Episode 12 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and a warm welcome to Pointless, the show where obvious answers

mean nothing and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, my name is Andrew and this is my mate, IK, and we're from London.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, my name's Katie and this is my mum, Dawn,

and we're from Essex.

-Couple number three..

-Hi, my name is Garry,

this is my friend and colleague Gavin and we're from Edinburgh.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, my name's Sam, that's my partner Michelle, and we're from Birmingham.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much indeed. We will get to chat to each of you a bit more

throughout the show,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce - the ruthless,

bloodthirsty leader of our quiz cartel, it's my Pointless friend,

-it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody. Afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon.

-How are you?

I'm very well, thank you.

I was very pleased that Andrew referred to IK as his friend

cos I was worried about the two of them after the last show.

They were so brilliant all the way through

and then in the head-to-head,

right at the last minute, IK had an answer, Andrew had an answer.

-Andrew overruled.

-Yeah.

-IK was right, Andrew was wrong.

And, unfortunately, they got knocked out.

But they return to fight another day, but terrific pair.

We also had Dawn and Katie on the last show,

who got knocked out in Round One.

So hopefully we'll see more of you this time.

And welcome to our two new pairs.

I'd say Garry and Gavin both look and sound like they mean business,

-don't they?

-I think they do.

-I think they do, too.

Should be an absolute cracker.

Now, the jackpot round last time was about Beowulf, wasn't it?

So that's out of the way. That's the good news.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, Gabrielle and Holly didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that, so today's jackpot starts off...

at £2,000, there we are.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

As I am sure you know, the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated.

No conferring in the first two rounds.

Best of luck to all four pairs. The first category today is...

The Olympic Games.

Can you decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

who's going to go second and whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium?

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes,

we gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

as many Summer Olympics gold medal-winning countries

as they could. Summer Olympics gold medal-winning countries, Richard.

Yep, simply looking for any country that's won a gold medal at any

Olympics from 1896 all the way through to 2012, please.

We're looking for modern-day countries,

so countries who no longer exist we won't allow.

So, any country, and as always, by country we mean a sovereign state

that is a member of the UN in its own right. Very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

IK, welcome back. Um, IK, remind us what you do.

-I'm a health and safety officer.

-Now, it's good that you're here.

How is our health and safety on Pointless?

Um, everything looks OK.

And these podiums, you've had... Ow! Ow!

You've... They're all fine?

They're good to all the standards.

-Very good, I'm pleased to hear that.

-I always worry about the barrier at

the back there, behind Dawn and Katie, I think it's a bit flimsy.

It's not. Adamantine, it is.

-Is it?

-Very firm! Very firm indeed. It's a bit low, though, there.

-It would be low for me, with my centre of gravity.

-Oh, that's true.

-I'd be straight over the back.

-Yeah. There we are.

Thank you, Richard. Now, IK, what would you like to go for?

So, I'm going to go for my home country, Nigeria, and say Nigeria.

OK, Nigeria, says IK.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Nigeria.

It's right.

Look at that, down it goes, Nigeria...

Oh, that's a good answer. That's a great answer!

Another great answer from the IK-Andrew partnership.

4 - great start to the show as well.

Well done, IK. I was amazed to see they've only won three gold medals,

-Nigeria, in the Olympics.

-No?

-Isn't that amazing?

-In the modern era?

Yeah. They won a women's long jump medal - a gold medal -

they won the football, didn't they, of course? And the 4 x 400.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Katie, welcome back.

-Remind us what you do, Katie.

-I'm an English teacher.

What sort of age do you teach English up to?

So, anywhere from 12 to 16.

12 to 16. So you are very familiar with the GCSE set works then?

-Yeah.

-How long have you done it for?

-Um, about two years now.

-OK.

-Yeah, so not long.

-Not long, not long.

-All your class, of course, will be watching.

-Oh, yeah!

-Oh-ho-ho!

-It's so hard on teachers, that.

-No pressure(!)

-Well, yeah, no pressure.

What do you like getting up to

-when not teaching or marking or preparing?

-Oh, lots of things.

I like to draw, I like to read, bake...

Um, travel.

Very good. Now, Katie, how do we like this Olympics-based question?

Um, sport isn't a good category for me...

I don't know whether to take a risk and take a punt and try and get

a low one or whether to go for an obvious one.

Well, I mean, the bar's been set quite low by IK there, so I'd be

tempted to say take a punt, but obviously, don't listen to me.

Yeah... I'm going to go with... Trinidad and Tobago.

That's a great answer, I hope it's a great answer. Let's see.

How many of our 100 people said Trinidad and Tobago?

It's right!

It's right. 4 is our only score at this point.

Trinidad and Tobago passes it, down to 1!

Very well done, Katie.

Great answer, Katie, they won two Olympic gold medals.

They won the 100 metres - Hasely Crawford -

-and they also won a javelin gold.

-Thank you very much. Now, Garry.

A warm welcome to Pointless, here from Edinburgh.

-Yes.

-What do you do, Garry?

-I'm a police officer.

-How long have you been a police officer?

I've been a police officer for three years now.

Three years. Always in Edinburgh, or have you...?

Always based in Edinburgh, yeah.

Garry, what are your interests, aside from the law?

I enjoy playing football, rugby...

I've managed to get a couple of games where I can go and work

-at the rugby at Murrayfield.

-That's got to be hard, though, isn't it?

-Cos you're meant to face away from the action.

-Yeah, it's...

It's good, though, you get a good crowd at the rugby, so it's...

-You can feel the noise anyway.

-Definitely, yeah.

-Very good.

OK, now, Garry, what would you like to go for?

The scores are very low at this stage.

They are, I think my hand's going to be forced,

I'll need to go for something a bit out there.

So I'm hoping there's been maybe a long-distance runner from Eritrea.

Ah, nice, Eritrea, says Garry.

It's getting a good nod from Andrew.

I think that's a more sort of, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll see," nod,

but we'll see. Uh, how many of our 100 people said Eritrea?

Oh, no!

Oh, you went out there, Garry,

you just went a little bit too far out there, I think.

-Just a little bit.

-I'm sorry, that has scored you 100 points.

Yeah, I mean, worth the risk and once again we have to call Andrew's

judgment into question with his nod.

They've only ever won one bronze medal, Eritrea,

-at the modern Olympics.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Michelle, a warm welcome to Pointless.

Now, I noticed that when Sam introduced you, he said you were

from Birmingham, but when I chatted to you before you said you were

-from Hertfordshire...

-Yeah.

-So your hearts are still very

-much in Birmingham?

-Yeah. So, we're from Birmingham originally,

but I moved down to Ware for work a couple of years ago, so...

I see, but you still feel very much from Birmingham?

-I still go there quite a lot, yeah.

-Will you return to Birmingham?

I don't know. Yeah, because of jobs, I don't know.

There's not many science jobs in Birmingham, so...

Sorry, science job, what do you do?

I work for a pharmaceutical company looking at anything that goes into

drugs really, like, materials that go into drugs and make sure that

they do what they are supposed to do. Yeah, it's quite interesting.

Good for you, excellent. Now, Michelle, Olympics.

Yeah, so... Um, I'm going to take a punt.

I think I remember Kuwait winning a gold medal for shooting in the 2012

-Olympics, so...

-Kuwait, says Michelle.

Now... Oh, Andrew's got a different nod.

The repertoire of Andrew's nods...

First one, Eritrea, got this, a sort of figure of eight...

"Mm, mm..." This one got a head to one side...

We'll see what that means.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Kuwait.

Oh, no!

Oh, no! It's a great relief

for Garry, but a punchy shot there, Michelle,

but I'm afraid an incorrect answer scores you 100 points.

Yeah, everyone from now on is just going to be checking out Andrew

and seeing if he nods at their answers...

and hanging their heads if he does.

Um, your memory's not completely deserting you,

they've won two bronzes in their time, Kuwait,

both in shooting and they did win... They won bronze in 2012 in London.

I thought it was bronze, but I wasn't sure.

If you really polished bronze it can sometimes have a golden hue.

Anyway... Thanks, Richard, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores.

1, Katie, 1.

Look at that! Katie and Dawn, reigning supreme at this point.

Then we travel up to 4 where we find IK and Churchill,

our nodding dog here,

and then up to 100 where we find Michelle and Sam, Garry and Gavin.

So we're going to come back down the line now,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, Sam, remember, we're looking for the name of any modern-day country

that has won at least one gold medal at a Summer Olympics.

Sam, what do you do?

I'm in construction. Yeah, I work for myself as a builder.

-How long have you worked for yourself?

-Only ten months.

So you were working for someone else's construction company?

-Yeah, for 15 years, then I thought...

-Oh, 15 years,

and you suddenly thought, "Well, I can do this myself."

-Did you take any people with you from the previous company?

-Just me.

-It's just you?

-On me own.

-Exciting, though?

-Stressful.

-Stressful?

-Looking promising, though, for the next 12 to 18...?

-It is now, yeah,

now the winter is coming to an end it's looking better.

-Very good. Well, a bit warmer, anyway.

-Yeah.

-Now, Sam,

there you are on 100. We need a low score from you.

Mozambique.

Mozambique, says Sam. Is that based on any actual knowledge or is it...?

-No, no, it's a punt.

-Fair enough! Let's see if it's right. No red line

for you as you are joint high scorers.

How many people said Mozambique?

It's right.

That's a good punt, Sam.

Oh, look at that! Joint lowest score of the round, very well done indeed.

Putting the pressure on Gavin there, but taking your total up to 101.

Very nicely played, Sam.

Yeah, Maria Mutola won the gold in the 800m in Sydney.

Thanks very much, Richard. Gavin. Welcome to Pointless.

-And what do you do, Gavin?

-I'm a police officer, just like Garry.

-How long have you served alongside each other?

-We've served together

for three years but I've been in for a year longer.

Right you are. OK, and what are your interests, Gavin?

I like a lot of sport as well, like Garry. Football, golf,

-I play a lot of golf.

-Do you watch a lot of sport?

Loads of sport, when I get the chance.

Like maybe once every four years?

-Ah... He's kind of forced my hand, I think, now.

-He has a bit.

-You know what we're looking for, Gavin, is a pointless answer.

-Yeah.

Which would be brilliant and I bet there are lots up there. I say lots,

I mean, there's got to be some.

Yeah. Think I'm going to have to take a punt at something like...

-Barbados.

-OK, Barbados, says Gavin.

Barbados. I mean...

I promise you there is a red line there, only I can see it, though.

Let's see if Barbados is right.

Get below that with your answer and you are in the next round.

Let's see how many people said Barbados.

Oh, no!

Oh, it was Monte Carlo or bust, I'm afraid, Gavin,

and I'm afraid it's bust.

I'm sorry. An incorrect answer scores you 100 points,

-takes your total up to 200.

-Yeah, again, just one bronze for Barbados

in the 100m - Obadele Thompson.

Not Daley Thompson, Obadele Thompson. It's different.

-There is a difference.

-Yeah.

-Very good, thank you. I did wonder.

-Yeah.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now then, Dawn, welcome back.

Oh, Katie, didn't she do brilliantly? First pass!

She effectively has got you through to the next round.

-Um, Dawn, remind us what you do.

-I'm a retired nurse.

-That's right. And what do you like getting up to?

-I like to travel.

I have family in the North anyway, and I like to watch Pointless.

How rarely do people say that when I say, "What do you like doing?"

I know, it's weird, that.

Perhaps not many people like watching it, you know?

-Good point.

-No, you would think, given they were on, that people...

-I like it when people say that.

-I love that! Thank you, Dawn,

thank you for watching. Now, Dawn, as I say, you're through.

But we can try and find a pointless answer....

Lovely safety net there, doesn't matter if you score 100.

Shall we see if we can find a really low-scoring one?

I'm going to try. I'll say New Zealand.

New Zealand. New Zealand, says Dawn. Sounds reasonable enough to me.

No red line cos you're already through,

but how many people said New Zealand?

26.

26, taking your total up to 27.

Yeah, they won 42 gold medals, New Zealand,

since they started competing.

They started competing in 1920 as New Zealand.

Used to be part of Australasia before that.

Thanks very much, Richard. Andrew. Andrew, remind us what you do.

I'm a client relations executive.

And what's the company you do your relations with...?

It's a fashion retail outlet, so...

-I see.

-What I do, I go out and meet, obviously, potential customers

that come in and obviously buy the products that we need and...

-Obviously, I'm a chatterbox, so I like to...

-You're a born salesman.

-Yes.

-Do you take out samples with you and show the clothes,

-the fashion...?

-Not necessarily, cos I do send out information

on what we do to potential...

-Right, I see.

-Money earning, you know...

I see, Andrew. I kind of see.

I see, Andrew. Now, listen, the great news is you're through.

-Yes.

-Shall we try and find a pointless answer?

-It doesn't matter if you score 100.

-Well, to be honest, I wanted to

go for something that was, you know,

just safe, but I want to try and go for a pointless answer.

-Come on, let's have a pointless answer. Come on, Andrew!

-Yes.

So, I'm going to take a punt, OK? And I'm going to go for Namibia.

-Namibia?

-Yeah, Namibia.

-Namibia, says Andrew.

No red line, you're already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Namibia.

Ooh! An incorrect answer but that was a free incorrect answer.

It doesn't matter at all. It takes your total up to 104,

-but you're through.

-Four silvers for Namibia, all the same person,

all Frankie Fredericks, but well done on going for a punt,

that was the right thing to do. Lot of pointless answers out there.

I'll go through some of the 1-pointers first cos I know

lots of people will have had lots of different answers.

One point for United Arab Emirates, Zimbabwe, Lithuania, Cuba, Mongolia,

Estonia, North Korea, Bulgaria, Luxembourg and Peru.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers now.

Armenia would have been a pointless answer.

They won one gold medal in wrestling.

Azerbaijan have won six - four of those were in wrestling.

Now, Burundi have only ever won one medal of any colour

and it was a gold and that was in the 5,000m.

Ecuador won a walking gold.

Slovakia have won seven golds, all in canoeing.

Slovenia had four golds.

The Bahamas would have been a good answer.

Five golds for them, four in athletics, one in sailing.

Uruguay won two golds in football, way back when,

and Venezuela have one for boxing and fencing.

The other pointless answers...

Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Grenada, Indonesia,

Latvia, Panama, Suriname and Syria.

Those are all the pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the top three scorers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said...

Thank you very much, Richard. So, we are at the end of our first round.

The pair we have to say goodbye to, Gavin and Garry. I'm so sorry.

You both had exactly the right attitude, you were both looking for

a nice low-scoring answer and taking a commendable risk, but I'm afraid

it has cost you there, 200 points being the total,

but we will see you again next time and, given that attitude,

I'm sure you'll go much further next time. But meantime,

thanks very much, Gavin and Garry!

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

And so three pairs remain.

At the end of this round, clearly we have to say goodbye to another pair

in time for our head-to-head round, but very well done.

Some great scoring there. Sam, when it really counted, you found

Mozambique, which was fantastic.

And, Katie, superb, Trinidad and Tobago, lovely low scores there.

And Nigeria, nice low score as well from you, IK.

Best of luck to all three pairs,

our category for Round Two this afternoon...

is Science.

Can you decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

who's going to go second, and whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium?

OK, and the question is all about...

Scientific Equipment, Richard.

Yeah, we're going to give you six clues on each pass.

The answers to all of them are pieces of equipment you might find

in a science laboratory. So you are a material scientist or something,

Michelle, I don't know. Six on each pass,

12 in all to have a go at at home. The very best of luck.

So, we're looking for the pieces of scientific equipment represented by

these six clues. And here is our first board of six...

I'm going to read that all again.

So, IK, we come to you.

OK, um...

I know three for sure.

So I'm now trying to decide which of the three I know will be the lowest.

So I'll go for...

incubator as the device used to grow...and so on.

OK, there we are, the third one down. Incubator, says IK.

Let's see if incubator's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

45, not bad.

Not bad.

Yeah, well played, IK.

Used for all sorts of things, obviously, incubators,

but infant incubators is probably the most famous use of them.

-Thanks, Richard. Katie.

-So, I'm trying to think back

-to my science lessons that I had at school...

-Mm.

..where we used to label all of the diagrams...

I'm going to go for the bottom one

and it is litmus paper.

Litmus paper, says Katie.

Litmus paper, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

-It is right. Oh! 76!

-Ooh!

-76 for litmus paper.

-Wow.

-Well, that is something we all used at school, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Very few of us have used since.

-Yeah.

-Michelle has probably used it,

but I don't remember the last time I used litmus paper.

It's the only thing in childhood, apart from those lollipops,

-that changed colour like that.

-Now everything changes colour,

but back in those days, that was the only thing.

Yeah. Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Michelle. This is like a dream come true for you, isn't it?

You can talk us through the board, and fill in all those blanks.

So, an instrument used for measuring radiation is a Geiger counter.

A long glass tube with the tap at the bottom is a burette.

I can't think what the shallow liquid-filled apparatus...

That's "something" tube maybe,

but I can't think what the P might stand for.

And then, three-legged frame used to support an apparatus is a tripod.

I think I'm going to go with burette.

I think that's the one to go for, isn't it? Burette. Let's see

how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right. 76, our high score, which you pass.

45's our low score, which you pass.

Burette's a good answer, Michelle.

There it goes, down to 10.

Nicely done.

Well played. Well done for saying "burre-ette", cos I would have said

"burr-it" and I would have looked an idiot, so you've helped me out.

Of the ones you knew, you went for the right one cos the other two -

Geiger counter is correct, 61 points,

and tripod, an even bigger scorer...

Tripod would have scored you 69 points.

Now, this other one is a pointless answer. Um, I don't know...

If anyone at home got this, very well done.

It's not a tube, it's a trough and it's a pneumatic trough.

Very well done if you said that.

Now, I would like a pneumatic trough. That would be amazing.

-Wouldn't it?

-The stuff we'd get up to if we had a pneumatic trough.

Actually, that's a good point. I think maybe if someone lent us one,

you don't want to give us one because then that would be...

-Oh, yeah, yeah. We'd never turn up for work again.

-Yeah.

Right, well, look, what a lot of people don't know is this area

in front of us here, that's a pneumatic trough.

-That goes down for 14 miles.

-It does.

-It's an amazing...

It's so deep down there that when James Cameron came on Pointless

Celebrities, he got in a submarine and went down to the bottom of it,

-didn't he?

-And has never been heard of since.

He went down there, he found two old Pointless trophies,

one of my pens and Chico.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard. Well, we're halfway through the round,

so let's take a look at those scores. Well done, Michelle,

that's exactly the kind of score we would have expected and wanted

from you. Michelle and Sam looking very strong.

Then up to 45 where we find IK and Andrew,

then up to 76 where we find Katie and Dawn.

So, yes, Dawn, we need a low-scoring answer from you.

Good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more clues up on the board and here they are.

We've got...

I'm going to read those again.

Sam, you're on 10. The high-scorers, Dawn and Katie, at this point on 76.

So 65 or less gets you into the head-to-head.

I know a few of them.

I'm going to go for the top one.

-Petri dish?

-Petri dish, says Sam. Petri dish. Here is your red line,

you need to get below that to be sure of a place in the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said petri dish.

It's right.

72, not bad, though.

72, taking your total up to 82.

Yeah, developed in the 19th century by Julius Petri.

I don't know how you would develop it, it's just a dish, isn't it?

-You know what I mean?

-Was Petri a scientist or just a glassware man?

Um... I dunno.

LAUGHTER

I'm guessing he was some sort of scientist.

-Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Dawn.

-Hi.

-Dawn.

I know a couple of them, I think.

-Yeah.

-I'm going to go for the bottom one and it's a pipette, I think.

-A pipette?

-A pipette.

Now, ideally, you'd be scoring 5 or less to avoid becoming high scorers.

Let's see what you do with pipette.

Here is your red line, it's very low.

It's right.

63. Well, you might have kept yourself in the game.

139 is your total.

Yeah, Julius Petri tried to get it renamed the "pip-petri"...

He was...empire-building. It's from the French for "little pipe."

Very nice, thank you. Now, Andrew.

Andrew, you need to score 93 or less.

Do you think you can talk us through this board?

Um, my science knowledge is a bit rusty,

but because I know I'm through and hopefully I am,

I'm just going to play it safe. And I'm going to go for the slender

straight glass container that is open at the top and usually U-shaped

at the bottom, which is test tube..

Test tube. Test tube, says Andrew. As I mentioned,

you have to score 93 or less. It's nice and high, that red line.

If you can get below it,

you are definitely through to the head-to-head.

How many people said test tube?

It's right and you're through.

Very well done, 75.

Taking your total up to 120.

Did exactly what you needed to do there, Andrew, well done.

There is an even bigger score up there on that board, which is BB...

-Bunsen burner.

-Bunsen burner. Scored 92 points.

A lot of alliterative ones...

-Well, three.

-Yeah, CC. Michelle, do you know what CC is?

-I don't.

-It's a lovely one, it's a cloud chamber.

-Ah!

-Cloud chamber.

That's a good name for an invention. 5 points.

Got a lot of names, hasn't he, Charles Thomas Rees Wilson?

-Hasn't he?

-How about that?

-He needs a name chamber.

-He does, really, doesn't he?

-Yeah.

And Emil Erlenmeyer invented the conical flask.

Would have scored you 13 points.

So cloud chamber is the best answer on that board,

-as well as the coolest answer.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

So, we are at the end of our second round and I'm sorry to say,

Dawn and Katie, one of our returning pairs,

we have to send you home now with your high score of 139.

Thank you for coming to play. It's been wonderful having you on.

I'm sorry we're saying goodbye so soon, but brilliant contestants,

thank you so much. Dawn and Katie.

But for our remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Michelle and Sam, Andrew and IK. You're now one step

closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot

which currently stands at £2,000.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

Well, here we are. Head-to-head.

It means you are now allowed to confer before you give your answers.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Now, Andrew and IK, you were here last time.

Last time you went with Andrew... I'm not saying this time you have to

go with IK, but I'm imagining you'll have had a little chat about this

since last time. Um, IK was ignored

and they went with Andrew's answer and that's why we got to see you

again, which was nice. Michelle and Sam, look at this,

this is a place in the head-to-head, built entirely on burette and

Mozambique. And sturdier foundations than that I cannot think of.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question. And it concerns...

Animals With Horns, Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures of animals that have horns.

We're also going to give you alternate letters of their names.

Can you identify the most obscure, please?

OK, let's reveal our five animals with horns and here they are.

OK, there are our five horny animals. Now, Michelle and Sam,

you will go first cos you've been our low scorers.

Feel free to confer.

THEY WHISPER

It's a bit of a guess, but I think A is impala.

Impala for A, say Michelle and Sam.

Impala for A. Now then, Andrew and IK,

do you want to talk us through the rest of the board?

So, um... We think B

is white rhinoceros and D, mountain goat.

Can't think of...

Wildebeest would not fit in there.

So we're going to go for, um, D - mountain goat.

D - mountain goat. We have impala, we have mountain goat.

Michelle and Sam went for impala for A, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

63.

Andrew and IK, meanwhile, have gone for mountain goat for D.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

And it wins you the point, well done.

48 for mountain goat, good enough.

Well done. Andrew and IK, after one question you are up 1-0.

Yeah, well played. You're right about white rhinoceros...

It's a big scorer, 78 points for that.

The best answer on the board is C, can you work out...?

I'm going to guess it's Jackson's chameleon?

Correct, Jackson's chameleon.

Very well done. 9 points, well done if you said that.

There is also a Jackson's chameleon in this picture,

just behind on the left there(!)

And it's a wildebeest,

there's not much that can fit in that first thing.

Blue? It doesn't look blue...

Actually, he does look a bit blue, he doesn't look thrilled, does he?

It is the blue wildebeest. He used to be the brown wildebeest then they

tested it with litmus paper and now he's the blue wildebeest.

17 points for that.

I love the impala sticking its tongue out, that's nice.

I know, it's cute, isn't it?

Very black tongued, or do you think it's just been eating blueberries?

The impala? Yes, it feeds largely on blueberries and liquorice.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, here comes your second question.

Andrew and IK, you get to answer it first, but, Michelle and Sam,

you have to win this one to stay in the game. So best of luck.

Our second question this afternoon is all about...

Vladimir Putin, Richard.

Yeah, five clues now to facts about Vladimir Putin. Depending on when

this is shown cos sometimes it's a few months in advance, I'd just like

to welcome Mr Putin as our leader and say...

LAUGHTER

..Xander and I are very big fans, very big fans of your work.

If you ever need anything done or presented, you know where we are.

Yeah, we've got his calendar in the make-up room.

-Yeah, love that guy.

-Yeah. Uh, thank you. OK, let's reveal our five clues

about Vladimir Putin and here they are.

I shall read those all again.

Andrew and IK will go first.

THEY WHISPER

OK, so we're going to go...

um, for the third one -

he became acting president after the resignation of Boris Yeltsin.

Um, Boris Yeltsin, say Andrew and IK. Now, Michelle and Sam,

what would you like to go for? You can talk through all of those

if you like - do your musing out loud.

I think he was born in the '60s...

I'll have a guess at karate for the bottom one,

but I think we're going to go with the second one and the KGB?

The KGB. So, we have Boris Yeltsin and we have the KGB.

Andrew and IK said Boris John...

HE LAUGHS

LAUGHTER

-Ah, dear!

-Again, again...

If this is being shown in a few months' time -

big fans of yours as well, Boris.

Also big shout out to Mr Trump. Hello, sir.

Yeah. We've got...

Boris, we've got your calendar up in our make-up room.

So, Boris Yeltsin, say Andrew and IK. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Boris Yeltsin.

It's a good answer, look at that, down it goes to 12!

Very well done indeed, Andrew and IK.

12 for Boris Yeltsin.

Once again, setting the bar very, very low,

but you know what I mean when I say low. High, but low, for Michelle

and Sam, uh, who have gone for the KGB.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said KGB.

Again, it's right.

Got a long way down to go...

Oh! 37 for KGB.

Well, two good answers there. But very well done,

Andrew and IK, after two questions, you are through to the final 2-0.

Yeah, very well played, gents. Funnily enough,

those bottom two answers would actually have beaten that score.

But we'll take a look at the top one, he was born...

He was born in the '50s, Putin, born in 1952. 19 points for that.

The brand of vintage Russian car...

This is the best answer and it's called a Volga.

They don't make them any more, would have scored you 1 point.

And the instructional DVD...

Now, this would have beaten Boris Yeltsin. If you'd said karate...

you'd still be out, cos it was judo.

Judo was the answer. 11 points for that.

Have you ever seen that brilliant - ah, well, actually, it's April

on our calendar - him doing judo with a lion!

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, that's good.

The lion just going, "You're really good at judo, dude."

-Yeah.

-And him just going...

"Yeah... Yeah, I do a little judo, you know."

Uh, so the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, Michelle and Sam, it is you. But good news for us - we get

to see you again next time and we will look forward to that very much.

But meantime, thanks very much, Michelle and Sam.

But for Andrew and IK, it's time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Andrew and IK, you've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot and at the end of

today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

But I think we've tested you, we've tested you pretty well.

We started off with Olympic gold medal winners,

then we had science equipment, then we had horny animals

and then we had Vladimir Putin.

Anything you would particularly like to see come up in this last round?

Um, sport, music, movies...

politics. I'm only joking about politics, by the way.

Right. Be careful what you wish for, IK.

Well, listen, as you know, you get four things on the board,

you just have to choose one that you like the look of.

Today's choices are...

What do you think?

I don't know anything about US...

German World Cup Finals...

-You're good at football, though.

-Yeah, football. Yeah.

-But The Letter W sounds a bit interesting...

-Yeah, interesting,

but it could be anything.

Um... It could be about wildebeest, it could be anything.

You know what I think...? True, true.

I think you're good at football...

-We'll go for German World Cup Finals.

-Yeah? OK, yeah.

OK, German World Cup Finals it is.

OK, very best of luck, gents.

You've been terrific all the way through two shows.

I hope you find something here that helps you to that jackpot.

We're looking for anyone who played in any of the following three games.

So anyone who played in the 1974 World Cup final between West Germany

and the Netherlands. Anyone who played in the 2002 World Cup final

between Germany and Brazil.

Or anybody who played in the 2014 World Cup final between Germany

and Argentina. So anyone who played in any of those games, please,

for either side... If they were a substitute and they came on

the pitch, they are allowed.

So anyone who played on either of those teams in those three games.

-Very, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot is for just one of your answers

to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

-There they are, your time starts now.

-OK.

So all you just need to know now is, like, who was in...

-Just one of them.

-Yeah,

who was in the German squad or the Argentina squad in 2014.

-Lothar Matthaus.

-Lothar Matthaus?

Lothar Matthaus? That was '82.

-Was it?

-Yeah. No, no, no...

-Sorry.

-2004.

-Edmundo.

-Edmundo.

-In 2002.

-Denilson.

-Yes... 2002.

-And...? Denilson.

-Are you sure? Not '98? That was '98, right?

-No, I think 2002.

-OK.

-Denilson. OK, OK.

Uh...

-2014, I'll go...

-For Argentina?

-Marcos Rojo.

-Marcos Rojo?

-Marcos Rojo.

-OK.

So Marcos Rojo, Denilson and...

And...what else?

-Ten seconds left.

-Johan Cruyff. Johan Cruyff, 1974.

-No, no, everyone is going to know Johan Cruyff.

-Um...

-Beckenbauer.

-Beckenbauer.

-But everybody is going to know him too, right?

-Um...Lothar Matthaus.

OK, that is your time.

That minute is never long enough, I'm afraid. But I now need

your three answers and if you could say which year you're talking about

-for each one.

-Yes, so...

Um, in 2002, against Brazil, Denilson.

-Denilson.

-Denilson?

-Yeah.

-Marcos Rojo.

-No, no, no. Which category is Marcos Rojo?

-2014.

-Argentina, right?

-Argentina.

-OK, so Marcos Rojo.

-2014, Marcos Rojo.

And 1974, Rep.

Rep, OK. Very good indeed. Of those three, which do you think

is your best shot at a pointless answer?

I'd say if Rep is right, then it would be right.

-Yes.

-OK, so, Rep we'll put last. Least likely to be pointless?

-Denilson.

-Denilson.

-Denilson goes first.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order

and here they are.

We have got...

Well, the very best of luck. Three answers on the board there,

let's hope at least one of those is pointless and will win that jackpot

for you. £2,000 is today's jackpot, what would you do if you won that,

-Andrew?

-I would like to take my missus out on a night,

take her out for a nice treat. She's been very supportive of everything

I've been doing and I feel I owe her one.

-Very good, thanks so much, Andrew. IK, how about you?

-I would say...

-a parachute jump.

-A parachute jump?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-I've been thinking about it for a while.

-So if you win the jackpot, you are on?

-I am on.

-That is it.

Your word is your bond?

But you're a health and safety manager, aren't you?

LAUGHTER

OK, your first answer was Denilson. In this case, we were looking for

anyone who played in the 2002 Fifa World Cup final. This, you thought,

was probably the one that was least likely to be pointless, but only one

of these has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

So, for £2,000, let's see how many people said Denilson.

Is it pointless?

-It's right.

-Well done.

That was the first thing it had to be.

Now, if Denilson takes us all the way down to 0 you will leave here

immediately with £2,000.

Down we go, into single figures, still going down...

You've done it!

CHEERING

Very well done indeed. Very well done indeed.

OK.

Well, congratulations!

Your first answer, Denilson, was a pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £2,000,

very, very well done indeed, Andrew and IK.

Brilliant.

That was very well played.

You've been terrific for two shows now, gents, congratulations.

Let's move on to your other answers. Marcos Rojo, obviously, much more

well-known, but also a pointless answer.

CHEERING

And Johnny Rep, who, when I was growing up,

absolutely my favourite player, Johnny Rep, the Dutch player...

-also a pointless answer.

-Oh, wow!

-Yes, come on!

Well played, gents. Now, lots of pointless answers in all these

categories and I know people at home will have got some of these, so I'll

go through them as quickly as I can. The 1974 World Cup final...

You could have had Berti Vogts, who became Scotland manager.

There's Johnny Rep. You could have had Paul Breitner, Wim Jansen.

You could have had Arie Haan.

You could have had Rene van de Kerkhof, Rainer Bonhof, Rudi Krol.

Uh, Wolfgang Overath... All sorts of names on that list.

The 2002 World Cup teams.

There is Denilson.

Dietmar Hamann, you could have had.

Lucio, Marcos.

Also Bernd Schneider, Ramelow, Metzelder, Edmilson.

Jens Jeremies was a pointless answer. Bode and Linke,

both of those pointless.

In fact, those are all the pointless answers for that category. 2014...

Higuain was a pointless answer. So some big names on this list.

Marcos Rojo, Mats Hummels...

Pablo Zabaleta is a pointless answer.

Kramer, Perez, Garay, Lavezzi, Gago, Biglia, Demichelis,

Palacio and Sergio Romero, all pointless answers.

So very well done if you said any of those at home.

Guys, you cannot play Pointless any better than that.

That's absolutely terrific stuff.

So to go with your money and your trophies, I also give you this -

Jackson's Chameleon - very, very well done, gents.

LAUGHTER

Well, thanks once again to our winning players, Andrew and IK,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,000.

CHEERING

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE