Episode 28 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the show that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

Let's meet today's players.

-And couple number one.

-Hi, my name's Luke.

This is my friend Ellie

and we are students at the University of Warwick.

Couple number two.

Hello, I'm Judy, this is my friend Carole, and we're both from Kent.

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Richard, this is my wife, Isobel,

and we're both from Redditch in Worcestershire.

-And finally, couple number four.

-Hello.

My name's Wayne, this is my daughter Laura,

and we're from Reading in Berkshire.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much. We'll find out more about you throughout the show

as it goes along, so that just leaves one more person for me

to introduce. So smart, he's got every "ology" you can think of,

including, quite worryingly, Scientology.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Afternoon to you.

-And to you.

Now, our last show was a battle, for the first time ever,

-head-to-head battle between Alexander and Richard.

-Yes.

-Wasn't it?

Who triumphed?

Well, by the fact that Richard is back, I think

-we can probably work out who triumphed.

-There we go.

Alexander and Suzanne triumphed, didn't they? Did very, very well.

I'm glad Richard is back. Hopefully Richard and Isobel can go all the way

this time. They're our only returning pair, so three new pairs here today.

The first round is not going to suit everybody today, I'm afraid.

I aim to please usually, but occasionally, I can't help myself.

-Will it suit Luke?

-Might suit Luke. You never know. Difficult to tell.

I didn't get an in-depth...

Carole looks like the sort of person who would suit any round.

You know what?

Whatever came, if we had 15th century Etruscan pottery,

I wouldn't worry about Carole.

She's got it all covered, we know that for a fact.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Suzanne and Alex won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at...

There it is. Right. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So, into our first round, the round that maybe won't suit everyone.

The only thing to remember throughout this round

and indeed all rounds is that the pair with the highest

score at the end of each round will be eliminated.

You just have to make sure you're not in that pair.

Our category for round one today...

It's football. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Football Managers And Their Clubs. Richard.

In a moment, we're going to show you a list of six names.

We are looking for the name of any team that any of these men

have managed or been head coach of up to August, 2013, please.

So, any team that had been managed or head coached by any of the six

people you're about to see up to August, 2013. Very best of luck.

OK, so Richard has just said we're going to put six names

on the board. We just need the name of any football club

managed by one of these six people. Here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

-Ellie. Welcome to Pointless. Here from Warwick University.

-Yes.

-What are you studying there, Ellie?

-I study history.

-How's it going?

-All right, yeah.

-What year are you in?

-Last year, final year.

-OK.

-Have you made plans for next year yet?

-Yeah.

I'm going to be doing teacher training to be a primary

-school teacher.

-Very good indeed. And what are your hobbies, Ellie?

I really like music. That's probably biggest hobby. We try and...

-Listening to or playing?

-Erm...

-Listening to and playing, poorly, a lot of the time.

-What do you play?

-Guitar and mainly singing. A little bit of piano. I dabble.

-You dabble.

-That's good. Now, Ellie. Football.

-Mm.

-Mm.

Yeah. I think...

There are some obvious ones, but I think I'm going to steer clear

and try and be a bit risky, because Steve Bruce, I think,

managed a club quite close to where I live,

and I think he lived quite close to where I live as well at home,

so I'm going to go for Steve Bruce and say Birmingham City.

Birmingham City, says Ellie. Birmingham City.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right. Well done, Ellie.

Nine for Birmingham City. Nice single figure score there, Ellie.

-Very well done indeed. Gets the ball rolling nicely.

-Well played, Ellie.

Good start on that first podium.

Came up the other day as a fact, Steve Bruce.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now, Judy, welcome.

-Hello.

Great to have you here from Kent. What do you do, Judy?

I'm retired and I travel on the London Underground

-with my friend Carole and we write books about it.

-You travel round...

-You look at all the stations...

-We get off at every single station.

We go and visit somewhere of interest.

-Do you ever get asked to move on?

-Oh, quite a lot!

-And we got told off once very badly.

-Why?

Carole took a flash photograph in a lift shaft

and you're not allowed to flash on the London Underground.

-Now, Judy, does your fandom extend to football?

-Not at all.

-No.

I haven't got a clue about one single answer there.

OK. Well, there are six of them up there.

-You could just throw a club and one might stick.

-OK, um... Arsenal?

Arsenal, says Judy. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Arsenal.

It is right.

-62.

-APPLAUSE

It's a lot better than 100, Judy.

-62, not bad.

-Yeah.

Also very suspiciously the name of a Tube stop as well.

I might have known!

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Isobel, welcome back.

Head-to-head last time.

Not just head-to-head, our lowest scoring pair into the head-to-head.

-Isobel, remind us what you get up to.

-I'm retired. I was a teacher.

And what do you fill your retirement with?

It's lovely now, I can read, I'm doing some family history research.

I haven't yet hit a line that would take me

back to William the Conqueror, but I'm working on it.

Keep digging! You'll find one!

-How far have you gone back?

-Early 1800s.

-Not bad. Fun.

-And where geographically?

-All over, yeah.

My family, mainly the Midlands. Richard's Yorkshire.

-So, yeah.

-Very interesting.

So, Isobel, what are you going to go for? Is football any good for you?

No.

-I'm sorry.

-Um... Steve Bruce, Birmingham, I knew.

Um... I'm going to try him again, Hull. Hull City.

Hull City, says Isobel.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Hull City.

It is right.

Well, 62's our highest score. You've passed that comfortably.

9 is our low.

13 for Hull.

APPLAUSE

-13 for Hull.

-Well played, Isobel.

Yeah, at time of recording, still called Hull City.

There's a move to try and rename them the Hull Tigers,

which the fans are quite rightly resisting.

And they're the only team in the Football League who you can't

colour in any of the letters of, while they're called Hull City. LAUGHTER

-Can't do that.

-And if they were called Hull Tigers, you could.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Wayne, welcome to Pointless.

-Lovely to have you here, from Reading.

-Thank you.

-What do you do, Wayne?

-I'm a part-time teacher at a tennis

academy at the National Sport Centre at Bisham Abbey, Marlow.

And then,

I'm a part-time childminder for my granddaughter Melody.

And then, I'm a part-time extra as well.

Wow! That's a lot of "part-time"s there! How old's Melody?

-Melody's 20 months.

-Lovely.

And extra work, where do you do that? Just all around?

Anywhere that I can pick up. I'm not fussy.

What's been the most fun thing you've been on?

I think probably the most fun to do was Atlantis.

Unfortunately, I don't know why, I seem to be typecast as a henchman.

-I don't understand why.

-You're a henchman, Wayne. You are.

-Wayne, I look at you, I see henchman.

-Good to be a hench-man.

Definitely. And Wayne is "hench", I'm not denying that.

LAUGHTER

-There's no denying that. He is.

-Blimey! Get a room!

LAUGHTER

Does "hench" mean something other than what I think it does?

LAUGHTER

-He's...

-He's built.

-Yeah, stacked. I didn't realise...

-Hench.

I know you like your guys hench.

-I thought it was mild flirting, that's all.

-OK, I see.

I know the types you go for.

LAUGHTER

Now, Wayne...

-What are you going to go for?

-Um...

-I think I will go for Sam Allardyce and Bolton.

-Bolton, says Wayne.

Let's see if Bolton's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It is right.

9 remains our low score so far, from Ellie there.

-Bolton going down to 15.

-APPLAUSE

Very well done, Wayne.

Yeah, took them to an FA Cup semifinal, got them promoted.

Left them due to a lack of ambition, that's what he said.

Thank you very much indeed. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. Ellie, supreme score there.

Look at that, 9. Very well done.

Then, up to 13, where we find Isobel and Richard.

Up to 15, where we find Wayne and Laura.

And then, Judy and Carole, I'm so sorry, 62.

We need a low score from you, Carole,

or you're going to go down the Tubes(!)...

-LAUGHTER

-..I'm afraid, at the end of this round.

Best of luck with that.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Laura, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here.

-What do you do, Laura?

-I'm a satellite scientist.

A satellite scientist. Just tell me exactly what you do.

Exactly what I do, I think you might need a physics PhD.

-Tell me broadly what you do!

-LAUGHTER

I use satellite observations to better understand

the composition of the atmosphere.

-That's...good.

-LAUGHTER

We've had a colour scientist on not that long ago.

You are our first satellite scientist.

Anyway, Laura, welcome to the show. Great to have you here.

You're on 15, the high scorers on 62 are Carole and Judy,

so 46 or less comfortably sees you through.

-Is this a good round for you?

-It's OK.

I watch a lot of football.

My husband watches an awful lot of football.

-So I should know several answers on there.

-Can I ask a quick question?

-You can.

-Are you the mother of Melody?

-I am the mother of Melody, yes.

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

-Lovely.

-She also watches a lot of football.

-LAUGHTER

Very good.

I don't think I could go home to my Crystal Palace supporting

husband and not say Ian Holloway, Crystal Palace.

Crystal Palace, says Laura. Here's your red line.

If you can get below that with Crystal Palace,

you are definitely in round two.

It's right.

You're in round two.

Very well done indeed.

-17.

-APPLAUSE

32, your total.

Great answer, Laura. Very well done.

Very strong on that last podium, aren't they?

He left them after just one Premier League win.

He was replaced by Tony Pulis.

And he's a hilarious guy, Ian Holloway. Very, very funny man.

-You would like him.

-Thank you very much indeed... Is he hench?

LAUGHTER Not so much.

He's a former professional footballer, so he's got

a basic level of fitness, but he's not hench like you like hench. LAUGHTER

-You like a guy to be really cut, don't you? That's what you like.

-Cut!

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Very defined.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Richard, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back.

-Also a retired teacher.

-Yeah.

Remind us what you like doing in your retirement.

-Well, I swim three times a week, a mile each time.

-You swim?

-Yeah.

-Where do you swim? Just in a pool?

-In a...

LAUGHTER

Sorry, for some odd reason, when you said, "I swim three times

"a week, a mile at a time," I was picturing you in a river.

-I don't know why.

-No, I'm a conventionalist. I swim in a pool.

-OK.

-The famous Redditch pool that's heated from the crematorium

-next-door.

-LAUGHTER

There was a very famous text sent into Five Live when it was first

mooted, and somebody said, "Won't all the races end in a dead heat?"

LAUGHTER

-I sing in a choir.

-Very good.

-The famous Bel Canto of Redditch.

Do you do that in a swimming pool or in a river? LAUGHTER

-No...

-It's hard to tell sometimes.

-In a choir shed.

Of course!

-Um... The Bel Canto of Redditch.

-The Bel Canto Singers of Redditch.

How many of you are there in there?

40-45?

That's fun. And how long's it been going?

Oh, longer than I've been a member, about 25 years, I think. But I'll probably be corrected on that.

-And we're always welcoming new members.

-Very good.

Particularly men.

-Richard has a good voice, doesn't he? He'd be very good on radio.

-He does.

-Yeah, you're a bass, aren't you, Richard?

-I'm a bass, yeah.

-There you are, good.

-Well done.

-Yeah, that's good. Got that right.

LAUGHTER

Now, Richard, there you are. You're on 13. You have to score 48 or less.

Well, the third time he's been mentioned, I'm going

to have to go for Steve Bruce because I know during his career,

he managed the team that I support, and that's Huddersfield Town.

Huddersfield Town, says Richard. There's your red line.

Get below that, you're definitely in the next round.

Let's see how many people said Huddersfield Town.

It's right.

And you're through, well done.

Oh, it's a good answer, Richard. Look at that! Down to 3!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

The best answer of the round so far, takes your total up to 16.

-Very well done.

-Great answer, Richard.

That fell very nicely, didn't it?

For around about a year, around the millennium.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Carole, welcome.

-I love your jumper, Carole.

-Thank you.

-It's a flamingo.

-There's a flamingo theme I'm spotting there.

-Yes.

There's a flamingo colouring to your hair. And pink trousers.

I'm just saying this for people who might be watching in black and white, that's all.

-LAUGHTER

-Are you a fan of the flamingo, Carole?

-I certainly am.

I have a tattoo of one.

LAUGHTER

-Do I...? Where...? Where is your...?

-LAUGHTER

Do I ask that? Where, Carole?

For my 50th birthday, I had it done on my left buttock.

And no, I won't show you.

No, it's OK.

LAUGHTER

That is...something. Goodness me. So, what do you do

when you're not writing your books or getting tattooed with flamingos?

I volunteer at the Citizens Advice Bureau two days a week.

That's very good and are you working on another book?

-Is there another Tube book coming up?

-Yes.

-What are you working on now?

-It's the pink one, Hammersmith & City.

Course it is! That's going to match, perfect.

You're the high scorers, I'm afraid, on 62. We need a low score.

I know a couple, but they'll be very well known.

I could take a wild guess at something obscure. Um...

But I'm just going to go with Sam and West Ham United.

West Ham, says Carole. Let's see if that's right.

No red line for you, I'm afraid, as you're the high scorers,

but let's see how far down the column you get with West Ham.

It's right.

-19.

-APPLAUSE

Not a bad score at all.

81 is your total.

Yeah, Sam Allardyce, West Ham.

They've all been British teams so far.

All been English teams, in fact, so far.

There's lots of other names on the list,

but I'll go through them all in a minute.

Mm. You heard what he said, Luke.

I saw that as a challenge.

That was an Osman gauntlet being thrown down at your feet with

-a clang.

-Perhaps challenge accepted.

-OK.

Before we go into that though, welcome.

-Are you also in your third year?

-Yeah, third and final year.

-What are you reading?

-English literature.

-Going well?

-It's going all right.

-And have you got your plans sorted for next year?

-For the summer? Have you got lovely things to look forward to?

-I'm engaged, so I'm getting married.

-Good Lord, Luke! Congratulations!

-Thanks very much.

That's wonderful news. And how long have you been going out?

-Years and years?

-Coming up to six years.

That's suddenly very sweet!

-So, childhood sweethearts then.

-Mm, indeed, yeah.

-Oh! Aw!

-Fairytale.

Well, yes. It is.

Now, what would complete the fairytale would be

-a pointless answer.

-Ooh!

-Or just a really low scoring one.

3 is our lowest score so far with Huddersfield Town.

I'm going to dip my toes into Europe, I think.

And I'm going to say Monaco.

Monaco, says Luke. There's your red line. Nice and high.

I'm sure you'll get below that, but let's see how far down the column you can get with Monaco.

It's right and you're through.

And that scores you 1! Very, very well done indeed, Luke!

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Takes your total up to 10.

I'm sorry it's not a pointless answer, but it's as good as.

Obviously, early in the career of Arsene Wenger. Very well played.

There's a couple of pointless answers actually. None of them are English clubs.

You could have had another of Arsene's teams, AS Nancy,

you could have had Benfica for Jose Mourinho.

Sam Allardyce, a terrific answer, Limerick.

Would have been a very good answer for Sam Allardyce. Very well done if you said that.

And another terrific answer for Jose Mourinho was Uniao de Leiria, which

is another very small Portuguese team he managed early in his career. Very well done if you said that at home.

Also for Arsene Wenger, you'd have got 1 point for Grampas 8.

For David Moyes, the best answer would have been Preston for 6.

Everton would have got you 33, Manchester United 47.

Ian Holloway, the best answers were Plymouth and Leicester. Both would have scored you 1 point.

You'd have got 2 for QPR and 4 for Bristol Rovers.

Ian Holloway and Sam Allardyce both managed Blackpool.

Would have scored you 12 points.

And Steve Bruce, Sheffield United for 1 was actually the best answer,

-but then Huddersfield Town, the next best.

-Thanks very much.

At the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home

with a high score of 81, I'm so sorry, Carole and Judy, it is you.

However, we will see you again next time. Carole and Judy, thanks for playing. Lovely contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

APPLAUSE

And so three pairs remain. At the end of this round, we will have to say goodbye to

another pair in time for our head-to-head round. Congratulations.

You made it through that round that might not have suited everyone.

But particular congratulations to the nearest podium, Luke,

for the lowest individual score, together for the lowest total score. And Luke, for getting married.

So, very well done indeed. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for round two is:

Cinema.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns:

-Films Featuring Time Travel, Richard.

-We're going to show you some pairs of actors now.

We need you to tells us the name of the film that they starred in that features time travel, please.

There's going to be six on each pass, so 12 in all to have a go at at home.

OK, so let's reveal our first board of six pairs of actors. And here they come:

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Ellie.

-Sure. Um...

-Ellie.

There are a few on there that...I recognise, but I probably couldn't name.

There's one that I think is quite an obvious one.

I think I'm going to go for the one at the bottom

cos it was on TV the other week.

It wasn't very good.

Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock,

I think it's The Lake House.

-The Lake House.

-Mm.

-OK, let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said The Lake House.

Very well done indeed, Ellie!

That's a great score! 7 for The Lake House.

APPLAUSE

Interesting, Ellie saying there Keanu Reeves in a not very

-good film.

-That's odd, isn't it?

-Yeah, very odd.

Although, a bad time travel film is better than a bad any other film.

-Time travel films are always good.

-Yeah.

-That one...

He and Sandra Bullock, they both stay in the same lake

-house at different periods of time but they correspond with each other.

-It's like a time-share.

-Yes!

-It's like a time travel share.

-Yeah. OK.

They leave letters in the mail box for each other.

-Imagine if that happened!

-Ho-ho!

-That'd be weird!

-Wouldn't it?

-Yeah.

-Wouldn't it...

Richard, what are you going to go for?

I think there's only one I can really go. And even then,

I'm not entirely sure, but I'm going to go for the one above it, Charlton

Heston and Roddy McDowall...

and say Planet Of The Apes.

Planet Of The Apes, says Richard.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

Well, seven is our best score so far.

Planet Of The Apes is 33.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, Charlton Heston plays an astronaut

and Roddy McDowall plays a monkey historian.

-Mm.

-Imagine if that happened!

-Oh, wow!

-That'd be weird!

-That'd be weird!

-That'd be SO weird!

-Monkey historians.

-Yeah, monkey historian. Not a historian of monkeys.

-Nope.

-Which is a job.

-Historian monkey.

-That's a monkeyologist.

But an actual monkey who is a historian.

-I know.

-Ha!

-Imagine!

-That'd be crazy!

-Imagine if it happened!

-Yeah. Oh!

-Oh!

-Wayne, this board's all yours.

Do you want to talk us through it and fill in the blanks?

I'm having awful trouble. Um... I knew the second to last one and I have to be honest, that was

the only one I knew and I just had to hope that it was left alone.

But it wasn't to be so.

So the only thing I can really think of doing is just having

a bit of a punt and I'm going for um...Rachel McAdams

and Eric Bana in...

The Time Traveller's Wife.

The Time Traveller's Wife, says Wayne. Let's see if that's right...

Let's just see if it's right.

It is right!

It IS right!

Time Traveller's Wife scores you 20.

APPLAUSE

What about that!

That's a great answer, Wayne. Very well played. You look relieved.

-Amazed, I think.

-Eric Bana has a genetic condition which allows him

to travel through time and he meets Rachel McAdams at various different points of her life.

-Imagine if that happened!

-Wow!

-Yeah.

-That'd be amazing!

-Wouldn't it?

-It's based on fact.

-People can do it.

-Can do what?

-Time travel.

-But can they, Richard? Yeah?

-Mm, yep.

-You would always affect previous time by going back.

-I wouldn't.

-Wouldn't you?

-No.

-You'd leave no footprint?

-Well, I kind of would, but it's like you tidy up after a party, isn't it?

-That's true.

So your mum doesn't know. That's what you do with time travel.

I suppose that's right. There's a sort of rule amongst time...

Have you and Laura been time travelling?

I will say to you this, and Laura would say the same -

if you are a time traveller, you're not allowed to say you are.

-What's the most exciting place you've been to?

-Place?! Or year?

-Oh, yeah.

-That would be my question.

-Yeah.

What's the most exciting year, then?

Funnily enough, I went to Redditch baths in... LAUGHTER

-..2070. That was quite something.

-Was the Bel Canto Choir still going?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Loads of men in it.

Yeah.

Let's take a look at the rest of this board.

Robin Williams and Kirsten Dunst was Jumanji.

Would have scored you 25. Mike Myers and Beyonce Knowles was...

-Goldmember.

-Austin Powers In Goldmember. 5 points.

And Aston Kutcher and Amy Smart was The Butterfly Effect.

That would have scored you 11. I though that was a tough board.

It is tough. Thank you very much indeed.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

7, Ellie and Luke once again looking very strong

at this stage of the game.

Then up to 20, where we find Wayne and Laura.

Then up to 33, Richard and Isobel. Unaccustomed position for them.

Out at the front with the high score.

Isobel, we need a low score from you.

Let's hope it's a kinder board next time round.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more pairs of actors up on the board

and here they are:

I'll read those all again.

Now, Laura, over to you. Remember, we're looking for the name of the time travel film

that starred each of these pairs of actors.

I think I could probably have a guess at about three of them.

The previous board would have been a lot better. Um...

-I'm going to take a punt...

-Good.

I think... Oh, Sean Connery and John Cleese...

-Time Bandits?

-Time Bandits, says Laura. There's your red line.

Get below that with Time Bandits

and you are definitely in the head-to-head. Let's see how many people said Time Bandits.

It's right.

And it gets you through. Look at that. 11, that scores you 31.

-APPLAUSE

-You are in the head-to-head.

Yeah, another very good answer. Written by Michael Palin and Terry Gilliam.

Now, Isobel, you're the high scorers.

-We need a very low score from you.

-I know the Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell,

but I think that might be fairly high. I'm going to take a punt on Rod Taylor

and Alan Young, The Time Machine.

The Time Machine, Rod Taylor and Alan Young. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

No red line for you, as you're the high scorers.

It's a good punt.

We want this to go as far down as it possibly can.

20.

APPLAUSE

53 is your total.

Well played, Isobel.

Might have kept yourself in it. Yeah, Rod Taylor travels 800,000 years into the future.

-That's too many.

-It is too many. Travel a year into the future.

-Yeah, much better.

Now, Luke, we need a score of 45 or less from you.

I'm going to have to play it safe.

It's a risky safe, doesn't make sense, but we'll go with that.

I'm going to say Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell, Groundhog Day.

Groundhog Day. What are you going to go for, Luke?

-Groundhog Day.

-LAUGHTER

I'm so sorry. There we are. There's your red line.

If you get below that, you are through to the next round.

Well, it's right.

You've done it!

Very well done indeed! 32, you score.

APPLAUSE

39, your total. Through you go to the head-to-head.

-Very well done, Luke and Ellie.

-Well played, Luke. Yeah, wonderful film, Groundhog Day.

Another wonderful film at the top there, James Stewart and Donna Reed, It's A Wonderful Life.

Would have scored you 14 points.

Kathleen Turner and Nicolas Cage is Peggy Sue Got Married.

Would have scored 6. And Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto, of course, is...

-Star Trek.

-Star Trek, yeah. Would have scored 18,

so the best answer on the board is Peggy Sue Got Married. Well done if you said that.

Thanks, so at the end of round two, the pair who are heading home,

our low scoring head-to-headers last time, but Isobel and Richard,

we have to say goodbye to you.

Far too soon. I thought there was a place for you in the final today.

But I'm afraid our categories had other ideas.

Lovely to have you on the show. Thank you for playing, Isobel and Richard. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Wayne and Laura, Luke and Ellie,

-it's now time for our head-to-head.

-APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Luke and Ellie, Wayne and Laura.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at:

Well, very well done.

You've seen off our only returning pair, and they were good!

Oh, and you just dispatched them just like that.

You heartless beings! Best of luck to both pairs.

-Let's play the head-to-head.

-APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns:

-American National Parks, Richard.

-Going to show you images now of five American national parks

and their initials. Can you tell us what they are, please?

OK, let's reveal our five national parks, and here they come. We have got:

OK, there we are.

Five national parks.

Luke and Ellie, you've been our low scorers so far, so you will go first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

We're not too sure, but we're going to go for one that we're

pretty sure of, so we're going to go for A and Yosemite.

Yosemite, say Luke and Ellie. Yosemite.

Wayne and Laura, the board's all yours. Do you want to talk us through it?

I think B is Everglades.

I don't know about C.

D I think is probably something like Redwood.

And E is the Grand Canyon.

So I think we're going to go for B.

B, Everglades.

B, Everglades, say Wayne and Laura.

So we have Yosemite versus Everglades.

Luke and Ellie have gone for Yosemite.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 said it.

It is right.

-49.

-APPLAUSE

That could have gone down a little bit lower,

but 49 could be good enough.

Wayne and Laura have gone for Everglades for B.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Everglades.

It's right.

And it wins you the point. Look at that.

Very well done indeed. 36.

-APPLAUSE

-Wayne and Laura, you've nicked it.

-After one question, you are up 1-nil.

-Well played, Wayne and Laura.

You'd have got even fewer points if you had gone for Redwood.

Would have been more of a risk, but it's a right answer.

And that would have scored you 19 points.

Now C is the best answer up there.

It's in South Dakota,

that's the Badlands.

Would have scored you 7 points.

Very well done if you said that.

And E of course is the Grand Canyon,

but a big scorer with 82.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

OK, so here comes your second question. And it concerns:

-Bob Dylan Songs, Richard.

-We're going to give you five titles of songs from

The Very Best Of Bob Dylan here,

but we've left one word out of each of them.

Can you tell us what that word is?

OK, let's reveal our five Bob Dylan songs and here they come.

We have got:

I'll read those all again.

Wayne and Laura, you will go first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

-Shall we risk it?

-Yeah, if it rings a bell.

-I think so, yeah.

We're going to take a risk.

I think the second from bottom one is Subterranean Homesick Blues.

Subterranean Homesick Blues, say Wayne and Laura.

OK, Luke and Ellie, it's over to you.

We've drawn a blank, I'm afraid.

Obviously, we know the third one down,

we think that's Times They Are A-Changin', but we're going

to go for a punt on the bottom one and just say Lay Layla Lay.

Lay Layla Lay. Lay Layla Lay, OK.

So, we have Subterranean Homesick Blues verses Lay Layla Lay.

Wayne and Laura went Subterranean Homesick Blues.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

That's a good answer! Look at that!

Down to 14, Subterranean Homesick Blues.

Well done, Wayne at Laura.

-A punt worth taking there.

-APPLAUSE

Luke and Ellie, meanwhile, have gone for Lay Layla Lay.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said that.

Bad luck, Luke.

well, brave of you to take a punt on that, but it didn't pay off.

Very well done, Wayne and Laura.

After only two questions, you're straight through to the final 2-nil.

Yeah, well played. There's only one answer that would have beaten

Subterranean Homesick Blues and it's not the top one. The top one is Just Like A Woman.

Would have scored you 23 points.

The next one is the best answer up there, Tangled Up In Blue.

7 points for that. It's The Times They Are A-Changin'.

no point going for it, as you suspected. 80 points.

And Lay Layla Lay, which sounds like a perfect Eurovision song,

is not a million miles from the answer. It's Lay Lady Lay. Would have scored you 54 points.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. So, the pair leaving us at the end

of the head-to-head round, I'm afraid, Luke and Ellie.

You've been so good the whole way through the show and then just

when it mattered, you came up against Wayne and Laura,

who knew Everglades. Anyway, we get to see you again next time.

Meantime, thanks very much indeed, Luke and Ellie.

APPLAUSE

But for Wayne and Laura, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Wayne and Laura. You've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

There it is. Well done. Your first appearance on Pointless and straight through to the final.

2-nil in the head-to-head. Very best of luck.

Anything you'd particularly like to see come up in this last round?

-Cricket?

-Maybe, yeah. Children I've taught would be a good one.

OK. As always, you get to choose your category from the four we put up on the board.

Let's hope there's something up there you like the look of. Today's selection is:

I think it's probably between Golf and the Actors And Actresses.

And that will be something like Holly Hunter films, kind of...

Golf, we could have a go at.

It'll be Masters winners or Ryder Cup perhaps.

-Let's do golf cos then we can both have a go.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Golf, please.

-Golf it is. Richard.

-OK, good luck. Three very different questions here.

We're looking for the name of any man who has been world ranked number one since June 1997, which is

when Tiger Woods was first ranked world number one, so anyone other than Tiger Woods who has been

world ranked number one since then. We're looking for the name of any of the Solheim Cup

players from 2013, either European or US.

Or we're looking for the name

of any European course that's staged a Ryder Cup since 1929.

So, number one players since June 1997,

Solheim Cup team members from 2013,

and any European Ryder Cup course since 1929.

And that top one, that is up until the end of March this year.

-Very best of luck.

-OK, thanks.

As ever, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers and

all you need to win that jackpot is for just one answer to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Let's put your 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-I don't know any Ryder Cup courses.

-No.

-Is the Solheim Cup the ladies?

-Female. So, we're struggling.

Top one. Who is the Aussie player? Adam Scott.

-Adam Scott was maybe one.

-Justin Rose will have been...

-Brandt Snedeker. Martin Kaymer?

-Martin Kaymer, yeah,

is one cos he won the Masters or something like that.

Matt Kuchar?

Has Kuch won anything that would warrant him being number one?

-Big Phil.

-Number one players, it's an accumulation of points.

-Yeah.

-Phil Mickelson. Yeah.

-Phil Mickelson, we can only assume...

-I think we need to go for Americans, rather than...

-Do you think Adam Scott would be one,

-or do you think people would know...?

-I think Lee Westwood has...

-Has he?

-He was number one at one stage, but he's English.

-Someone will have just said Lee Westwood.

-Yeah. I think we need to go for Americans.

Maybe have a punt at some of the lesser known ones.

-I don't... I can't think of any Americans...

-Ten seconds left.

So, it's the ones that we've chosen...

-Which are the ones you want to go for?

-Snedeker?

-Brandt Snedeker, but I don't know...

-He's not won anything.

-So what were the Americans?

-That is your time up. I now need your three answers.

If you could say which category you're answering in, that'd be great.

I think we're going to go for three players from the top one cos

we're a bit ignorant about the bottom two, unfortunately.

-Definitely Adam Scott.

-Adam Scott.

-Adam Scott.

-Martin Kaymer.

-Martin Kaymer.

-And Matt Kuchar?

-Yeah.

-And Matt Kuchar.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer here?

I think Kaymer's right.

-OK.

-Martin Kaymer, we'll put last. Least likely to be pointless?

-Kuch?

-Kaymer.

-No, Kaymer's last.

-All right, Kuch then.

-Yeah.

OK, Matt Kuchar, we'll put first.

OK, let's put those answers up on the board in that order and here they are. We've got:

Well, best of luck. Your first answer was Matt Kuchar.

This is the one you thought was probably least likely to be

pointless. Only one of them has to be pointless for you to win £1,000.

It's our starter jackpot. Still, nice to be taking home with you.

What would you do if you won that money, Wayne?

Well, I know that Laura's just started a family,

she's doing up the house, she's got lots of things that...

She needs bills paying, mortgage etc.

So, with my share, I would buy part of a racehorse.

LAUGHTER

-Laura?

-Um... I would buy a selection of new joke books for my father.

-LAUGHTER

-Very good. So, Matt Kuchar.

In this case, we're looking for number one players since 2007.

Let's see if it's right, let's see if it's pointless.

For £1,000, how many people said Matt Kuchar?

Not Matt Kuchar.

Not a pointless answer, which means we only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer was Adam Scott.

Again, we're looking for number one players since 1997.

Let's find out, for £1,000, how many people said Adam Scott.

Oh, no!

Another incorrect answer, which means everything is now

riding on your third and final answer, which is Martin Kaymer.

Now, how confident are you feeling at this stage?

I know he definitely won at least one Major. So...

But so did Adam Scott.

OK. Well, fingers crossed. It has to be right, obviously. Then, it has to be pointless.

For £1,000, let's see if Martin Kaymer is right. Is it pointless?

It's right.

Your first answer, Matt Kuchar, was incorrect.

Your second answer, Adam Scott, was incorrect.

Martin Kaymer, though, right on the money. Down it goes.

Into single figures. Still going down.

Down it goes! You've done it!

That's fantastic! Very well done indeed! Brilliant work!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

Congratulations. Martin Kaymer was a pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £1,000.

Just have to decide what to call the horse, I guess!

I've got a name for it already. Pointless.

-Oh, there we are! Richard.

-Fantastic.

That is quite a daughter you've got there, Wayne. Very well done to both of you. Really good show today.

Really good teams and you were the best of all of them.

You actually picked the toughest category there as well cos

there's only eight names on the list and only two of them were pointless. So, only Martin Kaymer

and David Duval was the other pointless answer. The other people who have been world number one -

you'd have got 2 points for Greg Norman, Luke Donald and Ernie Els.

3 points for Vijay Singh. 10 for Lee Westwood. And 27 for Rory McIlroy.

The only names on the list.

Let's take a look at the Solheim Cup team members.

You could have had...

In fact, everybody apart from Paula Creamer, Michelle Wie, Caroline

Hedwall, Charley Hull and Anna Nordqvist.

Everybody else on those two teams was a pointless answer. Well done if you said one of those.

And quite a few pointless answers for the Ryder Cup courses as well. Some famous courses too.

You could have had...

You also could have had Ganton, Moortown and Walton Heath.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

-And congratulations, Wayne and Laura. Terrific performance.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Thanks once again to our winning players, Wayne and Laura, who go away with today's jackpot of £1,000.

-Very well done.

-APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE