Episode 9 Pointless

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the aim of the game is to find

the most obscure answers possible.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Mike, this is Jan.

We've been friends for more years than we can remember.

I'm from Dorset, Jan's from Devon, and we're both retired.

Couple number two.

Hi, I'm Kevin, I work in outside catering.

And this is my father, Bob, who is a part-time car park attendant,

and we're both from Ipswich, Suffolk.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Malcolm, this is my colleague, Dawn.

We're data warehouse developers.

I'm from Northampton, and she's from Birmingham.

And, finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Osman. I'm a web developer,

and this is my girlfriend, Poppy, who's an aid worker,

and we're from London.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We will find out more about you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's harder to follow than a Swahili sat nav.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

APPLAUSE Hiya. Hi, everybody. Afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon to you.

-Are you well?

-I'm very well.

I'm liking the mint.

-Oh, this?

-The mint.

-Oh, thank you.

-The mint.

It's the first thing I found this morning.

-Listen...

-I just threw it on.

-Threw it on. Yeah.

Only one returning pair from last time -

that's Osman and Poppy.

Now, they got knocked out in the first round.

I think I worked out why.

I think it's cos the studio physically can't take too much Osman.

Know what I mean? You've got me and there's you as well.

But since the last show, I've had structural reinforcements brought in.

We've had health and safety people. It is now absolutely Osman-proof.

We could probably take two or three more Osmans if they came along.

Hopefully they won't.

-Two jackpots in a row we've given away.

-I know. Shocking.

-That's good.

-It is. It is good.

Well, it's good for the people who won them,

very bad for if, for example, you're a contestant today -

it would be very bad.

Exactly that. Thank you.

So, yes, all our questions on Pointless

have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants must find the obscure answers

those 100 people didn't get.

Of course, everyone's trying to find a pointless answer,

that being an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Well, as you'll have gathered,

Steve and Peter won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

There it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK. Now, all you have to remember is that

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

It is a simple as that.

Also try and remember, there is to be no conferring

until we get to the head-to-head round.

Best of luck all four pairs.

Our first category today is...

Language. Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Proverbs. Richard.

Yes, on each board, we're going to show you seven proverbs

from the Oxford Dictionary Of Proverbs.

From each of the proverbs, we've missed out a word -

each of those words begin with B.

Can you tell us what that word is, please?

There's seven on each board. 14 in all to have a go at at home.

Very best of luck.

OK. So, we're looking for the missing word in these proverbs.

They all begin with B.

Here is our first board of seven, and we've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Phew, got through them.

-Jan, welcome.

-Thank you.

-Welcome to Pointless.

-It's lovely to have you here. From Devon?

-Yes.

-From Devon.

What do you do down in Devon, Jan?

I'm retired, obviously, from working,

and I'm fundamentally a busy granny.

And, secondly,

we go off and do, you know, things that retired people do...

-like visit National Trust properties...

-Lovely.

-So, Jan, proverbs.

-Yep.

-Proverbs.

-Mm-hm.

-There they are.

I think I will go for the 200 Club with the first answer,

and I'm going to say,

"Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."

Bliss at the bottom there. Bliss.

Let's see if bliss is right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said bliss.

Look at that, Jan. Absolutely right.

-Oh, 75.

-Yeah.

-APPLAUSE

-Great.

75. Well, you never know, that might be the sort of level

at which everyone is going to score.

It might be an excellent score, who knows. Bliss.

Yeah, it comes from a Thomas Gray poem originally,

from Ode On A Distant Prospect Of Eton College.

-A Distant Prospect Of Eton College.

-Yeah.

-Wow.

I don't think "ignorance is bliss" is the Eton College logo, though.

I don't think they've got that in Latin.

Thanks, Richard.

Bob, welcome. Welcome. Car park attendant.

-A part-time car park attendant.

-Oh, a part-time car park...

-Yes.

-Where's the car park, Bob?

-It's in Ipswich at a local college.

And do they provide a booth?

Yes, I've got a little hut that I stand in most of the time.

A booth with a...sort of, Baby Belling window

-that you can slide across?

-Yes, exactly that.

-Very nice.

Bob, what do you do when you're not doing that?

I do a lot of DIY. I'm a bit of the DIY enthusiast.

What's the most impressive thing you've done yourself?

Well, I've done most things.

I've done complete bathroom suites, complete kitchens...

-That's interesting.

-But the piece I like the best is my shed.

-Ah...

-It is phenomenal. It's a palace of a shed.

-Oh!

All right, Bob, what are you going to go for from these proverbs?

Well, I know two or three of them,

but I'm actually going to go for one that I've never heard before,

but a bit of lateral thinking tells me that

the shoemaker's son always goes barefoot.

Oh... There was me thinking it was blind.

OK, let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said barefoot.

It's right!

Well, you passed 75 a while back.

-APPLAUSE

-Nice new low score.

That's a great proverb, and one I've never heard before.

-It's a good one, isn't it?

-It is good.

-Yeah, very good.

A good answer, Bob. And it's true.

They say it about electricians' houses, always badly wired

and all that kind of stuff, don't they?

Or a doctor's children always just told to shut up and go to bed.

-Exactly.

-Yeah. Good.

-Dawn.

-Hello.

-Welcome.

-And what do you do, Dawn?

-I'm a data warehouse developer.

Yeah, that's what I thought Malcolm said. "A data warehouse."

Talk me through the data warehouse.

So, it's kind of a IT nerdy type job where...

-OK, what are your hobbies, Dawn?

-LAUGHTER

So, I enjoy going to see bands, and I'm really into my films,

and I also like ex...running and fitness,

and I recently completed a 10k.

-Congratulations. Where did you do it?

-In Birmingham.

-Lots of training before?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-Had you done many 10ks before?

-No. This was my second one.

Wow. And will you do that again?

Or can you now tick that off and forget all about it?

No, I'm probably going to do the triathlon next year.

Good for you. Good for you.

Dawn, proverbs.

-What would you like to go for?

-I'm going to go for...

If you want something done, ask a busy person.

If you want something done, ask a busy person, says Dawn.

Let's see that's right, let's see how many of our 100 said it.

It is right.

75 is our high score, 31, our low.

Oh, we have a new low!

APPLAUSE

Ask a busy person. 20.

Very well played, Dawn. Very true as well, isn't it?

Actually is true.

Someone who is always on the go will always get something done

quicker than someone who is not.

OK, thank you very much indeed.

Now, then, Poppy. Welcome back, welcome back.

It was Round One last time, I think, wasn't it?

I know. Not a glorious exit, but...

I can't remember what the category was. What was it?

-It was US, Australian and Canadian...

-Oh, the states.

-And we had Newfoundland and you left out the Labrador.

-Yeah.

-Never leave out the Labrador.

-No.

-Never.

-Well, sometimes you should.

-Well, if it's "no dogs", yeah.

So, Poppy, this board is all yours, by the way.

You just talk us through everything

and then select the one you want to go with.

Well, I was really excited when it came up,

because I knew busy and barefoot,

which I assumed would be the low answers,

so I was like, "Yes!"

But going last on the...round means that I've got the obvious ones left.

So, there's... Beggars can't be choosers.

There's... A bad workman blames his tools.

Business before pleasure.

And unfortunately, I don't know the "..men lived before Agamemnon".

So I need to think which is probably the least-known out of...

-Mm...

-..those three.

I'm going to go for...

A bad workman blames his tools.

Blames, says Poppy.

OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said blames.

Well, it's right.

-75 was our high...

-Oh!

-Oh, no.

-83 is our new high.

-APPLAUSE

Don't worry. Look, Osman, once again, don't worry, don't worry.

There's another pass to go,

and I think Osman is going to be absolutely all over that.

But 83 is what you score for blames.

Yeah, a bad workman blames his tools.

Now, let's fill in the ones that we know for definite.

Beggars can't be choosers is a very big scorer.

Would have scored you 92 points - would've been even worse.

And business before pleasure, actually, you should have gone for,

cos it didn't score that many.

-It scores 42.

-Oo!

-And this last one - do you know this last one?

-Brave.

Brave men lived before Agamemnon.

And it's simply saying there were heroes before Agamemnon,

he was just the first one to be chronicled.

He was the first one to be written about, but...

You know, so it's about unsung heroes.

-14 points for that.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Right, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at our scores.

Well, 20, Dawn. 20.

What about that?

Best score of the pass.

Dawn and Malcolm looking pretty good at this point.

Then up to 31, where we find Bob and Kevin.

Up to 75, Jan and Mike.

Not the high scorers, as it turns out,

because Poppy and Osman currently hold that privilege.

-Osman, you know what you have to do.

-Yeah.

But you'll have the pick of the board. It'll be all yours.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put seven more proverbs up on the board,

and here they come.

This is so hard to read, because, obviously,

-blank begins with a B as well.

-LAUGHTER

Osman, that's exactly what you wanted, though, wasn't it?

It was, it was, but then...

I'm not too sure about quite a few of them.

What a gallimaufry of proverbs there.

Yeah. The only one...

Well, I'm sure of a few, but the one I'm going to go for is...

Where there's muck, there's brass.

Where there's muck, there's brass, says Osman.

There's no red line for you because you are the highest scorers.

Let's see if brass is right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said it.

It is right.

Well done, Osman.

APPLAUSE

Could easily have kept yourself in the game there.

137 is your total.

Yeah, well played, Osman.

I can't believe there's not "where there's blame, there's a claim".

-That would be a very good one to have.

-It would be good.

Where there's blank, there's a claim.

I'd have definitely said that when I was reading it out, I think, yeah.

Thank you, Richard.

Now, Malcolm. Malcolm, welcome.

-From the IT warehouse.

-Indeed.

-Yes.

What are your interests aside from IT?

Again, I like doing a lot of DIY.

Built things from treehouses to children's beds

-to log reindeers last Christmas.

-Yeah, stop there!

Log reindeers? Wow.

Just for life or for Christmas?

I was commissioned by my partner, and then ended up making ten.

-Wow.

-Raffling a few.

-So talk me through the log reindeer.

So, obviously, a nice bit of rough bark over the top.

-What are the haunches?

-Just a couple of logs.

One for the body, one for the head,

branches for the neck, legs and antlers.

-You really did it yourself, didn't you?

-Oh, yeah.

So what made the antlers? Just some sticks?

-Yeah, especially-selected branches of the right shape.

-OK, that's good.

-And they complemented one another...

-Oh, yeah.

-..so that's good.

Made some that lit up as well.

Oh, now you're talking. This is getting very exciting.

OK, now, Malcolm, the best news I can tell you

is that you are already through

thanks to Dawn's exquisite answering in the first pass.

Even if you score 100, which I'm sure you won't.

Well, there are a couple of obvious ones left...

..but given our position, I'd like to take a punt

on one of two that I've got an inkling about.

So I'd like to go... When the gorse is out of bloom...

When the gorse is out of bloom... Surely. Let's see.

Is it right? How many people said it?

No red line for you for the lovely reason you are already through.

It is right.

APPLAUSE

You and Dawn have had the two

lowest scores of the round so far.

-41, your total.

-Very well played, Malcolm.

Also, of course... Where there's bloom, there's a cloom.

-That's another... Is another one.

-Oh, yes, a cloom.

You've got to... Oh, got to look out for clooms, haven't you?

And the idea with that one, of course,

is that gorse is never out of bloom.

Kissing's never out of fashion.

Thank you, Richard. Thank you.

-Now, Kevin, welcome.

-Hi.

Warm welcome to the show. Kevin, what do you do?

So, I work in outside catering for an independent company

based in Ipswich.

-OK, so, weddings and things like that?

-Absolutely, yes.

And conferences? Or do you do corporate events...at race meetings?

-We sure do, yes.

-Oh, that's fun.

We incorporate everything that needs catering.

Now, Kevin, you're on 31.

You are also through to the next round.

What are you going to go for?

Wonderful. So, yeah, a couple of obvious ones there.

I'm not too sure about "truth makes the devil...",

so I think I'm going to go for... A bully is always a coward.

That's a bit of a punt?

-I've never heard of that saying, but it sounds about right.

-Nor have I.

It sounds perfect. Taking a leaf out of your dad's book there.

OK, let's see if...

A bully is always a coward - is that right?

No red line for you - you're also already through.

It's absolutely right.

-APPLAUSE

-Our new low score.

Very well done indeed, Kevin.

46, your total.

Well played, Kevin.

Great performances from you and your dad there on podium two.

-And another very true proverb.

-Yes.

-Very true.

-Yes.

So true, Mike. What do you do?

I'm retired, and I do a fair bit of sport -

tennis, cycling,

try and get to the gym a couple of times a week.

Now, this is the sort of thing people say

they're going to do with their retirement,

-and you've done it.

-Yes.

-You do it.

-Yes, I do.

-How extraordinary.

Now, how do you and Jan know each other?

We met many years ago at university, and we both did the same course.

That's lovely. And you've just been friends all the time since?

-Yeah, Jan's married to my best friend.

-Oh, wonderful.

-So you match-made them?

-I did indeed, yes.

-How fantastic.

What did you do, by the way, before you were retired, Mike?

I got paid to visit pubs.

-Oh...

-JAN LAUGHS

Oh, dear. Oh, dear, that's a shame.

What, just to make sure they were pouring the beers properly?

No, I was an area business manager for a pub leasing company, so...

I had to visit the pubs to see that all was well.

And how many pubs were in your bailiwick?

-I probably had about 3,000 in my time overall...

-That's enough(!)

..but my last job was about 55 odd.

How fantastic. That's 55 places guaranteed a free pint. Amazing.

But you don't drink and work at the same time, I'm afraid to say.

-Oh, no, I mean, after...

-See, I told you.

I'm always saying, don't drink and work at the same time.

Do you listen? LAUGHTER

Mike, yeah, 61 or less is what we need from you.

Right, well there's a couple of obvious ones up there.

You can talk us through the whole board, if you like.

Just fill in all the ones you can.

OK, well... Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.

I don't know the one above it - something is the soul wit.

It's a difficult dilemma, whether I go for an obvious one

-and hope it scores less than... 63, is it?

-61.

-61.

-Oh, it's getting less.

-Or go for...

I'm going to take a punt

and go for... Truth makes the devil blush.

Truth makes the devil blush. OK, let's see if that's right.

There's your red line.

Get below that red line, Mike, and you are through to Round Two.

How many of our 100 people said truth makes the devil blush?

It's absolutely right. Very well done, Mike.

And it sees you into Round Two.

-APPLAUSE

-Well done.

99 is your total.

A risk worth taking, cos both those others that you knew

would've seen you knocked out, Mike, so very well played.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket...

would've scored you 95.

Too many cooks spoil the broth, of course.

Too many points as well - 78 points.

And the last one would've seen you through, actually, which is...

-Brevity.

-Brevity is the soul of wit.

-Well, let's say no more about that.

-Very good.

And that wit, of course, in that context,

-means wisdom rather than humour.

-Yeah.

Brevity being the soul of wisdom.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home...

I can't bear this. I'm not sure I can even get this...

-Oh, I can't bear it.

-..get this out, without...my voice breaking.

LAUGHTER

The pair who are heading home with their high score of 137,

it's Osman and Poppy.

-It was Round One last time...

-It was Round One again.

It's Round One again.

I was sure Pointless was going to keep you till the end of the game,

but...I'm afraid this is where we have to say goodbye.

It's been great having you on the show. Thanks so much.

-Osman and Poppy.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Great contestants.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And then there were three pairs.

And obviously, at the end of this round, there will be only two pairs.

Well, Kevin, well done to you.

Bully, the lowest individual score of the round.

Well done to Malcolm and Dawn for the lowest joint score of the round.

And well done to Mike and Jan for making it through

despite the high score of bliss.

So, there we are. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

It's tennis. Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And, whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is.

Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Wimbledon semifinalists between 2000 and 2009. Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for anyone who appeared

in the women's and men's singles semifinals

between 2000 and 2009, please.

Thank you very much indeed.

So...Mike. Tennis.

I mean, an active man like you,

-I imagine you follow Wimbledon quite closely, don't you, Mike?

-I do.

I've been lucky enough to have been quite a few times as well.

-How far did you get?

-The car park.

-Oh, I see.

-LAUGHTER

OK. Now...

What are you going to go for?

I'm going to say Kim Clijsters.

Kim Clijsters, says Mike. Kim Clijsters.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Kim Clijsters.

Oh, that's a good answer.

Look at that. Down to 1!

APPLAUSE

What a start to the round. Very well done indeed, Mike.

Well played again, Mike.

Yeah, a semi-finalist in 2003 and 2006,

the Belgian, Kim Clijsters.

Thank you, Richard.

-Kevin. Kevin...

-OK.

Tennis is not a real strong subject of mine,

but I think I'm going to say...

Serena Williams.

Serena Williams, says Kevin. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said it.

It is right. Well, 1 was our low.

We might say....

Serena, 35.

There we are.

APPLAUSE

Yes, did it six times in that decade, Serena Williams.

Thank you, Richard.

Dawn. Dawn.

I'm going to say Novak Djokovic.

Novak Djokovic, says Dawn.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 said Novak Djokovic.

Not bad. 24.

-APPLAUSE

-24 for Djokovic.

Well played, Dawn. Yeah, funnily enough, only once in that decade.

2007, Djokovic reached the Wimbledon semifinals.

Thanks, Richard. Well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 1, Mike.

Mike and Jan, in pole position at this stage of the round.

Then we travel up to 24, quite a distance,

where we find Dawn and Malcolm,

then up to 35, Kevin and Bob.

Happily, though, we have Bob on hand.

-BOB LAUGHS

-Bob, I'm sure...

You've got a little bit of time now, think of some genius answer.

Let's hope that's enough to keep you in the game.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. Now, Malcolm, remember, we are looking for anyone

who reached a Wimbledon semi-final

in the first nine years of the millennium.

What are you going to go for?

I do believe it was in these years,

and I do believe it's as far as he ever got,

so I'd like to go for Tim Henman.

Tim Henman.

OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said Tim.

You want to be scoring 10 or less with that.

And that's what it looks like - there's the red line.

It's right.

Oh, not bad.

-19 for Tim Henman.

-APPLAUSE

Taking your total up to 43.

Well played, Malcolm. Yeah, just in his timeframe.

2001 and 2002 he was in the semis, you're quite right.

Never got any further at Wimbledon.

Thanks, Richard.

Bob.

Bob, you're no longer the high scorers,

but we need a score of 7 or less from you.

-That's not going to happen.

-LAUGHTER

Bob, quickly tell me about that shirt.

-Do you like it?

-Yes, I do, very much.

It's just a cheap shirt I bought from a market one day.

-I saw it and I fell in love with it.

-That is a great story.

-But it is my lucky shirt.

-LAUGHTER

-Do you want a twirl?

-Not so much.

LAUGHTER

Oh, she's sitting on a plane wing.

I thought it was like a, sort of, boogie board

that was mysteriously floating, but there we are, you see.

Bob, what are you going to go for?

The only decent answer I had, Malcolm's already taken.

It's not going to be enough, but all I can say,

taking a leaf from Kevin, is...

-Venus Williams.

-Venus Williams, says Bob.

Here is your red line.

It's going to be quite punishingly low, but who knows.

Maybe Venus Williams will get you down there. Let's see.

Oh, 34, I'm afraid, for Venus Williams.

-APPLAUSE

-Takes your total up to 69.

Yeah, reached the semifinals every year apart from 2004 and 2006.

Won five titles, as well, in that decade.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now then, Jan.

So, I would say this is a relatively straightforward task.

You have to score 67 or less.

How good is your tennis knowledge?

Your Wimbledon knowledge, more particularly?

Well, I love watching Wimbledon,

but all the decades seem to have merged at the moment,

so I'm nervous that I may hit the wrong decade.

Goran...Ivanosovic.

OK. So, Goran Ivanosovic you are saying.

OK, there's your red line, Jan.

Goran Ivanosovic. Let's see if it's right.

-MIKE SPEAKS INAUDIBLY

-Oh, Jan, I'm so sorry.

-I'm so sorry.

101, I'm afraid, is your total. Sorry.

Yeah, Goran Ivanisevic, I'm afraid.

He's tripped people before, Ivanisevic.

And funnily enough,

he beat Tim Henman in that semi-final as well,

very, very famously in 2001.

-Would've scored you 1 point as well, Goran Ivanisevic.

-Oh, no!

So would've been a good answer.

Funnily enough, lots of famous tennis players would've seen you through.

You'd have got 38 for Roger Federer, Rafa Nadal would've scored you 29.

Lots of people who I know you know.

Pete Sampras would've scored 9.

Andy Roddick, Lleyton Hewitt,

all these people that you know, I know that.

We'll go through the pointless answers in a moment.

I know people at home will have tried,

so I'll go through some of the low ones.

2 points for Justine Henin, Lindsay Davenport, David Nalbandian.

1 point for Capriati,

Mark Philippoussis and Marcos Baghdatis.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers now, though.

Well done if you got any of these.

Ana Ivanovic, Elena Dementieva.

you could have had Jelena Dokic, the Australian.

You could have had Jie Zheng, you could've had Jonas Bjorkman,

could've had Mario Ancic, the Croat.

You could have had Pat Rafter, was pointless answer.

Well done if you said that.

Richard Gasquet. You could've had Sebastien Grosjean.

A few more pointless answers -

You could've had Safina, Schuttler, Johansson, Tommy Haas,

Voltchkov and Xavier Malisse.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

Thanks very much, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, the pair who are heading home -

I'm so sorry - with their high score of 101,

it's Mike and Jan.

But the good news is, for us, at least,

is we get to see you again next time. And do you know what?

On the strength of what you've done today,

I feel sure you will go a long way in the next show. I hope so anyway.

Jan and Mike, thank you so much for playing. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Malcolm and Dawn and Kevin and Bob,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Malcolm and Dawn, Kevin and Bob,

you are now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £1,000.

Now, we have to decide who's going to play for that money.

And we do that, of course, by making you go head-to-head.

The difference is, you can now play as teams

and you can confer before you give your answers.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Now, I don't know how, really, to divide you.

I think it's going to come down to who wants it.

Hands up who wants it.

-MALCOLM:

-Yeah, we want it, don't we?

-There we go.

Oh, no, they all...

Now we're back to square one. They all want it.

But Malcolm did jazz hands - is that the hand of

-someone who wants it?

-LAUGHTER

That's the hand of someone who wants to come back

on the next show so he's on twice.

That's it. That's exactly what it is.

Whatever it is, best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Solo inductees of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Much less complicated than it sounds.

We're simply going to show you five pictures now.

Can you tell us who they are, please?

OK. So, let's reveal our inductees. Here they come.

That was harder than you thought it was going to be, isn't it?

Yeah, it is hard, isn't it? Yeah, that is...

Yeah, there's five solo inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Malcolm and Dawn, because you've been generally splendid

the whole way through, you get to go first.

I have no idea.

-WHISPERS:

-I think A is a very young Aretha Franklin.

Other than that... Erm... Yeah.

-Was hoping there might be some from our generation.

-Yeah.

Oi, that sounds remarkably like a before-my-time call, doesn't it?

That did sound a little bit like a before-my-time, Mr Jazz Hands.

Be careful. You be careful now.

-Oo... OK, play on. Play on.

-RICHARD LAUGHS

However...

..we've got an inkling that A is Aretha Franklin.

OK, A, Aretha Franklin, say Malcolm and Dawn.

Aretha Franklin.

Kevin and Bob, talk us through the board.

OK, so I knew A was Aretha Franklin

simply because one of my favourite films is The Blues Brothers,

but the rest, not much of an idea. Dad?

I think B might be Bobby Darin.

Erm...

E, is that... Tammy Wynette?

Maybe Tammy Wynette.

And D, I think was probably

Britain's answer to Donovan.

Sorry, Britain's answer to Bob Dylan in the '60s - Donovan.

-So, which one do we go for?

-Erm...

-We'll go for B, Bobby Darin.

-You're going to say B, Bobby Darin.

So, we have A, Aretha Franklin, B, Bobby Darin.

Now then, Malcolm and Dawn said A was Aretha Franklin.

Let's find out if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said Aretha Franklin.

It's right.

It is Aretha Franklin.

It's a good answer. Look at that.

-Down it goes to 15. Well done.

-APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Kevin and Bob have said that B is Bobby Darin. Bobby Darin.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said Bobby Darin.

It is right.

Is it going to go down lower than 15?

Oh, no, it's not.

-31. 31 for Bobby Darin.

-APPLAUSE

So, Aretha Franklin wins it. Well done, Malcolm and Dawn.

After one question, you're up 1-nil.

Yeah, there's only one answer that would've beaten Aretha Franklin,

and that is C.

It's Etta James.

She would've scored you 6 points.

Quite right about Donovan - he is D.

54 points for Donovan.

He looks quite cross, doesn't he, Donovan?

Yeah, because he's not Bob Dylan. He's still Britain's Bob Dylan.

Also, I'd imagine, that's getting a bit scratchy that.

-That polar neck there.

-Yeah, that's why he's cross...

-That's going to annoy you.

-..because of that little turtleneck there.

-He was good, Donovan.

-He was good.

-Yeah. Well worth checking out.

And E, the biggest scorer by a mile is, of course, Dusty Springfield.

81 points.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

So, here comes your second question.

Kevin and Bob, you get to answer it first,

but you have to win this one to stay in the game, so best of luck.

It concerns...

World Rivers. Richard.

We're going to show you five anagrams

of some of the longest rivers in the world.

Can you unscramble them and give us the most obscure answer?

Thanks very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five anagrams, and here they come.

Kevin and Bob, take a little while to confer,

and then you will answer first.

THEY CONFER IN HUSHED VOICES

And under there is Zambezi.

So, Congo or Zambezi.

Zambezi. Shall we go for Zambezi?

I think we're going to go for Zambezi.

You're going to go for Zambezi. For which one?

Certainly. So the second one up from the bottom.

OK, yes, biz maze. Zambezi.

Now then, Malcolm and Dawn,

do you fancy talking us through the rest of the board?

Do you know what the second one is?

-No.

-THEY LAUGH

So, I know the first one, which is the Nile.

The third one is the Congo,

but we're going to go for the bottom one, which is the Yangtze.

OK, the Yangtze. The Yangtze, say Malcolm and Dawn.

So we have Zambezi and we have Yangtze.

So, in the order they were given,

Kevin and Bob went for Zambezi.

Let see how many of our 100 people said Zambezi.

It's right.

APPLAUSE

48 for Zambezi.

Rather higher than I was expecting, actually, I have to say.

Malcolm and Dawn meanwhile have gone for the Yangtze, the River Yangtze.

Let's see if that's right for get zany.

Let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

And it wins you the point and the round.

Look at that. Down to 21.

-Very well done indeed.

-APPLAUSE

Which means, after only two questions,

Malcolm and Dawn are through to the final 2-nil.

Very well played. I like the fact you called it the River Yangtze,

cos we're one of the few nations that calls it the River something.

-Everyone else calls it the Yangtze River.

-The Yangtze Kiang.

And yet, we think we're right.

-So it's weird that we call it, like, River Thames and whatever.

-Yeah.

Although, the top one, actually...

-It's the River Nile.

-It is.

-So there you go.

-Look at that.

-Who makes the rules up, right?

-Well, who indeed.

Would've score you 90 points, that, as well.

It's a big scorer. Let's go to no cog.

I think he knew that's the Congo, Congo River.

Would've scored 78.

And maize neck is the best answer on the board.

It's in Canada, it's over 1,000 miles long...

-Mackenzie.

-..and it's the Mackenzie.

Would've scored you 1 point, so very well done if you got that.

Very good. Thank you very much, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm sorry to say, Kevin and Bob.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers.

Bobby Darin - I thought that might have won that one actually.

I thought that was a harder spot than Aretha.

But great news for us, though - it means we get to see you again.

Had you gone through to the final,

that would have been it for Kevin and Bob,

so we'll look forward to that.

But in the meantime, thanks very much for playing.

-Kevin and Bob.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But, for Malcolm and Dawn, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Well, this is very exciting. Congratulations, Malcolm and Dawn.

You've fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

Well, actually very, very impressive.

Amidst where you take everything else away

and you look at the cold, hard facts,

it turns out you were our low scorers in Round One,

you were our low scorers in Round Two,

two-nil in the head-to-head, and here you are.

Deservedly. Served up in the final.

Very exciting indeed.

Well, listen, as always, you get to choose your category

from the four we put up on the board behind me.

Let's see what we've got in today's selection.

Shall we go with the year?

-Well, I don't know. I'm rubbish on fashion and opera.

-Opera, no.

Irish Actors, no.

Unless they've been in cartoons, I've got no chance.

-Although, how many Irish actors are there? Not many.

-Colin Farrell.

MALCOLM LAUGHS

What do you want to do? '88 or Irish Actors?

-Let's go for the year. I was alive.

-OK.

-The Year 1988, please.

-1988. Richard.

OK. Very best of luck.

We're looking for three different questions here.

Your first one is... Any player who played in the 1988 FA Cup final -

that was the famous final between Liverpool and Wimbledon -

including substitutes who came on.

We're looking for any acts featured on Now That's What I Call Music 12,

which was the Now What I Call Music from that year, from July 1988.

Or we are looking for...

Any state won by George Bush

in the US presidential election in that year.

So, Cup final players, Now That's What I Call Music 12

or states won by Bush in the presidential election.

Very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot

is just for one of those answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

Acts on Now What I Call Music - you could have Spagna.

Well, you reckon that was that year though?

Yeah, cos it's '80s, isn't it? Do you reckon it was '88?

-Yeah, but she only had one hit.

-So?

-Yeah, but it's got to be that year.

-It's a bit specific even if it was.

-A-ha?

-Yeah, but...

-Bananarama?

Cup final - Lawrie Sanchez, Dave Beasant.

-I don't know.

-Wimbledon players.

I think you're more likely to get a couple of the Wimbledon ones.

-OK...

-Lawrie Sanchez saved the penalty from...John Aldridge?

What about Bush, though?

You could randomly guess a few...

Yeah, some of the little ones like Maine, Vermont...

I don't know if he won them,

-but the chance of other people thinking of them...

-Yeah, OK.

What do you want to do there?

Do you want to do Delaware...for the state?

I was thinking Vermont is probably more random.

-Is that Canada or...?

-Is it? No, it's right next to Maine.

-Oh, is it.

-Just on the East Coast.

-OK.

-Ten seconds left.

Lawrie Sanchez and Beasant.

-OK, do that then.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

OK. Yeah, we're ready.

OK... Like that, with a few seconds just to...

Ah, we just enjoyed those... Free time there.

OK. Now, I need your three answers. What are you going to give me?

-FA Cup players.

-Yeah.

-Lawrie Sanchez...

-Lawrie Sanchez...

-Dave Beasant.

-Dave Beasant.

And then states...

Do you want to go for yours or do you want to go for mine?

-Yours.

-You'll kill me. We'll go for Vermont.

Vermont. OK, Vermont.

Now, of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I think Lawrie Sanchez.

-Lawrie Sanchez we put last.

Least likely to be pointless?

-Vermont.

-Vermont.

-Vermont.

OK, well, let's pop those up on the board in that order then.

And here they are.

We have got...

Very best of luck.

Your first answer, the one you thought was probably

the least likely to be pointless was Vermont.

We were looking for states won by Bush

in the US presidential election in that year.

Now, let's just say one of these answers turns out to be pointless,

what would you do with your jackpot?

Your share of the jackpot, Malcolm?

-HE SIGHS

-Not sure it will get me to Bermuda.

You could get halfway there and then hitch.

-You could get Bermuda shorts.

-Swim.

-We're going to do a triathlon.

-Not bad. Not bad.

Yeah, I think it will be a holiday.

-I'm thinking of running away to Gretna at some point.

-Excellent.

Dawn, how about you?

I probably... If I'm going to do the triathlon next year,

it'll be a new triathlon bike.

Excellent. Well, very, very best of luck. Let's find out.

Vermont, as I say, we are looking for states won by President Bush

in the '88 presidential election.

OK, let's find out. If this is pointless, it'll win you £1,000.

How many of our 100 people said Vermont?

It's right.

All it has to do now is go down to 0

and you can leave here with 1,000 quid.

Down it goes through the 20s

into the teens, into single figures.

Still going down, down it goes.

-Still going down... Oh!

-As if!

APPLAUSE

Oh... Good guess.

Good guess. Vermont.

Brilliant score. Sadly, not pointless, though.

So you have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer was Dave Beasant.

We were looking for FA Cup final players in 1988.

Let's see if Dave Beasant is right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

For £1,000, is it pointless? Dave Beasant.

It's right.

Your first answer, Vermont, was right

and that took us all the way down to 1.

Dave Beasant now taking us down through the teens,

through the single figures. Still going down...

-Oh, 5.

-Oo!

-APPLAUSE

Yeah, he was just holding a place there. Holding a place.

Everything is now riding on your most confident answer.

The answer you had no hesitation putting last.

In this case, we were looking for FA Cup final players in 1988.

You went for Lawrie Sanchez.

If it's right and if it's pointless, you will leave here with £1,000.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Lawrie Sanchez.

It's right.

So, your first answer was Vermont

and that took us down to 1.

Your second answer was Dave Beasant.

That took us down to 5.

Lawrie Sanchez now taking us

through the single figures.

Down he goes... Oh, no. Bad luck.

APPLAUSE

-We did sort of good though.

-Down to 4.

Oh, listen, three very good answers there.

I'm afraid, though, you didn't manage to find

that all-important pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £1,000.

That will roll over onto the next show.

But what a performance the whole way through!

You have been... It was an exemplary Pointless turn, that.

And you both get a Pointless trophy to take home for all your trouble,

so very, very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, well played to you both. Pleasure to meet you both as well.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

There'll be answers you know on all of these, I can assure you.

The first one was the Cup final players.

Alan Cork, the Wimbledon striker, Peter Beardsley, a pointless answer,

Ray Houghton, Terry Phelan.

You also could've had Andy Thorn, Clive Goodyear.

Craig Johnston was a pointless answer.

Eric Young, Gary Gillespie, John Scales, Laurie Cunningham,

Nigel Spackman and Terry Gibson - all of those pointless answers.

Well done if you said one of those.

Now for those Now That's What I Call Music acts.

Glenn Medeiros - Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You,

Natalie Cole - Pink Cadillac, Sabrina - Boys, The Communards.

You also could've had Iron Maiden,

you could've had Johnny Hates Jazz,

Morrisey, Salt-N-Pepa, Voice of the Beehive.

Let's take a look at the states that Bush won.

He actually won 40 states in that election,

which is pretty good going.

Only five of them were pointless, though.

Michigan, Montana, Oklahoma, Wyoming and New Mexico.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

Thanks for much indeed, Richard.

So, unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Malcolm and Dawn,

but it's been wonderful having you on the show.

Thank you so much for playing.

Malcolm and Dawn - great contestants.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

Well, sadly, Malcolm and Dawn didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show,

when we will be playing for £2,000.

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it is goodbye from me. Goodbye.