Episode 8 Snog Marry Avoid?

# When I grow up, I wanna be famous

# I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies

# When I grow up, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars

# I wanna have groupies... #

When it comes to getting all dressed up,

some of Britain's babes go completely over the top

with mountains of make-up and clothes

you couldn't find under a microscope.

These girls are hiding their natural beauty under a camouflage of fakery.

They can't find the real girl underneath.

They don't need a makeover, they need a makeunder.

Welcome to the lovely world of the makeunder.

This is POD, your personal overhaul device. Hello, POD.

Hello, the Frost. Let me have a look at you.

-I've made an effort for you.

-I suppose you look all right.

Blimey, what does a girl have to do to get a compliment?

Wear natural make-up, hair and clothes. It's not rocket science!

Have you got no manners on that hard drive of yours, POD?

No. Who have you got for me, Frost?

Coming up on tonight's show -

POD gets her lens on a Leeds tease.

I think if you look sexy, you've got to wear less to look that way.

I'd rather just be cold and look like this.

Newcastle's self-styled Katie and Peter,

and a living doll from Liverpool.

I like to be different from everyone else. I like to be like Barbie.

Tonight, two girls and a Geordie duo

will experience the magic of a makeunder.

First up is Nikki from Leeds, who leaves not one inch of herself

untouched by fakery.

Loading background data.

Hi, I'm Nikki. I'm 20. I'm a hairdresser.

I like skimpy clothes. I don't want to look presentable. It's boring.

She was about 16.

We went on holiday to Benidorm. Nightclubs, boys,

extensions came along, fake tan...

and bingo, that was it.

I'm going to use my socks because you get a more even look when you're

-putting it on that way.

-Orange face, white neck.

I always fake tan my bum as well.

David Dickinson doesn't have a patch on her, really, does he?

I'd rather have my make-up than a mobile phone.

If you're ugly, who's going to want to ring you anyway?

She goes a bit wild with her hair extensions.

-I do like them long.

-Half the way through the night...

the clip-ons come off, but she's too drunk to care.

When you come home, you can see dropped hair going upstairs.

Right, I'm going out now.

-You don't have to have a look like that, do you?

-Bye!

-Bye.

# I'm trouble Yeah, trouble now

# I'm trouble, y'all I disturb my own town

# I'm trouble Yeah, trouble now... #

I don't think me fella actually minds the way I dress.

She does wear a bit too short pants and that. But it's her style.

-It would be hard to change her.

-I'd just like see my daughter.

She's in there somewhere.

-Hi, Nikki.

-Hi.

-How are you?

-I'm OK.

-Let's have a flash, and talk me through it.

Look at those abs! No wonder you wear crop tops.

-Your eyes are beautiful.

-Thank you.

They're so blue. So, so blue.

What do think POD is going to pick on you for?

Oh! Probably everything.

I am absolutely terrified.

I just think, when I look in the mirror,

I won't be pleasing to the eye. I am terrified.

I'm going to wish you good luck in POD, not that you need it

with those gorgeous blue eyes. But good luck, sweetheart.

-I am POD. Nikki...?

-Yes?

The correct response is, "Yes, POD."

-Yes, POD... How rude!

-That's not rude, Nikki. This is rude.

Your false tan reeks of biscuits and you look like a cheap fortune-teller.

-How rude!

-Yes. Now what exactly do you think of natural beauty?

There's no such thing. I think it's rubbish.

Tell me who you think looks good, then.

Erm, Jodie Marsh.

-Fake.

-Jordan.

-Fake.

-Christina Aguilera.

-Fake, fake, fake!

It's just like a sexy look. A bit of a tease.

OK, so how else do you tease boys?

I love swinging round the pole.

Sorry, "pool"?

-Yeah, pole.

-Sorry, "pearl"?

-No, a pole.

-Sorry, "Paul"?

A pole, a pole-dancing pole.

Oh, a pole! Classy(?)

Before you started sliding down the pole,

-do you remember the days of natural beauty?

-Oh, my God!

I was fat when I was a young girl.

-I was like a turkey.

-Nikki, can you tell me what went wrong

between that photo, and this photo?

I pulled that day. I went on the waltzers and this guy let us keep

going on for free, proper spinning us really fast all day.

-So you all enjoyed a fairground ride that day?

-Cheeky!

Nikki, given that you think you look great,

why have you come for a makeunder?

It would be nice to be as confident as I am now

but without as much slap.

How do you feel without make-up?

-Ugly.

-Hm. POD strongly disagrees.

Let's see what the public think.

Run phase one, public analysis.

Nikki, the first question goes to a special member of the public -

your boyfriend.

I asked him if he thought you looked...

up for a laugh, pretty slutty,

or proper mad. SHE GROANS

Up for a laugh.

-Play.

-If she's going out, pretty slutty sometimes.

-SHE GASPS

-No! Shame on him.

Truth hurts, Nikki. I also asked normal members of the public,

would you snog, marry, or avoid this girl? What do you think they said?

I think I'll go for snog.

-Play.

-She is not marriage material and she looks a bit, like, easy.

If she was a bit tipsy and I was

a little bit tipsy, I would just bring her in!

I think I would have to avoid this lady. She looks a little

bit too tacky for my liking.

Oh, who is that person?

-They need a slap.

-60% did want to snog you.

No-one wanted to marry you, and 40% wanted to avoid you completely.

-I'm going to die alone.

-What do you think of your public analysis?

Shocking. I had no idea people thought that.

Nikki, now even you must agree that you're in need of POD's makeunder.

-Yes.

-Here is my verdict.

You are a tangerine tease and you will undergo my Orange And Brassy

To Totally Classy makeunder.

-How do you feel?

-I feel fabulous.

Here is your makeunder menu.

Choose a celebrity style.

Kate Winslet, Keira Knightley, Cat Deeley, Rachel Bilson.

You're having a giraffe!

-We'll go for Cat Deeley.

-Why did you choose Cat Deeley?

I have no idea. It just sounded good.

Right, Nikki, the time has come for your deep cleanse.

Please put on your deep-cleanse uniform.

I'm gonna look like I'm in a psychiatric unit.

-Now remove all that make-up.

-No!

-Come on, Nikki!

-I could cry!

Don't cry, Nikki, POD can speak Yorkshire.

IN SOUTHERN ENGLISH ACCENT: By gum, that's lot of make-up. Show me t'pad.

It's never-ending.

Look, I look ugly!

I can confirm you really, really don't.

Are you ready to see yourself as a natural beauty?

-No... But yes.

-Run phase three, the makeunder.

Oh, my God!

I look so weird!

I can't believe that's me!

Nikki, do you like it?

I love it. I really do.

I think I look quite fun and cool.

-Do you think you can be as confident with this look?

-I do, yes.

Nikki, do you think you look ugly?

-No, I don't.

-Shall we see what the public think?

-OK.

-We asked people if they'd want to snog,

marry or avoid you with this new look. What do you think they said?

-I have no idea.

-Play.

I would snog her. I would snog that girl.

I can say, yeah, I'll snog her.

-I'd snog her.

-Now 70% want to snog you and 30% want to marry you.

What do you think of all that snogging and marrying?

Not the marrying, but the snogging, definitely.

I should have said that I've got a fella!

What do you think he will think about your new look?

He actually likes the fake look.

POD thinks you might be surprised.

Here is your natural beauty data.

Tinted moisturiser is a great way

to get a healthy glow without covering natural skin tones.

Showing your shoulders

draws attention to the body, without showing too much flesh.

I never thought anyone would ever change me.

Have I succeeded, then?

You have. You've succeeded. I'll try my hardest to stay a natural beauty.

Then my work here is done. Goodbye.

When I saw her walking round the corner, a totally different person,

she just looked beautiful. She was... She was beautiful.

You know, it might be a bit quicker for me to go out

as well, she might not take as long, without the make-up and that.

Nicole!

I love it! It's fantastic!

It looked like my daughter, but it didn't.

She just looked so different, it brought tears to my eyes.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

She looks so young and beautiful, and not Tango-ed no more.

You look so pretty now. I've missed my daughter. I have.

-My little girl's back at last.

-She looks beautiful.

-She did, didn't she?

-She looks gorgeous.

Wow, Nikki looked absolutely stunning!

What about those cheekbones? Will she keep it up?

We'll find out later.

For all you girls out there, I've been trying out top beauty tips

to see if it's worthwhile you trying them yourself at home.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Why is the Frost sat in a bath

"with a glass of wine?" This is purely for experimental purposes.

Imagine the scenario - you're at a party, you are wearing

a beautiful white dress and some complete idiot

bangs into you and...

Oh! What do you do?

Well... Hang on a minute.

If it's a good party, they'll also have white wine,

which I have heard is the antidote to red wine.

Here goes. Oh!

Oh!

Now, actually, that's worked.

Give it a little scrub...

and hey presto, the red wine is pretty much on its way out.

Next up are a Geordie pair

who really are showing POD a whole new world.

-I am POD.

-POD, you've proper messed my hair up now!

POD CLEARS HER THROAT

Will you stop fidgeting and pull yourselves together?!

Now I have your attention, rate yourselves out of ten.

-Ten.

-Ten. Actually, no, not ten for me, because I would like to have

-a boob job. I'm gonna have them looking like bullets.

-Like...

I knew you would do that!

They look fine how they are. You always keep pushing them up.

-Stop shouting.

-Sorry.

You two bicker like an old married couple. Where did you meet?

-The gay scene.

-Paul, you are gay.

-Lisa, you are not.

-Uh-huh.

-Yes.

-Glad that's cleared up. Who are your style icons?

-Jodie Marsh.

Lisa, do you love the Marsh?

I don't want her to be my role model

now she's shaved all her hair off and she's a lesbian.

-So, is there anyone you both admire?

-Katie and Peter.

I look exactly like her. I'm lush.

And you're Peter Andre?

-Yeah, I'm lovely like him.

-Pause. Loading Katie and Peter.

Skin like twin tangerines, obsessed with boobs and constantly arguing.

POD computes you are an excellent style match for Katie and Peter.

Lisa, do you dare apply more make-up before POD?

I'm getting a top-lip sweat.

-She's having a troppy.

-A troppy moment.

-A what?!

-A tropical moment.

Speaking of tropical, Paul, what is your natural skin colour?

I don't know.

Haven't known since you were about 12.

What, around the time this was taken?

That is disgusting! And I used to go on sunbeds then.

For POD's sake, what's wrong with natural skin?

I would rather vomit than be white. It's disgusting.

How do you get ready for an evening out?

First, he'll do my sun shimmer,

then I'll wait for it to dry, put my make-up on,

he'll straighten my hair and then I'll be ready before him.

Paul, is this right?

I wasn't really taking any notice.

Maybe you'll take notice of this.

As hard as it is to believe, POD thinks that under all your fakery,

you two are actually quite good-looking.

-We're not at all.

-I am, you cheeky...!

But POD computes your friendship is entirely based

on your love of fakery. I am worried that if I take it all away,

you'd have nothing left to talk about.

-But we would have things to talk about.

-Like what?

CLOCK TICKS

Erm...

And there we have it.

In order to preserve your entirely dysfunctional friendship,

I am rejecting you.

-Thank you.

-That's very nice of you.

Now, go away and think of anything other than fake tan.

-Right, we'll have a think.

-We'll think about it.

-Goodbye.

-Bye!

-Bye!

-I'm sweating!

-Stop it!

Next into POD is a very pretty girl who loves all things pink,

and wants to look like she's literally made out of plastic!

IMITATES ENGINE

I like to be different from everyone else. I like to be like Barbie!

I'm Louise, I'm 24 and from Liverpool.

I'm a single mum and I look after my son full-time.

My outfits are... They have to be sparkly...

..revealing...

..and tight. I go to the sunbeds twice a week and I love it when

they've just been re-tubed, because they're really hot.

-I am totally fried!

-SHE LAUGHS

I am Barbie's number one fan.

Well, I've got blue eyes, a tan like Barbie,

the long blonde hair like Barbie.

The blonde hair... Eugh, I don't like it.

You're the mother of Barbie!

If you don't think pink in this household,

it's a waste of time coming to see her.

Pink is an amazing colour. You get cerise pink... Everything pink!

Lovely pink! Vote pink!

Well, just before I go to bed, I like to retouch my make-up.

That's just in case anything

happens during the night unexpected... An emergency.

I shave my eyebrows. this is the way I like them.

I'd rather give up food than my eyelashes.

And now, I'm applying...

the dot. I've been pencilling my spot on now for about four years.

I can see the little white spot where it's been!

I'd like to see her looking more natural,

even if it was just for one day.

Just so I could see what my Louise used to look like.

And voila! I'm done!

I'm a real party girl. I like to party really hard.

My pink fringe has gone curly!

I'm ready for the boys now!

-Hello, Louise.

-Hello.

-Lovely Scouse Barbie.

Pink, bubblicious Louise. How are you today?

-I'm fine, thanks.

-So let me hear about this famous beauty spot.

I was going to get it tattooed before I came here!

Your hair, your lashes and your beauty spot,

if POD says you can only keep one of them, which one would it be?

It would have to be my lashes.

I'm giving you complete false hope there -

POD won't let you keep anything!

So are you excited or nervous about going into POD?

I'm a bit of both, actually.

I'm wondering what she's going to say to me, but I'm ready for her.

OK, beautiful, I'm gonna wish you good luck in POD,

not that I think you need it, but good luck.

# Come on, Barbie Let's go party... #

I am POD. Who are you?

-I'm Louise.

-Give me three words to describe yourself.

Erm...

Em...

-Em...

-Oh, forget it!

-POD's found a style match for you - it's Barbie.

-Thank you.

No, not that one, Louise. Fake white hair,

vomit-inducing pink. My style match is drag-queen Barbie.

-Oh!

-Now, Louise, has a bird done a tiny poop on you?

It's a beauty spot.

My files show that beauty spots were once used to cover the scabs

of syphilis.

-What's that?

-It's a sexually-transmitted disease.

-It also made you mad.

-I'm already mad.

-But just to confirm, you do not have syphilis?

-No, I don't!

Louise, whose hair are you wearing?

-Rapunzel.

-Prince Charming asked Rapunzel

to let down her hair, not dye it rancid custard

and sell it to Louise. Louise,

why have you come before POD for a makeunder?

Because...

I would like to get a job and my family would like me to get a job.

If I get this makeunder done, then I'll probably get a good job.

-Doing what?

-Hair and beauty,

because I'm kind of good at stuff like that, so...

You still don't think you need a makeunder, do you?

-Erm...not really.

-Don't just take my word for it, Barbie,

let's have the public analysis.

I asked the public a series of multiple-choice questions. Firstly,

is her skin like a soft peach,

a sticky orange or a muddy field? What do you think they said?

-I bet you they've said sticky orange. I'm gonna go for that.

-Play.

Sticky orange, I think.

-Sticky orange.

-Her skin looks like a muddy field.

30% think you're orange and sticky,

-50% think you're mud-coloured.

-I'm actually olive-skinned.

So this is your natural skin colour?

-Yeah.

-So you haven't been on a sunbed?

Yeah, I've been on a sunbed.

POD have mercy on your poor, fried skin!

I asked the public if they would like to snog, marry, or avoid you.

Erm...I think, probably, snog.

-Play.

-I definitely wouldn't marry her.

-I'd avoid her cos she seems like a party girl.

-I am a party girl!

She looks like Donatella Versace, actually.

-Good.

-Good?! Louise, do you know who Donatella Versace is?

No, but it sounds good.

Well, it's not good. Unless, of course, your idea of good

-is looking like a blonde leather handbag.

-No.

Louise, a whopping 80% of the public wanted to avoid you.

So having had the public analysis, do you agree you need my makeunder?

OK, I need POD's makeunder.

Here is my verdict.

POD thinks you are a putrid pink, nylon nightmare, and you will undergo

my Barbie To Beauty makeunder.

-Are you nervous?

-I'm a bit scared.

-My eyelashes aren't coming off!

-I think you'll find they are.

Here is your makeunder menu.

Choose a new hair colour - warm mahogany, caramel,

dark ash blonde, golden brown.

-Come on, Louise!

-Dark ash blonde.

Choose a celebrity style -

Kate Winslet, Keira Knightley, Gwyneth Paltrow, Rachel Bilson.

-Gwyneth Paltrow.

-Why have you chosen Gwyneth Paltrow?

-She's lovely, her.

-POD computes that under all that slap, so is Louise.

-Well, thank you, POD.

-Don't get too soppy, Louise,

it's time for the deep cleanse.

Please put on your deep-cleanse uniform.

OK, OK, OK.

How do you think you look?

Plain.

POD strongly disagrees.

I'm a bit scared! You're gonna see my spots and the white one!

-No way.

-Show me those pads, Louise.

Show me the other side, Louise.

Look, the spot's going.

-Good.

-Gone.

-About POD-ing time!

-Oh, shut up!

Now give me those eyelashes.

No! They're not coming off! I'm being serious.

POD demands it. I will have nothing detracting from your natural beauty.

They are not coming off.

Oh, yes, they are!

Run phase three - the makeunder!

-Oh, my God!

-SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Look at me!

-Do you like it, Louise?

-I love it.

I feel like Cheryl Cole.

I can't get over it.

Where's my spot?

POD computes you don't need a beauty spot when you're already beautiful.

What's your favourite element?

The hair. It's not as blonde and looking tacky.

Do you think you could get your dream job now?

I think I could get a job like this as a beautist.

And as a..."beautist", you'll need to know how I achieved your look.

Lightly-pencilled eyebrows are all that's needed with oval eyes.

-What do you think of your eyes?

-I can see them more!

Heavy eyelashes can actually make eyes seem smaller than they are.

-I think you look stunning.

-Thank you.

-Especially now I've got those tarantulas off your face.

-Shut up!

Shall we see what the public think? Play.

She's really pretty, and her natural features come out and

-stand out a lot. I really like that.

-I think she looks pretty because

she's not using no make-up. She's showing off her natural beauty.

I'd probably marry her. I really like her natural beauty.

-Louise?

-What?

-90% of the public want to snog you.

-That's good!

-The rest want to marry you.

I'll do the snogging!

-Your call.

-Oh, I'm staying like this.

-Can you tell me I was right?

-You were right, POD.

Can you tell me you were wrong?

-I was wrong, POD.

-POD loves it when that happens.

Thank you for being made under. Goodbye.

Oh, my God! Look at you!

SHE SQUEALS UNINTELLIGIBLY

Her hair used to... It was long, it was down here and now it's up here

and it's brown. Where's your eyelashes gone?

-Where's your spot?!

-I know!

And your eyebrows!

She looks like she's going on that red carpet.

She looks gorgeous.

I think she looked fabulous, but has she kept it up

or has she gone back to her pink Barbie ways? Let's find out. Hello!

-Hi.

-There's no pink here!

I detect a beauty spot, though. It's back.

The eyelashes are back, the blonde's back, but a very nice outfit -

is that what you've taken away from the makeunder?

Yeah. Not flashing the legs off,

and not "wow, in your face" pink any more!

-I feel better like this.

-How long did it take

to get the eyelashes and beauty spot back on?

-20 minutes!

-When you were in POD, you really loved the makeunder,

you felt confident and sexy. What happened on the M6 that changed?

I kept looking at myself too much in the mirror and thought,

"This is not me." It was nice, it was more natural, but I was

so used to just seeing me like this.

So, tell me how you feel about the whole makeunder experience.

It was a good experience, but I like the old me.

Most of you girls out there have that little something they just

can't live without, but perhaps it's time for some of you to try.

Less make-up and more clothes looks much better.

-Don't put lipstick on your teeth.

-Make sure you're not hairy.

That's always good!

Lots of bronzer and glitter.

Glitter always makes you look like you've had a tan.

Accessorise with necklaces and bags,

-then you can change the same outfit ten times.

-Fairy wings!

If you're wearing a skinny fitting dress, pull your tights up here

-and it'll suck you in.

-Always put lip liner just above your lips

and it gives you a nice pouting lip.

Exfoliate every day. No matter what they say, do it.

Do you remember Nikki from earlier on? POD transformed her

into a natural beauty, but has she kept it up?

Let's meet her and find out.

-Hello, Nikki.

-Hi.

-You're still a beautiful natural beauty.

-I know.

-Tell me all about your makeunder.

Since I've had it, I've had a different view on stuff.

-Why do you think it took POD to change your ways?

-I'm stubborn

-and I always think I know everything and that I'm right...

-You do!

Don't worry, you do. We're fabulous!

I've been seeing myself in a completely different way

to what people have been seeing me.

I didn't realise I was so over the top.

I thought, "Wow, I'm just a step down from a clown."

I don't wear my extensions as much any more, I don't do

my eye make-up as thick any more,

and when I go out, I'll wear dresses now, rather than

-the short stuff I wore before.

-What's the makeunder taught you?

There's bigger things to life than make-up.

Is this the new Nikki? Are you going back to your old ways?

POD's the only one that's convinced me in all these years

to be a natural beauty, and achieved it. I'm gonna stick with it.

Very, very good job, POD.

Very good work. We have a beautiful natural beauty in Nikki.

Yay!

POD, I think you've excelled yourself this week.

Why, thank you, Frost. But with me, perfection comes as standard.

Brilliant and modest(!) But I think you need to recharge your batteries.

-Do I have to?

-You do, indeed.

-If you insist.

-Love you lots, though, POD.

-Bye, the Frost.

-Bye, POD. POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]