Episode 1 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello! I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless, where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's players.

-And couple number one.

-Hello.

My name's Benny, this is my best friend, Tom,

and we're from a couple of little villages in Suffolk.

Couple number two.

My name's Sean, this is Rayne, and we come from east London.

Couple number three.

My name is Jacqui, this is my friend Donna, and we're from Liverpool.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Angela. This is my youngest son, Alex, and we're from Warrington.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much. We'll find out more about each of you throughout the show,

as it goes along. So that just leaves one person for me to introduce.

Good job you're not watching in smell-o-vision,

as his musky scent would drive you viewers wild.

-It is my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody.

-Ah, welcome along.

-Yeah, welcome to you, too.

That sentence could have ended worse, I have to say.

-It could, exactly. There we are.

-I wondered where it was going. Three new pairs with us today.

Only one pair returning - that's Benny and Tom.

They did very well last time - got through to the head-to-head -

so they'll be tough to beat, I think.

Round One, absolute classic, down-the-line, old-school Pointless.

Excellent. Thank you very much. Looking forward to that.

All our questions on Pointless have been asked to 100 people before the show.

All our contestants have to do is hunt down those answers our 100 people couldn't give.

If you can find a pointless answer, one nobody gave,

we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now then, Amber and Steve won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

There we are. Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Remember that the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.

So do everything you can to make sure that is not you.

Our first category today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. Countries with a U in their name. Richard.

We are looking for the name of any country whose usual

short-form English name contains the letter U.

As always, by country we mean a sovereign state

that's a member of the UN in its own right.

So, any country with a U in its name, please.

Thanks very much, indeed. Now then, Benny. Welcome back.

Tell us the story of your last Pointless appearance.

Well, we kind of embarrassed ourselves a little bit

in Flowers - it's not a strong point for both of us.

-You made it to the head-to-head.

-We did.

-These were the meadows you were in when the flowers cropped up.

-But, yes, you identified a petunia as a hyacinth.

-We did, indeed.

-That's OK.

-Yep.

-Now, Benny. Countries with a U in their name.

It's a much stronger subject for me. I've got quite a few answers.

But I'm going to go for one which I think will be quite low.

And that is French Guiana.

French Guiana, says Benny.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many of our 100 people said French Guiana.

Oh, Benny.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

for a reason we will discover at some point. Maybe quite soon.

But it scores you 100 points - I'm sorry.

Yeah, not a country, I'm afraid, French Guiana. Sorry about that.

Does have a U in it. That bit's terrific, but not a country.

50% of the way there.

Thank you. Now, welcome to you, Rayne. Good to have you here.

What do you do?

I work for an east London local authority, in the parks department.

And my current job title is senior community park ranger.

How much of your time is not taken up chasing after children going,

"Oi!"

-About 99%.

-OK.

OK. So, what exactly do you do with your ranging?

We're there to be a public face of the park,

and we make sure the park's an attractive and safe place to visit.

-And hopefully a rewarding place to visit, as well.

-OK. Now then, Rayne.

-Countries with a U in their name.

-I've got a few.

Couple of Pointless favourites that generally score low,

and I'm going to go with the newbie of the pack, South Sudan.

Nicely done, Rayne. What about that? South Sudan.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said South Sudan.

It's right.

Still going down, Rayne.

Look at that! 3.

3. South Sudan never lets us down. 3.

Very well played, Rayne. It was only last year it used to get zero for everything,

-and now it's climbing steadily. It's got a U in both its names - how about that?

-That was clever.

How about that for commitment to be on Pointless?

When they were naming it, that was one of the key things,

"How do we get to be in as many Pointless categories as possible?"

They should've put an E in it somewhere, in my opinion.

-"South Sudean."

-They've got S.

-They've got that completely sorted, haven't they?

-Oh, yes.

They've got more S's than you can shake a stick at.

-It's impressive.

-Two S's, two U's. They've got an A in there.

They've got an N.

Two words beginning with the same, so alliterative, as well.

Correct, they're going five-five, which is very, very good.

Countries with a compass point in them. We haven't done that.

We'll keep thinking about that. Well done, South Sudan, if you're watching. Thank you.

Now, Donna. Welcome to the show, great to have you here.

What do you do?

-I teach American history at the University of Chester.

-Excellent.

Have you spent time in America?

Yeah, I travel quite a lot there for work,

and I've got some family there, so I travel for fun, as well.

One of my ambitions is to have visited every single state.

-How are you doing?

-I've done 37.

-37! Wow, not bad at all.

What else do you like to get up to, apart from travelling?

One of the things I do in my spare time is...

The village I live in in Liverpool, Walton -

the church there is where John Lennon first met Paul McCartney.

One of the things I do is to help show people around the church

and take them to the spot where they met and share the magic.

-Fantastic. OK, now, Donna. Countries with a U in.

-OK.

Geography is one of my worst subjects.

However, my research speciality is foreign policy towards the Horn of Africa.

One of the countries has a U in the name, I think.

I'm going to go with Djibouti.

Djibouti. A favourite of Mr Osman's, there.

Yeah, well, I like the guy who runs it, SHEIKH DJIBOUTI.

Djibouti - let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many of our 100 people said it.

It is right.

Now, 3 is our lowest score, at the moment.

Oh, you've passed that!

You've passed that, Donna - look at that!

Straight down to pointless.

That adds £250 to today's jackpot, takes the total up to £1,250.

It scores you nothing.

Very, very well done, indeed, Donna.

-Ah, Djibouti.

-That is a terrific answer, Donna.

Very well played, lovely way to start your Pointless career.

Yeah, and it is indeed, it's on the Horn of Africa.

-Thank you. Now, Angela.

-Hello.

-Angela, welcome.

From Warrington. What do you do in Warrington, Angela?

I work in the central planning department

of a well-known high street retailer.

Right. Central planning, meaning... What sort of plans do you make?

I work in the call centre, so we deal with service levels

and getting people in the right place at the right time

to deal with the right call, and if there's a problem with a product,

to sort things out with that, as well.

OK. Now, Angela, what are you going to go for?

We're looking for countries with a U in their name.

Well, as my son will tell you,

geography is not a good subject for me.

So I'm going to take a punt and hope that he comes up with a spondoolie answer,

and I'm going to day Guatemala.

Guatemala, says Angela.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many of our 100 people said Guatemala.

It's right.

Well, zero is our low score.

Oh! 3. There we are. Very well done, indeed, Angela.

You join Rayne and South Sudan, there.

That's a terrific answer, Angela, very well played.

Archaeologists think there's been human beings in Guatemala for 14,000 years.

Thank you. We're halfway through the round - let's look at the scores.

Well, you don't get better than that score, Donna.

Very well done indeed. A lovely low score, there.

Puts you in a very strong position at this stage.

Then up to 3, where we find Angela, Alex, Rayne and Sean.

And then...Benny. You don't get worse than that score.

We find Benny and Tom up there.

French Guiana, I'm afraid, lets you down badly.

Tom, anything could happen in the next pass.

What we will require from you is a low score. Good luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line. Second players, step up to the podium.

So, Alex. Remember, we are looking for countries whose names contain the letter U.

And there you are on 3. Brilliant work by Angela.

Alex, what do you do?

Well, I'm still technically a student.

I'm currently on a placement year,

so I've done two years of university, taken a year out.

So, I've got 12 months of employment,

and then I go back and do my final year.

-OK, what are you studying?

-Accounting and finance.

And where's your placement year?

Close to home, in Warrington, so I'm living at home. As a student would.

-Excellent.

-Good sponge.

-Good sponge. Now, how is your geography?

-OK.

Yeah, there's a few answers I've got bouncing around in there.

A few Pointless favourites.

Now, Angela was confident you'd come up with a brilliant answer.

-Was she right?

-I would hope so.

OK, what are you going to give us?

-I think I'm going to go with Vanuatu.

-Vanuatu.

Another Pointless favourite. Vanuatu.

Here is your red line, nice and high.

If you can get below that, you are definitely in the next round. Let's see how many people said Vanuatu.

It's right, and you're through.

Look at that! 2!

Another great score, takes your total

-up to 5. Very well done, Alex.

-Very well played.

Yeah, Vanuatu, an old friend of the show. Two U's in its name.

Home to 11 species of bat.

-11 species.

-Yeah, can you believe that?

-You know what we should do?

As a present, because they've been good to us, Vanuatu - they really have, over the years -

-maybe we should get them another species of bat.

-That's a nice idea.

-As you know, I'm quite interested in insects and all sorts of things like that.

-I do know.

I crossbred a locust with a bat, and I've got a cricket bat.

I think that would be a nice thing, a gesture, to Vanuatu.

-Let's do it after the show, though.

-Yeah, OK.

-We'll head off with a bagful of bats.

-Aw.

-Be nice.

-Yeah.

-Make sure we get a night flight.

-Yeah.

Stick them on a piece of string, behind the plane.

-They'd love that. Imagine that.

-They really would love that.

-They like flying - imagine at that speed.

-Yeah.

We'd land and they'd go, "Again, again, again."

-"You're in your new home."

-"This is where you're staying now."

"It's hot here." "Yeah, Vanuatu, mate."

-Jackie.

-Hello.

-Welcome here. What do you do, Jackie?

My job is as a Beatles tour guide.

You really are, genuinely, a Beatles tour guide?

I'm genuinely a Beatles tour guide.

-How long have you done that for?

-Almost 20 years, now.

What's your favourite bit?

My favourite bit is probably when I go to St Peter's Church

and meet Donna, because then we can get to see

where Lennon met McCartney, and also the grave of Eleanor Rigby.

-So that's quite cool.

-Oh, that is cool. Very good. Now, Jackie.

We want countries with a U in their name.

OK. I'm going to chicken out and go really safe on this one.

I think it's safe! I'm just going to go with Austria.

Austria, says Jackie. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see if that's right! I mean, I think it's right.

Let's find out how many people said Austria.

There's your red line.

33. Not bad at all. 33.

And your total is 33.

You're comfortably through.

Did exactly the right thing there, Jackie. Didn't have to take any risks at all.

No information on how many bats there are in Austria.

-I'm thinking there's a lot.

-I'd have thought.

Maybe some vampire bats - it's around that way, isn't it?

-It's in that neck of the woods.

-It really is, though, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Thank you. Now, Sean.

-Hello.

-Welcome to the show. Good to have you here.

-What do you do?

-I am a park ranger.

-Are you in the same park as Rayne?

-Yeah.

-RAYNE'S PARK.

-HE CHUCKLES

That's a London gag, there, sorry. What department are you in?

What area do you specialise in?

I'm kind of general.

I'm not great with trees and plants, believe it or not.

-OK. Do you wear a uniform?

-We wear a uniform.

-If it's nice and hot, you wear shorts and things?

-Shorts, T-shirts.

-Do you get a bike?

-Yeah...ish.

What? It's only got one wheel?

-Or you have to share it with all the other rangers?

-Yeah, pretty much.

Well, Rayne did very, very well in the first pass. 3 was his score.

The high-scorers at the moment, Tom and Benny with 100, so 96 is your target.

What are you going to go for?

I'm going to take a bit of a risk, sorry, Rayne.

-I'm going to say Nauru.

-Nauru.

There is your red line - it's nice and high. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Nauru.

It's right, and you're through!

Now, then. 3 was South Sudan.

Nauru goes down to nothing! Very well done, indeed, Sean. That's a great answer.

A pointless answer, so it adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £1,500. Scores you nothing.

Leaves your total at 3, the lowest score of the round.

Very, very well done, indeed.

Terrific work, Sean. Welcome to Pointless.

That's the sort of risk your partner doesn't mind you taking.

Yeah, Nauru, it's got two U's in it, it's only got five letters.

So it is 40% U.

So that is pretty good going.

Now, Tom, listen. Tom. Our only returning pair.

I'm afraid the writing is on the wall.

Your score is 100. Your nearest rivals are on 33.

I'm so sorry. We discovered last time, Tom, that you deal in grain.

-That's right.

-You buy up grain from farmers.

Whatever they've got, we try and buy and move it to ports

and mills and all sorts around the country.

Have you got any bat grain?

-Cos we need some - that's what bats eat.

-Yeah. They like that.

No, I've seen some in grain stores, though.

-Really? Good. Good. Bat grain?

-Just a bat, eating the grain.

That'd be bat grain - we need some of that, if you've got some.

If you had lots of bat grain, we could just leave a trail of it all the way between here and Vanuatu.

And then they could just take themselves there.

We need about 4,500 miles' worth of bat grain, please.

They sell bat grain by the mile, actually, which is convenient.

-Oh, dear.

-Anyway, listen, there we go. Tom.

Countries with a U in their name.

There's many countries I can think of with a U in their name.

But we might as well go with something quite obscure and difficult.

So let's have a go with Guinea-Bissau.

Guinea-Bissau.

Guinea-Bissau. No red line for you, I'm afraid,

cos you are the highest scorers. But what an exit this could be.

Guinea-Bissau. Let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

We've had two pointlesses so far. Will Guinea-Bissau be a pointless answer?

Down it goes, down it goes, yes, it will! Very well done, indeed, Tom.

That is a pointless answer.

Our third of the round, it adds another £250 to the jackpot,

takes the total up to £1,750.

It scores you nothing, leaves your total at 100, but I'm afraid you're still leaving us.

A brilliant end to the round. Very well done. You're very unlucky to get knocked out.

Actually, French Guiana is not a country. Guyana is a country.

It was one in my head.

Would've scored you 3 points, as well. Would've been a terrific answer.

But I have to say well done to Donna, Sean and Tom.

Three pointless answers you got in this round, and there's only four pointless answers on the entire list.

You nearly got a clean sweep, which would've been very impressive.

I'll tell you the other one in a minute. But worth mentioning another old friend of the show, Tuvalu.

Now, in the old days, Tuvalu would be a pointless answer,

it'd be right down the bottom.

Tuvalu - not only did it score 5 points,

but it beat 30 other countries.

Four points you'd have got for Papua New Guinea,

Ecuador, Honduras, Belarus, Tunisia, Cuba, Central African Republic.

Three points for Guyana.

Three points for Suriname, Antigua and Barbuda. South Sudan

we've already heard. St Lucia.

Two points for Burkina Faso, Nicaragua and Kuwait.

One point for Mozambique. Czech Republic only scored one point.

One point for Guinea, Equatorial Guinea, Bhutan, Dominican Republic,

Mauritania, Mauritius and Brunei.

We've already heard Djibouti, Nauru and Guinea-Bissau.

There's only one other pointless answer. And that was...

Palau.

So very well done if you said that.

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

53 points for the United States.

We've said already that Nauru was 40% U,

which you think would be the most of any country.

But then Uruguay - three out of seven letters are U.

That's 43% U from Uruguay. That's quite impressive, isn't it?

63 points. And right at the top,

it's all the ones beginning with U that are the big scorers, Uganda.

Also would have scored 63, so tied with Uruguay.

Thanks very much. At the end of our first round, the pair heading home

with their high score of 100, I'm afraid it's Tom and Benny.

I'm sorry.

But you have left a £250 legacy there, which I think is big of you.

Thank you very much indeed. It's been great having you on the show.

-Thanks for playing, Tom and Benny.

-APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's time for Round Two.

We're down to three pairs. Obviously, at the end of this round we say goodbye to another pair.

Huge respect to Rayne and Sean - very well done, indeed.

Lovely low score of 3 there.

Angela and Alex, actually the only pair not to score a pointless answer,

but your total was five. So another cracking performance over there.

Jackie and Donna, not bad at all.

Donna, congratulations on your pointless.

This promises to be a very exciting round.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Education. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Fields Of Study, Richard.

On each pass we're going to give you the names of six sciences, or fields

of study. We just need you to tell us what each is the study of, please.

Give us the common name for what they're the study of.

There's going to be six on each pass, 12 in all to have a go at at home. So good luck.

So we are going to put six terms up on the board

and we would like you to tell us what they are each the study of.

And here is our first board of six.

Sean.

I'm looking at the board and only know one of them.

So I'm going to go for that one. And that is dermatology. That's skin.

Dermatology is skin, says Sean. Let's see if that's right

and let's see how many of our 100 people said skin.

Absolutely right.

77. It's a high score, but...

you might well have taken everyone's favourite answer off the board.

-So, yeah, possibly worth doing.

-Yeah, absolutely. Diseases and disorders of the skin.

-OK, thank you.

Now, Jackie.

I only knew dermatology, as well. Um...

Right, I'm going to struggle with this one. Chromatology.

To do with chromosomes.

OK. Chromosomes, says Jackie. To do with chromosomes.

Let's find out if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

No, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer -

scores you the maximum of 100 points.

-It's very hard, this board, isn't it?

-Yeah, very.

CHROMA-tology is the study of Norfolk seaside towns, I'm afraid.

It's not.

I'll tell you what it is at the end of the pass.

Now then, Alex.

Alex, how do you feel about this?

Not great, to be honest.

-OK.

-Yeah, the only one I knew has gone.

I was on the same kind of thinking as Jackie for the chromatology.

-When she said chromosomes...

-That might be genetic or something.

I don't know whether it was just harsh marking.

It might be genetics, I'm not sure.

Anemology makes me think of anaemia or something.

Other than that, I'm struggling to think my way through them.

So I'll go with chromatology and hope it's more genetics.

OK, you're going to say genetics. Let's see if that's right

and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said genetics.

No! I'm afraid that is incorrect as well, Alex.

Chromatology has been really cruel this round.

Yes, that scores you the maximum of 100 points.

Yeah, chromatology, the secret's in the Greek.

It's just simply the study of colours.

The science of colours, chromatology.

Would have scored you 14 points.

It's a very, very tough board, I have to say.

Anemology, you might think it's to do with anaemia.

It's nothing to do with that, it's actually the study of wind.

Winds would have scored you 4.

If you ever pass wind on the bus say, "Excuse me, I'm a consultant anemeologist."

That's the polite way of getting away with that.

Now, anyone who watches Big Bang Theory will know vexillology.

It is flags.

Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Flags. Would've scored you 6 points.

Cytology is cells.

Would have scored you 11 points.

And myology is...

muscles.

Which would've scored you five points.

So look at that, four, five and six in there, very, very tough board.

Yeah. Well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores. Both of them.

Sean and Rayne, there you are on 77. Very well done.

And then Alex and Angela and Jackie and Donna on 100.

So, Donna and Angela, let's hope the next board is a little bit kinder.

Angela, you will get first dibs on it.

But, yes, it'll be between you two, I suspect, to see who stays and who leaves at the end of the round.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more terms up on the board. And here they come. We have got...

There we are, six more studies.

Angela, you're joint high-scorers

on 100. We need a low score from you - what are you going to go for?

I'm going to say anatomy, the body.

Anatomy, the body. OK, well, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said it if it is. No red line for you as you're joint high-scorers.

It's right.

74. Very well done.

The lowest score of the round so far.

174 is your total.

Well done, Angela. You saw what happened with Sean in pass one.

It might be the same thing happens to you here. So well done.

Donna.

-Yes.

-Donna. Well, listen, we now have a target.

174 is the high score.

73 or less gets you into the head-to-head.

Yes. I only knew anatomy.

Ichthyology - I'm sure it's one of two things.

-And I'm going to have to guess.

-OK.

And it is an absolute guess.

Fish?

Fish, says Donna, for ichthyology.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said fish.

There's your red line.

It's right! Very well done, Donna.

Through you go to the head-to-head.

7.

Very, very well done.

107 is your total.

Well played, Donna.

That's a terrific answer, to go with your answer in Round One, as well.

Scientists have catalogued over 27,300 species of fish so far.

-There's many, many more that we haven't catalogued.

-OK, thank you.

Now, Rayne.

You're on 77, the high score is still Angela and Alex on 174.

So 96 or less gets you through.

OK, um...

I think dendrology is to do with trees.

Can't even make an educated guess on nomology.

I think nephology is liver and its functions.

And I think the one I can't pronounce very well,

oenology, is the study of wine.

And, just for fun, I think I'll go for the study of wine.

The study of wine, says Rayne. Oenology. Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said that.

There's your red line, nice and high.

Absolutely right. Through you go, Rayne. Very well done.

11.

Fantastic. 88 is your score, the lowest score of the whole round.

Very well done, Rayne.

Wow, good second round. That was very impressive.

Let's take a look at the rest of these.

Rayne, you're absolutely right about dendrology.

I would hope a park ranger would get that. It's the study of trees.

If we'd had the study of swings, as well, I bet you'd have got that. 12 points.

Nomology is the study of law, or study of the areas around law.

Would have scored you six points.

And nephology is a rather lovely one.

It's the science of clouds.

Nephology would have scored you 2 points.

Very nice. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our second round, the pair who are heading home with their high score of 174 -

it's Angela and Alex.

Yes, chromatology. That was a tough one.

Anatomy, phew! The board fell quite kindly for you there.

I'm afraid we say goodbye. But we'll see you again next time.

Look forward to that very much. Thanks so much, Angela and Alex.

But, for Jackie and Donna, Rayne and Sean,

it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Rayne and Sean, Jackie and Donna.

You are now one step closer to the final, and a chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at the much-enhanced £1,750.

Now we have to decide who's going to play for that money and,

to do that, you are going to go head-to-head. The difference is

you're now allowed to confer before you give your answers,

and the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

So it is our Liverpool ladies versus the parkies.

Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question. And it concerns...

-Blue Peter Pets.

-Going to show you five images of Blue Peter pets,

you just have to name the most obscure. Good luck.

OK, let's reveal our five Blue Peter pets, and here they come.

We have got...

There we are. Five Blue Peter pets.

Now, Rayne and Sean, you played best so far, so you will go first.

THEY CONFER

I think most of them are just before our time,

because they're in black and white.

And we know D and B,

and we think B's going to be slightly less famous than D.

On that basis, we're going to say B is the delightful Goldie.

B, Goldie, say Rayne and Sean. B, Goldie.

Now then, Jackie and Donna, the board is yours.

Do you want to talk us through it?

-We're quite lucky, the black and white's OK for us.

-Yeah! A is Petra.

B I thought was Rags, but I wasn't certain.

C is Jason, D is Shep.

And I thought E was Goldie. Are we going for C?

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-We're going to go C, Jason.

C, Jason.

Now, Rayne and Sean have said that B is Goldie.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, lets see how many people said Goldie for B.

Oh. So maybe you were right about Goldie.

Anyway, let's see if you're right about Jason.

You are saying that C is Jason.

All you have to be is correct, and you will win the point.

Let's find out if you're right.

Yes! You've done it.

3 for Jason. That's a great answer. Very well done indeed.

Jackie and Donna.

Donna, you haven't put a foot wrong yet, this entire show.

-Don't say that!

-That's just brilliant.

Very well done - you pinched that. After one question, Jackie and Donna, you're up 1-0.

I have to say, Donna, so far the answers you've given us

have been Djibouti, ichthyology and Jason the Blue Peter cat.

That's quite impressive. That's a breadth of knowledge, I have to say.

You did well on the other ones, as well.

A is Petra, with Peter Purvis, there.

Petra would have scored you 18 points.

Now, B. It's not Goldie, it's Bonnie.

With Yvette Fielding.

Would've scored you 9 points, would've been a very good answer.

D, probably the most famous Blue Peter pet of all.

That's Shep, with John Noakes, there.

Would have scored you 36.

And, yeah, forgive the black and white, but that is Goldie.

In E, with Tina Heath.

And Goldie would have scored 11 points.

More often associated with Simon Groom.

Joined at the same time as Simon Groom.

Thanks very much. Here comes your second question.

Rayne and Sean, you have to win this one to stay in the game, so best of luck.

But Jackie and Donna get to answer it first. It concerns...

Yep, we're going to show you five items you might find

sold in a stationery shop, but in anagram form.

Can you unscramble them and give us the best answer? Good luck.

OK, let's reveal our five anagrams. And here they come.

Jackie and Donna, you're going to have a little bit of time.

THEY CONFER

OK, the bottom one, ear quest, is a set square.

Set square, say Jackie and Donna. Set square.

Now then, Rayne and Sean.

Talk us through what you can.

The top one is fountain pen.

The second one is a hole punch.

We're not sure about the third,

and that fourth one is protractor.

And it's just deciding what's lower than set square.

I'm tempted with...

Let's go with hole punch.

OK, you're going to go with hole punch.

So we have set square, and we have hole punch.

Jackie and Donna went set square.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said set square.

Oh! Very well done, indeed. 8.

That's very good.

Rayne and Sean, meanwhile, have said loch hep nu, hole punch.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said that.

Well, it's right.

This is one you have to win to stay in the game,

so is it going to go down lower than eight?

Oh, no! It's not, 13.

Wow. Very, very well done.

Jackie and Donna, after only two questions,

-you are through to the final, 2-0.

-Yeah, very well played.

Tough luck, Rayne and Sean. You knew a few of them

and one of your answers would have got you the point, as well.

Cos the best answer on the board is fountain pen.

Would have scored you 4 points. The other one you knew, carp or trot,

is the biggest scorer on the board - it is protractor.

That would have scored you 22 points.

And the last one. Do you know the last one?

-Pencil sharpener.

-Pencil sharpener, yep.

And that would have scored you 19.

Thanks very much indeed. So the pair leaving us

at the end of the head-to-head round are Rayne and Sean.

The first misstep we've had from you the entire game.

You've done so well. Low score after low score.

And then you came up against Jackie and Donna,

who just whipped it from under your nose.

But the good news is we get to see you again next time.

But thanks very much indeed, Rayne and Sean.

But, for Jackie and Donna, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Jackie and Donna. You fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy, so very well done.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot and,

at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,750.

Now, listen, you came on this show

and your very first answer was Djibouti.

Which scored nothing. Wouldn't it be perfect

if you could bookend the show with another nothing

and take away that jackpot?

As you know, you always get to choose your category.

And you have four options up on the board to choose from - let's see what they are.

Characters In Historical Fiction?

What kind of thing would that be?

Historical fiction - who would you say?

I mean, World Politics... If it's American politics, you're sound.

-But I don't know anything about...

-The rest of the world...

We only know a couple of countries.

We could do something historic. You know, the weekends away and...

-OK, yeah.

-Jane Austen.

-Characters.

-Yeah.

-Characters In Historical Fiction. Are we agreed on that?

-Yeah.

OK, Characters In Historical Fiction. Richard.

OK, here are your three options. We are looking for...

Any named character in the TV series I, Claudius.

We are looking for any named character

in Shakespeare's Richard III.

Or we're looking for any of the characters in the character list

at the beginning of Wolf Hall, please.

So any characters in the TV series I, Claudius.

Any characters in the play Richard III.

Or any characters in Hilary Mantel's novel Wolf Hall, please.

Very, very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-As we'll ever be.

-Yes!

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are - your time starts now.

I've never even heard of Wolf Hall. Richard III.

Richard III's in Richard III, yeah?

Yeah, I think that probably won't be pointless.

-We won't accept Richard III as an answer.

-Oh.

-Richard III, was he, like, the War of the Roses, around that time?

-Yes.

-One of the wives? Elizabeth.

-Elizabeth.

-Something.

Oh, gosh, what's her name? She was the White Queen and the Red Queen.

-Elizabeth...

-I, Claudius I remember watching on telly.

So, I, Claudius is going to be someone from Rome,

like Pontius Pilate. I don't know! Oh, my gosh. Queen Elizabeth...

There were a few Elizabeths. There was a Jacquetta in Richard III.

-Let's say that one.

-Well, I don't know what her surname is.

Maybe she didn't have one.

-Jacquetta III? I don't know.

-Let's just say that.

This is the worst one we could've...

Can we go back to Iconic '80s Singers?

Ten seconds left.

Let's say, er...

Elizabeth of York, Margaret of Anjou

and - we're going for Richard III - Jacquetta.

-OK. Now, your time is up, I need your three answers.

-OK.

All from Characters In Richard III.

-Elizabeth of York.

-Elizabeth of York.

-Margaret of Anjou.

-Margaret of Anjou.

-And Jacquetta.

-The famous Jacquetta. Doesn't need a surname.

-Like Madonna.

-We've just made all of those up.

She might just be the one from The X Factor or something.

But there was someone who was Jac something in Richard III.

OK, of those three, which is your best shot for a pointless answer?

-Margaret of Anjou?

-Mm.

-Yeah.

-Margaret of Anjou, we'll put last.

-Which is your least likely to be pointless?

-Elizabeth of York?

I was going to say Jacquetta from the X Factor.

Shall we put Jacquetta there? OK, we'll put Jacquetta least likely.

OK, let's pop those up on the board in that order. And here they are.

We have got...

Well, very, very best of luck.

Your first answer was Jacquetta,

the one you thought was probably the least likely to be pointless.

You never know, though.

Sometimes, brilliant answers just fly out from nowhere.

What if one of these answers is right and then was pointless?

What would you do with your winnings? Jackie?

Probably a bit of travelling. I like to...

I like to go on budget airlines

and just go SOMEWHERE that I've never been.

Donna, how about you?

I would treat my parents to a round of golf at a posh club

cos they love golf and they were so good

when I was training and qualifying, so I should treat them,

and then I would try and cross another of the States

off my list of states to visit. Cross off number 38.

Very good, excellent.

Very best of luck. As I say, three answers up on the board.

Who knows? One of those might be a brilliant pointless answer.

Jacquetta was the one you were least confident would be pointless

but let's find out if it is right

and, if it is pointless, you will win £1,750.

How many of our 100 people said Jacquetta

was a character in Richard III?

No!

-I'm afraid Jacquetta...

-Shocked!

-Yeah, shocked.

..doesn't appear on the list, I'm afraid.

So not a pointless answer.

You only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer is Elizabeth of York.

I love that you plucked these out of thin air.

Elizabeth of York and Margaret of Anjou,

very credible people suddenly to have on your dramatis personae,

but who knows if they're in Richard III?

This has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

So, for £1,750, let's see how many people named Elizabeth of York

as a character from Richard III.

No, I'm afraid. Nor she.

It's all riding on your third and final answer,

which is Margaret of Anjou. Good for Margaret. There she is.

Your most confident shot at a pointless answer.

Let's find out if she is a character from Richard III.

If she is, and if she is pointless, you will win £1,750.

-She is!

-Oh, my God!

Margaret of Anjou. There she is.

Now, your first answer, Jacquetta, was incorrect.

Your second answer, Elizabeth of York, incorrect.

Margaret of Anjou...

taking us right the way down to pointless! There you are.

That is brilliant. That's a fabulous thing to pluck out of thin air.

Very well done.

Superb.

APPLAUSE

-Well done, you.

-What about...?

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Well, congratulations.

-I'm shocked!

-Margaret of Anjou was a pointless answer,

which means you go home with our jackpot of £1,750.

APPLAUSE

I just love it... To be able...

When you are right up against... Backs to the wall,

when you can suddenly just pull someone out of thin air

who's a pointless answer...

Congratulations. Richard.

Yeah, the widow of Henry VI, of course.

Donna's been terrific all the way through,

then Jackie in that final round, coming up with brilliant answers.

-Got Jacquetta!

-Exactly.

Well, Jacquetta was from the White Queen, as you said,

but she was Elizabeth Woodville's mother. But not in Richard III.

And Elizabeth of York was Henry VII's wife,

so was a little bit after this time.

If you'd just said Queen Elizabeth, you'd have got a pointless answer,

cos there is a Queen Elizabeth.

But that's Queen Elizabeth who is the wife of Edward IV -

that is Elizabeth Woodville, in fact.

But Queen Elizabeth we would have taken.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the other categories.

For characters in I, Claudius...

Atticus, you could have had. Caractacus, Drusilla and Herod.

Let's look at some more pointless answers for Richard III.

The Archbishop of York, you could have had.

James Blunt was in it. LAUGHTER

-Was he in it?

-I don't remember that!

-Do you remember that?

-Yeah, I'm pretty sure I remember that. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember there was a song in it, I didn't know it was him.

I thought it was Gary Barlow but it wasn't, it was James Blunt.

There's Margaret of Anjou. William Catesby.

You also could have had the Bishop of Ely, Duchess of York,

Duke of Norfolk, the Earl of Oxford, Edward, Prince of Wales.

You could have had the ghost of King Henry VI as well,

you could have had.

Um, let's take a look at the characters in Wolf Hall.

Lots of pointless answers here but here's four of the big ones.

Hans Holbein, you could have had, Jane Seymour, Mary Boleyn

and Reginald Pole. All of those were pointless answers.

Well done if you said any of those. But congratulations in the studio.

Pointless answers at the beginning and at the end.

Terrific answers all the way through. An absolute pleasure.

Can't ask for better than that.

Thanks once again to our winning players, Jackie and Donna,

who go away with today's jackpot of £1,750.

Brilliant.

APPLAUSE

I can't believe it!

Join us again next time,

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE