Episode 39 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong. Welcome to

Pointless, the quiz show where popular answers mean nothing and

obscure answers mean everything. First, we welcome back Jen and

Morgan. You were on the show last time. Everyone gets two chances to

reach the final. This is your second chance. Remind us how you

did. Not very well. Went out in the first round. We've regrouped and

we're ready for another try. What was it that did it for you, Jen?

I think. It was words. What do you do, Morgan? I'm an environmental

crime officer for the Environment Agency. Very good. What do you do

in your spare time, Jen? I like singing. I'm a member of a rock

choir. A rock choir! Brilliant. Lovely to have you back. Next, we

welcome Pete and John back to the show. You were on last time. John,

what are you hoping will come up this afternoon? Well, I'd like to

see maybe English literature and drama, and football. Pete, what do

you do in your spare time? I like going out for day trips with the

family. We like going to the seaside, visiting castles. If

there's any well boring installations, that's always a

bonus. We did this last time. I'll bring you up to speed. Pete, you

actually bore wells, do you? Some of what I deal with is well boring,

yeah. LAUGHTER. Best of luck to the pair of you. Next, we welcome back

our third returning pair, Will and Matt. You were also on the show

last time. Remind us how you did? We went out in the second round.

Really tough catchphrases from a very long time ago. From a bygone

era. You said with a curled lip! That bygone era, incidentally,

being the 1980s! LAUGHTER. Before you were even born! Exactly! Very

best of luck, great to have you back. Finally, we have Lindsay and

Chris. How do you two know each other? We met at a party at my

house. It was supposed to be a fancy dress party. But nobody else

could be bothered dressing up. Lindsay and her friend dressed as

Oliver Twist and the Artful Dodger. Did you dress up? No, we were very

lazy. What do you do, Chris? I'm a sound engineer. I work in a

recording studio. Whereabouts is that? In Belfast. You're from

Belfast, I'm guessing from your accent. Lindsay, are you from

Belfast, too? Yes, I am. What do you do? I study leisure events and

cultural management. Best of luck, great to have you here. We'll find

out more about you in the show. There's one person left to

introduce. With all the answers. My right-hand man. My Pointless friend.

Richard. Hiya. Hiya. Good afternoon. The top of the afternoon to you.

Are you well? Yes. Very well. How about you? Very well. Three

returning pairs today, which is fun. We know a bit about them already.

Peter and John proved themselves to be the strongest last time. They

got through to the head-head. I suspect they're the pair to beat.

What questions have we got, what kind of a show is it? When we get

to round three, we've got entertainment and sport. Round two

is a very good round. Round two is lots of fun.

Right, we've put all our questions to 100 people before the show. But

this is Pointless, so we want the obscure answers they didn't get.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer. An answer

that none of our 100 people gave. Each time that happens, we add �250

to the jackpot. Nobody won the jackpot last time so we add another

�1,000 to that. Today's jackpot In the first round, each of you

must give me one answer. You cannot confer with your partner. Whichever

team has the highest score at the end will be eliminated. OK, our

Well, decide in your pairs who's going first. Who's going second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many groups of islands as

they could. Richard? Quite simply, all the correct answers on the

board in this round will be names of major island groups. Right, Jen

and Morgan. You drew lots before the show. This afternoon, you get

to go first. In this round, we give you a choice of seven possible

answers on the board in each pass. The first set of seven answers

Now I can tell you at least one of those answers is pointless. But be

careful as there is at least one incorrect answer on that board. If

you pick one of those, you score the maximum 100 points. Now Jen,

have you been to any of these groups of islands? Yes, I have. But

I don't want to say that one, it's an obvious one. So I want to be

more obscure. I'm going to have a bit of a guess. I'm going to say

the Cook Islands. OK, the Cook Islands. Let's see if that's a

right answer. If it is, let's see how many people said the Cook

It's right. Well done, Jen. Ooh, down it goes. Single figures. Down

That's an excellent answer. The Cook Islands scores you two. Very

well played, very good start to the show. They're in the southern

Pacific, 2,000 miles off New Zealand. OK. Now then, Pete.

Remember we're looking for groups of islands. Yeah. Some that I

recognise. I think I'm going to go with Ionian. There's definitely an

Ionian Sea. I presume there's a group of islands off part of Greece,

Greek islands. OK, let's see if the Ionian Islands exist. If they do,

It's right. Down it goes. A low score. Very, very well done, Pete.

Brilliant! That's an excellent answer. Scores you just one point.

Ionian Islands, Richard? Well played, Peter. You're right. Off

the west coast of Greece. Corfu is the most famous Ionian island.

there is still a pointless answer on the board. Still an incorrect

answer on the board. Yes. What are you thinking? What I might do,

instead of going for the pointless, is to play it kind of safe, and

hopefully Will has more of an idea what he needs to do in the second

pass. So I'm going to say an obvious one, and say Seychelles.

Let's see if the Seychelles is right. If so, let's see how many

It's not bad. 15. Not a bad score at all, Matt. That paid off, that

gamble. Richard? An island republic in the Indian Ocean which comprises

Now then, Lindsay. We are looking for groups of islands. There are

two that I'm sure of. And then, I think Bismarck is a ship. I might

just gamble and hope Chris saves this, and go for Blackwell. You're

going for Blackwell. Let's see if it's right, if Blackwell is an

island group. And if it is, how many people said it. Good luck,

Unfortunately, that is an incorrect answer which means you score the

maximum of 100 points. I'm sorry, Lindsay. Richard? Sorry, Lindsay,

Chris Blackwell is the founder of Island Records. There's not an

island group. Let's look at the other answers up there. The ones

you knew, the Balearic islands would have scored you 34. The

Channel Islands would have scored you 30. So, a choice of Blackwell

or Bismarck. You should have gone or Bismarck. You should have gone

for Bismarck. It's volcanic islands off Papua New Guinea. The Bismarck

Islands was a pointless answer. Islands was a pointless answer.

Very well done at home if you said Bismarck. Thanks. We're halfway

through the round, let's look at the scores. On one point, Pete and

John, looking very, very strong indeed. Just one point ahead of

them, Jen and Morgan, looking fantastic. Ahead of them, 15, Matt

and Will. Then Chris and Lindsay on 100. Quite a long way ahead of the

field. However, anything could happen in the next pass. Can the

second players take their places at We're going to put seven more

answers on the board. Remember, we're looking for groups of islands.

Again, I can tell you at least one of those is a pointless answer. At

least one of those is an incorrect answer. Pick an incorrect one, and

you will score the maximum of 100 points. Now then, Chris. You have

to score as low as you possibly can here. I'll go for a wild guess.

I'll go for Nicobar. The Nicobar Islands. Let's see if that's right.

Look at that! Very well done. APPLAUSE. Nicobar Islands, they

score you two points, and take your total up to 102. Richard? Very well

played. Kept yourself in the game, giving yourself a chance. They're

part of India, in the eastern Indian Ocean. Lovely! Will, you're

on 15. The high scorers on 102 are Chris and Lindsay. If you can score

86 or less, you are through to the next round. 86 or less. It sounds

OK. Um. I'm going to play it really easy and go for the Canary. Go for

the Canary Islands. Let's see if it's right. If it is, let's see how

Well done, you're through. 50. Very well done. Takes your score up to

65. Richard? I think that was tactically astute from Will. You

just had to avoid a high score. Canary Islands, off the coast of

Spain, between Spain and Africa. Now then, John and Pete. Even if

you score 100 points, you will not overtake Chris and Lindsay on their

high score of 102. There's definitely at least one incorrect

answer on the board. There's definitely at least one pointless

answer on that board. I will still gamble on one of the two that I

don't know. So I shall go for Lofoten. Lofoten. There it is. One

up from the bottom. Lofoten. Is it right? If it is, let's see how many

people said it. It's right. Very well done, John. This could go all

the way down, I think. There we Very good. That's a Pointless

answer. It adds �250 to today's jackpot, taking the total up to

�8,750. And it scores you nothing, leaving you a total of one.

Excellent total. Richard. Very well played, John. The Lofoten islands

lie within the Arctic Circle. then, Morgan. Remember, we're

looking for groups of islands. There are two answers up there that

I think are right. Again, anything could happen on this game. So I'm

going to play it safe and say the Maldives. OK, well, the high

scorers are Chris and Lindsay on 102. If you can score 99 or less

with this answer, you are through to the next round. Let's see if the

Let's see how many people said it. Well done. Through to the next

round. Wow! Very low score there. That scores you 13. Takes your

total up to 15. Richard? Maldives, quite a low score, isn't

it? Let's take a look at the rest of these answers. The Falklands

Islands would have scored also a very low score, 19. Tuamotu and

McGowan. One pointless, one is incorrect. What do you think?

think...I'm going to say McGowan. Yeah, that's the cuckoo in the nest

there. It is indeed. McGowan is an incorrect answer. Shane McGowan is

the singer from the Pogues, who are an Ireland group, not an island

group. And the Tuamotu is another pointless answer. In French

Polynesia. Very well done if you said that at home. Lovely. Very

good Richard. At the end of round one, the losing pair with the

highest score is Lindsay and Chris. What a shame. We'll be back next

time. There'll be questions on synthesizers and crime drama, it'll

be great. There will be questions, I'm sure, on all those things. I'm

sorry we have to say goodbye to you so soon, we'll see you next time.

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two. Only two

pairs will make it through to the head-to-head. One team will leave

us at the end of this round. OK, Oh, it IS fun. Can you decide, in

your pairs, who will go first, who will go second? Whoever is going

first, please step up to the podium. We'll show you a list of

expressions in Cockney rhyming slang. We asked 100 people to tell

us what they mean in everyday English. Richard. We'll show you

six expressions on each pass. You have to tell us what they mean. The

obscurer ones will score you fewer points. An incorrect answer will

score 100 points. We're looking for the meaning of

these Cockney rhyming slang So, Jen, what do you think to that

lot? Play it a bit safe in this one. I'm not sure about all of them. I

going to go for "half inch", which I think means pinch or steal

something. "Half inch - pinch". Let's see if that's right and, if

62. APPLAUSE. I'm looking forward to what you'll say. Half inch,

pinch. It's a very good private. It's private dancer - answer.

good! Thanks. Very, very, very... I think Tony did very well there.

Tony Benn, Jen. Very good. It's too much, isn't it? Now then, John?

think there's one I'm not terribly sure of, so I'll have to go for one

that is safe but might score a lot. Butcher's hook, which is look.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said "butcher's hook -

Very good. "Butcher's hook" scores you 30. Well played, Simon. Simon

Le Bon, John. Very good. Very good. Now then, Will, you're the last

person to have this board, so you can talk us through all of them if

you like. I know them all and I have no idea which... I think

they're all pretty obvious to me. I'll go for "sky rocket - pocket".

"Sky rocket - pocket". If it's right, let's see how many people

54. Richard? Very, very good answer from Damon. Damon Hill, Will. I

won't do that on the way back, I promise. Very good. You are red

hot! Are you some kind of pearly king? Are you? Hold on, is that

rhyming slang? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's look at the rest of these.

"Butcher's hook" - the best answer Let's look at those scores. Right,

on 30 - John and Pete, ahead of the field. Fantastic. Lovely low score

there for "butcher's hook". Ahead of them, Will and Matt, courtesy of

sky rocket. Then on 62, Jen and Morgan. Why you should have scored

so much more than others, I don't know. That means you'll have to

score as little as you can in the next pass to make sure you make it

to the head-to-head. Can the second players please take their places at

the podium? We'll put six more Cockney rhyming slang expressions

We are looking for what these expressions mean in everyday

English. You're trying to find the one that the fewest of our 100

people knew. Matt? Yes. I'm going to say "me old china", which people

may not know as "china plate", meaning "mate". The high scorers

are Morgan and Jen on 62. If you can score seven or less with this

answer you are definitely through to the next round. Let's see if

"china plate" - "mate" is right, Still going down. 43. APPLAUSE.

a bad score. Takes your total up to 97. Richard? Well played. I was

talking to somebody the other day who works in finance. He says they

call �15 a Commodore. He asked me to work out why it was. I got it in

the end. I will give you the answer at the end of the round as to why

�15 might be a Commodore. See if you can work that out. Pete, you

are on 30 - the high scorers are Matt and Will. You need 66 or less.

This is quite tough. I think I won't play it entirely safe. I

think I'll go with "plates of meat" and I think it's "feet". "Plates of

meat - feet". OK, well, here is your red line coming in. Below that

red line you are through to the head-to-head. "Plates of meat -

feet". Is that right, and how many It is right. Oh! Look at that - 73.

Takes your total up to 103. Richard? Yes, plates of meat are

feet. Are you still thinking? Commodore. Got it! Have you got it?

Yeah. We'll come to it later, though. Such a liar. Is it rhyming

slang? It's a combination of rhyming slang and logic. Mm. Mm.

Mm! Morgan? You and Jen are on 62 - the high scorers are currently Pete

and John on 103. If you can score 40 or less, you are through to the

head-to-head and we say goodbye to Pete and John. I'll risk it for a

biscuit, then - I'll go "boat race". LAUGHTER. That rhymes. That rhymes.

Why isn't THAT on the board?! Morgan, was better than any of mine.

You can write it down. I'll let you use it. Excellent. Morgan, what are

you going to say? I'm going to be brave and I'm going to say "boat

race" is "face". "Boat race" is "face". Very well said, Morgan.

Here comes your red line. There it is. If "boat race - face" is right

and goes below that red line you stay with us and are in the head-

to-head. Good luck. Is it right? How many people said "boat race -

64, that scored you, I'm afraid to say. It takes your total up to an

unbeatable 126. Richard? Unlucky, Morgan. If I may coin a phrase, you

had to risk it for a biscuit. I did! It all went a bit Pete Tong.

"Apples and pears - stairs" is 86 - the biggest answer on the board.

The best answer there is "china plate". Why is �15 a commodore?

Commodore's biggest hit, Three Times A Lady. Lady - Lady Godiva -

Anyway! Thanks very much, Richard. At the end of Round Two, the losing

pair with the highest score is Morgan and Jen. Oh dear, oh, dear.

That was very, very exciting and we're very, very sorry to be saying

goodbye to you so soon. It's been a pleasure having you on the show.

For the remaining pairs, things are going to get more exciting now as

Very well done, Pete and John, Will and Matt. You have made it through

to the head-to-head. Only one pair can make it through to today's

final and play for the jackpot, You are going head-to-head on the

best of three questions. For each question, each pair needs to give

me just one answer. You are now allowed to confer. Come up with an

answer that scores less than the other pair and you will win that

question. The first pair to get to the best of three will play for

today's jackpot. Let's play OK, here's your first question. We

gave 100 people 100 seconds to name ..as they could. Richard? Any Take

That single which reached the UK top 40 between the beginning of

1990 and the end of 1999. Take That mark one, as it were. There are 15

songs on the list. Eight were number ones. OK, thanks very much.

Pete and John, because you've played best, you get to go first.

We are looking for Take That singles from the '90s. (How many do

you know? Never Forget. Did they do THEY CONFER < Babe is the only one

Memories of Rick Astley coming back. I am waiting for you to pretend you

don't know any of these and then give the full back catalogue.

will take a stab in the dark and say Pray. Very good. Pray. Will and

Matt, you can do all your talking out loud. There's a video, I think

they're naked and it's in black- and-white. I can't remember the

song. Too distracted by Take That naked. Hopefully, Never Forget.

have Pray from Pete and John - a complete stab in the dark - and

Never Forget from Will and Matt. Pete and John, Pray. Let's see if

Very good. Pray. Down it goes. Six! Six points for Pray. Never Forget.

Let's see how many people said It's right. It's going to be close.

Who would ever have thought that you were going to lose this

question? Nonetheless, you have. Pete and John, after the first

question, you are ahead, 1-0. Well done. Richard? You did get beaten,

despite the fact that the first thing I heard John say was "Did

they do Wake Me Up Before You Go- Go?" and you still lost the point,

guys. Let's take a look at the answers. There's a pointless answer

- a number-two hit - Why Can't I And these are the most popular Take

That songs of the '90s. Thanks, Richard. OK, here is your second

question. Pete and John, if you win this point, you are straight

through to the final. OK, we gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as

..as they could. Richard? In the 2010 Formula 1 World Championship,

there were seven German drivers. You need the most obscure of that

obscure bunch. OK, now Will and Matt, you go first this time.

CONFER. That's all we've got. A little-known driver by the name of

O...K. What are you thinking, Pete and John? I'm thinking there's

another Schumacher. Er... Ralph Schumacher. Ralph Schumacher. Will

and Matt are going for Michael Schumacher. Is it right? If so, how

many people said it? It's right. 41. Pete and John have gone for Ralph

Schumacher. If you win this point, you go straight through to the

final. Ralph Schumacher. If it is right, how many people said it?

Ooh! An incorrect answer. Will and Matt, you've won that question.

After two questions, it's one apiece. Richard. Ralf Schumacher

left Formula One in 2008. Let's look at all the answers here.

Hulkenberg would have scored one. Nick Heidfeld and Adrian Sutil, two.

Timo Glock, three. Nico Rosberg, five. The current world champion,

Sebastian Vettel, 15 and Michael Schumacher at the top on 41. Thanks.

Here is your third question. Whoever wins this question goes

through to the final and will be playing for that �8,500 jackpot.

Here's the question. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

Richard. We're looking for any of the eight novels of the character

Jason Bourne, created by Robert Ludlum and played by Matt Damon on

film. All the novels start with "The Bourne". There's eight of them.

The first three were written by Ludlum, the others by Eric Van

Lustbader. There are eight novels up to the start of 2011. Thank you.

Pete and John, you go first this OK. We're going to go for the

Bourne Inheritance. The Bourne Inheritance. Is that one you know?

Yes. Very good. AUDIENCE LAUGHS. Will and Matt, what are you

thinking? We know the three films. It's whether.... If theirs is right,

then it's beating any of the three films. The question is, do we make

one up? AUDIENCE LAUGHS. Or not? They all kind of follow a line.

Identity, Supremacy and Ultimatum, we're disregarding those. Let's go

for Killer. We'll go with The Bourne Killer. AUDIENCE LAUGHS.

have The Bourne Inheritance and The Bourne Killer. Pete and John went

with the Bourne Inheritance. Let's see if that's right, and if so, how

many people said the Bourne The Bourne Inheritance. Why were

HE LAUGHS Now, that was pure poker. That is ridiculous! It's not fair.

It's a wrong answer. So, Will and Matt, that final with the jackpot

�8,500. You never know! The Bourne Killer. Maybe it's right. Let's see

if The Bourne Killer is a book in that series. If it is, let's see

how many people said The Bourne Who knew? A great book as well.

Richard. Two bits of history there. The best bluff in Pointless history

from John and the worst tactical decision ever from Will and Matt,

who could have said Identity, Ultimatum, Supremacy, anything and

they'd be in the final. You've been outfoxed again by Take That's

biggest fan, John. Let's take a Very exciting, anyway. Here is your

fourth question. Whoever wins this question is through to the final.

�8,500 could be riding on this. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many African countries with a Mediterranean coastline as they

could. Will and Matt will start. Richard. We're looking for any

African country that has a coastline on the Mediterranean sea.

By country we mean a UN member that's a sovereign state in its own

right. That's as of the start of OK. We've only come up with one.

This time we're going to say it. Yeah. Morocco. You had an

opportunity to make up a country. I can't believe you didn't. Pete and

John, Morocco has gone. Shall we say Algeria? We'll plump for

Algeria. Will and Matt, you said How many people said Morocco? It's

Pete and John have gone for Algeria. Let's see if that's right. If it is,

let's see how many people said it. Well. Eventually we have a result.

After four questions, Pete and John are through to the final, 2-1.

Richard? There was one answer which would have beaten Algeria. There

are five African countries with a Mediterranean coastline. Libya on

Well done, both pairs. That was a really good head-to-head.

losing pair at the end of the head- to-head, it's Will and Matt. Guys,

what happened? We lost it. Bourne question! What were you

thinking? We trusted them! there's any way to go out, I'm

quite happy it was that. To go out memorably. It's been great having

you on the show. So sorry both of you can't be in the final. That

would have been hilarious. Thank you very much, Will and Matt.

APPLAUSE. For Peter and John, it's time for the Pointless final and

the chance to win our jackpot of Congratulations, Pete and John, you

fought off all the competition and have won or coveted Pointless

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot. At the end of

today's show the jackpot stands at To win all you have to do is find a

pointless answer, one none of our 100 people could think of. We've

had one pointless answer today which was yours, John. You only

have to find one more pointless answer and you'll win the money.

First, you have to choose a category. You can choose from these

Universities could be colleges of Oxford or of Cambridge. You're

naming the books by the authors to get a pointless answer. Shall we go

for universities? We'll go for universities. Let's find out what

that question is. Good luck. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many Scottish universities as they could. Scottish universities,

We're looking for any of the 20 universities or higher education

institutions as listed on the University Scotland website at the

beginning of 2011. OK. Thank you, Richard. You have up to one minute

to come up with three answers. All you need to win is for one of those

answers to be pointless. Your 60 It's obviously ones in the big

towns and cities. Also ones with funny names, like, is it James

Heriot or...no, Heriot-Watt? that definitely in Scotland?

think I'd like to put it in if we can't get any. Heriot-Watt. Do you

think it is in Scotland? I don't know. It's definitely a university,

isn't it? I'm amazed there's 20 universities in Scotland. St

Andrews is a tiny one. A big one. Aberdeen, there is. Glasgow.

Edinburgh. St Andrews. Is that too obvious? I said that. St Andrews

would be obvious. Oban, I think, has a university. That sound good.

I'd like to go for that. We need really more obscure ones. Stirling.

Is Oban definitely Scottish? think so and I think Stirling has

got a university. Oban. And Heriot- Watt. I'd put in Heriot-Watt...

Five seconds. And Stirling, unless you.... Stirling, yes? That is your

minute up. Scottish universities. I now need three answers from you.

Heriot-Watt, Oban and Stirling. Yes. Of those three, which do you think

is your best shot at a Pointless answer? I think Oban is the most

obscure. OK, Oban we'll put last. Which shall we put first? Your

least likely. Stirling. Stirling, Heriot-Watt, Oban. Let's put them

on the board in that order. Here they come. Stirling, Heriot-Watt,

and Oban. There they are. We were You said this was your least

confident answer. You only had to find one Pointless answer to win

that �8,750 jackpot. Let's find out if the University of Stirling is

correct. If it is, let's see how many people said it. Stirling

It's right. We knew it was right. This has to go all the way down to

zero if you're going to win that Eight people said Stirling. So

unfortunately, that is not a Pointless answer. Only two more

chances to win today's jackpot. What are you thinking, John?

less sure that Heriot-Watt University is in Scotland than I

was when we started. But you never know! OK, Scottish universities.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer. Heriot-Watt University has

to be right, has to be in Scotland and go all the way down to zero.

Let's see if it's right and see how many people said Heriot-Watt

It's right. It's right. It is in Scotland. We went down to eight

with Stirling. Where are we going to end up with Heriot-Watt

University? Down it comes. Single Well, I have to say this is all

going very much in the right direction. You only have one more

chance to win today's jackpot. It all rests on Oban. You said this

was the answer you had the most confidence in. Oban University.

This has to be right and it has to be pointless. If it's right, surely

this will be going a long way down. Let's see. Oban University. Is it

right? If so, how many people said Oh, that's disappointing. I thought

you had plucked something brilliant out of the air, John. Unfortunately

you didn't manage to find that pointless answer, so you don't win

today's jackpot of �8,750, which rolls over on to the next show. You

have been fantastic contestants and So, Richard, such a shame. Tough

luck, guys. You played so well throughout. There are a whole bunch

of pointless answers. Let's look at all of them. There's Edinburgh

College of Art, Edinburgh Napier University, the Open University in

Scotland. - if only that said the OBAN University in Scotland, that

would have been the perfect answer. Robert Gordon University, that's in

Aberdeen, the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama. The

Scottish Agricultural College, which is in Edinburgh, Ayr and

Aberdeen. UHI Millennium Institute, also known as the University of

Highlands and Islands, and the University of the West of Scotland,

which is in Ayr, Dumfries, Hamilton Very well done if you got any of

Unfortunately we have to say goodbye to Pete and John. It's been

brilliant having you on the show. Thank you so much for playing. Very,

So, nobody's won our jackpot today, which means it rolls over on to the