Olivia and Kate Snog Marry Avoid?

# I'm sexy and I know it. #

-POD, you've got your work cut out!

-SHE LAUGHS

# Yeah... #

My name's Ellie Taylor,

and if you're fighting for the cause of fakery, listen up,

because Snog, Marry, Avoid's on tour and we're ready to slug it out.

Our personal overhaul device, POD, has had an interfacelift

and attitude upgrade, so watch out, because she's bitchier than ever.

POD computes you look orange!

I look brown.

This series, POD is touring the country to seek out style sinners...

KLAXON

..from Manchester to Essex, from Newcastle to Cardiff,

each week we shine a spotlight

on the faked, caked and baked.

BOTH: POD, please let us in.

In our first ever Snog, Marry, Avoid national tour.

What's going on here?! You've got your rollers in!

POD is also challenging me to try out a few local style disasters.

SHE CACKLES

-You want it really hard.

-You can do better than that, I know you can!

Well, if you can't beat them, I suppose you have to join them.

'This week, POD has landed in a city famous for being'

birthplace of the Beatles, home of great football

and spawning ground to one of the world's greatest fashion crimes -

Liverpool.

-Hello, it's me.

-Hello, Ellie, in you pop.

-All right, POD, how are ya!

-Er, Ellie, what are you doing?

That was my Liverpudlian impression, because we are Liverpool.

Ah, yes, Liverpool.

POD computes that in Liverpool,

the ladies don't have beautiful, natural eyebrows like you,

they have something called the Scouse brow.

Now, I've heard of the Scouse brow.

It looks like the girls

have just had caterpillars slapped on their faces.

Ellie, it's time to face your fear

because your mission today is to find out about the Scouse brow.

Does that mean I have to get one?

I'm afraid you may need to.

Oh, I'm going to look like a Gallagher brother. All right, later.

Coming up on tonight's show...

We meet a girl who's certainly not afraid to show up a bit of cheek.

The shorter the better, the skimpier the better.

With my bum out, that is the best.

We hit the streets of Liverpool,

where I discover what Scouse style is all about.

They're amazing!

POD meets some of the city's biggest fashion fiascos.

Calm down, calm down!

The top of that dress makes it look like

-you're going to Cleveland.

-But they're real.

-Cleave

-it out, Heather.

And also getting some of POD's makeunder magic is a fiery filly

with some fearsome face paint.

This is a pube collection.

When I trim, I like to keep them.

'Are you scared, POD?'

It's been said that some Scouse girls

look like the back end of a bus, but this lot can prove them wrong.

Liverpool is the most fashionable city you'll ever find.

The girls love to dress up.

The Liverpool girls are a little bit crazy.

What's going on here? You've got your rollers in!

Big extensions.

Dead big eyelashes.

A whole load of fake tan.

Eyebrows are dead defined.

Girls with rollers in their hair.

Liverpool actually loves big hair.

Bright, unique, different, over the top.

Scouse girls look glamorous. They make an effort when they go out.

Sometimes a bit too much.

I think I wore something similar

when I played Angel Gabriel when I was seven!

You can spot a Scouse girl from wherever you are.

They're amazing.

-I know. Jersey cow!

-You do look like a Jersey cow!

In the nicest possible way. Lovely udders.

Now, a real challenge for POD with a nursery nurse whose look

is far from child friendly.

Hi, I'm Olivia Lewis, I'm 19

-and I love myself.

-SHE LAUGHS

Less is definitely more for me. I like to show off what I've got.

The shorter the better, the skimpier the better.

And with my bum out, that is the best.

My tan is my clothes.

-I never feel brown enough. Some people think I'm foreign.

-SHE LAUGHS

# We don't need no education

I'm at a crossroads at the moment.

I don't know whether to be a teacher or a glamour model.

# We don't need no thought control

With the way I look now, I don't think people will take me seriously.

I do look a bit over the top.

# Teacher leave them kids alone...

At the moment, a glamour model suits her better,

but I think, long-term, she'd make a brilliant teacher.

Hi, guys.

ALL LAUGH AND SHRIEK

My friends and family, when they look at me, they are just shocked.

Olivia's the most outrageously dressed person when we go out.

The fact that her butt cheeks are out for everybody to see.

She practically makes us look like nuns,

like we've got too much clothes on.

I think people who cover up are so boring.

It's minus 3 degrees out here!

I don't need any clothes, I've got my fake tan on.

-POD, you've got your work cut out.

-SHE LAUGHS

So I know for a fact that Olivia is inside here

and before she turns a darker shade of oak,

I think it's time we staged an intervention.

Olivia?

A little birdie told me you were in here. Come on, out.

We're having a chat. Come on.

Quick, quick. Watch your heels.

Welcome to my nail bar. Take a seat.

I don't really know much about this kind of stuff.

-You look like you might do, though.

-Thank you.

-Are they always on?

-They're always on.

I would like them a bit longer, though.

Now, your lips look quite Zoolandery, shall we say?

-Are they all yours?

-They're not all mine.

-I had filler put in a couple of weeks ago.

-Do you want it bigger?

Yeah, I want it really big.

-Like a duck.

-Like a duck.

-What else? We've got lots of eyelashes.

-Four pairs of eyelashes.

No way! Oh, my God!

-I know!

-Would you try and have more on if you could?

I definitely would. I'd definitely try a few more.

At the minute, you're working in a nursery and you don't know

whether to become a teacher and educate the brains of Britain,

or, on the other hand, get your baps out

-and be a glamour model.

-That's right.

I love the thought of getting paid to look how I want to look.

-Glamour model is the way to go?

-I think it definitely is.

But I would love to be a teacher.

I thought I might ask you a few questions to try and help you

decide what you want to do.

Would you rather do to sports day, or the Daily Sport?

SHE LAUGHS

Definitely the Daily Sport. I hate sports.

Fair enough. No running, just boobs.

Er, detention or attention?

-Definitely love a bit of attention.

-OK, last one.

-Would you rather have arithmetic or

-arithmetits?

-THEY LAUGH

I think we all know the answer to that one.

I think we do, as well. Right, my love,

I'm going to let you go on your way and POD awaits.

Oh, bring it on, POD.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.

-Who are you?

-I'm Olivia, POD.

Olivia, POD would like to apologise.

I seem to have disturbed you while you were getting dressed.

-SHE LAUGHS

-POD, I AM dressed.

I'm MORE than dressed. I've got my tan on.

POD does compute that tan is not an outfit.

-SHE GIGGLES

-It's MY outfit.

Why aren't you wearing any clothes?

Oh, POD, look how many clothes I've got on. I'm absolutely sweating.

What a pleasant thought(!) OLIVIA LAUGHS

-Olivia.

-Yes, POD.

-How many layers of slap do you have on your mush?

-On my what, sorry?

-Your mush.

On my bush?

Not your bush, your mush.

My face?

Well, I fake tan my face, too,

so five layers of fake tan,

two foundations,

and three different powders. Oh, and a shimmer.

I'm just enhancing what I've got.

POD would like to know why you have come for a makeunder?

Because I don't know whether to be a teacher or a glamour model.

I think you might be able to help me, POD.

Please explain Einstein's theory of relativity. E = MC squared.

Who's got a square?

Looks like it's glamour modelling, then.

Do you want to know what the public actually think about your look?

Er, I think they love it. But go on.

Run phase one.

POD asked the public,

would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl?

What do you think they said?

I think the public said marry.

Shall we find out?

Unfortunately, definitely avoid.

Ooooh!

I don't really like the pout.

I prefer natural girls, without lipstick.

How boring are they, POD?

Avoid, just because of the lips.

It's the lips and the fake tan

and the lips again and the lips. It's horrible.

SHE LAUGHS

They love my lips!

In fact, 100% of the public said they would avoid you.

No way.

I think they said the wrong things by accident

or you've shown them a picture of someone else.

POD's verdict is that with your ludicrous lips

and dreadful dress sense,

you need to go totally trashy to top of the class

with our cool-for-school makeunder.

Whoo!

It is time to run the deep cleanse.

Remove all your excess baggage.

OW! This is torture.

I look like I'm going swimming.

Eugh!

SHE LAUGHS

-Are you ready?

-No.

Run the makeunder.

I miss my hair, POD.

-But you've got lovely hair.

-I know,

but I miss my long hair.

POD has given you a look that is appropriate for an aspiring teacher.

-What do you think of the outfit?

-It's different, POD.

It's very long.

You wanted to know whether you should be a teacher or a glamour model.

Has this look helped you make a decision?

No, I looked over the top before, but now I look under the top.

-Too under the top.

-Olivia,

would you like to hear what the public thinks now?

Go on, then, POD.

I asked the public,

in this look would you snog, marry or avoid this girl?

What do you think they said?

Avoid.

SHE LAUGHS

I would snog her

because she looks sexy and hot.

Oh, my God.

I'd give her a snog, she's quite fit.

Yeah, not bad at all.

How funny.

I would marry her.

She's pretty, she's nice, she has nice hair,

good smile and she all round looks good.

What were they looking at?

They were looking at your natural beauty.

In fact, 70% of the public now want to snog you

and the rest wants to marry you.

Ah, have you got their numbers, POD?

I have them in my hard drive.

SHE LAUGHS

POD computes that your makeunder has been a complete success.

You now look like a trendy teacher who can inspire young minds

and educate them about natural beauty.

Goodbye, Olivia.

Goodbye, POD.

I don't feel like me at all.

The short, curly hair, the no make-up, the long clothes.

I've know Olivia about three years.

She's like my daughter now, so we have a very close relationship.

DIANE SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS

-Oh, my God!

-SHE LAUGHS

-I love your reaction.

-SHE LAUGHS

Diane definitely knows me inside out.

I know what her reaction was going to be like. She's shocked.

Oh, babe!

You look so different!

-I looked like a 50-year-old.

-No, I like it. No, it's nice.

As soon as I get home, I shall get my clip-in extensions out,

whack on the make up and take off the long skirt.

So POD's asked me to get a Scouse brow and, before I get one,

I want to find out exactly what I'm in for and why they're so popular.

-What's a Scouse brow, Mum?

-I don't know. I've got no idea.

Scouse brow is these horrible slugs at the top of girls' eyes.

A big, fake, pencilled-in, really defined-shaped eyebrow.

They're it.

Oh, my God. The Scouse brow. Vile. Vile.

It shows off our faces. Don't you like them, POD?

No, they displease my database.

They look like something like Dracula, or someone.

Do those marker-pen monstrosities move?

SHE LAUGHS

I've got mine tattooed.

A lot of people have their eyebrows tattooed in Liverpool.

It makes your features stand out

and everyone can tell you're from Liverpool when you've got one.

They always looked good on Elizabeth Taylor.

-Lois, POD has told me to get a Scouse brow done.

-Definitely.

OK. I'm bracing myself.

Go. Hit me.

Oh, my gosh.

That's like charcoal.

I'd say you're good to go.

SHE SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS

Are you kidding me?!

No, no, you fit right in.

Are you kidding me that I would ever leave the house like this?

I look like Daniel Radcliffe.

I've gathered together a posse of Scouse-brow beauties

and it's time to hear their verdict.

-This is what you done to me.

-GIGGLING

-Yes.

-THEY LAUGH

-And you said I look great.

-They do.

-Are you blind?

-You couldn't be in Liverpool without them.

You need new glasses, sweetheart.

If you have to snog, marry, avoid, what would you say for me?

-OK, at the minute?

-Yeah.

-Snog.

-Yeah.

-I haven't seen the brow yet.

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-It's quite powerful.

Go for it.

Avoid, maybe.

-I think.

-That says it all.

If you can't beat them, I suppose you have to join them.

Has anybody got a make-up remover pad or something?

Oh, thank you.

Next up is a self-proclaimed queen of shock, whose reign

may come to an abrupt end if POD has anything to do with it.

Hi, I'm Kate, the queen of shock.

I describe my style as Pat Butcher meets Frankenstein.

My grandma doesn't really like the way I dress.

You look a bit unusual.

She's always kind of saying to me when she sees me, "Oh, Kate,

"tone it down. Oh, you're so pretty under all that make-up."

It just amazes me and shocks me, really,

that she can go around to ordinary places in everyday life

dressed like that.

The way I dress does reflect my personality.

I'm loud, I'm fun,

but I'm stylish, I like to be noticed.

I collect things that come off my body.

This one is a collection of toenail clippings.

This is a pube collection.

When I trim, I like to keep them.

Sometimes, people mistake me for a tranny.

Because of the way I dress, and I've got a deep voice, as well.

I like being mistaken for a tranny, because I love trannies.

I think my best feature are my headdresses.

Anything I can find that I can stick to my head, I put on.

One of the main reasons I want a makeunder

is I want to find a boyfriend.

I think she does scare boys and men.

Men are terrified of her.

I think it would be interesting for her to see

what she looks like underneath it all, because it's been a long time

since she's seen herself as that girl.

I want a job, a boyfriend

and most of all, I want to make my nan happy.

I would very much like to see Kate dressed in a more normal,

attractive way, where she's not drawing attention to herself.

POD, I'm the queen of shock,

can you turn me into a nice girl with a nice frock?

Oh, I didn't see you there. Sorry, just doing a bit of bird watching.

As a very keen twitcher, I think I've just identified

a rare and unusual species called a Katy Hughes and she's in there.

Let's go and check out her plumage.

-Hello, Kate.

-Oh, hi.

Don't take this the wrong way,

but it looks like you've been punched in the face.

-Is that a good thing?

-I like it yeah. I like the beaten-up look.

-Do you?

-Yes.

-OK. And what is going on here?

What is that? Is it heavy?

No, it's really light, actually.

It's like a polystyrene, doughnut-type thing

with hair wrapped round it and I've added bits to it.

It obviously is(!)

Where do you get your inspiration for things like this?

Charity shops, looking on the street, even out of bins.

-Out of bins?

-Yeah, out of skips.

-What you taken out of skips?

These bones I've got on my neck are actually out of a skip.

-They could be from someone's chicken bucket.

-Yeah. Maybe.

I've got a few quick-fire questions for you, Kate.

-Daylight or twilight?

-Definitely twilight.

Hammer horror, or Hammer time?

-Hammer horror.

-# Doo-doo...# No, OK.

Coffin or curlers?

-Coffin.

-Of course it's a coffin.

-Brilliant. POD awaits.

-Thank you. Bye.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-Hi, POD, I'm Kate Hughes.

-Is the Victorian funeral look in this year?

I'd describe it more gothic-punk-tranny.

POD would like to know what kind of reaction

do you get from people on the street?

Sometimes, people give me dirty looks.

Sometimes, people applaud me, sometimes people call me names.

But, it's better to get noticed than not get noticed at all.

Isn't there something a bit cliched about being so alternative?

I think it's more cliched about being so normal.

Why? Everyone else looks like that, it's boring.

POD computes this is just the opposite end of the safe spectrum.

What's fun about safe? It's boring.

Shall be find out what the public think of your look?

Yes, let's find out, POD.

Run phase one.

Public analysis.

I asked the public would you want to...

What do you think they said?

I think they said snog, of course, POD.

I'd avoid.

There's a lot of make-up going on.

It's a bit scary, actually.

Oh, right, OK. Probably quite a dull person, then.

I'd avoid her. She looks really high maintenance.

Getting up in the morning, looks like it's a military routine.

Well, yeah, it's kind of a military routine,

but it's a fun one.

I'd avoid her,

because she looks like a clown and I'm scared of clowns.

SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

I love clowns.

I'm not clowning around, Kate,

when I tell you that 90% of the public wants to avoid you.

What?! They're just jealous, that's all.

Hm. Are you ready for POD's verdict?

Go on, then.

POD computes that you are a fake fanatic

and you need my goth-to-gorge makeunder.

SHE GASPS

Ooh, I'm scared. What are you going to do to me?

It is time to run the deep cleanse.

Argh!

Bid farewell to your fakery.

Bye-bye.

Oh,

got to remove my lovely nails.

Take it off.

Fine.

None of this is real, look.

There.

-Happy now, POD?

-Ecstatic.

I'm not. Look how short I look.

Oh no, my face is melting.

Thanks, POD(!)

Run the makeunder...

Oh, my God!

I look so weird.

You think you look weird now?!

Yeah, I do, actually.

I think I look like someone's mum or something.

My legs look nice.

POD computes that you now look more alive than dead.

Mm. I don't like it, to be honest. It's not really me.

This hair's weird.

-It's YOUR hair, though.

-I know.

Would you like to hear what the public think of you with this look?

Oh, why not?

I asked the public would you want to...

-What do you think they said?

-Personally, I'd like to avoid me,

but I'm going to say marry.

I'd snog her. She looks kind of cute, yeah.

Kind of cute? Charming(!)

I'd snog her because she looks a little bit like Lily Allen

and I'd definitely snog Lily Allen.

SHE LAUGHS

I hate Lily Allen SO much.

I think I'd snog her.

She looks kind of interesting.

"Kind of", there's a lot of "kind ofs" in there, isn't there? Hm.

Now, 70% of the public want to either snog or marry you.

Whereas before, 90% wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

Ah, that's nice.

-Thank you for being made under, Kate.

-OK, thanks.

-Bye.

-Bye.

A bit nervous to show my grandma my new look.

I think she's going to like it.

I am excited, but I hope I'll be pleased with the result.

My friend Matthew is also there,

so I'll see what he thinks of my new look.

I'm very excited to see what POD's done to Kate.

I think there'll be quite a drastic change.

Ah! Kate!

-Hi, Grandma. I look terrible, don't I?

-You don't.

It was a pleasant surprise. Much improved.

What do I look like? It's a disgusting new look.

I don't think it's disgusting,

Your hair looks in better condition than I've seen it for years.

That is not Kate.

I've never seen her looking like that before, ever.

Kate, you look really attractive.

My nan's my favourite relative. It's made her happy

and put a smile on her face. That's a positive from today.

I didn't think I'd ever see her looking more normal again

and I'm pleased to see her looking like that today.

To be honest, POD, I think you did terrible job. I feel ugly.

When I look in the mirror,

I feel like I want to be sick. I think I might in a sec.

-Well, hello.

-Hello.

-You look quite different.

-Do I?

Yeah. You haven't got any eyes on.

No eyes, no nails, no tan.

No hair?

No hair extensions.

-Ah!

-I know, right?

-A changed woman.

-You are a natural beauty.

Yay!

-How does it feel?

-I don't know. It feels different.

I don't use as much tan.

I don't have to look at the weather to see if it's going to run.

See if it would drip down your leg?

-Exactly.

-What do your family and friends think?

They said I look a lot better. They said I don't look dirty.

-What physically dirty or...?

-Physically dirty.

OK, not the other. All right.

When I met you last time, you weren't sure

whether you wanted to be a teacher or a glamour model.

Has this changed your mind?

-No, I'm still stuck.

-You're not sure?

-No.

Do you have a final message for POD, Olivia?

POD, I think you've kind of changed me,

but I think I'm going to stay the way I was. I'm sorry.

You're not sorry at all.

-OLIVIA LAUGHS

-You couldn't give a monkey's.

A little bit.

POD's visit to Liverpool is nearly up,

but she's still got time

to come face to interface with a few more locals

and a previous Podette.

POD computes it's just a bit too much.

Oh, no! I thought it was nice.

I dressed up specially for you, POD.

You needn't have bothered.

What are you doing revisiting POD?

I thought I'd come back and show you how much I've changed

and how I've toned down my look.

Let the makeunder commence.

Heather, POD computes that you are just as orange as you ever were

and your hair is huge.

That's real hair and that's a tan.

-You're clearly a lost cause. Goodbye.

-Bye.

So I'm here to meet up with Kate to see is she kept her makeunder

and I haven't seen her yet.

-Kate, are you ready?

-I'm ready.

Three, two, one.

-Hello.

-Oh sweet KLAXON!

Hi.

-I've had a makeunder.

-ELLIE SQUEALS

What are you wearing?!

I'm wearing a beautiful dress, a beautiful bodysuit.

-You look phenomenal, but in a really...

-I know.

I don't know what you are.

You're kind of a leopard-printy panda gimp.

Basically, POD took all my accessories away,

all my fakery away. I feel she has done me a big favour

because I realise natural beauty's not for me,

-it's fakery, fakery, fakery all the way.

-Oh, my God.

Kate, I loved your makeunder so much.

-I thought you looked brilliant.

-I felt violated.

Kate, do you have a final message for POD?

Yes, I do.

POD, you took away my hair, you took away my accessories,

and exposed me to the world.

And this is pay back. Thank you.

I now realise what my natural beauty is and it's this.

Well, I think that's Liverpool done.

Well done. Did you find out about the Scouse brow phenomenon for POD?

It was awful. I had it all pencilled in in black.

I looked utterly ridiculous.

I have no idea why the girls do it. Horrific.

Can we get out there and start scrubbing them all off?

I would love to say yes, but I think that's quite an impossible task,

which means, for you, it's time to POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd