Episode 4 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

I'm Jan, this is my husband Dave

and we're from Cannock in Staffordshire.

Couple number two.

Hiya, I'm Chris and this is Naomy, and we're both students from

-Brighton and London.

-Couple number three.

I'm Simon from Birmingham, and this is my girlfriend Zara from Reading.

And finally couple number four.

I'm Louis and this is my step-grandfather John

and we're from South Wales.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much all of you. A warm welcome to Pointless.

We'll get to chat to each of you throughout the show as it

goes along, so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Currently on the first leg of his premium pedant tour...

Well, I say tour,

it's more him screaming at strangers in pub car parks.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody. Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon.

-How are you?

-I'm very... I'm slightly losing my voice.

-Oh, no. Really?

-Yeah.

That's... Well, for a man like you, that's important.

-Yeah.

-You mustn't lose it. What if this is the end now?

What if it's not just you having a bad day, but this is,

-it's finally gone.

-That's it.

-So you can't do another album.

-Another album.

-Oh, no.

-LAUGHTER

-That would be awful.

-It'll be fine, Richard.

I tell you what you should do, just to make sure it's OK.

After the show, for an hour-and-a-half,

shout at the top of your voice. That will fix it.

I'll do that, that's excellent advice.

And now we only have one returning pair from the last show

and that's John and Louis on podium four.

I felt a bit bad because John was very, very unlucky

in that last show on the chemical elements,

so I felt a bit bad. So we go along and chat to everyone beforehand.

Louis said, "Don't worry about that." He said, "I dreamt of John getting 100 points.

-"I'm over the moon about it."

-Oh, really?

Hopefully it doesn't happen again.

I don't know what it is about seeing contestants called John and Louis

that makes me want to buy a fridge-freezer and some cushions.

LAUGHTER Never knowingly.

Now, there we are. Nicky and Rob didn't win the jackpot last time,

which means we add another £1,000 to that,

so today's jackpot starts off at £2,250.

There we are, that's the jackpot. Right.

If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, now remember, the pair with the highest score at the end of

each round will be eliminated.

That's it, that's the only rule.

No conferring till we get to the head-to-head.

Best of luck to all four pairs. Our first category today is...

Capital Cities. Can you all decide in your pairs, who's going to go first,

who's going to go second, and whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many capital cities...

..as they could. Capital cities alphabetically after London. Richard.

Yes, simply any world capital whose name comes after London in

the alphabet, please. As always, they have to be capitals of countries that are sovereign states,

which are members of the UN in its own right.

Marvellous. Thank you very much indeed. Dave, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here. What do you do, Dave?

-Retired.

-What did you do, Dave?

-Police officer.

-Ah.

-Ah.

-Where were you a police officer?

-Originally in Birmingham City, which is now defunct.

-Mm-hm.

And West Midlands.

And that was it for 25 years, basically.

-And you never did a stint in the Met? No.

-No, no, no.

-No.

We should point out it's Birmingham City Police that is now defunct,

not Birmingham City, just in case you scared any football fans.

-They're working on it.

-OK.

And, Dave, how do you fill your retirement?

-Looking after grandchildren.

-Ah! That's nice.

-Cooking.

How many grandchildren have you got?

Well, the ones we have to look after is two at the moment.

I've got one... Five grandchildren.

I could put him on the spot and ask him to name them, couldn't I?

He was quite dodgy on the numbers, so the names are going to be...

Dave, Capital Cities.

That's the sort of subject some people love and some people hate.

How are we feeling about capital cities?

Once the grey cells start to bump together, we might get somewhere.

Erm...

-..Oslo.

-Oslo says Dave.

OK, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Oslo.

It is right.

37.

-37 for Oslo.

-Yes, the capital of Norway, of course.

The most successful Winter Olympic nation in history.

Oslo also the name of the new diet drink I'm launching.

LAUGHTER Excellent.

-Mm! What flavours are you doing? Are they sweet, savoury?

-Pineapple.

-Ah!

-Yes, savoury, yeah.

-Savoury. LAUGHTER

-I think fizzy pork, fizzy beef.

-LAUGHTER

-And still chicken.

-Still chicken. Still?

-Still chicken.

-After all these years,

-still chicken.

-It's still chicken.

-There we go.

-It's called That's Still Chicken. Mm!

-Naomy, welcome to Pointless.

It's lovely to have you here. What do you do? You're a student?

I'm a student, yes, at the University of Surrey.

-And what are you reading?

-Law.

-Are you enamoured of the course?

Will you go on into the law, do you think?

-Yeah. I mean, the dream is to become a solicitor, so...

-It's the dream.

-Yep, that's the dream.

-And what else do you like getting up to when you're not working at university?

So in my spare time I'm part of my university's gospel choir,

so I sing. I'm also vice president.

Now, in a gospel choir,

are you ever actually given music

or are you just given a tune and told...

free swim, have fun?

It's a mixture.

Sometimes we get told to sing what the musical director

tells us to sing.

And you always know which part you're likely to take?

Yeah, we get split up into sopranos, altos and tenors, so...

-Brilliant! It must just be amazing fun, that.

-It's good fun.

-Excellent. Now, Naomy...

-Yes.

What would you like to go for?

I'm going to go for Reykjavik.

-Reykjavik...

-Yes.

-..says Naomy.

Excellent, nice northern European capitals we're hovering round now.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Reykjavik.

It's right, 37 is our only score at this point.

And you pass it comfortably.

Look at that, down to 10

for Reykjavik. Very well done, indeed, Naomy.

That's a great start, Naomy, very well played.

In 2014, in Iceland, you know whenever we build a new road,

-there's always environmental concerns and stuff like that?

-Mmm.

Genuinely, they had to stop building a road because people said

that elves lived along the route of the road.

And a lot of Icelanders believe in elves still.

They stopped construction and an elf mediator came in and had to say,

"It's absolutely fine, we'll move this boulder," which is where

the elves live, and the road was allowed to be built.

It genuinely happened.

It stopped the construction of a major new road in Iceland.

-Because of elves.

-Elf and safety.

LAUGHTER

Er, now then, Simon, a warm welcome to Pointless.

-What do you do, Simon?

-I'm a bookkeeper.

I see. What are your interests, Simon?

I like cinema, I've started collecting vinyl records

and I like reading.

Now, the vinyl record thing,

have you got a super-duper record player, then?

Yes, I have the turntable, speakers. I have the whole thing.

Very exciting. I mean, everyone's rushing back to vinyl, aren't they?

It's a much more exciting thing, putting vinyl on.

It's nice to take the time to get it set up, and you get download codes,

as well, with the records these days, so...

I think that's the way forward.

I think you should buy the right to own it and then you can have it

-in any format.

-Yeah.

-Once you've got it, that's what I think. Don't you think?

-Yeah.

XANDER CHUCKLES Richard was just writing limericks there,

no idea what we're talking about.

Simon, what would you like to go for?

-I'd like to go for Riga.

-Riga, says Simon, good answer.

Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Riga.

It's right.

37's our high score, 10 is our low at this point.

You've past 37.

You've past 10.

1! APPLAUSE

Simon, very well done, indeed.

1 point for Riga.

That's a very good answer. Yeah, capital of Latvia, Riga.

Geographically, we're in very similar places, aren't we?

-We are, yeah.

-Not you and I, but the answers.

-Your voice is going...

-It is going.

Yeah, I can't wait for the end of the show.

This is going to get worse and worse, I think.

-Will it still be here by the end of the show?

-Oh, let's hope.

What happens if I... Yeah...

What happens if you can't do the final round?

I've got it covered, we get a trained chimp in.

Actually, what happens if the trained...

It's not even that trained, to be honest.

Just house trained, that'll do.

Outperformed by a primate.

Thank you very much, Richard.

OK, now, John, welcome back.

Round One we had to say goodbye to you last time.

-What can I say?

-Oh - yrittium!

Now, John, remind us what you do?

I'm a telephone engineer.

That's right, and what are your interests, John?

I'm still playing vets' football and I like to play table tennis.

Now, vets' football, how often do you get together?

-How often do you do that?

-Every week.

Is it very good natured and gentlemanly,

or do the vets get stuck in there?

It's the same as any sport.

You like to win, don't you?

John says with a smile.

Yes, I know what you mean. John, what would you like to go for?

I think I'll go for Tallinn.

Tallinn, they're sticking in very much...

-Yeah.

-The world's a big place. Anyway, John's saying Tallinn.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Tallinn.

It's right. Well, 37's the high score, you pass it.

1 is our low score.

And you equal it, look at that. APPLAUSE

Very well done, indeed, John.

1 point for Tallinn.

Well played, John, terrific answer. Yeah, capital of Estonia.

There we are, thank you, Richard.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

1 - very popular low score.

The two farthest podiums have gone for it.

John and Simon, very well done, indeed.

So, yes, Simon and Zara and John and Louis looking very strong.

I would say Naomy and Chris are looking pretty strong, as well.

37, nothing wrong with that as a score, Dave.

But, er...

..Jan you find yourselves out in front.

It falls to you, I'm afraid,

to come up with a really blindingly low score.

Good luck with that when we get to you. We're going to come back

down the line. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so remember, we're looking for any capital city that comes

alphabetically after London.

Louis, a very warm welcome to you.

Remind us what you do, Louis.

I'm a lecturer at university.

See, that's exciting. And you lecture in?

Audio music production.

That's great. How many students have you got on your course?

In my second year I've got just over 30, and in my first year I've

-got around 15.

-Fantastic.

And do you have live projects,

or actual practical things that you work on with them?

Yeah, we've got a few live projects.

One of my main things I've introduced to the course is

to actually get the students to run a real-life event in

-a local night club.

-Wow!

And your night out is at the night club, assessing how well

they've done it! RICHARD CHUCKLES

That's nice way of marking work, isn't it?

-Free drinks.

-Very nice.

Er, now, then, Louis you're on 1.

A lovely low score from John in the first pass.

The high-scorers are Dave and Jan on 37.

35 or less gets you through.

OK, I'm going to go with Seoul in South Korea.

Seoul. Seoul, says Louis.

Here is your red line. If you can get below this red line with Seoul,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many people said it.

Look at that, John and Louis are going through.

Seoul scores you three. APPLAUSE

A wonderful low total of 4.

Very well done on the far podium.

Well played, Louis, terrific stuff on that far podium from both of you.

Yes, Seoul. The most famous district in Seoul now,

wouldn't have been five years ago, Gangnam.

That's where Gangnam Style came from.

Been viewed over two billion times on YouTube.

-Interesting.

-Yeah.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

Zara, welcome to Pointless, good to have you here.

-What do you do, Zara?

-I work in customer service.

Very good, and what are your interests, Zara?

Um, travelling.

Um, going to dinner with my boyfriend.

Oh, that's a nice hobby to have.

Who cooks when you go to have dinner with Simon?

Well...

Do you turn up early in order to make sure you...

-I did make him dinner just this week, actually.

-Oh.

I did drop the salmon on the ironing board.

LAUGHTER

OK...

Why don't you put the ironing board away when you're cooking?

That's how you get a flat fish.

XANDER CHUCKLES I see.

Oh, it was Simon's kitchen?

Yeah, and I thought it would be a good place to plate up the food.

-Ah...

-And...you know.

At least it was salmon, so it'll smell nice on all of Simon's shirts.

-Yeah.

-There we are.

Now, Zara, you're on 1,

the high-scorers still Dave and Jan on 37.

So 35 or less gets you through.

Well, my mind's gone pretty much blank so I'm going to

unfortunately let the side down a bit and go for Moscow.

Moscow, says Zara. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Moscow.

There's your red line.

Oh, yes, through you go.

29 for Moscow.

Taking your total up to 30.

Yeah, the capital of Russia, Moscow.

I've never been. I always think it might be quite forbidding.

Yeah...maybe.

-Er, thank you. Now, Chris...

-Hi.

-Welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-What do you do, Chris?

-I'm a student.

-And you study?

-Philosophy and politics.

-Ah, very good. And what are your interests?

I like film, I like reading.

So, yeah, I collect comic books, as well.

How big is your comic book collection, and what kind of

-comic books do you collect?

-All kinds, really.

I mean, I'm getting more into independent comic books

-recently but, yeah, all kinds, really.

-Very good.

Now, Chris, this is going to be interesting.

-You're on 10, Dave and Jan are on 37. So 26 or less.

-OK.

The pressure's mounting slightly as we get to this end of the line.

-So I'm going to go with Ottawa.

-Ottawa?

-Yeah.

Ottawa, says Chris. Here is your red line.

Get below this red line with Ottawa and you're into Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Ottawa.

It's right.

And you are through. Look at that, 9 for Ottawa. Very well done, indeed.

19 is your total.

Yeah, the capital of Canada. Very well played.

-Queen Victoria chose it as the capital in 1857.

-Thank you, Richard.

-Now, Jan...

-Hiya.

-I can't bear it.

The first conversation we have opens with me telling you that this

is your last round, I'm afraid, because you are the high-scorers.

Anyway, let's put that to one side for one moment. What do you do, Jan?

-I'm retired.

-What did you do?

I was a police officer and also a fingerprint expert.

-Oh, wow!

-Yeah. I know.

-These podiums, the stories they could tell.

-Oh, yes.

-Give me some powder.

-Yeah.

-Did you and Dave meet in the force?

-Yes, we did.

We were both on the motorway.

He was a patrol driver and I was in the control room.

-Oh, which motorway was it?

-M6.

-Oh, the nicest motorway.

-We didn't marry on the M6.

-Oh, no, I'm glad. I'm glad.

Or, if you did, on a slip road, I'd have thought. Yes.

Now, Jan, what would you like to go for?

I'm sorry you will be leaving us, even if you find a pointless answer.

-Of which I'm sure there are plenty.

-There probably are, yes.

-Ho Chi Minh City.

-Ho Chi Mi...

-Ho Chi Minh City, yes.

-Vietnam?

No, I'm aware of that. It's the alphabet bit I'm worrying about.

-Oh, God!

-Ho Chi Minh City.

-I was going to say Phnom Penh, as well.

Oh! Well, let's see what happens when I say Ho Chi Minh City.

-Let's face it, it's not going to change anything, is it?

-No.

Ho Chi Minh City.

Oh, well, there we are.

Ho Chi Minh City, I'm afraid, an incorrect answer.

-Scores you 100, takes your total up to 137.

-Yes. Sorry.

Yeah, Phnom Penh would have been a great answer.

-Phnom Penh would have scored you two points...

-Oh!

For Cambodia - would have been a lovely one.

There's loads of pointless answers. Absolutely loads of them.

Let's take a look at a few of them now.

Manama, which is Bahrain.

Podgorica, which is Montenegro.

Roseau, which is Dominica.

Skopje, which is Macedonia.

Tegucigalpa, which is Honduras.

Tirana, Albania. All of these pointless.

A few more.

Ulaanbaatar, which is Mongolia.

Vaduz, Leichtenstein.

And Yerevan, Armenia.

I mean, there are absolutely loads of them.

Er, Muscat, Mogadishu, Palikir, San Jose, Male, Port Vila,

Sana'a, Praia, Paramaribo, San Marino.

Lots and lots of pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the top-scorers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

Thank you very much indeed.

At the end of our first round, the pair who'll be heading home

with their high score of 137 is Dave and Jan.

I'm sorry, you've only got here and we're sending you packing. It's been great having you.

We'll see you again next time, we look forward to that very much.

-Meantime, thanks so much for playing.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well, three pairs remain and at the end of this round we'll have

to say goodbye to another pair, but very well done,

lovely low-scoring in that round.

You made it through the capitals round,

some people don't like those rounds. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

It's Musicians. Can you all decide who's going first, who's

going second, and whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

And the question concerns...

Musical Mononyms.

Musical Mononyms.

-We all know what that means.

-Sounds scary, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

It's not scary at all, I promise.

On each board we're going to show you six descriptions of

musicians, each of whom is famously known by just one name.

You just have to name one of those musicians, please.

There'll be six on the first board, six on the second.

12 in all to have a go at at home, very best of luck.

OK, so we're looking for the names of these artists

and here is our first board of clues. We have got...

I'm going to read those all one last time.

There we go.

Chris, it falls to you to start this round off for us.

Oh, wow, OK. I don't know any of them, so that's not great.

Um...

Greek-American composer is the one I'm going for

but I don't know if that's right but I'm going to go for Boy George.

I don't know if that's right, it doesn't sound it.

It sounds like two names to me but there we are.

-Boy George is what you're going for?

-Oh, dear.

Let's see what happens when we say Boy George.

I'm afraid...

I'm trying to think of how many different ways that's wrong.

-That scores you 100 points, I'm sorry, Chris.

-It's all right.

I mean, it might be setting a new record.

We thought Ho Chi Minh City was an unusual answer.

Yeah, he's not Greek-American, not a composer, not a keyboardist,

not a former member of Chameleon and not known by one word,

other than that...

-Other than that.

-Maybe next year.

-Not a bad answer.

-Not bad, other than that.

Zara, we come to you next.

Thank goodness, because I only know one answer on that board

and I'm going to go with founding frontman of the Police...

I'm doubting myself now, but Sting.

Sting. Sting, surely. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Sting.

It's right.

82. It's a high one.

Better than 100, though.

That is a high one, yeah.

-It gives a chance to Naomy on the second pass now.

-Yeah.

That is not far off 100 but it is a correct answer, which is good news.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, John. John, you're the last person to have this board.

If you want to go through and fill in

all those single-word names, you'd be most welcome.

Um, the Icelandic musician, the only Icelandic musician I can

think of is Bjork, but I don't think that's right.

The electronic singer-songwriter that's probably Moby Dick,

so I'd be guessing at Moby.

But the pianist is Liberace.

-I'll take a chance and go with Moby.

-You're going with Moby.

Moby, says John. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Moby.

It's right.

Well, 100 was our highest score, 82 our low.

You've passed both of those.

Look at that! Moby scoring you 12, very well done, indeed, John.

I like the way you worked that out, as well.

Yes, well worked out.

He sold over ten million copies of his album, Play, Moby.

-It was ubiquitous at one point.

-It really was.

You should have more faith in yourself, John.

Of course you're right about the Icelandic musician, that's Bjork.

She would have scored you 39.

The pianist, you're right, would have scored you more points.

You were right to go to Moby.

Liberace would have scored 49.

The Colombian singer?

Shakira.

Shakira would have scored you 21.

-Now, this one some people are going to get wrong.

-Ah.

-Are you going to say to me Vangelis?

-Yes.

-You are wrong...

-Oh, no!

-..if you say Vangelis.

-It's Yanni.

-Yanni.

Yanni, and it's a pointless answer, so very well done if you said that.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round, let's look at the scores.

12, John, the best score of the pass.

John and Louis looking pretty strong at this point.

Then up to 82, where we find Zara and Simon.

Then on to Chris and Naomy on 100.

But Richard's absolutely right.

Nice, you've got some good company.

They are just below you.

So, actually, you're in with a chance here

if you can find a nice low score. So good luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Let's put six more clues up on the board, and here they come.

I'm going to read those all one last time.

There we are.

Louis, ideally you would score 87 or less.

Um...

My family being from Barbados, I've got to go with the

Barbadian R&B singer being Rihanna.

Rihanna, says Louis. Here is your red line, nice and high.

If you can get below that, you are into the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Rihanna.

It's right and you're through.

56, taking your total up to 68.

Great work, Louis, lovely reason to give the answer, as well.

-There's actually a National Rihanna Day now in Barbados...

-Really?

-..in February. Yeah.

-Really?

-Yeah.

OK, there we are. Hmm.

Hmm, thank you.

Simon?

Yes, I think I'm going to go for the bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers

and Flea.

Flea, says Simon. Flea.

Now, here is your red line. Quite low.

If you can get below that with Flea, you are in the head-to-head.

How many of our 100 people said Flea?

It's right.

Much lower scoring pass, this one.

Look at that, 19, you scored.

APPLAUSE That takes your total up to 101.

-Puts the pressure on Naomy.

-Doesn't it? Yeah, he's also an actor.

He's been in two of the Back To The Future films and The Big Labowski.

There we are, thank you, Richard.

Naomy... Now, listen, this is very exciting indeed.

Basically what we're looking for is a pointless answer from you

-to keep you in the game.

-Ah...

-I'm afraid you're carrying the can for Chris's Boy George...

-Yeah.

-..outburst.

-So there are two on there that I think I know.

OK.

I'm going to go with the bottom one and say Pink.

Pink, says Naomy.

Here is your red line.

I say here - it's there,

in a figurative sense. Let's see.

Pink - how many of our 100 people said Pink?

14 for Pink.

APPLAUSE Not bad.

But it takes your total up to 114.

Yeah, it's a really nice way to leave us, Naomy.

Well done, it gives you massive moral superiority over Chris,

as well. So this evening, you can lay into him all you like.

Let's fill in the rest of this board,

there is a pointless answer up there.

It's not the US singer because that, of course, is Cher,

and would have scored you 80.

-It's not The Voice UK coach cos that is...

-will.i.am.

-will.i.am.

65 for that. But it is the Spanish musician and actress.

Very well done if you said Charo, a terrific answer.

There we are.

Thank you very much.

Now we are at the end of our second round.

That means we have to say goodbye to another pair.

I'm afraid the candidates for that are Naomy and Chris,

with a high score of 114.

We'll see you again next time, look forward to that very much,

but meantime thanks so much, Naomy and Chris. APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, John and Louis, Simon and Zara,

you're now one step closer to the final and

a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £2,250.

APPLAUSE

Well, we've made it thus far.

We are here at the head-to-head,

which means you can now confer before giving your answers, and

the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here comes your first question.

And it concerns...

-Richard?

-We're going to show you five pictures now of people in the

sporting world who were born in 1976.

Can you identify the most obscure?

OK, let's reveal our five sports stars, and here they come.

We have got...

There we are. Five sports stars born in 1976.

John and Louis, you're our low-scorers so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We're going to go with B, Phil Vickery.

Phil Vickery, say John and Louis.

Now, then, Simon and Zara, that board is all yours,

talk us through our sports stars.

Well, I think I only know two, actually.

A is Chris Hoy.

C is Lindsay Davenport.

And I think we should go for Lindsay Davenport, C.

OK, C, Lindsay Davenport.

We have Phil Vickery and Lindsay Davenport.

John and Louis said Phil Vickery for B.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It is Phil Vickery.

Down that goes to 3.

That's a fabulous answer, very well done, indeed, John and Louis.

Simon and Zara, you have gone for Lindsay Davenport for C.

Let's see if that's right.

It is right.

3 is what it's got to beat.

Let's see how you do. Still going down.

17.

Very well done, two great answers there but, John and Louis,

after one question, you are up 1-0.

Yeah, both good answers there, quite a tough board.

A is Chris Hoy. I think everyone knew that here.

He would have scored 29.

Not a bad little score.

D is Chris Martin from Cold Play.

It's not really!

That's our 200-metre paralympic gold medallist, Richard Whitehead.

Very well done if you said that. A pointless answer.

And E is Dame Ellen MacArthur.

She would have scored 12.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So here comes your second question, Simon and Zara.

You get to answer it first but you have to win it to stay in the game.

Good luck. Our second question concerns...

The number 500. Richard?

We're going to show you five clues now relating to the number 500.

We just need the most obscure answer.

Thank you very much. Let's reveal our five clues, and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those again.

Simon and Zara, you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

I think we'll go for the top one, which, I believe,

is 500 Days Of Summer.

500 Days Of Summer, say Simon and Zara.

Now, then, John and Louis.

Talk us through the board.

-I don't know what 500 is in Italian, do you?

-No.

The animal is a monkey.

The Tudor monarch is Henry VIII but I'm not 100% sure.

The Scottish twins are the Proclaimers.

Go for the fourth one.

Go on, then, we'll go with Henry VIII, and hope.

Henry VIII, with fingers crossed, say John and Louis.

So we have 500 Days Of Summer and Henry VIII.

Simon and Zara, 500 Days Of Summer,

let's see if that's right for the top one.

And it is.

Not bad, 16.

16 for the 500 Days Of Summer.

John and Louis, meanwhile,

have gone for Henry VIII for the Tudor monarch.

On the throne 500 years ago.

Let's see if that's right.

It is Henry VIII.

It's a good answer, as well.

31 for Henry VIII.

Simon and Zara, you're back in the game. After two questions, it's 1-1.

And only one answer that would have beaten 500 Days Of Summer, as well.

We will get to that last.

The animal, you are absolutely right, is the monkey.

Would have scored 32 points, so a very similar score.

-The Scottish twins, of course...

-The Proclaimers.

-The Proclaimers.

Craig and Charlie Reid, 52 for that.

I bet you do know the number 500 in Italian.

-Cinquecento.

-The Fiat Cinquecento is the Fiat 500. Cinquecento.

That would have scored 9 points.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Zoe, here comes your third question, this is the decider.

Whoever wins this goes through to the final to play for the jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question is all about...

Italian artists, Richard?

We're going to show you the names now of five Italian artists,

all of whom feature in the book, Lives Of The Artist.

We've missed out alternate letters from their name.

Can you fill in those gaps, please? Very best of luck.

OK, let's reveal our five artists.

And here they are.

There we are. Now, then, John and Louis will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We'll go for the middle one, Botticelli.

Botticelli, say John and Louis.

Now, then, Simon and Zara, do you want to talk us through the others?

Er, well, a couple of them.

Um, I think, looking at it again,

Michelangelo at the top.

-I'm not sure of the second.

-I'm not sure.

Raphael for the bottom one.

Raphael for the bottom, yeah.

-I think we might have to go for Raphael.

-Yeah.

OK, Raphael.

So we have Botticelli and we have Raphael.

John and Louis said Botticelli - let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

31.

APPLAUSE

Now, then, Simon and Zara have gone for Raphael.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 said that.

This to decide who goes through to the final.

It's right.

65 for Raphael, which means very well done, John and Louis.

After three questions, you're through to the final, 2-1.

Yeah, Michelangelo wouldn't have saved you either.

Michelangelo the biggest scorer up there, unsurprisingly.

That would have scored 80.

But the other two answers would have seen you through to the final.

Er, Pinturicchio. Pinturicchio is the second one down.

That would have scored you one point,

terrific answer if you got that at home.

-And do you know the last one?

-Tintoretto.

-Tintoretto.

Tintoretto would have scored 18.

Thanks very much, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, Simon and Zara. Very well played.

Three correct answers, nice low scores.

Lindsay Davenport was actually a lovely low score,

just Phil Vickery pipped you there.

We'll see you again next time, and I'm sure you'll do just as well,

if not better. But thanks very much for playing, Simon and Zara.

For John and Louis, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Well, congratulations, John and Louis, you have seen off all the

competition and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,250.

This is interesting, a pattern has evolved.

In the last few shows we've had quite

a few people who in their first appearance have gone off early

and then have come back, come through the head-to-head and through

to the final and done very well.

So fingers crossed that will be the pattern that holds for today.

As always, you get to choose the category first from the board.

We have to hope there's something there you like the look of.

Today's selection reads like this. We've got...

It's got to be rugby, hasn't it?

Rock music, you're on your own, but Six Nations.

I'll chip in with a try.

-Six Nations, then.

-Six Nations rugby it is.

I love the way you at least pretended to think about it.

I always have all the questions written out and, this one,

I put all the other ones to that side.

I knew you were going to go for rugby. How could you not?

Very best of luck, I think you've got a big chance here.

We are looking for anybody who was named in...

England's 2016 Six Nation squad,

the one that was announced on 13th January.

Anyone who was named in Ireland's 2016 Six Nations squad,

announced on 20th January.

And how about this? We are looking for anybody who was named in

Wales's 2016 Six Nations squad on 19th January.

So players in the England, Ireland or Wales Six Nations squads

that were all announced in January 2016.

-Very, very, best of luck.

-Thank you. Now, as always, you've got

up to one minute to come up with three answers, and all you

need to win that jackpot is for just one of your answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Let's do it.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now!

We're going for Wales, obviously. There's Jamie Roberts.

-That won't be pointless.

-Yeah. Leigh Halfpenny.

-Not pointless.

Who's the fullback that took his place?

Dan Biggar. No, it wasn't Dan Biggar.

Dan Biggar probably won't be pointless.

How about the props?

There's Hibbert. What's his name? Matthew Hibbert, is it?

-Matthew Hibbert I think's a musician.

-OK.

-So, who's the number 8, Toby Faletau.

-Toby Faletau, yeah.

We'll go with him.

And, um...

Who's on the wing?

Ten seconds left.

Charteris. We'll go with Charteris.

Charteris.

OK. That is your minute up.

I need your three answers and which category you're answering.

-The three of them from the Wales squad.

-All Welsh.

We'll go with Luke Charteris.

Luke Charteris.

-Toby Faletau.

-Toby Faletau.

And who's that fullback?

-We'll go with Dan Biggar, then.

-And Dan Biggar, OK.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Toby Faletau.

-Toby Faletau.

-And your least likely to be pointless?

-Dan Biggar.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order.

And here they are. We have got...

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three good answers on the board there.

What would you do if one of these wins that jackpot for you

and you won £2,250?

What would you do with that?

I think most of it'll go down the pub and the casino.

Might just squander the rest.

Louis, how about you?

I don't think my grandmother would be happy him doing that.

I'll probably take her out on a spa day, just for putting up with us.

-Aw...

-Aw.

Aw, I bet he won't. Still, aww...

OK, very best of luck.

Your first answer was Dan Biggar.

In all three cases, we were looking for players in the

Wales 2016 Six Nations squad.

If this is pointless, it wins you £2,250.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Dan Biggar.

Well, it's right.

All it has to be now is pointless and you'll win £2,250.

Down it goes.

Into the teens, right down into single figures,

down it goes. Fabulous answer, Dan Biggar.

APPLAUSE

Scoring you five. That's a great score.

It's not pointless, though,

and only pointless answers count in this last round.

So we have to move on to your next answer,

which was Luke Charteris.

Again, we were looking for Welsh squad members for

the 2016 Six Nations.

This has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot for £2,250.

How many people said Luke Charteris?

It's right.

Well, Dan Biggar took us all the way down to 5.

Luke Charteris takes us down through the 40s now,

into the 30s,

still going down. Into the teens.

Into single figures going down.

Yeah!

Oh, fantastic. Very well done.

Congratulations.

Well, very well done.

Congratulations, Luke Charteris was a pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £2,250.

Very well done, indeed, John and Louis.

That turned out nicely, didn't it?

Very well done, exactly what grandfathers should do for grandsons, as well.

Congratulations, terrific stuff.

Loads of pointless answers all over the place.

Actually, Toby Faletau wasn't, he would have scored you one point.

There'll be loads of others you do know, and you got the one.

That's the important thing. That 60 seconds is so hard.

Let's start with the England squad.

You'll see immediately huge names here on the board for the

England squad. Everyone apart from

Dylan Hartley, Owen Farrell, Robshaw, Tuilagi,

both Vunipolas, Ashton, Youngs,

Launchberry, Brown and Courtney Lawes.

Everyone else was pointless.

Every other answer was pointless there for England.

For Ireland now.

Lots of other pointless answers.

McGrath, Madigan, Marmion, Fitzgerald, Jackson, Ruddock,

Herring, Cronin, O'Donnell - all of those pointless answers.

Very well done if you said any of those.

And now for the Wales team.

Again, there'll be lots of names you know here.

You could have had

Aaron Jarvis, Bradley Davies, Dan Lydiate, Dominic Day,

Gethin Jenkins, Matt Morgan, Rob Evans, Samson Lee, Tom James,

Tomas Francis, Tyler Morgan - loads and loads of pointless answers

but you only needed one and that was Luke Charteris. Congratulations.

-Thanks.

-Thanks very much Richard.

Thanks to our winning players,

John and Louis, who go away with today's jackpot of £2,250.

Very well done. APPLAUSE

Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.