Episode 7 Pointless

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the aim of the game

is to find the most obscure answer possible.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Gary. This is Martin. We're from Teignmouth.

Couple number two.

Hi, I'm Norm and this is my friend, Andy.

Both retired firefighters and now international sports stars.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Joanne, this is my sister Vicky and we're from Essex.

And, finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Stu. This is my friend Mike.

We're friends and running buddies and we're from Glasgow.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

A riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma,

inside an M&S suit.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya! APPLAUSE

Hi, everybody! Hello, there.

-Good afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-Are you well?

-I can't grumble, I really mustn't.

-Excellent.

We've two returning pairs coming back from the last show.

We've a couple of stories of the 200 Club in there because Andy and Norm,

as well as being retired firefighters and international sports stars -

you'll find out why in a minute, honestly -

they're also proud members of the 200 Club from that first round.

Then we've got Vicky and Joanne

and Vicky, by herself, is a member of the 200 Club.

She did get through to Round Two, but she gave two incorrect answers.

It'd be great if just one of the three of you,

at some point, could get a correct answer today.

It would be lovely for everyone to see.

OK, thanks, Richard. All our questions on today's Pointless

have been asked of 100 people before the show and our contestants

are on the hunt for those answers those 100 people couldn't give.

If you can find a pointless answer, one none of our 100 people gave,

we will add £250 to the jackpot.

David and Harriet didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that,

so today's jackpot starts off at £5,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, all you have to remember is that the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated.

That's basically the only rule. Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category today is...

Motor Racing.

-That's gone down well, hasn't it(?)

-Hasn't it?!

-Yeah.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many European Formula One Champions as they could. Richard?

Yes, simply looking for anyone who had a European nationality

when they won a Formula One World Championship.

All the way through from the first one in 1950 through to 2013.

Any European who has won that Championship,

or anyone who was European at the time that he did.

Thank you, Richard.

-Now, Gary, welcome to the show.

-Hi.

-Good to have you here.

-What do you do, Gary?

-I'm a flooring contractor.

I sell floors and I fit floors.

Do you do screed floors?

We screed floors, we lay wooden floors, carpets, things like that.

Is there any kind of floor you don't lay, Gary?

No, we can cover anything.

A Lego floor? Anyone ever asked for that?

That would be the worst floor in the world.

That would be hard to walk on at night, I would imagine.

You could put a Lego floor down,

with a design that maybe you or your kids come up with,

then Gary here could do a varnish screed.

-Gary can do anything.

-I know he can do anything.

-But that would be a great floor, wouldn't it?

-It would be amazing.

This floor is, as you've probably spotted, plutonium.

-Pure plutonium.

-Pure plutonium.

-I can't even remember why we did that, apart from for fun.

-For fun!

Because you found that load of plutonium in the dressing room

and we thought, well, shame to throw it out.

I found that plutonium, you found that massive floor buffer.

And I got him to do the floor.

RICHARD LAUGHS

Thanks very much. Now, Gary, Formula One, is it good for you?

No. But I know a few.

Over the years, I've noted who might be a Formula One champion.

Graham Hill.

Graham Hill, says Gary. Graham Hill.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

That's a very good start to the show. Very well done, Gary.

12 points for Graham Hill.

APPLAUSE

Great start, Gary. Well played.

In 1962 and in 1968, he won.

And he's European.

-And he's European.

-Yeah.

I like that idea of a European nationality.

Someone had a European nationality. I mean, it's right.

It's the right wording.

Should be "an" European nationality. Why is it not that? Begins with an E.

I know. I know. Anyway, that's...

Thanks very much. Now, Norm, welcome.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back. Now, remind us.

Remind us what you do.

I am an international sports star in the field of egg throwing,

and I am what's called a tosser.

Which is one half of a team of two,

so you have a tosser and a catcher.

And is that another waistcoat,

or is that the same waistcoat as last time?

I'm just trying to distract you from my answer, that's all.

OK.

What's the answer to the waistcoat question first?

-Yes, it's a different one.

-It's remarkably similar to the last one!

-It's definitely different.

-It's definitely different.

OK, Norm, right - Formula One drivers.

European Formula One drivers' champions.

I am going to go for... Niki Lauda.

OK. Niki Lauda. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

Well, 12 is our low score...

You pass it - 9!

Niki Lauda...overtakes Graham Hill.

On the bend. Who saw that coming?

He UNDERtook Graham Hill - even more impressive.

Three world titles for Niki Lauda.

Now, then. Vicki.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you.

Now, Vicki, you heard what the gentlemen said.

-We've had two answers from you.

-Yes.

They've both been...

blessed with incorrectness.

-Wrong categories for me.

-Yeah.

Luckily, we're now back on the terra firma that is Formula One.

-Sport.

-Good.

Remind us what you do, Vicki.

I'm a stay-at-home mum.

But very interested in sport.

Very interested in sport.

-And you follow Formula One.

-I do.

-Do you think you can go better than nine?

-I hope...

I was going to say Niki Lauda.

I'm going to say Mika Hakkinen.

Mika Hakkinen, says Vicki. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said Mika Hakkinen.

It's absolutely right.

12 is our high score, 9 our low.

You've passed both of them!

Look at that, down to 5!

APPLAUSE

Oh, Vicki!

-Pleased!

-That is...

You've broken through the tape of this round, so far.

And you've broken your duck, at the same time. Five.

Best score so far.

Another two-time champion - Mika Hakkinen. The Fin.

And Finland being in Europe, I'm accepting it as an answer.

-I think you would be right to do that.

-Yeah.

-Good. Now, Stu, welcome.

-Hello.

-You said you were from Glasgow.

-I did.

Talk to me some more.

-Hello, I'm from Glasgow.

-Ah, yes...

-Have you always lived in Glasgow?

-No.

-Yeah, I... You see?

-Henry Higgins!

-Well done, Detective.

-Yeah.

You're like a young Benedict Cumberbatch.

LAUGHTER

Where are you from before Glasgow?

Originally, from Nottingham.

-Right.

-Then London in between.

And how long have you lived in Glasgow?

-About two and a half years.

-And what are you doing up there?

I am being a cartographer.

Gee, that's fun!

We don't get nearly enough cartographers on this show.

Might be our first.

A map-maker.

-Essentially.

-If you will.

What do you do when you're not mapping?

I run.

You and Mike run together?

You are competitive in your running.

-I am sort of in front...

-LAUGHTER

A little bit like this.

Is this true, Mike? Is this true?

-Yeah, probably is.

-OK.

So, what sort of running do you do?

-We do long-distance running.

-Road-running.

Yeah. On the road.

Long-distance running on a road.

With lots of other people, wearing numbers, and competing?

-Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes we do that.

-OK.

What kind of long-distance?

We're building up to do a marathon very soon.

-His second, my first marathon.

-OK. Now, Stu...

-Yes.

So any European winner of the Formula One drivers' championship?

Erm... Yeah, this is not the best category for me.

Erm... I have a name,

and I can't think of any others.

So I'm going to say Sebastian Vettel.

Sebastian "Ve-tell" or Vettel.

Let's see if that is right,

and if it is how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

At the moment 12 is our high score and five our low.

Oh! Until now.

APPLAUSE

And that's a good answer - it's right.

It was well below 100, so, yes, 35, well done.

Big score, though.

Won four consecutive world titles, 2010 to 2013.

He's a big Anglophile -

loves British comedy, Little Britain, Monty Python.

Thanks very much. OK, we're halfway through the round,

let's look at those scores as they stand.

Five the best score of that pass. Vicki...

bask in the glory of that. Very well done.

Puts you and Joanne in pole position.

Then up to nine, where we find Norm and Andy, up to 12 where we find Gary and Martin.

And then Stu and Mike up there on 35.

You're not that far in front, but, Mike,

how good's your Formula One knowledge?

As good as Stu's, probably.

OK, we might be saying goodbye to you at the end of the round.

-LAUGHTER

-It's been great!

Good luck with that, Mike.

OK, can the second players please step up to the podium.

OK, so, remember, we're looking for the name of any European driver

who's won the Formula One drivers' championship.

Mike, welcome.

-Now, what do you do Mike?

-I'm an architect.

-Any particular kind of buildings you design?

-Erm...

No particular kind, no.

Mainly residential.

More residential. That's nice.

I think that's nicer, isn't it? To do more residential things?

Where do you stand on floors?

-I always stand on floors!

-I'm quite firm on floors.

Yeah. Now, Mike, there you are, you're the high scorers on 35.

We want the name of any European driver

who's won the Formula One drivers' championship.

Erm... I think because we're the highest scorer,

I've just got to go with something that I'm not entirely sure with

but, I'm going to go with Gilles Villeneuve.

OK. Gilles Villeneuve.

There's no red line for you, as you are the high scorers,

but let's see if that's right - Gilles Villeneuve.

Oh. I'm sorry, Mike.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer, scores you 100 points,

takes your total to an unbeatable 135.

Never won a world title, Gilles Villeneuve.

-What you going to do?

-Tant pis.

I have won as many World Formula One championships as Gilles Villeneuve.

Yes, well done that.

We're level on the... If you look down the list.

-Joanne.

-Hello.

This is good news. This is good news.

-You are in round two.

-OK.

-Now, remind us what you do.

-I work for an investment fund.

And you are a mad keen player of sports.

I swim a lot.

Do you swim competitively, or do you just go and...swim?

Mm...I lived in Switzerland, and I swam across Lake Zurich

and that was competitive. Erm... Yeah. They do it every summer.

Isn't it massive, Lake Zurich?

Yeah... But you swim the short bit.

-You do the width, not the length? Right.

-Yeah.

-OK. Yeah.

OK, good. Good.

Now, then, Joanne, you are on five.

-It doesn't matter what you score, you're through.

-OK.

But Vicki...how well did she do!

Do you think you can do better?

Erm... No. Probably not.

But, as we are through, I think I'm going to say

Kimi Raikkonen.

The other great Fin - Kimi Raikkonen.

Let's see if it's right. No red line as you are already through,

but let's see how many people said Kimi Raikkonen.

Absolutely right.

Well, we had 5 for Mika Hakkinen.

11 for Kimi Raikkonen.

That's a great score. 16 your total.

2007 world champion, also from Finland.

They nicknamed him The Iceman.

Cos he used have an ice cream van.

LAUGHTER

Now, then, Andy. Andy, welcome back.

Nice to be back.

Now, in your career, what was the most exciting thing that happened

in your long career as a firefighter?

Possibly, when I was subbed out to London's Burning,

to be a stunt double for the firefighter called Recall.

How long did you do that for?

Just a few weeks.

So you got in all the very hot situations -

-all the dangerous stuff.

-Yes.

-Well!

Now, then, Andy, there you are. You're through, as well.

This is good news. Good news.

You're through to Round 2.

You're on nine. What are you going to go for?

Well, I thought about playing it safe, until I was helped along.

And now I am going to go for a pointless answer,

and go for Jochen Rindt.

Oh, yes, Jochen Rindt!

-I've no idea what I'm talking about.

-LAUGHTER

Jochen Rindt!

OK, let's see if that is right.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Jochen Rindt. How many people said it?

It's absolutely right.

It is a pointless answer!

Very, very well done indeed, Andy.

That adds £250 to today's jackpot -

takes the total up to £5,250.

It scores you absolutely nothing, and leaves your total at nine.

Very well done. Jochen Rindt.

Terrific work, Andy. He's Austrian.

He was born in Germany, but Austrian.

He was awarded the title posthumously.

He is actually quite often on these Formula One questions.

-Very good answer.

-There we are. Now, then...

Martin.

Hello.

Martin, again, great news.

You are in Round 2.

Martin, what do you do?

I work in food sales and marketing.

That sounds fun. What kind of food?

Italian cheese and cakes and flapjacks.

We have just kicked a goal, haven't we?

I love... I love all of those things.

I cannot WAIT to see what you've brought!

-It's in the dressing room.

-OK. What have you got - some pecorino?

-Lovely.

-Yeah. Some dolcelatte?

-Parmigiana.

-Parmigiana.

Because Gary brought us a floor,

so I hope you brought us some cheese.

Very good. And cakes and flapjacks.

Yeah. Yeah. To major retailers, I sell them.

Very good.

Anyway, there we are, you're on 12 - doesn't matter what you score.

-What are you going to go for?

-Erm...

Not a strong subject for me so...

James Hunt?

-James Hunt.

-Why not?

Seems fair enough. James Hunt.

Let's see how many people said James Hunt.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Absolutely right.

17.

Not a bad score for James Hunt there.

Takes your total up to 29.

1976 world champion James Hunt.

And the recent film Rush was about Niki Lauda and James Hunt.

Terrific film, as well. If you've not seen it.

Before we do the pointless answers, a few low scorers.

Jackie Stewart would have scored you 12,

you'd have got ten for Alain Prost, four for Jim Clark,

but here is the pointless answers.

No-one between four and zero, funnily enough.

Alberto Askari, one of the very early world champions.

Jochen Rindt. John Surtees.

Keke Rosberg another Fin.

Mike Hawthorne who just pipped Stirling Moss,

and Nino Farina - all of those were pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the top three scorers.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, after our first round, the pair heading home on a high score of 135,

I'm afraid it's Mike and Stu.

Yep. Vettel was a very high score, wasn't it?

Suddenly, in a context of really low scores, suddenly that stuck out.

Yeah. Oh, well, listen, we will see you again next time.

Look forward to that very much indeed.

Mike and Stu, thanks very much for playing.

APPLAUSE

So, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round 2.

OK, so three pairs remain.

Obviously, at the end of this round, we'll say goodbye to another pair.

Well, Martin, Gary, well done.

Nice solid play there from you.

Our only newcomers left in the game.

Andy and Norman...

Lovely, Jochen Rindt...! Excellent!

Excellent pointless answering there.

And Vicki and Joanne, well done.

Great low scoring from you, and Vicki,

great to have you off the mark there. Well done.

Best of luck to all of three pairs. Our category for Round 2 today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who second.

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Richard?

We'll show the titles of six works on each pass,

all written by Nobel prize winners,

but we've missed out one word from each of the titles.

Can you fill in that gap, please?

There will be six on each board, 12 in all, so have a go at home.

Good luck.

OK, we're looking for the words that complete these book titles,

and here they are.

HE READS THEM ALOUD

I'll read them one last time.

There we are.

Martin, it's over to you.

I don't like this round!

I should know a couple and I've just gone blank.

It's not a strong round for me, anyway.

I went "blank" on every single one, when I read them out.

LAUGHTER

Erm...

I'll go for the bottom one and Fire.

The Fire And The Fury, says Martin.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said The Fire And The Fury.

Oh, I'm sorry, Martin.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer - scores 100 points.

Sorry, Martin. Good name for a book, though.

I'll give the correct answer at the end of the pass.

Thanks very much. Now, Andy.

So, what are the missing words from these titles?

I think I'll go for the Steinbeck

and Of Mice And Men.

Of Mice And Men, says Andy.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It is right, of course.

87 people said that.

APPLAUSE

Well played to our 100 people there -

Of Mice And Men.

Now, Vicki. This board is all yours.

Tell us as many things on it as you care to.

I wish I could.

I know the top one, I think.

You can talk through all of them. You can say any of them.

I think it might be Death In Venice, but I'm not sure.

I don't know the others. I knew Of Mice And Men.

But I'm going to go for The Old Man And The Sea.

The Old Man And The Sea, says Vicki.

Let's see if that's right. And let's see how many people said it.

It's absolutely right.

Well, this is going to be a low score, whatever it is.

31.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Vicki. Safe and sound.

Actually, you'd have done better with Death In Venice -

you're quite right - by Thomas Mann. It would've scored you 19 points.

-I bet you can fill in this board, can't you?

-I think I can.

-George Bernard Shaw?

-Man And Superman.

-Yep.

That would have scored you...

-Long Day's Journey Into...

-Night.

Yep. Eugene O'Neill.

-And the best answer on the board..?

-The Sound.

Well done if you went through that board.

Very impressive.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 31, the best of that pass.

Well done, Vikki. By quite a long way.

Joanne, you're on easy street, thanks to Vikki's excellent answering there.

Then up to 87, where we find Andy and Norm. Then up to 100.

Not that far ahead. Martin and Gary. Gary, how good's your literature?

Reasonable.

You might be able to claw it back here. Best of luck.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more literary works on the board

and here they come:

I'll read those all again.

Joanne. You're on 31.

The high scorers, Gary and Martin, on 100,

which means 68 or less sees you through.

OK.

How does that board look to you?

It's not great.

I think I know one and the rest have gone out of my head.

I think I'm going to have to go for Beckett - Waiting for Godot.

Waiting for Godot. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said it. There's your red line.

It's right

and you are through. Very well done indeed.

-39.

-APPLAUSE

70 is your total.

Yeah, safe and sound. Won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1969.

Didn't go and collect it though cos he didn't really like doing

public speaking or mixing with the public.

Got it through the post.

He was actually out at the shops, so it went to the local depot.

Actually...

he discovered sometime after it that he had actually

been in all the time. They put the postcard through his door, saying,

"We called with your Nobel Peace Prize..."

-He won the Nobel Peace Prize as well?

-Sorry!

Blimey! This guy's got two of them?

Yeah. Anyway. There we are. Now, Norm.

-HE CHUCKLES

-Yeah.

How's the board, Norm?

Yeah, not good for me either. So I'm going to take a guess.

And I'll go for Kipling - Just So Stories For Little People.

For Little People. OK. Let's see if that's right. There's your red line.

It's quite low,

but let's see if Just So Stories For Little People is right.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Norm. That's an incorrect answer, takes your total up to 187.

It's a nice answer, Norm, but it's not a right answer, I'm afraid.

LAUGHTER

-Now then, Gary. You've been hurled a lifeline there.

-Yes.

Waiting for Godot, I knew.

But the only other one that I've got a chance of, I think,

might be Love In The Time Of Cholera.

Love In The Time Of Cholera, the Marquez book.

Let's see if that's right. There's your red line.

If you get below that, you're in the head-to-head.

Cholera. Is that right? How many people said it?

It's absolutely right. Very well done, Gary.

I think this might be rather a good answer.

Yup. There we go. 12. Look at that. 112, your total.

APPLAUSE

Very well played, Gary. By Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

Let's fill in the rest of these. Any there you don't know?

-The top one is tough.

-The Lessing, I don't know.

-The Golden Notebook.

Four points. She won the Nobel Prize in her late 80s.

The oldest person ever to win it.

-One...

-Sorry, One Day.

-One Day, Solzhenitsyn.

would have scored you 34.

-Accidental.

-Accidental Death of an Anarchist, Dario Fo.

Would have scored you six points.

It's not Just So Stories For Little People. Not a million miles away.

-Children.

-It's Children, yes. Children.

And that would have scored you eight points as well.

-Would have seen you through.

-Thanks very much indeed.

At the end of our second round, the pair heading home with 187,

it's Norm and Andy.

-I'm sorry.

-So are we.

-I'm sorry we have to say goodbye so soon.

Thanks so much for playing. Norm and Andy.

APPLAUSE

But for Vikki and Joanne, Martin and Gary,

-it's now time for our head-to-head.

-APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Joanne and Vikki, Martin and Gary.

You are one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at:

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

So, now, we have to decide who is going to play for that money

and to do that, you are now going to go head-to-head. You can now confer.

First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Joanne and Vikki, very well done.

Not such a good performance last time, this time faultless.

Lovely answering in that last round. Martin and Gary... Ooh, Martin.

Fire nearly did for you.

Gary brought it back. Very, very well done.

Love In The Time Of Cholera.

I think this is going to be a great head-to-head. Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play it.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns:

-Bond theme artists. Richard.

-Going to show you five pictures now of artists who've recorded

Bond themes. Can you name the most obscure?

OK, let's reveal our five Bond theme artists and here they come.

We have got:

There we are. Five Bond theme artists.

Vikki and Joanne, you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

No, he hasn't done one.

We know all the other artists.

Go on, go for it.

We know all of them. We're going to say D, Chris Cornell.

Chris Cornell for D.

Chris Cornell. Now then, Martin and Gary, the board is all yours.

-We think A - Lulu, yeah?

-Yeah.

Jack White. C is Sheena Easton.

And E is Sheryl Crow, do you think?

Yeah. Um...

We're pretty sure their answer's right,

so we're going to go for B - Jack White.

B - Jack White. So we have Chris Cornell and Jack White.

Vikki and Joanne, you said Chris Cornell.

Let's see if it's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

Oh, that's a good answer. Look at that, well done!

Brilliant answer, 1.

Now then, Martin and Gary, you have gone for B

and you have said Jack White. Let's see if that's right and,

if it is, how many of 100 people said Jack White.

It's right.

It's going to have to be pointless to beat Chris Cornell.

Oh, it's a good score. 12.

But I'm afraid it's not quite good enough.

Joanne and Vikki, after one question you are up 1-0.

Best two answers on the board there, so well played, both teams.

Yes, Chris Cornell did You Know My Name from Casino Royale.

And Jack White did Another Way To Die

with Alicia Keys for Quantum Of Solace.

A, you're right, was Lulu.

Sheena Easton in For Your Eyes Only.

And Sheryl Crow, who did Tomorrow Never Dies.

Well played from both teams there.

Very good. Thank you, Richard. Now, here comes your second question.

Martin and Gary, you will get to answer first but you have to win it

to stay in the game. Best of luck. It concerns...

Items a doctor might use.

We're going to show you five items a doctor might use, in anagram form.

Can you unscramble them and give us the most obscure answer?

I assume that's items he or she would use in their professional lives,

rather than just...at home.

Otherwise, it could be anything.

We will discover.

Let's reveal our five items a doctor might use. And here they are.

I'll read those again.

Martin and Gary, you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

THEY MUTTER

We're going to go with "syringe."

OK, syringe. "Yes grin."

OK, Vikki and Joanne.

Do you want to talk us through the board, if you can?

We've never heard of it but we think the top one is auriscope.

Then... What did I say?

Forceps.

Syringe, stethoscope, thermometer.

What shall we go for?

Auriscope.

-For the top one.

-OK, auriscope.

Auriscope. So we have syringe and auriscope.

Martin and Gary have gone for syringe.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said syringe.

It's right.

16.

That is a good, low score and it is absolutely safe.

Joanne and Vikki, you've taken a massive step into the unknown.

Have you ever heard of an auriscope?

-No.

-"Auri" is to do with the ear and Vikki got "scope" so we just...

Live on the edge.

That is gutsy, I have to say.

Let's find out. If it's right, I suspect it'll be amazing.

But let's find out. Auriscope, is that right?

How many people said it if it is?

It is right! Very well done.

Is it going to be at 16? I think it just might - it does!

It's another 1!

That is how you play the head-to-head.

My goodness. Two 1s in a row.

Joanne and Vikki, after only two questions,

you are through to the final, 2-0.

That might be the lowest score we've ever had in a head-to-head.

Two points across two questions.

The two best possible answers as well.

How do you feel, guys?

Steamrollered? We've been beaten by the better couple.

That was terrific and a brilliant risk to take.

You worked out the "scope" bit. It couldn't be anything else.

I suspect most pairs would not have gone for that, so very well done.

You're right about the others. It's forceps.

"Scoot eh pest" is stethoscope.

And it's thermometer.

Auriscope is the only answer that would have won you the point there.

Thanks very much.

The pair leaving us, Martin and Gary, you didn't do badly at all.

You scored a 12 and a 16. Normally, they'd be winning scores

but you were just beaten by Vikki and Joanne.

Incredible scoring there. We will see you again next time.

That's the good news, we get to see you twice.

Thanks very much for playing. Martin and Gary.

APPLAUSE

For Vikki and Joanne, it's now time for our Pointless Final.

Congratulations, Vikki and Joanne, you've seen off the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at...

What a performance.

Absolutely staggering. That head-to-head round, as Richard said,

we've never had such low scores. But actually you've done very well

throughout the show. That was quite tough, the Nobel Literature board.

But you came through that as well.

What would you like to see come up in the last round?

Music.

-But it depends what it is.

-Yeah.

-Kings and queens.

-OK, best of luck.

You get to choose your category from these four options.

We definitely won't go for Moons of the Solar System.

It's a great band.

LAUGHTER

My husband's a huge Man United fan.

He'd want us to pick that, wouldn't he?

I don't think... I mean, we could have a crack at that.

-I don't know about Manchester United teams.

-Well, you decide.

1979?

-It's the only one, isn't it?

-Go on, 1979.

-OK, 1979.

-Three very different options here.

I hope one of these suits you. We are looking for...

the name of any track on the original release of The Clash's

London Calling, which came out in 1979,

any player who played or came on as substitute in the 1979

FA Cup Final between Arsenal and Manchester United,

anybody credited in the cast of Life of Brian, which came out in 1979.

So, any tracks on London Calling,

any FA Cup Final players between Man United and Arsenal,

or any of the cast of Life Of Brian. Very, very best of luck.

OK, thanks very much.

You've got up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot - £5,250 -

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

The answers you give can come from any of these categories

and how you spread them across the categories is entirely down to you.

They could all be Life Of Brian, all tracks from London Calling,

or one from each. It's entirely up to you. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

Your time starts now.

Forget the first one. What about FA Cup? It's Arsenal and Man United.

What's...? Pat whatshisname.

-Played for Arsenal around that time.

-Yeah.

Pat...

Pat Holland?

-Might be.

-Wasn't he West Ham?

Oh...

Life Of Brian.

Well...

Just the usual cast I know.

Say someone cos I've not even seen it.

John Cleese. Erm...

Could George Graham have been playing for Arsenal at that time?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's say George Graham.

-OK.

-Let's say...

-Ten seconds left.

John Cleese...

and...

OK, that, I'm afraid, is your time up.

I now need your three answers. What are you going to say?

-We're going to say George Graham for the FA Cup.

-George Graham.

The Arsenal player.

And...

we know they're not pointless...

-..John Cleese...

-John Cleese.

-And...

-Eric Idle, is he in it?

-Yeah. Eric Idle.

-Eric Idle.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-BOTH: George Graham.

-We'll put last. Least likely to be pointless?

-John Cleese.

-We'll put Eric Idle in the middle.

OK, let's pop those up on the board in that order and here they are.

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three...who knows, maybe correct,

maybe low scoring answers up there.

Maybe one of those will be pointless.

If it is, you'll win £5,250.

What would you do with that, Vikki?

The children have been on about buying a dog, so...

That's quite a dog!

-A little dog.

-OK. A little dog, OK.

-Joanne?

-Erm...

I used to live in Hong Kong. My son was born there.

Never been back, so I'd like to put that towards going back.

OK, now then.

Your first answer was John Cleese.

We were looking for cast members from the Life Of Brian.

This has to be correct, then it has to be pointless for you to win

that jackpot. So, for £5,250,

let's see how many people said John Cleese.

It's right.

It now has to...

Oh! 71.

APPLAUSE

OK, not a pointless answer.

OK, let's hope nobody said your next answer, which was Eric Idle.

Has to be right, has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

For £,250, let's find out -

is Eric Idle pointless?

It's right.

John Cleese took us to 71.

Eric Idle passes that.

Down he goes, through the 40s, through the 30s, through the 20s...

22.

APPLAUSE

It's so hard.

Life Of Brian cast members who aren't part of the original

Monty Python team, it's very hard to think of.

Anyway, not pointless.

Everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

which is the one you were most confident in.

George Graham. In this case we were looking for people who

played in the FA Cup Final in 1979.

Let's find out if that's right. If it's pointless it'll win you £5,250.

Is George Graham pointless?

Oh, no! Bad luck.

I'm sorry.

That was a good guess. Unfortunately, you didn't manage

to find that all important pointless answer, so I'm afraid you don't win

today's jackpot of £5,250. That will roll over onto the next show.

But you have been astonishing right across the show.

And that head-to-head round has gone into Pointless history,

so very, very well done indeed. And you get a Pointless trophy each.

-That's what we came for.

-Good, well done.

APPLAUSE

Very well played.

George Graham left Arsenal in 1972 and retired in 1978, I think.

Later went on to be Arsenal manager, of course.

But let's look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

If you know this album you'll have done very well.

Also could have had Four Horsemen, I'm Not Down, Revolution Rock,

The Card Cheat and The Right Profile. All of those pointless.

Well done if you said one of those.

I said Pat!

That's not the Pat you were thinking of, I don't think.

That was the Pat I was thinking of.

-Oh, I thought you were thinking of Pat Rice.

-No, no, no.

Oh, cos he was pointless, as well.

LAUGHTER

You also could have had Arthur Albiston, David Price, Gary Bailey,

Graham Rix, Martin Buchan, Mickey Thomas, Pat Rice, Sammy Nelson

and Steve Walford. Very well done if you said one of those.

Let's take a look at Life Of Brian actors.

Very tough. All the Pythons obviously scored points.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

Congratulations, especially on that head-to-head.

You played brilliantly. It's been a pleasure having you on the show.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, but we've loved

having you on both shows. Thank you so much for playing.

-Brilliant contestants.

-APPLAUSE

Vikki and Joanne didn't win our jackpot today, which means

it rolls over onto the next show, when we will be playing for...

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

Join us then to see if someone can win it. Meanwhile,

-it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And goodbye from me, goodbye.