Episode 20 Pointless


Episode 20

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Thank you very much indeed.

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Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

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the show where the more obscure your knowledge,

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the better your chances of winning. Let's meet today's players.

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And couple number one.

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I'm Holly, my full name is

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Holly May Jasmine Gillingham Football Club Gould,

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and this is my sister Jordan...

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-Hi.

-..and we are from a town in South Wales called Aberdare.

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Couple number two.

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I'm Naomi, this is my partner, Oli, and we are both from Dorset.

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Couple number three.

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Hello, I'm Steve, this is Oktiva, and we are from Newcastle.

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And finally, couple number four.

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Hi, I'm Jayne, this is my friend Nick,

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and we are representing Petersfield in Hampshire.

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And these are today's contestants.

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Thank you very much, all of you. A very warm welcome to the show.

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We'll chat to each of you throughout the show as it goes along.

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So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

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He has got a lot to answer for, which is lucky,

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because that is actually his job.

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It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

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Hiya. Hi, everybody.

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Good afternoon.

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Now, every now and again

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when we have our introductions from our people,

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something is raised which we have to address immediately...

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-Yes.

-..and I would say,

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maybe Holly's name needs to be addressed immediately.

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Were you getting that? Did you get some of that?

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It was being put out there, I think.

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Gillingham Football Club.

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I think Gillingham Football Club was involved in her name.

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I wonder if that is true.

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I wonder whether it's showboating on her part,

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or whether it's showboating on her parents' part.

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Something is definitely up.

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We will find out, I guess, won't we?

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Two returning pairs from the last show

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who got knocked out in Round One and Round Two,

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that is Naomi and Oli and Oktiva and Steve -

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and David and Leanne got through to that head-to-head,

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and we had the lovely Geography round.

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It was one of those...

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There are some Pointless jackpot rounds that are just...

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It was stuffed full of pointless answers.

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I think they mentioned six pointless answers during their time.

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They got three pointless answers, they mentioned six.

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There were so many pointless answers,

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if you knew anything about countries or capitals or anything,

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it was joyous to watch, wasn't it?

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It was a wonderful end to the show.

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Fantastic. All of which means that David and Leanne won the jackpot

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last time, so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

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There we are. Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

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Now, remember this -

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the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

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will be eliminated. That is the rule.

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Best of luck to all four pairs.

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Our first category today is...

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Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

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who is going to go second? And whoever is going to go first,

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please step up to the podium.

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OK, and the question concerns...

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-Richard.

-Yes, we are going to show you a board in a minute

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showing the titles of 12 British sitcoms.

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We are looking for anyone who has appeared in ten episodes or more

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of any of the sitcoms you are about to see,

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all according to IMDb.

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Thank you very much indeed.

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So, as Richard said,

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we're going to put an image up with 12 sitcoms on it.

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That board won't change.

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We've got...

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In one breath! I will do them one more time.

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There we are, and all we want to know is the name of anyone

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who appeared in ten or more episodes in each of these sitcoms.

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Holly, welcome to Pointless.

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Holly... What was the second one?

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-Mary?

-May.

-May.

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-Jasmine.

-Jasmine.

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-Gillingham Football Club Gould.

-Gillingham Football Club Gould.

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When did you add the Gillingham Football Club?

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At birth, it was added.

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-It was done at birth?

-Yeah, my dad went to register me.

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I was supposed to be Holly May Jasmine,

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and I think he just put Gillingham Football Club in for a laugh.

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-For fun.

-For fun, basically, yes.

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What about that?

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So, do you have all those initials on things that are...?

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Yeah. To a certain extent, on my passport they can only fit GFC.

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I like to fill it out on most documents

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just so that people ask me, really.

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-It passes the time.

-It does, it's a good opener.

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On a long-haul flight, if you've got a landing card to fill in,

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that's the last two hours of the flight taken up,

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-filling in the card.

-Yeah, exactly.

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-Holly, what you do?

-I'm an air hostess, actually!

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LAUGHTER

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Now, how do you like that? How do you like that?

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Very good. On long-haul?

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No, actually, I'm on the short ones,

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so I don't actually get time to fill anything out because it is so short.

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Now, Holly, how about this?

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-British sitcoms.

-Not great,

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I was probably hoping for American sitcoms more.

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I am probably going to go Phoenix Nights and Peter Kay.

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OK, Peter Kay, nice obscure answer from Phoenix Nights(!)

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Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Peter Kay.

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It's right.

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34.

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34 for Peter Kay. Solid start.

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Yeah, the creator, co-writer and star of Phoenix Nights.

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Thanks very much indeed.

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Now, Naomi, welcome back.

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It was Round Two we had to say goodbye to you last time.

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-It was.

-Now, remind us what you do, Naomi.

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I, sort of, assistant manage my mum's pub in Dorset.

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See, that's nice. Is it a country pub?

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Yeah, it's very much in the middle of nowhere.

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Oh, that is nice. Does it specialise?

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Is it a gastropub, or...?

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It is a sort of gastropub, like...

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we do nice food, but quite pubby food,

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and we get a few drinkers in, as well, so...

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Is your menu every day on a clipboard?

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It isn't, no. It is just printed off.

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We're not posh enough for clipboards.

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No, I quite like printed off without the clipboard.

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I think the clipboard has had its day, I think.

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But each day it's a new menu with the date on the top?

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We don't quite go that far,

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sort of every couple of days we change the specials,

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so we don't tend to put the date on,

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purely because when I'm copy-and-pasting,

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I always forget to change the date.

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That's fair enough. Otherwise, give someone the wrong date,

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-they'll just assume everything is off.

-Yeah, exactly.

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-I've had that a lot.

-OK. Now, Naomi, what would you like to go for?

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I am going to go with Peep Show,

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and I am going to go with Isy Suttie.

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Isy Suttie. OK, let's see if that is right.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Isy Suttie.

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It is right.

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34 is our only score on the board at this stage.

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You pass that.

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Oh, it's a pointless answer!

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Very well done indeed, Naomi.

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That is a pointless answer, which adds £250 to today's jackpot,

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take the total up to £1,250,

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it scores you 0, and earns you our undying respect.

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Very well done indeed.

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Yeah, that's what we like to see, Naomi, a pointless answer,

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and also she is brilliant, Isy Suttie.

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Brilliant writer, brilliant performer, great entertainer.

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She plays Dobby in Peep Show.

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Thank you very much, Richard.

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Steve, welcome back to Pointless.

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-Remind us what you do, Steve.

-I work for an IT company.

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Based up in Newcastle?

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-That is correct, yeah.

-Whereabouts in Newcastle are you based?

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Are you within the city or are you...?

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In the city, yes, very close to the station, if you know where that is.

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Very nice. Westgate Road.

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-Absolutely! I live on Westgate Road.

-What about that?

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-Fantastic place to be.

-How do you know about Westgate Road?

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I am from the North-East, you see. LAUGHTER

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Now then, Steve, what would you like to go for?

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I'll go for Hi-De-Hi!

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And Jeffrey Holland.

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Jeffrey Holland.

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OK, let's see if that's right

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and let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

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It is right.

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34 remains our high score.

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Look at that, down to 1!

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Very, very good indeed, Steve.

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Very good indeed.

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Well played, Steve, that is a great answer.

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Played Spike, of course. Been on the show a couple of times.

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-Absolutely.

-He is the person I bump into most in my local high street,

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Jeffrey Holland. Quite often we wander along, have a little chat.

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He doesn't live there, he stalks you, doesn't he?

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We discovered on the show.

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No, it's the other way round, he DOES live there.

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I live in Kettering but I commute down to see if I can bother him.

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Thank you very much. Jayne, welcome to Pointless.

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-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you here.

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What do you do, Jayne?

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-I work in the tourist information centre in Petersfield.

-That's...

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Tell us about Petersfield.

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We are down for the afternoon, what should we go and look at?

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Well, it depends if you want to stay in Petersfield.

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We have got a magnificent heath

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that's got burial mounds from the Bronze Age

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that's currently having excavations done with archaeologists.

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That's exciting.

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What artefacts have they found there so far, do you know?

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They've found lots of wood and lots of arrowheads and implements,

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-and things like that.

-That is a Bronze Age digging site.

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-It would indicate that there is obviously a lot there.

-Wonderful.

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We are in the South Downs, so if you go further afield,

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it's beautiful countryside, lots of walking, and Portsmouth,

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you can go and see the historic dockyard.

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There is just so much to do in the area.

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Fantastic. Jayne, what are you going to go for on this board?

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I am conflicted because I know I have got one that is pretty safe,

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but seeing how everyone else has done,

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I think I've got to take a risk,

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so I am going to go Sally Phillips.

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Sally Phillips, OK.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Sally Phillips.

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Look at that, it's another pointless answer.

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Well done indeed, Jayne!

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That adds another £250 to today's jackpot, takes the total to £1,500,

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scores you 0, and is generally superb.

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I am glad I went for it now!

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-Very well done indeed.

-Another wonderful comic, as well.

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Yeah, she is Tilly in Miranda. She is also in I'm Alan Partridge,

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but has not been in ten episodes of that.

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-You'd think so, she's so memorable in it.

-Isn't she?

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-But, yeah, she has not been in ten episodes.

-So funny.

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Anyway, we are halfway through the round.

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Let's take a look at those scores.

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0, the best score of that round, Naomi and Jayne,

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very well done to both of you.

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I think you are looking like strong contenders for the next round.

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As, I would say, are Steve and Oktiva.

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Now, Holly and Jordan...

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-Oh, no!

-She is going to pull it out the bag.

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She is going to have to pull it out the bag

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and put a lot back in the bag!

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But, who knows? We're going to come back down the line now.

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Can the second players please step up to the podium?

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OK, so, Nick,

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remember we are looking for anyone who has appeared

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in ten or more episodes of any of these sitcoms, and obviously,

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you're going to try to find the lowest-scoring one you can.

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Nick, welcome.

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Here from Petersfield, also. What do you do, Nick?

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I work in the library, working alongside Jayne.

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Oh, so the tourist information is also in the library?

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-Yes.

-SOFTLY: So you have to give your information quite quietly.

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INDISTINCT WHISPERING

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Hand over pamphlets.

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With your pen, circle things on maps.

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-That's fun.

-That would be fun!

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What fun! And Petersfield with its lovely working library,

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and it's still a popular meeting place, I should hope.

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What do you do when you leave the library, Nick?

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I started trying to write some children books about 15 years ago.

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I'm trying to, when I finish this, actually get down and finish things,

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because I've got a lot of ideas, but it's actually finishing them.

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Then the aim is to actually get them in the library.

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It is. Now, are these children's novels or...?

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No, it's children's books which are short.

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The idea is that when parents read books to their kids,

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the parents won't fall asleep first,

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which I think is a danger with quite a few of the books.

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-It certainly can be.

-Cos they're dull.

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Well, very, very good luck with that, Nick.

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Your target score is 33 or less.

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OK. I have got an answer which will either score 100 or 0.

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-These are the answers we love.

-I'm going to go with the other answer,

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which is Ashley Jensen, who I believe appears in Extras.

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Ashley Jensen, says Nick.

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Here's your red line. If you can get below it with Ashley Jensen,

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you're through to the next round. How many people said it?

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It's right.

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It gets you through to Round Two, very well done indeed.

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Ashley Jensen is a pointless answer, very well done indeed!

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That adds another £250 to today's jackpot,

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takes the total to £1,750,

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it scores you 0 and leaves your total at 0.

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Very, very well done indeed on podium four, there.

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-This is going well, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

-Yeah, she plays...

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Another brilliant actor, plays Maggie in Extras.

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Marvellous, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

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Now, Oktiva, welcome back to Pointless.

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Remind us what you do, Oktiva.

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I am part of Medicine Delta, working for the National Health Service,

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so we maintain database for suppliers, GPs and pharmacies.

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-Are you based in Newcastle as well?

-Quite a boring job.

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-Newcastle, yes.

-Very good indeed.

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What do you like getting up to when not working?

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Actually, I do enjoy cycling and walking.

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Beautiful places to walk and cycle.

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And I started running last year.

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-Very good.

-After doing The Great North Run.

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Oh, it is brilliant, The Great North Run.

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-I did it!

-Oktiva, there you are on 1.

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34 is the high score, if you can score 32 or less,

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you will be doing very well.

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This is not good at all.

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I cannot think of any names, apart from I'm Alan Partridge,

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Alan Partridge?

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OK, you're going to say Alan Partridge.

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Here is your red line. You have to get below this to stay with us.

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Let's see what happens when we say Alan Partridge.

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Oh, I'm sorry, Oktiva.

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I'm sorry, an incorrect answer.

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That scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 101.

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Yeah, sorry. Jordan, can I commend you for your poker face

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through that whole thing? Holly, less so!

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The huge smile gave something away,

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but Jordan was very impressive there.

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-You wouldn't have known.

-I wasn't looking, I didn't dare look.

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Didn't dare look.

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Thank you.

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Now, Oli, remind us what it is you do.

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I am a freelance chef, I do bits of relief cheffing and event catering.

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See, that is fun. I think that is enormous fun.

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I mean, tough for you, very hard work.

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You have to sort of get straight in there and get straight down to it.

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It is like a finals week of MasterChef

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-for you every day you work, I should think.

-Oh, yes, every minute!

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Every minute of the day!

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Are there various kitchens that you go to regularly

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that you sort of become...?

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There have been a few that I created a rapport with,

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but it is quite nice to keep your cooking level changing

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between kind of pubs, restaurants, up into accoladed establishments.

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See, that's exciting. But how about...?

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Isn't it time that maybe Oli's opened?

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-No.

-Are you working towards...?

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No, I'm quite happy for somebody else to take the responsibility,

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and pay me to do the magic.

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OK, nice. Now, Oli, what are you going to go for?

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Doesn't matter what you score,

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our high-scorers on 101 are out of your reach.

0:15:100:15:14

Hedging my bets, but I am going to go with a hero of mine

0:15:140:15:16

who actually lives in the town I grew up in.

0:15:160:15:18

I will go Trevor Peacock.

0:15:180:15:20

Trevor Peacock, says Oli. Let's see if that's right.

0:15:200:15:22

No red line for you, Oli, as you are already through.

0:15:220:15:24

Let's see how many people said Trevor Peacock.

0:15:240:15:26

It's right.

0:15:280:15:30

That was another pointless answer!

0:15:370:15:38

Very well done indeed, Oli,

0:15:380:15:40

that adds another £250 to today's jackpot,

0:15:400:15:43

takes the total up to £2,000,

0:15:430:15:46

scores you 0,

0:15:460:15:48

leaves your total at 0.

0:15:480:15:50

Very well done indeed.

0:15:500:15:51

That is great work, yeah. He plays Jim Trott in The Vicar Of Dibley,

0:15:510:15:54

Trevor Peacock. He is the one who says, "No, no, no, no, no, yes."

0:15:540:15:57

That one. I won't do an impression of him.

0:15:570:15:59

-But another wonderful actor.

-Thanks very much indeed.

0:15:590:16:02

Now, then, Jordan, what about that? What about that? You're back in!

0:16:020:16:05

-Yay!

-You are back in.

0:16:050:16:07

I wasn't expecting that.

0:16:070:16:08

-What you do, Jordan?

-I am a midwife.

0:16:080:16:11

Well, you must know all about naming children, then!

0:16:110:16:14

What are your names, by the way?

0:16:140:16:16

-Jordan Angharad Gould. I dodged a bullet.

-Yes, she did.

0:16:160:16:20

-I'll say you did!

-Yeah.

0:16:200:16:22

Jordan, so, the midwifery is fairly full time, I should think.

0:16:220:16:27

That doesn't leave you with a great deal of spare time.

0:16:270:16:29

-Yeah.

-I mean, a wonderful thing to be part of.

0:16:290:16:31

-Yeah.

-Exhausting, I should think!

0:16:310:16:33

-It is quite.

-In a world where you had spare time,

0:16:330:16:36

what would you like to do with it?

0:16:360:16:37

I am a bit of a shopaholic.

0:16:380:16:40

Generally, on my days off, that is what I tend to do,

0:16:420:16:46

is mooch around the shops and spend far too much money

0:16:460:16:49

on things I really do not need.

0:16:490:16:52

Perfect! So, then, Jordan, listen, you are on 34.

0:16:520:16:54

The high-scorers are Oktiva and Steve on 101.

0:16:540:16:57

66 or less is all you need to stay with us.

0:16:570:17:00

The only thing that is really coming to mind for me,

0:17:000:17:02

because I can see so many faces, I just cannot pick out the names,

0:17:020:17:06

is Ricky Gervais.

0:17:060:17:08

-OK.

-I think he was in Extras.

0:17:090:17:10

OK. This should have been easy, really, shouldn't it?

0:17:100:17:13

-OK, Oktiva and Steve looking excited!

-No!

0:17:130:17:17

Ricky Gervais,

0:17:170:17:19

and you have to get below that red line with Ricky Gervais.

0:17:190:17:21

Let's see how far down the column we get.

0:17:210:17:23

It is right.

0:17:260:17:29

-You have done it!

-Well done!

0:17:290:17:31

I don't know what I was making all that fuss about it.

0:17:310:17:33

26 for Ricky Gervais is fine.

0:17:330:17:35

Takes your total up to a nice, round 60.

0:17:350:17:38

Very well done indeed.

0:17:380:17:39

Yeah, very well played. Now, Oktiva,

0:17:410:17:43

26 points is also the score for Steve Coogan,

0:17:430:17:46

who played Alan Partridge.

0:17:460:17:47

Unfortunately, he was the character Alan Partridge.

0:17:470:17:49

Lots and lots of pointless answers.

0:17:490:17:51

I will go through... You will have pointless answers here, I'm sure.

0:17:510:17:54

Oh, do you know? I haven't even started thinking about it, but...

0:17:540:17:57

-I won't do...

-Yeah, I've got loads.

0:17:570:17:58

The Vicar Of Dibley - we've already had Trevor Peacock,

0:17:580:18:01

but Emma Chambers and James Fleet also pointless answers,

0:18:010:18:03

Jeremy Dyson in The League Of Gentlemen.

0:18:030:18:05

Porridge - Brian Wilde and Sam Kelly, both pointless answers.

0:18:050:18:08

Phoenix Nights, lots of pointless answers,

0:18:080:18:10

Steve Edge. Justin Moorhouse is a pointless answer.

0:18:100:18:12

Peep Show - Matt King who plays Super Hans is a pointless answer,

0:18:120:18:15

Paterson Joseph, who plays Johnson.

0:18:150:18:17

One Foot In The Grave - Janine Duvitski is a pointless answer.

0:18:170:18:20

Miranda - as well as Sally Phillips you've got Sarah Hadland,

0:18:200:18:23

Patricia Hodge also a pointless answer for that.

0:18:230:18:26

Keeping Up Appearances - Josephine Tewson, Geoffrey Hughes,

0:18:260:18:29

Judy Cornwell also a pointless answer.

0:18:290:18:30

I'm Alan Partridge - Simon Greenall, Phil Cornwell, Felicity Montagu,

0:18:300:18:34

pointless answers. Hi-De-Hi - loads of pointless answers.

0:18:340:18:36

Felix Bowness, Kenneth Connor,

0:18:360:18:38

Nikki Kelly, Diane Holland, Rikki Howard.

0:18:380:18:40

No pointless answers at all for Father Ted.

0:18:400:18:42

Best answers there - Frank Kelly and Pauline McLynn.

0:18:420:18:45

And Extras - Ashley Jensen, but also the wonderful Shaun Williamson,

0:18:450:18:48

a pointless answer there as well.

0:18:480:18:50

So, loads and loads of pointless answers.

0:18:500:18:51

Well done if you got any of those at home.

0:18:510:18:53

Thank you very much indeed. At the end of our first round,

0:18:530:18:56

I'm sorry to say, Steve and Oktiva, we have to say goodbye to you.

0:18:560:18:58

I'm afraid it's another first-round exit, I'm so sorry.

0:18:580:19:01

-I know, so unlucky.

-Far too soon, but it has been lovely having you

0:19:010:19:03

on the show, brief though it has been,

0:19:030:19:05

but thanks so much for playing, Oktiva and Steve.

0:19:050:19:07

APPLAUSE

0:19:070:19:08

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

0:19:110:19:14

Well, I'm afraid suddenly one of our pairs has just gone,

0:19:190:19:23

and that is how Pointless works, I'm afraid.

0:19:230:19:25

At the end of this round we'll have to say goodbye to another pair

0:19:250:19:28

in time for our head-to-head round. Best of luck to all three pairs.

0:19:280:19:31

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

0:19:310:19:34

Can you all decide in your pairs who'll go first and second?

0:19:360:19:39

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

0:19:390:19:42

OK, and the question concerns...

0:19:450:19:47

Missing words, Richard.

0:19:510:19:53

We are going to show you the titles now of six famous poems

0:19:530:19:55

on each board, but we've missed a word out of the title of each one.

0:19:550:19:58

It's going to be 12 in all to go have a go at at home.

0:19:580:20:00

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

0:20:000:20:02

Let's reveal our poems with missing words.

0:20:020:20:04

Here is the first board of six.

0:20:040:20:05

I shall read those all again.

0:20:200:20:22

Jordan.

0:20:350:20:37

Erm, poetry not really a strong subject of mine.

0:20:370:20:42

I am pretty thankful for Edward Lear in there, I think,

0:20:430:20:46

because I am pretty sure that is The Owl And The Pussycat.

0:20:460:20:49

The Owl And The Pussycat, OK, let's see if that is right.

0:20:490:20:52

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for The Owl And The Pussycat.

0:20:520:20:55

89.

0:20:590:21:01

89, that's... Listen, it's better than 100.

0:21:010:21:02

-Yes!

-89, not bad.

0:21:020:21:04

He was the 20th of 21 children, Edward Lear.

0:21:070:21:11

Can you imagine?

0:21:110:21:12

How depressing would that be?

0:21:120:21:14

What about going back there for Christmas, all of them,

0:21:140:21:17

with their children?

0:21:170:21:19

Oh, my goodness!

0:21:190:21:21

I mean...

0:21:210:21:22

That is a big turkey, isn't it?

0:21:230:21:25

Yeah, isn't it just?

0:21:250:21:27

I tell you what, I would be going, "Oh, unfortunately,

0:21:270:21:30

"I've got to go and write a poem." "Oh, you are a poet, Edward?"

0:21:300:21:33

"Yeah, yeah". "And what is your poem about?"

0:21:330:21:35

"An owl...and a pussycat."

0:21:350:21:37

"Oh, yeah, really, what do they do?" "Go to sea?"

0:21:370:21:40

He just made that up because he just wanted to get out of Christmas.

0:21:400:21:43

In one go, made the whole thing up.

0:21:430:21:45

Naomi, Naomi, what would you like to go for?

0:21:490:21:52

Unfortunately, poetry is massively not my strong point as well,

0:21:520:21:58

so I don't know.

0:21:580:21:59

I knew The Owl And The Pussycat,

0:21:590:22:01

but I'm going to have to guess something else,

0:22:010:22:04

and I do not have the foggiest about any of them.

0:22:040:22:07

-OK.

-I am just going to take a wild guess.

0:22:070:22:10

She Walks In Red.

0:22:100:22:11

-Why not?

-She could be walking in all sorts of things.

0:22:130:22:15

Well, she could. She Walks In Shoes.

0:22:150:22:17

Let's see how many of our 100 people said red.

0:22:170:22:19

No, I am afraid not red, Naomi,

0:22:230:22:25

but you are in good company.

0:22:250:22:27

Jordan and Holly aren't far behind you there.

0:22:270:22:29

And, to be fair, Lord Byron has missed a trick there,

0:22:290:22:31

because red rhymes with a lot.

0:22:310:22:32

-Oh, doesn't it?

-So, much better for a poem.

0:22:320:22:35

Yeah. Yeah.

0:22:350:22:37

Thank you. Now, Nick.

0:22:370:22:39

This board is... When I say this board is all yours,

0:22:410:22:43

I really mean it is all yours, apart from the Edward Lear.

0:22:430:22:46

OK, I hate poetry, but I know at least one of them,

0:22:460:22:50

I will go for The Waste Land by TS Eliot.

0:22:500:22:53

The Waste Land, says Nick.

0:22:530:22:55

Let's see how many of our 100 people went with The Waste Land.

0:22:550:22:58

It is right.

0:23:000:23:01

There we go, 14.

0:23:070:23:09

That is head-to-head talk, that is.

0:23:120:23:14

Yeah, well done, Nick.

0:23:140:23:16

He used to teach at Highgate School, TS Eliot.

0:23:160:23:18

One of his pupils was Sir John Betjeman.

0:23:180:23:21

-That I did not know.

-He wasn't Sir John Betjeman at the time.

0:23:210:23:23

No! That would have been precocious, wouldn't it?

0:23:230:23:26

-That came later.

-That would be precocious,

0:23:260:23:27

imagine if one of the kids in your class was Sir John Betjeman!

0:23:270:23:31

-It would be a bit off-putting.

-A little bit.

0:23:310:23:33

Let's fill in the rest of this. You will do well here, I think.

0:23:330:23:36

-Rudyard Kipling?

-Gunga Din.

0:23:360:23:39

Yeah. Gunga Din, yeah.

0:23:390:23:40

"You are a better man than I, Gunga Din." 51 points for that.

0:23:400:23:44

-Coleridge?

-Is Kubla Khan.

0:23:440:23:48

Yeah, 23 points for that. Now, not She Walks In Red.

0:23:480:23:51

She Walks In Beauty.

0:23:510:23:52

She Walks In Beauty.

0:23:520:23:54

That would have scored you 9 points -

0:23:540:23:56

and the best answer on the board, do you know this one?

0:23:560:23:58

It is Walking Away.

0:23:580:23:59

It is Walking Away, very well done. That would have scored 1 point.

0:23:590:24:02

Terrific work if you got that at home.

0:24:020:24:04

Thank you very much indeed. We're halfway through the round.

0:24:040:24:07

Let's take a look at those scores.

0:24:070:24:09

14, Nick, very well done, the best score of that pass.

0:24:090:24:11

Nick and Jayne,

0:24:110:24:13

I think the head-to-head is just moments away for you.

0:24:130:24:16

89 is where we find Jordan and Holly,

0:24:160:24:19

and 100 is where we find Naomi and Oli, so, very best of luck.

0:24:190:24:22

We'll come back down the line now.

0:24:220:24:23

Could the second players please step up to the podium?

0:24:230:24:25

OK, let's put six more famous poems with bits missing on the board,

0:24:280:24:32

and here they come.

0:24:320:24:34

I shall read those all one last time.

0:24:510:24:53

Jayne.

0:25:090:25:11

Jayne, well, this is quite nice.

0:25:110:25:12

You only have to score 85 or less.

0:25:120:25:14

Right, OK, there is one that I think I might know that would be a risk,

0:25:140:25:18

so I think I want to stick with the one I am certain about,

0:25:180:25:21

and I'm going to go for The Charge Of The Light Brigade.

0:25:210:25:23

The Charge Of The Light Brigade, says Jayne.

0:25:230:25:26

Here is your red line.

0:25:260:25:27

If you get below that with The Charge Of The Light Brigade,

0:25:270:25:29

you are in the head-to-head. How many people said it?

0:25:290:25:32

It is right, and is...

0:25:340:25:37

Look at that! 81.

0:25:370:25:39

Very good indeed.

0:25:390:25:41

95 is your total.

0:25:410:25:42

Yeah, that's quite cocky, isn't it?

0:25:440:25:47

Going for that and just getting 95 points.

0:25:470:25:49

Very impressively done.

0:25:490:25:50

Now, Tennyson's son said he wrote that in a matter of minutes

0:25:500:25:53

after reading about the charge of the Light Brigade in The Times.

0:25:530:25:56

He said it literally just all came out.

0:25:560:25:58

So, The Times article must have been full of all that detail.

0:25:580:26:01

Or did Alfred just make it up?

0:26:010:26:03

No, it was a detailed article

0:26:030:26:04

full of words that rhymed with each other, which was useful.

0:26:040:26:07

-Oh, that was nice, isn't it?

-Yes. A poet's friend.

0:26:070:26:10

Yeah.

0:26:100:26:11

Light Brigade, good, Light Battalion would have been difficult.

0:26:110:26:15

-Good luck with that!

-Yeah, exactly!

0:26:150:26:17

Mind you, Light Battalion, I suppose,

0:26:170:26:19

may have ridden stallions.

0:26:190:26:21

They may have done.

0:26:210:26:22

Light Battalion riding stallions,

0:26:220:26:24

Coming over the hill.

0:26:240:26:26

Oh, look at that!

0:26:260:26:28

-That's all I've got.

-Yeah.

0:26:290:26:31

-Good job it's half a league, nice rhythm there.

-Yeah.

0:26:310:26:34

League, league, that is no good.

0:26:340:26:37

What a palaver in Balaclava, I wish I wasn't here.

0:26:370:26:39

HE HUMS "Shave And A Haircut"

0:26:390:26:42

Anyway, there we go. So, Oli.

0:26:420:26:44

Scraping back to the days of school.

0:26:460:26:49

Scrape away, Oli. Now, you are high-scorers at the moment.

0:26:490:26:54

But a low score from you

0:26:540:26:56

could land you in the head-to-head.

0:26:560:26:59

Not entirely sure on any of them, really.

0:26:590:27:02

I'm going to take a guess at the bottom one, Funeral Pyre.

0:27:020:27:07

Funeral Pyre, for the Auden.

0:27:070:27:09

No red line for you as you are the high-scorers.

0:27:090:27:11

Let's see what happens when we say Funeral Pyre.

0:27:110:27:13

No, I am afraid not Funeral Pyre, Oli.

0:27:170:27:19

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 200.

0:27:190:27:21

Yeah, not Funeral Pyre - a song by The Jam,

0:27:210:27:24

but not a poem by WH Auden.

0:27:240:27:25

I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.

0:27:250:27:27

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

0:27:270:27:29

Now, then, Holly. Listen, do you hear?

0:27:290:27:32

That is the sound of the head-to-head!

0:27:320:27:34

-I think it is!

-That is what it is, you are through to the head-to-head!

0:27:340:27:38

-Oh, no!

-By default, I will add.

0:27:380:27:41

Doesn't matter what you score, this board is all yours.

0:27:420:27:45

Do you want to talk us through it and just maybe have a punt

0:27:450:27:48

at some of them? See which ones you can fill in.

0:27:480:27:51

The first one might be The Road To Nowhere.

0:27:510:27:53

No, it's not.

0:27:530:27:55

Oh, The Road... Oh, God!

0:27:550:27:57

There we go.

0:27:570:27:58

I knew The Charge Of The Light Brigade.

0:27:590:28:03

I am going to go Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.

0:28:030:28:06

There we are, there we are, said in the right accent, as well.

0:28:060:28:09

I should know it, shouldn't I, really?

0:28:090:28:11

No red line for you, as you are already through,

0:28:110:28:13

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Night.

0:28:130:28:15

It is right.

0:28:180:28:20

29.

0:28:240:28:25

118 is your total.

0:28:250:28:29

Yeah, well played, Holly.

0:28:300:28:31

They wouldn't let you back into South Wales

0:28:310:28:34

if you hadn't gone for that one. Terrific stuff, from 1952.

0:28:340:28:37

Now, The Road Not...

0:28:370:28:40

-Taken.

-It is. Now, I thought Travelled,

0:28:400:28:41

and I think a lot of people, at home,

0:28:410:28:43

I suspect will have said Travelled as well.

0:28:430:28:45

-The Road LESS Travelled, isn't it?

-Yes, so it scored 7 points,

0:28:450:28:48

I think because a lot of people make that same mistake.

0:28:480:28:50

Do you know the Blake one?

0:28:500:28:52

I cannot think of that one.

0:28:520:28:53

-A Poison Tree.

-A Poison Tree.

0:28:530:28:56

Would have scored you 4.

0:28:560:28:57

Now, Naomi, if only you have had this one in the first round,

0:28:570:29:00

because it's A Red, Red Rose. Would have been perfect.

0:29:000:29:03

That would have scored you 66.

0:29:040:29:06

And it is Funeral...

0:29:060:29:08

-Funeral Blues.

-Funeral Blues, yeah.

0:29:080:29:10

And that was the best answer on the board, 2 points.

0:29:100:29:13

Very well done that you said that.

0:29:130:29:15

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

0:29:150:29:17

So, we are at the end of our second round, and I am sorry to say,

0:29:170:29:20

Oli and Naomi, this is where once again we have to say goodbye to you.

0:29:200:29:24

Far too soon, far too soon,

0:29:240:29:26

I am sorry that we did not serve up a better round for you,

0:29:260:29:28

but it has been great having you on.

0:29:280:29:30

Thank you so much for playing, Oli and Naomi.

0:29:300:29:33

APPLAUSE

0:29:330:29:35

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

0:29:360:29:39

Congratulations, Jayne and Nick, Holly and Jordan,

0:29:440:29:46

you're now one step closer to the final,

0:29:460:29:47

and the chance to play for our jackpot,

0:29:470:29:49

which currently stands at £2,000.

0:29:490:29:52

Well, what about this? We have arrived at the head-to-head,

0:29:560:29:59

which is just such a great moment,

0:29:590:30:00

because you can start playing as a team now,

0:30:000:30:03

you can chat before you give your answers.

0:30:030:30:04

The first player to win two questions

0:30:040:30:06

will be playing for that jackpot.

0:30:060:30:07

Anything can happen in the head-to-head, but we shall see.

0:30:070:30:11

Very best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

0:30:110:30:13

Here is your first question, and it concerns...

0:30:190:30:23

-Richard.

-We're going to show you some visual clues now to countries

0:30:260:30:29

which are in the EU. Can you tell us what the countries are, please?

0:30:290:30:32

Excellent. Let's reveal our five sets of visual clues,

0:30:320:30:35

and here they are.

0:30:350:30:36

OK, there we are. Jayne and Nick, you're our low-scorers

0:31:080:31:11

so you will go first.

0:31:110:31:13

-C is Romania.

-Very good.

0:31:150:31:18

We'll go for C, and Romania.

0:31:250:31:28

C, Romania.

0:31:280:31:30

C, Romania, say Jayne and Nick.

0:31:300:31:32

Now, Holly and Jordan, do you want to talk us through the board?

0:31:320:31:36

Yeah, OK. The first one, we think is Hungary.

0:31:360:31:40

B is Denmark.

0:31:400:31:43

E is Sweden.

0:31:430:31:45

And I do not know D.

0:31:450:31:46

Oh, I do know, I think.

0:31:480:31:51

I am going to go D, Finland.

0:31:510:31:54

Finland. Are you happy with that, Jordan?

0:31:540:31:56

-Yeah!

-Yes!

0:31:560:31:57

OK, Finland, so we have Romania and we have Finland.

0:31:580:32:01

Jayne and Nick, let's see how many people of our 100 people went for

0:32:010:32:04

Romania for C.

0:32:040:32:06

It's right.

0:32:100:32:11

25.

0:32:160:32:17

25 for Romania.

0:32:210:32:23

Now, meanwhile, Holly and Jordan have said Finland for D.

0:32:230:32:27

Let's see if that is right, and how many of our 100 people said Finland.

0:32:270:32:30

It's right.

0:32:320:32:33

Oh, 43 for Finland!

0:32:370:32:38

Not bad, though. Both good answers, but well done, Jayne and Nick,

0:32:400:32:44

after one question, you are up 1-0.

0:32:440:32:46

It's funny how the mind works, cos that's the last one you got,

0:32:460:32:48

immediately, you think it is the hardest one.

0:32:480:32:50

Actually, it's the biggest scorer of all,

0:32:500:32:52

and two of the other ones you knew would have won you the point there.

0:32:520:32:55

The first two. So, you are right about Hungary.

0:32:550:32:58

That would have scored you 19 points.

0:32:580:33:00

The best answer on the board is B, which is Denmark,

0:33:000:33:03

that would've scored you 10 points.

0:33:030:33:05

It would've been a great answer.

0:33:050:33:07

And E, of course is Sweden.

0:33:070:33:10

And that would have scored you 36.

0:33:110:33:13

Thank you very much indeed. OK, here comes your second question.

0:33:130:33:16

Now, Holly and Jordan, you get to answer it first,

0:33:160:33:18

but you have to win it to stay in the game, so, good luck.

0:33:180:33:21

Our second question concerns...

0:33:210:33:23

-Richard.

-We're going to show you the surnames, now,

0:33:250:33:28

of five famous composers.

0:33:280:33:29

We'd like the first names

0:33:290:33:30

by which they were most usually known, please.

0:33:300:33:32

Thanks very much indeed.

0:33:320:33:33

Let's reveal our five composers, and here they come.

0:33:330:33:36

There we are. Holly and Jordan, it's over to you.

0:33:560:33:59

You can confer, and you will answer first.

0:33:590:34:03

We are going to have a complete guess, I think, because...

0:34:030:34:05

None of them.

0:34:050:34:07

They all sound familiar,

0:34:070:34:08

but first names is just...

0:34:080:34:10

Gone. I don't know,

0:34:110:34:12

what do you want to say?

0:34:120:34:13

-I am not sure.

-We will go for...

0:34:130:34:17

What do you think?

0:34:170:34:19

Francois Bizet.

0:34:190:34:22

Francois Bizet, say Holly and Jordan.

0:34:220:34:25

OK, Jayne and Nick, do you want to talk us through those?

0:34:250:34:29

-Do you think Henry Purcell?

-Yes, that is what I had.

-Yeah, OK.

0:34:290:34:32

We're going to go for the second one - Henry Purcell.

0:34:320:34:36

Henry Purcell. OK, so we have Francois Bizet and Henry Purcell.

0:34:360:34:41

Holly and Jordan said Francois Bizet, let's see if that is right.

0:34:410:34:44

Let's see how many people said it if it is.

0:34:440:34:46

No, I am afraid not Francois Bizet.

0:34:500:34:52

Now, Jayne and Nick have gone for Henry Purcell.

0:34:520:34:55

Let's see if that is right,

0:34:550:34:56

and let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

0:34:560:34:58

It is indeed Henry Purcell,

0:35:010:35:02

but crucially, it was right.

0:35:020:35:04

30.

0:35:070:35:08

And that means, Jayne and Nick, very well done, after two questions only,

0:35:100:35:14

you have gone straight through to the final, 2-0.

0:35:140:35:17

Yeah, nicely played. Now, you'll be able to fill in this board,

0:35:170:35:20

won't you, with your classical music skills?

0:35:200:35:22

-Mendelssohn...

-Felix.

0:35:220:35:23

He was, at one stage, Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy.

0:35:240:35:27

-But he seemed to drop the Bartholdy.

-Oh, did he?

-Yeah.

0:35:270:35:30

I think it's because, when he got famous,

0:35:300:35:32

it just took too long to sign his autograph.

0:35:320:35:34

I guess that's right. It is a bit... He was actually

0:35:340:35:38

-Felix May Jasmine Gillingham Football Club Mendelssohn...

-Bartholdy.

0:35:380:35:42

Yeah, yeah.

0:35:420:35:44

Bizet, it's not Francois, it is...

0:35:440:35:47

Georges.

0:35:470:35:48

Georges.

0:35:490:35:51

Chopin.

0:35:510:35:52

Frederic Chopin.

0:35:520:35:54

Vingt-trois points for Frederic Chopin.

0:35:560:35:59

He was Polish, of course, but I cannot do it in Polish.

0:35:590:36:01

I don't know a Polish accent, really,

0:36:010:36:03

or if I did, it would not be...

0:36:030:36:05

Yes. And Robert Schumann.

0:36:050:36:06

Robert Schumann, you're right.

0:36:060:36:08

Bob Schumann I used to know him as.

0:36:080:36:10

3 points for that, very well done if you said that.

0:36:100:36:13

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

0:36:130:36:15

So, the pair leaving the end of the head-to-head round,

0:36:150:36:17

I am afraid it's Holly and Jordan.

0:36:170:36:20

I'm so sorry,

0:36:200:36:21

it has been lovely having you all the way through to this stage.

0:36:210:36:23

This is where we have to say goodbye,

0:36:230:36:25

but the good news is we get to see you again next time,

0:36:250:36:27

when I am sure you will do just as well.

0:36:270:36:30

But in the meantime, thank you very much for playing, Holly and Jordan.

0:36:300:36:32

APPLAUSE

0:36:320:36:34

But, for Jayne and Nick, it's now time for our Pointless final.

0:36:360:36:39

Congratulations, Jayne and Nick,

0:36:430:36:45

you've fought off all the competition

0:36:450:36:46

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

0:36:460:36:49

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot -

0:36:540:36:57

and at the end of today's show, thanks in part to your hard work,

0:36:570:37:00

the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

0:37:000:37:02

There we are.

0:37:020:37:03

Now, let's just go back over this.

0:37:060:37:09

Your first appearance on Pointless.

0:37:090:37:11

Your first two answers on Pointless were pointless.

0:37:110:37:14

You have come through the head-to-head round 2-0,

0:37:140:37:17

and you have come through to the final,

0:37:170:37:19

you've won the Pointless trophy.

0:37:190:37:20

This is an achievement you can go back to work

0:37:200:37:23

and really whisper about.

0:37:230:37:24

LAUGHTER

0:37:240:37:26

Fantastic.

0:37:270:37:29

Now, as always, you get to choose your category

0:37:290:37:31

from the four we put up on the board there.

0:37:310:37:33

Let's have a look at today's selection,

0:37:330:37:35

see what they look like.

0:37:350:37:37

-If you feel you know cricketers, Nick.

-Pfft...

0:37:490:37:51

I mean, that is more than anything I have.

0:37:510:37:53

Opera, no. Military history, no.

0:37:530:37:55

-Zombie films...

-No.

0:37:550:37:57

I know a couple.

0:37:570:37:58

-By default?

-Yes, by default.

0:37:580:38:01

It is going to be Wisden Cricketers of the Year.

0:38:010:38:04

OK, very best of luck. Quite simple, this one,

0:38:040:38:07

we are looking for any Wisden Cricketer of the Year

0:38:070:38:09

in the following decades, please.

0:38:090:38:11

Very, very best of luck.

0:38:210:38:23

Thank you very much indeed. Now, as always,

0:38:230:38:25

you have got up to one minute to come up with three answers,

0:38:250:38:27

and all you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers

0:38:270:38:30

-to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Very good.

0:38:300:38:33

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

0:38:330:38:35

There they are. Your time starts now.

0:38:350:38:37

OK, I have got one from the '80s, a guy called Graeme Hick.

0:38:370:38:40

Richie Benaud, is he from any of those...?

0:38:400:38:42

I think he might be a little bit early,

0:38:420:38:44

I am not sure whether they can be international or not.

0:38:440:38:46

I'm guessing they can.

0:38:460:38:48

Viv Richards, but it's not going to be pointless.

0:38:510:38:54

2000s, what have you got?

0:38:580:38:59

Flintoff is obvious.

0:39:000:39:02

Ramprakash, is there someone called...?

0:39:030:39:05

There is, I don't know whether he was Cricketer of the Year or not.

0:39:050:39:09

Botham?

0:39:140:39:15

I think he's too high profile, I think. So... Um...

0:39:150:39:21

-What else have you got?

-We have got Graeme Hick.

0:39:240:39:27

Bob Willis.

0:39:270:39:28

-Bob Willis.

-He's quite high, and 2000s,

0:39:280:39:32

maybe Andrew Strauss, possibly.

0:39:320:39:36

OK, that is your time. Let's have your three answers,

0:39:360:39:38

and if you could say which decade as well.

0:39:380:39:40

OK, 2000s - we will go with Andrew Strauss.

0:39:400:39:43

-1980s, Graeme Hick.

-Graeme Hick.

0:39:430:39:47

Viv Richards for the '80s, even though he's from the '70s,

0:39:470:39:50

-but '80s, yeah.

-OK.

0:39:500:39:51

Which of those do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

0:39:510:39:54

-Probably Graeme Hick.

-Graeme Hick goes last.

0:39:540:39:56

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Andrew Strauss, because he is more recent.

0:39:560:39:59

Andrew Strauss, and Viv Richards we'll pop in the middle.

0:39:590:40:02

OK, let's put those answers on the board in that order, then,

0:40:020:40:04

and here they are. We've got...

0:40:040:40:06

Well, best of luck.

0:40:090:40:11

Three good answers on the board. Let's hope all three are right,

0:40:110:40:14

and let's hope at least one of those three answers is pointless

0:40:140:40:17

and will win you that jackpot.

0:40:170:40:18

£2,000, a nice jackpot to be taking home.

0:40:180:40:20

What would you do with that? Jayne, you first.

0:40:200:40:22

I have got a few holidays, I want to do a few more European cities,

0:40:220:40:26

so I have got Rome and Prague in my sights.

0:40:260:40:28

I'd maybe put the money towards going away on holiday.

0:40:280:40:32

Very nice indeed. Nick, how about you?

0:40:320:40:34

I need a new laptop, because mine has had it,

0:40:340:40:37

-and, yeah, that would be fantastic.

-Very good. Well, best of luck.

0:40:370:40:42

Your first answer was Andrew Strauss.

0:40:420:40:44

In this case, we were looking for

0:40:440:40:47

Wisden Cricketer of the Year in the 2000s.

0:40:470:40:49

It has to be right, then it has to be pointless for you to win,

0:40:490:40:52

so let's see - for £2,000, how many people said Andrew Strauss?

0:40:520:40:56

It is right.

0:40:590:41:00

Andrew Strauss taking us down through the 40s and the 30s,

0:41:020:41:05

if this goes all the way down to 0,

0:41:050:41:07

you leave you with £2,000.

0:41:070:41:08

Into single figures.

0:41:080:41:09

Still going down, Andrew Strauss...

0:41:090:41:11

You've done it!

0:41:110:41:13

That is fantastic!

0:41:160:41:19

Andrew Strauss is a pointless answer.

0:41:190:41:22

Wow!

0:41:270:41:28

Andrew Strauss, what a surprise, was a pointless answer!

0:41:290:41:34

That means you go home with the jackpot of £2,000.

0:41:340:41:37

Jayne and Nick, very well done indeed.

0:41:370:41:39

What about that?

0:41:410:41:42

Yeah, a really good category to pick,

0:41:420:41:44

our 100 did not cover themselves in glory here, I have to say.

0:41:440:41:47

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

0:41:470:41:50

We will start with the 1960s.

0:41:500:41:52

All sorts of names...

0:41:520:41:53

Everybody apart from Geoff Boycott, Gary Sobers, Ken Barrington,

0:41:560:41:59

Brian Close, Ted Dexter, Basil D'Oliveira,

0:41:590:42:01

and with 2 points, Richie Benaud.

0:42:010:42:02

Everyone else was a pointless answer,

0:42:020:42:04

but he was one of the Cricketers of the Year in the 1960s.

0:42:040:42:07

In the 1980s, again, so many big names here.

0:42:070:42:10

Joel Garner, the West Indian bowler.

0:42:100:42:12

Richard Hadlee, the New Zealand all-rounder.

0:42:130:42:15

Steve Waugh, Clive Rice, Craig McDermott, Dilip Vengsarkar,

0:42:150:42:18

Derek Randall, Javed Miandad, Jeff Dujon, John Emburey

0:42:180:42:21

Sunil Gavaskar, and Graeme Hick, also a pointless answer,

0:42:210:42:25

so, well done.

0:42:250:42:27

And the 2000s Cricketers of the Year, again, so many big names here.

0:42:270:42:31

Gilchrist, Caddick, Lee, Cairns, Klusener, Jayawardene,

0:42:350:42:39

Hayden, Rahul Dravid, Ryan Sidebottom,

0:42:390:42:40

Shaun Pollock, Steve Harmison, loads and loads of other names here.

0:42:400:42:44

Viv Richards was a Wisden Cricketer of the Year, but in the 1970s.

0:42:440:42:47

-Oh.

-Very well done if you got any at home,

0:42:470:42:48

and terrific work in the studio.

0:42:480:42:50

You've been brilliant throughout the entire show,

0:42:500:42:52

and deserve every penny of that jackpot.

0:42:520:42:54

-Congratulations.

-Thank you very much indeed,

0:42:540:42:56

and thanks once again to our winning players, Jayne and Nick,

0:42:560:42:59

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,000.

0:42:590:43:02

Join us next time

0:43:040:43:05

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

0:43:050:43:08

Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

0:43:080:43:10

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

0:43:100:43:13

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