Christmas Special: Jason and Verity Snog Marry Avoid?

MUSIC: "Extraordinary Merry Christmas" by Glee

Merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho.

Ooh!

If you're wearing more bling than a Christmas tree...

if a sexy Santa outfit is at the top of your Christmas list...

if your teeth are more ice white than Santa's snowy beard...

then watch out, because we'll be driving home

our natural Christmas beauty message in Essex.

Come on, Rudolf.

It's the fakest season of all, and POD has found

a couple of Christmas horrors who are more naughty than nice.

Ho, ho, ho.

At Christmas you have your baubles out on show, don't ya?

Like Santa on his sleigh,

POD has flown in to spread Christmas joy and banish festive fakery...

Is this the perfect Christmas outfit now?

I don't think you can ever have too much tinsel.

BOTH: Happy Christmas, POD.

..whilst I enjoy some yuletide fun and seek a seasonal smooch.

Kisses?

POD has had enough of Christmas fakery.

This is Snog, Marry, Avoid.

Hah!

Hi, POD, happy Christmas from Chelmsford!

Merry Christmas, Ellie.

Even though it might not be one where natural beauty is concerned.

Are you making certain assumptions because Chelmsford is in Essex?

Well, if I'm honest, yes.

I can't see that there will be many Christmas crackers.

I think there will be plenty of Christmas crackers

and lots of shiny baubles.

Bah, humbug to fakery.

You are such a Scrooge.

I'm going to get out there

and I'm going to show you how Essex does it perfectly at Christmas.

OK, please bring me back some natural yuletide gifts.

OK. Gold, frankincense, myrrh and fake tan.

Coming up in tonight's yuletide extravaganza,

POD meets a Christmas fairy who likes to put the X in to Xmas.

I like things that are really short, or cleavage-showing,

and the more see-through the better.

In the fakest season of them all,

we find out how the people of Essex wrap themselves up.

Sexier the better. Sparkles. And you have to get your boobs out.

Boobs.

I pucker up for some joyful fun.

Do you think it looks a little like I've got a vajazzle on my face?

Yeah!

And we meet someone who's more Christmas Grinch

than Christmas cracker.

Christmas involves looking as fake as possible.

# Jingle bells, jingle bells... #

Essex is gearing up for Christmas parties

but what will the locals be wearing?

Sequins. Yeah, lots of sequins.

Gold. Glittery.

Sexier the better. Sparkles. And you have to get your boobs out.

Boobs.

Is this the perfect Christmas outfit now?

I don't think you can ever have too much tinsel.

SHE LAUGHS

Give me a kiss! No!

I put tinsel on sometimes.

What colour? Black?!

POD computes you have a lovely pair of Christmas jumpers on.

Granny knits you a jumper at Christmas, you know,

it'd be rude not to wear it.

Maybe, like, a skirt with a bit of belly showing, and a crop top.

You would wear a crop top at Christmas?

Yeah!

Merry Christmas, POD.

BOTH: Happy Christmas, POD!

Now for Verity, who thinks wearing clothes is an optional activity.

Hi, I'm Verity, I'm 25,

and I absolutely love the plastic pink look.

My style's very bright and in-your-face.

I like things that are really short or cleavage-showing,

and the more see-through the better.

My rule is, if you're going to have your legs out,

you cover your boobs up.

Which...I think I have.

BOING!

Verity's look's very over the top,

lots of hair, lots of make-up,

lots of tan.

It's a bit too much.

I've always loved the glamorous look.

Loads of blusher, lip gloss.

I've got my big giraffe eyelashes,

just to give 'em that extra, sort of, pop.

Onesies are the best invention.

I would, like, wear a good push-up bra, have it unzipped,

look a bit sexy.

And I've got, like, my nickname embroidered across it.

I'm like a little pink fairy.

Usually at Christmas,

me and the girls will go out, like, all fancy dress,

sexy Santas, little elves, but not really leave much to the imagination.

Guys, they all want to get her number.

Other people are quite mean,

and snigger behind her back as she walks past.

The day that people stop looking at you,

that's the day when you know you're not an interesting person any more.

In secondary school, I never got any attention

until my boobs appeared and I started highlighting my hair.

The lads that everyone wanted started to notice me,

kind of thing.

Verity doesn't cope very well without all of the make-up.

It's almost like a mask that she wears.

She created this person that's all tan and hair.

When I've got all my make-up and my hair done and everything,

I've almost left Verity behind, and I just become this other person.

And I'm just ready to take on the world.

The attention I get from men, a lot of it isn't great.

It's not the kind of guys that I would like to attract.

I'm really nervous about having a make under,

because I don't like me natural, I think I look awful.

POD, please cover my best friend up and stop letting her bare all.

Right, POD, I know you really want to try and get me in a suit,

but the closest you're going to get is me birthday suit.

I'm here to meet Verity.

She's meant to be helping me decorate the Christmas tree -

unfortunately, she seems to be more interested in decorating herself.

Verity, are you a Christmas cracker or a Christmas turkey?

A Christmas cracker!

Although people will probably say turkey,

cos I look like I'm in tinfoil.

Look at all the sparkles, they're amazing.

If you've got it, flaunt it.

BOING!

That's like, proper boobage.

So, what with it being Christmas and stuff,

have you got anything on your Christmas list?

Yeah, I'd like everything bigger, so bigger boobs,

I want my lips done again...

I was sensing a little bit of duckage. Quack, quack! Yeah!

So, you are very much into the fake look.

Yeah, I love it. Absolutely love it.

I just can become someone that I wouldn't, usually,

without all the make-up and everything.

Does it feel like an alter ego comes out? Yeah.

What would your alter ego be called? Phoenix. Phoenix?

Yeah, cos I've, like, come out from the make-up, and it's crazy, so...

Verity, I have a Christmas quiz for you.

What would you prefer, Christmas stocking or suspenders?

Suspenders.

Christmas jumper or sexy Santa outfit?

Sexy Santa outfit. I've got two!

Peace to all men, or blonde hairpiece?

Peace to all men.

OK, what if I said peace to all men or you can have your boobs done?

Oh, you can't do that!

I've got a conscience, yeah. No, peace to all men. Yeah.

Baby Jesus is smiling. I hope so.

Right, missus, time to get into the POD. Ready? Yeah, let's do it.

There she is. Get in there, missus.

Hi, POD!

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.

Who are you? Verity.

What do you think you're doing?

Putting bit of tan on, babe. I need to be nice and bronzed.

Do you want to look like a Christmas turkey?

Yeah, cos they've got a nice glow to them, and they're, like,

in their tinfoil and I've got my tinfoil pants.

Verity, a Christmas turkey has its giblets removed

and then gets stuffed.

I don't want that!

Is this your Christmas outfit?

This is my little disco pants ready to go and dance.

POD computes that those baubles need covering up.

No, but at Christmas you have your baubles out on show, don't ya?!

Verity, what's fake on you?

So, I've got all my extensions in, my hair dyed blonde,

I've got my giraffe eyelashes.

Even a giraffe wouldn't look that stupid.

That's a bit harsh, POD.

The only thing missing from this look is a pole.

What are you trying to say, POD?

As it's Christmas, I'm going to give you a present.

Go on, delve in. See what POD's bought you.

Oh, no, I'll look like a school teacher.

Cover up those Christmas puddings.

What else have you got?

A sponge.

It's a sponge with a scouring pad, to scrub away that tan.

An orange.

That's to remind you that oranges are something to eat,

and NOT something to aspire to look like. OK.

You don't seem to like the presents, so I'm going to get rid of them.

All gone!

It's time for the public analysis.

I asked the general public, "Would you snog, marry or avoid this girl?"

What do you think they said?

Probably snog, if they're young guys.

And if they're older guys, probably avoid like the plague.

SHE LAUGHS

I'd avoid her, cos she's wearing far too much make-up

and looks like she's trying too hard for attention.

SHE LAUGHS

I'd avoid her because she's a little bit too revealing,

and that's not very ladylike.

But my nickname's Lady V, I am a lady, like.

I'd avoid her because she's definitely wearing too much make-up.

Really?! Oh, OK.

20% of the public want to snog you.

20%? Yes. Oh!

And 80% wanted to avoid you.

So, no-one wanted to marry me?

What do you think?

Oh, OK.

POD computes that you are a tanorexic, booby, nudie blondie

with ridiculous giraffe eyelashes.

That's me!

And you need my...

It is now time for the deep cleanse. OK.

Get rid of those stripper shoes.

Give me those hair extensions. Ta-da!

And those giraffe eyelashes.

Oh, my God.

They look like little moustaches.

Get scrubbing.

Right, I think I'm done.

Run the make under in three, two, one...

Oh, my God! I look completely different.

You certainly do.

My eyes!

Yes, I can actually see them without those ridiculous giraffe lashes.

I actually really like it. I feel classy, like.

A classy blonde, not a brassy blonde.

Yeah! Classy, not brassy.

Shall we find out what the public think of your new look?

I'd probably snog her, cos she's got a lovely pair of eyes,

and she's a pretty girl.

Really?

Yeah, I would marry her.

She's got a natural beauty about her,

and she's got a great figure as well.

SHE LAUGHS Thank you.

I'd marry her, because she's got a lovely smile and a great figure.

Oh, God. That is so sweet.

20% do still want to snog you, and 80% want to marry you.

What?! Shut up!

No, you "shuut uup".

Why the waterworks?

Just cos it's really nice to hear it, and, like, not have to dress

a certain way to get people to notice you and say nice things.

Are you ready to strut your stuff on my PODwalk?

Yes, I think so. Initiating PODwalk.

The Christmas PODwalk is twinkling, and Verity's friends

are full of festive cheer as they wait to see her new party look.

There's usually eyelashes, big hair extensions,

everything in, ready to face everyone.

But I've not got any of that now, so I'm really nervous about it, yeah?

CHEERING

# Rockin' around the Christmas tree

# At the Christmas party hop

# Mistletoe hung where you can see

# Every couple tries to stop

# Rockin' around the Christmas tree

# Let the Christmas spirit ring

# Later we'll have some pumpkin pie

# And we'll do some carolling... # Absolutely amazing. My God.

You look fantastic, do you like it? I actually love it.

I won't be ashamed to go out with you dressed like this.

A lot more toned down, isn't it?

The way you used to dress gave you confidence.

Do you still feel like that in a more toned down version?

I want to be confident like this, and I think it'll just take time.

No eyelashes to hide behind, this is me.

POD computes that Verity has gone from a naughty little fairy

to a glamorous bombshell.

Verity's new look was more than I'd expected.

I've never seen this much confidence come out of Verity

with so little fakery.

To go to a Christmas party like this,

I'm hopefully going to get head to tailed for the right reason.

I've got to learn to get my confidence out.

Through me and not through what I look like.

It's the season of goodwill and lu-urve.

So, what festive fashion trends are people choosing for a cheeky snog?

A lot of girls wear transfers in Essex, bright pink ones with hearts.

Like the bling diamante.

Glitter on the lips is a big look.

That was a Jessie J thing to start with.

Would you give Jessie J a dressing down for having lip tattoos?

I certainly would.

I did a transfer to my lip before, a leopard print.

They don't snog people with them on their lips.

When you come away afterwards, you might have diamantes

stuck to your mouth. Not a good look for a guy.

Maybe you should try it? No!

Just stick round. Ee-yuk!

Hi, POD. Ellie, my senses have detected a Christmas trend

that I'm really not happy about. What's that?

Girls sticking gems, sparkles and silly transfers to their lips.

I think it sounds fun, all sparkly, Christmassy, festive and...

Ellie, stop being so silly and plumping your lips at me.

Do you want me to put a little something on there?

Ellie... Just a few.

Ellie! I'll be like sparkly like the star that led the wise men

to the baby Jesus on my lips. Bye!

Everybody loves a little smooch under the mistletoe

including me, so let me at them!

All you want for Christmas is me, right? Wow! Nice!

What if I show you this?

Oh! What's that?

Kisses?

Whoa!

Anyone?

Do you think it looks a bit like I've got a vajazzle on my face?

Yes! Yes!

Come here, my beauty.

Are you thinking, ho-ho-ho, hello?

You and me?

No, thanks.

You've got a banging set of lips, haven't you?

You are too smooth.

Christmas smoochies.

Anyone?

Your lips are boring, my lips are awesome. Boring, boring. Wow!

It's a no. I knew she was going to do that.

Hi, PODy baby.

Oh, Ellie, what have you done?

It's just some Christmas lips, look how beautiful and sparkly they are.

Ellie, what have you discovered about these silly lips?

I found out that nobody really likes them

and it's quite hard to drink without dribbling.

OK, tacky lips, get yourself back to your normal gorgeous self

as soon as possible, please.

OK, do you want a little smoochy smooch first?

Ellie, stop that nonsense.

OK, bye-bye.

Now for Jason, who spends less time basting the turkey

and more time basting himself.

Hi, I'm Jason, and fakery to me is like an addiction.

Christmas involves looking as fake as possible.

My outfit at Christmas is a Santa suit.

Or I'd wear a Christmassy jumper with little shorts underneath.

I don't wear the trousers. His look is far too over the top.

Very flash, very little clothing.

Ho-ho-ho!

My best asset is my legs.

It's not like some people's whose are like stick thin.

The sort of reactions I get, I get head-turners,

I get people that stare at me, but any attention is good attention.

It's quite expensive the way I look with all the products I need.

I do use a lot of make-up, I use so much hairspray.

My eyebrows. I keep buying new clothes.

But the thing is, I don't actually pay for it, my mum pays for it all.

I just want it to stop.

Fakery is like an addiction, you can't stop.

The tan should be as dark as possible.

It's all over the bed sheets.

Jason, look at this. You have to wash them every day.

The towels are covered in hair dye. Look. Sorry.

Nothing in this cupboard is mine.

Dye, sun lotions, fake contact lenses.

SCREAMING

This is for gluing in his hairpiece.

I think she'll be very happy if I did get rid of all my fakery

and my tan because she wouldn't have to clean up after me.

I started looking the way I do when I was about 14.

I used to be a little bit overweight.

So I was a bit self-conscious about that.

When I looked at people at school, and the girls looked pretty

and they've got big hair, I just wanted to be pretty in myself.

When I turned 16, I started putting mascara on, a bit more make-up

and then from there, I got addicted.

It makes me feel more confident when I'm putting on my fakery.

He's a good-looking lad, he just doesn't realise it.

On a night out, I'm a little crazy.

I think my friends want me to change

because I get too much attention from everyone, I think they are jealous.

No, I'm joking.

I think the worst thing POD could do to me

is to take my hair extension away.

I don't know if I could live without it, I'd probably cry.

POD, help me get my son back.

I'm fed up with fake tan all over the house. I want my house back.

POD, you've got your work cut out here, bring it on.

I love Christmas elves with their funny coloured skin

and inappropriate clothing in the snow.

Although maybe that's just Jason.

Well, let's see because he's in my Christmas grotto.

What's that, Mr Christmas Robin?

You think Jason looks like the colour of a Christmas pudding?

Ah, you are very right. You are quite brown.

Only a little. How many layers are we talking? About eight. Eight! Yes.

Your look is very bold, it's not many clothes. Don't you get cold?

I like to show off my legs.

What about if you went to the North Pole to visit Santa?

I'd come in something like this.

Do you think the elves would be digging the look? God, yeah.

Me and Robin have made a Christmas quiz for you. I'm ready.

OK, but don't hurt his feelings. I'll try not to.

Roasting chestnuts or roasting on a sunbed?

Roasting on a sunbed.

OK, his heart's already stopped.

Five golden rings or five golden, diamond-encrusted earrings?

Definitely five earrings.

Sorry!

Cosy Christmas jumper or sexy elf outfit?

Sexy elf outfit, definitely.

Well, I think the robin is dead and gone.

Oh, God! So, for that reason, my friend, we need to get you into POD,

because you are the Grinch who stole Christmas. Come with me.

Are you ready? Yes. Get in there!

Hi, POD, let me in.

I am POD. The personal overhaul device. Who are you?

Jason.

Danger, danger. What?

The lack of clothing on you is bad for your health.

Fake tan would never keep you as warm as a thick coat.

Why do you want to look like a woman who sells make-up

in a department store? How rude!

Jason? Yes, POD?

What's on your Christmas wish list?

A big gift basket full of fake tan and make-up and lashes.

That's the complete opposite of what you're going to get. Oh!

Jason, what's fake on you?

Eyelashes, make-up, hair extensions.

I had Botox as well. And my nose. I had a nose job.

But you wouldn't have anything else done, would you? Yes.

I want bum implants. A bigger bum? Yes, like Nicki Minaj.

OK, Jason. What is it about a big pum-pum that you like?

I just like it really big so you can like...pop.

I think that's quite enough now.

So, Jason, would you like to hear what people think of your look?

Yes, let's find out. Run public analysis.

I asked the public if they would snog, marry or avoid this boy.

What do you think they said? Snog.

I would avoid him because he's wearing too much make-up

with the pencilled on eyebrows and far too much fake tan.

Oh, God, it's doesn't sound good, does it?

I would avoid him

because I don't really like his Oompa Loompa skin tone.

It's not Oompa Loompa, I'm not orange, I'm brown.

I would avoid him because he's just too Essex for me.

The hair, the fake tan, and the shoes...just no.

Unfortunately, 100% of the people I asked said "avoid".

Oh, my God, that's so bad.

POD computes that you are a muddy-coloured, wig-headed boy

with minimum clothes and maximum fake and you need...

Sounds good.

It's time for the deep cleanse.

First, please remove your boots.

Give me those spidery eyelashes.

Look how bare I look. Now, scrape the make-up off.

Oh, disgusting!

Run the make under in three, two, one...

Oh, my God. I look so different. You look so handsome. Thank you.

I really like it. I like the colour of my hair and I do like the shirt.

I don't know about the bow tie,

but it does look nice with what I'm wearing.

I do like the trousers, it makes me have a bum.

No fake pum-pum for Jason.

Do you now want to hear what the public think of the new you?

I would marry this guy because he looks well dressed

and he looks like a nice kind of guy.

That's nice.

I would snog him because he's got a good hairstyle

and a cracking dress sense. That's good as well.

I would marry him because he looks cute,

smartly dressed and looks like he'd be a nice guy.

Oh, that's sweet.

You are nice guy, aren't you, Jason? Yeah.

Now, 66% of the public wants to snog you,

and 40% wants to marry you. That's good.

POD computers you are gorgeous. I guess I look all right, yes.

Are you ready to strut your stuff on my PODwalk as a natural beauty?

I am. Initiating PODwalk.

As the PODwalk Christmas party gets into full swing, Jason's

mum and friends are eagerly waiting to see his new festive fashion.

I hope they like it, but obviously it's a big change,

so fingers crossed, really.

Well, hello handsome. Hello.

You look lovely. Thank you. Jason's mum?

What do you think of his new look? Very nice, actually. No fake tan.

Do you feel like a natural beauty? I do.

Do you think if you went to a Christmas party like this,

you could clean up?

I think so. What do you reckon? Yes, definitely. Yes.

POD computes that Jason has gone from saucy Santa to

an angelic, dapper young man.

He's so smart. He looks so much better.

It's just nice to see him back looking like my son.

The minute that I got on the catwalk, I felt good.

Definitely brought the cheering.

I feel like I can actually go out in front of the public

and I don't have to wear so much fakery, but just be myself more so...

The season of goodwill and merriment has arrived in Essex,

so the locals share what's on their Christmas wish lists.

I would have fake boobs, maybe lips.

Beautiful white teeth, that is a must.

Big nails.

What I want is natural beauty for Christmas. You won't get it here.

Eyelashes, fake tan.

What's on your wish list, a tattoo removal kit(?)

How about tattoo gift vouchers?

A bit of bling here, a bit of bling here

and a bit of bling here.

What more could you want? Less bling!

Get over yourself.

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you an Essex Christmas

# And a happy New Year. #

Verity's Christmas party outfit was more suited for the bedroom

and Jason's festive clobber was beachwear.

Both left POD looking like natural beauties ready to

rock around the Christmas tree.

But did they keep their looks?

Someone did not give me

the memo about not wearing anything under our tops today.

It's not too see-through. We are covered.

That is totally see-through!

That is a string vest with arms. I guess.

Boobs aside, the rest of you looks lovely. Thank you.

It's so much better and it suits me more.

It's not tacky like I was before and I'm getting better attention

and some nice comments and stuff now. So, yeah.

Do you think the whole experience has been quite good

for building your confidence?

It's literally been such a massive change.

I've had so many years of people putting me down

and looking at me because of the way I was dressing

and I thought that was the way to be confident and get myself across,

but it really wasn't. I can be myself

and show the inner me, kind of thing.

People are taking me a little bit more seriously

without all the big make-up and eyelashes and eveything.

Oh, you are lovely. You are very welcome. Get a vest.

Now we come to you, Mr Jason.

That outfit is a hell of a lot better than the little vest top

and hot-pants. Yes, a lot better and a lot warmer.

You have quite a lot of make-up and eyelashes on.

Yes, I am still quite made up. But definitely less than it was.

I think I've got my confidence back not wearing the make-up.

Amazing. I am happy with it. It was a great experience.

I don't know if I'm going to keep it yet, but I want to.

Something inside me is saying, "Oh, yeah, stay natural,

"don't put lashes on, you don't need them."

But at the same time, my hand's there

picking them up and putting them on.

But I might get used to it and might fall in love with a natural look.

So what are your New Year's resolutions, the pair of you?

My New Year's resolution is to get a whole new wardrobe,

more clothes. Less boobs on show.

Yes, less boobs and bum, yeah, definitely.

Jason? My New Year's resolution is going to be the ditch the eyelashes

and fake tan completely.

Da-da-da-laa! Fantastic.

It was really lovely to meet you both.

I hope you have fabulous Christmas seasons

and may we all get snogged under the mistletoe.

Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed.

Hi, POD. That's the end of our Yuletide show.

POD computes that I have achieved some true Christmas miracles.

Yes, I've done all right as well. You're right,

and for your efforts I'm going to give you a Christmas present.

I love presents. Put your hands out.

Happy Christmas, Ellie.

You've given me flannels.

Now you can use those to wipe the muck off your face.

I'd rather have blooming coal than that!

Thanks, you really shouldn't have(!)

Really. Right, let's get an early start on next year's war on fakery.

You can carry on and do as you wish, my friend,

I've got some mince pies and mulled wine to scoff, so you can POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd