Episode 38 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you! I'm Alexander Armstrong. Welcome to Pointless,

where obvious answers mean nothing and obscure answers mean everything. Let's meet our players.

Welcome back, Nadia and Yasmin. You were on the show last time.

Everyone has two chances at the final. This is your second. What happened?

There was a question about comics. Not really my strong point!

And it was French comics, to make it a bit more difficult!

-My mind just went blank and I didn't know what I was doing on that one!

-Asterix.

They're not things you can guess. You either read them or you don't.

What do you like to do for fun, Nadia?

-I quite like karaoke.

-Really? Do you have a particular song that's your star turn?

-I tend to start off with...

-Start off with?!

-I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor.

-Splendid.

-Gets the crowd going!

-What tends to be your last song?

-I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor!

Very good indeed. Let's hope we see more of you this time round. Very best of luck.

Welcome, Patrick and Chris. How do you know each other?

We met originally online. But for whatever reason, we didn't hit it off.

But then a year later, by happenstance, we met in a bar.

-That's when it started.

-How did you remember that you'd met online?

-He made a good impression.

-But you didn't hit it off.

Or had you hit it off so badly that you remembered each other?

-It was like, "Do we actually go on the date?" And it never came about.

-That's what it was.

-What do you do, Patrick?

-I'm working at the Olympics with a security firm.

I basically induct 40 to 50 grumpy builders every morning!

-Quite exciting to be on the site of something as international.

-It's awesome.

I know all the facts about it now, so I have to do it every morning.

-What's the most interesting fact about the stadium?

-It's on a bowl, nine metres below ground level.

Building it in a bowl means all 80,000 spectators get a better view of the action.

-I do that every morning!

-That was...

-That was good.

That's going to ruin Round Two - facts about the Olympic stadium!

-Chris, what do you do?

-I'm a PhD student at the London School of Economics.

-Very good. In what?

-History.

-Which particular period?

American diplomatic history from the mid-20th century.

-Oh, there goes Round Three!

-Excellent. Very best of luck to you.

Welcome back, Nick and Charlie. You were on the show last time. What happened?

We went out on the second round. I mucked up on initials of people.

-It was not a good round!

-It wasn't Pointless's proudest moment, I must say.

The board was pretty much as empty at the end of the round as it was at the beginning!

Nick, what might see you through to the head-to-head, maybe beyond?

We're hoping for something quite scientific. Latin America-related would be fine.

Any Latin American authors, we'll power through.

-Very good.

-Did he say "we"?

-Best of luck to you. Great to have you back.

Finally, we have Mick and Cheryl. How do you know each other?

We're father and daughter from Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk.

I'm a retired fire officer. I worked for London fire brigade.

How long did you do that for?

-30 years' service.

-30 years!

-That's normal for a fire-fighter.

-Yeah.

-What about you, Cheryl?

-As well as being a mum to two young daughters,

-I'm a planning officer.

-Very good. How old are your daughters?

-They're one and two.

-You're looking very fresh, considering!

I had a good night's sleep!

-Exactly. Who's looking after them now?

-My husband.

Is he good at that? You seem remarkably relaxed!

He's pretty good. I'm hoping they'll be OK when I get home.

Very good. Best of luck to the pair of you. We'll find out more about all of you later in the show.

One person left to introduce. Don't play him at Scrabble - he knows every single word!

-He's my Pointless friend, Richard.

-Hiya!

-How are you this afternoon? Are you well?

-I am well, thanks, Richard.

Glad to hear it. Two returning pairs today. Both pairs were very unlucky last time.

Nadia and Yasmin had a tough category in Round One. Nick and Charlie were close to the head-to-head.

So we should see more from both teams. I think we've got four very strong pairs today.

Thanks very much, Richard.

We put our questions to 100 people before the show. We're after the obscure answers they didn't get.

To have a chance to win our jackpot, our players need to score as few points as possible.

You need to try and find a pointless answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we'll add £250 to the jackpot.

Nobody won it last time, so we add £1,000 to it.

So today's jackpot starts off at £5,250.

Right, let's play Pointless!

In the first round, each of you must give me one answer and you cannot confer.

The team with the highest score at the end of the round is eliminated.

Our first category today is...

Decide who's going first and who's going second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

Let's see what the question is. We asked 100 people to name as many gemstones as they could.

Richard?

All the correct answers will be precious or semi-precious gems used in jewellery.

Nadia and Yasmin, you drew lots earlier. You get to go first again.

We're going to give you a choice of seven possible answers on the board in each pass.

Your first set of seven answers reads like this.

I'll read those again.

At least one of those answers is pointless and at least one is incorrect.

An incorrect one scores the maximum of 100 points.

Nadia?

I'm thinking I may have to go for an obvious one.

Just to be safe and not do what I did in the last round!

So I'm going to go for ruby.

Ruby. OK. Is that right, and if so, how many people said ruby? Good luck!

Quite a high score. 88 for ruby. Richard?

A mineral form of aluminium oxide. Slightly less appealing!

Chris. Gemstones.

I don't know many of them. So do I risk one of the obscure answers

or answer with one of the obvious ones?

I'm going to risk it and answer aquamarine.

Aquamarine. OK.

Is it right and if so, how many people said aquamarine.

Yes, it's right!

Seven for aquamarine. Richard?

Good answer, Chris. A pale blue, yellowish gemstone found in Brazil.

Birthstone of anyone born in March. Aquamarine.

Thank you. Nick, do you recognise any of those gemstones?

There are a couple there that are quite obvious, really.

I'm tempted to take a punt.

I don't know why. It's probably a foolish moment.

I'm sure Charlie's glaring at me as I speak!

But I'm going for it, and I'll take a shot with jasper.

Jasper. OK. Sounds good to me. Is it right, and if so, how many people said jasper?

It's right!

Very well done, Nick!

Well done, a pointless answer!

It adds £250 to today's jackpot, taking the total to £5,500

-and it scores you nothing! Well done. Richard?

-Well played, Nick.

It's an opaque variety of the silica mineral chert, as you know!

Don't know how many carats it is!

Well done, Nick. Great answer. Cheryl, you're the last person to have this board.

Take us through all the stones, if you like, and then pick one.

-I was going to say jasper.

-There might be another pointless answer on that board.

-I know.

If I run through the board, pearl and emerald are obvious ones.

I'm not sure between aberdevine and tourmaline.

But I think I'm going to shut my eyes and go with tourmaline.

Tourmaline.

Is that right, and if so, how many people said tourmaline. Good luck!

It's right!

It's right.

Very well done!

Two points for tourmaline.

Well played. It can be pink, green or colourless, an alkaline mineral.

Let's take a look at the board. There are some obvious ones. Emerald would have scored 65.

Pearl would have scored 24.

By a process of elimination, aberdevine is an incorrect answer.

It's a small bird resembling a goldfinch.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

Nick and Charlie very strong on nothing. Great answer there.

Up to two, Cheryl and Mick also looking strong.

Seven for Chris and Patrick, also very strong.

And Nadia and Yasmin way out in front there on 88.

Back down the line. Can the second players take their places?

Seven more answers on the board. We're looking for gemstones.

I'll read those one more time.

I can tell you at least one of those is pointless

and at least one is incorrect.

An incorrect one scores 100 points. Mick?

Of those, I can see a couple I might know.

But I think - I'm not sure - but I'll go for moonstone.

Moonstone. What do you think, Cheryl?

She just made this face - she went...

I probably wouldn't have gone for moonstone,

but he wouldn't have gone for tourmaline! Fingers crossed.

OK, is it right and if so, how many people said it. There's your red line.

Below that line, you're in the next round.

It's right! And you're through.

Very well done indeed, Mick!

That's a cracking score!

Takes your total up to five. Richard?

A beautiful stone with a silvery blue iridescence. Almost all from Sri Lanka, moonstones.

-Charlie?

-I know a couple, I think,

especially from a computer game, weirdly,

where you used to emboss swords with gemstones. So...

and they gave them magical powers as well.

LAUGHTER

-So I'm going to go for topaz.

-Topaz, you say.

Topaz, second one down. Is it right, and if it is, how many people said it.

Here's your red line, nice and high. Topaz.

Well done. You're through.

26 for topaz, Richard.

An aluminium silicate. Maybe the geekiest answer we've had on Pointless.

You get topaz all over. In the UK, in the Cairngorms. Good topaz.

We're looking for precious and semi-precious gems

used to make jewellery. Patrick, you're on seven.

The high scorers are still Yasmin and Nadia on 88.

If you can score 80 or less, you're through to the next round.

I think I'll play it safe, cos it's only 80 needed.

-I'll go with opal.

-Opal. There it is. Third one down.

Opal. Here's your red line.

Get below that line, you're through. Is opal right,

and if it is, how many people said it.

Well done. Yep, you've done it.

45 for opal.

Takes your total up to 52.

Well played, Patrick. Perfect tactic.

The traditional gemstone of people born in October. The opal.

-Black opals particularly precious.

-Very good.

Yasmin, terrible news. You are the high scorers.

Before you even answer. This happened last time.

But you have the opportunity to leave another £250 in the jackpot.

A parting gift.

I think I'll go for corbomite.

Corbomite, you're going to go for.

One up from the bottom.

Corbomite. What do you think, Nadia?

-Yes, um...

-Maybe a corbomite...

-Possibly.

-..necklace.

-Might be nice!

-Quite possibly. Let's hope so!

Let's see if it's right. If it is, how many people said corbomite.

No red line. You're already the high scorers.

Oh, bad luck!

Bad luck, but well tried. That's an incorrect answer.

It scores 100 points, taking your total to 188. Richard?

Unlucky, Yasmin.

Corbomite is an imaginary substance dreamt up by Captain Kirk on Star Trek.

The Enterprise was once under attack and he warned them not to attack

or the ship's supply of corbomite might explode. It's both fictional and imaginary.

Which is about as wrong as an answer can be!

Let's look at the board. Diamond would have scored a very hefty 93.

-Of those others, Alexander, what do you think?

-Malachite I've heard of.

Malachite is a pointless answer. Well done if you said that at home.

-And Alexandrite?

-I'll say that's pointless, too.

-Absolutely right. Well done if you said those at home.

-Thanks.

At the end of Round One, the losing pair with the highest score is Nadia and Yasmin.

-Yes.

-Dear, oh, dear. Again we have to say goodbye to you. Far too soon.

-But we've had a really good time.

-It's been brilliant.

-We wish the others...

-Best of luck.

-Lovely having you on the show. Thanks for playing.

-Brilliant contestants.

-Thank you very much!

For the remaining pairs, time for Round Two.

Only room for two pairs in the head-to-head, so one team will leave at the end of this round.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

Decide in your pairs who's going first and who second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

Our Round Two question concerns...

We'll show you six songs on each pass. We asked 100 people for which shows were these the credit song.

If you give an obscure answer, you score fewer points. An incorrect answer scores 100 points.

12 songs across the two passes. 12 shows to guess. Best of luck.

The TV shows to which these were the theme tunes.

We have got...

I'll read those again.

There are the six songs.

We want the TV shows to which they were theme tunes. Patrick?

-Uh, yeah, hmm!

-Do you know any of these?

-No!

I'll have to completely wild guess on this.

It's hard, yes.

Um, I'm going to have to guess. Thank You For Being A Friend,

Ever Decreasing Circles.

Wild, wild, guess.

One of them's a song, the other is a TV series.

Let's see if they match. Thank You For Being A Friend, Ever Decreasing Circles, says Patrick.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people knew that answer.

Bad luck.

-What a surprise(!)

-That was an incorrect answer, so you score the maximum of 100.

Sorry, Patrick. I won't give the correct answer in case Charlie or Cheryl go for that.

-Charlie?

-I'll go for Handbags and Gladrags being The Office.

Handbags and Gladrags, The Office. Is it right? If it is, how many people knew that answer?

It is right.

-26. Not a bad score at all.

-Good answer, Charlie.

Hit for Chris Farlowe, Rod Stewart, The Stereophonics, and used on The Office.

Cheryl, you're the last person to have this board.

Talk us through any of the ones you know and then pick one.

That was the only one I knew. So like Patrick, I'll have to take a wild guess.

But I just don't even recognise the songs.

So I wouldn't know who sung them or what the words were.

So I'm going to go with On The Inside and say Porridge.

On The Inside, Porridge.

Let's see if that's right and if so, how many people knew that answer.

On The Inside, Porridge.

No surprise!

That's also an incorrect answer. You score the maximum of 100 points.

-You're in good company! Richard?

-Your logic is impeccable. It's from Prisoner: Cell Block H.

-That was in my head, but I thought, "Ridiculous!"

It was a number three hit in 1989.

There are some very big scorers there. I'll Be There For You is Friends

-by The Rembrandts. Scored 66.

-I didn't know it was called that.

Suicide is Painless, the most successful sitcom in history, M*A*S*H, would have scored 39.

Thank You For Being A Friend, another US sitcom, is from The Golden Girls.

Scored 15.

Overkill is a pointless answer, but everyone out there would recognise it.

The famous theme tune used for 25 years for The Bill.

-The Bill, but a pointless...

-They weren't kidding when they called it Overkill!

Very well done if you got that at home. That was very tricky.

OK, let's take a look at those scores.

Charlie and Nick, congratulations. Great answer, Charlie. 26, great score. Patrick and Chris,

and Cheryl and Mick on 100. So Mick and Chris,

you'll have to fight it out to see who stays and who leaves at the end of this round.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium.

We'll put six more song titles on the board.

I'll read those once more.

We're looking for the TV shows that had these songs as their theme music.

You're after the one that the fewest of our 100 people knew. Mick,

you're the joint high scorers on 100 points.

It's a stab in the dark for me.

-Do you know any of those?

-I can't recognise any.

This Wheel's On Fire, was that The Young Ones?

This Wheel's On Fire, The Young Ones, says Mick.

Is it right and if so, how many people knew that answer? No red line for you as the high scorers.

Bad luck. That's another incorrect answer. You score the maximum 100 points.

That takes your total to an impressive 200. Richard?

-I won't give the correct answer in case Nick or Chris want to go for the same one.

-Nick,

we want the TV shows that had these songs as their theme tunes.

-Didn't Charlie do well?

-He did.

-26. Lovely low score.

-I was very pleased.

-You're looking strong.

Luckily, I think... I only know one. So I have to go for it.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name I believe would be Cheers.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name, Cheers.

Let's see if it's right. No red line for you because you are through.

Perfectly decent score. That takes your total to 81. Richard?

Very good score. Well known song. Written by an out-of-work songwriter, Gary Portnoy.

Chris, this is the moment of truth. The high scorers are Mick and Cheryl on 200.

If you score 99 or less with this answer, you're in the next round.

Normally I'd ask you to talk us through, but don't, just in case.

In case it ends up being a tie.

I can say one thing, up until about a second ago, the only one I knew was Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

But I think I have a correct answer for another one. Hope it's right.

With A Little Help From My Friends I believe was the theme song to The Wonder Years.

The Wonder Years. Patrick, did you know the right answer?

-No, I'm just hoping.

-You think that sounds great.

With A Little Help From My Friends, The Wonder Years.

Is it right, and if so, how many people knew it. There's your red line.

Yes, it is, Chris!

You've done it.

Eight! That's a great score.

Takes your total up to 108.

-Well done. Richard?

-Well played, Chris.

The Joe Cocker version of the Lennon and McCartney song.

People ask for TV questions and I thought this was an easy round

with big scores. But it tripped everyone up.

-I Could Be So Good For You.

-Minder.

-Yeah, one of the most famous theme tunes ever. 41 points.

This Wheel's On Fire is not from the Young Ones,

but is sung by a member of the Young Ones' cast,

Ade Edmondson, for his wife's Absolutely Fabulous.

-36 points, that one. Who Are You? Do you know that?

-The Who's Who Are You?

Yes, used for the original CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

And Way Down In The Hole is a pointless answer. Do you know that?

It's a Tom Waits song. A different person sings it on every new series of The Wire.

That's the theme tune to that. Very well done if you got that answer.

Thanks, Richard. At the end of Round Two, the losing pair with the highest score is Cheryl and Mick.

That was very hard. Mick, you were on the right lines with The Young Ones.

Yeah, I guessed Absolutely Fabulous. Now I remember it.

Tough. Very tough round. We'll see you next time. We look forward to it.

Thanks for playing. Great contestants.

For the last two pairs, things get more exciting in the head-to-head.

Well done, Nick and Charlie, Patrick and Chris.

You're in the head-to-head. Only one pair can make it to the final and play for the jackpot

which stands at £5,500.

For each question, each pair needs to give me one answer,

but you're now allowed to confer.

Come up with an answer that scores less than the other pair and you win that question.

The first pair to win two questions plays for our jackpot. Let's play Pointless.

And here is your first question.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many characters in Hamlet as they could.

-Characters in Hamlet.

-Any of the characters listed in the Dramatis Personae of Hamlet.

We won't accept Hamlet himself or any characters in The Mousetrap,

the play within a play in Hamlet.

Best of luck at home on this one.

Nick and Charlie, you've played best so far, so you get to go first.

Well, we haven't got a clue!

Which is great(!) So... If it counts as a character, it's going to be high, but Yorick.

Yorick.

Patrick and Chris?

I did a little acting when I was younger. I actually taught at a Shakespeare camp!

So if I get this wrong, I can never go home!

I think I'm going to go for Polonius.

Polonius. So we have Yorick and Polonius. What do you know about Yorick?

-Do you remember?

-There's a famous line. I think he's dead all the way through!

Well, he gets a name check! Let's see if it's a right answer. Yorick.

Bad luck!

Bad luck. That's an incorrect answer. That means Polonius merely has to be correct

and you've won this question. Let's see. Polonius. Is that right?

Yes, well done.

Ten!

There you are. All it had to be was correct and it was.

After one question, Patrick and Chris are up one-nil.

Well done, Chris. Polonius, the Lord Chamberlain and father of Ophelia and Laertes.

There are a few pointless answers. Marcellus, Fortinbras and Barnardo.

Well done if you said those. Reynaldo, Osric and Cornelius scored two.

Yorick is just a deceased court jester. He only appears as a skull.

Thank you, Richard. Here's your second question.

Nick and Charlie, you have to win this to stay in the game.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Any professional club that Jose Mourinho has managed up to the start of May 2011.

OK. Patrick and Chris, you go first this time.

Um... OK. Um...

-Yeah.

-We're going to go with Real Madrid.

Real Madrid. OK. Real Madrid

say Patrick and Chris. Nick and Charlie?

We believe there are four.

-So...

-It's which one.

-Exactly.

I believe Real Madrid is right. He's the current manager.

Then there's Porto, Chelsea, Inter Milan and Real Madrid.

-I think Porto.

-We'll say Porto, yes.

We have Real Madrid and we have Porto.

Patrick and Chris said Real Madrid. Is that right and how many people said it?

It's right.

Not bad.

Nick and Charlie have said Porto. Is it right? If so, how many people said Porto?

Yep, you've done it.

Very good. 23 for FC Porto.

Well played, Nick and Charlie. That's what you needed to do.

After the second question it's one-all. Richard?

There are six clubs on the list. The one at the bottom is very tough.

Well done anybody that said Uniao Desportiva De Leiria.

A Portuguese club, fourth in their premier league. Scored one point.

One of our 100 knows that. Benfica, three, his first managerial job.

FC Porto, won the Champions' League with them.

Inter Milan, won the Champions' League with them,

Real Madrid, where he moved in 2010, 52.

And Chelsea, 78. Won two premiership titles with them.

Thanks, Richard. Here's the third question that will decide who goes through to the final.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many Reservoir Dogs actors as they could.

-Reservoir Dogs actors.

-Any of the six actors who played characters named after colours.

Nick and Charlie, you go first, this time.

OK, I'm the only one of us who's seen it and I can't remember anyone in it!

So we went for some random person that Nick suggested.

-We're going to go for Jimmy Nails.

-Nail.

-Nail, if that helps.

-Jimmy Nail.

-Still might not be a person.

Jimmy Nail.

-Patrick and Chris?

-I've never seen it, so I can't help you.

-It's probably wrong, but John Travolta.

-John Travolta. OK.

So we have Jimmy Nail, we have John Travolta.

Nick and Charlie said Jimmy Nail. Is it right and how many people said it?

Patrick and Chris said John Travolta. Is it right? How many people said it?

Well.

John Travolta is in Pulp Fiction, but not Reservoir Dogs.

And Jimmy Nail, you're the only people to get Auf Wiedersehen, Pet and Reservoir Dogs mixed up!

Somebody has to! Somebody has to!

Let's see. If you've watched Reservoir Dogs, you'd like it.

Mr Blue was played by former convict Edward Bunker, for one point.

Steve Buscemi played Mr Pink, much to his chagrin. Six points.

Quentin Tarantino was Mr Brown. Scored seven.

Michael Madsen was the vicious Mr Blond, seven.

Harvey Keitel, Mr White, 11, and Tim Roth, Mr Orange, on 14.

Thank you, Richard. I said that question would be the decider. I lied!

This question will be the decider. Whoever wins this question will go through to the final

and play for that massive jackpot.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many capital cities of South America as they could.

-Richard?

-Any capital city of any country in South America.

By country we mean a member of the UN as a sovereign state.

Where countries have more than one capital, we'll accept either.

The land mass of South America, everywhere south of Panama. Any capital.

OK, Patrick and Chris, you go first this time.

-Do you know?

-Yeah, I do know one.

My geography's good. I remember they're good at Latin American things, so it has to be good.

-A-ha.

-I'm going to go for Paraninebo.

-Paraninebo.

-I'm not sure I've got the pronunciation,

but it's the capital of Suriname.

Paraninebo. OK. Paraninebo say Patrick and Chris.

That's exactly what I was going to go for, except I don't know how pronunciation comes into it.

I'm pretty sure that's not quite right. So can I say the same one?

If it's substantively different, yes.

OK. I believe the capital of Suriname is Paramaribo.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Having lived in South America for 18 months, can you give me the benefit of the doubt?

Paraninebo and Paramaribo.

-I just never heard it spoken before.

-It's just pronunciation, isn't it?

-I would say it's spelt differently as well.

-Spelt differently.

Patrick and Chris have gone with Paraninebo. Is it right

and if it is, how many people said Paraninebo.

Bad luck. Bad luck.

Nick and Charlie, Paramaribo.

Is it right, and if so, how many people said it.

It's right!

One point!

-Whoa! Wow! Well...

-Might be the best ever end to a head-to-head!

It's the best answer on the board. Let's see how it's spelt.

It's Paramaribo, capital of Suriname, scored one.

Sucre is one of the capitals of Bolivia.

Georgetown, Guyana, two. Asuncion, Paraguay, five.

Quito, Ecuador, ten.

Caracas, Venezuela, 14.

La Paz, the other capital of Bolivia, 15.

Montevideo, Uruguay, 15. Bogota, Colombia, 18.

Santiago, Chile, 22. Brasilia, Brazil, 27.

Lima with 30 and Buenos Aires, 34.

-Well played, both teams.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

So the losing pair at the end of a very hard-fought head-to-head

is Patrick and Chris.

-Oh, well.

-That's really tough.

You were thinking of the same place.

But he's been there, so...

I haven't, actually!

-You've been near it!

-Yes.

-You've been near it.

Patrick and Chris, you've done really well.

That was a really exciting head-to-head.

But for the Jimmy Nail/John Travolta fiasco...

It's been a great round, the whole show you've done so well.

Sorry we have to say goodbye to you. Thanks very much for playing.

But for Nick and Charlie, time for our Pointless final and the chance to win our jackpot of £5,500.

Congratulations, Nick and Charlie. You've fought off the competition and won our Pointless trophy!

You now have a chance to win our jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £5,500.

The rules are very simple.

To win the money, just find a pointless answer that none of our 100 people knew.

We only had one pointless answer today. Nick, you gave us that with jasper.

You only have to find one more pointless answer now

and you go home with that money. First, choose a category from these three options.

I personally think singer-songwriters.

-That could be...

-Could be impossible.

-Could be really dark!

-It could be 1920 to...

-Do you want popular fiction, then?

Not desperately!

OK, which would you prefer?

-No pressure!

-Popular fiction could come up with something we know.

-Five-and-a-half grand on something we MAY know.

-Singer-songwriters, I know about two!

OK. Popular fiction. Let's do it. Popular fiction, please.

Popular fiction it is. OK.

Let's see the question. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many authors in the BBC Big Read Top 100 as they could. Richard?

In 2003, the BBC conducted a poll to find the nation's best loved novel.

We want any author who's got one or more books in that top 100.

-Where a book is written by more than one person, we'll accept either.

-Thanks, Richard.

You have one minute to find three answers. All you need to win that £5,500

is for one of those answers to be pointless.

Your 60 seconds start now.

-I don't really know.

-There's loads of obvious ones we can discount.

-Derren Brown.

-I was thinking Michael Morpurgo.

Michael... Really? Really?

I was thinking somebody like Raymond E. Feist.

He writes fantasy and stuff.

-Would it not...

-It was.

-Was it?

-I'm almost 100 per cent confident it was.

-I thought of that as well.

Let's try that. I like that.

Someone who writes like... John Grisham, obvious. People like that.

-What about old novelists?

-Old? You mean like Austen and Bronte and those other famous people?

-We've only got one answer.

-I read a book when I was travelling called Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell.

Which is very good. He's famous. He's got an advert for a popular smart phone.

-And also, let's just do the obvious.

-Five seconds left.

-Like...

I don't know. Emily Bronte or something!

OK. There is your minute up.

We wanted authors in the BBC's Big Read Top 100.

I need three answers from you.

-OK. We're going to say Raymond E. Feist.

-Raymond E. Feist.

-David Mitchell.

-David Mitchell.

-And D.H. Lawrence.

-D.H. Lawrence.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Probably Raymond E. Feist.

-Raymond E. Feist we'll put last.

-Who's your least likely?

-D.H. Lawrence.

Let's put them on the board in that order.

There they are.

We're looking for authors in the BBC's Big Read Top 100.

This is your least confident answer. You only need one pointless answer

to win that £5,500 jackpot.

Let's see. D.H. Lawrence. Is that right and if so, how many people said it?

Very, very best of luck.

D.H. Lawrence is an incorrect answer, not a pointless answer.

You have two chances left to win that jackpot. £5,500. What would you do with that, Charlie?

I think I'd go for a very nice holiday.

I've got a month off and I'd like to do something.

-I could go a long way with that.

-Nick, how about you?

My best friend is living in Ecuador, as are my godchildren.

-I'd like to go and see them.

-Very good.

We want authors in the BBC's Big Read Top 100.

Your next answer has to be correct and pointless to win that jackpot of £5,500. Let's see.

Is David Mitchell correct, and if it is, how many people said David Mitchell.

Ooh. You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

No D.H. Lawrence. No David Mitchell.

It's a blow to the kidneys.

-Well.

-I don't know. It was 2003. Maybe it's too recent.

-Quite a long time ago.

-OK.

Let's see. Raymond E. Feist.

This is your last answer, your best shot at a pointless answer.

You only have to find one pointless answer. It has to be right and it has to be pointless

for you to win that jackpot of £5,500.

Is it right, and if it is, how many people said Raymond E. Feist.

It's right!

Raymond E. Feist is a correct answer.

The second thing it has to be is pointless.

If this goes down to zero, you leave with £5,500.

Yes!

You've done it! Very, very well done!

Very well done indeed! Fantastic.

Well...

Congratulations. You managed to find an all-important pointless answer.

So you go home with our jackpot of £5,500. Very well done.

We're rich!

Very well played. Paramaribo and Raymond E. Feist,

that's the way to end the show!

Your answers, D.H. Lawrence, not in that Top 100.

David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas, 2004, that came out, so too late for the list.

And Raymond E. Feist's Magician was number 89 in the Top 100.

Lots of pointless answers. Here's a few. Alexandre Dumas, Count of Monte Cristo.

Anna Sewell, Black Beauty. Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones's Diary.

Louis de Bernieres, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

and Margaret Mitchell, Gone With The Wind.

Mario Puzo, The Godfather. Salman Rushdie, Midnight's Children was number 100.

And Wilkie Collins, The Woman in White. Well done if you got any.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez, John Fowles, Dostoevsky. All sorts of people on the list.

-Well done.

-Very well done. Thanks to our winning players, Nick and Charlie,

who go away with today's jackpot of £5,500.

Join us next time when we'll put more obscure knowledge to the test.

-It's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd