Episode 9 Snog Marry Avoid?

# When I grow up I wanna be famous

# I wanna be a star

# I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world

# Drive nice cars I wanna have boobies... #

If the thought of going a whole day

without make-up and false tan fills you with dread,

well, you're not alone.

Some of Britain's babes are abandoning natural beauty

and falling head-over-heels for fakery -

fake hair, fake nails

and far too much fake tan.

They don't need a makeover, they need a make-under.

Welcome to the wonderful world of the make-under.

This is POD, your Personal Overhaul Device.

-Hello, POD.

-Hello there, Frost. You're looking lovely today.

-Thank you, you're not so bad yourself.

-Naturally, Frost, I always look good.

If only I could say the same for everyone I meet.

Once you've stripped the girls of all their fakery and slap, maybe you'll be able to.

That is POD's dream

and you are here to help me make it a reality.

Now, let's get on with it.

Coming up on tonight's show...

When I let me hair down,

I do let me hair down.

I'm Scotland's number one male Barbie.

My name's Ebony.

I'm a military cyber-Goth.

Tonight...

one girl, a six foot rubber soldier and a make-up mad man

will experience the magic of the make-under.

So come on, Frost, who have you got for me?

First up is Vicky, a girl whose eyelashes are as big as a WAG's wardrobe.

Vicky James, 22, out there. Just a good, old Yorkshire lass up for a laugh.

I'm a full-time mum.

Every Friday I let me hair down.

I do let me hair down.

I guess it's true when you say "blonde girls have more fun" cos, yes, they certainly do.

SHE GIGGLES AND SQUEALS

This is my going-out wardrobe.

You've got to have a new outfit every Saturday night. Once you've worn it once,

you don't wear it again.

This has to be one of my favourites -

leather skirt,

top that does everything for your boobs.

Out looking sexy, attracting the right fellers.

I love it.

She doesn't usually like me to see

the things that she goes out in.

It's all about the eyelashes and the lipstick.

Showing a bit of leg and a bit of flesh - we like that.

What she's wearing is quite...

embarrassing.

She's just so mad, I mean, especially with the boys.

I think men can sometimes be intimidated by her confidence.

I'd love to see Victoria wearing something really classy

and not having all the make-up that she wears.

I think that she might like it herself.

-Hello, Vicky, how are you?

-I'm good thanks.

-Can I just say,

possibly the longest and the most fabulous lashes we've ever had in POD?

Yeah, they are quite long and false, obviously.

You are going to go into POD now and POD,

she's more than likely gonna strip this away.

How's that gonna make you feel?

Naked, bare, ugly...

You are so far from ugly it's ridiculous.

-Thank you but you'll see for yourself.

-What's one thing you won't be able to live without?

Everything! Everything!

So, starting to feel a bit anxious and nervous?

-Scared.

-Scared?

-Scared but up for a challenge, yeah.

-Up for a challenge?

-Do you think POD's ready for you?

-I'm ready for the POD but is the POD ready for me?

Right, Vicky with the lovely, luscious lashes, I'm gonna wish you good luck in POD.

Not that I think you need it, beautiful, but good luck.

Yabadabadoo! I'm POD. Who are you?

I'm Vicky James.

Are you on your way to a fancy-dress party?

No, POD, it's not a fancy-dress costume.

-This is like my glamorous look.

-Can you see that you look like a crazy cavegirl?

Not quite, POD.

Hmm, you are clearly blinded by those ludicrously long lashes.

No, these are my eyelash extensions, POD.

Ah, I see. Shame you can't.

Well, I like my eyelashes. I wouldn't go on a night out

without the eyelashes and without the red lipstick.

-Hmm, have you always worn this much make-up, Vicky?

-Erm, well, not always.

Mum and Dad didn't let me wear make-up until I was about 15.

According to my beauty files,

you looked very pretty without all that slap.

-Oh, my word!

-Do you think you looked better then or now?

Now! God, all this time and effort I've put into it, I should hope I look better now.

POD completely disagrees.

No way!

Who is your style icon?

Jordan - Katie Price.

For the love of POD?!

Why does everyone like this tangerine tinted, bogus boobied Barbie doll?!

She's gorgeous!

-She's grim!

-VICKY GASPS

POD only understands natural beauty.

-Do you think you could be a natural beauty?

-Not at all, POD.

-Nope!

-Why not?

I think as a natural beauty

there'd be nothing.

There's nothing that's naturally beautiful without make-up.

-Do you understand what I'm saying?

-No.

-POD thinks that underneath all that slap you are very naturally beautiful.

-Thanks.

But I think, honestly, you're gonna have your hands full.

It's like an impossible mission sort of thing.

To POD it is mission most PODable. Why have you come to POD for a make-under?

Because I am up for a challenge. I'd like to do it.

I'd like to do it for my mum actually as well. So, Mum and Dad, I'm doing this for you.

POD thinks they will be very proud.

Run phase one - Public Analysis.

-Are you ready?

-No.

-Are you scared?

-Yes.

I asked the public...

-Marry.

-Play.

-Avoid her.

-I'd avoid her.

Her eyelashes might knock me out.

She looks completely deranged.

Deranged? Now, that is a nasty word!

-No-one wanted to marry you.

-No way!

65% of the public wanted to avoid you completely.

We'll have to do something about it POD, won't we?

We will. Are you ready for my verdict?

Go on, POD, let's have it.

Your lashings of lipstick

and ludicrous lashes have obscured your view of you for too long

and you need my...

-Hah!

-This is your make-under menu.

-Right. Bring it on.

-Choose an new eye make-up style -

subtle silver, soft green, smoky brown, soft shimmer.

Smoky brown.

Choose a celebrity style -

Keira Knightley, Scarlett Johansson,

Holly Willoughby, Rachel Wilson.

-Holly Willoughby.

-Before I transform you

into a natural beauty,

I need you to remove ALL of that slap.

Keep my eyelashes on?

No! Run phase two.

-Please put on your Deep Cleanse uniform.

-Oh, my word!

Give me those lashes!

I might scream.

Aah...aah...argh!

Aa-aa-aaargh!

Goodbye my...

beauty eyelashes.

Now remove your make-up.

Show me the state of that pad.

I feel bare. Euw.

POD can see you are a real natural beauty.

I can't believe people are gonna see me like this!

How are you feeling about seeing the new, natural you?

Absolutely terrified.

Are you ready for your make-under?

CHUCKLES But I'll never be ready so let's do it.

Run phase three...

the make-under.

Oh, my God!

SHE SHRIEKS

Oh...

My Mum'll love it.

How are you feeling, Vicky?

Shocked.

I've never had hair so flat to me head before!

-I'm not sure it suits me.

-What do you like most about your new look?

The dress is quite nice. I wouldn't choose it myself but it's quite nice.

And the shoes - I love these shoes.

POD has let you keep a little bit of cavegirl.

They're the best thing about the make-under.

-What do you think of your make-up?

-It's nice. It's naturally done

but I don't think... I'd do it for a night out.

My lashes have gone.

-I need my lashes.

-You don't need anything, Vicky.

You are very naturally beautiful.

Does POD need glasses?

POD has perfect vision.

Shall we see what the public think of your new look?

-Yes.

-Before I asked...

-Here we go.

-Play.

I would snog her.

She's got quite a natural look to her.

I'd probably snog her, yes.

80% of the public now want to snog you

and the rest want to marry you.

-Honestly?!

-Yes.

-I'd like to meet these.

Here is how I achieved your new natural look.

Hair has been softened with a beautiful gold tone

and brown panels add texture to give a more natural look.

Using mascara only on the top lashes, opens the eyes without looking overly made-up.

-Yes, we can see there's no make-up on round there.

-How do you feel about natural beauty now?

If you are beautiful then you don't need to wear make-up, do you?

Not everyone has that wonderful gift - like myself.

So you really can't see that you are naturally beautiful?

I don't think so, no.

That makes POD sad.

I wish I could but...I can't.

POD can't make you love this look until you love you.

And, Vicky...

-Yeah?

-..there is a lot to love.

-Thank you, POD.

-Thank you, Vicky. Goodbye.

-Bye!

Oh, if only she realised how gorgeous she really is.

I'll catch up with her later to see if she's started to believe it.

Vicky's not the only one who'd be lost without her lashes.

Some of you are as obsessed with fakery as POD is with natural beauty.

Fake tan is the way forward.

Sunbeds are a thing of the past.

It was purple, and then I dyed it three times this week,

then put highlighter on it and now it's ginger.

Foundation - less is more.

Eye shadow - more is loads better.

THEY GIGGLE

Make sure your shoes match your outfit, bag and belt, and that your nails are done.

Use anti-firming cream on your face.

That's what I would say.

I get my hair cut once a year.

Yeah. Natural, isn't it?

If you use fake tan... look at the consequences, man!

ALL: Less is more!

Next into POD is Ross, Aberdeen's very own Barbie boy.

Now, there's no prizes for guessing his favourite colour.

MUSIC: "Golden Brown" by the Stranglers

Orange or darker, is one of the best skin colours you can have.

# Golden brown... #

Makes you stand out in the crowd if you're the darkest one there,

and I intend to be the darkest one there.

I've been living in Aberdeen all my life.

I don't really know any other people in this area that look like me.

I wear more make-up than my mum. Quite a lot of foundation,

and I apply it really thickly. I cake it on.

There's no such thing as too much make-up.

I'm going for a Beyonce look with my skin colour.

This is a foundation for black people. I like my face very dark, so this is what I'm using.

It can be too much. It looks ridiculous, I think, sometimes.

Well, Ross's look is eccentric and outrageous.

I own lots and lots of fake-gold jewellery.

I don't think you can ever have enough, cos it looks really special.

But this is gangsta bling. Lots and lots of bling.

I got a lot of attention the night I wore this.

I know I've got the body and the bum to carry them off. Some people don't, but I do.

MUSIC: "Just Dance" by Lady GaGa

When I'm out, I get recognised as "that blond boy from college"

or "that blond boy from that bar".

It makes me feel, I don't know, famous, maybe.

Just the attention. I just love attention.

I'm Scotland's number one male Barbie

and I absolutely love it.

Right, hello, Ross. Talk me through your look today.

Today, I'm going for a bit of '80s neon-raver look, with a bit of punk thrown in.

I'm wearing hot-pink accessories, lots of fake-gold jewellery,

white hot pants and a pink skull T-shirt with body glitter on it.

-I put body glitter over my clothes.

-You spray body glitter on your clothes?

-Yeah.

Is your idea of complete hell blending into the crowd?

Oh, I hate not being noticed. Yeah, I really do.

It'd make me feel very uncomfortable to go out dressed normally, with no jewellery or tan on.

I wouldn't like it at all.

-What do you think POD's gonna pick on you for?

-I think it'll be my make-up, the tan, the hair,

the jewellery, the colours... The lack of clothing!

Everything, really, probably. Yeah.

-Are you nervous, excited? How do you think POD's gonna react to you?

-Excited. I can't wait,

-but I'm slightly nervous, as well.

-I'll wish you good luck now.

I don't know what's going to happen in POD. Can't wait to see!

I am POD.

-Who are you?

-I'm Ross.

No, you are orange.

I love being orange.

-As orange as I can possibly be.

-Why?

Cos it's the best skin colour ever.

POD has never met such a fake tan fanatic. Do you think about anything else?

I do think about fake tan quite a lot. I dream about it sometimes.

-Those are good dreams.

-That is POD's worst nightmare.

-What's wrong with being pale and interesting?

-Pale's not interesting!

-It's nasty!

-Please hold your hands up to your face.

-POD computes that is nasty.

-That's the thing with fake tan, isn't it?

-Your hands always end up darker than the rest of your body. But I don't care.

-Evidently.

-Did you go back to the '80s to get that haircut?

-No!

-POD has found a style match.

-I love Mr T's bling AND his hairstyle.

-I pity the fool that copies Mr T.

-AS MR T: Shut your mouth, fool!

-What do you think of natural beauty?

-Hmm. Natural beauty...

-That says it all.

When was the last time you went out without the tan?

I never, ever go out the house without fake tan.

-Ah! But my files tell me you have in the past.

-Ew!

I don't like that picture.

-You look very natural.

-Oof! Not good, though.

-I'm not beautiful.

-POD completely disagrees.

Who is your style icon, Ross?

-I'd probably have to say Jodie Marsh.

-You do surprise me(!)

-Miss Marsh is my ultimate enemy.

-I think she's wonderful.

Of course you do! She's as orange and fake as you.

-Yes. And sexy.

-That is a matter of opinion.

HE GIGGLES

-Why have you come to POD for a make-under?

-People just think of me as a drunken, wild party animal

-who's addicted to fake tan. There's more to me than that.

-Really? What?

-A decent personality, a good friend.

It sounds like you need an image change.

-Yes, it does, doesn't it?

-Yes! Are you ready to find out what the public think of your look?

-As I'll ever be, POD.

-Run phase 1 - public analysis.

I asked the public, would a night out with him be

the night of your life, a night to forget, a nightmare?

-Definitely the night of your life. Look at me!

-OK.

Definitely a nightmare. Probably the worst ever.

He's not the kind of guy I'd go out with.

I don't know if we'd have much in common.

It'd be a nightmare because he looks like a drama queen.

I'm not!

-No-one thought a night out with you would be the night of their life.

-Are you serious?!

-Yes.

-Most people thought it would be a night to forget.

-That's not true.

I also asked, would you want to snog, marry or avoid him?

-I'd pick snog.

-Play.

I'd avoid him because... extremely poor...bad dress sense.

I'd avoid him. He's very orange.

Definitely avoid...as far as I could get away, possibly.

Oh, OK.

-75% wanted to avoid you completely.

-75?!

-Yes.

-I really didn't think it'd be that much.

-How are you feeling about the public's comments?

Shocked. I'm genuinely shocked.

-I think I look like a really fun person to have a great night out with.

-Are you ready for my verdict?

Yep. Ready as I'll ever be.

You are a fake fanatic, orange-obsessed Oompa-Loompa

who needs my "tacky-tan man to beautiful man" make-under.

-Good enough for me.

-Here is your make-under menu.

-OK.

-Choose a new hair colour - honey blond, dark chocolate, vibrant copper, ash brown?

I'll go for the dark chocolate. Yum-yum. That sounds good.

Choose a celebrity style - Justin Timberlake, David Beckham,

Zac Efron, Jake Gyllenhaal?

Zac Efron.

Before I can process your style choices,

I need to scrub you clean and strip you of all your fakery.

You mean my face?

-I mean everywhere, Ross.

-Ohhh, OK.

Run phase 2 - deep cleanse.

-Where do I start?

-With Mr T's tacky necklaces.

Remove them, please.

CHAINS JANGLE

-We haven't got all day, Ross.

-Almost done.

What now?

Please put on the deep cleanse uniform.

Oh, dear.

It is now time to peel back the orange and reveal your real face.

Yeah, let's go.

Get wiping, Ross.

In all POD's days of fighting fakery, I have never seen so much slap come off a human's face.

HE GIGGLES

Show me that wipe.

POD is practically speechless.

-Quite a difference, isn't it?

-Yes.

-But I can already see you have been hiding a lovely face.

-Thanks, POD.

That will do, Ross. POD will take care of those piercings and your ridiculous hands.

Now, are you ready to meet the new you?

-Yes. I'm excited, POD.

-So am I.

Run phase 3 - the make-under.

HE GASPS

What a shock!

-Well...?

-I don't know what to say.

That is unusual.

I really like it. I thought I'd look like Dad, without the fake tan, but I'm impressed with my skin tone.

POD thinks you look very handsome without all that orange tan.

-Thank you, POD. I suppose I look quite hot like this.

-POD can see that you have very beautiful eyes.

I've never looked at my eyes before. Usually, I've got so much make-up that I don't notice them.

-So can you see that you are a natural beauty?

-Yes. Yes, I can.

-I'm actually surprised at how good I look.

-Shall we see if the public think you look good, too?

-Yes.

Before, I asked, would you want to snog, marry or avoid this boy?

Let's see what they do now. Play.

I'd snog him. He looks like Leon from X Factor. I think he's hot, so...

He looks quite sweet and friendly and approachable, really.

I'd snog him. He's quite attractive.

-Now, a massive 70% of the people we asked wanted to snog you.

-70?!

-Yes.

-Wow. My opinion has definitely swayed towards this look now if they think that.

-Want to know how I achieved this natural look?

-How did you achieve this look?

-Watch and learn.

If you have green or blue eyes, wearing similar shades makes them appear brighter.

Dark skin, pale skin and blue eyes give a standout look without the need for fake tan.

That's WITHOUT fake tan, Ross.

I'm surprised that my natural skin tone

and just a bit of colour in my clothes brings out my eyes so much.

How do you think your dad will feel about your new look?

Very pleased, probably.

-So, Ross, will you be keeping it?

-I'll definitely give it a fair trial.

-Has POD changed your opinion of natural beauty?

-Definitely.

I've changed my opinion on how I look, yes.

POD computes this make-under has been a complete success.

-Thank you, POD.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-Hey, ya!

-Oh, hi there, Ross. Wow.

Wow! Wow!

-Do you like it?

-Yeah, it's a lot better.

-Better? An improvement?

-Human again.

-ROSS LAUGHS

-It's great. Wow. I'm impressed.

-Had you forgotten what you looked like?

-Yeah, I had!

-It's nice to have my son back.

-Thanks, Dad.

We should maybe, um...

-We should maybe just go for a beer now.

-Let's go for a pint.

Come on, then.

I think he looked like a film star,

but will he really give up his tangerine-tinted ways?

We'll be finding out later on.

Now, because I love you all at home so much,

I've been on a beauty fact-finding mission. Watch and learn.

Hiya!

SONG: "My Heart Will Go On" SHE SNIFFS

Now, I like a good weepie as much as everybody,

but this is purely research.

I'm making my eyes puffy from crying, cos it's a sad film.

But because, apparently,

if I get teabags, cold teabags,

and a spoon straight from the fridge,

it'll de-puff my eyes.

So I'm gonna give it a go.

Well, I must say, my eyes feel much better.

Let's see which one's less puffy.

Right...

Well, I think, the spoon actually felt nicer,

and it did the best job.

So, after a sad film, or a bad boyfriend or girlfriend,

get your spoons in the fridge and chill out.

So we met Vicky earlier in the show

and we're going to see if she liked her make-under with POD.

I've got a sneaky suspicion that she wasn't a fan.

But we'll see if she kept to it anyway.

-Hello, Vicky! Come in, give me love.

-Hiya!

How are you, sweetheart?

Blonde again! Sit down.

How did you feel when you had the make-under?

The make-up was stripped off, the hair was darker,

did you just not feel like yourself at all?

No, cos I'm used to, wearing the full heavy make-up just to go shopping,

so to have it, like, all toned down, like especially my hair,

It's kind of like your security, isn't it?

-The hair and the make-up...

-Yeah.

I don't like nothing about my body, apart from like...the hair,

and the hair went, I was like, "Oh, there's nowt left of me!"

I think it was really brave to have done the make-under

knowing how set in your ways you are that you look this way,

but I think...I like the bit of dark underneath now...

I haven't gone as dark, cos it were like black before

and now I've gone to a natural brown, so something natural...

SHE LAUGHS ..has come out of it!

Would you recommend having a make-under to anybody else?

If they're not happy with theirselves, yeah,

but if they are happy, then no! Don't do it!

Well, thank you so much for letting us give you a make-under.

I think you're one of the bravest girls we've had.

You've been a great sport and I'm glad that you're back

to how you feel best because you are a lovely girl.

-Oh, thank you.

-You should be very happy with yourself cos you're beautiful inside and out!

Now, I think even the mighty POD might be a bit scared of the next visitor.

I am POD. Are you a dominatrix bus conductor?

-No.

-Are you Biggles?

No, I'm not Biggles, no.

-Then what are you?

-A military cyber-Goth.

-Have you ever been to war?

-Only against people who don't like the way I look.

Hmm, please describe your look to POD.

Always got to have a pair of goggles if you're a cyber-Goth.

It finishes the look off. Iron cross-esque jewellery

and of course my collar and the white parts of my make-up are UV reactive.

-Why?

-Because we like to stand out.

So I see. But POD only understands natural beauty.

OK, well, I might have a problem with that then because

I'm not a massive fan of natural beauty, myself.

Well, POD is not a fan of military cyber-Goths.

Well, I am one, so I'll defend it to the death.

POD computes that you are a little bit scary.

I personally think that scary is sexy.

People are scared of me usually. I mean I intimidate other Goths.

I can't imagine why! Do you ever smile?

I'm not one for smiling, but that's not a Goth thing,

it's because it makes me look like a chipmunk.

POD is sure that isn't true. Give me a grin.

Hmm, it's not the biggest smile, but it is very sweet.

Ah, thank you.

Once you talk to me you find out that I'm about as scary as a kitten.

Hmm, next you'll be telling me you love hearts and flowers and cheesy ballads!

Yeah, I like Daniel Bedingfield.

SHE LAUGHS

"I don't want to run away

"but I can't take it, I don't understand."

I thought YOU were a Goth!

You're not on ceremony all the time.

You don't have to do everything that's classed as Goth all the time.

Are you sure there's not a natural beauty under all that Gothery?

-Um...no. No, definitely not.

-Will you let POD find out?

No! I don't take kindly to being randomly touched by people.

But POD is a computer and I promise to be gentle.

I'm not a, "trying to be a special snowflake."

But I know that you couldn't do

anything to make me look better in a different style.

POD completely disagrees but really doesn't want to get into a fight

-with a scary cyber-Goth who loves Daniel Bedingfield.

-Charming!

Therefore POD will be a sister of mercy and

-will not make you under today. Goodbye.

-Bye.

Do you remember the lovely but outrageous Ross from earlier on in the show?

I loved his make-under, but did he? Let's meet him and find out.

-Come in, sweetie, how are you?

-Hiya.

-Sit down.

Right, Ross Sutherland.

-The make-up's come back.

-It has.

For me, personally, this is... sort of minimal make up.

-This is not minimal make-up, Ross.

-No, it's not.

You don't need it, you're so gorgeous, so handsome!

I like being dark and I did... I went out on the town, clubbing

with my pale skin, just a bit of eyeliner and whatever.

But I didn't feel like I was getting looked at as much, if I'm honest.

Where's your natural skin colour today, have we got any?

We can just show a little bit there.

THEY LAUGH

You're like you work on a building site and you've got a t-shirt sun-tan!

That would be my natural skin colour all over without it, so...

-And that's no good for Ross?

-Not really.

When your dad saw your make-under, he was really happy.

He was really chuffed, he was very happy about it.

Does he like this new Ross now, the new look?

He likes it when I'm... I'm dressing much more conventional now.

I've taken advice about the clothes, I'm wearing colours that go with my eyes.

POD said blue so I've decided to paint my nails blue!

SHE LAUGHS

I think, not a massive success

-cos you've still got some make-up on.

-Yeah, I do.

But, the clothes, the hair, loving it.

-So, well done POD for that.

-Well done, POD.

-And me and you will have a chat later and we'll work on this make-up.

-Right, OK then!

Well, POD, it seems you can't win them all.

Not when people can't see their natural beauty staring them in the face.

I know, if only they could see how gorgeous they look under all that slap.

This will not stop POD.

It only makes me more determined in the fight against fakery.

In that case, you need your rest.

Goodbye, The Frost.

Lots of love, POD. Now, POD off!

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