Episode 69 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where the aim of the game is to score as few points as you possibly can.

And to do that, you need to come up with the answers that no-one else could think of.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

Now, first, we welcome Aislinn and Jess.

Now, how do you to know each other?

We're sisters, yeah, but we also work together,

so we do quite a lot together at the moment.

Have you always done lots together?

This year we're working together cos Jess is on her gap year,

so she's working at the school I work at.

Right you are.

So, we work together, we live together, we socialise together.

Go to Zumba together.

-And now appear on Pointless together.

-Yes!

-OK, very good.

Today, Aislinn, what do you hope comes up? What would be brilliant for you?

Anything to do with Simon Pegg would be marvellous.

OK, yeah.

Or something to do with ska music. I'm a big fan of The Specials,

so anything to do with The Specials would be quite good.

Jess, how about you? Anything you'd hate to see come up?

-I would hate... Oh, sport.

-Sport.

-Definitely.

-Any sport?

Yeah, all sport, any sport. I can't do it.

Very good. Welcome to the show. It's lovely to have you here.

Next, we welcome Jeff and Helen. Now, how do you to know each other?

Jeff's my husband, and we've been married for 12 years.

Very good indeed. And Jeff, where have you come from?

-We live and work in Exeter.

-Right you are. What do you do there, Jeff?

I'm a clinical skills technician. And voice actor.

-And voice actor?

-Yes.

Let's stick with the clinical skills technician side first.

What does that involve?

That involves looking after jigs and dummies and equipment for teaching students.

-Medical students.

-Oh, right, medical students, I see.

-What about the voice acting?

-Well, the voice acting is simulation.

That's where I have to groan and heavy breathe, moan a lot.

-OK, good.

-I sort of want to hear that, don't you?

-Yeah!

-I think we might just go through his repertoire.

-OK, asthma first.

HE WHEEZES AND SPLUTTERS

APPLAUSE

-And dying?

-Dying is just...

LAUGHTER

I thought the asthma was very good.

You can download that now as a ringtone if you like,

by pressing the red button now.

That also must be the only voiceover in the world that you haven't done.

LAUGHTER

Oh, you have done it! You have done it, yeah, yeah.

It's lovely to have you here, Jeff and Helen. Welcome to Pointless.

We welcome back Hannah and Howard. You were on the show last time.

Everyone gets two chances, of course, to reach the final.

This is your second chance.

Howard, what happened last time?

Well, we came unstuck when you asked us a question about...

-Yes!

-About that.

-Maiden names.

-Maiden names, yes.

Maiden names, that's right. Oh! That was a killer!

-It was terrible.

-It was a really hard round, that one.

What do you like to get up to, Hannah, in your spare time?

I'm an avid shoe collector. I have over 200 pairs of shoes.

Where do you keep them?

-Hmm, everywhere! Piled high in boxes up to the ceiling in my flat.

-Wow!

Lovely to have you back on the show. Very, very best of luck.

And finally, we welcome back Darren and Graham.

You were also on the show last time.

-Darren, remind us how you two know each other.

-He's my dad.

We kind of look slightly alike.

-Yeah, you do.

-LAUGHTER

-Very good. And what happened last time, Darren?

-Didn't go so well.

We went out in the first round,

all down to the capital cities beginning with B.

-Graham, reminds us what your answer was?

-It was Germany and Berlin.

Yeah, you see, Germany - this is the rule of Pointless -

Germany and Man United will always be at the top of any table on Pointless,

and I'm afraid in this case, Germany was the high-scorer in that round.

But they're two good answers. I'm sure we're going to see much more of you today.

Hope so, anyway. Very, very best of luck.

We'll find out more about each of you during the show.

There's only one person left for me to introduce.

His brain weighs more than a baby llama.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

Hello. APPLAUSE

-1.17kg...

-That's the one!

-..is the weight of a baby llama.

-Baby llama.

-Unless I'm very much mistaken.

-Yeah.

Unless I very much haven't just made that up.

There's going to be some unhappiness in certain quarters about Round One.

It's not going to go down well in certain quarters.

-In certain quarters?

-And when I say not well, I mean, like, REALLY badly.

LAUGHTER

-OK. Looking forward to it.

-Yeah.

Thanks very much, Richard.

All our questions on Pointless are put to 100 people before the show.

In order to get the final round and be in with a chance of winning the jackpot,

all our contestants need to do is find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

The fewer of the 100 people who knew the answer,

the fewer points they'll score. What everyone is trying to do is to find

a pointless answer. That's an answer that none of our 100 people gave,

and each time that happens, we will add another £250 to the jackpot.

Now, Miriam and Jeff won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off at...

Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

Now, in this first round, each of you must give me one answer

and you cannot confer with your partner.

The pair with the highest score at the end of the round is eliminated.

So, try and make sure that's not you.

OK, our first category this afternoon is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could.

2012 Formula 1 drivers. Richard.

We're looking for the names of any of the 24 drivers who

started the Formula 1 World Drivers' Championship.

And by started the season, we'll take anybody who is listed

on the official website as having started the season. Best of luck.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now then, Aislinn and Jess, you all drew lots before the show,

and today, you are going first.

And Jess, you have elected to stand up.

Yes. Erm, I don't know.

I've got a couple of answers in my mind.

They're all going to be right at the top of the board.

I'm just try to figure out which would be lowest of them.

Erm...

I'm going to say Sebastian Vettel.

-Sebastian Vettel.

-Yeah.

OK. Let's see if that's right,

and if so, let's see how many of our 100 people said Sebastian Vettel.

It's correct.

-Very well done. 13, Jess.

-APPLAUSE

Good score.

Well played, Jess. Very solid start.

He was the world champion in 2010 and 2011, driving for Red Bull.

Jeff, a nice, obscure Formula 1 driver from the 2012 season.

Not that good for me... Going to have to be a safe one, I think.

And I'll say...

Lewis Hamilton.

Lewis Hamilton, says Jeff.

OK, let's see if that's right, and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Lewis Hamilton.

It's right.

-APPLAUSE

-35.

-Not bad.

35. It might be a well-known name,

but you've taken him off the grid.

-Might be a clever tactical move. Richard.

-It's a correct answer, better than 100 points.

The champion in 2008, Lewis Hamilton.

Now then, Howard. Remember, we are looking for Formula 1 drivers

in the 2012 season.

This is not a great subject for me, but I've got one in mind

which may be wrong, may be obscure, I don't know.

Timo Glock.

Timo Glock, says Howard. Timo Glock.

HANNAH LAUGHS

Hannah's...laughing. That's all I'm going to say.

Why are you laughing? Or are we all about to discover?

-I think you should just play it safe. It's round one.

-OK.

Let's not...

Let's see, Timo Glock, is it right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Timo Glock?

-It's right!

-HANNAH CHUCKLES

There we are! Very well done, Howard!

It's a pointless answer, it adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £1,250 and it scores you nothing.

-Very, very well done indeed, Howard. Timo Glock.

-Well played, Howard.

Remind us of that advice, Hannah. THEY LAUGH

Timo Glock, driving for the Marussia team this season.

He was right in the heart of things when Lewis Hamilton won his title

in 2008.

-Graham.

-What a hard act to follow.

-Mm.

I'm going to go for Kimi Raikkonen.

Kimi Raikkonen, says Graham. Let's see if Kimi Raikkonen's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said that.

-Five!

-APPLAUSE

Five for Kimi Raikkonen.

Richard.

Another good answer. Well played, Graham.

He was world champion in 2007, the Finn, Kimi Raikkonen.

Thanks, Richard. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores.

Howard and Hannah looking very, very strong there on nothing.

Great answer there from you, Howard.

Then we go up to five, where we find Graham and Darren,

up to 13, where we find Jess and Aislinn.

And then way up to 35, where we find Jeff and Helen.

Quite a high score, there.

Luckily, Helen, I know that you know your Formula 1 backwards(!)

So I'm hoping that will atone for Jeff's high score.

Back down the line,

can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, there we are. We are looking for 2012 Formula 1 drivers.

Now then, Darren.

-OK.

-You're on five.

The high scorers on 35 are Helen and Jeff,

which means a score of 29 or less

will see you through to the next round.

OK. I've got two in my head.

One of them, I'm not 100% sure about the pronunciation of it,

so I'm going to go for the safer of the two

and say Mark Webber.

Mark Webber. There is your red line.

If you get below that red line, you're through to the next round.

Mark Webber. How many people said that?

You are through.

-APPLAUSE

-14, very well done.

14 takes your total up to 19, Darren. Well played.

-Mark Webber.

-Well done, Darren.

Partner of Sebastian Vettel at Red Bull, scored one point more than him,

-which is not something you say every day.

-No. Interesting.

-Hannah.

-I've got two answers in my head,

but I'm going to go with the safe option and go Jenson Button.

Jenson Button. The high scorers are still Helen and Jeff, 35.

You want to score 34 or less.

Lewis Hamilton scored 35, let's see what Jenson Button scores

and how many people said it.

Absolutely right.

Ooh!

APPLAUSE

37 for Jenson Button.

The 2009 world champion. It slightly opens the door for the other two teams

but might be enough

to see you through.

Might be enough, but you are, for the time being, the high scorers on 37,

which means, Helen and Jeff,

you are on 35.

Helen, you need to score one or less

with this to avoid becoming the high scorers again.

Remember, we are looking for

2012 Formula 1 drivers.

I might have imagined this,

but I'm relying on some film knowledge.

I'm going to say Bruno Senna.

-Bruno Senna.

-I think he's the nephew of Ayrton.

I love it when people start their answers with, "I might have imagined this."

LAUGHTER

Let's see if Bruno Senna's right and if it is,

let's see how many people said it. Bruno Senna.

It's right!

Look at that! One!

That's what you needed to score. It's what you did score.

36, Helen, is your total.

You are through to round two.

A heroic answer, if I may say so.

-Thank you.

-Bruno Senna.

Absolutely right. The nephew of Ayrton Senna,

drives for Williams in the 2012 season.

Very, very well played.

Aislinn.

We come to you. The high scorers are still Hannah and Howard on 37.

You're on 13, which means a score of 23 or less

will see you through to the next round.

-How good is your Formula 1 knowledge?

-Atrocious.

-Do you know some of the names?

-Only ones that have been said.

When the name of the round was announced, I knew about two or three

and they've all gone.

-Um...

-OK.

-It's going to be making up a name and hoping for the best.

Some of my favourite answers

have been given under those circumstances.

-Right, OK, Aislinn.

-I'm going to go with...

Steven Johnson.

LAUGHTER

There's your red line.

If Steven Johnson gets you below that red line,

he's a better man than I am.

OK. Steven Johnson. If he is right, how many people said him?

Oh...

Bad luck, Aislinn, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

That scores you 100 points

and, I'm afraid, takes you up to an unbeatable 113.

-Sorry.

-Very unlucky, Aislinn. Bad category for you.

I did go to school with someone called Steven Johnson, though.

-He's a cracking driver, actually.

-Steve Johnson?

-Yeah.

-He's a Formula 2 world champion.

-Yeah, yeah.

Never quite made the leap up.

I bet there's a name on the list you have heard of. Michael Schumacher.

Oh, I knew that name and I was like, I just gave up with that

because I thought it would be far too high.

Would have scored you 23 points.

Would have seen you through to the next round.

Before we look at the pointless answers, there's a whole bunch

of people on one point, so I'll read them out in case you said any.

There's Maldonado, Perez, Hulkenberg, Kobayashi, De La Rosa, Grosjean.

Very well done if you said any of those,

but there are three pointless answers.

We've heard one of them already. Let's take a look at the others.

Daniel Ricciardo, the Australian. He was a pointless answer.

Driver for Toro Rosso. Narain Karthikeyan, who drives for HRT.

And the world's most famous Irish racing driver, Tim O'Glock,

also a pointless answer. LAUGHTER

Very well done if you got any of those three at home.

Thanks very much, Richard.

At the end of the first round, the pair who are leaving us,

the pair with the highest score,

I'm afraid, is Aislinn and Jess.

-Oh, that was bad luck.

-Yeah.

I'm kicking myself now.

Michael Schumacher.

Ah, tough. Really tough.

It's one of those categories, as Richard did say,

it wouldn't be popular in all quarters.

I'm afraid yours was

the quarter where it really, really wasn't popular.

We'll see you next time and we look forward to it very much.

Aislinn and Jess, thanks for playing.

Great contestants.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

And so you become three pairs. And at the end of this round,

you will become two pairs in time for the head-to-head.

Now then, that round was incredibly close.

Jeff and Helen, Hannah and Howard, only one point between you.

Howard, we've had two pointless answers from you

across your Pointless career.

Hannah... Howard's doing quite a lot of correcting work here

to keep you in the game, so I think this is the round

where you take some weight off Howard's shoulders.

-I agree.

-But on the evidence of that last round, Darren and Graham,

you would appear to be the pair to beat.

Best of luck, all three pairs. Our category for the second round is...

Languages. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first

and who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, our round two question concerns...

French words for animals.

French words for animals, Richard.

This will take everybody back to their school days, including everybody at home.

We're going to show you six French words for animals.

We need the English translation. An obscure answer will score you fewer points,

but an incorrect answer will score you 100 points.

There's going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home.

OK, thanks, Richard.

So we are looking for the English names for these French animals.

And we have got...

Le lapin, la taupe, le chat,

la vache, le crapaud

and le cochon.

LAUGHTER

I'm going to read those again.

HE READS OUT ANSWERS

There we are. Jeff.

Six French words for animals.

I did my education in Wales, so if they were Welsh...

-So I'm going to have to...

-Did you not... You didn't learn any French?

Not at all, no, it was English and Welsh.

-HE SIGHS

-How good's your Welsh?

-Hopeless.

-Oh, really?

THEY LAUGH

So I'm going to have to take a guess.

-A guess?

-A guess.

Le chat...

Cat.

"Lee chat"?

AUDIENCE LAUGH

Well, it was French!

OK. You're going to say cat for le chat. Let see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said cat.

-80.

-Well...

APPLAUSE

-No "chat", Sherlock!

-LAUGHTER

-80 for cat.

-Yes, le chat, cat, absolutely right. It's a big score.

-It's not 100 but...

-It's better than 100.

-Hannah.

Well, French was my worst subject at school.

But there's only one answer I think, I'm pretty sure le lapin is rabbit.

Lapin, rabbit, says Hannah.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people knew that lapin was rabbit.

More like it. 42. Very well done, Hannah.

APPLAUSE

Very well played, Hannah, lapin is rabbit.

Beatrix Potter's The Tale Of Peter Rabbit

-in French is L'Histoire De Pierre Lapin.

-Ah yes, Peter The Bread.

-Um, Darren.

-LAUGHTER

We are looking for the English translations of French animals.

Now, two that I know have gone. Um...

You're the last person to have this board.

You can take us through the board and have some fun.

-Have some fun making up some words.

-Making up...

OK. Pronunciation's not going to be the best here.

French teacher's probably going to kill me eventually.

I-I have no idea of the other four.

Kind of looking at "la vache", is it?

I don't know. Possibly deer maybe?

I don't know why, I'm just thinking veal, maybe.

Ah, let's just stick with la vache and let's go deer.

-Sorry.

-OK. And you've come to deer via veal.

Yeah, which obviously sounds very similar.

-They begin with V.

-Yeah...

-So that was my kind of... Yeah.

OK, let's see. La vache - deer.

Let's see if it's right and if it is, let's see how many of our people knew that.

I'm afraid an incorrect answer, Darren,

which means you score the maximum of 100 points.

Sorry about that. Richard.

La vache isn't a deer, and indeed veal isn't deer either.

But on the plus side, on the plus side,

lovely to have a lecturer on the show.

Media! Media lecturer, so it's fine.

-Let's take a look. You'll be good at these, I suspect. La vache?

-Is a cow.

-Is cow, absolutely right. You get cheese...

-La vache qui rit.

-Yep.

-32, that would've scored you. Le cochon?

-Is pig.

-It is pig, yeah.

It would have scored you 28. Le cochon d'Inde being a guinea pig.

Do you know le crapaud?

I don't know what a crapaud is, I'm afraid.

In France you can have le crapaud-in-the-hole.

-Ah, toad.

-Toad. Absolutely right.

And the best answer on the board is la taupe. Do you know that?

-No.

-Very well done at home if you said mole.

La taupe is French for mole.

Very well done anyone who got all six of those, especially.

-Unless, of course, they're French.

-LAUGHTER

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores.

42 is our low score from Hannah,

so Hannah and Howard are looking very strong at this stage.

Up to 80, where we find Jeff and Helen.

And then up to 100 for Darren and Graham,

so yes, Graham and Helen, it's going to be between you, I think,

to decide who stays and who goes at the end of the round.

We're going back down the line. Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more French animals on the board

and here they come. We have got...

HE READS OUT ANSWERS IN THICK FRENCH ACCENT

I just love saying things in French. Have no idea what they mean.

Love saying them.

Remember, we are looking for the English words for these

French animals and you're trying to find the one that

the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Graham. Something tells me you're going to be quite good on these.

Something tells you incorrectly.

Really?

CSE French, 40 years ago. It's a grey area.

-Have you been to France since then now?

-Would you?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

You mean you haven't tried crapaud-in-the-hole?

LAUGHTER

I've got a couple.

But I'm going to go for le chien,

which I do believe is a dog.

Chien, dog, let's see if it's right

and if it is, let's see how many people said it. Chien - dog.

60.

APPLAUSE

60 for chien - dog.

Takes your total up to 160. Richard.

Well done, Graham, kept yourself in the round. Le chien - dog.

Howard, here's good news. Even if you score 100 points,

you are through to the head-to-head.

OK.

So, bearing that in mind,

I also think you're going to be quite good on this.

Something tells me you're going to be quite good at this.

I know...

three of them.

Do you know which of those three is going to be the most obscure?

I will try le singe,

-which is a monkey.

-Singe - monkey, says Howard.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's correct.

-12.

-APPLAUSE

Very good indeed. Takes your total up to 54.

Well played, Howard. Of course,

Eddie Izzard has a famous routine

about le singe est dans l'arbre. Have you heard that? The monkey is in the tree.

-It's about the words you learn in French at school.

-Very good.

Now then, Helen.

Last time, it fell to you to bail out Jeff.

This time, it may again. The high scorers at the moment

on 160 are Graham and Darren.

You're on 80.

Which means a score of 79 or less will keep you in the game.

So, we're looking for the English names for these French animals.

Um...

le dauphin might be dolphin, but I'm guessing that might be quite high,

so I'll go for l'escargot, snail.

L'escargot...

snail. Here is your red line.

Nice and high.

L'escargot. Snail.

How many people said it?

Yep, you're through.

Oh, just!

-75.

-APPLAUSE

79 or less you needed, 75 you got,

you've done it by the skin of your teeth, very well done.

That takes your total up to 155.

Pretty high score, that, isn't it? But just low enough.

So, very well played, safely through.

Let's fill in the rest. You're right about le dauphin. It is dolphin.

Would have scored you 36.

I love dauphinoise potatoes, which is potato mixed with dolphin(!)

Isn't it(?) Mm!

-La souris. Anybody?

-Mouse.

-It is a mouse, absolutely right.

-Or a smile!

A smile? Is it? That's nice, isn't it?

-It is.

-18 points, that would have scored you and do you know...

-L'ours - the bear.

-Bear, absolutely right.

It's actually the best answer on the board, nine points.

Very well done if you got all six of those.

There we are. Thanks very much, Richard.

At the end of round two, the pair with the high score

who will be leaving us, I'm afraid it's Graham and Darren.

I said you'd do better than you did last time and you did. Round two.

-LAUGHTER

-But this is the end of the line. We have to say goodbye.

It's been lovely having you on the show.

Thank you both so much for playing. Thank you.

But for the remaining two pairs, things are about to get

even more exciting now as we enter the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Well, congratulations, Hannah and Howard, Jeff and Helen.

You are now only one round away from the final and a chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at £1,250.

APPLAUSE

Well, you are now going to go head-to-head.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

The great news is you are now allowed to confer.

Now, neither of the two pairs in front of me now

have made it this far before, so you are both on virgin territory.

Also, both teams, I would say, have been helped out by one partner.

Hannah and Jeff, you know who I'm talking to.

So whereas in the previous rounds, you're as bad as your weakest link,

from here on in, you are as strong as your strongest link.

So anything could happen. Very best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here is your first question.

And it concerns famous twins.

-Famous twins. Richard.

-We'll show you five photographs of famous twins.

All you have to do is give us the surname of those twins, please.

OK, thanks very much, Richard.

So, let's reveal our five twins

and here they come. We have got...

OK.

There they are.

Five sets of famous twins.

Hannah and Howard, you've played best throughout the show so far,

so you get to go first.

-(Do you know any of the answers?)

-I know D.

(So let's go for D.)

OK.

-OK?

-We've got our answer.

-You have an answer? OK.

What's it going to be, Hannah and Howard?

We're going with D, cos I think it'll be a bit more obscure. OK.

-And the surname is Cooper.

-Cooper. D.

Cooper.

Jeff and Helen, you can now do your thinking out loud.

Hmm, well, A's pretty obvious.

-You can tell us the answers to all of them if you like.

-Jedward.

B, I should know, but I don't.

Can't remember the Proclaimers' surname.

But we do know C, which is Goss.

-So we'll go for C, Goss.

-C, Goss.

So, we have D, Cooper,

and C, Goss. Hannah and Howard said D was Cooper.

Let's see if they're right and if they are,

let's how many of our people agreed with them.

-61.

-APPLAUSE

61 for Cooper.

Jeff and Helen have said C, Goss.

C, Goss. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people agreed with that.

It's right.

Oh, and you win it!

What about that? 39 for Goss.

APPLAUSE

39 for Goss, which means, Jeff and Helen,

after one question, you are up one-nil. Richard.

Well played. Henry Cooper and George Cooper, his brother.

They were both boxers. And there's the Goss twins, Matt and Luke.

Let's go through the rest of the board. Do you know Jedward's surname?

Jedward's surname, anyone?

Edwards.

Jedward Edwards!

John and Edward. Anyone know Jedward's surname?

Grimes. A few people knew it and they're quite right.

It would've scored you 14 points. It would've won the point.

B. It's the Weasley twins from Harry Potter, of course,

but they're the Phelps. The Phelps. James and Oliver Phelps.

Would've scored four points. That's the best answer on the board.

And E. The mighty Proclaimers.

Wouldn't it be lovely to have them on this?

-Do you think they might come on?

-We should ask them. I love them.

I love The Proclaimers.

Anyway, they're called the Reids. Craig and Charlie Reid.

Would've scored you nine points.

-Very well done if you got all five/ten of those.

-Fantastic.

OK, thanks very much, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Hannah and Howard, you have to win this question to stay in the game.

Very best of luck. Here it comes.

It concerns...

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

-Richard.

-We're going to give you five questions to places,

people, places or things related to Wales. Can you give us the answer to the most obscure, please?

OK. Thanks, Richard. Let's reveal our five facts about Wales,

and here they come. We've got...

I'll read those all one more time.

Five facts about Wales.

Jeff and Helen, you get to go first this time.

We could take a chance on the lake, couldn't we?

(Yeah, because we've got one.)

Yeah, OK. I think we're going to chance the natural lake,

-and we think it might be Bala.

-Bala, you are saying,

for the largest natural lake. Bala.

Hannah and Howard, you can talk us through the board if you like.

The highest mountain is Snowdonia, smallest National Park,

we think, is the Brecon Beacons.

Capital city is obviously Cardiff and David is the patron saint.

The largest natural lake, we would call it Fala, with an F.

So you're going to enter Fala as your answer

for the largest natural lake? Fala. We have Bala versus Fala.

So, Jeff and Helen have said that Wales's largest natural lake

is called Bala. Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Ah, that's right.

Oh, that's right.

That is a great answer. 11 people said it.

Now, I don't want to pre-empt the column here,

but I'm going to guess that if that is right,

then I think Fala probably isn't right.

Let's just double check that and make sure

that we're not going to disappear into a weird alternative logic here.

Howard and Hannah have said Fala. Is that right? It can't be.

No!

Logic has been restored. Fala, I'm afraid, an incorrect answer.

Bala, a correct answer, which means Jeff and Helen,

only two questions in and you are sailing through to the final round.

-Very well done. Two-nil. Richard.

-Bala, not Fala. Sorry, Howard.

We all make mistakes. Everybody's "falabala".

Let's fill in the rest of the board, shall we? Highest mountain?

-Snowdonia.

-Snowdon.

-Oh, Snowdon.

-Absolutely.

It's in the Snowdonia National Park. That would've scored you 48 points.

Capital city? Cardiff. We've already heard. That would've scored you 91.

Patron saint? As you also said, David.

It would've also been too many points,

so that would've scored you 69.

The smallest National Park would've won the point.

It's not the Brecon Beacons, though.

-At one point, it's only 100 metres wide and it's...

-Pembrokeshire Coast.

Pembrokeshire Coast. Absolutely right.

And that would've scored three points. Best answer on the board.

Ah...

-Ah...

-Ah... And you sort of knew that.

It wasn't the one you said, but you did sort of know that. Bad luck.

The losing pair at the end of the head-to-head is Hannah and Howard.

I fear this is where we have to say goodbye.

It's been brilliant having you on the show.

You've done so well. Howard, we've had many pointless answers from you,

but this is the end of the line.

Thanks very much for playing. Hannah and Howard, lovely contestants.

But for Jeff and Helen, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Jeff and Helen.

You fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at...

If you cast your minds back to the beginning of the show,

when motor sports first came up,

and we had Lewis Hamilton from you, Jeff.

-I can't believe.

-Highest score of that pass.

-Did you ever think in a million years...

-Not in a million years.

-And when the French came up, that was even worse.

-Oh, yeah.

We've had "Lee chat" since then.

Then a whitewash in the head-to-head,

and here you are, deservedly, in the final.

The rules are very simple.

To win, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

We've had one pointless answer on the show today.

You only have to find one more and you can go home with the jackpot.

Firstly, you got to choose a category,

and you can choose from these five options. They are...

-Well...

-What are you thinking?

-Pop divas is a possible.

-Detective fiction...

-No. I haven't read any of that.

State visits, I have no idea. Celebrities, you're...

I've got a feeling we should go for racehorses.

Yeah. I think we'll go for racehorses.

-We'll go for racehorses.

-We'll go for racehorses.

-Racehorses it is.

Any particular category of racehorses you quite like?

We like horseracing, so National Hunt racing would be...

-Anything to do with National Hunt racing would be OK.

-OK.

Let's find out the question.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many horses that have won the Epsom Derby as they could.

Richard.

We're looking for the name of any horse that's won the Epsom Derby since 1970, please.

Very best of luck.

OK. You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that £1,250

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Ready.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

OK, there's Shergar, very famous.

There was Lammtarra, who was related to him.

Erthaab, Willie Carson rode that horse. Benny the Dip, High Rise...

What was that 66-1 winner my mum had?

That wasn't the Derby, that was the Queen Elizabeth Champion Chase.

That wasn't even Epsom, yes. That isn't close.

Shall we go, erm...

I think we should try... No, that might have been 1986. Since 1970.

Right.

I think we should go Erthaab, Lammtarra...

-and we'll try High Rise.

-OK.

-There you go.

Before we stop the clock, can I just say, blimey.

LAUGHTER

-Lecturer.

-That's impressive. OK.

We have hours left on the clock. You've already picked your answers.

We were looking for horses that have won the Epsom Derby.

-You could've done that in five seconds.

-They might not be right.

-I might have imagined them.

-This is true. I now need your three answers.

High Rise, Erthaab, Lammtarra.

Of those three, which do you think is your best shot?

-Erthaab.

-Erthaab, we'll put third.

I think High Rise is quite recent, so people might remember that.

-So put High Rise first?

-And Lammtarra in the middle.

Lammtarra in the middle.

You even gave us a little bit of pedigree there.

I might've imagined that,

but I think Lammtarra was related to Shergar.

-I think.

-OK. Let's pop them up on the board in that order.

And here they are. We have got...

We were looking for horses that have won the Epsom Derby.

High Rise was probably your least confident answer,

least confident at being pointless, because it's a more recent winner.

Remember, you only have to find one pointless answer

to win the jackpot of £1,250.

Let's see if High Rise is right,

and let's see how many of our 100 people said High Rise.

It's absolutely right. This for £1,250. Down it goes.

Our first Epsom winner. Down it goes into single figures.

Still going down, still going...

One! One for High Rise.

APPLAUSE

Ooh.

Unfortunately, not a pointless answer.

You only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

I forgot to ask you what you would do with your winnings

should you win with the next two, either of the next two.

What would you do? £1,250. Jeff?

I think we'd go to the Italian Lakes. Have a nice fortnight.

Very nice indeed.

-Anything else, Helen?

-Erm... A day at the races, probably.

-I was just thinking. Absolutely.

-£1,250 on the nose.

-Yeah.

-Maybe!

Very good indeed. Very best of luck.

We're looking for horses that have won the Epsom Derby.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer, Lammtarra.

This obviously has to be correct

and it has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot of £1,250.

Let's see. Is it right? How many people said Lammtarra?

And they're off.

OK, High Rise took us all the way down to one.

Lammtarra, your second shot at that £1,250 jackpot, still going down.

Single figures. Down it goes to one.

Yes! It's pointless!

Very, very well done. Come here. Very well done.

Off you go to the Italian Lakes. And a little bit left, I think, for something.

Ah. Congratulations. Richly, richly deserved.

Lammtarra, pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £1,250.

APPLAUSE

Very, very good indeed. Richard.

Very well played.

It all comes down to Bruno Senna in the end as well.

Lammtarra won in 1995, ridden by Walter Swinburn,

who also rode Shergar, of course.

I have to say, I'm even gladder that Lammtarra was a pointless answer,

because you said Erthaab.

ERHAAB was a pointless answer. You'd have been one letter away from a pointless answer then.

I wouldn't have been able to give it. Very, very well done, Lammtarra.

There's a bunch of other pointless answers. You said a few of them.

Let's take a look, in case people at home have got some of these.

The '93 winner, Commander In Chief, that was a pointless answer.

There's Erhaab, ridden by Willie Carson.

Pat Eddery, of course, rode Golden Fleece, that was in 1982.

That was a pointless answer.

Henbit was a pointless answer, ridden by Willie Carson.

Quest For Fame, that was another Pat Eddery horse.

Shahrastani, who was sired by Nijinsky, pointless answer.

Shirley Heights, ridden by Greville Starkey,

Teenoso, Lester Piggott's final Derby winner, and The Minstrel.

All of those pointless. There's more.

Empery, Generous, High Chaparral, Nashwan, Roberto,

Secreto, Shaamit. Very well done if you said any of those at home,

and very well done to you two. Terrifically well played.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Thanks, once again, to our winning players, Helen and Jeff,

who go away with today's jackpot of £1,250. Very well done.

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

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