Episode 22 Pointless

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless

the quiz show where the aim of the game is to score as few points as you possibly can.

Let's meet today's players.

So, we welcome back Graham and Sue as our first pair this afternoon,

you were on the show last time.

Everyone gets two chances to reach the Pointless final - this is your second.

-Remind us how you know each other.

-We're partners and we met on a blind date, on a boat.

-And what happened last time, Sue?

-We failed miserably.

As it turns out, you knew very little about US landmarks.

That's fair to say, nothing at all.

Nothing at all.

Sue, what would you like to see come up?

Nature and anything to do with animals, gardening. Musicals.

-Musicals.

-'40s films.

-'40s films?

-Yeah.

Graham, anything you don't want to see come up?

-Something in particular?

-Modern music.

Modern music.

I'm a lad of the '70s, really.

'70s music, rock music was my scene,

anything after that, I've got no idea.

Very good. Sue, do you have any interesting hobbies?

Collecting animals. I would like to collect more.

I'd like to look after sick and injured animals.

-Sick and injured animals.

-And re-home.

-Very good, indeed.

Well, it's great to have you back, Graham and Sue, very best of luck.

Next we welcome Jeanie and Jean.

-How do you two know each other?

-We're friends.

And where are you from, Jean?

-Thames Ditt... Oh, sorry!

-Thames Ditton.

What would be good for you this afternoon?

Things to do with France, French life, the language...

Anything to do with France.

-OK, so France, and various little subsections within France.

-Yes.

Erm, Jeannie, how about you?

Geography, particularly American.

Food, drink, nature.

OK. What do you do, Jeannie?

Well, I'm retired, really, but I run a small sole trader business

making and selling jewellery as a hobby job.

Very good. And Jean, what do you do?

Well, I'm also retired

and the main thing I do which takes up most of my time,

I socialise puppies for Hearing Dogs For Deaf People, which is a charity.

-Oh, very good indeed.

-APPLAUSE

How long have you done that for?

Oh, it must be five or six years now, I'm on my 11th puppy.

It must be so hard saying goodbye.

It's terrible.

Do you get to the know the next puppy before the previous one's gone?

No, no, because I go away to France for ten weeks in the summer,

come back and get a new puppy.

So France is where you go to forget about the last puppy.

Get over the puppy love. Oh...

What did you do before you retired, Jean?

I was a teacher of French in a secondary school.

-I see, so France is a strong vein running through, I see.

-Yeah.

So anything on France, we should really be expecting some lovely low scores from you.

More or less.

Lovely to have you on the show, a warm welcome to Pointless.

And next, we welcome Damian and Chris. How do you two know each other?

We're father and son.

Damian, I think you're the smartest person we've yet had on the show.

Talk me through that waistcoat there.

It was a Christmas present.

My wife bought me the waistcoat, my daughter bought me the bow tie.

I'm guessing they were in cahoots.

-Well, I actually showed them what I wanted.

-Oh, I see, very good.

Chris, I notice you're not wearing a penguin-themed waistcoat and bow tie.

Did your dad encourage you to

and you just said, "I'm sorry, no, I'm not going to."

The encouragement wasn't there

but if it had, I think I would have ignored it to be honest.

-And where have you come from, Chris?

-From Manchester.

What do you do, Damian?

I work in the out-patients department at Wythenshawe hospital as a booking clerk.

-Right you are. How about you, Chris?

-I've actually got two jobs -

during the week, in retail and weekends, at Manchester United on the turnstiles.

-Very good, indeed. Does that mean you get to see the matches?

-No, I'm behind the scenes.

-Do you follow Manchester United?

-I don't, I'm a Bradford fan.

-LAUGHTER

Oh... Erm, so, football would be good for you, then?

-Football would be.

-Damian, what's going to be good for you?

Yeah, sport, musicals, and novelty records.

-Novelty records... novelty waistcoats.

-Yes.

Is it waistcoats in particular or is it penguins?

It's penguins. I collect penguins.

How many elements of "penguana" do you have?

I have about 22 different penguins in crystal and wood

and I've also got a tattoo.

-I'm going to take your word for the tattoo.

-LAUGHTER

Anyway, listen, it's lovely having you on the show, a warm welcome to Pointless.

And welcome back to Lisa and Karen. You were also on the show last time.

-Remind us how you know each other.

-We're sisters.

And what happened last time?

We went out in the least embarassing way in the first round.

It was a very strong, very strong first round.

Words ending C-E-N-T.

Yes, which will haunt me now forever.

What's going to see you further than the first round, this time round.

I hope films or TV.

Very good.

Anything you'd hate to see come up, Lisa?

Science would be a big no-no for me.

Really? So that's just one big blind spot, science.

Karen, how about you?

-Politics.

-Politics.

-Ugh, yes.

OK, very best of luck to the pair of you, lovely to have you back on the show.

We'll find out more about all of you.

Only one person left to introduce,

the facts in his brain are like angry dogs in a kennel.

Let's just get them out and take them round the park.

-It's my Pointless friend, Richard.

-Hiya. Hello.

APPLAUSE

-Afternoon.

-Good afternoon, Richard.

-Are you well? You look well.

Yes...thank you, I feel well.

Good news. The big news on Pointless at the moment

is the curse of the returning pairs.

Eight shows in a row where the winners have been newcomers.

We haven't had a returning pair in the final for eight shows.

Two returning pairs today - Graham and Sue and Lisa and Karen.

Can they break that duck, I wonder?

I wasn't quite listening at the beginning,

but everyone said they wanted the first round to be about cricket, yeah(?)

Good, just checking, just checking, because it is.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

All our question on Pointless have been put to 100 people,

but we are looking for the obscure answers they didn't get.

To stay in the game and be in with a chance at our jackpot,

all our players need to do is score as few points as they possibly can.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer.

That's an answer that none of our 100 people knew,

and each time that happens we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Glen and Jamie won the jackpot last time

so today's jackpot starts off at £1,000.

There it is.

OK, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this first round, each of you must give me one answer

and you cannot confer with your partner.

The pair with the highest score at the end of the round is eliminated.

If you give me an incorrect answer, you score the maximum of 100 points.

So try and avoid those if you can. OK, our first category this afternoon is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is, here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many teams that have

participated in the Cricket World Cup as they could. Richard.

Any team that's participated in the Cricket World Cup

from the first one ever in 1975

right through to and including the 2011 tournament.

Very best of luck.

OK, thanks very much, Richard. Now, Graham and Sue, you all drew lots before the show

and this afternoon, you get to go first.

Graham, cricket, good for you?

Yeah, not too bad, but I don't follow the Cricket World Cup.

It's the shortened version - I like the Test matches.

I'm going to go for hopefully one of the smaller teams

and I'm pretty sure that Ireland have been in the Cricket World Cup.

OK, Ireland.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is how many people knew that answer, Ireland.

It's right.

Very well done, 19.

Thank you.

-Not bad at all, 19, Richard.

-Ireland, good answer.

They were actually in the quarterfinals in 2007

and had a pretty good tournament in 2011 as well.

One particularly famous result.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Jean, the Cricket World Cup.

What's the most obscure participating nation you can think of?

I'm not going to go for a really obscure one.

I think New Zealand.

New Zealand you are saying, let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many people said it?

It is right.

54.

54 for New Zealand.

Quite high score.

Damian, a nice obscure participating nation in the Cricket World Cup,

what'd you think?

Well, I have two in mind and they're both a bit risky.

But I will go with Holland.

Holland.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It is right.

10 for Holland!

APPLAUSE

A great answer, Damian.

More specifically, the Netherlands but we'll accept Holland.

They've been in it four times, a very proud cricketing nation, the Dutch.

Some players have played in county cricket over here.

-Lisa...

-Great subject for me(!)

But I can remember my mum went to this country

and bought my dad a T-shirt,

so I'm pretty sure that it's right,

but I don't know how well it'll be up there,

so I'm going to go with Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka, you are saying.

Let's see if Sri Lanka is right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

29! Very well done, Lisa.

29 for Sri Lanka.

Well-played, Lisa.

They actually won it in 1996 and have been finalists the last two times as well.

Thanks, Richard. We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at the scores.

Damian, and Chris looking very strong indeed,

lovely low score of 10 from them.

Then we come to 19, where we find Graham and Sue.

Up to 29, where we find Lisa and Karen

and then up to 54, where Jean and Jeannie are sitting.

So, Jeannie, we're going to need a lovely low score

from you in the next pass if you're to stay in the game.

We're going to come back down the line,

can the second players please take their places at the podium?

Remember, we are looking for teams

that have participated in the Cricket World Cup, Karen.

The high-scorers on 54 are Jean and Jeannie, you are on 29.

A score of 24 or less will see you comfortably into the next round.

Bangladesh?

Bangladesh, says Karen.

If you get below that line, you're through.

Let's see if Bangladesh is right and if it is, how many people said it.

It is right.

Very well done, down it goes to 12!

APPLAUSE

It's a great answer, Karen, takes your total up to 41.

That's a terrific answer, Karen, very well played.

Through to Round Two - feels much better, doesn't it?

Yes. Thank goodness for my husband.

Never got out of the group stages, Bangladesh,

never reached the knock-outs. So it's a very good answer.

Very good indeed.

Chris, you are on 10.

The highest scorers are still Jean and Jeannie on 54,

that means a score of 43 or less

will see you through to the next round.

I'm going to try to go for Scotland.

Scotland.

There it is, there's your red line.

Below that, comfortably through to the next round. Good luck.

Chris said Scotland, is it right? How many people said it?

It is right.

And you are through to the next round, Chris and Damian.

Look at that, Scotland, 11 points.

APPLAUSE

The two lowest scores so far - Chris and Damian's

and that totals 21. Richard.

Well played Chris, 1999 and 2007,

they qualified for both of those World Cups.

So we are looking for participating nations in the Cricket World Cup.

Jeannie, we're going to need something ingenious from you.

You're the highest scorers on 54, with just Sue to go after you.

So a very, very low score

and a prayer that Sue knows nothing about international cricket.

I don't really know but I'll say Pakistan.

Pakistan, you are saying.

No red line for you, Jeannie, because you are the highest scorers,

we just hope it goes down as far as it can.

Is it right, Pakistan? If it is, how many people said it?

It is right.

Oh...that's a very high score, 63.

Takes your total up to 117. Richard.

They won the 1992 World Cup.

Their captain Imran Khan told them to play like cornered tigers.

Fortunately, they ignored him and played like cricketers, but erm...

Isn't that a line from the Love Cats by The Cure?

"Imran Khan told his players to play like cornered tigers."?

No, I'm sure it says, "We played like cornered tigers."

It's, "We move like caged tigers," isn't it? Love Cats?

We move like caged tigers, not play like cornered tigers.

LAUGHTER

As we were. OK, now then, Sue.

You're on 19, the highest scorers are Jean and Jeannie on a 117.

A score of 97 or less will see you comfortably through to the next round.

Cricket is not my strong subject.

A score of 97 or less will see you through to the next round.

It's essentially Geography.

India.

-You answered there like a cornered tiger, can I just say that?

-LAUGHTER

There's your red line.

India, says Sue.

Is it good enough to see Sue and Graham into the next round?

Yes, it is! Very well done, Graham and Sue.

75, it scores. Takes your total up to 94.

-You are through to the next round.

-Well played, Sue.

I didn't think we were going to get eight correct answers in that round, I must admit, very impressed.

They won in 2011, first time since 1983.

Only one pointless answer, four very low scoring answers.

Let's take a look at the pointless one and a couple of the low scorers.

United Arab Emirates played once in 1996.

East Africa played in the very first World Cup in '75,

that would've scored 1.

Namibia would've scored you 1. Very well done if you got those.

Let's take a look at the most popular answers, ones most of our respondents said.

We just heard from Sue, India. That saw you safely through, 75 points.

Australia, 84.

And the biggest answer of all - England, with 97.

97 points, absolutely thrashing Australia there.

Pretty impressive.

Thank you, Richard. So at the end of the first round,

the losing pair with the highest score - it's Jean and Jeannie.

Laid low by the Cricket World Cup.

Oh, dear, I'm sorry.

A terrible category for you, wasn't it?

You didn't do badly, no incorrect answers,

they were very safe, good.

Middle of the bat answers, I would say,

but I'm afraid they just scored you a little bit too highly.

We have to say goodbye but we'll see you again next time.

I promise there will be no cricket - I say that, like I know!

But I'm pretty sure there'll be no cricketing questions

and let's hope we'll see you go all the way through to the final,

but for now, Jean and Jeannie,

thank you so much for playing, great contestants.

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well, now there's only going to be room for two pairs

in the head-to-head, so one of the teams is going to leave us

at the end of this round.

OK, our category for Round two is...

-Parliament.

-HE LAUGHS

It's just got better, hasn't it?

OK, can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what our question is.

It concerns...

Richard.

Yes, on each pass we're going to give you six clues to famous people

who are members of the UK House of Lords.

If you give us a nice obscure answer, you'll score fewer points

but give us an incorrect answer, you'll score 100.

We need their first name and surname, not their title.

These people were all in the House of Lords as of the beginning of 2012

according to the UK parliamentary website.

-OK, everybody in the House of Lords is what you're saying, essentially.

-Yeah, pretty much.

So we are looking for famous members of the House of Lords and we have got...

I will read those all one more time.

There we are. As always on Pointless, you are going to try answer the one

that you think the fewest of our 100 people knew. Graham.

Yes...

There's only two I know

so I'm going to say former Chancellor - Nigel Lawson.

OK, Nigel Lawson says Graham. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people knew that answer.

Nigel Lawson.

It's right.

-41.

-APPLAUSE

41, Richard.

Yeah, his full title is Baron Lawson of Blaby,

of Newnham in the county of Northamptonshire.

Tell you what, you wouldn't want that on the back of your shirt

in the House of Lords football team, would you?

He could've had number 11 on the back, that would have been nice. Former Chancellor.

Oh! I see what you mean! Very clever.

-You are so quick.

-I nearly got a round of applause, did you hear?

-You did.

APPLAUSE Thank you, thank you.

Very good, very good.

Very good, thank you, Richard.

Now then, Chris.

Remember we're looking for members of the House of Lords

described by these clues.

I'm going to go for the current Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams.

Rowan Williams, says Chris, for the current Archbishop of Canterbury.

Let's see if that's right and if it is,

how many people knew that answer.

It is right.

Ooh, down it goes!

-Wow, 7!

-APPLAUSE

7 - turns out that's an excellent answer. Only seven people knew that.

I know, amazing how few people know his name.

He's one of the 26 Lords Spiritual, speaks numerous languages,

written a book on Dostoevsky, always travels second-class.

-Yes?

-Avid viewer of Pointless!

-LAUGHTER

-Is he really?

-The Archbishop?

-Loves it.

-Loves it.

-Loves it.

You know on the last show, when we had...

the final round was the hits of Steps?

He was Tweeting. I saw him Tweet along.

-Really?

-Yeah, he said they should, "Totes go for Heartbeat," he said.

LAUGHTER

-Wow.

-Yeah.

-That's brilliant.

-Big fan.

-Oh, yeah!

Er, very good, thank you, Richard.

We're looking for members of the House of Lords

described by these clues.

Lisa, you're last to have the board.

Er, there's only one I don't know, I'm fairly sure on the other ones.

The man who hires The Apprentice is Lord, sorry, Alan Sugar,

the star of Brighton Rock and Jurassic Park

is Richard Attenborough.

I'm hoping...

I have no idea who the presenter of Radio 4's In Our Time is, sorry.

Um, first female speaker, I'm hoping, is Betty Boothroyd.

Betty Boothroyd, says Lisa. Sounds good to me.

Let's see if it's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right!

-16. Very well done.

-APPLAUSE

16 for Betty Boothroyd. Richard?

Well played, Lisa.

Raised to the peerage in 2001.

Twice as many people knew her as Rowan Williams, which is interesting.

You were right about the other answers as well.

The man who hires The Apprentice is Alan Sugar

but that would have scored you 70, that's a big score.

Ten times the Archbishop of Canterbury.

A man who was essentially puts a fax on anything he invents.

The star of Brighton Rock and Jurassic Park,

quite right, Richard Attenborough. Would've scored 20.

The best answer is the presenter of Radio 4's In Our Time.

-Melvyn Bragg.

-Absolutely right.

That would've scored you two points, so very well done if you got that.

Thank you very much.

Halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

Chris and Damian looking very strong on 7,

then we go up to 16, where we find Lisa and Karen,

and then up to 41, where we find Graham and Sue.

So, Sue, you've got to pick a nice low-scoring answer

and hope no-one else gets it by the time we come to you on the next pass.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium.

OK, we're going to put six more clues on the board, here they come.

We've got...

I will read those all one more time.

We are looking for the famous members of the House of Lords described behind me.

You're trying to find the one that the fewest people could answer.

Karen, you did say, particularly, you didn't want politics.

-I know, I wish I'd gone first now!

-Well, I'm sorry.

-Oh!

You know some of those answers?

Think I'm going to go for, "Married Princess Margaret".

-I think, I hope it's Mark Phillips?

-Mark Phillips, you are saying.

You're on 16, the highest scorers are Sue and Graham on 41.

You want to be scoring 24 or less.

That's what 24 looks like, that red line,

if you get below that red line you are through to the next round.

Mark Phillips - let's see if it's right and, if it is,

how many people said it.

Bad luck, Karen. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which means you score the maximum of 100 points.

That takes your total up to 116. Richard?

Sorry, Mark Phillips married Princess Anne, rather than Princess Margaret.

That would've been a mix-up on the wedding day.

-Wouldn't it, though?

-Ooh!

-Ooh!

-LAUGHTER

-Get out of that!

-Yeah.

Now then, Damian, the high scorers, on 116, are Karen and Lisa,

you are on 7.

Whatever you score, you are through to the next round.

I think I'll play it safe and go for composer of Cats.

-Andrew Lloyd Webber.

-Andrew Lloyd Webber, you are saying.

There's no red line because you are through whatever happens.

Let's see if it's right and, if it is, how many people said it.

It is right.

-50.

-APPLAUSE

50 for Andrew Lloyd Webber takes your total up to 57. Richard?

Yeah, safe and sound.

Do you know, in 1991 he had six musicals running in the West End at the same time?!

That's just on our West End.

Presumably, around the world he must've had...

And one thing I didn't know, he and Tim Rice once wrote two songs for Elvis.

-Really?!

-Yeah.

-He's got a song on Elvis's album Moody Blues.

-Wow, that's cool.

-It's quite cool, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Now then, Sue. Now then, Sue.

That was a bit of a lifeline you were thrown by Karen.

Oh!

How long is it going to last?

You're on 41, Karen and Lisa are on 116.

If you can score 74 or less, you are through to the next round.

Talk us through the board, you're the last person.

There are only, really, two I feel happy about.

Former deputy PM, John Prescott...

but I think the man who married Princess Margaret in 1960

was Antony Armstrong-Jones.

OK, very good. There's your red line,

you get below that, you are through to the next round.

Very best of luck.

Antony Armstrong-Jones, is that right and, if it is,

how many people knew that answer?

It is right.

And you are through to the next round, very well done, Sue.

-There we are! 9 points, brilliant.

-APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to a lovely round 50.

Good answer, Sue. More usually addressed as Lord Snowdon, of course.

-I bet he's related to you somewhere, I bet?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Is he?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-TITTERING

Is he, though?

-I've no idea! Almost certainly.

-He totally is, isn't he?

-Yeah.

You're a little bit posher than him, though! LAUGHTER

Let's fill in the rest of the board, shall we?

The former Deputy PM known as Two Jags, that's John Prescott.

Scored an unbelievably small 35.

-Do you know the 11-time Paralympic gold medallist?

-I don't, I'm afraid.

Yeah, Dame Tanni Grey-Thompson - would have scored 11 points, aptly.

-Producer of Chariots Of Fire?

-David Puttnam.

It is, that would've scored 5. The bottom answer is a pointless one.

The Transport Secretary. Do you know that one?

-Who is it?

-It's Lord Adonis.

-Oh, of course it is! Yes, yes, yes, yes.

-Andrew Adonis.

-Pointless answer, very well done if you got that one.

-Yeah.

What does it say on the back of his shirt?

It says "Adonis" and underneath, in brackets, "(Deal with it)". LAUGHTER

Thanks, Richard!

At the end of Round Two, the pair with the highest score is Lisa and Karen.

-Gutted.

-Never mind.

-Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!

Um, yes, I'm afraid that Mark Phillips did for you!

-And I knew Tanni Grey-Thompson! I talked myself back out of it.

-No!

And you thought Mark Phillips was a safe answer. Safe pair of hands...

-It's what Princess Anne thought as well!

-LAUGHTER

-Never mind. We had a great time.

-Yes, thank you.

Karen and Lisa, brilliant contestants,

-thank you so much for playing.

-APPLAUSE

For the remaining two pairs, things are about to get even more exciting

as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Damian and Chris, Graham and Sue,

one round away from the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at:

APPLAUSE

Now, only one pair can play for that money.

To decide which pair it will be,

you are now going to go head-to-head with the best of three questions.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

You are now, of course, allowed to confer.

Let's play head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

Mercury Prize Winners, Richard?

We're going to show you five pictures of artists

who have won the Mercury Music Prize for Album of the Year.

We've also shown these pictures to 100 people -

which of these artists is the most obscure?

Thanks, Richard. So, let's reveal our five Mercury Prize winners

and here they are...

There they are, our Mercury Music Prize winners.

Now then, Damian and Chris, you've played best throughout the show

so you get to go first.

Well, I'm leaving this one with Chris because I only know E.

-So, it's over to you!

-THEY CHUCKLE

I, I recognise them all

but it's saying, coming up with the obviously lowest-scoring answer.

-I'm going to go for A as PJ Harvey.

-PJ Harvey for A.

Graham and Sue, you can now talk us through the board, if you like?

I wish we could, Alexander, we don't know any of those at all! Um...

-So...who who are we going to go for?

-The...

B looks like, I can't remember properly what it is,

I don't even know if it is right.

Erm...

You go for, you go for one... I really don't know.

-I don't know about the girl either.

-No.

-We We're going to go E, Noah And The Whale.

-E, Noah And The Whale.

So, we have Damian and Chris saying that A is PJ Harvey.

Let's see if it's right and, if it is, how many people said that.

It's right!

Very good indeed!

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Chris! 8! 8 for PJ Harvey.

Graham and Sue are saying E is Noah And The Whale.

-Is it right? Have you seen Noah And The Whale?

-No.

You've heard them?

No.

-LAUGHTER

-You've heard of them?

-Yes!

Could be good enough! Who knows? Noah And The Whale, is that E?

Are Graham and Sue right and, if so, how many people said it? Noah And The Whale.

Bad luck! Great answer, though!

-THEY CHUCKLE

-Just a wrong answer.

Which means, after one question, Damian and Chris are up, one-nil.

-Well done, Chris.

-Well played, Chris, terrific answer.

The only person, up to 2011, to have won it twice.

Won in 2011 for Let England Shake, which is a terrific album.

There is one answer that would have beaten her.

I might see if Alexander can go through the board here.

Do you fancy that? B?

-That's the Arctic Monkeys.

-It is the Arctic Monkeys.

That would've scored you 12 points.

-C is the best answer on the board.

-I know that one, Franz Ferdinand.

It is Franz Ferdinand, it would've scored you 3. D?

-I don't know that.

-It's Ms Dynamite, Miss Dynamyte-e-e.

That would've scored you 19 points.

-And E, it's not Noah And The Whale.

-It's Pulp.

It is. Jarvis Cocker in the middle. That would've scored 31 points.

-Very well done if you got all five of those.

-Thanks very much.

OK, here comes your second question.

Graham and Sue, we need you winning this to stay in the game.

Here it comes, it concerns...

-Richard?

-We're going to show you a list of five names of playwrights on this board

but only including the first and last letters of each of their names.

Can you tell us who the playwright is?

You've got their date of birth up there with it as well.

OK, thanks very much.

Let's reveal our five playwrights and here we have...

There they are. I'll read them one more time without the dates.

So, there they are. Now then, Graham and Sue, you go first this time.

Right.

-How are we doing?

-It's up to you, I don't...

I'll go with whatever you decide.

Hm, we're going with, erm, Alan Bennett, the middle one,

Alan Bennett.

OK, Alan Bennett. 1934. OK.

Damian and Chris?

We think we know them all, except the C-L one.

Fill in the board for us, if you like?

So, I think it's Arthur Miller, Oscar Wilde and William Shakespeare.

We'll go Arthur Miller, I think.

OK, you are going to say Arthur Miller.

So, we have Alan Bennett and we have Arthur Miller.

What do you think, Graham?

I think we're getting the train home!

LAUGHTER

You have gone for Alan Bennett.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many people said Alan Bennett.

It's right.

16!

APPLAUSE

That's not a bad score for Alan Bennett. 16.

Damian and Chris, you've gone for Arthur Miller.

That has to be right and it has to beat 16.

If it does both of those things, you are in the final.

Arthur Miller, is it right? How many people said it?

It is right.

Down it goes!

-Yep, you've done it! Very well done, 7!

-APPLAUSE

That was a great answer from Damian and Chris, which means,

after only two questions, you are through to the final - two-nil.

-Richard?

-The curse of the returning pairs continues!

Now nine shows in a row. Let's fill in the rest of the board.

At the bottom, obviously, is William Shakespeare.

-I say "obviously", 61 points.

-Well!

61 points.

The second one is Oscar Wilde, that would've scored you 37.

I suspect you might know the next one, do you know that?

Wrote Serious Money, Top Girls? Shall I tell you?

It's 1 point, so very well done at home if you said Caryl Churchill.

-Caryl Churchill. Best answer on the board.

-Thanks, Richard.

The losing pair at the end of the head-to-head,

it's Graham and Sue.

Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. As Richard said, "the curse",

the curse of the returning pair continues.

Round Two last time, through to the head-to-head.

This is progress, you've done very well

but I'm afraid this is where we say goodbye,

but it's been wonderful having you on the show.

-Thank you, really enjoyed it!

-APPLAUSE

But for Damian and Chris, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Damian and Chris, you fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

-There it is.

-APPLAUSE

The rules are very simple. To win that money, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

We haven't had ANY pointless answers today. You only have to find one now

and you will go home with that money.

You've had a pretty good run today. Lowest score in Round One,

straight sets victory in the head-to-head, through you have come.

-You don't seem to have been taxed very much by Pointless!

-LAUGHTER

Until now!

-THEY LAUGH

-For this round, though, you can choose a category

and you have five possible choices. They are...

I know what I'd go for!

LAUGHTER

-What do you reckon?

-It's between TV and European football, isn't it?

We think it's between TV and European football,

but we're not sure.

TV's too wide a thing but so is European football, so...

What do you think?

-Let's go for European football.

-We'll go for European football.

European football. Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

as many Italian football teams as they could.

-Italian football teams, Richard?

-Yeah, we're simply looking for

any of the teams who played in Serie A in the 2011/2012 season, please.

So, top-flight of Italian football.

You have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that £1,000

is for one of those answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

BOTH: Yes.

We shall put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-Is it Chievo?

-No, there's Salernitana.

-OK!

Erm...I don't know if they were in Serie A.

Erm...Verona?

I don't know.

Er...Napoli?

They might be a bit too...being in the Champions League.

-What about Sampdoria?

-Sampdoria, yeah, Sampdoria.

-So, shall we go for those three?

-Sampdoria's, I don't know about...

We'll go for Chievo as the last one but Sal... We'll put Salernitana in.

-We're having that one as well?

-We'll put in...

-OK, we've got our three.

Stop the clock, you have your three answers.

OK, we were looking for top-flight Italian teams

in the 2011/2012 season.

I now need your three answers.

-We're going to go for Sampdoria...

-Sampdoria.

-..Chievo...

-Chievo.

-..and Salernitana.

-And Salernitana.

Of those three, which do you think is your best punt at a pointless answer?

-We'll go for Salernitana.

-Salernitana we'll put last,

-which one do you want to put first?

-Sampdoria.

OK, let's put them up on the board in that order. And here we have...

There they are.

We were looking for top-flight Italian teams

from the 2011/2012 season.

Your first answer, Sampdoria, was your least confident shot

at a pointless answer.

Remember, you only have to find one pointless answer

to win that £1,000 jackpot.

OK, let's see, Sampdoria, is that right

and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Ooh!

Bad luck, that is an incorrect answer,

which means you only have two more chances to win today's jackpot,

1,000 quid. What would you do with a grand?

I think I'd probably take my friend Paul to the Edinburgh Fringe for a week or so.

Very good. Damian, how about you?

I'd probably take my wife Debbie away for a weekend somewhere.

Lovely. Well, you have two more chances to win that jackpot.

Let's hope you can do it.

We are looking for top-flight Italian football teams.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer, Chievo.

This has to be right and it has to be pointless

if you are going to win. Let's see if it is right

and, if it is, let's see how many people said Chievo.

It is right.

There we are, your first answer was incorrect,

this is right, we're now on track.

If this goes all the way down to zero

you will be leaving here with £1,000.

Into single figures, still going down...

-You've done it!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very, very well done! Chievo.

-Brilliant!

-Ciao bella!

-Bella!

Superb.

Oh! Very, very, very well done.

Chievo WAS a pointless answer,

which means you are leaving here with our jackpot of £1,000.

-Very well done, Damian and Chris!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, terrific stuff, terrific stuff

and nice to see the son do some heavy lifting in the last rounds!

Chievo or Chievo Verona - very well played.

I did this question earlier and I know how I did it.

Do you know about Italian football or do you play computer games?

A little bit of both.

The computer games, all the Serie A teams, you can play as them.

That would be a good way of learning how to pronounce the name of the team?

-LAUGHTER

-So, like, so not, Chi-ay-vo but Key-ay-vo.

-Key-ay-vo.

I apologise, all Italians and Chievo fans.

Salernitana, or Salerno, are actually a fourth-flight team

and Sampdoria are second-flight now as well.

Let's look at the pointless answers, only four of them.

Novara, who were promoted last year to Serie A.

Very well done if you said any of those at home. Well played, guys.

Thanks once again to our winning players Damian and Chris,

who go away with today's jackpot of £1,000.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well done.

Join us next time to put more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-It's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

'If you want to be on the next series of Pointless,

'you can find out more by going to...'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd