Episode 26 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I am Alexander Armstrong,

and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And, couple number one.

Hi, my name is Alex. This is Jon, my brother-in-law.

-And we're from London.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, I'm Alex.

This is my mum, Suzanne. And we're from Essex.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Betsy. This is my friend, Georgia.

-And we are students from Cheltenham.

-And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Neil. This is my friend, Zander.

And we are from Wishaw, in Scotland.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much to all of you.

We'll find out more about you in the show as it goes along.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Making you scream at the telly like it is an England World Cup

quarterfinal, it is my Pointless friend.

-It's Richard.

-Hiya.

APPLAUSE

-Good afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-We've got four new pairs again.

-I know!

-That has happened a couple of times recently.

It means none of the players has any idea what happened

-last time.

-No.

-I mean...

Phhh... That was a show and a half, wasn't it?

Whoa, yeah!

From the moment that horse came into the studio,

the whole thing was just crazy.

-It was unbelievable, wasn't it?

-Yeah, amazing.

-And that it could count like that.

-Yeah, it was extraordinary.

And just by the end, in that head-to-head, when the Italian

army invaded - INVADED - and tried to take over the show.

They tried to bring it over to Italy.

-Yeah.

-With a lasso. And we fought them off.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Literally just you and I and... Do you remember? ..Marjorie.

-Exactly.

-She was terrific.

-It was touch and go in terminal five there, wasn't it?

Yeah, it really was. It was an extr... I feel sorry for you

that you missed it cos it was extraordinary stuff.

-It was a good show.

-The entire audience...

They had that hilarious thing where the armoured van full of gold

ingots crashed and all the gold just piled into the audience.

I think they all made about £7.8 million each.

-They did very well.

-Every single

member of the audience. All the contestants did as well. We didn't.

We left it because, you know, that's not how we operate, is it?

-Yeah...

-And also, Adrian and Rob won the jackpot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is what happened on the last show.

Now, almost everyone on the show today has the same name as you.

-I know.

-Have you noticed that?

I don't think we've had an actual Zander before.

-We've got two Alexes.

-Yep.

-We've got no Richards.

Every name has its day.

That's true. Yeah, you are absolutely laughing.

You should have a name badge.

-I should.

-Either with Alex A or Zander A written on it.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, as you'll have gathered, maybe,

Adrian and Rob won the jackpot last time.

So today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000. There it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, now remember, the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated.

That's all you have to remember.

Our first category today is...

Sporting Achievements.

Can you decide in your pairs

who's going first, who's going second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

As many BBC Sports Personalities of the Year who have won

an Olympic medal as they could. Richard.

We're looking for anyone who has won the BBC Sports Personality

of the Year, who has won any sort of Olympic medal -

gold, silver, or bronze in Winter or Summer Olympics.

Very, very best of luck. And that is up to the 2013 ceremony.

-Thanks very much indeed. Now, Alex S, welcome.

-Hi.

Good to have you here. From London. What do you do, Alex?

I'm a brand manager at a smoothies company.

-Now, that's fun.

-Yeah, it is good.

-Isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Where are you based?

We are based in London.

You are based actually in the place where they make the smoothies?

-No.

-Oh, isn't that a shame?!

There is the kitchen where they make the samples first, so...

-OK.

-We get to try them.

-Let's just get this out of the way -

there is no shortage of smoothies at the place where you work.

-No shortage of smoothies.

-And what are your hobbies aside from that?

Um, so I love sport.

I play netball every week with a group of girls from uni.

And I love going running. I did the marathon a few years back

with my husband, which was fun.

And I've just had a little girl, so at the moment,

I'm playing mum quite a lot.

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

-Now then, Alex, yes,

is this a good subject for you? Maybe not too bad.

Hopefully not too bad.

Um... I feel like I might be going for a very obvious answer, though.

-I'm going to say Andy Murray.

-Andy Murray,

says Alex.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 said Andy Murray.

It's right.

Not a bad score to get the ball rolling.

Yeah. When he was presented

with the award, he said, "No matter how excited I try and make my

"voice sound, it always sounds boring,

"but I promise you, I am excited."

-Aw.

-I feel sorry.

People say, "You don't do jokes," and the one time he tried a joke

about ten years ago, he said,

"I'll support anyone but England in football," which is a joke,

literally, he has never heard the end of it since.

-Yeah.

-Every single time he does an interview, people go,

-"You did this." No wonder he didn't do any jokes.

-Yeah.

-Blimey.

-I'm a huge fan.

-Same here, a huge fan.

Yeah, he is a good man.

Now, Alex T. God, it is just Alexes everywhere you look, isn't it?

I know, I don't like it.

LAUGHTER

-I'm just saying.

-All right. There are four of us.

Individually, I like all of you - absolutely, don't get me wrong -

but four of you... Phhh!

That is a surfeit of Alexes.

Or a sur-alex, as they call it.

-Alex, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-Good to have you here.

What do you do, Alex?

I am a trainee solicitor and a football agent.

A foo...! You almost swallowed that.

A trainee solicitor and football agent.

Is there any crossover at all between them?

I mean, you don't cover legal sports?

Yeah, we do sports law at my firm sometimes.

I think I meant sports law rather than legal sports.

-LAUGHTER

-Legal sports,

that's a different thing.

It is illegal sports you want to be looking at, Alex.

-That is where the money is.

-Love it.

Um...

-And what are your hobbies, Alex?

-I like to play...

I like to play football as well.

Five-a-side for a team called Athletico Stones.

-OK.

-Yep.

Do you do it as just fun legal stuff with a few mates as well?

-A pub legal team?

-Yeah, often the two don't go hand-in-hand,

do they? But I try and find some when I can.

OK, now, Alex, we are looking for anyone who has won

Sports Personality of the Year and an Olympic medal.

Um... I've got two in mind.

One of them is fairly risky because I'm not 100% sure whether

they won an Olympic medal or not.

But...

I'm going to go for it anyway.

Princess Anne.

Princess Anne. Princess Anne, let's see if that is right.

Our first big risk of the show, very exciting.

Let's see how many people said it if it is right.

Oh, dear.

I'm sorry, Alex, I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer.

It may well not be the last of the round, so all may not be lost.

Yes. She never won an Olympic medal, I'm afraid.

She did win the BBC Sports Personality of the Year,

but not the Olympic medal.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now, Georgia, welcome. Welcome.

-You are at university.

-Yes.

-At Cheltenham.

-Yep.

And what you studying?

Criminology and psychology.

-Wow. What year are you in?

-In my last year.

Has it overall been a success, Georgia?

-SHE SIGHS

-Yeah, I'd say so.

The criminal world should be a little bit worried.

I don't know why I'm looking there. I don't mean...

Oh, this is just a minefield.

But the criminal fraternity shouldn't be resting too easy

-in their beds with you finishing your course.

-No.

-In a matter of months, weeks even.

-Yeah.

-Then you will be out there, on their cases.

-Yeah.

-Well, doing a master's and then...

-Oh, so they've got a year.

-Yeah.

OK. So, a criminal mastermind watching right now...

-They've got time to prepare.

-OK.

But after that... Eh-eh-eh!

That's it, Georgia is going to be onto them.

-What are you doing when you are not doing that?

-I love Zumba.

Cos I like to bake as well, so I think the two go hand-in-hand,

cos I like to bake and then I go to Zumba.

Somebody should devise a sort of workout while you are making cakes.

That would be brilliant.

So every time you go down to check the oven, you could do maybe...

-Check it ten times.

-Dangle some food off a weight.

Yeah, absolutely fantastic.

And then by the time the cake is ready, you've earned it!

-Yeah, definitely.

-Brilliant.

-Georgia, what are you going to go for?

-Sports is not my thing at all.

So I'm going to...

take a guess, cos I think Betsy is quite good at this.

-So I'll go for Jessica Ennis.

-Jessica Ennis, says Georgia.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Jessica Ennis.

Oh, Georgia,

I'm sorry. I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer.

Betsy is going to have to be good at this.

-100 is what you score.

-She's got the opposite problem to Princess Anne,

I'm afraid. Obviously, she is an Olympic medallist

but has never won Sports Personality of the Year.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Zander.

Zander.

What a name!

-A great name.

-What a name. What do you do, Zander?

I'm a betting shop manager.

Is it a big chain that you are part of?

It is, yes.

-A well-known national chain of betting shops.

-Yeah.

I see. And do you have an interest, obviously, in sports?

I imagine that's why you went into it.

Yeah, I've got a big interest in sport.

So this is going to be really bad if I get this wrong.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I really like football.

Actually, I watch a lot of sport.

Just...not cricket.

-Everything but cricket?

-Just too English for me.

-LAUGHTER

-OK.

Straying into Andy Murray territory there, Zander.

-It's only a joke.

-Yeah.

What are you going to go for?

I've got an answer in my head and I really hope it is right. Dai Greene.

Dai Greene.

OK, Dai Greene, let's see if that is right.

And if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Ah.

100 proving quite a popular score this round.

I'm afraid another

incorrect answer, scoring you the maximum there.

-Zander, sorry.

-Sorry, Zander, the 400m hurdler.

He's got the same problem as Jessica Ennis -

he's never won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year.

Also, he has the same problem as Princess Anne in that he hasn't won

an Olympic medal, but... LAUGHTER

..that aside,

-it is a terrific answer.

-It is.

It is.

Thank you very much. We're halfway through the round,

let's take a look at the scores.

Well, 46 the best - some might say only - score of the round.

Alex, it's yours, very well done, putting you and Jon

in a very safe position at this stage.

Then, Zander and Neil, Georgia and Betsy,

and Alex T and Suzanne are all on 100.

So, yes, Neil, Betsy and Suzanne, it's between the three of you.

HE SIGHS

Best of luck with that. We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

-OK, Neil, welcome to the show.

-Hello.

-Great to have you here.

-What do you do, Neil?

-I'm a student.

-What are you studying?

Sport and fitness.

Excellent. Sport and fitness. I see it now.

Actually, actually, let's just step back.

Zander, he said he watches a lot of sport.

Follows sport very closely.

I think he said something along lines of,

"Wouldn't it be embarrassing if I got this wrong?"

Um... Anyway, there we are. I just bring that up for fun.

-Neil, sport and fitness.

-That's right.

-So, what year are you in?

I just started.

How much time do you spend in a track suit

studying sport and fitness?

Or is it mainly studying the science behind sport and fitness?

There's percentages. So it's broken down as percentages.

As the higher the course goes,

it's more written work in the actual college itself.

OK, right you are. Now then, Neil, we need...

You know what we need from you. You know.

I think I will go with a Scottish hero - Sir Chris Hoy.

Sir Chris Hoy, says Neil. Sir Chris Hoy. No red line for you.

You are joint high scorers. Let's see how many people said

Sir Chris Hoy.

It's right.

Well, 46 was our high score, and low score.

You pass that beautifully.

Look at that, 7, very well done indeed.

107 is your total.

Very well played, Neil, yeah.

He won in 2008, and six gold medals as well for Chris Hoy.

-Thanks very much.

-Sir Chris Hoy.

-Sir Chris Hoy. Yeah.

-Now, Betsy.

-Hello.

-Betsy, welcome to the show, great to have you here.

-What do you do?

-I'm a history student.

-Also at Cheltenham.

-Yes.

-Also in your third year.

-Yes.

-Enjoying it?

-It has been good?

-Yeah, really enjoying it.

-Nearly coming to an end.

-Yeah, I can't believe it.

-What's the thing you'll miss most about Cheltenham?

-Um,

it would have to be...my friends.

Like, at university,

you get a really nice sort of community spirit.

And also living with Georgia.

But, I mean, you'll all be moving on together,

-so, presumably, you'll all keep up.

-Yeah.

Some of us are planning to stay at Cheltenham,

-so we'll kind of all still meet up.

-Very good.

Now, listen, Georgia trailed you, Betsy, as really good at this.

Yeah, no pressure from Georgia there.

If you want to be guaranteed a place in the next round,

you have to score 6 or less.

OK, yeah.

Why not(?) Um...

I was also going to say Princess Anne,

so I'm kind of glad I didn't say that.

Um... I am going to go with...

-Kelly Holmes.

-Kelly Holmes, says Betsy.

Kelly Holmes. Here's your red line.

Get below that, you're in the next round.

Let's see how many people said Kelly Holmes, if it's right.

It is right.

Well, Sir Chris Hoy scored 7.

Kelly Holmes...

gets you through, scores 6!

Exactly what you needed.

Betsy, you've lived up to your billing,

very well done indeed. 106, your total - you're through.

Terrific answer, Betsy, very well played.

Yeah, she won two gold medals in the Athens Olympics in 2004 and,

unsurprisingly,

won the Sports Personality of the Year in the same year.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now, Suzanne, welcome.

-What do you do, Suzanne?

-I'm in-between jobs at the moment.

-What was your last job?

-Online marketing.

What will your next job be?

I really don't know.

-Oh, I see. Oh, that's good.

-I don't know.

-So in-between...

-It might be... Why not?

-I feel like a change.

-Good.

So I'm looking forward to something, something or other.

-Well, Richard is sometimes a careers adviser.

-Me? Yeah, absolutely.

Firefighter?

-I'll see you later, then.

-Um... Also, I'd like to be the person...

I'll tell you a job I think would be a good job.

I don't know if one is available.

The person who feeds the otters at the zoo.

If they want food. Otters, they're very cute.

I'd quite like to do that as a job. LAUGHTER

They're quite cute as long as you're not a fish.

-Then they're uncute.

-Yeah.

-Or I'd like to be head of the World Bank.

-I would like to do that as well.

-Yeah.

Or I'd also like to work in a key-cutting shop.

LAUGHTER It would be good, wouldn't it?

All those little machines, they're up to something.

You also get to put extra holes in people's belts.

People have lost a lot of weight, they come in, they say,

"I'd like an extra couple of holes in my belt, please."

You'd be the first person to congratulate them.

"Congratulations on your weight loss."

That'd be nice. You can say, "You're looking very good, sir."

-And then say, "That's a tenner."

-That's good.

I'd say I'd work in a poetry locksmith's,

and I'd say, "You're looking svelte, here's your belt."

I would say... You know what, if you could do better than that...

LAUGHTER

I didn't know I was going to be talking about musical locksmiths,

-like, a minute ago. I didn't know.

-Do you know what would be nice?

If you work in one of those shops, a key cutter and a belt-loop,

locksmith place, chances are you're going to sell some trophies as well.

So you could just take one off the shelf, when no-one's looking,

engrave it with your name and give it to yourself.

Oh, that's a great idea.

-Employee of the Month, it might be won one day.

-Or...

Sports Personality of the Year.

Which reminds me... Yes, there we go.

-Um... So, yes, Suzanne.

-Right.

-You know what you have to do - score 6 or less.

-I know.

There are a few I've got in mind.

But I'm going to go with Steve Redgrave.

Steve Redgrave, says Suzanne. OK, here's your red line.

Get below that, you're definitely in the next round.

Let's see how many people said Steve Redgrave.

It's right.

21 for Steve Redgrave.

121 is your total, Suzanne and Alex T.

Yeah, it's a good answer.

Five gold medals

and he won the Sports Personality of the Year in the year 2000.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Jon, welcome. Good to have you here.

-What do you do, Jon?

-I work in IT.

-What sort of IT?

I mean, are you attached to a company that does a particular

-thing?

-Yeah, I work for a company

and I look after software development and support.

-I do programmes.

-That's pretty much exactly IT. That's it, yep.

Good, got you. What do you do in your spare time?

I enjoy sport, I enjoy the outdoors

and I've also got a couple of gorgeous daughters,

-who are very young, which keep me occupied at the moment.

-How young?

-Three and one.

-That is young.

Um, OK. Well, now, Jon.

You have to score 74 or less. I think this is eminently doable.

What are you going to go for?

I've got a couple of thoughts on this,

but in a very similar theme to what came earlier.

-I'm going to go for Zara Phillips.

-Zara Phillips.

OK, here's your red line.

If you can get below that, you're in the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Zara Phillips.

It's right.

Through you go. Very well done indeed, Jon.

53, your total.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Jon.

Yeah, she won 35 years after her mother, Princess Anne,

won the same award.

And, of course, she was part of the team that won the medal in London.

Let's take a look at

some of the pointless answers. Surprisingly, there's quite a few.

Let's take a look.

You could've had the swimmer Anita Lonsbrough.

You could've had the figure skater John Curry.

David Broome, the show jumper, was a pointless answer.

David Hemery, the athlete.

Dorothy Hyman, the sprinter, won two gold medals.

Gordon Pirie, middle-distance runner.

Could've had Liz McColgan, long-distance runner.

Mary Rand, long jumper. And Robin Cousins, another figure skater.

That's all the pointless answers. I'll give you the low ones.

You could've had 1 point for Fatima Whitbread,

Brendan Foster, Lennox Lewis and Jonathan Edwards.

You'd have got 2 points for Linford Christie,

3 for Cramm and Ovett.

You'd have got 4 for Mary Peters.

You'd have got 11 for Torvill and Dean.

You'd have got 12 for Daley Thompson, 16 for Seb Coe.

Let's take a look at the top three. We've heard a couple of them already.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. At the end of our first round,

the pair who are heading home with a score of 121,

it's Suzanne and Alex T.

Oh, we're one Alex down!

We're only a quarter of the way through and the first Alex

has fallen. We'll have to look forward to seeing you next time

and have to get by on that, I'm afraid.

-It's been great having you on. Thanks very much.

-BOTH:

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And so now we're down to three pairs.

Clearly, at the end of this round,

we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

I don't know who that's going to be. But I have plaudits to hand out.

Well done, Alex and Jon, for being our lowest scoring pair.

Well done to Georgia and Betsy for our lowest individual score.

And well done on the last podium for being called Zander.

Our category for Round Two is...

Literature.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first, who's going second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Novels with a name in their title. Richard.

On each board, we're going to show you the names of six novels,

but we've left out a first name from each of their titles.

Can you tell us what that name is, please?

There's six on the first board, six on the second,

12 in all, to have a go at home. Good luck.

OK, so we're looking for the missing name in each of these titles.

And here's our first board of six.

We've got...

I'll read those all again.

-Alex.

-Um, yes, I think I know a couple of these.

But I think I'm probably going to take myself back to my teenage

years with Judy Blume and say Are You There, God?

It's Me, Margaret.

Margaret, says Alex. Margaret. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

That is a great score.

Very well done indeed, Alex. 9 for Margaret.

Great answer, Alex, very well played.

When she finished writing the book, Judy Blume

said she had no idea for a title, so she just took the first line.

She says she's had to recite it so often now, though, she wishes

she'd just called it Margaret. ALEX A LAUGHS

Fair enough.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now, Betsy.

-Yes.

What are you going to go for?

Um... I definitely know two, but I just think they're far too obvious.

So I'm going to take a little bit of a gamble.

Sorry, George, if it doesn't pay off.

I'm going to go for the second one down, and Pippi Longstocking.

Pippi Longstocking, says Betsy.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

-Not bad. Good enough.

-Well played, Betsy.

That was originally going to be called Are You There, God?

It's Me, Pippi Longstocking.

Thanks, Richard.

Now, Zander, you're the last person to have this board.

Do you want to talk us through it?

I'd like to talk you through it, but I can't.

I know the obvious one -

Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets.

And James And The Giant Peach.

The other two...not a clue.

So I'll go with James And The Giant Peach.

James And The Giant Peach, says Zander.

Let's see if that's right. Let's how many people said James.

It's right... Ooh, look at that, 80.

-80 for James And The Giant Peach.

-80 is a big score, but

actually, you picked the better one

of the two that you know. What do you think Harry Potter scored?

-I'm going to go for 100.

-Oh, it's not 100, actually.

-Really?

-It's not far off it, though. 97 points.

-97.

I would say well done if you got that at home, but, come on.

LAUGHTER Now, the other two,

-can you fill those in?

-Katie.

-What Katie Did, yep.

Another quite big scorer. Would have scored you 43.

-And Adam Bede.

-Ah!

By Eliot. And that would have scored you 16.

So the best answer on the board, Alex, was Margaret. Well played.

Thank you very much indeed.

We're halfway through the round, let's look at those scores.

9, the best score of the pass. Well done, Alex. Puts you and Jon

in a very comfortable position. Then we move up to 49,

where we find Betsy and Georgia.

And 80, where we find Zander and Neil.

You're quite far ahead of the field.

So, yes, Neil, we need a low score from you.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more book titles up on the board,

and here they are, with missing first names.

I'll read those all one last time.

-Neil.

-Right.

I know a few of them.

Well, two of them for definite and another one I'm not 100% sure.

I think I'll go with The Death And Life Of Charlie St Cloud.

You're going to say Charlie.

OK, you're the high-scorers, so no red line for you,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Charlie.

It's right.

Second-lowest score of the round

so far, Neil, very well done.

-95, your total.

-Well played, Neil. Might have kept yourself in it there.

They made it into a film with Zac Efron.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now,

Georgia, 45 or less.

This is really frustrating cos

the last board, I could answer four.

And this board, I can only answer one.

And it's really obvious.

So I don't know whether to take a risk.

I'll go for... No, I'll just... Goodnight Mister Tom.

Goodnight Mister Tom.

Goodnight Mister Tom, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said that. There's your red line.

It's right.

Taking your total up to 103.

Yeah, sold over a million copies, Goodnight Mister Tom.

OK, thank you very much indeed.

Now then, Jon, you're the last person once again.

Do you want to talk us through the board?

I'm afraid I can't.

Um...

The only answer there I do know, I believe, is Anna Karenina.

Anna Karenina, says Jon. Here's your red line.

You want to be scoring 93 or less, so not too much of an ask.

Let's see how far down the column you get with Anna.

Well done.

76, your total.

Actually the highest scorer on the board, that, surprisingly. It beats

-Chuzzlewit, which is...

-Martin.

-Martin Chuzzlewit.

-51 points that scored.

-Really?

-Yeah, isn't that amazing?

It's been on telly as well and everything.

-Now, We Need To Talk About...

-Kevin.

-We do indeed.

That would have scored you 36. Do you know My Cousin...?

Rachel.

-It is My Cousin Rachel.

-Yeah.

-Very well done. 11 points.

Thanks very much indeed. At the end of our second round,

the pair who are heading home with a high score of 103,

I'm so sorry,

Georgia and Betsy.

Not way ahead there, but I'm afraid

you came out in front at the end, We have to say goodbye.

We'll see you again next time.

Thanks for playing. Georgia and Betsy.

APPLAUSE

But for Zander and Neil, and Alex and Jon,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Alex and Jon, Zander and Neil,

you're now one step closer to the final and the chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

Well done. Your first appearance

and both straight through to the head-to-head.

Alex and Jon, nice consistent low scores.

Our low-scorers in each round so far.

And Zander and Neil, some good answering from you as well.

You can put your heads together now,

so I think this is going to be very close indeed.

Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Roxie Hart. Richard.

Yeah, we'll show you pictures now of five actors, all of whom

have played Roxie Hart in the musical Chicago.

Can you tell us who these actors are, please?

Thanks very much indeed. So let's reveal our five actors.

And here they come. We have got...

OK, there we are.

Five actresses who have played Roxie Hart.

Alex and Jon, you've been our low-scorers so far,

so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We know a couple of them up there, but we're going to try C.

And we think it's Bonnie Langford.

Bonnie Langford, say Alex and Jon. Bonnie Langford.

Now, Zander and Neil, do you fancy talking us through that board

if you can?

I wish that we could.

We're not really sure who any of the actresses are,

if we're honest with you.

I think we're going to go a stab in the dark,

cos she kind of looks like her.

D - Heather Locklear.

Heather Locklear, say Zander and Neil. D - Heather Locklear.

So we have Bonnie Langford vs Heather Locklear.

Bonnie Langford, say Alex and Jon. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

42. Meanwhile, Zander and Neil have said that D is Heather Locklear.

Let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many people said it.

Oh. Not Heather Locklear, I'm afraid.

Which means, Alex and Jon, after one question, you are up 1-nil.

Yeah, not Heather Locklear. It's Christie Brinkley.

That would have scored you 3 points. Would have been a very good answer.

Bonnie Langford actually the highest scorer on the board, funnily enough.

A is Suzanne Shaw.

Hear'Say and many other things.

22 points for her.

B is Brooke Shields.

She would have scored you 18.

And E, from Destiny's Child,

it's Michelle Williams.

And she would have scored 1.

So Michelle Williams, the best answer up there.

Thanks very much indeed. Here comes your second question.

Zander and Neil, you answer first,

but you have to win it to stay in the game, so best of luck.

It concerns...

Famous comedians and their stand-up tours.

We'll give you the titles now of five stand-up tours by five comedians.

We'll also give you their initials.

Can you tell us who those comedians are, please?

Thanks very much indeed. Let's reveal the five tour titles.

And here they come...

I'll read those all again.

Zander and Neil, over to you.

THEY WHISPER

So I've been given the nod of guidance by Zander here for this.

We know one for sure, but we think the other team,

they'll know another one which will probably be less points.

So we're going to go on a limb and say that Laughter Therapy, JC,

is Jim Caviezel.

Jim Caviezel.

Jim Caviezel, say Zander and Neil for JC.

Now then, Alex and Jon, do you fancy talking us through that board?

Um, I think My, What I Call, Live Show is Miranda Hart.

Spexy Beast, I'm guessing, might be Alan Carr.

Um, The Only Way Is Epic, I'm guessing is probably

an Essex comedian, but I don't know one, so I'm not going to say that.

And I don't know Home Bird. So I think we'll go for Miranda Hart.

OK, Miranda Hart.

So we have Jim Caviezel vs Miranda Hart.

Zander and Neil have said

Jim Caviezel for Laughter Therapy. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said that.

Oh, I'm sorry, Neil and Zander, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

Which means, Alex and Jon, you merely have to be correct with

Miranda Hart and you will win this point and go through to the final.

Is it right?

It is, very well done.

Which means, after only two questions,

Alex and Jon are straight through to the final,

-2-nil.

-Great work, Alex and Jon, well played.

Yeah, Jim Caviezel is an American actor, a serious one as well.

But it is a Jim, but it's Jimmy Carr.

Would have scored you 23 points.

Did you know who I thought that was?

-Who?

-I thought that was John Cleese.

-I thought Laughter Therapy sounded very John Cleese.

-Yeah, yeah.

Spexy Beast, Alex, you were right, it was Alan Carr.

Would have scored you 53.

-The Only Way Is Epic - AM?

-I'm struggling with that one.

-Tricky initials, aren't they? It's Al Murray.

-Oh!

-Would have scored you 10. And Home Bird?

-Sarah Millican.

Brilliant Sarah Millican, yep. Would have scored you 20.

Al Murray the best answer. Well done if you said that.

Thanks very much indeed.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

Zander and Neil. I'm so sorry

we didn't serve up questions that suited you, I'm afraid.

I was hoping there'd be some good sport questions, where

you could come running back in. But never mind.

We'll see you next time, when I hope you'll make it

to the head-to-head again and maybe to the final as well.

Thanks very much for playing. Zander and Neil.

APPLAUSE

But for Alex and Jon, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Alex and Jon. You've seen off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

And at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

Well, it had to happen sooner or later, an Alex final.

What about that?

What were the chances of that happening?

Well, they were 75%, actually, weren't they?

But anyway, well done.

Low-scorers in each round and 2-nil in the head-to-head.

There's no arguing with that.

A very, very strong performance across the show.

Well, as always, you get to choose your category from the four

on the board. Let's hope there's something you like.

Today's selection is...

Maybe '70s, we could both have a go at it.

I wouldn't be very good at that, I don't think.

Shall we do FIFA World Cup?

No.

No?

Uh... OK, '70s.

OK, you're going to go for '70s Music Acts.

Here are your three questions.

We're looking for any UK top 40 hit by any of the following groups.

That's Greatest Hits, John Denver Collection.

The original release of that, please.

OK. Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up

with three answers. All you need to win the jackpot is for just

-one of your answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yep.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

That was the one category, wasn't it?

-THEY LAUGH

-Um...

Slight problem, I don't really know any of those.

So... I could guess.

-Bay City Rollers did Bye Bye Baby, I'm sure.

-OK.

But that's a pretty big hit,

so I don't think it's going to particularly help us.

-At least let's do one that's not going to be 100.

-OK.

Showaddywaddy...

I don't know them.

Um, and John Denver...

-Have you got any...?

-No, I think we just make two others up.

-OK.

Show we're true experts at this subject.

OK, so Bye Bye Baby.

-Yep.

-We've got 20 seconds to think of... Showaddywaddy...

I just want to say something like...

Showaddywaddy.

Yep.

So...

Um... And then you guess the last one on John Denver.

Thanks.

OK, that is your time up.

This is going to be fun, you're going to make up two songs.

Excellent. What answers are you going to give me?

-We'll go for Bye Bye Baby.

-Bye Bye Baby by?

-Bay City Rollers.

-Bay City Rollers.

-Um...

Let's go Showaddywaddy...

Take Me Back.

Take Me Back, Showaddywaddy.

And... Northern Town by Bay City Rollers.

Northern Town by Bay City Rollers,

says Jon.

OK, now, of those three, your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Bye Bye Baby.

-Bye Bye Baby, we'll put last. OK, very good.

Least likely to be pointless? Pick one.

Northern Town.

Northern Town.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then.

And here they are.

We've got Northern Town, Take Me Back and Bye Bye Baby.

Well, very best of luck. Three...answers on the board there.

-LAUGHTER

-Um...

Let's imagine one of them wins you that jackpot.

LAUGHTER

What would you do with this £1,000

if you won it?

I'd probably invest it in a large catalogue of '70s music.

-LAUGHTER

-Start learning.

I would probably try and improve my cooking skills.

I'm a bit of an unwrapper and put it in the oven.

So, a cooking course.

-OK, well, best of luck.

-I don't think I'll be going, but we'll see.

You ne... I was going to say you never know,

-quite often you do, though.

-LAUGHTER

No, you never do. You never know. Who knows?

You're first answer - Northern Town.

In this case, we were looking for Bay City Rollers UK top 40 singles.

Let's see if Northern Town exists for £1,000.

No, not Northern Town. Two more shots at today's jackpot.

You're next answer was Take Me Back, in this case, by Showaddywaddy.

It has to be... It has to exist,

then it has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot. For £1,000,

let's see what happens when we say Take Me Back.

No.

However, we're now onto terra firma here.

Your last answer we are pretty sure is correct.

I mean, who knows? We are looking for Bay City Rollers

songs, maybe people have forgotten

all about the Bay City Rollers and this...

You're going to say Bye Bye Baby.

It has to be right,

then it has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot. For £1,000,

let's see how many people said Bye Bye Baby.

-It's right.

-Yay!

Well, your first answer, Northern Town,

I'm afraid was incorrect,

as indeed was Take Me Back, your second answer.

Bye Bye Baby, though,

taking us down through the 20s... To 23.

There we are.

APPLAUSE

Oh, I'm sorry. Well, a game effort, I have to say,

when confronted with a nigh impossible category for you.

You didn't know that one at all. But you didn't do badly, really.

You didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you won't be taking our jackpot home today.

That £1,000 will be rolling over to the next show.

But we've enjoyed having you on the show.

Great performance throughout. You can be very proud of that.

You get a Pointless trophy to take home each as well.

-So well done.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, unfortunate finish there. I think your performance deserved more.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers here.

Bay City Rollers, all four of these are top ten hits.

A number one here as well.

-There's a theme developing with the Bay City Rollers songs.

-Hm.

Also, I Only Want To Be With You, It's A Game,

Money Honey, Remember - Shalala.

Or You Make Me Believe In Magic. All of those are pointless answers.

Well done if you said any of those.

Let's have a look at Showaddywaddy.

Who Put The Bomp In The Bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp.

They never did find out, did they?

-No, they did.

-Oh, they did? Who was it?

-Yes, it was actually Simon Cowell in a very early incarnation.

-Was it?!

Goodness me. And Why Do Lovers Break Each Other's Hearts.

-They definitely didn't find out the answer to that.

-No.

You also could've had Hey Mr Christmas, Multiplication,

Remember Then, Rock'n'roll Lady and Sweet Music.

All those are pointless answers. And John Denver,

let's take a look at a few tracks from The Ultimate John Denver.

You also could've had Fly Away, Follow Me, I'm Sorry

and Mr Bo Jangles.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Thanks very much indeed.

Well, unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Alex and Jon,

but a great performance today.

We loved having you. Thanks for playing.

Alex and Jon, great contestants.

APPLAUSE

Well, sadly, Alex and Jon didn't win our jackpot today.

It rolls over onto the next show, when we will be playing for £2,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.