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POD, you've got your work cut out! | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
I'm Ellie Taylor and, if you're a fan of fakery, then listen up. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:17 | |
Because Snog, Marry, Avoid? is on tour, and we're ready to do battle. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:22 | |
Snog, Marry, Avoid's Personal Overhaul Device, POD, | 0:00:22 | 0:00:25 | |
is back with a vengeance. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
What is the fakest part of you? | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
My face. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
POD is hitting the streets of fake Britain with a major interface lift | 0:00:32 | 0:00:36 | |
along with an attitude upgrade. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:37 | |
And, be warned, she's bitchier than ever! | 0:00:37 | 0:00:41 | |
POD computes you look orange. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
-SHE LAUGHS -I look brown. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
-Orange. -Brown. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:47 | |
-Orange. -I look brown. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
Orange! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
Armed with new data, POD's natural beauty antennae | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
-have been twitching off the scale with alarming results. -ALARM | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
From Manchester to Newcastle, | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
Liverpool to Cardiff, | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
each week, we'll cross examine the culprits | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
who've turned their backs on natural beauty. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
-BOTH: -POD, please let us in? | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
In our first ever Snog, Marry, Avoid? national tour. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
What's going on here? You've got your rollers in! | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
POD will also set me the challenge of personally sampling | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
the very worst local style disasters. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:20 | |
SHE LAUGHS WILDLY | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
I am Wonder Wag! | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
If you can't beat them, I suppose we have to join them. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
This week, POD and the roadshow have moved to the south-east. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
-BOTH: -Shut up! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:34 | |
And a county famous for white stilettos, fake tan, | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
and Jodie Marsh. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
We're in Essex! | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
-Hiya, POD. -Hello, Ellie, come in. -Thank you. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
Hello, POD. We're in Essex, land of my birth. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:02 | |
Ellie, POD computes some Essex girls are so orange | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
they count as one of my five-a-day. Have you ever had a fake tan? | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
I had one once where you had to stand in a booth, | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
wear paper knickers and do that, and then gets sprayed. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
-It wasn't pretty. -It doesn't sound very glamorous. -It wasn't. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
In fact, it brings me on to your mission for today. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
You need to find out why the locals believe fake tan puts the "sex" into Essex. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:25 | |
-Do I need to get my David Dickenson on? -I'd rather you didn't. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
But POD's sure you'll go to any length to complete your mission. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
A wig-wearing DJ | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
who's after some natural beauty "decks" appeal. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
I think I look like a bit of a jumble sale. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
I try to blend in with the locals, with an orange Essex facial. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:48 | |
That is a true Essex glow, honey. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
Oh, my God, OMG. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:52 | |
And, POD meets a bleached blonde pole dancer whose mum's in despair. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:57 | |
Look at what she's wearing today. It's just ridiculous, isn't it? | 0:02:57 | 0:03:01 | |
Ooh! | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
Whether they're vajazzling or pajazzling, or just bedazzling, | 0:03:04 | 0:03:08 | |
Essex girls and guys certainly know how to catch your eye. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
Which means they won't be able to slip under POD's radar. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
Essex was once all stonewashed denims and white stilettos. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
But now, the trendsetters are sticking jewels on their Southend. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:23 | |
Welcome to the home of the vajazzle. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
-BOTH: -Hi, POD! | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
I'm here to do a vajazzle on my friend. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
I'm going to show you step-by-step how to do it. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
This sounds fascinating. Off you go, then. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
I've never had one myself. But, if it makes them happy, | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
and it's better than it being untidy down there. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
What about if the girl had a vajazzle done especially for you, | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
maybe with your name, or just your face? | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
-A bit creepy, really. -To look down there, | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
-and there's a glittery version of your face? -Yeah. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
What's it like, having fakery glued to your lady area? | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
Ooh, sexy. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
It's like a Christmas tree. If you only get it out a few hours a year, | 0:03:59 | 0:04:03 | |
-why not decorate it, innit? -HE GIGGLES | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
-Have you ever experienced a man with a pajazzle? -No, I haven't no. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:11 | |
What would you do if you came face to face, so to speak? | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
Then I'd be a little bit concerned if he should actually be with me anyway, to be honest. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
It's for girls, not for boys. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Pajazzle, you couldn't pay me enough money to have one, no way. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:24 | |
I'm going to tell my husband about this! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
It's a bit of a waste of time. Who sees that? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
You say why? We say, why not? | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
Hi, POD. I've just done a vajazzle on this gentleman. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
And he's got an arrow pointing down to his little bits. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:39 | |
First up is a girl who's in a long-term relationship with fakery. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
But will an intervention by POD lead to a much-needed break-up? | 0:04:48 | 0:04:53 | |
Hi, I'm Kelly, I'm 21. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
Pretty much everything is fake. Like, my hair's fake. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
The lashes. The nails. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
Nothing's really natural any more. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
My clothes and my outfits, | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
I'd say they're different, they're definitely unique. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
I like my boobs out. Like a bit of bum showing. Legs. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
Everything, really. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:17 | |
Living with Kelly is a nightmare. But I've seen so much of it, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
it doesn't matter what she comes down in now, it won't shock me. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
It's Kelly. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Look at those shoes! | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
KELLY LAUGHS | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
I like it. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
Look at what she's wearing today. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
It's ridiculous, isn't it? | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
Ooh! That door. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
She just looks absolutely hideous. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:44 | |
I think she hides behind the make-up a lot. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
To be honest with you, I've not seen the real Kelly for a long, long time. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:52 | |
On a night out, I am absolutely wild. I really let my hair down. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:03 | |
I'm always normally first on the dancefloor. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
I love to pole dance when I'm out. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:09 | |
If there is a pole, that's it, I'm there. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
I think she wears way too much make-up. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
She needs to tone it down with the tan. The cleavage, the bum. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
You've got to have one thing out, not everything out. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:22 | |
POD, I need to lose the fakery. So people can see the real Kelly. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
Can you please help me? I just don't know what to do! | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
Now, Kelly doesn't seem like she's a big fan of clothes, | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
which is a shame, because I've got a fleece that would fit her perfectly! | 0:06:31 | 0:06:35 | |
Anyway, let's go and have a chat. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
-Hello, Kelly, are you all right? -I'm good, thank you. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
-You haven't got many clothes on? -No. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
I like how you've got the long socks going up to keep you warm. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
But then you've missed this portion of your outfit. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
-I do like a bit of flesh out. -You have got quite a bit. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
Talk me through your fakery routine. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:52 | |
I have a sunbed for 12 minutes, that's how I get my tan. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
That's proper baked, man! | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
Then, with make-up, it's foundation, powder, bronzer. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:02 | |
Three different eye shadows that I use. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
And then, pencil eyeliner. Liquid eyeliner. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
Mascara. Eyebrow pencil. Lip liner. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:12 | |
-VOICE FADES OUT: -Lipstick, lip-gloss... | 0:07:12 | 0:07:13 | |
-DREAMLIKE VOICE: -'Hmm, chip-shop tea tonight. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
'Battered cod or a saveloy? | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
'Battered cod or a saveloy? Or maybe a pickle. No, no. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:21 | |
'Nice, meaty saveloy, every time.' | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Doubled-up eyelashes, not single ones, short ones, | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
it's got to be really long and thick. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
So why wide you want to come and see POD, then? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
So people can take me more seriously. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
I want more people to think, "She looks very professional." | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
Instead of, "She looks tacky," all that sort of thing. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
It doesn't sound like there's any time to waste. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
-POD awaits. -I'm really excited. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
Who are you? | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
-I am Kelly. -Kelly? -Yes? | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
Why are you dressed like a ballerina stripper? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
-KELLY LAUGHS -I'm not dressed like a ballerina stripper! | 0:07:57 | 0:08:01 | |
What are you dressed like, then? | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
I'd describe it as, sort of, like Barbie/Essex/princess. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
-There's a lot of slashing going on. -Yeah. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
Not a lot of style. KELLY GIGGLES | 0:08:09 | 0:08:12 | |
Why have you come to POD for a make-under? | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
I want to prove to people that I'm not just a typical blonde. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:18 | |
Well, you're not a natural blonde. So are you a dumb blonde? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
No! I'm not a dumb blonde, POD, I think I'm quite intelligent. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
-Prove it, tell me something interesting. -Um... | 0:08:24 | 0:08:28 | |
To put eyelashes on. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:29 | |
SHE GIGGLES | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
Let's just move on, Kelly. Should we find out what the general public think of your look? | 0:08:31 | 0:08:36 | |
-Yes, POD. -Run phase one. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Kelly, I asked the general public if they would snog, marry or avoid you. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:45 | |
What do you think they said? | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
I think they said "snog", POD. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
I'd avoid, plainly just because she's a bit too common, | 0:08:50 | 0:08:54 | |
a bit too fake. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:55 | |
SHE GIGGLES | 0:08:55 | 0:08:56 | |
I don't think I'm common at all, POD! | 0:08:56 | 0:09:00 | |
I'd probably avoid, because she's got too much make-up on. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
She's not really my type. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:04 | |
Why? How can I not be someone's type? I don't understand. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:09 | |
I would snog this girl because she looks easy, | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
and I think, on a night out, she would definitely be game for a snog | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
and probably something else. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
SHE GIGGLES | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
I can't believe that, that's such an insult. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
20% do want to snog you. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
But, a staggering 80% of the public | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
wanted to get as far away from you as possible. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
No, POD! | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
POD computes your look is a tangerine peroxide problem. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
SHE GIGGLES | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
And, you need my... | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
I like the sound of that, POD. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:41 | |
Run phase two. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
Remove all of your fakery. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Now, it is time for you to take off those ridiculously high stilts. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:54 | |
Oops. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
Look, see how short I am now, POD. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:58 | |
I'm very tiny! | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
-Hold them up nice and high. -There. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
Now you look like a little oompa-loompa. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
-Shall I chuck them away? -Yes, please. -OK. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
THUDDING | 0:10:09 | 0:10:10 | |
Kelly, watch my hard drive. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
-Are you prepared for me to be bald, POD? -Just get on with it! | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
That's one. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
Two. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:21 | |
Three. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
And four. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
Hold them up. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
It looks like you've skinned an Afghan hound. KELLY GIGGLES | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
Come on, get scrubbing. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:36 | |
Do I have to take the eyebrows off as well, POD? | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
ALL your make-up. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
Oh, no. My eyebrows are going to disappear. Going to look like I haven't got any. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:46 | |
Hold up that pad. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
And that's not all of it, yet! Look at that one! | 0:10:49 | 0:10:53 | |
Oh, dear! Run the make-under. In three, two, one. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
Oh, dear! I look like an old lady. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
No, you look like a young beauty. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
I like the shoes, and I like the tights. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
And I don't mind the top and shorts, really. Yeah. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
Now, the big question. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
Do you think you're more likely to get a job with this look, or your old one? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
-I'd be taken more seriously looking like this. -Why? | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
Because obviously I've got more clothes on. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
And my hair's not so bright and in your face. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
POD computes you do in fact look extremely pretty. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
-SHE GIGGLES -Thank you. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
Earlier, 80% of the public wanted to avoid you. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:38 | |
Do you think they now want to snog, marry or avoid you? | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
I think they said "snog", POD. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
-I'd snog her, because she's quite attractive. -Hurray. That's nice. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:48 | |
I'd give her a little kissy, and see if it leads to a snog. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
-SHE GIGGLES -That's cheeky. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:54 | |
I'd marry her, because she looks pretty sophisticated, | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
and she looks really nice. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
Aw, that's much better than the other ones, POD. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:02 | |
A whopping 90% of the public now want to snog you. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
Ah, that's nice. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:06 | |
And the other 10% want to marry you. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
-Ah, so no "avoids" then, POD? -None at all. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
POD computes it's been ever so much fun talking to you, Kelly. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:15 | |
Oh, thank you, you too, POD. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
-Goodbye. -Bye! | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
I'm just outside Katie's house. And we're going to go in | 0:12:21 | 0:12:24 | |
-to see my mum and Kate. But I'm very nervous. -SHE GIGGLES | 0:12:24 | 0:12:29 | |
-I just want the old Kelly back. -The old Kelly. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
Really something natural. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:32 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
-We're really excited and we can't wait. -Can't wait. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
-Oh, my God? -Oh, my God, I love it, I love it. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:43 | |
-Your hair. -Let me look at your hair. Turn round. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:46 | |
-It looks beautiful. -Oh, it is absolutely gorgeous, Kelly. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
I hope she realises that she doesn't need all the make-up | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
to look like, beautiful, because she is a beautiful girl. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:56 | |
Love the hair. You've just got volume to it now, | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
and I love the clothes she's wearing, that she's actually wearing clothes. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:02 | |
I really liked it. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
So it's cheered me up, made me feel more confident. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
-Hug it out! -Oh. I've got my Kelly back again. Lovely. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:12 | |
I think people will take her more seriously | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
because she looks more sophisticated, which is lovely. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
-Kelly's back. -Yeah, Kelly's back. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:22 | |
It seems that Essex girls love faking it. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
Well, I've never faked anything in my life. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
Well, there was this one time, but I don't think the bloke noticed. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
Anyway, I want to see if the future's bright when the future's orange. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:36 | |
Well, that's what will happen if you sunbathe with a long-sleeved top on! | 0:13:36 | 0:13:40 | |
I've had an Essex facial. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
So long as the locals don't notice my pasty white legs, | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
I'm going to blend right in. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
That is a true Essex glow, honey. You've got the true Essex glow. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
-Do you think so, honey? -Yeah, I do. -Oh my God, OMG. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
Do you think my face looks very orange? | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
Considering we're in Chelmsford, not really. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:01 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:14:01 | 0:14:02 | |
There's some people laughing at me over there. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
It's never a good look when people are laughing at you. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
What do you make of this face? | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
Mm. It's slightly orange. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
-Do you not think it's a little bit over the top? -No. Not at all. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
Do you think we should be proud to be the orange county? | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
-Yes. I do. Orange and proud. -SHE LAUGHS | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
-Do you think I'm the same colour as this? -Not quite. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:30 | |
It's a good fake tan, but it's definitely not orange. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
-Do you think I need a bit more? -No, not a pretty girl like yourself. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:36 | |
Now, the worrying thing about this tan | 0:14:36 | 0:14:39 | |
is that pretty much everyone I asked has really like it. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
Although I'm pretty sure there's going to be one person who won't. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
-Knockedy knock-knock. -Alert, alert! Get in here now! | 0:14:47 | 0:14:51 | |
-Well, hello. -What on Earth has happened to your face, Ellie? | 0:14:53 | 0:14:58 | |
-Are you not liking it then? -It looks radioactive. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
It looks like I've been sunbathing with some kind of long-sleeved coat on. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
I don't want to hear about your white bits. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Are the streets of Essex full of orange girls? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:09 | |
I've seen a few. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:11 | |
Quite a few of the girls who I asked what they thought of my tan, and liked it, were quite... | 0:15:11 | 0:15:16 | |
this colour. So, yeah, I think I could blend in reasonably well. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
POD computes your face is a disgrace. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
Ellie computes the same, POD. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
Go and wash that off immediately. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
Next up is a DJ whose obsession with fakery is sure to put POD into a spin. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:35 | |
Hi, everybody, I'm Bam Bo Tang. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
I'm a DJ from London. And welcome to my crazy world. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
I have been DJing for 10 years, all over the country and the world. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:47 | |
I think every girl likes to dress up when they go out. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
So, this is kind of an accessory to my music. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
It's a horrendously good excuse to dress however you like, | 0:15:57 | 0:16:01 | |
and get away with it, basically. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:04 | |
My style is a bit different to everyone else's | 0:16:04 | 0:16:06 | |
I certainly stand out. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
I can't really help it, it's kind of me. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
The things which make me look different is obviously my hair. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
And I'm very big on big necklaces and chains. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
I've always been a bit different. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
It started off a lot smaller scale. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
Now, it's just, kind of, snowballed. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
Every part of my body's now decorated. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
I look like a bit of a jumble sale. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
Times change, because I've reached a new era in my life and I'm married now. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:40 | |
I'd mostly like to change the huge hair. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:46 | |
I hope that POD will look at Lucy | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
and bring out a natural essence, really. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
I think she can look great, just in a tracksuit, | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
and just her hair down, chilling, more than anything else. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
Without the accessories, without the madness, without the big glasses. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
Hi, POD, Bam here. I'm really looking forward to my make-under. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:05 | |
It's a new point in my life, so just do it, girl! | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
Oh, yes! | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
Well, Bam Bo certainly knows how to spin a tune. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
I wonder if she's got that one that goes... | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
SHE HUMS THE BIRDIE SONG | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
No, probably not! | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
-Well, you look a little bit bonkers. -Thanks very much. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
-What is going on? -My best outfit for POD. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
I think she's going to hate it, so you've done quite a good job. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
What's on your head? | 0:17:27 | 0:17:28 | |
I've got a Mohican on my head. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
I thought, if I'm going to take on POD, I need to be a bit of a tribal warrior and take her on. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:34 | |
-Do you always wear that? -No, because it doesn't fit in the car! | 0:17:34 | 0:17:37 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
So, unless I go in sideways, like that... | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
What are your reasons for coming to see POD, then? | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
I would love for POD to do me a fantastic make-under, | 0:17:43 | 0:17:47 | |
and for David to see me all gorgeous, | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
and for his eyeballs to fall out of his head with happiness, basically. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:54 | |
-So, you're just married? -Yes. -And you're kind of thinking of having kids? | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
Definitely. I'd love that so much. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
What would they make, like, if you had kids, and you dressed like this? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
I don't know. I think, if my mum dressed like this, I'd be definitely embarrassed. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:08 | |
I know you're at a crossroads in your life. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
I've got a quiz for you, to work out whether you want | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
to stick with the DJing, or maybe become a bit of an Earth mother. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:16 | |
There's two choices. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:17 | |
Bottle of Champers, bottle of breast milk? | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
Oh, my God, that's so rank. Definitely champagne! | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
Don't call breast milk "rank". | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
Drop a beat, or drop the kids off? | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
-SHE SNORTS -Drop the kids off with the beats in the car, yeah. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:33 | |
OK, and the last one. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Cracking tune, or cracked nipples? | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
-Cracking tune! -Every time. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
From my quiz, and it's quite scientific, | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
I think maybe you're not quite ready to be a mum just yet. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:46 | |
Maybe work on the remix of the Wheels On The Bus, and then you go for it, love. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:50 | |
-Thank you. -SHE LAUGHS | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
All the very best of luck, then, Bam Bo. And POD awaits. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
I'm really excited, I can't wait to see what she's going to do. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
BAM SQUEALS I am Pod. The Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you? | 0:19:04 | 0:19:09 | |
I am Bam Bo Tang. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
-Are you a hippy? -No, I'm definitely not a hippy. I'm far too noisy to be a hippy. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:15 | |
You don't spend your time trekking around Asia doing drumming circles | 0:19:15 | 0:19:19 | |
-and telling people you're on a "gap yah"? -No, POD. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:23 | |
Why do you have dreadlocks? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
I have dreadlocks because I think it looks cool. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
-Bam Bo Tang. -Yes, POD. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
-A fake name, POD does not compute. -What are you really called? | 0:19:30 | 0:19:34 | |
My real name is Lucy. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:35 | |
-Lucy? That's a lovely name. -Do you think so, POD? Thank you very much. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
POD computes you look a bit like a dreadlocked, crusty cockatoo. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
BAM LAUGHS | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
You're just a crusty old toaster. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
But I'm not the one with a dead chicken my head. POD CLUCKS | 0:19:46 | 0:19:49 | |
-SHE LAUGHS -It's not a dead chicken! | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
Do you apply your make-up by repeatedly head-butting your make-up case? | 0:19:51 | 0:19:56 | |
No, I do not. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
Do you know what? I've actually spent ages getting ready for you today, | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
so I think you're being really nasty. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
What do you think your look says about you to the general public? | 0:20:04 | 0:20:08 | |
I think it says that I'm a fun-loving person, that I'm confident | 0:20:08 | 0:20:12 | |
and that I'm extra shiny and I need to be looked at. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
Shall we find out? | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
Run phase one. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
I asked the general public if they would snog, marry or avoid this girl. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
What do you think they said? | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
I think they said snog. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
I'd have to avoid, probably cos she's got dreadlocks. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:31 | |
Oh, my God, dreadlocks, argh! | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
-It's not that bad, is it, really? -Yes. -No, it's not, POD. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:38 | |
-I'd probably snog her cos I'm a bit desperate, so... -SHE LAUGHS | 0:20:38 | 0:20:42 | |
Oh, God. Oh God. That's not good, is it? | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
I'd avoid because of the hair, the nails, | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
I don't like the colour of the hair and the eyebrows are quite large. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:54 | |
Oh, well, they don't like anything, do they? | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
In fact, 10% of the public do want to snog you. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:59 | |
Unfortunately, the other 90% want to get as far away from you as possible. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:03 | |
You're lying. 90%? | 0:21:03 | 0:21:06 | |
POD computes you are a dreadfully dreaded fake freak. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:10 | |
And, you need my... | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
-Are you ready for the next stage? -OK, come on, then. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
Run phase two. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
Remove all of your fakery. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
I can't believe you're doing this to me, this is horrible. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
-Come on! -Argh! | 0:21:31 | 0:21:32 | |
That really hurt. See, I'm actually suffering pain for you. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:36 | |
-Put on your deep cleanse uniform. -Ugh. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
It's like an old lady's been sitting in it. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Get rid of that poultry headwear. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
I really don't want to. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
Bam Bo! Ding dong. You're looking beautiful. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:52 | |
Shut up. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
What is this? | 0:21:54 | 0:21:55 | |
It's going on your head. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
You're testing our friendship, POD, big-time. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
Scrub that fakery off your face. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:03 | |
I don't think it wants to come off, you know. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
-All of it. -God, it look so eurgh. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
-Hold up those wipes. -No! -Let me see them. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
BAM GIGGLES | 0:22:11 | 0:22:12 | |
Run the make-under in... Three, two, one. | 0:22:12 | 0:22:17 | |
Oh, my God! Wow, that's different. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:28 | |
It's really cute. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
-What do you think? -Yes, I quite like this. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
I look like such a lady, I look very respectable, don't I? | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
You are now Lucy the lady. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:39 | |
Wait, let me perfect my wave. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
-BOTH IN A POSH VOICE: Oh, hello! -Oh, hello. -Hello. -Hello. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:46 | |
Previously, 90% of the public wanted to avoid Bam Bo Tang. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
Do you think they now want to snog, marry or avoid Lady Lucy? | 0:22:49 | 0:22:54 | |
I think they said, er...snog. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:59 | |
-I'd snog her, because she's very attractive. -Yay. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
Very attractive? OK. Thank you very much. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
-I'd snog her because she has really pretty eyes. -Have I? | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
You can actually see them now, I suppose. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:08 | |
-Yes, it's quite nice to see your eyes. -Oh. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
This girl is not to snog, this girl is to marry. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
Oh! Lovely. That's my favourite one, I think. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
-70% of the public do indeed want to snog you. -Wow, that's a lot. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:22 | |
The other 30% want to marry you, that's an impressive result, Lady Lucy. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:27 | |
-I could get used to this. -I hope you do. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
-Goodbye, Lucy. -Bye, POD, thank you. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:32 | |
I am really excited to see my lovely husband David now and show him the new me. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:42 | |
Definitely excited about seeing the way she looks. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
I'm used to crazy hair and stuff. | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
I hope, I just hope they did something nice and elegant with her. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:50 | |
-Hello! -Oh, my God! Look at that! | 0:23:53 | 0:23:57 | |
Wow, baby, you look amazing. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:00 | |
'He looked very happy, didn't he? I think he likes it.' | 0:24:00 | 0:24:02 | |
Thumbs up. Win, win. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
-Yeah, you look fantastic, baby. Honestly, really, really great. -Good. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:09 | |
Lucy's new look is absolutely amazing. It is classy. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:13 | |
It's quite reserved, but not too much, because the legs are out. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:16 | |
I feel very, very grown up. But I feel a bit stifled. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:19 | |
So don't know how I'm going to DJ in it. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
In all fairness, if you can DJ with a chain full of burgers | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
-and ice creams and whistles, I'm sure you can DJ in a blazer. -Yes. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:27 | |
Thank you very much for having me. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:29 | |
I love my new look, you've done a fantastic job. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:32 | |
So don't get too much of a big head, please! | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
-Cheers, POD, thank you very much. -Thank you, POD, Cheers. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
Earlier, we met Kelly, who had lots of blonde hair and a corset | 0:24:40 | 0:24:44 | |
and not much else. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:45 | |
After she's had her run-in with POD, how she kept her more grown-up look? | 0:24:45 | 0:24:50 | |
Yes, you have, because you've got a suit jacket on! | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
You're a professional now. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
I've been like this, you know, I think it does look a lot better. | 0:24:57 | 0:25:00 | |
If I do get job interviews and things like that, if I turn up looking like this, | 0:25:00 | 0:25:04 | |
they're more likely to take me a lot more seriously | 0:25:04 | 0:25:06 | |
than look at me I think, "Oh, dear, what have we got here?" kind of thing. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
How did everyone receive this new look? | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
Friends came up to me and said, "Oh, my gosh, you look much better. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
"You look more classy. And it suits you so much having short hair." | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
In a way, it made me think, | 0:25:19 | 0:25:21 | |
they're giving me loads of compliments now, what did they think of me before? | 0:25:21 | 0:25:26 | |
Do you have a final message for POD, then? | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
Just, thank you, POD, for doing the make-under, | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
it's given me a lot more confidence, | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
and I wouldn't have had it without you. | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
POD is out to convince British guys and gals to sling the slap | 0:25:44 | 0:25:48 | |
and finish with fake tan. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:49 | |
And it's going to be tough in a place called... | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
-ALL: -Essex! | 0:25:51 | 0:25:54 | |
What else do you think about, apart from fakery? | 0:25:54 | 0:25:58 | |
Nothing, really, POD! | 0:25:58 | 0:25:59 | |
-BOTH: -Hi, POD. Let us Essex girls in! | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
We are typical Essex girls because... | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
We are fun. Sexy. Outrageous. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:10 | |
Don't you mean you're trashy, tacky and have no taste? | 0:26:10 | 0:26:14 | |
-BOTH: -Shut up! | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
-Hi, POD. -Hello, come in. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
Take those off. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:22 | |
Now POD understands why you're wearing sunglasses. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:26 | |
Bitch! | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
-Could you do POD a favour? -Yes, POD? | 0:26:28 | 0:26:31 | |
Could you lift your hands to your face? | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
POD computes you are natural beauties. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
-Oh, thanks. -Thank you. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:40 | |
Apart from the bleached blonde one in the middle. THEY LAUGH | 0:26:40 | 0:26:45 | |
Thanks! That's natural! | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
Earlier, we met Bam Bo Tang, | 0:26:49 | 0:26:50 | |
who went from a dreaded Mohawk | 0:26:50 | 0:26:52 | |
feathery kind of weird lady | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
to an absolutely beautiful screen siren. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:56 | |
But, has she kept her look? | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
-I'm so delighted to say that you have. -Hey! | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
-You look phenomenal. -Thank you. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
Honestly, the hair is like you've stepped out of some Hollywood salon. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:07 | |
-I know. -It's fabulous. -The hair's lovely. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:09 | |
-What did you make of all the clothes, then? -Yeah, I liked the clothes, | 0:27:09 | 0:27:13 | |
but they're not, they're completely the opposite of me. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
I thought they were a little bit too Kate Middleton. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:19 | |
So, yeah, the bling is back a little bit. | 0:27:19 | 0:27:21 | |
I think you would make a fantastic mother at the school gates now. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:24 | |
-I know. Would you be proud of me? -I totally would. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
Do you have a final message for POD? | 0:27:26 | 0:27:28 | |
POD, thank you very much for making me look like royalty and such a lady. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:32 | |
Erm, the clothes are not going to get binned yet. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:36 | |
So, sorry about that, but all in all I think you're probably OK with it. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:40 | |
-Hiya, POD. -Ah, there you are, Ellie. Come in. -Thank you. | 0:27:44 | 0:27:48 | |
Hiya, POD. I think we have well and truly done Essex. | 0:27:50 | 0:27:55 | |
POD's just pleased you've done away with the orange radioactive glow you had earlier. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:59 | |
I got through about 20 face wipes, honestly. It was disgusting. | 0:27:59 | 0:28:03 | |
Would you say the residents of Essex need to lighten up? | 0:28:03 | 0:28:06 | |
Overall, yes. Tanning does seem to be quite important to them. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:09 | |
Silicon, peroxide and streaky tans do not compute. Get back out there, Ellie. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:14 | |
-ESSEX ACCENT: -Afraid not, I'm going out with Tracey and Stacey, we're going down Baz Vegas. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:18 | |
Then I've got to go and polish my white stilettos. Soz. You can pod off, babes. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:23 | |
Subtitled by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:43 | 0:28:46 |