Episode 54 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

Now, welcome, Jeff and Andy.

You are our first pair on the show today.

-How do you two know each other, Jeff?

-We play golf together.

Now, Jeff, what do you do when you're not playing golf?

I work for a company that fit loading bay equipment

throughout the country.

Ah, right, so a good bit of travel.

What else do you get up to, apart from when you're not doing golf?

I quite like sport, particularly horse racing.

-Andy, what do you do?

-I'm a self-employed sales agent.

I sell packaging and sticky tapes.

Sticky back plastic, that's fantastic!

And... And that rhymes!

LAUGHTER

Wow.

And a bit of travel involved in that as well?

A good deal of travel, yes.

Andy, anything you'd particularly like to see come up?

-'60s pop music would be good.

-Very good.

Anything you'd hate to see come up, Jeff?

Science, maybe.

OK, science. Andy?

-The periodic table.

-OK, good.

So is science your black spot? OK.

Very best of luck, Jeff and Andy, it's great to have you here.

Next, welcome back Helen and Dave. you were on the show last time.

Everyone has two chances to reach the Pointless final.

This is your last chance.

Helen, remind us how you know each other?

-We're housemates at university.

-At Aberystwyth?

-Yes.

Dave, tell us what happened last time?

I think it was more nerves got the best of us.

And, yeah, it was just a mispronunciation in the first round.

Yeah. Nerves got the best of you.

-And a couple of wrong answers just crept up.

-Yeah.

Pounced out at you there.

Dave, you were wearing glasses last time.

Have you had laser eye surgery since we last met?

LAUGHTER

I think I've just been brave, really. And I thought, I can read!

It's a new day today, Helen,

-what's going to be great for you today?

-Geography,

or history, travelling, anything like that.

All good. Music, are you good on music?

My music taste is quite shocking.

Dave, what would you like to see today?

Music as well. We've got fairly different taste in music.

What are your tastes, Dave?

I'm quite into indie and rock.

Very good. Helen, what's your tastes?

-Unfortunately, I'm probably one of Westlife's biggest fans.

-OK.

-I'll happily admit it on TV.

-OK.

Great to have you back on the show. Let's hope we see more of you.

Next, welcome back Jude and Simon,

you were also on the show last time.

Simon, tell us how you two know each other?

We're married and have been for 18 months.

Jude, what happened last time?

We got both answers wrong.

Oh, yeah, the 200 Club!

Yeah, thanks!

Now then, today, Jude,

what's going to be great, what's a great category?

What have you seen on Pointless before, and you've thought,

"Oh, if this came up..."

Celebrities. I knew the front cover of Vogue, that one.

Has that been on the show?

-Yeah.

-People on the front cover of British Vogue.

-I got that.

So, celebrities.

Simon, what would you like to see come up today?

Certain British bands from the '60s and '70s.

Small Faces, my favourite.

The Beatles, and Queen, I like those groups.

And not many people here, I think, know about Oxford United,

so I'd quite like a round on that, please.

A round on Oxford United.

-Haven't yet had one of those, have we?

-We haven't.

That's weird, given that we're called Pointless.

LAUGHTER

There we go.

There we go. Anyway, best of luck, Jude and Simon.

Great to have you back on the show.

And, finally, we say welcome back to Nicky and Richard.

You were also on the show last time.

Remind us how you know each other?

We met at university and have been friends ever since.

So then, Nicky, we discovered last time

you are the world's expert on Eurovision.

It is my love,

and takes up most of my year, the Eurovision Song Contest.

Remind us what you do when not following Eurovision?

I'm an accountant for occupational pension schemes.

-What would you like?

-Obviously Eurovision.

Pop music, sport.

Maybe members of One Direction wouldn't be bad.

Favourite member of One Direction?

-Louis, definitely.

-Louis? Interesting.

I'd go for Zayn.

Yes. He'd probably be third or fourth.

-Out of five!

-Yeah.

NICKY LAUGHS

Richard, so what's going to be good for you?

-Pop music.

-OK.

What's your favourite era of pop music?

-For pop music, I'd say the 1980s.

-Good.

Followed by the noughties.

Nicky, what would you nominate as something you'd hate to see today?

Technology, DIY, that sort of thing.

DIY? Actually, I suppose, yes.

Very good. It's great to have you both back on the show.

Very best of luck to the pair of you.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

There's one person left to introduce.

We'd better get a move on.

The battery's running out in his laptop,

and he has forgotten his lead.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard!

-Oh, yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hi, everybody, hello.

This should be fun, shouldn't it?

-I think so.

-If Dave has taken off his glasses, should I take mine off?

If he can handle it, I can maybe handle a show without my glasses on?

Give it a go?

-Give it a whirl.

-OK.

There we go.

-So we've only got one new pair today, that's um...

-LAUGHTER

-James and Adam are our new pair.

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

And of the returning pairs, I'm going to say I think

June and Samantha are going to win. LAUGHTER

Actually, I might stick these back on.

Three returning pairs today.

Three returning pairs, which is quite a treat.

Now, Round Three, we do our Picture Round always.

And my favourite bit of the show is when we have pictures of animals.

If it's a picture of a cute animal, I'm very happy.

Just sees me through the last half of the show.

But Round Three today, our picture round,

is something I love more than cute animals.

-I'm looking forward to that.

-Good, me too.

I'm going to keep my glasses on for that.

OK, our questions on Pointless

have all been asked to 100 people before the show.

But we are looking for the obscure answers they didn't get.

To stay in the game with a chance of our jackpot,

all our players need to do is score as few points as they can.

What everyone's looking for is a pointless answer,

an answer none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Nobody won the jackpot last time, so we add another £1,000 to that.

So today's jackpot starts off at £6,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this first round, each one of you must give me one answer,

and you cannot confer with your partner.

The pair with the highest score at the end of the round

will be eliminated.

An incorrect answer scores a maximum 100 points,

so try and avoid those if you can.

Our first category today is:

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going first, and who's second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, our question concerns:

-Richard?

-On each pass, we're going to give you

seven descriptions of famous people who share the first name John.

Give us a nice obscure answer, you'll score fewer points.

Give an incorrect answer, though, you will score 100 points.

14 descriptions in all,

14 for you to have a go at at home while they play in the studio.

Best of luck.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now then, Jeff and Andy, you all drew lots before the show,

and today, you go first.

We are looking for famous Johns.

And on our board,

our first board, we have got:

I'll read those all one final time.

Jeff? What does that board of Johns look like to you?

I'm going to go for the Blue Peter presenter, John Noakes.

John Noakes, says Jeff. Let's see if that's right.

If it is, let's see how many people knew that answer. John Noakes?

Absolutely right.

50.

APPLAUSE

50, for John Noakes.

He stopped doing Blue Peter in 1978. 50 of our 100 people still remember.

And, I would hazard a guess, adore him.

He's one of the few celebrities where you could even name his dog.

-Absolutely right.

-Shep.

He and his wife wanted to sail around the world,

got caught in a hurricane in 1982, so gave up.

In 1984, they did it again.

It got as far as Majorca.

-Lived there ever since.

-Ever since.

Liked it so much, left his boat there and stayed there

and lived there. That's quite nice.

That's nice. Now, then, Dave.

If you want me to read any of those again, I will gladly do so.

I'm OK, thank you very much.

I only really know two. I should know the Jaws soundtrack,

because I've currently got some socks on with Jaws on them.

Sorry. I just took a moment there,

just to look at the board to see if I could work out

-another gag about opticians or something.

-No, that's been done.

I turned back. Are you a massive Jaws fan?

My brother is. I bought these for him for Christmas a few years ago,

-and he never wore them.

-Weird.

Ah, of course.

Does he, by any chance, have no trouble with his eyesight?

LAUGHTER

Yes, I think so.

So then, Dave.

I'm going to have to go for the ex-footballer World In Motion rapper

that's John Barnes.

John Barnes, says Dave.

Let's see if that's right, and how many people knew John Barnes?

Absolutely right.

-31.

-APPLAUSE

31 for John Barnes.

Absolutely, World In Motion was New Order's only number one single.

John Barnes famously played for Liverpool.

Kenny Dalglish, they say, polled his players at the end of one season

asking which opposition players caused most trouble that year.

The answers came back, he polled them up.

It was John Barnes, Peter Beardsley and Ray Houghton.

He said, "I'm buying all three of them." He did.

-That's how to run a football team.

-That's good.

-Yeah.

-Very good indeed.

Now then, Jude.

-I was going to go for that one.

-Oh no.

So I'm going to go for the only one I know,

and I'm going to play it safe.

Writer and star of Fawlty Towers is John Cleese.

Writer and star of Fawlty Towers is John Cleese, says Jude.

Is it right? How many people knew John Cleese to be that John?

-0oh! Safe.

-Safe.

APPLAUSE

But expensive.

It's what you might call a "dear" John!

JUDE LAUGHS

Yes, another big score.

If you were a famous TV star in the '70s or '80s,

-people remember you, don't they?

-Absolutely.

-Him and John Noakes.

Now, then, Nicky. You are in fact the last person to have this board,

so you can guess any of those answers.

Yeah, I'm in the position where there's one I know, definitely,

which is "back to basics" Conservative PM.

But then, composer of the Jaws soundtrack might be John Barry.

And oil magnet might be John Rockefeller.

But I'm not certain of either of them.

And I think the great British public

won't know as much about prime ministers

as they do about '70s television.

So I'm going to go for back to basics Conservative PM, John Major.

-That is faultless reasoning.

-LAUGHTER

To my mind.

But we'll have to wait and see.

"Back to basics" PM, John Major, says Nicky, is that right?

How many people said it?

Absolutely right, Nicky, 29.

APPLAUSE

29, the lowest score on the board.

Absolutely brilliant.

Very astute, Nicky, very well played.

I tell you what, Nicky, if you'd said John Barry

for composer of the Jaws soundtrack, you'd have scored 100 points.

-It is?

-John Williams.

-Absolutely right.

John Barry did all sorts of soundtracks, but not Jaws. 12 points.

If you'd said the oil magnate and first US millionaire

was John Rockefeller,

that's a correct answer.

That would have scored you five points, a terrific answer.

And the oldest man to go into space, anybody?

-John Glenn?

-John Glenn, absolutely right.

Six points.

Good work, Andy.

-Do you know how old he was when he went into space?

-Do you know?

-46?

-77.

-Wow.

-That's quite cool.

-Yeah. Very good.

He got lost, unfortunately. LAUGHTER

Fair enough. Thanks, Richard. Halfway through the round,

let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

Nicky, best answer of the pass. 29, absolutely superb.

Then we creep up to 31, where we find Dave and Helen.

Then, up to 50, where we find Jeff and Andy.

Then, up to 75, where we find Jude and Simon.

You're not wildly ahead of the rest of them, Jude and Simon.

But you are the high scorers.

So Simon, we will require from you a really nice low-scoring John,

if we're to see you into the next round.

Best of luck. We come back down the line,

can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK. We're going to put seven more Johns on the board, here they come.

We have got:

I'll say those one more time.

Now, remember, you are trying to find the John

that you think the fewest of our 100 people

could identify from these clues.

Richard, you are on 29,

thanks to Nicky's brilliant answer in the first pass.

The high scorers at the moment are Simon and Jude on 75,

which means 45 or less will see you into the next round.

My heart wants to go for Weird Science,

but I'm not 100%.

So I'm going to go for the original singer for Annie's Song,

which I believe is John Denver.

John Denver, says Richard.

Here is your red line. That's your target.

If you get below that red line,

you are comfortably into the second round.

Let's see if John Denver's right and how many people said it?

Absolutely right.

You are... Ooh! No, you're not, not quite!

APPLAUSE

That's scores you 46.

That takes your total up to 75.

You are now equal high scorers with Simon and Jude. Richard?

Yes, John Denver, born John Henry John Deutschendorf.

He wrote Annie's Song in 10 minutes, on a ski lift.

-Wow.

-Yeah.

Now, then, Simon and Jude, you are joint highest scorers

with Richard and Nicky.

The difference is, they've already given both their answers.

So Simon, what we need from you now is

a very, very, very low-scoring answer,

if we are to see you beyond this round. How are you on your Johns?

A couple there I know.

I was tempted with Weird Science but, as I'm from quite near Slough,

I'm going for the Poet Laureate who penned Slough.

John Betjeman.

OK, you're going to go with John Betjeman.

John Betjeman. Is that right, and how many people said it?

No red line, as you're joint high scorers.

John Betjeman, how many people said that?

Absolutely right.

24.

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 99.

Yeah, not bad.

Giving yourself a chance there. Published in 1937, Slough.

Yeah. That's all I've got.

-OK, thanks very much, Richard!

-LAUGHTER.

Now, then, Helen and Dave, the high scorers are Simon and Jude on 99.

You are on 31. 31! Great answer from Dave in the first pass.

If you can score 67 or less, you are through to the next round, Helen.

How are the Johns behind me?

I only know one of them. I've been constantly praying no one said it.

I think I know one of them, I won't say I do because I'll be wrong.

But I'm going for a member of the Beatles being John Lennon.

And hope for the best.

Is that a stab in the dark, Helen?

-Kind of.

-OK.

It's a pretty educated guess but, I don't want to sound too confident,

-and then all of a sudden be completely wrong.

-OK.

A member of the Beatles called John could be John Lennon.

OK, that's what you're saying.

There's your red line, Helen,

you have to get below that red line to get through to the next round.

Did you do it with John Lennon? Is it right?

How many people said it?

Ooh, it's right. Ooh!

-Ah, yes.

-Oh, I got it right.

You most certainly got it right.

APPLAUSE

That scores you 93, though.

93! That's a punishing score.

That takes your total up to 124.

I wonder if that will keep you in the game? Richard?

Yes, a very, very big score.

But again, he was around in the '70s, used to be on telly.

Yeah, there you are.

-Also did a bit of music, dabbled in music.

-Dabbled in music.

Andy. You are on 50, the high scorers on 124 are Helen and Dave.

If you can score 73 or less with your John...

Sounds strange!

LAUGHTER

You are through to the next round.

Talk us through the board, Andy, fill in the gaps?

The painter of The Hay Wain is John Constable.

The writer and director of Weird Science

I would maybe have said John Cusack.

Four minutes 33, if I remember, is of complete silence.

I don't know what genius composed that.

But I'm going to go for Republican 2008 presidential candidate,

and I think, and hope, that's John McCain.

John McCain, says Andy.

John McCain. Let's see if that's right.

There is no red line. You've got to get below that.

John McCain. Is it right, how many people said it?

Absolutely right, very well done, Andy,

you are through to the next round.

Ooh, 11!

APPLAUSE

Very good, 11 takes your total to 61.

Well played, Andy, terrific answer. Lost to Barack Obama

in that election.

Richard and Simon, you were going to have a go at Weird Science.

It's not John Cusack.

If I count down from three, and you both give your answer?

-Shall we do that?

-All right.

-All right.

OK, one, two, three...

-John Landis.

-Carpenter.

John Carpenter, John Landis.

Both wrong.

LAUGHTER

Actually, it's a pointless answer as well. Do you want to have a go?

-No idea.

-Weird Science.

More famous for other films, John Hughes.

John Hughes, talking of the '80s.

Let's take a look at the painter of The Hay Wain.

You're absolutely right, it was John Constable.

That would have scored 53 points.

And the composer who wrote four minutes 33 seconds which, as you say,

is four minutes 33 seconds of silence.

-John Cage.

-Absolutely right.

That would have scored six points. Well done if you said that at home.

Thanks, Richard. At the end of the first round,

the losing pair with the highest score, Helen and Dave, it's you.

Again.

-It's my fault again.

-Oh, Helen.

-I got it right this time, unlike before.

-Absolutely right.

Did you know any other of the Johns there?

Yeah, John McCain, when that came up.

It was in the back of my mind and I could not think of it.

Oh, dear, I'm sorry, I really thought we'd see much more of you today.

Round one last time, round one this time.

-At least we're consistent.

-Certainly consistent.

But we haven't given you enough to get your teeth into, I'm afraid.

So I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to you. Thanks so much for playing.

Helen and Dave, great, great contestants.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Now, there's only going to be room for two pairs in our head-to-head,

so one of the teams will be leaving us at the end of this round.

Our category for Round Two is:

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many capital cities beginning with A.

We are looking for any capital city of the world

whose name begins with A. The capital of a country

that's a sovereign state in its own right,

and a member of the UN.

The usual English name of this city must begin with an A.

In countries where there are more than one capital,

we'll accept any of those, as long as their capital begins with an A.

Very best of luck. If you want to play along at home,

there are 16 world capitals that begin with the letter A.

See how many of those you can get.

OK. Jeff.

I'm going to say Adelaide.

Adelaide, says Jeff.

Straight out there. Adelaide.

Let's see if Adelaide's right,

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Adelaide?

Bad luck, Jeff, incorrect answer,

which means you score 100 points, I'm sorry. Richard?

Sorry, Jeff, Adelaide, not a capital.

It does start with an A, I'll give you that.

It even starts with a capital A!

LAUGHTER

Not a capital city.

Capital city of Australia, of course, Canberra.

Now then, Jude.

Remember, we are looking for capital cities

-whose English names begin with an A.

-I can think of two.

But I don't know whether one's right.

I think I'm going to say Antwerp.

Antwerp, says Jude. Let's see if Antwerp is correct.

And if so, how many of our 100 people said Antwerp?

Bad luck, Jude.

Another incorrect answer.

Also scoring you 100 points, I'm sorry. Richard.

-It's going very well, isn't it?

-Yes, it's good!

-Antwerp in Belgium. And Brussels, the capital of Belgium.

-Ah.

Now, then, Richard.

I've got four, but don't think I can pronounce any of them.

This is fine.

In fact, it's quite fun.

LAUGHTER

I'd like to say...

We have to accept your first answer.

-I know, I know.

-But that's OK, that's fine.

You were about to say something beginning with A

which was very promising.

LAUGHTER

I'd like to say Assoon-san? Which is the capital of Paraguay.

Do you want to say it one more time?

Assoon-san.

OK, Richard, you are saying Assoon-san, the capital of Paraguay.

Let's have a look.

Assoon-san. Is it right? How many of our 100 people said it?

It is right!

Oh, ho-ho!

Very, very well done indeed, Richard.

APPLAUSE

Best score of the pass, although that's not saying much. Richard?

You're right to worry about your pronunciation,

that's absolutely on the edge of what I'd allow, Assoon-san.

It's Asuncion.

It's the capital of Paraguay, Asuncion. Very well done.

Assoon-san, Asuncion. Close enough for me.

Very well done. We're halfway through the round,

Let's look at those scores. Both of them.

Richard and Nicky, 3. Fabulous low score.

Jude and Simon. Jeff and Andy.

You are both on 100, I need hardly remind you.

So, Simon and Andy,

it's going to be a battle between you two

to decide who stays at the end of this round, and who goes.

Best of luck. We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players step up to the podium?

We are looking for capital cities whose English names begin with an A.

Nicky. You are on 3.

The high scorers are Simon and Jude, and Andy and Jeff, on 100 each.

So a score of 96 or less from you

will see you through to the next round.

Well, I've got a slightly risky one but I'm, you'll be relieved to hear,

not going to go over that one.

-I was going to say Addis Ababa.

-Addis Ababa, says Nicky.

OK, here's your red line.

Below that red line, you're in the head-to-head.

Addis Ababa, is it right? How many people said it?

It's right.

Very well done indeed.

Four, that Addis Ababa taking your total up

to a lovely single figure total of seven.

-Richard.

-Well played, Nicky.

Also, Eurovision Song Contest expertise, very good for capital cities, isn't it?

Although Addis Ababa, as yet, haven't hosted one.

Whoa, I bet they'd do a great one, though.

-They would do an amazing one.

-Yeah!

Capital of Ethiopia, of course, Addis Ababa.

-Very good answer.

-Thank you very much.

Now, then, Simon. This is where the battle starts.

-Simon, is this good for you? A good category?

-I know a few.

But I'm going to go for a risky one. I'm not even sure if it is a city.

You're not even sure it's a city?

I'm not sure if I've made it up. But, you know...

I'm going for Accra.

Accra, says Simon.

Let's see if Accra is right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Accra.

It's right.

Six.

APPLAUSE

Six for Accra takes your total up to 106. Richard.

So, Accra, or if we're going to be the pronunciation police once again,

it's Accraa, as a lot of people say. Accra's fair enough.

It's the capital of Ghana, another African country.

Now, then, Andy, you've had all this time.

What is the most obscure capital city beginning with A

you can think of?

On the basis that people think it's Istanbul, I'll go for Ankara.

-In Turkey.

-Ankara, you are going to say, 106 is what you have to beat.

106. You are on 100.

If you can score five or less, you are comfortably through

to the head-to-head.

Here is your red line. It's low.

Ankara, says Andy. Is it right,

how many people said it?

Well, it's right.

Will it go down low enough to see you through to the head-to-head?

Ankara. Ooh! Bad luck, Andy!

APPLAUSE

That scores you 20, which takes your total up to 120. Richard.

A really good answer, Andy. Capital of Turkey, not Istanbul.

But scores just too much, I'm afraid.

There are two pointless answers out of the 16 capitals beginning with A. Let's take a look.

Very well done if you said Ashgabat which, as you well know,

is the capital of Turkmenistan.

Or Abuja, which is the capital of Nigeria, took over from Lagos in the '90s.

There's a lot of low-scoring ones as well.

Andorra la Vella, in Andorra.

Astana, which is Kazakhstan.

Asmara, Eritrea. Apia, Samoa.

Antananarivo, which is Madagascar. You could have had Amman, Jordan.

Asuncion, we've already had. Algiers, Algeria.

Abu Dhabi, which is the UAE. Then our highest scoring answers, that most people said,

well, we've just heard the number three, Ankara scored 20 points.

Amsterdam, 25.

And well at the top, Athens, the capital of Greece.

And Athens would have scored you 33 points. Well done, anyone who got

all 16 of those, particularly the two pointless answers.

Thanks very much, Richard. So at the end of round two,

the losing pair with the highest score, it's Andy and Jeff.

Adelaide, I'm afraid was just a very expensive mistake there, Jeff.

But, erm, Ankara, good answer. It was too little too late,

but Andy and Jeff, we will see you again next time,

and I'm sure we will see greater things then.

But meanwhile, thank you for playing, Andy and Jeff.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs,

things are about to get even more exciting now

as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Nicky and Richard.

Jude and Simon, you're now only one round away from the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £6,000.

WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE

Now obviously, only one pair can play for that money,

so we decide which pair it will be

by giving you a best of three questions,

by which I mean the first pair to win two of these questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

You are now of course allowed to confer.

Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question. And it concerns...

Richard, this is the round you've been looking forward to, isn't it?

Something I like more than cute animals.

There's very little I like more than cute animals.

This is your biggest passion, isn't it? Darts?

Well, not my biggest passion, but I do like darts.

We're going to show you five pictures now of five men

who've been a Darts World Champion. Can you identify and name the most obscure, please?

OK, thanks very much, Richard.

OK, let's reveal our five dartists.

World champions, every one. Here they are.

We have...

It's like the world's worst dating website, isn't it?

LAUGHTER

Yeah. OK, there we are. Now, then.

Nicky and Richard, you've played best throughout the show so far, so you get to go first.

-We're going to choose that one?

-Yeah.

-Can we have B?

You may certainly have B.

Keith Deller.

Keith Deller.

Jude and Simon, you can now talk out loud.

Do all your conferring in public.

I've got no idea.

Take us through the board, Simon.

Er, A, Phil "The Power" Taylor.

C, Andy Fordham, The Viking.

E is Eric Bristow.

And I think D, because of what he's wearing,

is Dennis The Menace Priestley.

-Going to go for that?

-I'm going to go for D.

You're going to go D, Dennis The Menace Priestley?

OK. So we have Keith Deller and we have Dennis Priestley.

Nicky and Richard, you have said Keith Deller.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

Keith Deller.

It's correct.

Nine!

APPLAUSE

A nice single figure score there for Keith Deller.

You could be justly proud of that. Keith Deller. Nice low score there.

Jude and Simon, though, are saying that D is Dennis Priestley.

Dennis Priestley, D. Let's see if that's right.

If it is, let's see how many people said D was Dennis Priestley.

It is right.

Now, is it going to go down lower than nine? That's the big question.

Down it goes. Yeah, you've done it. Two!

APPLAUSE

Very, very well done, Jude. I know that was largely your input there.

All!

Wow.

Two fabulous low scores there,

but Priestley wins it for you, which means after only one question,

Jude and Simon are ahead 1-0.

Well played, both teams there. You've even given all the nicknames, Simon.

You've done all my work for me.

I've got a signed picture of Keith Deller next to my dartboard.

I thought you'd say "next to my bed"!

No. I've got a signed picture of Jimmy White next to my bed.

LAUGHTER

Let's go through the rest of the scores anyway.

You got all the right names. A is Phil "The Power" Taylor.

He would have scored 17.

We've already seen Keith Deller there who scored treble three, nine.

Andy Fordham, C, scored double three, six.

There's Dennis Priestley, double one, and Eric Bristow would score you...

double 18, 36.

So, Bristow scores most there and the best answer on the board

was Dennis Priestley, so a very good choice.

-Look at Fordham's forearm! Look at that!

-Yeah.

You need a forearm like a metronome in that game.

OK, there we go, here comes your second question,

Nicky and Richard, you have to win this question to stay in the game.

Very best of luck, here it comes. It concerns Winston Churchill.

-OK, Richard.

-Yes, from five British heroes to one more.

We're going to give you five clues to facts about Winston Churchill.

Can you answer the most obscure, please?

OK, here they come. Here are your five facts about Winston Churchill.

I will read all of those one more time.

There you are. Five clues to facts about Winston Churchill.

-Jude and Simon, you go first this time.

-We've only got the one.

A few I'd have a guess at,

but I'm going to say the country house he was born in,

Blenheim Palace.

Blenheim Palace.

The country house he was born in. Now, then, Nicky and Richard.

-You can do your discussing out loud.

-I don't know any for definite.

We can have a go at the year.

-And the conflict.

-Yeah, go on.

Conflict in which he was a prisoner of war, World War I.

OK. World War I. The conflict in which he was a prisoner of war.

Now, then, Jude and Simon. You have said Blenheim Palace

was the country house in which he was born. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see if how many people said Blenheim Palace.

It's right.

Very well done. Eight.

APPLAUSE

That's a great answer.

Jude and Simon, Eight for Blenheim Palace.

Nicky and Richard, I need hardly remind you,

you have to win this question to stay in the game.

You said the conflict in which he became a prisoner of war was World War I.

World War I, is it right, and how many people said it?

Bad luck. Bad luck. Bad luck. Nicky and Richard.

Blenheim Palace was such a low score,

I'd be interested to see what would have beaten that on the board.

Who knows. Anyway, for the moment,

all we need to know is that Jude and Simon,

after two questions, you are through to the final, 2-0. Richard.

Yeah, that's tough luck, Nicky and Richard, you've been brilliant

on both shows you've been on and once again, good answers. It's a toughie.

He was actually held prisoner of war during the Boer War.

He was a correspondent, and he was captured while over there

and there a bounty on his head of £25.

The Boer War, if you had said it, would have scored seven points

and would have won the point, but, you know, that's a very tough answer.

Let's take a look at the rest. The year he first came UK PM,

what do you think you'd have settled on if you had?

-1940?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, 1940, direct answer,

but wouldn't have won you the point, actually. Would have been 15 points.

-Wife's first name. Do you know that?

-Was it Clementine?

Clementine, yeah, would have scored you 12 points.

And the field in which he won his Nobel prize, not peace,

but literature, Nobel Prize for literature.

That would have scored you 11 points. So once they said Blenheim Palace,

the Boer War was the only thing that could have saved you.

Very well played, both teams, on that head-to-head, that was terrific.

Absolutely. So the losing pair at the end of the head-to-head,

Nicky and Richard.

But you played incredibly well.

Keith Deller, a wonderfully low scoring answer

-for that first question.

-I love darts as well.

-I could have named you another ten champions.

-Oh, no.

Everybody loves darts.

Whenever we have a darts question, people go mad on Twitter.

They love it. Head-to-head last time, Nicky and Richard.

Head-to-head this time. You've played so well in both shows.

Anyway, Nicky and Richard, excellent contestants.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But for Jude and Simon, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Jude and Simon! You've fought off the competition.

You've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £6,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, I would say you've had an interesting Pointless career.

Last time, you were out in the second round.

This time, nearly out second round. Antwerp, 100 points.

But, no. You rose above it

and through you came into the head-to-head.

2-0 victory in the head-to-head. And here you are in the final.

It's all down to your category. The rules are very simple.

To win that money, all you have to do is find one pointless answer.

We haven't had any pointless answers today.

You only have to find one now

and you will go home with that £6,000 jackpot.

The first thing you've got to choose a category.

-You can choose from these five options.

-They are:

British thespians or '60s singers.

-Established that earlier.

-Do you want to go for singers?

-Yeah. OK.

You're going to go for '60s singers.

This kind of plays to your strengths, Simon.

-Hopefully.

-Hopefully.

'60s music. It's what you said. Very best of luck.

Let's find out what that question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many Cilla Black

UK top 40 singles as they could. Richard.

We're looking for a single by Cilla Black

which reached the UK top 40 prior to the beginning of 2012.

Where she released double-A sided singles,

we'll accept either of those as an answer.

In our music rounds, we'll be very strict

with the titles of the songs. Very best of luck.

OK. You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that £6,000 jackpot

is for one answer to be pointless.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now. OK.

What's that one she did on the piano?

-With Dudley Moore.

-A Beatles song.

-Yeah. OK.

-What's it called?

-If I Fail.

We'll have that one.

-Surprise, Surprise.

-Is that a song?

-The unexpected.

-All right, then.

Isn't there something about flower girl?

Yeah, there's something like that, isn't there?

Flowers in my hair. Flowers in her hair.

-I don't know.

-No catchphrase.

Um... Was it Sandie Shaw that sang Always Something There To Remind Me?

-Yeah, it was her.

-It was Sandie Shaw?

We've got 23.

Did she sing Love On The Rocks? Oh, no. That's Chris De Burgh.

-Um...

-Something about a flower. Something with flower in it.

-OK.

-Flower Girl.

Flowers In Her Hair. Flowers In My Hair.

-Flowers In Your Hair.

-Stop. I need to think.

-OK.

Erm...

OK. There is your minute up.

Something with "flour" in it! What, a croissant?

-In my head. No, like gerberas or...

-OK.

-Not specifically.

Well, we were looking for Cilla Black UK top 40 singles.

I now need your three answers.

The Flower Girl.

The Flower Girl.

-Surprise Surprise.

-Surprise Surprise.

-And If I Fell.

And If I Fell. OK, of those three,

which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-If I Fell.

-If I Fell. We'll pop that last.

Which is your least likely?

-Something about a flower.

-Thanks very much.

Let's pop them up on the board in that order. Here they are.

We have got:

We were looking for Cilla Black UK top 40 singles.

Flower Girl was your least confident shot at a pointless answer.

You only have to find one pointless answer to win the jackpot £6,000.

Let's see. Flower Girl, is it right?

How many people said Flower Girl?

-Bad luck!

-Surprise Surprise!

It's all coming.

Incorrect, as it turns out.

-Therefore, not a pointless answer.

-No.

You only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

Six grand, Jude. What would you do with that?

Pay off our honeymoon. Have another honeymoon.

So, Simon, you'd agree with that?

-Anything else?

-Put it towards a house.

-Towards a house.

Good stuff. Good. Good, good.

Let's hope one of your answers will win the jackpot.

We were looking for Cilla Black UK top 40 singles.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer Surprise Surprise.

This must be correct and pointless to win the jackpot.

So, for £6,000, let's see how many people said Surprise Surprise.

Oh, no!

Also an incorrect answer.

You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

How confident are you with If I Fell?

-Don't know if it was released as a single.

-Not sure if it was released.

She sung it with Dudley Moore. She sang it with Dudley Moore.

OK, we're looking for UK top 40 singles from Cilla Black.

Your third and final answer. If I Fell.

This was your most confident shot

for that jackpot - £6,000 - this has to be pointless.

Let's find out... If I Fell,

how many people said it? Is it right?

No!

SYMPATHETIC APPLAUSE

Oh, bad luck!

I thought they all sounded really plausible.

Especially The Flower Girl.

Unfortunately, you didn't find that pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's £6,000 jackpot,

which will roll over on to the next show.

You've been fantastic contestants. You do get to take home

our Pointless trophy, so there you are.

Thanks very much.

APPLAUSE

You've done very well across two shows.

You slammed into a Cilla Black-shaped brick wall.

If I Fell, she did perform with Dudley Moore. Never a single.

Surprise Surprise, they did release

but for some reason, it never got anywhere.

-Surprise Surprise!

-Surprise Surprise! Absolutely!

The big scorers were Anyone Who Had A Heart, Step Inside Love and Alfie.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

Those were the pointless answers.

Well done if you got any of those at home. Tough luck.

A very tough final category.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye, Jude and Simon.

It's been fabulous having you here.

Thank you both so much for playing. Great contestants.

Unfortunately, Jude and Simon didn't win our jackpot.

It rolls over, which means on the next show,

we will be playing for £7,000.

Join us to see if someone can win it. Goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd