Kelly and DJ Bam Bo Tang Snog Marry Avoid?


Kelly and DJ Bam Bo Tang

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Transcript


LineFromTo

POD, you've got your work cut out!

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SHE LAUGHS

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I'm Ellie Taylor and, if you're a fan of fakery, then listen up.

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Because Snog, Marry, Avoid? is on tour, and we're ready to do battle.

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Snog, Marry, Avoid's Personal Overhaul Device, POD,

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is back with a vengeance.

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What is the fakest part of you?

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My face.

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POD is hitting the streets of fake Britain with a major interface lift

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along with an attitude upgrade.

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And, be warned, she's bitchier than ever!

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POD computes you look orange.

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-SHE LAUGHS

-I look brown.

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-Orange.

-Brown.

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-Orange.

-I look brown.

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Orange!

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Armed with new data, POD's natural beauty antennae

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-have been twitching off the scale with alarming results.

-ALARM

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From Manchester to Newcastle,

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Liverpool to Cardiff,

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each week, we'll cross examine the culprits

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who've turned their backs on natural beauty.

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-BOTH:

-POD, please let us in?

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In our first ever Snog, Marry, Avoid? national tour.

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What's going on here? You've got your rollers in!

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POD will also set me the challenge of personally sampling

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the very worst local style disasters.

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SHE LAUGHS WILDLY

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I am Wonder Wag!

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If you can't beat them, I suppose we have to join them.

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This week, POD and the roadshow have moved to the south-east.

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-BOTH:

-Shut up!

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And a county famous for white stilettos, fake tan,

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and Jodie Marsh.

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We're in Essex!

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-Hiya, POD.

-Hello, Ellie, come in.

-Thank you.

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Hello, POD. We're in Essex, land of my birth.

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Ellie, POD computes some Essex girls are so orange

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they count as one of my five-a-day. Have you ever had a fake tan?

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I had one once where you had to stand in a booth,

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wear paper knickers and do that, and then gets sprayed.

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-It wasn't pretty.

-It doesn't sound very glamorous.

-It wasn't.

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In fact, it brings me on to your mission for today.

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You need to find out why the locals believe fake tan puts the "sex" into Essex.

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-Do I need to get my David Dickenson on?

-I'd rather you didn't.

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But POD's sure you'll go to any length to complete your mission.

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A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

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A wig-wearing DJ

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who's after some natural beauty "decks" appeal.

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I think I look like a bit of a jumble sale.

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I try to blend in with the locals, with an orange Essex facial.

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That is a true Essex glow, honey.

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Oh, my God, OMG.

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And, POD meets a bleached blonde pole dancer whose mum's in despair.

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Look at what she's wearing today. It's just ridiculous, isn't it?

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Ooh!

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Whether they're vajazzling or pajazzling, or just bedazzling,

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Essex girls and guys certainly know how to catch your eye.

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Which means they won't be able to slip under POD's radar.

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Essex was once all stonewashed denims and white stilettos.

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But now, the trendsetters are sticking jewels on their Southend.

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Welcome to the home of the vajazzle.

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-BOTH:

-Hi, POD!

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I'm here to do a vajazzle on my friend.

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I'm going to show you step-by-step how to do it.

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This sounds fascinating. Off you go, then.

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I've never had one myself. But, if it makes them happy,

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and it's better than it being untidy down there.

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What about if the girl had a vajazzle done especially for you,

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maybe with your name, or just your face?

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-A bit creepy, really.

-To look down there,

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-and there's a glittery version of your face?

-Yeah.

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What's it like, having fakery glued to your lady area?

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Ooh, sexy.

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It's like a Christmas tree. If you only get it out a few hours a year,

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-why not decorate it, innit?

-HE GIGGLES

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-Have you ever experienced a man with a pajazzle?

-No, I haven't no.

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What would you do if you came face to face, so to speak?

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Then I'd be a little bit concerned if he should actually be with me anyway, to be honest.

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It's for girls, not for boys.

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Pajazzle, you couldn't pay me enough money to have one, no way.

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I'm going to tell my husband about this!

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It's a bit of a waste of time. Who sees that?

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You say why? We say, why not?

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Hi, POD. I've just done a vajazzle on this gentleman.

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And he's got an arrow pointing down to his little bits.

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First up is a girl who's in a long-term relationship with fakery.

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But will an intervention by POD lead to a much-needed break-up?

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Hi, I'm Kelly, I'm 21.

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Pretty much everything is fake. Like, my hair's fake.

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The lashes. The nails.

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Nothing's really natural any more.

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My clothes and my outfits,

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I'd say they're different, they're definitely unique.

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I like my boobs out. Like a bit of bum showing. Legs.

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Everything, really.

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Living with Kelly is a nightmare. But I've seen so much of it,

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it doesn't matter what she comes down in now, it won't shock me.

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It's Kelly.

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Look at those shoes!

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KELLY LAUGHS

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I like it.

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Look at what she's wearing today.

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It's ridiculous, isn't it?

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Ooh! That door.

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She just looks absolutely hideous.

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I think she hides behind the make-up a lot.

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To be honest with you, I've not seen the real Kelly for a long, long time.

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On a night out, I am absolutely wild. I really let my hair down.

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I'm always normally first on the dancefloor.

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I love to pole dance when I'm out.

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If there is a pole, that's it, I'm there.

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I think she wears way too much make-up.

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She needs to tone it down with the tan. The cleavage, the bum.

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You've got to have one thing out, not everything out.

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POD, I need to lose the fakery. So people can see the real Kelly.

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Can you please help me? I just don't know what to do!

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Now, Kelly doesn't seem like she's a big fan of clothes,

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which is a shame, because I've got a fleece that would fit her perfectly!

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Anyway, let's go and have a chat.

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-Hello, Kelly, are you all right?

-I'm good, thank you.

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-You haven't got many clothes on?

-No.

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I like how you've got the long socks going up to keep you warm.

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But then you've missed this portion of your outfit.

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-I do like a bit of flesh out.

-You have got quite a bit.

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Talk me through your fakery routine.

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I have a sunbed for 12 minutes, that's how I get my tan.

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That's proper baked, man!

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Then, with make-up, it's foundation, powder, bronzer.

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Three different eye shadows that I use.

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And then, pencil eyeliner. Liquid eyeliner.

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Mascara. Eyebrow pencil. Lip liner.

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-VOICE FADES OUT:

-Lipstick, lip-gloss...

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-DREAMLIKE VOICE:

-'Hmm, chip-shop tea tonight.

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'Battered cod or a saveloy?

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'Battered cod or a saveloy? Or maybe a pickle. No, no.

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'Nice, meaty saveloy, every time.'

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Doubled-up eyelashes, not single ones, short ones,

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it's got to be really long and thick.

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So why wide you want to come and see POD, then?

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So people can take me more seriously.

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I want more people to think, "She looks very professional."

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Instead of, "She looks tacky," all that sort of thing.

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It doesn't sound like there's any time to waste.

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-POD awaits.

-I'm really excited.

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I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.

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Who are you?

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-I am Kelly.

-Kelly?

-Yes?

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Why are you dressed like a ballerina stripper?

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-KELLY LAUGHS

-I'm not dressed like a ballerina stripper!

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What are you dressed like, then?

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I'd describe it as, sort of, like Barbie/Essex/princess.

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-There's a lot of slashing going on.

-Yeah.

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Not a lot of style. KELLY GIGGLES

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Why have you come to POD for a make-under?

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I want to prove to people that I'm not just a typical blonde.

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Well, you're not a natural blonde. So are you a dumb blonde?

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No! I'm not a dumb blonde, POD, I think I'm quite intelligent.

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-Prove it, tell me something interesting.

-Um...

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To put eyelashes on.

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SHE GIGGLES

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Let's just move on, Kelly. Should we find out what the general public think of your look?

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-Yes, POD.

-Run phase one.

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Kelly, I asked the general public if they would snog, marry or avoid you.

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What do you think they said?

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I think they said "snog", POD.

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I'd avoid, plainly just because she's a bit too common,

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a bit too fake.

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SHE GIGGLES

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I don't think I'm common at all, POD!

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I'd probably avoid, because she's got too much make-up on.

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She's not really my type.

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Why? How can I not be someone's type? I don't understand.

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I would snog this girl because she looks easy,

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and I think, on a night out, she would definitely be game for a snog

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and probably something else.

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SHE GIGGLES

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I can't believe that, that's such an insult.

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20% do want to snog you.

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But, a staggering 80% of the public

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wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

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No, POD!

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POD computes your look is a tangerine peroxide problem.

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SHE GIGGLES

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And, you need my...

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I like the sound of that, POD.

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Run phase two.

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Remove all of your fakery.

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Now, it is time for you to take off those ridiculously high stilts.

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Oops.

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Look, see how short I am now, POD.

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I'm very tiny!

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-Hold them up nice and high.

-There.

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Now you look like a little oompa-loompa.

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-Shall I chuck them away?

-Yes, please.

-OK.

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THUDDING

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Kelly, watch my hard drive.

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-Are you prepared for me to be bald, POD?

-Just get on with it!

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That's one.

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Two.

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Three.

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And four.

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Hold them up.

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It looks like you've skinned an Afghan hound. KELLY GIGGLES

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Come on, get scrubbing.

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Do I have to take the eyebrows off as well, POD?

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ALL your make-up.

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Oh, no. My eyebrows are going to disappear. Going to look like I haven't got any.

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Hold up that pad.

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And that's not all of it, yet! Look at that one!

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Oh, dear! Run the make-under. In three, two, one.

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Oh, dear! I look like an old lady.

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No, you look like a young beauty.

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I like the shoes, and I like the tights.

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And I don't mind the top and shorts, really. Yeah.

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Now, the big question.

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Do you think you're more likely to get a job with this look, or your old one?

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-I'd be taken more seriously looking like this.

-Why?

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Because obviously I've got more clothes on.

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And my hair's not so bright and in your face.

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POD computes you do in fact look extremely pretty.

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-SHE GIGGLES

-Thank you.

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Earlier, 80% of the public wanted to avoid you.

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Do you think they now want to snog, marry or avoid you?

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I think they said "snog", POD.

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-I'd snog her, because she's quite attractive.

-Hurray. That's nice.

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I'd give her a little kissy, and see if it leads to a snog.

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-SHE GIGGLES

-That's cheeky.

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I'd marry her, because she looks pretty sophisticated,

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and she looks really nice.

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Aw, that's much better than the other ones, POD.

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A whopping 90% of the public now want to snog you.

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Ah, that's nice.

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And the other 10% want to marry you.

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-Ah, so no "avoids" then, POD?

-None at all.

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POD computes it's been ever so much fun talking to you, Kelly.

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Oh, thank you, you too, POD.

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-Goodbye.

-Bye!

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I'm just outside Katie's house. And we're going to go in

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-to see my mum and Kate. But I'm very nervous.

-SHE GIGGLES

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-I just want the old Kelly back.

-The old Kelly.

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Really something natural.

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SHE LAUGHS

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-We're really excited and we can't wait.

-Can't wait.

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THEY SCREAM

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-Oh, my God?

-Oh, my God, I love it, I love it.

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-Your hair.

-Let me look at your hair. Turn round.

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-It looks beautiful.

-Oh, it is absolutely gorgeous, Kelly.

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I hope she realises that she doesn't need all the make-up

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to look like, beautiful, because she is a beautiful girl.

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Love the hair. You've just got volume to it now,

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and I love the clothes she's wearing, that she's actually wearing clothes.

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I really liked it.

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So it's cheered me up, made me feel more confident.

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-Hug it out!

-Oh. I've got my Kelly back again. Lovely.

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I think people will take her more seriously

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because she looks more sophisticated, which is lovely.

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-Kelly's back.

-Yeah, Kelly's back.

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It seems that Essex girls love faking it.

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Well, I've never faked anything in my life.

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Well, there was this one time, but I don't think the bloke noticed.

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Anyway, I want to see if the future's bright when the future's orange.

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Well, that's what will happen if you sunbathe with a long-sleeved top on!

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I've had an Essex facial.

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So long as the locals don't notice my pasty white legs,

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I'm going to blend right in.

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That is a true Essex glow, honey. You've got the true Essex glow.

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-Do you think so, honey?

-Yeah, I do.

-Oh my God, OMG.

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Do you think my face looks very orange?

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Considering we're in Chelmsford, not really.

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SHE LAUGHS

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There's some people laughing at me over there.

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It's never a good look when people are laughing at you.

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What do you make of this face?

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Mm. It's slightly orange.

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-Do you not think it's a little bit over the top?

-No. Not at all.

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Do you think we should be proud to be the orange county?

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-Yes. I do. Orange and proud.

-SHE LAUGHS

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-Do you think I'm the same colour as this?

-Not quite.

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It's a good fake tan, but it's definitely not orange.

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-Do you think I need a bit more?

-No, not a pretty girl like yourself.

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Now, the worrying thing about this tan

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is that pretty much everyone I asked has really like it.

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Although I'm pretty sure there's going to be one person who won't.

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-Knockedy knock-knock.

-Alert, alert! Get in here now!

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-Well, hello.

-What on Earth has happened to your face, Ellie?

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-Are you not liking it then?

-It looks radioactive.

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It looks like I've been sunbathing with some kind of long-sleeved coat on.

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I don't want to hear about your white bits.

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Are the streets of Essex full of orange girls?

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I've seen a few.

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Quite a few of the girls who I asked what they thought of my tan, and liked it, were quite...

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this colour. So, yeah, I think I could blend in reasonably well.

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POD computes your face is a disgrace.

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Ellie computes the same, POD.

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Go and wash that off immediately.

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Next up is a DJ whose obsession with fakery is sure to put POD into a spin.

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Hi, everybody, I'm Bam Bo Tang.

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I'm a DJ from London. And welcome to my crazy world.

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I have been DJing for 10 years, all over the country and the world.

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I think every girl likes to dress up when they go out.

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So, this is kind of an accessory to my music.

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It's a horrendously good excuse to dress however you like,

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and get away with it, basically.

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My style is a bit different to everyone else's

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I certainly stand out.

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I can't really help it, it's kind of me.

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The things which make me look different is obviously my hair.

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And I'm very big on big necklaces and chains.

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I've always been a bit different.

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It started off a lot smaller scale.

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Now, it's just, kind of, snowballed.

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Every part of my body's now decorated.

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I look like a bit of a jumble sale.

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Times change, because I've reached a new era in my life and I'm married now.

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I'd mostly like to change the huge hair.

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I hope that POD will look at Lucy

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and bring out a natural essence, really.

0:16:480:16:51

I think she can look great, just in a tracksuit,

0:16:510:16:54

and just her hair down, chilling, more than anything else.

0:16:540:16:58

Without the accessories, without the madness, without the big glasses.

0:16:580:17:01

Hi, POD, Bam here. I'm really looking forward to my make-under.

0:17:010:17:05

It's a new point in my life, so just do it, girl!

0:17:050:17:07

Oh, yes!

0:17:070:17:09

Well, Bam Bo certainly knows how to spin a tune.

0:17:090:17:11

I wonder if she's got that one that goes...

0:17:110:17:14

SHE HUMS THE BIRDIE SONG

0:17:140:17:16

No, probably not!

0:17:160:17:18

-Well, you look a little bit bonkers.

-Thanks very much.

0:17:180:17:20

-What is going on?

-My best outfit for POD.

0:17:200:17:23

I think she's going to hate it, so you've done quite a good job.

0:17:230:17:27

What's on your head?

0:17:270:17:28

I've got a Mohican on my head.

0:17:280:17:30

I thought, if I'm going to take on POD, I need to be a bit of a tribal warrior and take her on.

0:17:300:17:34

-Do you always wear that?

-No, because it doesn't fit in the car!

0:17:340:17:37

SHE LAUGHS

0:17:370:17:39

So, unless I go in sideways, like that...

0:17:390:17:41

What are your reasons for coming to see POD, then?

0:17:410:17:43

I would love for POD to do me a fantastic make-under,

0:17:430:17:47

and for David to see me all gorgeous,

0:17:470:17:50

and for his eyeballs to fall out of his head with happiness, basically.

0:17:500:17:54

-So, you're just married?

-Yes.

-And you're kind of thinking of having kids?

0:17:540:17:57

Definitely. I'd love that so much.

0:17:570:18:00

What would they make, like, if you had kids, and you dressed like this?

0:18:000:18:03

I don't know. I think, if my mum dressed like this, I'd be definitely embarrassed.

0:18:030:18:08

I know you're at a crossroads in your life.

0:18:080:18:10

I've got a quiz for you, to work out whether you want

0:18:100:18:12

to stick with the DJing, or maybe become a bit of an Earth mother.

0:18:120:18:16

There's two choices.

0:18:160:18:17

Bottle of Champers, bottle of breast milk?

0:18:170:18:20

Oh, my God, that's so rank. Definitely champagne!

0:18:200:18:23

Don't call breast milk "rank".

0:18:230:18:25

Drop a beat, or drop the kids off?

0:18:250:18:28

-SHE SNORTS

-Drop the kids off with the beats in the car, yeah.

0:18:280:18:33

OK, and the last one.

0:18:330:18:35

Cracking tune, or cracked nipples?

0:18:350:18:38

-Cracking tune!

-Every time.

0:18:380:18:40

From my quiz, and it's quite scientific,

0:18:400:18:42

I think maybe you're not quite ready to be a mum just yet.

0:18:420:18:46

Maybe work on the remix of the Wheels On The Bus, and then you go for it, love.

0:18:460:18:50

-Thank you.

-SHE LAUGHS

0:18:500:18:52

All the very best of luck, then, Bam Bo. And POD awaits.

0:18:520:18:55

I'm really excited, I can't wait to see what she's going to do.

0:18:550:18:58

BAM SQUEALS I am Pod. The Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

0:19:040:19:09

I am Bam Bo Tang.

0:19:090:19:10

-Are you a hippy?

-No, I'm definitely not a hippy. I'm far too noisy to be a hippy.

0:19:100:19:15

You don't spend your time trekking around Asia doing drumming circles

0:19:150:19:19

-and telling people you're on a "gap yah"?

-No, POD.

0:19:190:19:23

Why do you have dreadlocks?

0:19:230:19:24

I have dreadlocks because I think it looks cool.

0:19:240:19:27

-Bam Bo Tang.

-Yes, POD.

0:19:270:19:30

-A fake name, POD does not compute.

-What are you really called?

0:19:300:19:34

My real name is Lucy.

0:19:340:19:35

-Lucy? That's a lovely name.

-Do you think so, POD? Thank you very much.

0:19:350:19:39

POD computes you look a bit like a dreadlocked, crusty cockatoo.

0:19:390:19:42

BAM LAUGHS

0:19:420:19:44

You're just a crusty old toaster.

0:19:440:19:46

But I'm not the one with a dead chicken my head. POD CLUCKS

0:19:460:19:49

-SHE LAUGHS

-It's not a dead chicken!

0:19:490:19:51

Do you apply your make-up by repeatedly head-butting your make-up case?

0:19:510:19:56

No, I do not.

0:19:560:19:59

Do you know what? I've actually spent ages getting ready for you today,

0:19:590:20:02

so I think you're being really nasty.

0:20:020:20:04

What do you think your look says about you to the general public?

0:20:040:20:08

I think it says that I'm a fun-loving person, that I'm confident

0:20:080:20:12

and that I'm extra shiny and I need to be looked at.

0:20:120:20:15

Shall we find out?

0:20:150:20:17

Run phase one.

0:20:170:20:18

I asked the general public if they would snog, marry or avoid this girl.

0:20:210:20:24

What do you think they said?

0:20:240:20:26

I think they said snog.

0:20:260:20:28

I'd have to avoid, probably cos she's got dreadlocks.

0:20:280:20:31

Oh, my God, dreadlocks, argh!

0:20:310:20:34

-It's not that bad, is it, really?

-Yes.

-No, it's not, POD.

0:20:340:20:38

-I'd probably snog her cos I'm a bit desperate, so...

-SHE LAUGHS

0:20:380:20:42

Oh, God. Oh God. That's not good, is it?

0:20:420:20:46

I'd avoid because of the hair, the nails,

0:20:460:20:49

I don't like the colour of the hair and the eyebrows are quite large.

0:20:490:20:54

Oh, well, they don't like anything, do they?

0:20:540:20:56

In fact, 10% of the public do want to snog you.

0:20:560:20:59

Unfortunately, the other 90% want to get as far away from you as possible.

0:20:590:21:03

You're lying. 90%?

0:21:030:21:06

POD computes you are a dreadfully dreaded fake freak.

0:21:060:21:10

And, you need my...

0:21:100:21:12

-Are you ready for the next stage?

-OK, come on, then.

0:21:160:21:20

Run phase two.

0:21:200:21:22

Remove all of your fakery.

0:21:250:21:27

I can't believe you're doing this to me, this is horrible.

0:21:270:21:31

-Come on!

-Argh!

0:21:310:21:32

That really hurt. See, I'm actually suffering pain for you.

0:21:320:21:36

-Put on your deep cleanse uniform.

-Ugh.

0:21:360:21:39

It's like an old lady's been sitting in it.

0:21:390:21:41

Get rid of that poultry headwear.

0:21:410:21:44

I really don't want to.

0:21:440:21:46

Bam Bo! Ding dong. You're looking beautiful.

0:21:480:21:52

Shut up.

0:21:520:21:54

What is this?

0:21:540:21:55

It's going on your head.

0:21:550:21:57

You're testing our friendship, POD, big-time.

0:21:570:21:59

Scrub that fakery off your face.

0:21:590:22:03

I don't think it wants to come off, you know.

0:22:030:22:05

-All of it.

-God, it look so eurgh.

0:22:050:22:08

-Hold up those wipes.

-No!

-Let me see them.

0:22:080:22:11

BAM GIGGLES

0:22:110:22:12

Run the make-under in... Three, two, one.

0:22:120:22:17

Oh, my God! Wow, that's different.

0:22:230:22:28

It's really cute.

0:22:280:22:31

-What do you think?

-Yes, I quite like this.

0:22:310:22:33

I look like such a lady, I look very respectable, don't I?

0:22:330:22:36

You are now Lucy the lady.

0:22:360:22:39

Wait, let me perfect my wave.

0:22:390:22:41

-BOTH IN A POSH VOICE: Oh, hello!

-Oh, hello.

-Hello.

-Hello.

0:22:410:22:46

Previously, 90% of the public wanted to avoid Bam Bo Tang.

0:22:460:22:49

Do you think they now want to snog, marry or avoid Lady Lucy?

0:22:490:22:54

I think they said, er...snog.

0:22:540:22:59

-I'd snog her, because she's very attractive.

-Yay.

0:22:590:23:01

Very attractive? OK. Thank you very much.

0:23:010:23:04

-I'd snog her because she has really pretty eyes.

-Have I?

0:23:040:23:07

You can actually see them now, I suppose.

0:23:070:23:08

-Yes, it's quite nice to see your eyes.

-Oh.

0:23:080:23:11

This girl is not to snog, this girl is to marry.

0:23:110:23:14

Oh! Lovely. That's my favourite one, I think.

0:23:140:23:17

-70% of the public do indeed want to snog you.

-Wow, that's a lot.

0:23:170:23:22

The other 30% want to marry you, that's an impressive result, Lady Lucy.

0:23:220:23:27

-I could get used to this.

-I hope you do.

0:23:270:23:29

-Goodbye, Lucy.

-Bye, POD, thank you.

0:23:290:23:32

I am really excited to see my lovely husband David now and show him the new me.

0:23:360:23:42

Definitely excited about seeing the way she looks.

0:23:420:23:45

I'm used to crazy hair and stuff.

0:23:450:23:47

I hope, I just hope they did something nice and elegant with her.

0:23:470:23:50

-Hello!

-Oh, my God! Look at that!

0:23:530:23:57

Wow, baby, you look amazing.

0:23:570:24:00

'He looked very happy, didn't he? I think he likes it.'

0:24:000:24:02

Thumbs up. Win, win.

0:24:020:24:05

-Yeah, you look fantastic, baby. Honestly, really, really great.

-Good.

0:24:050:24:09

Lucy's new look is absolutely amazing. It is classy.

0:24:090:24:13

It's quite reserved, but not too much, because the legs are out.

0:24:130:24:16

I feel very, very grown up. But I feel a bit stifled.

0:24:160:24:19

So don't know how I'm going to DJ in it.

0:24:190:24:21

In all fairness, if you can DJ with a chain full of burgers

0:24:210:24:24

-and ice creams and whistles, I'm sure you can DJ in a blazer.

-Yes.

0:24:240:24:27

Thank you very much for having me.

0:24:270:24:29

I love my new look, you've done a fantastic job.

0:24:290:24:32

So don't get too much of a big head, please!

0:24:320:24:34

-Cheers, POD, thank you very much.

-Thank you, POD, Cheers.

0:24:340:24:37

Earlier, we met Kelly, who had lots of blonde hair and a corset

0:24:400:24:44

and not much else.

0:24:440:24:45

After she's had her run-in with POD, how she kept her more grown-up look?

0:24:450:24:50

Yes, you have, because you've got a suit jacket on!

0:24:500:24:53

THEY LAUGH

0:24:530:24:55

You're a professional now.

0:24:550:24:57

I've been like this, you know, I think it does look a lot better.

0:24:570:25:00

If I do get job interviews and things like that, if I turn up looking like this,

0:25:000:25:04

they're more likely to take me a lot more seriously

0:25:040:25:06

than look at me I think, "Oh, dear, what have we got here?" kind of thing.

0:25:060:25:10

How did everyone receive this new look?

0:25:100:25:12

Friends came up to me and said, "Oh, my gosh, you look much better.

0:25:120:25:16

"You look more classy. And it suits you so much having short hair."

0:25:160:25:19

In a way, it made me think,

0:25:190:25:21

they're giving me loads of compliments now, what did they think of me before?

0:25:210:25:26

Do you have a final message for POD, then?

0:25:260:25:29

Just, thank you, POD, for doing the make-under,

0:25:290:25:32

it's given me a lot more confidence,

0:25:320:25:34

and I wouldn't have had it without you.

0:25:340:25:37

POD is out to convince British guys and gals to sling the slap

0:25:440:25:48

and finish with fake tan.

0:25:480:25:49

And it's going to be tough in a place called...

0:25:490:25:51

-ALL:

-Essex!

0:25:510:25:54

What else do you think about, apart from fakery?

0:25:540:25:58

Nothing, really, POD!

0:25:580:25:59

-BOTH:

-Hi, POD. Let us Essex girls in!

0:25:590:26:03

We are typical Essex girls because...

0:26:030:26:06

We are fun. Sexy. Outrageous.

0:26:060:26:10

Don't you mean you're trashy, tacky and have no taste?

0:26:100:26:14

-BOTH:

-Shut up!

0:26:140:26:17

-Hi, POD.

-Hello, come in.

0:26:170:26:19

Take those off.

0:26:190:26:22

Now POD understands why you're wearing sunglasses.

0:26:220:26:26

Bitch!

0:26:260:26:28

-Could you do POD a favour?

-Yes, POD?

0:26:280:26:31

Could you lift your hands to your face?

0:26:310:26:33

SHE LAUGHS

0:26:330:26:36

POD computes you are natural beauties.

0:26:360:26:39

-Oh, thanks.

-Thank you.

0:26:390:26:40

Apart from the bleached blonde one in the middle. THEY LAUGH

0:26:400:26:45

Thanks! That's natural!

0:26:450:26:47

Earlier, we met Bam Bo Tang,

0:26:490:26:50

who went from a dreaded Mohawk

0:26:500:26:52

feathery kind of weird lady

0:26:520:26:54

to an absolutely beautiful screen siren.

0:26:540:26:56

But, has she kept her look?

0:26:560:26:58

-I'm so delighted to say that you have.

-Hey!

0:26:580:27:01

-You look phenomenal.

-Thank you.

0:27:010:27:03

Honestly, the hair is like you've stepped out of some Hollywood salon.

0:27:030:27:07

-I know.

-It's fabulous.

-The hair's lovely.

0:27:070:27:09

-What did you make of all the clothes, then?

-Yeah, I liked the clothes,

0:27:090:27:13

but they're not, they're completely the opposite of me.

0:27:130:27:15

I thought they were a little bit too Kate Middleton.

0:27:150:27:19

So, yeah, the bling is back a little bit.

0:27:190:27:21

I think you would make a fantastic mother at the school gates now.

0:27:210:27:24

-I know. Would you be proud of me?

-I totally would.

0:27:240:27:26

Do you have a final message for POD?

0:27:260:27:28

POD, thank you very much for making me look like royalty and such a lady.

0:27:280:27:32

Erm, the clothes are not going to get binned yet.

0:27:320:27:36

So, sorry about that, but all in all I think you're probably OK with it.

0:27:360:27:40

-Hiya, POD.

-Ah, there you are, Ellie. Come in.

-Thank you.

0:27:440:27:48

Hiya, POD. I think we have well and truly done Essex.

0:27:500:27:55

POD's just pleased you've done away with the orange radioactive glow you had earlier.

0:27:550:27:59

I got through about 20 face wipes, honestly. It was disgusting.

0:27:590:28:03

Would you say the residents of Essex need to lighten up?

0:28:030:28:06

Overall, yes. Tanning does seem to be quite important to them.

0:28:060:28:09

Silicon, peroxide and streaky tans do not compute. Get back out there, Ellie.

0:28:090:28:14

-ESSEX ACCENT:

-Afraid not, I'm going out with Tracey and Stacey, we're going down Baz Vegas.

0:28:140:28:18

Then I've got to go and polish my white stilettos. Soz. You can pod off, babes.

0:28:180:28:23

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