Bethany, the Witch Sexy Beasts

In a world where attraction is mostly based on looks,

what would happen if you had to rely solely on your personality?

Oh, my God!

Well, thanks to some horrifying monster make up...

SHE SCREAMS That's horrible!

Oh, Lord.

..we're going to find out.

Will true love blossom when what you see is definitely not what you get?

This is Sexy Beasts.

This programme contains some strong language

My relationship history is quite long.

I'm only 21 but I've had four boyfriends

but I always have a habit of dating my ex twice

so I've actually had eight boyfriends but with four boys.

Meet fashion student Bethany, who knows what she wants.

She's even got a check list.

I like when they're muscly, someone who looks after themselves.

I like them tanned, I think cos I'm not naturally tanned.

I like them being well groomed. I really like an accent on a boy.

Essex is my favourite.

I quite like when boys where, like, their sports kit or their gym kit.

I like short boys. I like good hair, a good head of hair.

She's not asking for much, is she? Anything else?

And if a boy will date you on a Friday or Saturday that's

a good sign cos they're giving up their weekend for you.

Normally I get weeknight dates and I'm like,

"Oh, I've got work tomorrow."

Actually, I don't have a job but, yeah.

Aw. Well, let's hope our Hollywood prosthetic make over helps

Bethany find the perfect weekend date.

What does best friend Danielle think of what we've done?

Oh, my God. What did they do?

That's really, like...

It's not even you in any way.

Her whole check list is just going to go out the window.

She'll have to get to know someone.

She can't let herself get distracted by what they look like.

Need to be drunk.

So the witch hunt is on.

We've got three sexy beastie boys

waiting to hop on Bethany's broomstick. Who's first?

If she's classy then she's got a good chance with me.

Big boobs, nice arse then she's all right.

If a girl wears cheap leggings, she must know that she's going

to have a dirty camel toe.

Lovely(!)

Meet geriatric geezer, Scott.

I am definitely a typical Essex boy.

I like going out looking reem,

just making sure that I'm just looking good for all the girls.

Maybe a few guys, never know.

Yes, it would be unfair of Scott to confine himself to just one gender.

But that doesn't mean he's not fussy.

I'm really harsh when I'm on a date.

If I don't like something, I'll tell them straight up.

I don't like what they're wearing, I'll tell them.

I've walked out on plenty of dates.

In the middle of the cinema, in a restaurant.

I even went paintballing with one.

I shot her, she freaked out, so I went.

How unreasonable of her not to enjoy being romantically shot.

Let's bring in Scott's boss and best friend, Barry, to find out

if Scott really is as charming as he seems to be.

Oh, Lord. Oh, gosh.

Fuck. Fuck!

It's like looking at your dad.

I just think he loves himself too much, that's all.

I think he needs to chill out and just find a nice girl friend.

-You know what? You should see him.

-Yeah, but this isn't about me,

it's about you. We're trying to find YOU somebody.

So I need to spend more time on myself, don't I?

No, you need to spend more time giving attention to

the person you're going out with.

Well, that's him told. But will our wrinkly Romeo listen?

Before we find out, here's beast number two.

My friends think I'm outgoing.

I never usually drink

and no-one can even really tell cos I'm just a bit silly all the time.

Yeah, I was definitely raised with a lot of manners

so I am quite polite

and I do like to be a gentleman so that's really important to me.

This is Ricardo. A triple-jumping PhD psychology student.

So will he be using alien mind tricks

to win over our single green witch?

My psychology background won't necessarily give me an advantage.

For me it's almost like an experiment

to see how people interact with

different faces and see how important personality really is.

Let's find out if you've got a personality, professor.

Here's best friend, James.

That's amazing. The guy's got .moves like Jagger. He's just...

I mean, he's quite a humble guy usually but,

speaking the truth, he's...

I mean, the competition's got no chance, to be honest.

So, do we think Bethany is a prime candidate for some alien probing?

Before we decide, let's meet beast number three.

As a full-time athlete, I'm always busy training

and I never have time to go out clubbing

and stuff and meet other people so I think this is a good

way to find a person that I can date for a while and see where it goes.

(Date for a while!) Date for a while.

He's big, he's posh, meet Franken...Josh.

Who'd have thought being a potential Olympic rower

would stop you getting dates?

So does our 6'6" beast of a beast have any romantic tricks

up his extra-long sleeves?

I've got a few chat up lines.

You know that old saying you can laugh a girl into bed.

Are you Jewish? Cos you Israeli hot. That's a good one.

Brilliant(!)

Sometimes I go up to a girl and be like,

"Halal, is it meat you're looking for?" Halal meat.

Yeah, no, thanks, Josh. I got it.

Time to bring in Josh's friend, Hugh.

-That's a vast improvement, isn't it?

-Oh, cheers. Thank you very much.

Oh, God, he's got a ukulele.

Either that or it's normal guitar and they're both giants.

# Josh is going on a date

# Going on a date

# He's going to find himself a mate

# Hopefully a mate

# He's going to get himself laid... #

-If it turns out all right.

-# Otherwise I might think he's gay. #

I'm not gay.

So...three monster men and one old witch.

Remember, the masks only come off when the dating is done.

Who will Bethany pick?

If I told you that now, I'd ruin the show.

So instead, let's enjoy some speed dating.

Each of our beastly bachelors has just five minutes to impress

Bethany, using the power of personality.

Once she's met all three,

the witch will ditch the one she likes the least.

No pressure, boys, but the pressure is on.

First into the witch's lair is Josh.

-Hey, nice to meet you. My name's Josh.

-I'm Bethany.

-How are you?

-Shall we have a little...monster kiss. How are you?

-Good, thanks.

-So, what did they do to you then?

-Not much. You?

-Just my hair.

Do you like it?

I think he's got the same kind of sense of humour as me.

And we kind of vibed off each other so it's quite good.

I don't normally find girls funny whatsoever. And she's hilarious.

This is going really well!

We could have a romance on our hands, folks,

so long as Josh doesn't say anything stupid.

-What uni did you go to?

-Brighton. I'm still there.

-Brighton? OK.

I know a couple of people in Brighton.

-Are you a fan of the nudist beach?

-I haven't been there.

-I didn't know there was one.

-No, there is.

-Why have you been there?

-Cos...

-Now you sound weird.

I do not know where the nudist beaches was going.

He obviously likes naked people so that's something to think about.

And that was something to bring up on a first date, which was weird. Yeah.

If I could do that again, the nudist beaches probably wouldn't be in it.

-Off nudity...

-Right.

-OK.

-Good.

-..are you a fine diner

-or are you, like, cheap and easy?

-Cheap and easy sounds rude.

No, not cheap and easy!

Ugh. He can't help himself!

If you get a cocktail and name it after me, what would you call it?

-A what named after you?

-A cocktail.

-A cocktail named after you.

-From meeting me now, what would you name the cocktail?

-The chin.

-What?

-What?

-No.

I kept going on about the chin. I hope it's not her chin.

I hope it's a fucking prosthetic.

Chin. Just chin. Chin. Chin.

If I've got a big chin underneath this

-and that's what you're obsessed with, I'm going to be upset.

-Nose.

-The nose as well.

-That's so true.

I was actually quite nervous. I don't normally get nervous

on a date because I can normally control things

whereas, this, you can't fucking control, you know.

So you've got to really be good.

Would you have sex with me with this on?

No. Oh, that's so creepy.

I'd probably have sex with you like that.

I wouldn't have sex with him, full stop.

And especially not with the mask on.

I'd put a bag on it or just not do it at all. But I'm glad he asked.

That's nice.

Wow. She's easily pleased.

So after the whirlwind of inappropriateness that was

Josh's surprisingly successful speed date,

time for Bethany to be mind-probed by Ricardo the bald alien.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I'm Bethany. Nice to meet you.

You look like an Avatar thingy and a mouse. What do you do then?

All sorts of different...

I do triple jump and stuff related to that.

Is that the thing where you have a javelin thing and you,

like, bounce over it? Is that not it?

-That's pole vault.

-Is that not it?

No, triple jump is where you jump three times.

Bethany, the clue is in the name.

-On what?

-Just into a sandpit.

He explained it very well.

It is where you jump in a sandpit three times.

I think three different ways.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen,

the Olympic legacy in all its glory.

Money well spent.

Whenever I say I'm a psychologist, the first thing people say is,

"What am I thinking?" And I kind of know that they're thinking,

-"He can't guess what I'm thinking."

-But you can.

If you know someone is a psychologist, you think they're

analysing everything you do and say and there's a hidden meaning so

I'd be like, "Oh, my God, what is he thinking?"

I'd be so scared if you could read my mind all the time.

She pointed herself at me,

so she was definitely listening to the things I was saying.

I did pick up a little bit of nervousness,

because she restricted a lot of her movements.

-Actually, that reminds me, I also got you this present.

-Oh, you're so cute!

-I totally forgot, because we were...

-Shall I open it after?

He got me an optical-illusion book, which was really cute

and it went with the theme of the date.

Brownie points for that.

What you see is not necessarily what you get,

-so I thought I'd get you something.

-That's really cute.

In the end, I think it's pretty positive there for Ricardo.

I think the date went well. Overall, I can tell he's the kind of boy

I should go for, because he got me a present and he was really gentlemanly and nice.

Finally, hoping to give Bethany his best shot -

don't worry, we've checked him, he's not packing -

it's the picky pocket-sized pensioner from, ha, Essex - Scott.

-Hi.

-Oh, God! They must've done a good job on you, then.

-I'm from Essex. I don't do that. Kiss, kiss.

-Dirty old man!

I think all Essex boys have a bit of charm, so he did well.

-He was really nice and complimentative.

-What?!

Oh, yes, it's always nice when people are "complementative"! Well done, Scott.

-What you're wearing is quite nice.

-I tried. Thanks.

The only thing I didn't like was the huge nose on her face.

But, you know, that's just make-up at the end of the day.

I just like having fun,

I like looking good and having a good time, really.

-I don't show off at all. But when I do need to show off, I do.

-Yeah. What now?

-Am I showing off?

-Yeah. You're meant to.

She actually said to me that I should be showing off,

I thought, "You know what, I'm going to get in I've got a Range Rover,

I'm going to get in I've got a Porsche.

-I don't know cars, though.

-I drive a Range Rover.

-Oh, wait... What?!

-At my house, I've actually got a stables.

-Right.

-So I've got four horses, as well.

-Right.

I've never actually dated anyone that's been that flash. It would be different.

How is about it is a bit of something to be wary of.

-You've got shares?

-Yeah.

-You make look like crap. I've got no job and you've got about ten!

-I'd definitely employ you.

-I don't want to work for you.

-As long as you have a good CV.

-I've got a decent CV.

-OK.

-Cheers.

-We'll see.

It was patronising and like, "I'm above you," because I'm currently not with job.

I didn't realise he was hiring. Weirdest job interview ever.

-That's another thing you should know. I am bisexual.

-Are you?! That's different.

I'm a greedy little hit.

-That doesn't mean if you see someone, I'm like, "Does he find him fit?"

-It's not like that.

If you're in a relationship, and you both look at a certain lad,

you're thinking, "Cor, check him out,"

it doesn't mean you're going to go over there and shag him.

It's really nice that he'll admit that to me on a first date and he's really open.

That's quite reassuring.

-Here's your present, because I thought you were going to be really horrible.

-Why?

-I do like nice-smelling hair.

-"I'll show visible flakes the door with regular use."

-Exactly.

-That's so sweet. 'It was quite a weird present.'

It was dandruff shampoo.

I actually might use it and if we get a date, he can smell my hair

and be like, "Cute, you used my shampoo, my gift."

And with that ridiculous, but medicated gift,

the speed dates are done.

Bethany the witch has met three hideous hunks,

but she can't keep them all.

It's time to bin a beast. Oh, I hope she's come to her decision.

-I've come to my decision.

-Oh, That's a relief!

Did Franken-Josh impress, or not, with his indecent proposal?

Does mind-reader Ricardo already know who is going home?

Is Bethany already on the payroll at Scott Incorporated?

Hag lady, it's over to you.

Josh, I think that on our date, you were really confident

-and sure of yourself, which is really nice.

-OK.

But, as a negative, you don't really have a filter from your brain to your mouth.

-It is something you need to watch.

-OK.

Ricardo, on our date I thought you were really nice.

You seemed really genuine and gentlemanly. And you got me a gift.

As a negative, I think we were more stuck for conversation.

It didn't flow as much as it did with the other boys.

And, Scott, I think, on our date, you were really confident

and sure of yourself, which I liked.

As a negative, I think you maybe come across a bit arrogant.

The beast that I'm binning is...

..Ricardo.

And we're a purple-headed alien down.

Ricardo was devastated.

-PRETENDS TO SOB:

-How can one man stand so much pain? It's almost too hard to watch!

I'm not feeling too bad. I'm all right.

Bethany was right that we weren't particularly talkative on the date.

I'm not sure how he's going to cope, to be honest.

But, before we send him back to the mother ship,

it's time to reveal what lies beneath Ricardo's reptilian facade.

# Where did you come from, baby? #

Oh, dear, the triple-jumper's a triple hunk

and Bethany's binned him.

Time for everyone else to behold the real Ricardo.

Oh, wow! You don't look anything like what I thought you'd looked like at all.

-It was maybe the alien mask!

-Wrong decision. I know. Bye, guys!

I think I am quite gutted. He wasn't what I thought he looked like.

If I saw him in a bar, I would definitely fancy him.

He's thrown me off, because he looks nothing like what I thought.

So, obviously, the image I've got of Josh and Scott in my head must be completely off.

So Bethany is left with Little and Large to take on second dates,

after which she will choose one of them as her sexy beast.

It's all to play for. Let's see what Josh has got.

So where does a haggard crone take Frankenstein's monster on a date?

Well, dancing, of course. Or, more specifically, swinging,

though not in the way inappropriate Josh would probably like.

# I've got a sheet for my bed And a pillow for my head...

She seems to have a quite a nice, athletic body,

so she should be suited to this. So, when we get it on later...

HE LAUGHS

He literally cannot help himself. Dirty boy!

So as a witch and an undead monster dance the night away,

is Josh sweeping Bethany off her feet?

No, he's stamping on them.

If they say dancing is like making love, I don't think this is a good sign,

because it's a bit flumsy.

But, yeah... Is "flumsy" a word? It is now, yeah.

Flumsy or not, they seem to be getting along marvelloush-ly.

What a delight-abulous couple.

He's been quite gentlemanly. I think he's learned his lesson.

-Yeah, you look so good dancing.

-I know.

# She's might fine I said she's all mine

# And nothing's gonna bring me down. #

CHEERING

Look at this, as the class draws to a close,

Josh has swept Bethany right off her feet.

-No, piss off!

-What do you mean?

-Lift me up? No.

Aw, it's like Beauty and the Beast.

Only with two beasts.

Right, get off now, come on.

-High five.

-Oh!

Beastly boogie over, our hideous pair withdraw

to a quiet, romantic watering hole for the date to continue.

The dancing was awesome, completely original, something I wouldn't normally do.

We decided to go to a bar and find out a bit more about each other.

Are we sitting here? Do you want to sit down? I'll get you a drink.

I think he enjoyed it. I've not done a date how I've done it today.

Dancing was nice, different.

G and T, please,

-with the works - lemon and lime - please.

-Lemon and lime?!

I think you mean ice, Josh. It's gin, not 7 Up.

It's quite weird. It feels almost like I know her.

-Cheers!

-Such good dancing.

You said I didn't get your present, but I did. Do you want it?

-That's like you knew you were going to be picked.

-Why wouldn't you pick me?!

Yeah, such was Josh's confidence, he kept his speed-date gift back until now.

Either that, or he just forgot before.

-Open your eyes!

-Ah!

-A special camera!

-That's quite good. What do you mean, "quite good"?

-That's really good.

-It's awesome.

So much thought went into that. Now you can remember our date.

-I can take selfies.

-Yeah. Watch this, ready. There you go.

-OK.

-Right, you ready? Get in, come on.

I get on with him really well. I wasn't expecting it.

When I picked him from speed dating, I was like, "He's arrogant,

trust me to pick someone who is really arrogant."

Beaut.

Once I got to know him and he's not showing off... I think he's calmed down.

He's been more himself and we got on really well.

I think I do fancy him, which is quite nice, because I haven't seen his face.

I think we do the reveal and he's not as... He can't be bad looking compared to how we look now.

Scott is going to have to step his game up,

if he's going to win this and knock me off the pedestal,

because our date went awesome today. So, good luck, Scott.

Uber-confidence from the big man, who thinks he's got Bethany smitten.

How will our own Benjamin Button fare on date two?

Well, he's taking the old witch down the funfair. We've all done it.!

And Scott begins in the traditional manner of failing to win a soft toy for Bethany.

There is something wrong with the game!

Then they take a spin on the dogems!

Scared the life out of me!

Nothing's as romantic as whiplash, after all.

And Scott cruises for some man-points,

by admitting to previously getting his buff little bod out for money.

-I used to be a topless butler.

-Where did you do that?

-I used to do it all around Essex.

It's hard not to think of them naked when they tell you they were a butler in the buff

so I do think he might have a good body. It's hard not to imagine that.

Well I'm having no trouble not imagining it, but each to their own.

And the sharing continues as our couple test their strength.

-I'm stronger than you.

-You're stronger than me!

-I know.

So what was your actual worst date?

-He tried to put my hand on his penis during the film.

-For real?

Yeah, during a horror film.

-And it's your first date?

-Yeah!

-What a knob.

Scott's absolutely right. Everyone knows that's a third date at least!

My worst one was probably...

It was actually in London, and she said let's go on the Boris Bikes...

-Oh, I wanna do that!

-Oh, don't , please don't.

-My mum won't let me go on it.

-I wouldn't let you go on one.

-Why? Are they dangerous?

-It's the biggest turn off in my life?

-Why?

I don't like seeing girls ride bikes.

-That's really weird.

-It is.

That's quite rude. And I also want to go on a bike ride,

I think that's really cute and romantic,

but now that's really off the cards so that's not going to happen.

-The bad date was because you made it a bad date, not because of her.

-No, no, she got on the bike!

Oh, Scott if he's not shooting them, he's sending them on their bik!

He didn't really sell himself there, I'm going to keep that in mind, I think.

I just hate girls on push bikes. Do not like it. Turn off.

Right... And what better way to end a romantic date

at an unromantic arcade, than snuggling up in a photo booth?

-Are you good at posing?

-Yes.

-Hello and welcome to Photo Expression.

Love.

-Love?

-Soulmates.

-Soulmates?

Now it's time to position yourself for your photo session.

Your face!

I think they're smitten!

I bet we look ugly from every angle.

Three, two, one!

Awww...they look repulsive.

I'm really tanned, that's good.

Surprisingly, Scott and Bethany have hit it off under

the neon lights, time for a quick romantic stroll by the river.

Be gentle!

-Flirting, I'm with a boy.

-I don't mind! I don't mind other boys flirting.

-I like the way you're getting the attention, though.

-I know! I'm fit, I can do this.

All right, darlin'? How's it going?

I'm pleasantly surprised by today with Scott.

I think I would like to meet up with him again, just because we got on really well.

-What would be your best date? Ideally.

-You know what? I'd probably go back to an arcade.

Because you're not stuck.

-Because I set the bar!

-You have set a high bar.

But you didn't win me anything, which I thought you would do.

-Oh.

-I'm writing that down. That's noted. Awkward.

You know what? She has definitely surprised me, indeed. She's great.

She's a laugh, I like her. I definitely think I rate better than Josh. 100%.

Scott's confident, but so was Josh.

With the dates over, which of our latex lovers will Bethany prefer on the back of her broomstick?

And which will she turn into a frog?

I definitely learned from this experience that I am very vain,

but I think I might appreciate now looks and stuff and not care as much.

Might not put as much makeup on. And I won't stare at people who look like...witches.

Right...that's, that's good.

It's time to find out who is Bethany's Sexy Beast..

Will it be Josh?

He may have asked her for sex in a rubber mask within

minutes of meeting her, but has he also swept her off her feet?

Or will it be Scott?

He has a crippling fear of ladies on bicycles

and he also gave her shampoo as a gift.

That's so sweet.

But then he does also own several luxury cars and some horses.

Decision time and then the masks are coming off.

I'm going to start with positives and negatives.

So, Josh, I actually really liked you.

I thought you were really arrogant, but because my bar was so low,

you definitely surpassed it and you were really nice.

Dancing was, you put in a really good effort, that was cute.

I thought you'd have been a good leader, but you weren't. That's fine.

-Practice makes perfect.

-Right, OK.

-And negatives, I think you are quite pervy.

-Are you a fan of the nudist beach?

-Now you sound weird.

You need to watch your mouth. Less about nudity, less about sexual stuff.

Just keep it clean because I've actually only known you for a few days.

Scott, with our date there was never an awkward silence and stuff. And we have got a lot in common.

You spoiled me, which is cute, I've never really had that.

And you said about meeting again, which is nice.

Negatives would be, you do make a point of how successful you are...

You said show off in front of you.

At my house I've actually got stables.

-Right.

-I've got four horses as well.

-Right.

-And that I'd have to work for you, maybe?

-I didn't say work for me, I said if you fancy it come along.

-And be interviewed.

-I'd have to interview you. Company policy. Sorry.

Sorry to break hearts, boys. My sexy beast is...

Josh.

Victory for the giant walking corpse! Result!

That's such a relief!

So Franken-Josh has won the wizened heart of our craggy faced witch.

But when the real Scott is revealed,

will Bethany regret her decision?

When she sees me I reckon she's going to realise what a mistake she's actually made.

She's going to realise I am actually gorgeous.

Yeah, someone's not quite grasped the point of all this. Anyway

let's peel back the years, or three hours of make-up

and get a look at what Scott reckons all the fuss is about.

# When I think about you I touch myself...#

Unfortunately for Scott she didn't. Will Bethany

regret binning the old boy?

They're about to get a good look at each other.

But you'll have to wait just a bit longer to see her though.

Oh, my god! You're really good looking, that's really annoying.

The show did well.

I definitely wanted her to think that I was attractive,

and I'm hoping it's going to spoil her fun with the tall one.

The one that shall not be named.

Yeah, it's Josh. He was transformed into a witch attracting

Frankenstein's monster, and this is what's lies beneath.

Oh, hello, rower! You can see why he's a potential Olympian?

And now for Bethany, we've come to know her as massive nose, wrinkles

and a chinny chin, chin.

But ding-dong the witch is dead!

She is blonde, she is lovely but will they both like what they see?

-Oh my god!

-You look amazing.

You look how I though you would look.

-Oh, really? Is that a good thing?

-I am so good.

-That mask changes you complately.

Yes, I am very happy seeing my beast. He is really good looking.

When I turned around and finally saw her it was really good,

better than I expected, actually, which is really cool.

He seemed quite genuinely happy, I think, so it should be OK.

But now the masks are off, one question remains -

do Bethany and Josh actually want to see each other again?

Well, this table is booked for 8pm and the champagne is on ice.

All they have to do, to signify their intentions, is turn up.

And Josh is here! That's one! But has he made a mistake? Is the old witch coming as well?

Ohhh! Could this be the beginning of something special?

-Oh, thank god!

-How are you?

-Good.

-Thank god you turned up!

Nice to see you. And you.

This experience has been one of the best things I've done, I think. I've defintely learned a lot about myself.

Before I was all about looks, I was conscious of the way I looked. I always had to look nice.

It really shows that it's what's inside that counts.

The fact that she's beautiful is just a complete bonus.

I think I've definitely changed my type and, maybe not even have a type

and just try and go for personality and who I'd get on well with.

So we'll see how it goes. Hopefully it'll have a happy ending.

So Bethany has chosen Franken-Josh He's massive, inappropriate,

and a little bit posh.

Cpp;But she liked him more than Ricardo and Scott, despite all his protestations that he had the lot

63 plate Range Rover.

So what have we learned, now our fairytale's done?

This time beastly love blossomed. Goodbye everyone.