Episode 3 Snog Marry Avoid?

# When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star

# I wanna be in movies When I grow up

# I wanna see the world Drive nice cars

# I wanna have groupies When I grow up... #

When it comes to beauty, hair and make-up,

some girls are faking it and it is time to get real.

They are mad about make-up, fanatic about false tan - enough is enough.

They don't need a make over, they need a makeunder

and this time round celebrities are no exception.

Welcome to the natural world of the makeunder.

This is Pod.

Your personal overhaul device.

-Hello, Pod.

-Hello, Jenny Frost, Pod is very happy to see you.

-And why might that be?

-Pod is always happy to see you, Frost.

It's not that you want me to help you on your mission?

We do have a lot of work to do, transforming

a nation of slap addicts into stunning natural beauties.

We'd best get on with it then.

Coming up on tonight's show, Pod gets a rather glamorous Italian Job.

I do not idolise anybody, I only idolise myself.

I'm totally in love with myself.

Aisleyne has a hard time saying bye bye to the bling...

I absolutely, 100% totally adore fakery.

..and Pod takes in a show.

It is not just a way of dress, it's an attitude.

Tonight, two girls and a pair of burlesque babes

will experience the magic of a makeunder.

-Are you ready for our first girl?

-I am. Who have you got for me, Frost?

-First up it is Martha - an Italian with a passion for...herself really.

-Loading background data.

I am really sexy and I have got great style and I am totally beautiful.

# Could you be

# The most beautiful girl in the world...? #

I am funny. I'm intelligent.

I do not think there is another woman in the world

who gets as much attention as I do.

I am a make-up artist. I work in Selfridges on the beauty counter.

# Someone help me It's not healthy... #

I think Londoners look like tramps.

Most of them don't care, they wear the same jeans for their entire lives. I think they look disgusting.

# SOS Please someone help me

# It's not healthy... # This - I wear it like that.

These are my stripper shoes. They are a bit slutty but I like them.

She wears whatever she wants and she thinks that whatever she thinks

she looks good in, she doesn't care what people say.

# Oo-ah just a little bit

# Oo-ah a little bit more... #

I've got a little skirt I have got to cover my little bum.

My little hot pants. I am tiny so I wear tiny things.

Some more eyeliner...

More eyeliner for me.

You think these lashes are big, check out these ones!

I am going to wear them tonight.

It takes me about two and a half hours to get ready every night.

So I'm ready to go out.

My boyfriend gets a bit concerned sometimes, you know what I mean,

when I get too many men coming up to me.

I do not idolise anybody. I only idolise myself.

I'm totally in love with myself and I totally do what I want to do. Do you know what I mean?

# Just a little bit... #

-Hello, beautiful Martha.

-Hi.

-Are you addicted to make-up?

I absolutely love make-up.

I cannot live without it. I love it, love it.

When you go out, you must get a lot of attention.

We walked in here today and every man was just like eyes on you.

To be honest with you I can't even notice it any more since it's happening to me every single day,

so I don't notice it any more but I guess I get a lot of attention.

So are you nervous or excited about meeting Pod?

I think a bit of both but definitely more excited

because I am looking forward to seeing myself as a natural beauty.

I wish you good luck in Pod, beautiful, but you're going to be fabulous with or without make-up

because as you know, you are beautiful.

I am Pod, the personal overhaul device.

Hi, Pod.

Martha, who is the most fabulous person you know?

-Me!

-Are you a fabulous swimmer?

-No.

-Then why are you wearing a swimming costume?

-Because it's hot. It looks hot.

Hm, Pod computes it looks cold.

What do you do for a living?

-I am a make-up artist.

-Really?

Yeah, I make ugly people look beautiful.

In the circus?

No, everywhere, Pod. Cheeky.

Do you have a style icon?

No. I do not look up to anybody. I love who I am.

Pod loves that Martha loves Martha but why have you come for a makeunder?

Because I want to prove that everybody who says, "She is pretty with all her make-up on

"but you do not know how she looks without make-up."

I want to show those people how I look without make-up.

Pod can help you do that but before I do I need to find out

what the public think about your current look.

Run phase one, public analysis.

I asked does she look like a...

I definitely look like a beauty queen

but I do not know what the public will say.

-Play.

-I would have to go with drag-queen, I am sorry.

Drag-queen, what she is wearing is horrendous.

She looks a bit too manly for me.

Incorrect. 90% of the public think you look like a drag queen.

-That's bad.

-I also asked would you want to snog, marry or avoid her?

-Probably it would be snog because I have nice lips.

-Play.

Avoid her.

-Avoid.

-Avoid her at all cost.

No, that is depressing.

-The majority of people that we asked wanted to avoid you.

-OK.

-Are you ready for my verdict?

-OK.

Martha, you are a stripper drag-queen in training

and you will undergo my Arthur to Martha makeunder.

Whatever.

Here is you makeunder menu. Choose a new Hairstyle.

Choppy bob with fringe, pixie crop, sleek bob, long and wavy.

That one - I think sleek bob.

Choose a celebrity style.

Kate Winslet, Rachel Bilson, Alexa Chung, Keira Knightley.

Keira.

-Why Keira Knightley?

-Because I have got her eyes, right.

-That is what my mum says.

-Have you got her pout?

I think I have got a better pout.

-Hm, Martha?

-Yes, Pod.

Pod only understands natural beauty.

-Before I can transform you, I need you to remove all that slap from your face.

-OK.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

Run Phase two, deep cleanse.

I feel cosy.

Don't get too cosy, it is time to remove the slap.

Show me the state of that wipe.

Looks like that.

-Do you think that is a lot of make-up?

-Mm-hm.

Now let's have those lashes.

-I love my lashes.

-Keep going, Martha.

I suppose Pod will have to take care of those tide marks.

-How do you feel after your deep cleanse?

-Cute.

Pod agrees. You look very cute.

Are you excited to meet the new you?

Yeah!

Run phase three - the makeunder.

Wow! I love it.

-What do you love?

-I just love my face.

I've got really nice face features, don't you think, Pod?

Pod agrees. This hair length frames your beautiful delicate features.

I look like a flower.

Flowers are naturally beautiful and now, so are you.

My face looks stunning.

Before, the public thought you looked like a drag queen.

-I'm Martha, not Arthur.

-What do you think they will say now?

-They will say I look stunning. Because I do.

-Shall we find out?

-Yes, I am so excited!

-Play.

Beauty queen, natural... naturality is the way forward.

More a beauty queen than a drag queen or the actual Queen.

She looks like a really naturally beautiful girl.

She looks like a beauty queen.

Now, 100% of the people we asked think you look like a beauty queen.

Aw, sweet!

I also asked would you like to snog, marry or avoid her.

Let us see what they say now. Play.

Snog. She looks very nice,

she has nice clothes on and she does not look too false.

I would snog her because she looks a very classy girl.

I would definitely snog her. I think she has quite a natural look.

100% of the public would now like to snog you.

I'm really emotional. I feel like I'm gonna cry.

-I am not going to cry, don't worry.

-Pod is happy Martha is happy.

Here is your natural beauty data.

Subtle chocolate slices can give texture and movement

to this iconic shape.

Use strong dual colours for a young sophisticated style.

Martha, do you still love yourself as a natural beauty?

Yeah, definitely do.

Do you promise to keep this new look?

Yes, I promise, Pod. I'll stay like this.

I just love the look. Thanks, Pod.

You are welcome. Natural beauty has been restored. Goodbye, Martha.

Goodbye, Pod.

MUSIC: "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt

Oh, Martha!

I love it!

On my God, turn around.

She looks great. She looks really, really nice.

When I saw her coming round from the corner,

I really loved the way she looked.

She looked like a little cute girl

-that I had known her from before. Do like it?

-I love it.

Oh, that looks really, really nice. I love it. Give me a hug!

I agree with Martha, she really did look beautiful

but has she been converted? We will find out later on.

Some of you out there could do with being converted yourself

before beauty really does become the beast.

Lots of blusher.

You don't go out without blusher. You have got to have the cheekbones.

Even if you haven't got them you can with blusher.

If you are natural, then you look minging!

Lots of glitter, lots of sparkle.

The more bling the better.

Vaseline. When you take your make up off,

put Vaseline under the eyelash, that makes them grow.

If you have confidence you can always look sexy. No matter what.

To be honest, I like the fake look and I think natural is overrated.

The girls here are just way too fake.

Next up is a very feisty female you may recognise.

She is definitely going to give Pod as good as she gets.

You better know yourself, little girl.

She is the ghetto superstar who made it big on Big Brother seven.

She is the queen of bling but she is down with the street.

It is Aisleyne.

Hi, my name is Aisleyne and I am all about glamour, glitz and bling.

# I ain't saying she's a gold digger

# She ain't messin'... #

I am bling. I have got to admit it. I can't help it.

I love diamonds. Bling.

Give me it all.

Botox, eyebrow tattooing, manicures, pedicures...

Get that Croydon facelift going on...

I do spend a lot of money on clothes.

If you want your dress to be show-stopping

it's gotta show lots of leg or chest.

# Get down, get down... #

I love leopard print.

# Jungle boogie... #

Do you love it? Maybe I was a tiger in a past life.

Thank God for make-up. I say it every morning when I put it on.

Thank God for make-up!

# I love it... #

I'd never ever, ever, ever

be out without make-up.

Are you crazy? I would never ever do that.

I absolutely, 100% totally adore fakery.

If you can't do it, fake it.

I think it would be good for people to see her

without that much make up with, you know,

clothes that aren't so glamorous and she will still look good.

I would never change. Never. Never gonna change.

See you later.

Aisleyne, time is drawing near.

-Are you nervous about going into Pod?

-Extremely nervous.

What one thing do you think Pod will pick on you for?

One?! I think there will be 1,000 things to pick on.

I know she is going to take my eyelashes off,

I know she's going to do it.

Are you psyching yourself up for it?

I am! It is like going into the ring.

I need to have a mental agility to deal with this.

I am going to be horrified.

I think you'll give as good as you get.

Probably, if she gets cheeky, I won't be able to control myself. I'll get cheeky back.

Aisleyne, it's a pleasure to meet you, darling.

I can't wait to see the fire works with you and Pod and good luck.

I am Pod. Who are you?

I'm Aisleyne. My God, you just scared the life out of me.

You are pretty terrifying yourself.

-Were you dragged through a jungle hedge backwards?

-You are a swine.

No, I am the world's one and only makeunder computer, sent to rid the world of fakery.

Oh! Fakery is amazing. How could you possibly want to get rid of fake?

That is why you are my next project.

Pod to wishes to know, how fake are you?

Inside, I am really real but I do have a lot of fake stuff.

I have fake hair and I wear lots of make-up and I have had eyebrow tattooing and I have had a boob job.

According to my beauty files, you have also had Botox.

Yes, I have had Botox, yeah.

With so much fakery, do you still know yourself?

I do know myself.

-Do you know yourself, Pod?

-Yes, unlike yourself, I am real.

-Bravo, bravo.

-My files have found a girl who was very real and very pretty.

What happened to her, Aisleyne?

-Did you swap her for a bag of bling?

-You are being mean.

But why, when you are so naturally pretty, do you wear all that slap?

Because it makes me look better.

-Are you stupid?

-Be careful, Aisleyne, you don't want to make Pod angry.

-Well, ask a silly question, you'll get a silly answer.

-What is so wrong with natural beauty?

There is nothing wrong with natural beauty but I don't have it.

Pod completely disagrees.

-Really?

-Yes, underneath all that slap is a stunning natural beauty.

-Love you. All these compliments, it is all going to my head.

-Aisleyne?

-Yeah?

-Who is your style icon?

I love Mariah Carey. Oh, God, I get palpitations when I think about her.

-She is amazing.

-Accessing Mariah Carey...

Scary Carey is famous for her ability to hit a high C.

What people don't know is that she is actually screaming

-for a decent stylist.

-That's just... That's rude.

So is baring your breasts. But my files show that is something you do not have a problem with.

Why have you come to Pod for a makeunder?

I'm here to challenge you, to stretch you to your limit.

You have changed Goths,

glamour girls, you've changed punks, and I always like the results.

Challenge accepted but first I need to see what the public think of your look.

Public! Oh! Oh, no, I know what you're going to do!

Run phase one - public analysis.

I asked is she a little bit dim,

-a bright spark, the lights are on but nobody's home.

-Oh!

Well, I don't think this, but I know what the public are like,

-so I'm going to say, lights on but nobody is home.

-Play.

Lights on but nobody's home.

She doesn't look very attractive.

She has too much of a fake tan.

Nobody's home and the lights are out.

Correct. 65% of the public think the lights are on but nobody is home.

I don't dress like a librarian but what about Carol Vorderman?

Hm... The next question I asked was, would you snog, marry or avoid her?

-I would like to say marry but I am going to go with avoid.

-Play.

I would avoid this girl.

I'd probably avoid her cos there is something a bit manly about her.

I would avoid her at all costs.

Correct the majority of men we asked wanted to avoid you.

-Whatever.

-Are you ready for my verdict?

Come on, bring it on. I am ready for you.

You are a fake flushing leopard lady who needs to change her spots.

You will undergo my know your natural self makeunder.

SHE LAUGHS You're mean!

Here is your makeunder menu.

Choose a new eye make-up style -

-natural green, smoky brown, soft shimmer, classic black.

-Smoky brown.

Choose a celebrity style.

Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, Keira Knightley, Rihanna.

-I am going to go for Rihanna. I bet that surprised you.

-Not really.

Before I can process your choices,

I need to you to remove all that slap from your face.

-I will slap your face if you are not careful.

-You will regret that later.

Run phase two - deep cleanse.

-Please, put on your deep cleanse uniform.

-What is that?

-It is for you to put on your head.

-What are you doing to me?!

-Just put it on, Aisleyne.

-You're being mean to Aisleyne.

Now, remove all your make-up.

No, I am not doing that. I will give you the eyelashes.

Thank you, now get on with the rest. Show me that pad.

-That's disgusting, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Well done, Aisleyne.

-Thank you.

You are already beginning to look like a natural beauty.

-Are you excited?

-I am excited.

-Run phase three, the makeunder.

SHE SCREAMS Oh my God!

Well. What do you think?

I do not know. I am proper gobsmacked. I cannot believe it.

Do you know what? I love the outfit. It is amazing.

Liking your style, Pod.

-Liking yours, Aisleyne. Pod thinks you look beautiful.

-Shush, you.

What do you think of your make-up?

I cannot believe it. I can't believe my face.

It's got hardly any make up on and I can actually bear to look at it.

Told you, you are a natural beauty, Aisleyne.

Pod, you have exceeded yourself. This is exceedingly good.

Yes, it is. Shall we see if the public agree?

Bring it on.

Previously I asked men would you snog, marry or avoid her?

What did they say?

-They said avoid.

-Play.

She is not trying to do too much or try too hard.

She is marriage material because she has got a wholesome face.

I would snog her.

60% now want to snog you.

The rest want to marry you.

-40% want to marry me?!

-Correct. How do you feel about natural beauty now?

I love natural beauty, my God.

I do genuinely think it looks better than how I looked before.

-Pod, how do you do this?

-Watch and learn, Aisleyne.

Skinny black trousers are a sexy way

to cover up and show off your figure without showing too much flesh.

A subtle pink blush on the apple of the cheek gives a healthy glow

and eliminates the need for fake tan.

-So, Aisleyne, will you be keeping this new look?

-Yes, I will.

This is going to be me from now on.

-This is a bit of me and I'm liking it.

-Do you promise you will be a natural beauty?

-I do promise.

Will you make a Pod promise?

-I make a Pod promise to be a natural beauty.

-So, has Pod converted you?

I'm not going to lie. Say it as I see.

This is a good look for me. I am not going to lie.

-Er... Thank you, Aisleyne.

-Thank you so much.

You've educated me and given me lots more confidence to wear less make-up. It's amazing.

Pod complete. The makeunder has been a complete success.

Goodbye, Aisleyne.

I heart you, Pod.

-What do you think?

-Amazing.

-Really?

-I'm liking it, honey.

-Do you like it?

-I love it!

I wish I looked that good in a pair of trousers.

Well done.

I thought Aisleyne looked beautiful and she really seemed to like her look, but was she for real?

We'll find out later on.

Now, our Pod isn't the only one who's up for a challenge.

I'm well up for one, too.

To prove it, I've been testing out some of your beauty tips.

It's Saturday night and you've ran out of shaving foam

for those all-important pins for a big night out. What do you do?

Well, a thrifty friend of mine gave me a tip. Hair conditioner instead of shaving foam.

I'm going to try it out and see if it works.

On Leg A, we have conventional shaving foam.

On Leg B, low-priced hair conditioner.

I will start with Leg A...

Give it a little shave.

Can't believe I'm shaving me legs on telly!

Leg B...

Right.

Now, fingers at the ready...

I can honestly say that the hair conditioner is twice as smooth

and half the price.

So, I think hair conditioner is the way forward.

Remember the beautiful Martha from earlier in the show?

Pod chopped off her very long extensions and gave her a sleek bob.

We're going to catch up with her now and see if she has kept the bob

or gone back to the 20 inch extensions. Martha!

-Hello, lovely! How are you?

-How's it going?

-Nice to see you.

The extensions have gone. They have not come back.

They've gone permanently.

What reactions have you had off people who know you,

who knew old Martha with the hair extensions and skimpy outfits?

I was surprised. I thought I'd have mixed reactions.

They actually said, "You're really naturally pretty."

-I was like, "Yeah, I told you guys." You know what I mean?

-I love her!

What did your boyfriend think of your new look?

My boyfriend absolutely loved it.

He's like, "Wow! I absolutely love your natural look."

You're a make-up artist, aren't you? You work with make-up.

Do you wear less make-up for work now or do you still put lots on?

I don't really put as much make-up on. So, I just keep natural.

What about the outfits? The outfits before were rather skimpy.

-Are you still going out in little, teeny-tiny outfits?

-Not really.

I'm still a really girly girl.

Into pink, you know what I mean? But, no, not any more.

-Would you say the whole Pod experience has been enjoyable, been a success?

-I reckon, yeah.

My experience with Pod was really successful and I enjoyed it.

-Still fabulous, Martha but a little bit calmer.

-Yes, I think so.

Thank you for letting us give you a makeunder.

It's been a huge success and you look beautiful.

So, well done, Pod. Job well done.

Pod's next visitors were two femme fatales whose opinions were as impressive as her curves.

-I am Pod. Who are you?

-I am Miss Loula Cherry.

And I'm Lou La La.

Are you a couple of teases?

I do work at many burlesque nights.

And I do burlesque in the bedroom, Pod.

Ooh la la! Can you show Pod your moves?

The best I can do is some pin-up posing for you.

OK, but please, keep it clean.

BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYS

That was very entertaining.

-What do you think of natural beauty?

-I adore natural beauty.

Is that teeny, tiny waist of yours natural?

No. When I wear a corset,

I can bring my waist down by five inches to 28.

Hmm. That sounds unnatural to me.

Why have you let someone scribble on you?

-Don't you think they're pretty?

-I think they're pretty fake.

What exactly is that on your arm, Lou La La?

-I have a mermaid with her boobies out.

-Why?

Because I love mermaids and boobies.

I see. And I suppose Miss Loula Cherry is tattooed too?

I have my stocking seams permanently tattooed to the backs of my legs.

Pod does not understand this inky obsession.

-That's a shame.

-Why have you come to see Pod today?

To prove to all women out there that you don't have to go too far

-and that making the most of what you have is just right.

-And that you should eat.

-Eat, yes.

To remind all women to eat.

In the process, draw pretty pictures on people.

Oh! I thought for a moment we could work together.

But your obsession with inkiness is incompatible with my beauty programme.

So, alas, I must press on alone.

-Oh, Pod!

-But since you're clearly in tune with what natural beauty

you have and you fly the flag for curvy girls everywhere,

Pod will not be making you under today.

-Thank you, Pod.

-We love you, Pod! Goodbye, ladies.

-Goodbye.

We're going to catch up with the lovely Aisleyne now from earlier

who went all indie chick on us. Has she stayed that way?

Let's find out. Aisleyne!

Woo woo! Look at you, sexy girl.

You look beautiful.

-So do you, so do you.

-Sit down.

-Tell me about your makeunder experience.

-It was amazing.

Pod's a genius, isn't she? She's just so clever.

Last time we met, you had extensions. Have you still got them?

No, they're actually all out. They have gone. Yeah.

-Pod will be very pleased.

-Pod's done amazing things for me, babe, seriously.

I've stripped myself bare.

So, do you wear less make-up on a night out as well?

Cos you've got hardly any make-up on just now.

Yeah, I did a whole '40s look that actually ended up

in a certain magazine that usually hate me.

They said that they loved my new look and it was really understated and they loved me.

Have you found more men approaching you?

Yeah, guys are telling me I look amazing

whereas before they would just sort of go, "All right?"

And that was it. So, to be told I look beautiful, was like, "OK".

Maybe I should stick with this.

Have your perceptions of natural beauty changed?

Definitely. For myself, I look in the mirror and I have less

and I can appreciate that it looks OK.

When you were in Pod,

you talked about the possibilities of surgery, Botox.

Would use still consider that, or are you natural beauty now?

I'm not ready for a facelift just yet.

But, I went through a stage of a few months, laughing like...

So you didn't get wrinkles?

But then you drag it down to go like...

-But do you still know yourself?

-I've always known myself, darling.

It's other people that don't know themselves!

-Do you know yourself more, now?

-I know myself-with-less-make-up more now.

-So, a huge success for Pod?

I think so. I think Pod's done an amazing job.

Would you like to give a message to Pod?

I love you, Pod. I love you.

I heart you. I heart you.

Well, Pod, I have to say, that was impressive. Two very big successes.

Yes, I am rather brilliant.

-Now you're just boasting.

-Well, you said it yourself, Frost.

Two more make-up mad minxes have fallen before Pod.

I think it's time for you to rest your weary lens.

I suppose success can be tiring.

Goodnight, Pod.

-Goodbye, the Frost.

-Pod off.

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