Whitney and Jake Snog Marry Avoid?

I'm Ellie Taylor. Snog Marry Avoid is back on the road,

fighting the fakery of Britain.

Have you fallen into a muddy puddle?

That is just so rude!

If you're brassy and your look is trashy, hold on to your lashes,

because there's nowhere to hide.

The world's only make-under computer, POD, is checking that

Britain's fakers aren't flashing their joysticks or motherboards.

You look like a pantomime dame.

No, I don't. I look amazing and colourful.

From Birmingham to Bromley, Cardiff to Liverpool, POD's sensors

can seek out the fiercest fans of fakery.

Families across Britain have had enough of the fakery that's stolen

their sons and daughters, their brothers and sisters.

ALL: Down with fakery!

And I've accepted POD's mission to uncover the latest phony fads

and expose their ridiculousness.

Work the bum. Go!

If you saw me walking down the street...

I thought it was ridiculous.

Let the battle against fakery commence. This is Snog Marry Avoid.

This week, POD's landed back in the home of the dragon,

daffodils and buff rugby boys.

THEY ROAR

Her sensors have detected Welsh fakery that's dipped lower

than the valleys, and her hard drive needs to tackle it head on.

We're back in Cardiff.

Hello, POD.

Are you all right, Ellie?

A little bit overexcited. I just got picked up by a load of rugby men.

Yes, that's because we're in Wales.

And there's a big problem with fakery.

Not on those blokes. They were lovely.

Not on the men, Ellie.

Sorry. On the ladies. Really? Fake tan, big hair, the usual?

All the usual suspects. I want you to go and investigate them, please.

I'm on it like a car bonnet.

Coming up on tonight's show, we meet someone who's created

a whole new word for his fakery.

I don't think I'm quite orange. I would class myself as borange.

I find why diamonds might be every girl's best friend.

Would you want to smooch me with this?

I would!

And we meet an extension addict whose mum is tearing her hair out.

I'm just losing the will to live with her now.

If you want to get spotted in Cardiff, you've got to look tidy.

So what are the folks of Wales wearing to look lush?

The girls in Cardiff are famous for heels, fake tan, glitz and glam.

There seems to be a lot more make-up lately.

It's getting darker by the day.

Tell me about your eyelashes. Are these semi-permanent ones?

Individuals, yeah. You put one on, then two, and before you know it,

you've got, like, ten on.

That is not natural.

It's not natural, but it's me.

-Your head looks like an Easter egg.

-Really?

What would you do to rid the world of fakery in Cardiff?

I wouldn't, to be honest, because look at this.

I've got more make-up on than half the girls.

Now for teenager Jake, whose tidemarks aren't only showing up

-on the bath.

-Hello, I'm Jake,

I'm from south-east London and I'm 17 years old.

# I am what I am... #

The product I couldn't live without has got to be fake tan.

I don't think I'm quite orange. But I don't think I'm quite fully brown.

I would class myself as borange.

I don't fake tan my whole body cos I don't see the point in

fake tanning bits you can't see.

I get asked if I'm Indian or mixed race.

I'm like, "No, I'm white." And they're like, "What?!"

It's not a normal skin colour.

When I was younger, I used to get bullied.

Then I started putting weight on.

If you asked me to think about what I looked like at 16,

I would cry because I was so fat, I was so ugly.

Didn't wear make-up. I was just not confident in myself.

Jake started changing about a year ago.

He lost five stone in weight and he came out.

# I'm coming out... #

Coming out definitely was the best thing I ever did.

He came out screaming. Literally, screaming. Fanfare, the lot.

Since then, he has just got more and more make-up.

More and more fake tan.

The things that really bug me - his hair dye.

How he gets it on the wall, I don't know.

And he's also got make-up he's stolen from his sister and myself.

I would love to see the borange gone. And just be plain Jake.

POD, please, please get rid of all the fakery

and just bring my Jakey back.

Hi, POD, you might think this is borange, but this is my natural look.

Deal with it.

I'm here to meet Jake in a vintage shop, but I'm a bit worried

all the patterns will be too much for him to resist.

I'm going to get in there and stop him.

No, back away from the patterns, you have enough on, my friend.

Come with me.

This tan is strong, dude.

It's not that bad.

Give me your hand. It's so dark. Is this standard every day?

Yeah, this is every day. It's 20, 25 layers of fake tan.

-Sorry, what?

-25 layers.

-25 layers?!

-Yeah.

Rarely have I met someone who is more in need of an intervention.

HE LAUGHS

This is craziness!

Do you think that you coming to see POD is part of you

changing from the boy at school? You've morphed into this and

you want to move a step forward beyond that?

Yeah, I want to get taken more seriously, if you know what I mean.

I want to morph into a new me. But still be confident.

-A natural, grown-up you.

-Yeah.

-I've got a quiz for you.

-OK.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah!

It's to try and work out if you really are ready to be

an adult or if you are still a bit of a kid.

I'll aim for that adult section.

OK, do you watch cartoons or cookery shows?

Cartoons.

Sophisticated espresso or a lovely carton of orange juice with a straw?

I don't know what an espresso is, so orange juice.

Spaghetti Hoops on toast or foie gras?

-S'ghetti on toast.

-S'ghetti?

-Yeah. I always call it that, sorry.

OK, so, after my quiz, you are a massive child, I think.

HE CHEERS

But we will change that. Are you ready to go see POD?

-I'm ready to go see POD.

-Come, follow me, my friend.

-Am I going to have brown hands now?

-Probably.

-Gross! Get inside.

Go, go, go!

Hi, POD, let me in.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

Hi, POD, I'm Jake.

Have you fallen into a muddy puddle?

That is just so rude.

My sensors detect 25 layers of fake tan.

Why do you want to look like this?

I think I look nice and brown.

I don't want to look like a piece of paper.

Has a pigeon pooed on your fringe?

These are my extensions - you should get a pair.

Fake violation. Activate emergency screen wipe.

Can you tell POD what you would like to do for a living?

I want to be a hairdresser and make-up artist.

How can you be a make-up artist if you don't know what subtlety is?

Excuse me! I do. I am actually smart. I know what subtlety means.

Whatever it is. Yeah, I do.

There's a rat living in your hair. I can't see its tail.

You need rodent killer, not shampoo.

Oh, my God!

Our friendship was sky-high and now it's hit rock bottom.

That is just so rude.

Would you like to hear what the public make of your look?

I'm a bit scared, but go for it.

I asked the general public,

"Would you like to snog, marry or avoid this boy?"

What do you think they said?

I think, well, I hope they said snog or marry,

but that's probably not right. I'm just dreaming there.

So, avoid.

I would avoid him because

his eyebrows and hair are a little bit too much for me.

I don't care, it's fine. His eyebrows are too boring.

I would avoid him, because his look is way too crazy.

That's a good thing. Since when has crazy been bad?

I would avoid him because he looks like he got dressed in the dark.

Oh, my God, who are these people? They are so rude!

100% of the public said they would avoid you.

No way. That is making me feel so ugly.

POD computes you are a calamity of colour clashes and

you need my..

Bit harsh. Little bit harsh, but it's the truth.

It's time to run the deep cleanse.

Oh, no!

# Cos you're filthy... #

I want all of your bangles and bracelets.

# And I'm gorgeous... #

Can I go home now?

Now get rid of those ridiculous rats' tails.

# Ooh, and I'm gorgeous... #

Time to remove all of your make-up.

Hold up that wipe, Jake.

Run the make-under in three, two, one...

Oh, my God.

I kind of like it, actually. I think I look nice.

POD computes you look amazing. Look how lovely your eyes are.

Thank you!

I like it. I feel quite happy.

I didn't think I could look natural or nice.

Earlier, we heard what the public thought about your previous look.

What did they say?

That they would all avoid me.

This time, I showed them a picture of what you look like now.

Here's what they said.

I would snog him, because he looks very approachable and trendy

and very well-groomed.

Go, me - check me out!

I would marry him, because he seems very stylish and pleasant.

Everything I want in a husband, really.

Check me out. I am just so cool.

I think I would probably marry him,

because he looks like a confident and go-getting young gentleman.

Yay!

Now, 50% of the public want to snog you

and the other 50% want to marry you.

I feel well good. I feel really proud of myself now.

I know that sounds weird, but I do.

Are you ready to show your mum your new look?

Yeah, I'll strut my thing.

POD computes my work here is done.

Stay in contact with me. Text me.

Initiate Podwalk.

The Podwalk has been beamed into a Cardiff Bar, and Jake's ready

to let his friends and family see his radical new look.

I'm really excited to go on the catwalk

and show everyone my new look.

But I don't know how they're going to react.

I don't know if they'll like it or not. I hope they do. Fingers crossed.

THEY CHEER

What do you think?

I absolutely love it. I really do. You're so good-looking.

-You are.

-No.

-Please, please, please keep it.

What do you think about the clothes?

I think they're gorgeous. Nothing to hide you. It's all fitted.

No more big, baggy shirts. I really do love it.

Do you feel a bit more grown-up?

A little bit. I think I look older like this.

I think I could rock the natural look as well.

-I think you are rocking it, my friend.

-Thank you! So are you.

Oh, thanks!

THEY LAUGH

So when I meet up with you in a couple of weeks...?

-Yeah, I'll be au naturel. Pinky promise.

-OK.

POD computes Jake's been transformed from a borange boy into boy band cool.

Absolutely love Jake's new look. He looks so handsome now.

I think it will give him more confidence to realise

that he doesn't have to dress way out to get attention.

And I think eventually he'll finally find a boyfriend.

I feel natural for the first time in God knows how long. I'm excited now.

It's like a new me.

Yo, check out the girls in Cardiff!

Their sparkle is blinding here in da hood,

cos they're lovin' the bling and it ain't right. You get me?

There's loads of bling in Cardiff. We wear it.

It doesn't matter how much, you've got huge earrings on.

They wear huge necklaces. Huge bracelets. It's not one or the other.

I love a bit of bling.

Do you have bling-type dandruff?

This is fashion. These are my studs, POD.

BOTH: We love bling!

Hi, POD.

Why's everything weird in here? What's the matter?

Ellie, my style sensors are going completely bonkers.

-Why?

-Because of all the bling.

-What, do you mean jewellery?

-Yes, the bling, the horrible bling.

I need you to do whatever you can to calm down my style sensors.

Ellie, figure out what's going on with all this bling.

That means I have to inhabit the look,

and I don't really wear jewellery.

OK, well, do your best, Ellie.

All right, I suppose. I might have a couple of bits.

Do I look really cool or like a Bond villain?

-Oh, my!

-THEY LAUGH

Would you want to do smoochy-smoochy with this?

-Maybe.

-I would!

This is powerful.

-It really livens up a family photo.

-I bet it does.

Mum, Dad, me.

It doesn't quite fit, but I don't think anyone's noticed.

What do you think of this?

The accessories on your wrist seem to do it for me.

-Some would call them bracelets. Accessories for your wrist.

-Exactly.

SHE BEATBOXES

I don't know why I'm doing that. I haven't got a mic.

I'm just spitting on my hand.

-RAPS:

-I'm here in Cardiff, it's really, really cold

I'm here with Jimmy James

I don't know what rhymes with Jimmy James

And end strong.

It's not very gangsta to have a lisp.

You should not be focusing on anything else right now,

apart from the girl looking awesome.

-HE LAUGHS

-Do you like it?

There's quite a lot there. But yeah, that's cool.

Are you saying that about my jewellery or something else?

Cos you proper clocked my chest there.

-Oh, sorry!

-Unbelievable. Honestly, this look.

Just men at me all the time.

Now for Whitney, who spends half of her day in the loo.

Thankfully, nothing to do with a dodgy curry -

she's just a massive fan of the slap.

Hi, my name's Whitney.

I'm a blonde, bronze, big-boobed bombshell from Crewe.

# Look at me... #

My fakery is my hair. Make-up, eyelashes, earrings, fake tan.

Nails. Everything apart from these.

# Look at me... #

# Working nine to five... #

I used to have a job working in a call centre.

If she's going to be three hours late for work, four hours late,

five hours late for work, it's not important as long as she looks right.

So, yeah, it kind of resulted in the sack.

SHE LAUGHS

I'm incredibly worried about Whitney's future,

because I can't see that this is ever going to end.

She's getting faker and faker and faker.

My hair is a wig. It's synthetic, but I don't care. It looks natural.

I think, anyway. Even though it's bleach blonde.

She feels the need to have her boobs out all the time.

Male attention is the reason I dress the way I do.

I do get a lot of wolf whistles, a lot of winks.

If I was natural-looking, I wouldn't get the attention,

I know for a fact I wouldn't.

I just don't think I'm a natural beauty.

POD, will you please bring back my baby girl?

POD, do you really think you're going to change this bronze,

blonde, big-boobed bombshell? Behave!

I'm meant to be meeting Whitney here, but I think she must be

fiddling with her wig or something, cos she's running quite a bit late.

Maybe I could... Maybe I could try on some wigs.

# California gurls, we're unforgettable... #

# Do you believe in life after love? #

MUSIC: "Theme From Charlie's Angels"

Whitney the wig queen, it's lovely to meet you.

-Hello.

-So is that a wig you have on at the minute?

It is. Yes. I just literally clip it on my head,

put the headband on and straighten the fringe. Done.

That doesn't take very long. What about the rest of you?

How long does that take to do?

It takes about three and a half hours.

Whitney, you're obsessed.

I know. I don't really have any confidence without my make-up.

In comparison to my friends, they've got the jaw line,

the cheekbones, all petite. They're all tiny.

Pixie-looking. Very cute and small. I'm the opposite.

All I've got is just the make-up and the hair.

Would you not leave the house without everything on like this?

This is the very minimum that I'd leave the house with at all.

But if I pushed you out the front door....

I'd have to rugby tackle you back into the door.

-Just smash the window and break back in.

-Possibly.

Whitney, I have a quiz for you.

Do you spend more time doing your make-up or with your family?

My make-up.

But does your lipstick give you a hug?

-It gives me a kiss.

-THEY LAUGH

Do you spend more time doing your make-up or watching

the soaps on the telly?

-Make-up. Only just.

-Do you spend more time doing your make-up or gossiping with friends?

-Make-up.

-SHE LAUGHS

-That is the most disturbing thing.

-I know.

Every single answer was make-up.

You are terrible. I know.

Right, we have no time to waste. Are you ready to come to POD?

-Yes.

-Come on. Let's do it.

-I'm going to help you up, madam.

-Thank you.

Hi, POD, it's Whitney. Please let me in.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

Hi, POD, I'm Whitney.

Don't look now, but you have a couple of bald men in a headlock.

SHE LAUGHS

POD computes that you have layers and layers of slap on.

Yes.

Have you brought all your make-up into POD?

-Maybe.

-SHE LAUGHS

Show it to me, then.

Spray tan.

More tan.

And sticky tape.

Whitney, what is that for?

For my eye shadow, so it creates a really sharp effect.

Put it all back again.

Excess baggage detected.

If you continue along this fakery footpath,

your addiction is going to go out of control. Like this.

SHE LAUGHS

What do you think of that?

I like the colour. I do.

Carry on with this fakery and your hair will get

so big, you'll get snow on the top of it.

Ooh!

Shall we see what other people think of your look?

OK, POD.

Run the public analysis.

I asked the general public,

would they want to snog, marry or avoid this girl?

What do you think they said?

-Snog.

-Let's see what their comments are.

I would avoid her.

She has too much make-up round her eyes, and is quite fake-looking.

Yes, nothing too insulting there, that's fine.

I would definitely avoid her, because she looks really intimidating.

Yes! I am.

I would only snog her if I was really drunk.

Oh.

In fact, 30% of the public do indeed want to snog you,

but a whopping great 70% of the public want to

get as far away from you as possible.

Oh.

POD computes you are a wig-wearing, fake, fanatical total timewaster,

and I'm going to nip this in the bud with my...

Fair enough, bring it.

Run the deep cleanse.

# If I could turn back time... #

Put on your deep cleanse uniform and cover up those boobs, please.

# If I could find a way... #

-Let's have that wig.

-No!

Come on, Whitney.

# I'd take back all the words that hurt you... #

Ah, God!

And I want those eyelashes.

You're kidding!

Come on, we haven't got three and a half hours now.

Now, take the face wipes and remove all of your make-up.

I look like an egg.

Run the make-under in three, two, one...

SHE GASPS

Oh, no way!

It's different.

Do you like it?

Yes, surprisingly. I can't stop smiling.

How does this new look compare to your old one?

I think the old look was a lot tackier.

I think this one shows confidence, style,

like I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Previously, I showed the public a picture of you wearing your old look

and I asked them if they'd like to snog, marry or avoid you.

-What did they say?

-Mainly avoid. 70% avoid. 30% snog.

I've now shown the public a picture of you looking like this.

-Would you like to hear what they said?

-Oh, OK.

I'd marry her, because she's got brilliant skin,

very good fashion sense and looks really fun to be around.

Aw!

I think I'd give her a cheeky snog, because she has a nice smile,

and I like her hair.

Aw, bless! Thank you.

I'd snog her, because she's really good-looking

and she's got a good physique.

-SHE LAUGHS

-No way! Thank you!

70% of the public do want to snog you. And the rest want to marry you.

Aw!

Are you ready to strut your stuff and show the world your natural beauty?

I am, POD, definitely.

Initiate Podwalk.

Whitney's ready to let her family and friends see her fresh new look.

I am very, very, very, very nervous at the moment

to walk down the catwalk with a new look.

I'm hoping for a big thumbs up from everyone.

THEY CHEER

Thank you.

Michelle, what do you think?

I think she looks absolutely fantastic.

The wig, the extensions have gone. And now she looks normal. Fantastic.

I think it looks lovely.

Do you think with this look you can still stand out

amongst your friends?

Yeah, I think I'm a lot more smiley. Big smiles. Big, bright eyes.

I can be Whitney with this. Definitely.

Do you think you're going to stop spending three,

four hours in the morning?

Yeah, definitely.

What are you going to do with all your spare time?

-Look for a job!

-Yes, that's good!

She's turned into the perfect daughter. What's going on?!

POD computes Whitney's been transformed from a brash broad

to a natural beauty.

The reaction from the audience was amazing.

It was very loud, very upbeat.

That's the biggest confidence boost you can have.

I'm happy about this now. Yeah, definitely.

Not only does she look fantastic, she was really smiling from ear to ear,

which tells me that she genuinely likes what she saw.

And I'm hoping that this is here for good.

Cardiff girls are creating double trouble fakery - not content

with one colour, they're dip dying their hair and going two tone.

In Cardiff, is dip dying a big thing?

Everyone has dip dyed hair.

It started off quite subtle with a little bit of blonde on the ends.

But there's always people who take it to an extreme.

Your hair looks like it's on fire.

That's the look I'm going for.

-I'm not a big fan of that, to be honest.

-Why?

It looks like they just haven't had their roots done.

I just really wonder what goes through people's minds.

Like, those people with half pink, half purple.

Jake wore all the fake tan in the world,

while Whitney spent all the time in the world doing her make-up.

Both left POD looking amazing.

But did they keep their looks?

-Hi.

-Hi.

Right, Miss Whitney, we'll start with you.

What have you kept from your make-under?

I've kept my lipstick.

THEY LAUGH

Loads!

No, the short hair. I've not got the extensions or the wig.

Since the make-under, I've not touched one bit of eye shadow.

I've only got one set of eyelashes on.

A more natural set compared to what I used to wear.

-I think it's beautiful.

-Oh, thank you.

It's a little bit fake, but ssh!

Why do you think you wore all that make-up in the first place?

It was like an armour. I didn't want anyone to see the real Whitney.

Do you think maybe you learned from this experience that you don't

have to put on all the war paint,

because people actually quite like you as you are?

For the past couple of years it's been like role-play, basically.

I've been acting like a completely different person,

with all the make-up and all the hair.

But now it's Whitney that will spend time with the family and friends.

Not just thinking about her appearance constantly, 24/7.

Now it's just me. It's me. I'm happy.

Warms one's cockles.

Jake, to you, my friend. I think we caught it just in time.

I think POD has nipped it in the bud with you.

POD saved me.

Your clothes are much less bonkers than when I first met you.

Yeah, I got sick of all the granddad clothes.

I kind of had a little funeral for them, cos I burnt them.

You were saying about how ugly the top was. So I burnt it.

SHE SCREAMS

And now you're known as the granddad clothes killer.

SHE LAUGHS

-Did you?

-Yeah. In my garden.

I'm so glad, Jake, you came to us when you did.

Because otherwise, I don't know where you would have ended up

or what you would have ended up doing for more attention.

Strapping live animals to your head for attention.

THEY LAUGH

Do you think you've got a bit more self-confidence with how you are naturally?

Yeah. I get a lot of people asking me for my number.

I'm getting proper good attention with it now.

So, Jake, it's still kind of about the attention?

No...yeah.

-THEY LAUGH

-Yeah, it is.

-There's no fake tan, which is amazing.

-No fake tan.

-Cos you were a hideous colour before.

-Oh, thanks!

No, it was over the top. But the bottles of fake tan - in the bin.

Put them in the fire with all the clothes.

-Burn it all.

-Burn!

Hiya, POD.

Another successful day ends.

Yes, I managed to reveal lots and lots of natural beauty.

Well, well done, even though you sound slightly smug.

But it's never enough, Ellie, there's still plenty more to do.

You want to carry on - I can't, I'm afraid.

I'm got to go and see a lovely man called St David.

He wants to show me his Red Dragon. You can POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd