Episode 20 Pointless


Episode 20

Quiz in which contestants try to score as few points as possible by plumbing the depths of their general knowledge to come up with the answers no-one else can think of.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Thank you very much indeed.

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Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

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the show where the more obscure your knowledge,

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the better your chances of winning. Let's meet today's players.

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And couple number one.

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I'm Holly, my full name is

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Holly May Jasmine Gillingham Football Club Gould,

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and this is my sister Jordan...

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-Hi.

-..and we are from a town in South Wales called Aberdare.

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Couple number two.

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I'm Naomi, this is my partner, Oli, and we are both from Dorset.

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Couple number three.

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Hello, I'm Steve, this is Oktiva, and we are from Newcastle.

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And finally, couple number four.

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Hi, I'm Jayne, this is my friend Nick,

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and we are representing Petersfield in Hampshire.

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And these are today's contestants.

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Thank you very much, all of you. A very warm welcome to the show.

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We'll chat to each of you throughout the show as it goes along.

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So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

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He has got a lot to answer for, which is lucky,

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because that is actually his job.

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It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

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Hiya. Hi, everybody.

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Good afternoon.

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Now, every now and again

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when we have our introductions from our people,

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something is raised which we have to address immediately...

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-Yes.

-..and I would say,

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maybe Holly's name needs to be addressed immediately.

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Were you getting that? Did you get some of that?

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It was being put out there, I think.

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Gillingham Football Club.

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I think Gillingham Football Club was involved in her name.

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I wonder if that is true.

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I wonder whether it's showboating on her part,

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or whether it's showboating on her parents' part.

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Something is definitely up.

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We will find out, I guess, won't we?

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Two returning pairs from the last show

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who got knocked out in Round One and Round Two,

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that is Naomi and Oli and Oktiva and Steve -

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and David and Leanne got through to that head-to-head,

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and we had the lovely Geography round.

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It was one of those...

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There are some Pointless jackpot rounds that are just...

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It was stuffed full of pointless answers.

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I think they mentioned six pointless answers during their time.

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They got three pointless answers, they mentioned six.

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There were so many pointless answers,

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if you knew anything about countries or capitals or anything,

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it was joyous to watch, wasn't it?

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It was a wonderful end to the show.

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Fantastic. All of which means that David and Leanne won the jackpot

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last time, so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

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There we are. Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

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Now, remember this -

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the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

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will be eliminated. That is the rule.

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Best of luck to all four pairs.

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Our first category today is...

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Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

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who is going to go second? And whoever is going to go first,

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please step up to the podium.

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OK, and the question concerns...

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-Richard.

-Yes, we are going to show you a board in a minute

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showing the titles of 12 British sitcoms.

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We are looking for anyone who has appeared in ten episodes or more

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of any of the sitcoms you are about to see,

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all according to IMDb.

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Thank you very much indeed.

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So, as Richard said,

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we're going to put an image up with 12 sitcoms on it.

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That board won't change.

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We've got...

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In one breath! I will do them one more time.

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There we are, and all we want to know is the name of anyone

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who appeared in ten or more episodes in each of these sitcoms.

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Holly, welcome to Pointless.

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Holly... What was the second one?

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-Mary?

-May.

-May.

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-Jasmine.

-Jasmine.

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-Gillingham Football Club Gould.

-Gillingham Football Club Gould.

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When did you add the Gillingham Football Club?

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At birth, it was added.

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-It was done at birth?

-Yeah, my dad went to register me.

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I was supposed to be Holly May Jasmine,

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and I think he just put Gillingham Football Club in for a laugh.

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-For fun.

-For fun, basically, yes.

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What about that?

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So, do you have all those initials on things that are...?

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Yeah. To a certain extent, on my passport they can only fit GFC.

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I like to fill it out on most documents

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just so that people ask me, really.

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-It passes the time.

-It does, it's a good opener.

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On a long-haul flight, if you've got a landing card to fill in,

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that's the last two hours of the flight taken up,

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-filling in the card.

-Yeah, exactly.

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-Holly, what you do?

-I'm an air hostess, actually!

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LAUGHTER

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Now, how do you like that? How do you like that?

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Very good. On long-haul?

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No, actually, I'm on the short ones,

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so I don't actually get time to fill anything out because it is so short.

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Now, Holly, how about this?

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-British sitcoms.

-Not great,

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I was probably hoping for American sitcoms more.

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I am probably going to go Phoenix Nights and Peter Kay.

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OK, Peter Kay, nice obscure answer from Phoenix Nights(!)

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Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Peter Kay.

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It's right.

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34.

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34 for Peter Kay. Solid start.

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Yeah, the creator, co-writer and star of Phoenix Nights.

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Thanks very much indeed.

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Now, Naomi, welcome back.

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It was Round Two we had to say goodbye to you last time.

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-It was.

-Now, remind us what you do, Naomi.

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I, sort of, assistant manage my mum's pub in Dorset.

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See, that's nice. Is it a country pub?

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Yeah, it's very much in the middle of nowhere.

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Oh, that is nice. Does it specialise?

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Is it a gastropub, or...?

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It is a sort of gastropub, like...

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we do nice food, but quite pubby food,

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and we get a few drinkers in, as well, so...

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Is your menu every day on a clipboard?

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It isn't, no. It is just printed off.

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We're not posh enough for clipboards.

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No, I quite like printed off without the clipboard.

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I think the clipboard has had its day, I think.

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But each day it's a new menu with the date on the top?

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We don't quite go that far,

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sort of every couple of days we change the specials,

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so we don't tend to put the date on,

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purely because when I'm copy-and-pasting,

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I always forget to change the date.

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That's fair enough. Otherwise, give someone the wrong date,

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-they'll just assume everything is off.

-Yeah, exactly.

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-I've had that a lot.

-OK. Now, Naomi, what would you like to go for?

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I am going to go with Peep Show,

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and I am going to go with Isy Suttie.

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Isy Suttie. OK, let's see if that is right.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Isy Suttie.

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It is right.

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34 is our only score on the board at this stage.

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You pass that.

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Oh, it's a pointless answer!

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Very well done indeed, Naomi.

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That is a pointless answer, which adds £250 to today's jackpot,

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take the total up to £1,250,

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it scores you 0, and earns you our undying respect.

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Very well done indeed.

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Yeah, that's what we like to see, Naomi, a pointless answer,

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and also she is brilliant, Isy Suttie.

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Brilliant writer, brilliant performer, great entertainer.

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She plays Dobby in Peep Show.

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Thank you very much, Richard.

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Steve, welcome back to Pointless.

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-Remind us what you do, Steve.

-I work for an IT company.

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Based up in Newcastle?

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-That is correct, yeah.

-Whereabouts in Newcastle are you based?

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Are you within the city or are you...?

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In the city, yes, very close to the station, if you know where that is.

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Very nice. Westgate Road.

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-Absolutely! I live on Westgate Road.

-What about that?

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-Fantastic place to be.

-How do you know about Westgate Road?

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I am from the North-East, you see. LAUGHTER

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Now then, Steve, what would you like to go for?

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I'll go for Hi-De-Hi!

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And Jeffrey Holland.

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Jeffrey Holland.

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OK, let's see if that's right

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and let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

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It is right.

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34 remains our high score.

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Look at that, down to 1!

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Very, very good indeed, Steve.

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Very good indeed.

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Well played, Steve, that is a great answer.

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Played Spike, of course. Been on the show a couple of times.

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-Absolutely.

-He is the person I bump into most in my local high street,

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Jeffrey Holland. Quite often we wander along, have a little chat.

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He doesn't live there, he stalks you, doesn't he?

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We discovered on the show.

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No, it's the other way round, he DOES live there.

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I live in Kettering but I commute down to see if I can bother him.

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Thank you very much. Jayne, welcome to Pointless.

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-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you here.

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What do you do, Jayne?

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-I work in the tourist information centre in Petersfield.

-That's...

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Tell us about Petersfield.

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We are down for the afternoon, what should we go and look at?

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Well, it depends if you want to stay in Petersfield.

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We have got a magnificent heath

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that's got burial mounds from the Bronze Age

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that's currently having excavations done with archaeologists.

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That's exciting.

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What artefacts have they found there so far, do you know?

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They've found lots of wood and lots of arrowheads and implements,

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-and things like that.

-That is a Bronze Age digging site.

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-It would indicate that there is obviously a lot there.

-Wonderful.

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We are in the South Downs, so if you go further afield,

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it's beautiful countryside, lots of walking, and Portsmouth,

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you can go and see the historic dockyard.

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There is just so much to do in the area.

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Fantastic. Jayne, what are you going to go for on this board?

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I am conflicted because I know I have got one that is pretty safe,

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but seeing how everyone else has done,

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I think I've got to take a risk,

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so I am going to go Sally Phillips.

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Sally Phillips, OK.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Sally Phillips.

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Look at that, it's another pointless answer.

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Well done indeed, Jayne!

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That adds another £250 to today's jackpot, takes the total to £1,500,

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scores you 0, and is generally superb.

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I am glad I went for it now!

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-Very well done indeed.

-Another wonderful comic, as well.

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Yeah, she is Tilly in Miranda. She is also in I'm Alan Partridge,

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but has not been in ten episodes of that.

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-You'd think so, she's so memorable in it.

-Isn't she?

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-But, yeah, she has not been in ten episodes.

-So funny.

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Anyway, we are halfway through the round.

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Let's take a look at those scores.

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0, the best score of that round, Naomi and Jayne,

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very well done to both of you.

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I think you are looking like strong contenders for the next round.

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As, I would say, are Steve and Oktiva.

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Now, Holly and Jordan...

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-Oh, no!

-She is going to pull it out the bag.

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She is going to have to pull it out the bag

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and put a lot back in the bag!

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But, who knows? We're going to come back down the line now.

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Can the second players please step up to the podium?

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OK, so, Nick,

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remember we are looking for anyone who has appeared

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in ten or more episodes of any of these sitcoms, and obviously,

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you're going to try to find the lowest-scoring one you can.

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Nick, welcome.

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Here from Petersfield, also. What do you do, Nick?

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I work in the library, working alongside Jayne.

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Oh, so the tourist information is also in the library?

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-Yes.

-SOFTLY: So you have to give your information quite quietly.

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INDISTINCT WHISPERING

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Hand over pamphlets.

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With your pen, circle things on maps.

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-That's fun.

-That would be fun!

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What fun! And Petersfield with its lovely working library,

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and it's still a popular meeting place, I should hope.

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What do you do when you leave the library, Nick?

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I started trying to write some children books about 15 years ago.

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I'm trying to, when I finish this, actually get down and finish things,

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because I've got a lot of ideas, but it's actually finishing them.

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Then the aim is to actually get them in the library.

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It is. Now, are these children's novels or...?

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No, it's children's books which are short.

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The idea is that when parents read books to their kids,

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the parents won't fall asleep first,

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which I think is a danger with quite a few of the books.

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-It certainly can be.

-Cos they're dull.

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Well, very, very good luck with that, Nick.

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Your target score is 33 or less.

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OK. I have got an answer which will either score 100 or 0.

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-These are the answers we love.

-I'm going to go with the other answer,

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which is Ashley Jensen, who I believe appears in Extras.

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Ashley Jensen, says Nick.

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Here's your red line. If you can get below it with Ashley Jensen,

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you're through to the next round. How many people said it?

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It's right.

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It gets you through to Round Two, very well done indeed.

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Ashley Jensen is a pointless answer, very well done indeed!

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That adds another £250 to today's jackpot,

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takes the total to £1,750,

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it scores you 0 and leaves your total at 0.

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Very, very well done indeed on podium four, there.

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-This is going well, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

-Yeah, she plays...

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Another brilliant actor, plays Maggie in Extras.

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Marvellous, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

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Now, Oktiva, welcome back to Pointless.

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Remind us what you do, Oktiva.

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I am part of Medicine Delta, working for the National Health Service,

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so we maintain database for suppliers, GPs and pharmacies.

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-Are you based in Newcastle as well?

-Quite a boring job.

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-Newcastle, yes.

-Very good indeed.

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What do you like getting up to when not working?

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Actually, I do enjoy cycling and walking.

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Beautiful places to walk and cycle.

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And I started running last year.

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-Very good.

-After doing The Great North Run.

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Oh, it is brilliant, The Great North Run.

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-I did it!

-Oktiva, there you are on 1.

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34 is the high score, if you can score 32 or less,

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you will be doing very well.

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This is not good at all.

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I cannot think of any names, apart from I'm Alan Partridge,

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Alan Partridge?

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OK, you're going to say Alan Partridge.

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Here is your red line. You have to get below this to stay with us.

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Let's see what happens when we say Alan Partridge.

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Oh, I'm sorry, Oktiva.

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I'm sorry, an incorrect answer.

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That scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 101.

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Yeah, sorry. Jordan, can I commend you for your poker face

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through that whole thing? Holly, less so!

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The huge smile gave something away,

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but Jordan was very impressive there.

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-You wouldn't have known.

-I wasn't looking, I didn't dare look.

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Didn't dare look.

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Thank you.

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Now, Oli, remind us what it is you do.

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I am a freelance chef, I do bits of relief cheffing and event catering.

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See, that is fun. I think that is enormous fun.

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I mean, tough for you, very hard work.

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You have to sort of get straight in there and get straight down to it.

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It is like a finals week of MasterChef

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-for you every day you work, I should think.

-Oh, yes, every minute!

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Every minute of the day!

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Are there various kitchens that you go to regularly

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that you sort of become...?

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There have been a few that I created a rapport with,

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but it is quite nice to keep your cooking level changing

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between kind of pubs, restaurants, up into accoladed establishments.

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See, that's exciting. But how about...?

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Isn't it time that maybe Oli's opened?

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-No.

-Are you working towards...?

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No, I'm quite happy for somebody else to take the responsibility,

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and pay me to do the magic.

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OK, nice. Now, Oli, what are you going to go for?

0:15:060:15:09

Doesn't matter what you score,

0:15:090:15:10

our high-scorers on 101 are out of your reach.

0:15:100:15:14

Hedging my bets, but I am going to go with a hero of mine

0:15:140:15:16

who actually lives in the town I grew up in.

0:15:160:15:18

I will go Trevor Peacock.

0:15:180:15:20

Trevor Peacock, says Oli. Let's see if that's right.

0:15:200:15:22

No red line for you, Oli, as you are already through.

0:15:220:15:24

Let's see how many people said Trevor Peacock.

0:15:240:15:26

It's right.

0:15:280:15:30

That was another pointless answer!

0:15:370:15:38

Very well done indeed, Oli,

0:15:380:15:40

that adds another £250 to today's jackpot,

0:15:400:15:43

takes the total up to £2,000,

0:15:430:15:46

scores you 0,

0:15:460:15:48

leaves your total at 0.

0:15:480:15:50

Very well done indeed.

0:15:500:15:51

That is great work, yeah. He plays Jim Trott in The Vicar Of Dibley,

0:15:510:15:54

Trevor Peacock. He is the one who says, "No, no, no, no, no, yes."

0:15:540:15:57

That one. I won't do an impression of him.

0:15:570:15:59

-But another wonderful actor.

-Thanks very much indeed.

0:15:590:16:02

Now, then, Jordan, what about that? What about that? You're back in!

0:16:020:16:05

-Yay!

-You are back in.

0:16:050:16:07

I wasn't expecting that.

0:16:070:16:08

-What you do, Jordan?

-I am a midwife.

0:16:080:16:11

Well, you must know all about naming children, then!

0:16:110:16:14

What are your names, by the way?

0:16:140:16:16

-Jordan Angharad Gould. I dodged a bullet.

-Yes, she did.

0:16:160:16:20

-I'll say you did!

-Yeah.

0:16:200:16:22

Jordan, so, the midwifery is fairly full time, I should think.

0:16:220:16:27

That doesn't leave you with a great deal of spare time.

0:16:270:16:29

-Yeah.

-I mean, a wonderful thing to be part of.

0:16:290:16:31

-Yeah.

-Exhausting, I should think!

0:16:310:16:33

-It is quite.

-In a world where you had spare time,

0:16:330:16:36

what would you like to do with it?

0:16:360:16:37

I am a bit of a shopaholic.

0:16:380:16:40

Generally, on my days off, that is what I tend to do,

0:16:420:16:46

is mooch around the shops and spend far too much money

0:16:460:16:49

on things I really do not need.

0:16:490:16:52

Perfect! So, then, Jordan, listen, you are on 34.

0:16:520:16:54

The high-scorers are Oktiva and Steve on 101.

0:16:540:16:57

66 or less is all you need to stay with us.

0:16:570:17:00

The only thing that is really coming to mind for me,

0:17:000:17:02

because I can see so many faces, I just cannot pick out the names,

0:17:020:17:06

is Ricky Gervais.

0:17:060:17:08

-OK.

-I think he was in Extras.

0:17:090:17:10

OK. This should have been easy, really, shouldn't it?

0:17:100:17:13

-OK, Oktiva and Steve looking excited!

-No!

0:17:130:17:17

Ricky Gervais,

0:17:170:17:19

and you have to get below that red line with Ricky Gervais.

0:17:190:17:21

Let's see how far down the column we get.

0:17:210:17:23

It is right.

0:17:260:17:29

-You have done it!

-Well done!

0:17:290:17:31

I don't know what I was making all that fuss about it.

0:17:310:17:33

26 for Ricky Gervais is fine.

0:17:330:17:35

Takes your total up to a nice, round 60.

0:17:350:17:38

Very well done indeed.

0:17:380:17:39

Yeah, very well played. Now, Oktiva,

0:17:410:17:43

26 points is also the score for Steve Coogan,

0:17:430:17:46

who played Alan Partridge.

0:17:460:17:47

Unfortunately, he was the character Alan Partridge.

0:17:470:17:49

Lots and lots of pointless answers.

0:17:490:17:51

I will go through... You will have pointless answers here, I'm sure.

0:17:510:17:54

Oh, do you know? I haven't even started thinking about it, but...

0:17:540:17:57

-I won't do...

-Yeah, I've got loads.

0:17:570:17:58

The Vicar Of Dibley - we've already had Trevor Peacock,

0:17:580:18:01

but Emma Chambers and James Fleet also pointless answers,

0:18:010:18:03

Jeremy Dyson in The League Of Gentlemen.

0:18:030:18:05

Porridge - Brian Wilde and Sam Kelly, both pointless answers.

0:18:050:18:08

Phoenix Nights, lots of pointless answers,

0:18:080:18:10

Steve Edge. Justin Moorhouse is a pointless answer.

0:18:100:18:12

Peep Show - Matt King who plays Super Hans is a pointless answer,

0:18:120:18:15

Paterson Joseph, who plays Johnson.

0:18:150:18:17

One Foot In The Grave - Janine Duvitski is a pointless answer.

0:18:170:18:20

Miranda - as well as Sally Phillips you've got Sarah Hadland,

0:18:200:18:23

Patricia Hodge also a pointless answer for that.

0:18:230:18:26

Keeping Up Appearances - Josephine Tewson, Geoffrey Hughes,

0:18:260:18:29

Judy Cornwell also a pointless answer.

0:18:290:18:30

I'm Alan Partridge - Simon Greenall, Phil Cornwell, Felicity Montagu,

0:18:300:18:34

pointless answers. Hi-De-Hi - loads of pointless answers.

0:18:340:18:36

Felix Bowness, Kenneth Connor,

0:18:360:18:38

Nikki Kelly, Diane Holland, Rikki Howard.

0:18:380:18:40

No pointless answers at all for Father Ted.

0:18:400:18:42

Best answers there - Frank Kelly and Pauline McLynn.

0:18:420:18:45

And Extras - Ashley Jensen, but also the wonderful Shaun Williamson,

0:18:450:18:48

a pointless answer there as well.

0:18:480:18:50

So, loads and loads of pointless answers.

0:18:500:18:51

Well done if you got any of those at home.

0:18:510:18:53

Thank you very much indeed. At the end of our first round,

0:18:530:18:56

I'm sorry to say, Steve and Oktiva, we have to say goodbye to you.

0:18:560:18:58

I'm afraid it's another first-round exit, I'm so sorry.

0:18:580:19:01

-I know, so unlucky.

-Far too soon, but it has been lovely having you

0:19:010:19:03

on the show, brief though it has been,

0:19:030:19:05

but thanks so much for playing, Oktiva and Steve.

0:19:050:19:07

APPLAUSE

0:19:070:19:08

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

0:19:110:19:14

Well, I'm afraid suddenly one of our pairs has just gone,

0:19:190:19:23

and that is how Pointless works, I'm afraid.

0:19:230:19:25

At the end of this round we'll have to say goodbye to another pair

0:19:250:19:28

in time for our head-to-head round. Best of luck to all three pairs.

0:19:280:19:31

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

0:19:310:19:34

Can you all decide in your pairs who'll go first and second?

0:19:360:19:39

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

0:19:390:19:42

OK, and the question concerns...

0:19:450:19:47

Missing words, Richard.

0:19:510:19:53

We are going to show you the titles now of six famous poems

0:19:530:19:55

on each board, but we've missed a word out of the title of each one.

0:19:550:19:58

It's going to be 12 in all to go have a go at at home.

0:19:580:20:00

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

0:20:000:20:02

Let's reveal our poems with missing words.

0:20:020:20:04

Here is the first board of six.

0:20:040:20:05

I shall read those all again.

0:20:200:20:22

Jordan.

0:20:350:20:37

Erm, poetry not really a strong subject of mine.

0:20:370:20:42

I am pretty thankful for Edward Lear in there, I think,

0:20:430:20:46

because I am pretty sure that is The Owl And The Pussycat.

0:20:460:20:49

The Owl And The Pussycat, OK, let's see if that is right.

0:20:490:20:52

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for The Owl And The Pussycat.

0:20:520:20:55

89.

0:20:590:21:01

89, that's... Listen, it's better than 100.

0:21:010:21:02

-Yes!

-89, not bad.

0:21:020:21:04

He was the 20th of 21 children, Edward Lear.

0:21:070:21:11

Can you imagine?

0:21:110:21:12

How depressing would that be?

0:21:120:21:14

What about going back there for Christmas, all of them,

0:21:140:21:17

with their children?

0:21:170:21:19

Oh, my goodness!

0:21:190:21:21

I mean...

0:21:210:21:22

That is a big turkey, isn't it?

0:21:230:21:25

Yeah, isn't it just?

0:21:250:21:27

I tell you what, I would be going, "Oh, unfortunately,

0:21:270:21:30

"I've got to go and write a poem." "Oh, you are a poet, Edward?"

0:21:300:21:33

"Yeah, yeah". "And what is your poem about?"

0:21:330:21:35

"An owl...and a pussycat."

0:21:350:21:37

"Oh, yeah, really, what do they do?" "Go to sea?"

0:21:370:21:40

He just made that up because he just wanted to get out of Christmas.

0:21:400:21:43

In one go, made the whole thing up.

0:21:430:21:45

Naomi, Naomi, what would you like to go for?

0:21:490:21:52

Unfortunately, poetry is massively not my strong point as well,

0:21:520:21:58

so I don't know.

0:21:580:21:59

I knew The Owl And The Pussycat,

0:21:590:22:01

but I'm going to have to guess something else,

0:22:010:22:04

and I do not have the foggiest about any of them.

0:22:040:22:07

-OK.

-I am just going to take a wild guess.

0:22:070:22:10

She Walks In Red.

0:22:100:22:11

-Why not?

-She could be walking in all sorts of things.

0:22:130:22:15

Well, she could. She Walks In Shoes.

0:22:150:22:17

Let's see how many of our 100 people said red.

0:22:170:22:19

No, I am afraid not red, Naomi,

0:22:230:22:25

but you are in good company.

0:22:250:22:27

Jordan and Holly aren't far behind you there.

0:22:270:22:29

And, to be fair, Lord Byron has missed a trick there,

0:22:290:22:31

because red rhymes with a lot.

0:22:310:22:32

-Oh, doesn't it?

-So, much better for a poem.

0:22:320:22:35

Yeah. Yeah.

0:22:350:22:37

Thank you. Now, Nick.

0:22:370:22:39

This board is... When I say this board is all yours,

0:22:410:22:43

I really mean it is all yours, apart from the Edward Lear.

0:22:430:22:46

OK, I hate poetry, but I know at least one of them,

0:22:460:22:50

I will go for The Waste Land by TS Eliot.

0:22:500:22:53

The Waste Land, says Nick.

0:22:530:22:55

Let's see how many of our 100 people went with The Waste Land.

0:22:550:22:58

It is right.

0:23:000:23:01

There we go, 14.

0:23:070:23:09

That is head-to-head talk, that is.

0:23:120:23:14

Yeah, well done, Nick.

0:23:140:23:16

He used to teach at Highgate School, TS Eliot.

0:23:160:23:18

One of his pupils was Sir John Betjeman.

0:23:180:23:21

-That I did not know.

-He wasn't Sir John Betjeman at the time.

0:23:210:23:23

No! That would have been precocious, wouldn't it?

0:23:230:23:26

-That came later.

-That would be precocious,

0:23:260:23:27

imagine if one of the kids in your class was Sir John Betjeman!

0:23:270:23:31

-It would be a bit off-putting.

-A little bit.

0:23:310:23:33

Let's fill in the rest of this. You will do well here, I think.

0:23:330:23:36

-Rudyard Kipling?

-Gunga Din.

0:23:360:23:39

Yeah. Gunga Din, yeah.

0:23:390:23:40

"You are a better man than I, Gunga Din." 51 points for that.

0:23:400:23:44

-Coleridge?

-Is Kubla Khan.

0:23:440:23:48

Yeah, 23 points for that. Now, not She Walks In Red.

0:23:480:23:51

She Walks In Beauty.

0:23:510:23:52

She Walks In Beauty.

0:23:520:23:54

That would have scored you 9 points -

0:23:540:23:56

and the best answer on the board, do you know this one?

0:23:560:23:58

It is Walking Away.

0:23:580:23:59

It is Walking Away, very well done. That would have scored 1 point.

0:23:590:24:02

Terrific work if you got that at home.

0:24:020:24:04

Thank you very much indeed. We're halfway through the round.

0:24:040:24:07

Let's take a look at those scores.

0:24:070:24:09

14, Nick, very well done, the best score of that pass.

0:24:090:24:11

Nick and Jayne,

0:24:110:24:13

I think the head-to-head is just moments away for you.

0:24:130:24:16

89 is where we find Jordan and Holly,

0:24:160:24:19

and 100 is where we find Naomi and Oli, so, very best of luck.

0:24:190:24:22

We'll come back down the line now.

0:24:220:24:23

Could the second players please step up to the podium?

0:24:230:24:25

OK, let's put six more famous poems with bits missing on the board,

0:24:280:24:32

and here they come.

0:24:320:24:34

I shall read those all one last time.

0:24:510:24:53

Jayne.

0:25:090:25:11

Jayne, well, this is quite nice.

0:25:110:25:12

You only have to score 85 or less.

0:25:120:25:14

Right, OK, there is one that I think I might know that would be a risk,

0:25:140:25:18

so I think I want to stick with the one I am certain about,

0:25:180:25:21

and I'm going to go for The Charge Of The Light Brigade.

0:25:210:25:23

The Charge Of The Light Brigade, says Jayne.

0:25:230:25:26

Here is your red line.

0:25:260:25:27

If you get below that with The Charge Of The Light Brigade,

0:25:270:25:29

you are in the head-to-head. How many people said it?

0:25:290:25:32

It is right, and is...

0:25:340:25:37

Look at that! 81.

0:25:370:25:39

Very good indeed.

0:25:390:25:41

95 is your total.

0:25:410:25:42

Yeah, that's quite cocky, isn't it?

0:25:440:25:47

Going for that and just getting 95 points.

0:25:470:25:49

Very impressively done.

0:25:490:25:50

Now, Tennyson's son said he wrote that in a matter of minutes

0:25:500:25:53

after reading about the charge of the Light Brigade in The Times.

0:25:530:25:56

He said it literally just all came out.

0:25:560:25:58

So, The Times article must have been full of all that detail.

0:25:580:26:01

Or did Alfred just make it up?

0:26:010:26:03

No, it was a detailed article

0:26:030:26:04

full of words that rhymed with each other, which was useful.

0:26:040:26:07

-Oh, that was nice, isn't it?

-Yes. A poet's friend.

0:26:070:26:10

Yeah.

0:26:100:26:11

Light Brigade, good, Light Battalion would have been difficult.

0:26:110:26:15

-Good luck with that!

-Yeah, exactly!

0:26:150:26:17

Mind you, Light Battalion, I suppose,

0:26:170:26:19

may have ridden stallions.

0:26:190:26:21

They may have done.

0:26:210:26:22

Light Battalion riding stallions,

0:26:220:26:24

Coming over the hill.

0:26:240:26:26

Oh, look at that!

0:26:260:26:28

-That's all I've got.

-Yeah.

0:26:290:26:31

-Good job it's half a league, nice rhythm there.

-Yeah.

0:26:310:26:34

League, league, that is no good.

0:26:340:26:37

What a palaver in Balaclava, I wish I wasn't here.

0:26:370:26:39

HE HUMS "Shave And A Haircut"

0:26:390:26:42

Anyway, there we go. So, Oli.

0:26:420:26:44

Scraping back to the days of school.

0:26:460:26:49

Scrape away, Oli. Now, you are high-scorers at the moment.

0:26:490:26:54

But a low score from you

0:26:540:26:56

could land you in the head-to-head.

0:26:560:26:59

Not entirely sure on any of them, really.

0:26:590:27:02

I'm going to take a guess at the bottom one, Funeral Pyre.

0:27:020:27:07

Funeral Pyre, for the Auden.

0:27:070:27:09

No red line for you as you are the high-scorers.

0:27:090:27:11

Let's see what happens when we say Funeral Pyre.

0:27:110:27:13

No, I am afraid not Funeral Pyre, Oli.

0:27:170:27:19

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 200.

0:27:190:27:21

Yeah, not Funeral Pyre - a song by The Jam,

0:27:210:27:24

but not a poem by WH Auden.

0:27:240:27:25

I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.

0:27:250:27:27

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

0:27:270:27:29

Now, then, Holly. Listen, do you hear?

0:27:290:27:32

That is the sound of the head-to-head!

0:27:320:27:34

-I think it is!

-That is what it is, you are through to the head-to-head!

0:27:340:27:38

-Oh, no!

-By default, I will add.

0:27:380:27:41

Doesn't matter what you score, this board is all yours.

0:27:420:27:45

Do you want to talk us through it and just maybe have a punt

0:27:450:27:48

at some of them? See which ones you can fill in.

0:27:480:27:51

The first one might be The Road To Nowhere.

0:27:510:27:53

No, it's not.

0:27:530:27:55

Oh, The Road... Oh, God!

0:27:550:27:57

There we go.

0:27:570:27:58

I knew The Charge Of The Light Brigade.

0:27:590:28:03

I am going to go Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.

0:28:030:28:06

There we are, there we are, said in the right accent, as well.

0:28:060:28:09

I should know it, shouldn't I, really?

0:28:090:28:11

No red line for you, as you are already through,

0:28:110:28:13

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Night.

0:28:130:28:15

It is right.

0:28:180:28:20

29.

0:28:240:28:25

118 is your total.

0:28:250:28:29

Yeah, well played, Holly.

0:28:300:28:31

They wouldn't let you back into South Wales

0:28:310:28:34

if you hadn't gone for that one. Terrific stuff, from 1952.

0:28:340:28:37

Now, The Road Not...

0:28:370:28:40

-Taken.

-It is. Now, I thought Travelled,

0:28:400:28:41

and I think a lot of people, at home,

0:28:410:28:43

I suspect will have said Travelled as well.

0:28:430:28:45

-The Road LESS Travelled, isn't it?

-Yes, so it scored 7 points,

0:28:450:28:48

I think because a lot of people make that same mistake.

0:28:480:28:50

Do you know the Blake one?

0:28:500:28:52

I cannot think of that one.

0:28:520:28:53

-A Poison Tree.

-A Poison Tree.

0:28:530:28:56

Would have scored you 4.

0:28:560:28:57

Now, Naomi, if only you have had this one in the first round,

0:28:570:29:00

because it's A Red, Red Rose. Would have been perfect.

0:29:000:29:03

That would have scored you 66.

0:29:040:29:06

And it is Funeral...

0:29:060:29:08

-Funeral Blues.

-Funeral Blues, yeah.

0:29:080:29:10

And that was the best answer on the board, 2 points.

0:29:100:29:13

Very well done that you said that.

0:29:130:29:15

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

0:29:150:29:17

So, we are at the end of our second round, and I am sorry to say,

0:29:170:29:20

Oli and Naomi, this is where once again we have to say goodbye to you.

0:29:200:29:24

Far too soon, far too soon,

0:29:240:29:26

I am sorry that we did not serve up a better round for you,

0:29:260:29:28

but it has been great having you on.

0:29:280:29:30

Thank you so much for playing, Oli and Naomi.

0:29:300:29:33

APPLAUSE

0:29:330:29:35

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

0:29:360:29:39

Congratulations, Jayne and Nick, Holly and Jordan,

0:29:440:29:46

you're now one step closer to the final,

0:29:460:29:47

and the chance to play for our jackpot,

0:29:470:29:49

which currently stands at £2,000.

0:29:490:29:52

Well, what about this? We have arrived at the head-to-head,

0:29:560:29:59

which is just such a great moment,

0:29:590:30:00

because you can start playing as a team now,

0:30:000:30:03

you can chat before you give your answers.

0:30:030:30:04

The first player to win two questions

0:30:040:30:06

will be playing for that jackpot.

0:30:060:30:07

Anything can happen in the head-to-head, but we shall see.

0:30:070:30:11

Very best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

0:30:110:30:13

Here is your first question, and it concerns...

0:30:190:30:23

-Richard.

-We're going to show you some visual clues now to countries

0:30:260:30:29

which are in the EU. Can you tell us what the countries are, please?

0:30:290:30:32

Excellent. Let's reveal our five sets of visual clues,

0:30:320:30:35

and here they are.

0:30:350:30:36

OK, there we are. Jayne and Nick, you're our low-scorers

0:31:080:31:11

so you will go first.

0:31:110:31:13

-C is Romania.

-Very good.

0:31:150:31:18

We'll go for C, and Romania.

0:31:250:31:28

C, Romania.

0:31:280:31:30

C, Romania, say Jayne and Nick.

0:31:300:31:32

Now, Holly and Jordan, do you want to talk us through the board?

0:31:320:31:36

Yeah, OK. The first one, we think is Hungary.

0:31:360:31:40

B is Denmark.

0:31:400:31:43

E is Sweden.

0:31:430:31:45

And I do not know D.

0:31:450:31:46

Oh, I do know, I think.

0:31:480:31:51

I am going to go D, Finland.

0:31:510:31:54

Finland. Are you happy with that, Jordan?

0:31:540:31:56

-Yeah!

-Yes!

0:31:560:31:57

OK, Finland, so we have Romania and we have Finland.

0:31:580:32:01

Jayne and Nick, let's see how many people of our 100 people went for

0:32:010:32:04

Romania for C.

0:32:040:32:06

It's right.

0:32:100:32:11

25.

0:32:160:32:17

25 for Romania.

0:32:210:32:23

Now, meanwhile, Holly and Jordan have said Finland for D.

0:32:230:32:27

Let's see if that is right, and how many of our 100 people said Finland.

0:32:270:32:30

It's right.

0:32:320:32:33

Oh, 43 for Finland!

0:32:370:32:38

Not bad, though. Both good answers, but well done, Jayne and Nick,

0:32:400:32:44

after one question, you are up 1-0.

0:32:440:32:46

It's funny how the mind works, cos that's the last one you got,

0:32:460:32:48

immediately, you think it is the hardest one.

0:32:480:32:50

Actually, it's the biggest scorer of all,

0:32:500:32:52

and two of the other ones you knew would have won you the point there.

0:32:520:32:55

The first two. So, you are right about Hungary.

0:32:550:32:58

That would have scored you 19 points.

0:32:580:33:00

The best answer on the board is B, which is Denmark,

0:33:000:33:03

that would've scored you 10 points.

0:33:030:33:05

It would've been a great answer.

0:33:050:33:07

And E, of course is Sweden.

0:33:070:33:10

And that would have scored you 36.

0:33:110:33:13

Thank you very much indeed. OK, here comes your second question.

0:33:130:33:16

Now, Holly and Jordan, you get to answer it first,

0:33:160:33:18

but you have to win it to stay in the game, so, good luck.

0:33:180:33:21

Our second question concerns...

0:33:210:33:23

-Richard.

-We're going to show you the surnames, now,

0:33:250:33:28

of five famous composers.

0:33:280:33:29

We'd like the first names

0:33:290:33:30

by which they were most usually known, please.

0:33:300:33:32

Thanks very much indeed.

0:33:320:33:33

Let's reveal our five composers, and here they come.

0:33:330:33:36

There we are. Holly and Jordan, it's over to you.

0:33:560:33:59

You can confer, and you will answer first.

0:33:590:34:03

We are going to have a complete guess, I think, because...

0:34:030:34:05

None of them.

0:34:050:34:07

They all sound familiar,

0:34:070:34:08

but first names is just...

0:34:080:34:10

Gone. I don't know,

0:34:110:34:12

what do you want to say?

0:34:120:34:13

-I am not sure.

-We will go for...

0:34:130:34:17

What do you think?

0:34:170:34:19

Francois Bizet.

0:34:190:34:22

Francois Bizet, say Holly and Jordan.

0:34:220:34:25

OK, Jayne and Nick, do you want to talk us through those?

0:34:250:34:29

-Do you think Henry Purcell?

-Yes, that is what I had.

-Yeah, OK.

0:34:290:34:32

We're going to go for the second one - Henry Purcell.

0:34:320:34:36

Henry Purcell. OK, so we have Francois Bizet and Henry Purcell.

0:34:360:34:41

Holly and Jordan said Francois Bizet, let's see if that is right.

0:34:410:34:44

Let's see how many people said it if it is.

0:34:440:34:46

No, I am afraid not Francois Bizet.

0:34:500:34:52

Now, Jayne and Nick have gone for Henry Purcell.

0:34:520:34:55

Let's see if that is right,

0:34:550:34:56

and let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

0:34:560:34:58

It is indeed Henry Purcell,

0:35:010:35:02

but crucially, it was right.

0:35:020:35:04

30.

0:35:070:35:08

And that means, Jayne and Nick, very well done, after two questions only,

0:35:100:35:14

you have gone straight through to the final, 2-0.

0:35:140:35:17

Yeah, nicely played. Now, you'll be able to fill in this board,

0:35:170:35:20

won't you, with your classical music skills?

0:35:200:35:22

-Mendelssohn...

-Felix.

0:35:220:35:23

He was, at one stage, Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy.

0:35:240:35:27

-But he seemed to drop the Bartholdy.

-Oh, did he?

-Yeah.

0:35:270:35:30

I think it's because, when he got famous,

0:35:300:35:32

it just took too long to sign his autograph.

0:35:320:35:34

I guess that's right. It is a bit... He was actually

0:35:340:35:38

-Felix May Jasmine Gillingham Football Club Mendelssohn...

-Bartholdy.

0:35:380:35:42

Yeah, yeah.

0:35:420:35:44

Bizet, it's not Francois, it is...

0:35:440:35:47

Georges.

0:35:470:35:48

Georges.

0:35:490:35:51

Chopin.

0:35:510:35:52

Frederic Chopin.

0:35:520:35:54

Vingt-trois points for Frederic Chopin.

0:35:560:35:59

He was Polish, of course, but I cannot do it in Polish.

0:35:590:36:01

I don't know a Polish accent, really,

0:36:010:36:03

or if I did, it would not be...

0:36:030:36:05

Yes. And Robert Schumann.

0:36:050:36:06

Robert Schumann, you're right.

0:36:060:36:08

Bob Schumann I used to know him as.

0:36:080:36:10

3 points for that, very well done if you said that.

0:36:100:36:13

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

0:36:130:36:15

So, the pair leaving the end of the head-to-head round,

0:36:150:36:17

I am afraid it's Holly and Jordan.

0:36:170:36:20

I'm so sorry,

0:36:200:36:21

it has been lovely having you all the way through to this stage.

0:36:210:36:23

This is where we have to say goodbye,

0:36:230:36:25

but the good news is we get to see you again next time,

0:36:250:36:27

when I am sure you will do just as well.

0:36:270:36:30

But in the meantime, thank you very much for playing, Holly and Jordan.

0:36:300:36:32

APPLAUSE

0:36:320:36:34

But, for Jayne and Nick, it's now time for our Pointless final.

0:36:360:36:39

Congratulations, Jayne and Nick,

0:36:430:36:45

you've fought off all the competition

0:36:450:36:46

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

0:36:460:36:49

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot -

0:36:540:36:57

and at the end of today's show, thanks in part to your hard work,

0:36:570:37:00

the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

0:37:000:37:02

There we are.

0:37:020:37:03

Now, let's just go back over this.

0:37:060:37:09

Your first appearance on Pointless.

0:37:090:37:11

Your first two answers on Pointless were pointless.

0:37:110:37:14

You have come through the head-to-head round 2-0,

0:37:140:37:17

and you have come through to the final,

0:37:170:37:19

you've won the Pointless trophy.

0:37:190:37:20

This is an achievement you can go back to work

0:37:200:37:23

and really whisper about.

0:37:230:37:24

LAUGHTER

0:37:240:37:26

Fantastic.

0:37:270:37:29

Now, as always, you get to choose your category

0:37:290:37:31

from the four we put up on the board there.

0:37:310:37:33

Let's have a look at today's selection,

0:37:330:37:35

see what they look like.

0:37:350:37:37

-If you feel you know cricketers, Nick.

-Pfft...

0:37:490:37:51

I mean, that is more than anything I have.

0:37:510:37:53

Opera, no. Military history, no.

0:37:530:37:55

-Zombie films...

-No.

0:37:550:37:57

I know a couple.

0:37:570:37:58

-By default?

-Yes, by default.

0:37:580:38:01

It is going to be Wisden Cricketers of the Year.

0:38:010:38:04

OK, very best of luck. Quite simple, this one,

0:38:040:38:07

we are looking for any Wisden Cricketer of the Year

0:38:070:38:09

in the following decades, please.

0:38:090:38:11

Very, very best of luck.

0:38:210:38:23

Thank you very much indeed. Now, as always,

0:38:230:38:25

you have got up to one minute to come up with three answers,

0:38:250:38:27

and all you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers

0:38:270:38:30

-to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Very good.

0:38:300:38:33

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

0:38:330:38:35

There they are. Your time starts now.

0:38:350:38:37

OK, I have got one from the '80s, a guy called Graeme Hick.

0:38:370:38:40

Richie Benaud, is he from any of those...?

0:38:400:38:42

I think he might be a little bit early,

0:38:420:38:44

I am not sure whether they can be international or not.

0:38:440:38:46

I'm guessing they can.

0:38:460:38:48

Viv Richards, but it's not going to be pointless.

0:38:510:38:54

2000s, what have you got?

0:38:580:38:59

Flintoff is obvious.

0:39:000:39:02

Ramprakash, is there someone called...?

0:39:030:39:05

There is, I don't know whether he was Cricketer of the Year or not.

0:39:050:39:09

Botham?

0:39:140:39:15

I think he's too high profile, I think. So... Um...

0:39:150:39:21

-What else have you got?

-We have got Graeme Hick.

0:39:240:39:27

Bob Willis.

0:39:270:39:28

-Bob Willis.

-He's quite high, and 2000s,

0:39:280:39:32

maybe Andrew Strauss, possibly.

0:39:320:39:36

OK, that is your time. Let's have your three answers,

0:39:360:39:38

and if you could say which decade as well.

0:39:380:39:40

OK, 2000s - we will go with Andrew Strauss.

0:39:400:39:43

-1980s, Graeme Hick.

-Graeme Hick.

0:39:430:39:47

Viv Richards for the '80s, even though he's from the '70s,

0:39:470:39:50

-but '80s, yeah.

-OK.

0:39:500:39:51

Which of those do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

0:39:510:39:54

-Probably Graeme Hick.

-Graeme Hick goes last.

0:39:540:39:56

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Andrew Strauss, because he is more recent.

0:39:560:39:59

Andrew Strauss, and Viv Richards we'll pop in the middle.

0:39:590:40:02

OK, let's put those answers on the board in that order, then,

0:40:020:40:04

and here they are. We've got...

0:40:040:40:06

Well, best of luck.

0:40:090:40:11

Three good answers on the board. Let's hope all three are right,

0:40:110:40:14

and let's hope at least one of those three answers is pointless

0:40:140:40:17

and will win you that jackpot.

0:40:170:40:18

£2,000, a nice jackpot to be taking home.

0:40:180:40:20

What would you do with that? Jayne, you first.

0:40:200:40:22

I have got a few holidays, I want to do a few more European cities,

0:40:220:40:26

so I have got Rome and Prague in my sights.

0:40:260:40:28

I'd maybe put the money towards going away on holiday.

0:40:280:40:32

Very nice indeed. Nick, how about you?

0:40:320:40:34

I need a new laptop, because mine has had it,

0:40:340:40:37

-and, yeah, that would be fantastic.

-Very good. Well, best of luck.

0:40:370:40:42

Your first answer was Andrew Strauss.

0:40:420:40:44

In this case, we were looking for

0:40:440:40:47

Wisden Cricketer of the Year in the 2000s.

0:40:470:40:49

It has to be right, then it has to be pointless for you to win,

0:40:490:40:52

so let's see - for £2,000, how many people said Andrew Strauss?

0:40:520:40:56

It is right.

0:40:590:41:00

Andrew Strauss taking us down through the 40s and the 30s,

0:41:020:41:05

if this goes all the way down to 0,

0:41:050:41:07

you leave you with £2,000.

0:41:070:41:08

Into single figures.

0:41:080:41:09

Still going down, Andrew Strauss...

0:41:090:41:11

You've done it!

0:41:110:41:13

That is fantastic!

0:41:160:41:19

Andrew Strauss is a pointless answer.

0:41:190:41:22

Wow!

0:41:270:41:28

Andrew Strauss, what a surprise, was a pointless answer!

0:41:290:41:34

That means you go home with the jackpot of £2,000.

0:41:340:41:37

Jayne and Nick, very well done indeed.

0:41:370:41:39

What about that?

0:41:410:41:42

Yeah, a really good category to pick,

0:41:420:41:44

our 100 did not cover themselves in glory here, I have to say.

0:41:440:41:47

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

0:41:470:41:50

We will start with the 1960s.

0:41:500:41:52

All sorts of names...

0:41:520:41:53

Everybody apart from Geoff Boycott, Gary Sobers, Ken Barrington,

0:41:560:41:59

Brian Close, Ted Dexter, Basil D'Oliveira,

0:41:590:42:01

and with 2 points, Richie Benaud.

0:42:010:42:02

Everyone else was a pointless answer,

0:42:020:42:04

but he was one of the Cricketers of the Year in the 1960s.

0:42:040:42:07

In the 1980s, again, so many big names here.

0:42:070:42:10

Joel Garner, the West Indian bowler.

0:42:100:42:12

Richard Hadlee, the New Zealand all-rounder.

0:42:130:42:15

Steve Waugh, Clive Rice, Craig McDermott, Dilip Vengsarkar,

0:42:150:42:18

Derek Randall, Javed Miandad, Jeff Dujon, John Emburey

0:42:180:42:21

Sunil Gavaskar, and Graeme Hick, also a pointless answer,

0:42:210:42:25

so, well done.

0:42:250:42:27

And the 2000s Cricketers of the Year, again, so many big names here.

0:42:270:42:31

Gilchrist, Caddick, Lee, Cairns, Klusener, Jayawardene,

0:42:350:42:39

Hayden, Rahul Dravid, Ryan Sidebottom,

0:42:390:42:40

Shaun Pollock, Steve Harmison, loads and loads of other names here.

0:42:400:42:44

Viv Richards was a Wisden Cricketer of the Year, but in the 1970s.

0:42:440:42:47

-Oh.

-Very well done if you got any at home,

0:42:470:42:48

and terrific work in the studio.

0:42:480:42:50

You've been brilliant throughout the entire show,

0:42:500:42:52

and deserve every penny of that jackpot.

0:42:520:42:54

-Congratulations.

-Thank you very much indeed,

0:42:540:42:56

and thanks once again to our winning players, Jayne and Nick,

0:42:560:42:59

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,000.

0:42:590:43:02

Join us next time

0:43:040:43:05

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

0:43:050:43:08

Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

0:43:080:43:10

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

0:43:100:43:13

Quiz in which contestants try to score as few points as possible by plumbing the depths of their general knowledge to come up with the answers no-one else can think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman.


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