Lynne C & Emma C Snog Marry Avoid?

# Where are my pop stars? We are the hipsters... #

Welcome to the dark side.

Ssh!

# You know we're gonna party like we're a rockstar

# We're as good as they come... #

On Snog Marry Avoid, we're here to help.

Are you suffering from slap addiction?

Are you a victim of fake-itis?

Do you feel underdressed and over-tanned?

Never fear, the remedy is close at hand.

Because we have the cure for orange skin, excessive hair extensions

and general make-up malfunctions.

We know what's good for you, and that's a large dose of natural beauty taken at regular intervals.

Don't worry, you'll feel better in no time.

Hello, POD, what's cooking?

Why, can you smell burning?

No, I just wondered if you had anything on the boil for today's show.

Well, as you know, my recipe for success is to use all-natural ingredients.

So no additives or artificial colourings.

Bingo. They're all bad for you, and they make you hyperactive.

Oh...we do not want to see YOU hyperactive, POD - you're bad enough on normal speed.

Now, shall we find out about today's dish of the day?

Why not, Frost?

Coming up - we'll be meeting a weightlifter who needs to lighten up.

I think my skin is probably the only thing that's actually mine.

A domestic goddess from Wales, who's got several buns in the oven.

Any pink cake, that's brilliant.

Pink with sprinkles on... Awesome.

And is it a bird, is it a plane? Well, no - actually it's Boy Kitten.

I don't think you can handle me.

All set for another feast of fakery?

If I had a mouth, it would be watering right now.

Well, in that case, dinner is served.

Hi, my name's Lynne Carmichael.

I'm 33 years young...

and I'm dead hard-working...

The guns!

I compete in the toned figure class, and I am the current Miss Scotland.

Bit of a crazy lady -

I like to be an exhibitionist when I'm out,

I love dressing up... I'll climb up the nearest pole

or anything that I can dangle from.

I have fake everything, from my teeth, my eyelashes...

I think my skin is probably the only thing that's actually mine.

I started bodybuilding about 13 years ago, and it was ideal because

not only do you get to wear fake tan but you get to wear REAL fake tan - heavy, heavy coats of fake tan.

I would love to get a makeunder, because I'm dying to find some way of feeling comfortable in my own skin

and I need to start saving my pennies for my wedding!

WEDDING BELLS PEAL

Love it! This is the one.

Oooh!

First met Carlos when we were at a bodybuilding show...

We just clicked. Right away I just knew that we would get married.

At the moment we need every penny that counts...

and not on bloody hair extensions.

Carlos helps me with my tan.

# I got no hair...

# Bustin' #

He's like, my personal assistant.

In an ideal world Lynne would be totally naked, but because you guys are here that's not going to happen.

# One, two, three...bustin' #

At the weekend I love it, cos I've got all day to get ready.

I put the eyelashes on, put my base coat on, then I put a primer on.

If it's daytime,

maybe one set of lashes - if it's night-time, two or three.

When I'm putting my extensions in, that's when the confidence really kicks in.

Listen, POD - you might be able to tone ME down...

but you won't tone THEM bad boys down.

Hello, Lynne, how are you today?

-Very well.

-I'm feeling slightly overdressed,

and a little bit frightened.

I like to think I'm like GI Barbie!

You are GI Barbie, without a doubt.

Now, there's not much of it but tell me about this outfit.

Well, I love pink, love sparkly things,

and I got this specially designed, custom-made for me for my shows.

If you've got the costumes made to fit your specific body shape

then you can emphasise things, and... Not that there's a lot to emphasise!

Now, the false tan is a big thing for you.

-Definitely.

-A little birdie tells me

you apply said false tan with a paint roller.

It takes about three days.

-Three days?!

-Not a couple of hours, three days.

My boyfriend Carlos, he usually rolls it on.

So how long does it take you to get ready for a night out,

and how long does it take you to get ready for a competition?

For a night out it would take me... about three or four hours.

For a competition,

-a week!

-Gosh.

A week in preparation.

Why are you having a makeunder today?

I cannae believe it's happening but I'm getting married next year,

and I just feel that I'm going into a different stage of my life

and...I want to tone it down but I don't know how.

SHE LAUGHS

POD, you've got a challenge!

Right, gorgeous - I'm going to wish you good luck in POD,

and I'll see you on the other side when you're ready to be a natural beauty bride.

# It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight

# Rising up to the challenge of our rival... #

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

My name's Lynne Carmichael, I'm Miss Scotland.

I'm sure you do - but you'll be going back soon.

Oh, wait - you don't mean you've won some sort of beauty contest, do you?

You cheeky git!

What category do you compete in? Miss Trannie?

I do toned figure,

which... Basically you're toned, defined, but not overly masculine.

However, I do get accused of looking like a man.

I think that people think I'm a transvestite.

Well, you couldn't hide much in THAT outfit. It looks like bum floss.

How do you keep everything in place?

It's OK, I've got sticky stuff to hold me in. Make sure there are no accidents.

That's not the only thing that looks sticky.

How much fake tan have you got on?

Couple of layers. I get my boyfriend to roller it on for me.

Do you think you can work your magic on me? You've got a job on your hands.

You're not kidding! I'm going to need industrial paint stripper. What else is fake?

Just about everything you can see.

I think I need a sit down.

Why have you come for a makeunder?

I'm getting married next year, and...

I'm getting on a wee bit and I think it's time to tone it down.

My fiance wants me to be a natural bride.

-How do you feel about the makeunder?

-I'm a bit nervous about it.

Looking at those muscles, so am I.

-What are you worried about?

-Feeling exposed.

I don't think it's physically possible to expose yourself any more.

-Are you ready to hear what the public think?

-Yes.

Phase one, public analysis.

I've been gearing up for it, hit me with it.

I asked the public if they would snog, marry or avoid you.

What do you think they said?

Snog.

Play...

Definitely avoid.

I think too much muscle on a woman

isn't very attractive at all.

A lot of people say that.

Looks a bit like a...

drag queen type, muscle builder thing.

Yup. I get that.

Definitely avoid. She looks like

a female bodybuilder in a mankini. Terrifying.

I had this custom-made!

10% of the public DO want to snog you.

That's promising.

And a whopping 90% of the public

currently want to AVOID you.

Going on my past history

I would say that's quite accurate.

-Are you ready to hear POD's verdict?

-Go for it.

POD's verdict is that with your creosote tan and pumped-up frame

-you look like a garden fence on steroids.

-Cheek!

You're going to have

my brawny brown bimbo to beautiful bride makeunder.

-Are you ready for the next stage?

-As ready as I'm ever going to be.

This is the deep cleanse.

First of all, I need you to remove all your accessories.

This shouldn't take long.

SHE GROANS

Give Santa his beard back.

Ready for the makeunder. In three, two, one....

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

What do you think?

I like it.

It's...it's lovely!

I didnae think I would!

You look beautiful, don't you?

Mmm.

What do you think of the hair?

I love the shape there, and I like the wee bits...

It's a lovely colour.

It's very feminine and pretty, just like you.

SHE LAUGHS Aye, just like me!

Let's see if the public agree.

Oh, I'd definitely snog this girl.

She looks like she takes care of her appearance,

she's got a really nice figure.

I'd snog this girl. She looks quite attractive,

and a fair amount of class.

What do you think Carlos's reaction is going to be when he sees you like this?

I think he'll be crying more than me!

In that case, get your hankies ready,

because POD declares this makeunder a complete success.

-Bye!

-Goodbye.

MUSIC: "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera

I feel like a lady. I feel so classy and elegant.

I feel very liberated.

'Carlos is going to absolutely love it.

'He's always wanting me to be more natural looking.'

Hates all the false hair - he thinks I hide behind it, which is true,

I always have.

I'm putting my trust in POD, and I know for a fact that Lynne oozes class, without

all the hair extensions and everything, so I know for a fact she's going to look...wow.

'I didn't fall in love with Lynne for the over-the-top look, I fell in love with her because she's her.'

Like it?

Yeah, you look...

brilliant, absolutely fabulous. You do. Love the hair, look at it!

-It's nice, isn't it?

-Wow...

Oh. I was pure...crying like anything, I couldn't even breathe.

Just...

..wow.

It was just...overwhelming.

I feel like a different person.

I feel like somebody's changed my skin!

You look absolutely sensational.

-Like it?

-I love the hair. It's just...

It's different, isn't it?

Feel it, feel how soft it is.

I can't believe the hair...

It's been the most surreal day. I feel like a different person, I feel

-so classy and sophisticated.

-Definitely.

Cheers! Here's to the new me.

Lynne looked a true natural beauty with her new look, but will she keep it up? We'll find out later.

First, I've been cruising the mean streets with the fashion police,

in search of anybody guilty of indecent exposure.

Put it away, love, I can see what you had for your breakfast!

There's nothing I hate more than seeing fat thighs and leggings.

Just wear something more appropriate! Doesn't look very nice.

I think camel toe is disgusting. Have you looked in the mirror?

I really don't like when guys are wearing their jeans underneath their

ass, and you can actually see their pants. It's not really classy.

Muffin tops are just horrible, because... Especially when people

have their midriffs out, it's all hanging over. It's just disgusting.

I hate back fat, cos it's so disgusting.

There's nothing I hate more than a guy with a builder's bum.

It's horrible. You're never going be fooled with that, are you?

Next up is a girl from the Valleys who likes to make her own cupcakes,

and she's not averse to showing them off either.

I'm Emma and I'm from Cardiff.

I'm 23, I'm a full-time mum, I'm busy, busy, busy, and I don't think

that just because you're a mum, that you should let it all go.

I've got quite a few things that are false about me, as you can probably tell.

Hair extensions, false eyelashes, fake boobs, false nails, fake tan...

I don't think really I could get more fake, to be honest.

I am a domestic goddess. If there was a definition in the dictionary it would have my name on it.

My favourite colour when I make things would definitely be pink.

Any pink cake, that's brilliant.

Pink with sprinkles on, awesome.

Food should be nice and pretty. You don't want like a bread and butter pudding or something like

that, no, cos that's quite dull and ugly - we want to go for the pink icing and the sprinkle.

I've got about...no word of a lie, about 140 pairs of shoes.

I buy about three pairs a week, it's ridiculous.

I've got about 50 pairs of hotpants. It's horrendous!

MUSIC: "Look At Me" by Geri Halliwell

I don't do it so that people look at me, or because I like

men whistling - cos I hate that, I REALLY hate that.

If every girl in the world dressed like me, then there'd be

nothing to look at any more, everyone would look beautiful.

So my advice to everyone would be, just make the most of yourself.

# Come on and look at me... #

POD, my cakes are perfectly baked. And let me tell you,

this domestic goddess has all the right ingredients -

so try and change me if you dare. Bring it on.

-Hello, beautiful.

-Hello!

-How are you today?

-I'm good.

-And I must say, you are just like a doll,

you're gorgeous - I want to take you and put you somewhere...

Your boobs are rather huge. Cos you are teeny-teeny-teeny tiny...

-They're not that big!

-..and then you've got these mahoosive knockers.

-They're not that big.

-They ARE big!

You've still got to wear the padded bras...

So you don't think your boobs are big?

No. I've got a bra on with it, you know, keeping the dress up.

I don't know - I just think fake suits me.

I don't think I'd suit, you know, natural. I'm just fake.

-And what size are these beauties?

-Erm...a 30F.

-That sounds big, it's not that big!

-30F. You know what F stands for?

-Bigger's better, I want them bigger.

-"Flippin' massive".

No, I'm going to have them bigger. Actually, I had them done a year ago today.

-# Happy birthday to you... #

-Yeah, they're one year old! Yay.

So why have you come for a makeunder today?

Well, let's be honest, I'm pretty fake.

I want to change. I don't want to be like this for ever.

I don't want to look like Nancy... Dell'Olio or whatever her name was, Sven-Goran Eriksson's wife,

cos that was a little bit over the top -

and people compare me to her, and I don't want to look like that when I'm older.

I need to tone it down a little bit, cos it is a bit extreme.

Right. Gorgeous, gorgeous Emma, I'm going to wish you luck in POD now,

and I'll see you on the other side when you're probably slightly paler.

Good luck!

-I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-I'm Emma.

You look like you're oven-ready.

Why the tinfoil frock?

EMMA LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY You're so funny.

It complements my tan.

But I do make tinfoil look good.

-Admit it.

-Well, it is a bit of a TURKEY of an outfit.

Don't you just want to eat me all up?

Not even at Christmas.

Call the fashion police!

They're on their way, I have them on speed dial.

They're coming to pick you up, that's why!

It's a bust.

Talking of busts... why did you have a boob job?

They were a birthday present.

What on earth did you get for Christmas, then?

Oh, yes. That would be the tinfoil.

-How old are you, Emma?

-23.

And how big were your boobs before?

They were... They were quite big - well, they were a C.

But then after I had my little one they went down to a B.

So, not to labour the baking theme but...like this?

Cherry Bakewells! Mmm.

-And what size are they now?

-They're an F.

-Like this?

-Chelsea buns!

-Don't sniff my buns, please.

-They smell nice.

They look good too, don't they? Don't you want to eat them?

Keep your buns to yourself please, and for goodness' sake don't go as far as Black Forest gateau.

Actually, that's one of my favourite cakes.

Well, let's see if the public think you are good enough to eat.

Initiate phase one, public analysis.

We asked the public, showing them a picture of you,

if they would want to snog, marry or avoid you.

What do you think they said?

Erm...

I think they probably said snog.

Play...

I would avoid this girl.

Looks like... She looks a bit trashy.

I think she thinks a bit too much of herself.

I love it!

I don't love myself, that's the funny thing.

I would avoid this girl - she's quite full on

and she would cause me a lot of problems.

Full on...

I suppose that is the impression I give but I'm really not at all like that.

I would definitely avoid this girl.

She looks like she's been baked under the sun

for a little bit too long.

Baked?! Well, at least they said

"baked in the sun" and not

"fell in a pool of fake tan". At least it looks a little bit natural.

I'm not sure that's quite the point, Emma.

Well, if you don't like THEIR verdicts then listen to mine.

POD's verdict is that you have too many additives and artificial colourings.

You should go for a more organic, natural you.

-Like a gone-off egg.

-No, it's your current look that stinks.

So, it's time for my god-awful

to domestic goddess makeunder.

You love it. You wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for people like me.

I can only dream of such a day.

Now, off with those artificial colourings.

Initiate phase two, deep cleanse.

Emma, in order to scrub you clean,

I need you to remove your bad-tasting bling.

You need to get with it, POD.

No, YOU need to get without it.

-Next up, lose the lashes.

-Damn you!

You'll thank me when you're a natural beauty.

They're really glued!

A-ha. One...

..two.

Well done. Next, put on your deep cleanse uniform.

It's not even pink! Actually it's the same one that I wore when I gave birth - takes me back.

Well, I like to think you're now giving birth to natural beauty.

Oh, look at my head! I look like a Moomin.

Moomins have much more style.

Oh...I've got fluff on my lip.

-Less lip from you and more scrubbing.

-There we go...

And here YOU go.

Initiate makeunder in three, two, one...

Thank you, POD.

What do you think of your outfit?

I'm loving this dress.

-And the hair?

-Also the hair -

and the make-up obviously is a lot toned down.

-What do you think?

-POD computes you look like a domestic goddess.

Thank you. I look a lot more sophisticated.

Well, let's see if the public agree.

We asked the general public, showing them a picture of you like this,

if they would want to snog, marry or avoid you. Play...

I'd snog her - she's got a really nice smile,

and I really, really like her eyes.

Well, you know...

I've got nice legs too but

they can't see that now!

I'd probably snog her, cos she looks really natural

and like she hasn't tried too hard.

Well...you know -

I could adapt this look.

I'd snog her. She looks quite attractive, and...

she's probably got a great personality.

Now, a whopping 100% of the public

-want to either snog you or marry you.

-Oh...

POD computes that you look like the icing on top of the cake,

and declares this makeunder a culinary masterpiece.

-Thank you, POD.

-Goodbye, Emma!

Bye-bye.

Da-naa! Surprise....

-Oh, you look lovely, Em.

-No - natural.

-You look lovely.

-Well...

You look so pretty, honestly. You look gorgeous.

Absolutely stunning, honestly.

-It's just a bit natural...

-I love your hair.

I know you're not used to it, but you look so pretty.

Do I look different? I do, don't I?

It's cos of the eye make-up and everything, there's hardly anything there. I feel naked.

-I love your nails.

-I know!

-I love the colour of my nails, and I love the ring.

-Oh, you look lush.

But your eyes look gorgeous.

Everything looks really nice, honestly. Lovely!

Earlier on we met Lynne, who was obsessed with false tan -

it even went on with a paint roller,

And POD toned it all down and gave her a beautiful natural look,

getting ready for her wedding day.

But has she kept it up, or has she gone back

to her bodybuilding, VERY brown ways?

-Let's meet her and find out. ..Hey, girl!

-Hiya.

-You look lovely.

-Nice and toned down.

-You look gorgeous today!

-Thank you.

You look so much more feminine.

I love the hair - I can get ready in five minutes

instead of five hours, which keeps Carlos happy as well.

At work I feel a lot more professional, and I feel more confident.

I went to a family party on Friday night there,

had a beautiful long dress, everybody loved my hair...

Well, I think you look absolutely gorgeous. Stand up...

JENNY WOLF-WHISTLES

You look fantastic. And not only do you LOOK great, you seem like

you've got so much more confidence, it's kind of oozing out of you.

I feel very relaxed. I feel as if I'm not...performing.

Well, Lynne, I can honestly say

I think this is my favourite makeunder, and it's a 100% success for POD,

which she's going to be very happy with, and a little bit smug, but have you got a message for her?

Well, POD, thank you very, very much.

I'm sure that my wedding day will be fantastic and I'll be a lovely, natural bride.

Hey!

Next up is someone who could have his own comic strip.

Batman and Catwoman better watch out. Is it a bird, is it a plane?

No, it's...Boy Kitten.

I am POD.

Who are you?

I'm Boy Kitten.

Kittens are cute - so why do YOU look so catastrophic?

Well, apparently I have a personality like a male cat.

Is that because you stay out all night and mark your territory with wee?

-Possibly.

-I'll have none of that in here.

-Yes, POD.

-What on earth have you come as?

It's a Japanese fashion called Elegant Gothic Lolita.

It's erm...based on childhood Victorian fashions.

What in POD's name are those on your feet?

These are what's called rocking horse shoes.

Do you have to be off your rocker to wear them?

Not at all. Erm...

They're actually really comfortable.

They look like boats.

Can you walk on water?

Actually I HAVE tried -

it all didn't end well.

POD wants to see what you're like when the claws come out,

and Boy Kitten turns into a wild cat.

You've gone from kitten to corset, and it looks like you haven't got

a cat in hell's chance of breathing with that thing on.

I think breathing is overrated, but actually I can breathe fine in it.

Why are you wearing a corset?

Well, this is erm...

loosely based on a Japanese fashion

called EGA. That stands for...

Or a dress sense that has...

Has that corset ever made you pass out?

Er...because it was made for me

it is er...designed to only compress at the waist,

and there's no pressure on the hips and minimal pressure on the chest.

You know, a lot of people will come up and just stroke the corset,

and not really say much.

They must be lost for words.

Yes. Yes, they certainly are that.

-POD has heard enough. Are you ready for my verdict?

-Yes, POD.

You're a fetish fan more than a fakery addict, who seems to be enjoying the chance

to experiment with an alternative look,

and POD would hate to stop you on your journey.

So you are...rejected from my makeunder programme.

Yes, POD.

But - be warned, my feline friend, POD will always be watching.

CAT WAILS

Do you remember the beautiful Emma from earlier on?

Well, she was going to the playground in very high heels,

and POD tried to tone it down a bit and make her into a yummy mummy.

But did she succeed, or has she gone back

to her skyscraper heel ways? Let's meet her and find out.

-Hello, gorgeous!

-Hello.

The fakery is back!

Back, with a vengeance.

Now, you seemed to like the look but I'm not 100% convinced.

Separately it was all really nice -

but just not all together, it was just so much of a change.

-Was it too extreme, too quickly, for you?

-Yeah.

Maybe gradually... over a couple of weeks, maybe?

But no - imagine waking up like that one morning

just completely different. It was...oh, it was a shock.

A really big shock.

This is really sad because you are a very, very beautiful girl,

and it seems like you don't feel confident unless you're like this...

No. And do you know what, I knew I would feel like that.

But we were trying to give you a look that you can go to the park in

and play with your baby, as opposed to tottering round in these high heels...

I mean, I'm not AS bad. It has taught me some lessons.

What have you learnt from this?

I think actually since, I probably haven't dressed up

to go to the park or something -

I think I've maybe just put a pair of Uggs on or something like that, you know?

So I'm feeling there's no love with you and POD.

No. Me and POD are over.

-Have you got a message for our POD?

-I do. POD, I'm sorry but you failed.

Big time. Don't call me again, I've deleted your number. Adios.

Well, that was a veritable feast for the eyes.

-I WAS cooking on gas today.

-It makes a change from you talking it.

How dare you? Nigella never gets treated like this.

That's just because I'm not there to tell her. Now it's time for you...to POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]