Episode 40 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless -

the show that makes big winners out of the lowest scorers.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Dan from York, and this is my mate, Andy, from London.

Couple number two.

My name's Sarah. This is my mum, Anne,

and we're from near Kirby Lonsdale in South Cumbria.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Jit.

This is my friend Bepin, and we're from north-west London.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Liz. This is my very good friend Julie,

and we're from Brighton.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

A warm welcome to you all.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show

as it goes along, so that just leaves one more person

for me to introduce.

I predict a very polite,

tautly reasoned and exquisitely administered riot.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-APPLAUSE

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody.

Good afternoon to you.

Good afternoon.

Three returning pairs from the last show.

We still haven't quite got over a couple of shows ago,

giving away £11,000.

-No. A bit giddy.

-Quite...

-Still giddy.

-Still a bit, Hee-hee!

-Still giddy.

But, amongst us, we have someone who's given us a pointless answer.

Anne, in the last show, gave us a pointless answer

with antepenultimate, Words Ending M-A-T-E.

It was very, very impressive.

And Bepin and Jit got through to our head-to-head last time,

so they've got to start as early favourites, I suspect,

-for today's show.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Well, Ian and Suzanne didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that.

So, today's jackpot starts off at £2,250.

APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

So, I know you all know this, but I'm going to say it anyway -

the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this afternoon...

Books And Plays.

Can you all decide, in your pairs,

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Works Of Literature And Their Subtitles, Richard.

On each board, we're going to show you seven subtitles

or alternate titles of famous books or plays,

alongside their author as well.

We just need you to name the book or play, please.

There's going to be 14 in all to have a go at, at home,

-so very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

So, let's reveal our first board of seven subtitles, and here they are.

We have got...

I'll read those one last time.

Dan, a warm welcome to Pointless.

What do you do up in York, Dan?

I'm a lecturer.

-At the university?

-Yes.

What do you lecture in?

Social policy.

And how long have you been lecturing?

Three and a bit years.

And what do you do when you're not lecturing?

A bit of football,

not to a very high standard, but a bit of football, a bit of jogging.

But we've got two young children,

-so it's mostly parenting.

-Mostly parenting, absolutely.

Now, Dan, how do you find this board?

It should be easy, and it's not.

It should be easy, you're absolutely right.

And I was about to say,

I'm going to play it safe,

so I'm going to go for The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up,

and I'm going to go...

..The Adventures Of Peter Pan.

The Adventures Of Peter Pan, says Dan. The Adventures Of Peter Pan.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

59. APPLAUSE

59 for Peter Pan.

Yeah, Peter Pan.

First premiered as a play in 1904.

There we are.

Released as a novel later, Peter And Wendy.

There we are again.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Sarah, welcome back.

Remind us what you do, Sarah.

I'm an English literature student at Newcastle University.

-You've just finished your first year.

-Yeah.

No, no, we'll come to the board in a moment, don't you worry.

Apart from English literature,

what do you like getting up to at university?

I like going to gigs,

going to the pub,

going to festivals.

That sort of stuff, really.

That kind of caper.

OK, now, Sarah...

..this board of these plays and these books.

It's not actually too bad.

I think I'm going to play kind of safe,

cos I did this book last semester,

and say Frankenstein

for The Modern Prometheus.

OK, Frankenstein, says Sarah.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

43. APPLAUSE

43.

Well played, Sarah. First published in 1818.

Students have taken to saying "semester".

I was just thinking that as well.

We've had that a few times recently.

For us, it was just Ferris Bueller's Day Off or something, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-These days, actually what they call it.

-Yeah.

I've only heard that in terms of pregnancy before.

-What, semester?

-Yeah.

Oh, no, trimester.

I do beg your pardon. LAUGHTER

That's the one.

Do you know what? I've said this before, I'm going to say it again.

-Your poor wife.

-Oh, I know.

I know.

Yeah, so, semester - apparently that's...

Well, that's good, we can keep up with that.

Thank you, Richard. Now, Jit.

Hi.

Jit, welcome back.

Remind us what you do, Jit.

I'm an accountant, so I work for a digital media agency in London.

-What do they do?

-Digital marketing.

Digital marketing.

-You're none the wiser, are you?

-No, absolutely no idea.

Digital marketing, though.

They're fun accounts to run, aren't they?

More fun than others, I would say.

Yes, I'd say. Now, when you're not accounting, Jit,

what do you get up to?

Yeah, so I'm a big sports fan,

so I love to play golf and follow cricket as much as I can...

and a bit of film now and again, yeah.

OK, now, this board...

of our subtitles.

How are you feeling about it?

Not very good.

So, I...

..am going to have to go for the obvious one,

I think it's obvious anyway.

So, it's There And Back Again - The Lord Of The Rings.

The Lord Of The Rings, says Jit, for There And Back Again,

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said, The Lord Of The Rings.

-No.

-It's The Hobbit.

It is not The Lord Of The Rings, I'm afraid, Jit.

That scores you 100 points.

Yeah, sorry, Jit, but at least it turns out

-you didn't go for the obvious one.

-Yeah, exactly.

LAUGHTER

There we are.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Julie, welcome back.

-Hi there.

-It was Round One.

I don't think it was any fault of yours.

Two perfectly good answers we had in our word round,

-but they were just high-scorers.

-They were, weren't they?

I've thought of another one when it was a bit late.

What's decimate?

Hold on a minute.

That was on the last... You can't do that.

-LAUGHTER

-Oh, sorry.

That's absolutely outrageous.

-Oh, I'm so sorry.

-I can't believe it. Would have scored 11 points.

-Really?

-Oh.

It would have been great if it scored 10, wouldn't it?

-Yeah.

-Oh, wouldn't that have been lovely?

That is the longest anyone's taken to answer a question

-in the history of Pointless.

-LAUGHTER

-And you go through, what about that?

-Thanks.

But into last show's Round Two.

Now, Julie, this board is all yours.

If you wanted to, you could talk us through it

and fill in all those blanks.

I can't do all of them.

Well, I hope I can do some of them.

I think A Romance Of Exmoor

might be Lorna Doone.

A Study Of Provincial Life,

is that Mill On The floss?

The Whale...

Moby-Dick.

I think I'm going to go for the top one

and hope I'm right with Lorna Doone.

Lorna Doone, says Julie.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said, Lorna Doone.

It's right. Very well done, Julie.

Well, 43 is our low score at this point,

you whizz past that.

Down, you go, to 10.

APPLAUSE

That's the score you were after with decimate, of course...

and you get it with Lorna Doone.

Yeah, very well played, Julie.

I'm looking forward to the answer you give us next time as well.

Now, let's fill in the rest of these.

You are absolutely right about The Whale.

That is Moby-Dick...

and that would have scored 41 points.

But let's clear up There And Back Again. Not Lord of the Rings.

You won't be the only person to have made that mistake, I can assure you.

-It was...

-The Hobbit.

-The Hobbit.

-Yep, 20 points for that.

Study Of Provincial Life is not Mill On The Floss.

-Middlemarch.

-Middlemarch.

It's the best answer on the board as well,

would have scored you 3 points.

And A Trivial Comedy For Serious People?

I would say The Importance Of Being Earnest as a punt.

You would be right. Yep.

Would score you 16 points.

Thank you very much. Well, we're halfway through our first round.

Let's take a look at those scores.

Well, Julie and Liz, look at that,

our low scorers there on the far podium.

Very well done indeed, lovely low-scoring from you, Julie.

Then up to 43, where we find Sarah and Anne.

Then up to 59, Dan and Andy.

And then, oh, Jit and Bepin,

I'm sorry, 100 points.

That's high. Bepin, find a low score on the next board,

truffle it out and let's hope it's low enough to keep you in the game.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more subtitles up on the board, and here they are.

We've got...

I'll read all of those one last time.

Liz, welcome back.

-Hello.

-Also here from Brighton.

Now, you and Julie met on a writing course.

-We did.

-And you said you've been friends for a very long time.

We had, but we lost touch and then we met again in the pub.

She recognised me.

Oh, that's nice. Had you fallen out over a piece of writing?

-No, no.

-Maybe a short story.

A thinly disguised version of Julie had appeared.

No, nothing like that.

Has Julie come back to the group?

Yes. Different group, but...

-That's good.

-So, we run each other's stories past each other, don't we?

That's nice, nice to have an editor before it goes.

-Do you ever have to read them out to the rest of the group?

-Yes.

That's quite nervy, isn't it?

The worst part was

reading other people's and trying not to laugh.

Oh, now, Liz, that's unfair.

It is unkind. Sorry.

Now, Liz, what about this board?

You're currently riding high there with only 10.

Do you want to keep this up with a nice low score here?

I do know some of them.

I don't really want to risk

the ones I'm not sure about.

I think the ones I know mostly are children's books, but...

Well, I'll go for one that isn't a children's book, The Moor Of Venice,

which I think is Otello.

Otello, or Othello, says Liz.

Nice opera pronunciation there.

Othello. Here is your red line, lovely and high.

If you can get below that with Othello,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said, Othello.

You're through. Very well done.

That's a great answer. APPLAUSE

17, takes your total up to 27.

The lowest total of the round,

I can say, right now.

Well played, Liz. Very impressive. Yeah.

It was first performed in 1604, Othello.

Thank you, Richard.

Now, Bepin, you're the high-scorers.

We need a low score from you.

Remind us what you do, Bepin.

I'm a chartered accountant.

Are you also an accountant for a digital marketing company?

I'm not, no. For a property company.

Oh, that's OK, property company's quite fun as well. Isn't it?

It's not quite as fun as digital marketing but...

-Not that glamorous.

-Which region of London do you work in?

Quite central. West End.

Sort of near Leicester Square.

-I see, quite a nice place to be.

-Yeah, very nice.

Yeah, very good.

And what are your interests outside the world of accounting?

I play a bit of golf,

I like my films...

Reading every now and again.

OK. Have you read any of these books?

I have read one of them a long time ago as a physics graduate,

but I'm not sure of the title -

but I'm going to have a guess.

The Stephen Hawking one,

A Brief History Of Time.

A Brief History Of Time, says Bepin.

No red line for you, you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said, A Brief History Of Time.

It's right.

There we are, 16, good answer. APPLAUSE

116. I mean, you could feasibly

have kept yourself in the game with that, Bepin.

Yeah, well played.

A book that attempts to explain all sorts of things -

the big bang, the black hole - to non-specialist readers.

Thank you, Richard.

Now then, Anne.

-Hello.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you.

Now, Anne, last time you were here,

you were wearing a beautiful rainbow-coloured jersey.

I was, yes.

That was somehow symbolic because your parish is the Rainbow Parish.

It is known as the Rainbow Parish.

Cos it's got seven or actually eight teams...

It started off with seven churches in the group.

It's got eight now,

but we still call it the Rainbow Parish.

-Very good indeed. And you are here from Kirby Lonsdale...

-Yep.

..where you are a curate.

How long have you been the curate there?

Just over a year.

Oh, I see, so very recent.

-Yes.

-Do you ever preach?

Oh, yes.

Will Pointless be featuring as...

As the beginning...

You know, you always have to start off a sermon

with something quite funny.

When I was training, I was on placement in a church

and the only sermon I preached in that placement church,

I did actually mention Pointless.

-There you are.

-But that was three or four years ago.

I wonder what sort of other allegory you can draw out of Pointless.

We'll have to see what kind of show it is.

-It sort of depends if Anne wins or not.

-Well, exactly.

I suspect if she doesn't win,

there's going to be no sermon at all.

Probably learn a lot about how to deal with failure

-as well as how to deal with success.

-See? There we are.

There we are.

Anyway, Anne, what would you like to go for?

You're on 43, if you can score 72 or less...

OK. I think I know most of them.

Again, most of them are, sort of, from my childhood,

but I will also go for the one that's not a children's story

and The Sacred And Profane Memories Of Captain Charles Ryder -

Brideshead Revisited.

Brideshead Revisited, says Anne. Here is your red line.

Nice and high. Get below that with Brideshead Revisisted,

you are into Round Two. Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

And you are through to the next round.

Well done.

That's a good answer.

Look at that. Down it goes to five. APPLAUSE

Not just a good answer, the best answer of the round so far.

48 is your total.

Yeah, very famously, of course,

it was the Downton Abbey of its time,

the TV series of Brideshead Revisited.

-Wasn't it? Yes.

-From 1981.

Yeah. What a piece of work.

-Oh, wasn't he?

-Yeah.

-I didn't watch it.

-No.

LAUGHTER

But, Grr!

You and I were both 11.

Yeah, exactly, so I think we've got an excuse.

-Yeah.

-To me, it's like A Brief History Of Time.

-Exactly.

-I know it exists...

-That wasn't me saying it was before our time,

you understand, that wasn't me contravening the...

-Ooh, sounded a bit like...

-..the cardinal rule.

-We wouldn't have watched it.

-No, I was just saying we were in bed.

-I mean... Yes, we were in bed.

-LAUGHTER

Really? In front of a curate?

LAUGHTER

-Erm, Andy.

-Hello.

Andy, welcome to Pointless.

Yes, our only new couple, in fact.

Andy, what do you do?

I'm an anti-doping scientist.

-Oh, now THAT'S fun.

-We haven't had one of those before.

Never.

In 936 shows,

we've never had an anti-doping scientist.

In which areas do you anti-dope?

-It's all sports. So, all the...

-All sports.

-Football, rugby, athletes.

-Oh, I see, but it's humans,

it's not racehorses or anything like that?

-No, it's not dogs, it's just humans.

-I see. OK.

Goodness me. So, your job is to turn up and...

-ring people's doorbells?

-No, I work in a lab.

-Oh, you work in a lab?

-Yes.

-So, you get brought the samples.

-I get brought all the samples.

-OK.

So, do you add chemicals and see what happens?

Or do you dip bits or paper in

and see what happens?

We take the sample and then put it in an instrument

-and it tells us whether...

-A centrifuge?

-Yeah, we use a centrifuge, yeah.

-Yeah.

And you can see, at a glance, what has...

-Pretty much, yeah.

-..what's been going on.

If the centrifuge goes faster, you know there's drugs in the sample.

Yeah. LAUGHTER

Now, then, Andy...

..you're on 59, you have to score 56 or less to stay with us.

That board's all yours. Talk us through it.

Right, well...

I'm not 100% on any of them.

I think the top one, at a guess,

would be...

maybe Lord Of The Flies.

And then The Autobiography Of A Horse...

Black Beauty. So, I'll go with that one. Black Beauty.

You're going to go with Black Beauty.

OK. Here's your red line.

If you can get below that with Black Beauty, you're into Round Two.

How many of our 100 people said, Black Beauty?

It's right.

Well done. Oh, look at that. APPLAUSE

You needed 56, you got 51.

Your total is 110.

-Very well done.

-Yeah, very well done.

It sold over 50 million copies, Black Beauty.

Isn't that amazing? Let's fill in the rest of these.

It's the only one you knew,

cos you were wrong about The Children's Crusade.

-That is, of course...

-Slaughterhouse Five.

-..Slaughterhouse Five.

Lord Of The Flies is William Golding. Four points for that.

Louisa M Alcott, lots of people would have got.

-Little Women.

-Little Women.

26. And The Magical Car?

-Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

-Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

And that would have scored you 38,

so the best answer on the board is Slaughterhouse Five.

Very well played if you got that.

Thank you very much indeed.

So, at the end of our first round,

the pair we've got to say goodbye to...

They were in the head-to-head last time, Bepin and Jit.

I'm so sorry. Round One, this time, we have to say goodbye to you.

Been great having you on the show.

-Thank you so much for playing. Bepin and Jit.

-Thanks.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

Well done, everyone. We've made it to Round Two.

This is very pleasing.

Liz and Julie, our two writers,

our lowest scoring team there, so well done.

And Anne, our lowest scoring individual.

So, very well done. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

Celebrity Marriages.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Husbands and wives, Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you 12 pictures now,

on the board, of celebrities.

We need the name of anyone who has been married

to one of these 12 people, please.

So, the full name of anyone who's been married

to one of these 12 people.

Very best of luck.

OK. So, as Richard's just said,

we're going to put 12 people up on the board.

They're going to stay for the whole round.

OK, let's reveal our 12 people,

and here they come.

So we're looking for anyone who's been married

to any one of these people.

There we go.

Dan...

we just need a name from you.

Don't need to associated it with any of the people there.

You can just say a name.

Well, I think it's quite a tough board.

I'm going to go with Billie Piper.

Billie Piper, says Dan. Billie Piper.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

49. APPLAUSE

49. Not bad.

Yeah, well played.

She was married to the gentleman on the bottom row,

-second from the right.

-Yes, gentleman.

That gentleman.

I don't think that's what he was referred to as at his wedding.

Do you, the gentleman on the bottom row, second from the right

take Billie Piper, out of Doctor Who,

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

There we are.

OK. Now, Anne...

what would you like to go for?

Hmm.

Not even sure who most of them are.

I would like to go...

Natasha Kaplinsky.

Natasha Kaplinsky, says Anne.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said, Natasha Kaplinsky.

I'm sorry, Anne. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer

and it scores you 100 points.

I am intrigued now, though,

-that Anne knows some celebrity gossip that we don't know.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Interesting.

Now, Liz...

we are looking for the husbands or wives

of any one of these people.

I find this quite difficult

but I'm going to say Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis, says Liz. Bruce Willis.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

That's a good answer, Liz.

Very well done indeed. 30 for Bruce Willis.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Liz. Yeah, he married the lady on the top left...

Mm-hmm.

-..didn't he?

-Very discreet - this, somehow - isn't it?

-It really is.

The lady on the top left.

-Yeah.

-Ahem.

THEY CLEAR THEIR THROATS

-Yep. Yes, he did.

-Of course, Bruce Willis,

You know who he went on to marry?

-Natasha Kaplinsky.

-LAUGHTER

-Of course. One forgets that.

-Yep.

We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores as they stand.

30, Liz, once again, over there,

looking very strong, Liz and Julie. Lovely low-scoring there.

Then up to 49, where we find Dan and Andy,

and then Anne and Sarah

on 100 at the moment.

Sarah, I hope you've got a nice, low-scoring answer.

We might need it from you to keep you in the game.

We're going to go back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

-Now, Julie.

-Hi.

Julie, we are looking for husbands

or wives

of any of these people.

Well, I'm hoping I recognise her

and I'm going to say, John Lloyd.

John Lloyd, says Julie.

John Lloyd. You want to be scoring 69.

Here is your red line. Get below that, you're into the head-to-head.

How many people said, John Lloyd?

It's right.

Very well done indeed.

10 for John Lloyd. APPLAUSE

Another fabulous low score over there, taking your total up to 40.

Very good, Julie and Liz, aren't they?

-Very good.

-Really, really good. Yes, you did recognise her,

the lady in the middle row.

First one.

Married to John Lloyd,

if you know what I mean.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Say, literally, no more.

Sarah, you're the high-scorers,

so we need something low-scoring from you.

I don't know...

I think...

Is Kid Rock an acceptable answer

or does it have to be his actual name?

Kid Rock.

I think that sounds acceptable.

That's a...

It sounds good to me.

Richard's just made his sounds good to me face...

so I think it's good. Let's see.

Kid Rock, is that right?

No red line for you as you're the high-scorers

but how many people said, Kid Rock? Is it right?

It's right.

APPLAUSE

Five.

That's exactly what we needed from you, Sarah.

Nice, low score. 105 is your total.

You could still be in the game.

Very good answer, Sarah. Well played.

Yeah, he was married to number six.

-Number six.

-Number six.

Kid Rock,

or Kid Rochester, to give him his official...

Well, Robert Ritchie is his real name.

-Bob Ritchie.

-Rob Ritchie.

-The Bobster.

The Bobster...Kid.

Andy.

Now, you're on 49.

The high-scorers on 105,

Sarah and Anne,

so 55 is your target.

OK. I know a couple, I think.

It's just whether I want to risk it or not.

I know Demi Moore

was married to Ashton Kutcher.

Angelina Jolie's got Billy Bob Thornton and Brad Pitt,

but I think I'm going to go...

Patsy Kensit -

I think that's her, anyway - and say Liam Gallagher.

Liam Gallagher.

I was thinking... That could have gone any one of seven or eight ways.

And you went...

So, you went Liam Gallagher.

OK, there we are. There's your red line.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said, Liam Gallagher.

It's right!

Well done. You're through.

21... APPLAUSE

..taking your total, very neatly, up to 70.

Yeah, her third husband. Well played, Andy.

Now, let's take a look.

-We can now exclusively...

-We can mention names now!

..reveal who some of these people are. That is Demi Moore.

Ashton Kutcher, we didn't have. 24 points for that.

Freddy Moore was a pointless answer for her.

-Next to her, it is Lisa Marie Presley...

-Lisa Marie Presley.

..who was married to some famous people.

Michael Jackson would have scored you 9. Nicolas Cage, 2.

Her other husbands were pointless.

I don't mean anything by that, they just were.

Martin Scorsese. Been married five times, Martin Scorsese.

Including to Isabella Rossellini.

All five of his partners were pointless answers,

so well done if you said any of them.

Next to him is a gentleman called...

-Will Smith.

-..Will Smith...

-Yeah.

..and Jada Pinkett would have scored you 25.

And Sheree Zampino

was a pointless answer,

married to Will Smith.

Chris Evert there, on the second row.

John Lloyd, we've already had,

Greg Norman would have scored you 5 points.

Andy Mill was a pointless answer.

There's Pamela Anderson.

Tommy Lee would have scored you 14.

Rick Salomon was a pointless answer.

Well done if you said him.

Angelina Jolie.

Brad Pitt, 55.

Billy Bob Thornton, 50.

Johnny Lee Miller, 9.

Then we have Britney Spears.

Kevin Federline, 13.

Jason Alexander, 2.

Patsy Kensit, there.

The ones we haven't heard, Jim Kerr would have scored you 10

and pointless answers for Dan Donovan and Jeremy Healy.

Well done if you said either of those.

Then it's James Cameron, he's been married five times as well.

-What is it with these guys?

-Really?

Kathryn Bigelow would have scored you 2 points, Linda Hamilton 1

and nothing for the other three.

Chris Evans, we've had Billy Piper,

Carol McGiffin would have scored you 2 -

and Natasha, his current wife, was a pointless answer.

Well done if you said that.

And Uma Thurman.

Ethan Hawke would have scored you 6

and Gary Oldman would have scored you 2.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second-round, I'm so sorry to say,

Sarah and Anne,

this is how it's going to end in your sermon, I'm afraid.

Round Two and...

-How to deal with failure.

-No.

But not really, you can take away your brilliant low-scoring.

We've had some lovely low-scoring from you.

And the lowest score in last round so, yes, carry that away with you.

I'm sorry we have to say goodbye to you,

but it's been wonderful having you on the show.

-Thank you so much. Sarah and Anne.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Very, very well done.

Liz, Julie, Dan and Andy,

you're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for that jackpot,

which currently stands at....

APPLAUSE

Well, we've reached the, sort of, safe point, I think.

I always think, when you get to the head-to-head,

from here on in you can play as a team.

You can chat before you give your answer.

You can pool your knowledge, which is very nice.

So, in this round, as you know, the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot. Best of luck to both of you.

Let's play it. APPLAUSE

OK. Here comes your first question

and it concerns...

-Chips.

-It's about time, isn't it?

Yeah, we're going to show you five clues, now, to facts about chips.

Facts about chips.

Can you give us the most obscure answer?

I just wonder, which of so many facts about chips we've gone for.

-We'll find out, won't we?

-To narrow it down to five.

-Amazing, isn't it?

-OK, let's reveal our five clues to chips.

Here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

Liz and Julie, you are our low scorers so you will go first.

Well, at the risk of being wrong,

I think the author of the 1934 novella is James Hilton.

James Hilton, say Liz and Julie.

Now, Dan and Andy, it's over to you.

Talk us through that board.

The top one is Only Fools And Horses...

..and the bottom one is Catchphrase...

..and I don't know the other two.

I think we're going to go with Only Fools And Horses.

Only Fools And Horses, the top one.

OK, Rock And Chips.

So, Liz and Julie said James Hilton was the author of Goodbye Mr Chips.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

Very well done! APPLAUSE

James Hilton, scoring you 7 there.

You just haven't put a foot wrong,

Liz and Julie, this whole show.

Now, Dan and Andy, meanwhile,

have gone for Rock And Chips as the prequel to Only Fools And Horses.

Let's see how many people agree with that.

It's right.

42. APPLAUSE

42. Not a bad answer,

but James Hilton, a superb answer.

Liz and Julie, well done. After one question, you're up 1-0.

Yeah, James Hilton, best answer on the board.

Very, very well played.

Now, this is absolutely in our...

our childhoods. When oven chips were launched.

-It's got to be the '70s.

-What decade do you think?

Yeah, it was 1979 they were introduced.

1979. So '70s is the answer.

17 points. The singer.

-Lovely Kirsty MacColl.

-Kirsty MacColl.

Of course it is.

24 points for that.

And Catchphrase, of course, at the bottom.

What's Mr Chips doing?

And that would have scored you

55 points. Big scorer.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

That was our chips question.

That was fun. Now, Dan and Andy, here comes our second question.

You have to win this one to stay in the game.

You get to answer it first, though, so it's slightly in your favour.

And it is all about, our second question...

National Portrait Gallery Portraits Of Characters In Wolf Hall, Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you five portraits, now,

from the National Portrait Gallery.

They're all characters who are in Wolf Hall.

-Can you identify them, please?

-Now, this is fun.

OK, let's reveal our five portraits

and here they are.

There we are.

Five portraits from the National Portrait Gallery,

of characters from the novel Wolf Hall.

Dan and Andy, you will go first.

OK, so we'll go for D, which is Thomas Cranmer.

Thomas Cranmer, say Dan and Andy.

Thomas Cranmer.

Now, Liz and Julie,

that board is all yours.

Talk us through it.

Oh, goodness.

We think A is Anne Boleyn.

C is Henry VIII.

E...? Catherine...

-..of Aragon, is it?

-What about B?

-B. What do you think?

-Cardinal Wolsey.

Not sure. Shall we play it safe?

-Go for the one that you're sure of.

-Yeah.

-E, Catherine of Aragon.

-Catherine of Aragon.

So, we have...

Thomas Cranmer and Catherine of Aragon.

Now, Dan and Andy are saying that D is Thomas Cranmer.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said it.

No, I'm sorry.

That's an incorrect answer

which means, Liz and Julie,

you merely have to be correct with your answer

of Catherine of Aragon, for E,

to win this point and to go through to the final.

Let's see if you're right.

18! APPLAUSE

But, most importantly, it's correct.

and it means, Liz and Julie, after only two questions,

you're straight through to the final 2-0.

Yeah, very well played.

Yeah, Cranmer was the Archbishop of Canterbury.

-That is Thomas Cromwell...

-Oh!

-Yes!

-..I'm afraid.

Would have scored you 11 points as well.

Would have won you the point.

Well done, at home, if you said that.

A, you're quite right, is Anne Boleyn.

I like the way she's throwing us there by wearing B.

I mean... LAUGHTER

So, I thought it was Barbara.

44 points for that.

B is the best answer on the board.

Thomas More.

It is Thomas More, yeah.

Would have scored you 8 points.

And C is, unmistakably, Damian Lewis.

Henry VIII, with 87 points.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round

is Dan and Andy. Well, it's good news, really,

because it means we get to see you again next time.

Had you gone straight to the final, that would have been it.

I'm sure you'll do just as well, if not better then.

We'll look forward to that very much.

Meantime, thanks very much, Dan and Andy.

-APPLAUSE

-Good luck.

-Good luck in the final.

But, for Liz and Julie, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Well, what about that?

Liz and Julie, you have seen off all the competition

and you have gone right ahead and won our Pointless trophy.

So, very well done.

-Very excited.

-Good.

Not nearly as excited as I am

because you now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,250.

APPLAUSE

You've been our low scorers every single round.

2-0 in the head-to-head.

I mean, there's no arguing with that kind of impetus.

You're on course, surely, to take that jackpot home.

What would you like to see come up on the board?

Well... English literature,

but it's already been, so...

-Well, could come back.

-Anagrams.

-Words.

-Oh, no.

Not anagrams.

-OK, NOT anagrams.

-LAUGHTER

Oh, I don't know. Woody Allen films.

OK. Fingers crossed.

Let's hope there's something you like up here.

Today's selection reads like this.

We've got...

I'd be inclined to do the bottom one, but what do you think?

-What do you think?

-I don't know any. It has to... It'll be down to you.

-Oh, well in that case...

-I've not a scooby.

What do you think? What about winter?

That's more general, isn't it?

-Try winter.

-All right, we'll try winter.

You're going to go for winter.

-Yes.

-All right. Good luck. Richard.

OK, we're looking for any of the following three things.

We are looking for...

Anyone credited with a voice performance in Frozen, please,

according to IMDB.

The English-language version of that.

We are looking for any country

that's ever won an Winter Olympic medal

since 1924,

or we are looking for any named characters

in Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale.

Very, very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot, Liz and Julie,

is for just one of your answers to the pointless.

Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

Winter Olympics.

There was that film that was made, wasn't there?

What was it? Oh, the bobsleigh!

-Yeah!

-Jamaica.

-Where was it, Jamaica?

-Was it?

-Yeah, but did they win?

Oh. Don't know.

What about Winter's Tale?

I think Perdita.

I think there's a character called Perdita.

Yep, OK.

What about Frozen? Come on, you've watched it enough.

-No, I haven't.

-Not you personally, you with your granddaughter.

-I've never seen it.

-She's not here.

Winter Olympics...

I would have thought Norway.

OK, we'll play for Norway, it's quite...

-Yeah.

-Try Norway?

-You...

-Oh, hang on, we don't want to do it yet.

-We want to think about it for a few seconds.

-OK.

-And Perdita in Winter's Tale?

-Oh.

Someone is pursued by a bear, but I don't know...

What about another Winter Olympics one?

Oh, well, you could say Jamaica.

There, we'll try that. Shall we try that?

Jamaica, Perdita and Norway.

Yeah.

-OK.

-OK.

-You sure you're happy?

-Not really.

No.

-There we go.

-OK. Well, your time is now up.

Let's have your three answers, and if you could say

-which category you are answering in, that would be great.

-All right.

Well, Winter Olympic medal-winning countries could be...

Norway and Jamaica.

Norway and Jamaica. OK, we've got those two.

Yeah. And the character,

I know someone exited, pursued by a bear

but I don't know who it was,

-but I think Perdita.

-Perdita.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Jamaica.

-Jamaica.

-Let's go for Jamaica.

-Jamaica.

-OK, we'll put Jamaica last.

OK, Jamaica goes last. Least likely to be pointless?

The other one, Norway. OK, Norway, Perdita, Jamaica.

OK, well, let's put this answers up on the board in that order then,

and here they are. We've got...

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three answers on the board, there.

One of those could easily be pointless

and could win you that jackpot of £2,250.

That would be a nice, tidy sum to take back to Brighton.

Would you do with that, Liz?

Well, I'd like to say I'd treat everyone to a holiday,

but I'd probably get the damp done in my house.

Well, that'd be like a holiday...

-in its way!

-It would.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-Julie?

I shall probably treat the family to a nice meal out.

-We've got a nice restaurant in Brighton, so...

-Lovely.

Well, very best of luck.

Your first answer was Norway.

In this case, we were looking for medal-winning countries

at the Winter Olympics. Let's find out if Norway's right.

Let's find out how many people said it.

If it's pointless, it wins you £2,250.

It's right.

Now, all we want is for Norway to go all the way down to zero

and you will leave here with £2,250.

It's going down through the 30s,

down through the... 26. OK

26. APPLAUSE

That's not a bad score

but, sadly, it's not a pointless answer.

So, we have to move on to your next answer, which was Perdita.

In this case, we are looking for characters from The Winter's Tale.

If it's right,

and if it's pointless, it will win you £2,250.

How many people said, Perdita?

-It is right.

-Well done.

Well, your first answer, Norway, took us all the way down to 26.

Perdita...

taking us down... Passes 26.

Down to the teens, into single figures.

Yes, into single... Down it goes, still going down.

Oh, 2! 2!

That's a great answer. APPLAUSE

Look at that.

-Oh, dear.

-Now that's more like it.

We're moving into absolutely the right...

The right sort of territory there with Perdita.

One more shot at today's jackpot,

you have gone for Jamaica.

In this case, we were looking for

countries that have won medals at the Winter Olympics.

If this is right and if this is pointless,

it wins you £2,250.

How many people said Jamaica?

Oh, no! Bad luck.

Oh, I'm sorry!

APPLAUSE

Well, two very good answers there.

Perdita, taking us just within touching distance of that jackpot.

I'm afraid you just didn't manage to find

that pointless answer you needed.

So, I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,250...

That will rollover on to the next show.

..but you have been brilliant today.

-Well, we've had a lovely time.

-Had a super day.

-Lovely time.

Well, it's been lovely to have you here,

-and you get to take home a Pointless trophy.

-Oh, yes.

-Very excited.

Very well done, Liz and Julie. APPLAUSE

Yeah, that Jamaican team famously didn't finish at all. I suspect...

-Oh, dear.

-I suspect if they won, they would have scored 100 anyway.

But let's start with the cast of Frozen, though.

Everyone apart from Idina Menzel,

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad,

Jennifer Lee and Jonathan Groff.

Everyone else was a pointless answer,

so well done if you said anyone else from Frozen.

Let's take a look at those Winter Olympic medal-winning countries.

All of these are pointless.

You could have had Czech Republic, Czechoslovakia,

Estonia, Kazakhstan,

Liechtenstein, Luxembourg,

North Korea, Romania, Slovakia,

West Germany and Yugoslavia.

All of those were pointless answers. Well done if you said any of those.

And the characters in Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale.

Antigonus is the one who was, Exited, pursued by a bear.

Autolycus or... Auto-licious would be a good name for a rapper,

-wouldn't it?

-Auto-licious.

Mmm, Auto-licious.

Florizel and Polixenes,

also a pointless answer.

Everyone is pointless apart

from Perdita, Leontes, Hermione,

Amelia and Dionne.

Very well done at home if you got a pointless answer.

And please take our trophy and our regards

back to beautiful city of Brighton and Hove.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you very much.

-Thanks very much.

Well, unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Liz and Julie,

-but it's been fabulous having you on the show.

-We had a lovely time!

Thank you. It's been lovely having you here. Liz and Julie.

Wonderful contestants. APPLAUSE

Well, sadly, Liz and Julie didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show,

when we will be playing for £3,250.

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE