Episode 13 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where you are rewarded for knowing obscure answers. Let's meet today's players.

Couple number one...

Hi, Xander, I'm Mark and this is Lynne my wife of 30 years

and we're from Telford in Shropshire.

Couple number two...

I'm Chris, this is my friend, Dave. We're from the Isle of Wight.

Couple number three...

I'm Cliff this is my cousin, Alan, and we're both from North Shields.

And, finally, couple number four...

Hello, I'm Becci from Surrey. This is my friend Sam from London. We used to work together.

And these, ladies and gentlemen are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks all of you, we'll find out more about you throughout the show as it goes along.

That just leaves one person for me to introduce.

He's got a memory like one of those animals which never forgets.

I forget what they're called. It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

APPLAUSE

Hi, everyone.

CHEERING

Hiya.

-Afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-How are you today?

-I'm very well.

We've got two returning pairs, neither pair really covered

themselves in glory last time, Mark and Lynne, we saw very little of.

Cliff and Alan we saw a little bit more of, but not much.

Sometimes I do a little guessing game with you with one of our people here.

Somebody here, who do you reckon it is? Somebody here is a schoolteacher.

HE LAUGHS

Yeah, I think, yeah. I think I know who it might be.

Do you know what, there's always one, isn't there?

-There's always one.

-There's always one.

Round One, proper old school Pointless.

-Some thinking will need to be done on question one.

-Very good.

Sorry about that, everyone. Occasionally we've got to do it.

That is good. Now all our questions on Pointless have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers our 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer,

that's an answer that none of our 100 people gave and each time that happens

we will add £250 to the jackpot.

David and Isabel didn't win the jackpot last time so we add another £1,000 to that.

Today's jackpot starts off

at £2,000.

APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, in this round I'll take an answer from each of you but there is to be no conferring.

Whichever pair has the high score at the end of the round will be eliminated.

Now our first category today is...

Shakespeare.

There you go, Shakespeare. Can you all decide who's going first and who's going second.

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

..Shakespeare plays.

Shakespeare plays, Richard.

-Yeah, if it's going to be Shakespeare, it's probably going to be his plays.

-Not his essays.

It's unlikely to be his woodwork, I wouldn't have thought!

On each pass we are going to show you seven clues to Shakespeare plays,

can you name the plays, please.

There is going to be 14 plays to guess in all at home,

very best of luck, one and all.

OK, so we are looking for the title of each of these Shakespeare plays and we have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

And there we are. Seven clues to seven Shakespeare plays.

Now then, Mark and Lynne, you all drew lots before the show and today you are going first.

-Again, you were on that podium last time.

-Yes.

-Remind us what it did for you, Lynne?

-Not a lot, no.

We didn't do very well. Very high-scoring.

-It was a very high-scoring round, that one.

-Yes, 195.

Fashion wasn't really our subject.

-Nor is Shakespeare.

-Really? Shakespeare's not good for you?

-No, but better than fashion.

-OK, now remind us what you do, Lynne?

I teach card making. It was a hobby and then I grew to love it.

-Gave up the day job.

-What was your day job?

Well, in the past I've been a PE teacher

and then I decided far too much paperwork in teaching...

-More card work was more up your...

-Yeah.

-..up your street.

-Yeah, absolutely. I really enjoy the card making.

-Good stuff.

OK, now then. There you are.

Well, you get first pick of the board.

-How are we feeling about this?

-Well, I think I know one.

I'm hoping it's right.

So known as the Scottish play, Macbeth.

Macbeth, says Lynne. Macbeth.

It's a bit brave saying Macbeth like that.

Brazenly, just coming out with it like that.

-It's supposed to be bad luck they say, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-But that's in a theatre, surely not in a television studio.

-Well, we'll see.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Lynne says Macbeth.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many people knew that answer.

It's right.

-75.

-APPLAUSE

That's a high score.

75 for Macbeth.

-You can tell you were a PE teacher.

-Can you?

Well, looking at seven Shakespeare questions, going, "I don't really know any of those."

THEY LAUGH

It's a giveaway, isn't it?

Nothing bad's happened. My computer's turned itself on,

-that's the first time in 500 episodes.

-Yeah.

-So that's weird.

-Yeah.

OK, now then, David. Welcome to the show. What do you do, David?

-I'm a retired schoolteacher.

-A retired schoolteacher.

-I am.

-What did you teach?

-I taught sport as well!

Good for you!

OK, which sports did you teach?

I taught a whole range of sports, athletics, rugby, cricket, tennis.

OK, and what do you like getting up to in your spare time, David?

I sing with an Irish Ceilidh band.

I write silly poems, silly limericks for a well-known daily newspaper.

-They have a silly limerick department?

-They do.

-How often do you do that?

-I send them out reasonably regularly.

I've had about four published so far.

OK, let's have an answer from this board. There are six left.

Being a PE teacher, I'm also really struggling with this board.

I'm going to go for the history play set most recently in time as The Merchant Of Venice.

OK, The Merchant Of Venice, says David, The Merchant Of Venice.

Is that the history play set most recently, let's find out.

I'm afraid not. That scores you the maximum of 100 points.

I'm sorry, David.

Yeah, sorry David, not history either, The Merchant Of Venice.

But, at least, you haven't been drummed out of the PE teachers union.

Imagine if you had got it right,

they would been at home weeping into their coffee, wouldn't they?

DEEP VOICE: Dave, what have you done?

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Cliff, welcome back to the show. Remind us what happened last time?

We didn't do very well at all.

-Well, you got to Round Two.

-Yeah.

Couldn't spell, sorry.

I've been there myself so I can't criticise that.

I know how easily that mistake is made. Cliff, remind us what you do?

I used to work in construction but I got hurt so now I'm going

back to university or college to do something different.

OK, what do you like getting up to in your spare time?

I like walking, reading, watching sport.

OK, now, how do you reckon you're going to do on this?

-How's Shakespeare?

-Not good at all.

I will go...

The title character is stabbed by Brutus in Julius Caesar.

Julius Caesar says Cliff, Julius Caesar.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many said it.

It's absolutely right.

-41.

-APPLAUSE

The best score of the round so far, Cliff, very well done.

Well played, Cliff, I'm assuming you've never been a PE teacher, which is why that score is so low.

-I don't do much PE, either.

-It's very impressively done.

In 2012, the Spanish, their archaeologists think

they found exactly where Julius Caesar fell.

Much as our archaeologists found Richard III.

They found it was literally next to a bus stop in Rome.

They found the exact spot they think Julius Caesar fell.

-They haven't dug it up.

-Spanish archaeologists?

-Yeah.

-So it took the Spaniards to find that?

-It did, yeah.

-In Rome.

-Yeah, but...

-Fair enough.

-That's acceptable. We're all Europeans.

Yeah, it's true, it's good.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

There we are. OK, now, Becci.

-Hello.

-Becci, you're the last person to have this board.

-Yes.

-Welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-What do you do, Becci.

I'm a full-time mum.

-How many children do you have?

-Just the one.

-How old?

-He's 19 months.

-Wow!

-I don't get up to much at the moment.

-No, no.

-OK, and how is Shakespeare for you?

-Well, I did one of them at school.

-I know one for sure.

-OK, do you want to talk us through the board?

I would guess the play within a play might be The Comedy Of Errors.

The Achilles and Ulysses might be Anthony and Cleopatra.

But, I think I'm going to go safe.

The title character for Goneril, Regan and Cordelia is King Lear.

King Lear says Becci, let's see if King Lear's right and,

if it is, let's see how many people said it.

-19.

-APPLAUSE

Well done, Becci. 19 for King Lear.

We've said before, haven't we, that Shakespeare essentially splits into two.

It's the one you did at school and all the other ones.

So that turned up very nicely for you there.

The history play set most recently in time is Henry VIII.

Four points, very well done if you said that.

-Do you know this one, Xander, the title refers to the fifth of January?

-Twelfth Night.

-Absolutely.

It would've scored you 12.

-The play within a play referred to as the mousetrap.

-In Hamlet.

It is Hamlet. That would have scored two.

This last one is a pointless answer.

I'll give you a go but it's a tough one.

Achilles and Ulysses are characters in this play?

-I know it.

-Oh, brilliant, go on then.

-It's erm...

-Shush, he knows it.

This is going to be amazing, he knows it.

This is going to be great. Honestly, I didn't think you would know it.

It's terrific news that you do.

Excellent, how do you want to do this?

Erm, I, er... I can't think what it is. I can't.

It's Troilus And Cressida.

Very well done if you said that at home.

There's a PE teacher who said that at home. Shh...

Thanks very much. Let's have a look at the scores, we're halfway through the round.

19 the best score of that pass.

Becci and Sam, well done, looking pretty strong,

going into the next pass.

Then up to 41, well done Cliff, lovely low score there.

Then up to 75, where we find Lynne and Mark.

Then David and Chris, 100.

You're not way ahead of Mark and Lynne

but Chris we need a good answer from you in the next pass.

We're coming back down the line. Can the second players take their places at the podium.

OK, let's put seven more Shakespeare plays upon the board and here they come. We have got:

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. We are looking for the title of each of these Shakespeare plays

and, Sam, you are going to try and find the one you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Welcome to the show, Sam. What do you do, Sam?

I work in the travel industry. I work for a lovely hotel company that has hotels

-in the Mauritius and the Maldives.

-That's a great place to be working.

It's quite nice. I work here, obviously.

-Well, obviously, yes but if you had to go and visit there.

-It's tough, and I do go.

-It's really hard work.

-Yes.

Very good, what do you get up to in your spare time, Sam?

I quite like rolling around in mud in various parks in London

in the form of military fitness, Boot Camp things.

I get shouted at and roll around in mud and snow.

-How often do you do that?

-About two or three times a week.

-In all weathers?

-Yeah, we were building snowmen at Christmas time, so yeah, in the snow.

-Wow!

-It's good fun.

-Well done, you. Good fun?

-Well, at the time, no.

-Afterwards you do feel great.

-Yeah, very good.

OK, now you have first pick of this board.

I'm going to go for, I'm just going to play really safe.

There are lots of ones I could guess at but I don't think it's worth taking a risk

and it's been a really long time since I did Shakespeare.

I'm going to go for a Capulet and Montague fall in love is Romeo and Juliet.

Romeo and Juliet, says Sam.

Romeo and Juliet. You're on 19. The high-scorers on 100 are Chris and David.

If you can score 80 or less you are into the next round.

There's your red line. Romeo and Juliet, will it get you below that line?

It's right, and it does.

-55.

-APPLAUSE

55 takes your total up to 74, Sam. Well done.

Good answer, Sam. It's interesting, isn't it, when we have people on the show who

work in cake shops, sometimes they bring us a cake.

If we have someone who works say in a badge shop, they'll bring us a badge.

-Invariably they will.

-And Sam, I'm thinking, works essentially in a shop that

sells holidays in the Maldives which...

I was given mine before the show.

-Sorry.

-Yeah, yeah.

Have you really got a free holiday to the Maldives? Yeah, from Sam.

Actually, no it's to Mauritius. Anyway, now then, Alan.

Alan, you're on 41.

The high-scorers are Chris and David on 100 still.

A score of 58 or less sees you into the next round.

Remind us what you do, Alan?

-I work for the Rugby Football Union as a training manager.

-Very good.

And when you're not doing that, Alan, what you get up to?

I stay involved with rugby.

I coach a ladies team, Novocastrians, in Newcastle.

I drink cider.

-Kind of summarises...

-Are you very knowledgeable on cider?

Erm, I know ones that I like and that I don't like.

-Do you drink the stuff that comes in...?

-That's the stuff I like.

-The cloudier...

-Cloudy and flat?

-Yes. Sediment, flat.

Your eyesight's still pretty good?

-Yeah, I'll give it a go.

-Good.

Good stuff. Now then, Alan.

Remember, we want the names of these Shakespeare plays.

There are six left on that board. What are you going to go for?

-Well, I'm also a former PE teacher.

-Oh, you are kidding! Really?

Just setting myself up here for a dreadful answer.

How have we got three former PE teachers on the show?

There's two...

There's one...that I could go with

and there's one that I still don't really have any confidence in.

I'm going to go for the title character is known

as "the Moor of Venice".

I'm going to go for The Merchant Of Venice.

The Merchant Of Venice, second time it's come up in this round,

let's see if it's right, for "the Moor of Venice."

If it is, let's see how many people said it. There's your red line.

Oh, bad luck, Alan.

I'm afraid the Moor of Venice is not The Merchant Of Venice.

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 141.

So you WERE a PE teacher!

LAUGHTER

Yeah, I probably should've gone for the other one in hindsight.

I have got it. That's good, the PE teachers have scored

275 between them on this round.

Now then, Chris.

-Chris, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-I'm going to guess, you are still a schoolteacher?

-I am, yeah.

What do you teach?

Erm, modern languages are my two main academic subjects.

But I'm also head of what we call the PSHCE department.

-PSHCE?

-Yeah. Sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, basically.

Personal, Self, Health, Social, Citizenship, Education.

Wow. And there's no exam in that, presumably?

You CAN take exams in it.

Our course is a non-examined one, but there are qualifications for it.

What's that, cleaning your teeth...

-Yeah.

-..flossing?

-Personal healthcare,

learning how to tie bow ties, things like that.

The important stuff in life(!)

Very important indeed. Now, Chris. How's your Shakespeare?

-Oh, beyond measure.

-In the good way?

-Not necessarily, no.

-No, OK.

Well, it's going to need to be quite good,

-you need to score be scoring 40 or less with this answer.

-Yeah.

I was going to have a shot in the dark,

thinking that we've got nothing to lose,

and then Alan went and got 100 so I don't know how safe to play it.

Erm...I'm going to go with my gut instinct

and go for the only one of his plays to have an animal in the title

and I hope that that was Androcles And The Lion.

-Androcles And The Lion.

-Yeah.

-OK. Here comes your red line.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said Androcles And The Lion.

Oh, bad luck. Bad luck, Chris. I'm afraid an incorrect answer

scores you the maximum of 100 points,

-takes you total up to 200.

-Perfect(!)

-Sorry, Chris.

-Can I ask you a question?

-Yeah.

Do you ever fill in for the PE teacher at your school?

LAUGHTER

You won't believe this - my first job was PE and English.

I saw the light and then moved on to modern languages,

-but should've stayed with English longer.

-Extraordinary. Shakespeare meets PE teachers

is what we've done today. Becci, what was your job before you became a full-time mum?

-I was a PA.

-A PA!

-Phew!

LAUGHTER

That's a relief. Androcles And The Lion's one of Aesop's Fables, I'm afraid.

-Not a Shakespeare play.

-There you are.

Now, Mark, I have great news for you. Great news for you,

-you are through to the next round.

-That is good news.

Even if you score 100 points, you are through to the next round.

Remind us what you do, Mark.

I'm retired but I used to work in procurement

with the railway industry and then the NHS.

That's right. What do you like getting up to?

I read, I play sports. Tennis, badminton, squash, racquetball,

-table tennis, I cycle a bit.

-Lots of hand-eye stuff going on there?

-Yes.

-OK. Shakespeare, Mark?

-Yeah, not good.

But fortunately we're through so I'm going to have a guess

at the title character is known as "the Moor of Venice" and say Hamlet.

Hamlet, you're saying, the title character of "the Moor of Venice."

No red line for you, you're already through

but let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

Nope, another incorrect answer, another 100 points.

175, your total.

-Hasn't been a massive success, this round, has it?

-Hasn't really, no.

I'm hoping perhaps some people at home are feeling clever now

-because they did better than the contestants.

-Yeah.

Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark. The Moor of Venice is...

-Othello.

-..Othello. Absolutely, would've scored 21 points.

The play largely set in the Forest of Arden?

-Is As You Like It?

-As You Like It. Would've scored nothing at all,

so very, very well played and very well done if you got that at home as well.

Now, there is one play which has an animal in the title

-but it's Androcles And The Lion, it is...?

-The Taming Of The Shrew.

The Taming Of The Shrew. Absolutely right.

You may have gone through all his plays, I wonder if you got to it.

12 points, it would've scored you.

Shylock demands his pound of flesh in a very familiar play.

-Merchant Of Venice.

-The Merchant Of Venice. It was up there somewhere.

Would've scored 35. The character Falstaff first appears in...?

-Henry IV, Part One?

-Henry IV, Part One, absolutely. 1 point.

-It's a lots to fill in on this board, isn't it?

-Yeah, blimey.

-Come on, guys!

-And the play predominantly set in Berkshire.

-Merry Wives Of Windsor.

It is The Merry Wives Of Windsor, well played,

6 points that would've got you.

Very well done to anybody who got all 14 of those, that's very impressive.

But if you got through to the next round, very well done.

-LAUGHTER

-Thank you!

Thanks, Richard. At the end of our first round the pair who'll be leaving us

with their high score of 200, it's Chris and David. Dear, oh dear.

I'm so sorry. We've giving you the worst category there.

Oh, well. We have to say goodbye to you, we'll see again you next time.

But in the meantime, thanks for playing. Chris and David.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well, only three pairs remain. And after this round, obviously

we say goodbye to another pair for our head-to-head round.

Cliff and Alan, you're the only people who've been here before. Round Two,

you remember that well from last time,

Lynne and Mark, welcome to Round Two, this is what it looks like.

Becci and Sam, the only remaining new pair

and our low scorers in that last round.

No incorrect answers from you, so very well done.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Monarchs. Can you all decide in your pairs who will go first and second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, so our question concerns...

The Diamond Jubilee Lunch for sovereign monarchs.

If you thought the last round was hard...

LAUGHTER ..welcome to this!

We're about to show you a picture taken at the Diamond Jubilee Lunch

for sovereign monarchs in 2012.

It's the Queen alongside various kings, queens, sheikhs,

sultans, other representatives of other countries.

We need you to name any country represented in the photo

you're about to see. The country of any of the kings, queens, sheikhs

and so on you're about to see in this picture. Just looking for the name of the country. Very best of luck.

OK, so we'll now show you an image and in that image are

these various sovereign monarchs and as Richard says,

you merely have to name a country that is represented in that picture.

Here is the image.

There they are.

I'm guessing that was taken before the lunch because after it...ho-ho!

And the one answer we won't accept is Queen Elizabeth II.

Any of the countries that she is monarch of,

-I'm afraid not an acceptable answer.

-OK. Now then, Lynne.

-What are you going to go for?

-Well, as a PE teacher, this is really up my street!

Erm...Denmark.

Denmark, says Lynne, let's see if that's right and how many people said Denmark.

It's right.

Oh, it's a good answer, Lynne.

Look at that, down it goes, 16 for Denmark, that's a great answer.

APPLAUSE

Good answer, Queen Margrethe II of Denmark.

There she is at the back in the sunglasses.

No, that's not her, there she is. LAUGHTER

-Now then, Cliff.

-Tough one.

-We'll have a bit of a punt in Brunei.

-Brunei, says Cliff.

Brunei, let's see that's right

and if it is, let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

Very well done indeed, Cliff. 4. Very well recognised, there.

APPLAUSE

-Brunei.

-Well played, Cliff.

The Sultan of Brunei, of course. There he is and do you know

-what he used to do before he was the Sultan of Brunei?

-Saxophonist.

LAUGHTER

No, he was a PE teacher. LAUGHTER

Oh, right! Sam. Sam.

They don't look familiar at all, any of them.

I'll take a complete stab in the dark and say Oman.

Oman. Oman, says Sam. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many people said Oman.

Ooh, unfortunately he wasn't there.

-You score the maximum of 100 points. I'm sorry, Sam.

-Yeah, sorry, Sam.

-The Sultan of Oman - not invited.

-Not invited?

Well, I'm just assuming that by the fact he hasn't...

-If you were invited, you'd go, wouldn't you?

-Maybe he was busy.

Yeah, but if the Queen invites you to her Diamond Jubilee Lunch

-for sovereign monarchs, you'd make time.

-OK.

Thanks very much. Halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

Cliff and Alan looking very strong at this stage of the game.

A lovely low score of 4 from Cliff,

then up to 16 where we find Lynne and Mark

and then up to 100 where we find Sam and Becci. Bad luck.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK. Becci, we are looking for the countries represented by these

sovereign monarchs gathered around our own sovereign monarch.

And as ever, you're going to try and find the lowest-scoring one.

You are the high scorers by a margin, on 100. But, who knows?

There might be some more high scores to come.

This isn't great, I don't recognise anyone.

I might just have to guess, and I'm going to go for Egypt?

-Egypt?

-Yep.

-OK, Egypt, says Becci.

No red line for you, you're the highest scorers but let's see

if Egypt is right and if it is, how many people said it.

Ooh, bad luck, Becci.

I'm afraid an incorrect answer scores you the maximum of 100 points

and takes your total up to 200. There goes our holiday.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, sorry, Becci. They've got a president in Egypt.

Now then, Alan. Alan, you're through to the head-to-head.

Even if you score 100 points, you won't overtake Becci and Sam on 200.

What are you going to go for?

I think the fella front left could be from Japan.

You're going to say Japan? Alan says Japan.

No red line for you, you're already through but let's see

if Japan's right and how many people said it.

It's right.

Well, Cliff scored 4 in the last round.

16, your score, takes your total up to 20.

APPLAUSE

Amazing play on podium two, well done, guys.

That's Emperor Akihito of Japan. He's the 125th Japanese emperor.

He's a direct descendant of the very first one from 660 BC.

-A direct descendant.

-Wow.

-Yep.

-Now then, Mark.

You two are through to the head-to-head.

-I'm thinking you might have a good answer here, Mark.

-Are you?

-Yep.

-I'm going to guess for Monaco.

-Monaco.

Monaco, let's see if Monaco is right

and if it is, how many people said it.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Absolutely right.

10 for Monaco.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, takes your total up to 26.

Yes, Prince Albert II of Monaco, there he is enjoying the festivities.

ALEXANDER CHUCKLES Look at that, what a party(!)

That's great, isn't it?

But let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

Only two pointless answers up there, amazingly.

They are Bulgaria, there you go, and Lesotho.

So, terrific work if you said any of those.

And the top three, they were Denmark, we've already heard, for 16 points.

Saudi Arabia, 23, and the Netherlands with 25.

You know how when our people are polled,

they don't know they're being polled for Pointless?

-They don't know why they're answering the questions?

-Yes.

What must they have thought when they were suddenly presented with that? "Name these people"?

If that'd been me, I would suspect I was being lined up

for some sort of spying job.

Ah. Perhaps that's what they think, because they're endlessly

-being asked questions about where various cities are...

-Yeah.

..and big geological features.

-Perhaps they're thinking, "This is MI5, I'm almost certain."

-"I'm in!"

Interesting. Thanks, Richard.

At the end of that round, I'm afraid, Becci and Sam, you are our high scorers on 200.

-Our newest members of the 200 Club, so welcome to that.

-Thanks(!)

We'll see you again next time. Everyone gets two chances to reach our Pointless final

and we'll look forward to that. Thanks very much.

Meantime, Becci and Sam. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Well, congratulations, Cliff and Alan, Mark and Lynne,

you are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play

for our jackpot which currently stands at £2,000.

APPLAUSE

So, we have to decide which pair it'll be that goes through

to the final and plays for that jackpot.

In order to do that, you're now going to go head-to-head.

The big difference, of course, is now you are allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for the money.

Now then, Cliff and Alan. What a fantastic game you've had.

It turns out you know more about people turning up to the

Queen's lunch for sovereign monarchs then you do about Shakespeare.

-Were you there?

-We were on the door.

-Oh, really?

So, it was you who didn't let Oman in? Right!

He was wearing trainers.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Well, great news is obviously, having made it this far,

you can put your heads together and discuss before giving your answers

so very best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

-Epsom Derby winners. Richard.

-We're about to show you the names of five horses which have won

the Epsom Derby but we've removed alternate letters from their names.

Can you fill in those gaps and give us the best answer? Good luck.

OK, let's reveal our five Epsom Derby winners and here they are.

We have...

There they are, I'll read them all again without the blanks.

Now, Cliff and Alan.

You've played best throughout the show so far so you get to go first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

We'll go...Mill Reef.

Mill Reef. One up from the bottom, Mill Reef.

Now then, Mark and Lynne. Talk us through the board, if you can.

We don't know number one or number three.

Shall we go for the second?

We think the second one's Nijinsky and the bottom one is Shergar.

-And Mill Reef is the fourth one.

-We knew Mill Reef as well.

-Try Nijinsky.

-Nijinsky.

-Nijinsky.

So we have Mill Reef and we have Nijinsky.

Cliff and Alan said Mill Reef, let's see if that's right

and how many people said it, Mill Reef.

It is right.

-12.

-APPLAUSE

12 for Mill Reef, very well done. Now then.

Mark and Lynne have gone for Nijinsky,

let's see if that's right and how many people said Nijinsky.

It's right.

56.

APPLAUSE

Pretty comprehensive win there for Cliff and Alan.

After one question, you're up 1-0.

There was only one answer there that would've beaten Mill Reef,

let's go through all of them. The top one, recent winner, Galileo,

would've scored 23 points.

The one at the bottom, as you rightly said, is Shergar,

would've scored you too many points. Kidnapped over 30 years ago now,

Shergar. Amazing, isn't it?

64 for Shergar, and the best answer there is the 2007 Derby winner,

Authorized, would've scored 2 points,

so very well done if you said that at home.

Thanks very much indeed. Here comes your second question. Mark and Lynne,

you need to win this one to stay in the game. It concerns Bob Marley.

Bob Marley, Richard.

We're going to give you five clues to facts about Bob Marley.

Can you give us the most obscure answer?

OK, let's reveal five clues to facts about Bob Marley.

Here they come. We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Five clues to facts about Bob Marley. Mark and Lynne, you go first.

THEY WHISPER

Name of his backing group - The Wailers.

The Wailers say Mark and Lynne.

So, Cliff and Alan, the board is all yours.

Talk us through as many of the answers as you can.

Our Uncle Colin absolutely loved Bob Marley

and he will slaughter us if we don't get through this but that's no guarantee.

-Jamaica is the Caribbean country.

-Island Records.

-Island Records.

-Wailers.

-Buffalo, the bottom one.

-Buffalo Soldier. I don't know who...

Jimmy Cliff maybe, but I don't think that's right.

-I think we'll go Island Records.

-Island Records.

Chris Blackwell's record label. Island Records.

So we have the Wailers and Island Records.

Mark and Lynne, you need to win this to stay in the game.

Cliff and Alan, you need to win this to avoid slaughter.

Mark and Lynne have gone with the Wailers.

If that's right, let's see how many people said that.

71 for the Wailers.

Cliff and Alan, you've gone with Island Records.

If that's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right and it wins you the question.

That's a great answer. 8 for Island Records.

Very well done, Cliff and Alan.

Which means, after only two questions,

you're through to the final. 2-0.

Well played, Cliff and Alan. Again there was only one answer that could have beaten you.

It's not the top one. That is Jamaica.

It would have scored 84 points.

The type of soldier, as you said is Buffalo Soldier.

It would have scored 39. The best answer is a pointless answer.

The reggae musician who produced most of African Herbsman.

He's the brilliant Lee "Scratch" Perry.

Well done if you said that at home.

It's a terrific answer.

Thanks very much indeed.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round is Mark

and Lynne. It was round one last time. The head-to-head this time.

Much better.

I'm afraid two perfectly good answers,

but Cliff and Alan really managed to find some fantastic answers.

Lovely low scores

which I'm afraid means you leave this round with no points at all.

It's been great having you on the show. Thanks very much for playing.

Mark and Lynne.

For Cliff and Alan, it's time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Cliff and Alan.

You've seen off all the competition

and you've won the coveted Pointless trophy. Well done.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today, the jackpot stands at £2,000.

APPLAUSE

To win, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

First though you have to choose a category.

You have five options to choose from. They are...

Football? Or UK politics?

You are reasonably strong on UK politics.

But we're both reasonably strong at football.

No, because it could be football in Venezuela.

-With UK politics, at least we've got a...

-OK. UK politics.

UK politics it is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many 19th-century

prime ministers

as they could. 19th century prime ministers. Richard?

We're looking for you to name anybody who was

prime minister of Great Britain in the 19th century.

The very best of luck, guys.

You now have up to one minute to come up with the answers and all you

need to win that £2,000 is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-As ready as we'll ever be.

-Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

Your time starts now.

-In hindsight, that was an error.

-Very bad. Totally blank.

-Off Blackadder, there was Pitt the Elder.

-And Pitt the Younger.

-Is Lord Harmiston one?

-I have no idea. Lord Harmiston popped into my head.

Let's get one of the Pitts. Pitt the Younger because he's closer.

-19th century.

-Baldwin? No, Baldwin wasn't...

I've got no idea.

-Disaster.

-Disraeli.

-Get out of it! Let's just go...

-Disraeli's one.

-..Some made-up name!

What's his first name? Do you know? Bob Disraeli?

CHUCKLING

Ten seconds left.

-Benjamin Disraeli.

-Benjamin Disraeli.

OK, that's your time up.

We were looking for 19th century prime ministers.

I now need your three answers.

-Pitt the Younger.

-Pitt the Younger.

-Benjamin Disraeli.

-Benjamin Disraeli.

-And Lord Harmiston.

-And Lord Harmiston.

OK, of those three,

which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Lord Harmiston.

-Lord Harmiston. We'll put him last.

-What's your least likely?

-Benjamin Disraeli.

Benjamin Disraeli we'll put first.

Pitt the Younger in the middle.

OK, let's put those up on the board in this order. We have got...

We were looking for 19th-century prime ministers.

Your first answer, Benjamin Disraeli,

that was your least likely to be pointless.

Only one of these answers has to be right for you to

win that jackpot of £2,000.

What would you do with £2,000, Cliff?

-It would go to working on my garden.

-Alan?

-I would take the wife away for a lovely trip.

-Very good indeed.

Best of luck. Three answers on the board.

If one of those is pointless, you'll be leaving here with £2,000.

Let's see how many people think Benjamin Disraeli. Is it pointless?

It's right. Down it goes.

If this goes all the way down to zero, you will leave here with £2,000.

Ooh, 32.

32. Not a bad answer. It has to be pointless in this round.

-I'm amazed it's right.

-Cheers, mate(!)

Obviously not a pointless answer.

Only two more chances to win today's jackpot.

We are looking for 19th century prime ministers.

Your next answer was Pitt the Younger.

You quibbled over which of the two Pitts to go for.

-You went for the Younger. He was nearer.

-Precisely.

-Let's see.

Obviously, it has to be correct. Then it has to be pointless.

If it's both of those, you will win £2,000.

Let's see how many people said Pitt the Younger.

It's right. Benjamin Disraeli took us down to 32.

Pitt the Younger takes us down through the 40s and 30s.

28.

28 for Pitt the Younger.

You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot. £2,000.

19th century prime ministers is our category.

Your third and final answer was Lord Harmiston.

-This came from nowhere.

-It just popped in.

-It could be completely wrong.

-Lord Harmiston. It has to be correct.

Then it has to be pointless. For £2,000, let's find out.

Lord Harmiston, is it a pointless answer?

Ohh!

Bad luck.

Bad luck. Two good answers there

but I'm afraid you didn't find that all-important pointless answer.

I'm afraid you won't be winning today's

jackpot of £2,000 which rolls over onto the next show.

We've loved having you on the show.

You do of course win our Pointless trophy. Very well done.

APPLAUSE

Unlucky, guys. Well played throughout the show.

I think you were thinking of Lord Palmerston.

Or Viscount Palmerston. It would have scored you 14 points though.

A few low scorers. George Canning would have scored you 2.

You'd have got 1 point for the Duke of Portland, Earl

of Rosebery, Henry Addington. Well done if you said any of those.

There's only four pointless answers. Let's see if you got one of them.

I know that some people at home will definitely have done.

The Earl of Aberdeen, the Earl of Derby who was prime minister

three times in the 19th century.

Lord John Russell, earlier than the three of those, Viscount Goderich.

All of those pointless answers. Very well done if you said any of those.

Shall we do football instead, guys?

-Thank you very much.

-Thanks very much.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Cliff

and Alan but it's been great having you on the show.

Thank you both so much for playing. Great contestants. Cliff and Alan.

APPLAUSE

Sadly, they didn't win today's jackpot which means it rolls

over onto the next show when we will be playing for £3,000.

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd