Episode 7 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where we are always striving

to find the most obscure answers.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

I'm Sue and I'm from Berkshire and this is my great friend Jane,

who is from Surrey.

Couple number two.

I'm Linda and this is Liz and we're friends from Lockerbie.

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Lauren and this is my grandad Roger and we're from Essex.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Angela, this is my friend Nick,

I'm from south-west London and Nick is from High Wycombe.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll get to find out more about each of you throughout the show as it goes along, of course.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Here to apply more pressure than a sumo's loin knot...

LAUGHTER Let's hope it holds.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya. Hey, everybody.

-APPLAUSE

Afternoon.

A sumo's loin knot?

-Yeah.

-That is not an expression I've ever heard before.

-No.

-Is that what...? That ties up their sort of nappy?

-I think so.

-Mawashi, I think they call...

-It's called a mawashi?

-Yeah, I believe it is. I don't know what the knot is called.

-No.

-But I'm glad they're there.

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Two returning pairs, Jane and Sue got through to that very,

very high quality head-to-head last time, as well.

Angela and Nick,

hopefully we'll see a little bit more of you this time.

Now, before the show, we always walk along and chat to people

and, you know, say, "How are you feeling?"

And Roger, literally, like an assassin...

-GENTLE LAUGHTER

-"Are you nervous, Roger?" No.

And I believe him. Normally if I say, "Are you nervous?"

And people say no, I don't believe them. Roger...

Nerves of steel, that guy.

I've no idea if he knows the answer to any questions...

-LAUGHTER

-Well, that we'll find out.

But nothing else is going to faze him, I guarantee you that.

-Fantastic...

-If there's trouble at all in the studio...

-It's Roger.

We'll all... No.

We'll follow Roger. Roger leads us.

Roger becomes...

If this ends up just us, civilisation,

could happen, er, Roger will be our king.

-Is that...? Lauren, good idea?

-Yeah.

-No.

-LAUGHTER

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Arthur and Steph won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000, there it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, remember this, the pair with the highest score at the end

of each round will be eliminated.

That's the rule you have to remember.

No conferring till we get to the head-to-head, of course.

Best of luck to all four pairs. Our first category today is...

Political Leaders.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

THEY CONFER

Whoever's going first, step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Prime Ministers Around The World, Richard.

On each board, we're going to show you some lists of people,

all of whom have been prime ministers of the same country.

We need you to name the country. There'll be seven on the first board,

seven on the second, 14 in all to have a go at at home.

Very best of luck.

OK, so we're looking for the countries

that these prime ministers have governed.

Here's our first board of seven...

GENTLE LAUGHTER

We're only halfway through, I've got to do it again, now.

OK... GENTLE LAUGHTER

Good, you're all still here. Fine. GENTLE LAUGHTER

-Sue, welcome back.

-Hello.

-Welcome back. Now, head-to-head last time.

-Got very, very exciting.

-Yes.

Oh, Krakatoa came to your aid.

I don't know where I got that from.

Who cares? It was a great answer. Just at the right time.

Now, Sue, remind us what you like getting up to.

Apart from looking after grandchildren,

-occasionally now, cos most of them are at school...

-Yeah.

I like reading, crosswords, travel.

Which crosswords do you like doing?

Is there...? Is there a particular paper that you like...?

-The paper, the Telegraph.

-Oh, that's a good one.

-Yes.

-That's a good one.

-Yes, yeah.

-How long does it take you generally, Sue?

Is it a daytime's travail,

or is it something you knock off in five minutes?

-Two or three weeks...

-LAUGHTER

Sue, how are you feeling about our prime ministers here?

I'm going to play safe.

Malcolm Turnbull, et cetera, Australia.

Australia, says Sue. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Australia.

It's right.

Ooh.

61 for Australia. APPLAUSE

Not bad.

Yes, solid start.

Do you know they used to have wombats the size of rhinos

-in Australia?

-ALEXANDER GASPS

I mean, millennia ago, or...?

-Oh, yeah. Not like in the last 20 years.

-Oh, I see.

-We'd have heard...

-We'd have heard about that, surely.

-Exactly.

-That's a big wombat.

-I mean, imagine.

I tell you what, a rhino the size of a wombat, that would be quite sweet.

GENTLE LAUGHTER Yeah.

-Aw...

-That would be nice, then we could have little pet rhinos.

-Aw.

-Aw.

-Aw. Oh, you'd want them house-trained, wouldn't you?

-A rhino?

-Pet rhino, yeah.

I tell you what, you'd always have someone to get your keys.

LAUGHTER

ALEXANDER WHEEZES Thank you very much indeed.

-No, but it would run away.

-Oh, yeah.

-You're going to hear it.

-Oh, yeah.

-Jangle, jangle.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

Erm... Now then, Linda.

Welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here, from Lockerbie.

-Yes.

-What do you do, Linda?

-I'm a roads technician.

Now, hang on, what's a roads technician?

Erm, organise and supervise surfacing and patching and drainage.

Everything to do with...maintenance.

Do you get to go round with a spray can?

-LINDA LAUGHS

-Sometimes.

Now, that's fun, isn't it? Ah, I'd love to do that.

And what are your interests, Linda?

I like socialising, exercising, walking my dog, listening to music.

Very good indeed. Now, Linda,

what would you like to go for on this board?

This is the worst subject for me.

I'll go for the second bottom one and try Russia.

Fradkov, Medvedev and Putin, Russia, says Linda.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people got it.

It is Russia. Eeh... Look at that.

Look, it's five better than 100.

APPLAUSE 95 for Russia.

-That's Putin doing a lot of that, I think.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Mind you, when it comes to heavy lifting, he can do it.

-Oh, he really, really can.

-I mean...

You know, there are 11 million more women than there are men in Russia.

Is there a...? Why? Why?

-Why?

-A number of reasons.

A number of reasons, one of which was to do with, er,

with wombats the size of rhinos, which we cannot go into.

There you are. Thank you very much indeed.

-Roger, welcome to Pointless, here from Essex.

-Yeah.

-What do you do, Roger?

-I'm a retired postman.

When did you...? When did you finish...posting?

-Postman-ing?

-About 22 years ago.

-And how do you fill your retirement, Roger?

-I play darts.

Er, we've got a league that we play darts in, in Waltham Abbey.

Erm, I collect photographs of myself with celebrities.

I notice Roger hasn't asked for a photograph with either you or me.

-Well, he... He asked for one with me.

-Oh.

-Did he not...?

LAUGHTER

People talk about selfies now,

but I've been doing it for 50-odd years, so...

You always had to collar someone else to take the picture?

-Well, no, I sort of...

-You'd...? Oh, that's clever.

-Yeah.

What's the most exciting celebrity in your collection?

Who, I should say, is the most exciting celebrity?

Don't know. Muhammad Ali, Diana? Princess Diana?

-Wow. And you've got photographs with all of them?

-Yeah, yeah...

-Oh... So how big is the collection?

-Oh, quite a few.

-Thousands.

-Quite a few.

LAUGHTER

Impressive, Roger. Now, what would you like to go for from our board?

Is there anyone on that board you've taken a photograph with?

-No.

-Ah...

-Er...

I'm going to take a chance on the third one down and say Greece.

Greece for Tsipras, Samaras and Papademos.

Greece, says Roger.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said it.

It is right, 60...

Oh, 74 is your score there.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, got more and more in the news, especially with Tsipras,

that's why it scores quite so highly, 74.

It's compulsory to vote in Greece between the ages of 18 and 70.

See, that's good. That is good.

Yeah, I think if you're given a "none of the above option",

-I think... It seems sensible.

-Yeah.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Angela.

-Hello.

-Angela, it was Round One last time we had to say goodbye to you.

-I know!

-Please tell me that's not going to happen again this time.

It's not in my hands at the moment.

It slightly is, but anyway, yes, we'll come to that in a moment.

-Remind us what you do, Angela.

-OK, I work for the NHS.

I'm Digital Communications Manager at London North West Healthcare

and I'm based at Northwick Park Hospital.

Very good.

And when the digital stuff is finished at the end of each day,

what delights you?

I like to watch football, I'm a big Chelsea FC fan.

Erm, I like to read and I love to do a bit of creative writing, as well.

Oh, do you? What sort of creative writing to you like doing?

I like doing teenage novels,

I've had a few published. I like writing for children, as well.

That's impressive. What books have you had published? What are they?

Couple back in the '90s that were aimed at Asian teenagers,

-cos there really wasn't anything around then.

-Yeah.

-So, yeah. They did OK.

-Congratulations, very good indeed.

Now, Angela, we come back to this thorny issue of prime ministers.

-I... Yes, yes, erm...

-Yes, exactly.

-Erm...

-Yes.

-I'm going to have to make an educated guess,

looking at the names.

You know, sometimes it works to people's advantage,

being on that far podium, cos it encourages you to take

-a risk you wouldn't otherwise have taken.

-OK, I'm going to go for China.

Good, for which one?

-The bottom one!

-OK, for the bottom one. OK, China.

Shall we see if that's right? Shall we see how many people said it?

-Oh!

-Ooh.

-Oh, God...

-Oh, Angela.

I think that was an educated guess.

-It was very, well, uneducated.

-It was very...

No, it was an educated guess.

It was, it turns out it was wrong, but, um...

Still educated. It's exactly what I would've said.

Scored you 100 points, I'm afraid.

I bet it's not the last 100 of the round.

Yeah, none of them Chinese politicians, I'm afraid.

Singapore is the answer to that.

-Actually our 100 did very well, got seven points.

-Wow.

So very well done to our 100.

Now the top one, the big clue there is Olof Palme,

-who was very famously assassinated.

-Sweden.

-Sweden, yeah.

Would've scored you 19.

-Nasser, probably the big clue on the next one down.

-Egypt.

Egypt, yeah.

Would've scored you 43.

Now the best answer on the board,

very well done, anyone at home, who got this.

Hard to work out with the language, bits of it look kind of Asian,

-bits of it look Finnish.

-Yeah.

-It's Albania.

Albania.

Two points for that, so again, very well done to our 100.

-Our 100 are brilliant.

-Well, that's...

-Yeah, or Albanian, one or the other.

-LAUGHTER

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

61, the best score of the pass, very well done indeed, Sue.

74 is where we find Roger and Lauren.

95 is where we find Linda and Liz and then 100 is where we find

Angela and Nick.

The nice thing is it's been a very high-scoring round, Nick.

-So you're not too far out in front there.

-OK.

A nice low score from you

should keep you in the game,

so good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more lists of prime ministers up on the board.

And here they come.

We've got...

Thanks, Steve.

GENTLE LAUGHTER And...

ALEXANDER EXHALES DEEPLY

APPLAUSE Oh, thank you.

I feel like someone should hand me one of those

sort of foil blankets at the end of that.

-Nick...

-Hello.

-Well done. You've made it.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

-Remind us what you do.

-I work for the NHS, as well.

I'm a communications and marketing manager, based in the Midlands.

So how do you and Angela...? I mean, obviously, I know Angela

works in digital communications,

so I can think of any number of reasons how you might know

each other, but did you work together at the same place?

We both work for the NHS now.

I started my job at the NHS just yesterday,

but we met when we worked at a local council in Buckinghamshire.

Oh, I see. That's nice. And you've remained friends ever since.

Whose idea was it to come on the show?

-It was, it was mine.

-THEY LAUGH

-There we are. And Angela, the obvious person to bring.

-Yeah...

Of course. Of course. Now, you know what you have to do here, Nick.

-OK.

-You have to find a lovely low score. Are you feeling confident?

I could have an educated guess at a few of them, just by the language.

But I'm going to go with a very safe one, which is

Pierre Trudeau, Justin Trudeau, Stephen Harper, that's Canada.

Canada, says Nick.

No red line, you're the high-scorers,

let's see how far down the column you can get with Canada.

It's right.

61.

APPLAUSE 161 is your score.

I think you might have done enough

to keep yourselves in the game there.

Yeah, supposedly the Hawaiian pizza was invented in Canada.

By a Greek.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

-How extraordinary.

-Yeah.

-How...

ALEXANDER EXHALES DEEPLY Did you know that, Lauren?

-Yeah...

-Yeah? THEY LAUGH

Lauren, what do you do?

I'm studying to be a classical singer

and also studying music theory.

I'm going to say mezzo soprano.

-Exactly.

-Yay! Look at that.

And what sort of singing do you do?

More opera singing, or is it more choral style, or...?

It's more opera singing...

-Right.

-..at the moment.

-I'm just kind of going through my grades.

-Very good. Well done, that's fantastic.

And when not doing that, what are you getting up to?

I'm very much into Japan and Japanese culture, cosplay, anime...

-Things like that, really.

-Very good. Have you been to Japan?

-No, not yet. It's on my wish list.

-Very good. Win the jackpot today,

put it towards a trip to Japan, I think, Lauren.

Now, there you are on 74. 161's the high score.

86 or less sees you through.

So, that shouldn't be too much of a stretch. Well, I say that.

Then I look at that board and... THEY LAUGH

I'm torn between going for a risky one

or one that I'm pretty sure I know.

SHE SIGHS

I'm going to go for the second one, Shinzo, Yoshihiko, Naoto,

for Japan.

Surely, Japan. Let's see.

Here is your red line, nice and high.

Get below that with Japan, you're through to the next round.

It's right.

62, very well done indeed.

Gets you through, takes your total up to 136.

Yeah, well, you had to go for that one, really, didn't you?

Yeah, Abe Shinzo's grandfather and great uncle were both

prime ministers of Japan as well.

Thank you very much. Liz, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here. What you do?

-I'm retired now.

-What did you do?

-I worked with the local government, admin.

You weren't anything to do with the roads as well, where you?

-Yes.

-HE GASPS

So, did you and Linda meet on the roads? On the tarmac?

-Yes, yes, we did.

-Were you desk-bound or did you get out

-to the roads?

-I was desk-bound.

-I see.

But, presumably, you drove on those roads to get there.

-So, you had first-hand experience.

-Well, on my bicycle I did anyway.

Oh, that's even more first-hand.

That's more than just first-hand, that's first...

A lot. What are your interests now, Liz? What do you like getting into?

-I like walking in the country.

-Lovely.

-Doing cryptic crosswords.

-Very good.

Can I ask...? Now I've started, I've got to continue.

-What cryptic crosswords to you like?

-The Daily Mail, which isn't too bad.

-You know, not too difficult.

-Not too difficult.

-No.

-Very good.

Sudoko. And I like going to the horse racing as well.

-Very good. A lot of good racing around you.

-Yes.

Fantastic. Now, Liz, there you are on 95.

The high score is still Nick and Angela.

65 or less, Liz, is what you require.

There are only two that I know for definite.

It's just knowing which one will be the lowest.

Golda Meir, Menachem Begin, Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel.

Israel says Liz. Here is your red line,

get below that with Israel and you're into round two.

How many of our 100 people said Israel?

It's right.

And you're through. Just. Look at that!

63. 65 you needed, 63 you got.

-158 is your total.

-Super-close, wasn't it?

Yeah, Israeli bank notes have Braille on them. It's a good idea.

-That's clever.

-It is a good idea, isn't it?

A very good idea. It also gives it a bit of purchase in a back pocket.

It's going to fall out less easily.

-Like Velcro.

-Yeah.

SCATTERED LAUGHTER

Thank you very much indeed.

Jane, welcome back. Remind us what you do, Jane.

I work for my local charity, the Children's Trust in Tadworth.

That is right. And what are your interests, Jane?

Reading, walking my lovely dog, Archie.

Who we've recently been assessed to be a PAT dog.

-Pets As Therapy.

-Oh, I see. Right.

So, we've been assessed,

we haven't got the official confirmation whether we are in.

-But he did do really well.

-Clever Archie. How old's Archie?

-He's seven. Golden retriever.

-Lovely.

-Gorgeous.

-Very nice indeed.

Now, Jane, what I would normally do is ask you to go through the board,

-but I'm not going to on this occasion.

-Thank you.

Because, if you were to score 100,

-we would have a lock-down scenario.

-Ooh!

I know, I know. Sue, you said, "I was just thinking that."

-We wouldn't want that.

-No.

What would you like to go for?

Ideally, you'd score 99 or less.

I'm going to go for the top one, then,

-and hope it's New Zealand.

-New Zealand.

OK, here is your red line. Lovely and high.

Essentially, you just have to have it right, I'd say.

Let's see if New Zealand will do that for you.

It's right.

And you are through.

Down it goes.

28!

Very well done indeed. 28 is actually the lowest score

of the whole round. Very well done.

And 89, the lowest combined score. Very good on podium one, there.

Well played. Let's fill this board in, shall we?

-Indira Gandhi, Nehru and Narendra Modi are India.

-India.

That would have scored you 86.

Now, Abdelmalek Sellal and the rest,

this is the best answer on the board.

You'd probably have to guess this -

Algeria.

Algeria, and that would have scored you 1 point.

Now, Helle Thorning-Schmidt we know. She's been in the news a lot.

-We know indeed. Yeah.

-She's married to Stephen Kinnock.

-Denmark.

Denmark, yeah. And that would have scored you 9 points.

Thank you very much.

So, at the end of our first round,

the pair we are sending home with the highest score, Nick and Angela.

-I'm sorry.

-We tried.

-How is this happening twice in a row?

-We're the understudies.

-I know, but... I...

It's not a true reflection of your abilities on the show.

Of that, I am quite certain.

I'm afraid you've used up both your Pointless lives, so to speak.

That sounds a bit sinister, doesn't it?

But we have to say goodbye to you.

-Thank you so much for coming and playing both times.

-Thank you.

Both times far too quick.

But anyway, Nick and Angela, thanks very much indeed.

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And so we are now down to three pairs, and at the end of this round,

we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

Jane and Sue, oh! Wonderful low scores there. Fantastic.

Lowest individual and lowest joint score in that round.

Setting out your stall once again, I think.

Got your eyes set on the head-to-head.

Best of luck to all three pairs, though.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please, step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many of the nation's

favourite number one Beatles songs as they could.

-Richard.

-Yeah, in 2015, ITV held a poll to find the nation's favourite

number one single by the Beatles.

It could have been number one in the UK or the US.

27 tracks on this list,

just need to find the most obscure one, please.

Thank you very much indeed.

Jane, what would you like to go for?

I'm going to try with...

In My Life.

In My Life says Jane. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for In My Life.

-Oh, no, bad luck!

-No!

-I'm afraid In My Life not a correct answer. 100 points.

-Never mind.

Yeah, a very beautiful song, but not number one,

I'm afraid, on either side of the Atlantic. That's unlucky.

Ah, yes.

You might not be the only high scorer like that, Jane.

Lauren, what would you like to go for?

Erm...

Help!

-Help! says Lauren.

-That's just about right, yeah.

Yeah, OK. Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Help!

It's right.

There we are.

33 for Help!

-Very well done indeed.

-Well played, Lauren.

That was number one in the UK and the US.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Linda,

what would you like to go for?

A Hard Day's Night.

A Hard Day's Night, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Hard Day's Night.

It's right.

Very well done. Down to 16.

Well played on that far podium.

Yeah, the title track of their first film.

-And that was also number one in the US and the UK.

-Thanks very much.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

16, the best score of the pass, Linda. Well done, Linda and Liz.

Looking pretty good for the head-to-head.

As are, I would say, Roger and Lauren at this stage.

Jane and Sue, bad luck.

-Sue, you know what you need to do.

-Yeah.

I hope you've got a good answer for when we come back down to you.

Best of luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

Will the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, Liz. We're looking for singles that featured

on the list of the nation's favourite number one Beatles song.

-Hey Jude.

-Hey Jude says Liz.

Ideally, you'd score 83 or less. Here's your red line.

Get below this red line with Hey Jude, you are into the head-to-head.

It's right.

And you are through.

43.

59 is your total.

That was actually voted number one in the nation's favourite Beatles

song, Hey Jude. Again, number one in the US and the UK.

At the time, it was the longest ever number one single in the UK.

-Seven minutes 11 seconds.

-Is it that long?

-It is long.

-The na-na-na bit.

-They go on a long time, yeah.

-The na-na-na bit.

-Yeah, as I believe it's called in the business.

-Yeah.

-That record has been beaten since.

All Around The World by Oasis is now the longest ever number one single.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, then, Roger.

You're on 33. 66 or less gets you through.

I really don't know if it was a number one,

but I'm going to go for Yellow Submarine.

Yellow Submarine says Roger. Let's see if that's right.

Here's your red line. Get below that, you're through.

It's right.

And you are through. Very well done indeed.

32.

65 is your total.

Good work, Roger. Yeah, number one in the UK, Yellow Submarine.

Thank you, Richard. Now, Sue.

Sue, I'm afraid you are our high scorers.

-Even before your answer.

-Yeah.

-I'm sorry.

-It's OK.

-Anyhow, what are you going to go for?

-Love Me Do.

-Love Me Do, says Sue.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people

went for that. No red line for you, I'm afraid,

as you are the high scorers.

It's right.

Good answer!

15. Lowest score of the round there, Sue. Very well done.

-115, your total.

-Yeah, that was only number-one in the US.

It was a very early Beatles single in the UK.

It wasn't a number one single. There is one pointless answer.

It was a number one in the US, not the UK.

It's Eight Days A Week, was the best answer on the board.

One point for We Can Work It Out, Come Together, and I Feel Fine.

Two points for the Ballad Of John And Yoko,

two points also for Something. A beautiful song.

Three points for The Long And Winding Road.

Four points for Day-tripper and Hello, Goodbye.

And the next best, six points, for From Me To You,

Can't Buy Me Love, and All You Need Is Love.

Lady Madonna, seven points as well. Those are the best answers there.

-Shall we take a look at the top three answers?

-Mm!

The ones that most of our 100 people said.

Yellow Submarine, 32, there, Roger. Help! 33.

We've seen all of these. Hey Jude, 43.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, the pair we have to send home

with a high score of 115, Sue and Jane,

I'm so sorry, it's you. Tough, that round, actually.

-Really tough.

-She should have thought...

-She's too young.

-Should have thought about it a bit longer.

-Well, still tough.

Anyway, but you've done very well. Brilliant performance last time.

A very strong performance in the first round.

I'm sorry you tripped up on this one, but it's been great

having you on the show. Thank you so much, Sue and Jane.

APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Well, congratulations, Roger and Lauren, Linda and Liz.

You're now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our

jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

Well, we have made it to the head-to-head,

which means you can now confer.

In this round, the first pair to win two questions will be playing for

that jackpot in the final.

Well, you've seen off our two returning pairs.

Very well done indeed. Very impressive performance.

And neither of you have been here before,

so it should be very exciting and very close.

Best of luck to both players. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here is your first question and it concerns...

Yes, self explanatory, right?

Yeah, we're going to show you five pictures now of creatures that

have the word fish in their names, but are not actually fish.

We're also going to give you some of the letters of their names to

-help you out, but what are they, please?

-OK.

Let's reveal our five fish that aren't. Here they are.

We've got...

There we are.

Five fish that aren't fish.

Now, Roger and Lauren,

you are our low scorers, so you will go first.

INAUDIBLE WHISPERING

Shall we go for D?

I think it's a razor fish, you know,

the ones you get at the beach with the long shells.

Yeah. All right, do that.

We are going to go for D, razor fish.

Razor fish. Razor fish, D.

OK, now, Linda and Liz, over to you.

Do you want to talk us through the board?

-You can talk out loud if you like.

-Cuttlefish.

Do you want to go through the board?

We think A is cuttlefish and E is crayfish.

-We don't know the other two.

-No.

So, what will we just go for A?

-Cuttlefish.

-Yes.

OK, A, cuttlefish.

So, we have razor fish and we have cuttlefish.

Lauren and Roger said razor fish for D.

Let's see if that's right

and let's see how many of our 100 people went for it.

It's right.

14.

Very well done indeed. Nice score there.

Linda and Liz, meanwhile, have gone for cuttlefish for A.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

37.

Very well done indeed.

Roger and Lauren, after one question, you are up 1-0.

Yeah, razor fish, a very, very good answer.

-There are funny looking, aren't they? Razor fish.

-They are.

-Do you think?

-I mean, is that like a sort of razor clamp?

-Yeah, if you like. Yeah, they are molluscs.

-Yeah.

Now, B is an insect.

And it's a silverfish.

Ah!

25 points for that. That's not real size, don't panic.

We will leave C for the moment.

E, I think you knew, was the crayfish.

Can I just tell you, when that picture first came out,

-I thought there were two crayfish there.

-52.

Yeah, you're thinking of the Kray twins.

Yeah.

Now, let's take a little look at C before we give away the answer.

Now, it's one of those ones where you can fill in some of them.

-So, it's fish. Clearly at the end there.

-Yeah.

And then the clue to the fact it's not a fish is what it is doing.

-Which is...

-Walking.

-Walking, yeah.

Careful. It's a pointless answer and it's a Mexican...

-Mexican walking fish!

-Walking fish.

You can't say it now. You can't do that. Mexican walking fish.

Wow! Look at that. I like its hair.

It's pretty cool.

Blowing in the wind there, look at that.

-It's a kind of salamander.

-There you go.

Thank you very much, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Now, Linda and Liz, you get to answer it first, but obviously you

have to win this one to stay in the game. So, good luck.

Our second question is all about...

-Aw!

-Richard.

Simply five clues or facts about Paddington Bear.

OK, let's reveal our five Paddington facts and here they are.

We have got...

I'll read those quickly again.

-Linda and Liz.

-What did he say there?

-What did he say for the writer?

-Well, it's his illustrator.

-It doesn't actually say writer.

-Do you want to risk that?

-I don't know.

-Because I think the other two will be quite high.

Oh, I know.

Right, we will go for the illustrator, Roger...

Roger...

Roger Bond.

Roger Bond, say Linda and Liz.

OK, now then, Roger and Lauren, what would you like to go for?

I think... Isn't the bottom one Peru?

-Shall we just go for that one?

-Yeah, Peru, yeah.

-We'll go for the bottom one as Peru, please.

-OK, Peru.

For the bottom one.

So, we have Roger Bond and we have Peru.

Linda and Liz have gone for Roger Bond. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Roger Bond.

No, I'm afraid not Roger Bond.

Lauren and Roger, meanwhile, have gone for Peru.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people

said Peru. It just has to be right at this stage

and you will win the point.

It is right.

Look at that, 63.

Very well done indeed. 63.

But, crucially, it was right. And it means...

Very well done, Roger and Lauren, after only two questions you're

straight through to the final. 2-0.

Yeah, very well played.

Yeah, not Roger Bond, I'm afraid.

The original writer of the Paddington books was Michael Bond.

-Yes.

-And you're playing against Roger.

I think somewhere between the two of those is where you got confused.

The illustrator is actually Peggy Fortnum.

So, very well done if you said that at home.

That would have scored you 8 points.

The name of the style of coat...

-It's a duffle.

-A duffle coat.

That would have scored 74.

The surname of the family who adopted him?

-Brown.

-Brown, yes.

37 points for that. Now, the name of the person who first designed the

Paddington Bear soft toy. People might remember who she is...

-Yeah.

-What is her name? Now, she's famously...

Her surname I know.

Yeah, cos she is Jeremy Clarkson's mother.

Yeah, well, I was going to say Clarkson.

-We won't accept Mrs Clarkson, I'm afraid.

-Oh, no!

It begins with S.

Sue Clarkson? Not Sue.

-What are you saying?

-Sarah?

-Sheila?

-Not Sheila.

-Sandra.

Not Sandra. This is fun. We should just do this.

-Shula! Shula Clarkson.

-No.

-Not Suzanne.

-Sarah.

-What did we say here?

-Shirley.

-Shirley Clarkson is the right answer.

Oh, Mrs Clarkson, I'm sorry.

-Shirley Clarkson.

-A pointless answer. Well done.

Look at that.

So, £250 to the gentleman in the audience there. Very well done.

There we are.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid to say, it's Linda and Liz.

However, the good news is, we get to see you again next time.

And we look forward to that very much. In the meantime,

thank you so much. Linda and Liz, great performance on the show.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But, for Roger and Lauren, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Well, congratulations, Roger and Lauren.

You have fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing out £1,000.

Well, a fantastic performance.

Very, very strong indeed.

I think that first round was the one that slightly shook everyone.

-The Prime Ministers' round, wasn't it?

-It was terrifying.

You came through smiling, flying colours. Well, as always,

you get to choose your category from

the four that we put up on the board.

Fingers crossed there's something up there you like the look of.

Let's see what today's selection looks like. We have got...

-It's up to you, you choose.

-Really tempted by Latin American Singers.

Or Land Of 'Oz,' but that could be Australia, or Wizard of Oz.

Could be, could be Wizard of Oz, could be Land Of 'Oz'

-could be Australia.

-How good are you at 1975?

-You just go for what you want, Latin American Singers.

-No pressure, then.

-Latin American Singers, please.

-Latin American Singers it is.

OK, very, very best of luck.

We're looking for any UK top 40 singles up to April 2016

by any of the following three, please. We're looking for...

So, according to officialcharts.com,

-any UK top 40 hits by any of those three, very best of luck.

-OK.

Now, as always,

you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers

-to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

-Your time starts now.

-Do you know any Gloria Estefan songs?

-I do but I can't remember what they are.

-OK.

What about Ricky Martin or Shakira?

You know them more than me.

The only ones I know...

are Ricky Martin, Livin' La Vida Loca. And...

What was the one he done...

-Peter Kay did it.

-I don't think so.

Shakira is, like...

-..Hips Don't Lie, or something.

-Something like that.

Can you not think of any Gloria Estefan at all?

No, not Gloria Estefan.

SHE SIGHS

Probably know all of them if you played them to me.

I've got a Ricky Martin one in my head.

-And I can only remember a line of it. Um...

-Sing it.

Something like, "She dances in the summer rain."

10 seconds left.

No, that's not right.

-What about...Shakira?

-I don't really know.

THEY TALK INDISTINCTLY

OK, I'm afraid that is your time up.

I'm sorry, that minute is never long enough.

What answers can you give me?

And if you say which category you're answering, that'd be great.

-Livin' La Vida Loca for Ricky Martin.

-OK, Living Live...

-Livin' La Vida Loca, yeah.

-She Wolf by Shakira.

-She Wolf.

-And Hips Don't Lie by Shakira.

-Hips Don't Lie. OK.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer,

-do you think?

-She Wolf by Shakira.

-She Wolf goes last.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Livin' La Vida Loca.

Livin' La Vida Loca goes first.

OK, let's put those answers up on the board in that order,

then, and here they are.

We have got Livin' La Vida Loca, Hips Don't Lie, She Wolf.

Well, very, very best of luck. Three good answers on the board there.

If one of these is pointless and wins you that jackpot,

-what would you like to do with it? Roger, you first.

-Well...

There's a certain charity that helps Lauren,

and we're going to give half to that.

And then I've got my 50th wedding anniversary coming up,

-next year, actually...

-Oh, congratulations!

-..in March.

-So, we'll do something...

-Something special.

-Yeah.

Very good. Congratulations. Lauren, how about you?

As Grandad said, we're going to donate some to charity.

And then the other bit will either be put towards

a trip to Japan or some funky wheel covers for my sweet ride.

Very good indeed. Best of luck.

Let's hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for you.

Your first answer was Livin' La Vida Loca.

In this case, we were looking for Ricky Martin UK top 40 singles.

Only one of these answers has to be pointless for you to win

the jackpot, so let's find out, for £1,000,

how many people said Livin' La Vida Loca.

It's right.

If this goes all the way down to zero,

you could leave straightaway with a cheque for £1,000.

Down it goes through the... Oh. Just into the 30s there.

-30 for Livin' La Vida Loca. Not a bad score.

-No.

But we move on to your next answer. Sadly, not a pointless answer there.

Hips Don't Lie.

In this case, we were looking for Shakira UK top 40 singles.

If this is right and if it's pointless, it'll win you £1,000.

How many people said Hips Don't Lie?

Well, it's right, too. Hips Don't Lie taking us down through the 60s.

Your first answer, Livin' La Vida Loca took us to 30.

Hips Don't Lie now takes us into the 30s...

to 35.

OK. Only one more shot at today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

which is She Wolf. Again, this is a Shakira UK top 40 single.

We have to hope nobody mentioned it.

If it is pointless, it'll win you £1,000.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said She Wolf.

Well, it's your third correct answer.

Your first answer, Livin' La Vida Loca, took us down to 30.

Your second answer, Hips Don't Lie, took us down to 35.

She Wolf passes 35 and 30. Down it goes into the teens.

Still going down, still in single figures,

down it goes to 6.

Well, listen, three very good answers there.

She Wolf, a fantastic low score, single-figure score there.

Sadly, though,

we only accept pointless answers in this last round.

I'm afraid you didn't find that pointless answer that would have won

you that jackpot of £1,000, so that will roll over onto the next show.

But what a performance to be proud of across the whole show.

It's been absolutely fantastic.

And you get to take home a Pointless trophy,

so very, very well done indeed.

It's been lovely having you, Roger and Lauren!

Yes, it's been a real pleasure. Thank you so much for joining us.

I'm going to take you through the pointless answers here and,

hopefully, you don't recognise any of them. We will start with Shakira.

..and Illegal. They were the five pointless answers there.

Very well done if you said any of those.

Ricky Martin, also five pointless answers here.

..and The Cup Of Life. That's nice, isn't it?

You could Shake Your Bon-Bon in a Cup Of Life,

as long as it's got a lid. Make sure the lid is secure

if you're going to Shake Your Bon-Bon in your Cup Of Life.

Now, there's lots and lots of Gloria Estefan pointless answers.

A couple of top 10 singles here.

Everything apart from Rhythm Is Gonna Get You, Dr Beat,

Can't Stay Away From You, Oye Mi Canto - Oi! Mi Canto!

And..and Doctor Pressure.

Everything else was a pointless answer.

Very well done if you got any of those at home,

-and unlucky in the studio.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Roger and Lauren, thank you so much for joining us.

Very sadly, they didn't win the jackpot today which means

it rolls over to the next show, when we will be playing for £2,000.

Join us next time. See if someone can win it. Meanwhile,

-it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me, goodbye.