Episode 40 Pointless

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

WHISTLING

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

the show were obvious answers mean nothing

and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

I'm Brenda, this is my friend Megs and we live in Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, Xander. I'm Misha,

this is my fiance Anna and we're from Guernsey.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Wilfred,

this is my wife Shelima and we're from Essex.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Antonio, this is my friend Sam and we're from Milton Keynes.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, all of you, a very warm welcome to Pointless, lovely to have you here.

We'll get to chat to each of you throughout the show as it goes along.

That leaves one more person for me to introduce.

You've just missed him being carried in on his quiz-themed sedan chair.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya. Hey, everybody.

-APPLAUSE

Good afternoon.

Afternoon, sir.

-Afternoon to you, sir.

-Lots of new faces for us.

-Yeah, I know.

-That's nice, isn't it?

Only one returning pair, our old friends Antonio and Sam there.

Sam in the last episode giving us Vera Lynn

as a two-time Oscar winner.

Which, unfortunately, for a number of reasons,

meant they went home in Round One.

It's not going to happen again today, I hope, gents.

But that's the kind of calibre you're up against, just to warn you.

But it's going to be fun, I think.

-I think it is.

-They seem a lovely bunch.

-Don't they?

Sam and Jordan won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

There it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

Now, remember this, if you remember nothing else, remember this,

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be

eliminated, so make sure

you do whatever you can to keep those scores nice and low.

Best of luck to all four pairs. Our first category today is...

It's a People round.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, so what is our People round all about?

It is all about...

-Richard.

-Yeah, we're going to show you 16 pictures now of famous people

who are known by the name Jack or Jackie.

Can you tell us the most obscure of these, please?

Thank you very much indeed.

So, we're going to put this picture up.

It's going to have 16 faces on it.

It will stay up, that image, for the whole round.

Very, very best of luck.

Let's have a look at that image and see who is on it.

There we are.

16 Jacks and Jackies.

Now, Megs, welcome to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here from Newcastle.

What do you do, Megs?

I'm a retired teacher with lots of hobbies.

Oh, lovely. So, let's... What did you teach when you taught?

I had primary, a reception teacher, so I had the little ones,

so all the subjects across the board.

Oh, lovely. How long did you teach for?

38 years.

Wow! Did you...?

How many people that you taught first time round

did you then teach their children?

Erm, I was on to the grandchildren by the end.

-Were you really?

-Yeah.

-Now, let's talk about your hobbies, Megs.

What do you like doing with your time?

Well, I like to Morris dance, I like to sing,

I like to call at ceilidhs and I like to play the ukulele and sing.

Oh, you could make a poem out of that. Call at ceilidh, play the ukulele...

MEGS LAUGHS Morris dance.

Brilliant. Now, Megs,

let's confront these Jacks and Jackies and see which

is the lowest-scoring one you can find on that board.

Well, I'm going to play it safe and go for Jack Black.

-Jack Black...

-Second from the right on the bottom row.

..says Megs. OK, Jack Black.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Jack Black.

It's very much right.

There we go, 59. Not bad at all, Megs.

APPLAUSE Good start to the round.

Yeah, both of his parents were engineers

and they worked on the Hubble space telescope.

-That doesn't surprise me somehow.

-Does it not?

-No.

-What if I said it wasn't true?

-GENTLE LAUGHTER

-Would that surprise you?

-Well, coming from you, no.

Well, they did...

-They did?

-..n't... not, cos they did.

LAUGHTER

Thank you, Richard. Misha, a very warm welcome to Pointless.

-Lovely to have you here.

-Thank you.

-What do you do in Guernsey?

I co-own and run a company dedicated to fuelling gamers in healthy ways.

-That's interesting.

-Yeah.

-So, gamers...

-Gamers.

-So, what is it? A food? It's a food...?

Yeah, so it's an online food store.

Obviously, they're known for eating, you know, fairly bad food.

Pizza, you know, that sort of thing.

Oh, I see. So, how do you go about that?

With a really sort of very focused, targeted advertising campaign?

Erm... Well, yeah, we attend lots of events up and down the country.

Erm, sort of online, yeah.

-It's good.

-Good idea. Is it working?

-It's working, yes.

Good stuff. Now, Misha, Jacks and Jackies.

Erm, not quite as confident as what I probably should be.

But I'm going to go for... Jack Wilshere?

Jack Wilshere, says Misha.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many of our 100 people went for Jack Wilshere.

It's right.

59 is our only score at this point - and you pass it.

Still going down, Misha.

There you are. 21. Very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

Good work.

Yeah, there he is, in the top right corner.

He's played for Arsenal since he was nine, Jack Wilshere,

but all his family are West Ham fans.

ALEXANDER GASPS

-Ooh...

-I know.

-Wilfred, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here.

-What do you do, Wilfred?

-I'm an account manager.

An account manager, what in? Advertising or in PR?

No, I work in proxy solicitation...

Proxy was the next thing I was going to suggest, yes,

proxy solicitation. Good. LAUGHTER

And proxy solicitations to you too, sir.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

What do you like doing when not soliciting in a proxy way?

Erm... I do a lot of things.

Amongst others, ice skating, bit of reading.

Very good. Where are you from originally, Wilfred?

-I'm Dutch.

-I was going to say!

I was going to say, you didn't sound entirely Essex to me.

Now, Wilfred, how are you liking our board of Jackies and Jacks?

Erm, I think I'm all right.

Erm...

-I'll go for Jack White?

-Jack White, says Wilfred.

Let's see how many of our 100 people spotted Jack White.

It's right.

APPLAUSE

22 for Jack White.

Yeah, of course, the archenemy of Jack Black, Jack White.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, one half of White Stripes.

Now then, Sam, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Britain's youngest postman.

Are you always on the same beat, Sam?

No, I'm a reserve. So I sort of fill in when...

-You're a supply postman?

-Yeah.

-Oh, I see.

Does that mean you get up at 5:30?

We established last time that Sam gets up 5:30

every morning, sometimes, only just to stay at the depot.

-Not to go out.

-No...

-You'll always go out?

Yeah, I'd always find something to do...

OK. OK, well that's good.

Otherwise you're the person who always gets the call up

-if someone doesn't show up?

-Yeah, that's pretty much spot on.

I could have my day off and before you know it...

-Even on your day off?

-Before you know it, the phone's going.

-5:15?

-Yeah, well, it would have to be five o'clock.

Anyway, there we are. Sam,

what would you like to go for on our board of Jacks and Jackies?

Well, I think I know a lot of them.

I'm a big sports fan, so I'm going to go for what I think is a sports

broadcaster in Jacqui Oatley.

Jacqui Oatley, says Sam.

Jacqui Oatley. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jacqui Oatley.

It's right.

Oh, look at that Sam.

Look at that. Down to two.

APPLAUSE Down to two, Sam.

Where's Vera Lynn now?

Very well done indeed.

That's terrific work, Sam.

Very well played. More than made up for last time.

There she is, on the bottom row.

Works on Match Of The Day, all sorts of things.

-Great football journalist, Jacqui Oatley.

-Thank you.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores.

Two, the best score of that pass, Sam, very well done.

Then we travel up to 21, Misha and Anna.

22, Wilfred and Shelima.

Then up to 59, Megs and Brenda.

Brenda, we're a little bit ahead.

We're going to need a nice low-scoring Jackie from you

in the next pass, so good luck with that.

We'll come back down the line now,

can the second players please step up to the podium.

Now then, Antonio.

-Hello.

-Antonio, welcome back. Remind us what you do, Antonio.

I work in tax during the week, and then on the weekend...

Tax during the week, and then at the weekend...?

-I'm a coach.

-You're a coach in your dad's gym?

-I am, yes.

-And sometimes, even when you get back from tax,

-you're back into the gym.

-Straight in there, yes.

Oh... Do you get use the gym yourself quite a lot?

-Er, when I'm not coaching.

-When...

-What do you coach them in?

-Olympic weightlifting, so...

Do you ever give people tax tips

while they're doing their clean and press?

So you go... ALEXANDER STRAINS

Put some into offshore! LAUGHTER

On the sly, on the sly.

Now, Antonio, you're on two. What would you like to go for?

Ah...

I don't know whether to punt and go with one,

-or play it safe.

-ANTONIO LAUGHS

-I'll go with Jack Nicklaus.

-Jack Nicklaus, says Antonio.

Here is your red line, if you can get below that red line with

Jack Nicklaus, you are through to Round Two.

Let's see how many people of our 100 said it.

You are through, very well done.

APPLAUSE

28, takes your total up to 30.

I suspect that might be the lowest score of the round in total.

Yes, safely through. Very well played.

There he is, one of the greatest golfers of all time, Jack Nicklaus.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Shelima, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here. What do you do, Shelima?

I'm an accountant,

but I work in project management.

I see. So that differs you from other accountants in...

Yeah, I use my finance knowledge in a project capacity.

I see. I see.

And what are your interests, aside from that?

I do cross-stitching,

it's a hobby I've been doing

since I was a teenager.

Still kept up with it, still love it?

Yeah, still something I can do...

Do you do it in a group, or do you just take it with you and...?

I tend to do it when I'm watching television.

-Right, now, Shelima...

-Yes.

-..we come to the Jacks and Jackies.

There's a few I recognise.

I'm just trying to think which one would be the lowest.

I'm going to go for Jackie Stallone.

Jackie Stallone, stays Shelima.

OK, let's see how we do with that, there is your red line,

if you can get below that red line with Jackie Stallone,

you are home and dry.

Very well done indeed, look at that.

APPLAUSE 20 for Jackie Stallone.

Takes your total up to 42, sees you comfortably through.

Very well done, Shelima.

Well played, Shelima. Yeah, she was in...

There she is, Jackie Stallone. Sylvester Stallone's mother.

She was in Celebrity Big Brother, with Sylvester Stallone's ex-wife.

-Brigitte Nielsen.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Now then, Anna, welcome to Pointless.

What do you do, Anna?

I work as a physiotherapist.

I see. Do you work in the gym, like Antonio's dad's?

Or are you attached to a...?

-In a clinic.

-In a clinic.

-Yeah, so people come to me.

-I see.

Do you do that thing where you rock people and then go...?

And you go, ah... LAUGHTER

I try not to. I prefer a gentler approach.

-OK.

-No-one will believe that now.

It's good, though.

I say this because the physio that I go and see,

a little bit of acupuncture, and that's...

He'll then say, "All right, there's a couple of pops I'm going to do."

And he'll go... ALEXANDER CROAKS

And actually, you dread it. But you feel great afterwards.

-Do you do that too?

-Exactly.

-It's quite fun.

-Yeah.

-There we are.

LAUGHTER Ah...

Anna, you're on 21,

59 is still our high score on the near podium. 37 is your target.

OK.

I think I'll go with Jackie Chan.

Jackie Chan, says Anna. Here is your red line,

if you can get below that, you're through to Round Two.

How many of our 100 people said Jackie Chan?

46 for Jackie Chan,

taking your total up to 67. APPLAUSE

He had a small part in a film with Bruce Lee early in his career

and Bruce Lee hit him with a fighting stick,

and when the director called cut,

Bruce Lee came over to check that he was all right,

cos he'd actually hit him. Jackie Chan said, "I was absolutely fine,

"but I pretended I was quite badly injured,

"because the longer I pretended I was injured, the more Bruce Lee spoke to me."

-Ah.

-Ah.

That's pathetic.

No, it's not. No, that's wonderful. LAUGHTER

-Sweet, isn't it?

-Really sweet. Thank you very much.

-Brenda, it's lovely to have you here from Newcastle.

-Thank you.

What do you do, Brenda?

At the moment, I'm a carer to my son, who is autistic.

-Right you are.

-Yes.

-Do you...?

You're also, I gather you're also a Morris dancer.

I'm a retired Morris dancer.

-And how often did you meet up and dance?

-Well...

It used to be weekly practices, whenever we could get a team out.

-So, it's quite a complex thing, the Morris dance.

-Yes.

I mean, it's like bell-ringing, is it?

Does it have sort of mathematical... patterns to it?

Yes, it does. I've also done rapper dancing,

rapper sword dancing, which is the miners' dance.

-I didn't even know about rapper sword dancing.

-No!

I know! We lead very sheltered lives.

You do down south.

I know. Oh, dear. Now, listen, you have got a target here.

-Yes.

-It is seven. Could be doable.

Are you liking our board of Jackies and Jacks?

I'm liking your board of Jackies, but it's which Jackie to pick.

Mm.

Erm...

-Jack Lord.

-Jack Lord, says Brenda.

Jack Lord. Here is your red line, you have to get below that.

But Jack Lord sounds good to me.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jack Lord.

It's right.

Still going down.

Oh, 17. APPLAUSE

17 for Jack Lord, taking your total up to 76.

It's not a bad total by any means,

it just happens to be the highest.

Yeah, I have to say that was a valiant effort with Jack Lord.

Terrific answering by everybody, so just too many, I'm afraid.

There he is, on the second row, from Hawaii 5-0.

Let's go through these, shall we?

So top left is...

-Do you...?

-Jack Straw.

-Jack Straw, would've scored you 63.

Next to Jackie Chan, it's the former heptathlete and long jumper,

Jackie Joyner-Kersee. Would've scored you two points.

On the second row, you've got on the left...

-Jack Whitehall.

-Jack Whitehall, would've scored 38.

Then?

-Jackie Stewart.

-Jackie Stewart, would've scored you 49.

Now, I didn't recognise the next gentleman. Do you?

No.

It's the actor Jack Davenport.

Two points for Jack Davenport.

On the third row next to Jack White there is...

Jackie Onassis.

Yep, Jackie Kennedy, Jackie Onassis, however you want to call her.

47 points. Next to her?

Jackie Wilson.

Jackie Wilson, which would've scored you six points.

And on the bottom row, on the left there?

-Jack Nicholson.

-Jack Nicholson for 55.

There we are. Excellent.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Thank you, everyone. We are at the end of our first round

and I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to a pair.

I'm afraid the pair we have to say goodbye to is Brenda and Megs,

I'm so sorry. You're really not that far ahead,

and lovely low scoring there with Jackie Lord at the end,

but I'm afraid you still end up on top there.

We'll see you again next time,

look forward to that very much indeed.

But in the meantime, thank you very much, Brenda and Megs.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well done, everyone, all three pairs have made it through Round One.

Fantastic achievement there.

But, Sam and Antonio, what about that?

Our lowest joint score.

And our lowest individual score, Sam, Jacqui Oatley,

fantastic answer there. Well done, keep that up

and I'm sure you'll make it through to the head-to-head and beyond.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Richard.

-On each board we're going to describe six places

and give the origins of the names of those places as well.

You just need to name the place.

Six on the first board, six on the second,

12 in all to have a go at at home. Good luck.

OK, so can you name these places?

And here's our first board of six.

Let me read those one last time.

There we are. Now then, Misha.

-Yeah.

-Misha.

Unfortunately, this is not a strong subject for me.

I don't think it's probably strong for anyone, this one.

I think it's one you're going to have to use

-a little bit of lateral thinking, I think.

-Uh-huh.

I'm going to go for from the Arabic for desert,

and just punt for the Sahara.

Sahara, surely, says Misha.

Let's see if the Sahara is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Sahara.

It's right.

70 for Sahara, not bad.

APPLAUSE Not bad at all.

Yep, absolutely.

Essentially the Desert Desert.

We shouldn't be calling it the Sahara desert, should we?

We can, because, you know...

-Because what do we know?

-..we're not an Arabic language.

So we're allowed to call it the Sahara desert.

But obviously in Arabic they wouldn't call it Sahara sahara.

Thank you, Richard. Now, Shelima.

Shelima, which of these clues, cryptic though they are,

have you worked out?

I think I might go for the top one.

I'm going to go for the smoky bay as Reykjavik.

Reykjavik, says Shelima.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Reykjavik.

It's right.

58, very good.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Shelima.

We're all much more experts in Iceland since the Euros in 2016.

I forget how they did, but...

..someone will remind me.

Someone Scottish will remind me at some point!

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Sam, you're the last person to have this board.

If you felt like wandering through it

and having a guess at some of them...

Second one down, I'm not sure, maybe Brussels,

just because I know it's in Belgium.

Second bottom, it's one I should probably know,

but it's not coming to me.

The bottom one possibly Beijing.

But I'm going to try and use my French from school

and go for Vermont for the third one.

Vermont, says Sam.

Sounds good to me. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Vermont.

It is Vermont. Well, 70's our high score,

you pass it. 58 our low score,

you pass it.

31 for Vermont, very well done, Sam.

APPLAUSE

That's good work again, Sam, well played, Vermont.

The Belgian one is the toughest one up there, actually.

It's the best answer on the board, one point if you said...

-Do you know it?

-I'd take a punt at Ghent, but...

-It is Ghent.

-Ah, that's nice!

Very well done if you said that at home.

From the Cornish for holy headland?

-Penzance.

-Penzance, that's exactly right.

That would have scored you 13 points.

Now, the Chinese for southern capital is Nanjing,

the Chinese the northern capital...

-Beijing.

-Beijing, you're absolutely right.

And that would have scored you 47.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, let's take a look at our scores.

We're halfway through the round. 31, the best score of the pass,

well done, Sam. 58's where we find Shelima and Wilfred.

70, Misha and Anna.

So, Anna, we need a low score from you.

Good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more clues up on the board, and here they are.

Let's read those all again.

There we are. Antonio, remember, we're looking for the place names

described by these clues.

There you are on 31. If you can score 38 or less...

-38?

-..you are into the head-to-head.

I think we shall go with...

We'll go with the bottom one, Buenos Aires.

Buenos Aires, says Antonio.

Here's your red line. If you can get below that with Buenos Aires,

the head-to-head awaits. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

50, taking your total up to 81.

APPLAUSE

I think you've probably done enough there.

Beautiful Buenos Aires.

Pope Francis worked as a bouncer in Buenos Aires in his student days.

-That's just hilarious, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-True, though.

-Nice Pope Francis.

Now then, Wilfred.

-Yes.

-Wilfred. There you are on 58.

You want to score 22 or less.

I think I'll play it fairly safe and go for the state capital

of California, and say Sacramento.

OK, playing it fairly safe.

Is that too safe, I wonder?

Your target is 22.

That's what it looks like in red-line format.

You're going to say Sacramento,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

36 is what that scores you,

and it takes your total up to 94.

I think that's how we British people think that Spanish always works,

which is you take the English word and put "o" on the end of it

and you've got it. And in that case it does, perfectly.

There we are. Very good. Thank you, Richard.

-Now then, Anna.

-Yes.

You have to score 23 or less.

I obviously know Dublin.

And I don't know the top two.

I'm going to take a punt at the second one from the bottom.

I think it's... Could be Stuttgart, is it?

OK, you're going to say Stuttgart for the second from the bottom.

There is your red line - if you can get below that with Stuttgart,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Stuttgart.

It's right!

It's absolutely right,

and it gets you through.

Very well done indeed.

8 for Stuttgart, which happens to be the best score of the round

by quite a long way.

-78 is your total, very well done.

-That's really well worked out, Anna.

Well played, and well done for taking the risk as well.

Yes, Stuttgart is twinned with Cardiff and St Helens.

Now, you're right about Dublin as well,

you were right to avoid it because it's a big scorer.

It's the biggest scorer of all, 69 points for Dublin.

For the Sanskrit for lion's city...

There's not many city states in the world.

-Singapore?

-Singapore, yeah.

That would have scored you 13.

And the best answer, the Algonquin one, what would you guess?

It's a long-named US state.

-It's a Bee Gees song.

-Massachusetts.

-Massachusetts, yeah.

-There we go.

That would have scored you two points.

Thank you very much indeed. So, at the end of our second round,

the pair who are heading home with the highest score of 94,

Wilfred and Shelima, I'm afraid it's you.

But I get a sense that there's plenty more in the tank

for when we see you next time, and I'm sure you'll go much further.

In the meantime, thank you very much indeed.

Wilfred and Shelima.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Antonio, Sam, Anna and Misha.

You are now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £1,000.

We've made it to the head-to-head,

which means you're now allowed to play as a team.

You can confer before you give your answers.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Very, very best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

-Richard.

-We're going to show you the names

of five woodwind instruments now, but in anagram form.

Can you unscramble these, please?

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, let's reveal our five woodwind instruments, and here they come.

We have got...

Now, Antonio and Sam, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We're going to go bottom one, and go with...

clarinet.

Clarinet, say Antonio and Sam, for clear tin.

Clarinet. Now, Anna and Misha, the board's all yours,

if you want to talk us through it.

We thought that the second one from the bottom...

-What did we say with that?

-Saxophone.

-Saxophone.

And then we think the middle one...

..is it like a piccolo, or something?

-We'll go with that one.

-Yeah, shall we go with that one?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, piccolo.

-You're going to go for piccolo.

So we have clarinet and we have piccolo.

Antonio and Sam said clarinet for clear tin,

let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said clarinet.

It is right.

42.

APPLAUSE

Anna and Misha, meanwhile, have gone for piccolo for cop coil.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said piccolo.

It's right.

Is it going to beat clarinet?

Yes, it is.

Piccolo, down it goes to 30.

Very well done indeed, Anna and Misha.

After one question, you are up 1-0.

Well played. Also would have won with the top one, which is...

-Do you know that one?

-Bassoon.

-Bassoon, yeah.

That would have scored 38.

Saxophone you were absolutely right with,

but it's the biggest scorer on the board.

Would have scored you 51.

Now, do you know the second one?

It's better known as a cor anglais.

Oh, yes, English horn.

It's English horn, yeah, and it's a pointless answer,

so very well done if you got that.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

OK, here comes your second question.

Anna and Misha get to answer it first,

but, Antonio and Sam, you have to win this one to stay in the game,

so best of luck. Our second question is all about...

-Richard.

-We're about to show you five pictures of shark now, cool.

We just need you to tell us what species they are, please.

We're going to give you some letters to help you along.

OK, let's reveal our five species of shark, and here they are.

There we are, our five types of shark.

Anna and Misha, you will go first. Feel free to confer.

It's OK, I've actually swam with one of these.

We'll go D, jobbe wong, if that's the correct pronunciation.

Jobbe wong.

Yeah, I think...

That's what I was told that it was!

-OK. Jobbe wong.

-It doesn't look long enough now, though.

-No.

-Jobbe wong.

Yes, quite well disguised!

I mean, the words as well as the shark.

LAUGHTER

Antonio and Sam, what would you like to go for?

-The board is all yours.

-We were going to gamble, but...

-..I think we'll just have to play it safe now.

-ANNA:

-Yeah!

E's tiger, B's basking, C's great white.

We think A might be caterpillar.

But we're going to go with great white.

You're going to go C, great white.

So we have jobbe wong, and we have great white.

Anna and Misha said jobbe wong for D.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

No, I'm afraid not jobbe wong,

or at least not in English.

Antonio and Sam have gone for great white for C.

All it has to be is right and you'll be back in the game.

Let's see if it is right.

-90! SAM:

-Sorry.

APPLAUSE 90 for great white, but it's right.

That's all it had to be, and it means you're back in the game.

So after two questions it's 1-1.

Yeah, sorry, Anna, I know you sound ridiculous saying jobbe wong,

but you're not a million miles off.

It's a wobbegong, not a gobbewong,

and it's where it's from is the J bit.

It's Japanese, Japanese wobbegong.

And it would have been a pointless answer as well, so...

-Very near.

-Well done at home if you got that.

Let's take a look at the rest of these.

A is a cookiecutter shark.

Cookiecutter... I don't like those eyes!

That would have scored you one point. It's weird, isn't it?

Very clear water, though.

LAUGHTER

B is a basking shark.

That's a nice picture. 42 for that.

And E, as you rightly said, is the tiger shark.

And it's called the tiger shark - 59 points for that -

called the tiger shark because it eats Frosties.

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, here comes your third question.

Whoever wins this one goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question today is all about...

-Richard.

-I'm going to show you

five film tag lines now from famous films.

We've missed out a word from each tag line -

can you tell us what that word is, please?

-Good luck, both teams.

-Thanks very much.

Let's reveal our five tag lines and here they are...

I'll do those again.

Now, then. Antonio and Sam, you will go first.

Tough, isn't it?

We know four.

You reckon?

I think we're going to have to.

We're going to have to go for the top one, I think.

Yeah, we think it's enemies.

OK, enemies for the top one, say Antonio and Sam.

Now then, Anna and Misha, what would you like to go for?

-Do you want to talk us through the rest?

-Yeah.

Yeah, so we think The Matrix one is "remember, there is no spoon."

We're not sure about the middle one.

"An adventure 65 million years in the making."

And the bottom one, galaxy.

It's just what's going to be the lowest, and we think spoon.

You're going to go for spoon. OK, so we have enemies and we have spoon.

Antonio and Sam said enemies.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said enemies.

62 for enemies.

APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Anna and Misha have gone for spoon.

"Remember, there is no spoon."

Let's see how many of our 100 people got that.

It's right.

And it wins you the point.

Still going down, Misha, that's a great answer.

Anna and Misha, 7 for spoon. APPLAUSE

And it means, after three questions, Anna and Misha, well done,

you are going through to the final 2-1.

Very well played. Yeah, a reference to the fact that the spoon

only exists in The Matrix, so isn't actually real.

Now, now, you gave us the bottom two,

"An adventure 65 million years in the making."

It only scored 58 points.

I'm not entirely sure what the other 42 people thought that might be.

-LAUGHTER

-65 and a half...?

I don't know what you would think it would be.

And "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away."

Also a very low scorer, comparatively.

Would have scored 63.

You would think that would be up in the 90s, wouldn't you?

Now, this one is the best answer.

"Does for rock and roll what The Sound Of Music did for..."

I'm going to guess nuns.

It's not, it's even more Spinal Tap.

The hills.

LAUGHTER

-Excellent.

-Would have scored you three points.

-Very well done if you said that.

-Thank you very much.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, is Antonio and Sam. A masterful display today.

Very, very well done. Lovely low scoring.

It's been great having you on the show.

Thank you so much for playing, Antonio and Sam.

APPLAUSE

But for Anna and Misha, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Anna and Misha, you have seen off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

And at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £1,000.

Well, your first appearance on the show.

Your only appearance, as it turns out, which is a shame.

But your consolation is that lovely Pointless trophy.

Oh, it's coveted. My, it's coveted.

What a fine thing that is. What would you like to see come up

on this board that might help you take that jackpot home as well?

I'm thinking sports, like, recent sports.

-A bit of football.

-Bit of football. Bit of music.

-Maybe some music.

-Yeah.

-Fingers crossed.

-You know what it's like, this board.

-Yeah.

Sometimes it looks a bit worrying.

But behind each question there's usually something,

there's something a bit better. Anyway, let's have a look.

Today's selection is this.

Seriously?

-I've changed my mind.

-THEY LAUGH

From those, I'm thinking probably Historical Fiction.

Yeah, sure, why not?

What do we reckon?

-I think we'll go for Historical Fiction, then.

-Yeah.

-OK, Historical Fiction it is. Richard.

-OK, very best of luck.

We are looking for any of the historical novels

of Philippa Gregory up to April 2016.

We're looking for any of the historical novels of

Bernard Cornwell, also up to April 2016.

Or looking for any author who's ever been shortlisted for

the Walter Scott prize for historical fiction

from 2010 all the way through to 2016.

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with

three answers, and all you need to win that jackpot

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

OK, I don't think we should have picked historical fiction.

No, probably a bad choice, thinking about it.

I can't really think of any, so we may have to make a few up, maybe.

-OK, yeah.

-I want to say The Boleyn Girl.

-Boleyn...

-Or, like, The Other Boleyn Girl.

-Who was the other Boleyn?

-I don't know,

I just feel like it might be something I've heard.

-I didn't know there was two Boleyns.

-No.

-OK.

-Yeah, I don't know either.

-Have you heard of Philippa Gregory?

I have, because I've definitely bought a couple of those books

-for a friend of mine.

-What were they called?

Can you picture the cover?

-It was green.

-Green, any pictures on there?

It had a girl.

-Girl?

-Yeah.

I mean, more than that, I couldn't really say.

OK, authors shortlisted for the Walter Scott Prize.

-What is the Walter Scott Prize?

-No idea.

2010 to 2016, can we guess at that?

Let's just make something up something with...

-Ten seconds left.

-Something with Henry VIII.

Henry VIII.

And we'll go, like,

The Other Boleyn Girl for the top one.

OK, that, I'm afraid, is your time up.

I'm so sorry, the minute just not long enough.

What are your three answers? What would you like to go for?

-We're going to go for...

-The Other Boleyn Girl.

-..The Other Boleyn Girl.

-The Other Boleyn Girl.

-For the top category.

-For Philippa Gregory.

-What was...?

-The Wives Of Henry VIII for the bottom one.

-That's just authors, though, isn't it?

-Oh, authors.

No, the second one, then, that's fine. Yeah.

OK, so we're saying The Wives Of Henry VIII.

-Yes.

-For Bernard Cornwell.

-Bernard Cornwell, yeah.

And authors shortlisted for the Walter Scott Prize...

His surname is, like, Sebag Montefiore.

I don't know what his first name is but my mum reads his book.

-Edward?

-Sebastian.

Sebastian Sebag Montefiore. OK, there we are.

LAUGHTER There are our three answers.

Of those three, which do you think

is your best shot at a Pointless answer?

It's got to be Sebastian, isn't it?

The one that we made up, yeah. The last one.

-You want Sebag to go last?

-Yeah.

-The one we made up.

Sebastian Sebag Montefiore. OK, we'll put him last.

-Yeah.

-OK, least likely to be Pointless?

-Probably The Wives Of Henry VIII.

-The middle one.

The Wives Of Henry VIII for Bernard Cornwell.

-And we'll put The Other Boleyn Girl in the middle.

-Yeah.

OK, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We have got...

-Yeah.

-Well, listen, three perfectly nice-looking answers on the board.

We don't yet know what they will score you,

but if one of those is pointless and wins you the jackpot of £1,000,

what would you like to do with it? Anna, you first.

I'd like to spend it on our wedding, I think.

-Mainly on the dress. I'll go with that.

-That's nice.

-Yeah, that sounds good.

-Nice pair of heels.

-Yeah, very good.

That would leave Misha, I don't know, with about 10p.

With not much left.

Very nice lollies.

Misha, what would you like to spend your half of that on?

Well, we were thinking about having our honeymoon

in somewhere like Lapland, go and see the Northern Lights.

Well, very, very best of luck. Three answers up on the board,

let's hope one of them is pointless.

Your first answer was The Wives Of Henry VIII.

In this case, we were looking for Bernard Cornwell historical novels.

So if this is right, and if it is pointless, it will win you £1,000.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Wives Of Henry VIII.

No, I'm afraid not a Bernard Cornwell novel.

-No.

-So not a pointless answer.

Which means we move swiftly on to your next answer,

The Other Boleyn Girl.

In this case, we were looking for Philippa Gregory historical novels.

So if this is Pointless, it will win you £1,000.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Other Boleyn Girl.

It's right.

Your first answer, The Wives Of Henry VIII,

I'm afraid, was not right,

but The Other Boleyn Girl is absolutely right.

Down we go through the 20s and into the teens.

Down through the teens into single figures,

down it goes to 7. That's not a bad answer at all.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed.

Irritatingly, we only accept pointless answers

in this last round, so I'm afraid we had to move on

to your third and final answer,

which was Sebastian Sebag Montefiore.

This is the one.

You said this was your most confident shot at Pointless jackpot.

We are looking for authors shortlisted for

the Walter Scott Prize from 2010 to 2016.

If it's Pointless, it will win you £1,000.

Let's see how many people said Sebastian Sebag Montefiore.

No, I'm afraid not.

APPLAUSE

I'm so sorry. Well, that was a game effort, I have to say.

I'm afraid you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £1,000.

That will roll over onto the next show.

But it's been a great pleasure to have you.

Thank you so much for coming and playing so well,

particularly in that head-to-head. Very strong indeed.

And you get a Pointless trophy to take home for your troubles,

so very well done. APPLAUSE

Yeah, unlucky there. It's not Sebastian Sebag Montefiore -

Simon Sebag Montefiore.

A wonderful, wonderful writer.

Let's take a look at the Pointless answers in the different categories.

We'll start with Philippa Gregory.

There's The Boleyn Inheritance, was a pointless answer.

A Respectable Trade, they turned that into a TV series,

like lots of her stuff.

Changeling, Earthly Joys, Fools' Gold, Stormbringers,

The Favoured Child, The Lady Of The Rivers,

The Queen's Fool, The Virgin's Lover,

The Wise Woman, Virgin Earth and Wideacre,

all of those pointless answers for Philippa Gregory.

Historical novels by Bernard Cornwell.

Let's take a look at some of these.

A couple of the Sharpe books there,

Sharpe's Regiment and Sharpe's Revenge.

The only ones that scored for him - The Empty Throne,

The Last Kingdom, The Burning Land, Sharpe's Rifles,

Warriors Of The Storm, Sharpe's Gold, Sword Song,

Sharpe's Waterloo, Sharpe's Eagle, Sharpe's Tiger and The Fort -

everything else a pointless answer for Bernard Cornwell.

Loads and loads of authors shortlisted for

the Walter Scott Prize for historical fiction...

Kate Atkinson for Life After Life,

Pat Barker for Toby's Room.

In fact, everyone who's ever been nominated for that

was a pointless answer, apart from Hilary Mantel.

So if you gave us an answer that you know is one of those lists,

you would have just won the money. Well done at home.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Well, Anna and Misha, very sadly, they didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show

when we will be playing for £2,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.