beg your pardon,

you have jumped your dogs.

LAUGHTER

It's good fun. Four dogs.

Now then, Pauline, how are your languages?

Well, I did French and German at O-level, in Victorian times.

I can remember the French, and I'll go for Jeudi.

-Jeudi.

-Yes.

Jeudi, says Pauline. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Look at that, 34. Not bad at all.

That's Thursday in French. Named after Jove. "Jove's day."

Thanks very much indeed. Thank you.

We're halfway through the round, let's look at the scores.

13, Donnerstag there,

Johnny, well done.

Then up to 30, where we find Tom and Raz,

up to 34, Pauline and Kath,

and then Jo and Penni, it's 50.

-So, Penni, how good are your language skills?

-Brilliant.

-Good.

This is exactly what I wanted to hear. Better than Jo's?

-Yeah, why not?

-Let's say that. Well, best of luck,

we need a low score from you, is what I'm saying.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, now, Kath.

We are looking for any day of the week in any of these European

languages. Welcome to the show, Kath. What do you do, Kath?

I'm a senior school manager at Keele University. Still working.

What do you do in your spare time? What are your hobbies?

Well, I've got a dog. Only one, though.

-So I do lots of walking with her.

-Agility?

-No, I couldn't do agility with my jack-a-bee.

-What's a jack-a-bee?

It's a cross between a Jack Russell and a beagle.

-So, her agility is she runs away.

-OK.

-And I'd need to be agile to catch her.

-Right. OK.

Now then, Kath, how agile are your languages?

I only ever did one language, which was French,

so I'm dredging the memory cells,

and the only one I can sort of come up with is Mercredi.

Mercredi, says Kath. OK. You're on 34 -

the high scorers at this stage, Penni and Jo on 50.

If you can score 15 or less you'll avoid becoming the new high scorers.

There's your red line. Let's see how many of our 100 said Mecredi.

-It's right.

-Great...

46.

They're all quite high scorers, those French ones.

Takes your total up to a nice and neat 80.

Named after the god Mercury, of course. Means Wednesday in France.

It used to be a day off in all schools in France, Wednesday.

-It's just changed.

-It was just a day off?

-Yep. Mandatory.

-What are we doing?!

-I know. Would be quite fun, that, wouldn't it?

-Yeah.

-Be nice.

-Anyway, let's do that next Wednesday.

-OK.

Next Wednesday, you're on. Thanks very much indeed. Now then, Penni.

-Yes.

-You have a target now.

-Yes.

-You have a target. You have to score 29 or less,

then you're still in the game. Tell me about your language skills.

Obviously, we discovered last time that you actually do

-a bilingual course for children.

-That's right, yeah,

I do bilingual music classes for babies and little ones,

so my Welsh, I'd have been flying!

English, not too bad.

This list, meh...

-I did German GCSE.

-This is good.

-Yeah.

German, our current low scorer.

I'm going for...

Dienstag.

-Dienstag.

-Yeah.

Oh... We went on Dean's stag, didn't we?

-What a guy he is.

-Tallinn we went to. What fun we had.

-They're divorced now, aren't they?

-Yes.

So yes, let's find out if that's right. There is your red line,

get below that, you're through to Round Two. Dienstag.

Oh, look at that - very well done, you've done it!

15! Our second low score of the round. Takes you to 65.

You're in Round Two.

Well played, Penni. Tuesday in German.

Thanks very much. Now then, Raz, welcome. Great to have you.

What's Raz short for?

My surname is Raznik, so everyone tends to call me Raz

-apart from my mum and dad, basically.

-What do you do, Raz?

I'm an IT service desk manager for a financial company.

And what are your hobbies?

Um...same as Tom, I like all sport, football, squash, running -

those sorts of things.

-OK. Now, how good do you think your languages are?

-Awful.

-Really?

Listen, if they're 49 or less awful, you're with us for Round Two.

I've got one left that...

I did at French, which I hope is a day of the week and not a month.

I think that's Lundi.

Lundi, says Raz.

OK, there's your red line. If you get below that,

you're through to Round Two. How many people said it?

It's right.

56 for Lundi.

Oh, lordy. That takes your total up to 86.

You are our new high scorers.

Big score, isn't it? French for Monday. The moon's day, "la lune".

Thanks very much.

-Now, Gemma, welcome back.

-Thank you.

Remind us what you do, Gemma.

I work in a corner shop in Plymouth and I also do a lot of charity work,

-but the corner shop's probably more interesting.

-I bet it is.

-I bet it is a hive of activity.

-Yes.

-Penny sweets...

-But you don't like the penny sweets.

I don't mind the penny sweets when it's children.

£3 for a student, I'm not happy about.

-OK.

-Children, 30p, 20p.

A student coming in 8:30 in the evening, £3 of penny sweets.

Not happening.

Now then, listen, you have a target here, which is 72 or less.

You're on 13 thanks to Johnny's excellent Donnerstag.

Which means I don't have to... try very hard, does it?

I was going to say Dimanche, but I think I'm going to go for Miercoles.

Miercoles.

There's your red line,

if you get below that you're through. Let's see if it's right.

It is right! Very well done, Gemma. You're into Round Two.

Might even be our lowest score - yes, it is!

Very best score of the round, takes your total up to 21.

Well played, Gemma. Wednesday in Spanish.

There's only one language we haven't had a go at and that's Portuguese

and that's where all the pointless answers are. Let's take a look.

Quinta-feira, which is Thursday in Portuguese.

Quarta-feira, which is Wednesday.

Segunda-feira, that's Monday.

And Sexta-feira, which is...?

-It's going to be Friday.

-It's Friday.

Other low scorers... Gemma, if you were forced to go through

the Spanish days of the week, what else would you have gone for?

Viernes?

Would have scored you 6 points. That is the best answer up there.

Jueves would have scored you 7 points,

you'd have got 9 for Martes and 11 for Lunes.

There's two that are Spanish and Portuguese. That's Sabado

which would scored you 12, and Domingo, would have scored you 14.

Terca-feira, in Portuguese, would have scored 1 point,

it's the only other Portuguese one to score a point.

In German, the lowest score would have been Sonnabend, which is

one of their names for Saturday.

You also could have had Samstag for 9, Mittwoch would have scored you 14,

Sonntag would have scored you 16, Freitag 25.

And the only French ones we haven't had - Vendredi is actually

the lowest scorer of all the French ones, would have scored 30.

Dimanche would have scored 35, so it would have been a much bigger score

if you'd gone for it, and Samedi would have scored you 39.

I tell you what I like about that -

the Germans have a sort of nickname for Saturday.

-We should do that.

-Yeah, we should.

Maybe we could have that for our Wednesday off.

-We could have a new name for it.

-That's a good idea.

-Yeah.

-Oh, no, but Woden might not like it.

-Woden would be furious.

-He does have quite a temper.

-Yeah, he really does.

I'm not stupid - Woden, I'm kidding.

Do you think that's enough...?

-Anyway...

-He came on - I'm thinking of Sir Terry Wogan,

-is who I'm thinking of.

-Yes. Yeah.

He'd be fine. He'd be fine with it.

I'm more scared of Wogan than Woden, if I'm honest.

-Really?

-Yeah, aren't you?

-Mm...

Thanks very much, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the pair we're saying goodbye to

are Raz and Tom, on their high score of 86. You weren't way ahead -

Kath and Pauline just behind you, nipping at your heels there.

We say goodbye now, but we will see you again next time.

Look forward to that very much indeed.

Raz and Tom, thanks so much for playing.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

So three pairs remain.

At the end of this round we will have to say goodbye to

another pair in time for out head-to-head.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

On each pass we're going to show the names of six music acts and a year.

You need to tell us the name of the top ten hit they had in that year

with a song that had the word "Heart" in the title.

There's going to be 12 tracks to guess at home, so very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

OK, we are looking for the titles of the songs released by these artists

in the years shown that contain the word "Heart".

Here is our first board of six artists.

I'll read those all one last time.

So there we are. Gemma...

Yes. They all look like

they're going to be quite high.

But there are...four big songs

on there, I'd say. Big songs.

So I think I'm going to go modern

and say Olly Murs featuring

Rizzle Kicks, Heart Skips A Beat.

Heart Skips A Beat. Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

let's see how many people said Heart Skips A Beat.

It's right.

25.

Not a bad choice there, Gemma. It was Olly Murs' second number one single.

Just lost out on the Best Single at the Brits to One Direction.

Jo.

Yes.

Well...

There's only a couple there

I think I might have a guess at.

And of the ones I might guess,

I think they'll be really high.

So I'm going to go with Penni's

all-time favourite song,

which I think is Billy Ray Cyrus

and Achy Breaky Heart.

-Achy Breaky Heart.

-I think that's the one.

-OK, let's see if that's right. Is it really your favourite song?

-No.

-Yes.

-No, it isn't.

-Yes.

Let's see how many people said Achy Breaky Heart.

34. Not bad.

Well played, Jo. It's his first and only top ten hit.

He has a daughter called Miley, but I have no further information on her.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much. Now, Kath, we come to you.

You're the last person to have this board, so take us

through it and fill in the blanks.

I can...fill in one of the blanks.

I knew the other two. Erm...

I can't dredge up

the Gene Pitney, I should know it.

So I'm really sorry, Pauline,

I'm going to go for

My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion.

OK, My Heart Will Go On. Pauline, what do you think?

I think it's right, I think it's a high score.

OK, let's see. Maybe people forgot it.

My Heart Will Go On. How many people said it?

55. Not too bad.

Yeah, and it's so much better than taking a risk and getting 100.

One of the biggest-selling singles ever in the UK, My Heart Will Go On.

1.5 million copies. Won an Oscar as well.

Now, let's take a look at the rest of these.

-The Bluebells?

-Young At Heart.

-So catchy, isn't it?

-Great song.

The Gene Pitney one,

another brilliant song.

Something's Gotten Hold Of My Heart.

That's right, yes.

And Sarah Brightman and Hot Gossip?

You'll remember the song. I Lost My Heart...

To A Starship Trooper.

That's the best answer up there.

I didn't know that was Sarah Brightman.

Wow, there we are. Thank you, Richard.

Let's take a look at those scores.

25, the best score of that pass,

Gemma, well done, you chose wisely.

Now, we go up to 34, Jo and Penni.

Kath and Pauline, again our returning pairs

are putting you through the mill.

Pauline, you'll get first bite at the new board,

so make sure you find a nice, low score and maybe that'll be enough to keep you in the round.

Best of luck. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more artists on the board, and here they come.

I'll read those all one last time.

Remember, Pauline, we are looking

for the names of the songs

released by the artists in the years shown,

and the word "Heart" features in each of those names.

You are on 55, our high scorers.

How do you find that board, Pauline?

I should know them all. I know one.

-Is it a high-scoring one?

-Oh, yes.

LAUGHTER

Don't Go Breaking My Heart, Elton John and Kiki Dee.

Don't Go Breaking My Heart. I think that's not bad at all.

No red for you as you're the high scorers, but let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

44.

99 is your total.

Another track that sold over a million copies.

Spent six weeks at number one.

-Thanks very much. Now, Penni...

-Yes.

-How is this board?

It's one of those boards where

you're sitting at home and you go,

"I know all of those."

And then you get up here

and you go, "Ahhh...."

I'm going to go Bonnie Tyler,

which is more probably shameful

than My Heart Will Go On.

No, that's a great song.

I'm going to say

Total Eclipse Of The Heart.

Sorry, I was assuming that was the one you were going to say.

-That one. They're all good.

-There you are. Now, 34 is your score.

You want to score 64 or less. There's your red line.

Let's see how many people said Total Eclipse Of The Heart.

It's right.

You're through.

28. Surprisingly low score.

62 is your total.

Yeah, she also had a hit in 1977 with It's A Heartache.

Quite a low score that, isn't it?

Again, another very, very big hit.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, we come to you, Johnny.

You're on 25. The high scorers on 99, Pauline and Kath still.

-73 or less gets you through. How do you feel about this board?

-Um...

I should know the Morrissey one

but I just can't bring it to mind.

Thankfully...Blondie's still there,

which I know.

And that's Heart Of Glass.

Heart Of Glass.

There is your red line.

Let's see if you can get below that with Heart Of Glass.

It's right.

Through you go, Johnny, well done.

32.

57 your total.

Well played, Johnny. That's the first of Blondie's six number one singles.

-Gemma, do you know that Morrissey one?

-Irish Blood English Heart?

Irish Blood English Heart is the right answer.

It's a very, very low scorer as well.

-Black Eyed Peas, any idea?

-No.

Don't Phunk With My Heart.

Which is really, really good advice.

Now, you might know

-the Feargal Sharkey.

-A Good Heart.

Was a number one single.

Thanks very much. At the end of our second round,

I'm sorry to say, it's Pauline and Kath.

I'm sorry, they were two fairly tough boards, I'm afraid.

But the good news is we get to see you again next time.

Thanks so much for playing. Pauline and Kath.

-BOTH:

-Thank you!

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Johnny and Gemma, Penni and Jo,

you're now one step closer to the final and a chance

to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £5,250.

We have to decide to who's going to go through to the final and play

for that money, and to do that you are now going to go head to head,

but you're now allowed to confer before you give your answers, and

the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

We're going to show you five pictures of TV detectives.

We need you to tell us the TV show they appear in, please.

Thanks very much indeed.

OK, let's reveal our five TV detectives and here they come.

There we are, five TV detectives.

All we need is the name of the shows

in which they appear.

Johnny and Gemma, you've played best throughout the show

so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We're going to go with E being Monk.

E, Monk.

OK. Penni and Jo, do you think you can talk us

through the rest of the board?

A is The Wire.

B is Morse, I'm guessing.

And C is Diagnosis Murder.

We love Diagnosis Murder!

Couldn't have got through university without it.

Honestly, that's what we did at university -

three years of Diagnosis Murder.

-Shall we go for C?

-We got to go for C.

OK, C, Diagnosis Murder.

We have Monk and Diagnosis Murder. Johnny and Gemma said Monk.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Monk.

It is Monk, of course.

20.

Now, Penni and Jo have said that C is Diagnosis Murder.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is

let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

If this goes below 20 you will have broken serve.

You have, look at that - 8. Very well done indeed.

Well done, Penni and Jo, after one question you are up 1-0.

Yeah, very well done. Detective Steve Sloan.

He plays Dick Van Dyke's son in that series

and is actually Dick Van Dyke's son in real life as well.

It's Barry Van Dyke.

Now, A, you were right, is The Wire.

That's Clarke Peters on the left.

B, Inspector Morse.

And D, that's David Tennant and Olivia Colman

in the wonderful Broadchurch.

Thanks very much indeed. Here comes your second question.

Johnny and Gemma, you have to win this one to stay in the game,

so good luck. It concerns...

We're going to show you five titles of Ian Fleming novels, but we're just

going to show you the number of letters in each word of that title.

Can you work out what the five titles are?

OK, let's reveal our codes for Ian Fleming novels

and here they come.

I'll read those all again.

Penny and Jo, you will go first.

It's quite a good job cos I think

we only know one, and it's probably the one everybody else knew.

We're going to have to go for 2, 2

and hope that it's Dr No.

OK, Dr No.

Now then, Johnny and Gemma.

Do you want to talk us through the board?

I can't think of the top one.

I think the second one is The Man With The Golden Gun.

Think the fourth one is You Only Live Twice.

I can't think of the bottom one but I think both of those

will hopefully beat Dr No.

-What do you think?

-Erm...

Shall we go with You Only Live Twice?

Yeah, I think that's better just because of the amount of words

-and it's a long title, so, yeah.

-OK.

OK, You Only Live Twice, say Johnny and Gemma.

Penni and Jo said Dr No.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

59.

Now then, Johnny and Gemma.

Fighting back with You Only Live Twice.

Let's see if that is right for 3, 4, 4, 5.

Very well done.

Yup, you've broken back, very well done.

18.

Back in the game, Johnny and Gemma.

Very exciting. After two questions it's 1-1.

Well played. Good head-to-head here. You were right about

The Man With The Golden Gun.

That was Fleming's last Bond novel.

Now, 11, any ideas on that one?

It's a Bond film,

it's a Bond novel. It's Thunderball.

And the bottom one?

It's another Bond novel.

-From Russia With Love.

-Yeah.

They're so awful until finally

one just fits in there.

Well done to our 100 on that board.

Thanks, Richard. So, it all comes down to a third question.

Whoever wins this goes through to the final and plays for

that jackpot, so best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

LAUGHTER

Sir Terry "Woden".

What about that?

We are going to show you five clues now to facts about the wonderful,

charismatic, charming, handsome genius

that is Sir Terry Wogan.

Whichever team gives us the most obscure answer's going through

to play for the jackpot, so very, very best of luck to both teams.

Thanks very much.

OK, let's reveal our five clues to facts about Terry Wogan.

I'll read those all one last time.

Five clues to facts about Sir Terry Wogan.

Johnny and Gemma, you will go first.

I think we're going to say the celebrity game show he hosted,

as Blankety Blank.

Blankety Blank say Johnny and Gemma.

Now, Penni and Jo, the board is all yours.

It's the last one that I think we know.

-Is it...?

-Is it The Floral Dance?

We think it's The Floral Dance.

OK, so we have Blankety Blank versus The Floral Dance.

Johnny and Gemma said Blankety Blank. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

65 for Blankety Blank.

That is what you have to beat, Penni and Jo, to go through to the final.

Let's see if The Floral Dance is right,

let's see if it can do it for you.

It is right.

Well done, you're through.

33.

Well done, Penni and Jo. That means you're through to the final, 2-1.

Great stuff, very well played. I used to love that song when I was a kid.

Absolutely loved it.

Now, if you'd had to guess on a decade, what would you have gone for?

-Probably...

-'70s.

-'70s.

You'd be playing for the jackpot if you'd said it. It's the right answer.

Would only have scored you 23 points.

His city of birth...

is Limerick.

And the first name of his wife - it's the best answer on the board.

-Helen.

-Helen Wogan, yeah.

Well done if you got all of those at home,

unless you're Sir Terry, in which case, come on, you should do, really.

Imagine Sir Terry at home going,

"Oh, I know number three."

LAUGHTER

Thanks, Richard.

So the pair leaving us, a heroic performance right across the show,

nothing wrong with any of your answers in this head-to-head round.

Well, we lost to a brilliant pair. We've had so much fun with them.

Oh, you're lovely!

You can continue this after the show. Johnny and Gemma,

it's been lovely having you on the show, thank you so much for playing.

Johnny and Gemma, everyone.

APPLAUSE

But for Penni and Jo it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Penni and Jo, you've fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at £5,250.

You've done everything you needed to do this show. Fantastic.

It was head-to-head last time, and then back you come,

straight through to the final. That was quite a tough head-to-head.

It was. They're ever so clever.

OK, you get to choose your category from four options,

and here are your four options. They read like this...

-Um...no Diagnosis Murder?

-Seems not.

-I can't do sport.

-No.

-Do you want to go for a writer?

We might have more chance of writers.

Do you reckon? Or Madchester Scene.

So you choose between Madchester and the Writers.

I say we both probably have more chance at the Writers.

But I don't know.

-Bob Hope and No Hope.

-We'll go for the...

-British Writers.

-OK, Post-War British Writers it is. Richard.

We're looking for any novel released before the end of September 2013

by any of the following three writers, please.

So, any novel by any of those three. No short stories, collections,

anything like that. Just stand-alone novels by one of those three writers.

-Very, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

OK, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot of £5,250

is just one of those answers to be pointless. Remember, the answers

you provide can come from any of these categories,

and how you spread them across the categories is entirely up to you.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK, let's put

60 seconds up on the clock.

Your time starts now.

I don't know anything.

The only think I can think of,

Kingsley Amis, and I don't know...

The book was different.

The screenplay Only Two Can Play...?

He wrote the novel, I can't remember...

What it's called, brilliant.

Anthony Burgess, what did he write?

Oh, he wrote a lovely story about...

-Was there a man...?

-There was a man and there was picnics...

Come on, 30 seconds.

I honestly, hand on heart, don't know.

Only Two Can Play for the screenplay,

I can't remember

what the novel was called.

You are no longer my sister.

You are nothing to me. Right, Kingsley Amis.

We've got to have three answers.

So let's say...

..Only Two Can Play. It's not that.

-Guess Who's Coming To Dinner.

-And...

-And...

Didn't We Have A Lovely Time.

OK, now, there is your minute up.

I now need your three answers.

We're going to say that JG Ballard wrote Didn't We Have A Lovely Time.

-Didn't We Have A Lovely Time.

-Yes.

We're going to say that Kingsley Amis wrote

the screenplay for Only Two Can Play...

-No, he didn't, he wrote the novel that that is based on.

-Based on.

-So we're going to call it Only Two Can Play.

-Only Two Can Play.

And then we're going to come up with another name for Only Two Can Play,

which is...um...

-Mrs Griffith-Williams And Friends.

-Mrs Griffith-Williams And Friends.

-And this is by?

-Kingsley Amis.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-OK.

Of the three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

Only Two Can Play.

Let's put Only Two Can Play, least that's based on something.

So sorry.

The least likely to be pointless?

-Didn't We Have A Lovely Time.

-By JG Ballard.

OK, we'll pop that up first.

-So sorry.

-We are quite embarrassing.

OK, let's put those up on the board in that order, and here they are.

-I'm going to say it right now, best of luck.

-Thanks!

-Might need it.

-Remember, only one of these answers has to be correct...

LAUGHTER

..and pointless for you to win that jackpot.

But let's just say one of these days, if we recorded an infinite

number of Pointlesses, eventually we would have to come up with a novel

that somebody had genuinely written,

so what would you do with that £5,250?

Yeah, I could do what I like with it.

I've got small children,

so I would honestly put myself in a hotel for two nights, and sleep.

Just sleep.

-Jo?

-Well, I don't know if I've mentioned, I'm doing a marathon...

My husband and I both have charity places for an MS charity,

very close to my heart, so I would allow myself

a celebratory Chateau Lafite and put the rest on the charity page.

Excellent. Your first answer was Didn't We Have A Lovely Time.

Your least confident shot at the pointless jackpot.

Obviously it has to be correct, then it has to be pointless.

So, for £5,250, let's see how many people said JG Ballard wrote

Didn't We Have A Lovely Time.

Nope. No great surprises there. Not a correct answer.

So only two more shots at today's jackpot,

and we are working towards a possibly good answer.

Your second answer was Mrs Griffith-Williams And Friends

by Kingsley Amis.

Let's see if it's right, shall we?

If it happens to be right, it might win you £5,250

but obviously it has to be correct first.

Mrs Griffith-Williams And Friends, I'm afraid, an incorrect answer.

Which means everything is now riding on your third and final answer.

However, this is an answer based on something that you vaguely remember.

-But it's not called that.

-Are you sure?

-I'm almost certain.

-"Almost." Let's cling to "almost" for now.

I'm pretty certainly sure.

Only Two Can Play by Kingsley Amis. Let's just find out - if it's right

and it it's pointless it'll win you that jackpot.

Let's find out, for £5,250,

if Only Two Can Play is a Kingsley Amis novel.

No, I'm afraid it's not.

I'm sorry.

I'm afraid you didn't manage to find that all-important

pointless answer, which means you don't win today's jackpot of £5,250.

That will roll over on to the next show. We've really enjoyed having

you on both shows. You've been absolutely fabulous contestants.

You do get to take home a Pointless trophy each, so well done for that.

You've really proved yourself. You've been to the head-to-head

two shows in a row, got through to the final here,

so just a tough category. It happens sometimes.

Only Two Can Play was based on the novel That Uncertain Feeling.

-Which would have scored you 1 point.

-Ohhh!

And it's not Mrs Griffith-Williams And Friends,

it's Mrs GRIFFITHS-Williams And Friends.

And that was a pointless answer.

Of course it wasn't really!

LAUGHTER

Didn't We Have A Lovely Time reminds us we must reinstitute

our viewers' trip to Bangor Pier that we like to do every year.

We had a picture of Bangor Pier once,

we loved it so much we decided we'd go there each year so we must get back on that.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

I know some people at home will have liked this category.

Well done if you said any of those. Some good books up there.

Very well done to anyone who did well on that jackpot. Tough one.

Thanks, Richard. Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you,

Penni and Jo. We've loved having you on the show,

thank you so much for playing. Penni and Jo.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you!

Sadly, Penni and Jo didn't win our jackpot, which means it rolls over

on to the next show, when we will be playing for £6,250.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me, goodbye.