Episode 16 Pointless

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I am Alexander Armstrong.

A very warm welcome to Pointless, the show where

obvious answers mean nothing and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Lizzie. This is my dad, Simon.

He is a retired police officer. I am a doctor, currently working

as an artist. We are both from Stockton, but I live in Norwich.

-Couple number two.

-Hiya, I'm Rebecca.

And this is my best friend, Vickie.

I'm from Liverpool and she is from London.

And we're both masters students at Queen Mary University.

-Couple number three.

-I am Jill. This is my colleague, Stephen.

I am from Kingston, he is from Epsom.

And we both work for Diabetes UK.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Steve. This is my wife, Gail. We are both from Perth.

Gail is a learning assistant and I'm a press photographer.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show as it

goes along. That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He has got more revelations than 1,000 Bibles.

It is my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

APPLAUSE Hiya. Hi, everybody. Good afternoon.

-How are you this afternoon?

-I am very well, thank you.

-A lovely show, the last one.

-Wasn't that nice?

Really, really enjoyed it.

And Simon and Lizzie played their part in it as well.

Really terrific show.

Simon and Lizzie, they came up against Brian

and Mags in the head-to-head.

Brian and Mags beat you, I think, by 2 points.

I have some good news and bad news, I'm afraid.

-The bad news is Brian and Mags won the jackpot.

-Oh!

-Good on them.

-But the good news is,

they promised to spend some of the money on buying a puppy.

So... LAUGHTER

Who can begrudge them that? Who can begrudge them that?

Lovely to have three new pairs with us today.

It should be an absolute cracker. The first round...

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Some people are going to love it. Some people...

Some people are going to love it, some people might go wrong,

some people are going to fluke it.

That is what I will say on the first round. It's flukeable.

-It's flukeable.

-Round One.

That is good news, Lizzie. It is flukeable.

-Here's hoping.

-Looking forward to it. Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Brian and Mags, as you've gathered,

won the jackpot last time, so today's jackpot starts off

back at £1,000. There it is.

Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

Now, just remember, the pair with the highest

score at the end of each round will be eliminated.

Also remember, there is to be no conferring before we get

to the head-to-head round.

Our first category for Round One today is...

It is flukeable, the man says. It is flukeable.

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going first, who's going second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Nations that have had a player who has scored a Premier League goal.

-Richard.

-We are looking for the name of any international football nation

who've had a player affiliated to them who has ever scored

in the English Premier League,

from the beginning of the Premier League through to

October 2014. Any nation that plays international football who've

had a player who's scored in the Premier League, according to Opta.

It is a sports statistics service.

Worth noting - for once by country we don't mean a sovereign state

that is a UN member in its own right.

They are nations who play international football, so

there will be some nations there that we don't normally count as countries.

-Yeah, that's nice. That's fun.

-Yeah, you see?

Yeah. What about that!

There we go. Thank you, Richard.

Now, Simon, I think you are going to be all right on this anyway.

But it is quite fun as a global question anyhow.

Now, last time, Simon, tell us what happened.

Ice Cream Gate.

Ice Cream Gate, as they are already evidently calling it

in Stockton-upon-Tees.

We went for probably the least favourite ice cream,

but unfortunately, it was the easier anagram.

You see, that is the trouble. That comes into play.

Pistachio, of course.

Perhaps not as well known as raspberry ripple, for example.

So, Simon, what do you think you are going to go for?

There must be some pointless answers out there.

Right. I'm going to gamble on a Stoke City player.

Now, I know he scored in the World Cup,

but I am not 100% positive about the team.

And I'm going to go with Peter Odemwingie

-and gamble on Nigeria.

-Nigeria.

Nigeria, says Simon. OK, the gamble is on that particular player.

There might be lots of other more obvious players from Nigeria,

but let's see. Nigeria is what Simon is going to for nonetheless.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Nigeria.

It's right.

APPLAUSE

-6 for Nigeria, Simon. Good start to the round.

-Good start, Simon.

Yeah, a rich history of Nigerian scorers

in the English Premier League.

The very first one - Efan Ekoku, who scored for Norwich City in 1993.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now, Rebecca, a warm welcome to you.

So you are at University of London.

-Yeah.

-You're reading maths?

-Maths, yeah.

-What year are you in?

-My last year.

-Have you had your exams yet?

I've had five, I've got another three to go.

-Hang on, five plus three.

-How many is that?

LAUGHTER

-Yeah, I've got eight.

-Yeah, you passed! You passed!

Yes, a starred first.

What else have you been doing apart from maths? What has been

keeping you happy?

I love all the theatre in London. I am a big musical fan.

-Really? What is your favourite musical?

-Wicked.

How many times have you been to it?

People always see musicals lots of times.

-How many times have you seen that?

-Quite a lot.

Is it obsessive or quite worrying?

-Quite worrying.

-How many? Can I guess?

-Um...

-Have you been more than 30 times?

-Yes. Yeah.

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

-Have you been more than 40 times?

-Yeah.

I think that is going out of quite worrying. This is pathological.

-Over 50 times?

-Yeah, 57.

-Wow.

-Wow!

-Wow, you LOVE musicals, don't you?

-Yeah.

-Good.

-Do you get free tickets after you have been that many times?

-No.

-Do they not remember you in the box office?

-No.

Yeah, they do, they pull the shutters down the minute

they see you coming.

That is good. Now, Rebecca, what are you going to go for?

Looking for any...

I mean, it is sort of a geographical

question as much as anything, really.

Yeah. I am not really a football fan.

You are a fan of the world.

I suppose so.

I'm going to go with Argentina.

Argentina, says Rebecca.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Argentina.

It is right.

6 is our only score so far.

29 for Argentina.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, again, lots of famous Argentinians.

Sergio Aguero probably the most famous Argentinian scorer.

Horacio Carbonari for Derby was the first Argentinian to

score in the Premier League.

Very good. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Jill, welcome to Pointless. What do you do, Jill?

I am a regional manager for Diabetes UK.

And what does that entail?

I manage a team but I also influence the NHS to do better services

for people with diabetes.

Oh, I see. So it's not so much fundraising.

That is actually making sure that people are...

I go out and talk to the clinical commissioning groups

and the diabetes specialist teams

and try and encourage them to do better.

-Do you enjoy it?

-Yeah, most of the time. It is really good.

And it is a lot of variety. I work with volunteers as well.

So it is really enjoyable.

So a really good network of relationships you must

have around your region.

Now, Jill, how are we feeling about football in general?

Well, I'm going to say a country that I think is good at football.

I don't really know if they have got anyone in the Premier League.

So I'm going to say Cameroon.

I knew you were going to say that!

I just knew. It appeared in my head. Anyway, Cameroon, says Jill.

Let's see if it is right. Let's see how many people said it.

It is right. A good answer, Jill.

29 is our highest score at this point.

I think you pass that. Yes, you do.

6 is our low. You pass that as well!

Jill,

I salute you, our new low score.

Yeah, as I say, it has been going a long time, the Premier League,

and it really is a league of nations. It has been for a very long time.

Eminently flukeable, this round, I would say.

Now, Gail, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here from Perth.

-And you are teaching assistant?

-Yes.

What sort of teaching do you assist with?

Well, I actually work in Perth Prison.

So I work in the learning centre there.

And I give information about courses and enrolments.

Well, good for you.

And when you are not doing that, Gail, what keeps you going?

We like to travel and like going on long walks.

-That's a kind of travelling.

-Music. Comedy shows.

-Very good.

Have you travelled to any football-playing countries?

Do you follow football?

Not really, no. But I am sure I have.

I had a couple of ideas,

but I think they are going to be quite high-scorers.

So I'm going to take a risk. I'm going to say Chile.

Chile, says Gail. Sounds good to me.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Chile.

Let's see if it is right, of course.

It's right.

Well, 29 is our high score, you pass it.

5 is our low score. You don't quite make it

there, but that is not bad at all.

8 for Chile.

Well played, Gail. Yeah, again, a number of Chilean goal scorers.

Javier Margas for West Ham was the first.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Well, we are halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores.

5, Jill. Very well done indeed.

5, the best score. Cameroon, see?

The best answer given so far.

Then we travel up to 6,

where we find Simon and Lizzie.

And then up to 8, where we find Gail and Steve.

And then 29, Rebecca.

I mean, really, it seems terribly unfair. You and Vickie

find yourselves on 29.

So, Vickie, you know, what we need from you

is a really amazing low score.

And maybe that will keep you in the game.

We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so, Steve, remember, we are looking for any nation that

has had a player score a goal in the Premier League.

Steve, welcome.

-Now, you are a news photographer.

-Yes, that's right.

-See, that's fun.

-That is a good old-fashioned job, isn't it?

-Yeah, it's fun.

You know, it is like any job, it has got good days and bad days.

Yeah.

-And does someone call you up and say you've got to get somewhere?

-Yeah.

Or do you take your own initiative quite often?

No, usually I get about a two-second head start on the job.

I usually get a diary. I think I've planned out my day

and then a phone call will drop in and spoil it.

What is the most exciting scene you have been on?

In terms of events, I quite enjoy covering music events.

-Sporting events.

-Good stuff.

Steve, you are on 8. Our high-scorers at the moment

are Rebecca and Vickie on 29.

So if you can score 20 or less, you are through to the next round.

-Hopefully, I am playing relatively safe.

-Don't play too safe.

Well, it is a slight gamble.

Hopefully, not too much of one. I am going to say South Korea.

South Korea, says Steve. South of Korea.

A little murmur of appreciation from our audience. They like that.

Now, there is your red line.

Get below that was South Korea, Steve, you are definitely

in the next round. How many of our 100 people said South Korea?

It's right.

You are through to the next round.

It scores 3!

Lowest score of the round so far, Steve.

Very well done indeed. Takes your total up to 11.

Well played.

The first South Korean to score was Park Ji-sung for Man United in 2006.

-Thanks very much, Richard. Stephen.

-Hello.

-A very warm welcome to you.

-Here from Epsom.

-Yes.

-And you also work for Diabetes UK.

Yes, but I work in fundraising. I am a fundraising administrator.

I see. OK, how many events do you look after every year?

-I work with more of the community.

-I see.

-I help support the local fundraisers.

-I see.

By providing the admin in the background.

I see what you are saying.

And what do you do when you're not doing that, Stephen?

Watching comedy films, cooking programmes.

I love a cookery programme.

-Do you cook yourself?

-Yes. When I can, yeah.

Have you ever watched something on the cookery programme

-and actually downloaded a recipe from it and done it?

-Yeah.

-See, that is impressive.

-Tried.

Tried! Very good indeed.

OK, now then, Stephen, you are on 5.

Amazing low score from Jill in the first pass.

If you can score 23 or less...

I know, it's trying to live up to that.

There must be some pointless answers, surely.

There must be one or two.

I'm going to try and take a risk because I have had an inkling.

I am going to try Costa Rica.

Costa Rica. Costa Rica, there is your red line.

If you can get below that, Stephen, you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many people said Costa Rica.

It's right.

Through you go...

Look at that, 1!

You have beaten Jill.

Takes your total up to 6.

Very, very well done indeed.

-The lowest total of the round, I suspect.

-Great answer, Stephen.

Yeah, the first Costa Rican scorer was Paulo Wanchope.

He went on to score 50 goals in the Premier League.

Of course, more impressively, Bryan Ruiz of Fulham.

LAUGHTER

Still with Fulham. Not in the Premier League any more.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

I know. I know.

-Aaaw! Sadder than that.

-Yeah.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Vickie. Anything could happen.

Anything could happen. Lizzie looks all right but a bit nervous.

I am just going to pass that on to you. That is what I am seeing

from here. So she may or may not have a brilliant answer,

but we definitely need a brilliant answer from you.

Vickie, you are also a maths student?

-Yep.

-Just about to graduate?

-Mm-hm. Yeah.

Have you made plans for the future?

I am going to go full-time at my part-time job at the minute,

-just doing accounts there and stuff.

-Where is that?

It is an estate agent's near NE16.

Very good. So you have got a job lined up there.

So, Vickie, on 29,

you really ideally want a pointless answer at this stage.

-I like football.

-Yeah.

But my geography is shocking.

Um... I'm going to have to go a bit risky.

There are some definite ones that I know, but I am going to stick

with the South American thing and I am going to go Venezuela.

Venezuela, says Vickie. Sounds good to me. Venezuela.

No red line for you, Vickie, as you are the high-scorers,

but let's see how far down the column you get with Venezuela.

It's right.

That is pretty much exactly what we needed from you.

-Takes your total up to 30.

-Great answer, Vickie.

In fact, the first Venezuelan to score in the Premier League

wasn't until 2014.

And that was Fernando Amorebieta, who played for...?

Fulham, there we go.

-It's all gone Fulham, suddenly.

-Yeah, there we go.

-Yeah.

Thank you, Richard. Thank you. Now, Lizzie. Now then, Lizzie.

What a performance we had last time.

Straight through to the head-to-head.

-We might not be doing it again.

-We've got to be hoping to get

to the head-to-head and beyond this time.

-Yeah.

-Remind us what you do, Lizzie.

I am a qualified doctor, but I am currently on a break.

-I have just had a daughter and I am working as an artist.

-There we are.

-Now, you are on 6. Ideally, 23 or less.

-OK.

-I'm taking a bit of a gamble.

-Yes.

-I am going to say Uruguay.

-Uruguay.

-Yeah.

This South American thing, I think, is just going to run and run.

It is fantastic. Uruguay, sounds good to me.

So far, South America has scored very low. There is your red line.

Let's see if you can get below that with Uruguay.

It's right.

You are through.

9 for Uruguay.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed. Takes your total up to 15.

Sees you comfortably through.

Yeah, Diego Forlan, Luis Suarez...

Adrian Paz was the first one ever for Ipswich Town.

But, yeah, lots of Uruguayans in the Premier League.

There is almost 90 answers on this round.

Lots and lots of answers. Loads of pointless answers as well.

I'll tell you a country where no-one has ever scored

a Premier League goal.

-BOTH:

-Central African Republic.

-Yeah. Incorrect answer.

Now, the pointless answers. We will look at a few on the board.

Angola. Manucho was the first one.

Antigua and Barbuda - Dexter Blackstock.

Greg Goodridge scored for QPR, Barbadian.

Benin. Stephane Sessegnon of Sunderland is from Benin.

Bermuda - Shaun Goater. "Feed the Goat, he will score."

Congo - Chris Samba.

You could've had Democratic Republic of Congo.

Macedonia - Gjorgji Hristov.

Gabon - that's Daniel Cousin. You also could've had

Grenada, Guinea, Guyana, Honduras, Iran, Israel, Liberia, Mali,

Montenegro, Montserrat, St Kitts

and Nevis, Sierra Leone, Slovakia, Suriname and Zimbabwe.

They were all pointless answers. Let's take a look at the top three.

The ones that most of our 100 people said.

Let's see who beats England.

France beat England.

There we go. Thanks very much, Richard.

So again, in our first round, the pair heading home with their -

well, not that high - score of 30.

I'm afraid it is Vickie and Rebecca.

Nothing wrong with your answers,

they just scored higher than everyone else's.

But we will see you again next time.

We look forward to that.

In the meantime, thanks much for playing. Vickie and Rebecca.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it is now time for Round Two.

And now we are down to three pairs. At the end of this round,

we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well, congratulations, amazing low scores from all of you.

Single figure scores from each and every one of you.

But Jill and Stephen, particularly, congratulations to you.

Amazing total of 6 in that round. Very strong indeed.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

Science. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going first,

who's going second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

As in science. Richard.

We are going to show you six questions on each pass,

and the answer to each one of them begins with A.

So 12 in all to have a go at at home. Very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, we're looking for the scientific terms beginning with A

described by these clues.

Here is our first board of six.

And on it, we have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we go. Simon, how is your chemistry?

Well, the only answer I really know on there is the one that is

probably coursing through my veins at the moment.

And I am wondering about the flight response at the moment.

So I am going to have to go for adrenaline.

Adrenaline, says Simon. Let's see if it is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It is right.

61 for adrenaline.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, solid answer and a lot better than 100,

-so perhaps best to go first on this board.

-Good.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Now, Jill, Science.

How are we feeling about this board?

I was feeling better before he took my only answer.

Not good. I'm going to have to guess.

The surname of the French physicist is Ampere.

Ampere, says Jill. Stands to reason, surely. Let's see if Ampere exists.

Let's see how many people said Ampere.

It's right!

It's right. Well, you pass the high score

of 61.

APPLAUSE

You see, that is the thing.

Pointless sometimes forces you to go for a better score, actually.

So, Ampere - very well done indeed.

Yes. Andre-Marie Ampere.

-It's French.

-Ampere.

-Yeah.

Do you think he was Grand-pere Ampere to someone?

Aw, that's nice. That is a nice thought, isn't it?

Thank you, Richard. Now, Gail.

This board is all yours, so if you fancied it,

you could waltz through it and fill in all the blanks for us.

I don't have a clue.

For any of them.

I am going to have to take a guess

and say the bottom one, argon.

OK, argon, the pungent gas.

Argon, let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

Bad luck. I'm afraid it's an incorrect answer.

Scores you 100 points.

Some of these are actually easier than you think.

I think we get scared when we see scientific questions,

but the top one,

the objects are asteroids.

-Ah, yes.

-You see?

-There you go.

42 points for that.

The next answer down is the alkanes.

Good answer. 4 points.

Well done if you said that at home.

The rate at which velocity changes?

Acceleration. I know that one.

34 points. And the pungent gas?

-Ammonia.

-It is. 17 points for that.

So, alkanes the best answer up there.

Thanks very much indeed. We are halfway through the round.

Let's look at the scores.

16. Jill and Stephen looking very strong at this point.

61. Simon and Lizzie still in with a shout, I would say.

And then up to 100, Gail and Steve. Your are out in front.

Steve, we need a low score from you. Best of luck.

We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players step up to the podium.

Let's put six more scientific terms beginning with A up on the board.

Here are the clues.

I will read those all one last time.

Steve, you're the high-scorers on 100. We need a low score.

How do we like

the look of that board?

Well, not bad. I think I maybe know

a couple of obvious answers.

It is just deciding which one

may be the lowest.

I think I will try -

hopefully it is right -

type of radioactive particle,

atom.

Atom, says Steve. Atom. Let's see if it's right.

No red line for a you as you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how many people said atom.

Oh, bad luck, Steve.

I'm afraid that is pretty clear.

That is an incorrect answer, scores you 100 points.

Takes your total up to an unbeatable 200.

-Sorry.

-Sorry, Steve.

If every atom was radioactive, we would be in trouble.

-We wouldn't be here.

-We just wouldn't.

This show would have been decommissioned.

LAUGHTER

Thanks, Rich. Now, Stephen.

A little bit of pressure off you. You're through whatever happens.

But I think there's a good answer

-in there.

-I think I know three.

I am going to go for the one

I am most confident about.

I'll go for the third one

and Alfred.

Alfred Nobel. Alfred Nobel. Let's see if that is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

No red line, you are already through.

It's right!

-21.

-APPLAUSE

Very well done. 21 takes your total up to 37,

the lowest total of this round.

Very well played. Safely through. Famously the inventor of dynamite.

and various other explosives as well, Alfred Nobel.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Lizzie, great news.

You are once again in the head-to-head.

Yes, no target for you. Whatever you score, you're through.

Do you fancy talking

us through that board?

I will have a go.

Noble gas, I would go for argon.

Main artery, aorta.

Air sacs, alveoli.

Next one, I would guess an anion.

Substance pH greater than 7 -

alkali.

My final answer will be alveoli

for tiny air sacs.

The alveoli, says Lizzie. No red line

because you are already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 said alveoli.

It is right.

-26.

-APPLAUSE

The doc has still got it.

-Takes your total to 87.

-I'd forgotten she was a doctor.

I forgot you were a doctor, Lizzie, before you went through that.

It very impressive, though.

Alveoli is one of those things I learned at school.

I was desperately trying to bring it to mind, I couldn't do it.

-Isn't that awful?

-Mm.

You are absolutely right about

the noble gas. It is argon. 28.

You're right about the aorta as well,

-the main artery.

-Why aorta!

That would have scored you 54.

You're right about the bottom one,

which is alkali. 38.

But the doctor got one wrong. SHE LAUGHS

Yeah. The type of radioactive particle,

it is an alpha particle.

Would have scored 6 points -

best answer on the board. Well done if you said that at home.

Thanks very much, Richard. At the end of our second round,

the pair who head home with a high score of 200 is Steve and Gail.

I am afraid you don't get an A in science. I'm afraid...

I don't know what that is. A U, maybe. I don't know.

But we will see you again next time. You can come back for resits.

We will look forward to that very much.

In the meantime, thanks very much for playing. Steve and Gail.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining two pairs, it is time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Jill and Stephen, Simon and Lizzie.

You are one step closer to the final and a chance

to play for our jackpot, which currently still stands at £1,000.

This is the point were we decide who goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot and we do this,

as you know, by making you go head-to-head.

The difference is you can now confer before you give your answers.

The first player to win two questions will be

playing for that jackpot.

Jill and Stephen, well done you. I mean, amazing.

Lovely low scores throughout both rounds.

Neither of them have been your specialist subjects,

and yet there you are, our low-scoring pair.

Simon and Lizzie, you were our low-scoring pair last time.

-Mind you, that didn't do you any good.

-THEY LAUGH

So maybe having the boot on the other foot

might see you through to the final.

Best of luck. Best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

Here comes your first question and it concerns...

-THEY LAUGH

-Famous Simons.

Simon excited about that.

We're going to show you five pictures of famous people called Simon.

Can you identify the most obscure Simon, Simon?

OK, thank you, Richard. Let's reveal the Simons.

We have got...

There we are. Five famous Simons.

Now, Jill and Stephen, you have been

our low scorers throughout the show so you will go first.

Feel free to confer.

I think the only one I know is D, Simon Callow.

I know E, Simon Le Bon, but that's it.

-Is that him?

-Yeah.

-It doesn't look like him.

Well, OK-ish. We're going to go for D,

-Simon Callow.

-Simon Callow.

Simon Callow, say Jill and Stephen.

Now, Simon and Lizzie. Talk us through the Simons.

-If only we could.

-Come on, it is simple, Simon.

LAUGHTER AND GROANING

The only one that may be right

and it is just a name I recognised -

B, Simon Rattle.

OK, you're going to go for Simon Rattle.

We have Simon Callow and Simon Rattle.

Jill and Stephen said Simon Callow for D.

Let's see if that is right and how many people said it.

35.

35. Now, Simon and Lizzie have said Simon Rattle,

or rather Sir Simon Rattle, I should say, for B.

Let's see if that is right and how many of our 100 people said it.

It is right.

Will it beat 35?

Yes, it will! Well done.

26 for Simon Rattle.

APPLAUSE

Which means, Simon and Lizzie, after one question you are up 1-nil.

Plucked that from somewhere. Very good answer.

The conductor Sir Simon Rattle.

The biggest answer on the board is A and that is Simon Mayo.

-That is nice for Simon Mayo.

-It is. He's a lovely fellow, Simon.

-He is. Very nice fellow.

-Very nice fellow. 38.

C is the poet Simon Armitage.

He would have scored 3, which is less nice for Simon Armitage.

It is less nice for him. He looks like...

I think it was the keyboard player in The Stranglers looked like that.

RICHARD LAUGHS And E is a very low-scorer.

I've think it must be cos of the photograph.

Some people maybe not recognising him with the beard or the look.

It is a slightly arch look in his eye, I think.

Simon Le Bon, that is.

-There you go.

-And it would have scored you 12 points.

There we go, Simon Le Bon. Here comes your second question.

Simon and Lizzie get to answer it first, but Jill and Stephen,

you have to win this one to stay in the game, so best of luck.

It concerns...

LAUGHTER

Culinary nuts.

We are simply going to give you five clues

to types of edible culinary nuts.

Can you tell us what the nuts are, please?

OK, let us see what our nuts are. here are the clues.

I will read those all once more.

There we are. Simon and Lizzie will go first.

-WHISPERS:

-Macadamia.

-Go for that one.

-Do you think?

-Go for it, yeah.

Go for it. You say it, go on.

Macadamia for the middle one.

-For the Scottish-born Australian?

-Yeah.

OK, macadamia. Jill and Stephen?

Um, well, that was the one

we were going to go for.

We know the others,

apart from the fourth one.

Um... Do you think

-the top one?

-Yeah.

We will go for cashew for the top one.

You're going to go for cashew.

So, we have macadamia and we have cashew.

Simon and Lizzie went for macadamia.

Let's see if that is right

and how many of our 100 people said macadamia.

It is right.

-50.

-APPLAUSE

50. That is quite high.

I think you were hoping that might go further down.

Jill and Stephen, meanwhile, have gone for the cashew, the acajou.

Let's see if cashew is right and if it is, how many people said it.

You have to win this one to stay in the game. Good luck.

It is right.

Has to go below 50.

Ooh, no! 58 for cashew.

APPLAUSE

Well, there is something poetic about that.

Simon and Lizzie, you're going through to the final

after only two questions. You're going through 2-nil.

They were actually the best two answers on the board,

those two. Well done.

Walnut, of course,

is the next one down.

Would have scored 87. Big score.

You do know this one -

it is Brazil nut.

Would have scored you 75.

This bottom one is one of those clues

that gets easier and easier

-as it goes on.

-Mm!

What do you think that scored?

-It is chestnut, of course.

-Obviously.

What do you think that would score?

That old chestnut? 94.

-96 points.

-Oh, what about that?

-96 for chestnut.

-There we go.

Thanks, Richard.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round...

Oh, I'm so sorry. You did so well up to this round.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers, of course.

But Simon and Lizzie, I'm afraid,

whipped the rug from under your feet.

But good news for us, Jill and Stephen.

We get to see you again next show. We look forward to that.

In the meantime, thanks very much indeed. Jill and Stephen.

APPLAUSE

But for Simon and Lizzie, it is time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Simon and Lizzie.

You have seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

There it is. Well, finally, you've done it.

You were head-to-head last time.

As always, you get to choose your category from the four we put there.

Let's hope there is something up there for you.

Today's selection looks like this.

-It has got to be Art, hasn't it?

-Yeah.

-It's got to be Art, I think.

-It is going to be Art.

-Yeah.

Very good. Richard.

We have got three very different questions for you here.

Very best of luck. Hope one of these suits you.

We are looking for...

Anyone who had an acting credit in the film Mr Turner,

according to IMDb.

We are looking for the name of any artist whose work appears

in the highlights of the Tate Collection on their website.

That is the name of any artist who has any work on that list.

Or we're looking for any artist who featured

in the National Gallery's 2015 exhibition Inventing Impressionism.

The cast of Mr Turner, artists in the Tate Collection highlights

or artists in the Inventing Impressionism exhibition.

Very, very best of luck.

OK. As always, you have got up to one minute

to come up with three answers and all you need to win that jackpot

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

I don't know anyone in the cast of Mr Turner.

-Have you seen it?

-No.

-No.

Tate highlights, they'd have some classics, wouldn't they?

Is it Tate artists or is it the Tate Modern?

-Um...

-Inventing Impressionism is probably the best bet.

-Yeah, if we just pick...

-Yeah.

I have never seen it and I'm not aware of it,

so if we just went with something.

-I'm thinking probably someone like Arthur Sisley.

-OK.

Can you think of anybody?

I mean, you have got the obvious ones like Monet and Manet and Degas.

Um...

-I'm trying to think of some more.

-Cezanne.

What were the ladies? The lady impressionists? Um...

-Oh, for goodness' sake.

-Ten seconds left.

-Couldn't you have done the history of art?

-I know.

-SHE CHUCKLES

Um... Ah...

Morisot. Berthe Morisot.

Say Berthe Morisot.

OK, that is your time up.

-It sounds like you have got three answers.

-Yes.

-Let's hear them.

-Couple of suspect ones.

-Berthe Morisot.

-Berthe Morisot.

-Arthur Sisley.

-Arthur Sisley.

And...

-Monet.

-And Monet. Claude Monet.

-Claude Monet.

-From which category?

-Inventing Impressionism.

From Inventing Impressionism.

OK. Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

If she is right, I would suspect Berthe Morisot.

Berthe Morisot we will put last. least likely to be pointless?

-The obvious one is Monet.

-Monet, OK.

OK, let's put those up on the board in that order, then. Here they are.

We have got...

Very, very best of luck.

Before we put any of these answers to the test, I want to find out

what you would do if you won that jackpot, 1,000 quid. Simon?

It is my 30th wedding anniversary this year,

so probably some new golf clubs.

LAUGHTER

Congratulations.

-Lizzie?

-We're going to France later this year,

so I would quite like to take my daughter via Disneyland en route.

Very nice indeed. Very best of luck.

Let's hope one of these answers, at least, is pointless.

In all cases, you gave your answers in the category

from the Inventing Impressionism exhibition.

Your first answer, the one you thought was least likely

to be pointless, was Claude Monet.

How many people said Claude Monet? Is it pointless?

It is right.

If this goes all the way down to 0 by some miracle,

you will leave with £1,000.

Claude Monet now taking us down through the 30s,

into the 20s...

Oh, 20. There we are.

APPLAUSE

Monet was just holding a place there for us,

because you had to come up with a third answer.

Unfortunately not a pointless answer,

but you would have been very surprised if it had been.

Only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer, also from the Inventing Impressionism exhibition,

was Arthur Sisley. Let's find out if it is pointless.

For £1,000, how many people said Arthur Sisley.

Not him.

-He realised afterwards.

-You're thinking of Alfred Sisley.

OK, an incorrect answer. But all is not lost.

Everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

which is Berthe Morisot.

Again, we were looking for people

from the Inventing Impressionism exhibition.

It has to be right and it has to be pointless.

If it is both of those things,

those golf clubs and that trip to Euro Disney might be yours.

Let's find out how many people said Berthe Morisot. Is it pointless?

-It's right.

-That's a good start.

Your first answer was right, Claude Monet,

but that stopped on 20.

Your second answer, Arthur Sisley, was wrong.

Your third answer takes us down to the single figures,

still going down....

You've done it! You have done it.

Very well done.

Absolutely brilliant. Fantastic.

Very, very well done. Many congratulations.

Berthe Morisot was a pointless answer, which means you go home

with our jackpot of £1,000.

A very popular win there.

And what a great and fitting end to your Pointless career.

-Very well done indeed. Richard.

-Isn't that lovely? Congratulations.

What a lovely father-daughter pairing as well.

It is really lovely to see.

It's Alfred Sisley, as you said.

-It would have scored you 1 point.

-Oh!

To be honest, it would have been more exciting for the show...

LAUGHTER ..if you had managed to get it right.

-Next time.

-But there it is.

Let's look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

First one is Mr Turner.

Every single actor in Mr Turner apart from Tim Spall

was a pointless answer here.

If you knew any of them, you did very well. Some great actors there.

There are loads and loads of pointless answers

in the next one, the Tate collection highlights.

Some very, very famous artists in this.

You could have had Giacometti, Anish Kapoor, Antony Gormley,

Ben Nicholson, Bridget Riley, Eric Gill, George Braque,

Gilbert & George, Henry Moore, Howard Hodgkin, Jackson Pollock.

You could have had Jasper Johns, Joan Miro, John Singer Sargent.

You could have had Joshua Reynolds, Marcel Duchamp,

Stanley Spencer, Wassily Kandinsky, Eve Klein.

Lots and lots and lots of pointless answers on that one.

Very well done if you said one of them.

And for the impressionists one, the Inventing Impressionism.

Essentially, everybody in that exhibition apart from Monet,

Manet, Renoir, Degas, Pissarro and Sisley.

Everybody else was a pointless answer. It could have been...

Well done at home if you got a pointless answer.

And congratulations in the studio.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Thanks once again to our winning players, Simon and Lizzie,

who go away with today's jackpot of £1,000.

-Very, very well done.

-APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we will be putting

more obscure knowledge to the test on pointless.

-Meanwhile, it is goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it is goodbye from me. Goodbye.